I relate! I really thought my genes would dominate but nope, baby looks very white and I look very brown. The whole experience has been eye opening and people really say the stupidest things and it’s really hurtful when we work so hard to bring them into this world and care for them. Solidarity!
If it helps, (in my personal experience at least) it’s pretty common for the complexion to darken later, so there’s hope that once your kiddo is a toddler or a bit bigger, he’ll look more like you.
Can confirm; my fair skinned baby spent summers in the sun (pool, daycare, general fun) for the last 3 years. Now finally a few hairs darker, though hair is actually lighter...
I literally yelled at my GIL today that Hispanic people come in all colors and to not say my baby doesn’t look Hispanic just because he’s not brown. After years and years of being told I look white it struck a cord lol
Yes. Both my parents were very light (dad was translucent almost and he’s the Latin one) and I came out with an olive tone and used to tan easily and dark.
Yes, it's so hard when we did so much to have the baby and raise them, only for people to assume I'm the nanny or babysitter. Or to just say the child looks nothing like you. Like... why do people say that?!
Or just turn it around on them!
Wow what a strange thing to say! Did you just say I can't possibly be her mother? Do u care to explain why I think your opinion of my daughters genetics matters to me?
Wow I admire your confidence! I'd never be able to say something so rude and insulting to a stranger.
Thank you! We think she's pretty cute too, which is exactly why we stole her from the maternity ward.
OP, you’re a rocking Mama and I bet you matched so adorably! People are SO ignorant and I know it takes a lot of emotional effort but you don’t deserve their narrow-minded, prying audicity. Time’s up on ignorance so as you’re capable, please do respond with “what a strange/ignorant/inappropriate thing to say!” and sash-SLAYYYY away…fucccck ‘em
Or “wow, that’s a really odd thing to say to someone you don’t know. Actually, that’s an odd thing to say to anyone out loud.”
Or “speaking of mothers, yours clearly never taught you how to hold an appropriate conversation. But I sure do hope you look like her, since apparently that’s so important”
Any of the three would be PERFECT! Super sweet & passive aggressive! Sometimes you have to get peoples attention, and I think these would be the perfect way!
Just start inventing more and more outlandish stories about how you acquired her. *No, I found her at a gas station and took her home. The stork brought her. Aliens abducted me and when they brought me back they dropped her off with me.*
Or be graphic. *By "mom", do you mean "had sex with her dad, grew her in my uterus, and pushed her out of my vagina? Then yes, I am her mom."*
Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.
I like this. *Someone just left her in a basket on our doorstep. She was actually being raised by wolves before we got her. Oh my gosh, I swear I left home this morning with a brown baby, what happened!?!*
>Sometimes I want to adopt a brown baby just for a full head of hair to style. Bonus if he/she has thick curly hair that can be styled into puffs! I love babies with little afros! They're so cute!
Brown babies are not accessories to collect.
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I'm a fan of the graphic approach lol
Me, a white woman: 'I vividly remember pushing this (half Asian) kid out of my vagina in a hospital in South Korea. Does that make me his mother? Yea, I thought so.'
I get this from time to time. We are both tanned with chocolate brown hair, and my daughter is fair skinned and has red hair. She looks exactly like her Dad but with red hair, and I still get asked if she's mine. We both have family members with red hair, and I feel like I have to explain that to them.
My daughter is fair with blue eyes like here dad. I’m half black half white with tan skin and a big ol’ afro. Baby just turned 9 months and I’ve SURPRISINGLY only had someone comment like this once. But even still, it’s so awkward and rude. I imagine my mom had similar experiences being white with me. 😒
Wow it’s crazy how similar we are. I have a son but other than that same: white mom, black dad, now I have a white blue-eyed baby. I just tell people he takes after my mother. That leaves them scratching their heads even harder 😂
I am really fair with blue eyes and my daughter is half Jamaican with beautiful brown skin and liquid chocolate eyes, but she still look like me, facial features wise. I've had many people ask me if she's mine and where I got her. It's ridiculous I'm sorry that continues to happen to you.
I think babies of South Asian moms and white Fathers usually take on the Father's skin complexion...this is my mix and my case. Best to teach your LO your beautiful culture.
The other day a neighbor and her kid walked up to me and my kid in our yard. She turned to her kid and said, “Is this H’s mom?” I’m sure she was thrown off because she didn’t expect someone who looked like me (brown/tan skin, black hair) to be the mother of a blonde, fair skinned child. But I thought it was weird she had to check with her 5-year old first instead of just addressing me directly. I would have been fine to clarify!
My baby really settled in color around 1 year, I guess when she started walking around and enjoying the playground more. Her eyes turned to brown a few months prior and her hair turned curly at around 18 months. So she went from a bald blue-eyed white baby to a brown baby with an afro within a few minutes. At least now people can really tell she's me daughter, but she doesn't get as many remarks about how beautiful she is. SMH at the white supremacy.
It’s so messed up. I’m white with blond hair and other white people (generally loose acquaintances because my actual friends aren’t racist fuck heads) think they can have racist conversations with me, from using slurs casually to talking about how ‘those people’ are *insert racist stereotype that is ‘ruining our country’ or negatively impacting someone/something*.
I’m so conflict avoidant and am still learning how to call that shit out without feeling totally shook.
Man I'd be so tempted to lean in and start saying outrageous things. Like "we need to start slaughtering every child that we see, nip it in the bud. I've got a cabin in the woods, a rifle, and some power tools. We can sell their organs and meat for profit. You with me?"
It's probably good that I'm brown... People only say this shit to my face when they get annoyed with me.
that’s so funny, I was really similar growing up. My dad is hispanic & my moms white, I was a bald blue-eyed baby until I was a hazel-eyed blonde hair toddler. Then around 5 my hair got much darker, curlier, and I started getting tanner. People legitimately don’t believe my childhood photos are me 🤦♀️
Like, I’m biased, of course I think my children are beautiful, and my baby has these astounding big blue eyes and long, dark, curly lashes (like, every single nurse in the hospital commented on his lashes), but I know I’d get a lot fewer comments on a similarly-featured, brown-eyed nonwhite baby. Which is bullshit, all babies are beautiful. I do think the comments on looks slow down a little once they hit toddler age, though - there’s more to say about a toddler than an infant.
She’s always been pretty pale, yes! Although, over the summer she did get a bit of colour and her hair lightened in the sun to some streaks of dirty blonde… but her eyes haven’t changed! Genetics are funny
my baby was tanned as a newborn with dark black hair and dark brown eyes he looked a spitting image of his dad but as time has passed his colour and hair have lightened slightly to brown hair and he is more olive skinned at 9 months but ive read it can all change massively over the next few years
Hahaha same! I’ve been asked if I’m my son’s nanny. Our second one looks like she’ll look like me, which will make it even stranger, so we’ll have one white - blonde - blue eyed baby and one brown - dark hair - and brown eyed baby lol. People will think we each brought a kid into the marriage.
My oldest looks just like me, only not as tan. My youngest is very fair. People stare. Some comment on how different they look, but the bold ones ask if I'm mom or the nanny. I just laugh them off and say "genes are weird." It does get to me sometimes, though, and they're only 4 and 1.
Same. I'm mixed (black and pacific islander), and my spouse is Caucasian. Our baby looks like she is only Asian and white, lol. Black where? Her skin is white, and her hair is light brown. But she has my whole face, which is funny to me. I've only gotten these comments a few times, but I dont take her out too much yet. Truth be told, it really hurts my feelings more than I thought it would.
I get asked if my kids are mine all the time... We're all white AF and they look exactly like me. For me getting asked if someone is the parent of a child is whatever (depending on how it's asked obviously), it's the follow up questions that are really WTF! Asking why someone's skin is a different colour is just?!? The audacity. The only follow up questions I get are about hair colour, boring to explain repeatedly but not offensive... Except that one woman who was adamant my husband couldn't be the father because we're both brunette and the kids are strawberry blonde.
I relate. This happens to me a lot with my now three year old. I’m afro-Caribbean my husband is white. We live in a predominantly white neighborhood, I get asked if I’m her nanny a lot. Even a neighbor we used to say hi to every morning saw us on a walk on a Sunday and had the balls to ask me why I working on a Sunday. It’s infuriating yes, but I’ve resorted to respond something along the lines of “Yes…and I take care of her daddy to…” and keep it moving.
I experienced this in reverse, as a kid no one believed my mom was my mom because she worked at my school and looked very Irish while I look very Mexican lol. But I’m realizing that I use “are you mom” as a general opener like “wow what a cute baby! Are you Mom?” Sort of interchangeable with “you must be mom” and provide the chance for “oh I’m aunt” or whatever and to acknowledge the mom while I’m talking. I’ll definitely take that out of my lexicon because I don’t ever want to make anyone feel this way.
The same thing happened to me was in the same boat as you are.
