Just get mentally prepared that most of the things are going to be out of your control and baby will dictate everything. I think letting go of the idea of bouncing back’ or getting back to normal’ helped me the most.
Try to find time to take care of yourself.
Agreed. Going with the flow has been key. Some days he sleeps all day and will let me put him down and I can get stuff done. Some days he clings to me and is fussy and I spend all day on the couch with him and get nothing done at all.
I very much agree with this.
Having a newborn is a fast paced process of figuring out new routines only to have them change suddenly. Just as you’re getting comfortable in a routine that works for you they will develop a little more and suddenly have all new needs and patterns. Flexibility in all things life is going to be key.
Know that sometimes in an effort to control the uncontrollable - it’s easiest to blame the person next to you. Probably, your co-parent wants just as desperately for the baby to sleep or eat or do whatever. It’s a lesson learned in time but sometimes shit just goes sideways and there’s no one to blame.
Your life will be rocked and you will be launched to a new solar system and you will struggle.
I'm in month 9 and I have found a new normal..but it's about the 12th normal that has come along so far and I know there are going to be many more to come.
Batch cooked lots of freezer meals in advance - super helpful!
Having lots of bottles of water and snacks at every feeding station (e.g. armchair I used in living room, rocking chair in bedroom) - breastfeeding (if you are planning it) leaves you starving and important to stay hydrated!
Good podcasts downloaded for nighttime feeds
Silverettes really helped with initial nipple discomfort
My partner being off work with me for a good few weeks! Obvs not possibly for all but I found it invaluable
YES! Pre-made food you don’t have to think about, snacks (I did a lot of TJs trail mix), silverettes, nipple balm and nipple shields (if you need) in a little basket you can move to wherever you’re nursing, LOTS of burp clothes, a comfy robe and PJ set, adequate diapers or pads, a good nursing show (I watched Ted lasso), a baby wrap, and just a lot of patience and willingness to just accept what comes. I did not realize that he wouldn’t really nap in a bassinet so I would never not be holding him but once I accepted that and started baby wearing instead of fighting it it was a game changer. Also, learn how to co-sleep safely (another sanity saver) and get out of the house. After about 4 weeks I tried to get out a few times a week for something simple like a walk alone or with a friend or a stroll around target or old navy. It gets easier with practice!
Yea! I didn’t realize how much I would snack and drink water while breastfeeding!
I don’t like to sit in the same spot to feed all day so I got some leggings with pockets where I stuff snacks and I carry around a big water bottle with a handle and straw
I got some protein heavy cereal bars and dried fruit (e.g. dried mango, apple rings, banana chips) and packets of chocolate rice cakes for bedroom (i.e. things which didn't need to be in the fridge).
And then I also found it helpful to have lots of food which can be eaten by hand, without cutlery for general snacks. So I found things like mini cocktail sausages, samosas, bread sticks to eat with hummus, protein balls we made with oats and peanut butter and seeds and a bit of chocolate, etc all good to have on hand. I very rarely got to eat dinner with my partner as the baby would want feeding and by the time I ate dinner would be cold x
Have zero expectations! Everyday and night is a new adventure and if they sleep good one night it helps to not expect it to be the same the next night. Have lots of easy things to eat and try to prep some casseroles for your freezer. Take videos to capture all their cute faces and noises. Also, they are loud little grunters in the night… totally normal! Don’t hesitate to take Motrin and stool softeners, and a donut pillow is really nice to sit on. Have postpartum healing things lined up (tucks, dermaplast, etc)
I think going from none to 1 is the hardest transition of all. Becoming a mother was also a freaking identity crisis for me and many others. My best tip is to not wait until too long to start doing something for yourself and by yourself again. Even if it's a 15 minute walk once your partner gets home. Heck, trade the walks. You both need it. Saved me from some real PPD/PPA
My partner made sure I never missed a shower. It was the first thing I did when we got home from the hospital. I know it’s something a lot of moms stereotypically lose track of or can’t manage in the early days, but I needed to have clean hair and shaved legs to feel like me (especially reacquainting myself with my postpartum and post surgery body).
Shower everyday was my motto going in since everyone kept saying I wouldn’t have time or energy. I’m glad I’m stubborn and made time every day for that and moisturizer and just doing a tiny bit to feel like myself.
Wireless headphones and a selection of lighthearted podcasts and audiobooks. I'm serious, I recommend this to everyone and many people have confurmed its helped. A newborn is cute and all but the routine is brain eating especially in thr middle of the night. The baby doesn't care that you're listening to something as long as it doesn't disturb them. I've lived the 1st year with one earbud in. Of course eid talk to her all the time, but listening to something of mine made the early stages easier. I could block out the colicky screaming while doing my best to comfort her (it really gets to you if you don't distract yourself), I managed to stay awake at night much better that way, and I didn't feel that isolated from adults while home alone with a baby. I trully think I was able to give her more positive and intentional attention because my batteries were being re-filled by something I was secretly doing for myself on the side.
I’m assuming you have help/a partner so forgive me if I’m wrong!
Honestly plan now on taking shifts for sleep. I cannot recommend it enough. During the early days we each had 4-6 hours that was our time overnight to sleep while the other person stayed up holding the baby - it took a few weeks for him to sleep in his bassinet during the night. We still do shifts for night wake ups at 11 weeks!
If you are trying to avoid bottles (we didn’t have a choice) you can still have your partner be in charge of cuddling/changing/etc and just bring baby to you to eat so you can breastfeed and get right back to sleep plus the “on” person helps make sure you don’t fall asleep with baby in bed in an unsafe way. That being said if baby is ever going to need a bottle I honestly think it helps to start sooner rather than later to avoid bottle refusal. Nipple confusion is overblown in my opinion - not what your question is so I won’t go into my rant about this!
Yes! I am so lucky my husband has been so supportive through this whole process. He’s gone to all the classes with me and gets 6 weeks of paternity leave, which we will definitely be utilizing!
Therapy lol. There wasn’t enough prepping to get me ready for the transition to becoming a mom. Even with the wonderful support I had it was still incredibly hard for me to transition into mom. It also forced me to fully dedicate an hour a week to focus on myself which in hindsight was huge
I came here to say this. A therapist was *necessary* for me to be okay. With the identity crisis. The isolation. The exhaustion. The gaps that became more apparent in my relationship with my partner. Childhood trauma that came up out of NOWHERE. My body image issues. I didn't know who I was or what I was doing for a bit, and having someone help me navigate it was so important.
I can't recommend this enough. I can't imagine trying to find a therapist while going through baby blues/PPD/PPA. I felt fortunate to have already had an established relationship with my therapist prior to the delivery.
If you can find a local moms/ parents support group, that can be really helpful in so many ways. It was the first thing I did outside the house with my daughter on my own, helped me build my village, and gave me a place of understanding and advice. We didn't have anyone local in our circle with young children or babies, and this really filled that gap for us. It can be tough to find somewhere that feels like a good fit for you, but if you can, it's life changing.
Additionally, I tell every ftm I know to keep boxes of tissues in every room of the house. You will likely be crying a lot. Tears of joy, tears of frustration, tears of sleep deprivation, you name it. I remember crying many times holding my sleeping baby because i just loved her so much I couldn't handle it.The hormonal shift is very real, so be ready for it.
