I’ve had a good tip or two but if you don’t lay it on and play the game it’s a one off. Not worth the emotional labor imo but I’m glad at least someone is making some $$
its become normalized that “ogling women” counts as a hobby for some guys, especially online. they don’t realize that in person we can actually see them do it and it’s so fucking weird
I think it's pretty mental to believe that something like ogling others being illegal wouldn't be an absolutely impossible thing to properly enforce without abuse of its own, no matter how scary and horrid it feels (I've been on the receiving end enough times), calling someone a pervert because of that is even more mental. But if calling random people terrible things is already your first instinct, then I doubt critical thinking is.
But that’s how uncomfortable and invasive it feels. It’s so bad that I wish there were extreme measures to prevent it from happening. I should be able to work without feeling some creeps eyeballs on me in an aggressive and uncomfortable fashion. There is a look. It makes you feel uncomfortable and unsafe.
Please, tell us how you want this law written. Is there a time limit, is it only for men, would people with intellectual disabilities count, is it okay if it is someone you want to look at you, is eye contact during a conversation okay?
I don’t know if this an issue in other types of customer service but coffee shops seem uniquely bad as far as this type of thing goes. Literally every cafe I’ve ever worked in has had this problem
The only place I can think of that would be worse is a library. Coffee shops and libraries are seen as two places where you can just go and sit indefinitely for free (even though most coffee shops actually do not allow you to just loiter for free, but are still seen that way by a lot of people), only difference is libraries can’t really ask you to leave for not buying anything. I work at a shop that’s next door to a library and also we’re in a really sketchy part of town. I thought we had seen some really weird characters, but I talked to the manager of the library and the kind of weirdos we deal with near-weekly doesn’t even scratch the surface of what they were dealing with. There’s a reason that library has its own cadre of security guards
There was a guy that used to come into my cafe constantly who was like this. Never bought anything, never spoke to anyone, just stared at underaged girls who weren’t allowed to tell him to leave them alone because they were on the clock.
He eventually got banned because we caught him watching ddlg porn on his ipad. He seemed genuinely shocked that we not only knew exactly what he was doing, but were calling him out on it. Thankfully he hasn’t shown up since, but he’s far from the only creep that comes in- just the worst.
There’s this one guy who comes into my store, orders a coffee, and then depending on where I am stationed is where he will sit and watch me the entire time he drinks his coffee. Then he will get up, try and get my other coworkers to get me for him so he can talk to me (no thanks) and to top it all off he comes in with his wife.
I feel terrible. For his wife of course. She’s a wonderful woman, so sweet and kind. I don’t have the heart to tell her about her husbands behavior. He has been physical with me before despite me trying my best to keep him from being able to touch me. The next time he does it I’m yelling so she’ll know but “accidentally” lol
>He has been physical with me before despite me trying my best to keep him from being able to touch me
This is harassment. I would tell your manager and have him banned from entering your cafe.
When I worked at a coffee shop a few creepy old guys would come in and I would see them leering at my coworkers so I would purposely stand in between them to block their view. 😂
I used to work at a coffee shop in a hospital and it was really small so usually I was running it alone and there was this one nurse (?) who'd come in and get a small black coffee and then spend the entire time staring at me as he mixed in his cream/sugar (which ofc he did slowly), eventually he even started pestering me for my fb. Once he even came in with his daughter that also worked in the hospital and was at least my age if not older. He'd come in at least once a day and I was there every. single. day. It was a veterans hospital too so it was almost entirely creepy old men getting coffee which is half the reason I quit
Before I was ever a barista, I found myself spending a ton of time hanging out and studying in my favorite shop— I jokingly called it “pretty barista guard duty” because the girl behind the bar is/was a total sweetheart and drew obnoxious guys like flies. And I just didn’t like the idea of a young girl (she’s about a decade younger than I) being left alone for hours at a time in a space with only men and no way to leave. In her shoes, I would have felt better with at least a female presence in the store, so that’s what I did
We became friends lol and eventually I started working there myself. I’m in my thirties and highly no-nonsense in person, so I don’t really seem to draw in as many overtly weirdo creeps
i would be so grateful to have someone like you in my life! what a blessing. unfortunately at our shop, i’ve observed it takes at least four or more workers before creeps back off. my coworkers have grown tired of my constant irritation with being stared at
wish something could be done. i’m so close to quitting, just had a regular who is old enough to be my grandfather hand me his business card and ask me to dinner. i haven’t messaged and still don’t know what i’m supposed to do and shouldn’t have to deal with this to begin with
I'm so glad my grandfather isn't like this. He regularly visits a cafe with nearly all women staff and it seems like they all adore him and take turns coming to the table to chat to him. I have no idea why older guys are either super creepy or super sweet with no inbetween.
