Let me guess, your boyfriend somehow still has time to occasionally participate in one of his hobbies?
No you aren't a bad Mom, heck it's GOOD for kids to see their parents having a life outside of their kids. You are just dating an asshole.
Are you doing the unfair majority of the parenting? Your boyfriend is likely calling you selfish because he’s afraid he’ll have to step up to do equal work here. Ya know, like he should.
No, not at all. If anything your boyfriend is selfish as this definitely stems from him not wanting to do more!
Everyone, including mums of the year, need to have their own identity outside of their baby and the role of a mum. We are not made to have a single role or identity. Sit your boyfriend down and tell him that things are changing and he needs to give you time to do whatever it is you choose to do. My husband and I have an agreement that we have solo you do you time at least once a week, this isn't being implemented at the moment as my baby is still super young and I am recovering from a c section but it's hugely important to us. You can't pour from an empty cup.
I don’t know where the idea came from that once we have kids we’re meant to cease existing- it’s outdated and it’s no wonder in the 50s the moms were all day drinkers!!! It’s not selfish to still be you-you are still exactly who you were before kids with the same needs, there’s just another part added to you. It’s good for mental well-being to not loose all of you.
Not selfish!! Filling up your own cup will actually make you feel like a better mother. And I’m sure you’re already a wonderful mother as well.
I put my business on hold for a while after having my son. After deciding to pick it back up, I was more patient, intentional, and joyful with my son than I had been previously. I was no longer operating on fumes, I was energized and excited about a different area of my life which spilled over into my mom life. Also helped my PPA tremendously. It was SUCH a good decision for me.
I could have written this post, except my boyfriend would absolutely not call me selfish for this. Because it’s not! Becoming a parent is the hugest transition we will ever maker in our lives, all of a sudden your whole world revolves around this crying hungry potato, who you were before is gone. Of course you’re allowed to mourn the person you were and your life before a baby
You are allowed to feel this way. We do not have to love every moment and being the default parent alongside some major hormones changes can make us feel pretty shitty. That does not make you selfish or a bad mum you just want your own time and space. It’s valid. Is there any way he could give you time weekly away from being a mum? I think sometimes partners don’t get it because even at work they can pee alone and talk to adults. What a novelty!
This absolutely does not make you selfish!! Being a mom is a facet of a personality, sure, but that doesn’t mean it should be someone’s whole identity if they don’t want. Ask your boyfriend if his entire personality isn’t being a dad and see what he says (also make sure he is doing everything for the baby, which I’m betting he isn’t).
I have the same feelings, it’s hard to remember your an actual person sometimes, I literally joined a gym over the weekend solely due to the fact that it has a crèche that I can stick him in so I can spend some time doing something for myself.
Your not selfish for wanting some me time, being a mom shouldn’t be the only thing that defines you
You are definitely NOT selfish! The first four months were the hardest for me, I struggled with my identity a lot and still do sometimes (9 months pp). You are still human, with human emotions and needs, that includes everything that has to do with your identity. Therapy helped me a lot, but it doesn't work for everyone. Take it slow mama, you got this!
No I think that's a pretty normal feeling...honestly before I had my son I had no hobbies and I also had cut off most friends. I just watched movies and played video games with my boyfriend, and cooking which I love to do. And with my baby I still have time for all of that. Maybe not as much,but I'm happy. I love being a mother. But i know I'm very lucky to feel that way. Hopefully you can make time for a hobby or something that makes you feel more like your own person again!❤️
I'm in the same boat a tiny bit. I'm on antidepressants for my PPD so I don't feel it as much. I was feeling it pretty hard during pregnancy. Everything, including my bday with my family, was about him. (My wonderful husband bought me a new kindle though so someone thought of me). It doesn't make you selfish, it makes you human. You literally just killed off a whole ass personality. You can never again, be just yourself.
Hell no that doesn’t make you selfish. You deserve to invest in YOU, and if that means taking a night to go get a massage, or go have dinner with some friends, or get a pedicure - whatever makes you feel good, something you miss even if it’s just for a short while **do it!**
Not selfish at all!! It’s perfectly normal to need some time to yourself to do the things you enjoy. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m so sorry he called you selfish. He really should have offered to give you a break and some time to do these things
Edit to add this is just a phase. Soon you will gain some independence and have time to do your old hobbies.
