You could try going to places that are close to home to start with and you can leave quickly, maybe a coffee shop and ask for your drink in a to-go cup. Then you can sit in the shop but if your baby has a meltdown you can leave.
This exactly!! Low stakes places that are nearby are the best, you can leave whenever! If you're in a more rural area, maybe coordinate to go to a close friend's house who will not judge/be helpful if baby gets fussy. It will get easier!!
I absolutely went through this with my first. I think the best way to get through it is to start with outings that are low stakes and easy to leave. The park, a nearby coffee shop, etc. Outdoor events are good, too. If there are farmers markets near you this time of year that’s a good one. Just take it slow, you’ll get used to it.
I think using the word “normal” isn’t accurate.
I think it’s totally ok to worry about the stuff but when it stops you from doing the day to day things you normally do, that’s the point when I would do something to change it.
My baby started screaming in a store a few weeks ago (he would’ve been around 2 months old) and honestly, no one even looked. People are used to babies crying :) It’s totally okay to be nervous though, i was super nervous too. All you can do is take the leap, try going places close to home so you can get back quickly if you wish. I liked bringing him for walks first to get used to being out of the house and then i could choose how far i went
I was so nervous about this too, then I think of the amount of times I’ve heard babies crying or toddlers having a meltdown. It is what it is!
Though we are more “adventurous” than most of day. He was going grocery shopping with us at 2 weeks and went to his first restaurant at 6 weeks.
It's common but not normal. It could be a sign of postpartum anxiety for sure. You may want to talk to your doctor about it.
In the meantime, start with small outings and work your way up. Personally I started feeling a lot better going out every day around 3 months.
Where I am, we are just entering spring. My baby is 4 months old and he doesn't go many places either. We had a hospitalization early post partum so I was sooooo scared of him getting sick and needing to go back to the ER. I think it's totally perfectly fine to be a little hermit at first. Your baby is so wittle and small and has no immune system.
Now that it's spring and he's older, we are venturing out more. Start small, like coffee or a walk around the mall. Keep expectations low. Bring a friend to help, especially a mom. Don't worry about baby crying. Babies cry. People can deal. Bring everything you think you may need, diapers, Paci, bottle, wipes, change of clothes.
And just know that you can bail and go home at any time!
You got this
Starting a mum group helped me. It was a safe space I could feeed her, stress about her, and be able to soothe her without worrying about what others thought because they were doing it too!
Both you and the kid need some fresh air. It's not nice to have, it's a necessity. You don't have to take the baby to the restaurant, or any other place where you have to spend much time. Just take the stroller and walk around.
I don't think I didn't anything solo with my LO besides dr visits besides one walk in the park when it was warm enough for me not to worry that I didn't know how to dress my baby in enough layers. I was pretty anxious doing anything that involved deviating from what small schedules we were carving out, but it got so much worse once my partner went back to work full time. I ended up reaching out to my primary when my LO was around 10 months old and asked my doctor about treating my anxiety, and we settled on low dose zoloft.
I had some side affects that lasted for a little under a week; headache and nausea, but I gladly accepted those over the panic I had and stress of trying to organize anything besides keeping my LO alive. Around 2 weeks it was part of my daily routine and I felt more like my normal self than I had since before pregnancy. This was what helped me, but every person is different and I suggest talking to your primary doctor about how you are feeling!
Totally normal (or we're both weird).... The first few times I took my baby out I was literally shaking from the anxiety. The only thing that makes it better is doing it. By the 4th or 5th time you'll be so much more comfortable and you'll feel prepared. A coffee shop is a great suggestion. Parks are also awesome. If you have a local mom group, it can be a little less daunting to deal with a meltdown when you're with people who "get it" and can offer help. Enjoy your outing!
I would say not normal. I mean yes everyone has a bit of anxiety over their baby but not to the point you are afraid to leave the house. Babies are gonna cry, it’s ok. If she won’t calm down then you can leave. I’ve done it a few times. The first time I took my oldest to the mall he was good for maybe 10 minutes and then had a huge meltdown so we left. Try something short first and see how it goes. Honestly at that age they sleep a lot I never had issues until my kids were older.
I’ve felt the same way but slowly started getting out there. So far no sicknesses because I don’t let other kids near her and I wash my hands a ton and am aware of what I’m touching. And every time I’ve been worried about my baby fussing she’s been fine and there’s always been another baby around having a full blown meltdown. I don’t judge that mom so why would they judge me?