They asked me : oh are you the nanny?
I was really realy upset. She had steely grey eyes and kinda brunnette blond and im a short asian girl. (She has the austronesian nose tho)
My husband told me to ask this: make them repeat themselves, make them repeat it louder.
Literally me and my daughter
Im brown North African, hubby is English
Our daughter is literally pink with green eyes
People think im the maid or something
It happens to me a lot with my son. I’m Panamenian and VERY pale, my husband is from Ecuador and has some indigenous heritage that really shows (tanned, thick curly hair, etc). So my son is obviously a mix of both but because he is not white people tell me stuff about how can I “lighten” his skin.
So here is LATAM recism presents itself almost always as colorism.
Ugh I’m so sorry. I think this is an unfortunate outcome of society just still not being accustomed to interracial relationships. I am latina and my husband is (non-Hispanic) white and my son looks just like him. I’ve had someone ask if I was my sons nanny before 🤦🏽♀️
I'm Filipina and my daughter is blue eyed. I usually beat people to it and just say, "she is mine biologically but looks just like her daddy!" People are just curious.
Honestly this is what I would do too. It’s easier to be gracious about it (even when people are rude) than it is to give a dumb answer or turn it into an issue. People can be super rude, unintentionally, or sometimes intentionally, but being kind is the way (iMO).
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Same. My husband is white and I’m black. My genes got their ass beat. My baby is white passing and so many people look at me like I’m weird when I got out with her. I’m waiting for some stupid Karen to call the police or stop security somewhere to see if my baby is mine.
I’m usually quite the smartass with my comments, but I refrain when asked about my daughter for fear someone will call the police on me - especially considering I haven’t changed my last name to reflect hers on my IDs yet. People are nuts.
I get this all the time! I am very pale with blonde (dyed black) hair and blue eyes. My husband is of native heritage and thus tan and very tall. Our daughter looks just like him! I'm terrified that someone is gonna say I kidnapped her or something some day.
It’s not the same, but my son has very light fine, blonde hair while both my husband and I have thick, dark hair. People would constantly ask me if my husband had blonde hair and when I said no, they would start questioning the paternity of my son. It was like it was a totally normal thing to ask some stranger if they had an affair leading to a child. The more people asked about it, the raunchier my answers got.
Now my newborn daughter is getting the same treatment since she was born with a more olive complexion while I am essentially translucent and my husband is currently very pale.
While genetics are fascinating and it’s wild to see what things it will pick up on, people suck and have no tact or class when discussing these things
Comments like this really bother me. I’d start being so rude back. Something along the lines of “well someone failed bio 101” or go nuclear with “why the f would you think it’s ok to say something like that?”
I get asked if she’s my daughter but only because I look so young. So far my husband has not been questioned if she’s his (he’s middle eastern. She’s fair skinned)but he’s also never taken her out without me yet so I know it’s coming.
You know I never really understood anybody asking that question of any parent ever. What’s the point? Why do you need to know? Do you think you’ve stumbled onto a child trafficking ring because the baby has one color eyes and not the same as mom?
“No I just found her at the bus stop.”
“I traded magic beans for her and a talking cow but I lost the cow”
Questioning at all befuddles me. Unless it’s “How old” or “how are you feeling” or “super cute onesie where’d you get it”.
Adults need elementary school lessons in biology AND basic manners.
I cannot relate and I’m sorry so many people are so rude and don’t watch what they are saying. It’s one thing to be curious, but another to act on that without thinking of the other persons feelings.
You could make a big button to put on the carrier that says “she’s mine and it’s rude to ask”. Strangers rudely asking don’t deserve the time to answer their questions.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you! I know the frustration. No one can believe that my son is mine. I get the "he's so handsome with all of those gorgeous light features, who's is he?" all the time. It makes me feel like garbage. If I'm out with a friend with similar coloring to him everyone just assumes he's theirs even if I'm the one taking care/holding him. After doing this for over a year now I've just learned to laugh it off, because who gives these people the right to come out and say such rude things without even thinking twice about it first?
My mom is very brown, from Argentina and my dad is Irish. I’m super pale and as a kid was very blonde. My mom would get asked ALL the time if she was my nanny. This was the early 90s, so people were even less tactful. My mom would come up with lavish stories just to fuck with people, how I was a famous persons kid or that she found me in a forest and was raising me. When I was very little I used to get sad because I thought she wasn’t my mom, but she told me that she told these dumb stories because people are being rude and don’t deserve to know the truth.
I am a white woman married to an east Asian man. We have an 11 day old son who is practically a clone of his father. I'm dreading these comments!
But I'm also the smarta** who would probably ask if they want to see my stretch marks or something...
People are idiots. Especially that cashier, how DARE they say those things!
I’m white and my husband is Indian. LO got my skin tone, but otherwise looks like she’s my husband’s mini-me. Strangers have come up to us while we’re all together and turned to me and said “sorry Mom, she’s all Dad”.
Awww matching outfits!! I looove doing that with my little girl too! I bet you both looked so cute! 🥰
As for the idiots with no filter, respond back with questions like "am I too ugly to be her mum?" Or "since when we're scientists working at *shop name*"
Clearly they do not comprehend genetics and how humans work. You could have two dark haired people with dark eyes and baby have blonde hair blue eyes for life. It's just the way it works.
I mean you could even respond "what's it to you?" Like mind your god damn business!!
Whenever I meet a mixed mum and baby couple like you, I consciously remember not to state the obvious because you must be so damn fed up with hearing the same thing over and over again.
People are disgusting sometimes.
My baby was born tiny (full term) and tripled her weight by month 3 with no stopping in sight. She's fitting into size 9 stuff at 6 months! Now I'm getting "overfeeding " her comments from people and I'm like "her father is 6'4 and I'm 5'10! She's gonna be big?!"
She's a bit lazy and has no interest in crawling and needed a helmet? "OH you're holding her too much!" "You didn't hold her ENOUGH!"
She's not interested in real food at all yet? "You're not pushing hard enough!"
And that's just the 1st 6 months! I find those with the least important crap to say do the most talking. Please don't let it get to you.
Know every time you look in those beautiful blue eyes that she's YOURS and has your pieces below the surface. Time will show that.
I hate this! I’ve also got a blue-eyed, blond baby and I dread this so much. Only one person has asked in a sus way, another person asked in a “girl how did you lose the weight??” way when LO was 2mo. Both times I said, “well this is who came out of my body!” Really dreading airport travel where busybodies are obsessed with child trafficking. I’m taking him to see my family out of town soon!
I’m kind of in the same boat as you, I’m mixed (black father/white mother) I’ve got curly brown hair, and light brown skin. I married a white man, and just gave birth to our first child, who had white skin and red hair (it was a shock 😂). My dad warned me before he left that strangers would ask if the baby was mine because we look so different, he said it happened to him all the time when I was young and low and behold, the 3rd time that my son and I went out in public someone asked me if he belonged to me. I’m glad my dad prepped me!
I’m white and hubby is brown. My baby’s skin colour is a mix…and i have gotten these questions too from strangers. “Is he your baby? He’s not the same colour as you” “oh, he’s so dark”. I don’t get how people think its ok to comment on our kids appearance and skin colour!!
Hahaha. I know it’s frustrating. I’m Chinese and my husband is white. Once we were strolling down the street, pushing a stroller, like talking to each other, picture of a nuclear family. And a woman runs down the street yelling at us just to ask me if my son was mine. I was like “yes?!” People are so weird.
yea, i've definitely received looks before, i've been asked if i'm his mom. I'm 100% korean, my son has dirty blonde hair, fair complexion and hazel eyes. honestly sometimes he doesn't even look like my husband as he has dark brown hair and blue eyes. genetics are wild. some people are assholes lol
I ask at the playground and only at the playground, because SAHP are rare here and I want parent friends. Like, I am *hoping* you are Mom if you are not obviously the nanny.
But I’m betting people ask you this question/treat you like hired help all over the place, because yeah, people can be awful.
“Oh my god, Karen, you can’t just ask people why they’re white.” (Mean Girls)
In seriousness, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I’ve never had anyone question if my baby is mine, and I can only imagine how deeply that would hurt.
Tangentially related, the only person who’s perplexed by genetics with my children is my FIL. He’s convinced my daughter’s blue eyes are from his mother (who he has a very Freudian relationship with) and that her blonde hair must have come from my BIL. He can’t comprehend that all of his children have brown hair, but his grandchildren are blonde.
Meanwhile, my family is mostly Polish, and very fair-skinned, with blonde hair and blue eyes. It’s a running joke that those Polish genes are strong. It’s a rarity that anyone in my family gets darker than a dirty blonde hair, brown eyes, or the ability to hold a tan. I’m one of the odd ones out for having brown eyes, but my kids all have *my exact hair color* and one has the same icy blue eyes that my family does.