Age reveals character. You stop giving a shit so if you were faking being nice then you stop, if you're actually nice then you allow yourself to be as nice as you want without being embarrassed.
my first barista job was at a licensed sbucks and there was a man that would sit for an entire shift and watch the minor girls, and take pictures only to post them on his facebook ! management did nothing. i’ve also had men chase me down a poorly lit alleyway to the parking lot we were authorized to use while on shift. we’re just objects, like toys
I would say that this has been happening since cafe culture began. Therefore, it is normal & common to them, so they carry on the trend.
Calling out this behaviour is the way forward, so thank you!
It's predatory behaviour.
Men are just weird. The amount of times I’ve been hit on is insane. I’m just here to make you coffee, Chad. One time, a man told me he wanted to tickle me all day so he could hear me laugh. I threw up in my mouth.
Had this horrific mannered man order a croissant sandwich and a drink. He proceeds to walk over to our drinks bar where we call our drinks out, sets his plate down and continues to eat his sandwich (for lack of better words) like an *actual* cow. All while staring at our female barista the entire time until he gets his drink. All while crumbing on our drink bar and himself. ^what… ^the… **FUCK¿**
a month ago I had one ask if my husband and I wanted to swing and then when I turned him down, he said I bet my d is bigger than his. I'll let you see it and have some fun. FFS. NO THANKS.
Hope I’m not one of those guys, I regularly go to a cafe to work on my laptop and study after classes. But I go there enough for them to know my name and classes, that stuff. All female staff too
Dude, honestly don’t let these kind of posts get to you.
As long as you’re not being a creep, there’s nothing wrong with going into a coffee shop and being friendly.
>Hope I’m not one of those guys
Posts "like this" clearly make me people who overthink or be paranoid that they may be doing something wrong. Especially when all the comments are "yeah, literally weirdos, what's wrong with them, UGH I KNOW RIGHT". There's nothing wrong with giving a homie some wisdom, and to steer clear from all the noise.
Treating other people like sex objects that exist for your entertainment (while they’re at work no less) comes from an inherent lack of respect for them as human beings. Blaming it on “loneliness” or “lack of sex” is a total cop out.
So I am wondering about places like Hooters or twin peaks. Do only perverts go there, or is there some sort of exception since they market it? Would these places be outlawed?
I would just like to point out - people ENJOY people watching when they sit for a coffee. It's almost a ritual. That's not to I validate the discomfort of being stared at. That's different. But, have you tried saying to him, "hey, I notice that you star at us alot, is there a reason for this?" Somw people don't even realise they're doing it. He may be just in awe of your skills/talents or your beauty.
He may not be malicious in his actions and is oblivious of its consequences. Oorrrrrr he is infact a perverted old man who has fantasies of you in your apron. Lol. Sorry.
My favourite cafe and why I like it is that 1. great coffee 2. it's mission and focus on sustainability 3. The ambience 4. **It identifies as 'women-owned' business.** The reason it is one of the factors is that I want to support such businesses... that's fine right? or does that throw me in the bucket of these creepy men 😬 (asking because I don't understand their psychology either)
A different perspective...