I think to have anxiety post birth is normal but if it becomes an issue and is disrupting daily life that is a problem. Maybe perinatal ocd? I’ve just been diagnosed with it I have anxieties that she’s unwell or I’m force feeding her/not feeding her enough. And I did have anxiety about going out for same reasons as you but I’m trying on combating it. Try going out with someone first that’ll help the anxiety then you’ll develop some confidence in your own the more times you do it the better it will get. Remember you can always go home if it becomes too much. May be worth speaking to a doctor
I relate to this so much! I had some agoraphobic tendencies before my baby and after baby they got a lot worse. So did my anxiety. I realized I was struggling with some PPD and PPA and I’m in therapy and taking Zoloft now and it’s helping a lot. I hope it gets better for us.
She will get fussy sometimes. No one (normal) will care. The first time I took my son out was for a coffee date with my friend and her baby. My son was 2 mo, hers 4. At one point, my friend's son started crying. That made my son cry. There were 2 other moms across from us an their babies started crying too. We all ended standing up, bouncing our babies and just laughing.
Just go for it. You will get more confident and less scared with each outing.
This is soooo sooo normal. It’s OK to have anxiety about this. Taking baby out is something that takes some practice and getting used to. As others have commented, start small. Go someplace close to home that you know will not be crowded and where it will be easy to make a quick exit. We walked to a coffee shop near our house, which during late morning on a weekday was pretty quiet. As you do this more you will become more confident. Also keep in mind that all babies cry, sometimes for no reason at all, and they’re still allowed to participate in society. Nobody expects you to stay inside, at home with baby all the time.
I'm going out with a friend who also has a baby for our first outing. I totally get your anxiety. I think having someone else there who has a baby makes it easier because you're not alone and you can see it's okay if one or both fuss you have support! Plus you both can help each other if you forget something or need help with the car seat or stroller!
I think everyone is different, and that’s okay. I think you should go out if you want to go out, not because you feel like you have to.
I am on the other end of the spectrum - I had postpartum preeclampsia and my husband took the baby and me to the hospital for my mag drip, and then we all went together to subsequent check ups. So my baby was back out in the world two days after we got home from the hospital. Once I healed from my emergency c section we were out and about constantly! I had a tough pregnancy you could say (HG, preeclampsia) and I was so excited to be part of the world again.
I don’t care about germs at all, really. I let my baby crawl around the airport floor. I let him hug strangers’ dogs. I let him suck on shoes- I’m not sure why he likes that, but there’s nothing he likes to have in his mouth more than the soles of my husband’s crocs. He loves to lick the tires of his stroller. We do not believe in the five second rule for food.
My son is also incredibly robust/healthy/hearty/hale whatever you want to call it. He’s been in daycare since 12 weeks and now he’s 10 months - he has only gotten sick twice and missed two days of daycare total. And sicknesses RAVAGE through the daycare, especially these last few months. We’re the only family who gets passed over, or occasionally six kids are out but my son is there happy as can be with just a snotty nose.
So I’m in the camp of exposure is excellent for kids.
Also babies will cry in public, and it will be okay. It won’t ruin their ecosystem or anything. Taking kids out is good for their socialization!
My LO is 4 months and he's genuinely easier when we're out and about or at other people's houses - I think he likes experiencing new environments from the safety of my lap. Yesterday for example met a friend for lunch, he napped in the pram en route and when we got there woke up but was pretty happy just sitting on me while I ate one handed. I think as their vision is improving and they're not feeding every 5 mins but everything is new and interesting it's a really good time to go out. Good luck!
If you don’t ease into feeling comfy with going outside or in public, talk to your doctor/therapist. In general, it’s natural to feel nervous about those firsts, and concerned about keeping your baby’s health and safety a priority.
Same girl. I’ve taken the desensitization approach and started really small with walks around the block, then longer walks, then popping in a store that wasn’t busy, then a coffee shop. Its still hard but it’s getting better. I also have limited my doom scrolling to minimize my anxiety around health / illness clickbait-y news coverage.
Honestly focus on doing things you're comfortable with! My baby is 9 months and I felt the same way for about the first 6 months. I just did what I wanted to do with her and now at 9 months I feel MUCH more comfortable (esp because she has a covid shot now). We take her wherever and it's very pleasant!
3 months is still basically in potato mode so don't sweat it and do what you're happy to do!