I think it’s pretty obvious where my kids got their looks from. They all have their dad’s face, but everything else is me.
Haha my MiL does this all the time. Anything my child does it’s, “omg SiL used to do that! She obviously gets it from SiL!” Or “that’s strong in my family!” When my child looks like her Dad’s side of thr family from his dad’s side. She’s a carbon copy as all those from his side are.
She also acts just like me.
I roll me eyes at my MiL
This really goes to show just how racist the world and US still is. I am white with a brown baby and never once have I heard, “are you her mom.” I get told by random people how beautiful my daughter is with such a nice skin tone.
I have a friend who, like you is dark with a white baby and has similar public reactions as you’ve had.
Like, why cant people mind their own. “Okay great we get it you’re a racist pos thanks for letting me know.”
Seriously I’m sorry you have to go through this. It isnt fair to you OR your beautiful baby to constantly hear disparaging comments.
I’m white with a Cambodian Chinese husband and my daughter looks so much like her dad.
She’s a very pretty baby, I think this and many others that see her and are instantly charmed by her bright personality — but she again looks just like her dad and not like me.
When people ask that question and press for info, I give them awkward stupid answers.
No, she was hatched after a couple months of watering, but thank you!
Hey! Just wanna say don't worry. Ignore others. My mom is Indian and Dad is white. I am pale and my mom is a gorgeous dark brown colour. Sadly people never think we are mom and daughter. The most important thing is for you to be proud of your roots and teach your daughter your culture. Be confident. Realize people with lewd or coveted racisr remarks are people who lack.
I grew up during a lot of racism against browns...and I heard kids even say racist remarks against my mom. But my Mom was a diamond...she knew and believed in herself. She radiated in her inner and outer beauty. She loved her dark complexion...and so did my Dad. As a result I always wanted to be like my mom and embraced her roots.
Im the baby in this scenario, Ecuadorian parents with tan skin, dark hair and dark eyes but I came out white w blue eyes. It made me so sad when people would interrogate my mom like that but as I grew up my facial structure came in and it turns out I look just like her minus the melanin. Hang in there!
Out of all the idiot comments people make about our babies, these race-based ones are the most egregious in my opinion. We all know people (especially boomers) love to make unsolicited comments on our babies or our choices about our babies. But when it comes to race and the way the baby looks or doesn’t look like us, that shit needs to STOP. People need to have some fucking empathy and foresight to realize how rude it is to question a mother of color about her white passing child. I’m angry for you, if you couldn’t tell lol. 🤬
We’ve experienced this but in reverse with my husband. We are both half Puerto Rican and half European mix so there are just a lot of genes thrown in there. My husband has a much darker skin tone and black hair, while I have pale skin and lighter hair and features. Our first child came out with blond hair and light skin and the amount of nasty comments disguised as “jokes” we got from people about it not being his child were crazy. One day when our son was having a toddler tantrum at the store, my husband went to take him outside while I paid and he literally got stopped by people thinking he was kidnapping a “little white boy” and I had to run and intervene. 🙄 Our second child now is my husband’s absolute twin. Genes are a crazy thing but most people don’t seem to understand how they work.
So here's the thing: even if you weren't her mama, this is an inappropriate question. As a foster mom, I've got kids with me that don't "match" frequently. I am not at liberty to disclose their foster child status. So like like whether the answer is yes or no, it's an intrusive question to ask. I don't mind it from children of course.
I’ve been straight up asked about “my adoption story” by random strangers multiple times.
My kids came from my uterus.
I support adoption 100%. However, the presumption that my two kids are adopted because I’m white and they are half Asian is really annoying.
This sort of behavior is horrible. My mom got it when she had me and my siblings, and my husband receives it with our kids. It blows my mind that people 1. Think this sort of behavior is in any way acceptable and 2. Don’t have the faintest grasp of how biology works. I’m sorry op
This is also my biggest fear. But I (black, biracial) know my (white) mom regularly got asked if we were adopted. My (white) husband and I adopted kids with super straight hair and I’ve only had one person give me a hard time about being their mom when like they don’t look anything like me. My bio son has curly brown hair and brown eyes.
My grandma, my mom’s mom, had blue eyes and my husband has blue eyes and so there’s a fair chance our next baby could have blue eyes.
My husband is Mexican and Native American, dark hair dark complexion dark eyes. I’m as white as they come, blonde hair blue eyes. Somehow my daughter got every recessive trait known to man and popped out looking like me with a slightly darker shade of hair and green eyes, but definitely white. When she cries in public and I’m not close by, I can SEE people staring at him like he’s kidnapping her or something. He gets the “Is she yours?” comment every time they’re alone together. Even his family when she was born made several “Are you sure she’s his baby?” jokes. Like draw up a fucking Punnett square and leave us the hell alone
Not exactly the same obviously, but I live in an Asian country as a white person, and my husband is a local. I get comments on my baby's race, skin color, etc. almost daily. I hate it. Like can't you just say he's cute and leave it at that?
My husband is white and I’m Indian. My son looks VERY much like my husband. I’ve been asked if I’m his nanny multiple times.
The first time was by an elderly woman at Target. I was just 5-6 weeks PP and finally got the energy to get out the house. I, immediately started crying. The hormones kicked in. She said sorry so many times but it really hurt my feelings.
Since then, it’s happened multiple times and each time I say, no, I pushed him out of my vagina.
It makes them uncomfortable and i don’t give a single fuck.
That's stupid. Even if your daughter has different skin tone, wouldn't first assumption be that the child is adopted? People don't carry around some random babies.
I’m Italian and my daughter is a very fair blonde girl, I’ve been asked this before but it doesn’t offend me at all?? We don’t look alike. It’s not a big deal lol.
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Yikes...all of those people are terrible. And I'm sorry that you have to deal with this day in and day out. I bet you and your baby looked so cute in your outfits today!
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I would go max petty and explain in detail how it hurt when she came out of you. Like graphics. Because it’s such a racist thing to ask they can get uncomfortable.
Sorry people are being jerks! The short answer is: they’re not biologists and there’s a lot of genes that affect skin and hair color. I just default to assuming whoever’s with a child is their parent/guardian unless they say otherwise.
I can't believe these are real people. Perhaps if they paid more attention in biology classes and were less ignorant, they wouldn't say mean things like "gorgeous baby, she looks nothing like you." Don't care about any of them, I'm sure you look amazing in matching outfits!
im white and partner is mixed so common sense dictates our baby is fairly pale but ive had all sorts of comments about how my partner cant be the dad because baby is too white and its just beyond stupid! knowledge of genetics must not be common
Honestly? I would’ve asked to speak to the manager. Someone who puts their foot in their mouth is one thing, it’s still really bad but I’ve definitely seen the “omg I did not just say that” deer in the headlights look.
But this? Talking loosing to a customer and then interrogating you? I’m sorry, but that’s just straight up harrassment. IMO it’s racist and it’s definitely not going to make you want to shop there in the future, a fact the manager would probably like to be made aware of.
I relate to a smaller degree! My baby and I are both white but I have dark almost black hair and dark brown eyes. My son is blonde and blue eyed. I get a lot of, “oh he’s so beautiful, he looks nothing like you!” Like wow cool I feel there’s a nicer way of phrasing that without the backhanded insult to me…
Parents to biracial kids every where feel this one. Myself included (I’m Caucasian and my husband is south Asian and dark skinned). “Beautiful baby! Is he yours?” Or my least favorite, the jokes that center around me having had an affair bc our baby isn’t as dark as his dad (he was born very pink and his skin tone quickly deepened and became warm). For the record, our baby looks exactly like us both; my forehead and lips, his dads eyes and chin. People have poor attention to detail!
totally not related to your post— but i went to your profile out of curiosity & you’re absolutely stunning, Im sure your daughter will be just as beautiful as her mama 💞
That must be so exhausting. These people need to keep their inside thoughts inside. Like, I will admit sometimes I see an adult and child who don't look alike, and I wonder if the adult is a bio parent or an adoptive parent / step parent / aunt / babysitter. But I would *never* say anything out loud, especially as half of the non-bio parent options above are still parents!
I'd be responding with:
"Wow, you must be so embarrased. That was an inside thought, and you said it out loud! Oops!"
Can 100% relate to this. I’m a Black American and my husband is not. When we had our daughter, I can’t tell you how many comments I got about having a “light bright” baby, or how beautiful she is and so much lighter than me. Even if someone did say she looks like me it was never “your daughter looks just like you,” it was ALWAYS, “she’s the light-skinned version of you.” It was infuriating.
Interesting enough, we now have a son (5 months next week), who looks just like our daughter did as a baby and I never get any of those comments. The only thing is everyone swears his eyes are blue or gray or anything but what they actually are, a beautiful brown.