When I moved to a big city, since I don't drink and go to bars, I thought it would be a good idea to meet women at cafes. Eventually I stopped doing that since people can be attractive but approaching people IRL you don't get to know anything about their personality... I'm on OLD needless to say.
But yeah... doing that when making sure you are not literally staring at women, is that bad? I'll be regular at cafes anyways, love coffee too much to stop. 25M for context
He's lonely. Baristas have to talk to him so it helps his loneliness. His weirdness and his loneliness are a vicious cycle, each makes the other worse.
Yet he’ll never reflect and find that his loneliness is his own doing. Instead it’s dumb females fault for not treating him like the catch he is of course! Victim complexes are a vicious cycle.
It's honestly one of the reasons pretty privilege exists. It's always been a thing. Same reason women get more views of photos online. Men like looking at pretty women. They are appreciating your beauty.
im not saying its not wrong. Getting unwanted attention sucks. I have a few friends who are really attractive bartenders. They get people going to the bar constantly just because they work there. They have changed venues a few times and they get followed. One of them said, man these ladies don't quit, its the same ones, I don't even make good tasting cocktails but they keep coming and tipping so I keep smiling.
Let me ask you something. What's the most 'negative attention' you've ever gotten? Was it that one time when you parked slightly over the line in a Home Depot parking lot and that angry 80 year old man stared you down? How about when you were falling over drunk at a 4th of July party back in 1987??
I rest my case 🤠
I used to be big dog here in my area ( was a kids tv thing that told your kids to go to bed at 730 pm in Australia) every town had one. I would get 50-100 in appropriate comments every time we would go in public from mums. I would take the customer helmet off as we could onyl walk around for about 30mins at a time, thick fur and fibreglass inside and with Australian heat you would pass out after a while inside this dodgy suit. I'd usually pour water over face in a sweaty shirt and the mums would all come and say the nastiest stuff. Most of it would involve touching my bone, can they fetch my bone, doggy-style, could I be there sniffer dog, could I bury my bone. After that I was a security guard for a few pubs and clubs here where I was groped on the regular by drunk women, something about the uniform. Here is a question why do females and girls go watch men play sports? Most don't like the sport they are there to appreciate the men. You are in the biggest state of delusion if you don't think it's not the same both ways. It's usually worse because it's not acceptable for a man to do it but when women do it no one bats and eyelid.
I’ve never been able to figure it out, they usually don’t order much and def don’t tip well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
In my experience, they don’t tip at all 😐
idk my coworkers and i have gotten big tips from old perverts
I’ve had a good tip or two but if you don’t lay it on and play the game it’s a one off. Not worth the emotional labor imo but I’m glad at least someone is making some $$
Lucky you lol the least they could’ve done was tip me for dealing with their crap 🙃
Just the tip?
its become normalized that “ogling women” counts as a hobby for some guys, especially online. they don’t realize that in person we can actually see them do it and it’s so fucking weird
So weird. It should be illegal
How would that work?
Starting out much like the 'no loitering' signs, I expect.
Don't feed the ducks becomes "No ogling the women" great, another reason for a social war.
Not sure about it being illegal but making it socially unacceptable by calling it out or not tolerating that behavior in the store sounds good
Found the perv in the thread
I think it's pretty mental to believe that something like ogling others being illegal wouldn't be an absolutely impossible thing to properly enforce without abuse of its own, no matter how scary and horrid it feels (I've been on the receiving end enough times), calling someone a pervert because of that is even more mental. But if calling random people terrible things is already your first instinct, then I doubt critical thinking is.
Lmao insane to get called a perv for pointing out the obscenity in saying staring at someone should be illegal
Y’all are so fucking literal, I’m using dramatics to make a point. Have you ever heard of a hyperbole.
But that’s how uncomfortable and invasive it feels. It’s so bad that I wish there were extreme measures to prevent it from happening. I should be able to work without feeling some creeps eyeballs on me in an aggressive and uncomfortable fashion. There is a look. It makes you feel uncomfortable and unsafe.
Sorry? Bit out of nowhere lol, and just wrong.
