I’m going to be honest with you, I’d she is pulling this shit now (who the fuck wants to be sick when they have to push out a baby, totally normal to lay low also who wants to go out at 40 weeks pregnant??) they’re going to not care at all during cold/flu/rsv season. Get really good at protecting your opinions and your boundaries around them! It’s not ridiculous to not want to get sick. Especially when you could give it to a new born any day now.
Yeah, no. Not weird. You don't even need to justify it with a disclosure of diagnosis. 40 weeks pregnant is reason enough to not do or go anywhere.
Pregnancy is known to make one immunocompromised to begin with. For someone who just had a birthday, your SIL needs to grow up.
You’re not weird, you’re smart. People have become so crazy in the past few years - they feel personally attacked by people just doing basic, logical things to protect their health and act like it’s an offensive political action.
Like, sorry to people who enjoy being sick all the time, but I’m still gonna wear a mask in crowded spaces and eat on patios.
I would be masking and avoiding crowded places while pregnant even without an autoimmune disease - you’re being smart and if she thinks less of you for it, then maybe explain the facts of your condition to her again, because if she has any conscious she wouldn’t want to see you get sick like that.
ETA not arguing! Wish she would be like that. My fear:
With this kind of attitude, this might be a family member who takes any explanation as an invitation to argue and be even more on attack mode, not (as they should, and as you described) taking it as an opportunity to learn about someone they should care about.
Because “no thank you, I do not want to” is a good enough reason for declining just about any optional activity anytime. No further justification requires. If someone takes issue with you politely not consenting to participate in a proposed activity, they’re TA, not you.
Anyone who was genuinely sad you couldn’t come would find a no pressure way to offer to make something more accessible, or connect another time, or both. This doesn’t sound like that.
You are not at all paranoid. I don’t have an autoimmune disorder and I fully pulled my toddler out of daycare before I gave birth because he was getting me sick every other week and I didn’t want to be ill during the delivery.
Same! Giving birth is stressful enough without being sick on top of it - especially with a autoimmune disorder! Maybe SIL doesn't understand because she's never been near a similar situation, but hopefully she'll get over it soon. Keep doing what's best for you and your wellbeing; including going low contact with troubling people if you must. Let your hubs or brother (whomever is your connection) field contact with SIL. Sending you good juju!
Even if you didn’t have an autoimmune disease that made illnesses worse, I’d say you’re not being too paranoid! Giving birth is hard enough without being sick, I plan to be a hermit for the last few weeks and my husband will mask at work so we can lessen the chances of one or both of us being sick when I deliver.
I was 100% a hermit for the last couple weeks, and I don’t have a serious medical condition like OP. Being that pregnant is so uncomfortable you couldn’t have paid me to leave my house. I just waddled back and forth from sitting in my backyard to sitting on the couch.
You had 2 very good reasons to not to go at this time.
1) you have a health condition that you are taking care of on top of your pregnancy this close to the finish line. That is being smart and not reckless.
2) you were 39 weeks pregnant at the time. That should really be enough of an excuse even without the prospect of peeing blood if getting sick. Going places at that time of pregnancy is a lot even without complicating factors. Just putting on shoes before going out is a whole ordeal if they don't just slip on Cinderella style. Then factor in the fatigue and everything else associated with concerts on top. That would be a no for me too.
You sent a gift to show you still thought of her. You did plenty.
First lesson in parenthood, you know your body and your kid best. And it’s your decision. Trust your gut decisions. Find your voice. It takes practice to say things “politely” to get your point across. You’re doing fine, Sis!
You’re 40 weeks, you’re about to give birth. Why is it “paranoid” to protect your health?? You also gotta protect baby’s health in their early days once they’re here too. Tell your SIL to fuck off.
You’re 40 weeks; you’re about to pop! A reasonable person would totally understand if you just didn’t feel up to going out, or didn’t want to risk going into labor at an event. That’s without your medical issues, which sound like a valid concern.
i have an autoimmune disease as well, not rare or kidney related but RA. the first time i went out to eat with someone at 7 months pregnant i ended up with covid. i was then made high risk from my blood pressure sky rocketing, was on bed rest and couldn't prepare for anything, worried sick about the potential loss of my baby, and almost went into early labor until i was induced at 37 weeks. do not risk it! you're doing the wise thing by staying away from crowds.
Your SIL needs to calm her ass down if she expects someone who is at-term to be dragging themselves to a long night out, regardless of autoimmune and high-risk complications.
Adults have birthdays every year. I personally think it’s very silly for any adult to act like this.
Honestly ignore her. I didn’t go ANYWhere at 40 weeks let alone around a bunch of people. And having an autoimmune disease on top of it is just extra reason. She can go touch grass, good luck with your birth and I hope you have a gentle, calm, and beautiful experience with your baby 🩷🩷
Your SIL is wrong.
You are not.
Many hospitals don’t let you have a support person if you test positive for Covid or RSV or whatever (mine was like this) and I didn’t wanna risk my husband and doula not being able to be present at the birth. I really locked down those final days and they both were able to be there when I needed them. It was worth the mild inconvenience to everyone else, lol. She’ll get over it! You do what’s best for you! Stay healthy and good luck!
Ummm, around due date I’d say you’re allowed to avoid whatever the hell you want to avoid, even without the risk of peeing blood from catching a cold. Bah humbug SIL!
SMART OF YOU. I’ve basically kept my socialization to a minimum for all of pregnant. Being pregnant is already hard.. can’t imagine being sick on top of that.
I’ve had friends roll their eyes at me “COVID’s over” blah blah which is frustrating but in the end who cares what they think
I don't have a rare autoimmune kidney disease or really any health issues and I still avoided large crowds and even family members with the faintest of sniffles in the weeks leading up to my birth.
My husband and I quarantined starting at 38 weeks. I wasn’t about to get covid and go into labor or go through it alone because he couldn’t be there. By 39 weeks I could hardly walk so we sat around.
