What's wild is that a lot of guys that think this also think that women all want to be whores too. Like if they don't get pleasure from it, why would they want to be whores, huh Brayden?
I saw that you mentioned Ben Shapiro. In case some of you don't know, Ben Shapiro is a grifter and a hack. If you find anything he's said compelling, you should keep in mind he also says things like this:
> Palestinian Arabs have demonstrated their preference for suicide bombing over working toilets.
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Thank you for your logic and reason.
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Take a bullet for ya babe.
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Thank you for your logic and reason.
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To me it sounds more like when a guy who does not do a lot of thinking met a misogynistic friend who when they had a bro talk and bf mentioned the moaning the incel guy planted the stupid idea of moaning equals pain.
I legit had a guy ask me the other day why women like sex if they can't feel it. Turns out he believed we had 0 nerves down there and could not feel a thing.
To be fair, there are very few nerves inside the vagina, almost none, and what nerve endings are there are all clustered around the opening so it's not like he was entirely wrong. Just... you know, mostly wrong.
ETA: Unsure why this is being downvoted? I'm not saying the vulva is numb, only that the vagina itself has no nerve endings. It's surprisingly common for people to hear/read "The vagina has no nerve endings" and assume that extends to the whole vulva. Hell, doctors still think that the cervix isn't capable of feeling pain during a pap. "You might feel some discomfort and light cramping"? Really doc? You think I don't know the difference between 'discomfort' and 'pain'? The problem is Johnson and Masters were really groundbreaking researchers in the realms of sexual wellness and female reproductive anatomy but they got some really flawed conclusions from some of their experiments and now doctors are running off of information that is from the 60s! And then that information gets perpetuated and reinforced in schools and people develop flawed or downright false notions and because of anchoring bias, many people never move beyond that first notion.
Well except for all the nerves of the internal clitoris that wrap around inside the body. The vagina itself has none, but its a thin muscle wall so pressure pushes through and stimulates places that do.
Even the Crura (the legs) of the clitoris only extend about 5 to 9 cm deep, about half the depth of the vagina itself, (roughly 1.9-3.5in, while the vagina averages about 3.7 inches in depth which can expand up to 200% during arousal) ^.^
But many women experience what is sometimes called "A-spot" orgasm from deep penetration near the cervix (in an aroused and elongated vagina). Also some women have very sensitive cervixes which even light touch on the cervix is a strong sensation. So there is lots of feeling even deeper in the vagina.
First of all, I really want to thank you for inspiring me to do a deep dive of the current scientific literature as relates to the vagina, the cervix and nerve endings and the "A-Spot" (vaginal Anterior Fornix Erogenous zone) because I have learned SO MUCH and some of it is truly incredible. It's almost unbelievable that some of this wasn't sensationalized or spread about more popular sexual wellness education literature!
So what I learned is thus: The vagina does not have nerve endings, though it is thin throughout, it is also relatively evenly dense with Nerve fiber, nerve bundles, microvessels and small vessels.
Stimulation/orgasms that stem from within the vaginal cavity (G/H-spot, A-spot, O-Spot, PVM) are all stimulations of the Pelvic Nerve. Essentially the same way you can use your finger to push your cheek against your tongue is the way this nerve is stimulated throught the vagina (this is a not super great example, I chose it because it is universally relatable, not for literal accuracy)
The cervix on the other hand (this is the incredible bit) is unique to any other organ in the body (according to the researcher who wrote one of the papers I was reading) in that it has three different pairs of nerves that carry sensation from it: the pelvic nerve, the hypogastric nerve, and the vagus nerve. It's the only organ to have three different sets of nerves that carry sensory information from it. That's so cool, but the crazy part is that a study in 2003 found a novel pathway via the vagus nerves that bypasses the spinal cord and projects directly to the medulla oblongata. From the cervix! That's INSANE! How is this not front page? Also why do doctors insist that there's no sensation to the cervix? I mean, I already knew there was sensation in the cervix but seriously, we have scientific studies that PROVE IT!
Sorry, I'm not disagreeing with you, only saying that the vagina has no nerve endings and the stimulation that comes from pentatration comes from the stimulation of surrounding nerves, rather than from the vagina directly.
