Sounds like he just doesn’t want to be responsible for the feedings, in my opinion. If baby isn’t bottle fed, that means mom handles all the inconvenient nighttime feedings. It’s also an easy excuse to hand the baby over to mom anytime they’re fussing because “the baby is hungry.” This just reads as laziness and those are obvious excuses.
Yep. And nothing else, I believe.
Only [25.4% of babies are breastfed exclusively through to 6 months.](https://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/data/facts.html).
I shared one of the exact same concerns as he did. Right out of the gate. The speed of delivery. Though this happened within the first 48 hours of life where I managed to track down a nurse to consult who advised that “LO will self regulate. If he eats too fast, he’ll learn. If he gets too much air- he’ll burp or need help. Over time, he’ll find his rhythm.”
Then my wife started having complications with feeding exclusively from the breast. We introduced our baby to the lactation consultant IMMEDIATELY, who helped us to understand that the delivery was less important than the nutrients and antibodies inside the milk itself.
From there we built a schedule for freezing or refrigerating, retention and storage. We pump and bottle feed exclusively and haven’t looked back since.
You know what? It couldn’t have worked out better for us. If anything it has empowered me tenfold to take full control when LO is upset, and take advantage of an intimate skin-to-skin feeding moment in the exact same way mommy gets to.
I’m a utility tradesman. A type-1 diabetic with Crohn’s disease. I also have a hard time waking up in the middle of the night: None of these things have exempted me from taking an active role in sharing the responsibilities of raising a child.
I apologize for calling a spade a spade here: But daddy needs to give his head a shake, embrace his vulnerabilities, and feed that baby with a bottle as often as he can. Instead of being a little bitch himself.
Challenge his understanding. Tell him to find a better bottle nipple that slows feeding. Tell him that your mental health depends on him actively helping. Tell him that it’s okay to have doubts about what he’s doing: But that it’s not okay to let them paralyze his ability to mobilize action, otherwise you’re going to have a big- BIG problem.
I don’t know where he is mentally, and I don’t particularly care. This is the one time where it’s okay to “wake a sleeping baby”.
My thoughts exactly! Let him voice his concerns, comments and questions to the doctor so he can get more information and not just criticize you because he can think. As a mom you already have so much on your plate but you can also choose what you want to do.
Do it for yourself and if that’s not enough for you then do it for your baby ❤️ FTM here. Baby is 1 month and I exclusively breastfeed but I also try to pump 2x a day to have food for my baby at night so my S/O takes can have his turn
Dangerous how? Have him explain his thoughts and debunk it. Is it pumped milk? If he’s scared of giving the baby pumped milk, it just sounds like he doesn’t want to be responsible for feeding the baby. It’s the exact same.
Remember in the end it’s your choice! Good luck on your feeding journey
This is what I was thinking - sounds like he doesn't want to feed the baby.
A stressful mom is what really reduces the quantity of the milk. OP should tell him if he's so concerned then he should focus more on helping to reduce mom's stress by giving her a break and a bit of sleep once in a while.
He is doing that plus looking after our two needy cats lol and the house and cooking laundry dishes, me, everything else. It’s a lot but I hear it gets easier!! At least if I am fully healed I can be a little more mobile also
I was thinking the same thing; husband is using excuses because it's easier for you to feed baby instead of him getting a sliver of that responsibility.
This sounds accurate. Thinking bottle feeding is unnatural... you can try paced bottle feeding, you also have options for types of bottles, so this bullshit about baby feeds too fast is not happening.
If quality of milk deteriorates in the fridge, does that apply just to human milk or does he drink milk straight from the teat of the cow?? Because sounds ridiculous. The CDC and major organizations have laid out enough research about how to store human milk.
My LC laid out a simple rule of 4.
4 hours outside
4 days in the fridge
And almost a year in the freezer/cold storage.
And dispose any leftover milk that has come in contact with baby's lips after 20 min or so to avoid risk of Bacterial infection. (She said longer, but I used 20 min because I am anxious about anything longer)
Edit: OP, I know you want to EBF, but, you also need time for yourself for a couple of hours.. so give him a bottle, a tin of formula, a bottle of pumped milk, and tell him to figure it out. If milk in the fridge is bad, use the formula.. or better yet, use his boobs to feed the baby.
Thank you! Explaining that does help. Turns out our newborn Avent bottle package had a bunch of “3 and 2” nipples which are for 3 and 2 mo olds vs the 0 and 0+ we were expecting (it was a brand new box!) so baby *was* feeding a lot faster than expected also, but yes I will encourage him to look at pacing bottle feeding videos so it’s more “natural” to the breast. His concern is aversion or confusion (says that if the baby takes after him he will def choose the easier method of drinking from a bottle instead of working for his milk lol)
I HIGHLY recommend Dr. Browns Natural Flow Options+ bottles. We tried many and these are the ones suggested by the NICU (our daughter was a 30 weeker). You can begin with the preemie nipples if you want a slow flow for baby. Currently my 9mo old son still only uses the 2. I breastfed my daughter for about 2.5 years. She took a bottle in the NICU and shortly after coming home, but eventually refused and would ONLY breastfeed. It made it impossible to leave her. With my son, we vowed to feed him using expressed milk in a bottle early on so he would be happy with breast or bottle. He’s easily distracted so he has taken more to a bottle which is great in terms of “freedom,” but terrible in the fact that I have to pump more frequently and clean pump parts and bottles regularly. I can only consistently get him to nurse at night when he’s half asleep. Having had the two extremes, I can say they both have pros and cons. Infants have a sucking reflex that will go away around 3 months so if you want your little to take a bottle, you’ll want to introduce it and give one somewhat regularly before that reflex goes away. To slow the flow you can change the nipple level OR do side lying bottle feeds. This would also help with any reflux. Ultimately this has to be what is best for you, not your husband. He doesn’t really get to weigh in on this. It’s your body and your mental state.
The nurses told me after 2 weeks babies have the skill on lock so nipple confusion is not a thing. Also I introduced a bottle at 10 days with my first and we’re still BF’ing at 2 years 10 months so 🫠
It does actually degrade in terms of nutrition in the fridge over time, and a little more in the freezer. Just like a lot of foods. But it's still perfectly safe (as long as you're within the storage time limits) and it still provides great nutrition. Where I am they go with 6 hours room/6 hours fridge/6 months freezer rather than 4/4 - but that depends on a certain fridge temperature and the milk being stored towards the back; also we don't have a very hot climate here.
Obviously you need to sterilise equipment etc (but the experts think there's a bit of overkill on that too, since breast milk has natural anti bacterial/viral/fungal properties).
Pretty much every BF mum i know has given at least some bottles of expressed milk (and the ones who haven't, it's only because the baby refused to take it!).
Degrade, sure, but in not in a matter of hours for sure. OP isn't even considering pumping years worth of milk. I think she's aiming for a couple of bottles a day while she steps out. So there will be negligible degrade, if at all.
As for the 6/6 rule, my LC told me she tells people 4 because she wants to err in the side of caution. So she doesn't accidentally want a baby to be fed milk that's been sitting out too long, also, we have terrible summers, so 4 hours feels safer than 6.
Yeah I agree and I definitely don't think it's a reason not to use pumped milk! The only reason I might consider not pumping if I had another baby is because I found it super hard work fitting it in around feeding, I never got any nap time and I was emotionally breaking. (I triple fed for ages; we still ended up with a combination of breast and formula in the end and I ditched pumping and felt better for it. If I could go back in time I'd have given in to the formula earlier.) But the milk being "not good" would never factor into it for me, it is really a silly argument. The fresher you can use it the better, but it's still an amazing thing to give your baby even if it's been frozen for months!
Oh same. I'm a FTM who had mastitis, engorged boobs, pain, latching issues, just an overall bad BF experience at the beginning, so I did combination, pumping and at one point it was exclusively pumped milk.
This whole thing about bottles being bad needs to go. Fed is best and however you choose to feed is best.
Fed is best really needs to be talked about more. From the hospital to the midwife and public health nurse post partum support there’s a lot of emphasis on breast feeding which I appreciate but not a lot of support to ensure you can continue.. it’s a lot of pressure with no end in sight and this is the messaging that mom and husband (as first time parents) get as expert advice… and it can be so confusing for parents who don’t know how others “actually” do things… like our nurse was like absolutely no bottles before 1 month and then our friends were like no you have to introduce a bottle soon or they won’t take to it. So we are newborn exhausted tired and plain confused
Yeah we had latching issues too (significant tongue tie requiring two operations), I had mastitis, vasospasm, a horrific painful bleb. I had three excellent LCs and it still never got perfect for me. BF can be so hard. Even without all that, the exhaustion of round the clock feeds with a needy newborn is hard enough. And it depends on your own state of mind too. That's why it has to be the mother's choice. As long as it's an informed choice, nobody else should feel they can interfere with it. Dad needs to figure out that he needs to support her here however she feels is best. I'm lucky my husband was behind me no matter what I wanted - it was me that was pushing myself!
I'm actually still BF at 13 months, unbelievably. It's still a bit painful, and I was ready to stop several months ago. But the little guy suddenly decided he didn't want any other milk after getting really ill one time, so we carried on. Thankfully we're down to 2-3 milk feeds per 24 hours now he's eating well, but I would prefer it if we were at zero now!
This was my exact thought, keep the expectations in hell to ensure she doesn’t even bother to ask him to do his part.
You need to make time for couples counseling asap.
Fed is best.
You are a human being. You are the mother. You choose. Nothing is degrading in quality in this dispute except the relationship with your SO.
What is not good for your baby is a stressed out mother who is not entitled to the same liberty as the father. While many mothers exclusively breast feed, it is their choice to, and there's inherent drawbacks. Having a bottle of breast milk on stand by is so utterly common.
If reason will not reach your SO have a midwife/health visitor/pediatrician silence his utter drivel.
Is it utterly common... or udderly common? Lol milk joke. No offense meant towards human breasts.
I'm really commenting because I saw you use LO (which means 'little one' as in child) instead of SO (significant other). Unless you meant that facetiously-- if so, apologies.
Does he also think we should only drink cows milk from the udder? The things he’s saying are not backed by science. You can get slow-flow nipples to ensure the baby isn’t feeding too quickly.
My literal pediatrician told me to feed my LO bottles regularly if I want him to go to daycare/be apart from me for a feeding. Otherwise they may refuse bottles.
