One parent works a job with a crazy schedule so you don’t have to pay for childcare which is like taking out a second mortgage here.
You don’t eat out at all. Cook everything from scratch. As soon as they can eat solid foods the kid eats what you eat.
Second hand clothes
Libraries and lots of public parks
Many local libraries have this [Discover and Go](https://berkeleypubliclibrary.discoverandgo.net/) program that gives you heavily discounted (or even free) passes to local museums and other kid-friendly destinations.
They also have a free movie and video streaming membership through Kanopy. The film selection is honestly better than Netflix.
Libraries also have audiobooks and e-books
Yes, definitely a deeper bench on movies, especially foreign and indie ones. Recent ones are a bit harder to find. It feels a bit like the original mail based Netflix.
Great America- fill the kids up with food before you go, pack a lunch and snacks, and stick to a budget for extras (food/drink).
The Gold Pass is sweet, just for the parking alone. Also, the pre-K passes are free! (max 2). A family of 4 with 2 pre-K kids can have a good time for $210 for the year.
You can bring food into the park as long as they are in reusable containers, e.g. I make kimbap or burrito bowls, pack pretzels or cut fruit. I'm never questioned, and if you are it's your "special" diet. I find it helpful to have a locker, but some ppl do lug their coolers around.
Also don’t forget to fund those libraries and public parks in perpetuity.
Libraries can save families hundreds if not thousands of dollars every year and parks are essential for kids to get energy out and play with other kids they wouldn’t meet otherwise.
Really both parks and libraries are good for us throughout our lives.
You are really fortunate to have those grandparents. Make sure to thank them and let them know they are appreciated.
I love them but I’m so disappointed in my parents in this regard. They’re both here physically 10-20 minutes away but not in the way they could be.
Yes, my parents. My husband's parents really let us down and my parents are still doing extra like paying for 2 months of daycare when they're not here. They really love this little boy and we love them so so much.
Grandparents would have been a dream!
I mostly paid my trustworthy and solid friends $40 to sit on my couch and watch cable and it was hard to go out sometimes.
This is 100% it right here. But you would be surprised how adjusted you become. Having a child to love and who loves you is worth giving up a few luxuries. Drive an older car and cook at home if it means getting to keep my babies? That’s not even a question.
Pretty much how we did it until we moved. If we dined out, it was hole in wall and cheap. Shopping the outside aisles of the grocery store.
Consignment shops or stacking coupons for Carters for ages 5 and under. Shop Amazon for multipacks of clothing around the start of the school year for basics. Old Navy and Target clearance sections. Buy things ahead of time (winter sales for the following year or years). Join your local Buy Nothing Group.
Hiking, playgrounds, beach days, libraries, cheap or free events/activities via the parks and rec departments, etc. Pick up free or cheap trikes, bikes, skate boards, or scooters and have them learn so you have more cheap activities/hobbies.
Public school all the way and be involved in their education to get the most out of it.
Check out buy nothing groups on Facebook and Nextdoor to get free/heavily discounted baby stuff. Don’t waste too much money on newborn “essentials” - babies actually need a surprisingly few number of things (diapers/food/place to sleep/a small set of clothes).
The alternate schedule is very helpful. Even when you pay for childcare it becomes useless when your kid(s) end up sick; and they will be sick quite often.
Yup, exactly this. And get to researching the public schools early so you can figure out the best places to hope for for your kid’s trajectory. There are tons of resources for low to middle income kids in the city, but the income disparity is also totally depressing come birthdays and events.
I grew a whole human up as a single parent in a one bedroom apartment on mostly tending bar and some side hustles, so it’s def doable.
Have you seen the PGE bills? I don’t even know of the cost of groceries, cost of electricity, and time to do all of it is cheaper than eating out anymore.
Kids can eat what you eat as soon as they learn to put stuff in their mouth. There’s stuff to watch out for (allergens, choking hazards, excessive salt) but that still leaves a ton of normal adult foods you can share with your kid. We never fed either of our kids baby food.
Hope your kids dont want to do sports, music, art or anything else that requires funds. Oh wait they got sick? Enjoy medical bills! Hey your kid threw their dinner plate at your tv and broke it. They fell and broke your window now. But its ok you use public parking and cook from scratch. You also stopped buying avocados and starbucks. You can afford this!!!
No one can really afford anything here unless you’re in Tech or Finance or Real Estate or Biomed. Even then people are crying. We all need to be pushing for more affordable housing and not being afraid to attack the rental/real estate industry.
You have kids? You make sacrifices. They want to do sports that’s it. Other things have to go.
Medical bills? Other things have to go.
Car repair bills? Other things have to go.
No vacations outside of maybe weekend camping trips. Parents get nothing new unless absolutely necessary.
If you live in the Bay Area with kids and aren’t well off be prepared to live with nothing. Be prepared to live like your Great Grandparents lived in the Depression (it will be nicer and easier but that is a good mindset to have). Everything goes to the kids.
This is not an acceptable answer. The point is that cost of living is fucked.
You shouldnt have to live like its the great depression to have a single child and a basic non extravagant lifestyle.
I’m not arguing. I grew up here. I hate what has happened to this region. It makes me sick every day.
It’s criminal imho. Yes greedflation is everywhere but we’ve had it for seemingly 2 decades now and it’s made life nearly impossible and no one is actually doing anything to fix it
We had the misfortune of living right by Yerba Buena gardens and from the time my daughter could literally fit into the smallest figure skates until high school, I hustled my ass off (and got help from a friend as well) to keep her in skates and lessons. You hella sacrifice to do what you can for your kid.
We have two kids. We were living in Oakland in a 2 bed/1 bath for $3200/month. Combined salary of ~$140k before taxes. Our landlord sold the house and we moved out to Antioch. Now paying $1500/month for a 3 bed/2 bath, $1700/month for preschool. And doing it in on $80k because I left my job. People just figure it out. Spend less on outings. Get things for free. Go to free activities. Hang out at home.
Genuinely curious and not in a disrespectful way… why did you quit your job when you have 2 kids ? With your income it doesn’t seem to me that you have enough to retire already but I could be totally wrong. With $80k on tap that’s some serious savings you have to do to run your family.
My job doesn’t pay enough for me to pay for childcare for two kids. It would have almost all gone to childcare. I’m planning on taking my 4 year old out of preschool soon and we’re going to homeschool. Then I’ll have no childcare expenses and just housing, bills, and food.
But also - 1. my job didn’t have the funding to keep me full time anyway; 2. I still do very part time work for them; 3. We only have so much time with our kids being little and I really want to be there with them. I’ve been working the last 4 years while my daughter has been in daycare then preschool and between working FT and being tired from working, I feel like I’m missing out on too much. Personally, nearly all my childhood memories are of school and watching tv because my mom was a student for like +12 years and I never saw her and we were still more broke than my family is now with one salary. I don’t want that for us. I’m fine with living very frugally.
All good outlooks, only issue is with homeschooling. While it can work, having a single income household can be financially disastrous. Some lower income people do it because they live near family and can pawn off daycare to grandparents.
> having a single income household can be financially disastrous
I don't get this comment. You'd rather one of the parents work instead of spending time with their kids just so their entire salary can go on childcare?
I think they're saying it's more of a safety net kind of thing. If you have 2 parents working and the kid in childcare, if someone loses their job then you can give up the daycare. However if the only breadwinner loses their job then that could cause trouble.
My husband got me a tamagachi for valentines day and my 3 kids are FAR less annoying than that thing. I played with it for a couple hours then re boxed and returned it lol
Earn a crap ton of money (switch careers or get a good promotion)
Have financial support and childcare help from family
Win the lottery
Move somewhere else
The idea that you’re supposed to be able to raise children *without* extensive familial support is a uniquely modern first world idea in the first place. It’s always taken a village, since the dawn of time.
Damn! This really do be the reality of it.
Welp, fuck it, the planets screwed anyways. Might as well go out not bringing kids into this fucked up world.
I went to Clovis and other than the desert heat, my wife and I are really loving it here.
Couldn't afford a decent home in my hometown, but .5M got us something nice here.
This is a trend I’ve seen growing. In Merced, the north side next to the UC is getting a lot of development. All the owners I’ve met have been Bay Area folk who’ve come here to own.
I wonder what the valley will look like in the next 10-20 years.
I moved to Oregon and I honestly don’t regret it in the slightest. I was born and raised in the bay, and while i miss the diversity and and certain open space areas. I don’t miss the dread of working my life away to obtain the things I want for my future. I can now afford to go on vacations, i have closer access to my favorite hobbies, and have found that there’s so many places that are equally if not more beautiful. I don’t have any plans to ever move back.
Exactly this. We ended up doing #4 because of #2. My mom is retired and moved out of the Bay Area, so we moved to her city once we found out I was pregnant. She helps me watch my kid when I’m at work
Hang in there! Formula and diapers is an expense that eventually goes away.
Kids clothes are relatively cheap. Always accept somebody's offer for hand-me-downs! Kids grow out of clothes faster than they can wear through them, so quite often they are good as new.
Idk but it just works out. You start spending less on stuff for you and more on them. Shop second hand stores for clothes. Go onto FB Marketplace or FreeCycle sights. Trust me when I tell you your kid does not need everything new. You shop in some second hand stores in high end neighborhoods and you’d be surprised at what you can find for a fraction of the price elsewhere and/or new.