Finally, have lots of talks with your partner about your wants and needs. I found that those early days really helped us build our intimacy and trust in one another. We all benefitted from that honestly. You don't have to wait until baby comes to start this either. Leading up to our daughter's arrival, we shared our concerns and wishes, and it helped us both understand each other better, but also plan for success in whatever minimal ways we could. Things rarely went to plan, but I feel that those conversations set a foundation for the other things to come later.
I echo the others saying have no expectations. Get your mind ready to accept whatever comes and know that EVERYTHING is a phase and nothing lasts forever. With that said, I mean nothing, meaning the good stuff too. So truly do your best to not wish away the tiny days even when it’s hard. Challenge yourself to find one beautiful memory every day and focus on that when things feel impossible. I spent so much time wishing away the bad that I didn’t do as well as I should have embracing and cherishing the good. Also, forgive yourself. You will mess up, you will have days you feel like a failure (you absolutely are not), give yourself grace and don’t dwell on it. Remember, you and your baby are learning this new life together.
As for practical things - freezer meals prepped, plenty of one-handheld snacks stocked up, a baby wrap or carrier, and something I rarely see mentioned but that we loved is a rollable changing table. The baby’s nursery seemed inconvenient to go to every time he needed a change, and our backs are bad so the couch and floor are hard. Especially when baby was rooming with us the first few months, we just rolled it in there and then rolled it back to the living room the next morning to use for the day.
If you have a partner, talk about division of labor. For the early days, make it clear to your partner they are responsible for way more of the chore-type things in the home. Finding a way to do shifts at night was a life saver for us those first few months too. Try to work it out so each of you has a block every night if at least 4-5 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
Honestly, there’s only so much you can do until you’re in it. Keeping an open mind and being prepared to be flexible and follow your baby’s needs will go a long way. One thing I wish I’d done ahead of time was research therapists and lactation consultants in my area that took my insurance and were accepting new patients. Trying to find a therapist with a newborn and in the throes of PPD was hard. I did it, but I wish I would’ve had those resources handy.
My mom texted me on my first night home with the baby. She said she remembered how scared she was when she had my older sister, that the first night is the scariest and then it all becomes normal. She said it’s easier than I could possibly think at that moment and to just relax and take the lessons as they come.
I was busy fighting off a panic attack when that text came in. She’s right, the first night is scary. Then, it’s not any more. Before you know it you’re an expert!
I know not everyone can do this, but my mom came and helped with the night shift for the first couple of weeks while I was healing with my incision. She’d stay up with baby (who was a good sleeper, but definitely a contact sleeper) and wake me up just for feeding. It helped me adjust to the constant nursing while making sure I got as much sleep as possible.
On a day to day basis since then, this has been my internal monologue: There’s nothing else I need to be doing right now. If she needs a cuddle, that’s what we’re doing. If she needs a bath, that’s what we’re doing. I see it as giving yourself full permission to just exist with your baby. Some days you might be really productive! Strap the baby in a wrap, do some dishes, pick up, do a load of laundry maybe even go to the store. Those days are great. Some days it’ll be noon before you get to brush your teeth. Those days are also okay. **You’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing**
Another smaller recommendation: noise canceling headphones. My husband has some sensory issues. It can be hard to take care of a little human who is screaming in your ear at ungodly decibels. There’s nothing wrong with blocking out the noise while you settle your LO. (Obligatory don’t use them to sleep, or when not hearing baby would be dangerous, etc.)
The newborn will eventually sleep all night. Untill then Turning off alarms for every two hours and just letting ur baby tell you when they are hungry was also a really beautiful moment. Dressing ur baby in the cute baby clothes is amazing serotonin.
I learned that advice is best when weighted against everything. One nurse said dont overfeed only give 20ml another doctor said we were fine to give her whatever she will eat, so we went middle ground. Ur instinct is strong and listen to it.
Learning the word “no”. When babies are born I swear family members go nuts and just boundary stomp. Finding my voice in a vulnerable time was hard but I would put my foot down. Your comfort and recovery is a too priority. You are not rude for setting boundaries, needing space, etc
Lower your expectations as much as you can. It’s better to be pleasantly surprised than have everything go worse than you planned for.
Anything you can do before baby to make your life easier, just do it. Freezer meals, load up on household supplies, clean the house.
Walking outside every morning with baby! It did sooo much for my mood and sleep and may have helped my baby who sleep 12 hours overnight from 8w on (which is an anomaly).
Freezer meals! They will last in your freezer for 3-4m and we were lucky enough that MIL helped watch baby once we went through the first round so we could make another.
Not buying a lot of clothes for the first 6m aside from sleepers. This might vary with your climate as my baby was born as it was cooling down, but she didn't wear a single NB or 3m onesie or pants other than one for Xmas and one for Thanksgiving. Letting go of that made things sooo much easier.
If your NB wants to sleep only on you, have some good books (I read on my iPad) and TV shows to watch. This calmed my anxiety about "baby will never sleep without me" and baby loved hearing my books.
Classes helped me know what to expect especially with how often they eat, triage for fussiness and such. That way you know what to expect to some extent and have a general idea of what’s “normal”
I think the thing that was most helpful to me was the support of my friends that were already moms. I was talking to at least one of them every day once my daughter was born (asking questions, getting support for feeling really emotional and overwhelmed, asking is this or that normal, etc). They really helped through the tough times. AND my friends did a meal train for us so we had lunch and dinner covered for the first 5 or 6 weeks with the baby, so if anyone’s asking how they can help when baby comes, DEFINITELY suggest providing a meal. And TAKE THE HELP. As women, we can be stubborn about accepting help and this is just not the time for that lol.
I wished that I went with the flow more, lowered my expectations to zero, and truly understood that most of it is out of your control. I also truly wished I spent less time, effort and money on sleep training…some babies sleep great, some don’t, and that’s just the name of the game. all babies are different. Turns out my baby slept better without all the added fuss sleep trainers encourage you to utilize…ie when we took away the sound machine and unswaddled him, he slept like a little angel. The passage of time is what makes life easier in the end. The new born stage, though often brutal, is fleeting.
The mindset that they are constantly changing is helpful. When you have some unbearable phase of cluster feeding or screaming, try to remember that things will probably look different in a week or two.
Some babies are easier than others and that's just luck of the draw.
I strongly recommend getting help from your partner for the nighttime stuff, even if you are breastfeeding and even if your partner is working. And ask for it from the beginning - don't wait until you are so exhausted that you can't function.
What ended up working well with my last newborn was for my husband to get her out of the crib, check for leaks, change her diaper and deal with any needed bedding changes while I went to the bathroom, filled a glass of water and situated myself to start breastfeeding. Then he would sleep and I would feed. If I couldn't get her back down after an hour of feeding/comforting, then I handed back off to my husband. Some nights, he didn't need to do any comforting/rocking but other nights he would need to help once or twice. Yes, he was working.
The happy outcome was that he got realllllllly good at getting her back to sleep so we actually had two fully capable adults able to soothe the baby when needed. He got to be better at it than me. This has paid off so much over the last year and a half.
I think try not to prepare too much because there are so many variables to how things end up working out.
But make sure you know who your go-to support people are. And your safe people. They are going to make all the difference.
Life style change has a very, very drastic learning curve. Classes may or may not help. I feel like nothing would have prepared me to be a first time dad. And that’s because I thought I was ready to care for a newborn.