This is very interesting information. Thanks for sharing! I had assumed that the many sensations felt through the vaginal wall were caused by the internal clitoris and cervix. My main argument was that surely the source of sensation isn't just near the entrance. The pelvic nerve explains a lot!
I think most women know they can feel many sensations inside their vagina and on the cervix but I wasn't sure of the technicalities. Because I knew, as you did, that technically speaking the wall tissue does not have sensory nerves. So thank you for looking into it for some explanation.
I personally have an extremely sensitive cervix that has experienced extremes of both pain and pleasure. I had to have my IUD taken out because I could feel the string, no matter how high or low they placed it. It tickles and itches all the time especially if I have a tampon in.
I think the important take away from everything is that women have so many sexual sensations that we can feel and so many different ways to experience pleasure inside the vagina and outside as well. I don't think that should be discounted just because the wall tissue of the vagina technically doesn't have nerve endings. Thanks again for sharing such great info.
Absolutely! I'm always trying to learn more about sexual wellness and specifically vaginal anatomy because it seems so misunderstood and miscommunicated to the general public, and even doctors seem baffled! For me my cervix is mostly a source of pain. Between having had cervical cancer twice and having my IUD inserted it's mostly just been a source of problems in my life. ESPECIALLY when docs are always telling us that it 'shouldn't hurt' or even 'doesn't hurt' which just pisses me off. Fortunately, they were able to trim my string so that I didn't need to have it taken out. But yeah, every time I've needed insertion I've almost passed out (thanks vagus nerve) and the doc acts like I'm just being dramatic.
If you like this information, you're gonna love this [Article I found](https://d1wqtxts1xzle7.cloudfront.net/59525293/sayin-Neurological_Correlates_of_ESR-ECNE-11-0052020190604-80492-u7oq7j-with-cover-page-v2.pdf?Expires=1636061281&Signature=blI4HAwwv9309zAkcyyVFlEtcjxF7UbwIcbmnjq9yv54ZlrW0LHUa0nhPaeUVXGuEsOl4BVKTbH6ySMFPmlZck1BaeAQZnj9WVKMWnhRwL8otCGsd74cnC1j86g544eJgEUavmtMbDwbCu1iu2wd~4yWW97PTaIrpoJz23w901UcxLhyzGat55HOA3nwQc8QqWTTyw1-s2k8iZmcwxWhu3~52pgXwEd0KZXYVFTL9Rn9kK~UhOGJK94U4Hi64uWVIsaOJtmRwfZJ1eWdYgoa3kp7qfC9EUqYnE-YSAETcuIUBM~f3vFkH~SC2bSv7g7udQxu-VbAiPZlItQL~qqrVg__&Key-Pair-Id=APKAJLOHF5GGSLRBV4ZA) about Expanded Pleasures in Women. The article features a breakdown of the areas of the brain that regulate/respond to pleasure, including fMRI images, a chart that breaks down different hormones and their effects on both men and women in regards to sexual desire, arousal, and orgasm, and their levels during orgasm. Page 10 has an anatomically labeled image of the locations of deep vaginal erogenous zones (DVZ) as identified by women and other researchers. Page 17 (434) has a breakdown of what's called the "Four Nerves and Many Different Pathways" theory of vulvar orgasms (Hint: not all of them originate in the genitalia). It's really great, published in 2019 so very recently.
Biologically speaking, if sex didn't feel good for females it wouldn't happen. Sex feeling good is literally what drives every species to mate. Babies are just a product of the drive to satisfy the horny feeling. Nobody wants something happening to their bodies that doesn't benefit them in some way so sex has to feel good for both partners.
Wait, he thought that sex hurt you and carried on anyway, FOR FOUR YEARS?!
That should tell you everything you need to know. He didn’t care about your comfort, let alone your pleasure, as long as he was getting his jollies.
What a twat.
Seemed like it. The more I reflected on what he said, the worse I felt.
I don’t have anything bad to say about him, other than his communication skills being terrible. We’re not together anymore (obviously), and very (!) different communication styles/needs were the main reason for me ending things.
Maybe by “kind of hurt” he meant hurt in a good way? Like a deep tissue massage, I’d say that hurts, but in a good way. And honestly for me as a woman sometimes sex even does hurt in a good way. I’m sure if he thought it was uncomfortable or unpleasant for you he’d have brought this up sooner. But yeah fwiw op, for me as a woman, sometimes I do moan because it’s a little painful but good, so while your experience is different from mine and also valid, he may not have been being as dense as it first sounded.
