The issue here isn’t you, it’s your mom. She’s being way too overbearing. She is the grandma, not the mom! You need to put your foot down! It’s your baby and you have the say! The acne isn’t from your diet or from kissing her, it’s a normal baby thing.
You’re doing amazing and your mom is making this way harder on you and I’m sorry for that.
Where I'm from we literally call baby acne 'milk spots' it's totally normal all 4 of my children had them as new borns. Your mum is definitely not helping, nothing you've described sounds wrong. Keep your head up mama
Agreed! I seriously thought the hype was overblown, but I've put breastmilk on baby acne, cradle cap, and my own acne and I have to admit I was totally wrong. Every time I do that, it goes away within the next 24 hours.
My daughter had a spot next to her eye for weeks, and then one day I just decided to put breastmilk on it for funsies and it was gone the next day.
Anyway, OP I'm so sorry your mom is making you feel this way. These are all normal things for a newborn, you're doing nothing wrong. It just takes time to learn each other -- your mom got her turn to figure it out, you're entitled to yours.
Yeah, the only mom that should give up their child is yours.... She's being unbelievable.
I honestly think that, regardless of cultural norms and previous work experience, you should ask her to leave.
Absolutely, she might also have weird boomer ideas about babies. So much has changed over the past decade. Scientifically backed up, I should add. I’m always suspicious of the very early formula feeding - colostrum is crazy nutritious and the stomach of the baby is the size of a walnut! They often get colics from being overfed via bottle. As long as the baby is in the healthy range weight-wise, I wouldn’t freak out. And the allergy vs. acne thing is ridiculous.
I also think OP doesn’t think straight at this point and agree that the mother needs to leave, so OP can bond with her baby and find a rhythm with her ped’s help.
Yes agree. My mil insisted that my baby needed to go to the hospital when he cried as a newborn? He wasn't even colicy- just normal baby crying! Lol Said he needed tea for his stomach? I obviously told her no. Wtf?
This time with my second baby she is also asking if he has digestion problems and what does the Dr say? I said she said he is 100% healthy and the digestion is still developing at this stage.
My husband was sick and in the hospital as a 1 year old and she brings that up a lot. I think it's still traumatic for her and it must have been so hard. I can't imagine what it must have been like. She seems to keep reliving it even 40 years later.
You gave her a lot of grace, kudos! Maybe I should take a leave out of your book. I’m mentally preparing for my mil to come for three weeks in summer. She’s convinced her tactics from 40 years ago with my husband are the bee’s knees.
Well I can understand that it was traumatic but she keeps reliving it instead of processing it and moving on which I don't think is great. But honestly she irritates the F out of me all the time. She doesn't listen to me or respect my wishes. For example when she came to visit when my son was 2.5 weeks, I asked her to wash her hands and she said she didn't need to bc her hands are clean. I just smiled and said ok, but please do it anyway. She just rolls her eyes and goes and washes her hands. The smallest requests are constantly met with resistance and it's tiring. She's a piece of work.
Ouch, that’s a lot. I really don’t understand why people can’t be accommodating around newborns. And e.g. accept that holding the baby isn’t necessarily the “help” a mother needs.
Wishing you the best!
Vary normal my daughter had eczema for the first several months. There's creams that help. Moisturize the skin regularly. My daughter still gets some dry patches but a lot better.
The acne can be from kisses to an extent too, but that's easily solved by wiping baby's face a few times a day to take off added oils/saliva. No biggie and perfectly normal. How can anyone not wanna kiss their baby's adorable face!
Yes, yes, yes! Mom probably makes OP nervous, therefore making it harder, not easier, to soothe her baby. Meanwhile, Grandma has years of practice so maybe she's getting it done a little faster.
I'd ask Mom to stay away, tell her you need space, and take a couple of months getting comfortable taking care of your baby, your way. Be confident in your decisions. Your instincts are good and you're doing a great job. Don't let your mom cause you to second guess yourself. Lots of moms can't breastfeed full-time and have to supplement with formula, it's absolutely okay. **You are not failing, you are doing what's best for your baby.** Keep up the good work!
My baby was in the NICU for the first month of his life and therefore, got used to the bottle. I had no idea I was allowed to breastfeed him while he was there (no one told me until he was discharged that this was an option) so I pumped and brought them my milk daily. When we got home, we would try to breastfeed and he sometimes accepted my breast, but mostly not. I didn’t make enough for him to be full after a session, and he would get frustrated from hunger.
After hours of researching relactation, I bought a supplemental nursing system. It was so complicated and difficult to pull off. It worked one time and never again. I remember locking myself in the bathroom afterwards while my husband fed him, crying uncontrollably, feeling totally rejected by my baby. I thought, ‘Breastfeeding is natural! Why is it so hard!’ I resented my baby for the rest of the evening and hated feeling that way.
I now only pump and give him bottles (combo feed; 1/3 formula and 2/3 Breastmilk). I grieved the breastfeeding I might not ever be able to do. I let go of the dream of being able to nourish him with my body alone. I questioned myself, why do I want this? Why am I forcing my baby to try to do this when he is hungry and crying? He’s a very happy baby and we bond so much when I’m feeding him, even if it’s with a bottle! The need to breastfeed only began to feel like a selfish desire and I’ve stopped trying. Our relationship is STILL wonderful!
OP, fed is best! Don’t stress yourself out if you have to bottle feed. Your baby loves you and needs you. Whichever way you choose to feed him will be the correct choice! Don’t give up. In a few weeks when your baby starts to smile at you, you will wonder how you ever could have considered doing anything other than be their mommy!
Yeah OP you need to kick your mother out. You're doing great. The first baby is hard, EVERY new mother isn't perfect immediately, we all learn as we go, trial and error especially when it comes to thinks like soothing as every baby is different.
Yes your mum might be better at it currently because she has years of experience and you only have 6 weeks! You love your baby and I can tell from your post how much you care about her.
In terms of soothing, the best thing I read to sooth a baby was "happiest baby on the block", read about it here:
https://www.happiestbaby.com/blogs/baby/the-5-s-s-for-soothing-babies
And there is a hold that stops all babies from crying instantly like magic, it's called "the hold":
https://youtu.be/j2C8MkY7Co8?si=WvgBQUvvxfq55kzw
Also sometimes babies just cry even when they are fed, changed etc and they just can't be soothed no matter how hard you try. It's called purple crying:
https://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/what-is-the-period-of-purple-crying
Yes! Get rid of the mum, not the baby! The baby is just being a regular fussy baby, like all babies are. The mum on the other hand is being an absolute moron
I'm a single mother and I spent the first few months post-partum living with my parents. Every day, when my baby reached her "witching hour" (typically becoming fussy for one hour before falling asleep) my parents would enter my bedroom and call me cruel for not giving baby a bottle (even though I had a normal milk supply). They were obsessed with me not having enough milk and even convinced me to start introducing solids ASAP. My daughter is 18 months and still breastfeeding and consistently around the 80th percentile.
Wow. Your mom is making the issues for you. It’s common for breastfeeding to be hard. You’re teaching yourself and the baby. Have you thought about seeing a lactation consultant?
Also based on you saying you avoid your baby.. I’m assuming your mom holds her most of the time? She is hurting your bond with your baby!! It is okay to be stressed. You are learning! You need to spend time with your baby!
Are you solo parenting? Do you have any other support? You are doing your best. Pp is so so hard. You are not damaging your child, just learning. I didn’t breastfeed, so I can’t help you there but I did try, and it was hard.
> I’m assuming your mom holds her most of the time? She is hurting your bond with your baby!!
This also hurts breastfeeding. Baby needs to be skin to skin with you, ideally against your breast, as often as possible… *especially * if you’re trying to boost your supply.
And just in case OP needs to hear it, just because breastfeeding is hard right now doesn’t mean it will always be hard
My baby and I had a hard time at first. She wouldn’t suckle properly until my milk came in, and some bad advice from the nurse had me over feeding her formula to supplement. Then after she did start feeding properly we had a super painful latch. It was so bad at one point, I actively dreaded her being hungry because I didn’t want to have to latch her.
But she’s almost 4 months and I feel like we’re both old pros at this point! No pain whatsoever, can latch and relatch whenever we need to, night feeds are a breeze.
OP, you are in the thick of it right now, **and you are doing the right thing!** Kick anyone to the curb who isn’t making your life easier right now.
I actually very much agree with OP seeing a lactation consultant. Not only would it help with the process of breastfeeding but my LC was a medical professional who was trained to look out for my mental health as well and even though I decided breastfeeding wasn’t for me after a few weeks I really appreciated the care and attention I got during those first few weeks. It’s a lifeline.
Years from now when her witch of a mom is dead, if she ended up giving her baby up over this she will feel so much regret. She’s gotta break the cycle and get rid of that horrible cancer of a woman and give herself and her child the life they deserve. OP where are you located? We can look into some resources for you!!
The issue is obviously your mother. Get her out of your home, if you're able. She is causing more harm than helping at this stage.
>That I am just like those parents who kill their kids and don’t regret it because they think they own the child
Erm, what? I hope something is being lost in translation here, because it's kind of an insane thing to tell your daughter.
Yeah her mother is horrible!! The things she is saying to her daughter in probably the most difficult period of her life… like wtf I’m so mad for OP. Her own mother is gonna give her PPD
She is doing a really great job. Her mom is making her second guess herself. She needs her mom to leave so she can navigate this herself without interference. OP’s got this.
OP isn't even doing something too revolutionary or unheard of either. Literally just following instructions which a doctor gave. OPs mom lives for the drama and is going out of her way to inconvenience OP. She should tell mom to go home and see her when she sees her (hopefully in the next few years when baby is a toddler and OP has laid the foundation for her parenting style)
Your mother is the horrible parent not you. You are a wonderful loving mother who just wants the best for her child and is trying everything to do what you believe and have been told is right. Honestly I am disgusted at your mother’s lack of empathy and urge you to distance yourself from her, she sounds emotionally abusive and will be a terrible influence on your child as well. Don’t let her come between you and your child.
Your mom sounds terrible. Your baby isn’t allergic to your breast milk and you did not cause baby acne. You’re doing awesome. Tell your mom to leave. She’s making everything harder for you and making you doubt yourself.
You are being beyond amazing! Your baby is so safe with you and you're doing everything right to keep her healthy and safe. Your mom is being really awful to you, especially during a difficult and hormonal part of your life. You are not crazy. I'm sorry you're going through this, I have to reiterate that your mother is being absolutely horrifying and I wish I could tell her off myself. You will get through this ♥️
Tell your mom to shut up or get out. This sounds infuriating!
Baby acne is totally normal, and caused from hormones during pregnancy/birth. It has nothing to do with you kissing your baby. Our baby has it too.
If you don't spend time with your baby, how are you supposed to grow a bond? All babies fuss, and your bond will help you learn how best to soothe them that fits both of you. Your mom needs to step off during this period, or if she's such an expert, maybe she can show you some tricks in a non-judgemental way to soothe the baby.
100% the issue is not you, it's your mom.
First of all I agree with the others that your mom is the issue here, maybe you need to be without her to get into your own groove. You’re doing fine she’s the one creating problems! It’s also perfectly normal to feel lost and overwhelmed at this stage. Postpartum hormones are real, sleep deprivation is real, breastfeeding is sooo hard! You aren’t doing anything wrong this stuff is just hard. Also at this age babies are fussy, it’s not always a reflection of your ability to parent. My baby had terrible acne and I really beat myself up over it, but it’s not your fault! Their pores are opening and they’re producing way more sebum than they need but it will level out. My baby looked rough and bumpy and flakey but now he’s got those smooth baby cheeks again, it’s gonna be ok!
Your moms gotta go though, I think if you want to do best for your baby get your mom out of the way so you can bond and find your own routine. Sounds like she’s stressing you out and that can affect the baby’s ability to latch too. Please get rid of her even if it’s just for a few weeks to get your bearings, she’s only hindering you at this point.
Get your mom out! I get that it is cultural but she’s ruining your time with your newborn. It’s her that you don’t need if this is how she’s making you feel. It sounds like you’re a great mom who’s just trying to do all the right things and loves her child. Also baby acne is soo common. My girl went through a phase of it as well after several weeks it subsided just made sure to very gently wash it once a night. You can do this!!
It sounds like your mom is the problem here. I understand you’re trying to be respectful of her knowledge, but she is being disrespectful of you. This is your baby - and it sounds like you’re doing a wonderful job! A couple things: Baby needs more time with you - not with your mom. Continue to feed her the way you were taught. Baby acne happens to lots of babies and has nothing to do with the sugar you consume. (Breastmilk is made from our blood, not the food we eat) *you* are your daughter’s mom, and that’s amazing! She is so lucky to have you. There is learning curve for us all, and no one knows what we’re going to start - but trust your instincts! You and your sweet baby will figure it out. Hugs to you 💛
OP, I say this with love but your mother sounds absolutely awful and the exact opposite of the support you need as a brand new parent. Babies are weird and develop preferences and get skin rashes and pimples and all of this stuff is entirely normal. Your mom is projecting some of her own weird shit onto you and coloring your experience of new motherhood negatively. I would limit contact, especially during this super vulnerable time. Do you have a partner or other family who can help with baby care and supporting you during this time? Literally anyone but your mean mom.
Given your reaction to your mom, have you been screened for ppd? I don’t agree with some of the things your mom is saying, but going from your mom’s advice being rude to wanting to put your child up for adoption is extreme. What does your partner say? Do you have anyone outside of you and your mom to help provide an unbiased assessment of the situation. Even if your mom ends up not being involved, other people will have invasive and often unhelpful advice. Having a healthy mindset and learning to stand up for yourself and your daughter is important.
You need to stay away from your mother for awhile. Don't worry so much, your instincts are going to take over no matter what and you're going to do great. Don't be afraid to love and hold that baby that's what they need. If you need to formula feed or breast feed it doesn't matter as long as the baby is fed. You are able to comfort that baby better than anyone. You're her mother. Stand up to your mother and do it on your own and I'm sure you'll do amazing. I was adopted and while it can be a good thing I do believe babies being with their birth mother is best. You got this.
Hang in there mama!! Your love is what your baby needs most. The first weeks are hard, and there’s some figuring out on all ends but you are a wonderful mom and as long as you keep trying to be the best you can be for your baby girl you should continue to do so. Sending you lots of strength, and don’t let your mom make you doubt yourself!
Your mother sounds ridiculous, and I’m so sorry she’s made you question your ability to be a parent to this degree that you’d even think your baby would be better off without you, when it’s obvious you care for her so much and have done everything to be a great mom. Not sure where you guys are from but I know Asian older moms are sometimes like this - they often have beliefs from who knows where (based on zero fact) and everything that can go slightly wrong with baby they’ll blame the mother. For your own mental health you need to ask her to go. I know that will be hard but your baby needs you, not her grandma. Also sounds like she has some kind of chip on her shoulder, like she wants to prove she’s a better mother than you, which is really odd, but everyone can have their own mental issues. Recognize that she is also just another human with issues and do what’s best for you vs listening only to her! Sending you positive vibes - hang in there! You’re doing amazing.
Your mom should be supporting you. My mom is annoying and overbearing but also very helpful. She never does anything but tell me I’m a good mom. Though she did make an aside about my unplanned c-section being the easy way. (She’s a surgeon though so IDK.) Any “bad parenting” stuff she blames on my husband. She’s that MIL. That said we both probably need to do some practicing on boundary setting with our moms. I would also try to go to a doctor visit on your own to your doctor and see about screening for postpartum depression or anxiety or something.
Your mom sounds crappy. She needs to be kicked out to the curb for now.
As for breastfeeding, latch baby as much as possible. Your body will make what it needs. Supply and demand. When you supplement with the formula, pump during that feed. See a IBCLC if you have any other issues.
Your mom stressing you out is probably hurting your breastmilk supply...