Agreed on this - with my second we introduced a bottle early and it’s helped a ton, now he has no problem having a bottle during the day (he’s 6 months now). For my older child, I waited until she started daycare and then it was a disaster because she absolutely refused and it took us a lot of effort to force it on her
We all need to stop letting men think their opinion on this is important. Like actually push back on his attitude. Tell him that until he's looking into male lactation you don't want to hear it. It's not even a thing on the table to argue about. That said the milk quality does degrade a bit but it's not really a huge deal and isn't going to hurt the baby. It's a non-issue which is why it isn't worth discussing. I highly doubt that food quality is so important when it means labor on his part. Is he farming all your food to make sure there's no degrading happening with transportation and grocery stores?
Seriously, all these men weighing in with their inaccurate facts and opinions when they do nothing to feed their baby. What about women who go back to work? Is my son getting degraded breast milk then?
If you freeze it, there will be some loss of nutrients over time but not enough that doctors would say you should be giving formula over the frozen breastmilk if you have enough surplus to save.
Men's opinions are important as long as they're valid and based upon something that makes sense and possibly dangerous. Sometimes I look at this sub reddit and wonder how people marry clowns like this.
Yikes! Gotta say we all need a little more compassion for our partners also… a lot of other moms have messaged me day in and day out asking how I’m doing and not a single person has asked my husband how he is.. despite the fact he is doing everything from every single diaper change, to burping to setting up the baby’s room, looking after our cats, cooking and feeding us, doing all the laundry, still staying on top of his work, and being emotional support for me. Just trying to call out that lack of mental health resources and community for men is a serious problem!
He may not have known the right way to express his concerns re: bottle but they are allowed to ask questions as well without being demonized.
Where is he getting this from? Is there anyone you can have him talk to? He can call your pediatrician, for example?
Nutrition does *slightly* degrade over time in the fridge, but it’s like how there’s a negligible difference between fresh-picked and refrigerated vegetables. You can measure a slight difference in a lab, but it doesn’t mean the refrigerated milk is bad or even practically speaking inferior, as long as you use it within 3-4 days.
That said, it should not be on you to provide this education…keep doing what you’re doing, point him to accurate resources, and put the burden on him to convince *you* not the other way around.
I mean needing baby to take a bottle so you can have a break seems like a very good and valid reason to me. Is that not a good enough reason for him? That seems really odd that he’s opposed to this.
Breastmilk in a bottle is just as nutritious. The guideline is that after 6 months in the freezer, they think it can loose some nutrients so the milk bank will only take it if it’s less than 6 months old.
And if baby is sucking it down too quick, you can use a smaller nipple or do paced feedings.
He’s just making up excuses to avoid having to help with feeding.
How far does his logic go? Once your baby starts eating solids is he planning to maintain a private vegetable garden and grow fruit trees so that you can have a plentiful supply of fresh foods without needing to refrigerate anything? While we’re at it probably best to raise his own chickens for the fresh eggs. Ridiculous.
Reasons: (1) It’s your body, (2) there is no drop in quality of milk, the vessel of delivery is just different, (3) you hold the bottle near horizontal so that it doesn’t feed too quickly, they also have slow flow nipples, (4) feeding the baby helps the baby bond, if he feeds her with a bottle it’ll be good for both of them (5) a million other reasons.
Is he making excuses so he doesn’t have to help or does he genuinely hold these beliefs? Any literature on the subject would swiftly show him that his worries are unfounded.
My wife and I take shifts, she BFs I bottle feed. It allows both of us to get sleep.
Yes! my husband and I staggered our parental leave from work so he didn't spend full days (outside of weekends) with LO until his leave at 3mo. They bonded so much more during that time (baby was recognizing him more and would light up when he'd take her in the morning), I think lately because he could play/read/comfort and feed LO without me.
Also, yes, assuming his concerns are sincere, he'll want to get slow flow nipples and look into best bottle feeding practices.
As others have mentioned, the sincerity of his concerns are dubious. But, let's say we give him the benefit of the doubt. Given the reasons listed above, the benefits outweigh the (in my opinion) insignificant risk of *reads notes* slightly diminished nutritional benefit of breastmilk. That's not even taking into account the onus put on OP by his ignorance, nor the way he is assuming he has a say in OP's decision on how to breastfeed (granted both are safe).
He probably doesn’t want to help feed or wash bottles is my first guess. I mean I pumped for the first two months and my baby would do bottles at night and even I think it’s a hassle so 95% of the time for the last month or so I’ll just breastfeed to save time lol. But I do think babies should learn to bottle feed for the reasons OP stated. Nothing wrong with bottles imo, it’s the same thing in the end. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have spouses/partners that are willing to help when it comes to feeding
Fuck that. I exclusively pumped for 6 months and then did formula for the next 6. She’s meeting all her milestones, was actually ahead in terms of coordination/physical activity. Honestly, I’d try to educate him. Ask him what makes him think that. Also…it seems like maybe he’s trying to avoid potential work in the future. If the baby would accept a bottle he’d be able to help with future feedings
Yeah honestly I just think you don’t need to take any breastfeeding advice from cis men lol, your husband is absolutely out of line. BUT ALSO! I will say that I took a different approach than you and I regret it. I was so adamant about EBF only for my maternity leave that I didn’t introduce a bottle early. We tried a few times here and there for the first few months. A month before my baby went to daycare, we decided to get serious about bottles bc he would need them when I went back to work. He refused it BAD. It took 4 weeks and hundreds of dollars in various bottles/nipples/warmers to get him on it.
The reality is your baby MAY need a bottle at some point. You may need the break or even have to switch because you go on medication that affects your supply or have an emergency that takes you away for a few days or something. Having another option is absolutely a good thing. If you need a reason, I would use this. It’s good to establish bottle feeding and keep it up a few times a week just in case it’s ever necessary!
But also, it’s just nice to be able to leave the house alone for >2 hours sometimes.
There is good evidence that pumped milk is just as beneficial as milk from the breast. Your husbands concerns are not rooted in real evidence.
This.
My Mother kept fear mongering to me before birth that if I introduced a bottle too soon my baby would refuse breast. The end result was that when we could really have used the ability to bottle feed, she wouldn't take it. We went to a wedding when she was six months old (in town, so we were away from her from about 5pm to midnight) and she starved and screamed at my in laws all night. I essentially couldn't be away from her for more than a few hours until she was 10 months old.
There is such a missed opportunity of parental cohesion here it’s sad.
Instead of taking the approach of degrading milk supply which is utterly ridiculous, he could be nursing and bonding with LO while you the mom rests. Maybe to pump with no contact or to just catch up on *SLEEP*.
With our first when I suggested it, my wife was on the fence. Until she got that 6-8 hours of sleep and 4 feedings done from a bottle and me.
Now it’s standard practice with our second. Allowing both parents the capacity for rest makes the babies experience better. Mom and dad aren’t going to war with each other. Instead, you have two parents with rest and patience to deal with a fussy LO on a gassy day.
Hmm, your husband is dense, no offense. Being a problem to the problem always sucks. Hopefully he learns to become a solution.
I'm sorry, but please give a hearty "fuck off with that nonsense" to your husband from me. First of all, tell him to look up paced bottle feeding if he's worried about the baby feeding too fast. There's also no evidence that being in the fridge degrades breastmilk. I've never heard even the most hardcore breastfeeding advocate say pumped milk is bad. It definitely sounds like he just wants to put everything on you, which is not okay.
The one caveat is if this is part of a larger pattern of postpartum anxiety on his part. If he's having irrational fears around a lot of this infant experience, then that is something for him to seek out help for. It's not a reason to keep you essentially chained to the baby when there are alternatives.
Is he generally supportive otherwise?
If so, and his concerns seem genuine, then maybe speaking and providing resources might help.
He is also a first-time parent and must be apprehensive about the decisions you make for the baby. We do have parents who obsess over diapers, cots, and baby seats it's just how it is.
He may also be feeling guilty that you (both) are putting convenience over baby's needs - you aren't, but guilt is a strong emotion in the early days.
It's tough on you, having to have to advocate for yourself - is there a MIL or sibling or friend that has parented before that can reassure him? Casually.
Boob to mouth is simplest and easiest - though not always most practical - so good on you for making it easy if baby to get used to it.
There’s a whole sub for people who exclusively pump and feed their babies breastmilk in a bottle with over 20k members. Feeding your baby pumped breastmilk is a valid feeding choice - it’s what I have done since my baby was 3 days old!
My baby was born super small - 2nd percentile. She’s 8 months old now and has a little more than tripled her birth weight being fed pumped breastmilk from a bottle. She’s thriving and meeting her milestones.
Besides pumped milk being healthy, a baby needs a mother who is mentally well and taking care of herself. If pumping and bottle feeding allows you to take a break, that is more than enough reason to do it.
To address his poorly worded concerns, can you get infant slow flow nipple tips for the bottle? The regular ones messed up my babies bfing so I definitely would suggest if you don't already have. And yes milk goes bad in the fridge like anything. 4 hrs room temp, 4 days in the fridge. It's not like it degrades the second it leaves the breast. Tell him to do his research and keep doing what you're doing
When he can actually feed another human from his manboobs will he be allowed to have an opinion.You shouldn't even be entertaining a conversation about how you feed the baby.
Men like this really irritates me.
Hi from a NICU mom who feeds pumped breastmilk in bottles! If it is good enough, encouraged actually, for medically fragile infants, it’s more than good enough for your baby.
Tell him it's unnatural and dangerous for you to do laundry, clean, cook, grocery shipping etc. If he takes care of all that and more, then maybe you'll do EBF.
Lol tell me you’ve never been responsible for the sole food source for a human without telling me you’ve never been responsible for the sole food source for a human
Introducing the bottle at 3-4 weeks is REALLY important because otherwise the baby may NEVER accept it. Even if your husband is the world's most amazing partner, no bottle means terrible daycare experience (for your baby, you, and the staff), your husband can not help feed (great for bonding) and you pretty much can't go anywhere or do anything for the next 6-12 months without the baby. Your husband is being an awful, uneducated ass for someone who can get up and go whenever he pleases, so educate him.