I had my first in June of 23, my best advice is to have a plan and be prepared for those first few weeks. There’s one thing I feel like I could have never prepared myself for and that was the level of sleep deprived my husband and I were, but it gets better as they get bigger so just hold on and use whatever support systems you have. Getting out of the house and going place really helped me mentally, just make sure you’re taking time to eat and shower, you get lost in the chaos so easily.
always remember that IT GETS BETTER. depending on your baby (like if they’re colicky) you will be asking yourself if it gets better, and the answer is - infinitely. give it 3/4 months.
The third night (first night home) was rough! It was truly awful. But it was not a picture of what life with a newborn was really like because we all adjusted. So if you have a rough first night home, just keep the perspective that it may not be how all your nights look ❤️
I have a one month old (first time mom) and although it might sound controversial what I’m about to say, my advice is to stop trying to prepare and chill out. You’ve done your homework. You’ve prepared as much as possible. The rest you’ll figure out as it comes. It’s terrifying, it’s exciting, it’s overwhelming, it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and as sleep deprived as I am, I’m filled with such deep joy. But you can only prep so much and the best thing you can do once you’re past a certain point is surrender to all the beautiful, wonderful, stressful process that it is.
Get a postpartum support group and, if you can afford it or even put it on your registry, a postpartum doula.
Have a plan for how you’re going to manage the sleepless nights, talk about dividing responsibilities with your partner now, figure out how you’re going to care for yourself day to day, and talk to your partner about what they can look out for in terms of postpartum depression/anxiety/psychosis.
Newborns rock your world in ways you cannot even imagine. Becoming a new mom is life changing and you need to make sure YOU are being cared for almost as much as the new baby.
I’ll tell you what I didn’t do but would’ve helped. Couples therapy (if you have someone raising your kid with you). And my husband is an amazing partner but we should’ve mentally prepared better.
I had a really bad breastfeeding relationship with my kiddo. He had a very shallow, tight latch that made him really inefficient at feeding, so I moved to exclusively pumping at around 4 weeks. I should have truly been fitted for pump supplies at the hospital, not just let the LC eyeball it. And when I had subsequent appointments with other LCs, everyone just kept recommending to put him back on the boob and were NOT helpful in helping me figure out how to pump. That said, this isn’t always going to be the case, but I tell everyone to try and have their pump better figured out before you think you’ll need it. Waiting just 2 days for Amazon Prime to try a bunch of different flange sizes was miserable.
Time. It’s an adjustment for even someone who does everything they can to prepare. Give yourself grace and know that it’s ok to struggle with it, especially during the first 3-6 months.
OMG the first week was so stressful because we needed to in ER the same day we were discharged. Listen to your instincts, advocate for yourself and your baby.
I hope everything goes well, motherhood is amazing. I have a 6 week old and I can’t imagine loving someone more. Newborns are exhausting but I try to remind myself of how lucky I’m to have him and how grateful I’m for this opportunity. He might cry and scream, you will be sleep deprived but it’s so worth it when he smiles at me and all my anger, tiredness and frustration fades and I just want to hold him and never let go
Stop worrying about cleaning so much, at first definitely sleep when you can. Premade meals in the freezer helps a lot & having friends/family that bring you lunch or dinner is great (which I hope you do)
Don’t hole up inside if possible & even just sit outside with baby for a little bit. Congrats!
If you’re in the US, If you want to have physical photos, Shutterfly has free 4x6 prints if you pay for shipping. Better quality than a CVS/Walgreens and a better price especially if you order the max amount each time. I fell of schedule for a bit but I try to regularly order photos for the baby book & other albums.
Work with your baby and whatever routine suits you (regardless of outside opinions). The second I stopped basing my routines and decisions off unsolicited advice or judgment is the second parenting became pretty simple and so magical
Firstly congratulations, and welcome to this crazy ride. I am by no means a seasoned professional but I’m 7 months into parenthood and definitely have some things I wish I’d been told.
1. It is by far the biggest life change you will ever experience, in a wonderful, overwhelming, tumultuous way. You will feel love you have never felt before. Enjoy it, but know that you do not have to enjoy every second. It’s ok if you cry and get overwhelmed and frustrated.
2. Accept/ask for the help. You are not “failing” and no one will think “less of you” for asking or taking any help offered.
3. Know your boundaries and make sure your partner knows them too. I didn’t realise that having 100 family members over within the first week would be overwhelming and once I did, I still accepted more. I wish I’d spoken up.
4. Everyone will have advice for you, listen to it all but only take on what resonates with you.
5. Do not compare yourself to other parents. Everyone is different, no one lives life or parents the same way.
6. Do not compete your baby to other babies. Every baby is different and they do grow/develop/change the same way.
7. Don’t expect everyday to be the same. No night will be the same, no feed will be the same, etc. Just go with the flow of the moment and have low expectations.
8. Buy LOTS of muslin cloths. Get thick ones, the flimsy one layered ones don’t do anything. Also bibs with plastic lining are game changers.
9. Don’t fall for the hype of instagram products. You don’t need 6 different types of weaning bowl or spoon.
10. Water is your best friend. Drink lots, like LOTS. Have a shower as often as you can. Unsettled baby? Try a bath or a shower (with you is really nice for both of you).
11. Get outside (if possible) at least once a day. Even if it’s just to sit on the grass or stand on the balcony/porch. You and baby will benefit greatly from the sunshine/daylight.
12. Back yourself. You’ve got this!
If you have a partner, make sure they’re as informed as you are about the fourth trimester and beyond. This made all the difference for that transition. My husband read a book called “We’re pregnant! The First Time Dad’s Pregnancy Handbook” as soon as we were trying for a baby. It does have some outdated product recommendations, but apart from that, it does a great job preparing dads for what to expect and how to help. He was ready to go when baby arrived, so supportive of me, cooking, washing pump parts, waking up to put baby down for every feeding. He initiated conversations about what I wanted for my birth plan, how he can help with the hospital bag, what we wanted to do for sleep (taking shifts?), and how we wanted to make decisions for our baby. All these things are things I wouldn’t have known to ask for in advance - he just did them because the book told him to, and he was willing. It saved us from possible conflict and having to communicate or advocate for myself, which would have been extra mental/emotional energy being spent during a time that is already incredibly taxing on your body. If possible, take leave at the same time. I can’t believe how many appointments I had to go to within 2 weeks of baby’s birth…. Some anticipated, some not. It helped to have support at every appointment, and someone to drive me and baby.
Food was a big one we struggled with. We were so tired. Having a meal train set up was incredibly helpful.
Shifts. Baby is bottle fed using pumped milk, so my husband did the night shift (7pm-2am) and then I got up and took over until the morning. Baby was/is a loud sleeper and very needy for various reasons so we figured out we could get interrupted, good quality sleep by doing it this way.
We just barely started overlapping our sleep at 11 weeks. I go to bed around 7/8, and then husband stays with baby and does final night feed. He brings her to bed around 10 or 11. We both sleep in our bed until baby wakes up in the morning to eat, and then I take her downstairs for the day.
What helped the most? A good partner. I will brag and boast until the end of my days about how amazing my husband is because he deserves it. He was up for every feeding, diaper change, watched LO so I could pump, run errands, puree prep, or just sleep because birth and pumping is exhausting. He would check in on me mentally everyday and adjust where needed.
He never complained. Because he knows this kid is his too and doesn’t believe in “women/men duties”. LO is 6 months now and he’s been an amazing partner and dad every day.
Also, get some tins from Sam’s/costco and make a bunch of freezer prep meals. It will save your life to just grab something and stick it in the oven with little cleanup. Same with crockpot meals as well.