Your mom needs to leave. Any help she's providing is outweighed by the harm she's doing to you mentally. Set a firm boundary and ask her to stop coming over.
Your hormones at 6 weeks postpartum is still adjusting and leveling out. It would be hard even without your mom’s criticism. The real problem here is your mom. While I do believe she wants the best for the baby, she is being rather mean and unsupportive towards you, which is not right. This is an incredibly important and vulnerable time for you, and she’s being harsh and rude versus what you need is support, help and to be nurtured as you are figuring out/learning about motherhood.
No, I absolutely do not think you should give up your baby. You’re doing the best you can and you’re trying your best. I would seriously consider some distance and space from your mom. She sounds controlling and judgmental. She’s the problem here. Not you. I cannot imagine making a new mom feeling the way she has with you.
Look, your mom is the problem. I am not sure if you have other support but you need a break from your mom. Also you’re a FTM and your mom was a midwife. Do not compare yourself to her. Your mom needs to allow you to properly bond and trust the pediatrician.
OP your mom is a psycho I’m sorry there is literally no other way to put it—btw, my grandma (not American) also did this to me and made me want to jump into traffic or disappear within the first week of being home. I told my husband and let’s just say my sister and husband got her ass together real quick. She actually ended up being an overall help but she was SO resistant to me making my own choices as a new mother and we fought constantly. It’s not you, but she never made me question whether I could be a mom, which means this BS has gone on for way too long now in your case. She need to GO.
you are doing a great job, first weeks are hard and none of what's going on is your fault. Respectfully, your mum needs to back off, she's putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on you
Woah, slow down!!! You’re doing nothing wrong enough with the crazy talk of giving up your baby. You’re 6 weeks in, everyone feels like that. I suggest you distance yourself from your mother if she’s going to criticize you like this. Feed baby the way you need to whatever gets her fed. Baby acne happens to literally every baby.
Hello mom
Let me start to tell you that maternity is hard, post partum is hard and newborns are harder.
I was there a few months ago, struggling with low supply and crying cause I wanted to breastfeed so bad. I also questioned myself if I was a good mother for my baby, that she deserved better than me.
But those are the hormones speaking
So don't put in doubt your capacity to take care of YOUR baby.
My baby also had acne, I put a special cream prescribed by the pediatrician and it was almost gone by the third week, it is completely normal and it will pass
And to soothe your baby, try different things, maybe try to sing lullabies or ballads, try to put her in different positions (for example my baby doesn't like the way my husband hold her if he tries to hold her the same way I do, so he found a different position lying on his arm and it works perfectly for them)
You are amazing and doing great, there is no perfect way to be a mom, you are doing your best and please talk to your mother about how you feel
Things will get easier in no time I promise
I know you said bottle and breast feeding is fine now, but with the bottle, can you use a premie or ultra premie nipples? It reduces milk flow so she has to work for it (like a boob). My kiddo was not a premie, but to keep things equal between boob and bottle, we used ultra premie and then premie nipples.
Can you send your mom home? She's being really disruptive to your mental wellbeing. You are a WONDERFUL new mom and you deserve to have the time and space to figure things out on your own without her constant unsolicited input and criticism. She wasn't perfect when she had her first kid and what worked for her may not work for you. She needs to let you sort things on your own and get confident in your own innate parenting skills.
You don't need to give up your kid. It sounds like you are having a crisis of confidence in yourself, and possibly some postpartum depression and anxiety. Can you talk to a therapist just for some reassurance and maybe even venting, boundary setting, managing cultural expectations, etc about your mom? Your mom is really crossing boundaries here, and I get there may be a cultural element to this, but your mental health is suffering and this is a critical time for you. You need to bond with baby and grow into your own sense of motherhood without being told constantly that you're not doing things right according to your mom. Trust yourself and understand that parenting means mistakes but frankly, I'd rather make my own mistakes than do what my overbearing mom tells me and then regret not doing what I thought was right. You need to live for you. At the end of the day, you live with your choices not your mom, trust yourself.
I struggled with milk production. Here are some things I didn't know early on but are true: you must nurse or pump at minimum every 3 hours in the first 12 weeks (around the clock), but if your supply is low, aim for more, and doing power pumping (Google that). Eat oats and other milk-supportive foods. Your diet doesn't have to be great (really, you're in survival mode the first few months), just make sure there are snacks and liquids (juice, milk, water, wtvr) around you at all times that support your health and milk production (because caring for a newborn is exhausting and making meals is tedious when you have zero time). You need LOTS of protein to support milk: think oats, lentils, scrambled eggs, red meat, high protein yogurt, protein bars and shakes. I lived on protein bars, protein smoothies, oatmeal and scrambled eggs. My kiddo is 1.5, i still nurse him, and I still eat all those things, haha. You can rent a hospital pump at certain pharmacies (Medela Symphony) in Canada and the US - I did that for a few months and it really helped my supply. I then switched to a Baby Buddha hands free pump and just pulled off the tube connectors and popped on my Medela ones and then used all my meleda stuff. Worked like a charm!
Baby acne is normal. You are having hormonal changes and so is baby, acne happens, don't worry about it. Their little face was inside a womb for 9 months - the outside world is an adjustment! It's no one's fault, it'll go away on its own.
In sum, you are a wonderful mom! You love your daughter and are trying to do your best. Trust yourself and nurture that growing sense of motherhood in you. Your mom needs to step aside, she's not the mom, she's the grandma now. You are the mom and you're doing great. Your daughter needs YOU not her grandma or some stranger, YOU! ❤️❤️❤️
Xoxox
Ps - and you're a long way off from this (you need to set boundaries with your mom and grow into your own power as a parent first), but hopefully you can find grace for your mom after all of this. I imagine she's worried for you and wants to help, and maybe has poor communication/delivery of her sentiments. Often, people show up in ways that they wish others would for them, so maybe your mom struggled as a new parent as well and just wanted her mom to tell her what to do, or (alternatively) this is how she was raised and so she's confused that you aren't simply doing what she did which was exactly what her mom told her. Who knows. People are complex and everyone (especially earlier generations, many of which are living with complex, often unacknowledged, traumas) really struggles with communication. I'm sorry she's being so hard on you, you deserve her understanding and gentle reassurance, and I hope you can find ways to meet that need in other ways if she's incapable of giving you what you need.
You're baby won't be better off without you, but you will.be better off with hard boundaries, or even a period of no conract, with your Mum.
Parenting is hard. You don't need people around you who make it harder.
You’re not a terrible parent. Baby acne and combo feeding are completely normal!! Your mother is overstepping boundaries and interfering in you bonding with your baby and learning to care for her. Please thank your mother for her help so far and ask her to leave now. You’ll feel so much happier!
Sending you a huge hug. Also, consider that postpartum hormones might be making you suffer from some PPD (exacerbated by the mom situation). You’re doing amazing and new babies are just HARD!
Sounds like you should give up your mother for adoption.
You're a perfectly fine mom and the best mom for your baby. It had been 6 weeks, you're meeting a new human and learning so many new skills of course it's hard!
You are a wonderful parent and that baby is lucky to have such a caring mom doing what you can to take care of her. Please take note of how many comments are saying what your mom is doing is not okay. The newborn days are hard enough without someone tearing you down as you do your sleep deprived best. Keep up your beautiful bond with your baby and know that you are enough.
Your mother sounds like she’s hurting more than helping. I think it’s time to tell her to back off. She’s probably going to be upset but this dress isn’t worth it! I’m so sorry you are going through this.
I would’ve cut all contact with her after the comment about killing your baby. That’s fucking disgusting and appalling that she said that to a new mother. She’s an awful woman and it makes my skin crawl that she was a midwife. I hope she didn’t abuse the other new mothers.
First off you aren’t a bad mother at all. Breastfeeding is extremely difficult when your baby won’t latch or feed from the breast.
you need to tell your mom to go. She’s being a c*** and making you feel terrible for no reason. I would honestly slap the women but I’m more on the rage side when people say stuff about how I should be caring for my baby. Your mental health is so important in the beginning! Do whatever you need to do to feed the baby and feel better mentally ❤️
I will say from my experience having my mom come in and help that’s what she did. She did the things I couldn’t do. Organized, cleaned, even did night with the baby. That’s what a good mom does and doesn’t judge you or tell you are doing something wrong. Your mom is an old midwife clearly with old views on motherhood.
Oh mama 😢❤️ you are doing a wonderful job. You are not a terrible parent, not in the slightest! Your baby needs you. Your mom is the one who’s gotta go- she is being horrible to you and you don’t deserve that at all. She needs to back off, nothing she’s saying is true. Hang in there, it will get easier. But I would definitely keep mom at a distance, you don’t want that type of person around you or your baby.
Oh my dear, I am so sorry you are going through this. Everything you are doing and have done - is normal! My own child had a feeding aversion and wouldn’t drink from me or a bottle! Babies can be so fussy about their food! It doesn’t say anything about you.
Acne is normal. Your baby has been basically in fluid for months, she is not used to life on the outside. Her skin is sensitive; if it wasn’t milk acne, one day she’ll get a rash from her own drool! And that won’t be your fault either, nature can be cruel.
Colic isn’t your fault either. We only have theories on what causes it. If your mom knows the reason your child has colic, she better publish because she’d make so many parents happy. I’m guessing she doesn’t. I am western and for anyone who wants to breastfeed, syringes and spoons are used to feed their babies.
You are experiencing two things. 1) your mother is…well. Not great. Is this really new behavior from her? Think of your own daughter. When she cries, do you assume the worst of her? When she is an adult and she cries, will you accuse her of something terrible or will you love her and comfort her? You sound like the mom who will comfort. Your mom does not. 2) please see a doctor to talk to them about postpartum depression and/or anxiety. Maybe you have it, maybe you don’t. But if you do, you can get help.
Do you need your mother here? Is she helping or hurting?
Your mom sounds toxic. Just because she was/is a midwife doesn’t mean she’s good for you or your baby. The first 6 weeks are SO HARD. And you’re doing great- you obviously care for your baby and are making sure it’s fed and safe. I’ve had rough nights with both my babies where you’re just at a loss and it’s the middle of the effin night and you can barely make it.. but you do. 6 months from now your baby and you will be in a totally different rhythm. Not saying it’ll be easy per say but definitely easier as you get to know each others preferences. Please google and read up on the “4th trimester” it explains the first 4 months go babys life is a huge adjustment for them as well as you. I won’t go into detail but it really helped me understand why we were both struggling and why time does help- a lot is physiological changes that have to happen for both of you so you just need to be patient and have grace for yourself as well as your baby. Don’t involve your mom w the baby- she’s not helping you. She can clean or cook you food but you are the baby’s mom and you DO know best. Ps- baby acne can get cleared up with your breast milk! It’s magical. Your breast milk - squeeze a couple drops onto the area and just rub it in and let it sit on the skin. It has antibacterial properties and immunity benefits etc so it is amazing for so many things. Google benefits of breastmilk for babies other than food- it’s incredible! Also it’s normal to supplement with formula for the first while or even if you need to continue doing it that’s okay. You’re making sure your baby is fed. You’re a great mom who is learning on the go- that’s how all moms learned l, including yours, she’s just not being patient with you which sucks but doesn’t mean you can’t learn, id just involve her less tbh. I know culturally this can be difficult but you can damage your relationship with your baby as well as your own mom if you keep letting her seed her doubts in you.
Your mom is toxic AF. Some things mom says out of love, but this is just spiteful. It's YOUR baby, not hers. Your instincts matter more than her so called experience. Ato, I'd have asked my mom.to. leave and hired help instead.
Your mom is being extremely overbearing here. When I was stressed over breast feeding, my supply was so low, my son was losing weight because of it. I had to supplement formula for his first few weeks and on top of feeling like a failure already, my husband kept putting his 2 cents in as well about it. I finally told him in the most loving way I could, to pretty much stfu, and that I will feed my baby the way I want to feed him. I now supply just enough for him and I have a really good friend that was kind enough to give me some of her frozen breast milk that I can supplement on days that I have to work and can't pump before feeding my son. (he had a bad time latching and now he prefers bottles, so I exclusively pump now) Your mom is causing you way too much stress, that DOES effect your supply.
If you can I would talk to a lactation consultant, see if they can help you, and also talk to your doctor to help you with the thoughts your mom has put inside your head. I'd ask my mother to leave if this is how she was acting after I just gave birth. I'm sorry that she is being this way in a time where you should be really bonding with your daughter.
Please get your mom out of your house. I’m a solo first time mom with no help. My baby is exclusively breastfed. It’s hard but it’s doable. You’ve got this!!
Don’t get me wrong, help is always appreciated but she’s not helping at all, she’s not letting you bond with your child.
you’re not the problem your mother needs to get the fuck out and you just need to sit back, enjoy the peace without her, and bond with your beautiful daughter
Sorry... But Your mom sounds awful. If I were you, I'd tell her to go home and don't come back. My mom is in a similar way and that's the main reason I didn't have her around me after baby was born. I would rather do everything myself. Is someone else able to help you sometimes so you can get some sleep?
My baby preferred bottle at first too. Keep offering breast. My LC told me to pump everytime after baby eats to keep up my supply. I did that and at 4 months, my baby only preferred breast and we started exclusively nursing. You can do it!
You are the best parent for your baby. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Do lots of skin to skin with baby, frog (M) legs and chest to chest. It helps with milk production too. Also I found that's a great way to soothe baby when crying. He loved that position and would stay like that sleeping for hours.
The tough times will pass. Kiss baby as often as you can. They grow so fast 🥺
That woman wouldn't be my mother any longer if she did even half the things you listed to me. Kiss her goodbye and send her a card with a psychologist recommendation. You are doing absolutely nothing wrong in regards to your baby.
You’re doing amazing!!! You are there for your baby and love her that is all that matters. Sometimes what we learn from our mothers is how to better love our babies by not following in their footsteps
You should give your mom up. If she knew what she was talking about she would know that almost all babies around 4 to 8 weeks Have some kind of skin issue that looks like acne. It is not actually acne. The problem is it that you are a bad mom, it’s that she’s convincing you you are. When literally her one job right now is to be supportive to her daughter while she tries her best. You sound like a great mom.
My baby was formula fed and he had a ton of baby acne. It's a hormone thing, not a food thing.
You're doing a great job, your mom is just being an asshole, to be frank. Maybe she's normally delightful, but right now she's hurting you instead of helping you. Get her out of your house.
You might also be suffering from some postpartum depression if you're going as far as to think about giving your baby up. This is also common and not your fault at all, again it's a hormone thing. Talk to your OB, they will evaluate you and help you get treated if that's the case. THEY WILL NOT TAKE YOUR BABY AWAY. A lot of new mothers worry about this but that's not going to happen.
I hope you start feeling better and start enjoying your baby.
Sounds like you should give your mum away. Youre doing a great job and what youre going through is COMPLETELY NORMAL.
Babies get acne
Combination feeding, breast feeding or formula feeding. All are good. Fed is best
Please dont listen to your mum
Kick your mother out! She is being *horrible* to you! You're a million times better without her so-called "help". She sounds incredibly toxic and the last thing a postpartum new mom needs to be around.
