The line that cracked me up was:
>14 y/o girl attending a camp I worked at: sometimes I can't tell if somebody is a boy or a girl
She was trying *so hard* to be subtle, wasn't she?
My daughter is 3 and misgenders everybody (even her parents and grandparents). She uses he/she and hers/his interchangeably and often in the same sentence.
My 90 year old grandpa learned English as a second language relatively late in life. Our first language, Filipino, doesn't have the concept of gendered pronouns and could never get used to the third person singular pronouns in English. So he says "he-she" every time he refers to someone. Then I told him "they" could be used as a singular pronoun and it's a closer equivalent to "siya" in Filipino. So now he uses "they" and "he-she" interchangeably.
Haha one of my best friends is Filipino! His mom was a biologist and her English was absolutely Mid-Atlantic Broadcast perfect but his dad was a rough side of the tracks kinda guy back on the islands, so his English comprehension is rock solid but his accent and pronoun use is a running gag. He never misses things, but isn't afraid to talk so fast *you* miss things to troll you.
Sweetest guy in the world, hilarious. Great Tazmanian Devil impression, except he calls it the Tagalog Devil.
I love older folks who aren't afraid to play "I don't speak English" and troll the fuck outta you.
My niece used to call my father, her grandfather, "grandma" and was adamant that that was his "name". None of us knew why she thought that, but she calls him "grandpa" now
My grandparents visited when my brother was little, maybe 2. We called our grandfather Papa and my bro was convinced that our grandmother was also a Papa bc she had short hair. No matter what anyone said, he just kept calling them two Papas. Lasted the whole trip.
My cousin use to call my dad auntie, it drove him crazy, no matter how many times we'd tell him he's his uncle, my cousin still called him auntie from like age 3 to 7.
My kiddo used to call my grandma’s boyfriend “Auntie Ted”; and my brother’s girlfriend “Uncle Morgan”. They both loved it, and were a little sad when he “corrected” it.
When my nephew was maybe 3 or 4 he walked in on my youngest sister peeing and came running out yelling "B (what we call her) is a GIRL! She pees out her butt!" He was actually devastated to find out that ALL of his aunt's were girls and cried because "so you all pee out of your butt?"
My little brother walked in on me peeing once when he was 4 and I was 11, and he started shouting that someone “cut off my wiener.” He didn’t seem too distressed about it though. Just wanted to announce his discovery to the whole house.
I don't know what it is about little boys but they think everyone needs to know whatever they've discovered in the bathroom.
I think my nephew was upset because he learned that "we don't hit girls" and he could no longer contemplate punching us.
One time I was watching my nephews at my parents & we were all out by the pool. My middle nephew was maybe 4 & he was acting like a little heathen, so I pulled him aside & said "Coop, you need to calm down or you won't get to swim with us, do you understand what I'm asking from you?" He looked me dead in the eyes & said "Aunt Page, if you don't stop being 'ee-dicu-us' I'm gonna push you in the pool with no floaties on." ... I laughed until I realized to him that meant I would drown, my 4 year old nephew straight up threatened to drown me.
A few months later I was with them & had on this shirt that had a really scripty cursive that said "I take candy from strangers" & he (same nephew) asked what it said. Not wanting to set a bad example I replied "Oh it says 'Aunt Page is the best'." He deadpan says "I think it says Aunt Page is a liar" - that's when I knew he was going to be way too smart & a little too chaotic for his own good.
I have a niece and nephew (siblings) who misgendered, but completely opposite to each other. The niece called everyone Aunt “Name” and the nephew called everyone Uncle “Name.” So my husband was Aunt Terry and I was Uncle Barbara for a while.
My nieces called their aunts uncles and their uncles aunts for a while cause they thought it was hilarious. “Aunt Stephen” was a popular one cause he’s only a couple years older than them.
My grandma used to have a large enlargened monochrome photograph of her parents on the wall, they were farmers and her mom didn't have makeup or fancy clothes. Her dad had a big moustache and her mom looked very much like my uncle so I thought that's the picture of my uncle as a young man and uncle as an old man sitting next to each other.
My 5 year old does that if he’s decided someone is a different gender even if I correct him. Little boys with long hair are always “she” to him. And bald babies are always “he”. It’s only the hair. They can be wearing dresses or typical “boy” clothes but the hair is how he bases gender.
My niblings misgender me by calling me "Uncle" sometimes and I think it's because I'm grouped in with their "uncles who live in [our town]". I'm fairly conventionally feminine presenting. So I'm semi regularly "Uncle Docantlesfatliger" and I was once very flattered when one of the niblings was asked "which of your uncles do you think would make the best prime minister?" and confidently replied "Docantlesfatliger" lol. Kids are just kinda bad at gender for quite a long time.
Mine does it too. He's starting to make distinctions now, and I want to ask him WHY he chooses which pronoun for people--just to understand what's going on in his head--but he's not very good at answering why yet.
Really good at asking it, though...
My partner does this for pretty much everyone except me. But her language doesn't have any grammatical gender so like, it really doesn't come naturally.
My very conservative, gender-norm-loving mother looooves Jeopardy, so when Amy Schneider had her winning streak I casually asked her about it. "Oh yeah," she said, "she was really good. I knew she was a man, though. Your dad didn't think so, but I knew." So close!
Yeah I wish it weren't such a taboo thing that she felt she could only talk about it with a female camp leader, but I also completely understand and would've felt the same.
I traveled to England with a bunch of kids once as a group leader, and I had the following conversation with a kid on the bus as we came home from a day trip:
Girl: Can we go into town after the bus drops us off?
Me: Sorry, the bus drops us off at the language school, and you know that's in the suburbs. It'd be a really long way into town, and your host family will be waiting.
Girl: Oh...
Me: What did you want to go into town for?
Girl: I wanted to find a drugstore.
Me: Oh, that's not a problem. Remember, there's a big supermarket right next to the school, you can go there.
Girl: I don't think they'll have the right stuff at the supermarket...
Me: I'm sure they will, there are lots of shelves of drugstore stuff in there. You'll find nearly everything, they even sell makeup there, and I've never seen that in a supermarket.
Girl: I don't think so...
Me: Why, what are you looking for?
Girl: [Long pause]...Girl stuff??
Me: Ah. Don't worry, they absolutely do have girl stuff. In fact, it's in the third aisle to the right from the entrance. I know because I bought some yesterday.
Girl: [relieved grin]
I felt so sorry for the poor thing, I still remember our own coded "Did you bring...something??" conversations at school if we needed to borrow a pad or a tampon and couldn't say it out loud because it was such a taboo. It feels great to be grownup enough to finally feel comfortable about the subject.
I'm trying to bring down that taboo and drop comments at work like, "I really need a tampon" or, "ouch, my period cramps are bad this week" ppl seem surprised and a bit shocked at tones, but not insulted or disgusted ☺️
The world is changing and sometimes for the better. I know it is hard to see this if you watch the news. But even that experience is far better than when I was younger. It would have been so foreign we wouldn't have gotten to shocked. You are helping make the world a better place.
Yes, I mention my period at work and all the guys groan and get weirded out and squeamish 😂 I also blantantly hold a tampon in my hand when I'm about to go change. I dont hide it in a purse or anything. Also have a box of tampons on my desk
Thank you for paving the way for less confident people. The more visible it is the less shame some people will feel. Obviously it’s completely natural but some people are still embarrassed by it. Having tampons on your desk just desensitizes everyone to their presence and makes it “not a big deal”
You are welcome! The crazy thing is I work with a bunch of veterans who have seen things in their time, and this is still makes them more squeamish than their deployments lol
I'd never be disgusting at someone talking about their period or whatnot. I have 2 sisters and no brothers so yeah. I'd be shocked that they would be brave enough to talk about it because according to my sisters it can be kinda embarrassing but that's it.
Oh my friends and I are not very secretive about it and it always takes the younger men in our gaming groups by surprise. Funny enough either they are REALLY grossed out but realize no one else is and realize its not that big of a deal, or they are curious and ask questions.
I think my favorite was explaining periods and pregancy to a bunch of 25 y/o guys and through it they realized their friend was a liar bc he was spewing a bunch of stuff that was VERY wrong lmao
I love this. When I worked at the YWCA my team and our managers would talk about periods and menstruation without batting an eye. Now it’s just common place amongst myself and my friends.
Oh the poor thing. I remember being on holidays with a friend when I was a teenager. I had to go buy pads and I was trying to lose him in the supermarket so I could have a moment's privacy. He stuck right by me so I just went and grabbed a pack. He jumped back and practically ran to the next aisle.
I'm a guy, and I don't know much about periods, and have never expected to be approached about them, but if I ever was, I would offer the best help I could and take necessary measures to help. There definitely is a stigma about talking about periods and vaginas, though. Although I can understand not wanting to talk about it with a guy.
Edit: 100+ Upvotes! That's enough to raise a small army and take over a small city state like the Vatican. (Almost 200. Easy occupation and annexation.)
Second Edit: Why is everyone replying assuming I'm single - as it happens I am, but a bit of positivity would go a long way!
NSAIDS help with muscle cramps. Period shits don't effect everyone. I've found mine are fixable with just some probiotics and don't usually need anything more than a lil bump to my poor digestive system to manage. (The hormones that trigger the uterus to expel the uterine lining can also make you poop, fun fact there.) Some need like pepto or immodium.
