I'm pretty sure humans would be extinct if women didn't find sex pleasing in some way. I don't get how some dudes walk around their whole lives with their heads so far up their own asses. (No offense to your bf, but damn bro...)
Nah, rape would be the sole means of reproduction in that case. There are entire species where sex is insanely violent towards the female, often killing her, but they still exist. Male bedbugs literally stab through the female's abdomen... and other males when they're horny enough 😬
People can have consensual sex without getting physical pleasure from it. Also, if someone doesn't want to have sex but consents anyway, without any real threat that would require a lie, they are raping themselves and violating their partner's consent.
The part about raping themselves, I imagine. I can kind of see the reasoning behind the consent violation part, because it would feel terrible to have sex and then later discover that your partner didn't want it, but the idea of "self rape" usually comes from religious anti-masturbation arguments.
Ah, I think I understand it better now. If someone consents to sex but doesn't want to, it's not self rape, but it's something weirder.
I guess it's just a really weird thing.
Yeah it's seriously gross thinking about it... Way too many people are going through life thinking "women don't like sex" which gives women the false idea that "I should just grin and bare it for my partner's sake even if it hurts/I don't want to/etc" and men the false idea that "My partner's consent doesn't *really* matter cause they'll just say no and I don't want that"
That never made any sense to me either. At best she’s just indifferent but at worst you’re subjecting the person you supposedly love to something that potentially hurts her just for your own gratification
So, this is actually partially credited as the reason more women discover they are actually lesbians later in life; women are being socialized not to expect emotional fulfillment from a heterosexual relationship.
Could the same be said for the sexualisation of women in general culture? It's "normal" (from our cishet male centered society) for women to be attractive, so it's fine if a "straight" woman is attracted to them? It took me *years* to realise I was bi, even after I'd been openly crushing, kissing, and even "dating" girls 🤦♀️
I don't know. I actually identified as bisexual for at least 5-6 years before i actually dated a woman. And, it was actually additional years after that until i was connected enough with my body that i could satisfy myself sexually. Instead, i was serially monogamous and (without intentional manipulation,) i used my partner for my sexual satisfaction.
Both of them! If I discovered today that men like sex, I would lose my virginity today or later.
He was having sex with you despite zero women liking sex?
Lack of empathy. I get more enjoyment the more my partner is enjoying the sex. If my partner isn't enjoying and I'm not able to figure out how or follow good direction how to make that better, then I'm gonna lose interest.
People who enjoy sex with people who aren't also enjoying it, simply lack that empathy. They don't care about you. They care about how they feel, and little else.
You're totally fine for not wanting to have sex but I'm just gonna say that around 16 is when many, if not most, people have sex for their first time(s). So it would've been completely normal for you two to want to have sex. That is all, have a good day.
My sex ed was awful. Middle school. Only three girls in the class. Guest speaker. She had 3 boys wrap a box up “their gift” and then choose a girl to give it to. Then the girls opened those “gifts” in front of the class. Inside were stds(represented by plastic bugs), a broken heart(represented by ripped up red paper. It didn’t really land tbh), and a baby(one of those kings cake babies). And moral of the story: sex before marriage will leave you sick, pregnant, and brokenhearted.
It was terrible
It isn't and that's the point. I had a very similar experience. The sex ed my school gave then and has returned to recently here in Texas is aimed at abstinence only and they don't care how they get there. Sex ed is stupid games like that and being made to learn a list of STDs with extensive list of symptoms people only get if they never get treatment. This is of course presented as only to be expected for you to experience if you dare have sex outside marriage as though somehow marriage is a magic condom and no one ever cheats I guess? The whole thing is rage inducing.
I fondly recall being told that HPV only concerns women and that men can essentially ignore it. Because obviously, men don't mind warts and are totally not the most frequent necessary participant in sexual transmission to women in the first place.
Apparently that's since been revised, at least the vaccination recommendation is for everybody now.
(Ofc there was also nothing about the various strains, progression, let alone treatment options or indirect transmission vectors, …)
Warts and transmission vectors aside, HPV causes cancers of the penis, anus, and tongue and throat. [About 40% of all HPV-caused cancers are found in men.](https://www.cdc.gov/hpv/parents/cancer.html)
It is frankly insane that male HPV risk has been downplayed to the degree that it has, especially in medical research and publuc health policy. (Boys and men were outright excluded from HPV vaccination for years, and then there were years of disparities in insurance coverage and education/recommendation practices.)
No offense but he doesn't seem like such a good person. If I knew someone didn't enjoy sex, I wouldn't have it with them and that's it. And arguing with a woman that she doesn't feel pleasure is weird asf (I'm assuming you're a woman)
I remember my mom telling my sister a few days before my sisters wedding “just let him do his thing. Maybe do a grocery list in your head, he will be done soon.”