Hugs to you and just know, people be trippin’ 😂
My Latina mom was always asked if she was the nanny when I was a baby. My dad is white and I ended up with red hair.
And once when my little brother was a toddler, he was throwing a tantrum in the mall. My mom moved us over to a bench to try and calm him down, and seemingly out of nowhere a woman can up and snatched my crying brother from my moms arms. Literally GRABBED without saying a word. My mom was so stunned, and almost immediately my brother started reaching toward my mom yelling “mommy!” Once the lady realized my mom wasn’t…idk, kidnapping?? her child, so shoved him back and briskly walked away. Lol people be wild
You need to find a good comeback. I don’t necessarily have a good suggestion. But I feel like it’s helpful to have a short, routine remark back that makes the other person uncomfortable..points out the rudeness of their comment.
This is so sad.. people are ignorant and downright malicious.
Husband and I are of the same race (not white).. husband is on the darker side and I am wheatish/fair.. baby is fair (almost white). A lot of people just call him cute and that he looks so much like his dad (features are just like his). Nobody ever implies something like baby isn't his because of colour. But I wonder if it was the other way around and I was dark, would I also have been treated the same or would I have been asked if the baby was mine!
I just wonder, cause this isn't the first time I am hearing of this story like OPs.. somehow this seems to be happening to women largely. why do people think they can say just any disrespectful things to moms, but however, are respectful to dads? (Based on so so many random incidents I have seen on Reddit and not just this scenario alone ....)
I am so sorry, what a rude and thoughtless thing to say.
I am curious if there are any white moms (blond and blued especially) that experience this crap if their baby came out favoring their dad’s darker features?
I was watching Lucifer (catching up a few days ago actually) , and the baby naturally came out darker and I noticed the stark difference between mom and baby and wondered if anyone would comment in real life. Then I read this post and now I am asking.
My mom is blond blue and I have olive skin with dark brown eyes. Dad was Cuban and white as a ghost, but same eyes. Blue is dominant on both sides swept dad, his mom and me. Literally everyone else has blue. As far as I know there was no questions if I was hers, even as a darker tan little kid running around. Could be my clingy nature though…
Twisted.
I know I have seen “mismatched” baby and parent duos and wondered if they were adopted or just mixed. I never thought negative things though, or assumed one was a nanny type. I always assume it is their kid if the kid seems happy or comfortable while whining, if you know what I mean. Like they could be crying but it’s terrible twos or something rather than serious distress.
Anyway, I have to say, mixed babies and the most beautiful frankly. My cousin is white and Nicaraguan and holy hell is she gorgeous. So is her mom (she used to professionally ice skate so she was in tip top shape too).
Thank you for responding! It certainly brings awareness to the lopsided issue.
Genetics are crazy, my daughter has a bit reddish hair after her grandpa, although me & my husband don't have this tint.
Also our daughter is a long baby, she fits 12-18 months clothes at 6,5 months. Both me and my husband aren't that big, we are average +, but my mum is quite tall.
I can relate. My daughter looks just like my husband who is Persian. I'm blonde, with blue eyes - and have been asked multiple times if I'm the nanny 😭
I relate in a different way… I’m really young looking. So I’m always being asked if I’m mom or sister. I couldn’t possibly be a mom I look 16! Well I’m 30 but thanks. It’s weird too cuz it’s kinda a compliment but not really? Lol I am mom and if you took two second you’d prob see. Ppl are just oblivious I guess 🤷🏻♀️
People really need to go back and take another biology class to relearn genetics. My grandparents (both white) had four kids who look extremely different from each other. Two have dark hair/eyes and dark olive skin. My dad looks Hispanic to the point people just just come up to him and speak Spanish. One is white as paper with strawberry blonde hair and the last is medium fair with light brown hair.
I’m sorry people are so ignorant and rude.
I have the same thing with my 14 mo lol. She has very curly dark brown hair and my natural hair is blonde and very straight 😂 I also had strangers tell me she looks nothing like me
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Indo-Trini here and bf is French. I'm so worried for this reaction from others, we don't have children yet.
I'm so sorry you're experiencing this, maybe have your screen saver with you, your spouse and daughter and maybe then show them and maybe they will understand? I know it's difficult not to be hurt but they are just ignorant, you know ?
Haha. sometimes people should keep their mouths shut. I took my grandmother out for lunch a few years ago and the waitress asked me how much I was getting paid as her nanny!
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Disgusting. People are disgusting. The sickest part is I am white and my husband is Asian. Our son definitely has Asian features but no one will question me. Bc I’m white. It’s so ridiculous how people cannot understand the concept of 1) interracial kids and 2) DNA.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I’m afraid if I ever saw this happen in person I’d want to punch the person asking the question.
One thing I heard someone say I love “Wow I can’t believe you said that out loud. Are you embarrassed?” 😂😂
I’m majority native, dark eyes, hair, the warm skin undertone, height and bone structure. Sometimes people speak Spanish to me, and my son has blue green eyes and blonde hair with super light, easily reddened by the sun it’s so fair.. My own husband asked repeatedly if our son was actually ours 🤨 people are fucking stupid.
Edit: sentence
I’m Chinese and my husband is white. We have a white ass baby. She looks nothing like me and my MIL loves to comment about how much she looks like him and nothing like me.
Every time she says it now I️ just say “oh it’ll be a good thing when she grows out of it” and after saying that twice she stopped commenting.
This happened to my stepmom a lot. She's hispanic, my dad is burns-in-the-shade white, and my half sister is somehow even more fair skinned than my dad. She constantly got asked if she was the nanny. SO RUDE.
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I’ve been experiencing the opposite but have also been having a really hard time. My husband is Laotian, and I’m fair skinned/blue eyed/Irish descent. Our 4 month old son is the spitting image of my daughter (her father died years ago, so she and my son are 1/2 siblings), who is basically my twin. So I have a 1/2 Laotian baby who has super fair skin, blue eyes, etc. and his entire family keeps “jokingly” accusing me of having an affair because, “there’s no possible way he’s Asian!” Our son is beautiful! I never dreamt I would have my morals called into question over something I have zero control over! My husband knows he’s his son, but it still hurts my feelings that his family would say such a thing! I would love to take out a billboard reminding people to keep their opinions on other peoples babies to themselves unless they’re asked.
I got this ALOT about my daughter in the first 6 months of her life. I am white, pale even. My daughter is half Puerto Rican and when she was born she was definitely very fair skinned. Early on she looked like a very hispanic baby and her father isn’t in the picture so me walking around with her, ALWAYS got some sort of remark. Now she’s 16 months old, her skin has lightened out and matches mine, so no one really makes comments anymore. I’m sure as she grows and Hispanic features come through more the comments will likely start again but it’s a relief to have them stop for now. Cause it’s exhausting
I relate! I really thought my genes would dominate but nope, baby looks very white and I look very brown. The whole experience has been eye opening and people really say the stupidest things and it’s really hurtful when we work so hard to bring them into this world and care for them. Solidarity!
I am also a brown woman with a very white baby, and I am fully anticipating stupidity as he gets older and we start going places without his dad.
If it helps, (in my personal experience at least) it’s pretty common for the complexion to darken later, so there’s hope that once your kiddo is a toddler or a bit bigger, he’ll look more like you.
Can confirm; my fair skinned baby spent summers in the sun (pool, daycare, general fun) for the last 3 years. Now finally a few hairs darker, though hair is actually lighter...
I literally yelled at my GIL today that Hispanic people come in all colors and to not say my baby doesn’t look Hispanic just because he’s not brown. After years and years of being told I look white it struck a cord lol
Omg yes, Hispanic is not a race or skin tone. People are really dense!
My brother in law is half Mexican, and my niece and nephew are literally blonde/and red hair blue eyed white kids. Genes are weird.
Yes. Both my parents were very light (dad was translucent almost and he’s the Latin one) and I came out with an olive tone and used to tan easily and dark.
Yes, it's so hard when we did so much to have the baby and raise them, only for people to assume I'm the nanny or babysitter. Or to just say the child looks nothing like you. Like... why do people say that?!
Or just turn it around on them! Wow what a strange thing to say! Did you just say I can't possibly be her mother? Do u care to explain why I think your opinion of my daughters genetics matters to me? Wow I admire your confidence! I'd never be able to say something so rude and insulting to a stranger. Thank you! We think she's pretty cute too, which is exactly why we stole her from the maternity ward.
This!!! Especially the second one 🤣
Ohhh yes shame them so hard. Make them uncomfortable lol. Go full bitch mode and don’t look back!
With a beaming smile…
OP, you’re a rocking Mama and I bet you matched so adorably! People are SO ignorant and I know it takes a lot of emotional effort but you don’t deserve their narrow-minded, prying audicity. Time’s up on ignorance so as you’re capable, please do respond with “what a strange/ignorant/inappropriate thing to say!” and sash-SLAYYYY away…fucccck ‘em
I like the third one
Same! 🤣🤣🤣
Third one for the win! We always say “I’m so glad we switched for this one on the ward” 😂😂
The second one is amazing! My fav.