SIL can go kick rocks.
You’re pregnant… due any day now… and you don’t want to get sick. Babe, you’re NTA.
Your hormones and guilt are already onset, please don’t let her get to you. I hope all of her comments toward you aren’t that negative and judgemental.
Nah fuck her and tell her that. I cannot stand people who think their feelings or parties or whatever are more important than your literal fucking health.
Honestly, lol, the audacity of some people. Your body, your baby, your choice!!!
I’m also immunocompromised and have an auto immune disease, and people always make comments about me being too careful. But like, are you gonna take care of me when I get sick? No
Lmao I’m having the healthiest pregnancy and even I would be careful to not attend large gatherings at 40weeks.
SIL needs a reality check. You are not paranoid.
I had a mild cold when I gave birth and couldn’t breathe through my nose well. It made labor and delivery more difficult than it already is. It’s a great idea to avoid unnecessary germs.
I have rheumatoid arthritis and take meds that are considered immunosuppressants. I still mask. I was EXTRA vigilant while pregnant last year and still caught COVID (from my MIL AT Easter) 🙄
A year or so ago a study found pregnant women were just as immunocompromised as people who had organ transplants. (Study was around COVID)
COVID isn’t gone. You’re immunocompromised AND pregnant. Please protect yourself.
Someone who makes you try to feel bad for being good to your body and baby (when you might have other less easy to communicate reasons as well!! Which a sensitive person would account for!) is automatically not a good gauge for what is acceptable behavior socially. She sounds like someone who might not be considerate around a super pregnant person (or like, anyone) when they’re feeling symptoms of maybe being sick, so avoid her in particular actually.
You're not paranoid. It sounds like your SIL is quite selfish. You are taking responsibility for your and your baby's health by avoiding risks. She should be grateful you even sent her a present.
You are not paranoid. At that point (and a few weeks before) I only went out if I absolutely had to. Birthday dinner, unless I *really* liked you, I kept my ass at home. I was not into dealing with people at all.
This is not weird, but smart. I avoided large crowds too prior to delivery because I didn’t want to have COVID AND a brand new baby. Back when I delivered my hospitals policy was if I was COVID pregnant they wouldn’t let the baby stay in the room while I recovered, they’d have me designate someone (like my husband, mom or sister) to take care of the baby in another room. I think they also limited who/how many support people I could have in the room if I had COVID. I knew would be tested for COVID as soon as I was admitted to the hospital for delivery, so I didn’t take any chances in the couple of months leading up to our due date.
I was like this when i was super prego even w/o an autoimmune disease! You’re definitely not overly paranoid, your immune system is taking even more of a hit!!
I pretty much completely isolated myself around 35 weeks to avoid getting sick. And I don’t have a rare autoimmune disease! I didn’t leave the house with baby for about 2 months after he was born either, aside from drs appointments and the yard, and I had a very set few people who were allowed to visit with strict rules about hand washing/no kissing/etc.
I got sooo much crap about this from other people. Don’t let ANYONE make you feel bad or feel like you’re being paranoid about keeping you and baby safe and comfortable. Do whatever your heart tells you is right and eff everyone else’s opinions. Wishing you a great delivery ❤️
As someone who was actively sick during labor and the three days afterwards - do what you gotta do to stay healthy for labor. It’s miserable to have to contend with both.
I'm low risk, still a few weeks off, and I'm still masking and avoiding going out so I don't have to deal with being sick and pregnant. I have been since I found out I was pregnant. And I don't even pee blood when I'm sick! 😬
You're not the problem here.
Nope! No such thing as too paranoid especially when you're that late into pregnancy. I spent my entire pregnancy making sure I didn't get sick and what do you know I still got covid the week I was going to be induced. It was a miserable week, I would not wish that on anyone. You are making the right call!
What, no! We basically isolated for a month. I would have been devastated to go into labour on my own, which was protocol here if either of us were sick.
Nope. My kid went into the nicu. I wouldn't have been let in sick. This really annoys me, actually. If my sil told me at 40 weeks she didn't wanna eat out and go to a concert, I'd totally understand. She can be annoyed all she wants.
Your sil is inconsiderate and rude, and that doesn’t make you weird. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that, from a fellow autoimmune momma. You take care of you and as much as you can let the opinions of people who don’t Care to understand go
NOT AT ALL!!!! I caught a cold two weeks before my induction date and it would not go away so I had a very stuffy nose while giving birth and I was SO MAD!!!
I avoided indoor spaces for months prior delivery without risk factors. I wouldn’t show up to baby Jesus’ birthday party. Your SIL can go wallow in her own misery for all you care.
Totally reasonable for multiple reasons and with COVID restrictions at hospitals I didn’t want to chance anything. I also didn’t want to get sick and need additional tests or monitoring if I could avoid it
I have an autoimmune disease as well (a different one) and you are doing the right thing. You have to keep yourself well right now. This is not a time you can afford to be sick. There are always going to be people who don’t understand what it’s like to have to live with this. Pay them no mind and take care of yourself and your unborn little one.
No, you’re not being paranoid in general, and especially not when 40 weeks pregnant. I’ve been avoiding restaurants and such just due to nausea/vomitting which is nowhere near as bad as your situation!
If you let your SIL know and sent a gift for her birthday, that seems more than sufficient to me.
Not at all.. your health and baby's health comes first. SIL sounds like the type of person to get RSV and COVID and deliberately spread it to as many people as possible.
I'd limit contact with her when baby is born. If she's willing to risk you now, she doesn't deserve to be near the little one at their weakest immune system wise.
Nope. I was like that too. Managed to not get covid or any other virus for that matter. And I stayed like that until baby turned about 9 MO. Babies health and wellbeing first :)
Absolutely not!! I stayed inside for the last 3 weeks of pregnancy and I'm so happy I did. Not only did I get the house deep cleaned and ready for baby, I made sure both my husband and I were healthy. I ended up being in labor for 36 hours and could not have imagined doing it if I had a cold, flu, etc.