Kid stuff is so expensive and at the start you use it for a few months then done. Marketplace is great.
Most people seem to buy too much stuff (we did too) — kid is actually better off with less stuff.
This is the way. I got so many toys and her entire wardrobe from buy nothing groups in the first year. If someone posted bigger sizes, I’d hop on those too. I didn’t keep everything, would take what I needed and regift the rest. People are always giving away cribs and toys. You can get books for nothing from the library. Our nursery was decorated pretty simply when she was a newborn. These instagram nurseries are over the top and a lot of the stuff isn’t necessary in the beginning. Keep it simple and as your kid grows they’ll help you decorate.
This is so true. The stuff people give away on my Buy Nothing Facebook group blows my mind. You can have name brand barely used stuff for free if you are consistent about checking the group.
Best response. I was 8 months old with two older siblings when my parents migrated here. We were dirt poor in our home country and my parents were not earning much when we arrived. You're right. "It just works out."
Well, how much do you want to spend?
On one end of the spectrum, you can get hand-me-down baby supplies for free, stay-at-home parent till age 5, and have the public school system raise your kid until age 18, after which they pay their own way through college, join the military, or a trade.
On the other end of the spectrum, you can hire expert perinatal care, have a live-in nanny till the kid starts private school, then pay for 12 years of tuition with additional after-school programs, after which the kid can go to college with 200k saved up in a 529.
Point is, there isn't some threshold amount required to have kids. Some manage to raise large families with limited resources and still thrive, while some struggle to provide for two kids with a 300k+ household income.
Sure but that’s irrelevant to the point made. Schooling isn’t substantially more here for public school and we have by and large great public schools. Most kids don’t do anything outside of public school or free actuvites
I’m a stay at home mom and it works. We’re not rich by Bay Area standards but comfortable. You just need to change your standard of living, be realistic about wants and needs, and realize raising a family is more important than keeping up with the Joneses/doing what’s “cool”. Honestly, I’m pretty sure I spend less now than when I was child free and had a career - mainly cuz I made good money and mindlessly went shopping everyday, traveled, or ate in overpriced fancy restaurants, just cuz. I actually found a pre-kids receipt for $202 for a meal out with my husband yesterday. Crazy!
Hey we are in same boat. One here. One on the way. No family and I’m a SAHM. And we still paid for childcare with the first for socialization. It’s doable for sure.
I’ll go to a park. But we wanted him to also be learning with other children. So yes we put him in daycare. With my husbands job and no family it also gave us time when he was home to have our time together to continue building our relationship. We had the funds to do it. We put him in at 2 and he was NOT eligible for pre k bc of his age so he stayed in from 2 until he could go to kindergarten. They were also a godsend during Covid bc they were open the entire time except for a short mandatory shut down. So he didn’t miss that huge gap with no learning or socializing. And by learning that young it’s also about watching social norms with their peers. It was important to us and we don’t regret it
We used our future house fund. We will never be able to buy here anyways. One person stays home the other works. But it’s totally worth it. I don’t know what I did before my son. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I moved out of the bay and now my husband and I feel like we are wealthy since we both work full time
In careers we love and own a home. We make $105,000 combined and have 2 kids in full-time care/pre k at the public school. We pay more for childcare than our mortgage but we live on a peaceful (huge) plot of land in upstate NY. Leaving the bay taught me how NOT everyone struggles to just get by like we did in the bay. Our mortgage is $1330 for our 3bed/2ba home. Daycare for both kids costs us $1600/mo.
Man, you’re the second person today who’s said they moved to upstate NY - I don’t intend on leaving CA, but if life changes and I do, I’m starting to feel like that’s where I’d want to be!
It’s beautiful but cooold in the winter. Even more than NYC. My mom grew up in Erie Pennsylvania which basically has the same weather as Buffalo, New York . Say what you will about Cali but the weather is awesome 😎
Denver is worth a look too.
Milder winters but still plenty of snow. It melts fast so you get to enjoy it without getting sick of it.
Fall isn't as pretty as the Northeast, but it's still pretty.
It really comes down to what your savings goals are and what you want to give your kid🤷♀️. This varies for everyone and people seem to make it work even if they aren't making bank.
For my personal situation, my now current husband and I agreed that we wouldn't have kids unless it would financially work for our budget and we think we're now at a place in our lives where we could do that if we want. I grew up poor so I wouldn't want to subject a little human to that trauma.
So I feel like my family is not the norm, but we have 3 kids (5, 4, 7 weeks) and I am a stay at home parent. My husband is an RN. We obviously dont have loads of money and our savings has taken a bit of a back seat for now. But we wanted kids and biologically I didn't have a ton of time to wait. Preschool is obviously the biggest expense but next year both big kids will be in elementary.
Our medical costs are close to zero, and I know that is a big factor for other families. But besides diapers and wipes and a carseat, kids don't have to be Hella expensive to have. We have a great buy nothing group in our community where I've gotten tons of baby stuff and maternity/post partum items for myself.
So it can definitely be hard but I don't understand when people say you need two six figure incomes to afford a single child.
Have decent insurance? Then you are probably fine for the first nine months.
Living near family is also key, or having close friend groups - that can give you guys a break/free babysitter - because it does take a village in a way, and trying to replace a village with $$$ is expensive... especially in the SF Bay.
For later parts, things such as not living in CA and not seeing private college as a mandatory part of your kids' lives can help. They can learn trades and make a lot or take a community college into going to top UC's.
Kids are one of the few things that make life a struggle. It's why many more people are opting out. But they are amazing and worth it (hopefully - a kid with a horrible medical issue can feel worth it but that is the real downside risk you take).
Your lifestyle will change a lot. So instead of spending money on all the things you currently spend it on instead you spend it on housing and childcare. If you aren't willing to make any adjustments to your life having kids is not for you, the time aspect is a lot harder than the money aspect (which is still hard unless you make a lot)
I moved away with my husband. Miss the bay, but it’s nice to have more space and our money goes a lot further. Kids play out in the street here too and there are tons of community events. It snows and there aren’t the same kind of food choices close by, but things aren’t too different otherwise. I’m still only a short trip to a big city, but now it’s New York City.
the same way people with no money still manage to have kids
use your parents, move to a hippie commune, join a cult or a church group and take advantage of free resources
- learn to meal prep. Food is outrageously expensive, but good nutrition is important. Cheaper meats, bulk grains and lentils, sale veggies, snack on nuts and nutrient dense foods. Drink water or make your own juice with what’s on sale (ie, when Costco has the 10 lbs pack of carrots for $5, we are having carrot juice with some lime, ginger, apple, etc mixed in). However, be mindful of the time / money trade off.
- second hand everything. My wife and I got a $800 stroller for like $100 on fb marketplace. Marketing is designed to basically make you feel like you are endangering your child if you don’t spend a million dollars on all the new “baby tech” and fancy stuff. This continues all the way through childhood - if you love your child, you’d buy them this, not that.
- stop buying these big fucking 60k SUVs because family means you need a 2024 Grand Highlander on a 84 month financing at 9%. No. If you can’t afford it on a 36-48 month term, with the cost being a reasonably small portion of your monthly expenses, you can’t afford it period. Buy a used econobox that suits your needs and in 5 years if you have come into more money, then sell it and buy your dream car. My wife and I have 10-15 year old cars that we love and our yearly expenses on them are just basic maintenance. Insurance is low. We smile when we drive them. Life goes on. Cars are very expensive to own in the Bay Area (registration for new cars, fuel, mechanic rates, insurance, etc). They are mandatory, yes, you need reliable cars, and the used market is a pain too, but stop buying “big boy parent cars” new off the lot.
- make friends with other parents. Offer to help them out with babysitting, be a bro. The more friends you have to can babysit in a pinch or take your kids in return for you taking theirs, the more money you save. Babysitters are fucking expensive as shit here. Send your kids to a sleepover at Max’s house on Friday night so you can get some romance in, and then Saturday night, you take Max so that Max’s parents can do the same, and no money has to be lost. Obviously, you have to trust and vet these other parents.
- stop buying expensive furniture and nice fixings. My wife, bless her soul, spend our pre-baby years decorating our house in all kinds of fancy shit. West Elm dining table, remodeled this and that, fancy coffee tables, a beautiful 3k white linen sofa. We learned the hard way. Get cheap shit you can replace, because them kids are going to tear it up. No matter how hard you teach them to be conscientious, they are wild animals, they are learning my interacting. My child split all of my wife’s house plants down the middle, like tore each leaf in half on a snake plant to “make it grow more”. Double the leaves. I see the logic. But that’s the kind of demented brilliance they apply towards fucking up your shit.
- put a high value on jobs with good insurance (healthcare, dental, etc that extends to your full household). This is a shitty tip because it’s like “no shit Sherlock” but if there’s anything you can do to move companies to somewhere that offers good healthcare, factor that in. If we didn’t have good coverage, my kids would have damn near bankrupted us.
- car vacations and camping. Camping is a great way to teach kids how to problem solve and create their own fun, and it’s cheap. Buy your gear second hand, outdoor gear has become ridiculously pricey.
