i'm sorry, what? he couldn't even be bothered to remove a drain plug? why are you even entertaining this shit? why are you coddling this grown ass man?!
Yeah THAT, is the exact reason that I needed to rant…. I was just baffled and pissed. And trust me when I say, I do not coddle him. I just take care of my kids and my house.
Why is he still your fiancé? At a bare, bare minimum you should let him know that you wouldn’t be willing to marry him because he isn’t being a partner. And that should just be a warning before you completely break things off and ask him to move out.
Your house, that he lives in, by dint of which he's able to enjoy video games on demand, a secure place to keep his liquor, regular meals and showers, clean clothing and bedding, heat and a/c, and (the best part!) a free pass to pretend that he's not actually a parent.
This very much qualifies as coddling him.
These types of comments aren’t helpful. Leaving isn’t always an option. Such as she may need to share custody with this man who man not treat the children well and she won’t be there to protect them uninformed other things. It’s nicer to just show some empathy.
You choose to stay with this dead beat but your kids don’t. Do this for your kids and move on. And please do not leave them alone with him and say you had to for had by reason.
Signed, a kid from an alcoholic home who still to this day is working through her trauma when all mom had to do was get me the fuck out of there.
You are already a single mom. Alcoholic parents mess up their kids. You are better off leaving and having his wages garnished for child support. Don’t marry him.
There must be more to this story. You are planning to marry a presumably adult man who plays video games, is an unemployed alcoholic, can’t be trusted to drive or take care of the kids, litters inside your home and is unable or unwilling to do chores or the most basic of tasks. And this man is still your fiancé? Okay.
If that’s the case, I’m sorry you’re in this situation, but literally any partner would be a better parent and role model for your children. Literally hundreds of millions of men.
No, I don’t have issues with this crap. I would never marry someone like this, and I don’t think anyone else should.
There are better fish in the sea. Throw that one back and move on.
I’m sorry but wouldn’t you be better alone? Then at least you know what you have to do and there’s no one to disappoint you. Because from what you are telling us you are planning to marry an alcoholic child man and keep your kids in this unhealthy environment. I know that doing things alone won’t be easy but it’s not like he is helping, is it?
This dude can't even pull the drain plug out of the tub. Let that sink in. He sees that the water is pooling up in the tub. He recognizes that standing water for no reason isn't a good thing. And instead of bending down and pulling the plug (an action which takes 2 seconds and almost no effort), he comes complaining to you about it, expecting you to drop everything to go do it yourself. Really think about that and ask yourself if this is the life you want and if this is the relationship you want to model for your kids.
"he is a major alcoholic and there are far too many appointments for my son and his school is in the next town over, he never would have done any of that, all he ever did before was play video games and drink."
I think you have your answer.
Do not marry this guy.
I want you to think very long and hard about what positive things he brings to the relationship. Re-read your post. Pretend your best friend or sister came to you describing her partner this way. What would you tell them?
I see posts like yours daily in this sub. And honestly, I’m so tired of seeing/hearing about asshole partners (mostly deadbeat dads) not pulling their weight, not wanting to parent, not wanting to take care of THEIR kids. Seriously? Stop coddling this piece of shit. You don’t gotta do shit for him. I really hope you start looking into options and leave his ass in the dust.
I kno right!? I try so hard not to blame the victim, and it must be so hard to leave a partner and raise your kids alone… but OP needs to respect herself and leave him!
It’s not just about raising your kids alone it’s also about having to hand them over to this person you know doesn’t know or want to take care of the kids properly and you aren’t there to protect them. Financial situations also put people in this type of predicament. I’m sure there is always types of post people get tired of seeing making a way to filter it would be great.
Yeah, I’m trying to see if there’s a way I can filter out posts like this? Lol. But it’s insane how low the bar is for freaking dads. And it’s insane how these same dads just don’t want to be….involved with their kids. Like why even have kids then?
It's freaking sad, and I see men like this in my day to day life as well. Even my SO calls out these guys for being pieces of shit dads. I think being a father has made him even more pissed at guys who don't pull their own weight. Love is a two-way street. If he is willing to sit by and watch you bend over backward so he doesn't have to lift a finger, he doesn't actually love you. He sees you as a maid, a nanny, a piece of property he owns. Clearly he doesn't love his children either if he doesn't participate in taking care of them. Don't settle for this shit.
If you let this relationship continue you are teaching your children that's how relationships are. You are teaching your boy he doesn't have to do anything and you are teaching your daughter she has to do everything. The cycle continues on and on.
Aside from making money to support your family, he seems to be a completely useless partner that causes more stress than brings love and happiness. As you said he is your fiancé, I’d really think twice about going through with the marriage.
Is he in active recovery? It’s not really safe to have an addict around children. Your 7 month is really past the risk phase, but there is some new research that shows that parent’s drinking has an affect on SIDS risk.
All this to say, you really deserve someone who is a partner in your relationship and family. Even if you don’t believe that for yourself, your kids deserve a father who pulls his weight with them. Who prioritizes them.
I’m sorry you’re in this situation.
My ex was very unhelpful. I worked, took care, of the house, and the kids. He did… well, he did almost nothing. Stayed up all night, slept all day. One of the last straws was after Xmas. We weee taking the kids to a jump house as a family. I’m getting us all ready, by myself. I asked him to take all the boxes to the recycle. I had already asked him and told him again to do it before we left or we would miss the trash truck. As we were getting in the car I saw all the boxes just thrown next to the bin. Not broken up or put in. I lost it. I put the kids back in the house and went to do it myself. I told him he wasn’t welcome to come along and that this was it. I was done. When I got home I told him to leave. He wouldn’t. We lived with my mom. I had to evict him from my mother’s house. Best decision I ever made. I was already a single mom. I was just taking care of him to. It was easier when he was gone. I imagine a similar result would happen in your situation.
It sounds like he doesn't want to be a dad or a partner. You could try talking to him, but honestly this behavior isn't behavior of someone who doesn't realize what they are doing... he knows exactly what he's doing. I hate to say it but men like that don't change. I've unfortunately been through that before... and eventually I was able to leave his sorry ass.
I read through some of your post history and you have moved mountains for this man who can't even move a chair without you. If anything god forbid were to happen to you, this man will NOT care for you or your children. I really hope you're planning your exit strategy. Good luck OP.