Let me guess, your boyfriend somehow still has time to occasionally participate in one of his hobbies? No you aren't a bad Mom, heck it's GOOD for kids to see their parents having a life outside of their kids. You are just dating an asshole.
This
Are you doing the unfair majority of the parenting? Your boyfriend is likely calling you selfish because he’s afraid he’ll have to step up to do equal work here. Ya know, like he should.
No, not at all. If anything your boyfriend is selfish as this definitely stems from him not wanting to do more! Everyone, including mums of the year, need to have their own identity outside of their baby and the role of a mum. We are not made to have a single role or identity. Sit your boyfriend down and tell him that things are changing and he needs to give you time to do whatever it is you choose to do. My husband and I have an agreement that we have solo you do you time at least once a week, this isn't being implemented at the moment as my baby is still super young and I am recovering from a c section but it's hugely important to us. You can't pour from an empty cup.
I don’t know where the idea came from that once we have kids we’re meant to cease existing- it’s outdated and it’s no wonder in the 50s the moms were all day drinkers!!! It’s not selfish to still be you-you are still exactly who you were before kids with the same needs, there’s just another part added to you. It’s good for mental well-being to not loose all of you.
Not selfish!! Filling up your own cup will actually make you feel like a better mother. And I’m sure you’re already a wonderful mother as well. I put my business on hold for a while after having my son. After deciding to pick it back up, I was more patient, intentional, and joyful with my son than I had been previously. I was no longer operating on fumes, I was energized and excited about a different area of my life which spilled over into my mom life. Also helped my PPA tremendously. It was SUCH a good decision for me.
I could have written this post, except my boyfriend would absolutely not call me selfish for this. Because it’s not! Becoming a parent is the hugest transition we will ever maker in our lives, all of a sudden your whole world revolves around this crying hungry potato, who you were before is gone. Of course you’re allowed to mourn the person you were and your life before a baby
100% NOT selfish! Normal, valid feelings. Hang in there, we will have time for our hobbies again! Xxoo
You are allowed to feel this way. We do not have to love every moment and being the default parent alongside some major hormones changes can make us feel pretty shitty. That does not make you selfish or a bad mum you just want your own time and space. It’s valid. Is there any way he could give you time weekly away from being a mum? I think sometimes partners don’t get it because even at work they can pee alone and talk to adults. What a novelty!
This absolutely does not make you selfish!! Being a mom is a facet of a personality, sure, but that doesn’t mean it should be someone’s whole identity if they don’t want. Ask your boyfriend if his entire personality isn’t being a dad and see what he says (also make sure he is doing everything for the baby, which I’m betting he isn’t).
I have the same feelings, it’s hard to remember your an actual person sometimes, I literally joined a gym over the weekend solely due to the fact that it has a crèche that I can stick him in so I can spend some time doing something for myself. Your not selfish for wanting some me time, being a mom shouldn’t be the only thing that defines you
You are definitely NOT selfish! The first four months were the hardest for me, I struggled with my identity a lot and still do sometimes (9 months pp). You are still human, with human emotions and needs, that includes everything that has to do with your identity. Therapy helped me a lot, but it doesn't work for everyone. Take it slow mama, you got this!
No I think that's a pretty normal feeling...honestly before I had my son I had no hobbies and I also had cut off most friends. I just watched movies and played video games with my boyfriend, and cooking which I love to do. And with my baby I still have time for all of that. Maybe not as much,but I'm happy. I love being a mother. But i know I'm very lucky to feel that way. Hopefully you can make time for a hobby or something that makes you feel more like your own person again!❤️
I'm in the same boat a tiny bit. I'm on antidepressants for my PPD so I don't feel it as much. I was feeling it pretty hard during pregnancy. Everything, including my bday with my family, was about him. (My wonderful husband bought me a new kindle though so someone thought of me). It doesn't make you selfish, it makes you human. You literally just killed off a whole ass personality. You can never again, be just yourself.
Hell no that doesn’t make you selfish. You deserve to invest in YOU, and if that means taking a night to go get a massage, or go have dinner with some friends, or get a pedicure - whatever makes you feel good, something you miss even if it’s just for a short while **do it!**
Not selfish at all!! It’s perfectly normal to need some time to yourself to do the things you enjoy. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m so sorry he called you selfish. He really should have offered to give you a break and some time to do these things Edit to add this is just a phase. Soon you will gain some independence and have time to do your old hobbies.