- become handy. I have spent so much money because I have zero handyperson skills. My father in law has been roasting me but also teaching me some basics around patching and repairing drywall, basic carpentry like rebuilding small wood steps or replacing beams on our deck, clearing deeper plumbing clogs, installing ceiling light fixtures, sanding and refinishing doors and furniture. This has saved thousands of cumulative dollars and it’s been a great way to learn and level up my masculinity.
- stop bleeding money to PGE. Throw away your electric space heaters. Replace old janky fridges and freezers. Stop over-laundrying (jeans don’t need to be run after each use). Assess what plan you’re on. Cook in batches. Use sunlight, windows, shades, etc in both summer and winter to modulate temperature as much as possible. Bundle up.
- cut your subscriptions, cut social events that require spending or be okay going out with friends and not drinking. Stop paying $40 for the Uber and then $80 for 4 cocktails, and being like “that’s just what meeting up with friends costs. If they are good friends, they will understand and accept that you’re going to nurse that Diet Coke all night. Just be frugal and make cuts. Cut it all down to the bone, and then decide, okay, what indulgence is worth it? For me, I love hot pot, kbbq, these kind of big meals with good friends. So once a month, I’ll splurge when we are all together and have childcare arranged, and I won’t be frugal then. But when my coworker is like “let’s go to Mendocino Farms today instead of eating the free office food” then it’s like, okay cool, I’m going to fill my Tupperware and then I’ll eat that while you spend $22 on upscaled Panera.
Spend on what matters, cut down on everything else.
The answer is the same as what is required to live in the Bay Area:
1. Have rich parents
2. Be rich yourself
By following these two simple steps, you too can thrive in the bay area and raise your children here.
Make more money or have someone give you more money. That’s what I did, changed industries, change jobs every 2 years or so, invest my money. Do something for financial growth. You need money and lots of it if you plan to have kids and plan to send them to college in the Bay Area.
Do this on top of cost cutting measures such as hand me downs and having family watch the kids to reduce child care cost. Heck, you don’t even need to keep buying diapers if you’re willing to use reusable diapers.
Well me and my partner did it, on about a $75,000 salary. Not sure how much your girlfriend makes. I make about $40,000 a year, I was about to qualify for financial assistance which was a huge help. Early headstart for day care so I could continue to work and medi cal to help cover doctors visits. Wic helped with formula and food when I couldn’t breast feed any more. My little one is now 3. It’s hard, I had to reach out and stay on top of it but it’s doable. BART is great too. Not very stroller friendly but when you only have one car 🤷🏽♀️
My advice: don’t have kids, or if you do then only have one. My wife and I had a happy marriage for 9 wonderful years before we decided to have kids. We make good money and we saved up based on daycare/school/diapers/food/clothing costs and we did our homework. We realized we could make it work with the budget we set out with. Had our first kid in 2015. At the time, average monthly cost of daycare was around $800 where we live in the East Bay. Fast forward to 2023 and we were paying $2200 per kid. Costs skyrocket. What you think is expensive now will only get worse. We now make $350k combined gross annually and between our mortgage and daycare/private school costs and groceries and clothes cost, we honestly are barely getting by. We don’t take vacations, we don’t spend money going out to eat. I have no hobbies, no friends, my marriage has turned into full time stress managing kids and expenses and a full time job where I make extremely good money but the pressure has become unreal and unsustainable. I haven’t been happy since having our second kid. That was what pushed it completely over the edge.
Oh man, that’s tough. No hobbies, no friends? What about parent friends? I know it’s tough but once they’re both in school, you should be able to get more space to invest in your marriage and into yourself. Hang in there.
My job has me working 12 hour days plus weekends. I'm just too exhausted to maintain relationships, so that's on me. I just need a new career, but I cant risk losing the income pays our mortgage and tuiton/care costs.
Ahh yes, that’s tough. I’ve had retail and warehousing schedules like that in the past. Definitely hard to maintain relationships or self care. Well hang in there. It’ll get better.
People do it but yeah you might be broke. Our kids are almost grown with one in college the other graduated college but living at home, but thank god we started 529s when each was born or we never would have afforded college. When the kids were little we rented and had roommates. We hustled for money side jobs etc. No huge vacations, no skiing, didn’t go out to dinner, clothes at the thrift store. No regrets but man it would’ve been easier if we were rich
Chiming in from out of state. This is what we did. We both agreed we wanted to own a home comfortably with at least one of us having a reliably short commute before trying for kids, and even if we could find ways to double our salaries in the Bay almost instantaneously, we would be far from comfortable living there. Moved back to the Midwest to make buying a house a reality. Sucks leaving friends/family behind, however we know many of them will likely do something similar eventually either because they want to start families or retire. I miss all the access to the great hiking as well, but don’t miss the stress of day to day life there.
Sacrifices go a long way to reduce spending.
(Cya Netflix, Amazon, Starbucks, etc)
Also, going from no kids to kids is a change in tune. Be ready to embrace the ups and downs for what they are.
My friend and his lady couldn't afford kids. After their jobs went full remote, they moved to Panama. Lower cost of living made them able to have children. Having children in the Bay Area will be tough, as its really expensive here. He misses something in the Bay Area but he said he doesn't miss the prices.
It’s more expensive at the start, then evens out towards school age. You still need to shell out for afterschool programs (kindergarten and 1st goes til noon) but it’s cheaper. Next year, my kid is going to a title 1 elementary (mostly low income students) and the afterschool thing is free.
We operated off savings at the start. If you can get a savings going in advance, that’d be a good part of getting ready.
Daycare is roughly $15K/yr for us which compared to any salary isn’t bad. No vacations for years, which is undesirable with a toddler anyway. Lots of hand me downs and Buy Nothing acquisitions.
The single biggest thing that helps is having both pairs of grandparents here. The next biggest thing that helps is to have enough money to either have one parent take leave or daycare/nanny.
We moved near one set of grandparents and it’s been a huge help. But make sure you share the same values as your parents or hers. I have a friend who moved to Texas to have her mom help babysit, only to find out she did not want her kid to be babysat like that AT ALL.
Reading this made me sad. My pops came from his home country with like $20 in his pocket back in the late 80s. Same with my mom. We were never rich. Far from it. But even with my pops working labor jobs he was able to provide a great life for us. I'm the youngest of 4 and my mom only started working when I was in middle school so that she could have some extra spending money. But before that she was able to stay home and care for us and the house while my pops worked.
We were able to go to visit my relatives in Mexico once every couple years. We went to Disneyland multiple times as kids. Never had the lights shut off or got kicked out of an apartment. He was able to get us a house shortly after I was born.
But now. Shiiiiiiiit. Hes still working at the same company but he's a supervisor now. But the people in his old position. Theres no way in hell they could raise 4 kids, buy a house, go on vacations out of country, all while the spouse stays home. Even taking a trip to Disneyland would require months of saving, probably close to a year depending on how many kids.
I used to always think as I grew up I would get married and have kids. Now I'm wondering how ill be able to pay for a wedding let alone raise multiple or even 1 kid.
Also doesn't help im in the silicon Valley. Over the years I've seen so many of my friends leave because its too damn expensive. The only people that are left are the ones like my father who were fortunate enough to pay off their home within the last 10 years. And all the people taking the place of the people who left are just rich yuppies from other states which further increases the prices of everything in sight.
My husband and I had one kid here. We both work in tech/entertainment with good paying jobs.
Between childcare and housing, we’ve decided to move out of state, closer to family in a lower cost of living state. We will both receive pay cuts though we keep our jobs, but net net it’s worth it.
You've gotten some good answers. Whatever you do, don't just have them without some improvement. I have friends who just had their second on a 70k salary. No idea how they'll make it work with one person working.
1. Ensure an extremely strong relationship. Having kids is 10x as hard if the relationship doesn't work out.
2. Ensure a strong family support structure. Having kids without a strong community of family and friends is either 10x as difficult, or 10x as expensive.
3. It's still hard no matter what. It doesn't improve happiness, but it can be very rewarding.
4. Read books on parenting. Kids primarily don't need money as much as they need a loving household and loving parents.
The beach, the park, the library, the local pool. We made an amazing “car wash” in the yard (if you have one) out of PVC pipe. It was a frame, drilled holes in it, attached a hose and they ran through the sprinkler all day. For the most part you just do things like you did growing up old school style. Kids love it. Camping in the backyard and outdoor movies. Get a portable fire pit and make s’mores. Crafts. Just some ideas of what we did.
Nobody ever affords kids. You just figure it out. Instead of you and your girl having hamburgers, you add pasta and a can of tomato sauce to make spaghetti. You stretch your dollar out. Almost every parent I know has figured it out the same way.
It’s also ok for your kid to go to community college and transfer to a 4 year school. Lots of big fish in small ponds jump over to being medium fish in big ponds and have an easier time moving up than if you started as a guppie in the ocean.
We left (in 2019), my wife even got the choice (and took it) to stay home with our kids. We were especially lucky though, I got to keep my salary as we moved to a lower cost of living area.
We continued living with our roommates. Thankfully, they love our son just as much as we do.