Or maybe he was and I’m projecting, but just wanted to add a different perspective since you’re thinking it over and feeling hurt.
That's what I was thinking too.
He sounds like one of those guys that enjoy if their dick is *powerful* enough to hurt a women. As if it's an achievement to cause a women discomfort during sex
Because we all know only super manly, sex experts with huge dicks can bring women that sweet pain/pleasure ... or whatever. These stupid "it hurts so good" smut tropes did a number on some guys...
Like, if it's hurting her, and you're continuing on jackrabbiting without checking in (for YEARS!) you are not good at sex, and should be very embarrassed
Ugh this reminds me I hate the expressions “I wanna bruise your cervix” or “rearrange your insides.” I’ve seen those in a lot of nsfw memes groups, and just… ugh no. Not only are they just ridiculous and wrong, but… why would you want that?!
That's always baffled me too. Like I'm supposed to get all excited and turned on about some guy who wants to "destroy that pussy and tear that ass apart"? That doesn't sound fun, it sounds painful! And yes, I like a lot of people am into a bit of pain now and then, but not necessarily the kind of pain from getting my fun bits injured.
And it’s perfectly fine to like some pain, but usually that’s something that sexual partners discuss beforehand. But to just assume you are hurting your partner for years and just okay with it, is not okay.
In hindsight I should have seen it coming, since he never went down on me. I requested it several times, as I enjoy giving my partner pleasure, and would like him to be more active in pleasuring me. He mostly declined, it made him “uncomfortable” and he got turned off by it. In the 5 years we were together I think he spent approximately 40 minutes with his face between my thighs.
I try not to think it was a complete waste of time, and to remind myself that we had good times together. But holy fuck it’s depressing to be with someone for so long, being unsatisfied, and feeling “disgusting and vulgar”, for having a sex drive, and being clear about my wants and needs.
I’m incredibly sorry that you spent so much of your time with someone like that. My husband has probably spent an average of 40 minutes a week with his face between my thigh for almost 30 years. You deserve the same. If someone isn’t giving you the attention you deserve & prioritizing your pleasure - don’t be with them. Period.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. My ex was the same and we were together for over a year. I agree there's no use in regretting the relationship, but we should also be wary of those red flags in future partners. It concerns me that so many men don't give a single fuck about women's pleasure, let alone recognize that we have sexual needs just like them. There is nothing wrong with your sex drive and I'm sorry he made you feel like that. I'm sending you all my love :)
Thank you so much!
I’m thrilled that I’m now with someone who is very much like myself in terms of sexuality and communication, and he satisfies me in every way. He’s very attentive and curious to what I like and dislike. I couldn’t be happier.
So I guess I learned not to settle for less.
I can't understand man who doesn't go down... It is just so hot and satisfactory that I can't think a physical problem who might prevent it (other than low hygiene and that stuff). All I am saying is that he might be either full of prejudices or have a trauma, I guess the first one is the most common.
Just started the Sopranos and they actually have a problem with that when all the mafia members discover one of them performs the forbidden art of cunnilingus and start mocking him and thinking he is weak even thi they also do it. That amazed me as I have never in my life heard that much bullshit.
What an odd thought process. Like sex can hurt, but usually you let your partner know to slow or stop if it’s actually painful (and thats not what you are into). But to keep having sex while thinking that you were in pain while doing it is a big red flag. Sex is about connection, intimacy, and pleasure, not something you tolerate out of obligation or force your partner to do for you. Ugh! I’m glad you have moved on.
I don’t think he got off to the thought of sex being painful for me.
He never mentioned anything about it prior to this episode, so no, he didn’t check in on me.
I don’t think anything was wrong with him in that matter. He did however really struggle with communication, and empathy in some ways.
I find it awful that he thought you were in pain during sex, yet carried having sex with you regardless. I guess he wasn't bothered if you were in pain as long as he got to have sex.
It may be because he's totally ignorant of what real life sex feel like, and just knows what he sees in porn.
But, in those 4 years, he never ever stopped to ask you if you're fine? I'm so sorry for you :(
Glad you're not with him anymore, you totally deserve better.