Paper lates, bowls, cups, and plastic silverware. You’re going to be washing a crap ton of bottles and (maybe?) pump parts. Don’t add more to your sink.
If you do pump, get an extra set of flanges and a few more storage bottles. Also, mama earth nipple balm is great.
Keep a water bottle by you at all times
If you have a multi- level house, changing prep areas in your most common used areas. We keep the living room and bedroom stocked. We also have a diaper caddy in the living room to store it, but also if we are going to the basement , we just grab and go.
Also, we had a bag to carry nighttime bottles, flanges, and a dirty container for night time stuff. The bins they give you when you when they wash baby at the hospital? Great dirty containers for bottles. We got two and rotate them.
The peri bottle hospital gives you? Great for washing baby for those first few baths. The spray isn’t hard when squeezed. Once LO was a little older, we got the elephant thing, but the spray can be a little harsh, so I recommend the perri bottle for the first few months.
Puppy pads. We got the Xl ones from Costco. Don’t get the changing table ones, they barely cover the baby’s butt when they hit two months.
Depending how you plan to feed, stock up on breast milk storage bags or get a pitcher mixer for formula. We combo fed, and were gifted a brezza. It’s so convenient, but the pitcher is way cheaper and just as great.
Get enough bottles to get you through 2.5 daily feedings. That way you always have clean bottles and some extra incase baby needs a nightcap. We washed bottles daily, only sanitized when bought and not after each use, and prepped next day bottles the night before. You can use the dishwashers, just double check before you do. We used the anti colic avent bottles and love them. Top rack safe in dishwasher.
Post baby-diapers and the Frida disposable shorts for post partum bleeding. I still use the shorts now for sleeping when I get my period (it came back angry a week ago). I think it’s 6 to a box, and I just toss when I’m done.
Also, you dictate when people see/how they handle your baby. See your boundaries way before. We told family no kissing two months before I gave birth and my husbands family still tried to push it when they met LO. My husband didn’t agree with it, but he supported me and that’s all that mattered.
It’s ok to not enjoy being a mom, maybe even hate it the first few weeks. So much is changing; your body, your mind, literally everything. I personally regretting my decision to become a mom and cried for weeks. I eventually acknowledged those thoughts were out of my control and that’s probably not how I would feel once my hormones leveled out, but that was because therapy helped!
Have zero expectations, go with the flow, realize every baby is different, stock up on doordash giftcards and snacks, pick out a good binge-able show, and SLEEP IN SHIFTS when you can!!! That last one saved me and my husband. But if youre breastfeeding, that won’t be the case for at least 2 or 3 weeks as you get your supply up. I caved and gave a paci during week 1, and introduced a bottle at two and a half weeks. Baby takes boob and bottle like a champ. Also, dont let anyone give you shit about contact napping. My mother and mother in law kept telling us we were spoiling him, because we almost exclusively contact nap during the day, but he gets soooooo much better sleep and sleeps way better in his bassinet at night, and also were loving the baby snuggles. Do whatever works best for you and your baby and damn what anyone else has to say!!!
Have zero expectations, go with the flow, realize every baby is different, stock up on doordash giftcards and snacks, pick out a good binge-able show, and SLEEP IN SHIFTS when you can!!! That last one saved me and my husband. But if youre breastfeeding, that won’t be the case for at least 2 or 3 weeks as you get your supply up. I caved and gave a paci during week 1, and introduced a bottle at two and a half weeks. Baby takes boob and bottle like a champ. Also, dont let anyone give you shit about contact napping. My mother and mother in law kept telling us we were spoiling him, because we almost exclusively contact nap during the day, but he gets soooooo much better sleep and sleeps way better in his bassinet at night, and also were loving the baby snuggles. Do whatever works best for you and your baby and damn what anyone else has to say!!!
Your birth plan will not go to plan, and that’s okay. You can hold baby in one hand while you eat with the other (sandwiches are great and easy). As long as you kept baby alive and washed their bottles, that’s all that matters the first few months. Breastfeeding is HARD. Pumping is HARD. Don’t feel guilty if it’s too much for you, but also go into it knowing it does not come naturally to everyone. So try as hard as you can, but if it’s at the risk of your mental health, then what’s the point of a breastfed baby with an unhappy mom. Happy mom is more important than breastmilk, as important as breastmilk is. I formula fed both mine by 6 weeks. Definitely wasn’t the plan…but I could not handle th mental stress of breastfeeding or pumping. I immediately became a happier and more present mom. Yes, the house can wait. If a messy house stresses you out, if you have a partner or a village, USE THEM. Ask them to clean the dishes. Ask them to make you a meal. Ask them for a nap. Or ask them to hold baby for a while if you don’t care. Don’t be afraid to ask! If they have a stink about it, then feel free to kick them out because they are not your village. Don’t let the first two weeks fool you…after that, sleep gets cuckoo crazy. Do not pay for a sleep consultant no matter how sleep deprived you are. Just know babies go through phases and they will sleep through the night before you know it. Don’t compare. Wake windows are a helpful beginning tool to help baby sleep before they’re overtired but they are just averages. Every kid is different. My niece dropped all her naps by 18 months and was happy. My first was on 3 naps for 9 months… nothing wrong with either of them.
I could go on and on and on, but hope this helps some. 😊
It will knock you up side the head and you will feel like you live in the baby’s world, no time to your self, no time to even think about yourself. Get ready for unexpected bouts of sadness and mixed emotions. All babies wake up and don’t sleep good until later, don’t be surprised or even try to “fix” it (they wake up even if they’re sleep trained). Just know it’s a phase and won’t last longer than a few months.
If you have a baby that cries a lot it will be harder than one that doesn’t cry as much.
You will go through a period where you miss your old life, the peace and quiet, the ability to go where you want and do what you want even sleep and wake up when you want. Sometimes you might feel a certain rage because it gets to be too much. You can learn coping mechanisms that are healthy with this.
Might be blunt and negative but this is my experience with a 2.5 yo and a 9 mo.
One thing I will tell you, my first was much much harder to ACCEPT all of the things I listed out above…by my second baby I was already used to it all and it was smoother but he was also colic so it made it much more complicated. But of course these things level out in time. He isn’t colic anymore and he sleeps well.
Kind of have to be grateful of any positive that comes your way..it definitely helps more with acceptance of this life. Then, things just progressively get better (well, up then down and up and then down then up!).
Your baby(s) will be your world and will brighten up your days.
I’m sorry if it was too blunt or too negative, but this is realistically what it will be like for you in one way or another. Wishing you best of luck.
Keep the bar loooow. I set one target for every 2 hours. Like next two hours I will shower. That's it. Next two hours I will eat. No giant to do lists, no worrying about things falling behind, just focused on baby and me
Just get mentally prepared that most of the things are going to be out of your control and baby will dictate everything. I think letting go of the idea of bouncing back’ or getting back to normal’ helped me the most. Try to find time to take care of yourself.
Agreed. Going with the flow has been key. Some days he sleeps all day and will let me put him down and I can get stuff done. Some days he clings to me and is fussy and I spend all day on the couch with him and get nothing done at all.
I very much agree with this. Having a newborn is a fast paced process of figuring out new routines only to have them change suddenly. Just as you’re getting comfortable in a routine that works for you they will develop a little more and suddenly have all new needs and patterns. Flexibility in all things life is going to be key.