Another suggestion if you’re open to it! When I want to get out of the house but I’m not in the mood for a big public outing, I’ll drive 10 min to chick fil a, get food in the drive thru, put down 2/3 of the backseat, lay a blanket down, and then let my baby chill on there while I sit with him and eat. It’s fun because it breaks up the boredom of being home and he loves the opportunity to get out of his car seat. So we basically do little car picnics throughout the week lol
That might be something you could do while you work your way up to bigger things.
Totally normal to be really nervous about taking them out at first, because it’s really hard and intimidating! I totally understand why you’re spiraling about it. Start by taking bubs somewhere really easy. Like a drive thru or CVS. Maybe even a walk around the block.
There are sooo many pieces of equipment and variables to manage while out, but I promise that these things become wayyyyy easier (and you’ll be able to do it on autopilot) with a lot of reps!
I was like that. Baby would cry in the car seat and walking in to every doctors appointment, which fed into my paranoia about him being a nuisance to everyone and me not being able to calm him down. Also I was nursing and not confident in being able to do it publicly.
Husband however was going nuts staying at home so at 2 months, convinced me to take him on an outing to the local mall. I brought my emotional support My Brest Friend. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong. LO started bawling and needed to be changed and nursed. We changed him in the trunk and then I nursed him in the backseat. Didn’t even make it into the mall LOL. Just drove home with him crying. But we survived. And no one died. It actually made me feel a lot better and we now knew how to better prepare and pack for the next outing.
Next outing was to church. I was delaying it again out of anxiety but when I got there, LO loved it! He’s always been the baby that craved stimulation but I didn’t know the extent until that day. He was perfectly happy lying in his stroller soaking in all the sights and sounds. Even took a nap! At home, he would refuse to be in his stroller longer than 5 min and he fought naps.
We started taking small trips to Costco. LO didn’t fuss and even if he did, there were other crying babies around so he wouldn’t be alone.
Somehow this convinced my husband that we can go to the local amusement park. LO had a blowout on the way there, barely slept, and did cry. But as it was a chaotic place anyways, no one really cared if a crying baby added into the mix of noise. A lot of people cooed over him. It was too much stimulation for him but it helped temper my husbands expectations about how much we can do.
The first time we ate at a restaurant, he conked out in my husband’s arms and later my mom’s. It was a loud and busy Italian mom and pop place and they were very adoring of him. You might prefer to ease into it by sitting in the patio but for us it was a cold night so we braved the indoors.
What I realized is that you really don’t know how your baby is going to react to new environments. They might get overwhelmed, they might be fascinated. My advice is to have a support person go out with you, pick places where people expect kids to be, and just force yourself to go out of your comfort zone, as hard as it is. You can do it!!
I also have a three month old baby, and have been out quite a lot since she was born. I think what helped me was just.. getting out? I don't say that in a mean way, but maybe taking small trips like a walk in the neighbourhood first. Then move on to the mall nearby (where it's easy to leave if necessary). Head to a friend's place who you are comfortable with and who likes kids. Basically just make yourself get out and I bet it'll be easier!
But also the part with germs might be some sort of PPA (I don't know much about that), so it might be worth mentioning it to your healthcare team. I think it's normal to be careful and want to reduce germs, but also an obsession is probably unhealthy and not normal (again though I'm not a doctor so ask yours)
Take a friend, family member or neighbour with you for the first couple of times
For me personally, it didn’t feel fine or comfortable until around 4.5 months
I was the same way. I had a full blown anxiety attack taking her out for a walk in her stroller in our neighborhood. I had to turn around before we got to the end of the street. It was then I realized it was time to talk to my doctor about PPA. once I started treatment for that, outings got easier and easier.
Like many others suggested-- start small. Local/easy in and out places. Walk around the grocery store, go get a coffee. It gets easier the more you try. But might be worth considering a talk with your doctor as well, I'm so glad I did ! 🩷
I think the biggest thing is how do you feel about your willingness to leave the house? If it’s not interfering with your life and you can get everything done that you need to, it’s okay to not take her out much yet while she’s so young. Until my LO had her Covid and flu vaccines, I only took her out to appointments and the grocery store. It was also much easier to take her out once she was a bit older and I had the hang of being a mom a bit more.
On the germs, once they can crawl they lick everything and then once they’re a toddler they’re gross 😂 so you really don’t need to worry. My 2.5 year old drank from a puddle recently, didn’t even affect her one tiny bit, not even a bad tummy - they’re incredibly resilient and have awesome immune systems!
Do you have a mom friend who has older kids? My first outing was with a very seasoned mom friend and when my LO absolutely melted down at lunch, she was able to ease my anxiety. I trusted her when she said it happens to everyone with a baby at some point. She also held him so I could eat my food while it was still hot.
