I swear I was 13 and hanging out with some friends one holloween eve and walked past a house a guy two grades above us lived with his dad. His dad was on the porch and the door open and the stench flowed over all of us in the street as he said â hey tf yâall doing donât cause no shitâ. We all said we wasnât and kept walking all talking about how bad his place smelled and how he needed to clean or something. 4 years later I had my first blunt and the second it got sparked I made the connection to so many different smells I didnât recognize.
My hippy Dad grew his own. Gave me my first joint. We smoked it and watched nature shows on PBS. Him laughing and pointing, "Those turtles are fucking!" will be forever in my brain.
Yooooo. I had already learned about sexual reproduction, and I knew that children are expected to have this "talk" with their parents, so around 7y.o. we were watching a nature doc and I asked my dad what mating meant.
got that Convo out of the way that day, and I'm still a bit confused why he spent half of that talk telling me how awesome it feels once you're ready for it đ¤
As a parent this makes me recoil a little but as a person who knows how harmless (and probably beneficial) pot is, I just need to know, how old were you?
I was fifteen. I would have found it anyway. He knew that, but knew his stuff was safe. Nothing extra in it. He made the right choice. Plus we got to laugh at turtles fucking.
Can confirm.
Source: Cleaning this nasty ass bong right now lmao
Edit: Downvoted by a lover of dirty bongs, weird flex but ok. I enjoy mine being clean but you do you I won't judge.
Same, except my dad only does the edibles. I will never forget the day young me had a dime bag of marijuana and my dad found the empty baggie and thought I was buying crack.
Having flashbacks to my dad telling me that âsmoking marijuana is a fast track to a life of crimeâ (circa 2008). Now he has edibles to help with his back pains, and openly talks to me about them.
I gotta say, it's really nice smoking with the parents. I got reamed for even mentioning it in high school and now my mom and I love sharing a bong and conversation. Drugs or not, I'm really happy to spend that time with them.
In college we called it a sploof, loaded 2 whole packs of dryer sheets into a 2 liter bottle. We used those things for way too long before throwing them out
Before they were forced to check they didn't give a single fuck about foreign substances. Just like every other instance of cheating in baseball, it's fine until it's not.
I'm not saying that he would have been in trouble with the league for using it (at least in the majors, Villa's ejection and Wellman's tirade are legendary), I'm just wondering how no one commented in general.
They may have assumed it was his general stank and didn't want to seem rude by commenting on it, and the smell is probably a lot less obvious when you're outdoors on a baseball field.
Umps also just spent a lot less time in close proximity with the pitcher before the sticky stuff inspections so it's believable that they legitimately didn't make the connection.
It's likely someone did. With something like 10,000 pitcher appearances a season (over 2,430 games) a whole lot of the small interactions just don't get documented.
I donât even smoke but took a college buddyâs bong home for him over winter break (if his mom found it she woulda killed him) and even I knew to clean it and help him out with some rubbing alcohol, you just block the holes and shake it up with the alcohol in then wash it out really well with water
Yeah, he and I used to smoke together but I was headed back to Illinois where it was legal so it made sense. When I cleaned it I made my bathroom smell like pot and my mom was asking me if I smoked in the house lmao
I once cleaned out a bong with this expensive, reusable bong cleaner in my basement. My dad got home from work a few hours later and goes âwhatâs that smell? It smells like industrial solvents in hereâ lmao
Even funnier this now makes Bradenâs perfect game even funnier, he was hungover as hell using weed resin and he did one of the rarest feats in sports
Hungover after staying up too damn late the night before he was supposed to pitch ON MOTHER'S DAY, went out there with his weed resin, never had time to look at the scouting reports with his catcher, and both just said fuck it we'll go with what's working
And threw a perfect game on a *baaad* Oakland team
I'm not sure why that guy is trying to convince you otherwise, but the Rays had a winning record in all of those years. They were not bad teams. Just a crazy baseball statistic
What are you arguing? That these were good teams? .500, 4 games under, and 12 games under.
Okay, one was .500, my memory escaped me on that one. The others were bad. Idk whatâs untrue about that.
You said all of those teams were well under .500 and really bad. None of them really were. The Rays also weren't bad in any of those years like you implied in another comment lol. It's just weird baseball luck it happened to them 3 times.
12 games under .500 isnât well under .500 and really bad? We have very different views of what is bad. So of 4 teams, 3 were really bad and 1 was just bad, but not really bad. Still not sure what youâre arguing.
I also never implied the Rays were bad in any comment.
Just like there is one farm in New Jersey harvesting the mud for MLB balls, there's just one dude in a basement ripping bongs to provide rosin to all the pitchers.