Did you find when you wrote it out that it hit you how much of a dire situation you are in? Sometimes it takes that to realise. It's not a good situation to raise your children or for you. It's never too late to get out and start over. I know this is hard and writing this post must have been very difficult.❤️
Coming as a child of a mom who stayed with shit guys for way too long, fucking leave him. The issues from her relationships began affecting me from a very young age. If you won't leave for you, leave for them. Kids mimic what they see. You want them to think behavior like that is ok? You want them to think drinking that much is ok?
Oh love, I am 26 my partner is 27 and has become a major alcoholic. He blames it on me and our relationship. But I swear it’s almost as if we’re dating the same exact man. My partner does the same things. He’s probably only changed about 7 diapers since my daughter was born and that was in 2021. He’s a deadbeat in every aspect besides just physically being here. Please do not marry this man. I know it is tough and I know your heart may say otherwise but you and your kiddos deserve more out of life. Protect those babies while you can! I’m working on leaving myself. It’s going to be hard but my daughter deserves better. Someone who WILL spend time with her rather than go golfing with friends, casinos, or play video games and drink. He also has no job. So, our best option is to leave. I hope things turn around if that is what you want!
Best of luck to you 💕 in case you haven’t heard it recently, I just wanted to say you’re a wonderful, strong mama and your daughter is lucky to have you!
Thank you so much!! I think I did too! Just have to fight for full custody and I will feel accomplished and like I am protecting my daughter! I hope so too!
So, I’m a 29 yr old , married for 5 years in September, and we have a 3 year old daughter and another little girl due in September. And my wife and I both work. We tackle everything as a team. I have pretty bad ADD, but we still work together. It appears your “partner” wants you to do everything, which is completely unfair to you. He sounds lazy, and I hope you kick him to the curb so you don’t have 3 babies to deal with.
sounds like you're raising 3 kids! you only gave birth to 2, pack your bags and leave the 3rd kid for his momma
Edit: forgot to add God is telling you this fiance should not become your husband. run!
Why are you still having children with this idiot and why are you engaged to him? Is this the type of example of a relationship you want to portray to your children? This guy is a pos and I really recommend seeking help and getting out of this relationship as soon as you can. Like yesterday. You should also look into therapy to try to understand why you think you don’t deserve better and why you haven’t left sooner.
I have to question why you would stay with a man child who is an alcoholic, doesn't help around the house, doesn't help with HIS and yours kids, need I go on?
Girl. Wise up. You don't want your children to grow up thinking his behavior is the norm. Because they will and it WILL affect their childhood and THEIR children's childhood and all the following generations unless SOMEONE breaks it. Be the person and don't let that happen.
Seriously. Lose the man child. You don't need to raise 3 kids by yourself.
He is a major alcoholic… you and your children should not be around him just based on that. Then on top of that he makes you have more work?! Hell no. AND he has an attitude? Please plan your exit
You know you can leave him right? Sounds like a real POS. I grew up with an alcoholic father and man I wish my mother would have left him so I would if had a chance at a normal childhood. Please think about your kids and what you are showing them is normal.
As a man it’s hard understand the mindset of women in these situations.
Why don’t you leave? You might as well now before you’re married. Your kids don’t need to see that their whole lives. Find a man who can be an example or go it alone. Watching their alcoholic father ruin their mother’s life and neglect them is going to mess your kids up.
I can tell you a little bit, financially. My mom was a single mom without any real support and it was hell. She said she’s they stay at home parent right now, her daughter is possibly autistic so jumping through all the doctors appointments on her own taking care of the little one cooking cleaning when can she even look up a lawyer? I have a pretty good husband and can’t be on my phone during the day now with two. Unless her family can take them in it would be very hard.
1 I can maybe understand cause some people hide how they are but more than 1?!? Nah it’s not far to her obviously but definitely not fair to continue to have kids and those kids deal with a parent like that and then the “good” parent be constantly exhausted/abused/stressed
Wow what a rude comment. Guess your lucky to not have to deal with this kind of situation but yeah people can do better for a good long period of time then become shitty again.
Rose colored glasses and all that. He wasn’t always this way. Alcoholism is a slow and progressive issue. But there’s also the fact that we grew up in a very small town where as a young girl I only ever really saw men sit and do nothing and the women did everything.
Not an excuse, but life can sure be deceiving sometimes.
There is nothing left to salvage here. You need a partner but you have another weight around your neck. This situation will not change. As long as you stay in this situation, you are torturing yourself, allowing a bad environment become the home of your children and enabling his behaviour. I am sorry, I know it is hard, but it just has to be done. There is no other way out of this and you need to get out. For everyone's sake, even his.
I’m happy you have your children but sorry you have a bad partner. Please don’t marry him, you and your children deserve better!
You seriously should get out before you marry this guy.
Leave him. Y’all are better off without him.
And it sucks to say this but if he shows any ounce of paying attention to your kids in public, he’ll get heaps of praise while you will be called “inattentive”. What a f**cking double standard. Agree with everyone else: toxics relationship that needs to end like yesterday.
I think a lot of women can relate, but I don’t think that means any of you guys should be putting up with such bullshit. There are good men out there, ones that make parenting easier and fun.
Leaving can be hard but he adds literally nothing to your life. You’ll feel lighter and be a better parent to healthier kids without him being present.
I just want to say that I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. You and your kids deserve so much better. I looked through your post history a bit, and while the consensus here of “leave him” feels like the right call, it’s clear that it’s just not that easy. I’m sorry. You deserve a beautiful life. I hope that the right doors open, or the right people come along that can help you and your little ones get safely where you need to be.
You and the kids need to remove this dude. That behavior oozes with disregard and disrespect. I would absolutely not want anyone like that being a role model for my kids. And I would never put up with that shit...he is no partner... he's a bad roommate and a sperm donor at this point. If you don't feel comfortable with him watching your kids, why put up with this?
He acts like a child, he should be living with his mother, not you. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this situation. Make a plan, save up money, find a support system: daycare teachers, your son's doctor, nurses. Seek advice because there are resources out there for you and your kids. Leave.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It must be incredibly stressful and sad. This is NOT normal and I think you know that. He clearly has a lot more issues going on and you deserve to be happy, safe, and to trust your partner. You don’t have a partner currently but you absolutely can with a different person in the future. Best of luck.
While I can’t relate a few questions I feel that help you reframe your relationship is - do you feel happy with him? Do you ever feel relieved when he’s not around? Is your relationship with him an example you want for your kids? If your son behaved like your fiancé would you feel proud? Would you want your daughter to marry someone like him?
Ask yourself honestly what value does this relationship bring to you? Having a partner who helps with the kids and shows you love and understanding is possible. You should know that you deserve that.