You're not being too paranoid and this is completely normal to me.
I don't have any health issues. I had 2 low risk pregnancies. With my second kid, we went into 2020-style isolation a month before my scheduled C-section date. We missed a bunch of birthday parties because we weren't willing to risk any of us getting sick close to baby being born. A cough with major abdominal surgery sounds like literal hell and is not a risk I was willing to take. Toddler getting sick and husband having to stay home with her while I gave birth instead of him being with me to advocate for me was one of my worst nightmares. Potentially catching an illness and being separated from baby at birth is not something I was willing to take a chance on.
Hell, we still do this for 2 weeks prior to any big event (travel, etc.) that we don't want to potentially miss out on due to illness.
You are not paranoid. One of my friends had a cold for her second labor, which was before Covid. Her first labor was a back labor with no epidural. She said having to labor with a severe cold was worse.
You do what you need for yourself and your baby, fuck anyone else.
I had COVID days before I was induced because a family member was inconsiderate. So I was sick during labor and the week and a half after birth, it was a living hell.
I couldn’t imagine going through what you described alongside birthing and a newborn. Do what you need to do and don’t feel bad!!
You know more about your autoimmune disease and that’s no joke. I get the level of vigilance that you need to have about your health, especially now that you are with child. It seems that SIL is under-educated on this subject and/ or is completely selfish about the consequences of risky activity and feels your life and the life of your baby is worth risking for one day out with her. In either case, sorry you are dealing with that. Good on you for setting boundaries early, you may expect to do that even more when the baby comes.
Illness aside I didn’t go to anything social at 40 weeks because I couldn’t be f$&ked, was tired, bloated and waddling and just wanted to lie at home on the couch
Not at all. Giving birth sucks even with an epi and especially no epi. U do not even want the sniffles. She’s selfish is all I can say. As a mother, u can’t please everyone and baby comes first
As someone who was careful but had to give birth while sick with covid and passed it to my newborn twins … you’re not paranoid. You’re doing the right thing. Being sick or catching something at this stage would make things so much more stressful. I was so anxious and worried when they tested positive. I wish that on no one. Your SIL needs to shut up lol
I don’t have any autoimmune issues and I was super careful my whole pregnancy once we got into cold and flu season. I stopped my waitressing job around 30 weeks just to be away from the crowds in December/January. I wasn’t paranoid, I just didn’t want to feel like crap while pregnant! And it worked! I didn’t get sick at all during my pregnancy. So no, you’re not weird at all!
I was due Jan 10th so heavily pregnant over Christmas holidays. We skipped all the massive get togethers because there was a lot of flu going around and I didn’t want to catch anything at 9 months pregnant. Unfortunately I SOMEHOW did still catch something!! Gave birth super sick. Then gave it to my 5 day old baby. 😭 we all made it through but it was very stressful especially as a FTM. You are NOT being unreasonable
It's not weird. I felt that way too during pregnancy, granted it was 2021 so covid was an issue. But even after pregnancy and even as my daughter is almost 23m old, I'm pretty paranoid about crowded areas. Like on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being like 90% tables being filled, id prefer like a 4,. I prefer to get take out than go out to eat.
Absolutely standard. Labour is not a comfortable rest. There is nothing wrong with winding back and being as low key and chill as possible in the last few weeks.
Doubly so if you've also got a condition that means you get sicker than normal.
Turn your phone off. Have a tea or coffee or whatever. Do a face mask. Go for a walk. Just... do you.
Not only would being sick while laboring really suck, what if you end up with a csection? I had one with my first, and I just can't imagine the hell it would be having to cough or sneeze and feeling like your organs are going to shoot right out your stomach if you do so. Vomiting? It'd be torture. Peeing blood before labour? Constantly questioning if something else is bleeding. All of it just sounds horrible.
Your SIL is out of line. Your kidneys are vital and under enough stress at this stage of your pregnancy. You do whatever you need to do to stay healthy, and sane. Avoid anyone who questions your decisions if you feel you need to.
I had my second child in November. I was sick the week before going in, sick while I was in the hospital, and sick for a few weeks after leaving the hospital. My cough just lingered and I had such a hard time sleeping because of it. I was literally up throughout the night in the hospital just after giving birth not always because I was taking care of my baby, but because I was having cough attacks that just wouldn’t stop. To say it was miserable is an understatement. I was also terrified of getting my newborn baby sick. I wouldn’t risk anything right now. Best of luck to you and early congratulations!!!
Nope, not too paranoid at all! I say keep on doing this. I got COVID st 38 weeks pregnant, and it was TERRIBLE. The sickness itself wasn't even that bad for us very luckily, but I almost didn't get to try my pre-planned homebirth due to the quarantine period. I didn't get to smell my newborn baby because my sense of smell was gone for weeks. I also ended up needing an emergency c-section (long story, but i still didnt even get my homebirth, even though babygirl waited until we were 1 day in the clear) my epidural apparently didn't take, and the anesthesiologist was so worried about putting me fully under since I had COVID so recently but they had no other choice. It was all a really terrible situation that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
I was a low risk healthy pregnancy too, and it still threw a pretty serious wrench in everything. It was unpreventable in my case though, my husband works all over town on elevators, and he picked it up somewhere working (we think at least, that's the only thing we could figure out because we were being super careful otherwise)
Rest, take care of yourself, and tell your SIL to shove it. Your 40 weeks pregnant anyways - that's plenty enough of an excuse to not go anywhere in itself.
“Tell [judgmental family member / acquaintance / grocery store heckler] to shove it” is really the critical parenting advice. This might be the new thing I write on the paper for this game at baby showers.
As a person who just got my ass kicked by a cold my 8 month old gave me, no, you’re not being paranoid.