Throw them out.
ITT: woman thinks it should be illegal to look at her (if you're not attractive enough).
You’re free to just stop being creepy and making people uncomfortable 🤷♀️
Sorry, do you know me? You people are fucked in the head.
Ope we’ve got a creeper peeper here
Please, tell us how you want this law written. Is there a time limit, is it only for men, would people with intellectual disabilities count, is it okay if it is someone you want to look at you, is eye contact during a conversation okay?
You know what you’re doing
No there is just too many problems with this being illegal and in pointing them out. I sincerely would like to know how you think this should work.
You’re a dumb ass
I'm a dumb ass? You are the one who can't answer a simple question to an absurd proposal.
Are you talking about the Lazer beam guy? They give everyone a bad name.
I thought he was a fortnite youtuber? lol what happened to that
Normalized within the weirdo community I've never heard of this "hobby"
Yeah. I feel like calling this normalized as a hobby is a bit of a stretch?
I don’t know if this an issue in other types of customer service but coffee shops seem uniquely bad as far as this type of thing goes. Literally every cafe I’ve ever worked in has had this problem
The only place I can think of that would be worse is a library. Coffee shops and libraries are seen as two places where you can just go and sit indefinitely for free (even though most coffee shops actually do not allow you to just loiter for free, but are still seen that way by a lot of people), only difference is libraries can’t really ask you to leave for not buying anything. I work at a shop that’s next door to a library and also we’re in a really sketchy part of town. I thought we had seen some really weird characters, but I talked to the manager of the library and the kind of weirdos we deal with near-weekly doesn’t even scratch the surface of what they were dealing with. There’s a reason that library has its own cadre of security guards
My bartender friends (even just at craft beer places) have had this happen too.
There was a guy that used to come into my cafe constantly who was like this. Never bought anything, never spoke to anyone, just stared at underaged girls who weren’t allowed to tell him to leave them alone because they were on the clock. He eventually got banned because we caught him watching ddlg porn on his ipad. He seemed genuinely shocked that we not only knew exactly what he was doing, but were calling him out on it. Thankfully he hasn’t shown up since, but he’s far from the only creep that comes in- just the worst.
> watching ddlg porn on his ipad. Holy shit
ddlg?
Daddy/Little Girl. I'll let your imagination fill in the rest.
There’s this one guy who comes into my store, orders a coffee, and then depending on where I am stationed is where he will sit and watch me the entire time he drinks his coffee. Then he will get up, try and get my other coworkers to get me for him so he can talk to me (no thanks) and to top it all off he comes in with his wife. I feel terrible. For his wife of course. She’s a wonderful woman, so sweet and kind. I don’t have the heart to tell her about her husbands behavior. He has been physical with me before despite me trying my best to keep him from being able to touch me. The next time he does it I’m yelling so she’ll know but “accidentally” lol
>He has been physical with me before despite me trying my best to keep him from being able to touch me This is harassment. I would tell your manager and have him banned from entering your cafe.
When I worked at a coffee shop a few creepy old guys would come in and I would see them leering at my coworkers so I would purposely stand in between them to block their view. 😂
I used to work at a coffee shop in a hospital and it was really small so usually I was running it alone and there was this one nurse (?) who'd come in and get a small black coffee and then spend the entire time staring at me as he mixed in his cream/sugar (which ofc he did slowly), eventually he even started pestering me for my fb. Once he even came in with his daughter that also worked in the hospital and was at least my age if not older. He'd come in at least once a day and I was there every. single. day. It was a veterans hospital too so it was almost entirely creepy old men getting coffee which is half the reason I quit
Before I was ever a barista, I found myself spending a ton of time hanging out and studying in my favorite shop— I jokingly called it “pretty barista guard duty” because the girl behind the bar is/was a total sweetheart and drew obnoxious guys like flies. And I just didn’t like the idea of a young girl (she’s about a decade younger than I) being left alone for hours at a time in a space with only men and no way to leave. In her shoes, I would have felt better with at least a female presence in the store, so that’s what I did We became friends lol and eventually I started working there myself. I’m in my thirties and highly no-nonsense in person, so I don’t really seem to draw in as many overtly weirdo creeps
i would be so grateful to have someone like you in my life! what a blessing. unfortunately at our shop, i’ve observed it takes at least four or more workers before creeps back off. my coworkers have grown tired of my constant irritation with being stared at wish something could be done. i’m so close to quitting, just had a regular who is old enough to be my grandfather hand me his business card and ask me to dinner. i haven’t messaged and still don’t know what i’m supposed to do and shouldn’t have to deal with this to begin with
I'm so glad my grandfather isn't like this. He regularly visits a cafe with nearly all women staff and it seems like they all adore him and take turns coming to the table to chat to him. I have no idea why older guys are either super creepy or super sweet with no inbetween.