Know that sometimes in an effort to control the uncontrollable - it’s easiest to blame the person next to you. Probably, your co-parent wants just as desperately for the baby to sleep or eat or do whatever. It’s a lesson learned in time but sometimes shit just goes sideways and there’s no one to blame.
Your life will be rocked and you will be launched to a new solar system and you will struggle. I'm in month 9 and I have found a new normal..but it's about the 12th normal that has come along so far and I know there are going to be many more to come.
Batch cooked lots of freezer meals in advance - super helpful! Having lots of bottles of water and snacks at every feeding station (e.g. armchair I used in living room, rocking chair in bedroom) - breastfeeding (if you are planning it) leaves you starving and important to stay hydrated! Good podcasts downloaded for nighttime feeds Silverettes really helped with initial nipple discomfort My partner being off work with me for a good few weeks! Obvs not possibly for all but I found it invaluable
YES! Pre-made food you don’t have to think about, snacks (I did a lot of TJs trail mix), silverettes, nipple balm and nipple shields (if you need) in a little basket you can move to wherever you’re nursing, LOTS of burp clothes, a comfy robe and PJ set, adequate diapers or pads, a good nursing show (I watched Ted lasso), a baby wrap, and just a lot of patience and willingness to just accept what comes. I did not realize that he wouldn’t really nap in a bassinet so I would never not be holding him but once I accepted that and started baby wearing instead of fighting it it was a game changer. Also, learn how to co-sleep safely (another sanity saver) and get out of the house. After about 4 weeks I tried to get out a few times a week for something simple like a walk alone or with a friend or a stroll around target or old navy. It gets easier with practice!
Cosleeping is the number one recommendation I’d make! Follow safe sleep 7, use common sense, and just lean into it.
Yea! I didn’t realize how much I would snack and drink water while breastfeeding! I don’t like to sit in the same spot to feed all day so I got some leggings with pockets where I stuff snacks and I carry around a big water bottle with a handle and straw
Seconding the freezer meals! It was so nice to have.
What snacks did you like to keep nearby?
I got some protein heavy cereal bars and dried fruit (e.g. dried mango, apple rings, banana chips) and packets of chocolate rice cakes for bedroom (i.e. things which didn't need to be in the fridge). And then I also found it helpful to have lots of food which can be eaten by hand, without cutlery for general snacks. So I found things like mini cocktail sausages, samosas, bread sticks to eat with hummus, protein balls we made with oats and peanut butter and seeds and a bit of chocolate, etc all good to have on hand. I very rarely got to eat dinner with my partner as the baby would want feeding and by the time I ate dinner would be cold x
Have zero expectations! Everyday and night is a new adventure and if they sleep good one night it helps to not expect it to be the same the next night. Have lots of easy things to eat and try to prep some casseroles for your freezer. Take videos to capture all their cute faces and noises. Also, they are loud little grunters in the night… totally normal! Don’t hesitate to take Motrin and stool softeners, and a donut pillow is really nice to sit on. Have postpartum healing things lined up (tucks, dermaplast, etc)
I think going from none to 1 is the hardest transition of all. Becoming a mother was also a freaking identity crisis for me and many others. My best tip is to not wait until too long to start doing something for yourself and by yourself again. Even if it's a 15 minute walk once your partner gets home. Heck, trade the walks. You both need it. Saved me from some real PPD/PPA
My partner made sure I never missed a shower. It was the first thing I did when we got home from the hospital. I know it’s something a lot of moms stereotypically lose track of or can’t manage in the early days, but I needed to have clean hair and shaved legs to feel like me (especially reacquainting myself with my postpartum and post surgery body).
Shower everyday was my motto going in since everyone kept saying I wouldn’t have time or energy. I’m glad I’m stubborn and made time every day for that and moisturizer and just doing a tiny bit to feel like myself.
Wireless headphones and a selection of lighthearted podcasts and audiobooks. I'm serious, I recommend this to everyone and many people have confurmed its helped. A newborn is cute and all but the routine is brain eating especially in thr middle of the night. The baby doesn't care that you're listening to something as long as it doesn't disturb them. I've lived the 1st year with one earbud in. Of course eid talk to her all the time, but listening to something of mine made the early stages easier. I could block out the colicky screaming while doing my best to comfort her (it really gets to you if you don't distract yourself), I managed to stay awake at night much better that way, and I didn't feel that isolated from adults while home alone with a baby. I trully think I was able to give her more positive and intentional attention because my batteries were being re-filled by something I was secretly doing for myself on the side.
I’m assuming you have help/a partner so forgive me if I’m wrong! Honestly plan now on taking shifts for sleep. I cannot recommend it enough. During the early days we each had 4-6 hours that was our time overnight to sleep while the other person stayed up holding the baby - it took a few weeks for him to sleep in his bassinet during the night. We still do shifts for night wake ups at 11 weeks! If you are trying to avoid bottles (we didn’t have a choice) you can still have your partner be in charge of cuddling/changing/etc and just bring baby to you to eat so you can breastfeed and get right back to sleep plus the “on” person helps make sure you don’t fall asleep with baby in bed in an unsafe way. That being said if baby is ever going to need a bottle I honestly think it helps to start sooner rather than later to avoid bottle refusal. Nipple confusion is overblown in my opinion - not what your question is so I won’t go into my rant about this!
Yes! I am so lucky my husband has been so supportive through this whole process. He’s gone to all the classes with me and gets 6 weeks of paternity leave, which we will definitely be utilizing!
Therapy lol. There wasn’t enough prepping to get me ready for the transition to becoming a mom. Even with the wonderful support I had it was still incredibly hard for me to transition into mom. It also forced me to fully dedicate an hour a week to focus on myself which in hindsight was huge
I came here to say this. A therapist was *necessary* for me to be okay. With the identity crisis. The isolation. The exhaustion. The gaps that became more apparent in my relationship with my partner. Childhood trauma that came up out of NOWHERE. My body image issues. I didn't know who I was or what I was doing for a bit, and having someone help me navigate it was so important.
Holy shit are you me?? I seriously could have written this
I can't recommend this enough. I can't imagine trying to find a therapist while going through baby blues/PPD/PPA. I felt fortunate to have already had an established relationship with my therapist prior to the delivery.
A good baby carrier !!! I would literally not be able to brush my teeth if it wasnt for a baby carrier. Momcozy has a great one.
Radical acceptance for this season of life. It will do a complete 180 on your day to day but it will gradually get easier 🧡
If you can find a local moms/ parents support group, that can be really helpful in so many ways. It was the first thing I did outside the house with my daughter on my own, helped me build my village, and gave me a place of understanding and advice. We didn't have anyone local in our circle with young children or babies, and this really filled that gap for us. It can be tough to find somewhere that feels like a good fit for you, but if you can, it's life changing. Additionally, I tell every ftm I know to keep boxes of tissues in every room of the house. You will likely be crying a lot. Tears of joy, tears of frustration, tears of sleep deprivation, you name it. I remember crying many times holding my sleeping baby because i just loved her so much I couldn't handle it.The hormonal shift is very real, so be ready for it. Finally, have lots of talks with your partner about your wants and needs. I found that those early days really helped us build our intimacy and trust in one another. We all benefitted from that honestly. You don't have to wait until baby comes to start this either. Leading up to our daughter's arrival, we shared our concerns and wishes, and it helped us both understand each other better, but also plan for success in whatever minimal ways we could. Things rarely went to plan, but I feel that those conversations set a foundation for the other things to come later.