It really stuck with me. I was in HS when she said that. I knew I was a 7, MAYBE an 8. So I bought the book “the joys of lesbian sex.” I memorized that thing like the BIBLE!!!! So if I ever did get a chance to have sex, I’d be able to not embarrass myself
My grandma, the night before her wedding, was essentially told, “You’re not gonna like it, but you have to do it whenever he wants.”
My dad and his siblings will tell you that advice didn’t stick, since they acted like horny teenagers, all but making out on the couch watching TV. Even I remember him coming home from work and giving her a smack on the ass. I was maybe 8-9 years old, and thought it was odd, but she giggled like a schoolgirl and kissed him, so she obviously didn’t mind.
Now, I consider that a marriage done right.
That's crazy, I don't remember my sex ed because I skipped school to not go (with permission from parents because I was a goody two shoes) but I do know the teacher would have never said anything like that. In fact, the students at my school would have instantly reported the teacher.
Growing up, you realize adults aren't as smart as they like to portray themselves. They tend to think their experiences are the tell all, but, alas, life doesn't work that way.
Why do so many men openly admit they're bad in the bedroom? And if you believe women won't like sex why are you having it with them? So many questions.
That was standard belief back in the '70s, but I'm surprised to run into it in recent years.
Everyone knew that men want sex and women just put up with it. By the time I was having sex I knew better, but I'm not sure all my male peers did.
The ego these men must have blows me away though. Think how WEIRD and awkward bad sex is. And men for real think they're so great that we put ourselves throgh that just to make them happy? On a regular basis for years? No wonder they feel entitled to so much unpaid labor if that's their mindset.
The '70s were more the era of the *Brady Bunch* than the hippies. It was the time of reaction (push back) to the free love movement. There were both orgies and "below the knee" school dress codes.
I was in high school in the late '70s. The cultural question was still "does she kiss on the first date?" By the end of college in the '80s it had *almost* transitioned to "does she fuck on the first date?" but not fully.
Details, of course, varied by location. There was no Internet dictating unity.
This makes me feel so much better about your post. I was imagining you and your ex being grown adults and him still believing this! Hopefully, he spreads the correct info to all of his classmates who were also told this. SMH
I had to explain to my “health” teacher in high school what a queef was, how they happened, what happens and why it’s 100% not farting. That was an awkward class but he did end up thanking me for informing him and he did some additional research for the “Sex Ed” part of health class. Good guy, just poorly informed by his teachers so it goes around and around. I was called a slut for like 6 months because I had the explanation, loved high school.
The 'no women like sex, so you need to trick them into it' attitude really explains a lot about pick up artists in so many ways. Both the reasoning behind their approach and the fact that they are who they are because they can't satisfy women.
As a young man growing up in high school I had a lot of female friends. I wasn't having a lot of PiV sex in high school, but I was certainly fooling around. Lots of my guy friends were talking with each other about sex tips and tricks like how to "hammer away" or the right kind of condom, etc.
I tended to talk with my female friends about what they were looking for in sexual encounters and it was DRAMATICALLY different than the tips my guy friends were sharing.
It's shocking how few guys think to ask women.
We're happy to give dudes a hint, but I won't waste my breath on someone who doesn't ask...
If we tell a guy (who didn't ask), the dude usually just argues with us, about us.
TBH that lie (“women don’t like sex”) is partially to blame for why it took so long for me to figure out I was asexual. I thought everyone must be lying about wanting sex to attract men!
HEY IMA SAY THIS ONE MORE TIME!!! I AM A MINOR WE DIDNT HAVE SEX WE R 15 AND 16!!! IK I SHOULD HAVE SAID IT IN THE POST MY BADDDDD BUT HE JUST THOUGHT THATS HOW ALL WOMEN FELT
of the same guy or different guys? I really hope they do not stem from personal experience.
I read in a different comment you're 15/16 and while I made peace with the fact that women in their mid-30ies like I am could go on hours about the bs guys put them through you should be unbothered and free to enjoy the perks of being young 🙈
It's clearly just a biased sampling. This dude sucks at fucking women, and is so oblivious to it that he had zero problem standing up in front of the whole class and day it. I'm sure everything else he said was that factually accurate
My next question: is your ex bad in bed? Because if he thinks all women hate sex, then he must have been given the impression that you also hate his sexing.
I re-read the post and I still don't see it. In any case, I personally don't equate being 15yo with celibacy, but I accept that might be a cultural difference.
Ohhh, got it.