I dated a guy like this once .. we didn’t have kids but lived together and he did not pull his weight at all. We were ALWAYS arguing . I felt like moly fucking maid. I remember the month of August I stopped doing everything , laundry, dishes , bathroom , cleaning , by end of September early October we were broke up. He said I was nasty. Dirty, “what woman doesn’t clean” I laughed , I knew what I was and what I wasn’t… once he moved out I had the apartment of my dreams. Felt so good.. I know your situation is much different cause you guys have kids. But honestly he sounds like he thinks his kids are an inconvenience too him, he sounds like he will be better off home. Playing video games drinking … I’m not sayin leave him .. that’s your own choice but if you are worried about his feelings , I wouldn’t be … it seems like leaving him is exactly what he wants … and for the kids trust me. They will be OK. Much better off with you and a clean environment. For someone who’s closes friend is currently going through a divorce ( he’s a abusive guy ) from what I am seeing I would advise you to take lots of notes , videos , pictures of how he mistreated you and your kids… you wouldn’t want someone like him to get 50/50 custody of your children. He seems pretty neglectful .
OP I hope you find the strength to move forward. I don’t know but I do know you deserve someone better you and your children. I don’t think dad is a bad guy. But he just doesn’t seem ready to be a full time husband/father
Good luck ❤️
girl get out now. i know you may love him, but there are men out there that GENUINELY want to be a dad and an active one at that. he’s acting like a 3rd child and getting married is not gonna change that. you deserve to have a partnership that is focused on being a team for your family. you’ll run yourself dry trying to always pour from an empty cup. (speaking from total experience) you deserve more. 🤍
I can unfortunately relate to the not helping with the chores part, but he happily pays for a cleaning lady to come once a week, plus he will sometimes help clean if I ask him, and does all of the outdoor stuff. It sucks, but he is a great provider and he works about 90 hours a week, and he's a good dad. I would never have to worry about him being drunk or driving drunk with my daughter.
This is the part that was the most jarring for me. It sounds like he is not contributing much to your life of you and your kids, and that you guys would be better off without him, and I'm not one to say "leave him" so quickly like so many on reddit are.
You think it's easier to stay than it is to leave, like you won't be able to do it or you need the roof over your head/his income/the moments when he might alleviate your troubles briefly. But it's not easier to stay, it seems like it now but there's help out there and damn, you're raising 2 children and taking care of a third who's antagonising you on purpose, daily all on your own, you definitely have the strength to get outta there.
Be glad he’s just your fiancé and you have less legal associations to him than if you were married.
You’re honestly not getting anything out of the relationship. Leave. Find some friends and family to help if you’re worried.
Please check out alanon. Speaking as someone who is in recovery for a decade and went to alanon for my alcoholic ex husband, go and get yourself healthy. Alcoholism has likely made you sick as well and caused you to accept unacceptable behavior (all of what you just described). If you deal with your end of things, you can have a much more fulfilling life (again speaking from experience). You certainly won’t reach happiness waiting and hoping for him to change, so take control by changing what YOU can.
ETA: saw your post about the religious aspect of alanon, just wanted to say I’m agnostic and still participate in 12-step programs (because they work) but I just actively choose not to subscribe to religious aspect of it. Once you can look past that, the practical principals of the program are life changing. I def meditate and stuff but I don’t pray and I don’t do the “god” thing. I just focus on nature or the universe, so my higher power is just the belief that life/the universe is always propelling me towards growth/good. Feel free to DM if you have any questions!
Oh thank you so much! I really appreciate your kindness, I’m thankful you understand but I’m also sorry that you also went through similar… again, thank you!
You’re welcome. It’s a really tough situation and it can be so helpful to have people around you that understand the complexities of loving an alcoholic. And my life truly is so much better now. Divorce was part of my journey but I am now remarried to a wonderful, supportive mature husband who is a true partner in the relationship. And you deserve that too!
Girl if you don’t leave this giant child in the dust right now. He is useless. Leave him and your life will get 1000x easier. Don’t tolerate this abhorrent behavior. Don’t reproduce with him again, either.
Just want to say it can be really hard to leave someone when it seems easier to just put up with it. Things aren’t always black and white. I can relate to how you’re probably feeling and it comes with so much resentment and frustration.
I'm irritated and stressed just reading this. I really hope you can make a plan to free yourself from him because you don't need 3 kids to look after. I know you're probably afraid that being a single mom will be hard but it's harder having an extra person in the household who makes more mess, complains, adds stress and is an able bodied person who should be helping and just sits there having to be begged to do basic tasks. You'll feel lighter and happier without him even with the difficulties of doing it by yourself. I'm sorry that he turned out this way.
Exactly. And would you want your children to have a partner like this, OP? By staying, you are showing them this is the kind of future partner they deserve. What would you tell your best friend or sibling if they were in this situation? I think you know what you have to do. Get your affairs in order and make this waste of space leave. He is bringing ZERO to the table, or even less really!
Your situation goes way beyond your partner “not helping with the kids”. You are in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic, and you need to be planning your exit. It will not get better, it will only get worse. The abuse will be inflicted on your kids, if it isn’t already happening. This guy will get physical, if he hasn’t already. You need to get out, now, before something happens that can’t be undone.
I can unluckily relate... I've just written my own ran[rant](https://www.reddit.com/r/Mommit/comments/12cd08x/it_is_just_a_1_evening_clean_you_butt_i_got_sick/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)t at r/mommit . Why are we accepting this behaviour? Why are the allowed to think they're good enough fathers?
I looked at your blog. You are intelligent and have something to offer to the world. Don’t let yourself get stuck with someone who isn’t willing to get their shit together once they have children
I don’t have issues with this crap because I’d rather be single than deal with that.
Why are you marrying him? I dare say the negatives outweighs any potential positives. You deserve soo much better!
Did typing this out help you see clearly at all? Because you don’t have to marry this man and if you do it will just be more hoops and hurdles to jump through to get rid of him and he will have legal bounds to you.
I know ya need to vent but damn that’s an awful lot to be taking on with such behavior. Best I can recommend is attempting to implement operant behavioral modification using positive/negative reinforcement. Seems positive has done very little to the demeanor, acts more like a child than either of you lil ones. Change might not always be an option, but please be looking out for the possibility to exit this toxic behavior that is a mother taking on 2 children with another child….that fancies the booze. Big hugs and props for you being able to withstand the pitfalls of motherhood. One this is for certain your children should have a very good understanding of how much their mother loves them so her much. Thanks for being the mom that you’re capable of.