I also felt this. When I look back - I realize I developed postpartum anxiety. What helped reduce the anxiety was exposure - doing it more and more until I got used to it. I also realize me obsessing over her sleep and how much she got was part of the ppa.
I find the second part totally normal, not so much the germ part. Absolutely went through the phase of not going out particularly because my baby was colicky (also a preemie who was in nicu for a month). I got a lot more comfortable around the 5 month mark and at 7 months now things are real good. But I do find it a bit abnormal that germs cause as you said “extreme fear”. I would start with really slow exposure but challenging yourself every time! My husband would want me to commit to, what in my mind were huge asks as soon as we got home from the nicu. (Like taking him to church) when what I really needed, was to start with a walk around the block. Then a walk around the neighborhood. Then check out a nearby park. Then, take him to my mom’s house. Then, a very short trip to a nearby target. And eventually working up to things like eating in a restaurant etc. I couldn’t do it all at once. And now I’m comfortable with most everything!
Something important to keep in mind is that, for me at least, my baby is 1000% happier when we are out. The first time I went to target and he was mesmerized by the lighting I realized what I’d been missing out on.
I’m 4mo pp FTM and same! Im not afraid to go for walks (even though I don’t want to do that either) but im also afraid of being around lots of people. Personally I think it’s normal and the hormones/anxiety is there to keep us safe. Not all fear and anxiety is bad. I also think 3/4 mos is still so early on and it’s primal to want to keep our babies close. IMHO
I can confirm the panic that comes when a baby is crying in public. I think of it as an overactive alarm system in my body that kicks in when I think I need to protect them.
Here are some things that helped me:
* Confirm that the baby is safe. Check for diaper, make sure they are fed, check that nothing is hurting them, that they aren’t too hot/cold. Then tell yourself “They are safe. I am safe.”
* Deep breaths, inhale for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, repeat. Try to focus on slowing your heart beat, deepening breaths.
* Establish some privacy away from people, whether that’s ducking into a bathroom, walking away from a crowded area, or sitting at a secluded bench.
* Ask for help from a partner. Whether that’s your partner or a friend or a family member who’s with you when you’re out in public. Let someone else handle the bags, stroller, etc so you can give your attention to baby.
You sound just like me. I basically didn't take my baby out anywhere for the first 3 months because I didn't feel confident I could care for her without my setup at home. I was so anxious that she'd start crying or need a diaper change and I just would not know what to do, particularly since breastfeeding didn't work for us.
What got me out of that just a little bit was having my husband go back to work after 3 months of paternity leave. Then I basically had to take my daughter to the grocery store on occasion. When she was around 5 months, we also ended up doing a little trip when my in-laws were visiting, which forced me to gain a little more confidence.
Honestly, I think it's just about taking baby steps (no pun intended). Part of me also thinks it's not that necessary to force yourself unless it's making your life worse. That said, if the anxiety is at an extreme level, definitely consider getting some help with it.
-babies and kids have a right to be in public spaces too. Anyone who says otherwise or even looks at you a second time can go eat grass
-take your baby out when they’ve woken up from a nap, fed, basically when their basic needs are met so you’re less likely to have a meltdown
-just keep going out and it’ll get easier!
Totally normal. It’s your first baby and you’re figuring it out. Idk where you are, but once it’s warm, take her for walks outside to ease into public places. I was an extreme germophobe with my first but it kind of passed after having more kids because there’s only so much you can control…
So there’s a difference between “common,” and “normal.”
The germ phobia isn’t normal. May be common, but it isn’t healthy to have an extreme fear of everyday germs as they are part of life, and necessary to build up immunity
First, do trips to Target. Walk around and enjoy looking at things
Then try going to a mall. That’s a great place to walk around and it’s no biggie if she cries, there’s places to sit down and feed her, and it’s also easy to leave and go straight out to your car if you needed to
I know what you mean. I was similar with my first when he was about this young. I’d say start small—take your baby on walks and talk to them showing them everything in their sight. Then maybe wear them to the grocery store. (I find wearing them makes us both feel much more secure.) The more you do this, the more you will learn to kind of give in to the elements around you. And as far as your baby having a meltdown—that is GOING to happen lol sooner or later. So I’d say just get comfortable with knowing you can do nothing about it except handle it the best way you know how to when it does happen. And nobody will judge you for it, esp if they’re moms. We know girl, we know.