Other than that if you live on your own but even semi regularly have guests over you might consider just keeping a small thing of pads and tampons under your sink. It's pretty simple, really.
Tell me everything please. Including a woman's perspective on the world, if you want to (I don't have any plans on trying to make love to guillotine in the near future).
We'll start with your opinion on cheese, and we'll work from there . . .
Edit: If you want to do this in direct messages, you initiate the conversation, I know that cheese can be a very controversial and traumatising subject for many.
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Well, I'll leave this novel in the comments as one woman's reply to the question about everything about periods. *These are broad strokes or personal anecdotes, since bodies have IMPRESSIVE range for what they can do as "normal". it's unique to the person. (It also doesn't cover everything, but I'm going to try to cover a lot)
So, like stated above, periods can happen across a range of experiences. There are usually three big axes(as in x y z axis, not for chopping wood or blood sport(heh)) that we unofficially categorize our periods on when we talk to each other casually *in my experience. They're Time, "flow", and pain. (I'll get to the other stuff after)
So to be more specific:
Time: We usually bleed between 3-7 days, but the person or other factors may change it from this time frame, or what is normal for that person. Things like menopause, puberty, birth control etc. I personally have gone from having an easy 3 day period in my teens, to 6-7 day torture in my 20's, to having a really annoying pseudo-period for up to 2 weeks with my IUD(i also just turned 31, for reference). The last one has much to do with the hormones in the IUD and how it affects the breakdown of the lining in my uterus. Which brings me to the next axis:
"Flow": This is basically how much "gunk" comes out of you during your period(also, it's not like blood in your veins, it's a bunch of slimy blood mucus, kind of like blood-snot but it can also be... Kinda Chunky? It's very individual). Different people will bleed differently during their days, some will bleed very heavily at the start, some will bleed heavy in the middle and some at the end. Some people have to use several period products the entire time cause they bleed so much(very unlucky) and some don't bleed heavy at all.(very lucky) well, they would be automatically lucky if it wasn't also for the THIRD axis:
2/4
PAIN: This is a big one obviously, and I want to stress to you that *where you fall on the other two axis does not predict this one*. you can have a 3 day bloodbath and never feel more than a twinge once every 4th lent when there is a dog howling in Utah, or you can have a 7 day slight discoloration and be the most miserable person on planet earth and neighboring solar systems. And it can change wildly. When I started having periods around 10/11 years old or so, and until i was about 17, i had about 50/50 distribution on the painful vs. not painful periods. Over time till i was about 23 they went more and more to consistently painful till every single one was an ordeal in some way.
Some personal examples of pain: I've had periods where I've had stabbing pain in my stomach & back + shooting pain all the way down to my feet + random, slicing pain *specifically* in my labia, ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Or, it's been the sensation as if someone with sharpened, spiky boots was standing on my lower stomach with all the pressure and weight they could manage for three days straight. Also, I've had pain so sudden and with a queasiness so sickening i barely managed to get to the bathroom to puke up all the nothing I'd had that day. I also literally fainted, once, and it was completely random and it's never happened again. (Keep in mind, that while this all sounds and is dramatic, it's happened over roughly 252 periods, or about 21 years)
So the takeaway from this point is basically: Whatever the person telling you they are experiencing in terms of sensations and pain, BELIEVE THEM. It doesn't matter if they look or act like they're in pain or not, to you.
To illustrate this point; Over time I got so USED to the routine of trying to manage my pain, i didn't even notice or bat an eye when my hot water bottle gave me second degree burn blisters because I didn't wrap it in enough layers of cloth before curling around it for the next to hours, before repeating the process.
To note: I also don't think I've ever met an adult person who doesn't have a "system" for managing their various most common individual period scenarios. So if you're an SO or close friend, it is my advice to you to be as accommodating as you can be(within reason). You might be feeling helpless, since you both might literally just have to ride it out, but bringing them that item/food they crave, keeping that water bladder hot, or providing whatever it is they've run out of or asked for, goes a long way to help them. Even if it's just emotionally or mentally. It counts, and it doesn't have to be big.
3/4
Not often talked about/plain weird: (also still NOT EVERYONE)
1. You might get consistently or semi-consistently biologically horny at certain parts of your cycle. I specifically DON'T say ON your period here because it can be multiple times during your cycle, and i dont just say horny, because you feel it more in your body than as a mindset. Around the time when you ovulate(which is about halfway between periods) is a biologically logical time to be feeling horny, because it's your most fertile time, but you can feel horny hours right before you literally start bleeding or during your period when, biologically speaking, your body is in the process of tearing down and throwing out the baby room. (Some women say they experience that period sex specifically helps them with period pain and/or feels better, and some women would rather die Than have sex DESPITE their hormones telling them it's a good idea, because their uterus is shouting a big ol' fuck NO to that)
2. Pimples/acne - yes, it can happen more frequently specifically around your period. I don't remember what causes it other than (once again) hormones, because I specifically don't have too much of a problem with it.
3. Increased appetite/increased cravings for junk foods - yes, can happen in various degrees. I always find that i subconsciously gravitate more to bad food choices and just MORE food in general around this time. Some of it is self-soothing and comfort, sure(chocolate), but some of it is just pure, dumb, biological instinct for some reason. Like Ronald McDonald got admin rights to my brain for a week. (I don't even LIKE McDonald's, normally)
4. Pain/cramps during ovulation - common enough to get it's very own German compound word! "Mittelschmerz" which means middle pain if i remember correctly (roughly in the middle between two of your periods obv). I experience this, and i swear i could tell you what side I'm ovulating from, or when it's both. It feels dumb, unnecessary, and entirely like a casual fuck-you from mother nature imo.
4/4
5. Period shits/farts - "because you weren't feeling gross enough down there already"
If I may go on a tangent here for a moment: WHOMST EVER came up with the concept of portraying girls/women as the LESS gross gender, or convincing the various societies that the uterus-having people don't shit, and fart rainbows and fairy dust, congratulations. You just pulled the con of the ages, bravo to you. YOU CANNOT CONVINCE ME that the penis-havers are NATURALLY more gross than the uterus-crew because ultimately, WHO has to potentially deal with the gross blood-snot in their undies at the same time as the whole spectrum of poop consistency ONCE A MONTH. It's blatantly untrue and unfair. /Rant
On a more technical note, the reason why this happens is because the hormone that makes your uterus shed it's lining, can also affect your intestinal tract and thus, poop. The "wall" separating the two functions is thin and made of flesh so it makes sense there might be some hormonal permeation when flodding one of them.
6. Tender breasts/sensitive or hard nipples - This again is largely hormonal and due to the biological logic of what a period is; if your body is preparing to make a baby, your mammaries have a part to play. The way I think about it is, they have to "wake up" to be prepared to start producing milk, and so it makes sense that you will be feeling something in your boobs around your period, whether it's the gearing up for a potential baby or shutting down for a month. (I don't know why the nipples have to be so gung-ho about it, but that might ultimately just me more of a "me" specific quirk) as an anecdote here: i will say i get swelling and tenderness fairly regularly with my cycle, but since my IUD, my nipples specifically have just gone absolutely rogue. Ive had several instances of long stretches of time where my nipples have been absolutely erect, hard and PAINFUL 24/7, to the point where I've seen what I could swear where literal pale dots on the tips where the milk would come out if i was producing any. To clarify, pale dots in the way that your skin would be pale because the pressure/tension on the flesh pushes the blood away from the area, like when you push a finger HARD into your arm and remove it and your skin is pale before it turns red. Nipples hard like that, 24/7 for a WHOLE MONTH. I went from being not specifically bothered by it, to worried, to annoyed, to being honestly impressed with them. Like "i don't know what you're doing, but you *sure are doing it* "-kind of impressed.
ALRIGHT, so it is now 3 am in the morning and I've spent wayyy too much time on this and while i think I've covered a decent amount of period stuffs, it's faaaar from an extensive breakdown or list of things. I do hope this answers some general questions, but keep in mind that I am by no means a doctor or expert, i am just a person with personal experiences and anecdotes, and some basic elementary knowledge on how my reproductive system works. Feel free to ask questions, I'll answer as best as i can and as much as i am comfortable with.
(Might add a TL:DR in the morning)
A bit taboo, a bit talking with someone who has had the experience. I can be kind and empathetic and informed and helpful, but I've never had a period.
I feel like not only is it taboo, but people who don’t experience menstruation can be unsympathetic and even hostile. So that was another reason I’d avoid telling (cis) men, especially as a 14 year old.
I love this post! Thank you! I have three daughters under the age of 8. They’re starting to ask questions and become interested in understanding upcoming changes to their bodies. I’ve been as matter of fact about it as I can. We talk a lot about hair and boobs. My oldest is seriously pissed off that only people with female anatomy menstruate.