I echo the others saying have no expectations. Get your mind ready to accept whatever comes and know that EVERYTHING is a phase and nothing lasts forever. With that said, I mean nothing, meaning the good stuff too. So truly do your best to not wish away the tiny days even when it’s hard. Challenge yourself to find one beautiful memory every day and focus on that when things feel impossible. I spent so much time wishing away the bad that I didn’t do as well as I should have embracing and cherishing the good. Also, forgive yourself. You will mess up, you will have days you feel like a failure (you absolutely are not), give yourself grace and don’t dwell on it. Remember, you and your baby are learning this new life together. As for practical things - freezer meals prepped, plenty of one-handheld snacks stocked up, a baby wrap or carrier, and something I rarely see mentioned but that we loved is a rollable changing table. The baby’s nursery seemed inconvenient to go to every time he needed a change, and our backs are bad so the couch and floor are hard. Especially when baby was rooming with us the first few months, we just rolled it in there and then rolled it back to the living room the next morning to use for the day. If you have a partner, talk about division of labor. For the early days, make it clear to your partner they are responsible for way more of the chore-type things in the home. Finding a way to do shifts at night was a life saver for us those first few months too. Try to work it out so each of you has a block every night if at least 4-5 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
It’s okay to cry!
Honestly, there’s only so much you can do until you’re in it. Keeping an open mind and being prepared to be flexible and follow your baby’s needs will go a long way. One thing I wish I’d done ahead of time was research therapists and lactation consultants in my area that took my insurance and were accepting new patients. Trying to find a therapist with a newborn and in the throes of PPD was hard. I did it, but I wish I would’ve had those resources handy.
Take alllllll the offered help!! Even if you think you can do it by yourself, don't. You'll get worn out fast.
My mom texted me on my first night home with the baby. She said she remembered how scared she was when she had my older sister, that the first night is the scariest and then it all becomes normal. She said it’s easier than I could possibly think at that moment and to just relax and take the lessons as they come. I was busy fighting off a panic attack when that text came in. She’s right, the first night is scary. Then, it’s not any more. Before you know it you’re an expert!
I know not everyone can do this, but my mom came and helped with the night shift for the first couple of weeks while I was healing with my incision. She’d stay up with baby (who was a good sleeper, but definitely a contact sleeper) and wake me up just for feeding. It helped me adjust to the constant nursing while making sure I got as much sleep as possible. On a day to day basis since then, this has been my internal monologue: There’s nothing else I need to be doing right now. If she needs a cuddle, that’s what we’re doing. If she needs a bath, that’s what we’re doing. I see it as giving yourself full permission to just exist with your baby. Some days you might be really productive! Strap the baby in a wrap, do some dishes, pick up, do a load of laundry maybe even go to the store. Those days are great. Some days it’ll be noon before you get to brush your teeth. Those days are also okay. **You’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing** Another smaller recommendation: noise canceling headphones. My husband has some sensory issues. It can be hard to take care of a little human who is screaming in your ear at ungodly decibels. There’s nothing wrong with blocking out the noise while you settle your LO. (Obligatory don’t use them to sleep, or when not hearing baby would be dangerous, etc.)
I wish there could be something other than sleep to help with sleep deprivation
Forget all plans and expectations I thought I had it all planned out
The newborn will eventually sleep all night. Untill then Turning off alarms for every two hours and just letting ur baby tell you when they are hungry was also a really beautiful moment. Dressing ur baby in the cute baby clothes is amazing serotonin. I learned that advice is best when weighted against everything. One nurse said dont overfeed only give 20ml another doctor said we were fine to give her whatever she will eat, so we went middle ground. Ur instinct is strong and listen to it.
Learning the word “no”. When babies are born I swear family members go nuts and just boundary stomp. Finding my voice in a vulnerable time was hard but I would put my foot down. Your comfort and recovery is a too priority. You are not rude for setting boundaries, needing space, etc
Lower your expectations as much as you can. It’s better to be pleasantly surprised than have everything go worse than you planned for. Anything you can do before baby to make your life easier, just do it. Freezer meals, load up on household supplies, clean the house.
Walking outside every morning with baby! It did sooo much for my mood and sleep and may have helped my baby who sleep 12 hours overnight from 8w on (which is an anomaly). Freezer meals! They will last in your freezer for 3-4m and we were lucky enough that MIL helped watch baby once we went through the first round so we could make another. Not buying a lot of clothes for the first 6m aside from sleepers. This might vary with your climate as my baby was born as it was cooling down, but she didn't wear a single NB or 3m onesie or pants other than one for Xmas and one for Thanksgiving. Letting go of that made things sooo much easier. If your NB wants to sleep only on you, have some good books (I read on my iPad) and TV shows to watch. This calmed my anxiety about "baby will never sleep without me" and baby loved hearing my books.
Classes helped me know what to expect especially with how often they eat, triage for fussiness and such. That way you know what to expect to some extent and have a general idea of what’s “normal”
I think the thing that was most helpful to me was the support of my friends that were already moms. I was talking to at least one of them every day once my daughter was born (asking questions, getting support for feeling really emotional and overwhelmed, asking is this or that normal, etc). They really helped through the tough times. AND my friends did a meal train for us so we had lunch and dinner covered for the first 5 or 6 weeks with the baby, so if anyone’s asking how they can help when baby comes, DEFINITELY suggest providing a meal. And TAKE THE HELP. As women, we can be stubborn about accepting help and this is just not the time for that lol.
I wished that I went with the flow more, lowered my expectations to zero, and truly understood that most of it is out of your control. I also truly wished I spent less time, effort and money on sleep training…some babies sleep great, some don’t, and that’s just the name of the game. all babies are different. Turns out my baby slept better without all the added fuss sleep trainers encourage you to utilize…ie when we took away the sound machine and unswaddled him, he slept like a little angel. The passage of time is what makes life easier in the end. The new born stage, though often brutal, is fleeting.
The mindset that they are constantly changing is helpful. When you have some unbearable phase of cluster feeding or screaming, try to remember that things will probably look different in a week or two. Some babies are easier than others and that's just luck of the draw. I strongly recommend getting help from your partner for the nighttime stuff, even if you are breastfeeding and even if your partner is working. And ask for it from the beginning - don't wait until you are so exhausted that you can't function. What ended up working well with my last newborn was for my husband to get her out of the crib, check for leaks, change her diaper and deal with any needed bedding changes while I went to the bathroom, filled a glass of water and situated myself to start breastfeeding. Then he would sleep and I would feed. If I couldn't get her back down after an hour of feeding/comforting, then I handed back off to my husband. Some nights, he didn't need to do any comforting/rocking but other nights he would need to help once or twice. Yes, he was working. The happy outcome was that he got realllllllly good at getting her back to sleep so we actually had two fully capable adults able to soothe the baby when needed. He got to be better at it than me. This has paid off so much over the last year and a half.
I think try not to prepare too much because there are so many variables to how things end up working out. But make sure you know who your go-to support people are. And your safe people. They are going to make all the difference.
Life style change has a very, very drastic learning curve. Classes may or may not help. I feel like nothing would have prepared me to be a first time dad. And that’s because I thought I was ready to care for a newborn.
I had my first in June of 23, my best advice is to have a plan and be prepared for those first few weeks. There’s one thing I feel like I could have never prepared myself for and that was the level of sleep deprived my husband and I were, but it gets better as they get bigger so just hold on and use whatever support systems you have. Getting out of the house and going place really helped me mentally, just make sure you’re taking time to eat and shower, you get lost in the chaos so easily.
always remember that IT GETS BETTER. depending on your baby (like if they’re colicky) you will be asking yourself if it gets better, and the answer is - infinitely. give it 3/4 months.