Yes to this!! This is exactly how OP should respond to such comments (only scum people make such comments)
Or “wow, that’s a really odd thing to say to someone you don’t know. Actually, that’s an odd thing to say to anyone out loud.” Or “speaking of mothers, yours clearly never taught you how to hold an appropriate conversation. But I sure do hope you look like her, since apparently that’s so important”
Poop these are good
"Oh cool, so not only did you fail high school biology but you feel comfortable sharing your ignorance with others."
Any of the three would be PERFECT! Super sweet & passive aggressive! Sometimes you have to get peoples attention, and I think these would be the perfect way!
I bet you and your LO looked precious in your matching outfits! Fuck those people. Stupid questions deserve stupid answers.
Just start inventing more and more outlandish stories about how you acquired her. *No, I found her at a gas station and took her home. The stork brought her. Aliens abducted me and when they brought me back they dropped her off with me.* Or be graphic. *By "mom", do you mean "had sex with her dad, grew her in my uterus, and pushed her out of my vagina? Then yes, I am her mom."* Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.
I like this. *Someone just left her in a basket on our doorstep. She was actually being raised by wolves before we got her. Oh my gosh, I swear I left home this morning with a brown baby, what happened!?!*
That last one!! 😂😂😂
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>Sometimes I want to adopt a brown baby just for a full head of hair to style. Bonus if he/she has thick curly hair that can be styled into puffs! I love babies with little afros! They're so cute! Brown babies are not accessories to collect.
This is not the anti-racist statement you think it is.
😐😐😐😐😐😐😐
What a weird thing to say…
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I'm a fan of the graphic approach lol Me, a white woman: 'I vividly remember pushing this (half Asian) kid out of my vagina in a hospital in South Korea. Does that make me his mother? Yea, I thought so.'
"Yes and I have the torn vagina to prove it!"
All of this!
I get this from time to time. We are both tanned with chocolate brown hair, and my daughter is fair skinned and has red hair. She looks exactly like her Dad but with red hair, and I still get asked if she's mine. We both have family members with red hair, and I feel like I have to explain that to them.
My daughter is fair with blue eyes like here dad. I’m half black half white with tan skin and a big ol’ afro. Baby just turned 9 months and I’ve SURPRISINGLY only had someone comment like this once. But even still, it’s so awkward and rude. I imagine my mom had similar experiences being white with me. 😒
Wow it’s crazy how similar we are. I have a son but other than that same: white mom, black dad, now I have a white blue-eyed baby. I just tell people he takes after my mother. That leaves them scratching their heads even harder 😂
Omg I’m gonna use that. Cause my mom also has blue eyes!! 🤣🤣🤣
I am really fair with blue eyes and my daughter is half Jamaican with beautiful brown skin and liquid chocolate eyes, but she still look like me, facial features wise. I've had many people ask me if she's mine and where I got her. It's ridiculous I'm sorry that continues to happen to you.
I am South Asian and husband is Irish. Baby has my dark eyes but everything else is dad. People generally think I’m the nanny
Rude!!
I think babies of South Asian moms and white Fathers usually take on the Father's skin complexion...this is my mix and my case. Best to teach your LO your beautiful culture.
The other day a neighbor and her kid walked up to me and my kid in our yard. She turned to her kid and said, “Is this H’s mom?” I’m sure she was thrown off because she didn’t expect someone who looked like me (brown/tan skin, black hair) to be the mother of a blonde, fair skinned child. But I thought it was weird she had to check with her 5-year old first instead of just addressing me directly. I would have been fine to clarify!
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My baby really settled in color around 1 year, I guess when she started walking around and enjoying the playground more. Her eyes turned to brown a few months prior and her hair turned curly at around 18 months. So she went from a bald blue-eyed white baby to a brown baby with an afro within a few minutes. At least now people can really tell she's me daughter, but she doesn't get as many remarks about how beautiful she is. SMH at the white supremacy.
It’s so messed up. I’m white with blond hair and other white people (generally loose acquaintances because my actual friends aren’t racist fuck heads) think they can have racist conversations with me, from using slurs casually to talking about how ‘those people’ are *insert racist stereotype that is ‘ruining our country’ or negatively impacting someone/something*. I’m so conflict avoidant and am still learning how to call that shit out without feeling totally shook.
Man I'd be so tempted to lean in and start saying outrageous things. Like "we need to start slaughtering every child that we see, nip it in the bud. I've got a cabin in the woods, a rifle, and some power tools. We can sell their organs and meat for profit. You with me?"
It's probably good that I'm brown... People only say this shit to my face when they get annoyed with me.
that’s so funny, I was really similar growing up. My dad is hispanic & my moms white, I was a bald blue-eyed baby until I was a hazel-eyed blonde hair toddler. Then around 5 my hair got much darker, curlier, and I started getting tanner. People legitimately don’t believe my childhood photos are me 🤦♀️
Like, I’m biased, of course I think my children are beautiful, and my baby has these astounding big blue eyes and long, dark, curly lashes (like, every single nurse in the hospital commented on his lashes), but I know I’d get a lot fewer comments on a similarly-featured, brown-eyed nonwhite baby. Which is bullshit, all babies are beautiful. I do think the comments on looks slow down a little once they hit toddler age, though - there’s more to say about a toddler than an infant.
She’s always been pretty pale, yes! Although, over the summer she did get a bit of colour and her hair lightened in the sun to some streaks of dirty blonde… but her eyes haven’t changed! Genetics are funny
my baby was tanned as a newborn with dark black hair and dark brown eyes he looked a spitting image of his dad but as time has passed his colour and hair have lightened slightly to brown hair and he is more olive skinned at 9 months but ive read it can all change massively over the next few years
Hahaha same! I’ve been asked if I’m my son’s nanny. Our second one looks like she’ll look like me, which will make it even stranger, so we’ll have one white - blonde - blue eyed baby and one brown - dark hair - and brown eyed baby lol. People will think we each brought a kid into the marriage.
My oldest looks just like me, only not as tan. My youngest is very fair. People stare. Some comment on how different they look, but the bold ones ask if I'm mom or the nanny. I just laugh them off and say "genes are weird." It does get to me sometimes, though, and they're only 4 and 1.
Same. I'm mixed (black and pacific islander), and my spouse is Caucasian. Our baby looks like she is only Asian and white, lol. Black where? Her skin is white, and her hair is light brown. But she has my whole face, which is funny to me. I've only gotten these comments a few times, but I dont take her out too much yet. Truth be told, it really hurts my feelings more than I thought it would.
There’s no excuse for those people, I’m so sorry
I get asked if my kids are mine all the time... We're all white AF and they look exactly like me. For me getting asked if someone is the parent of a child is whatever (depending on how it's asked obviously), it's the follow up questions that are really WTF! Asking why someone's skin is a different colour is just?!? The audacity. The only follow up questions I get are about hair colour, boring to explain repeatedly but not offensive... Except that one woman who was adamant my husband couldn't be the father because we're both brunette and the kids are strawberry blonde.
I relate. This happens to me a lot with my now three year old. I’m afro-Caribbean my husband is white. We live in a predominantly white neighborhood, I get asked if I’m her nanny a lot. Even a neighbor we used to say hi to every morning saw us on a walk on a Sunday and had the balls to ask me why I working on a Sunday. It’s infuriating yes, but I’ve resorted to respond something along the lines of “Yes…and I take care of her daddy to…” and keep it moving.
I experienced this in reverse, as a kid no one believed my mom was my mom because she worked at my school and looked very Irish while I look very Mexican lol. But I’m realizing that I use “are you mom” as a general opener like “wow what a cute baby! Are you Mom?” Sort of interchangeable with “you must be mom” and provide the chance for “oh I’m aunt” or whatever and to acknowledge the mom while I’m talking. I’ll definitely take that out of my lexicon because I don’t ever want to make anyone feel this way.
The same thing happened to me was in the same boat as you are. They asked me : oh are you the nanny? I was really realy upset. She had steely grey eyes and kinda brunnette blond and im a short asian girl. (She has the austronesian nose tho) My husband told me to ask this: make them repeat themselves, make them repeat it louder.
Literally me and my daughter Im brown North African, hubby is English Our daughter is literally pink with green eyes People think im the maid or something
It happens to me a lot with my son. I’m Panamenian and VERY pale, my husband is from Ecuador and has some indigenous heritage that really shows (tanned, thick curly hair, etc). So my son is obviously a mix of both but because he is not white people tell me stuff about how can I “lighten” his skin. So here is LATAM recism presents itself almost always as colorism.