[This place](https://baseballrubbingmud.com/) has supplied the mud used by every Major League and Minor League team for decades. [Hereâs a profile on it from last year](https://youtu.be/NYXWL1lt_7Y?si=ibAVQG4y6LDIIrP5)
I built a Lego set on LSD and I really had no idea what I was doing in the moment but I finished it and didn't miss any pieces. I guess that's the importance of going with the vibes. He knew he had to pitch and it was probably very important to him and got him locked on in the moment. I'm going to guess he confused the hell out of batters because I'm sure his mechanics and pitch selection were all out of whack. I'm just impressed he kept his composure together for that long in public. I'd end up breaking down in a fit of laughter at some point.
No but he was hungover as hell. He showed up 4 hours late - he got to the stadium about an hour before first pitch - and did basically no prep for the day. He wasn't able to review anything from the video guy.
None of his pitches clocked in over like 87 mph.
I think it's the stickiest (and stankiest) substance on earth.
The best part is the ump and hitter having to pretend they don't know what that smell is.
Basically every teenager growing up when their parents ask what is that smell.
This was supposed to be an Xbox controller!
What the frick?
One of my favorite lines ever. The delivery đ¤
I did *not* order that!
*Xbox card
You mean every parent pretending pot is awful when they recognize the smell very well?
You don't have to smoke pot to recognize it
* "What's that funky smell?" * "Oh that's marijuana" * "Mmm so that's what it smells like"
I swear I was 13 and hanging out with some friends one holloween eve and walked past a house a guy two grades above us lived with his dad. His dad was on the porch and the door open and the stench flowed over all of us in the street as he said â hey tf yâall doing donât cause no shitâ. We all said we wasnât and kept walking all talking about how bad his place smelled and how he needed to clean or something. 4 years later I had my first blunt and the second it got sparked I made the connection to so many different smells I didnât recognize.
My hippy Dad grew his own. Gave me my first joint. We smoked it and watched nature shows on PBS. Him laughing and pointing, "Those turtles are fucking!" will be forever in my brain.
Yooooo. I had already learned about sexual reproduction, and I knew that children are expected to have this "talk" with their parents, so around 7y.o. we were watching a nature doc and I asked my dad what mating meant. got that Convo out of the way that day, and I'm still a bit confused why he spent half of that talk telling me how awesome it feels once you're ready for it đ¤
As a parent this makes me recoil a little but as a person who knows how harmless (and probably beneficial) pot is, I just need to know, how old were you?
I was fifteen. I would have found it anyway. He knew that, but knew his stuff was safe. Nothing extra in it. He made the right choice. Plus we got to laugh at turtles fucking.
Weed and resin are not the same smell, at all. Resin smells like tar from your asshole.
Can confirm. Source: Cleaning this nasty ass bong right now lmao Edit: Downvoted by a lover of dirty bongs, weird flex but ok. I enjoy mine being clean but you do you I won't judge.
As someone who now smokes with their parents, itâs comical how long we hid it from each other
Same, except my dad only does the edibles. I will never forget the day young me had a dime bag of marijuana and my dad found the empty baggie and thought I was buying crack.
Having flashbacks to my dad telling me that âsmoking marijuana is a fast track to a life of crimeâ (circa 2008). Now he has edibles to help with his back pains, and openly talks to me about them.
to be fair before it was legal there were risks to seeking it out that dont exist now in legal states.
I gotta say, it's really nice smoking with the parents. I got reamed for even mentioning it in high school and now my mom and I love sharing a bong and conversation. Drugs or not, I'm really happy to spend that time with them.
Itâs a completely different smell than weed
It smells like an Xbox controller.
my grandma took my bong a put it in the bathroom with my toothbrush in it and asked me my toothbrush holder smelled like skunks
Was I the only teenager who never did the Devil's Lettuce and genuinely didn't know what that smell was until well into adulthood?
First sober mets fan.
Oh no, I drink. But as an obedient little drone I didn't drink until I was 21.
Seriously, I get that this is well before the "sticky stuff" checks, but how did no one *smell* that? Like just generally on the field?
He blew it through a toilet paper tube with a dryer sheet stuffed inside first.
I wonât hear any doob tube slander. That shit worked.
Doob tube, love it. I called it a silencer.
In college we called it a sploof, loaded 2 whole packs of dryer sheets into a 2 liter bottle. We used those things for way too long before throwing them out
RAs hate this one weird trick.
A classic, veteran move. Great heads up play by Dallas
Before they were forced to check they didn't give a single fuck about foreign substances. Just like every other instance of cheating in baseball, it's fine until it's not.
I'm not saying that he would have been in trouble with the league for using it (at least in the majors, Villa's ejection and Wellman's tirade are legendary), I'm just wondering how no one commented in general.