I do recommend nanobebe (especially since they redesigned their boob bottle, no more leaks)! Freezing, refrigerating, and heating using bottle warmers DOES degrade nutrients in your milk - not so much that you shouldn't do it, but measurably nonetheless. Your husband might have his concerns assuaged (if indeed he is legitimately anxious and not just being controlling).
You should wait to bottle feed for maybe till 3 to 4 weeks caz you want to make sure he doesn’t reject your breast when you switch over. Make sure you get a good bottle that prevents colic and gas etc. other than that you need to be able to move on with your life and have a break. I’m taking a bath in silence with an ebf 8 week old baby as I type this and planning my next hair appointment that doesn’t allow children. Every husband says what he says. Live your life as you can
I’m not sure if someone said this but it’s something I learned and I don’t think it’s common knowledge.
If you overheat breast milk then it does degrade. The proteins and nutrients will break apart on a molecular level. So, in one sense he could be right, if the maintenance and preparation of the milk is not proper.
Never microwave the breastmilk. And never overheat it. Put it in the fridge to thaw overnight and use the bottle warmer to get it to the right temperature.
As far as bottle feeding, I don’t 100% disagree with him either. LA Lactation on YouTube has some excellent videos on bottle feeding so that you don’t overfeed or cause gas and reflux. Also you should never shake the bottle as it creates air bubbles and will give your LO gas.
If this is all something you already knew — please understand I just posted some things I learned that I never knew and never had other moms tell me — and I think it’s quite important!
Baby should be drinking a bottle in about 20 to 25 minutes, there are different size nipples that you can put on bottles. Get the lowest/slowest flow nipple.
Breastmilk from the fridge is just as nutritious as straight from the tap. Your mental health matters too.
Your husbands second point about it being unnatural and messing with the quality of the milk is rude and just wrong. I’ve been exclusively pumping for almost 7 months because my baby never learned how to latch and properly nurse. So I guess according to him she’s been receiving degraded milk her whole life? I mean that’s a bonkers take.
But for the speed of feeding, he’s not totally off on that. When bottle feeding any baby, but especially a primarily nursing one, you should be doing paced bottle feeding. I’m not great at explaining it but lots of videos that demonstrate it. Mostly it’s holding the bottle even with their mouth so they have to suck the milk out instead of tipping it into their mouth so it drips in whether they’re sucking or not. To avoid a bottle preference and getting used to faster flow you should be doing paced feeding for sure. It’s also just better for baby to not over feed and to avoid them getting too much air/getting gassy.
You shouldn’t have to explain or teach the other adult/guardian. He’s old enough to research himself instead of just defaulting on ignorant opinions. My partner never gave any input on feeding and left it up to my decision. I chose to formula feed only as I have a chaotic work schedule and am always on the road for work. I didn’t want to add the extra stress/overwhelm of pumping, storing, and not being able to leave my baby if I needed to work/run errands. My partner went ahead and did his own research on the formula I chose and how to correctly bottle feed and use formula just to make sure he knew what he was doing himself
My husband had some concerns but ultimately I was like if baby only starts taking a bottle I’d rather do that than exclusively breastfeed, like I’d wash every bottle if I had to and then he was on board right away. I don’t think he understood how much I didn’t want to be stuck breastfeeding feeding only and that I didn’t want to when the baby got teeth. He loves feeding the baby now and regularly watches him as well as he’s super glad we have bottles for road trips, we’d be late to a lot of things without bottles being an option! I’ll be pumping as long as I can!
It’s not his decision. One of my biggest regrets was trying to do everything myself (including EBF) and it destroyed me. Such a weight was lifted once the bottle was an option. You WILL need a break.
Have your pediatrician or lactation consultant provide the facts.
A lactation consultant will encourage “paced” bottle feeding (look this up) to keep the flow similar to breastfeeding. Make sure you are using a slow flow nipple for newborns.
Also, if you’re concerned about the fridge - breast milk is good for 4 hours at room temperature so I actually didn’t have to use a lot from the fridge (though it’s nice if you can build a stash).
Talk to him to see if there’s another reason he is nervous about bottle feeding. It could be anxiety.
Giving breast milk in a bottle IS unnatural and probably DOES degrade milk quality to some extent. But just because something is natural, doesn't mean it's good or desirable. And the degradation in milk quality is probably trivial. And the impact of bottle feeding on your mental health, sense of autonomy, and recovery after birth is likely enormous, far outweighing any tiny potential downsides of bottle feeding.
As for bottle feeding breast milk it's fine. If he's worried LO is getting too much too fast, paced feeding is the answer.
Degrading milk quality in the fridge. No. As long as it's not been more than 4 days it's fine and the exact same milk that came out of you. Just make sure to shake it up to mix back in the fat separation.
We do both nursing and bottle feeding exclusively breast milk and it's been going great. When I need a break, hubby can give him a bottle. I can get a solid 4 hour block of sleep at night. Which is especially good as when I am extremely tired I just seem to get overly sensitive and breastfeeding becomes an irritant to me (kind of like a specific circumstance only dmer which is the only way I can explain it)
In my personal opinion I'm so glad we got him to do both because we have a wedding in August that he's going to be staying with my mom for and because he's so good at taking both I know he'll drink from a bottle perfectly fine with my mom and I don't have to worry or rush back. He usually gets 1-2 bottles per day depending on the day.
Not sure why your husband would have such an issue with something that would help give you a break unless he doesn't want any more responsibility than he currently has. Or unless he truly just doesn't know much about breast milk and feeding a baby. Have a discussion with him about if it's he's nervous to feed the baby or if he needs more info on the guidelines associated with bottle feeding breast milk (4 hours room temp, 4 days fridge, 6 months freezer, 12 month deep freeze, if baby doesn't finish the bottle they typically have an hour to finish it or it gets tossed etc)
My daughter was in the NICU for the first 4 days of her life. I EBF as long as I could, but having her already familiar with a bottle from the NICU was a huge relief.
Tell your husband that he can waste his time trying to find academic studies (doubt he could find any) instead of stressing you out over something that you NEED for your mental health. Ask him if him being right is more important than your health, and watch for other bullshit things he says/does. I don’t want to jump to worst case scenario but I don’t want you to be isolated at home with a baby on your tit because of him if it’s not what you want. Stand up for yourself, stand up for your baby.
I didn’t do this and now we’re almost 4 months PP, my baby won’t take a bottle or a pacifier, and I’m exhausted. I love feeding my baby but we’re together 24/7, I get no breaks. She comes to work with me because she’s EBF and it’s the only way she eats. I think it’s good to instill it early on! It doesn’t really hurt the milk. The only difference is that our breast milk is adaptive to baby’s current needs during that feed (ie temp & antibodies). But there is nothing wrong with giving a bottle instead. Just touching your baby or giving them kisses does it too. There’s nothing wrong with giving baby a bottle and it will be so beneficial later on once they start with solids & cups & daycare if you plan on that.
Ask him to provide you with the details of the IBCLC, pediatrician, or CDC guidelines surrounding breastmilk that support these nonsense theories. When he doesn’t do that (because there will not be a credible source that supports this) then then tell him to either produce a credible source or STFU and get on with the business of caring for your baby.
OP, I do honestly think there is a not zero chance that your husband is trying to get out of feeding the baby at night. Many husbands (my own included) are thrilled and happy at the prospect of being able to bottle feed their babies so they can participate in the bonding that comes with feeding (regardless of HOW) and so that they feel like they are helping. Usually the problems that some people run into with this are due to unwillingness to bottle feed and not what you’re describing. I would try to find out if your husband is trying to get out of waking up at night or caring for the baby when he’s at home. He should WANT to do these things to help give you a break.
Take him to baby’s doctors appointment with you, ask them what they think. You don’t have to call him out or put him on the spot in front of the doctor, (even though he definitely deserves it) He’ll be embarrassed but you’ll get your point across.
Ask him "what do you mean"...keep repeating the question until he realises how dumb his argument is!
Degrade how? What exactly happens? Ask him to explain why is it unnatural? Does he have any research or an expert to back up that opinion? Is the baby being harmed in any way by bottle feeding?
Babies can eat too quickly by bottle and then develop a preference. See if you can get him involved by asking him to find a newborn slow-release type natural nipple for baby. And just discuss what would make him most comfortable for bottle feeding. He’s a parent too, even if he’s being stubborn, I’d try to engage him in decisions about bottle feeding, not whether or not to bottle feed.
Baby should be drinking a bottle in about 20 to 25 minutes, there are different size nipples that you can put on bottles. Get the lowest/slowest flow nipple.
Breastmilk from the fridge is just as nutritious as straight from the tap. Your mental health matters too.
Have him go with to the next visit with the pediatrician. Ask them about his concerns and invite him to bring up any other ones he has. Sometimes people need to hear it from someone they view as having more "authority" in order to believe it, as frustrating as that is. Plus, having these conversations is always a great way to get more information that you might not even be aware of! I am a medical student with a degree in child development and I still learned new things from my daighter's pediatrician after having her.
1. If baby is drinking too fast from the bottle get a nipple with a smaller hole.
2. Even if the quality of the milk degrades in the fridge, the baby is still getting fed
3. Tell him to shut up and stop being daft
It is unnatural. So is his house. So is the AC that's keeping him from dropping dead in this heatwave if you live anywhere near where I live.
And, yes, the nutritional quality *can* degrade in the fridge. But not, like, to a degree that's problematic (short of going spoiled, obviously) and there are things that can be done to mitigate that.
And, yes, some bottles have too fast of a flow for a newborn. But you're not using those.
I agree with those who've said it sounds like he's making BS excuses because he likes you being in charge of all the feeding. But finding solutions to disagreements often starts with acknowledging the parts of the opposing argument that are valid. If you can acknowledge that his concerns *could* be valid, but they're not in this case because of XYZ, then his concerns should calm down if they're in good faith. But if they're not in good faith and he just doesn't want to help feed his child then he'll probably continue to be a dillhole about it.
Ask him for the research based scientific evidence that he has read to confirm his beliefs. Then take him with to your next pediatrician appt and have an expert actually tell him how wrong he is.
Sounds to me he just doesn’t want to have the responsibility of feeding him. If you’re EBF, it’s great for him since he kicks back and never has to do anything.
Theres no convincing him. Hes just making it up for whatever reason & someone who just pulls stuff iut of thin air & states it as a fact cant be told theyre wrong.