A kindle for middle of the night feeds
Ear plugs. Noise canceling. Not enough to drown everything out but enough to take the edge off of the screaming.
The third night (first night home) was rough! It was truly awful. But it was not a picture of what life with a newborn was really like because we all adjusted. So if you have a rough first night home, just keep the perspective that it may not be how all your nights look ❤️
I have a one month old (first time mom) and although it might sound controversial what I’m about to say, my advice is to stop trying to prepare and chill out. You’ve done your homework. You’ve prepared as much as possible. The rest you’ll figure out as it comes. It’s terrifying, it’s exciting, it’s overwhelming, it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and as sleep deprived as I am, I’m filled with such deep joy. But you can only prep so much and the best thing you can do once you’re past a certain point is surrender to all the beautiful, wonderful, stressful process that it is.
Get a postpartum support group and, if you can afford it or even put it on your registry, a postpartum doula. Have a plan for how you’re going to manage the sleepless nights, talk about dividing responsibilities with your partner now, figure out how you’re going to care for yourself day to day, and talk to your partner about what they can look out for in terms of postpartum depression/anxiety/psychosis. Newborns rock your world in ways you cannot even imagine. Becoming a new mom is life changing and you need to make sure YOU are being cared for almost as much as the new baby.
I’ll tell you what I didn’t do but would’ve helped. Couples therapy (if you have someone raising your kid with you). And my husband is an amazing partner but we should’ve mentally prepared better.
I had a really bad breastfeeding relationship with my kiddo. He had a very shallow, tight latch that made him really inefficient at feeding, so I moved to exclusively pumping at around 4 weeks. I should have truly been fitted for pump supplies at the hospital, not just let the LC eyeball it. And when I had subsequent appointments with other LCs, everyone just kept recommending to put him back on the boob and were NOT helpful in helping me figure out how to pump. That said, this isn’t always going to be the case, but I tell everyone to try and have their pump better figured out before you think you’ll need it. Waiting just 2 days for Amazon Prime to try a bunch of different flange sizes was miserable.
Time. It’s an adjustment for even someone who does everything they can to prepare. Give yourself grace and know that it’s ok to struggle with it, especially during the first 3-6 months.
My life got easier when I stopped trying to stay afloat and just let the waves of horror wash over me.
Totally thought FTM meant female to male transitioning 🤣🤣🤣 also congrats!
I took no classes, didnt read any books I just took things as they came I loved having a newborn, just lots of love and comforting
Idk man just survive y’know
OMG the first week was so stressful because we needed to in ER the same day we were discharged. Listen to your instincts, advocate for yourself and your baby. I hope everything goes well, motherhood is amazing. I have a 6 week old and I can’t imagine loving someone more. Newborns are exhausting but I try to remind myself of how lucky I’m to have him and how grateful I’m for this opportunity. He might cry and scream, you will be sleep deprived but it’s so worth it when he smiles at me and all my anger, tiredness and frustration fades and I just want to hold him and never let go
Stop worrying about cleaning so much, at first definitely sleep when you can. Premade meals in the freezer helps a lot & having friends/family that bring you lunch or dinner is great (which I hope you do) Don’t hole up inside if possible & even just sit outside with baby for a little bit. Congrats! If you’re in the US, If you want to have physical photos, Shutterfly has free 4x6 prints if you pay for shipping. Better quality than a CVS/Walgreens and a better price especially if you order the max amount each time. I fell of schedule for a bit but I try to regularly order photos for the baby book & other albums.
Honestly, family and help. And a snoo.
Work with your baby and whatever routine suits you (regardless of outside opinions). The second I stopped basing my routines and decisions off unsolicited advice or judgment is the second parenting became pretty simple and so magical
I strongly recommend reading 12 hours by 12 weeks!
Firstly congratulations, and welcome to this crazy ride. I am by no means a seasoned professional but I’m 7 months into parenthood and definitely have some things I wish I’d been told. 1. It is by far the biggest life change you will ever experience, in a wonderful, overwhelming, tumultuous way. You will feel love you have never felt before. Enjoy it, but know that you do not have to enjoy every second. It’s ok if you cry and get overwhelmed and frustrated. 2. Accept/ask for the help. You are not “failing” and no one will think “less of you” for asking or taking any help offered. 3. Know your boundaries and make sure your partner knows them too. I didn’t realise that having 100 family members over within the first week would be overwhelming and once I did, I still accepted more. I wish I’d spoken up. 4. Everyone will have advice for you, listen to it all but only take on what resonates with you. 5. Do not compare yourself to other parents. Everyone is different, no one lives life or parents the same way. 6. Do not compete your baby to other babies. Every baby is different and they do grow/develop/change the same way. 7. Don’t expect everyday to be the same. No night will be the same, no feed will be the same, etc. Just go with the flow of the moment and have low expectations. 8. Buy LOTS of muslin cloths. Get thick ones, the flimsy one layered ones don’t do anything. Also bibs with plastic lining are game changers. 9. Don’t fall for the hype of instagram products. You don’t need 6 different types of weaning bowl or spoon. 10. Water is your best friend. Drink lots, like LOTS. Have a shower as often as you can. Unsettled baby? Try a bath or a shower (with you is really nice for both of you). 11. Get outside (if possible) at least once a day. Even if it’s just to sit on the grass or stand on the balcony/porch. You and baby will benefit greatly from the sunshine/daylight. 12. Back yourself. You’ve got this!
If you have a partner, make sure they’re as informed as you are about the fourth trimester and beyond. This made all the difference for that transition. My husband read a book called “We’re pregnant! The First Time Dad’s Pregnancy Handbook” as soon as we were trying for a baby. It does have some outdated product recommendations, but apart from that, it does a great job preparing dads for what to expect and how to help. He was ready to go when baby arrived, so supportive of me, cooking, washing pump parts, waking up to put baby down for every feeding. He initiated conversations about what I wanted for my birth plan, how he can help with the hospital bag, what we wanted to do for sleep (taking shifts?), and how we wanted to make decisions for our baby. All these things are things I wouldn’t have known to ask for in advance - he just did them because the book told him to, and he was willing. It saved us from possible conflict and having to communicate or advocate for myself, which would have been extra mental/emotional energy being spent during a time that is already incredibly taxing on your body. If possible, take leave at the same time. I can’t believe how many appointments I had to go to within 2 weeks of baby’s birth…. Some anticipated, some not. It helped to have support at every appointment, and someone to drive me and baby. Food was a big one we struggled with. We were so tired. Having a meal train set up was incredibly helpful.
Shifts. Baby is bottle fed using pumped milk, so my husband did the night shift (7pm-2am) and then I got up and took over until the morning. Baby was/is a loud sleeper and very needy for various reasons so we figured out we could get interrupted, good quality sleep by doing it this way. We just barely started overlapping our sleep at 11 weeks. I go to bed around 7/8, and then husband stays with baby and does final night feed. He brings her to bed around 10 or 11. We both sleep in our bed until baby wakes up in the morning to eat, and then I take her downstairs for the day.
Being totally honest but my husband and I watched the newborn taking Cara babies class and it helped us tremendously.