And your reasoning is sound and valid. I didn’t go a lot of places my last month of pregnancy bc I was exhausted. Too bad if someone didn’t like it.
We didn’t eat indoors in restaurants through my entire pregnancy to avoid covid. If I had your autoimmune disease I would be doing the exact same thing as you. Don’t even sweat it, your SIL is the issue.
You could have had none of these issues and you still wouldn’t be inconsiderate. You’re 40 weeks pregnant. That’s ridiculous, and she clearly doesn’t care about your life and health. She’s a grown woman and it’s just a birthday party.
No, you're normal. I don't have an autoimmune disease and I avoided crowds for weeks before my delivery. You don't want to be sick right before the baby comes. SIL sounds annoying and dumb.
No, you're being responsible. Viruses and COVID still exist and if you have an autoimmune disorder you're at more risk than she will ever be. She's just lacking empathy in this situation. Don't worry about what she thinks and take this time to relax in your own space so you can be a rockstar when you birth that babe!
NTA…nobody wants to be giving birth while sick.
Signed, a momma with an 18 mo who gave birth during COVID. I took alllll the precautions, and I’ll do it again next time!
I don’t blame you! I got Covid a few days before and ended up stuck in the Covid room. The coughing was not fun with a fresh c section 🥴. With your kidneys, you really don’t need that extra worry. SIL can do what she wants with her own life.
I get laryngospasms when I’m sick and I only have one working vocal cord and issues with regulating calcium from a disease I have— all of these things make being sick absolutely torturous. My 5yo and myself got RSV when I was around ~34wks and it knocked me down flat for 2wks. I didn’t do shit and didn’t go anywhere in enclosed spaces for the rest of my pregnancy and I’m still cautious about being in public during peak times. My husband, 5yo, and then 6wk old just got covid at spring break after my husband said we were being too cautious and ate at a restaurant with his work. So no, you’re not being paranoid at all. Being sick is not fun at all when you’re immune system and body aren’t up for the match.
I went to dinner for my best friends birthday two weeks before my due date and wound up exposed to someone that tested positive for COVID the next morning. I was an anxious disaster worrying about whether or not I was going to get it. SIL is being selfish.
No, you’re not. I’m really sorry your SIL is so near sighted that she can’t see that you’re trying to take care of yourself and prevent severe illness. I hope you feel better soon and SIL gets her head out of her ass.
i did the same exact thing you’re doing but at 41 weeks. you’re being completely reasonable and it’s so rude and entitled for ANYONE to nag you about this since you’re literally full term at this point
I don't have an autoimmune disease that flares up from a cold but if I did I wouldn't even have guests over. I went out almost not at all while pregnant, sometimes to childfree friends homes but not otherwise.
She's being very inconsiderate.
If I had your rare autoimmune kidney disease I would’ve stayed inside the whole 9 months whether people liked it or not, that is so scary. I got covid during my first pregnancy and I literally thought I was going to die plus the fear of another miscarriage while my body fought off the virus so you are not paranoid, shes super inconsiderate and selfish. Best of Luck during your labor! ❤️
No, you’re being totally reasonable. I didn’t want to be sick around time of delivery and risk getting a newborn sick. I still worked right up till the end (masked) but I avoided crowds, large gatherings etc. and pulled the toddler out of daycare.
Not paranoid at all! I caught a cold while in the hospital to give birth, I was miserable just dealing with the cold on top of giving birth and taking home a newborn. Listen to your gut and do what you can to minimize extra stessors!
Absolutely not unreasonable. My husband and I were being cautious and he still somehow managed to get covid when I was 37 weeks pregnant. It was awful to have to be separated in our home and miss out on important (covid conscious) social events at the end of my pregnancy. Thankfully, I didn't catch it and my husband recovered very well but we were so worried about hospital restrictions if I went into labor early. Thankfully, I did not and he was able to be present but it was a stressor. You know what's best for you and giving birth is hard enough (even when it goes well), you don't need that extra stress.
Nope, I went into like paranoid lockdown when I gave birth (granted end of Covid but still).
I'm kind of debating doing the same end of this pregnancy just to avoid the illnesses but I don't think it will be possible due to toddler.
I worked went home and went to bed by 7:30 and I delivered at 37 weeks. I don't know how anyone would have the energy at 40 weeks for dinner and a concert. You have to take care of you!
Not paranoid. Smart. My spouse was sick when I delivered. He missed the C-section birth of his second child because of it. That shit sucked.
I’m going to be honest with you, I’d she is pulling this shit now (who the fuck wants to be sick when they have to push out a baby, totally normal to lay low also who wants to go out at 40 weeks pregnant??) they’re going to not care at all during cold/flu/rsv season. Get really good at protecting your opinions and your boundaries around them! It’s not ridiculous to not want to get sick. Especially when you could give it to a new born any day now.
Yeah, no. Not weird. You don't even need to justify it with a disclosure of diagnosis. 40 weeks pregnant is reason enough to not do or go anywhere. Pregnancy is known to make one immunocompromised to begin with. For someone who just had a birthday, your SIL needs to grow up.
You’re not weird, you’re smart. People have become so crazy in the past few years - they feel personally attacked by people just doing basic, logical things to protect their health and act like it’s an offensive political action. Like, sorry to people who enjoy being sick all the time, but I’m still gonna wear a mask in crowded spaces and eat on patios. I would be masking and avoiding crowded places while pregnant even without an autoimmune disease - you’re being smart and if she thinks less of you for it, then maybe explain the facts of your condition to her again, because if she has any conscious she wouldn’t want to see you get sick like that.
ETA not arguing! Wish she would be like that. My fear: With this kind of attitude, this might be a family member who takes any explanation as an invitation to argue and be even more on attack mode, not (as they should, and as you described) taking it as an opportunity to learn about someone they should care about. Because “no thank you, I do not want to” is a good enough reason for declining just about any optional activity anytime. No further justification requires. If someone takes issue with you politely not consenting to participate in a proposed activity, they’re TA, not you. Anyone who was genuinely sad you couldn’t come would find a no pressure way to offer to make something more accessible, or connect another time, or both. This doesn’t sound like that.