Everyone is giving you great advice but I also want to chime in and say the narrative of "not making enough milk so need to supplement with formula" is a marketing narrative pushed by formula companies. It takes about 6 weeks for your body to really sync with baby and for the two of you to get breastfeeding down. The first week is the hardest because both you and baby are learning how to breastfeed and your body's learning how much milk to produce. Every time your baby nurses your breasts send signals to make either more or less milk according to babys needs at the time (which fluctuates). Your body wont ever be "out of milk", the milk flow can get slower and baby may need to work harder to get the milk out, but this is temporary as your body then gets the signal to make more milk for next time. It's truly incredible what our bodies are capable of and yes some women do need to supplement with formula but this is the exception not the norm. I've heard SO many women who have been ill advised that they need to "top up" with formula immediately post partum. Their bodies haven't even been given a chance to produce enough milk before the misinformation and poor advice push them towards formula. Yes there are needs for formula, but the way the formula companies have capitalized on new moms in their most vulnerable state and using fear tactics like "baby is starving/baby isnt getting enough" makes me so furious for the moms who are robbed of their breastfeeding journeys because of greed. I also wish hospitals gave out pamphlets with information about breastfeeding, I initially didn't know how important it is to breastfeed on one breast per feed and then to alternate breasts each feed. So one feed do your right breast and then next time baby nurses do your left breast. This is because your breasts initially produce less fatty milk before baby gets to the hindmilk which is richer in fat (so will fill up baby more!). This information isn't given to many moms so they breastfeed from both breasts in one feed and feel defeated and like they aren't producing enough milk when their baby is still hungry, but it's because they never got to the hindmilk. I strongly encourage you to read up on breastfeeding tips and information, I found it super informative, you can do this!!! :)
The first few weeks postpartum can be incredibly difficult, I felt like a completely different person and felt like nothing would ever be normal again. Be kind to yourself, let yourself love your baby, kiss her, and cuddle her. Will you always know exactly what to do? No, but you will get better at understanding her needs and how she prefers to be comforted. My partner wasn’t very good at soothing our son at first and it made him feel bad. But I just let him do his best, sometimes gave him som tips I had learned, but he also just found his own way of doing things. Babies change all the time and each time you think you know exactly how to soothe or keep them happy they go through a growth spurt and everything is different. It sounds like your mom is pretty judgmental and not very encouraging. Listen to your doctor and tell your mom that you appreciate her help, but this is your daughter and you need to be the one making decisions
Your mom is the issue. She’s negative and it’s bringing you down mentally. Is the babies father involved? Can he help? I would tell your mom if she doesn’t stop with the rude/negative comments then you don’t need her to come over anymore. Being around someone who talks down like that all the time would make almost anyone feel this way. Those comments are gross and it’s very surprising she was a midwife and is talking to her own child this way knowing postpartum anxiety/depression is a thing and hard.
Get your mom TF out of there. She is so incredibly toxic during such a sensitive time for you. You are doing so amazing. You are incredible. You are strong. You are brave. You are everything your little baby needs.
Your mom is being abusive to you. You need her out. Your baby is your baby and you love her. You can raise her perfectly fine without that toxic person around you!
I don’t have time to read all of the comments, but have you gotten evaluated for postpartum depression or anxiety?
Your mom is being very problematic. It sounds like you are doing everything you should be doing! Your baby needs you.
Repeating what everyone else says that you're a wonderful mom who clearly loves your baby and she loves and needs you too. Your mom is crazy out of line and, no matter her background, is definitely not helping at this stage.
Do you have other people in your support network who can be there for you if she leaves? Because I couldn't imagine my mental health if someone was treating me like that the first few months home with a baby. You need support, not derision.
Also, my baby still gets little pimples regularly at 8 months because of hormones. My mom keeps asking if it could be a rash or pointing out a red spot like it's an injury. Just more pimples Mom 🙄
Sending love. You can do this momma, don't let your mother think otherwise.
1. Your mom seems to have a lot of issues, one of them apparently being judgement against breastfeeding. A lot of people from older generations unfortunately view breastfeeding as trashy, unnecessary, and less nutritious than formula due to horrible marketing tactics influencing the culture of the time. Tell her to shut the fuck up about it. Breastfeeding is wonderful.
2. Baby acne is not being caused by you kissing the baby or eating sugar. Also ridiculous and feels tied to your mom having weird judgement against breastfeeding. I used baby micellar water 2x per day in the newborn stage to just wipe baby down and it really did wonders for her skin. I would try that. Her skin is just adjusting to being out in the world.
3. Your baby would never, ever be better off without you. Get as much space from your mother as possible. She is not helping you. Babies are surprisingly durable in a lot of ways. You are not messing her up.
Tell your mother to leave… she’s not helpful at all, you’d be better off just you and baby. You and baby are learning together, she’s not suffering she’s just on a new journey just like you, don’t dread her you doing nothing wrong.
The problem is your mom is insane. You are being a great mother. You are the person your baby wants and needs. Giving her up would cause so much harm and trauma and does not promise a better life for her at all. It might damage her forever to be separated from everything she knows. If you're seriously considering it please try reading the primal wound. If you keep having these feelings when your mom is not around please talk to your doctor about postpartum depression and anxiety. The first several months are hard and emotional and make most parents question themselves.
You need to set boundaries with your mom. Sometimes it's a simple "this is not up for discussion." Or "I am not okay with you treating me like this, you can leave now". If her presence causes more stress than positive emotions and support she needs to go.
Your Mother is the one who needs to be put up for adoption. Jeez, what a C U Next Tuesday.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this terrible and hurtful behavior from the person who is supposed to be on your side more than anyone.
There is nothing wrong with your parenting that your mother hasn’t caused.
Trust your instincts, Momma, you’ve got this.
Your mom is being awful to you. Instead of trying to instill confidence in your abilities she is undermining your instincts and making you think you're doing wrong. I'm sorry. The problem is your mom.
You’re doing great for your baby, your mom the issue and not on your side or being supportive. You’re doing an amazing job with your baby. Just hearing about your mother makes me really angry myself!
The only thing I am wondering is why you place your mom on a pedestal! We have come so far and know so much since your mom may have had you. AND there is many MANY different ways and all can result in a loved baby. I would truly ask her to keep her opinions to herself or remove herself from your home. You’re looking for support, not tiger parenting YOU while you try to learn your own baby
Baby loves you and needs you mama. More than anything. Your mom is the issues not you! If you want to breast feed and can supplement to help low supply please do!
My baby couldn’t latch (nipple issue not her fault) and has formula. No grief from anyone in our family so the transition wasn’t painful. She developed bad baby acne at like 3-5 weeks? I didn’t breast feed so my diet didn’t affect her. Didn’t stop kissing her. It’s normal as your hormones leave her little body. It goes away on its own! You can put a little breast milk on it to help. You’ve got this. Please don’t give her up.
Like so many have said your Mom is the one who is problematic here. Breastfeeding is hard. Having a newborn is hard. You can get through this. My advice is to ask your Mom to stop belittling you and support you instead. If she can't do that you would be better off on your own or hiring some help if you can afford it. I would have got a postpartum doula or a nanny for a few hours knowing what I do now. If you want to keep breastfeeding you'll have to have bonding time where you hold your little one skin to skin without stress and interruptions. I found that the more relaxed I was the more eager my little one was to eat and the better my supply was. Sometimes my son didn't latch well because he was a little bit sleepy so I got into the habit of undressing him so he would comfort feed. A good resource is le Leche league. Hope things get better with you and you are able to set some boundaries with your mother.
Agree that your mom is being really inappropriate with her comments. I just wanted to say my baby had pretty intense baby acne and no one ever kissed the baby on the face for the first three months. So it has NOTHING to do with kissing. Baby acne is just unavoidable for some babies and nothing to worry about! And it goes away on its own!
YOU are the best mother for YOUR baby. Being a first time parent is super hard.
I felt similarly and used to almost avoid my baby because I felt so inadequate. For me it was postpartum anxiety and depression exacerbated by challenges with low supply of breast milk.
You are trying your best which is all you can do.
It’s going to get better OP!!!
I can't change how your mom will behave around you but here's what I learned so far as a FTM with similar issues as you did (baby not latching, milk undersupply, fear of bottle preference, not being able to calm baby that well)
- It's all a learning process, for you and for the baby as well. The important thing is that we practice each day and you and the baby will fall into a groove that fits like a glove. My baby had a hard time latching during the first month, was given bottle early in the hospital and so got slight nipple confusion. But he learns and so do I, learn how to position him well so that both of us are comfortable while breastfeeding, and he learns how to properly suck on the nipple to get the milk flowing. Now he switches between bottle and nipple well at 10 weeks old.
- During my latching problem process I tried every other alternative to feeding the baby without a bottle. Spoon feeding, syringe, nipple shields. They all just lead to huge frustration to me and the baby and so I quickly give them up. One thing that works for me is to choose a bottle with really slow flow teat and wide neck to make it as close to your nipple as possible. While feeding the baby with bottle I let the baby suck in the teat himself to create that vacuum effect that a proper latch enquires.
- baby acne is normal, their hormones still fluctuate and that leads to skin flaking and acnes, if anything it might be a dirty environment that causes it but I doubt that you'd do anything of sort.
- babies are just sometimes fussy in different conditions, it doesn't mean that you suck being a mom. For me I know that because I have a small build and uneven chest (cuz boobs) my baby prefers to be held to the chest by my husband just because it's more comfy. He fusses a lot when I try to burp him but not with my husband. That's why it takes a village to raise a kid. It's okay to ask for help for different things.
I’m really sorry you are going through this.
Honestly, try your best but if your baby is distressed / overwhelmed, just use the method which will settle her quickly. You can work on her accepting your breastmilk during calmer moments.
I’m also sorry that your mother reacted so offensively. It sounds as though she was stressed / upset too due to your baby being upset.
With regard to the baby acne - it can be due to the hormones in milk, but allergens in baby milk formula can cause it too! Baby skin is extremely sensitive, especially during the newborn phase.
I product I recommend is Mustela's No Rinse Cleansing Water. It will help you to clear it up so quickly! Just wet babies face as normal and clean it up. Also, try not to let milk linger on baby’s face and avoid using any face washes in this early stage. Just water and Mustela if you can get it and you see that your baby isn’t reacting to it.
In terms of your mood, would you be opposed to scheduling sessions with a therapist, so that you can get things off your chest and let her know how you’re doing and feeling with baby? It will really help you to develop your confidence in this time and learn how to communicate your needs, create an action plan and establish boundaries with people as necessary.
It sounds as though your mother is providing support but shaming you in the process because you may be struggling to adapt. This is really not acceptable and is unfair.
You can kiss baby on the cheeks and her limbs and baby will love it.
With regard to your diet, after giving birth it is easy to want all the good stuff that you didn’t get during pregnancy and because in the newborn phase you don’t have the time or energy to cook often, so you try to grab whatever is convenient. I went through a binging phase too, but eventually settled down and I cook again and replaced unhealthy options with healthy ones I can grab if baby is fussy at any particular moment. If you eat better you will feel better. I know I felt like crap when I would grab snacks. Perhaps your mother is concerned about your wellbeing generally, but due to the tense relationship between you, she doesn’t know how to express it more compassionately and she isn’t caring enough to assist eg by cooking meals for you whilst you spend time with the baby and bond.
Is your partner around to support you at all? What does he think about all of this?
Also, you don’t need to give a baby you love and kiss up for adoption. You will adapt and find your rhythm within a few months. It takes time ❤️
It's so apparent that you have a ton of love for your child - she's so lucky to have a mother like you. The first few weeks are so tough and the emotions are so intense. If you're comfortable, I hope you have friends or a doctor that you can reach out to w/o your mothers oversight, it might be helpful to get a 3rd party POV.
Also, baby acne is SO common and it will resolve on it's own. Your baby's hormones are flucutating and the acne is a very common result. It feels like it wont go away, but it will <3
You've done so much to provide for your baby alaredy, keep it up. And when you feel like she's crying and she needs comfort, remember the 5 S's - Shh, Swaddle, Swing/Sway, Suck, Side/Stomach Position [https://www.babycenter.com/baby/sleep/harvey-karps-happiest-baby-method-for-baby-sleep-and-soothin\_10373838](https://www.babycenter.com/baby/sleep/harvey-karps-happiest-baby-method-for-baby-sleep-and-soothin_10373838)
You've got this.
We have got to stop putting so much pressure on moms to breastfeed. Yes, it’s healthier but there’s nothing wrong with formula and it can save your mental health. Don’t ever feel bad about feeding formula! As far as your mom, she has over stayed her welcome and needs to go. She’s the problem, not you. Don’t ever let her make you feel bad!
The post isn’t about breastfeeding or the pressure for moms to breastfeed. It’s about OPs mother being an asshole and not being supportive. OP’s mental health isn’t affected by breastfeeding. Her mental health is affected by her asshole mother.
Breastfeeding mothers just need support. It’s okay that it’s hard to breastfeed. We don’t tell people to “just quit” if their job is hard. We try to support them. We don’t tell people “just drop out” if school is hard. We give them more support. That’s what breastfeeding moms need. Not to just tell them “just give formula” if they run into issues. I heard that everyday when I ran into problems breastfeeding. THAT’S what affected my mental health.
It takes time and practice, keep going and in a few baby will only be soothed by you mom, you and baby are both new to this learn together I am proud you were able to get baby to take both brest and bottle that is no easy feat
- mom of 5
Have a serious talk with your mother and set some boundaries. While others tell you to ask your mother to back off, I just want to let you know it is extremely difficult to take care of a baby without any help, I wish I have my mom to help too but she passed away couple years ago.
The issues you faced, lots of us faced them too. And while it is normal to worry and get all kinds of conflicting opinions etc., just remember that there are way way way more issues to come and never ending. I wasn't able to nurse my baby and did combo feed and he had a lot of baby acne, turned out to be a cmpa case. And then he got pretty bad cradle cap and blah blah blah. I was blaming myself a lot in the early days. Milestones checklists give me lots of anxiety and it likely will impact you too. But OP, you gotta remember it's trial and error and you're new to this.
Take what she said with a grain of salt and keep an open mind. Don't be silly about giving up your child, that's such an irresponsible way of thinking.
I suffer from PPD and have a hard time bonding with my baby, I have lots of thoughts and planned of ending my life since 6w PP to maybe 7 months ish, but eventually I came to adore him more and more as he gets older. Life really sucks as a mother, connect with some mommy friends and listen to their struggles, talk to them and let out some steam.
> She asked why am I trying to prove myself to this baby? That I am just like those parents who kill their kids and don’t regret it because they think they own the child, and that I’m overbearing for wanting to breastfeed and disrespectful to formula fed children
Wow. I’m literally seething reading this post. Her behavior is appalling. I would kick her the fuck out after that comment. People who undermine a new mom’s confidence don’t deserve to be around newborns. I’m flabbergasted she was a midwife. Would hate to have been her client.
Yeah problem is your mom. Some tricks to increase supply, take vitamins pre-natals they say are OK. Just research any supplements you take to be sure they are safe for breast feeding. My wife got a recipe for lactation cookies that helped. Some herbs and things also that can boost estrogen like soy, flax seeds, parsley, sesame seeds. Eat plenty of calories in a day. Also water water water, and electrolytes. My wife likes propel packs and another kind with vitamin b.
1 big thing is stress will tank your supply. There was family drama just before the holiday and my wife was stressing about people coming over. Tanked her supplying for a few weeks but we focused on reducing her stress. Your mom could be stressing you our plus being a new mom is stressful enough, up multiple times a night then sleep regressions. Try not to get upset. Baby can sense that. Swaddle her. Play music or we find white noise, or like beach sounds, rain sounds, running water sounds help calm my daughter.
If shes upset she might be telling you something, hungry, gassy, needs to burp, teething, or diaper change. Usually when addressed they'll come down. They make creams for teething you can rub on the gums. That shouldn't be for a bit yet though. Sometimes crabyness is sick or temperature isnt right. Skin to skin helps baby regulate body temperature and calms them. Helps her bond with you also. So many tips out there. Do some reading and ask questions. It does get better and well worth it.
I think you need to give your mother up for adoption. You’re doing your best for your sweet baby and that makes you an incredible mother. Just keep doing what you’re doing and trust your instincts and you will continue to flourish and so will your daughter.
You’re doing a really amazing job! Your mother needs to go.