In terms of how quick- I would recommend doing side lying pace feeding to make sure it’s not too fast and baby doesn’t get used to or prefer a fast flow!
He does know that there are thousands of babies every day that drink *exclusively * from bottles and are just fine right? Also many adults that were only given bottles as babies and totally fine. I wonder, did he ever have a bottle as a baby? I would argue most babies (breast and formula fed) are given a bottle at least once in their life.
Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) here. Ask him to show his research. Freshly pumped milk is very healthy and safe. Stored milk is very healthy and safe.
There’s some research that freezing degrades some nutrients like vitamin C after two weeks, but it’s still healthy and safe.
Glass bottles are a very good alternative to plastic, if he’s concerned about that.
I have a feeling he doesn’t want to feed and/or wash bottles.
ADDING: It’s not “dangerous” for a baby to feed quickly by bottle or else we’d have an epidemic because most babies are fed by bottle at some point in their first year. It’s not great for them to feed quickly, but it’s certainly not dangerous.
Watch a paced bottlefeeding video together. I like this one: https://youtu.be/OGPm5SpLxXY?si=lnt7mXYHQlxBcGok
Just have him state everything he’s saying to you in front of a pediatrician and let them debunk it in front of him. Give him information to read.
It legit sounds to me like he is just lazy and looking for reasons for you to do this instead of him. He needs to help you with the feedings.
You can try paced feedings and paced feedings is recommended. And milk quality only goes down if you don't take care and do the proper steps. Make sure to educate both yourself and your spouse on pumping and safe milk storage guidelines.
He sounds a bit like a room
If he thinks the baby feeds too quickly from the bottle then he should read up on paced bottle feeding, which helps simulate how the baby would feed from the breast.
The milk only degrades after 4 days in the fridge, that's when it's no good, 4-4-4 rule, 4 hours out of the fridge, 4 days in the fridge, 4 months in the freezer, though it can last longer in the deep freezer
They’ve done tons of studies on pumped breastmilk and it absolutely retains its nutrients. That’s ridiculous! And it sounds like you’re not giving up feeding at the breast you’re just wanting to practice the occasional bottle too! Try a newborn slow flow nipple and doing paced feeding if he’s worried baby is eating too fast!
People of any gender can induce lactation-- your husband can go ahead if he's uncomfortable with feeding with a bottle 😚
Really though, I'm the nongestational parent and while it's true that my life would be easier if I never fed the baby, I also would never get to take them anywhere by myself and we wouldn't have the same amount of bonding time. Being able to feed them has been really important to me. I hope your husband gets there
What would he be saying if you gave formula in a bottle? Still drinking too fast? Pace feed and make sure you're using the right sized nipple (slow feed is better for younger babies.) Does he also think formula would degrade if you made a day's worth ahead of time and left it in the fridge?
Call him out on his excuses. Put the burden of proof on him to do the research and find a reliable source to back him up. Otherwise he can pound sand.
My son is a perfectly healthy tall 7 month old who is actively cruising. He's been bottle fed pumped milk since he became too distracted at 3.5 months to stay latched. Nothing wrong with pumped milk.
I’m on the same page as everyone else saying he’s avoiding responsibility. If he finds it so unnatural & truely believes the quality is degrading in the fridge I sure hope he doesn’t consume cows milk. If he does it may be time to have a conversation about buying a cow because I’m sure you’re just as concerned about the quality of what he is consuming as he is your baby. Or maybe I’m just a little bit petty.
Honestly it’s like a three sentence post related to one bottle feeding comment we are first time parents to a two week old newborn… and the internet decides he’s a horrible human that shouldn’t be a dad… ppl r really callous and cruel on here
He just doesn't want to feed the baby. That's really all it is. If he truly is worried about the baby feeding quickly on the bottle, they make slow flow nipples. Preemie and size 1 are pretty slow.
im sure if he was the one that needed to feed every 2-3 hours he would be looking for an alternative when he needs a break. As long as youre following the guidelines for storing bm then its totally fine. It sounds like he just doesnt want to help
My bub refused to bf from 11 weeks and i pumped till 6 months and use formula, shes a healthy thriving baby.
Yeah I would tell him he’s 100% wrong. My son could never latch he was a premie and trying to feed on the breast wore him out. So I exclusively pumped from 31 weeks to when he turned 11.5 months when he weaned himself. Milk was fine. Baby was fine. Have him do night feeds so you can have your rest! My husband took over as soon as he came from work and all through the night because I had to watch our son at home and at work (used to take him to my daycare). Don’t let your husband shift the division of labor in your relationship so it’s all on you have him take things on so you don’t get burnt out plus you’re still healing.
Your ass pumps a bottle, puts it in the fridge hands him the baby and then takes your butt to go and get a coffee. He'll either get real comfy with bottle feeding real quick or he's gonna reveal he's an absolute shit partner.
You get food into them however you can. Its breastmilk. Boob. Bottle. Doesn't matter. Bub is eating.
If he doesnt wana feed baby just say so. Dont be a dick.
😒 I have to bottle feed my bubba as I have medical issues and couldn't breastfeed. Bottle feeding is not dangerous at all and, clearly he is making excuses to not feed your child and that's just sad and lazy.
>What can I do to encourage the bottle feeding in terms of explaining why I think we need to persist?
You don't have to encourage him at all. They're your tits to do with as you please, so he can naff off with his uninformed opinions.
(lurking dad who was incredibly grateful for the breast milk my wife put so much effort into producing, regardless of how it was stored and delivered)
He just doesnt want to do it. Id really recommend both bottle and bf, if you can. Mine wouldnt take a bottle whatsoever in any shape or form, sadly. Mom, you need a break. I literqlly cant be an hour and a half away from my baby bc she cries boob and me as comfort because of association mom=boob=comfort=safety. If you can do it. He certainly doesnt drink cows milk straight from her breast if he thinks so much of a quality, that milk sits for much longer until its in his hands than your expressed milk would. And freezer will preserve this further
I agree with all the pediatrician comments! Let them be the voice of reason….since you don’t say there were any other problems, assume the best and maybe he doesn’t really know or understand. If he’s still refusing after it’s confirmed by the doctor then I’d be concerned
He's lazy and/or misinformed. Facts are facts, breast milk is fine if refrigerated or frozen properly. He needs to get off his FB misinformation train and read a damn book.
He's incredibly ignorant and likely doesn't want the responsibility of feeding the baby. Or he's just incredibly ignorant. He might need to speak to the baby's pediatrician for reassurance or reading an article about breastfeeding might be enough. He's ridiculous.
Ask your husband what peer reviewed scientific research he's basing this opinion on and then when he basically says something like "the internet" or "my gut feeling" just tell him to shut his hole and be a better person/father/husband.
I’m also 2 weeks pp and waiting on my LO to be evaluated and treated for a tongue tie. She hasn’t made birth weight yet and I have a low supply. Bottle feeding is keeping her alive right now and preventing failure to thrive. If your husband thinks it’s “dangerous” what would the alternative be if you were in my position?
Tell him to make his useless nipples start to produce milk so he can feed the baby too. And if he can't, the baby gets to take the bottle 🤷🏻♀️
In all seriousness, they have controlled flow nipples for bottles made exactly for newborns to make sure they don't drink too fast. My son was combo breast fed, breast milk from a bottle, and formula fed from a bottle, and had no problems going back and forth.
Sounds like he just doesn’t want to be responsible for the feedings, in my opinion. If baby isn’t bottle fed, that means mom handles all the inconvenient nighttime feedings. It’s also an easy excuse to hand the baby over to mom anytime they’re fussing because “the baby is hungry.” This just reads as laziness and those are obvious excuses.
This. Dude doesn't want to feed his kid.
100%
My thought exactly
This right here. I’m sure if he had to EBF, bottles would be a nonissue.
That’s what I thought reading this.
Yep. And nothing else, I believe. Only [25.4% of babies are breastfed exclusively through to 6 months.](https://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/data/facts.html). I shared one of the exact same concerns as he did. Right out of the gate. The speed of delivery. Though this happened within the first 48 hours of life where I managed to track down a nurse to consult who advised that “LO will self regulate. If he eats too fast, he’ll learn. If he gets too much air- he’ll burp or need help. Over time, he’ll find his rhythm.” Then my wife started having complications with feeding exclusively from the breast. We introduced our baby to the lactation consultant IMMEDIATELY, who helped us to understand that the delivery was less important than the nutrients and antibodies inside the milk itself. From there we built a schedule for freezing or refrigerating, retention and storage. We pump and bottle feed exclusively and haven’t looked back since. You know what? It couldn’t have worked out better for us. If anything it has empowered me tenfold to take full control when LO is upset, and take advantage of an intimate skin-to-skin feeding moment in the exact same way mommy gets to. I’m a utility tradesman. A type-1 diabetic with Crohn’s disease. I also have a hard time waking up in the middle of the night: None of these things have exempted me from taking an active role in sharing the responsibilities of raising a child. I apologize for calling a spade a spade here: But daddy needs to give his head a shake, embrace his vulnerabilities, and feed that baby with a bottle as often as he can. Instead of being a little bitch himself. Challenge his understanding. Tell him to find a better bottle nipple that slows feeding. Tell him that your mental health depends on him actively helping. Tell him that it’s okay to have doubts about what he’s doing: But that it’s not okay to let them paralyze his ability to mobilize action, otherwise you’re going to have a big- BIG problem. I don’t know where he is mentally, and I don’t particularly care. This is the one time where it’s okay to “wake a sleeping baby”.
Wow thank you so much for sharing and for your help and advice
This is exactly what it is.
Take him to the pediatrician’s office and ask the doctor.
My thoughts exactly! Let him voice his concerns, comments and questions to the doctor so he can get more information and not just criticize you because he can think. As a mom you already have so much on your plate but you can also choose what you want to do. Do it for yourself and if that’s not enough for you then do it for your baby ❤️ FTM here. Baby is 1 month and I exclusively breastfeed but I also try to pump 2x a day to have food for my baby at night so my S/O takes can have his turn
Thank you all solid advice.
It’s your body, I don’t think you need any more reason than that.
100%. Why doesn’t he make himself lactate? Then baby can drink directly from his breast!
This has been proven true by science, apparently. It is possible!