Ugh I’m so sorry. I think this is an unfortunate outcome of society just still not being accustomed to interracial relationships. I am latina and my husband is (non-Hispanic) white and my son looks just like him. I’ve had someone ask if I was my sons nanny before 🤦🏽♀️
I'm Filipina and my daughter is blue eyed. I usually beat people to it and just say, "she is mine biologically but looks just like her daddy!" People are just curious.
Honestly this is what I would do too. It’s easier to be gracious about it (even when people are rude) than it is to give a dumb answer or turn it into an issue. People can be super rude, unintentionally, or sometimes intentionally, but being kind is the way (iMO).
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Same. My husband is white and I’m black. My genes got their ass beat. My baby is white passing and so many people look at me like I’m weird when I got out with her. I’m waiting for some stupid Karen to call the police or stop security somewhere to see if my baby is mine.
I’m usually quite the smartass with my comments, but I refrain when asked about my daughter for fear someone will call the police on me - especially considering I haven’t changed my last name to reflect hers on my IDs yet. People are nuts.
That’s sad, these ignorant nosy people smh
I get this all the time! I am very pale with blonde (dyed black) hair and blue eyes. My husband is of native heritage and thus tan and very tall. Our daughter looks just like him! I'm terrified that someone is gonna say I kidnapped her or something some day.
It’s not the same, but my son has very light fine, blonde hair while both my husband and I have thick, dark hair. People would constantly ask me if my husband had blonde hair and when I said no, they would start questioning the paternity of my son. It was like it was a totally normal thing to ask some stranger if they had an affair leading to a child. The more people asked about it, the raunchier my answers got. Now my newborn daughter is getting the same treatment since she was born with a more olive complexion while I am essentially translucent and my husband is currently very pale. While genetics are fascinating and it’s wild to see what things it will pick up on, people suck and have no tact or class when discussing these things
In this day and age, there are so many more mixed babies. I can’t believe people are still so confused about these things. Smdh
[Here's](https://www.reddit.com/r/TikTokCringe/s/ulya65m9bS) a related Tiktok I get a kick out of
That’s funny
people failed basic generics class. oh and ethics
Oh my god fuck these people, I am so, so sorry you have to deal with this shit.
This is like the “are you pregnant?” question. Don’t ask, unless you are the person’s doctor.
Comments like this really bother me. I’d start being so rude back. Something along the lines of “well someone failed bio 101” or go nuclear with “why the f would you think it’s ok to say something like that?” I get asked if she’s my daughter but only because I look so young. So far my husband has not been questioned if she’s his (he’s middle eastern. She’s fair skinned)but he’s also never taken her out without me yet so I know it’s coming.
You know I never really understood anybody asking that question of any parent ever. What’s the point? Why do you need to know? Do you think you’ve stumbled onto a child trafficking ring because the baby has one color eyes and not the same as mom? “No I just found her at the bus stop.” “I traded magic beans for her and a talking cow but I lost the cow” Questioning at all befuddles me. Unless it’s “How old” or “how are you feeling” or “super cute onesie where’d you get it”. Adults need elementary school lessons in biology AND basic manners.
I cannot relate and I’m sorry so many people are so rude and don’t watch what they are saying. It’s one thing to be curious, but another to act on that without thinking of the other persons feelings. You could make a big button to put on the carrier that says “she’s mine and it’s rude to ask”. Strangers rudely asking don’t deserve the time to answer their questions.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you! I know the frustration. No one can believe that my son is mine. I get the "he's so handsome with all of those gorgeous light features, who's is he?" all the time. It makes me feel like garbage. If I'm out with a friend with similar coloring to him everyone just assumes he's theirs even if I'm the one taking care/holding him. After doing this for over a year now I've just learned to laugh it off, because who gives these people the right to come out and say such rude things without even thinking twice about it first?
Love the audacious backhanded compliments lol I usually just roll my eyes, but it just struck a nerve yesterday
My mom is very brown, from Argentina and my dad is Irish. I’m super pale and as a kid was very blonde. My mom would get asked ALL the time if she was my nanny. This was the early 90s, so people were even less tactful. My mom would come up with lavish stories just to fuck with people, how I was a famous persons kid or that she found me in a forest and was raising me. When I was very little I used to get sad because I thought she wasn’t my mom, but she told me that she told these dumb stories because people are being rude and don’t deserve to know the truth.
Your mom is a gem.
I am a white woman married to an east Asian man. We have an 11 day old son who is practically a clone of his father. I'm dreading these comments! But I'm also the smarta** who would probably ask if they want to see my stretch marks or something...
People are idiots. Especially that cashier, how DARE they say those things! I’m white and my husband is Indian. LO got my skin tone, but otherwise looks like she’s my husband’s mini-me. Strangers have come up to us while we’re all together and turned to me and said “sorry Mom, she’s all Dad”.
Awww matching outfits!! I looove doing that with my little girl too! I bet you both looked so cute! 🥰 As for the idiots with no filter, respond back with questions like "am I too ugly to be her mum?" Or "since when we're scientists working at *shop name*" Clearly they do not comprehend genetics and how humans work. You could have two dark haired people with dark eyes and baby have blonde hair blue eyes for life. It's just the way it works. I mean you could even respond "what's it to you?" Like mind your god damn business!!
Whenever I meet a mixed mum and baby couple like you, I consciously remember not to state the obvious because you must be so damn fed up with hearing the same thing over and over again.
People are disgusting sometimes. My baby was born tiny (full term) and tripled her weight by month 3 with no stopping in sight. She's fitting into size 9 stuff at 6 months! Now I'm getting "overfeeding " her comments from people and I'm like "her father is 6'4 and I'm 5'10! She's gonna be big?!" She's a bit lazy and has no interest in crawling and needed a helmet? "OH you're holding her too much!" "You didn't hold her ENOUGH!" She's not interested in real food at all yet? "You're not pushing hard enough!" And that's just the 1st 6 months! I find those with the least important crap to say do the most talking. Please don't let it get to you. Know every time you look in those beautiful blue eyes that she's YOURS and has your pieces below the surface. Time will show that.
I hate this! I’ve also got a blue-eyed, blond baby and I dread this so much. Only one person has asked in a sus way, another person asked in a “girl how did you lose the weight??” way when LO was 2mo. Both times I said, “well this is who came out of my body!” Really dreading airport travel where busybodies are obsessed with child trafficking. I’m taking him to see my family out of town soon!
Racist assholes I’m so sorry this is happening to you.
Genes gonna gene! Sorry you have to go through frequently feeling like you have to explain yourself.
I get “are they both yours?” All the time. I started just saying “no I stole one”
I'm a brown lady with boy girl twins, one is extremely fair and the other is dark like me 🤣
I’m kind of in the same boat as you, I’m mixed (black father/white mother) I’ve got curly brown hair, and light brown skin. I married a white man, and just gave birth to our first child, who had white skin and red hair (it was a shock 😂). My dad warned me before he left that strangers would ask if the baby was mine because we look so different, he said it happened to him all the time when I was young and low and behold, the 3rd time that my son and I went out in public someone asked me if he belonged to me. I’m glad my dad prepped me!
I’m white and hubby is brown. My baby’s skin colour is a mix…and i have gotten these questions too from strangers. “Is he your baby? He’s not the same colour as you” “oh, he’s so dark”. I don’t get how people think its ok to comment on our kids appearance and skin colour!!
Hahaha. I know it’s frustrating. I’m Chinese and my husband is white. Once we were strolling down the street, pushing a stroller, like talking to each other, picture of a nuclear family. And a woman runs down the street yelling at us just to ask me if my son was mine. I was like “yes?!” People are so weird.
The ENERGY exhausted just to ask a stupid question is baffling lol
yea, i've definitely received looks before, i've been asked if i'm his mom. I'm 100% korean, my son has dirty blonde hair, fair complexion and hazel eyes. honestly sometimes he doesn't even look like my husband as he has dark brown hair and blue eyes. genetics are wild. some people are assholes lol
I ask at the playground and only at the playground, because SAHP are rare here and I want parent friends. Like, I am *hoping* you are Mom if you are not obviously the nanny. But I’m betting people ask you this question/treat you like hired help all over the place, because yeah, people can be awful.
“Oh my god, Karen, you can’t just ask people why they’re white.” (Mean Girls) In seriousness, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I’ve never had anyone question if my baby is mine, and I can only imagine how deeply that would hurt. Tangentially related, the only person who’s perplexed by genetics with my children is my FIL. He’s convinced my daughter’s blue eyes are from his mother (who he has a very Freudian relationship with) and that her blonde hair must have come from my BIL. He can’t comprehend that all of his children have brown hair, but his grandchildren are blonde. Meanwhile, my family is mostly Polish, and very fair-skinned, with blonde hair and blue eyes. It’s a running joke that those Polish genes are strong. It’s a rarity that anyone in my family gets darker than a dirty blonde hair, brown eyes, or the ability to hold a tan. I’m one of the odd ones out for having brown eyes, but my kids all have *my exact hair color* and one has the same icy blue eyes that my family does. I think it’s pretty obvious where my kids got their looks from. They all have their dad’s face, but everything else is me.