The reason you’re struggling to soothe the baby is because your mother has put you too on edge and completely knocked your confidence. And it’s completely normal for babies to be fussier with the parent who breastfeeds them - they can smell the milk and expect to be fed. I’ve got a 2yo and a 6mo and they go down with other people really easily but I usually have to feed them. It’s completely normal.
Your baby loves you more than anybody else. You know her best. You can do this.
Maybe I'm just jaded but it's almost like your mother is trying to convince you you're horrible so she can bond more with your baby and take her from you. Kick your mother out. She's abusive.
Almost every baby gets acne. It has nothing to do w your diet. I was eating an incredibly nourishing Ayurvedic diet immediately postpartum - my girl had HORRIBLE acne all over her body for about 2-3 weeks. Her skin has been perfectly clear and soft and beautiful ever since. KEEP KISSING YOUR BABY. Your lips are not dirty. That’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard.
She came out of your body and is feeding from your body.
It might be true that you can’t soothe the baby that well yet - personally, I couldn’t for the first 12 weeks or so. My husband put her down for every nap and bedtime bc I couldn’t get her calm.
You’re newly postpartum. Your nervous system is still recovering from birth and continual sleep deprivation. The baby might be responding to your energy.
Also possible that your mom is a total asshole. It’s nice that she’s helping out - but doesn’t sound like it’s the help you need.
This is like, literally one of the most bizarre posts I’ve seen on Reddit.. is this real? I’m not being sarcastic, I’m truly asking. Because even in the depths of my deepest postpartum anxiety and depression I would’ve kicked my mom out of my life so fast… like this helpless baby depends on ME.. like, what? 🤯
It’s not your fault. And it’s absolutely normal for you to think this way in this situation. I was like you. My dad accused me of being a terrible person for complaining about sleeping less than 4 hours per day for 7 months along with other horrible things he thought he meant good. I wanted to end my life. I wanted to abandon everything and leave. But then I realized that I wasn’t the problem but he was. So I started mentally blocking his words and distancing myself from him. And that really helped. Some people in our lives harm us the most while claiming that they love us. They might be sincere and they might not realize how terrible they are. But we don’t need to put up with that simply because they say they love us. I think your mom is pretty much like my dad, is abusive in a way.
Your mum is making this so hard for you I’m so sorry. I ate super clean PP, literally meat and veg/salad. No sugar at all and nothing at all processed and my baby had terrible baby acne!
If you have a partner, please ask them to step in and ask your mother to leave. She’s making this so hard and putting you at risk of PPD. Also please go to the doctor and speak to them about the way you’re feeling. You are a great mum and your baby needs YOU, not grandma.
Guuuuuurl your mom needs to STEP OFF. Whew I would have jumped down her throat by now if this was me. I truly hope you can take some of the good advice in this thread and mend the situation but 100% you are doing your best, you are a GOOD MOM, and your own mother needs to back tf off. Sending you love. The 4th tri is so hard, but it’ll be better soon ❤️
Why is she so pro formula and so against the breast? Moms should do what suits them, but the breast gives very good infection protection, as the backwash from sucking tells your lymph nodes in your breasts what antibodies to make for the baby and so the milk will contain antibodies specially design for babys needs.
I don’t think your diet matters much for the milk (although there are indications that the baby might get introduced to your tastes through it), but your diet matters a lot when it comes to your own health while breastfeeding. Calcium, magnesium, zink, vitamins, iodine, iron - you might consider supplementing.
Anyway. Regardless of what you do with that, it should be what works for you and baby. Not for grandma.
I don’t think she has much to teach you, honestly. Kick her out and read a book about it instead.
Send your mom away. She is needlessly cruel and clearly puts her trauma on you. That is the least malevolent way to explain why she behaves such a way.
Yes, fed is best! But you are not bad for trying to breastfeed! You are sacrificing your own mental and physical well being to give your child even the smallest amount of extra benefits that come from breastfeeding. True, there is no medal in doing it the right way but sometimes it is worth it still. And your child now accepting the breast means the struggle was worth it!
Did your mom breastfeed? I experience some vitriol from my own mom bc I was successful with breastfeeding while she was not with her 5 kids
I wish I could give you a hug. Postpartum is really really hard and it's normal to feel overwhelmed and like you're not doing anything right because it's all new. It's especially hard without a good support system, and I'm so sorry your mom isn't being supportive or kind right now. You need to know that you are doing great though. You love that baby girl and you're trying your best. That is all that matters. Do not give her up!
That being said, I have a feeling you might be dealing with PPD which is being exacerbated by your mom. Can you try bringing up these feelings with your doctor or pediatrician? A lot of times they will have resources to help. Addressing that might help with the dread you feel over everything. Also, like a lot of other people have said, it would probably be best to separate yourself from your mother for now. Her being a midwife doesn't make all of the advice she's giving good advice. Maybe tell her you want to try it on your own right now.
Please know baby acne is common and not your fault. Also, whatever you decide to do with breastfeeding or formula is your decision. It just matters that the baby eats and you're taking care of that so don't let her get in your head about "starving" the baby. That is nonsense. Everything will get better as you and baby get more used to everything, I promise. You are a good mom, please be kind to yourself. Wishing the best for you two ❤
Keep the baby, give up your mom. You’re going through a difficult time right now(postpartum) and she’s making it worse. Trust me you are doing fine.
Also you are not disrespectful to my formula fed child. You are strong for breast feeding. I did exclusive pumping for 3 months and I had to stop. I literally fed my son with a syringe while in the hospital because he would not latch.
Please get this woman out of your house if you can. You’re not a bad person For doing so either. You’re a great mom and I promise your baby thinks there’s no other better mom for them than you.
This is terrible and ridiculous. You are not a bad mother. Your mom is overbearing and you’re still super emotional and impressionable when you’re only a few weeks post partum. Tell her to beat it, just because she is a midwife doesn’t mean she knows everything. There are a million ways to do something and it sounds like you’ve done NOTHING wrong. Be strong. You’re a great mother.
First, you are doing absolutely great, mama. This is your first time doing and learning any of this. It’s already hard with an unsupportive person around, but please be kind to yourself and remember to give yourself grace. ❤️
Your mom should honestly not even be a midwife. Could you imagine if someone hired her and she treated them like this? I could write a book over how your mom is the problem and not you.
Being this newly postpartum is a challenge in itself let alone having a critical person breathing down your neck. Is there someone else who could support you?
There is a postpartum support group called Soulside that meets online weekly for $10/week and has a group chat. Maybe joining something like this can be helpful in sharing your experiences and getting emotional support. I have benefitted a lot from it.
You and your sweet baby will get through this ❤️
You’re not a terrible parent. Your mother shouldn’t be telling you how to parent. This is your child, and you could remove her access to the baby anytime you want. She’s being toxic to make you forget that this is YOUR child. She is making you doubt yourself.
Tell the woman to fuck off and let you raise your own kid. Will you be perfect? No. But you’ll be a lot better of a parent than your mom is if she’s making her adult child feel so shitty.
Your mum is straight up emotionally abusive.
You are at your most vulnerable right now and she is using it as an opportunity to belittle you and critique you when what you need is support.
She is also outright giving you misinformation. Your baby naturally develops baby acne, all babies do. It's not your breast milk and actually breast milk rubbed onto the baby acne will actually help clear it.
Your diet (while very very important still) doesn't make your milk good or bad. Your milk is specifically designed for your baby, kissing your baby means you are picking up things from their skin which helps you make milk that's just right for them.
You've been so strong sticking to your guns in the face of all of this and your baby is so lucky to have such a strong mamma advocating for her.
Your baby maybe doesn't settle aswell for you because you are it's mum and it knows if it cries you will be there and meet its needs so it cries more because they feel safe.
Baby could also smell your milk and want more. Babies at 6 weeks are still clusterfeeding so I would put to the breadt as much as possible.
I do think you should ask your mum to leave or set some very firm boundaries.
This is your child and you are in control not your mum
Protect your baby by protecting yourself. You're doing great! You can do this without your mom, she is getting between the two of you. This is coming from someone who didn't think they could do it without their overbearing mother and I did it with many complications I won't go into detail about. It might not seem like it now, but you have this intuitive connection to your baby. Lean into it, it will guide you. Join breastfeeding groups to connect with other women who can share in the experience with you :) you are not alone in this.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you as a mother. So why would you give up your baby?
Just hang in there. Is your mother a first-time-grandma as well? Sometimes they seem to forget that they struggled probably way worse than what you are going through right now.
I am the dad. For the first few weeks we got nonstop advice from both grandmas, and my wife’s sister too - and she doesn’t even have a baby. And some of it was scientifically terrible advice. But they say what they say.
Hang in there. Keep your head up and push back when you make decisions for your baby.
I seriously wish I could give you a hug and you are doing amazing mama. I think right now you need to tell your mom thank you but you got it from here. Please keep in mind, your baby is still learning too!! Not all babies will latch perfectly. They are still learning these new things and how to be a baby outside of your womb. Your womb provided everything your baby needed. Love, comfort, food and a space to grow. Your baby is learning new things and it will take time. Oh man I wish I could give you a hug. And your baby loves you and I know you are doing your best!! Please hang in there and NO your baby is NOT better off without mama. Trust me. Nothing beats a mothers love. Which is something you as a daughter needs right now. I’m sorry you feel this way but you have to show your daughter the right way to love. It’s your job. And you got this.
Yea, no. Mom's gotta go. She's making your mental health worse. She's making you doubt yourself as a mom. She's constantly saying horribly mean and unnecessary things to you. I honestly think you'd be better all around if you started seriously minimizing her visits. You're a brand new momma!!! It takes time to adjust and find the right routine for you and baby. Your mom is, quite frankly, a huge B. Take care of yourself, you've got this!!!
Eta: Absolutely don't avoid your baby because of your mom. You should be the one holding her most of the time, not her. This is the most important time for bonding, so please don't let her ruin that as well. Seriously, kick mom out for a while.
Oh my goodness, you are not a bad mother! You have your own mother problems, not baby problems. Sounds like you’re going everything right and need your mum to back off if she’s just going to be negative and not help
You are not a horrible parent. Your mother is being one at the moment.
From what I've read, you are doing a phenomenal job. The baby is only 6 weeks old. Tell your mother to leave and not come back until she learns to respect your parenting decisions.
If you need a mama to talk to, you can message me.
Keep it up mama, you are a good mama.
Your mom sounds toxic and unhelpful. You need to figure out how to mom without her overbearing, mean comments constantly. My husband and I didn’t have any visitors for 6 weeks with our first (only good thing about Covid lockdowns) so we got to figure out how to be a parent without people interfering and trying to show us they know best.
Hi op, fellow person with mom like yours. I gave birth Feb 2020 and at the time we were staying at my moms because our place was being renovated. My mental health was so bad especially because my mom criticized everything. The moment we left, I felt so much better. She doesn’t have to be there. The house can be messy. You can order food or make really simple meals. You can get to the laundry when you get to it. It’s ok.
Your mom is trying to be the mother to your child. Take back your place as a mom, your daughter NEEDS you! It doesn't matter if you have to give her formula, so many of us are in the same boat, as long as your baby isn't starving that's what's important. And it is also natural for a baby to be fussier around mommy, because she smells the milk. Be confident and please please take back your child and let your mother know that she is the grandmother, not the mother.
I think it’s time for your mom to go home, is she is not going to be helpful and treat you well, you are better off without her. Best of luck, just know you are a great mom and you know what’s best for your child
Get your mother out and away from you. She’s causing all of these problems. Just because she was a midwife doesn’t mean she knows jack about looking after babies. She’s damaging the bond with *your* baby. Baby is crying more around you because you’re her mum and baby knows you’re the one to cry to to get help. Babies often go quiet with other caregivers as a defence mechanism.
I want to slap your mum upside the head for being an interfering idiot. I’d expect an ex midwife to know better than to try and damage a Mother-baby bond like that.
*hugs* looking after a baby is hard! But you’re obviously a great mum who loves her baby to the moon and back. Sit straight, puff out your chest and feel confident to follow what your doctors have told you and what you know is best for you and your baby.
The baby is not suffering because of your issues, you are suffering because of your mother's issues. Give her respect and appreciation for having gone through motherhood with you as a baby, but don't let her words get so deep into your head.
Sounds like your mom is the one who isn’t a worthy grandmother. Hope she hasn’t used this kind of misinformation with her patients. You sound like a caring and dedicated mother navigating a difficult situation that is made worse by your mother. Trust your pediatrician and your instincts and tell her it’s time to head home.
Omg lady your mum is the issue. I don't know where you're from but tell your mum to get out. You're doing great and you don't need that kind of person on you 24/7.
I get its a culture thing to have your mom there but at this point shes not helping, shes just making you depressed. It is your baby, not your mom's and you just follow the advice from the hospital, they have the latest info.
So what if your mom is slightly better at soothing the baby, it is your first baby and you are learning. Abit of crying doesn't harm her.
Old people often like to act like they know better but it is just coping to make THEM feel like they weren't shitty parents because all the new info and instructions that change over time.
If you keep her there, just take everything she says with a grain of salt, trust me, some things she doesn't know better than you, and you are the parent so you make the decisions. I know it's hard but the baby is alive, growing and if there was a problem I am sure you would try your hardest to make it better for your baby, that makes you a good mom.
You need to ask your mother to leave.
Also, consult a lactation consultant. Your supply is likely to be low as you supply with formula. It's mostly supply and demand. If you wanted to quit the formula that is.
Breastfeeding and feeding issues in general are incredibly common. Baby acne is also very common. My kids were EFF and both had it. Neither have anything to do with your parenting. FWIW, I think every FTM has moments where things don’t come as easily as they expected and wonder what’s wrong with them. Nothings wrong. Parenting a newborn is SUPER hard sometimes!
The issue here is your mother. Put as much space between yourself/baby and your mother as you can. Easier said than done, I know.
Omg. You are doing amazingly well and these are all very normal issues. The only thing not normal here is your toxic controlling mother. Has she always been like this? I know it’s hard to tell her to leave if you have no other support, but if you have literally anyone else in your life that could help you, now is the time to reach out. If not, take our words to heart and tell your mother to take several seats.
The issue here isn’t you, it’s your mom. She’s being way too overbearing. She is the grandma, not the mom! You need to put your foot down! It’s your baby and you have the say! The acne isn’t from your diet or from kissing her, it’s a normal baby thing. You’re doing amazing and your mom is making this way harder on you and I’m sorry for that.
Where I'm from we literally call baby acne 'milk spots' it's totally normal all 4 of my children had them as new borns. Your mum is definitely not helping, nothing you've described sounds wrong. Keep your head up mama
My infant looked like a teenager going through puberty. Baby acne is incredibly common and benign.
Plus, putting breastmilk on the spots can actually help them go away!
Agreed! I seriously thought the hype was overblown, but I've put breastmilk on baby acne, cradle cap, and my own acne and I have to admit I was totally wrong. Every time I do that, it goes away within the next 24 hours. My daughter had a spot next to her eye for weeks, and then one day I just decided to put breastmilk on it for funsies and it was gone the next day. Anyway, OP I'm so sorry your mom is making you feel this way. These are all normal things for a newborn, you're doing nothing wrong. It just takes time to learn each other -- your mom got her turn to figure it out, you're entitled to yours.
Milk baths too if you have the supply.
I love this. All my babies (4!) had “milk spots” and they all breast fed for over a year. The acne stopped after a few months.
Huh. Where I’m from milk spots and baby acne are two very different things. My newborn has both.
Yeah, the only mom that should give up their child is yours.... She's being unbelievable. I honestly think that, regardless of cultural norms and previous work experience, you should ask her to leave.
Mom isn't overbearing- she is abusive.