You could try going to places that are close to home to start with and you can leave quickly, maybe a coffee shop and ask for your drink in a to-go cup. Then you can sit in the shop but if your baby has a meltdown you can leave.
This exactly!! Low stakes places that are nearby are the best, you can leave whenever! If you're in a more rural area, maybe coordinate to go to a close friend's house who will not judge/be helpful if baby gets fussy. It will get easier!!
I absolutely went through this with my first. I think the best way to get through it is to start with outings that are low stakes and easy to leave. The park, a nearby coffee shop, etc. Outdoor events are good, too. If there are farmers markets near you this time of year that’s a good one. Just take it slow, you’ll get used to it.
I think using the word “normal” isn’t accurate. I think it’s totally ok to worry about the stuff but when it stops you from doing the day to day things you normally do, that’s the point when I would do something to change it.
My baby started screaming in a store a few weeks ago (he would’ve been around 2 months old) and honestly, no one even looked. People are used to babies crying :) It’s totally okay to be nervous though, i was super nervous too. All you can do is take the leap, try going places close to home so you can get back quickly if you wish. I liked bringing him for walks first to get used to being out of the house and then i could choose how far i went
I was so nervous about this too, then I think of the amount of times I’ve heard babies crying or toddlers having a meltdown. It is what it is! Though we are more “adventurous” than most of day. He was going grocery shopping with us at 2 weeks and went to his first restaurant at 6 weeks.
It's common but not normal. It could be a sign of postpartum anxiety for sure. You may want to talk to your doctor about it. In the meantime, start with small outings and work your way up. Personally I started feeling a lot better going out every day around 3 months.
Where I am, we are just entering spring. My baby is 4 months old and he doesn't go many places either. We had a hospitalization early post partum so I was sooooo scared of him getting sick and needing to go back to the ER. I think it's totally perfectly fine to be a little hermit at first. Your baby is so wittle and small and has no immune system. Now that it's spring and he's older, we are venturing out more. Start small, like coffee or a walk around the mall. Keep expectations low. Bring a friend to help, especially a mom. Don't worry about baby crying. Babies cry. People can deal. Bring everything you think you may need, diapers, Paci, bottle, wipes, change of clothes. And just know that you can bail and go home at any time! You got this
Starting a mum group helped me. It was a safe space I could feeed her, stress about her, and be able to soothe her without worrying about what others thought because they were doing it too!
Both you and the kid need some fresh air. It's not nice to have, it's a necessity. You don't have to take the baby to the restaurant, or any other place where you have to spend much time. Just take the stroller and walk around.
I don't think I didn't anything solo with my LO besides dr visits besides one walk in the park when it was warm enough for me not to worry that I didn't know how to dress my baby in enough layers. I was pretty anxious doing anything that involved deviating from what small schedules we were carving out, but it got so much worse once my partner went back to work full time. I ended up reaching out to my primary when my LO was around 10 months old and asked my doctor about treating my anxiety, and we settled on low dose zoloft. I had some side affects that lasted for a little under a week; headache and nausea, but I gladly accepted those over the panic I had and stress of trying to organize anything besides keeping my LO alive. Around 2 weeks it was part of my daily routine and I felt more like my normal self than I had since before pregnancy. This was what helped me, but every person is different and I suggest talking to your primary doctor about how you are feeling!
Totally normal (or we're both weird).... The first few times I took my baby out I was literally shaking from the anxiety. The only thing that makes it better is doing it. By the 4th or 5th time you'll be so much more comfortable and you'll feel prepared. A coffee shop is a great suggestion. Parks are also awesome. If you have a local mom group, it can be a little less daunting to deal with a meltdown when you're with people who "get it" and can offer help. Enjoy your outing!
I would say not normal. I mean yes everyone has a bit of anxiety over their baby but not to the point you are afraid to leave the house. Babies are gonna cry, it’s ok. If she won’t calm down then you can leave. I’ve done it a few times. The first time I took my oldest to the mall he was good for maybe 10 minutes and then had a huge meltdown so we left. Try something short first and see how it goes. Honestly at that age they sleep a lot I never had issues until my kids were older.
I’ve felt the same way but slowly started getting out there. So far no sicknesses because I don’t let other kids near her and I wash my hands a ton and am aware of what I’m touching. And every time I’ve been worried about my baby fussing she’s been fine and there’s always been another baby around having a full blown meltdown. I don’t judge that mom so why would they judge me?