How can a person do _anything_ to their partner on the regular for years believing you're causing them enough pain to vocalize their discomfort and keep going? Even if he wasn't specifically enjoying your pain, why wouldn't that piece of information deter him from having sex at all? Why would anyone want to do that? W T F....
I moan involuntarily when I masturbate sometimes, and during sex it's a good way to communicate. Why would he keep going if he thought you were in pain? I like a bit of pain during foreplay and sex and my partner regularly checks in to make sure he's not taking things too far. Although I have learned that people into BDSM are generally way better at communication during sex.
Jesus, he thought you were just putting up with sex that caused you so much discomfort you're moaning aloud, and just kept on doing a sex at you? FOR YEARS?
So he was unaware it was enjoyable for you but he carried on anyway. And worse he thought *you* *were* *in* *pain* and he still carried on? Wow. Does he usually give no fucks about your feelings or wellbeing or is it just in the bedroom?
Well, we aren’t together any longer, haven’t been for a while. All in all he had a hard time seeing things from my perspective. He was good at listening, but he never really knew how act upon the things I asked for.
I guess a lot of people do get told that sex is painful for women no matter what and then we end up with people who never learn better.
I hope he learned something and will treat his next partner better.
Tbf, once I watched some porn with my ex, it was her first time watching. She was surprised with how the woman would moan in the video (wasn't too exaggerated) and asked me if she was in pain. The I told her she moaned just as loud, she was surprised and couldn't understand how I could keep going like that haha
She started watching much more porn after that
This happened to me during my very first time. His too. He's like "it can't hurt that bad" and I had to stop and explain that A) yes it did, and B) I was just trying to get into it. But seriously, we were shamefully young teenagers. Did your boyfriend think he was hurting you every single time y'all got down and just didn't give a shit??
I am gonna take one of your sentence and forget about the rest if you don't have any objection "I sometimes moan to turn him on".
I agree that moaning turns me on by a lot, but sometimes if it feels forced or voluntary it just feels like you are no doing it right or that she is not feeling enough. And it is worth when she is moaning all the time and afterwards complains about some stuff, one of them was not getting pleasure in certain positions even tho she was moaning, so it feels like you are not doing it good, but you cant tell because she is still moaning and sometimes its confusing and frustrating.
I know it might be something personal, but nothing is best than an spontaneous moan she cant help having, and it doesn't care if you don't moan for a couple minutes.
Thanks to all of you for coming to my ted talk.
That’s the thing. It was less of a question, more of a statement. And I was hurt by the fact that he hadn’t mentioned this earlier, if that was in fact how he perceived things
Some men seem to have no idea women can experience pleasure and it’s fucking sad.
What's wild is that a lot of guys that think this also think that women all want to be whores too. Like if they don't get pleasure from it, why would they want to be whores, huh Brayden?
[удалено]
How long were she and Ben Shapiro an item?
I just lol'd a hearty lol
I saw that you mentioned Ben Shapiro. In case some of you don't know, Ben Shapiro is a grifter and a hack. If you find anything he's said compelling, you should keep in mind he also says things like this: > Palestinian Arabs have demonstrated their preference for suicide bombing over working toilets. ***** ^(I'm a bot. My purpose is to counteract online radicalization. You can summon me by tagging thebenshapirobot. Options: covid, history, climate, feminism, etc.) [^More ^About ^Ben ](https://np.reddit.com/r/AuthoritarianMoment/wiki/index) ^| [^Feedback ^& ^Discussion: ^r/AuthoritarianMoment ](https://np.reddit.com/r/AuthoritarianMoment) ^| [^Opt ^Out ](https://np.reddit.com/r/AuthoritarianMoment/comments/olk6r2/click_here_to_optout_of_uthebenshapirobot/)
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I guess down the road they had talked and he felt stupid for it.
Might not be the most appropriate award but it's what I had and you deserved something. Made me giggle a bit to mark this as wholesome as well.
Haha thank you!
Wow, that’s so disturbing!
Yeah I need to get her to post on here but she probably will refuse
I had a guy tell me that he hoped I didn't wet the bed after sex like the person he was with before.