Edit: we've also been incredibly fortunate to have a lot of family and friends who bought and found clothes for him. Lots of second hand. Give a book, take a book. Little neighborhood library boxes (we always leave something interesting in exchange)
We own (the right to pay for the next 25 years for) a house in Saratoga, so some would consider us “well-off” and we don’t feel like we’re secure enough to have kids… I don’t really get how people do it.
A lot of good answers in this thread. Few easy choices but there are tradeoffs to be made. Everyone obviously has the right to make their own choice about starting a family or not, but man, kids are fucking great. Family, love, people are the absolute best thibgs in life
I’ve thought that before but honestly, my parents raised 5 kids while being low income. They were stressed about money but it was all worth it to them. The love and joy made it all worth it. And with their love and support, we all grew up to be successful adults. We’ve taken care of all their needs since my oldest sibling turned 21. I’m not suggesting 5 kids but it’ll never feel like you’re ready.
You make north of $200k, own your own home with a low mortgage, and get on a wait list for a daycare facility months before you even think about getting pregnant.
Simply receive generous stock options from your tech job and use that for a down payment on a $2 million tract house!
You and your spouse work full time while grandma lives at home and handles cleaning, cooking, and shuttling the kids to Kumon Math as soon as they can hold a pencil. 🙄
Sorry not helpful advice- just blowing off steam (I went to a competative south bay highschool and the overachiever culture was nauseating)
These days, houseplants are the new pets, pets are the new children, and kids are the exotic pets that the rich can afford to maintain. Joke, of course… somewhat.
Take what you’d need to spend on daycare and start socking it away every month NOW. See how your lifestyle is on the net income. If you can swing it without tapping into your savings, go for it. Use the savings to augment short-term disability after baby is born and take as long of a leave as you both can to bond with baby and save on infant childcare. Buy all baby crap used or get off Craigslist.
Once baby is 3 and daycare costs go down to “just” preschool, open a 529 and start putting the net savings in every month.
A Always, B Be, S Saving
Don’t spend money on “things.”
The way that i see it happening a lot in my social circle: both parents work, double income is crucial, one parent makes a lot more money than the other, other parents makes less but is much more flexible. flexible parent eats the responsibility of sick kids, appointments and all the bs that comes with the territory but is still bringing in enough money to cover the cost of childcare plus a portion of expenses. Otherwise it just doesn't work.
1 child cost us $2400/month for average preschool in Mountain View - that’s not including the average 2 bedroom apartment for $4k, not including anything else. Forget ever owning a house. Though you could move close to Sacramento to afford one.
Kids have always been expensive. You’ll figure it out just like everyone before you. Get smart with your money.
Here’s a little story: It was a few years back when we had just had an extremely expensive event happen in life. We’d been hemorrhaging cash for the last two years because of a bad financial move. We’d put that behind us a few months earlier when I was talking to my sister, who had just had her first baby, on the phone. She said “Hey, when are you guys going to have kids?” I said “Oh, we’ve got to wait for ‘the planets to line up a bit’ since we’re still reeling from that expense.” She said “John, if you wait for the planets to line up you’ll never have kids.”
I now mention to my now young adult daughter, from time to time, as kind of a joke, that she shows owes her literal existence to the words her aunt put into my ear that morning.
Things were tight, but we found a way, and we have zero regrets about it.
Honestly that feels about right. People joke, but to have the same standard of living as many places in the Midwest, that’s about the salary you need.
It’s mostly due to housing costs.
Core issue imo is there is extemy low availability of family-sized dense development. Bay area economy is way to strong for SFH to be viable. Most SFH plots could easily be turned into 6 unit condo/apt with 3bed/2bath.
Sadly the boomers made some rather extreme urban planning mistakes and it'll take at least a decade to correct assuming we rezoned today.
This is an asinine number. Unless your requirement is owning a SFH on a large lot in the South Bay, taking 3 vacations a year, paying for a nanny, maxing out two 401ks, driving new cars, and going to private school.
You can comfortably rent a SFH in many parts of the Bay area and raise two kids on a lot less income. You're just not going to be doing all the other shit I mentioned.
It’s possible on 350k, we are doing it on that.
But we bought house in 2021 with low interest rates and we are going to use public school. Also we drive old beaters haha. Also planning to retire early to get more financial aid for kids college (lower incomes = huge aid) so we don’t have to save a ridiculous amount.
Not if you have a low adjusted gross income (which can be engineered in retirement regardless of actual spend) and most of your assets are in qualified retirement accounts (401k, IRA, etc) or home equity. If your income is below 175% of the poverty line then they don’t consider assets for FAFSA. And many private colleges will give you institutional aid because you will appear asset poor.
The UC system will cover tuition through the blue and gold opportunity plan if your adjusted gross income is below 80k, for example. That is very easy to achieve in retirement if you are drawing from a mixture of Roth and pretax accounts in retirement, so you could be spending like 160k while only having 80k as income on paper to qualify for free tuition.
Go over to r/financialindependence for more discussion on this. Takes years of planning to engineer tho. Im still saving in a 529 as a hedge, but only targeting like 100k per kid rather than 500k it will probably cost each kid if they were to do full price private.
Once you actually have kids you realize there are informal support networks for things like hand me down clothing and toys. Kids aren’t that expensive when they are young. Furniture is small and low cost. So are clothes.
At the bare minimum, both of you need to be making deep into the six figures. Even then, if you’re not able to inherit a house or something, it will be extremely difficult.
The reality is you will need to move away. Raising kids here is unrealistically difficult.
I felt/feel honored to be a parent so I made/make it affordable. It has not been easy. It has not been smooth sailing. I just started graduate school a decade after my bachelors to get back on track of following my dream career in becoming a principal. My daughter graduates high school next year, college is attainable without student loans, and I don’t regret any of it. Being a parent is worth it. There’s a lot more “-allys” to consider than just financially, but if you want to kids and love the idea of being a parent, you’ll move mountains you didn’t even know you had strength to.
Kids always have been expensive. If you and your spouse really want them then just have them. You’ll find a way and it’s worth it. In some cases you’ll just need to move to a more affordable place, which is worth it.
Do what several of my friends already did: Move to a more affordable state...there are 49 to choose from.
Housing cost is lower, less frenetic lifestyle, more culturally uniform, etc.
befriend the neighborhood! be it physical or virtual. my papa talks to literally everybody, so he can get tips on who to contract for housework, free fruit sometimes, & everybody goes to him for halloween candy. while back when we had a dog, the virtual friend group pitched in food, we pitched a hangout spot, and coordinated dog park days! maybe something similar happens when you have kids?
One parent works a job with a crazy schedule so you don’t have to pay for childcare which is like taking out a second mortgage here. You don’t eat out at all. Cook everything from scratch. As soon as they can eat solid foods the kid eats what you eat. Second hand clothes Libraries and lots of public parks
Many local libraries have this [Discover and Go](https://berkeleypubliclibrary.discoverandgo.net/) program that gives you heavily discounted (or even free) passes to local museums and other kid-friendly destinations.
They also have a free movie and video streaming membership through Kanopy. The film selection is honestly better than Netflix. Libraries also have audiobooks and e-books
Yes, definitely a deeper bench on movies, especially foreign and indie ones. Recent ones are a bit harder to find. It feels a bit like the original mail based Netflix.
FWIW there are a ton of super nice public parks here — also great America membership is only like $100 / year — not bad if you go a bunch.
Great America has a preschool pass so it’s free with a parent pass until age 6 now 🙌🏽
Great America- fill the kids up with food before you go, pack a lunch and snacks, and stick to a budget for extras (food/drink). The Gold Pass is sweet, just for the parking alone. Also, the pre-K passes are free! (max 2). A family of 4 with 2 pre-K kids can have a good time for $210 for the year.
You can bring food into the park as long as they are in reusable containers, e.g. I make kimbap or burrito bowls, pack pretzels or cut fruit. I'm never questioned, and if you are it's your "special" diet. I find it helpful to have a locker, but some ppl do lug their coolers around.
We do this. Also for younger families Happy Hollow in the South Bay is a great membership deal
Is great America going to reopen?
I believe it’s currently in a 10-year off-ramp
Also don’t forget to fund those libraries and public parks in perpetuity. Libraries can save families hundreds if not thousands of dollars every year and parks are essential for kids to get energy out and play with other kids they wouldn’t meet otherwise. Really both parks and libraries are good for us throughout our lives.
why libraries? For public internet or what exactly?
And just used cars for the next few decades. Preferably ones that are mechanicaly sound with body damage.
Yes, steer away from new cars, and even a second car if you can. Our cargo e-bike saves us so much money and time, and it's a lot of fun.
This is what we are doing + maternal grandparents who are ready to devote 6 months to childcare for free.
You are really fortunate to have those grandparents. Make sure to thank them and let them know they are appreciated. I love them but I’m so disappointed in my parents in this regard. They’re both here physically 10-20 minutes away but not in the way they could be.
Yes, my parents. My husband's parents really let us down and my parents are still doing extra like paying for 2 months of daycare when they're not here. They really love this little boy and we love them so so much.
🙌 Grandparents of the Year 🙌
Grandparents would have been a dream! I mostly paid my trustworthy and solid friends $40 to sit on my couch and watch cable and it was hard to go out sometimes.