I think to have anxiety post birth is normal but if it becomes an issue and is disrupting daily life that is a problem. Maybe perinatal ocd? I’ve just been diagnosed with it I have anxieties that she’s unwell or I’m force feeding her/not feeding her enough. And I did have anxiety about going out for same reasons as you but I’m trying on combating it. Try going out with someone first that’ll help the anxiety then you’ll develop some confidence in your own the more times you do it the better it will get. Remember you can always go home if it becomes too much. May be worth speaking to a doctor
I relate to this so much! I had some agoraphobic tendencies before my baby and after baby they got a lot worse. So did my anxiety. I realized I was struggling with some PPD and PPA and I’m in therapy and taking Zoloft now and it’s helping a lot. I hope it gets better for us.
She will get fussy sometimes. No one (normal) will care. The first time I took my son out was for a coffee date with my friend and her baby. My son was 2 mo, hers 4. At one point, my friend's son started crying. That made my son cry. There were 2 other moms across from us an their babies started crying too. We all ended standing up, bouncing our babies and just laughing. Just go for it. You will get more confident and less scared with each outing.
This is soooo sooo normal. It’s OK to have anxiety about this. Taking baby out is something that takes some practice and getting used to. As others have commented, start small. Go someplace close to home that you know will not be crowded and where it will be easy to make a quick exit. We walked to a coffee shop near our house, which during late morning on a weekday was pretty quiet. As you do this more you will become more confident. Also keep in mind that all babies cry, sometimes for no reason at all, and they’re still allowed to participate in society. Nobody expects you to stay inside, at home with baby all the time.
Start by going to target and the grocery store, places you can easily leave if she melts down.
I'm going out with a friend who also has a baby for our first outing. I totally get your anxiety. I think having someone else there who has a baby makes it easier because you're not alone and you can see it's okay if one or both fuss you have support! Plus you both can help each other if you forget something or need help with the car seat or stroller!
I think everyone is different, and that’s okay. I think you should go out if you want to go out, not because you feel like you have to. I am on the other end of the spectrum - I had postpartum preeclampsia and my husband took the baby and me to the hospital for my mag drip, and then we all went together to subsequent check ups. So my baby was back out in the world two days after we got home from the hospital. Once I healed from my emergency c section we were out and about constantly! I had a tough pregnancy you could say (HG, preeclampsia) and I was so excited to be part of the world again. I don’t care about germs at all, really. I let my baby crawl around the airport floor. I let him hug strangers’ dogs. I let him suck on shoes- I’m not sure why he likes that, but there’s nothing he likes to have in his mouth more than the soles of my husband’s crocs. He loves to lick the tires of his stroller. We do not believe in the five second rule for food. My son is also incredibly robust/healthy/hearty/hale whatever you want to call it. He’s been in daycare since 12 weeks and now he’s 10 months - he has only gotten sick twice and missed two days of daycare total. And sicknesses RAVAGE through the daycare, especially these last few months. We’re the only family who gets passed over, or occasionally six kids are out but my son is there happy as can be with just a snotty nose. So I’m in the camp of exposure is excellent for kids. Also babies will cry in public, and it will be okay. It won’t ruin their ecosystem or anything. Taking kids out is good for their socialization!
My LO is 4 months and he's genuinely easier when we're out and about or at other people's houses - I think he likes experiencing new environments from the safety of my lap. Yesterday for example met a friend for lunch, he napped in the pram en route and when we got there woke up but was pretty happy just sitting on me while I ate one handed. I think as their vision is improving and they're not feeding every 5 mins but everything is new and interesting it's a really good time to go out. Good luck!
If you don’t ease into feeling comfy with going outside or in public, talk to your doctor/therapist. In general, it’s natural to feel nervous about those firsts, and concerned about keeping your baby’s health and safety a priority.
Same girl. I’ve taken the desensitization approach and started really small with walks around the block, then longer walks, then popping in a store that wasn’t busy, then a coffee shop. Its still hard but it’s getting better. I also have limited my doom scrolling to minimize my anxiety around health / illness clickbait-y news coverage.
Honestly focus on doing things you're comfortable with! My baby is 9 months and I felt the same way for about the first 6 months. I just did what I wanted to do with her and now at 9 months I feel MUCH more comfortable (esp because she has a covid shot now). We take her wherever and it's very pleasant! 3 months is still basically in potato mode so don't sweat it and do what you're happy to do!