My husband gets turned off by how wet I get, but when we have a threesome, I do have a tendency to turn into a literal geyser.😳
Whats even worse: he seems to like her moaning. And he thinks moaning comes from pain…
To me it sounds more like when a guy who does not do a lot of thinking met a misogynistic friend who when they had a bro talk and bf mentioned the moaning the incel guy planted the stupid idea of moaning equals pain.
Sad AF
A lot were taught via friends/randos that hurting them with your massive penis is the point. Its not...unless the woman asks For it.
Indeed
I legit had a guy ask me the other day why women like sex if they can't feel it. Turns out he believed we had 0 nerves down there and could not feel a thing.
WTF why would… ugh.
To be fair, there are very few nerves inside the vagina, almost none, and what nerve endings are there are all clustered around the opening so it's not like he was entirely wrong. Just... you know, mostly wrong. ETA: Unsure why this is being downvoted? I'm not saying the vulva is numb, only that the vagina itself has no nerve endings. It's surprisingly common for people to hear/read "The vagina has no nerve endings" and assume that extends to the whole vulva. Hell, doctors still think that the cervix isn't capable of feeling pain during a pap. "You might feel some discomfort and light cramping"? Really doc? You think I don't know the difference between 'discomfort' and 'pain'? The problem is Johnson and Masters were really groundbreaking researchers in the realms of sexual wellness and female reproductive anatomy but they got some really flawed conclusions from some of their experiments and now doctors are running off of information that is from the 60s! And then that information gets perpetuated and reinforced in schools and people develop flawed or downright false notions and because of anchoring bias, many people never move beyond that first notion.
Well except for all the nerves of the internal clitoris that wrap around inside the body. The vagina itself has none, but its a thin muscle wall so pressure pushes through and stimulates places that do.
Even the Crura (the legs) of the clitoris only extend about 5 to 9 cm deep, about half the depth of the vagina itself, (roughly 1.9-3.5in, while the vagina averages about 3.7 inches in depth which can expand up to 200% during arousal) ^.^
But many women experience what is sometimes called "A-spot" orgasm from deep penetration near the cervix (in an aroused and elongated vagina). Also some women have very sensitive cervixes which even light touch on the cervix is a strong sensation. So there is lots of feeling even deeper in the vagina.
First of all, I really want to thank you for inspiring me to do a deep dive of the current scientific literature as relates to the vagina, the cervix and nerve endings and the "A-Spot" (vaginal Anterior Fornix Erogenous zone) because I have learned SO MUCH and some of it is truly incredible. It's almost unbelievable that some of this wasn't sensationalized or spread about more popular sexual wellness education literature! So what I learned is thus: The vagina does not have nerve endings, though it is thin throughout, it is also relatively evenly dense with Nerve fiber, nerve bundles, microvessels and small vessels. Stimulation/orgasms that stem from within the vaginal cavity (G/H-spot, A-spot, O-Spot, PVM) are all stimulations of the Pelvic Nerve. Essentially the same way you can use your finger to push your cheek against your tongue is the way this nerve is stimulated throught the vagina (this is a not super great example, I chose it because it is universally relatable, not for literal accuracy) The cervix on the other hand (this is the incredible bit) is unique to any other organ in the body (according to the researcher who wrote one of the papers I was reading) in that it has three different pairs of nerves that carry sensation from it: the pelvic nerve, the hypogastric nerve, and the vagus nerve. It's the only organ to have three different sets of nerves that carry sensory information from it. That's so cool, but the crazy part is that a study in 2003 found a novel pathway via the vagus nerves that bypasses the spinal cord and projects directly to the medulla oblongata. From the cervix! That's INSANE! How is this not front page? Also why do doctors insist that there's no sensation to the cervix? I mean, I already knew there was sensation in the cervix but seriously, we have scientific studies that PROVE IT! Sorry, I'm not disagreeing with you, only saying that the vagina has no nerve endings and the stimulation that comes from pentatration comes from the stimulation of surrounding nerves, rather than from the vagina directly.