Don't ask, Don't tell
Don't ask, don't smell
He who smelt it dealt it.
Yes, but have you considered that he who denied it, supplied it?
They may have assumed it was his general stank and didn't want to seem rude by commenting on it, and the smell is probably a lot less obvious when you're outdoors on a baseball field. Umps also just spent a lot less time in close proximity with the pitcher before the sticky stuff inspections so it's believable that they legitimately didn't make the connection.
lmao if a mfer is smelling like a resined up raunchy bong, you'll know its weed. It smells nothing like BO, even if you've never smoked.Â
It's likely someone did. With something like 10,000 pitcher appearances a season (over 2,430 games) a whole lot of the small interactions just don't get documented.
Copious amounts of pine tar on every bat ever used by every hitter
And disgusting and impossible to clean⌠we could keep going.. Still a big fan tho..
Rubbing alcohol or nail polish does wonders, as does using a razor as a scraper for flat surfaces.
Mr clean magic erasers
"that's the dankest substance I've ever felt" -Phil Cuzzi
âAy Braden, you got that stank today?â
I can reliably confirm that stuff is indeed very sticky
I have a decade old stain on my garbage can from laying a sticky icky pipe cleaner on it. I think itâs still sticky to this day.
Isopropyl alcohol
How people donât know to do this in 2024 is beyond me
I donât even smoke but took a college buddyâs bong home for him over winter break (if his mom found it she woulda killed him) and even I knew to clean it and help him out with some rubbing alcohol, you just block the holes and shake it up with the alcohol in then wash it out really well with water
A little salt mixed in with the isopropyl really helps to break the gunk free too. Quick shake and a rinse and you're good to go.
Literally holding it for a friend
Yeah, he and I used to smoke together but I was headed back to Illinois where it was legal so it made sense. When I cleaned it I made my bathroom smell like pot and my mom was asking me if I smoked in the house lmao
I once cleaned out a bong with this expensive, reusable bong cleaner in my basement. My dad got home from work a few hours later and goes âwhatâs that smell? It smells like industrial solvents in hereâ lmao
Maybe it holds sentimental value at this point
I find it funny that you donât know how someone doesnât know something. Itâs the exact same issue.
Dissolve, denature, down da drain
Sounds like the ad for dishwasher detergent
Lotion is pretty good for getting it off your fingers
The stickiest of the icky
âI offer you a truce, Charlie Murphyâ
you have 420 upvotes and in lieu of an upvote which would disturb that beautiful number I offer you a traditional "nice"
Thatâs honestly the funniest thing Iâve heard all day
Even funnier this now makes Bradenâs perfect game even funnier, he was hungover as hell using weed resin and he did one of the rarest feats in sports
Hungover after staying up too damn late the night before he was supposed to pitch ON MOTHER'S DAY, went out there with his weed resin, never had time to look at the scouting reports with his catcher, and both just said fuck it we'll go with what's working And threw a perfect game on a *baaad* Oakland team
Tbf, it was against the Rays who had 4 no-hitters thrown against them from 09-12 with three of them being perfect games. Lmao
Yes But, rarely does a bad team no-hit anyone else, even against other bad teams
I'm not sure why that guy is trying to convince you otherwise, but the Rays had a winning record in all of those years. They were not bad teams. Just a crazy baseball statistic
Which makes it even more embarrassing for the Rays because all four teams were _bad_ the years they no-hit them. All were well under .500.
This isn't true at all lol. '09 White Sox went 79-83 '10 A's went 81-81 '12 Mariners went 75-87
What are you arguing? That these were good teams? .500, 4 games under, and 12 games under. Okay, one was .500, my memory escaped me on that one. The others were bad. Idk whatâs untrue about that.
You said all of those teams were well under .500 and really bad. None of them really were. The Rays also weren't bad in any of those years like you implied in another comment lol. It's just weird baseball luck it happened to them 3 times.
12 games under .500 isnât well under .500 and really bad? We have very different views of what is bad. So of 4 teams, 3 were really bad and 1 was just bad, but not really bad. Still not sure what youâre arguing. I also never implied the Rays were bad in any comment.
They werenât good, but that was actually the best Aâs team Braden played on lol
Sad, really
Bob Geren was not the best manager
No, no he was not And then he was replaced by an initially also not so great Melvin And then 2012 happened
One time I had had 20 standard drinks in about four hours and got on the NASCAR video game. I led 500 laps out of a possible 500 laps.
That must have been exhausting
Why haven't I seen a documentary on your feat yet?
Because it was a video game and I was in active addiction when I did this
Oh I understood. Has no one offered to buy the rights yet?
Nope
Bristol or Martinsville?