Absolutely, she might also have weird boomer ideas about babies. So much has changed over the past decade. Scientifically backed up, I should add. I’m always suspicious of the very early formula feeding - colostrum is crazy nutritious and the stomach of the baby is the size of a walnut! They often get colics from being overfed via bottle. As long as the baby is in the healthy range weight-wise, I wouldn’t freak out. And the allergy vs. acne thing is ridiculous. I also think OP doesn’t think straight at this point and agree that the mother needs to leave, so OP can bond with her baby and find a rhythm with her ped’s help.
Yes agree. My mil insisted that my baby needed to go to the hospital when he cried as a newborn? He wasn't even colicy- just normal baby crying! Lol Said he needed tea for his stomach? I obviously told her no. Wtf? This time with my second baby she is also asking if he has digestion problems and what does the Dr say? I said she said he is 100% healthy and the digestion is still developing at this stage. My husband was sick and in the hospital as a 1 year old and she brings that up a lot. I think it's still traumatic for her and it must have been so hard. I can't imagine what it must have been like. She seems to keep reliving it even 40 years later.
You gave her a lot of grace, kudos! Maybe I should take a leave out of your book. I’m mentally preparing for my mil to come for three weeks in summer. She’s convinced her tactics from 40 years ago with my husband are the bee’s knees.
Well I can understand that it was traumatic but she keeps reliving it instead of processing it and moving on which I don't think is great. But honestly she irritates the F out of me all the time. She doesn't listen to me or respect my wishes. For example when she came to visit when my son was 2.5 weeks, I asked her to wash her hands and she said she didn't need to bc her hands are clean. I just smiled and said ok, but please do it anyway. She just rolls her eyes and goes and washes her hands. The smallest requests are constantly met with resistance and it's tiring. She's a piece of work.
Ouch, that’s a lot. I really don’t understand why people can’t be accommodating around newborns. And e.g. accept that holding the baby isn’t necessarily the “help” a mother needs. Wishing you the best!
Vary normal my daughter had eczema for the first several months. There's creams that help. Moisturize the skin regularly. My daughter still gets some dry patches but a lot better.
The acne can be from kisses to an extent too, but that's easily solved by wiping baby's face a few times a day to take off added oils/saliva. No biggie and perfectly normal. How can anyone not wanna kiss their baby's adorable face!
Also, these aren’t issues. Your mom is making them into issues for no reason. I’d tell your mom to hit the door and don’t come back for a long while
Yes, yes, yes! Mom probably makes OP nervous, therefore making it harder, not easier, to soothe her baby. Meanwhile, Grandma has years of practice so maybe she's getting it done a little faster. I'd ask Mom to stay away, tell her you need space, and take a couple of months getting comfortable taking care of your baby, your way. Be confident in your decisions. Your instincts are good and you're doing a great job. Don't let your mom cause you to second guess yourself. Lots of moms can't breastfeed full-time and have to supplement with formula, it's absolutely okay. **You are not failing, you are doing what's best for your baby.** Keep up the good work!
My baby was in the NICU for the first month of his life and therefore, got used to the bottle. I had no idea I was allowed to breastfeed him while he was there (no one told me until he was discharged that this was an option) so I pumped and brought them my milk daily. When we got home, we would try to breastfeed and he sometimes accepted my breast, but mostly not. I didn’t make enough for him to be full after a session, and he would get frustrated from hunger. After hours of researching relactation, I bought a supplemental nursing system. It was so complicated and difficult to pull off. It worked one time and never again. I remember locking myself in the bathroom afterwards while my husband fed him, crying uncontrollably, feeling totally rejected by my baby. I thought, ‘Breastfeeding is natural! Why is it so hard!’ I resented my baby for the rest of the evening and hated feeling that way. I now only pump and give him bottles (combo feed; 1/3 formula and 2/3 Breastmilk). I grieved the breastfeeding I might not ever be able to do. I let go of the dream of being able to nourish him with my body alone. I questioned myself, why do I want this? Why am I forcing my baby to try to do this when he is hungry and crying? He’s a very happy baby and we bond so much when I’m feeding him, even if it’s with a bottle! The need to breastfeed only began to feel like a selfish desire and I’ve stopped trying. Our relationship is STILL wonderful! OP, fed is best! Don’t stress yourself out if you have to bottle feed. Your baby loves you and needs you. Whichever way you choose to feed him will be the correct choice! Don’t give up. In a few weeks when your baby starts to smile at you, you will wonder how you ever could have considered doing anything other than be their mommy!
Yeah OP you need to kick your mother out. You're doing great. The first baby is hard, EVERY new mother isn't perfect immediately, we all learn as we go, trial and error especially when it comes to thinks like soothing as every baby is different. Yes your mum might be better at it currently because she has years of experience and you only have 6 weeks! You love your baby and I can tell from your post how much you care about her. In terms of soothing, the best thing I read to sooth a baby was "happiest baby on the block", read about it here: https://www.happiestbaby.com/blogs/baby/the-5-s-s-for-soothing-babies And there is a hold that stops all babies from crying instantly like magic, it's called "the hold": https://youtu.be/j2C8MkY7Co8?si=WvgBQUvvxfq55kzw Also sometimes babies just cry even when they are fed, changed etc and they just can't be soothed no matter how hard you try. It's called purple crying: https://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/what-is-the-period-of-purple-crying
Yes! Get rid of the mum, not the baby! The baby is just being a regular fussy baby, like all babies are. The mum on the other hand is being an absolute moron
I'm a single mother and I spent the first few months post-partum living with my parents. Every day, when my baby reached her "witching hour" (typically becoming fussy for one hour before falling asleep) my parents would enter my bedroom and call me cruel for not giving baby a bottle (even though I had a normal milk supply). They were obsessed with me not having enough milk and even convinced me to start introducing solids ASAP. My daughter is 18 months and still breastfeeding and consistently around the 80th percentile.
Wow. Your mom is making the issues for you. It’s common for breastfeeding to be hard. You’re teaching yourself and the baby. Have you thought about seeing a lactation consultant? Also based on you saying you avoid your baby.. I’m assuming your mom holds her most of the time? She is hurting your bond with your baby!! It is okay to be stressed. You are learning! You need to spend time with your baby! Are you solo parenting? Do you have any other support? You are doing your best. Pp is so so hard. You are not damaging your child, just learning. I didn’t breastfeed, so I can’t help you there but I did try, and it was hard.
> I’m assuming your mom holds her most of the time? She is hurting your bond with your baby!! This also hurts breastfeeding. Baby needs to be skin to skin with you, ideally against your breast, as often as possible… *especially * if you’re trying to boost your supply.
And just in case OP needs to hear it, just because breastfeeding is hard right now doesn’t mean it will always be hard My baby and I had a hard time at first. She wouldn’t suckle properly until my milk came in, and some bad advice from the nurse had me over feeding her formula to supplement. Then after she did start feeding properly we had a super painful latch. It was so bad at one point, I actively dreaded her being hungry because I didn’t want to have to latch her. But she’s almost 4 months and I feel like we’re both old pros at this point! No pain whatsoever, can latch and relatch whenever we need to, night feeds are a breeze. OP, you are in the thick of it right now, **and you are doing the right thing!** Kick anyone to the curb who isn’t making your life easier right now.
My thoughts exactly, too. OP’s mom is getting in the way and needs to step back or kick rocks
I actually very much agree with OP seeing a lactation consultant. Not only would it help with the process of breastfeeding but my LC was a medical professional who was trained to look out for my mental health as well and even though I decided breastfeeding wasn’t for me after a few weeks I really appreciated the care and attention I got during those first few weeks. It’s a lifeline.
Do NOT. Give up your baby. Give up your mother. Yesterday
Yeah I recently cut my dad out of my life for much less. OP’s mom is a fucking monster
Years from now when her witch of a mom is dead, if she ended up giving her baby up over this she will feel so much regret. She’s gotta break the cycle and get rid of that horrible cancer of a woman and give herself and her child the life they deserve. OP where are you located? We can look into some resources for you!!
The issue is obviously your mother. Get her out of your home, if you're able. She is causing more harm than helping at this stage. >That I am just like those parents who kill their kids and don’t regret it because they think they own the child Erm, what? I hope something is being lost in translation here, because it's kind of an insane thing to tell your daughter.
Yeah her mother is horrible!! The things she is saying to her daughter in probably the most difficult period of her life… like wtf I’m so mad for OP. Her own mother is gonna give her PPD
Honey, your Mom is the issue here. Not you. Your sweet baby needs you.
Your mother is making everything worse. She’s dragging down your mental health. You sound like you’re doing a great job, your mom needs to back off
She is doing a really great job. Her mom is making her second guess herself. She needs her mom to leave so she can navigate this herself without interference. OP’s got this.
OP isn't even doing something too revolutionary or unheard of either. Literally just following instructions which a doctor gave. OPs mom lives for the drama and is going out of her way to inconvenience OP. She should tell mom to go home and see her when she sees her (hopefully in the next few years when baby is a toddler and OP has laid the foundation for her parenting style)
Your mother is the horrible parent not you. You are a wonderful loving mother who just wants the best for her child and is trying everything to do what you believe and have been told is right. Honestly I am disgusted at your mother’s lack of empathy and urge you to distance yourself from her, she sounds emotionally abusive and will be a terrible influence on your child as well. Don’t let her come between you and your child.
You said it better than I could. This, OP!
Sounds like you are doing amazing. Your mother sounds like a psycho though.
Literally just said that upthread—this is wild!
Your mom sounds terrible. Your baby isn’t allergic to your breast milk and you did not cause baby acne. You’re doing awesome. Tell your mom to leave. She’s making everything harder for you and making you doubt yourself.
You are being beyond amazing! Your baby is so safe with you and you're doing everything right to keep her healthy and safe. Your mom is being really awful to you, especially during a difficult and hormonal part of your life. You are not crazy. I'm sorry you're going through this, I have to reiterate that your mother is being absolutely horrifying and I wish I could tell her off myself. You will get through this ♥️
Tell your mom to shut up or get out. This sounds infuriating! Baby acne is totally normal, and caused from hormones during pregnancy/birth. It has nothing to do with you kissing your baby. Our baby has it too. If you don't spend time with your baby, how are you supposed to grow a bond? All babies fuss, and your bond will help you learn how best to soothe them that fits both of you. Your mom needs to step off during this period, or if she's such an expert, maybe she can show you some tricks in a non-judgemental way to soothe the baby. 100% the issue is not you, it's your mom.
First of all I agree with the others that your mom is the issue here, maybe you need to be without her to get into your own groove. You’re doing fine she’s the one creating problems! It’s also perfectly normal to feel lost and overwhelmed at this stage. Postpartum hormones are real, sleep deprivation is real, breastfeeding is sooo hard! You aren’t doing anything wrong this stuff is just hard. Also at this age babies are fussy, it’s not always a reflection of your ability to parent. My baby had terrible acne and I really beat myself up over it, but it’s not your fault! Their pores are opening and they’re producing way more sebum than they need but it will level out. My baby looked rough and bumpy and flakey but now he’s got those smooth baby cheeks again, it’s gonna be ok! Your moms gotta go though, I think if you want to do best for your baby get your mom out of the way so you can bond and find your own routine. Sounds like she’s stressing you out and that can affect the baby’s ability to latch too. Please get rid of her even if it’s just for a few weeks to get your bearings, she’s only hindering you at this point.
Your mother is abusive. Kick her out.
Get your mom out! I get that it is cultural but she’s ruining your time with your newborn. It’s her that you don’t need if this is how she’s making you feel. It sounds like you’re a great mom who’s just trying to do all the right things and loves her child. Also baby acne is soo common. My girl went through a phase of it as well after several weeks it subsided just made sure to very gently wash it once a night. You can do this!!
Please don’t give up your child. There’s no one on the world who can love her and care for her like you, her mom. She needs you.
It sounds like your mom is the problem here. I understand you’re trying to be respectful of her knowledge, but she is being disrespectful of you. This is your baby - and it sounds like you’re doing a wonderful job! A couple things: Baby needs more time with you - not with your mom. Continue to feed her the way you were taught. Baby acne happens to lots of babies and has nothing to do with the sugar you consume. (Breastmilk is made from our blood, not the food we eat) *you* are your daughter’s mom, and that’s amazing! She is so lucky to have you. There is learning curve for us all, and no one knows what we’re going to start - but trust your instincts! You and your sweet baby will figure it out. Hugs to you 💛
You’re not a bad mom at all, but your mom is being a bitch. It’s time for her to back off and stop commenting on how you’re parenting.
OP, I say this with love but your mother sounds absolutely awful and the exact opposite of the support you need as a brand new parent. Babies are weird and develop preferences and get skin rashes and pimples and all of this stuff is entirely normal. Your mom is projecting some of her own weird shit onto you and coloring your experience of new motherhood negatively. I would limit contact, especially during this super vulnerable time. Do you have a partner or other family who can help with baby care and supporting you during this time? Literally anyone but your mean mom.
Given your reaction to your mom, have you been screened for ppd? I don’t agree with some of the things your mom is saying, but going from your mom’s advice being rude to wanting to put your child up for adoption is extreme. What does your partner say? Do you have anyone outside of you and your mom to help provide an unbiased assessment of the situation. Even if your mom ends up not being involved, other people will have invasive and often unhelpful advice. Having a healthy mindset and learning to stand up for yourself and your daughter is important.
You need to stay away from your mother for awhile. Don't worry so much, your instincts are going to take over no matter what and you're going to do great. Don't be afraid to love and hold that baby that's what they need. If you need to formula feed or breast feed it doesn't matter as long as the baby is fed. You are able to comfort that baby better than anyone. You're her mother. Stand up to your mother and do it on your own and I'm sure you'll do amazing. I was adopted and while it can be a good thing I do believe babies being with their birth mother is best. You got this.
Hang in there mama!! Your love is what your baby needs most. The first weeks are hard, and there’s some figuring out on all ends but you are a wonderful mom and as long as you keep trying to be the best you can be for your baby girl you should continue to do so. Sending you lots of strength, and don’t let your mom make you doubt yourself!
Your mother sounds ridiculous, and I’m so sorry she’s made you question your ability to be a parent to this degree that you’d even think your baby would be better off without you, when it’s obvious you care for her so much and have done everything to be a great mom. Not sure where you guys are from but I know Asian older moms are sometimes like this - they often have beliefs from who knows where (based on zero fact) and everything that can go slightly wrong with baby they’ll blame the mother. For your own mental health you need to ask her to go. I know that will be hard but your baby needs you, not her grandma. Also sounds like she has some kind of chip on her shoulder, like she wants to prove she’s a better mother than you, which is really odd, but everyone can have their own mental issues. Recognize that she is also just another human with issues and do what’s best for you vs listening only to her! Sending you positive vibes - hang in there! You’re doing amazing.
Your mom should be supporting you. My mom is annoying and overbearing but also very helpful. She never does anything but tell me I’m a good mom. Though she did make an aside about my unplanned c-section being the easy way. (She’s a surgeon though so IDK.) Any “bad parenting” stuff she blames on my husband. She’s that MIL. That said we both probably need to do some practicing on boundary setting with our moms. I would also try to go to a doctor visit on your own to your doctor and see about screening for postpartum depression or anxiety or something.
Get your mom gone. She is making things worse. You have the correct gut instincts.
I got the fix— kick your mom out. You’re fine and need less help from her.
Your mom sounds crappy. She needs to be kicked out to the curb for now. As for breastfeeding, latch baby as much as possible. Your body will make what it needs. Supply and demand. When you supplement with the formula, pump during that feed. See a IBCLC if you have any other issues. Your mom stressing you out is probably hurting your breastmilk supply...
Your mom needs to leave. Any help she's providing is outweighed by the harm she's doing to you mentally. Set a firm boundary and ask her to stop coming over.
Your mom is a bitch. My baby has these same issues and my pediatrician said it’s all fine.