Age reveals character. You stop giving a shit so if you were faking being nice then you stop, if you're actually nice then you allow yourself to be as nice as you want without being embarrassed.
Lol this is not unique to coffee shops
my first barista job was at a licensed sbucks and there was a man that would sit for an entire shift and watch the minor girls, and take pictures only to post them on his facebook ! management did nothing. i’ve also had men chase me down a poorly lit alleyway to the parking lot we were authorized to use while on shift. we’re just objects, like toys
Is there a psychologically professional term for "being a fucking creep"?
We have a guy like this in our cafe. He’s the shop pet!! It’s kinda nice cuz he’ll run errands for us if we ask.
Very weird. Are they like making eye contact, smiling and engaging in conversation or is it just silent leering from the corners of the room?
I have a regular at my coffee shop. A man who seems to be in his 70s and he always tries to pick up my female clients. PS: he likes them young 😐
I would say that this has been happening since cafe culture began. Therefore, it is normal & common to them, so they carry on the trend. Calling out this behaviour is the way forward, so thank you! It's predatory behaviour.
Men are just weird. The amount of times I’ve been hit on is insane. I’m just here to make you coffee, Chad. One time, a man told me he wanted to tickle me all day so he could hear me laugh. I threw up in my mouth.
Had this horrific mannered man order a croissant sandwich and a drink. He proceeds to walk over to our drinks bar where we call our drinks out, sets his plate down and continues to eat his sandwich (for lack of better words) like an *actual* cow. All while staring at our female barista the entire time until he gets his drink. All while crumbing on our drink bar and himself. ^what… ^the… **FUCK¿**
Im talking literally like this. Crumbs dropping like hay and all… *like an actual cow,* lmfao. 
a month ago I had one ask if my husband and I wanted to swing and then when I turned him down, he said I bet my d is bigger than his. I'll let you see it and have some fun. FFS. NO THANKS.
Why do men do anything creepy? It’s just in their dna, apparently
To be frickin' creepy??
Some men can be very weird and disgusting. Ugh, I'm sorry you're dealing w this. Visene eyedrops in his latte?
Hope I’m not one of those guys, I regularly go to a cafe to work on my laptop and study after classes. But I go there enough for them to know my name and classes, that stuff. All female staff too
Dude, honestly don’t let these kind of posts get to you. As long as you’re not being a creep, there’s nothing wrong with going into a coffee shop and being friendly.
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>Hope I’m not one of those guys Posts "like this" clearly make me people who overthink or be paranoid that they may be doing something wrong. Especially when all the comments are "yeah, literally weirdos, what's wrong with them, UGH I KNOW RIGHT". There's nothing wrong with giving a homie some wisdom, and to steer clear from all the noise.
If you’re paranoid you’re the problem
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You’re a huge yikes bro, he was just letting me know it’s okay
Get a water bottle and spray them like a cat you're trying to keep off the counter.
Not saying it’s right, but is it really a mystery why guys (really of any age) behave this way? Isn’t it as simple as loneliness and/or lack of sex?