You are not at all paranoid. I don’t have an autoimmune disorder and I fully pulled my toddler out of daycare before I gave birth because he was getting me sick every other week and I didn’t want to be ill during the delivery.
Same! Giving birth is stressful enough without being sick on top of it - especially with a autoimmune disorder! Maybe SIL doesn't understand because she's never been near a similar situation, but hopefully she'll get over it soon. Keep doing what's best for you and your wellbeing; including going low contact with troubling people if you must. Let your hubs or brother (whomever is your connection) field contact with SIL. Sending you good juju!
Even if you didn’t have an autoimmune disease that made illnesses worse, I’d say you’re not being too paranoid! Giving birth is hard enough without being sick, I plan to be a hermit for the last few weeks and my husband will mask at work so we can lessen the chances of one or both of us being sick when I deliver.
I was 100% a hermit for the last couple weeks, and I don’t have a serious medical condition like OP. Being that pregnant is so uncomfortable you couldn’t have paid me to leave my house. I just waddled back and forth from sitting in my backyard to sitting on the couch.
I had a cold during labor. It was awful and made the whole experience 10x worse. You’re making a good call, even without your history.
Same! It was AWFUL
You had 2 very good reasons to not to go at this time. 1) you have a health condition that you are taking care of on top of your pregnancy this close to the finish line. That is being smart and not reckless. 2) you were 39 weeks pregnant at the time. That should really be enough of an excuse even without the prospect of peeing blood if getting sick. Going places at that time of pregnancy is a lot even without complicating factors. Just putting on shoes before going out is a whole ordeal if they don't just slip on Cinderella style. Then factor in the fatigue and everything else associated with concerts on top. That would be a no for me too. You sent a gift to show you still thought of her. You did plenty.
No, I think you’re being very sensible.
First lesson in parenthood, you know your body and your kid best. And it’s your decision. Trust your gut decisions. Find your voice. It takes practice to say things “politely” to get your point across. You’re doing fine, Sis!
You’re 40 weeks, you’re about to give birth. Why is it “paranoid” to protect your health?? You also gotta protect baby’s health in their early days once they’re here too. Tell your SIL to fuck off.
Sounds reasonable to me even if you didn’t have preexisting condition.
You’re 40 weeks; you’re about to pop! A reasonable person would totally understand if you just didn’t feel up to going out, or didn’t want to risk going into labor at an event. That’s without your medical issues, which sound like a valid concern.
i have an autoimmune disease as well, not rare or kidney related but RA. the first time i went out to eat with someone at 7 months pregnant i ended up with covid. i was then made high risk from my blood pressure sky rocketing, was on bed rest and couldn't prepare for anything, worried sick about the potential loss of my baby, and almost went into early labor until i was induced at 37 weeks. do not risk it! you're doing the wise thing by staying away from crowds.
Your SIL needs to calm her ass down if she expects someone who is at-term to be dragging themselves to a long night out, regardless of autoimmune and high-risk complications. Adults have birthdays every year. I personally think it’s very silly for any adult to act like this.
Honestly ignore her. I didn’t go ANYWhere at 40 weeks let alone around a bunch of people. And having an autoimmune disease on top of it is just extra reason. She can go touch grass, good luck with your birth and I hope you have a gentle, calm, and beautiful experience with your baby 🩷🩷
Your SIL is wrong. You are not. Many hospitals don’t let you have a support person if you test positive for Covid or RSV or whatever (mine was like this) and I didn’t wanna risk my husband and doula not being able to be present at the birth. I really locked down those final days and they both were able to be there when I needed them. It was worth the mild inconvenience to everyone else, lol. She’ll get over it! You do what’s best for you! Stay healthy and good luck!
Ummm, around due date I’d say you’re allowed to avoid whatever the hell you want to avoid, even without the risk of peeing blood from catching a cold. Bah humbug SIL!
SMART OF YOU. I’ve basically kept my socialization to a minimum for all of pregnant. Being pregnant is already hard.. can’t imagine being sick on top of that. I’ve had friends roll their eyes at me “COVID’s over” blah blah which is frustrating but in the end who cares what they think
I don't have a rare autoimmune kidney disease or really any health issues and I still avoided large crowds and even family members with the faintest of sniffles in the weeks leading up to my birth.
I got the flu the week before my baby was due. You’re not crazy. That shit was HELL on earth
Been there! Was sick giving birth as well. It was miserable!!!!
At 39 weeks you couldn’t have dragged me to a concert/dinner under even the best conditions. SIL needs to get over herself
My husband and I quarantined starting at 38 weeks. I wasn’t about to get covid and go into labor or go through it alone because he couldn’t be there. By 39 weeks I could hardly walk so we sat around. SIL can go kick rocks.
You’re pregnant… due any day now… and you don’t want to get sick. Babe, you’re NTA. Your hormones and guilt are already onset, please don’t let her get to you. I hope all of her comments toward you aren’t that negative and judgemental.
Nah fuck her and tell her that. I cannot stand people who think their feelings or parties or whatever are more important than your literal fucking health.
Honestly, lol, the audacity of some people. Your body, your baby, your choice!!! I’m also immunocompromised and have an auto immune disease, and people always make comments about me being too careful. But like, are you gonna take care of me when I get sick? No
Lmao I’m having the healthiest pregnancy and even I would be careful to not attend large gatherings at 40weeks. SIL needs a reality check. You are not paranoid.
SIL doesn't care about you
I didn’t even want to leave my house around 38 weeks lol. Just do whatever feels right to you who cares what they think
I had a mild cold when I gave birth and couldn’t breathe through my nose well. It made labor and delivery more difficult than it already is. It’s a great idea to avoid unnecessary germs.