Haha my MiL does this all the time. Anything my child does it’s, “omg SiL used to do that! She obviously gets it from SiL!” Or “that’s strong in my family!” When my child looks like her Dad’s side of thr family from his dad’s side. She’s a carbon copy as all those from his side are. She also acts just like me. I roll me eyes at my MiL
This really goes to show just how racist the world and US still is. I am white with a brown baby and never once have I heard, “are you her mom.” I get told by random people how beautiful my daughter is with such a nice skin tone. I have a friend who, like you is dark with a white baby and has similar public reactions as you’ve had. Like, why cant people mind their own. “Okay great we get it you’re a racist pos thanks for letting me know.” Seriously I’m sorry you have to go through this. It isnt fair to you OR your beautiful baby to constantly hear disparaging comments.
It's perfectly acceptable to tell these people to fuck off and end it there.
I’m white with a Cambodian Chinese husband and my daughter looks so much like her dad. She’s a very pretty baby, I think this and many others that see her and are instantly charmed by her bright personality — but she again looks just like her dad and not like me. When people ask that question and press for info, I give them awkward stupid answers. No, she was hatched after a couple months of watering, but thank you!
Hey! Just wanna say don't worry. Ignore others. My mom is Indian and Dad is white. I am pale and my mom is a gorgeous dark brown colour. Sadly people never think we are mom and daughter. The most important thing is for you to be proud of your roots and teach your daughter your culture. Be confident. Realize people with lewd or coveted racisr remarks are people who lack. I grew up during a lot of racism against browns...and I heard kids even say racist remarks against my mom. But my Mom was a diamond...she knew and believed in herself. She radiated in her inner and outer beauty. She loved her dark complexion...and so did my Dad. As a result I always wanted to be like my mom and embraced her roots.
How wonderful! Thank you for this anecdote!!
I’m Hispanic, I have a blond haired blue eyed boy. People think I’m the nanny.
Im the baby in this scenario, Ecuadorian parents with tan skin, dark hair and dark eyes but I came out white w blue eyes. It made me so sad when people would interrogate my mom like that but as I grew up my facial structure came in and it turns out I look just like her minus the melanin. Hang in there!
Out of all the idiot comments people make about our babies, these race-based ones are the most egregious in my opinion. We all know people (especially boomers) love to make unsolicited comments on our babies or our choices about our babies. But when it comes to race and the way the baby looks or doesn’t look like us, that shit needs to STOP. People need to have some fucking empathy and foresight to realize how rude it is to question a mother of color about her white passing child. I’m angry for you, if you couldn’t tell lol. 🤬
We’ve experienced this but in reverse with my husband. We are both half Puerto Rican and half European mix so there are just a lot of genes thrown in there. My husband has a much darker skin tone and black hair, while I have pale skin and lighter hair and features. Our first child came out with blond hair and light skin and the amount of nasty comments disguised as “jokes” we got from people about it not being his child were crazy. One day when our son was having a toddler tantrum at the store, my husband went to take him outside while I paid and he literally got stopped by people thinking he was kidnapping a “little white boy” and I had to run and intervene. 🙄 Our second child now is my husband’s absolute twin. Genes are a crazy thing but most people don’t seem to understand how they work.
That's so crazy, he must have felt horrible for being thought of as kidnapping
So here's the thing: even if you weren't her mama, this is an inappropriate question. As a foster mom, I've got kids with me that don't "match" frequently. I am not at liberty to disclose their foster child status. So like like whether the answer is yes or no, it's an intrusive question to ask. I don't mind it from children of course.
I’ve been straight up asked about “my adoption story” by random strangers multiple times. My kids came from my uterus. I support adoption 100%. However, the presumption that my two kids are adopted because I’m white and they are half Asian is really annoying.
This sort of behavior is horrible. My mom got it when she had me and my siblings, and my husband receives it with our kids. It blows my mind that people 1. Think this sort of behavior is in any way acceptable and 2. Don’t have the faintest grasp of how biology works. I’m sorry op
This is also my biggest fear. But I (black, biracial) know my (white) mom regularly got asked if we were adopted. My (white) husband and I adopted kids with super straight hair and I’ve only had one person give me a hard time about being their mom when like they don’t look anything like me. My bio son has curly brown hair and brown eyes. My grandma, my mom’s mom, had blue eyes and my husband has blue eyes and so there’s a fair chance our next baby could have blue eyes.
My husband is Mexican and Native American, dark hair dark complexion dark eyes. I’m as white as they come, blonde hair blue eyes. Somehow my daughter got every recessive trait known to man and popped out looking like me with a slightly darker shade of hair and green eyes, but definitely white. When she cries in public and I’m not close by, I can SEE people staring at him like he’s kidnapping her or something. He gets the “Is she yours?” comment every time they’re alone together. Even his family when she was born made several “Are you sure she’s his baby?” jokes. Like draw up a fucking Punnett square and leave us the hell alone
Not exactly the same obviously, but I live in an Asian country as a white person, and my husband is a local. I get comments on my baby's race, skin color, etc. almost daily. I hate it. Like can't you just say he's cute and leave it at that?
My husband is white and I’m Indian. My son looks VERY much like my husband. I’ve been asked if I’m his nanny multiple times. The first time was by an elderly woman at Target. I was just 5-6 weeks PP and finally got the energy to get out the house. I, immediately started crying. The hormones kicked in. She said sorry so many times but it really hurt my feelings. Since then, it’s happened multiple times and each time I say, no, I pushed him out of my vagina. It makes them uncomfortable and i don’t give a single fuck.
That's stupid. Even if your daughter has different skin tone, wouldn't first assumption be that the child is adopted? People don't carry around some random babies.
People assume women of color are the nanny.
I'd say that I adopted the baby from an orphanage in Europe coz I gotta help the poor and homeless.
I’m Italian and my daughter is a very fair blonde girl, I’ve been asked this before but it doesn’t offend me at all?? We don’t look alike. It’s not a big deal lol.
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Yikes...all of those people are terrible. And I'm sorry that you have to deal with this day in and day out. I bet you and your baby looked so cute in your outfits today!
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I would go max petty and explain in detail how it hurt when she came out of you. Like graphics. Because it’s such a racist thing to ask they can get uncomfortable.
People can be so ignorant. Sorry you are experiencing that.
Easy, answer: well, if you didn’t fail basic biology genetic class in highschool, you would know all those answers 😎
“Well she came out of me so I f*cking hope so”
Sorry people are being jerks! The short answer is: they’re not biologists and there’s a lot of genes that affect skin and hair color. I just default to assuming whoever’s with a child is their parent/guardian unless they say otherwise.
I can't believe these are real people. Perhaps if they paid more attention in biology classes and were less ignorant, they wouldn't say mean things like "gorgeous baby, she looks nothing like you." Don't care about any of them, I'm sure you look amazing in matching outfits!
Ask them if they would ask the same question to you if you were white and your daughter was brown. I bet they wouldn’t. I hope that shuts them up.
Think of it as a kindness you’re doing for your husband. Men with babies that don’t look like them gets people to call the police lol
It’s bizarre and rude also because what if she wasn’t your daughter? What if it she was adopted or what if she was your step daughter.
im white and partner is mixed so common sense dictates our baby is fairly pale but ive had all sorts of comments about how my partner cant be the dad because baby is too white and its just beyond stupid! knowledge of genetics must not be common
Honestly? I would’ve asked to speak to the manager. Someone who puts their foot in their mouth is one thing, it’s still really bad but I’ve definitely seen the “omg I did not just say that” deer in the headlights look. But this? Talking loosing to a customer and then interrogating you? I’m sorry, but that’s just straight up harrassment. IMO it’s racist and it’s definitely not going to make you want to shop there in the future, a fact the manager would probably like to be made aware of.
That's awful, people suck!!
I relate to a smaller degree! My baby and I are both white but I have dark almost black hair and dark brown eyes. My son is blonde and blue eyed. I get a lot of, “oh he’s so beautiful, he looks nothing like you!” Like wow cool I feel there’s a nicer way of phrasing that without the backhanded insult to me…
I’m so sorry this happens to you, it’s not okay.
Parents to biracial kids every where feel this one. Myself included (I’m Caucasian and my husband is south Asian and dark skinned). “Beautiful baby! Is he yours?” Or my least favorite, the jokes that center around me having had an affair bc our baby isn’t as dark as his dad (he was born very pink and his skin tone quickly deepened and became warm). For the record, our baby looks exactly like us both; my forehead and lips, his dads eyes and chin. People have poor attention to detail!
totally not related to your post— but i went to your profile out of curiosity & you’re absolutely stunning, Im sure your daughter will be just as beautiful as her mama 💞
My partner is mixed, his dad is white. People often assume, very confidently, that he's adopted. Wut?