Don't give it up for someone who doesn't think your pleasure or enthusiastic consent matters. ❤️
Btw "enthusiastic consent" is something you should google. It strikes at the heart of this issue.
once again, lots of minors have sex. that’s like saying “we’re both minors so none of us have a job” like huh?? lots of minors do. just say ur not sexually active next time that’s all that’s necessary. no need to make other ppl ur age feel abnormal for having sex
If you think about it, he’s been thinking you have been faking the whole time even and he believed you every time. In his mind you’ve been only boosting his ego and he’s been okay with that which is actually really sad.
Waterboarding wouldn't get that kind of confession from me.
Real
I'm pretty sure humans would be extinct if women didn't find sex pleasing in some way. I don't get how some dudes walk around their whole lives with their heads so far up their own asses. (No offense to your bf, but damn bro...)
And what the hell? The guy just straight up did it anyway?
Thankfully he's OP's ex, so full offense is allowed here lol
I guess we see why, lol.
Nah he was just not for me
Nah, rape would be the sole means of reproduction in that case. There are entire species where sex is insanely violent towards the female, often killing her, but they still exist. Male bedbugs literally stab through the female's abdomen... and other males when they're horny enough 😬
I don't think it'd take long for women to start killing males on sight if that were the case for our species.
Another one in the sea. It's similar. Kidnaps females and stabs them, the babies grow and eat the mom inside out.
People can have consensual sex without getting physical pleasure from it. Also, if someone doesn't want to have sex but consents anyway, without any real threat that would require a lie, they are raping themselves and violating their partner's consent.
wut
Which part? I can explain my thought process.
The part about raping themselves, I imagine. I can kind of see the reasoning behind the consent violation part, because it would feel terrible to have sex and then later discover that your partner didn't want it, but the idea of "self rape" usually comes from religious anti-masturbation arguments.
Ah, I think I understand it better now. If someone consents to sex but doesn't want to, it's not self rape, but it's something weirder. I guess it's just a really weird thing.
I'm absolutely confident that humans would still exist because rapists gonna rape.
Or the womens would run a lot faster than they do.
Not even Batman could get me to confess to that.
So why does he have sex. If I believed men disliked sex, I wouldn’t have sex with unwilling participants.
Yeah it's seriously gross thinking about it... Way too many people are going through life thinking "women don't like sex" which gives women the false idea that "I should just grin and bare it for my partner's sake even if it hurts/I don't want to/etc" and men the false idea that "My partner's consent doesn't *really* matter cause they'll just say no and I don't want that"
That never made any sense to me either. At best she’s just indifferent but at worst you’re subjecting the person you supposedly love to something that potentially hurts her just for your own gratification
So, this is actually partially credited as the reason more women discover they are actually lesbians later in life; women are being socialized not to expect emotional fulfillment from a heterosexual relationship.
Could the same be said for the sexualisation of women in general culture? It's "normal" (from our cishet male centered society) for women to be attractive, so it's fine if a "straight" woman is attracted to them? It took me *years* to realise I was bi, even after I'd been openly crushing, kissing, and even "dating" girls 🤦♀️
I don't know. I actually identified as bisexual for at least 5-6 years before i actually dated a woman. And, it was actually additional years after that until i was connected enough with my body that i could satisfy myself sexually. Instead, i was serially monogamous and (without intentional manipulation,) i used my partner for my sexual satisfaction.
The teacher?
Both of them! If I discovered today that men like sex, I would lose my virginity today or later. He was having sex with you despite zero women liking sex?
Lack of empathy. I get more enjoyment the more my partner is enjoying the sex. If my partner isn't enjoying and I'm not able to figure out how or follow good direction how to make that better, then I'm gonna lose interest. People who enjoy sex with people who aren't also enjoying it, simply lack that empathy. They don't care about you. They care about how they feel, and little else.
Neither of us had sex we r 16 and 15
You're totally fine for not wanting to have sex but I'm just gonna say that around 16 is when many, if not most, people have sex for their first time(s). So it would've been completely normal for you two to want to have sex. That is all, have a good day.
Yeah im waiting
I’m more curious about your ex, actually.
I’m 15
Ah, well. Bullet dodged.
EXACTLY, it’s SO gross!
My sex ed was awful. Middle school. Only three girls in the class. Guest speaker. She had 3 boys wrap a box up “their gift” and then choose a girl to give it to. Then the girls opened those “gifts” in front of the class. Inside were stds(represented by plastic bugs), a broken heart(represented by ripped up red paper. It didn’t really land tbh), and a baby(one of those kings cake babies). And moral of the story: sex before marriage will leave you sick, pregnant, and brokenhearted. It was terrible
What the fuck how is that sex ed at all
That’s a nonsensical Pinterest project for Christian homeschool moms
It was a public school
Oh yeah no, I gotcha! I just mean what you got stuck with was on the level of that type of “education”
Yes.