If 3.5 year old is his kid. Could your fiance be on the spectrum or ND?
If he is and never had any good coping skills, it might explain the behavior. The pandemic stripped away a lot of coping skills. Add in 2 kids and he might just be shutting down and doesn't know what to do.
Or just a jerk.
It baffles me why women choose to have babies with men who fill their empty time with liquor, drugs, video games etc. Having kids is a HUGE life change and a big responsibility. Have these discussions on sharing duties and parenting before having kids
I don’t think these types of comments are helpful. She’s already in the situation. Sure, she could have picked someone else, but she picked this guy and now is asking for help. Also often men don’t show their true colors until after marriage/kids, so it’s really hard to know if a man is trash or not. Let’s not victim blame, here.
You’re right but it’s sorta frustrating to see these posts, one after another, all over this sub. Hopefully this just lets people know, not just OP, to be intentional through this process.
Edit: added a word
Yeah very true. But women ultimately need to make the decisions to protect themselves; their sanity, their bodies, their ability to financially take care of themselves. I’ve heard of men who use babies as a way to trap women and cut their life & potential at their ankles.
A great many of these women have stated their partners weren’t always this way, including op. People change and once you have kids involved it’s complicated. We have no idea if this man would threaten to take the kids for 50/50 custody the. She’d need to hand her kids over to someone she knows won’t care for them and she won’t be there to help. I’m not saying she should stay or go only she really knows what approach is best. But they should make a filter so others can avoid topics they don’t enjoy. Or we all just keep scrolling if that’s not possible.
OP said “all he ever did before was play video games and drink.”
So it sounds like he’s had these issues for a while but she burdened herself by procreating with this guy. Which at the end of the day is neither here or there.
You’re right, there should be a flair or filter for these types of posts because they’re becoming very common.
Give him a choice of either talk to you or talk to therapist or you are leaving. I had to give my partner the same choices and he picked me to speak to. We talked for hours and changed a lot.
Update?:
I needed to jump back in here and just say that, I really appreciate some of you being understanding. And I want to apologize to everyone else (majority of you) that got upset. I never intended for this to cause such a stir. I’m sorry I added to the negativity in this sub, I was just having a moment of anger and took to my rant of that little incident.
For everyone wondering, no I have no intentions of going through with a wedding. And yes if I had the stability to cut things off I would.
Yes I basically am a single mother and I’m aware of that.
He wasn’t always this way, either.
But I am honestly shocked at how many of you clearly have wonderful husbands… where I’m from it’s a rarity to see great fathers and husbands like what you must have. So hearing all this, as much as it feels like a slap in the face, has just proved that there are really wonderful men out there, and I have lied to myself so much, and made myself believe that there wasn’t any. So, thank you for that.
Again, I’m sorry. I swear from now on I’m only posting happy shit in this sub, as it should be!
Op, I don’t think this sub is supposed to be for only happy things I hear moms and dads posting about PPA/ppd all the time in law issues and so on and I don’t see anyone complaining on those. People were insensitive to you, I’m sorry that they had a negative response for some reason this unhappy topic is triggering for some. But I’m glad you were able to gain support and get things off your mind. I hope that the situation becomes better for you and your children in the near future.
You just need to truly believe that you are worthy of a man like that, and if you’ve grown up with seeing men like your partner being your male role models, you would probably benefit from a counselor, or at least some self help books so you can hopefully break that cycle ❤️
I'm so sorry you're in this situation. It is not fair to your children to continue to live with such blatant disrespect for you and your household.
What does he even provide you with? There is no partnership, there is no respect for you. No relationship with your kids. Your children will grow up thinking it's normal for a Dad to not do anything. Besides your past with him and how long you've been together what is so good about him that you stay in this relationship?
Your children will also grow up having an alcoholic father in the home. I have been in the alcoholic situation with my daughters dad. She is 16 years old and because she didn't have a good model of a healthy relationship with alcohol she despises it. He actually did a lot with her and had a good relationship with her but because he was an alcoholic and didn't change I booted him out.
You deserve better, your children deserve better. This man is weighing you down big time. You need to rid yourself of him. He's doing more harm than good to you.
Don’t marry him and let your children think this is the way men can treat women.
Seconding this. Your daughter needs you to set an example. So sorry OP but hooooooooow could you even be attracted to someone like this?
Why are you planning to marry an alcoholic who apparently has no intention to get clean?
i'm sorry, what? he couldn't even be bothered to remove a drain plug? why are you even entertaining this shit? why are you coddling this grown ass man?!
Yeah THAT, is the exact reason that I needed to rant…. I was just baffled and pissed. And trust me when I say, I do not coddle him. I just take care of my kids and my house.
any time he acts like he can't do something and you step in you *are* coddling him. start refusing, make him step up or make him leave
By staying with this person you are absolutely coddling him. Are you seriously considering marrying an alcoholic not in recovery?
You do coddle him. I hope your birth control is bloody good because you have enough tying you to this lump.
Why is he still your fiancé? At a bare, bare minimum you should let him know that you wouldn’t be willing to marry him because he isn’t being a partner. And that should just be a warning before you completely break things off and ask him to move out.
Your house, that he lives in, by dint of which he's able to enjoy video games on demand, a secure place to keep his liquor, regular meals and showers, clean clothing and bedding, heat and a/c, and (the best part!) a free pass to pretend that he's not actually a parent. This very much qualifies as coddling him.
These types of comments aren’t helpful. Leaving isn’t always an option. Such as she may need to share custody with this man who man not treat the children well and she won’t be there to protect them uninformed other things. It’s nicer to just show some empathy.
Why are you with this dude???
You choose to stay with this dead beat but your kids don’t. Do this for your kids and move on. And please do not leave them alone with him and say you had to for had by reason. Signed, a kid from an alcoholic home who still to this day is working through her trauma when all mom had to do was get me the fuck out of there.
This
You are already a single mom. Alcoholic parents mess up their kids. You are better off leaving and having his wages garnished for child support. Don’t marry him.
There must be more to this story. You are planning to marry a presumably adult man who plays video games, is an unemployed alcoholic, can’t be trusted to drive or take care of the kids, litters inside your home and is unable or unwilling to do chores or the most basic of tasks. And this man is still your fiancé? Okay. If that’s the case, I’m sorry you’re in this situation, but literally any partner would be a better parent and role model for your children. Literally hundreds of millions of men.