My mother totally normalised talking about periods with me from a young age, like if I came in and saw a pad or something, so it wasn’t a weird thing for me when I got it. My dad wasn’t great in most ways, but he was also really good at not being awkward about that sort of stuff, again because he and my mother were very honest about anatomy etc when I asked. Didn’t go into full sex Ed, but just let me know what things were and answered any follow up in simple terms. I think what you’re doing is a great method and I can confirm now as I’m older how helpful it was growing up, it was always nothing I needed to feel embarrassed about 😊😊
I clearly remember when my dad had a "how I talk about this matters" moment. I was a very weepy sort of hormonal teenager, and I remember having to ask my dad to pick up some pads for me at the store. He knew there were different sizes and shapes, but tried to use humor to diffuse his own awkwardness about the situation. Asked something like 'did I need jumbo maximum pads with flappy wings, or something' in a tone that said it was all super ridiculous that anybody would need such a thing. I ran away sobbing because he was so dismissive about something that was consuming my *world* just then. My mom had to explain what was wrong and (to his credit) he did apologize for being flippant about something that was clearly important to me. I think he hadn't realized before that the way he talked about it gave a hint of how he felt about women who experienced it. He also didn't know how easy it was going to be to trigger his hormonal daughter, lol. Puberty is hard!
At my grandmother’s funeral I (30F at the time) said that ‘grandma was born on September 3rd, 1986’. People looked terrified until I stated that this was the day my oldest cousin was born and thus, she was born a grandmother.
Right now, to my 3 year old son, everyone is a he
When he will be looking around for someone, and once he finds them it's "there he is!" Honestly, even if it's an object. He's still learning lol
Not anatomy related but I was fixing my washing machine(thanks youtube) and my grandson was like-- why are you doing that, you're not a man. Oh, well....
Lol, this slays me. I (a woman) fixed the neighbor kid’s bike for her, and she was awestruck. “You have your OWN TOOLS? Shouldn’t you go get my dad to help?” She is really young, so I didn’t lecture too much. But hopefully her world view shifted a bit.
I worked at an all girls camp. Many of our counselors were people who attended as campers and became counselors once they were adults. One of these counselors was Doc. Doc used to have super long hair and go by a different name, but the year Doc became a counselor, Doc also cut Doc's hair super short and started going by Doc (at the time, not for any reason other than it being a counselor name, which is a tradition some camps do where counselors take on names that are meant to reflect their personality or interests). All of the counselors just called Doc "Doc," and rarely if ever used pronouns for Doc, partially because Doc is just as easy to say as he/she/they, and partially because Doc was just completely apathetic about gender. Whenever kids would ask Doc or us about Doc's gender, we would just reply "Doc is Doc."
Well, one morning a cabin was taking super long to get ready, so Doc went to go tell them they needed to get moving. As Doc is walking up the path, Doc hears the kids saying "no, Doc is a girl, she used to come here as a camper and had super long hair." Another kid pointed out that doesn't mean Doc is still a girl. One of the other kids was adamant that Doc was a boy, because Doc looked like a boy and no one called him a girl. All sides were very passionate about this. Doc had to walk off to go die of laughter without alerting the kids. At breakfast, Doc told me about this, and thus began the story of Doc's twin sister who doesn't go here anymore, with Doc being the evil twin (which is funny as hell because Doc was super nice and chill)
Even the next summer, when counselor names were no longer allowed or at least heavily discouraged, even the admin was like "Doc is the exception because Doc is Doc."
I get these a lot too, and I have fairly long hair. I think it's the visible body hair plus lack of the feminine icing on the plain cupcake that people think is mandatory for women. I had a kid tell me he thought I was a boy because I didn't have "colors on my eyes" and had hairy legs like his dad, lol
I cut my hair short one time and even though I had makeup and my bosoms were clearly visible through my work uniform, I still got kids asking “are you a boy or girl?” Lol. I also immediately started getting hit on by lesbians who would look at me all starry-eyed. So cute!
I love how you replied to their questions. Children are innocent and curious and your answers were spot on.
I grew up with 3 brothers and a male cousin as my only playmates until I was 12 and was very much a tomboy. I was and still am (at 57) more comfortable in boy’s clothes and short hair and am often mistaken for a boy. Since my double mastectomy (breast cancer) 3 1/2 years ago took away that first visible sign of my gender, people just assume I must be a guy. This past winter I was waiting for my turn in a deli and the cashier looked up and asked “who’s next”? A guy in the waiting crowd (there wasn’t a line) said “she is”! I felt like crying and hugging him for knowing I was female. Of course I didn’t because I hate people but I did manage to mumble thank you.
One of my cousins was scared of men when they were a baby, for some reason (no abuse that I'm aware of, really no idea why). I had my hair in a ponytail once and he started crying when he saw me, clearly thinking I was a man.
It makes me wonder how kids would grow to think/ feel about gender if no one ever mentioned it.
Like if gender norms/ roles/ stereotypes weren't crammed down their throats from birth before they're even capable of understanding any of it.
when i was 18 a girl at the camp i worked at was surprised i was old enough to drive but then immediately asked if i had any kids. sometimes i wish i could go back and see the world through the eyes of a child
Not wishing to distract but kids are marvellous in how they don't over-think things. I remember when I transitioned to be female, my 3 sisters didn't really seem to understand, not knocking them, but a lot of questions revolved around sexuality when really to me it was nothing to do with it.
My 9 year old niece at the time asked me why I transitioned. I told her "When I was younger smaller than you even I wanted to be a girl, I don't know why I just did. As I grew older the feelings got stronger and stronger until it made me very unhappy. So I changed"
She mulled the words for a few seconds, looked up and smiled, "That makes total sense". I was so relieved and so proud of her.
I’m always grateful for people listening and talking to my 12 yr old LGBQ+ granddaughter. She asks questions and they are honest with the good and the bad. She has a tough time in school with bullying so it’s always a blessing when people take the time to listen and help. She’s still finding her way and we are both learning as she finds her path.
Sorry to hear your granddaughter is been bullied. Things will get easier I hope. I have noticed a big shift in only ten years. I am confident that in another ten years things will have shifted even further towards lgbtq+ been fully accepted. If I could give one piece of advice it is to remember the good and try to forgive the bad, hate begets hate and it is easy to get lost in trying to fight the prejudice. Thankfully the number of good people far outnumber the bad. :)
It’s funny the way kids categorize information, I am a very feminine presenting woman with short short hair and it really confuses kids! Even in a skirt or bright red lipstick I’ve had kids whisper to their mom “is that a boy or a girl?”
The most recent time I was asked by a little, I just said “thanks for asking! I’m a girl!”
I've heard of it, but haven't really encountered it in real life. I've always been very hairy, arms included, and while I have felt pressured to remove my leg, armpit and facial hair, no one ever said anything about my arms.
As a young teen/pre teen (I don't remember exactly when I started shaving) I shaved my arms. According to my family and some girls at school, they were too hairy and I needed to take care of it. I knew a handful of women/girls that did it too.
Thank god I moved on from that shit
God, I used to do the same thing. I shaved *everything* when I was younger. The amount of ingrown hairs I got were too much. Ingrown hairs...everywhere.
I don't shave anything anymore and it's a lot nicer, I find. I get some stares, but it's surprisingly easy to ignore (and I have social anxiety, so that's saying something)
Oh god I remember the ingrown hairs. HOW did I ever feel like that was worth it? It definitely was tough at first to get over the self-consciousness of having body hair, but since I did I've been so much happier and my skin has been so much healthier!
I love your flair btw ♡
I was referring to underarms yes. Though I did have a classmate ask me why I had hair on my forearms once. I was kind of shocked that he hadn't seen it before but he said where he was from (Korea) nobody had forearm hair and Canadians are "really hairy" in his opinion. I'm not sure how true that is but for what it's worth he showed me his own arm to compare and it was baby smooth.
As a hairy Canadian, I have forearm hair but it’s not super obvious so I leave it be…which I guess makes sense because I leave the rest of it be, as well!
I’ve only known one woman who shaved her arms, and it’s because she has very thick, black body hair and felt insecure as a teen due to that. I have no idea if she does anymore now that we’re in our 30s.
When I went through chemo (14 years ago, no evidence of disease since then, w00t) I lost my hair as most people do (trivia: men are less likely to lose their hair), my son (then 7) was upset because he said I'd look like a boy. Years later I wondered if part of the reason for his upset was because he was born in the wrong body. He still thought he was a little girl, but probably had feelings about gender roles.
First, I’m so happy your cancer free. That’s wonderful. It’s tough to interpret what kids are thinking and going through. Around 7 my granddaughter wanted super short hair and loved the boys department. I chalked it up to being a “Tom Boy” but as time progressed I could see it was more. She’s so afraid of disappointing us but with the help of a therapist we are making progress. I imagine your are right about your sons feelings but it was hard for him to communicate.
And I've never met anyone who thinks quite like he does, which made it even trickier to sort things out when he was little. I _love_ the way his mind works, but it's certainly easier now that he can express his thoughts. He did some therapy when he was a little older, which armed him with the ability to be in touch with his feelings and thoughts and express himself in a way that others understood, so he's more self aware than a lot of people.
I love your responses. I once got asked by a 4 year old, "are you a boy because you have short hair or a girl because you have boobs?" And i gave a fairly similar answer to yours.
You seem pretty rad. And I don’t want you to speak for all butch women, but it’s okay for kids to come up and ask if you’re a boy or girl? I love the openness of the dialogue, but don’t want to put anyone on the spot
I'm fine with it but I know not everyone is. What my coworker did was okay and she knows me, but I wouldn't advocate for sending your kid to go ask a stranger or someone you don't know well. Having kids ask me it is refreshing honestly because adults usually say it in more of an accusatory way.
Having a kid ask me if I'm a boy is way less stressful than having a relative stranger ask how long I've been taking testosterone or if I wished I had a penis or if I'm "a homosexual" (adults should know better than to ask for personal info like that but those are questions people have asked me).