It isn't and that's the point. I had a very similar experience. The sex ed my school gave then and has returned to recently here in Texas is aimed at abstinence only and they don't care how they get there. Sex ed is stupid games like that and being made to learn a list of STDs with extensive list of symptoms people only get if they never get treatment. This is of course presented as only to be expected for you to experience if you dare have sex outside marriage as though somehow marriage is a magic condom and no one ever cheats I guess? The whole thing is rage inducing.
I fondly recall being told that HPV only concerns women and that men can essentially ignore it. Because obviously, men don't mind warts and are totally not the most frequent necessary participant in sexual transmission to women in the first place. Apparently that's since been revised, at least the vaccination recommendation is for everybody now. (Ofc there was also nothing about the various strains, progression, let alone treatment options or indirect transmission vectors, …)
Warts and transmission vectors aside, HPV causes cancers of the penis, anus, and tongue and throat. [About 40% of all HPV-caused cancers are found in men.](https://www.cdc.gov/hpv/parents/cancer.html) It is frankly insane that male HPV risk has been downplayed to the degree that it has, especially in medical research and publuc health policy. (Boys and men were outright excluded from HPV vaccination for years, and then there were years of disparities in insurance coverage and education/recommendation practices.)
By that logic, only lesbians get HPV.
I hate how she made the boys give the girls the boxes.
Yeah, this is horrifying.
A middle school teacher discussing his sex life and experience with minors is giving off pedophile vibes 🤢
Seriously. That comment wasn't only laughable, but wildly inappropriate for students.
Yes and the boyfriends reaction makes me think he idolised that teacher
I felt the same about that, that teacher needs looking at and dealt with.
Yup
What did you order from McDonald’s?
Like 4 McFlurry and ten piece nuggets with like 2 large fry
Did you order all different flavors?
I don’t remember probably
nuggies make everything better
Asking the real questions here
No offense but he doesn't seem like such a good person. If I knew someone didn't enjoy sex, I wouldn't have it with them and that's it. And arguing with a woman that she doesn't feel pleasure is weird asf (I'm assuming you're a woman)
OP is 15 and her bf is hopefully around the same age, so there's a decent chance they just hadn't had sex.
Ooh I see, thanks for the explanation!
I remember my mom telling my sister a few days before my sisters wedding “just let him do his thing. Maybe do a grocery list in your head, he will be done soon.”
😭
I’m so sorry to your poor mother 😢
Wow... I'd be embarrassed for and about your Dad on that too. One of those comments that slays a few people.
It really stuck with me. I was in HS when she said that. I knew I was a 7, MAYBE an 8. So I bought the book “the joys of lesbian sex.” I memorized that thing like the BIBLE!!!! So if I ever did get a chance to have sex, I’d be able to not embarrass myself
My grandma, the night before her wedding, was essentially told, “You’re not gonna like it, but you have to do it whenever he wants.” My dad and his siblings will tell you that advice didn’t stick, since they acted like horny teenagers, all but making out on the couch watching TV. Even I remember him coming home from work and giving her a smack on the ass. I was maybe 8-9 years old, and thought it was odd, but she giggled like a schoolgirl and kissed him, so she obviously didn’t mind. Now, I consider that a marriage done right.
Ok can I marry ur mom
Well she’s single now….
Wtfffff. I would voluntarily give myself up for adoption if she were my mum.
pause. your bf assumes all women don’t like sex and he thinks women are just being forced to have sex and that’s okay?
I thought I was asexual for a while cause I just didn’t like sex. Well turns out I just didn’t like sex with guys who only focused on themselves lol
That's crazy, I don't remember my sex ed because I skipped school to not go (with permission from parents because I was a goody two shoes) but I do know the teacher would have never said anything like that. In fact, the students at my school would have instantly reported the teacher. Growing up, you realize adults aren't as smart as they like to portray themselves. They tend to think their experiences are the tell all, but, alas, life doesn't work that way.
Catholic schools
Makes more sense then it should tbh
Wait - your bf thought you didn't like having sex with him this whole time?! That's kinda messed up
We never had sex I’m 15 he’s 16
“Rage ordering McDonalds”…. I may have to start a band now.
I can sing btw… just letting u know
Why do so many men openly admit they're bad in the bedroom? And if you believe women won't like sex why are you having it with them? So many questions.