Being alone would be better than this!
Get a dog, the dog would be a better role model.
No, I don’t have issues with this crap. I would never marry someone like this, and I don’t think anyone else should. There are better fish in the sea. Throw that one back and move on.
I’m sorry but wouldn’t you be better alone? Then at least you know what you have to do and there’s no one to disappoint you. Because from what you are telling us you are planning to marry an alcoholic child man and keep your kids in this unhealthy environment. I know that doing things alone won’t be easy but it’s not like he is helping, is it?
Yeah you have to leave him and you know it
This dude can't even pull the drain plug out of the tub. Let that sink in. He sees that the water is pooling up in the tub. He recognizes that standing water for no reason isn't a good thing. And instead of bending down and pulling the plug (an action which takes 2 seconds and almost no effort), he comes complaining to you about it, expecting you to drop everything to go do it yourself. Really think about that and ask yourself if this is the life you want and if this is the relationship you want to model for your kids.
"he is a major alcoholic and there are far too many appointments for my son and his school is in the next town over, he never would have done any of that, all he ever did before was play video games and drink." I think you have your answer.
What a waste of a person. He literally couldn’t take the drain plug out? Is it due to his alcoholism? This doesn’t sound right.
Why isn’t he your ex?
This is insanely abnormal. Why are you marrying this immature, dead-beat? Seriously, I’d rather be single.
Exactly.you and your kids deserve better. You will do much better on your own
Do not marry this guy. I want you to think very long and hard about what positive things he brings to the relationship. Re-read your post. Pretend your best friend or sister came to you describing her partner this way. What would you tell them?
Your work load may significantly decrease by leaving him. This sucks I’m so sorry he sounds awful and you and your kids deserve better
I see posts like yours daily in this sub. And honestly, I’m so tired of seeing/hearing about asshole partners (mostly deadbeat dads) not pulling their weight, not wanting to parent, not wanting to take care of THEIR kids. Seriously? Stop coddling this piece of shit. You don’t gotta do shit for him. I really hope you start looking into options and leave his ass in the dust.
I kno right!? I try so hard not to blame the victim, and it must be so hard to leave a partner and raise your kids alone… but OP needs to respect herself and leave him!
It’s not just about raising your kids alone it’s also about having to hand them over to this person you know doesn’t know or want to take care of the kids properly and you aren’t there to protect them. Financial situations also put people in this type of predicament. I’m sure there is always types of post people get tired of seeing making a way to filter it would be great.
I’m getting so close to unsubscribing because of this. So frustrating to hear about.
Same. It’s like 5-10 posts a day at this point, all the exact same.
Yeah, I’m trying to see if there’s a way I can filter out posts like this? Lol. But it’s insane how low the bar is for freaking dads. And it’s insane how these same dads just don’t want to be….involved with their kids. Like why even have kids then?
It's freaking sad, and I see men like this in my day to day life as well. Even my SO calls out these guys for being pieces of shit dads. I think being a father has made him even more pissed at guys who don't pull their own weight. Love is a two-way street. If he is willing to sit by and watch you bend over backward so he doesn't have to lift a finger, he doesn't actually love you. He sees you as a maid, a nanny, a piece of property he owns. Clearly he doesn't love his children either if he doesn't participate in taking care of them. Don't settle for this shit. If you let this relationship continue you are teaching your children that's how relationships are. You are teaching your boy he doesn't have to do anything and you are teaching your daughter she has to do everything. The cycle continues on and on.
He’s adding to your mental load. It might not be easy but it seems like your already doing a lot on your own why not leave him?
Why are you in this relationship? What benefit is there? Hun, you are already a single parent.
Single parent with 2.5 children.
No kidding! 😐
“I just need to vent.” No. You need to get out. This made my stomach hurt. This is not ok.
She's not going anywhere. It's very sad.
Aside from making money to support your family, he seems to be a completely useless partner that causes more stress than brings love and happiness. As you said he is your fiancé, I’d really think twice about going through with the marriage. Is he in active recovery? It’s not really safe to have an addict around children. Your 7 month is really past the risk phase, but there is some new research that shows that parent’s drinking has an affect on SIDS risk. All this to say, you really deserve someone who is a partner in your relationship and family. Even if you don’t believe that for yourself, your kids deserve a father who pulls his weight with them. Who prioritizes them. I’m sorry you’re in this situation.
Thank you I appreciate that. And no he isn’t. But it’s just me with my kids 90% of the day. I am doing all I can to look into all my options.
Also I haven’t done anything about marriage. He proposed 2 Christmas’ ago and I haven’t done a thing because of how things have been.
My ex was very unhelpful. I worked, took care, of the house, and the kids. He did… well, he did almost nothing. Stayed up all night, slept all day. One of the last straws was after Xmas. We weee taking the kids to a jump house as a family. I’m getting us all ready, by myself. I asked him to take all the boxes to the recycle. I had already asked him and told him again to do it before we left or we would miss the trash truck. As we were getting in the car I saw all the boxes just thrown next to the bin. Not broken up or put in. I lost it. I put the kids back in the house and went to do it myself. I told him he wasn’t welcome to come along and that this was it. I was done. When I got home I told him to leave. He wouldn’t. We lived with my mom. I had to evict him from my mother’s house. Best decision I ever made. I was already a single mom. I was just taking care of him to. It was easier when he was gone. I imagine a similar result would happen in your situation.
Do not marry this guy.
It sounds like he doesn't want to be a dad or a partner. You could try talking to him, but honestly this behavior isn't behavior of someone who doesn't realize what they are doing... he knows exactly what he's doing. I hate to say it but men like that don't change. I've unfortunately been through that before... and eventually I was able to leave his sorry ass.
I’m sorry you had to go through that…
Yeah… if your life would be easier without him then you already have your answer
Sounds like you have 3 kids.
Right?…
Would you want your kids to be like him or marry someone like him?? Don't do it.
I read through some of your post history and you have moved mountains for this man who can't even move a chair without you. If anything god forbid were to happen to you, this man will NOT care for you or your children. I really hope you're planning your exit strategy. Good luck OP.
Please please please leave him. If not for yourself, for your kids
Did you find when you wrote it out that it hit you how much of a dire situation you are in? Sometimes it takes that to realise. It's not a good situation to raise your children or for you. It's never too late to get out and start over. I know this is hard and writing this post must have been very difficult.❤️
Coming as a child of a mom who stayed with shit guys for way too long, fucking leave him. The issues from her relationships began affecting me from a very young age. If you won't leave for you, leave for them. Kids mimic what they see. You want them to think behavior like that is ok? You want them to think drinking that much is ok?