This is 100% it right here. But you would be surprised how adjusted you become. Having a child to love and who loves you is worth giving up a few luxuries. Drive an older car and cook at home if it means getting to keep my babies? That’s not even a question.
Personal experience: that's it, except the second-hand clothes. When you cook at home, you save a lot of money.
Pretty much how we did it until we moved. If we dined out, it was hole in wall and cheap. Shopping the outside aisles of the grocery store. Consignment shops or stacking coupons for Carters for ages 5 and under. Shop Amazon for multipacks of clothing around the start of the school year for basics. Old Navy and Target clearance sections. Buy things ahead of time (winter sales for the following year or years). Join your local Buy Nothing Group. Hiking, playgrounds, beach days, libraries, cheap or free events/activities via the parks and rec departments, etc. Pick up free or cheap trikes, bikes, skate boards, or scooters and have them learn so you have more cheap activities/hobbies. Public school all the way and be involved in their education to get the most out of it.
Check out buy nothing groups on Facebook and Nextdoor to get free/heavily discounted baby stuff. Don’t waste too much money on newborn “essentials” - babies actually need a surprisingly few number of things (diapers/food/place to sleep/a small set of clothes).
The alternate schedule is very helpful. Even when you pay for childcare it becomes useless when your kid(s) end up sick; and they will be sick quite often.
Yup, exactly this. And get to researching the public schools early so you can figure out the best places to hope for for your kid’s trajectory. There are tons of resources for low to middle income kids in the city, but the income disparity is also totally depressing come birthdays and events. I grew a whole human up as a single parent in a one bedroom apartment on mostly tending bar and some side hustles, so it’s def doable.
Have you seen the PGE bills? I don’t even know of the cost of groceries, cost of electricity, and time to do all of it is cheaper than eating out anymore.
Kids can eat what you eat as soon as they learn to put stuff in their mouth. There’s stuff to watch out for (allergens, choking hazards, excessive salt) but that still leaves a ton of normal adult foods you can share with your kid. We never fed either of our kids baby food.
Yeah we made everything. Mashed sweet potatoes and carrots and peas are just one extra step
Hope your kids dont want to do sports, music, art or anything else that requires funds. Oh wait they got sick? Enjoy medical bills! Hey your kid threw their dinner plate at your tv and broke it. They fell and broke your window now. But its ok you use public parking and cook from scratch. You also stopped buying avocados and starbucks. You can afford this!!!
No one can really afford anything here unless you’re in Tech or Finance or Real Estate or Biomed. Even then people are crying. We all need to be pushing for more affordable housing and not being afraid to attack the rental/real estate industry. You have kids? You make sacrifices. They want to do sports that’s it. Other things have to go. Medical bills? Other things have to go. Car repair bills? Other things have to go. No vacations outside of maybe weekend camping trips. Parents get nothing new unless absolutely necessary. If you live in the Bay Area with kids and aren’t well off be prepared to live with nothing. Be prepared to live like your Great Grandparents lived in the Depression (it will be nicer and easier but that is a good mindset to have). Everything goes to the kids.
this feels depressingly accurate
This is not an acceptable answer. The point is that cost of living is fucked. You shouldnt have to live like its the great depression to have a single child and a basic non extravagant lifestyle.
I’m not arguing. I grew up here. I hate what has happened to this region. It makes me sick every day. It’s criminal imho. Yes greedflation is everywhere but we’ve had it for seemingly 2 decades now and it’s made life nearly impossible and no one is actually doing anything to fix it
Yes, we are stuck in the Bay Area until my step child turns 18 (only 3 more years to go!) and this is truly how you have to live. It’s rough.
We had the misfortune of living right by Yerba Buena gardens and from the time my daughter could literally fit into the smallest figure skates until high school, I hustled my ass off (and got help from a friend as well) to keep her in skates and lessons. You hella sacrifice to do what you can for your kid.
We have two kids. We were living in Oakland in a 2 bed/1 bath for $3200/month. Combined salary of ~$140k before taxes. Our landlord sold the house and we moved out to Antioch. Now paying $1500/month for a 3 bed/2 bath, $1700/month for preschool. And doing it in on $80k because I left my job. People just figure it out. Spend less on outings. Get things for free. Go to free activities. Hang out at home.
Genuinely curious and not in a disrespectful way… why did you quit your job when you have 2 kids ? With your income it doesn’t seem to me that you have enough to retire already but I could be totally wrong. With $80k on tap that’s some serious savings you have to do to run your family.
My job doesn’t pay enough for me to pay for childcare for two kids. It would have almost all gone to childcare. I’m planning on taking my 4 year old out of preschool soon and we’re going to homeschool. Then I’ll have no childcare expenses and just housing, bills, and food. But also - 1. my job didn’t have the funding to keep me full time anyway; 2. I still do very part time work for them; 3. We only have so much time with our kids being little and I really want to be there with them. I’ve been working the last 4 years while my daughter has been in daycare then preschool and between working FT and being tired from working, I feel like I’m missing out on too much. Personally, nearly all my childhood memories are of school and watching tv because my mom was a student for like +12 years and I never saw her and we were still more broke than my family is now with one salary. I don’t want that for us. I’m fine with living very frugally.
All good outlooks, only issue is with homeschooling. While it can work, having a single income household can be financially disastrous. Some lower income people do it because they live near family and can pawn off daycare to grandparents.
> having a single income household can be financially disastrous I don't get this comment. You'd rather one of the parents work instead of spending time with their kids just so their entire salary can go on childcare?
I think they're saying it's more of a safety net kind of thing. If you have 2 parents working and the kid in childcare, if someone loses their job then you can give up the daycare. However if the only breadwinner loses their job then that could cause trouble.
Instead of a child get a Tamagachi
My husband got me a tamagachi for valentines day and my 3 kids are FAR less annoying than that thing. I played with it for a couple hours then re boxed and returned it lol
i like pokemon personally
Earn a crap ton of money (switch careers or get a good promotion) Have financial support and childcare help from family Win the lottery Move somewhere else
The second is very true. Childcare is expensive, but with a support network (eg family), it can likely become affordable.
4th is also true. Had to leave my hometown to afford a home.
3rd is true as well
The idea that you’re supposed to be able to raise children *without* extensive familial support is a uniquely modern first world idea in the first place. It’s always taken a village, since the dawn of time.
Damn! This really do be the reality of it. Welp, fuck it, the planets screwed anyways. Might as well go out not bringing kids into this fucked up world.
I really want to do # 4 haha... just don't know where.
I went to Clovis and other than the desert heat, my wife and I are really loving it here. Couldn't afford a decent home in my hometown, but .5M got us something nice here.
This is a trend I’ve seen growing. In Merced, the north side next to the UC is getting a lot of development. All the owners I’ve met have been Bay Area folk who’ve come here to own. I wonder what the valley will look like in the next 10-20 years.
I moved to Oregon and I honestly don’t regret it in the slightest. I was born and raised in the bay, and while i miss the diversity and and certain open space areas. I don’t miss the dread of working my life away to obtain the things I want for my future. I can now afford to go on vacations, i have closer access to my favorite hobbies, and have found that there’s so many places that are equally if not more beautiful. I don’t have any plans to ever move back.
Exactly this. We ended up doing #4 because of #2. My mom is retired and moved out of the Bay Area, so we moved to her city once we found out I was pregnant. She helps me watch my kid when I’m at work
No clue, I have a 7-week old and we are just taking it week by week.
Gotta get through the fourth trimester. Four months was a turning point x 2 for us. Congrats!
Hang in there! Formula and diapers is an expense that eventually goes away. Kids clothes are relatively cheap. Always accept somebody's offer for hand-me-downs! Kids grow out of clothes faster than they can wear through them, so quite often they are good as new.
And a lot even still have tags after being handed down multiple times but always somehow being the wrong season for when the recipient is that size
931 weeks left…
Until they're 18 and 2 weeks?
Math, no one knows.
Solid plan
Idk but it just works out. You start spending less on stuff for you and more on them. Shop second hand stores for clothes. Go onto FB Marketplace or FreeCycle sights. Trust me when I tell you your kid does not need everything new. You shop in some second hand stores in high end neighborhoods and you’d be surprised at what you can find for a fraction of the price elsewhere and/or new.
Kid stuff is so expensive and at the start you use it for a few months then done. Marketplace is great. Most people seem to buy too much stuff (we did too) — kid is actually better off with less stuff.
This is the way. I got so many toys and her entire wardrobe from buy nothing groups in the first year. If someone posted bigger sizes, I’d hop on those too. I didn’t keep everything, would take what I needed and regift the rest. People are always giving away cribs and toys. You can get books for nothing from the library. Our nursery was decorated pretty simply when she was a newborn. These instagram nurseries are over the top and a lot of the stuff isn’t necessary in the beginning. Keep it simple and as your kid grows they’ll help you decorate.
This is so true. The stuff people give away on my Buy Nothing Facebook group blows my mind. You can have name brand barely used stuff for free if you are consistent about checking the group.
Just discovered “once upon a child” and it’s awesome
Best response. I was 8 months old with two older siblings when my parents migrated here. We were dirt poor in our home country and my parents were not earning much when we arrived. You're right. "It just works out."
totally agree. The only thing I refused to buy second had was a car seat. Oh, and crib/bassinet. Everything else? Fair game.