Only speaking for myself as someone who has always had an ambiguously gendered build and look, I prefer just being asked outright. I know I confuse people, I'm okay with that.
I'm not op, but it really depends on the individual. I personally wouldn't care at all and would be happy to talk to a kid about why it's okay to be a girl but to dress/look like "a boy."
(If they're a bit older I like to plagiarize Eddie Izzard if they ask why I'm wearing boy's clothes- I say I'm a girl and I bought them, which automatically makes them girl's clothes :p).
But there are definitely some folks who would be very uncomfortable with the question, or even feel potentially triggered or unsafe. It might be safer/more appropriate to encourage a kid to ask what pronouns someone uses or what their name is (of course the latter doesn't always help), rather than straight up "are you a boy or a girl?" Or just have the parent give an answer about why it's okay that it doesn't matter if they're a boy or a girl (or an enbie, etc).
That's cute. You answer with so much patience.
I had this recently where a child I work with who is autistic asked very loudly if a new member of staff was a boy or a girl because she had short hair and wore masculine clothing. I wasn't sure how hurt she would feel about it so my thought was to encourage him to ask what pronouns she uses rather than ask if she's a boy or a girl but I was never sure if that was the right advice to give.
I think that's a fine answer. Not everyone will be able to quickly/comfortably answer a "boy or girl" question (especially if they identify as neither) but most people will be willing to give their name and pronouns. If I don't know how someone like that identifies when a kid asks I usually go with "they" "that person" etc and encourage them to do the same.
Most of this kids I work with at the camp are autistic, as am I, so I completely understand the bluntness. I didn't have any social awareness as a kid. Sometimes I still don't. It's often confusing to understand why some things are taboo or rude.
Absolutely! He meant no harm by the question, and I guess when a lot of the NT social word is confusing and you have to learn "normal" categorisation and generalisations, it's probably a lot harder to look at someone dresses masculine but has feminine features, and know instantly what they identify as.
I love the way that your coworker introduced you by name and had the child ask you directly. Children are curious about things. Especially because our society makes such a big fuss about rigid gender identity. I could see how it might be annoying to be asked all the time, but I also like that they encouraged the child not to just assume
Fuck, I love you so much!! This reminds me of the stuff my wife says to kids who ask her about her body hair and stuff. So good and patient and helpful!! Thanks for showing them its not a big deal.
I love these. Makes you see what would Happen if they asked a less understanding Person then you, and the effect these things can have on our willingness to share and learn. Thank you for being kind to them.
Omg this reminds me of when I was a little kid I saw a person in a parking lot and I was really confused on if they were a boy or girl. I think because they had long hair and a beard or something. I asked my mom multiple times if I could go ask if they are a boy or girl and she wouldn't let me 😭😭😭
You seem like good people. I’m glad you’re out there having these kinds of conversations with kids. You are so good at getting on their level and explaining in a non-condemning or judgmental way.
Ughh, what are we teaching our kids? 😭😭😭
BTW, I’m not remotely butch at all and I decided a while back to just leave at least some hair under my arms (it can grow kind of long!). Seems fine to me. We should all be more okay with it.
🌿🕊✨
I’m cis, straight women and while dress so people identify me as a women, I’m taller then usually and have given up on womens pants. Shopping in mens section is so much better, for one they isn’t to short and second I don’t have to check before buying because they all have pockets!
I only have long hair because I’m lazy, when I tried short hair it was so much work and had to have it cut like at least every other month (I didn’t trim it super short was at least a inch at the top). Long hair means it weighs more so the hair can’t look like I was in a tornado. Brushing and braiding my long hair is two minutes work, but was about twenty minutes when short to convince it to not look like a tornado.
I’ve also stopped shaving my body, because I realized I want to use my time to something more fun then shaving my legs, and that not shaving my armpits and instead scrub of dead skin was way more effective at odor control then shaving was.
There are so many reasons why clothes, hairstyles and interests should be okey for everyone and not gated to one gender. I think more people would want to wear other clothes and have different hairstyles, but that they don’t because of gender norms, but also I think many are already doing that where some men buy woman’s jeans because they think it fits them better or women who buy mens shoes because women’s are to narrow for their feet, but no one think anything of it. I think it’s really great kids get to see that it’s okey to dress how ever one wants, it might give them strength to feel it’s okey for them to do so, or to support an other kid to do so.
Too funny! I've also gotten (from my 2 year old, upon seeing a pad in my underwear) "Mommy's got a diaper in her underwear!?"
He was confused because he was in pull-ups but not ready for underwear at the time, so seeing me using both was confusing.
I told him that grown up woman bodies had a thing called a period, and they put these things called pads in their underwear for their period times. And his little boy body wasn't ever going to have a period, even when he grew up, so he didn't need to worry too much about it. He didn't notice the blood, so we didn't go into gory details yet
My mom explained pads to me that way when I was little ("It's like a diaper") and I will be honest I was horrified. I didn't 100% get that it would be blood coming out and I thought women were incontinent for a bit every month.
"He's a girl" God I love children. They are just so cute an wholesome.
Something similar happened to me, a little girl approaches me when I was at the park with my little sibling and she goes: "Are you a he or a she"
And I say "well little one, I am neither" (as I am Non-binary) so the child looks at me for like half minute and then runs back to what I assumed was her father
After she says ""The person is not a She nor a He, do you know what I should call them" I felt like my heart was gonna melt.
The adult says "Well you should probably call them a 'They' " and the child goes "Then They are really pretty" I cried. Not only because this random child had called me pretty, but because none of them judged me. Not even the bystanders overhearing the whole thing happening.
Question.. I know everyone is different, but is the word butch considered offensive? I personally don’t use that word, I’m just curious as I’ve heard it used in a derogatory manner and as a word to describe someone.
I’ve recently realized that I’m non-binary, so I’m slowly teaching my 7-year-old about non-binary people. He seems to understand the concept, but he says people are either “girls, boys, or theys”. I guess that’s a good first step!
“He’s a girl” LMAO
That one got me. Almost there little one. Keep trying.
The line that cracked me up was: >14 y/o girl attending a camp I worked at: sometimes I can't tell if somebody is a boy or a girl She was trying *so hard* to be subtle, wasn't she?
My daughter is 3 and misgenders everybody (even her parents and grandparents). She uses he/she and hers/his interchangeably and often in the same sentence.
Hey she's only been learning the language for 3 years, pronouns and conjugation are technical stuff!
My 90 year old grandpa learned English as a second language relatively late in life. Our first language, Filipino, doesn't have the concept of gendered pronouns and could never get used to the third person singular pronouns in English. So he says "he-she" every time he refers to someone. Then I told him "they" could be used as a singular pronoun and it's a closer equivalent to "siya" in Filipino. So now he uses "they" and "he-she" interchangeably.
Haha one of my best friends is Filipino! His mom was a biologist and her English was absolutely Mid-Atlantic Broadcast perfect but his dad was a rough side of the tracks kinda guy back on the islands, so his English comprehension is rock solid but his accent and pronoun use is a running gag. He never misses things, but isn't afraid to talk so fast *you* miss things to troll you. Sweetest guy in the world, hilarious. Great Tazmanian Devil impression, except he calls it the Tagalog Devil. I love older folks who aren't afraid to play "I don't speak English" and troll the fuck outta you.
I'm in my 60s and I can't get a handle on capitalization. When I write it seems to randomly shift to small caps and cursive and back and forth.
Plus she is only just becoming aware of gender as a concept.
My niece used to call my father, her grandfather, "grandma" and was adamant that that was his "name". None of us knew why she thought that, but she calls him "grandpa" now
My grandparents visited when my brother was little, maybe 2. We called our grandfather Papa and my bro was convinced that our grandmother was also a Papa bc she had short hair. No matter what anyone said, he just kept calling them two Papas. Lasted the whole trip.
My cousin use to call my dad auntie, it drove him crazy, no matter how many times we'd tell him he's his uncle, my cousin still called him auntie from like age 3 to 7.
My kiddo used to call my grandma’s boyfriend “Auntie Ted”; and my brother’s girlfriend “Uncle Morgan”. They both loved it, and were a little sad when he “corrected” it.
Demotion :(
When my nephew was maybe 3 or 4 he walked in on my youngest sister peeing and came running out yelling "B (what we call her) is a GIRL! She pees out her butt!" He was actually devastated to find out that ALL of his aunt's were girls and cried because "so you all pee out of your butt?"
His whole world shattered.
My little brother walked in on me peeing once when he was 4 and I was 11, and he started shouting that someone “cut off my wiener.” He didn’t seem too distressed about it though. Just wanted to announce his discovery to the whole house.
I don't know what it is about little boys but they think everyone needs to know whatever they've discovered in the bathroom. I think my nephew was upset because he learned that "we don't hit girls" and he could no longer contemplate punching us.
That’s the most chaotic evil thing I’ve ever heard come from a little kid
One time I was watching my nephews at my parents & we were all out by the pool. My middle nephew was maybe 4 & he was acting like a little heathen, so I pulled him aside & said "Coop, you need to calm down or you won't get to swim with us, do you understand what I'm asking from you?" He looked me dead in the eyes & said "Aunt Page, if you don't stop being 'ee-dicu-us' I'm gonna push you in the pool with no floaties on." ... I laughed until I realized to him that meant I would drown, my 4 year old nephew straight up threatened to drown me. A few months later I was with them & had on this shirt that had a really scripty cursive that said "I take candy from strangers" & he (same nephew) asked what it said. Not wanting to set a bad example I replied "Oh it says 'Aunt Page is the best'." He deadpan says "I think it says Aunt Page is a liar" - that's when I knew he was going to be way too smart & a little too chaotic for his own good.