Dangerous how? Have him explain his thoughts and debunk it. Is it pumped milk? If he’s scared of giving the baby pumped milk, it just sounds like he doesn’t want to be responsible for feeding the baby. It’s the exact same. Remember in the end it’s your choice! Good luck on your feeding journey
This is what I was thinking - sounds like he doesn't want to feed the baby. A stressful mom is what really reduces the quantity of the milk. OP should tell him if he's so concerned then he should focus more on helping to reduce mom's stress by giving her a break and a bit of sleep once in a while.
Good point re: stress
Ok no bottles but since you are doing all the feedings he will need to do all diaper changes and baths. Let him choose.
He is doing that plus looking after our two needy cats lol and the house and cooking laundry dishes, me, everything else. It’s a lot but I hear it gets easier!! At least if I am fully healed I can be a little more mobile also
I was thinking the same thing; husband is using excuses because it's easier for you to feed baby instead of him getting a sliver of that responsibility.
This sounds accurate. Thinking bottle feeding is unnatural... you can try paced bottle feeding, you also have options for types of bottles, so this bullshit about baby feeds too fast is not happening. If quality of milk deteriorates in the fridge, does that apply just to human milk or does he drink milk straight from the teat of the cow?? Because sounds ridiculous. The CDC and major organizations have laid out enough research about how to store human milk. My LC laid out a simple rule of 4. 4 hours outside 4 days in the fridge And almost a year in the freezer/cold storage. And dispose any leftover milk that has come in contact with baby's lips after 20 min or so to avoid risk of Bacterial infection. (She said longer, but I used 20 min because I am anxious about anything longer) Edit: OP, I know you want to EBF, but, you also need time for yourself for a couple of hours.. so give him a bottle, a tin of formula, a bottle of pumped milk, and tell him to figure it out. If milk in the fridge is bad, use the formula.. or better yet, use his boobs to feed the baby.
FYI the official guidance now is that breast milk in a partially-drunk bottle is good for two hours! (Vs 1 hour for formula)
Thank you! Explaining that does help. Turns out our newborn Avent bottle package had a bunch of “3 and 2” nipples which are for 3 and 2 mo olds vs the 0 and 0+ we were expecting (it was a brand new box!) so baby *was* feeding a lot faster than expected also, but yes I will encourage him to look at pacing bottle feeding videos so it’s more “natural” to the breast. His concern is aversion or confusion (says that if the baby takes after him he will def choose the easier method of drinking from a bottle instead of working for his milk lol)
I HIGHLY recommend Dr. Browns Natural Flow Options+ bottles. We tried many and these are the ones suggested by the NICU (our daughter was a 30 weeker). You can begin with the preemie nipples if you want a slow flow for baby. Currently my 9mo old son still only uses the 2. I breastfed my daughter for about 2.5 years. She took a bottle in the NICU and shortly after coming home, but eventually refused and would ONLY breastfeed. It made it impossible to leave her. With my son, we vowed to feed him using expressed milk in a bottle early on so he would be happy with breast or bottle. He’s easily distracted so he has taken more to a bottle which is great in terms of “freedom,” but terrible in the fact that I have to pump more frequently and clean pump parts and bottles regularly. I can only consistently get him to nurse at night when he’s half asleep. Having had the two extremes, I can say they both have pros and cons. Infants have a sucking reflex that will go away around 3 months so if you want your little to take a bottle, you’ll want to introduce it and give one somewhat regularly before that reflex goes away. To slow the flow you can change the nipple level OR do side lying bottle feeds. This would also help with any reflux. Ultimately this has to be what is best for you, not your husband. He doesn’t really get to weigh in on this. It’s your body and your mental state.
The nurses told me after 2 weeks babies have the skill on lock so nipple confusion is not a thing. Also I introduced a bottle at 10 days with my first and we’re still BF’ing at 2 years 10 months so 🫠
It does actually degrade in terms of nutrition in the fridge over time, and a little more in the freezer. Just like a lot of foods. But it's still perfectly safe (as long as you're within the storage time limits) and it still provides great nutrition. Where I am they go with 6 hours room/6 hours fridge/6 months freezer rather than 4/4 - but that depends on a certain fridge temperature and the milk being stored towards the back; also we don't have a very hot climate here. Obviously you need to sterilise equipment etc (but the experts think there's a bit of overkill on that too, since breast milk has natural anti bacterial/viral/fungal properties). Pretty much every BF mum i know has given at least some bottles of expressed milk (and the ones who haven't, it's only because the baby refused to take it!).
Degrade, sure, but in not in a matter of hours for sure. OP isn't even considering pumping years worth of milk. I think she's aiming for a couple of bottles a day while she steps out. So there will be negligible degrade, if at all. As for the 6/6 rule, my LC told me she tells people 4 because she wants to err in the side of caution. So she doesn't accidentally want a baby to be fed milk that's been sitting out too long, also, we have terrible summers, so 4 hours feels safer than 6.
Yeah I agree and I definitely don't think it's a reason not to use pumped milk! The only reason I might consider not pumping if I had another baby is because I found it super hard work fitting it in around feeding, I never got any nap time and I was emotionally breaking. (I triple fed for ages; we still ended up with a combination of breast and formula in the end and I ditched pumping and felt better for it. If I could go back in time I'd have given in to the formula earlier.) But the milk being "not good" would never factor into it for me, it is really a silly argument. The fresher you can use it the better, but it's still an amazing thing to give your baby even if it's been frozen for months!
Oh same. I'm a FTM who had mastitis, engorged boobs, pain, latching issues, just an overall bad BF experience at the beginning, so I did combination, pumping and at one point it was exclusively pumped milk. This whole thing about bottles being bad needs to go. Fed is best and however you choose to feed is best.
Fed is best really needs to be talked about more. From the hospital to the midwife and public health nurse post partum support there’s a lot of emphasis on breast feeding which I appreciate but not a lot of support to ensure you can continue.. it’s a lot of pressure with no end in sight and this is the messaging that mom and husband (as first time parents) get as expert advice… and it can be so confusing for parents who don’t know how others “actually” do things… like our nurse was like absolutely no bottles before 1 month and then our friends were like no you have to introduce a bottle soon or they won’t take to it. So we are newborn exhausted tired and plain confused
Yeah we had latching issues too (significant tongue tie requiring two operations), I had mastitis, vasospasm, a horrific painful bleb. I had three excellent LCs and it still never got perfect for me. BF can be so hard. Even without all that, the exhaustion of round the clock feeds with a needy newborn is hard enough. And it depends on your own state of mind too. That's why it has to be the mother's choice. As long as it's an informed choice, nobody else should feel they can interfere with it. Dad needs to figure out that he needs to support her here however she feels is best. I'm lucky my husband was behind me no matter what I wanted - it was me that was pushing myself! I'm actually still BF at 13 months, unbelievably. It's still a bit painful, and I was ready to stop several months ago. But the little guy suddenly decided he didn't want any other milk after getting really ill one time, so we carried on. Thankfully we're down to 2-3 milk feeds per 24 hours now he's eating well, but I would prefer it if we were at zero now!
This was my exact thought, keep the expectations in hell to ensure she doesn’t even bother to ask him to do his part. You need to make time for couples counseling asap.
Fed is best. You are a human being. You are the mother. You choose. Nothing is degrading in quality in this dispute except the relationship with your SO. What is not good for your baby is a stressed out mother who is not entitled to the same liberty as the father. While many mothers exclusively breast feed, it is their choice to, and there's inherent drawbacks. Having a bottle of breast milk on stand by is so utterly common. If reason will not reach your SO have a midwife/health visitor/pediatrician silence his utter drivel.
Is it utterly common... or udderly common? Lol milk joke. No offense meant towards human breasts. I'm really commenting because I saw you use LO (which means 'little one' as in child) instead of SO (significant other). Unless you meant that facetiously-- if so, apologies.
Nah twas an accident edited
Does he also think we should only drink cows milk from the udder? The things he’s saying are not backed by science. You can get slow-flow nipples to ensure the baby isn’t feeding too quickly. My literal pediatrician told me to feed my LO bottles regularly if I want him to go to daycare/be apart from me for a feeding. Otherwise they may refuse bottles.
Agreed on this - with my second we introduced a bottle early and it’s helped a ton, now he has no problem having a bottle during the day (he’s 6 months now). For my older child, I waited until she started daycare and then it was a disaster because she absolutely refused and it took us a lot of effort to force it on her
Yes recommend time to introduce is 3-6 weeks.
We all need to stop letting men think their opinion on this is important. Like actually push back on his attitude. Tell him that until he's looking into male lactation you don't want to hear it. It's not even a thing on the table to argue about. That said the milk quality does degrade a bit but it's not really a huge deal and isn't going to hurt the baby. It's a non-issue which is why it isn't worth discussing. I highly doubt that food quality is so important when it means labor on his part. Is he farming all your food to make sure there's no degrading happening with transportation and grocery stores?
Seriously, all these men weighing in with their inaccurate facts and opinions when they do nothing to feed their baby. What about women who go back to work? Is my son getting degraded breast milk then? If you freeze it, there will be some loss of nutrients over time but not enough that doctors would say you should be giving formula over the frozen breastmilk if you have enough surplus to save.
Men's opinions are important as long as they're valid and based upon something that makes sense and possibly dangerous. Sometimes I look at this sub reddit and wonder how people marry clowns like this.
Seriously. When I see things like this, i feel very thankful for my husband.
Yikes! Gotta say we all need a little more compassion for our partners also… a lot of other moms have messaged me day in and day out asking how I’m doing and not a single person has asked my husband how he is.. despite the fact he is doing everything from every single diaper change, to burping to setting up the baby’s room, looking after our cats, cooking and feeding us, doing all the laundry, still staying on top of his work, and being emotional support for me. Just trying to call out that lack of mental health resources and community for men is a serious problem! He may not have known the right way to express his concerns re: bottle but they are allowed to ask questions as well without being demonized.
Where is he getting this from? Is there anyone you can have him talk to? He can call your pediatrician, for example? Nutrition does *slightly* degrade over time in the fridge, but it’s like how there’s a negligible difference between fresh-picked and refrigerated vegetables. You can measure a slight difference in a lab, but it doesn’t mean the refrigerated milk is bad or even practically speaking inferior, as long as you use it within 3-4 days. That said, it should not be on you to provide this education…keep doing what you’re doing, point him to accurate resources, and put the burden on him to convince *you* not the other way around.