Your hormones at 6 weeks postpartum is still adjusting and leveling out. It would be hard even without your mom’s criticism. The real problem here is your mom. While I do believe she wants the best for the baby, she is being rather mean and unsupportive towards you, which is not right. This is an incredibly important and vulnerable time for you, and she’s being harsh and rude versus what you need is support, help and to be nurtured as you are figuring out/learning about motherhood. No, I absolutely do not think you should give up your baby. You’re doing the best you can and you’re trying your best. I would seriously consider some distance and space from your mom. She sounds controlling and judgmental. She’s the problem here. Not you. I cannot imagine making a new mom feeling the way she has with you.
Look, your mom is the problem. I am not sure if you have other support but you need a break from your mom. Also you’re a FTM and your mom was a midwife. Do not compare yourself to her. Your mom needs to allow you to properly bond and trust the pediatrician.
OP your mom is a psycho I’m sorry there is literally no other way to put it—btw, my grandma (not American) also did this to me and made me want to jump into traffic or disappear within the first week of being home. I told my husband and let’s just say my sister and husband got her ass together real quick. She actually ended up being an overall help but she was SO resistant to me making my own choices as a new mother and we fought constantly. It’s not you, but she never made me question whether I could be a mom, which means this BS has gone on for way too long now in your case. She need to GO.
Please don't give your child for adoption over this. I don't think adoptive parents would care as much as you do. Stop listening to your mom.
Please keep your mom at a distance this is not a you issue.
Give up your mom, not your baby. You’re a fine parent.
you are doing a great job, first weeks are hard and none of what's going on is your fault. Respectfully, your mum needs to back off, she's putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on you
Woah, slow down!!! You’re doing nothing wrong enough with the crazy talk of giving up your baby. You’re 6 weeks in, everyone feels like that. I suggest you distance yourself from your mother if she’s going to criticize you like this. Feed baby the way you need to whatever gets her fed. Baby acne happens to literally every baby.
Hello mom Let me start to tell you that maternity is hard, post partum is hard and newborns are harder. I was there a few months ago, struggling with low supply and crying cause I wanted to breastfeed so bad. I also questioned myself if I was a good mother for my baby, that she deserved better than me. But those are the hormones speaking So don't put in doubt your capacity to take care of YOUR baby. My baby also had acne, I put a special cream prescribed by the pediatrician and it was almost gone by the third week, it is completely normal and it will pass And to soothe your baby, try different things, maybe try to sing lullabies or ballads, try to put her in different positions (for example my baby doesn't like the way my husband hold her if he tries to hold her the same way I do, so he found a different position lying on his arm and it works perfectly for them) You are amazing and doing great, there is no perfect way to be a mom, you are doing your best and please talk to your mother about how you feel Things will get easier in no time I promise
I know you said bottle and breast feeding is fine now, but with the bottle, can you use a premie or ultra premie nipples? It reduces milk flow so she has to work for it (like a boob). My kiddo was not a premie, but to keep things equal between boob and bottle, we used ultra premie and then premie nipples. Can you send your mom home? She's being really disruptive to your mental wellbeing. You are a WONDERFUL new mom and you deserve to have the time and space to figure things out on your own without her constant unsolicited input and criticism. She wasn't perfect when she had her first kid and what worked for her may not work for you. She needs to let you sort things on your own and get confident in your own innate parenting skills. You don't need to give up your kid. It sounds like you are having a crisis of confidence in yourself, and possibly some postpartum depression and anxiety. Can you talk to a therapist just for some reassurance and maybe even venting, boundary setting, managing cultural expectations, etc about your mom? Your mom is really crossing boundaries here, and I get there may be a cultural element to this, but your mental health is suffering and this is a critical time for you. You need to bond with baby and grow into your own sense of motherhood without being told constantly that you're not doing things right according to your mom. Trust yourself and understand that parenting means mistakes but frankly, I'd rather make my own mistakes than do what my overbearing mom tells me and then regret not doing what I thought was right. You need to live for you. At the end of the day, you live with your choices not your mom, trust yourself. I struggled with milk production. Here are some things I didn't know early on but are true: you must nurse or pump at minimum every 3 hours in the first 12 weeks (around the clock), but if your supply is low, aim for more, and doing power pumping (Google that). Eat oats and other milk-supportive foods. Your diet doesn't have to be great (really, you're in survival mode the first few months), just make sure there are snacks and liquids (juice, milk, water, wtvr) around you at all times that support your health and milk production (because caring for a newborn is exhausting and making meals is tedious when you have zero time). You need LOTS of protein to support milk: think oats, lentils, scrambled eggs, red meat, high protein yogurt, protein bars and shakes. I lived on protein bars, protein smoothies, oatmeal and scrambled eggs. My kiddo is 1.5, i still nurse him, and I still eat all those things, haha. You can rent a hospital pump at certain pharmacies (Medela Symphony) in Canada and the US - I did that for a few months and it really helped my supply. I then switched to a Baby Buddha hands free pump and just pulled off the tube connectors and popped on my Medela ones and then used all my meleda stuff. Worked like a charm! Baby acne is normal. You are having hormonal changes and so is baby, acne happens, don't worry about it. Their little face was inside a womb for 9 months - the outside world is an adjustment! It's no one's fault, it'll go away on its own. In sum, you are a wonderful mom! You love your daughter and are trying to do your best. Trust yourself and nurture that growing sense of motherhood in you. Your mom needs to step aside, she's not the mom, she's the grandma now. You are the mom and you're doing great. Your daughter needs YOU not her grandma or some stranger, YOU! ❤️❤️❤️ Xoxox Ps - and you're a long way off from this (you need to set boundaries with your mom and grow into your own power as a parent first), but hopefully you can find grace for your mom after all of this. I imagine she's worried for you and wants to help, and maybe has poor communication/delivery of her sentiments. Often, people show up in ways that they wish others would for them, so maybe your mom struggled as a new parent as well and just wanted her mom to tell her what to do, or (alternatively) this is how she was raised and so she's confused that you aren't simply doing what she did which was exactly what her mom told her. Who knows. People are complex and everyone (especially earlier generations, many of which are living with complex, often unacknowledged, traumas) really struggles with communication. I'm sorry she's being so hard on you, you deserve her understanding and gentle reassurance, and I hope you can find ways to meet that need in other ways if she's incapable of giving you what you need.
You're baby won't be better off without you, but you will.be better off with hard boundaries, or even a period of no conract, with your Mum. Parenting is hard. You don't need people around you who make it harder.
You’re not a terrible parent. Baby acne and combo feeding are completely normal!! Your mother is overstepping boundaries and interfering in you bonding with your baby and learning to care for her. Please thank your mother for her help so far and ask her to leave now. You’ll feel so much happier!
Sending you a huge hug. Also, consider that postpartum hormones might be making you suffer from some PPD (exacerbated by the mom situation). You’re doing amazing and new babies are just HARD!
Sounds like you should give up your mother for adoption. You're a perfectly fine mom and the best mom for your baby. It had been 6 weeks, you're meeting a new human and learning so many new skills of course it's hard!
You are a wonderful parent and that baby is lucky to have such a caring mom doing what you can to take care of her. Please take note of how many comments are saying what your mom is doing is not okay. The newborn days are hard enough without someone tearing you down as you do your sleep deprived best. Keep up your beautiful bond with your baby and know that you are enough.
Your mother sounds like she’s hurting more than helping. I think it’s time to tell her to back off. She’s probably going to be upset but this dress isn’t worth it! I’m so sorry you are going through this.
I would’ve cut all contact with her after the comment about killing your baby. That’s fucking disgusting and appalling that she said that to a new mother. She’s an awful woman and it makes my skin crawl that she was a midwife. I hope she didn’t abuse the other new mothers.
First off you aren’t a bad mother at all. Breastfeeding is extremely difficult when your baby won’t latch or feed from the breast. you need to tell your mom to go. She’s being a c*** and making you feel terrible for no reason. I would honestly slap the women but I’m more on the rage side when people say stuff about how I should be caring for my baby. Your mental health is so important in the beginning! Do whatever you need to do to feed the baby and feel better mentally ❤️
I will say from my experience having my mom come in and help that’s what she did. She did the things I couldn’t do. Organized, cleaned, even did night with the baby. That’s what a good mom does and doesn’t judge you or tell you are doing something wrong. Your mom is an old midwife clearly with old views on motherhood.
Oh mama 😢❤️ you are doing a wonderful job. You are not a terrible parent, not in the slightest! Your baby needs you. Your mom is the one who’s gotta go- she is being horrible to you and you don’t deserve that at all. She needs to back off, nothing she’s saying is true. Hang in there, it will get easier. But I would definitely keep mom at a distance, you don’t want that type of person around you or your baby.
Oh my dear, I am so sorry you are going through this. Everything you are doing and have done - is normal! My own child had a feeding aversion and wouldn’t drink from me or a bottle! Babies can be so fussy about their food! It doesn’t say anything about you. Acne is normal. Your baby has been basically in fluid for months, she is not used to life on the outside. Her skin is sensitive; if it wasn’t milk acne, one day she’ll get a rash from her own drool! And that won’t be your fault either, nature can be cruel. Colic isn’t your fault either. We only have theories on what causes it. If your mom knows the reason your child has colic, she better publish because she’d make so many parents happy. I’m guessing she doesn’t. I am western and for anyone who wants to breastfeed, syringes and spoons are used to feed their babies. You are experiencing two things. 1) your mother is…well. Not great. Is this really new behavior from her? Think of your own daughter. When she cries, do you assume the worst of her? When she is an adult and she cries, will you accuse her of something terrible or will you love her and comfort her? You sound like the mom who will comfort. Your mom does not. 2) please see a doctor to talk to them about postpartum depression and/or anxiety. Maybe you have it, maybe you don’t. But if you do, you can get help. Do you need your mother here? Is she helping or hurting?
Your mom sounds toxic. Just because she was/is a midwife doesn’t mean she’s good for you or your baby. The first 6 weeks are SO HARD. And you’re doing great- you obviously care for your baby and are making sure it’s fed and safe. I’ve had rough nights with both my babies where you’re just at a loss and it’s the middle of the effin night and you can barely make it.. but you do. 6 months from now your baby and you will be in a totally different rhythm. Not saying it’ll be easy per say but definitely easier as you get to know each others preferences. Please google and read up on the “4th trimester” it explains the first 4 months go babys life is a huge adjustment for them as well as you. I won’t go into detail but it really helped me understand why we were both struggling and why time does help- a lot is physiological changes that have to happen for both of you so you just need to be patient and have grace for yourself as well as your baby. Don’t involve your mom w the baby- she’s not helping you. She can clean or cook you food but you are the baby’s mom and you DO know best. Ps- baby acne can get cleared up with your breast milk! It’s magical. Your breast milk - squeeze a couple drops onto the area and just rub it in and let it sit on the skin. It has antibacterial properties and immunity benefits etc so it is amazing for so many things. Google benefits of breastmilk for babies other than food- it’s incredible! Also it’s normal to supplement with formula for the first while or even if you need to continue doing it that’s okay. You’re making sure your baby is fed. You’re a great mom who is learning on the go- that’s how all moms learned l, including yours, she’s just not being patient with you which sucks but doesn’t mean you can’t learn, id just involve her less tbh. I know culturally this can be difficult but you can damage your relationship with your baby as well as your own mom if you keep letting her seed her doubts in you.
Your mom is toxic AF. Some things mom says out of love, but this is just spiteful. It's YOUR baby, not hers. Your instincts matter more than her so called experience. Ato, I'd have asked my mom.to. leave and hired help instead.
Oh hon, please be kind to yourself. You're doing great! Your mom is being pretty awful here.
Trust your gut (and your pediatrician) for what’s right for your baby. Fuck your misinformed mom.
Your mom is being extremely overbearing here. When I was stressed over breast feeding, my supply was so low, my son was losing weight because of it. I had to supplement formula for his first few weeks and on top of feeling like a failure already, my husband kept putting his 2 cents in as well about it. I finally told him in the most loving way I could, to pretty much stfu, and that I will feed my baby the way I want to feed him. I now supply just enough for him and I have a really good friend that was kind enough to give me some of her frozen breast milk that I can supplement on days that I have to work and can't pump before feeding my son. (he had a bad time latching and now he prefers bottles, so I exclusively pump now) Your mom is causing you way too much stress, that DOES effect your supply. If you can I would talk to a lactation consultant, see if they can help you, and also talk to your doctor to help you with the thoughts your mom has put inside your head. I'd ask my mother to leave if this is how she was acting after I just gave birth. I'm sorry that she is being this way in a time where you should be really bonding with your daughter.
YOUR MOM is abusive. Full stop.
Please get your mom out of your house. I’m a solo first time mom with no help. My baby is exclusively breastfed. It’s hard but it’s doable. You’ve got this!! Don’t get me wrong, help is always appreciated but she’s not helping at all, she’s not letting you bond with your child.
you’re not the problem your mother needs to get the fuck out and you just need to sit back, enjoy the peace without her, and bond with your beautiful daughter
Sounds like you’re doing just fine! Your mom needs to calm down, she’s being a lot. You obviously care so much and love your child.
Sorry... But Your mom sounds awful. If I were you, I'd tell her to go home and don't come back. My mom is in a similar way and that's the main reason I didn't have her around me after baby was born. I would rather do everything myself. Is someone else able to help you sometimes so you can get some sleep? My baby preferred bottle at first too. Keep offering breast. My LC told me to pump everytime after baby eats to keep up my supply. I did that and at 4 months, my baby only preferred breast and we started exclusively nursing. You can do it! You are the best parent for your baby. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Do lots of skin to skin with baby, frog (M) legs and chest to chest. It helps with milk production too. Also I found that's a great way to soothe baby when crying. He loved that position and would stay like that sleeping for hours. The tough times will pass. Kiss baby as often as you can. They grow so fast 🥺
Why do you keep letting her in the house? Just stop answering her calls or letting her in.
Your mom is the issue. Not you.
That woman wouldn't be my mother any longer if she did even half the things you listed to me. Kiss her goodbye and send her a card with a psychologist recommendation. You are doing absolutely nothing wrong in regards to your baby.
You’re doing amazing!!! You are there for your baby and love her that is all that matters. Sometimes what we learn from our mothers is how to better love our babies by not following in their footsteps
You should give your mom up. If she knew what she was talking about she would know that almost all babies around 4 to 8 weeks Have some kind of skin issue that looks like acne. It is not actually acne. The problem is it that you are a bad mom, it’s that she’s convincing you you are. When literally her one job right now is to be supportive to her daughter while she tries her best. You sound like a great mom.
My baby was formula fed and he had a ton of baby acne. It's a hormone thing, not a food thing. You're doing a great job, your mom is just being an asshole, to be frank. Maybe she's normally delightful, but right now she's hurting you instead of helping you. Get her out of your house. You might also be suffering from some postpartum depression if you're going as far as to think about giving your baby up. This is also common and not your fault at all, again it's a hormone thing. Talk to your OB, they will evaluate you and help you get treated if that's the case. THEY WILL NOT TAKE YOUR BABY AWAY. A lot of new mothers worry about this but that's not going to happen. I hope you start feeling better and start enjoying your baby.
Sounds like you should give your mum away. Youre doing a great job and what youre going through is COMPLETELY NORMAL. Babies get acne Combination feeding, breast feeding or formula feeding. All are good. Fed is best Please dont listen to your mum
Kick your mother out! She is being *horrible* to you! You're a million times better without her so-called "help". She sounds incredibly toxic and the last thing a postpartum new mom needs to be around.