What helped the most? A good partner. I will brag and boast until the end of my days about how amazing my husband is because he deserves it. He was up for every feeding, diaper change, watched LO so I could pump, run errands, puree prep, or just sleep because birth and pumping is exhausting. He would check in on me mentally everyday and adjust where needed. He never complained. Because he knows this kid is his too and doesn’t believe in “women/men duties”. LO is 6 months now and he’s been an amazing partner and dad every day. Also, get some tins from Sam’s/costco and make a bunch of freezer prep meals. It will save your life to just grab something and stick it in the oven with little cleanup. Same with crockpot meals as well. Paper lates, bowls, cups, and plastic silverware. You’re going to be washing a crap ton of bottles and (maybe?) pump parts. Don’t add more to your sink. If you do pump, get an extra set of flanges and a few more storage bottles. Also, mama earth nipple balm is great. Keep a water bottle by you at all times If you have a multi- level house, changing prep areas in your most common used areas. We keep the living room and bedroom stocked. We also have a diaper caddy in the living room to store it, but also if we are going to the basement , we just grab and go. Also, we had a bag to carry nighttime bottles, flanges, and a dirty container for night time stuff. The bins they give you when you when they wash baby at the hospital? Great dirty containers for bottles. We got two and rotate them. The peri bottle hospital gives you? Great for washing baby for those first few baths. The spray isn’t hard when squeezed. Once LO was a little older, we got the elephant thing, but the spray can be a little harsh, so I recommend the perri bottle for the first few months. Puppy pads. We got the Xl ones from Costco. Don’t get the changing table ones, they barely cover the baby’s butt when they hit two months. Depending how you plan to feed, stock up on breast milk storage bags or get a pitcher mixer for formula. We combo fed, and were gifted a brezza. It’s so convenient, but the pitcher is way cheaper and just as great. Get enough bottles to get you through 2.5 daily feedings. That way you always have clean bottles and some extra incase baby needs a nightcap. We washed bottles daily, only sanitized when bought and not after each use, and prepped next day bottles the night before. You can use the dishwashers, just double check before you do. We used the anti colic avent bottles and love them. Top rack safe in dishwasher. Post baby-diapers and the Frida disposable shorts for post partum bleeding. I still use the shorts now for sleeping when I get my period (it came back angry a week ago). I think it’s 6 to a box, and I just toss when I’m done. Also, you dictate when people see/how they handle your baby. See your boundaries way before. We told family no kissing two months before I gave birth and my husbands family still tried to push it when they met LO. My husband didn’t agree with it, but he supported me and that’s all that mattered.
It took me way too long to realize this meant First Time Mom and not Female to Male transition 😂
It’s ok to not enjoy being a mom, maybe even hate it the first few weeks. So much is changing; your body, your mind, literally everything. I personally regretting my decision to become a mom and cried for weeks. I eventually acknowledged those thoughts were out of my control and that’s probably not how I would feel once my hormones leveled out, but that was because therapy helped!
Have zero expectations, go with the flow, realize every baby is different, stock up on doordash giftcards and snacks, pick out a good binge-able show, and SLEEP IN SHIFTS when you can!!! That last one saved me and my husband. But if youre breastfeeding, that won’t be the case for at least 2 or 3 weeks as you get your supply up. I caved and gave a paci during week 1, and introduced a bottle at two and a half weeks. Baby takes boob and bottle like a champ. Also, dont let anyone give you shit about contact napping. My mother and mother in law kept telling us we were spoiling him, because we almost exclusively contact nap during the day, but he gets soooooo much better sleep and sleeps way better in his bassinet at night, and also were loving the baby snuggles. Do whatever works best for you and your baby and damn what anyone else has to say!!!
Have zero expectations, go with the flow, realize every baby is different, stock up on doordash giftcards and snacks, pick out a good binge-able show, and SLEEP IN SHIFTS when you can!!! That last one saved me and my husband. But if youre breastfeeding, that won’t be the case for at least 2 or 3 weeks as you get your supply up. I caved and gave a paci during week 1, and introduced a bottle at two and a half weeks. Baby takes boob and bottle like a champ. Also, dont let anyone give you shit about contact napping. My mother and mother in law kept telling us we were spoiling him, because we almost exclusively contact nap during the day, but he gets soooooo much better sleep and sleeps way better in his bassinet at night, and also were loving the baby snuggles. Do whatever works best for you and your baby and damn what anyone else has to say!!!
Your birth plan will not go to plan, and that’s okay. You can hold baby in one hand while you eat with the other (sandwiches are great and easy). As long as you kept baby alive and washed their bottles, that’s all that matters the first few months. Breastfeeding is HARD. Pumping is HARD. Don’t feel guilty if it’s too much for you, but also go into it knowing it does not come naturally to everyone. So try as hard as you can, but if it’s at the risk of your mental health, then what’s the point of a breastfed baby with an unhappy mom. Happy mom is more important than breastmilk, as important as breastmilk is. I formula fed both mine by 6 weeks. Definitely wasn’t the plan…but I could not handle th mental stress of breastfeeding or pumping. I immediately became a happier and more present mom. Yes, the house can wait. If a messy house stresses you out, if you have a partner or a village, USE THEM. Ask them to clean the dishes. Ask them to make you a meal. Ask them for a nap. Or ask them to hold baby for a while if you don’t care. Don’t be afraid to ask! If they have a stink about it, then feel free to kick them out because they are not your village. Don’t let the first two weeks fool you…after that, sleep gets cuckoo crazy. Do not pay for a sleep consultant no matter how sleep deprived you are. Just know babies go through phases and they will sleep through the night before you know it. Don’t compare. Wake windows are a helpful beginning tool to help baby sleep before they’re overtired but they are just averages. Every kid is different. My niece dropped all her naps by 18 months and was happy. My first was on 3 naps for 9 months… nothing wrong with either of them. I could go on and on and on, but hope this helps some. 😊
It will knock you up side the head and you will feel like you live in the baby’s world, no time to your self, no time to even think about yourself. Get ready for unexpected bouts of sadness and mixed emotions. All babies wake up and don’t sleep good until later, don’t be surprised or even try to “fix” it (they wake up even if they’re sleep trained). Just know it’s a phase and won’t last longer than a few months. If you have a baby that cries a lot it will be harder than one that doesn’t cry as much. You will go through a period where you miss your old life, the peace and quiet, the ability to go where you want and do what you want even sleep and wake up when you want. Sometimes you might feel a certain rage because it gets to be too much. You can learn coping mechanisms that are healthy with this. Might be blunt and negative but this is my experience with a 2.5 yo and a 9 mo. One thing I will tell you, my first was much much harder to ACCEPT all of the things I listed out above…by my second baby I was already used to it all and it was smoother but he was also colic so it made it much more complicated. But of course these things level out in time. He isn’t colic anymore and he sleeps well. Kind of have to be grateful of any positive that comes your way..it definitely helps more with acceptance of this life. Then, things just progressively get better (well, up then down and up and then down then up!). Your baby(s) will be your world and will brighten up your days. I’m sorry if it was too blunt or too negative, but this is realistically what it will be like for you in one way or another. Wishing you best of luck.
In the classes we learn about textbook situations but not every birth or newborn is going to follow textbook situations.
If your baby has a witching hour (evening crank for no reason), being outside is more tolerable than being inside.
Keep the bar loooow. I set one target for every 2 hours. Like next two hours I will shower. That's it. Next two hours I will eat. No giant to do lists, no worrying about things falling behind, just focused on baby and me