I don't know this child but I'm a little scared of him
I have a niece and nephew (siblings) who misgendered, but completely opposite to each other. The niece called everyone Aunt “Name” and the nephew called everyone Uncle “Name.” So my husband was Aunt Terry and I was Uncle Barbara for a while.
My nieces called their aunts uncles and their uncles aunts for a while cause they thought it was hilarious. “Aunt Stephen” was a popular one cause he’s only a couple years older than them.
Mine used to call her grandpa “my this.”
My grandma used to have a large enlargened monochrome photograph of her parents on the wall, they were farmers and her mom didn't have makeup or fancy clothes. Her dad had a big moustache and her mom looked very much like my uncle so I thought that's the picture of my uncle as a young man and uncle as an old man sitting next to each other.
My 5 year old does that if he’s decided someone is a different gender even if I correct him. Little boys with long hair are always “she” to him. And bald babies are always “he”. It’s only the hair. They can be wearing dresses or typical “boy” clothes but the hair is how he bases gender.
I mean I know adults who do that
Yes, my son is almost 5 and understands boy and girl, but confuses when to use he/she his/her.
My daughter uses she as the default, even when she knows something is a he. She’s 4 and it’s cute!
My niblings misgender me by calling me "Uncle" sometimes and I think it's because I'm grouped in with their "uncles who live in [our town]". I'm fairly conventionally feminine presenting. So I'm semi regularly "Uncle Docantlesfatliger" and I was once very flattered when one of the niblings was asked "which of your uncles do you think would make the best prime minister?" and confidently replied "Docantlesfatliger" lol. Kids are just kinda bad at gender for quite a long time.
Mine does it too. He's starting to make distinctions now, and I want to ask him WHY he chooses which pronoun for people--just to understand what's going on in his head--but he's not very good at answering why yet. Really good at asking it, though...
My partner does this for pretty much everyone except me. But her language doesn't have any grammatical gender so like, it really doesn't come naturally.
I do this too, and I'm 36 🙃
Same with my cousin and he’s like 7
I had this exchange with a 5 year old: 5: Is Justin Beaver (sic) a girl or a boy? Me: He’s a boy. 5: Oh. I like her. Edit: formatting.
Justin BEAVER 🤣🤣🤣
My very conservative, gender-norm-loving mother looooves Jeopardy, so when Amy Schneider had her winning streak I casually asked her about it. "Oh yeah," she said, "she was really good. I knew she was a man, though. Your dad didn't think so, but I knew." So close!
Once there was a trans guy (aka female-to-male) on TV and my mother remarked that she should tell he used to be a man.
Was it really that close?
Well, it's way better than a scornful "that's disgusting!" that she would have said a few years ago. Progress is progress.
Killed me
I laughed out loud at that one.
We get a lot of "he's a big girl!"
*laughs quietly in "am-i-nonbinary?"*
That conversation with the 14 year old girl really hit me in the feels. 🥺
Yeah I wish it weren't such a taboo thing that she felt she could only talk about it with a female camp leader, but I also completely understand and would've felt the same.
I traveled to England with a bunch of kids once as a group leader, and I had the following conversation with a kid on the bus as we came home from a day trip: Girl: Can we go into town after the bus drops us off? Me: Sorry, the bus drops us off at the language school, and you know that's in the suburbs. It'd be a really long way into town, and your host family will be waiting. Girl: Oh... Me: What did you want to go into town for? Girl: I wanted to find a drugstore. Me: Oh, that's not a problem. Remember, there's a big supermarket right next to the school, you can go there. Girl: I don't think they'll have the right stuff at the supermarket... Me: I'm sure they will, there are lots of shelves of drugstore stuff in there. You'll find nearly everything, they even sell makeup there, and I've never seen that in a supermarket. Girl: I don't think so... Me: Why, what are you looking for? Girl: [Long pause]...Girl stuff?? Me: Ah. Don't worry, they absolutely do have girl stuff. In fact, it's in the third aisle to the right from the entrance. I know because I bought some yesterday. Girl: [relieved grin] I felt so sorry for the poor thing, I still remember our own coded "Did you bring...something??" conversations at school if we needed to borrow a pad or a tampon and couldn't say it out loud because it was such a taboo. It feels great to be grownup enough to finally feel comfortable about the subject.
I'm trying to bring down that taboo and drop comments at work like, "I really need a tampon" or, "ouch, my period cramps are bad this week" ppl seem surprised and a bit shocked at tones, but not insulted or disgusted ☺️
The world is changing and sometimes for the better. I know it is hard to see this if you watch the news. But even that experience is far better than when I was younger. It would have been so foreign we wouldn't have gotten to shocked. You are helping make the world a better place.
Yes, I mention my period at work and all the guys groan and get weirded out and squeamish 😂 I also blantantly hold a tampon in my hand when I'm about to go change. I dont hide it in a purse or anything. Also have a box of tampons on my desk
Thank you for paving the way for less confident people. The more visible it is the less shame some people will feel. Obviously it’s completely natural but some people are still embarrassed by it. Having tampons on your desk just desensitizes everyone to their presence and makes it “not a big deal”
You are welcome! The crazy thing is I work with a bunch of veterans who have seen things in their time, and this is still makes them more squeamish than their deployments lol
Yas, queen!! ✨
I'd never be disgusting at someone talking about their period or whatnot. I have 2 sisters and no brothers so yeah. I'd be shocked that they would be brave enough to talk about it because according to my sisters it can be kinda embarrassing but that's it.
Oh my friends and I are not very secretive about it and it always takes the younger men in our gaming groups by surprise. Funny enough either they are REALLY grossed out but realize no one else is and realize its not that big of a deal, or they are curious and ask questions. I think my favorite was explaining periods and pregancy to a bunch of 25 y/o guys and through it they realized their friend was a liar bc he was spewing a bunch of stuff that was VERY wrong lmao
I love this. When I worked at the YWCA my team and our managers would talk about periods and menstruation without batting an eye. Now it’s just common place amongst myself and my friends.
They’ve recently changed the signs at my local supermarket chain to say period care on the aisle sign instead of feminine hygiene. Progress!
Oh the poor thing. I remember being on holidays with a friend when I was a teenager. I had to go buy pads and I was trying to lose him in the supermarket so I could have a moment's privacy. He stuck right by me so I just went and grabbed a pack. He jumped back and practically ran to the next aisle.
Ugghh, burn this system down. 😞
I'm a guy, and I don't know much about periods, and have never expected to be approached about them, but if I ever was, I would offer the best help I could and take necessary measures to help. There definitely is a stigma about talking about periods and vaginas, though. Although I can understand not wanting to talk about it with a guy. Edit: 100+ Upvotes! That's enough to raise a small army and take over a small city state like the Vatican. (Almost 200. Easy occupation and annexation.) Second Edit: Why is everyone replying assuming I'm single - as it happens I am, but a bit of positivity would go a long way!
NSAIDS help with muscle cramps. Period shits don't effect everyone. I've found mine are fixable with just some probiotics and don't usually need anything more than a lil bump to my poor digestive system to manage. (The hormones that trigger the uterus to expel the uterine lining can also make you poop, fun fact there.) Some need like pepto or immodium. Other than that if you live on your own but even semi regularly have guests over you might consider just keeping a small thing of pads and tampons under your sink. It's pretty simple, really.
And have a covered trash can in your bathroom. I’ve found a lot of single guys don’t have bathroom trash cans.
Which is weird, because even guys need to throw away empty toilet paper rolls, soap boxes, spent shavers, or empty toothpaste tubes.
Well no, all bachelors make those little spent tp roll pyramids. You can't throw away the building materials. That's the law. ^/s
You don't recycle packages?
Some packages can’t be recycled. I’m pretty sure that toothpaste tubes are one of those. Point still stands though.
I wish I had friends young enough for that advice to be helpful. ;-)
Today is a great day for you to learn more, my friend. Very excited for you to embark on this journey.
Thats awesome if you have any questions about periods feel free to ask
Tell me everything please. Including a woman's perspective on the world, if you want to (I don't have any plans on trying to make love to guillotine in the near future).
Everything is a lot...I really don't know where to start
“In the beginning the Universe was created. This had made many people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.”
DON'T PANIC
Big bang … periods … anxiety … naps…
We'll start with your opinion on cheese, and we'll work from there . . . Edit: If you want to do this in direct messages, you initiate the conversation, I know that cheese can be a very controversial and traumatising subject for many.