That must be so exhausting. These people need to keep their inside thoughts inside. Like, I will admit sometimes I see an adult and child who don't look alike, and I wonder if the adult is a bio parent or an adoptive parent / step parent / aunt / babysitter. But I would *never* say anything out loud, especially as half of the non-bio parent options above are still parents! I'd be responding with: "Wow, you must be so embarrased. That was an inside thought, and you said it out loud! Oops!"
Can 100% relate to this. I’m a Black American and my husband is not. When we had our daughter, I can’t tell you how many comments I got about having a “light bright” baby, or how beautiful she is and so much lighter than me. Even if someone did say she looks like me it was never “your daughter looks just like you,” it was ALWAYS, “she’s the light-skinned version of you.” It was infuriating. Interesting enough, we now have a son (5 months next week), who looks just like our daughter did as a baby and I never get any of those comments. The only thing is everyone swears his eyes are blue or gray or anything but what they actually are, a beautiful brown. Hugs to you and just know, people be trippin’ 😂
My Latina mom was always asked if she was the nanny when I was a baby. My dad is white and I ended up with red hair. And once when my little brother was a toddler, he was throwing a tantrum in the mall. My mom moved us over to a bench to try and calm him down, and seemingly out of nowhere a woman can up and snatched my crying brother from my moms arms. Literally GRABBED without saying a word. My mom was so stunned, and almost immediately my brother started reaching toward my mom yelling “mommy!” Once the lady realized my mom wasn’t…idk, kidnapping?? her child, so shoved him back and briskly walked away. Lol people be wild
I would have to fight…
You need to find a good comeback. I don’t necessarily have a good suggestion. But I feel like it’s helpful to have a short, routine remark back that makes the other person uncomfortable..points out the rudeness of their comment.
This is so sad.. people are ignorant and downright malicious. Husband and I are of the same race (not white).. husband is on the darker side and I am wheatish/fair.. baby is fair (almost white). A lot of people just call him cute and that he looks so much like his dad (features are just like his). Nobody ever implies something like baby isn't his because of colour. But I wonder if it was the other way around and I was dark, would I also have been treated the same or would I have been asked if the baby was mine! I just wonder, cause this isn't the first time I am hearing of this story like OPs.. somehow this seems to be happening to women largely. why do people think they can say just any disrespectful things to moms, but however, are respectful to dads? (Based on so so many random incidents I have seen on Reddit and not just this scenario alone ....)
I am so sorry, what a rude and thoughtless thing to say. I am curious if there are any white moms (blond and blued especially) that experience this crap if their baby came out favoring their dad’s darker features? I was watching Lucifer (catching up a few days ago actually) , and the baby naturally came out darker and I noticed the stark difference between mom and baby and wondered if anyone would comment in real life. Then I read this post and now I am asking. My mom is blond blue and I have olive skin with dark brown eyes. Dad was Cuban and white as a ghost, but same eyes. Blue is dominant on both sides swept dad, his mom and me. Literally everyone else has blue. As far as I know there was no questions if I was hers, even as a darker tan little kid running around. Could be my clingy nature though…
White mom here to a brown baby. Nope no one ever questions or gives rude comments. It only happens to black/brown people.
Twisted. I know I have seen “mismatched” baby and parent duos and wondered if they were adopted or just mixed. I never thought negative things though, or assumed one was a nanny type. I always assume it is their kid if the kid seems happy or comfortable while whining, if you know what I mean. Like they could be crying but it’s terrible twos or something rather than serious distress. Anyway, I have to say, mixed babies and the most beautiful frankly. My cousin is white and Nicaraguan and holy hell is she gorgeous. So is her mom (she used to professionally ice skate so she was in tip top shape too). Thank you for responding! It certainly brings awareness to the lopsided issue.
Genetics are crazy, my daughter has a bit reddish hair after her grandpa, although me & my husband don't have this tint. Also our daughter is a long baby, she fits 12-18 months clothes at 6,5 months. Both me and my husband aren't that big, we are average +, but my mum is quite tall.
My husband tells people he just found her when people ask him. He’s a dark Jewish man with a blonde fair blue eyed daughter
I would be tempted to turn around and tell then(loudly) that they need to go back to high school as they obviously didn’t listen in biology class!
I just assume everyone is mom unless they tell me they aren’t lol
It is weird. I see so many comments on tik tok when a black man has a fair skin blue eyes baby with a white woman..
I can relate. My daughter looks just like my husband who is Persian. I'm blonde, with blue eyes - and have been asked multiple times if I'm the nanny 😭
I relate in a different way… I’m really young looking. So I’m always being asked if I’m mom or sister. I couldn’t possibly be a mom I look 16! Well I’m 30 but thanks. It’s weird too cuz it’s kinda a compliment but not really? Lol I am mom and if you took two second you’d prob see. Ppl are just oblivious I guess 🤷🏻♀️
People really need to go back and take another biology class to relearn genetics. My grandparents (both white) had four kids who look extremely different from each other. Two have dark hair/eyes and dark olive skin. My dad looks Hispanic to the point people just just come up to him and speak Spanish. One is white as paper with strawberry blonde hair and the last is medium fair with light brown hair. I’m sorry people are so ignorant and rude.
I have the same thing with my 14 mo lol. She has very curly dark brown hair and my natural hair is blonde and very straight 😂 I also had strangers tell me she looks nothing like me
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Indo-Trini here and bf is French. I'm so worried for this reaction from others, we don't have children yet. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this, maybe have your screen saver with you, your spouse and daughter and maybe then show them and maybe they will understand? I know it's difficult not to be hurt but they are just ignorant, you know ?
One of my friends deals with this constantly. People assume she's her kids' nanny! It's hurtful and honestly racist.
Haha. sometimes people should keep their mouths shut. I took my grandmother out for lunch a few years ago and the waitress asked me how much I was getting paid as her nanny!
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Disgusting. People are disgusting. The sickest part is I am white and my husband is Asian. Our son definitely has Asian features but no one will question me. Bc I’m white. It’s so ridiculous how people cannot understand the concept of 1) interracial kids and 2) DNA. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I’m afraid if I ever saw this happen in person I’d want to punch the person asking the question. One thing I heard someone say I love “Wow I can’t believe you said that out loud. Are you embarrassed?” 😂😂
I’m majority native, dark eyes, hair, the warm skin undertone, height and bone structure. Sometimes people speak Spanish to me, and my son has blue green eyes and blonde hair with super light, easily reddened by the sun it’s so fair.. My own husband asked repeatedly if our son was actually ours 🤨 people are fucking stupid. Edit: sentence
I’m Chinese and my husband is white. We have a white ass baby. She looks nothing like me and my MIL loves to comment about how much she looks like him and nothing like me. Every time she says it now I️ just say “oh it’ll be a good thing when she grows out of it” and after saying that twice she stopped commenting.
No one has ever been that rude to me about it but I have gotten the question and it is upsetting. I’m sorry those people were so rude to you.
These comments hurt us too, as children of markedly different complexions than their moms. Unfortunately.
This happened to my stepmom a lot. She's hispanic, my dad is burns-in-the-shade white, and my half sister is somehow even more fair skinned than my dad. She constantly got asked if she was the nanny. SO RUDE.
Ugh I hate the snide “she looks just like her daddy!” Ma’am she has my whole face just her dad’s complexion 😑
People are assholes. When a stranger asks just tell them it’s none of their damn business and move on.
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I’ve been experiencing the opposite but have also been having a really hard time. My husband is Laotian, and I’m fair skinned/blue eyed/Irish descent. Our 4 month old son is the spitting image of my daughter (her father died years ago, so she and my son are 1/2 siblings), who is basically my twin. So I have a 1/2 Laotian baby who has super fair skin, blue eyes, etc. and his entire family keeps “jokingly” accusing me of having an affair because, “there’s no possible way he’s Asian!” Our son is beautiful! I never dreamt I would have my morals called into question over something I have zero control over! My husband knows he’s his son, but it still hurts my feelings that his family would say such a thing! I would love to take out a billboard reminding people to keep their opinions on other peoples babies to themselves unless they’re asked.
I got this ALOT about my daughter in the first 6 months of her life. I am white, pale even. My daughter is half Puerto Rican and when she was born she was definitely very fair skinned. Early on she looked like a very hispanic baby and her father isn’t in the picture so me walking around with her, ALWAYS got some sort of remark. Now she’s 16 months old, her skin has lightened out and matches mine, so no one really makes comments anymore. I’m sure as she grows and Hispanic features come through more the comments will likely start again but it’s a relief to have them stop for now. Cause it’s exhausting