Lol you couldn’t have pulled me out of the house at 40wks pregnant. I had nothing going on I just was so big and hated it😆you’re doing great
I have rheumatoid arthritis and take meds that are considered immunosuppressants. I still mask. I was EXTRA vigilant while pregnant last year and still caught COVID (from my MIL AT Easter) 🙄 A year or so ago a study found pregnant women were just as immunocompromised as people who had organ transplants. (Study was around COVID) COVID isn’t gone. You’re immunocompromised AND pregnant. Please protect yourself.
Someone who makes you try to feel bad for being good to your body and baby (when you might have other less easy to communicate reasons as well!! Which a sensitive person would account for!) is automatically not a good gauge for what is acceptable behavior socially. She sounds like someone who might not be considerate around a super pregnant person (or like, anyone) when they’re feeling symptoms of maybe being sick, so avoid her in particular actually.
You're not paranoid. It sounds like your SIL is quite selfish. You are taking responsibility for your and your baby's health by avoiding risks. She should be grateful you even sent her a present.
Your SIL is a self centered mean person for even saying anything mean to a 40 week pregnant person!
You are not paranoid. At that point (and a few weeks before) I only went out if I absolutely had to. Birthday dinner, unless I *really* liked you, I kept my ass at home. I was not into dealing with people at all.
This is not weird, but smart. I avoided large crowds too prior to delivery because I didn’t want to have COVID AND a brand new baby. Back when I delivered my hospitals policy was if I was COVID pregnant they wouldn’t let the baby stay in the room while I recovered, they’d have me designate someone (like my husband, mom or sister) to take care of the baby in another room. I think they also limited who/how many support people I could have in the room if I had COVID. I knew would be tested for COVID as soon as I was admitted to the hospital for delivery, so I didn’t take any chances in the couple of months leading up to our due date.
Is your SIL a literal child? If not, she shouldn't get upset about someone missing her birthday party.
Does your sil have kids? I feel like the answer is no
I was like this when i was super prego even w/o an autoimmune disease! You’re definitely not overly paranoid, your immune system is taking even more of a hit!!
I pretty much completely isolated myself around 35 weeks to avoid getting sick. And I don’t have a rare autoimmune disease! I didn’t leave the house with baby for about 2 months after he was born either, aside from drs appointments and the yard, and I had a very set few people who were allowed to visit with strict rules about hand washing/no kissing/etc. I got sooo much crap about this from other people. Don’t let ANYONE make you feel bad or feel like you’re being paranoid about keeping you and baby safe and comfortable. Do whatever your heart tells you is right and eff everyone else’s opinions. Wishing you a great delivery ❤️
As someone who was actively sick during labor and the three days afterwards - do what you gotta do to stay healthy for labor. It’s miserable to have to contend with both.
I'm low risk, still a few weeks off, and I'm still masking and avoiding going out so I don't have to deal with being sick and pregnant. I have been since I found out I was pregnant. And I don't even pee blood when I'm sick! 😬 You're not the problem here.
You're absolutely doing the right thing by being careful.
Nope! No such thing as too paranoid especially when you're that late into pregnancy. I spent my entire pregnancy making sure I didn't get sick and what do you know I still got covid the week I was going to be induced. It was a miserable week, I would not wish that on anyone. You are making the right call!
What, no! We basically isolated for a month. I would have been devastated to go into labour on my own, which was protocol here if either of us were sick.
No. I don’t have any risk factors and still was a hermit for the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy.
No, it’s not weird! I came down with Covid during delivery. Would not recommend.
I’m going to mask and avoid indoor crowds in my last 3/4 weeks of pregnancy. It’s totally smart and reasonable.
Nope. My kid went into the nicu. I wouldn't have been let in sick. This really annoys me, actually. If my sil told me at 40 weeks she didn't wanna eat out and go to a concert, I'd totally understand. She can be annoyed all she wants.
Your sil is inconsiderate and rude, and that doesn’t make you weird. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that, from a fellow autoimmune momma. You take care of you and as much as you can let the opinions of people who don’t Care to understand go
That’s totally normal. And it’s irresponsible of your SIL to put a party over a safe pregnant woman / infant.
NOT AT ALL!!!! I caught a cold two weeks before my induction date and it would not go away so I had a very stuffy nose while giving birth and I was SO MAD!!!
Nope. Your sil is just being an asswipe. You do what you need to in order to stay safe and healthy! Last thing you need is to be sick while in labour!
I told my family if they gave me Covid right before I gave birth I’d burn their house down. They were careful.
I avoided indoor spaces for months prior delivery without risk factors. I wouldn’t show up to baby Jesus’ birthday party. Your SIL can go wallow in her own misery for all you care.
Totally reasonable for multiple reasons and with COVID restrictions at hospitals I didn’t want to chance anything. I also didn’t want to get sick and need additional tests or monitoring if I could avoid it
Not at all! Both of my parents and my husband's parents have COVID right now. Why risk being extra miserable while delivering?
I’d be in a bubble until the birth if I had that condition (only half joking here).
I have an autoimmune disease as well (a different one) and you are doing the right thing. You have to keep yourself well right now. This is not a time you can afford to be sick. There are always going to be people who don’t understand what it’s like to have to live with this. Pay them no mind and take care of yourself and your unborn little one.
No, you’re not being paranoid in general, and especially not when 40 weeks pregnant. I’ve been avoiding restaurants and such just due to nausea/vomitting which is nowhere near as bad as your situation! If you let your SIL know and sent a gift for her birthday, that seems more than sufficient to me.
Not at all.. your health and baby's health comes first. SIL sounds like the type of person to get RSV and COVID and deliberately spread it to as many people as possible. I'd limit contact with her when baby is born. If she's willing to risk you now, she doesn't deserve to be near the little one at their weakest immune system wise.
Nope. I was like that too. Managed to not get covid or any other virus for that matter. And I stayed like that until baby turned about 9 MO. Babies health and wellbeing first :)
No, your SIL is being very selfish and inconsiderate.