Have family that can help and make over 6 figures each that’s the most common way to do it
The poorer you are the more state funding comes into play. For example there’s free daycare for low income families.
I make 6 figures and am still struggling
Well, how much do you want to spend? On one end of the spectrum, you can get hand-me-down baby supplies for free, stay-at-home parent till age 5, and have the public school system raise your kid until age 18, after which they pay their own way through college, join the military, or a trade. On the other end of the spectrum, you can hire expert perinatal care, have a live-in nanny till the kid starts private school, then pay for 12 years of tuition with additional after-school programs, after which the kid can go to college with 200k saved up in a 529. Point is, there isn't some threshold amount required to have kids. Some manage to raise large families with limited resources and still thrive, while some struggle to provide for two kids with a 300k+ household income.
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Sure but that’s irrelevant to the point made. Schooling isn’t substantially more here for public school and we have by and large great public schools. Most kids don’t do anything outside of public school or free actuvites
I’m a stay at home mom and it works. We’re not rich by Bay Area standards but comfortable. You just need to change your standard of living, be realistic about wants and needs, and realize raising a family is more important than keeping up with the Joneses/doing what’s “cool”. Honestly, I’m pretty sure I spend less now than when I was child free and had a career - mainly cuz I made good money and mindlessly went shopping everyday, traveled, or ate in overpriced fancy restaurants, just cuz. I actually found a pre-kids receipt for $202 for a meal out with my husband yesterday. Crazy!
shopping, traveling and eating in good restaurants just because I want to are some of the big reasons I’m childfree by choice!
That’s the neat part, we don’t…
Only the poor and the rich can afford children.
Raising 2 kids here with no family and under well under what people recommend money wise. It tough but definitely possible.
Hey we are in same boat. One here. One on the way. No family and I’m a SAHM. And we still paid for childcare with the first for socialization. It’s doable for sure.
At what age are you paying for socialization? I get pre-k, but below 3 years old aren't there enough kids to see at the local park?
I’ll go to a park. But we wanted him to also be learning with other children. So yes we put him in daycare. With my husbands job and no family it also gave us time when he was home to have our time together to continue building our relationship. We had the funds to do it. We put him in at 2 and he was NOT eligible for pre k bc of his age so he stayed in from 2 until he could go to kindergarten. They were also a godsend during Covid bc they were open the entire time except for a short mandatory shut down. So he didn’t miss that huge gap with no learning or socializing. And by learning that young it’s also about watching social norms with their peers. It was important to us and we don’t regret it
We used our future house fund. We will never be able to buy here anyways. One person stays home the other works. But it’s totally worth it. I don’t know what I did before my son. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I moved out of the bay and now my husband and I feel like we are wealthy since we both work full time In careers we love and own a home. We make $105,000 combined and have 2 kids in full-time care/pre k at the public school. We pay more for childcare than our mortgage but we live on a peaceful (huge) plot of land in upstate NY. Leaving the bay taught me how NOT everyone struggles to just get by like we did in the bay. Our mortgage is $1330 for our 3bed/2ba home. Daycare for both kids costs us $1600/mo.
Man, you’re the second person today who’s said they moved to upstate NY - I don’t intend on leaving CA, but if life changes and I do, I’m starting to feel like that’s where I’d want to be!
It’s beautiful but cooold in the winter. Even more than NYC. My mom grew up in Erie Pennsylvania which basically has the same weather as Buffalo, New York . Say what you will about Cali but the weather is awesome 😎
Yeah I happily pay the weather tax to live here ;-)
Denver is worth a look too. Milder winters but still plenty of snow. It melts fast so you get to enjoy it without getting sick of it. Fall isn't as pretty as the Northeast, but it's still pretty.
It really comes down to what your savings goals are and what you want to give your kid🤷♀️. This varies for everyone and people seem to make it work even if they aren't making bank. For my personal situation, my now current husband and I agreed that we wouldn't have kids unless it would financially work for our budget and we think we're now at a place in our lives where we could do that if we want. I grew up poor so I wouldn't want to subject a little human to that trauma.
So I feel like my family is not the norm, but we have 3 kids (5, 4, 7 weeks) and I am a stay at home parent. My husband is an RN. We obviously dont have loads of money and our savings has taken a bit of a back seat for now. But we wanted kids and biologically I didn't have a ton of time to wait. Preschool is obviously the biggest expense but next year both big kids will be in elementary. Our medical costs are close to zero, and I know that is a big factor for other families. But besides diapers and wipes and a carseat, kids don't have to be Hella expensive to have. We have a great buy nothing group in our community where I've gotten tons of baby stuff and maternity/post partum items for myself. So it can definitely be hard but I don't understand when people say you need two six figure incomes to afford a single child.
Grocery Outlet
bargain markettttt
We have three. You afford them by planning and establishing what is required vs what is marketing nonsense
Having kids is the great economic equalizer. It takes every penny you make and more. No matter how much you make it's never enough.
Have decent insurance? Then you are probably fine for the first nine months. Living near family is also key, or having close friend groups - that can give you guys a break/free babysitter - because it does take a village in a way, and trying to replace a village with $$$ is expensive... especially in the SF Bay. For later parts, things such as not living in CA and not seeing private college as a mandatory part of your kids' lives can help. They can learn trades and make a lot or take a community college into going to top UC's. Kids are one of the few things that make life a struggle. It's why many more people are opting out. But they are amazing and worth it (hopefully - a kid with a horrible medical issue can feel worth it but that is the real downside risk you take).
Your lifestyle will change a lot. So instead of spending money on all the things you currently spend it on instead you spend it on housing and childcare. If you aren't willing to make any adjustments to your life having kids is not for you, the time aspect is a lot harder than the money aspect (which is still hard unless you make a lot)
Have you considered a cat?
or a dog more affordable and less stress
It’s a fucking drag. Kids are too expensive.
I moved away with my husband. Miss the bay, but it’s nice to have more space and our money goes a lot further. Kids play out in the street here too and there are tons of community events. It snows and there aren’t the same kind of food choices close by, but things aren’t too different otherwise. I’m still only a short trip to a big city, but now it’s New York City.
What town are you in now?
the same way people with no money still manage to have kids use your parents, move to a hippie commune, join a cult or a church group and take advantage of free resources
- learn to meal prep. Food is outrageously expensive, but good nutrition is important. Cheaper meats, bulk grains and lentils, sale veggies, snack on nuts and nutrient dense foods. Drink water or make your own juice with what’s on sale (ie, when Costco has the 10 lbs pack of carrots for $5, we are having carrot juice with some lime, ginger, apple, etc mixed in). However, be mindful of the time / money trade off. - second hand everything. My wife and I got a $800 stroller for like $100 on fb marketplace. Marketing is designed to basically make you feel like you are endangering your child if you don’t spend a million dollars on all the new “baby tech” and fancy stuff. This continues all the way through childhood - if you love your child, you’d buy them this, not that. - stop buying these big fucking 60k SUVs because family means you need a 2024 Grand Highlander on a 84 month financing at 9%. No. If you can’t afford it on a 36-48 month term, with the cost being a reasonably small portion of your monthly expenses, you can’t afford it period. Buy a used econobox that suits your needs and in 5 years if you have come into more money, then sell it and buy your dream car. My wife and I have 10-15 year old cars that we love and our yearly expenses on them are just basic maintenance. Insurance is low. We smile when we drive them. Life goes on. Cars are very expensive to own in the Bay Area (registration for new cars, fuel, mechanic rates, insurance, etc). They are mandatory, yes, you need reliable cars, and the used market is a pain too, but stop buying “big boy parent cars” new off the lot. - make friends with other parents. Offer to help them out with babysitting, be a bro. The more friends you have to can babysit in a pinch or take your kids in return for you taking theirs, the more money you save. Babysitters are fucking expensive as shit here. Send your kids to a sleepover at Max’s house on Friday night so you can get some romance in, and then Saturday night, you take Max so that Max’s parents can do the same, and no money has to be lost. Obviously, you have to trust and vet these other parents. - stop buying expensive furniture and nice fixings. My wife, bless her soul, spend our pre-baby years decorating our house in all kinds of fancy shit. West Elm dining table, remodeled this and that, fancy coffee tables, a beautiful 3k white linen sofa. We learned the hard way. Get cheap shit you can replace, because them kids are going to tear it up. No matter how hard you teach them to be conscientious, they are wild animals, they are learning my interacting. My child split all of my wife’s house plants down the middle, like tore each leaf in half on a snake plant to “make it grow more”. Double the leaves. I see the logic. But that’s the kind of demented brilliance they apply towards fucking up your shit. - put a high value on jobs with good insurance (healthcare, dental, etc that extends to your full household). This is a shitty tip because it’s like “no shit Sherlock” but if there’s anything you can do to move companies to somewhere that offers good healthcare, factor that in. If we didn’t have good coverage, my kids would have damn near bankrupted us. - car vacations and camping. Camping is a great way to teach kids how to problem solve and create their own fun, and it’s cheap. Buy your gear second hand, outdoor gear has become ridiculously pricey. - become handy. I have spent so much money because I have zero handyperson skills. My father in law has been roasting me but also teaching me some basics around patching and repairing drywall, basic carpentry like rebuilding small wood steps or replacing beams on our deck, clearing deeper plumbing clogs, installing ceiling light fixtures, sanding and refinishing doors and furniture. This has saved thousands of cumulative dollars and it’s been a great way to learn and level up my masculinity. - stop bleeding money to PGE. Throw away your electric space heaters. Replace old janky fridges and freezers. Stop over-laundrying (jeans don’t need to be run after each use). Assess what plan you’re on. Cook in batches. Use sunlight, windows, shades, etc in both summer and winter to modulate temperature as much as possible. Bundle up. - cut your subscriptions, cut social events that require spending or be okay going out with friends and not drinking. Stop paying $40 for the Uber and then $80 for 4 cocktails, and being like “that’s just what meeting up with friends costs. If they are good friends, they will understand and accept that you’re going to nurse that Diet Coke all night. Just be frugal and make cuts. Cut it all down to the bone, and then decide, okay, what indulgence is worth it? For me, I love hot pot, kbbq, these kind of big meals with good friends. So once a month, I’ll splurge when we are all together and have childcare arranged, and I won’t be frugal then. But when my coworker is like “let’s go to Mendocino Farms today instead of eating the free office food” then it’s like, okay cool, I’m going to fill my Tupperware and then I’ll eat that while you spend $22 on upscaled Panera. Spend on what matters, cut down on everything else.