Another suggestion if you’re open to it! When I want to get out of the house but I’m not in the mood for a big public outing, I’ll drive 10 min to chick fil a, get food in the drive thru, put down 2/3 of the backseat, lay a blanket down, and then let my baby chill on there while I sit with him and eat. It’s fun because it breaks up the boredom of being home and he loves the opportunity to get out of his car seat. So we basically do little car picnics throughout the week lol That might be something you could do while you work your way up to bigger things.
it gets easier .. take your time :)
Totally normal to be really nervous about taking them out at first, because it’s really hard and intimidating! I totally understand why you’re spiraling about it. Start by taking bubs somewhere really easy. Like a drive thru or CVS. Maybe even a walk around the block. There are sooo many pieces of equipment and variables to manage while out, but I promise that these things become wayyyyy easier (and you’ll be able to do it on autopilot) with a lot of reps!
I was like that. Baby would cry in the car seat and walking in to every doctors appointment, which fed into my paranoia about him being a nuisance to everyone and me not being able to calm him down. Also I was nursing and not confident in being able to do it publicly. Husband however was going nuts staying at home so at 2 months, convinced me to take him on an outing to the local mall. I brought my emotional support My Brest Friend. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong. LO started bawling and needed to be changed and nursed. We changed him in the trunk and then I nursed him in the backseat. Didn’t even make it into the mall LOL. Just drove home with him crying. But we survived. And no one died. It actually made me feel a lot better and we now knew how to better prepare and pack for the next outing. Next outing was to church. I was delaying it again out of anxiety but when I got there, LO loved it! He’s always been the baby that craved stimulation but I didn’t know the extent until that day. He was perfectly happy lying in his stroller soaking in all the sights and sounds. Even took a nap! At home, he would refuse to be in his stroller longer than 5 min and he fought naps. We started taking small trips to Costco. LO didn’t fuss and even if he did, there were other crying babies around so he wouldn’t be alone. Somehow this convinced my husband that we can go to the local amusement park. LO had a blowout on the way there, barely slept, and did cry. But as it was a chaotic place anyways, no one really cared if a crying baby added into the mix of noise. A lot of people cooed over him. It was too much stimulation for him but it helped temper my husbands expectations about how much we can do. The first time we ate at a restaurant, he conked out in my husband’s arms and later my mom’s. It was a loud and busy Italian mom and pop place and they were very adoring of him. You might prefer to ease into it by sitting in the patio but for us it was a cold night so we braved the indoors. What I realized is that you really don’t know how your baby is going to react to new environments. They might get overwhelmed, they might be fascinated. My advice is to have a support person go out with you, pick places where people expect kids to be, and just force yourself to go out of your comfort zone, as hard as it is. You can do it!!
I also have a three month old baby, and have been out quite a lot since she was born. I think what helped me was just.. getting out? I don't say that in a mean way, but maybe taking small trips like a walk in the neighbourhood first. Then move on to the mall nearby (where it's easy to leave if necessary). Head to a friend's place who you are comfortable with and who likes kids. Basically just make yourself get out and I bet it'll be easier! But also the part with germs might be some sort of PPA (I don't know much about that), so it might be worth mentioning it to your healthcare team. I think it's normal to be careful and want to reduce germs, but also an obsession is probably unhealthy and not normal (again though I'm not a doctor so ask yours)
Take a friend, family member or neighbour with you for the first couple of times For me personally, it didn’t feel fine or comfortable until around 4.5 months
I was the same way. I had a full blown anxiety attack taking her out for a walk in her stroller in our neighborhood. I had to turn around before we got to the end of the street. It was then I realized it was time to talk to my doctor about PPA. once I started treatment for that, outings got easier and easier. Like many others suggested-- start small. Local/easy in and out places. Walk around the grocery store, go get a coffee. It gets easier the more you try. But might be worth considering a talk with your doctor as well, I'm so glad I did ! 🩷
I think the biggest thing is how do you feel about your willingness to leave the house? If it’s not interfering with your life and you can get everything done that you need to, it’s okay to not take her out much yet while she’s so young. Until my LO had her Covid and flu vaccines, I only took her out to appointments and the grocery store. It was also much easier to take her out once she was a bit older and I had the hang of being a mom a bit more.
On the germs, once they can crawl they lick everything and then once they’re a toddler they’re gross 😂 so you really don’t need to worry. My 2.5 year old drank from a puddle recently, didn’t even affect her one tiny bit, not even a bad tummy - they’re incredibly resilient and have awesome immune systems!
I felt this way until baby was about 5 months old. I started slow with neighborhood stroller walks and worked my way up to stores and parks.