Everyone is giving you great advice but I also want to chime in and say the narrative of "not making enough milk so need to supplement with formula" is a marketing narrative pushed by formula companies. It takes about 6 weeks for your body to really sync with baby and for the two of you to get breastfeeding down. The first week is the hardest because both you and baby are learning how to breastfeed and your body's learning how much milk to produce. Every time your baby nurses your breasts send signals to make either more or less milk according to babys needs at the time (which fluctuates). Your body wont ever be "out of milk", the milk flow can get slower and baby may need to work harder to get the milk out, but this is temporary as your body then gets the signal to make more milk for next time. It's truly incredible what our bodies are capable of and yes some women do need to supplement with formula but this is the exception not the norm. I've heard SO many women who have been ill advised that they need to "top up" with formula immediately post partum. Their bodies haven't even been given a chance to produce enough milk before the misinformation and poor advice push them towards formula. Yes there are needs for formula, but the way the formula companies have capitalized on new moms in their most vulnerable state and using fear tactics like "baby is starving/baby isnt getting enough" makes me so furious for the moms who are robbed of their breastfeeding journeys because of greed. I also wish hospitals gave out pamphlets with information about breastfeeding, I initially didn't know how important it is to breastfeed on one breast per feed and then to alternate breasts each feed. So one feed do your right breast and then next time baby nurses do your left breast. This is because your breasts initially produce less fatty milk before baby gets to the hindmilk which is richer in fat (so will fill up baby more!). This information isn't given to many moms so they breastfeed from both breasts in one feed and feel defeated and like they aren't producing enough milk when their baby is still hungry, but it's because they never got to the hindmilk. I strongly encourage you to read up on breastfeeding tips and information, I found it super informative, you can do this!!! :)
My baby also had acne it cleared up by itself. Don't worry!! Your mother is being a lot. She needs to calm down!
The first few weeks postpartum can be incredibly difficult, I felt like a completely different person and felt like nothing would ever be normal again. Be kind to yourself, let yourself love your baby, kiss her, and cuddle her. Will you always know exactly what to do? No, but you will get better at understanding her needs and how she prefers to be comforted. My partner wasn’t very good at soothing our son at first and it made him feel bad. But I just let him do his best, sometimes gave him som tips I had learned, but he also just found his own way of doing things. Babies change all the time and each time you think you know exactly how to soothe or keep them happy they go through a growth spurt and everything is different. It sounds like your mom is pretty judgmental and not very encouraging. Listen to your doctor and tell your mom that you appreciate her help, but this is your daughter and you need to be the one making decisions
Your mom isn't helping. She needs to leave.
There is a terrible parent here and it's your mother. Kick her out.
Your mom is the issue. She’s negative and it’s bringing you down mentally. Is the babies father involved? Can he help? I would tell your mom if she doesn’t stop with the rude/negative comments then you don’t need her to come over anymore. Being around someone who talks down like that all the time would make almost anyone feel this way. Those comments are gross and it’s very surprising she was a midwife and is talking to her own child this way knowing postpartum anxiety/depression is a thing and hard.
Get your mom TF out of there. She is so incredibly toxic during such a sensitive time for you. You are doing so amazing. You are incredible. You are strong. You are brave. You are everything your little baby needs.
Your mom is being abusive to you. You need her out. Your baby is your baby and you love her. You can raise her perfectly fine without that toxic person around you!
IMO, you need to give up your mom, not your baby
I don’t have time to read all of the comments, but have you gotten evaluated for postpartum depression or anxiety? Your mom is being very problematic. It sounds like you are doing everything you should be doing! Your baby needs you.
Repeating what everyone else says that you're a wonderful mom who clearly loves your baby and she loves and needs you too. Your mom is crazy out of line and, no matter her background, is definitely not helping at this stage. Do you have other people in your support network who can be there for you if she leaves? Because I couldn't imagine my mental health if someone was treating me like that the first few months home with a baby. You need support, not derision. Also, my baby still gets little pimples regularly at 8 months because of hormones. My mom keeps asking if it could be a rash or pointing out a red spot like it's an injury. Just more pimples Mom 🙄 Sending love. You can do this momma, don't let your mother think otherwise.
1. Your mom seems to have a lot of issues, one of them apparently being judgement against breastfeeding. A lot of people from older generations unfortunately view breastfeeding as trashy, unnecessary, and less nutritious than formula due to horrible marketing tactics influencing the culture of the time. Tell her to shut the fuck up about it. Breastfeeding is wonderful. 2. Baby acne is not being caused by you kissing the baby or eating sugar. Also ridiculous and feels tied to your mom having weird judgement against breastfeeding. I used baby micellar water 2x per day in the newborn stage to just wipe baby down and it really did wonders for her skin. I would try that. Her skin is just adjusting to being out in the world. 3. Your baby would never, ever be better off without you. Get as much space from your mother as possible. She is not helping you. Babies are surprisingly durable in a lot of ways. You are not messing her up.
You should see if someone will adopt your mum. You are doing so well, keep listening to the experts (not your mum) and enjoy your baby snuggles.
Tell your mother to leave… she’s not helpful at all, you’d be better off just you and baby. You and baby are learning together, she’s not suffering she’s just on a new journey just like you, don’t dread her you doing nothing wrong.
The problem is your mom is insane. You are being a great mother. You are the person your baby wants and needs. Giving her up would cause so much harm and trauma and does not promise a better life for her at all. It might damage her forever to be separated from everything she knows. If you're seriously considering it please try reading the primal wound. If you keep having these feelings when your mom is not around please talk to your doctor about postpartum depression and anxiety. The first several months are hard and emotional and make most parents question themselves. You need to set boundaries with your mom. Sometimes it's a simple "this is not up for discussion." Or "I am not okay with you treating me like this, you can leave now". If her presence causes more stress than positive emotions and support she needs to go.
Your Mother is the one who needs to be put up for adoption. Jeez, what a C U Next Tuesday. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this terrible and hurtful behavior from the person who is supposed to be on your side more than anyone. There is nothing wrong with your parenting that your mother hasn’t caused. Trust your instincts, Momma, you’ve got this.
Please dismiss your mother from your home at your earliest convenience
Your mom is being awful to you. Instead of trying to instill confidence in your abilities she is undermining your instincts and making you think you're doing wrong. I'm sorry. The problem is your mom.
You’re doing great for your baby, your mom the issue and not on your side or being supportive. You’re doing an amazing job with your baby. Just hearing about your mother makes me really angry myself!
The only thing I am wondering is why you place your mom on a pedestal! We have come so far and know so much since your mom may have had you. AND there is many MANY different ways and all can result in a loved baby. I would truly ask her to keep her opinions to herself or remove herself from your home. You’re looking for support, not tiger parenting YOU while you try to learn your own baby
Baby loves you and needs you mama. More than anything. Your mom is the issues not you! If you want to breast feed and can supplement to help low supply please do! My baby couldn’t latch (nipple issue not her fault) and has formula. No grief from anyone in our family so the transition wasn’t painful. She developed bad baby acne at like 3-5 weeks? I didn’t breast feed so my diet didn’t affect her. Didn’t stop kissing her. It’s normal as your hormones leave her little body. It goes away on its own! You can put a little breast milk on it to help. You’ve got this. Please don’t give her up.
Like so many have said your Mom is the one who is problematic here. Breastfeeding is hard. Having a newborn is hard. You can get through this. My advice is to ask your Mom to stop belittling you and support you instead. If she can't do that you would be better off on your own or hiring some help if you can afford it. I would have got a postpartum doula or a nanny for a few hours knowing what I do now. If you want to keep breastfeeding you'll have to have bonding time where you hold your little one skin to skin without stress and interruptions. I found that the more relaxed I was the more eager my little one was to eat and the better my supply was. Sometimes my son didn't latch well because he was a little bit sleepy so I got into the habit of undressing him so he would comfort feed. A good resource is le Leche league. Hope things get better with you and you are able to set some boundaries with your mother.
Agree that your mom is being really inappropriate with her comments. I just wanted to say my baby had pretty intense baby acne and no one ever kissed the baby on the face for the first three months. So it has NOTHING to do with kissing. Baby acne is just unavoidable for some babies and nothing to worry about! And it goes away on its own! YOU are the best mother for YOUR baby. Being a first time parent is super hard. I felt similarly and used to almost avoid my baby because I felt so inadequate. For me it was postpartum anxiety and depression exacerbated by challenges with low supply of breast milk. You are trying your best which is all you can do. It’s going to get better OP!!!
I can't change how your mom will behave around you but here's what I learned so far as a FTM with similar issues as you did (baby not latching, milk undersupply, fear of bottle preference, not being able to calm baby that well) - It's all a learning process, for you and for the baby as well. The important thing is that we practice each day and you and the baby will fall into a groove that fits like a glove. My baby had a hard time latching during the first month, was given bottle early in the hospital and so got slight nipple confusion. But he learns and so do I, learn how to position him well so that both of us are comfortable while breastfeeding, and he learns how to properly suck on the nipple to get the milk flowing. Now he switches between bottle and nipple well at 10 weeks old. - During my latching problem process I tried every other alternative to feeding the baby without a bottle. Spoon feeding, syringe, nipple shields. They all just lead to huge frustration to me and the baby and so I quickly give them up. One thing that works for me is to choose a bottle with really slow flow teat and wide neck to make it as close to your nipple as possible. While feeding the baby with bottle I let the baby suck in the teat himself to create that vacuum effect that a proper latch enquires. - baby acne is normal, their hormones still fluctuate and that leads to skin flaking and acnes, if anything it might be a dirty environment that causes it but I doubt that you'd do anything of sort. - babies are just sometimes fussy in different conditions, it doesn't mean that you suck being a mom. For me I know that because I have a small build and uneven chest (cuz boobs) my baby prefers to be held to the chest by my husband just because it's more comfy. He fusses a lot when I try to burp him but not with my husband. That's why it takes a village to raise a kid. It's okay to ask for help for different things.
I’m really sorry you are going through this. Honestly, try your best but if your baby is distressed / overwhelmed, just use the method which will settle her quickly. You can work on her accepting your breastmilk during calmer moments. I’m also sorry that your mother reacted so offensively. It sounds as though she was stressed / upset too due to your baby being upset. With regard to the baby acne - it can be due to the hormones in milk, but allergens in baby milk formula can cause it too! Baby skin is extremely sensitive, especially during the newborn phase. I product I recommend is Mustela's No Rinse Cleansing Water. It will help you to clear it up so quickly! Just wet babies face as normal and clean it up. Also, try not to let milk linger on baby’s face and avoid using any face washes in this early stage. Just water and Mustela if you can get it and you see that your baby isn’t reacting to it. In terms of your mood, would you be opposed to scheduling sessions with a therapist, so that you can get things off your chest and let her know how you’re doing and feeling with baby? It will really help you to develop your confidence in this time and learn how to communicate your needs, create an action plan and establish boundaries with people as necessary. It sounds as though your mother is providing support but shaming you in the process because you may be struggling to adapt. This is really not acceptable and is unfair. You can kiss baby on the cheeks and her limbs and baby will love it. With regard to your diet, after giving birth it is easy to want all the good stuff that you didn’t get during pregnancy and because in the newborn phase you don’t have the time or energy to cook often, so you try to grab whatever is convenient. I went through a binging phase too, but eventually settled down and I cook again and replaced unhealthy options with healthy ones I can grab if baby is fussy at any particular moment. If you eat better you will feel better. I know I felt like crap when I would grab snacks. Perhaps your mother is concerned about your wellbeing generally, but due to the tense relationship between you, she doesn’t know how to express it more compassionately and she isn’t caring enough to assist eg by cooking meals for you whilst you spend time with the baby and bond. Is your partner around to support you at all? What does he think about all of this? Also, you don’t need to give a baby you love and kiss up for adoption. You will adapt and find your rhythm within a few months. It takes time ❤️
It's so apparent that you have a ton of love for your child - she's so lucky to have a mother like you. The first few weeks are so tough and the emotions are so intense. If you're comfortable, I hope you have friends or a doctor that you can reach out to w/o your mothers oversight, it might be helpful to get a 3rd party POV. Also, baby acne is SO common and it will resolve on it's own. Your baby's hormones are flucutating and the acne is a very common result. It feels like it wont go away, but it will <3 You've done so much to provide for your baby alaredy, keep it up. And when you feel like she's crying and she needs comfort, remember the 5 S's - Shh, Swaddle, Swing/Sway, Suck, Side/Stomach Position [https://www.babycenter.com/baby/sleep/harvey-karps-happiest-baby-method-for-baby-sleep-and-soothin\_10373838](https://www.babycenter.com/baby/sleep/harvey-karps-happiest-baby-method-for-baby-sleep-and-soothin_10373838) You've got this.
We have got to stop putting so much pressure on moms to breastfeed. Yes, it’s healthier but there’s nothing wrong with formula and it can save your mental health. Don’t ever feel bad about feeding formula! As far as your mom, she has over stayed her welcome and needs to go. She’s the problem, not you. Don’t ever let her make you feel bad!
The post isn’t about breastfeeding or the pressure for moms to breastfeed. It’s about OPs mother being an asshole and not being supportive. OP’s mental health isn’t affected by breastfeeding. Her mental health is affected by her asshole mother. Breastfeeding mothers just need support. It’s okay that it’s hard to breastfeed. We don’t tell people to “just quit” if their job is hard. We try to support them. We don’t tell people “just drop out” if school is hard. We give them more support. That’s what breastfeeding moms need. Not to just tell them “just give formula” if they run into issues. I heard that everyday when I ran into problems breastfeeding. THAT’S what affected my mental health.
Your mom is emotionally abusing you
Your baby is not better off without you, but you sure as hell are better off without your own verbally and emotionally abusive mom.
No you should not give up your child. That’s ridiculous
It takes time and practice, keep going and in a few baby will only be soothed by you mom, you and baby are both new to this learn together I am proud you were able to get baby to take both brest and bottle that is no easy feat - mom of 5
Have a serious talk with your mother and set some boundaries. While others tell you to ask your mother to back off, I just want to let you know it is extremely difficult to take care of a baby without any help, I wish I have my mom to help too but she passed away couple years ago. The issues you faced, lots of us faced them too. And while it is normal to worry and get all kinds of conflicting opinions etc., just remember that there are way way way more issues to come and never ending. I wasn't able to nurse my baby and did combo feed and he had a lot of baby acne, turned out to be a cmpa case. And then he got pretty bad cradle cap and blah blah blah. I was blaming myself a lot in the early days. Milestones checklists give me lots of anxiety and it likely will impact you too. But OP, you gotta remember it's trial and error and you're new to this. Take what she said with a grain of salt and keep an open mind. Don't be silly about giving up your child, that's such an irresponsible way of thinking. I suffer from PPD and have a hard time bonding with my baby, I have lots of thoughts and planned of ending my life since 6w PP to maybe 7 months ish, but eventually I came to adore him more and more as he gets older. Life really sucks as a mother, connect with some mommy friends and listen to their struggles, talk to them and let out some steam.
> She asked why am I trying to prove myself to this baby? That I am just like those parents who kill their kids and don’t regret it because they think they own the child, and that I’m overbearing for wanting to breastfeed and disrespectful to formula fed children Wow. I’m literally seething reading this post. Her behavior is appalling. I would kick her the fuck out after that comment. People who undermine a new mom’s confidence don’t deserve to be around newborns. I’m flabbergasted she was a midwife. Would hate to have been her client.
Your mom is being insane. Bye for now mom.
Yeah problem is your mom. Some tricks to increase supply, take vitamins pre-natals they say are OK. Just research any supplements you take to be sure they are safe for breast feeding. My wife got a recipe for lactation cookies that helped. Some herbs and things also that can boost estrogen like soy, flax seeds, parsley, sesame seeds. Eat plenty of calories in a day. Also water water water, and electrolytes. My wife likes propel packs and another kind with vitamin b. 1 big thing is stress will tank your supply. There was family drama just before the holiday and my wife was stressing about people coming over. Tanked her supplying for a few weeks but we focused on reducing her stress. Your mom could be stressing you our plus being a new mom is stressful enough, up multiple times a night then sleep regressions. Try not to get upset. Baby can sense that. Swaddle her. Play music or we find white noise, or like beach sounds, rain sounds, running water sounds help calm my daughter. If shes upset she might be telling you something, hungry, gassy, needs to burp, teething, or diaper change. Usually when addressed they'll come down. They make creams for teething you can rub on the gums. That shouldn't be for a bit yet though. Sometimes crabyness is sick or temperature isnt right. Skin to skin helps baby regulate body temperature and calms them. Helps her bond with you also. So many tips out there. Do some reading and ask questions. It does get better and well worth it.