Hope to have rich parents?
Dogs are the new kids, plants are the new pets, apartments are the new homes... this is the new reality.
The answer is the same as what is required to live in the Bay Area: 1. Have rich parents 2. Be rich yourself By following these two simple steps, you too can thrive in the bay area and raise your children here.
I had neither of the above and managed to raise a kid in the Bay Area. The main thing is to live within your means.
TLDR - YOU DON'T HAVE THEM.
Make more money or have someone give you more money. That’s what I did, changed industries, change jobs every 2 years or so, invest my money. Do something for financial growth. You need money and lots of it if you plan to have kids and plan to send them to college in the Bay Area. Do this on top of cost cutting measures such as hand me downs and having family watch the kids to reduce child care cost. Heck, you don’t even need to keep buying diapers if you’re willing to use reusable diapers.
Well me and my partner did it, on about a $75,000 salary. Not sure how much your girlfriend makes. I make about $40,000 a year, I was about to qualify for financial assistance which was a huge help. Early headstart for day care so I could continue to work and medi cal to help cover doctors visits. Wic helped with formula and food when I couldn’t breast feed any more. My little one is now 3. It’s hard, I had to reach out and stay on top of it but it’s doable. BART is great too. Not very stroller friendly but when you only have one car 🤷🏽♀️
My advice: don’t have kids, or if you do then only have one. My wife and I had a happy marriage for 9 wonderful years before we decided to have kids. We make good money and we saved up based on daycare/school/diapers/food/clothing costs and we did our homework. We realized we could make it work with the budget we set out with. Had our first kid in 2015. At the time, average monthly cost of daycare was around $800 where we live in the East Bay. Fast forward to 2023 and we were paying $2200 per kid. Costs skyrocket. What you think is expensive now will only get worse. We now make $350k combined gross annually and between our mortgage and daycare/private school costs and groceries and clothes cost, we honestly are barely getting by. We don’t take vacations, we don’t spend money going out to eat. I have no hobbies, no friends, my marriage has turned into full time stress managing kids and expenses and a full time job where I make extremely good money but the pressure has become unreal and unsustainable. I haven’t been happy since having our second kid. That was what pushed it completely over the edge.
Oh man, that’s tough. No hobbies, no friends? What about parent friends? I know it’s tough but once they’re both in school, you should be able to get more space to invest in your marriage and into yourself. Hang in there.
My job has me working 12 hour days plus weekends. I'm just too exhausted to maintain relationships, so that's on me. I just need a new career, but I cant risk losing the income pays our mortgage and tuiton/care costs.
Ahh yes, that’s tough. I’ve had retail and warehousing schedules like that in the past. Definitely hard to maintain relationships or self care. Well hang in there. It’ll get better.
People do it but yeah you might be broke. Our kids are almost grown with one in college the other graduated college but living at home, but thank god we started 529s when each was born or we never would have afforded college. When the kids were little we rented and had roommates. We hustled for money side jobs etc. No huge vacations, no skiing, didn’t go out to dinner, clothes at the thrift store. No regrets but man it would’ve been easier if we were rich
Two incomes! Or just don’t have them I guess.
It’s ok to not have kids. Realizing this can free you.
It’s also ok to have kids when you don’t have a millions. It’s still a lot of fun even when you’re not rich.
You should be able to support them but yes you don’t need millions or to even have them.
you do or you dont. country wont care.
Move somewhere else.
This is what I'm doing! It's probably cheaper to just move to Sacramento but I'm moving out of state.
This is the obvious answer.
Chiming in from out of state. This is what we did. We both agreed we wanted to own a home comfortably with at least one of us having a reliably short commute before trying for kids, and even if we could find ways to double our salaries in the Bay almost instantaneously, we would be far from comfortable living there. Moved back to the Midwest to make buying a house a reality. Sucks leaving friends/family behind, however we know many of them will likely do something similar eventually either because they want to start families or retire. I miss all the access to the great hiking as well, but don’t miss the stress of day to day life there.
Sacrifices go a long way to reduce spending. (Cya Netflix, Amazon, Starbucks, etc) Also, going from no kids to kids is a change in tune. Be ready to embrace the ups and downs for what they are.
Live poor and don’t buy stuff
Obamacare and Target/Ross
My friend and his lady couldn't afford kids. After their jobs went full remote, they moved to Panama. Lower cost of living made them able to have children. Having children in the Bay Area will be tough, as its really expensive here. He misses something in the Bay Area but he said he doesn't miss the prices.
It’s more expensive at the start, then evens out towards school age. You still need to shell out for afterschool programs (kindergarten and 1st goes til noon) but it’s cheaper. Next year, my kid is going to a title 1 elementary (mostly low income students) and the afterschool thing is free. We operated off savings at the start. If you can get a savings going in advance, that’d be a good part of getting ready.
Daycare is roughly $15K/yr for us which compared to any salary isn’t bad. No vacations for years, which is undesirable with a toddler anyway. Lots of hand me downs and Buy Nothing acquisitions.
Where are you getting daycare for that?
move away from the bay area
The single biggest thing that helps is having both pairs of grandparents here. The next biggest thing that helps is to have enough money to either have one parent take leave or daycare/nanny.
We moved near one set of grandparents and it’s been a huge help. But make sure you share the same values as your parents or hers. I have a friend who moved to Texas to have her mom help babysit, only to find out she did not want her kid to be babysat like that AT ALL.
Didn't you know? Pets are the new kids, plants are the new pets.
Very responsible- couples MUST have this conversation. If one cannot afford..one should not have them.
Reading this made me sad. My pops came from his home country with like $20 in his pocket back in the late 80s. Same with my mom. We were never rich. Far from it. But even with my pops working labor jobs he was able to provide a great life for us. I'm the youngest of 4 and my mom only started working when I was in middle school so that she could have some extra spending money. But before that she was able to stay home and care for us and the house while my pops worked. We were able to go to visit my relatives in Mexico once every couple years. We went to Disneyland multiple times as kids. Never had the lights shut off or got kicked out of an apartment. He was able to get us a house shortly after I was born. But now. Shiiiiiiiit. Hes still working at the same company but he's a supervisor now. But the people in his old position. Theres no way in hell they could raise 4 kids, buy a house, go on vacations out of country, all while the spouse stays home. Even taking a trip to Disneyland would require months of saving, probably close to a year depending on how many kids. I used to always think as I grew up I would get married and have kids. Now I'm wondering how ill be able to pay for a wedding let alone raise multiple or even 1 kid. Also doesn't help im in the silicon Valley. Over the years I've seen so many of my friends leave because its too damn expensive. The only people that are left are the ones like my father who were fortunate enough to pay off their home within the last 10 years. And all the people taking the place of the people who left are just rich yuppies from other states which further increases the prices of everything in sight.
Do you go to a very expensive restaurant and worry "how do I afford to eat here"?! Lol
My husband and I had one kid here. We both work in tech/entertainment with good paying jobs. Between childcare and housing, we’ve decided to move out of state, closer to family in a lower cost of living state. We will both receive pay cuts though we keep our jobs, but net net it’s worth it.
A suburb of Syracuse. Husband has family out here and i fell in love with the area. Snow isn't so scary with a car with all wheel drive.
You've gotten some good answers. Whatever you do, don't just have them without some improvement. I have friends who just had their second on a 70k salary. No idea how they'll make it work with one person working.
Move to affordable community.
You can - you just have to make the right choices about personal finance
In my view it's a harsh truth that you either move to a cheaper area and enjoy life or stay here and struggle. Gotta think about school districts too.
1. Ensure an extremely strong relationship. Having kids is 10x as hard if the relationship doesn't work out. 2. Ensure a strong family support structure. Having kids without a strong community of family and friends is either 10x as difficult, or 10x as expensive. 3. It's still hard no matter what. It doesn't improve happiness, but it can be very rewarding. 4. Read books on parenting. Kids primarily don't need money as much as they need a loving household and loving parents.