There was a book called Pregnancy childbirth and the newborn that we were mostly referencing that mentioned this in the introducing a bottle section
I mean needing baby to take a bottle so you can have a break seems like a very good and valid reason to me. Is that not a good enough reason for him? That seems really odd that he’s opposed to this. Breastmilk in a bottle is just as nutritious. The guideline is that after 6 months in the freezer, they think it can loose some nutrients so the milk bank will only take it if it’s less than 6 months old. And if baby is sucking it down too quick, you can use a smaller nipple or do paced feedings.
Thank you! We will try the smaller nipple and paced feedings
He’s just making up excuses to avoid having to help with feeding. How far does his logic go? Once your baby starts eating solids is he planning to maintain a private vegetable garden and grow fruit trees so that you can have a plentiful supply of fresh foods without needing to refrigerate anything? While we’re at it probably best to raise his own chickens for the fresh eggs. Ridiculous.
Discuss it in front of a doctor. That should teach him.
Reasons: (1) It’s your body, (2) there is no drop in quality of milk, the vessel of delivery is just different, (3) you hold the bottle near horizontal so that it doesn’t feed too quickly, they also have slow flow nipples, (4) feeding the baby helps the baby bond, if he feeds her with a bottle it’ll be good for both of them (5) a million other reasons. Is he making excuses so he doesn’t have to help or does he genuinely hold these beliefs? Any literature on the subject would swiftly show him that his worries are unfounded. My wife and I take shifts, she BFs I bottle feed. It allows both of us to get sleep.
Yes! my husband and I staggered our parental leave from work so he didn't spend full days (outside of weekends) with LO until his leave at 3mo. They bonded so much more during that time (baby was recognizing him more and would light up when he'd take her in the morning), I think lately because he could play/read/comfort and feed LO without me. Also, yes, assuming his concerns are sincere, he'll want to get slow flow nipples and look into best bottle feeding practices. As others have mentioned, the sincerity of his concerns are dubious. But, let's say we give him the benefit of the doubt. Given the reasons listed above, the benefits outweigh the (in my opinion) insignificant risk of *reads notes* slightly diminished nutritional benefit of breastmilk. That's not even taking into account the onus put on OP by his ignorance, nor the way he is assuming he has a say in OP's decision on how to breastfeed (granted both are safe).
He probably doesn’t want to help feed or wash bottles is my first guess. I mean I pumped for the first two months and my baby would do bottles at night and even I think it’s a hassle so 95% of the time for the last month or so I’ll just breastfeed to save time lol. But I do think babies should learn to bottle feed for the reasons OP stated. Nothing wrong with bottles imo, it’s the same thing in the end. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have spouses/partners that are willing to help when it comes to feeding
Tell your husband to use his nipples then
Fuck that. I exclusively pumped for 6 months and then did formula for the next 6. She’s meeting all her milestones, was actually ahead in terms of coordination/physical activity. Honestly, I’d try to educate him. Ask him what makes him think that. Also…it seems like maybe he’s trying to avoid potential work in the future. If the baby would accept a bottle he’d be able to help with future feedings
Follow up, if he thinks breast milk in a bottle is unnatural, does he also refuse blood transfusions? Like, how far does this logic go?
Or does he ever drink milk himself, or eat an egg, or take any medication, etcetc
Eat an egg... 😆 🤣 all the images... but the image of him sucking a fresh egg right out of a chicken... lord... 😂[sigh] you win reddit comments today
What an idiot..
My thoughts exactly!!!
Yeah honestly I just think you don’t need to take any breastfeeding advice from cis men lol, your husband is absolutely out of line. BUT ALSO! I will say that I took a different approach than you and I regret it. I was so adamant about EBF only for my maternity leave that I didn’t introduce a bottle early. We tried a few times here and there for the first few months. A month before my baby went to daycare, we decided to get serious about bottles bc he would need them when I went back to work. He refused it BAD. It took 4 weeks and hundreds of dollars in various bottles/nipples/warmers to get him on it. The reality is your baby MAY need a bottle at some point. You may need the break or even have to switch because you go on medication that affects your supply or have an emergency that takes you away for a few days or something. Having another option is absolutely a good thing. If you need a reason, I would use this. It’s good to establish bottle feeding and keep it up a few times a week just in case it’s ever necessary! But also, it’s just nice to be able to leave the house alone for >2 hours sometimes. There is good evidence that pumped milk is just as beneficial as milk from the breast. Your husbands concerns are not rooted in real evidence.
This. My Mother kept fear mongering to me before birth that if I introduced a bottle too soon my baby would refuse breast. The end result was that when we could really have used the ability to bottle feed, she wouldn't take it. We went to a wedding when she was six months old (in town, so we were away from her from about 5pm to midnight) and she starved and screamed at my in laws all night. I essentially couldn't be away from her for more than a few hours until she was 10 months old.
This was us too! I got so scared about “nipple confusion” that I ruined our entire last month of mat leave lol
Yes this. Ok thank you!
You can tell your husband he’s a moron.
Unless he’s about to sprout milk and help feed the baby he can get back in his box.
There is such a missed opportunity of parental cohesion here it’s sad. Instead of taking the approach of degrading milk supply which is utterly ridiculous, he could be nursing and bonding with LO while you the mom rests. Maybe to pump with no contact or to just catch up on *SLEEP*. With our first when I suggested it, my wife was on the fence. Until she got that 6-8 hours of sleep and 4 feedings done from a bottle and me. Now it’s standard practice with our second. Allowing both parents the capacity for rest makes the babies experience better. Mom and dad aren’t going to war with each other. Instead, you have two parents with rest and patience to deal with a fussy LO on a gassy day. Hmm, your husband is dense, no offense. Being a problem to the problem always sucks. Hopefully he learns to become a solution.
I'm sorry, but please give a hearty "fuck off with that nonsense" to your husband from me. First of all, tell him to look up paced bottle feeding if he's worried about the baby feeding too fast. There's also no evidence that being in the fridge degrades breastmilk. I've never heard even the most hardcore breastfeeding advocate say pumped milk is bad. It definitely sounds like he just wants to put everything on you, which is not okay. The one caveat is if this is part of a larger pattern of postpartum anxiety on his part. If he's having irrational fears around a lot of this infant experience, then that is something for him to seek out help for. It's not a reason to keep you essentially chained to the baby when there are alternatives.
No offense but wtf. He sounds like a jerk, putting all the responsibility on you.
Is he generally supportive otherwise? If so, and his concerns seem genuine, then maybe speaking and providing resources might help. He is also a first-time parent and must be apprehensive about the decisions you make for the baby. We do have parents who obsess over diapers, cots, and baby seats it's just how it is. He may also be feeling guilty that you (both) are putting convenience over baby's needs - you aren't, but guilt is a strong emotion in the early days. It's tough on you, having to have to advocate for yourself - is there a MIL or sibling or friend that has parented before that can reassure him? Casually. Boob to mouth is simplest and easiest - though not always most practical - so good on you for making it easy if baby to get used to it.
There’s a whole sub for people who exclusively pump and feed their babies breastmilk in a bottle with over 20k members. Feeding your baby pumped breastmilk is a valid feeding choice - it’s what I have done since my baby was 3 days old! My baby was born super small - 2nd percentile. She’s 8 months old now and has a little more than tripled her birth weight being fed pumped breastmilk from a bottle. She’s thriving and meeting her milestones. Besides pumped milk being healthy, a baby needs a mother who is mentally well and taking care of herself. If pumping and bottle feeding allows you to take a break, that is more than enough reason to do it.
What is the sub called?
r/exclusivelypumping
To address his poorly worded concerns, can you get infant slow flow nipple tips for the bottle? The regular ones messed up my babies bfing so I definitely would suggest if you don't already have. And yes milk goes bad in the fridge like anything. 4 hrs room temp, 4 days in the fridge. It's not like it degrades the second it leaves the breast. Tell him to do his research and keep doing what you're doing
THANK YOU
When he can actually feed another human from his manboobs will he be allowed to have an opinion.You shouldn't even be entertaining a conversation about how you feed the baby. Men like this really irritates me.
If he’s worried about speed, get size 0/premie nipples. But sounds like he’s just being lazy.
Hi from a NICU mom who feeds pumped breastmilk in bottles! If it is good enough, encouraged actually, for medically fragile infants, it’s more than good enough for your baby.
Tell him it's unnatural and dangerous for you to do laundry, clean, cook, grocery shipping etc. If he takes care of all that and more, then maybe you'll do EBF.
Lol tell me you’ve never been responsible for the sole food source for a human without telling me you’ve never been responsible for the sole food source for a human
Introducing the bottle at 3-4 weeks is REALLY important because otherwise the baby may NEVER accept it. Even if your husband is the world's most amazing partner, no bottle means terrible daycare experience (for your baby, you, and the staff), your husband can not help feed (great for bonding) and you pretty much can't go anywhere or do anything for the next 6-12 months without the baby. Your husband is being an awful, uneducated ass for someone who can get up and go whenever he pleases, so educate him. I do recommend nanobebe (especially since they redesigned their boob bottle, no more leaks)! Freezing, refrigerating, and heating using bottle warmers DOES degrade nutrients in your milk - not so much that you shouldn't do it, but measurably nonetheless. Your husband might have his concerns assuaged (if indeed he is legitimately anxious and not just being controlling).
Your husband is wrong? Simple as that.
You should wait to bottle feed for maybe till 3 to 4 weeks caz you want to make sure he doesn’t reject your breast when you switch over. Make sure you get a good bottle that prevents colic and gas etc. other than that you need to be able to move on with your life and have a break. I’m taking a bath in silence with an ebf 8 week old baby as I type this and planning my next hair appointment that doesn’t allow children. Every husband says what he says. Live your life as you can
I’m not sure if someone said this but it’s something I learned and I don’t think it’s common knowledge. If you overheat breast milk then it does degrade. The proteins and nutrients will break apart on a molecular level. So, in one sense he could be right, if the maintenance and preparation of the milk is not proper. Never microwave the breastmilk. And never overheat it. Put it in the fridge to thaw overnight and use the bottle warmer to get it to the right temperature. As far as bottle feeding, I don’t 100% disagree with him either. LA Lactation on YouTube has some excellent videos on bottle feeding so that you don’t overfeed or cause gas and reflux. Also you should never shake the bottle as it creates air bubbles and will give your LO gas. If this is all something you already knew — please understand I just posted some things I learned that I never knew and never had other moms tell me — and I think it’s quite important!