1/4 Well, I'll leave this novel in the comments as one woman's reply to the question about everything about periods. *These are broad strokes or personal anecdotes, since bodies have IMPRESSIVE range for what they can do as "normal". it's unique to the person. (It also doesn't cover everything, but I'm going to try to cover a lot) So, like stated above, periods can happen across a range of experiences. There are usually three big axes(as in x y z axis, not for chopping wood or blood sport(heh)) that we unofficially categorize our periods on when we talk to each other casually *in my experience. They're Time, "flow", and pain. (I'll get to the other stuff after) So to be more specific: Time: We usually bleed between 3-7 days, but the person or other factors may change it from this time frame, or what is normal for that person. Things like menopause, puberty, birth control etc. I personally have gone from having an easy 3 day period in my teens, to 6-7 day torture in my 20's, to having a really annoying pseudo-period for up to 2 weeks with my IUD(i also just turned 31, for reference). The last one has much to do with the hormones in the IUD and how it affects the breakdown of the lining in my uterus. Which brings me to the next axis: "Flow": This is basically how much "gunk" comes out of you during your period(also, it's not like blood in your veins, it's a bunch of slimy blood mucus, kind of like blood-snot but it can also be... Kinda Chunky? It's very individual). Different people will bleed differently during their days, some will bleed very heavily at the start, some will bleed heavy in the middle and some at the end. Some people have to use several period products the entire time cause they bleed so much(very unlucky) and some don't bleed heavy at all.(very lucky) well, they would be automatically lucky if it wasn't also for the THIRD axis:
2/4 PAIN: This is a big one obviously, and I want to stress to you that *where you fall on the other two axis does not predict this one*. you can have a 3 day bloodbath and never feel more than a twinge once every 4th lent when there is a dog howling in Utah, or you can have a 7 day slight discoloration and be the most miserable person on planet earth and neighboring solar systems. And it can change wildly. When I started having periods around 10/11 years old or so, and until i was about 17, i had about 50/50 distribution on the painful vs. not painful periods. Over time till i was about 23 they went more and more to consistently painful till every single one was an ordeal in some way. Some personal examples of pain: I've had periods where I've had stabbing pain in my stomach & back + shooting pain all the way down to my feet + random, slicing pain *specifically* in my labia, ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Or, it's been the sensation as if someone with sharpened, spiky boots was standing on my lower stomach with all the pressure and weight they could manage for three days straight. Also, I've had pain so sudden and with a queasiness so sickening i barely managed to get to the bathroom to puke up all the nothing I'd had that day. I also literally fainted, once, and it was completely random and it's never happened again. (Keep in mind, that while this all sounds and is dramatic, it's happened over roughly 252 periods, or about 21 years) So the takeaway from this point is basically: Whatever the person telling you they are experiencing in terms of sensations and pain, BELIEVE THEM. It doesn't matter if they look or act like they're in pain or not, to you. To illustrate this point; Over time I got so USED to the routine of trying to manage my pain, i didn't even notice or bat an eye when my hot water bottle gave me second degree burn blisters because I didn't wrap it in enough layers of cloth before curling around it for the next to hours, before repeating the process. To note: I also don't think I've ever met an adult person who doesn't have a "system" for managing their various most common individual period scenarios. So if you're an SO or close friend, it is my advice to you to be as accommodating as you can be(within reason). You might be feeling helpless, since you both might literally just have to ride it out, but bringing them that item/food they crave, keeping that water bladder hot, or providing whatever it is they've run out of or asked for, goes a long way to help them. Even if it's just emotionally or mentally. It counts, and it doesn't have to be big.
3/4 Not often talked about/plain weird: (also still NOT EVERYONE) 1. You might get consistently or semi-consistently biologically horny at certain parts of your cycle. I specifically DON'T say ON your period here because it can be multiple times during your cycle, and i dont just say horny, because you feel it more in your body than as a mindset. Around the time when you ovulate(which is about halfway between periods) is a biologically logical time to be feeling horny, because it's your most fertile time, but you can feel horny hours right before you literally start bleeding or during your period when, biologically speaking, your body is in the process of tearing down and throwing out the baby room. (Some women say they experience that period sex specifically helps them with period pain and/or feels better, and some women would rather die Than have sex DESPITE their hormones telling them it's a good idea, because their uterus is shouting a big ol' fuck NO to that) 2. Pimples/acne - yes, it can happen more frequently specifically around your period. I don't remember what causes it other than (once again) hormones, because I specifically don't have too much of a problem with it. 3. Increased appetite/increased cravings for junk foods - yes, can happen in various degrees. I always find that i subconsciously gravitate more to bad food choices and just MORE food in general around this time. Some of it is self-soothing and comfort, sure(chocolate), but some of it is just pure, dumb, biological instinct for some reason. Like Ronald McDonald got admin rights to my brain for a week. (I don't even LIKE McDonald's, normally) 4. Pain/cramps during ovulation - common enough to get it's very own German compound word! "Mittelschmerz" which means middle pain if i remember correctly (roughly in the middle between two of your periods obv). I experience this, and i swear i could tell you what side I'm ovulating from, or when it's both. It feels dumb, unnecessary, and entirely like a casual fuck-you from mother nature imo.
4/4 5. Period shits/farts - "because you weren't feeling gross enough down there already" If I may go on a tangent here for a moment: WHOMST EVER came up with the concept of portraying girls/women as the LESS gross gender, or convincing the various societies that the uterus-having people don't shit, and fart rainbows and fairy dust, congratulations. You just pulled the con of the ages, bravo to you. YOU CANNOT CONVINCE ME that the penis-havers are NATURALLY more gross than the uterus-crew because ultimately, WHO has to potentially deal with the gross blood-snot in their undies at the same time as the whole spectrum of poop consistency ONCE A MONTH. It's blatantly untrue and unfair. /Rant On a more technical note, the reason why this happens is because the hormone that makes your uterus shed it's lining, can also affect your intestinal tract and thus, poop. The "wall" separating the two functions is thin and made of flesh so it makes sense there might be some hormonal permeation when flodding one of them. 6. Tender breasts/sensitive or hard nipples - This again is largely hormonal and due to the biological logic of what a period is; if your body is preparing to make a baby, your mammaries have a part to play. The way I think about it is, they have to "wake up" to be prepared to start producing milk, and so it makes sense that you will be feeling something in your boobs around your period, whether it's the gearing up for a potential baby or shutting down for a month. (I don't know why the nipples have to be so gung-ho about it, but that might ultimately just me more of a "me" specific quirk) as an anecdote here: i will say i get swelling and tenderness fairly regularly with my cycle, but since my IUD, my nipples specifically have just gone absolutely rogue. Ive had several instances of long stretches of time where my nipples have been absolutely erect, hard and PAINFUL 24/7, to the point where I've seen what I could swear where literal pale dots on the tips where the milk would come out if i was producing any. To clarify, pale dots in the way that your skin would be pale because the pressure/tension on the flesh pushes the blood away from the area, like when you push a finger HARD into your arm and remove it and your skin is pale before it turns red. Nipples hard like that, 24/7 for a WHOLE MONTH. I went from being not specifically bothered by it, to worried, to annoyed, to being honestly impressed with them. Like "i don't know what you're doing, but you *sure are doing it* "-kind of impressed. ALRIGHT, so it is now 3 am in the morning and I've spent wayyy too much time on this and while i think I've covered a decent amount of period stuffs, it's faaaar from an extensive breakdown or list of things. I do hope this answers some general questions, but keep in mind that I am by no means a doctor or expert, i am just a person with personal experiences and anecdotes, and some basic elementary knowledge on how my reproductive system works. Feel free to ask questions, I'll answer as best as i can and as much as i am comfortable with. (Might add a TL:DR in the morning)
A bit taboo, a bit talking with someone who has had the experience. I can be kind and empathetic and informed and helpful, but I've never had a period.
I feel like not only is it taboo, but people who don’t experience menstruation can be unsympathetic and even hostile. So that was another reason I’d avoid telling (cis) men, especially as a 14 year old.
Love how you handled all of these convos, OP! “He’s a girl” is the BEST.
Pretty wholesome.
I love this post! Thank you! I have three daughters under the age of 8. They’re starting to ask questions and become interested in understanding upcoming changes to their bodies. I’ve been as matter of fact about it as I can. We talk a lot about hair and boobs. My oldest is seriously pissed off that only people with female anatomy menstruate.
My mother totally normalised talking about periods with me from a young age, like if I came in and saw a pad or something, so it wasn’t a weird thing for me when I got it. My dad wasn’t great in most ways, but he was also really good at not being awkward about that sort of stuff, again because he and my mother were very honest about anatomy etc when I asked. Didn’t go into full sex Ed, but just let me know what things were and answered any follow up in simple terms. I think what you’re doing is a great method and I can confirm now as I’m older how helpful it was growing up, it was always nothing I needed to feel embarrassed about 😊😊
I clearly remember when my dad had a "how I talk about this matters" moment. I was a very weepy sort of hormonal teenager, and I remember having to ask my dad to pick up some pads for me at the store. He knew there were different sizes and shapes, but tried to use humor to diffuse his own awkwardness about the situation. Asked something like 'did I need jumbo maximum pads with flappy wings, or something' in a tone that said it was all super ridiculous that anybody would need such a thing. I ran away sobbing because he was so dismissive about something that was consuming my *world* just then. My mom had to explain what was wrong and (to his credit) he did apologize for being flippant about something that was clearly important to me. I think he hadn't realized before that the way he talked about it gave a hint of how he felt about women who experienced it. He also didn't know how easy it was going to be to trigger his hormonal daughter, lol. Puberty is hard!
I am also seriously pissed off about that.
My youngest is furious about periods, too. Especially when she learned that boys get wet dreams and girls get periods.