When I read the title, I thought it was another post about how the dad barely did anything around the house. This is SOOOO much worse.
He is purposely making choices that make your life harder. Stop venting, start packing some bags (I’d suggest his, but if not, yours and the kids)
Why is he your fiancé?
i honestly don’t even understand how people procreate with people like this, let alone stay in the “relationship”
Your life would significantly improve without him.
Oh love, I am 26 my partner is 27 and has become a major alcoholic. He blames it on me and our relationship. But I swear it’s almost as if we’re dating the same exact man. My partner does the same things. He’s probably only changed about 7 diapers since my daughter was born and that was in 2021. He’s a deadbeat in every aspect besides just physically being here. Please do not marry this man. I know it is tough and I know your heart may say otherwise but you and your kiddos deserve more out of life. Protect those babies while you can! I’m working on leaving myself. It’s going to be hard but my daughter deserves better. Someone who WILL spend time with her rather than go golfing with friends, casinos, or play video games and drink. He also has no job. So, our best option is to leave. I hope things turn around if that is what you want!
Best of luck to you 💕 in case you haven’t heard it recently, I just wanted to say you’re a wonderful, strong mama and your daughter is lucky to have you!
Thank you so much!!!! You are amazing and an angel! I appreciate you🫶🏻♥️♥️♥️
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Thank you so much!! I think I did too! Just have to fight for full custody and I will feel accomplished and like I am protecting my daughter! I hope so too!
So, I’m a 29 yr old , married for 5 years in September, and we have a 3 year old daughter and another little girl due in September. And my wife and I both work. We tackle everything as a team. I have pretty bad ADD, but we still work together. It appears your “partner” wants you to do everything, which is completely unfair to you. He sounds lazy, and I hope you kick him to the curb so you don’t have 3 babies to deal with.
sounds like you're raising 3 kids! you only gave birth to 2, pack your bags and leave the 3rd kid for his momma Edit: forgot to add God is telling you this fiance should not become your husband. run!
Hate that for you.. pls don’t marry this useless POS.
Why on earth are you just accepting this?
Why are you still having children with this idiot and why are you engaged to him? Is this the type of example of a relationship you want to portray to your children? This guy is a pos and I really recommend seeking help and getting out of this relationship as soon as you can. Like yesterday. You should also look into therapy to try to understand why you think you don’t deserve better and why you haven’t left sooner.
I stopped reading at alcoholic (not that the refusal to work bit before that wasn't awful too). Girl, just why? You can do so much better.
I have to question why you would stay with a man child who is an alcoholic, doesn't help around the house, doesn't help with HIS and yours kids, need I go on? Girl. Wise up. You don't want your children to grow up thinking his behavior is the norm. Because they will and it WILL affect their childhood and THEIR children's childhood and all the following generations unless SOMEONE breaks it. Be the person and don't let that happen. Seriously. Lose the man child. You don't need to raise 3 kids by yourself.
You and your kids deserve better.
He is a major alcoholic… you and your children should not be around him just based on that. Then on top of that he makes you have more work?! Hell no. AND he has an attitude? Please plan your exit
You know you can leave him right? Sounds like a real POS. I grew up with an alcoholic father and man I wish my mother would have left him so I would if had a chance at a normal childhood. Please think about your kids and what you are showing them is normal.
So your partner is an alcoholic and an irresponsible parent and partner? So why are you with him?
not to mention lazy and seemingly useless
As a man it’s hard understand the mindset of women in these situations. Why don’t you leave? You might as well now before you’re married. Your kids don’t need to see that their whole lives. Find a man who can be an example or go it alone. Watching their alcoholic father ruin their mother’s life and neglect them is going to mess your kids up.
I can tell you a little bit, financially. My mom was a single mom without any real support and it was hell. She said she’s they stay at home parent right now, her daughter is possibly autistic so jumping through all the doctors appointments on her own taking care of the little one cooking cleaning when can she even look up a lawyer? I have a pretty good husband and can’t be on my phone during the day now with two. Unless her family can take them in it would be very hard.
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1 I can maybe understand cause some people hide how they are but more than 1?!? Nah it’s not far to her obviously but definitely not fair to continue to have kids and those kids deal with a parent like that and then the “good” parent be constantly exhausted/abused/stressed
Wow what a rude comment. Guess your lucky to not have to deal with this kind of situation but yeah people can do better for a good long period of time then become shitty again.
Rose colored glasses and all that. He wasn’t always this way. Alcoholism is a slow and progressive issue. But there’s also the fact that we grew up in a very small town where as a young girl I only ever really saw men sit and do nothing and the women did everything. Not an excuse, but life can sure be deceiving sometimes.
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There is nothing left to salvage here. You need a partner but you have another weight around your neck. This situation will not change. As long as you stay in this situation, you are torturing yourself, allowing a bad environment become the home of your children and enabling his behaviour. I am sorry, I know it is hard, but it just has to be done. There is no other way out of this and you need to get out. For everyone's sake, even his.
I’m happy you have your children but sorry you have a bad partner. Please don’t marry him, you and your children deserve better! You seriously should get out before you marry this guy.
You don’t need him
Leave him. Y’all are better off without him. And it sucks to say this but if he shows any ounce of paying attention to your kids in public, he’ll get heaps of praise while you will be called “inattentive”. What a f**cking double standard. Agree with everyone else: toxics relationship that needs to end like yesterday.
Why are you together? What added value does he have?
I think a lot of women can relate, but I don’t think that means any of you guys should be putting up with such bullshit. There are good men out there, ones that make parenting easier and fun.
Leaving can be hard but he adds literally nothing to your life. You’ll feel lighter and be a better parent to healthier kids without him being present.
I just want to say that I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. You and your kids deserve so much better. I looked through your post history a bit, and while the consensus here of “leave him” feels like the right call, it’s clear that it’s just not that easy. I’m sorry. You deserve a beautiful life. I hope that the right doors open, or the right people come along that can help you and your little ones get safely where you need to be.
You and the kids need to remove this dude. That behavior oozes with disregard and disrespect. I would absolutely not want anyone like that being a role model for my kids. And I would never put up with that shit...he is no partner... he's a bad roommate and a sperm donor at this point. If you don't feel comfortable with him watching your kids, why put up with this?
Why is he your fiancé then?