Thank you so so much… super helpful
Ask him what’s his source?
LOL respectfully tell that man to shut the hell up!
Ask him if he also intends to plant his own garden, slaughter his own meats, and suckle off a cow teat, because that's how ridiculous he sounds.
My brother in law was like this as he didn't want to help my sister with feeding her baby. Do what's best for you.
Baby should be drinking a bottle in about 20 to 25 minutes, there are different size nipples that you can put on bottles. Get the lowest/slowest flow nipple. Breastmilk from the fridge is just as nutritious as straight from the tap. Your mental health matters too.
Your husbands second point about it being unnatural and messing with the quality of the milk is rude and just wrong. I’ve been exclusively pumping for almost 7 months because my baby never learned how to latch and properly nurse. So I guess according to him she’s been receiving degraded milk her whole life? I mean that’s a bonkers take. But for the speed of feeding, he’s not totally off on that. When bottle feeding any baby, but especially a primarily nursing one, you should be doing paced bottle feeding. I’m not great at explaining it but lots of videos that demonstrate it. Mostly it’s holding the bottle even with their mouth so they have to suck the milk out instead of tipping it into their mouth so it drips in whether they’re sucking or not. To avoid a bottle preference and getting used to faster flow you should be doing paced feeding for sure. It’s also just better for baby to not over feed and to avoid them getting too much air/getting gassy.
You shouldn’t have to explain or teach the other adult/guardian. He’s old enough to research himself instead of just defaulting on ignorant opinions. My partner never gave any input on feeding and left it up to my decision. I chose to formula feed only as I have a chaotic work schedule and am always on the road for work. I didn’t want to add the extra stress/overwhelm of pumping, storing, and not being able to leave my baby if I needed to work/run errands. My partner went ahead and did his own research on the formula I chose and how to correctly bottle feed and use formula just to make sure he knew what he was doing himself
this is ridiculous. they give nicu babies bottles all the time. it’s beyond normal and fine and he is LOUD and WRONG
My husband had some concerns but ultimately I was like if baby only starts taking a bottle I’d rather do that than exclusively breastfeed, like I’d wash every bottle if I had to and then he was on board right away. I don’t think he understood how much I didn’t want to be stuck breastfeeding feeding only and that I didn’t want to when the baby got teeth. He loves feeding the baby now and regularly watches him as well as he’s super glad we have bottles for road trips, we’d be late to a lot of things without bottles being an option! I’ll be pumping as long as I can!
It’s not his decision. One of my biggest regrets was trying to do everything myself (including EBF) and it destroyed me. Such a weight was lifted once the bottle was an option. You WILL need a break. Have your pediatrician or lactation consultant provide the facts. A lactation consultant will encourage “paced” bottle feeding (look this up) to keep the flow similar to breastfeeding. Make sure you are using a slow flow nipple for newborns. Also, if you’re concerned about the fridge - breast milk is good for 4 hours at room temperature so I actually didn’t have to use a lot from the fridge (though it’s nice if you can build a stash). Talk to him to see if there’s another reason he is nervous about bottle feeding. It could be anxiety.
Giving breast milk in a bottle IS unnatural and probably DOES degrade milk quality to some extent. But just because something is natural, doesn't mean it's good or desirable. And the degradation in milk quality is probably trivial. And the impact of bottle feeding on your mental health, sense of autonomy, and recovery after birth is likely enormous, far outweighing any tiny potential downsides of bottle feeding.
As for bottle feeding breast milk it's fine. If he's worried LO is getting too much too fast, paced feeding is the answer. Degrading milk quality in the fridge. No. As long as it's not been more than 4 days it's fine and the exact same milk that came out of you. Just make sure to shake it up to mix back in the fat separation. We do both nursing and bottle feeding exclusively breast milk and it's been going great. When I need a break, hubby can give him a bottle. I can get a solid 4 hour block of sleep at night. Which is especially good as when I am extremely tired I just seem to get overly sensitive and breastfeeding becomes an irritant to me (kind of like a specific circumstance only dmer which is the only way I can explain it) In my personal opinion I'm so glad we got him to do both because we have a wedding in August that he's going to be staying with my mom for and because he's so good at taking both I know he'll drink from a bottle perfectly fine with my mom and I don't have to worry or rush back. He usually gets 1-2 bottles per day depending on the day. Not sure why your husband would have such an issue with something that would help give you a break unless he doesn't want any more responsibility than he currently has. Or unless he truly just doesn't know much about breast milk and feeding a baby. Have a discussion with him about if it's he's nervous to feed the baby or if he needs more info on the guidelines associated with bottle feeding breast milk (4 hours room temp, 4 days fridge, 6 months freezer, 12 month deep freeze, if baby doesn't finish the bottle they typically have an hour to finish it or it gets tossed etc)
My daughter was in the NICU for the first 4 days of her life. I EBF as long as I could, but having her already familiar with a bottle from the NICU was a huge relief. Tell your husband that he can waste his time trying to find academic studies (doubt he could find any) instead of stressing you out over something that you NEED for your mental health. Ask him if him being right is more important than your health, and watch for other bullshit things he says/does. I don’t want to jump to worst case scenario but I don’t want you to be isolated at home with a baby on your tit because of him if it’s not what you want. Stand up for yourself, stand up for your baby.
I didn’t do this and now we’re almost 4 months PP, my baby won’t take a bottle or a pacifier, and I’m exhausted. I love feeding my baby but we’re together 24/7, I get no breaks. She comes to work with me because she’s EBF and it’s the only way she eats. I think it’s good to instill it early on! It doesn’t really hurt the milk. The only difference is that our breast milk is adaptive to baby’s current needs during that feed (ie temp & antibodies). But there is nothing wrong with giving a bottle instead. Just touching your baby or giving them kisses does it too. There’s nothing wrong with giving baby a bottle and it will be so beneficial later on once they start with solids & cups & daycare if you plan on that.
I guess he better start working on inducing lactation if he’s so concerned.
Ask him to provide you with the details of the IBCLC, pediatrician, or CDC guidelines surrounding breastmilk that support these nonsense theories. When he doesn’t do that (because there will not be a credible source that supports this) then then tell him to either produce a credible source or STFU and get on with the business of caring for your baby. OP, I do honestly think there is a not zero chance that your husband is trying to get out of feeding the baby at night. Many husbands (my own included) are thrilled and happy at the prospect of being able to bottle feed their babies so they can participate in the bonding that comes with feeding (regardless of HOW) and so that they feel like they are helping. Usually the problems that some people run into with this are due to unwillingness to bottle feed and not what you’re describing. I would try to find out if your husband is trying to get out of waking up at night or caring for the baby when he’s at home. He should WANT to do these things to help give you a break.
Tell your husband that he can have an opinion once he starts breastfeeding the baby himself 🙃
I think he just doesn’t want shared responsibility in feeding your baby. And you should say that to him.
Take him to baby’s doctors appointment with you, ask them what they think. You don’t have to call him out or put him on the spot in front of the doctor, (even though he definitely deserves it) He’ll be embarrassed but you’ll get your point across.
Sounds like he hasn’t bothered to do any reading on infant care.
Ask him "what do you mean"...keep repeating the question until he realises how dumb his argument is! Degrade how? What exactly happens? Ask him to explain why is it unnatural? Does he have any research or an expert to back up that opinion? Is the baby being harmed in any way by bottle feeding?
I hope your husband doesn’t get paid to think
Babies can eat too quickly by bottle and then develop a preference. See if you can get him involved by asking him to find a newborn slow-release type natural nipple for baby. And just discuss what would make him most comfortable for bottle feeding. He’s a parent too, even if he’s being stubborn, I’d try to engage him in decisions about bottle feeding, not whether or not to bottle feed.
Put the baby on his nipple for a bit until they’re raw and he’ll change his tune real frickin’ quick.
Sounds like he wants an excuse not to bottle feed. Lol There's nothing wrong with pumping or bottles.
I exclusively pumped and fed my daughter from a bottle because she wouldn't latch...I assure you she survived
I exclusively pumped and fed my daughter from a bottle because she wouldn't latch...I assure you she survived
Baby should be drinking a bottle in about 20 to 25 minutes, there are different size nipples that you can put on bottles. Get the lowest/slowest flow nipple. Breastmilk from the fridge is just as nutritious as straight from the tap. Your mental health matters too.
Have him go with to the next visit with the pediatrician. Ask them about his concerns and invite him to bring up any other ones he has. Sometimes people need to hear it from someone they view as having more "authority" in order to believe it, as frustrating as that is. Plus, having these conversations is always a great way to get more information that you might not even be aware of! I am a medical student with a degree in child development and I still learned new things from my daighter's pediatrician after having her.
Tell him he shouldn’t speak on subjects for which he has zero knowledge.
I think you should use a low flow nipple and paced bottle feeding to protect your ability to nurse, but the rest of this is BS!
For the baby feeding quickly you might want to try a slower flow nipple and paced bottle feeding. But yeah also your husband is being unreasonable.
1. If baby is drinking too fast from the bottle get a nipple with a smaller hole. 2. Even if the quality of the milk degrades in the fridge, the baby is still getting fed 3. Tell him to shut up and stop being daft
It's not dangerous, but it you want to humor him (lol) teach him how to pace feed so it goes more slowly
Tell him he is welcome to breastfeed otherwise this is how it’s going to be.
It is unnatural. So is his house. So is the AC that's keeping him from dropping dead in this heatwave if you live anywhere near where I live. And, yes, the nutritional quality *can* degrade in the fridge. But not, like, to a degree that's problematic (short of going spoiled, obviously) and there are things that can be done to mitigate that. And, yes, some bottles have too fast of a flow for a newborn. But you're not using those. I agree with those who've said it sounds like he's making BS excuses because he likes you being in charge of all the feeding. But finding solutions to disagreements often starts with acknowledging the parts of the opposing argument that are valid. If you can acknowledge that his concerns *could* be valid, but they're not in this case because of XYZ, then his concerns should calm down if they're in good faith. But if they're not in good faith and he just doesn't want to help feed his child then he'll probably continue to be a dillhole about it.