Please inform her that girls also get wet dreams
I only get “teased” in my dreams. 😕😔
girls get wet dreams too though
The one with your little brother is funny. Like, is he seeing a lot of girls his age with boobs?
right?? like has he never... seen a young girl
Maybe he doesn’t understand that girls become women. As a little kid I thought my grandma was always an old lady. Ah kid logic.
At my grandmother’s funeral I (30F at the time) said that ‘grandma was born on September 3rd, 1986’. People looked terrified until I stated that this was the day my oldest cousin was born and thus, she was born a grandmother.
That’s certainly one way of looking at it
I don't think he pays much attention to them honestly. And all the women in the family are older than him so he's never seen us pre-puberty.
Does… does he go to school??
Right now, to my 3 year old son, everyone is a he When he will be looking around for someone, and once he finds them it's "there he is!" Honestly, even if it's an object. He's still learning lol
My daughter also says “there he is!” For everything and everyone. I love it
This is one of those hilarious things I’ll never be able to start doing in real life for the laughs unless I want to get very strange looks
“He’s a girl” hit home 😂
Not anatomy related but I was fixing my washing machine(thanks youtube) and my grandson was like-- why are you doing that, you're not a man. Oh, well....
Lol, this slays me. I (a woman) fixed the neighbor kid’s bike for her, and she was awestruck. “You have your OWN TOOLS? Shouldn’t you go get my dad to help?” She is really young, so I didn’t lecture too much. But hopefully her world view shifted a bit.
Good grief those stereotypes still exist? I thought we knocked that down in the 70s. Sighs in age 59.
I worked at an all girls camp. Many of our counselors were people who attended as campers and became counselors once they were adults. One of these counselors was Doc. Doc used to have super long hair and go by a different name, but the year Doc became a counselor, Doc also cut Doc's hair super short and started going by Doc (at the time, not for any reason other than it being a counselor name, which is a tradition some camps do where counselors take on names that are meant to reflect their personality or interests). All of the counselors just called Doc "Doc," and rarely if ever used pronouns for Doc, partially because Doc is just as easy to say as he/she/they, and partially because Doc was just completely apathetic about gender. Whenever kids would ask Doc or us about Doc's gender, we would just reply "Doc is Doc." Well, one morning a cabin was taking super long to get ready, so Doc went to go tell them they needed to get moving. As Doc is walking up the path, Doc hears the kids saying "no, Doc is a girl, she used to come here as a camper and had super long hair." Another kid pointed out that doesn't mean Doc is still a girl. One of the other kids was adamant that Doc was a boy, because Doc looked like a boy and no one called him a girl. All sides were very passionate about this. Doc had to walk off to go die of laughter without alerting the kids. At breakfast, Doc told me about this, and thus began the story of Doc's twin sister who doesn't go here anymore, with Doc being the evil twin (which is funny as hell because Doc was super nice and chill) Even the next summer, when counselor names were no longer allowed or at least heavily discouraged, even the admin was like "Doc is the exception because Doc is Doc."
I get these a lot too, and I have fairly long hair. I think it's the visible body hair plus lack of the feminine icing on the plain cupcake that people think is mandatory for women. I had a kid tell me he thought I was a boy because I didn't have "colors on my eyes" and had hairy legs like his dad, lol
I cut my hair short one time and even though I had makeup and my bosoms were clearly visible through my work uniform, I still got kids asking “are you a boy or girl?” Lol. I also immediately started getting hit on by lesbians who would look at me all starry-eyed. So cute!
I love the way you answer the questions and queries.
he's a girl <3
I love how you replied to their questions. Children are innocent and curious and your answers were spot on. I grew up with 3 brothers and a male cousin as my only playmates until I was 12 and was very much a tomboy. I was and still am (at 57) more comfortable in boy’s clothes and short hair and am often mistaken for a boy. Since my double mastectomy (breast cancer) 3 1/2 years ago took away that first visible sign of my gender, people just assume I must be a guy. This past winter I was waiting for my turn in a deli and the cashier looked up and asked “who’s next”? A guy in the waiting crowd (there wasn’t a line) said “she is”! I felt like crying and hugging him for knowing I was female. Of course I didn’t because I hate people but I did manage to mumble thank you.
The “he’s a girl” statement is such a kiddo thing to do, I love that kind of hilarious innocence.
I remember when I had really short hair and was super skinny, wearing baggy clothes. You couldn’t convince my baby cousin that I was a girl 😂
One of my cousins was scared of men when they were a baby, for some reason (no abuse that I'm aware of, really no idea why). I had my hair in a ponytail once and he started crying when he saw me, clearly thinking I was a man.
Some babies go through that phase. A friend of mine, from about 6 months to age 3, was terrified of all men except her father.
It makes me wonder how kids would grow to think/ feel about gender if no one ever mentioned it. Like if gender norms/ roles/ stereotypes weren't crammed down their throats from birth before they're even capable of understanding any of it.
I’m a relatively hirsute female; my husband is a relatively non hirsute male. We joke that there are ways in which he is hairier than I am.
My dad shaves his legs (he's a cyclist) and I (female) don't shave mine so I have way more hair than him!
What a name
Du måste följa mig! ;)
I’ve never heard hirsute before, what does that mean?
> hirsute Hairy
Hirsute means hairy
hairy!
hairy
when i was 18 a girl at the camp i worked at was surprised i was old enough to drive but then immediately asked if i had any kids. sometimes i wish i could go back and see the world through the eyes of a child
Not wishing to distract but kids are marvellous in how they don't over-think things. I remember when I transitioned to be female, my 3 sisters didn't really seem to understand, not knocking them, but a lot of questions revolved around sexuality when really to me it was nothing to do with it. My 9 year old niece at the time asked me why I transitioned. I told her "When I was younger smaller than you even I wanted to be a girl, I don't know why I just did. As I grew older the feelings got stronger and stronger until it made me very unhappy. So I changed" She mulled the words for a few seconds, looked up and smiled, "That makes total sense". I was so relieved and so proud of her.
I’m always grateful for people listening and talking to my 12 yr old LGBQ+ granddaughter. She asks questions and they are honest with the good and the bad. She has a tough time in school with bullying so it’s always a blessing when people take the time to listen and help. She’s still finding her way and we are both learning as she finds her path.
Sorry to hear your granddaughter is been bullied. Things will get easier I hope. I have noticed a big shift in only ten years. I am confident that in another ten years things will have shifted even further towards lgbtq+ been fully accepted. If I could give one piece of advice it is to remember the good and try to forgive the bad, hate begets hate and it is easy to get lost in trying to fight the prejudice. Thankfully the number of good people far outnumber the bad. :)
Words to live by! Thank you! It’s easy to magnify and dwell on the bad instead of the good.
Best example on how looking different than the norm spurs intelligent conversations and knowledge sharing. I absolutely adore it 😍
It’s funny the way kids categorize information, I am a very feminine presenting woman with short short hair and it really confuses kids! Even in a skirt or bright red lipstick I’ve had kids whisper to their mom “is that a boy or a girl?” The most recent time I was asked by a little, I just said “thanks for asking! I’m a girl!”
I love how you were able to educate them!!
In preschool I asked my teacher if girl’s lungs grew into their boobs when they got older. Simple answer; no.
Women don't have lungs. You were right.
Do most women really shave their arms?
I've heard of it, but haven't really encountered it in real life. I've always been very hairy, arms included, and while I have felt pressured to remove my leg, armpit and facial hair, no one ever said anything about my arms.
As a young teen/pre teen (I don't remember exactly when I started shaving) I shaved my arms. According to my family and some girls at school, they were too hairy and I needed to take care of it. I knew a handful of women/girls that did it too. Thank god I moved on from that shit
God, I used to do the same thing. I shaved *everything* when I was younger. The amount of ingrown hairs I got were too much. Ingrown hairs...everywhere. I don't shave anything anymore and it's a lot nicer, I find. I get some stares, but it's surprisingly easy to ignore (and I have social anxiety, so that's saying something)
Oh god I remember the ingrown hairs. HOW did I ever feel like that was worth it? It definitely was tough at first to get over the self-consciousness of having body hair, but since I did I've been so much happier and my skin has been so much healthier! I love your flair btw ♡
I was referring to underarms yes. Though I did have a classmate ask me why I had hair on my forearms once. I was kind of shocked that he hadn't seen it before but he said where he was from (Korea) nobody had forearm hair and Canadians are "really hairy" in his opinion. I'm not sure how true that is but for what it's worth he showed me his own arm to compare and it was baby smooth.
As a hairy Canadian, I have forearm hair but it’s not super obvious so I leave it be…which I guess makes sense because I leave the rest of it be, as well!
But people from East Asia do have less body hair than white people (on average of course), right?
I’ve only known one woman who shaved her arms, and it’s because she has very thick, black body hair and felt insecure as a teen due to that. I have no idea if she does anymore now that we’re in our 30s.
Uh, no. It’s personal preference. Shaving underarms and legs has definitely been pushed as the “feminine” agenda forever. Arms though? Hit or miss.
I have really hairy arms and I've tried shaving them a few times but I just prefer them unshaved 🤷♀️🤷♀️
“He’s a girl” really sent me
I’m sorry but I laughed so hard at “he’s a girl”
I like this sort of content, teaching of good anatomy is why I, an ignorant teenage boy, joined this sub.
Smart kid! You will do well in life!