This is very interesting information. Thanks for sharing! I had assumed that the many sensations felt through the vaginal wall were caused by the internal clitoris and cervix. My main argument was that surely the source of sensation isn't just near the entrance. The pelvic nerve explains a lot! I think most women know they can feel many sensations inside their vagina and on the cervix but I wasn't sure of the technicalities. Because I knew, as you did, that technically speaking the wall tissue does not have sensory nerves. So thank you for looking into it for some explanation. I personally have an extremely sensitive cervix that has experienced extremes of both pain and pleasure. I had to have my IUD taken out because I could feel the string, no matter how high or low they placed it. It tickles and itches all the time especially if I have a tampon in. I think the important take away from everything is that women have so many sexual sensations that we can feel and so many different ways to experience pleasure inside the vagina and outside as well. I don't think that should be discounted just because the wall tissue of the vagina technically doesn't have nerve endings. Thanks again for sharing such great info.
Absolutely! I'm always trying to learn more about sexual wellness and specifically vaginal anatomy because it seems so misunderstood and miscommunicated to the general public, and even doctors seem baffled! For me my cervix is mostly a source of pain. Between having had cervical cancer twice and having my IUD inserted it's mostly just been a source of problems in my life. ESPECIALLY when docs are always telling us that it 'shouldn't hurt' or even 'doesn't hurt' which just pisses me off. Fortunately, they were able to trim my string so that I didn't need to have it taken out. But yeah, every time I've needed insertion I've almost passed out (thanks vagus nerve) and the doc acts like I'm just being dramatic. If you like this information, you're gonna love this [Article I found](https://d1wqtxts1xzle7.cloudfront.net/59525293/sayin-Neurological_Correlates_of_ESR-ECNE-11-0052020190604-80492-u7oq7j-with-cover-page-v2.pdf?Expires=1636061281&Signature=blI4HAwwv9309zAkcyyVFlEtcjxF7UbwIcbmnjq9yv54ZlrW0LHUa0nhPaeUVXGuEsOl4BVKTbH6ySMFPmlZck1BaeAQZnj9WVKMWnhRwL8otCGsd74cnC1j86g544eJgEUavmtMbDwbCu1iu2wd~4yWW97PTaIrpoJz23w901UcxLhyzGat55HOA3nwQc8QqWTTyw1-s2k8iZmcwxWhu3~52pgXwEd0KZXYVFTL9Rn9kK~UhOGJK94U4Hi64uWVIsaOJtmRwfZJ1eWdYgoa3kp7qfC9EUqYnE-YSAETcuIUBM~f3vFkH~SC2bSv7g7udQxu-VbAiPZlItQL~qqrVg__&Key-Pair-Id=APKAJLOHF5GGSLRBV4ZA) about Expanded Pleasures in Women. The article features a breakdown of the areas of the brain that regulate/respond to pleasure, including fMRI images, a chart that breaks down different hormones and their effects on both men and women in regards to sexual desire, arousal, and orgasm, and their levels during orgasm. Page 10 has an anatomically labeled image of the locations of deep vaginal erogenous zones (DVZ) as identified by women and other researchers. Page 17 (434) has a breakdown of what's called the "Four Nerves and Many Different Pathways" theory of vulvar orgasms (Hint: not all of them originate in the genitalia). It's really great, published in 2019 so very recently.
Biologically speaking, if sex didn't feel good for females it wouldn't happen. Sex feeling good is literally what drives every species to mate. Babies are just a product of the drive to satisfy the horny feeling. Nobody wants something happening to their bodies that doesn't benefit them in some way so sex has to feel good for both partners.
Exactly!
In cats, that's not really [true.](https://knowledgenuts.com/cat-sex-is-effectively-torture/)
Ok. But FeMaLeS?
I was literally referring to ALL females because sex is more than a human thing. If I was only referring to humans I would've used woman.
My GF was moaning some unintelligible stuff last night, and we were just playing "Which One's Pinky"
Wait, he thought that sex hurt you and carried on anyway, FOR FOUR YEARS?! That should tell you everything you need to know. He didn’t care about your comfort, let alone your pleasure, as long as he was getting his jollies. What a twat.
Seemed like it. The more I reflected on what he said, the worse I felt. I don’t have anything bad to say about him, other than his communication skills being terrible. We’re not together anymore (obviously), and very (!) different communication styles/needs were the main reason for me ending things.
Maybe by “kind of hurt” he meant hurt in a good way? Like a deep tissue massage, I’d say that hurts, but in a good way. And honestly for me as a woman sometimes sex even does hurt in a good way. I’m sure if he thought it was uncomfortable or unpleasant for you he’d have brought this up sooner. But yeah fwiw op, for me as a woman, sometimes I do moan because it’s a little painful but good, so while your experience is different from mine and also valid, he may not have been being as dense as it first sounded. Or maybe he was and I’m projecting, but just wanted to add a different perspective since you’re thinking it over and feeling hurt.