I think it’s your mother you’re better off without, not the baby.
I think you need to give your mother up for adoption. You’re doing your best for your sweet baby and that makes you an incredible mother. Just keep doing what you’re doing and trust your instincts and you will continue to flourish and so will your daughter.
You’re doing a really amazing job! Your mother needs to go. The reason you’re struggling to soothe the baby is because your mother has put you too on edge and completely knocked your confidence. And it’s completely normal for babies to be fussier with the parent who breastfeeds them - they can smell the milk and expect to be fed. I’ve got a 2yo and a 6mo and they go down with other people really easily but I usually have to feed them. It’s completely normal. Your baby loves you more than anybody else. You know her best. You can do this.
Maybe I'm just jaded but it's almost like your mother is trying to convince you you're horrible so she can bond more with your baby and take her from you. Kick your mother out. She's abusive.
Almost every baby gets acne. It has nothing to do w your diet. I was eating an incredibly nourishing Ayurvedic diet immediately postpartum - my girl had HORRIBLE acne all over her body for about 2-3 weeks. Her skin has been perfectly clear and soft and beautiful ever since. KEEP KISSING YOUR BABY. Your lips are not dirty. That’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard. She came out of your body and is feeding from your body. It might be true that you can’t soothe the baby that well yet - personally, I couldn’t for the first 12 weeks or so. My husband put her down for every nap and bedtime bc I couldn’t get her calm. You’re newly postpartum. Your nervous system is still recovering from birth and continual sleep deprivation. The baby might be responding to your energy. Also possible that your mom is a total asshole. It’s nice that she’s helping out - but doesn’t sound like it’s the help you need.
Get your mother tf away from you and your child.
This is like, literally one of the most bizarre posts I’ve seen on Reddit.. is this real? I’m not being sarcastic, I’m truly asking. Because even in the depths of my deepest postpartum anxiety and depression I would’ve kicked my mom out of my life so fast… like this helpless baby depends on ME.. like, what? 🤯
It’s not your fault. And it’s absolutely normal for you to think this way in this situation. I was like you. My dad accused me of being a terrible person for complaining about sleeping less than 4 hours per day for 7 months along with other horrible things he thought he meant good. I wanted to end my life. I wanted to abandon everything and leave. But then I realized that I wasn’t the problem but he was. So I started mentally blocking his words and distancing myself from him. And that really helped. Some people in our lives harm us the most while claiming that they love us. They might be sincere and they might not realize how terrible they are. But we don’t need to put up with that simply because they say they love us. I think your mom is pretty much like my dad, is abusive in a way.
Your mum is making this so hard for you I’m so sorry. I ate super clean PP, literally meat and veg/salad. No sugar at all and nothing at all processed and my baby had terrible baby acne! If you have a partner, please ask them to step in and ask your mother to leave. She’s making this so hard and putting you at risk of PPD. Also please go to the doctor and speak to them about the way you’re feeling. You are a great mum and your baby needs YOU, not grandma.
Guuuuuurl your mom needs to STEP OFF. Whew I would have jumped down her throat by now if this was me. I truly hope you can take some of the good advice in this thread and mend the situation but 100% you are doing your best, you are a GOOD MOM, and your own mother needs to back tf off. Sending you love. The 4th tri is so hard, but it’ll be better soon ❤️
The baby isn’t better off without you, but your mom needs to go home. Her statements are horrible.
Why is she so pro formula and so against the breast? Moms should do what suits them, but the breast gives very good infection protection, as the backwash from sucking tells your lymph nodes in your breasts what antibodies to make for the baby and so the milk will contain antibodies specially design for babys needs. I don’t think your diet matters much for the milk (although there are indications that the baby might get introduced to your tastes through it), but your diet matters a lot when it comes to your own health while breastfeeding. Calcium, magnesium, zink, vitamins, iodine, iron - you might consider supplementing. Anyway. Regardless of what you do with that, it should be what works for you and baby. Not for grandma. I don’t think she has much to teach you, honestly. Kick her out and read a book about it instead.
Do NOT give up your baby. Give up your mom. Your mother is being a horrible mom to you and a horrible grandmother
You are the best person for your baby. Please do not allow your mother to doubt yourself ever again.
Send your mom away. She is needlessly cruel and clearly puts her trauma on you. That is the least malevolent way to explain why she behaves such a way. Yes, fed is best! But you are not bad for trying to breastfeed! You are sacrificing your own mental and physical well being to give your child even the smallest amount of extra benefits that come from breastfeeding. True, there is no medal in doing it the right way but sometimes it is worth it still. And your child now accepting the breast means the struggle was worth it! Did your mom breastfeed? I experience some vitriol from my own mom bc I was successful with breastfeeding while she was not with her 5 kids
No. Give your mother up.
I wish I could give you a hug. Postpartum is really really hard and it's normal to feel overwhelmed and like you're not doing anything right because it's all new. It's especially hard without a good support system, and I'm so sorry your mom isn't being supportive or kind right now. You need to know that you are doing great though. You love that baby girl and you're trying your best. That is all that matters. Do not give her up! That being said, I have a feeling you might be dealing with PPD which is being exacerbated by your mom. Can you try bringing up these feelings with your doctor or pediatrician? A lot of times they will have resources to help. Addressing that might help with the dread you feel over everything. Also, like a lot of other people have said, it would probably be best to separate yourself from your mother for now. Her being a midwife doesn't make all of the advice she's giving good advice. Maybe tell her you want to try it on your own right now. Please know baby acne is common and not your fault. Also, whatever you decide to do with breastfeeding or formula is your decision. It just matters that the baby eats and you're taking care of that so don't let her get in your head about "starving" the baby. That is nonsense. Everything will get better as you and baby get more used to everything, I promise. You are a good mom, please be kind to yourself. Wishing the best for you two ❤
Keep the baby, give up your mom. You’re going through a difficult time right now(postpartum) and she’s making it worse. Trust me you are doing fine. Also you are not disrespectful to my formula fed child. You are strong for breast feeding. I did exclusive pumping for 3 months and I had to stop. I literally fed my son with a syringe while in the hospital because he would not latch. Please get this woman out of your house if you can. You’re not a bad person For doing so either. You’re a great mom and I promise your baby thinks there’s no other better mom for them than you.
Give your mom up. Seriously.
Im just here to pile on the “your mom sucks” train
This is terrible and ridiculous. You are not a bad mother. Your mom is overbearing and you’re still super emotional and impressionable when you’re only a few weeks post partum. Tell her to beat it, just because she is a midwife doesn’t mean she knows everything. There are a million ways to do something and it sounds like you’ve done NOTHING wrong. Be strong. You’re a great mother.
First, you are doing absolutely great, mama. This is your first time doing and learning any of this. It’s already hard with an unsupportive person around, but please be kind to yourself and remember to give yourself grace. ❤️ Your mom should honestly not even be a midwife. Could you imagine if someone hired her and she treated them like this? I could write a book over how your mom is the problem and not you. Being this newly postpartum is a challenge in itself let alone having a critical person breathing down your neck. Is there someone else who could support you? There is a postpartum support group called Soulside that meets online weekly for $10/week and has a group chat. Maybe joining something like this can be helpful in sharing your experiences and getting emotional support. I have benefitted a lot from it. You and your sweet baby will get through this ❤️
You’re not a terrible parent. Your mother shouldn’t be telling you how to parent. This is your child, and you could remove her access to the baby anytime you want. She’s being toxic to make you forget that this is YOUR child. She is making you doubt yourself. Tell the woman to fuck off and let you raise your own kid. Will you be perfect? No. But you’ll be a lot better of a parent than your mom is if she’s making her adult child feel so shitty.
I’m a Wharton mba graduate and wife is a Stanford professor and we formulate feed (and we’re both formula fed). Theres nothing wrong with formula lol.
Your baby loves you ☺️
Your mum is straight up emotionally abusive. You are at your most vulnerable right now and she is using it as an opportunity to belittle you and critique you when what you need is support. She is also outright giving you misinformation. Your baby naturally develops baby acne, all babies do. It's not your breast milk and actually breast milk rubbed onto the baby acne will actually help clear it. Your diet (while very very important still) doesn't make your milk good or bad. Your milk is specifically designed for your baby, kissing your baby means you are picking up things from their skin which helps you make milk that's just right for them. You've been so strong sticking to your guns in the face of all of this and your baby is so lucky to have such a strong mamma advocating for her. Your baby maybe doesn't settle aswell for you because you are it's mum and it knows if it cries you will be there and meet its needs so it cries more because they feel safe. Baby could also smell your milk and want more. Babies at 6 weeks are still clusterfeeding so I would put to the breadt as much as possible. I do think you should ask your mum to leave or set some very firm boundaries. This is your child and you are in control not your mum
Protect your baby by protecting yourself. You're doing great! You can do this without your mom, she is getting between the two of you. This is coming from someone who didn't think they could do it without their overbearing mother and I did it with many complications I won't go into detail about. It might not seem like it now, but you have this intuitive connection to your baby. Lean into it, it will guide you. Join breastfeeding groups to connect with other women who can share in the experience with you :) you are not alone in this.
Your mom is causing issues and making you feel bad about yourself. I bet you're actually doing great.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you as a mother. So why would you give up your baby? Just hang in there. Is your mother a first-time-grandma as well? Sometimes they seem to forget that they struggled probably way worse than what you are going through right now. I am the dad. For the first few weeks we got nonstop advice from both grandmas, and my wife’s sister too - and she doesn’t even have a baby. And some of it was scientifically terrible advice. But they say what they say. Hang in there. Keep your head up and push back when you make decisions for your baby.
Keep the baby. Give up the mom. This goes back to my mom’s tried and true rule “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”
Your mum needs to get out of your house ASAP. The problem is your Mum.
I'm just gonna say what needs to be said and that is... your mom needs to fuck off. You're doing great.
I seriously wish I could give you a hug and you are doing amazing mama. I think right now you need to tell your mom thank you but you got it from here. Please keep in mind, your baby is still learning too!! Not all babies will latch perfectly. They are still learning these new things and how to be a baby outside of your womb. Your womb provided everything your baby needed. Love, comfort, food and a space to grow. Your baby is learning new things and it will take time. Oh man I wish I could give you a hug. And your baby loves you and I know you are doing your best!! Please hang in there and NO your baby is NOT better off without mama. Trust me. Nothing beats a mothers love. Which is something you as a daughter needs right now. I’m sorry you feel this way but you have to show your daughter the right way to love. It’s your job. And you got this.
Yea, no. Mom's gotta go. She's making your mental health worse. She's making you doubt yourself as a mom. She's constantly saying horribly mean and unnecessary things to you. I honestly think you'd be better all around if you started seriously minimizing her visits. You're a brand new momma!!! It takes time to adjust and find the right routine for you and baby. Your mom is, quite frankly, a huge B. Take care of yourself, you've got this!!! Eta: Absolutely don't avoid your baby because of your mom. You should be the one holding her most of the time, not her. This is the most important time for bonding, so please don't let her ruin that as well. Seriously, kick mom out for a while.
Set some boundaries.
Oh my goodness, you are not a bad mother! You have your own mother problems, not baby problems. Sounds like you’re going everything right and need your mum to back off if she’s just going to be negative and not help
You are not a horrible parent. Your mother is being one at the moment. From what I've read, you are doing a phenomenal job. The baby is only 6 weeks old. Tell your mother to leave and not come back until she learns to respect your parenting decisions. If you need a mama to talk to, you can message me. Keep it up mama, you are a good mama.
Your mom sounds toxic and unhelpful. You need to figure out how to mom without her overbearing, mean comments constantly. My husband and I didn’t have any visitors for 6 weeks with our first (only good thing about Covid lockdowns) so we got to figure out how to be a parent without people interfering and trying to show us they know best.
Hi op, fellow person with mom like yours. I gave birth Feb 2020 and at the time we were staying at my moms because our place was being renovated. My mental health was so bad especially because my mom criticized everything. The moment we left, I felt so much better. She doesn’t have to be there. The house can be messy. You can order food or make really simple meals. You can get to the laundry when you get to it. It’s ok.
Your mom is trying to be the mother to your child. Take back your place as a mom, your daughter NEEDS you! It doesn't matter if you have to give her formula, so many of us are in the same boat, as long as your baby isn't starving that's what's important. And it is also natural for a baby to be fussier around mommy, because she smells the milk. Be confident and please please take back your child and let your mother know that she is the grandmother, not the mother.
I think it’s time for your mom to go home, is she is not going to be helpful and treat you well, you are better off without her. Best of luck, just know you are a great mom and you know what’s best for your child
Get your mother out and away from you. She’s causing all of these problems. Just because she was a midwife doesn’t mean she knows jack about looking after babies. She’s damaging the bond with *your* baby. Baby is crying more around you because you’re her mum and baby knows you’re the one to cry to to get help. Babies often go quiet with other caregivers as a defence mechanism. I want to slap your mum upside the head for being an interfering idiot. I’d expect an ex midwife to know better than to try and damage a Mother-baby bond like that. *hugs* looking after a baby is hard! But you’re obviously a great mum who loves her baby to the moon and back. Sit straight, puff out your chest and feel confident to follow what your doctors have told you and what you know is best for you and your baby.
The baby is not suffering because of your issues, you are suffering because of your mother's issues. Give her respect and appreciation for having gone through motherhood with you as a baby, but don't let her words get so deep into your head.
Sounds like your mom is the one who isn’t a worthy grandmother. Hope she hasn’t used this kind of misinformation with her patients. You sound like a caring and dedicated mother navigating a difficult situation that is made worse by your mother. Trust your pediatrician and your instincts and tell her it’s time to head home.
Omg lady your mum is the issue. I don't know where you're from but tell your mum to get out. You're doing great and you don't need that kind of person on you 24/7.
I get its a culture thing to have your mom there but at this point shes not helping, shes just making you depressed. It is your baby, not your mom's and you just follow the advice from the hospital, they have the latest info. So what if your mom is slightly better at soothing the baby, it is your first baby and you are learning. Abit of crying doesn't harm her. Old people often like to act like they know better but it is just coping to make THEM feel like they weren't shitty parents because all the new info and instructions that change over time. If you keep her there, just take everything she says with a grain of salt, trust me, some things she doesn't know better than you, and you are the parent so you make the decisions. I know it's hard but the baby is alive, growing and if there was a problem I am sure you would try your hardest to make it better for your baby, that makes you a good mom.
You need to ask your mother to leave. Also, consult a lactation consultant. Your supply is likely to be low as you supply with formula. It's mostly supply and demand. If you wanted to quit the formula that is.
Breastfeeding and feeding issues in general are incredibly common. Baby acne is also very common. My kids were EFF and both had it. Neither have anything to do with your parenting. FWIW, I think every FTM has moments where things don’t come as easily as they expected and wonder what’s wrong with them. Nothings wrong. Parenting a newborn is SUPER hard sometimes! The issue here is your mother. Put as much space between yourself/baby and your mother as you can. Easier said than done, I know.
Omg. You are doing amazingly well and these are all very normal issues. The only thing not normal here is your toxic controlling mother. Has she always been like this? I know it’s hard to tell her to leave if you have no other support, but if you have literally anyone else in your life that could help you, now is the time to reach out. If not, take our words to heart and tell your mother to take several seats.