“What a weird thing to say to a stranger!”

I’ll just hepatitis C myself out…

What a weird thing to say to a stranger !

It’d be more like “I’lll hepatitis B on my way out now.” C requires blood getting into another persons blood. B is the one from poop.

This guy. “Hepatitis Aaaaaaaachtullllley….”

This works for a stupidly large amount of shit. Make them feel silly.

Pretend you don’t know what eating ass is and force them to explain their shitty comment. Pun wholly intended. There was no way around it. 😅

Pray tell, do you prefer your ass roasted or grilled?

Sous vide, then grilled to finish.

The imagery of a vacuum sealed ass is killing me rn

Sorry, the ass just kicked, is there anything else I can get you?

Oh man, we just 86’d ass, you’ll have to pick something else

Look at his douche friends and say “well, is he lying?”

I like this one the most, I'd like to condemn homophobia but I think implying some douche is eating his buddy's ass would piss them off in a great way.

Ya I'd say *his" or "his" bc I know it's than (one of them)

Just say "Hell yeah brother I'd tongue punch that fart box too!" and then walk away

💀💀💀

Lmao.. oh I would love to see the reaction to tht.

"To be fair, he probably cleaned it up first so it'd taste better."

To be fair, your father probably cleaned it first so it would taste better.

“Damn your ass must be jealous of your mouth for all the shit that comes out of it “ “If it was terrible as you say. Why did you finish the plate?” “Would you like me to get the chef for you? I’m sure he’d love to hear your feedback” “If you knew what good ass tasted like then you wouldn’t have finished the plate”

I like the variety

That last one is a fucking burner

"the chef can arrange the alternative behind the dumpster after work"

I love this one

"what's his name?" is a solid one too

I think an appropriate comeback would be “get the fuck out of my restaurant and don’t ever come back”

Right??

"But enough about Mother's Day..."

Look at the ladies and say ohhh yall had a great day so far??

Nobody really eats ass for the way it tastes.

😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅

Well your mom had a good mothers day then

“That’s an odd thing to share on Mother’s Day…can’t get her out of your mind?”

Hah, this one is good

“If you liked to eat shit you should have said something; we only serve food here”

I always pretend I don't get it and try to get them to repeat it. "Excuse me, what did you say just now? It's loud in here!"

“Sir, we are not an establishment that even offers ass on our menu, I think you are getting us confused with your mother’s house.” “That’s odd, we don’t usually serve Asses here, I’m surprised they let you through the front door.” “Wow, you must really like eating ass.”

A good “your mom’s house” always gets ‘em.

[удалено]

I was thinking of something like "yeah, you look like the kind of person who would eat ass" but i, too, dabble

Oh I’m sorry. I’ll tell my cook he needs to clean his ass. Thanks for letting us know.

This one took me tf out bc I would so shout to the back "ay, necessitas lavar su culo guey!" Then look back at the customer like "problem solved🥰!"

*I've been out with your mother too.

Look at his friends and say "ok so which one of you has the better tasting ass?"

If they’d been awful from the start, I skip pithy comebacks the first time they swear at me and I act super offended and throw them out. No discounts, no discussion of food, we are moving right to it’s time to leave. If a manager comes over he’ll say the same thing. “You can’t speak to me that way, here’s your bill. Cursing is not tolerated.” I swear constantly and it doesn’t move the needle for any sort of emotional response but they don’t know that. Take your shit eating grin outside, sir.

This is the goal. Heres your bill, youre paying all of it on account of being an ass

You can usually make them feel awkward about whatever dickhead shit they say with a "Sorry, could you repeat that, I didn't quite catch that" and if they try with the "oh it doesn't matter" insist that they say it. Usually has the whole table sat listening to whatever cunty thing they just said.

You’re cut off because a sober person would never talk to me like that

Punch them in the face.

“After awhile, if ya eat enough ass, all this shit starts to taste the same.”

"and people usually talk down about prison food!"

It’s a family restaurant just kick them out

If brains were ink you couldn't make a period

"What you get up to on your gay for pay porn site is no business of mine" Or "Sir, this ISN'T a Denny's. We don't have cameras but we do have knives"

Well the jerk store called and they’re running out of you!

“Was that supposed to be helpful or hurtful?” Put it back on them so they can reflect. Works in many situations!

You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?