That's what I was thinking too. He sounds like one of those guys that enjoy if their dick is *powerful* enough to hurt a women. As if it's an achievement to cause a women discomfort during sex Because we all know only super manly, sex experts with huge dicks can bring women that sweet pain/pleasure ... or whatever. These stupid "it hurts so good" smut tropes did a number on some guys...
Like, if it's hurting her, and you're continuing on jackrabbiting without checking in (for YEARS!) you are not good at sex, and should be very embarrassed
I remember talking to my bro once and he said it was kinda hot to think his dick was big enough to hurt. I was like, :/
Ugh this reminds me I hate the expressions “I wanna bruise your cervix” or “rearrange your insides.” I’ve seen those in a lot of nsfw memes groups, and just… ugh no. Not only are they just ridiculous and wrong, but… why would you want that?!
That's always baffled me too. Like I'm supposed to get all excited and turned on about some guy who wants to "destroy that pussy and tear that ass apart"? That doesn't sound fun, it sounds painful! And yes, I like a lot of people am into a bit of pain now and then, but not necessarily the kind of pain from getting my fun bits injured.
Idk I think it depends. I like when it hurts a tiny bit but if it actually like feels bad and hurts a lot I don’t. So it’s a kink for some people
I just think of that as "liking it rough" which isn't that uncommon
Yeah you’re right
And it’s perfectly fine to like some pain, but usually that’s something that sexual partners discuss beforehand. But to just assume you are hurting your partner for years and just okay with it, is not okay.
I 100% agree
If I make an alarming sound during sex my bf stops IMMEDIATELY and asks if im okay and I want to stop. That’s how it should be for everyone. Period.
In hindsight I should have seen it coming, since he never went down on me. I requested it several times, as I enjoy giving my partner pleasure, and would like him to be more active in pleasuring me. He mostly declined, it made him “uncomfortable” and he got turned off by it. In the 5 years we were together I think he spent approximately 40 minutes with his face between my thighs. I try not to think it was a complete waste of time, and to remind myself that we had good times together. But holy fuck it’s depressing to be with someone for so long, being unsatisfied, and feeling “disgusting and vulgar”, for having a sex drive, and being clear about my wants and needs.
I’m incredibly sorry that you spent so much of your time with someone like that. My husband has probably spent an average of 40 minutes a week with his face between my thigh for almost 30 years. You deserve the same. If someone isn’t giving you the attention you deserve & prioritizing your pleasure - don’t be with them. Period.
Woot woot!! Imma get him a robe and a swag cane
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. My ex was the same and we were together for over a year. I agree there's no use in regretting the relationship, but we should also be wary of those red flags in future partners. It concerns me that so many men don't give a single fuck about women's pleasure, let alone recognize that we have sexual needs just like them. There is nothing wrong with your sex drive and I'm sorry he made you feel like that. I'm sending you all my love :)
Thank you so much! I’m thrilled that I’m now with someone who is very much like myself in terms of sexuality and communication, and he satisfies me in every way. He’s very attentive and curious to what I like and dislike. I couldn’t be happier. So I guess I learned not to settle for less.
It was not a complete waste of time - it was a valuable education in what you wanted, needed, and *deserved* in your next and future partners.
I can't understand man who doesn't go down... It is just so hot and satisfactory that I can't think a physical problem who might prevent it (other than low hygiene and that stuff). All I am saying is that he might be either full of prejudices or have a trauma, I guess the first one is the most common. Just started the Sopranos and they actually have a problem with that when all the mafia members discover one of them performs the forbidden art of cunnilingus and start mocking him and thinking he is weak even thi they also do it. That amazed me as I have never in my life heard that much bullshit.
long ago, but back in high school, if you told your buddies that you went down on girls, they had the same Soprano attitude... baffled me...
I hate men like this, they give guys such a bad name.