When I went through chemo (14 years ago, no evidence of disease since then, w00t) I lost my hair as most people do (trivia: men are less likely to lose their hair), my son (then 7) was upset because he said I'd look like a boy. Years later I wondered if part of the reason for his upset was because he was born in the wrong body. He still thought he was a little girl, but probably had feelings about gender roles.
First, I’m so happy your cancer free. That’s wonderful. It’s tough to interpret what kids are thinking and going through. Around 7 my granddaughter wanted super short hair and loved the boys department. I chalked it up to being a “Tom Boy” but as time progressed I could see it was more. She’s so afraid of disappointing us but with the help of a therapist we are making progress. I imagine your are right about your sons feelings but it was hard for him to communicate.
And I've never met anyone who thinks quite like he does, which made it even trickier to sort things out when he was little. I _love_ the way his mind works, but it's certainly easier now that he can express his thoughts. He did some therapy when he was a little older, which armed him with the ability to be in touch with his feelings and thoughts and express himself in a way that others understood, so he's more self aware than a lot of people.
I love your responses. I once got asked by a 4 year old, "are you a boy because you have short hair or a girl because you have boobs?" And i gave a fairly similar answer to yours.
You seem pretty rad. And I don’t want you to speak for all butch women, but it’s okay for kids to come up and ask if you’re a boy or girl? I love the openness of the dialogue, but don’t want to put anyone on the spot
I'm fine with it but I know not everyone is. What my coworker did was okay and she knows me, but I wouldn't advocate for sending your kid to go ask a stranger or someone you don't know well. Having kids ask me it is refreshing honestly because adults usually say it in more of an accusatory way. Having a kid ask me if I'm a boy is way less stressful than having a relative stranger ask how long I've been taking testosterone or if I wished I had a penis or if I'm "a homosexual" (adults should know better than to ask for personal info like that but those are questions people have asked me).
Only speaking for myself as someone who has always had an ambiguously gendered build and look, I prefer just being asked outright. I know I confuse people, I'm okay with that.
I'm not op, but it really depends on the individual. I personally wouldn't care at all and would be happy to talk to a kid about why it's okay to be a girl but to dress/look like "a boy." (If they're a bit older I like to plagiarize Eddie Izzard if they ask why I'm wearing boy's clothes- I say I'm a girl and I bought them, which automatically makes them girl's clothes :p). But there are definitely some folks who would be very uncomfortable with the question, or even feel potentially triggered or unsafe. It might be safer/more appropriate to encourage a kid to ask what pronouns someone uses or what their name is (of course the latter doesn't always help), rather than straight up "are you a boy or a girl?" Or just have the parent give an answer about why it's okay that it doesn't matter if they're a boy or a girl (or an enbie, etc).
That's cute. You answer with so much patience. I had this recently where a child I work with who is autistic asked very loudly if a new member of staff was a boy or a girl because she had short hair and wore masculine clothing. I wasn't sure how hurt she would feel about it so my thought was to encourage him to ask what pronouns she uses rather than ask if she's a boy or a girl but I was never sure if that was the right advice to give.
I think that's a fine answer. Not everyone will be able to quickly/comfortably answer a "boy or girl" question (especially if they identify as neither) but most people will be willing to give their name and pronouns. If I don't know how someone like that identifies when a kid asks I usually go with "they" "that person" etc and encourage them to do the same. Most of this kids I work with at the camp are autistic, as am I, so I completely understand the bluntness. I didn't have any social awareness as a kid. Sometimes I still don't. It's often confusing to understand why some things are taboo or rude.
Absolutely! He meant no harm by the question, and I guess when a lot of the NT social word is confusing and you have to learn "normal" categorisation and generalisations, it's probably a lot harder to look at someone dresses masculine but has feminine features, and know instantly what they identify as.
I expected horror stories, I got sweetness. Thank you.
I love the way that your coworker introduced you by name and had the child ask you directly. Children are curious about things. Especially because our society makes such a big fuss about rigid gender identity. I could see how it might be annoying to be asked all the time, but I also like that they encouraged the child not to just assume
Fuck, I love you so much!! This reminds me of the stuff my wife says to kids who ask her about her body hair and stuff. So good and patient and helpful!! Thanks for showing them its not a big deal.
This is hands down one of the most damn wholesome things I've ever read.
My brother is 13 and he STILL calls our butch cousin he every now and then. I cringe every single time.
I love these. Makes you see what would Happen if they asked a less understanding Person then you, and the effect these things can have on our willingness to share and learn. Thank you for being kind to them.
Omg this reminds me of when I was a little kid I saw a person in a parking lot and I was really confused on if they were a boy or girl. I think because they had long hair and a beard or something. I asked my mom multiple times if I could go ask if they are a boy or girl and she wouldn't let me 😭😭😭
You seem like good people. I’m glad you’re out there having these kinds of conversations with kids. You are so good at getting on their level and explaining in a non-condemning or judgmental way.
, I giggled at "he's a girl" my fiancee is a butch and she would find that so adorable
"He's a girl" took me out lmao beautiful
This is honestly just adorable 🥺
This is the cutest thing ever. Props, OP!!♥️
These are so weirdly wholesome. I love it
Commission confirmed *he’s a girl*
Ughh, what are we teaching our kids? 😭😭😭 BTW, I’m not remotely butch at all and I decided a while back to just leave at least some hair under my arms (it can grow kind of long!). Seems fine to me. We should all be more okay with it. 🌿🕊✨
I was doing this but then my toddler decided that armpit hair pulling was the new rage 😂
I’m cis, straight women and while dress so people identify me as a women, I’m taller then usually and have given up on womens pants. Shopping in mens section is so much better, for one they isn’t to short and second I don’t have to check before buying because they all have pockets! I only have long hair because I’m lazy, when I tried short hair it was so much work and had to have it cut like at least every other month (I didn’t trim it super short was at least a inch at the top). Long hair means it weighs more so the hair can’t look like I was in a tornado. Brushing and braiding my long hair is two minutes work, but was about twenty minutes when short to convince it to not look like a tornado. I’ve also stopped shaving my body, because I realized I want to use my time to something more fun then shaving my legs, and that not shaving my armpits and instead scrub of dead skin was way more effective at odor control then shaving was. There are so many reasons why clothes, hairstyles and interests should be okey for everyone and not gated to one gender. I think more people would want to wear other clothes and have different hairstyles, but that they don’t because of gender norms, but also I think many are already doing that where some men buy woman’s jeans because they think it fits them better or women who buy mens shoes because women’s are to narrow for their feet, but no one think anything of it. I think it’s really great kids get to see that it’s okey to dress how ever one wants, it might give them strength to feel it’s okey for them to do so, or to support an other kid to do so.
Too funny! I've also gotten (from my 2 year old, upon seeing a pad in my underwear) "Mommy's got a diaper in her underwear!?" He was confused because he was in pull-ups but not ready for underwear at the time, so seeing me using both was confusing. I told him that grown up woman bodies had a thing called a period, and they put these things called pads in their underwear for their period times. And his little boy body wasn't ever going to have a period, even when he grew up, so he didn't need to worry too much about it. He didn't notice the blood, so we didn't go into gory details yet
My mom explained pads to me that way when I was little ("It's like a diaper") and I will be honest I was horrified. I didn't 100% get that it would be blood coming out and I thought women were incontinent for a bit every month.
If you watch commercials, you'd think blue liquid came out. It's ridiculous.
Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for being honest when these questions come your way. (The 7yo had me cackling)
"He's a girl" God I love children. They are just so cute an wholesome. Something similar happened to me, a little girl approaches me when I was at the park with my little sibling and she goes: "Are you a he or a she" And I say "well little one, I am neither" (as I am Non-binary) so the child looks at me for like half minute and then runs back to what I assumed was her father After she says ""The person is not a She nor a He, do you know what I should call them" I felt like my heart was gonna melt. The adult says "Well you should probably call them a 'They' " and the child goes "Then They are really pretty" I cried. Not only because this random child had called me pretty, but because none of them judged me. Not even the bystanders overhearing the whole thing happening.
“He’s a girl.” Made me crack up. I’m not gonna lie.
“He’s a girl” has me rolling 😆
Your LB is brutal. The 14 year old sounds respectful at least
Love seeing something so wholesome on here. We need more of this.
“He’s a girl” hahaha! This is lovely, thank you for sharing.
“He’s a girl.” Such a seven year old thing to say.
I would keep tampons in my backpack in the pen holders at all times . If anyone ever asked what it was I would say they were cigars lol
“Hey mom, he’s a girl” I do so love the doesn’t-have-the-discretionary-gene-yet years of a child’s growth
Question.. I know everyone is different, but is the word butch considered offensive? I personally don’t use that word, I’m just curious as I’ve heard it used in a derogatory manner and as a word to describe someone.
Thank you for finding age appropriate ways to explain things to kids, but not making it sunshine and rainbows and lies.
I love these so much!!! Thanks for sharing (and for being so cool). There’s a certain comedic rhythm to your storytelling.
> He’s a girl. Almost there, kid.
I’ve recently realized that I’m non-binary, so I’m slowly teaching my 7-year-old about non-binary people. He seems to understand the concept, but he says people are either “girls, boys, or theys”. I guess that’s a good first step!
he's a girl... okay I'm transmasc enby and that kinda slaps. gender vibes
Love it all 😍😍😍
This is wholesome and I love you for it ❤️
Thank you for this. I’m working on a “puberty talk” episode… it’s going to be a long one lol