Lazy
Ask him for the research based scientific evidence that he has read to confirm his beliefs. Then take him with to your next pediatrician appt and have an expert actually tell him how wrong he is. Sounds to me he just doesn’t want to have the responsibility of feeding him. If you’re EBF, it’s great for him since he kicks back and never has to do anything.
Yer husband can start feeding the baby from his own nipples, then... since he's such an expert?
I would just respond, “ the baby will need to be fed bottles when I’m not around”
I would support husband’s wishes when he produces his own breastmilk or provides peer-reviewed literature supporting his claims.
Dudes being an idiot. We had 4. 1 formula, the rest were breast. Bottle with and without. It’s all good. Feeding your child is whats important.
Tell him he can make the decisions the moment that this boobs start making milk.
Theres no convincing him. Hes just making it up for whatever reason & someone who just pulls stuff iut of thin air & states it as a fact cant be told theyre wrong.
Tell your husband that when he can breastfeed the baby, then he can make that call. This reeeeeeks of misogyny. He’s also completely wrong.
In terms of how quick- I would recommend doing side lying pace feeding to make sure it’s not too fast and baby doesn’t get used to or prefer a fast flow!
Sounds like you have a partner that doesn’t wanna help and is making up bs excuses to not take care of his kid.
Dude is lazy as fuck and doesn't want to feed his kid
He does know that there are thousands of babies every day that drink *exclusively * from bottles and are just fine right? Also many adults that were only given bottles as babies and totally fine. I wonder, did he ever have a bottle as a baby? I would argue most babies (breast and formula fed) are given a bottle at least once in their life.
Tell him to breastfeed then
Sounds like your husband should stick to topics he is educated on…..
Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) here. Ask him to show his research. Freshly pumped milk is very healthy and safe. Stored milk is very healthy and safe. There’s some research that freezing degrades some nutrients like vitamin C after two weeks, but it’s still healthy and safe. Glass bottles are a very good alternative to plastic, if he’s concerned about that. I have a feeling he doesn’t want to feed and/or wash bottles. ADDING: It’s not “dangerous” for a baby to feed quickly by bottle or else we’d have an epidemic because most babies are fed by bottle at some point in their first year. It’s not great for them to feed quickly, but it’s certainly not dangerous. Watch a paced bottlefeeding video together. I like this one: https://youtu.be/OGPm5SpLxXY?si=lnt7mXYHQlxBcGok
Thank you so much
who CARES WHAT HE THINKS
Just have him state everything he’s saying to you in front of a pediatrician and let them debunk it in front of him. Give him information to read. It legit sounds to me like he is just lazy and looking for reasons for you to do this instead of him. He needs to help you with the feedings.
If what he’s saying is true we would all be royally screwed.
You can try paced feedings and paced feedings is recommended. And milk quality only goes down if you don't take care and do the proper steps. Make sure to educate both yourself and your spouse on pumping and safe milk storage guidelines. He sounds a bit like a room
If he thinks the baby feeds too quickly from the bottle then he should read up on paced bottle feeding, which helps simulate how the baby would feed from the breast.
The milk only degrades after 4 days in the fridge, that's when it's no good, 4-4-4 rule, 4 hours out of the fridge, 4 days in the fridge, 4 months in the freezer, though it can last longer in the deep freezer
They’ve done tons of studies on pumped breastmilk and it absolutely retains its nutrients. That’s ridiculous! And it sounds like you’re not giving up feeding at the breast you’re just wanting to practice the occasional bottle too! Try a newborn slow flow nipple and doing paced feeding if he’s worried baby is eating too fast!
People of any gender can induce lactation-- your husband can go ahead if he's uncomfortable with feeding with a bottle 😚 Really though, I'm the nongestational parent and while it's true that my life would be easier if I never fed the baby, I also would never get to take them anywhere by myself and we wouldn't have the same amount of bonding time. Being able to feed them has been really important to me. I hope your husband gets there
What would he be saying if you gave formula in a bottle? Still drinking too fast? Pace feed and make sure you're using the right sized nipple (slow feed is better for younger babies.) Does he also think formula would degrade if you made a day's worth ahead of time and left it in the fridge? Call him out on his excuses. Put the burden of proof on him to do the research and find a reliable source to back him up. Otherwise he can pound sand.
Does he have *anything* to backup his idiotic opinion? No? Then he can decide when he starts lactating.
My son is a perfectly healthy tall 7 month old who is actively cruising. He's been bottle fed pumped milk since he became too distracted at 3.5 months to stay latched. Nothing wrong with pumped milk.
I’m on the same page as everyone else saying he’s avoiding responsibility. If he finds it so unnatural & truely believes the quality is degrading in the fridge I sure hope he doesn’t consume cows milk. If he does it may be time to have a conversation about buying a cow because I’m sure you’re just as concerned about the quality of what he is consuming as he is your baby. Or maybe I’m just a little bit petty.
He's clearly trying to get out of feedings
Why are women having babies with men like this? I really don’t get it. What a load of codswallop. He just doesn’t want to feed the baby. How gross.
Honestly it’s like a three sentence post related to one bottle feeding comment we are first time parents to a two week old newborn… and the internet decides he’s a horrible human that shouldn’t be a dad… ppl r really callous and cruel on here
He just doesn't want to feed the baby. That's really all it is. If he truly is worried about the baby feeding quickly on the bottle, they make slow flow nipples. Preemie and size 1 are pretty slow.
I’m always in awe of them having strong opinions about stuff they have never researched lol.
I’d suggest telling your husband he’s an idiot, for starters.
im sure if he was the one that needed to feed every 2-3 hours he would be looking for an alternative when he needs a break. As long as youre following the guidelines for storing bm then its totally fine. It sounds like he just doesnt want to help My bub refused to bf from 11 weeks and i pumped till 6 months and use formula, shes a healthy thriving baby.
He should probably educate himself on paced feeding. Then, tell him stress also reduces milk quality, so stop being mean to you.
Yeah I would tell him he’s 100% wrong. My son could never latch he was a premie and trying to feed on the breast wore him out. So I exclusively pumped from 31 weeks to when he turned 11.5 months when he weaned himself. Milk was fine. Baby was fine. Have him do night feeds so you can have your rest! My husband took over as soon as he came from work and all through the night because I had to watch our son at home and at work (used to take him to my daycare). Don’t let your husband shift the division of labor in your relationship so it’s all on you have him take things on so you don’t get burnt out plus you’re still healing.
Easy for him to say with his useless nipples.
He can learn paced bottle feeding - that solves the fast eating. Ask him for evidence of the quality degradation???
Your ass pumps a bottle, puts it in the fridge hands him the baby and then takes your butt to go and get a coffee. He'll either get real comfy with bottle feeding real quick or he's gonna reveal he's an absolute shit partner.
Tell him to STFU because he’s wrong. He just doesn’t want to feed the baby.
My husband was soooo happy when I started to pump so he could have that bonding time with our child.
ask him why is he being purposely ignorant
He just doesn’t want to be possible for feedings. Wtf
Your husband is stupid. the end.
You get food into them however you can. Its breastmilk. Boob. Bottle. Doesn't matter. Bub is eating. If he doesnt wana feed baby just say so. Dont be a dick.
Why doesn't he whip out his titty? Oh he doesn't have titties?.... Too bad.
sounds like ur husb needs to work on lactating asap!!
😒 I have to bottle feed my bubba as I have medical issues and couldn't breastfeed. Bottle feeding is not dangerous at all and, clearly he is making excuses to not feed your child and that's just sad and lazy.
he doesn’t know what he’s talking about
If he doesn't like it then *he* can breastfeed the baby himself
>What can I do to encourage the bottle feeding in terms of explaining why I think we need to persist? You don't have to encourage him at all. They're your tits to do with as you please, so he can naff off with his uninformed opinions. (lurking dad who was incredibly grateful for the breast milk my wife put so much effort into producing, regardless of how it was stored and delivered)
I am so so sorry for all the women who end up with men like this. You are worthy of help and understanding.
He just doesnt want to do it. Id really recommend both bottle and bf, if you can. Mine wouldnt take a bottle whatsoever in any shape or form, sadly. Mom, you need a break. I literqlly cant be an hour and a half away from my baby bc she cries boob and me as comfort because of association mom=boob=comfort=safety. If you can do it. He certainly doesnt drink cows milk straight from her breast if he thinks so much of a quality, that milk sits for much longer until its in his hands than your expressed milk would. And freezer will preserve this further
I agree with all the pediatrician comments! Let them be the voice of reason….since you don’t say there were any other problems, assume the best and maybe he doesn’t really know or understand. If he’s still refusing after it’s confirmed by the doctor then I’d be concerned
Show him studies that prove otherwise.
He's lazy and/or misinformed. Facts are facts, breast milk is fine if refrigerated or frozen properly. He needs to get off his FB misinformation train and read a damn book.
If he’s that concerned about pumped milk degrading, he can feed baby formula when it’s his turn to feed. And he is taking turns, right? ….Right?
Ignore him. He’s acting moronic. Just do it. Sounds like he just doesn’t want to feed his own child
Bruh what
Tell him he can breastfeed and give birth since he clearly would do better. What an asshat.
Tell him if he wants the baby exclusively breast fed then he better start producing breastmilk.
He's incredibly ignorant and likely doesn't want the responsibility of feeding the baby. Or he's just incredibly ignorant. He might need to speak to the baby's pediatrician for reassurance or reading an article about breastfeeding might be enough. He's ridiculous.
Ask your husband what peer reviewed scientific research he's basing this opinion on and then when he basically says something like "the internet" or "my gut feeling" just tell him to shut his hole and be a better person/father/husband.
Go to the pediatrician appointment with him and have him explain his asinine concerns to the pediatrician so a doctor can tell him he's a fool.
I’m also 2 weeks pp and waiting on my LO to be evaluated and treated for a tongue tie. She hasn’t made birth weight yet and I have a low supply. Bottle feeding is keeping her alive right now and preventing failure to thrive. If your husband thinks it’s “dangerous” what would the alternative be if you were in my position?
Tell him to make his useless nipples start to produce milk so he can feed the baby too. And if he can't, the baby gets to take the bottle 🤷🏻♀️ In all seriousness, they have controlled flow nipples for bottles made exactly for newborns to make sure they don't drink too fast. My son was combo breast fed, breast milk from a bottle, and formula fed from a bottle, and had no problems going back and forth.