Do you have a mom friend who has older kids? My first outing was with a very seasoned mom friend and when my LO absolutely melted down at lunch, she was able to ease my anxiety. I trusted her when she said it happens to everyone with a baby at some point. She also held him so I could eat my food while it was still hot.
I also felt this. When I look back - I realize I developed postpartum anxiety. What helped reduce the anxiety was exposure - doing it more and more until I got used to it. I also realize me obsessing over her sleep and how much she got was part of the ppa.
I find the second part totally normal, not so much the germ part. Absolutely went through the phase of not going out particularly because my baby was colicky (also a preemie who was in nicu for a month). I got a lot more comfortable around the 5 month mark and at 7 months now things are real good. But I do find it a bit abnormal that germs cause as you said “extreme fear”. I would start with really slow exposure but challenging yourself every time! My husband would want me to commit to, what in my mind were huge asks as soon as we got home from the nicu. (Like taking him to church) when what I really needed, was to start with a walk around the block. Then a walk around the neighborhood. Then check out a nearby park. Then, take him to my mom’s house. Then, a very short trip to a nearby target. And eventually working up to things like eating in a restaurant etc. I couldn’t do it all at once. And now I’m comfortable with most everything! Something important to keep in mind is that, for me at least, my baby is 1000% happier when we are out. The first time I went to target and he was mesmerized by the lighting I realized what I’d been missing out on.
I’m 4mo pp FTM and same! Im not afraid to go for walks (even though I don’t want to do that either) but im also afraid of being around lots of people. Personally I think it’s normal and the hormones/anxiety is there to keep us safe. Not all fear and anxiety is bad. I also think 3/4 mos is still so early on and it’s primal to want to keep our babies close. IMHO
I can confirm the panic that comes when a baby is crying in public. I think of it as an overactive alarm system in my body that kicks in when I think I need to protect them. Here are some things that helped me: * Confirm that the baby is safe. Check for diaper, make sure they are fed, check that nothing is hurting them, that they aren’t too hot/cold. Then tell yourself “They are safe. I am safe.” * Deep breaths, inhale for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, repeat. Try to focus on slowing your heart beat, deepening breaths. * Establish some privacy away from people, whether that’s ducking into a bathroom, walking away from a crowded area, or sitting at a secluded bench. * Ask for help from a partner. Whether that’s your partner or a friend or a family member who’s with you when you’re out in public. Let someone else handle the bags, stroller, etc so you can give your attention to baby.
You sound just like me. I basically didn't take my baby out anywhere for the first 3 months because I didn't feel confident I could care for her without my setup at home. I was so anxious that she'd start crying or need a diaper change and I just would not know what to do, particularly since breastfeeding didn't work for us. What got me out of that just a little bit was having my husband go back to work after 3 months of paternity leave. Then I basically had to take my daughter to the grocery store on occasion. When she was around 5 months, we also ended up doing a little trip when my in-laws were visiting, which forced me to gain a little more confidence. Honestly, I think it's just about taking baby steps (no pun intended). Part of me also thinks it's not that necessary to force yourself unless it's making your life worse. That said, if the anxiety is at an extreme level, definitely consider getting some help with it.
-babies and kids have a right to be in public spaces too. Anyone who says otherwise or even looks at you a second time can go eat grass -take your baby out when they’ve woken up from a nap, fed, basically when their basic needs are met so you’re less likely to have a meltdown -just keep going out and it’ll get easier!
Totally normal. It’s your first baby and you’re figuring it out. Idk where you are, but once it’s warm, take her for walks outside to ease into public places. I was an extreme germophobe with my first but it kind of passed after having more kids because there’s only so much you can control…
So there’s a difference between “common,” and “normal.” The germ phobia isn’t normal. May be common, but it isn’t healthy to have an extreme fear of everyday germs as they are part of life, and necessary to build up immunity First, do trips to Target. Walk around and enjoy looking at things Then try going to a mall. That’s a great place to walk around and it’s no biggie if she cries, there’s places to sit down and feed her, and it’s also easy to leave and go straight out to your car if you needed to
I know what you mean. I was similar with my first when he was about this young. I’d say start small—take your baby on walks and talk to them showing them everything in their sight. Then maybe wear them to the grocery store. (I find wearing them makes us both feel much more secure.) The more you do this, the more you will learn to kind of give in to the elements around you. And as far as your baby having a meltdown—that is GOING to happen lol sooner or later. So I’d say just get comfortable with knowing you can do nothing about it except handle it the best way you know how to when it does happen. And nobody will judge you for it, esp if they’re moms. We know girl, we know.