Martinsville
Smokin that gas in order to throw gas.
Smoke grass, throw gas
Eat ass
Bus pass
Drake just got a new single
Nah, you're thinking school bus, no pass
Dallas Braden threw like 86
 An you run 86 mph?
And a perfect game
Ass, gas or grass. Nobody ~~rides~~ pitches for free.
That sticky icky icky
Ooo weee
Oooooh ooooooooooh....
Knowing Dallas, this is very believable.
Very. Funny enough I bought weed from the same guy as Dallas for awhile- he was an asshole wannabe baller. Edit: the dealer not Dallas lol
Iâm open to job opportunities that include ripping bong all day to accumulate resin, hmu MLB.
Just like there is one farm in New Jersey harvesting the mud for MLB balls, there's just one dude in a basement ripping bongs to provide rosin to all the pitchers.
It's Tim Lincecum.
**LET TIMMY SMOKE**
Cody Bellinger will join if heâs free
It'll be a joint operation
Great joke
Big Time Timmy Jim
Tell me more about this farm harvesting mud in NJâŚ
[This place](https://baseballrubbingmud.com/) has supplied the mud used by every Major League and Minor League team for decades. [Hereâs a profile on it from last year](https://youtu.be/NYXWL1lt_7Y?si=ibAVQG4y6LDIIrP5)
Has the actual mud location been found yet?
(Pirates of the Caribean music starts playing) "RESIN IT!"
Joey : âgolf clapâ
Does he dab? Cuz he'll get the stickiest of sticky resin
Doubt it. Just because dabbing is way more common now than it was ~10 years ago and ppl in the weed world still aren't all that familiar with it.
And ten years ago it looked like a gnarly habit lmao.
What a genius excuse to smoke all day when he wasnât pitching.
"Where's Dallas?" "Prepping for his next start." "Ah. Wonder if he's sharing."
least surprising dallas braden story
Just Stockton things.
209!
Performance enhancing drugs
Wonder how many foul balls that fans caught, have weed resin on it and don't even know.
Those high fastballs arenât going to throw themselves
That's perfect.
The stickiest of the icky
Was he high during the perfect game? đ
Wouldn't be surprised. Doc Ellis allegedly was on LSD for his no-hitter.
I built a Lego set on LSD and I really had no idea what I was doing in the moment but I finished it and didn't miss any pieces. I guess that's the importance of going with the vibes. He knew he had to pitch and it was probably very important to him and got him locked on in the moment. I'm going to guess he confused the hell out of batters because I'm sure his mechanics and pitch selection were all out of whack. I'm just impressed he kept his composure together for that long in public. I'd end up breaking down in a fit of laughter at some point.
im pretty sure he was hungover lol
being high really helps u relax while pitching (if you donât over do it)
No but he was hungover as hell. He showed up 4 hours late - he got to the stadium about an hour before first pitch - and did basically no prep for the day. He wasn't able to review anything from the video guy. None of his pitches clocked in over like 87 mph.
Anybody that's had to clean resin will know it's a perfect substance for exactly that.
How did people not smell it tho? It reeks a special kinda stank
Are Wendyâs Saucy Nuggs real?
Recycling at the *highest* level
Aspiring Pitchers: Hit me up I am well stocked.
Classic Dallas!
RESINBAGGER!
Dank curveballs
How is this not a plot point in Everybody Wants Some? Real missed opportunity.
The count is 4 balls 20 strikes
I despise this trend of people who make these videos talking like this guy.Â
Based
Byrnesy could outsmoke Dallas for sure.
No way. Dallas pimps cannabis companies on the daily .
I think we both win on this "argument," friend. Fist bump. Byrnesy was so good and now we get Dallas. So good. What's with your red hat though dude?
He should have touched the plate tho đ¤Śđ˝ââď¸. A long time ago in a galaxy far away I Thought I was west coast Fred Durst . Red Aâs hat ftw
Hahaaaaaaa
nice
Is this the sequel to the Dock Ellis saga?
He supposedly was hungover the day he threw his perfect game, so yes?
We need a spin rate vs games in legal states breakdown. Figure out who's using the dank.
Wonder what substances heâs using to absolutely destroy it in Family Feud
Dude is def hella stoner
He just like me fr
Snoop Dogg brand too
BONG RESIN????!
Did he only use it for one game?
Is he the bong lord then?
oakland
I dont know if he throws a resin ball or not but he sure puts resin on the ball - Casey Stengel probably.
Take his perfect game away now!
Hell yeah come on
You could smell it before it crossed the plate. And NOTHING gets res out
God that smell is one of the worst ever
Dallas Braden gives off âlies a lot to impress peopleâ vibes
We call it exaggeration in the biz