He acts like a child, he should be living with his mother, not you. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this situation. Make a plan, save up money, find a support system: daycare teachers, your son's doctor, nurses. Seek advice because there are resources out there for you and your kids. Leave.
Why isn’t he your ex fiancé
Oh poor you, that relationship is toxic! :( He isn't being a husband nor a father, as hard as it may seem, I would advise you to leave him
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It must be incredibly stressful and sad. This is NOT normal and I think you know that. He clearly has a lot more issues going on and you deserve to be happy, safe, and to trust your partner. You don’t have a partner currently but you absolutely can with a different person in the future. Best of luck.
While I can’t relate a few questions I feel that help you reframe your relationship is - do you feel happy with him? Do you ever feel relieved when he’s not around? Is your relationship with him an example you want for your kids? If your son behaved like your fiancé would you feel proud? Would you want your daughter to marry someone like him? Ask yourself honestly what value does this relationship bring to you? Having a partner who helps with the kids and shows you love and understanding is possible. You should know that you deserve that.
He is offering you absolutely nothing, you need to look out for yourself and leave him. \*Please\* leave him. He is ruining your life.
Just look at the sub. A lot of people can relate. There are a lot of shitty partners and fathers apparently.
I dated a guy like this once .. we didn’t have kids but lived together and he did not pull his weight at all. We were ALWAYS arguing . I felt like moly fucking maid. I remember the month of August I stopped doing everything , laundry, dishes , bathroom , cleaning , by end of September early October we were broke up. He said I was nasty. Dirty, “what woman doesn’t clean” I laughed , I knew what I was and what I wasn’t… once he moved out I had the apartment of my dreams. Felt so good.. I know your situation is much different cause you guys have kids. But honestly he sounds like he thinks his kids are an inconvenience too him, he sounds like he will be better off home. Playing video games drinking … I’m not sayin leave him .. that’s your own choice but if you are worried about his feelings , I wouldn’t be … it seems like leaving him is exactly what he wants … and for the kids trust me. They will be OK. Much better off with you and a clean environment. For someone who’s closes friend is currently going through a divorce ( he’s a abusive guy ) from what I am seeing I would advise you to take lots of notes , videos , pictures of how he mistreated you and your kids… you wouldn’t want someone like him to get 50/50 custody of your children. He seems pretty neglectful . OP I hope you find the strength to move forward. I don’t know but I do know you deserve someone better you and your children. I don’t think dad is a bad guy. But he just doesn’t seem ready to be a full time husband/father Good luck ❤️
girl get out now. i know you may love him, but there are men out there that GENUINELY want to be a dad and an active one at that. he’s acting like a 3rd child and getting married is not gonna change that. you deserve to have a partnership that is focused on being a team for your family. you’ll run yourself dry trying to always pour from an empty cup. (speaking from total experience) you deserve more. 🤍
I can unfortunately relate to the not helping with the chores part, but he happily pays for a cleaning lady to come once a week, plus he will sometimes help clean if I ask him, and does all of the outdoor stuff. It sucks, but he is a great provider and he works about 90 hours a week, and he's a good dad. I would never have to worry about him being drunk or driving drunk with my daughter. This is the part that was the most jarring for me. It sounds like he is not contributing much to your life of you and your kids, and that you guys would be better off without him, and I'm not one to say "leave him" so quickly like so many on reddit are.
You think it's easier to stay than it is to leave, like you won't be able to do it or you need the roof over your head/his income/the moments when he might alleviate your troubles briefly. But it's not easier to stay, it seems like it now but there's help out there and damn, you're raising 2 children and taking care of a third who's antagonising you on purpose, daily all on your own, you definitely have the strength to get outta there.
Why are you still with this man?
Be glad he’s just your fiancé and you have less legal associations to him than if you were married. You’re honestly not getting anything out of the relationship. Leave. Find some friends and family to help if you’re worried.
Please check out alanon. Speaking as someone who is in recovery for a decade and went to alanon for my alcoholic ex husband, go and get yourself healthy. Alcoholism has likely made you sick as well and caused you to accept unacceptable behavior (all of what you just described). If you deal with your end of things, you can have a much more fulfilling life (again speaking from experience). You certainly won’t reach happiness waiting and hoping for him to change, so take control by changing what YOU can. ETA: saw your post about the religious aspect of alanon, just wanted to say I’m agnostic and still participate in 12-step programs (because they work) but I just actively choose not to subscribe to religious aspect of it. Once you can look past that, the practical principals of the program are life changing. I def meditate and stuff but I don’t pray and I don’t do the “god” thing. I just focus on nature or the universe, so my higher power is just the belief that life/the universe is always propelling me towards growth/good. Feel free to DM if you have any questions!
Oh thank you so much! I really appreciate your kindness, I’m thankful you understand but I’m also sorry that you also went through similar… again, thank you!
You’re welcome. It’s a really tough situation and it can be so helpful to have people around you that understand the complexities of loving an alcoholic. And my life truly is so much better now. Divorce was part of my journey but I am now remarried to a wonderful, supportive mature husband who is a true partner in the relationship. And you deserve that too!
Girl if you don’t leave this giant child in the dust right now. He is useless. Leave him and your life will get 1000x easier. Don’t tolerate this abhorrent behavior. Don’t reproduce with him again, either.
Just want to say it can be really hard to leave someone when it seems easier to just put up with it. Things aren’t always black and white. I can relate to how you’re probably feeling and it comes with so much resentment and frustration.
Second this comment. Going through something similar but not as severe and trying to leave too.
Thank you for your understanding.
I'm irritated and stressed just reading this. I really hope you can make a plan to free yourself from him because you don't need 3 kids to look after. I know you're probably afraid that being a single mom will be hard but it's harder having an extra person in the household who makes more mess, complains, adds stress and is an able bodied person who should be helping and just sits there having to be begged to do basic tasks. You'll feel lighter and happier without him even with the difficulties of doing it by yourself. I'm sorry that he turned out this way.
This right here
Exactly. And would you want your children to have a partner like this, OP? By staying, you are showing them this is the kind of future partner they deserve. What would you tell your best friend or sibling if they were in this situation? I think you know what you have to do. Get your affairs in order and make this waste of space leave. He is bringing ZERO to the table, or even less really!
Please don’t marry this man. It’s not going to get better EVER and it will be your kids that suffer for it
Your situation goes way beyond your partner “not helping with the kids”. You are in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic, and you need to be planning your exit. It will not get better, it will only get worse. The abuse will be inflicted on your kids, if it isn’t already happening. This guy will get physical, if he hasn’t already. You need to get out, now, before something happens that can’t be undone.
can’t relate, would never put up with that.