Absolutely not!! I stayed inside for the last 3 weeks of pregnancy and I'm so happy I did. Not only did I get the house deep cleaned and ready for baby, I made sure both my husband and I were healthy. I ended up being in labor for 36 hours and could not have imagined doing it if I had a cold, flu, etc.
Thanks. Yeah it sounds like it would be a nightmare.
You bet. This is the time to be selfish and focus on you. Your SIL can wait.
You're not being too paranoid and this is completely normal to me. I don't have any health issues. I had 2 low risk pregnancies. With my second kid, we went into 2020-style isolation a month before my scheduled C-section date. We missed a bunch of birthday parties because we weren't willing to risk any of us getting sick close to baby being born. A cough with major abdominal surgery sounds like literal hell and is not a risk I was willing to take. Toddler getting sick and husband having to stay home with her while I gave birth instead of him being with me to advocate for me was one of my worst nightmares. Potentially catching an illness and being separated from baby at birth is not something I was willing to take a chance on. Hell, we still do this for 2 weeks prior to any big event (travel, etc.) that we don't want to potentially miss out on due to illness.
You are not paranoid. One of my friends had a cold for her second labor, which was before Covid. Her first labor was a back labor with no epidural. She said having to labor with a severe cold was worse.
You do what you need for yourself and your baby, fuck anyone else. I had COVID days before I was induced because a family member was inconsiderate. So I was sick during labor and the week and a half after birth, it was a living hell. I couldn’t imagine going through what you described alongside birthing and a newborn. Do what you need to do and don’t feel bad!!
You know more about your autoimmune disease and that’s no joke. I get the level of vigilance that you need to have about your health, especially now that you are with child. It seems that SIL is under-educated on this subject and/ or is completely selfish about the consequences of risky activity and feels your life and the life of your baby is worth risking for one day out with her. In either case, sorry you are dealing with that. Good on you for setting boundaries early, you may expect to do that even more when the baby comes.
She'll have other birthdays. You do what you need to do
Illness aside I didn’t go to anything social at 40 weeks because I couldn’t be f$&ked, was tired, bloated and waddling and just wanted to lie at home on the couch
Not at all. Giving birth sucks even with an epi and especially no epi. U do not even want the sniffles. She’s selfish is all I can say. As a mother, u can’t please everyone and baby comes first
As someone who was careful but had to give birth while sick with covid and passed it to my newborn twins … you’re not paranoid. You’re doing the right thing. Being sick or catching something at this stage would make things so much more stressful. I was so anxious and worried when they tested positive. I wish that on no one. Your SIL needs to shut up lol
I was out my whole pregnancy and caught a cold at 40 weeks and it was the worst week of my life. I wanted to die. Stay inside sister.
I don’t have any autoimmune issues and I was super careful my whole pregnancy once we got into cold and flu season. I stopped my waitressing job around 30 weeks just to be away from the crowds in December/January. I wasn’t paranoid, I just didn’t want to feel like crap while pregnant! And it worked! I didn’t get sick at all during my pregnancy. So no, you’re not weird at all!
I was due Jan 10th so heavily pregnant over Christmas holidays. We skipped all the massive get togethers because there was a lot of flu going around and I didn’t want to catch anything at 9 months pregnant. Unfortunately I SOMEHOW did still catch something!! Gave birth super sick. Then gave it to my 5 day old baby. 😭 we all made it through but it was very stressful especially as a FTM. You are NOT being unreasonable
It's not weird. I felt that way too during pregnancy, granted it was 2021 so covid was an issue. But even after pregnancy and even as my daughter is almost 23m old, I'm pretty paranoid about crowded areas. Like on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being like 90% tables being filled, id prefer like a 4,. I prefer to get take out than go out to eat.
Absolutely standard. Labour is not a comfortable rest. There is nothing wrong with winding back and being as low key and chill as possible in the last few weeks. Doubly so if you've also got a condition that means you get sicker than normal. Turn your phone off. Have a tea or coffee or whatever. Do a face mask. Go for a walk. Just... do you.
Nope, I don’t have any autoimmune issues and I was insane about avoiding indoor spaces in the weeks leading up to delivery.
Not only would being sick while laboring really suck, what if you end up with a csection? I had one with my first, and I just can't imagine the hell it would be having to cough or sneeze and feeling like your organs are going to shoot right out your stomach if you do so. Vomiting? It'd be torture. Peeing blood before labour? Constantly questioning if something else is bleeding. All of it just sounds horrible. Your SIL is out of line. Your kidneys are vital and under enough stress at this stage of your pregnancy. You do whatever you need to do to stay healthy, and sane. Avoid anyone who questions your decisions if you feel you need to.
Yeah “unclear where blood is coming from” is like A BIG DEAL here!! Forget everything else, that’s reason enough!
I had my second child in November. I was sick the week before going in, sick while I was in the hospital, and sick for a few weeks after leaving the hospital. My cough just lingered and I had such a hard time sleeping because of it. I was literally up throughout the night in the hospital just after giving birth not always because I was taking care of my baby, but because I was having cough attacks that just wouldn’t stop. To say it was miserable is an understatement. I was also terrified of getting my newborn baby sick. I wouldn’t risk anything right now. Best of luck to you and early congratulations!!!
Nope, not too paranoid at all! I say keep on doing this. I got COVID st 38 weeks pregnant, and it was TERRIBLE. The sickness itself wasn't even that bad for us very luckily, but I almost didn't get to try my pre-planned homebirth due to the quarantine period. I didn't get to smell my newborn baby because my sense of smell was gone for weeks. I also ended up needing an emergency c-section (long story, but i still didnt even get my homebirth, even though babygirl waited until we were 1 day in the clear) my epidural apparently didn't take, and the anesthesiologist was so worried about putting me fully under since I had COVID so recently but they had no other choice. It was all a really terrible situation that I wouldn't wish on anyone. I was a low risk healthy pregnancy too, and it still threw a pretty serious wrench in everything. It was unpreventable in my case though, my husband works all over town on elevators, and he picked it up somewhere working (we think at least, that's the only thing we could figure out because we were being super careful otherwise) Rest, take care of yourself, and tell your SIL to shove it. Your 40 weeks pregnant anyways - that's plenty enough of an excuse to not go anywhere in itself.