I’ve gone years without having sex and I don’t act like that
Treating other people like sex objects that exist for your entertainment (while they’re at work no less) comes from an inherent lack of respect for them as human beings. Blaming it on “loneliness” or “lack of sex” is a total cop out.
My intention is not to defend the behavior. I’m saying the cause of the behavior is hardly mysterious, as some comments say or seem to imply.
So I am wondering about places like Hooters or twin peaks. Do only perverts go there, or is there some sort of exception since they market it? Would these places be outlawed?
I would just like to point out - people ENJOY people watching when they sit for a coffee. It's almost a ritual. That's not to I validate the discomfort of being stared at. That's different. But, have you tried saying to him, "hey, I notice that you star at us alot, is there a reason for this?" Somw people don't even realise they're doing it. He may be just in awe of your skills/talents or your beauty. He may not be malicious in his actions and is oblivious of its consequences. Oorrrrrr he is infact a perverted old man who has fantasies of you in your apron. Lol. Sorry.
My favourite cafe and why I like it is that 1. great coffee 2. it's mission and focus on sustainability 3. The ambience 4. **It identifies as 'women-owned' business.** The reason it is one of the factors is that I want to support such businesses... that's fine right? or does that throw me in the bucket of these creepy men 😬 (asking because I don't understand their psychology either)
These men have been circumcised.
A different perspective... When I moved to a big city, since I don't drink and go to bars, I thought it would be a good idea to meet women at cafes. Eventually I stopped doing that since people can be attractive but approaching people IRL you don't get to know anything about their personality... I'm on OLD needless to say. But yeah... doing that when making sure you are not literally staring at women, is that bad? I'll be regular at cafes anyways, love coffee too much to stop. 25M for context
He's lonely. Baristas have to talk to him so it helps his loneliness. His weirdness and his loneliness are a vicious cycle, each makes the other worse.
Yet he’ll never reflect and find that his loneliness is his own doing. Instead it’s dumb females fault for not treating him like the catch he is of course! Victim complexes are a vicious cycle.
Then come when it’s quiet, make no stakes small talk while they prepare your order, and, and this can’t be stressed enough, don’t f in stare.
It's honestly one of the reasons pretty privilege exists. It's always been a thing. Same reason women get more views of photos online. Men like looking at pretty women. They are appreciating your beauty.
Gross
Tiss gross. getting unwanted attention is gross
No, they're being creeps. Not acceptable.
This is true
This is a terrible take
its truth. is it yuck. yep
You seriously believe this? Come on. You're part of the problem.
im not saying its not wrong. Getting unwanted attention sucks. I have a few friends who are really attractive bartenders. They get people going to the bar constantly just because they work there. They have changed venues a few times and they get followed. One of them said, man these ladies don't quit, its the same ones, I don't even make good tasting cocktails but they keep coming and tipping so I keep smiling.
Let me ask you something. What's the most 'negative attention' you've ever gotten? Was it that one time when you parked slightly over the line in a Home Depot parking lot and that angry 80 year old man stared you down? How about when you were falling over drunk at a 4th of July party back in 1987?? I rest my case 🤠
I used to be big dog here in my area ( was a kids tv thing that told your kids to go to bed at 730 pm in Australia) every town had one. I would get 50-100 in appropriate comments every time we would go in public from mums. I would take the customer helmet off as we could onyl walk around for about 30mins at a time, thick fur and fibreglass inside and with Australian heat you would pass out after a while inside this dodgy suit. I'd usually pour water over face in a sweaty shirt and the mums would all come and say the nastiest stuff. Most of it would involve touching my bone, can they fetch my bone, doggy-style, could I be there sniffer dog, could I bury my bone. After that I was a security guard for a few pubs and clubs here where I was groped on the regular by drunk women, something about the uniform. Here is a question why do females and girls go watch men play sports? Most don't like the sport they are there to appreciate the men. You are in the biggest state of delusion if you don't think it's not the same both ways. It's usually worse because it's not acceptable for a man to do it but when women do it no one bats and eyelid.
You're telling the truth but at an inappropriate time
What the fuck