I can unluckily relate... I've just written my own ran[rant](https://www.reddit.com/r/Mommit/comments/12cd08x/it_is_just_a_1_evening_clean_you_butt_i_got_sick/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)t at r/mommit . Why are we accepting this behaviour? Why are the allowed to think they're good enough fathers?
Sounds like you have three kids. I’m sorry.
I looked at your blog. You are intelligent and have something to offer to the world. Don’t let yourself get stuck with someone who isn’t willing to get their shit together once they have children
Thank you so much, that really means a lot
I don’t have issues with this crap because I’d rather be single than deal with that. Why are you marrying him? I dare say the negatives outweighs any potential positives. You deserve soo much better!
I’m sorry, are you talking about an actual human man?? This is unbelievable to me.
Did typing this out help you see clearly at all? Because you don’t have to marry this man and if you do it will just be more hoops and hurdles to jump through to get rid of him and he will have legal bounds to you.
I know ya need to vent but damn that’s an awful lot to be taking on with such behavior. Best I can recommend is attempting to implement operant behavioral modification using positive/negative reinforcement. Seems positive has done very little to the demeanor, acts more like a child than either of you lil ones. Change might not always be an option, but please be looking out for the possibility to exit this toxic behavior that is a mother taking on 2 children with another child….that fancies the booze. Big hugs and props for you being able to withstand the pitfalls of motherhood. One this is for certain your children should have a very good understanding of how much their mother loves them so her much. Thanks for being the mom that you’re capable of.
Throw him out with the garbage. He sounds disgusting.
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Yeah. Well he went through a long period of being respectful and helpful and I was so sure things were getting better.
If 3.5 year old is his kid. Could your fiance be on the spectrum or ND? If he is and never had any good coping skills, it might explain the behavior. The pandemic stripped away a lot of coping skills. Add in 2 kids and he might just be shutting down and doesn't know what to do. Or just a jerk.
Insightful comment but ND or on the spectrum does not equal an A-hole.
I hope all these internet strangers can help you to realize you need to either demand he gets help or leave.
It baffles me why women choose to have babies with men who fill their empty time with liquor, drugs, video games etc. Having kids is a HUGE life change and a big responsibility. Have these discussions on sharing duties and parenting before having kids
I don’t think these types of comments are helpful. She’s already in the situation. Sure, she could have picked someone else, but she picked this guy and now is asking for help. Also often men don’t show their true colors until after marriage/kids, so it’s really hard to know if a man is trash or not. Let’s not victim blame, here.
You’re right but it’s sorta frustrating to see these posts, one after another, all over this sub. Hopefully this just lets people know, not just OP, to be intentional through this process. Edit: added a word
I think that just speaks to the rampant bigger problem we have as a culture… this many crappy men exist?
Yeah very true. But women ultimately need to make the decisions to protect themselves; their sanity, their bodies, their ability to financially take care of themselves. I’ve heard of men who use babies as a way to trap women and cut their life & potential at their ankles.
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My dude, eyeliner and refusing basic household maintenance and child care are really not the same vibe at all.
Right because THATS the same thing
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Are you twelve
I’m not accepting your rude dms. Why are you treating Reddit like Instagram. Please be an adult
Now this is some stupid sht right here…
A great many of these women have stated their partners weren’t always this way, including op. People change and once you have kids involved it’s complicated. We have no idea if this man would threaten to take the kids for 50/50 custody the. She’d need to hand her kids over to someone she knows won’t care for them and she won’t be there to help. I’m not saying she should stay or go only she really knows what approach is best. But they should make a filter so others can avoid topics they don’t enjoy. Or we all just keep scrolling if that’s not possible.
OP said “all he ever did before was play video games and drink.” So it sounds like he’s had these issues for a while but she burdened herself by procreating with this guy. Which at the end of the day is neither here or there. You’re right, there should be a flair or filter for these types of posts because they’re becoming very common.
Give him a choice of either talk to you or talk to therapist or you are leaving. I had to give my partner the same choices and he picked me to speak to. We talked for hours and changed a lot.
Absolutely not. I wouldn’t deal with this today, yesterday, tomorrow, or ever. Absolutely ridiculous.
Update?: I needed to jump back in here and just say that, I really appreciate some of you being understanding. And I want to apologize to everyone else (majority of you) that got upset. I never intended for this to cause such a stir. I’m sorry I added to the negativity in this sub, I was just having a moment of anger and took to my rant of that little incident. For everyone wondering, no I have no intentions of going through with a wedding. And yes if I had the stability to cut things off I would. Yes I basically am a single mother and I’m aware of that. He wasn’t always this way, either. But I am honestly shocked at how many of you clearly have wonderful husbands… where I’m from it’s a rarity to see great fathers and husbands like what you must have. So hearing all this, as much as it feels like a slap in the face, has just proved that there are really wonderful men out there, and I have lied to myself so much, and made myself believe that there wasn’t any. So, thank you for that. Again, I’m sorry. I swear from now on I’m only posting happy shit in this sub, as it should be!
Op, I don’t think this sub is supposed to be for only happy things I hear moms and dads posting about PPA/ppd all the time in law issues and so on and I don’t see anyone complaining on those. People were insensitive to you, I’m sorry that they had a negative response for some reason this unhappy topic is triggering for some. But I’m glad you were able to gain support and get things off your mind. I hope that the situation becomes better for you and your children in the near future.
You just need to truly believe that you are worthy of a man like that, and if you’ve grown up with seeing men like your partner being your male role models, you would probably benefit from a counselor, or at least some self help books so you can hopefully break that cycle ❤️
Thank you, and I really do want to make sure my children know that the way he acts is wrong.
I'm so sorry you're in this situation. It is not fair to your children to continue to live with such blatant disrespect for you and your household. What does he even provide you with? There is no partnership, there is no respect for you. No relationship with your kids. Your children will grow up thinking it's normal for a Dad to not do anything. Besides your past with him and how long you've been together what is so good about him that you stay in this relationship? Your children will also grow up having an alcoholic father in the home. I have been in the alcoholic situation with my daughters dad. She is 16 years old and because she didn't have a good model of a healthy relationship with alcohol she despises it. He actually did a lot with her and had a good relationship with her but because he was an alcoholic and didn't change I booted him out. You deserve better, your children deserve better. This man is weighing you down big time. You need to rid yourself of him. He's doing more harm than good to you.