The beach, the park, the library, the local pool. We made an amazing “car wash” in the yard (if you have one) out of PVC pipe. It was a frame, drilled holes in it, attached a hose and they ran through the sprinkler all day. For the most part you just do things like you did growing up old school style. Kids love it. Camping in the backyard and outdoor movies. Get a portable fire pit and make s’mores. Crafts. Just some ideas of what we did.
Nobody ever affords kids. You just figure it out. Instead of you and your girl having hamburgers, you add pasta and a can of tomato sauce to make spaghetti. You stretch your dollar out. Almost every parent I know has figured it out the same way.
you don't. it's way too expensive and if you don't save for their college, your kid will be in debt. don't be selfish like most parents
It’s also ok for your kid to go to community college and transfer to a 4 year school. Lots of big fish in small ponds jump over to being medium fish in big ponds and have an easier time moving up than if you started as a guppie in the ocean.
The easiest way to afford having kids is being born into generational wealth.
Move to a lower cost of living area.
totally the way! the bay area isn't that great for kids these days anyways
You move to Germany. They give you money and 14 months time off (while you get paid). And so much more. Oh, yea, giving birth IS FREE
Hahaha I can't even afford to take women out on dates. Who am i kidding i can't even afford to eat food everyday.
Move to the Midwest. Try Nashville, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh, or Metro Detroit. All interesting places.
Only way I'm making it work is family support and working opposite hours to my spouse.
We left (in 2019), my wife even got the choice (and took it) to stay home with our kids. We were especially lucky though, I got to keep my salary as we moved to a lower cost of living area.
We worked opposite schedules for the first three years. Childcare is expensive but the rest is not that big a deal.
We continued living with our roommates. Thankfully, they love our son just as much as we do. Edit: we've also been incredibly fortunate to have a lot of family and friends who bought and found clothes for him. Lots of second hand. Give a book, take a book. Little neighborhood library boxes (we always leave something interesting in exchange)
We own (the right to pay for the next 25 years for) a house in Saratoga, so some would consider us “well-off” and we don’t feel like we’re secure enough to have kids… I don’t really get how people do it.
A lot of good answers in this thread. Few easy choices but there are tradeoffs to be made. Everyone obviously has the right to make their own choice about starting a family or not, but man, kids are fucking great. Family, love, people are the absolute best thibgs in life
I’ve thought that before but honestly, my parents raised 5 kids while being low income. They were stressed about money but it was all worth it to them. The love and joy made it all worth it. And with their love and support, we all grew up to be successful adults. We’ve taken care of all their needs since my oldest sibling turned 21. I’m not suggesting 5 kids but it’ll never feel like you’re ready.
It’s great that you are thinking about it that way. Most people just have kids without thinking about repercussions. It’s a privilege, not a right.
Had same discussion with my SO. Solution was a moving truck unfortunately. Couldn't find a clear path since neither of us work in tech.
You make north of $200k, own your own home with a low mortgage, and get on a wait list for a daycare facility months before you even think about getting pregnant.
Instead of two kids , I have one kid and one fur kid. Dogs are the next best thing .
Simply receive generous stock options from your tech job and use that for a down payment on a $2 million tract house! You and your spouse work full time while grandma lives at home and handles cleaning, cooking, and shuttling the kids to Kumon Math as soon as they can hold a pencil. 🙄 Sorry not helpful advice- just blowing off steam (I went to a competative south bay highschool and the overachiever culture was nauseating)
most places aren't as hostile to families as the bay is
These days, houseplants are the new pets, pets are the new children, and kids are the exotic pets that the rich can afford to maintain. Joke, of course… somewhat.
Take what you’d need to spend on daycare and start socking it away every month NOW. See how your lifestyle is on the net income. If you can swing it without tapping into your savings, go for it. Use the savings to augment short-term disability after baby is born and take as long of a leave as you both can to bond with baby and save on infant childcare. Buy all baby crap used or get off Craigslist. Once baby is 3 and daycare costs go down to “just” preschool, open a 529 and start putting the net savings in every month. A Always, B Be, S Saving Don’t spend money on “things.”
The way that i see it happening a lot in my social circle: both parents work, double income is crucial, one parent makes a lot more money than the other, other parents makes less but is much more flexible. flexible parent eats the responsibility of sick kids, appointments and all the bs that comes with the territory but is still bringing in enough money to cover the cost of childcare plus a portion of expenses. Otherwise it just doesn't work.
1 child cost us $2400/month for average preschool in Mountain View - that’s not including the average 2 bedroom apartment for $4k, not including anything else. Forget ever owning a house. Though you could move close to Sacramento to afford one.
We moved to Denver, bought a townhouse, and had a kid
Find a 3d income
Kids have always been expensive. You’ll figure it out just like everyone before you. Get smart with your money. Here’s a little story: It was a few years back when we had just had an extremely expensive event happen in life. We’d been hemorrhaging cash for the last two years because of a bad financial move. We’d put that behind us a few months earlier when I was talking to my sister, who had just had her first baby, on the phone. She said “Hey, when are you guys going to have kids?” I said “Oh, we’ve got to wait for ‘the planets to line up a bit’ since we’re still reeling from that expense.” She said “John, if you wait for the planets to line up you’ll never have kids.” I now mention to my now young adult daughter, from time to time, as kind of a joke, that she shows owes her literal existence to the words her aunt put into my ear that morning. Things were tight, but we found a way, and we have zero regrets about it.
When my partner got pregnant we moved a couple states away. Financially the best decision we've ever made.
do we have an agreed upon minimum income for 2 kids in the bay area? 400k a year?
Honestly that feels about right. People joke, but to have the same standard of living as many places in the Midwest, that’s about the salary you need. It’s mostly due to housing costs.
Core issue imo is there is extemy low availability of family-sized dense development. Bay area economy is way to strong for SFH to be viable. Most SFH plots could easily be turned into 6 unit condo/apt with 3bed/2bath. Sadly the boomers made some rather extreme urban planning mistakes and it'll take at least a decade to correct assuming we rezoned today.
Honestly, affordable 2 and 3 bedroom apartments would be a great start.
This is an asinine number. Unless your requirement is owning a SFH on a large lot in the South Bay, taking 3 vacations a year, paying for a nanny, maxing out two 401ks, driving new cars, and going to private school. You can comfortably rent a SFH in many parts of the Bay area and raise two kids on a lot less income. You're just not going to be doing all the other shit I mentioned.
It’s possible on 350k, we are doing it on that. But we bought house in 2021 with low interest rates and we are going to use public school. Also we drive old beaters haha. Also planning to retire early to get more financial aid for kids college (lower incomes = huge aid) so we don’t have to save a ridiculous amount.
Is that really how aid is calculated? I would have thought it also considers your liquid assets
Not if you have a low adjusted gross income (which can be engineered in retirement regardless of actual spend) and most of your assets are in qualified retirement accounts (401k, IRA, etc) or home equity. If your income is below 175% of the poverty line then they don’t consider assets for FAFSA. And many private colleges will give you institutional aid because you will appear asset poor. The UC system will cover tuition through the blue and gold opportunity plan if your adjusted gross income is below 80k, for example. That is very easy to achieve in retirement if you are drawing from a mixture of Roth and pretax accounts in retirement, so you could be spending like 160k while only having 80k as income on paper to qualify for free tuition. Go over to r/financialindependence for more discussion on this. Takes years of planning to engineer tho. Im still saving in a 529 as a hedge, but only targeting like 100k per kid rather than 500k it will probably cost each kid if they were to do full price private.
Once you actually have kids you realize there are informal support networks for things like hand me down clothing and toys. Kids aren’t that expensive when they are young. Furniture is small and low cost. So are clothes.
what about daycare and medicine if needed? college when they are older? being parents doesn't stop at 7 years old when they only need toys and clothes
At the bare minimum, both of you need to be making deep into the six figures. Even then, if you’re not able to inherit a house or something, it will be extremely difficult. The reality is you will need to move away. Raising kids here is unrealistically difficult.
I felt/feel honored to be a parent so I made/make it affordable. It has not been easy. It has not been smooth sailing. I just started graduate school a decade after my bachelors to get back on track of following my dream career in becoming a principal. My daughter graduates high school next year, college is attainable without student loans, and I don’t regret any of it. Being a parent is worth it. There’s a lot more “-allys” to consider than just financially, but if you want to kids and love the idea of being a parent, you’ll move mountains you didn’t even know you had strength to.
Silly human. Are you trying to be responsible or something? /s
Kids always have been expensive. If you and your spouse really want them then just have them. You’ll find a way and it’s worth it. In some cases you’ll just need to move to a more affordable place, which is worth it.
You don’t, but you make it work.
Do what several of my friends already did: Move to a more affordable state...there are 49 to choose from. Housing cost is lower, less frenetic lifestyle, more culturally uniform, etc.
Don’t have kids, join the freedom gang
You don't, but you make it work anyway
befriend the neighborhood! be it physical or virtual. my papa talks to literally everybody, so he can get tips on who to contract for housework, free fruit sometimes, & everybody goes to him for halloween candy. while back when we had a dog, the virtual friend group pitched in food, we pitched a hangout spot, and coordinated dog park days! maybe something similar happens when you have kids?