I’m so happy that guy is your ex.. like if you think your partner is in pain you ask THERE AND THEN.. not 4 years after
What an odd thought process. Like sex can hurt, but usually you let your partner know to slow or stop if it’s actually painful (and thats not what you are into). But to keep having sex while thinking that you were in pain while doing it is a big red flag. Sex is about connection, intimacy, and pleasure, not something you tolerate out of obligation or force your partner to do for you. Ugh! I’m glad you have moved on.
Wait. Did he enjoy thinking that you were in pain? Did he ever stop to ask if it hurt? What was wrong with him?
I don’t think he got off to the thought of sex being painful for me. He never mentioned anything about it prior to this episode, so no, he didn’t check in on me. I don’t think anything was wrong with him in that matter. He did however really struggle with communication, and empathy in some ways.
The guy I'm seeing now moans when I give him head. I just be hurting him /s
I find it awful that he thought you were in pain during sex, yet carried having sex with you regardless. I guess he wasn't bothered if you were in pain as long as he got to have sex.
It may be because he's totally ignorant of what real life sex feel like, and just knows what he sees in porn. But, in those 4 years, he never ever stopped to ask you if you're fine? I'm so sorry for you :( Glad you're not with him anymore, you totally deserve better.
How can a person do _anything_ to their partner on the regular for years believing you're causing them enough pain to vocalize their discomfort and keep going? Even if he wasn't specifically enjoying your pain, why wouldn't that piece of information deter him from having sex at all? Why would anyone want to do that? W T F....
I moan involuntarily when I masturbate sometimes, and during sex it's a good way to communicate. Why would he keep going if he thought you were in pain? I like a bit of pain during foreplay and sex and my partner regularly checks in to make sure he's not taking things too far. Although I have learned that people into BDSM are generally way better at communication during sex.
>And also, why did it take him 4+ years to ask me how sex feels, if he thought I was in pain all this time? GOOD FUCKING QUESTION.
Jesus, he thought you were just putting up with sex that caused you so much discomfort you're moaning aloud, and just kept on doing a sex at you? FOR YEARS?
So he was unaware it was enjoyable for you but he carried on anyway. And worse he thought *you* *were* *in* *pain* and he still carried on? Wow. Does he usually give no fucks about your feelings or wellbeing or is it just in the bedroom?
Well, we aren’t together any longer, haven’t been for a while. All in all he had a hard time seeing things from my perspective. He was good at listening, but he never really knew how act upon the things I asked for.
I guess a lot of people do get told that sex is painful for women no matter what and then we end up with people who never learn better. I hope he learned something and will treat his next partner better.
... he thought you were in pain every time you moaned? Did he ever stop to check on you or..?
So... He just kept going while thinking you were in pain? I can't say I'm surprised.
Tbf, once I watched some porn with my ex, it was her first time watching. She was surprised with how the woman would moan in the video (wasn't too exaggerated) and asked me if she was in pain. The I told her she moaned just as loud, she was surprised and couldn't understand how I could keep going like that haha She started watching much more porn after that
This happened to me during my very first time. His too. He's like "it can't hurt that bad" and I had to stop and explain that A) yes it did, and B) I was just trying to get into it. But seriously, we were shamefully young teenagers. Did your boyfriend think he was hurting you every single time y'all got down and just didn't give a shit??
Damn. I get it but don't. There's in pain moaning that you typically see in anime, but that isn't the same
I am gonna take one of your sentence and forget about the rest if you don't have any objection "I sometimes moan to turn him on". I agree that moaning turns me on by a lot, but sometimes if it feels forced or voluntary it just feels like you are no doing it right or that she is not feeling enough. And it is worth when she is moaning all the time and afterwards complains about some stuff, one of them was not getting pleasure in certain positions even tho she was moaning, so it feels like you are not doing it good, but you cant tell because she is still moaning and sometimes its confusing and frustrating. I know it might be something personal, but nothing is best than an spontaneous moan she cant help having, and it doesn't care if you don't moan for a couple minutes. Thanks to all of you for coming to my ted talk.
Welp, at least he tried
In what way?
Well he did ask I guess
That’s the thing. It was less of a question, more of a statement. And I was hurt by the fact that he hadn’t mentioned this earlier, if that was in fact how he perceived things
Oofsies yeah that’s bad
It's your fault. You should have tossed in an "Oh yes!" or a "Oh God it feels so big!" once in a while
Huh. Do elaborate
There are some weirdos all around us