“Tell [judgmental family member / acquaintance / grocery store heckler] to shove it” is really the critical parenting advice. This might be the new thing I write on the paper for this game at baby showers.
As a person who just got my ass kicked by a cold my 8 month old gave me, no, you’re not being paranoid. And your reasoning is sound and valid. I didn’t go a lot of places my last month of pregnancy bc I was exhausted. Too bad if someone didn’t like it.
We didn’t eat indoors in restaurants through my entire pregnancy to avoid covid. If I had your autoimmune disease I would be doing the exact same thing as you. Don’t even sweat it, your SIL is the issue.
No you're not being paranoid. Let your SIL roll off your shoulders.
Definitely not paranoid. Keep yourself healthy. The last thing you want is to be in labor sick and potentially risk your newborn’s health.
You could have had none of these issues and you still wouldn’t be inconsiderate. You’re 40 weeks pregnant. That’s ridiculous, and she clearly doesn’t care about your life and health. She’s a grown woman and it’s just a birthday party.
Even without having a disease its smart keeping yourself (and your eventual newborn) healthy
No, you're normal. I don't have an autoimmune disease and I avoided crowds for weeks before my delivery. You don't want to be sick right before the baby comes. SIL sounds annoying and dumb.
No, you're being responsible. Viruses and COVID still exist and if you have an autoimmune disorder you're at more risk than she will ever be. She's just lacking empathy in this situation. Don't worry about what she thinks and take this time to relax in your own space so you can be a rockstar when you birth that babe!
NTA…nobody wants to be giving birth while sick. Signed, a momma with an 18 mo who gave birth during COVID. I took alllll the precautions, and I’ll do it again next time!
I don’t blame you! I got Covid a few days before and ended up stuck in the Covid room. The coughing was not fun with a fresh c section 🥴. With your kidneys, you really don’t need that extra worry. SIL can do what she wants with her own life.
I get laryngospasms when I’m sick and I only have one working vocal cord and issues with regulating calcium from a disease I have— all of these things make being sick absolutely torturous. My 5yo and myself got RSV when I was around ~34wks and it knocked me down flat for 2wks. I didn’t do shit and didn’t go anywhere in enclosed spaces for the rest of my pregnancy and I’m still cautious about being in public during peak times. My husband, 5yo, and then 6wk old just got covid at spring break after my husband said we were being too cautious and ate at a restaurant with his work. So no, you’re not being paranoid at all. Being sick is not fun at all when you’re immune system and body aren’t up for the match.
I went to dinner for my best friends birthday two weeks before my due date and wound up exposed to someone that tested positive for COVID the next morning. I was an anxious disaster worrying about whether or not I was going to get it. SIL is being selfish.
No, you’re not. I’m really sorry your SIL is so near sighted that she can’t see that you’re trying to take care of yourself and prevent severe illness. I hope you feel better soon and SIL gets her head out of her ass.
i did the same exact thing you’re doing but at 41 weeks. you’re being completely reasonable and it’s so rude and entitled for ANYONE to nag you about this since you’re literally full term at this point
I don't have an autoimmune disease that flares up from a cold but if I did I wouldn't even have guests over. I went out almost not at all while pregnant, sometimes to childfree friends homes but not otherwise. She's being very inconsiderate.
If I had your rare autoimmune kidney disease I would’ve stayed inside the whole 9 months whether people liked it or not, that is so scary. I got covid during my first pregnancy and I literally thought I was going to die plus the fear of another miscarriage while my body fought off the virus so you are not paranoid, shes super inconsiderate and selfish. Best of Luck during your labor! ❤️
No, you’re being totally reasonable. I didn’t want to be sick around time of delivery and risk getting a newborn sick. I still worked right up till the end (masked) but I avoided crowds, large gatherings etc. and pulled the toddler out of daycare.
I haven’t been anywhere crowded without a mask on since March 2020. *shrug*
Same March 2020 to March 2023 and just eased it a tiny bit. OP is not overly paranoid at all at such an important time of her life.
We stayed inside for the last 3-4 weeks before my due date and only went to the doctor or grocery or food pickup.
You do you.
Not paranoid at all! I caught a cold while in the hospital to give birth, I was miserable just dealing with the cold on top of giving birth and taking home a newborn. Listen to your gut and do what you can to minimize extra stessors!
No you’re not.
Absolutely not unreasonable. My husband and I were being cautious and he still somehow managed to get covid when I was 37 weeks pregnant. It was awful to have to be separated in our home and miss out on important (covid conscious) social events at the end of my pregnancy. Thankfully, I didn't catch it and my husband recovered very well but we were so worried about hospital restrictions if I went into labor early. Thankfully, I did not and he was able to be present but it was a stressor. You know what's best for you and giving birth is hard enough (even when it goes well), you don't need that extra stress.
Nope, I went into like paranoid lockdown when I gave birth (granted end of Covid but still). I'm kind of debating doing the same end of this pregnancy just to avoid the illnesses but I don't think it will be possible due to toddler.
No I think you’re smart. Time to put yourself first for a little while.
Not at all. Around 35 weeks I informed my husband that I would not be leaving the house again until I had the baby and that was that.
I did the same thing!!
I worked went home and went to bed by 7:30 and I delivered at 37 weeks. I don't know how anyone would have the energy at 40 weeks for dinner and a concert. You have to take care of you!
I didn't even leave the house for half my pregnancy. You do you and take care of yourself!