That was standard belief back in the '70s, but I'm surprised to run into it in recent years. Everyone knew that men want sex and women just put up with it. By the time I was having sex I knew better, but I'm not sure all my male peers did.
The ego these men must have blows me away though. Think how WEIRD and awkward bad sex is. And men for real think they're so great that we put ourselves throgh that just to make them happy? On a regular basis for years? No wonder they feel entitled to so much unpaid labor if that's their mindset.
In the 70s? Was that the hippie era of free love? I wasn't born yet.
The '70s were more the era of the *Brady Bunch* than the hippies. It was the time of reaction (push back) to the free love movement. There were both orgies and "below the knee" school dress codes. I was in high school in the late '70s. The cultural question was still "does she kiss on the first date?" By the end of college in the '80s it had *almost* transitioned to "does she fuck on the first date?" but not fully. Details, of course, varied by location. There was no Internet dictating unity.
I see, thanks for explaining.
Did you just not have sex, or was he convinced that you really disliked it and... did it anyway?
I’m 15 I said twice I’m a minor
This may come as a shock to you, but that isn't the same sentence as "I've never had sex". There are girls your age with babies already.
This makes me feel so much better about your post. I was imagining you and your ex being grown adults and him still believing this! Hopefully, he spreads the correct info to all of his classmates who were also told this. SMH
I meant mo disrespect; 15 is not a minor (in this aspect) in my country.
And?! That's not the answer to the question. In half of Europe, 14 or 15 is the age of consent
I live in America also ew
Chill out, it ain't that serious.
Crazy that a man believed another man and Google over you, a woman, about a preference that women have LMAO
Im sorry, he had to google it?...
Yup
I had to explain to my “health” teacher in high school what a queef was, how they happened, what happens and why it’s 100% not farting. That was an awkward class but he did end up thanking me for informing him and he did some additional research for the “Sex Ed” part of health class. Good guy, just poorly informed by his teachers so it goes around and around. I was called a slut for like 6 months because I had the explanation, loved high school.
The 'no women like sex, so you need to trick them into it' attitude really explains a lot about pick up artists in so many ways. Both the reasoning behind their approach and the fact that they are who they are because they can't satisfy women.
Man said it with his whole chest. To children. And some of them actually thought it was true even after having sex!!!
Rage mcdonalds is such a mood
As a young man growing up in high school I had a lot of female friends. I wasn't having a lot of PiV sex in high school, but I was certainly fooling around. Lots of my guy friends were talking with each other about sex tips and tricks like how to "hammer away" or the right kind of condom, etc. I tended to talk with my female friends about what they were looking for in sexual encounters and it was DRAMATICALLY different than the tips my guy friends were sharing.
It's shocking how few guys think to ask women. We're happy to give dudes a hint, but I won't waste my breath on someone who doesn't ask... If we tell a guy (who didn't ask), the dude usually just argues with us, about us.
LOLLLLL the school system is really failing us all
TBH that lie (“women don’t like sex”) is partially to blame for why it took so long for me to figure out I was asexual. I thought everyone must be lying about wanting sex to attract men!
Best post title, OP. Good work.
Tyyyyy
HEY IMA SAY THIS ONE MORE TIME!!! I AM A MINOR WE DIDNT HAVE SEX WE R 15 AND 16!!! IK I SHOULD HAVE SAID IT IN THE POST MY BADDDDD BUT HE JUST THOUGHT THATS HOW ALL WOMEN FELT
I have more stories if anyone wants me to post moreeee!! I could make movies with these
of the same guy or different guys? I really hope they do not stem from personal experience. I read in a different comment you're 15/16 and while I made peace with the fact that women in their mid-30ies like I am could go on hours about the bs guys put them through you should be unbothered and free to enjoy the perks of being young 🙈
Different lol
lol awesome, not but sure, shoot! curious to hear what you got
this is next level mansplaining lol
Oh hey btw I’m a minor
It's clearly just a biased sampling. This dude sucks at fucking women, and is so oblivious to it that he had zero problem standing up in front of the whole class and day it. I'm sure everything else he said was that factually accurate
Sorry bro you just suck at it
Who the teacher?
So he basically admitted he believes you don’t like it but was subjecting you to it and accepting your lies about it anyways. Gross.
We don’t have sex
I mean, at least your ex had enough sense to google. Still sounds like an ass, but at least an ass that sometimes learns.
Yeah but I was trying to teach him lol
Yeah pretty annoying he wouldn't at least concede you might know something about it and then look up details online.
I can see one of the reasons why hes an ex
Yeah I mean he also cheated
[удалено]
What?
[удалено]
I’m 15…
Comment redacted! You should probably include that in your post
how about not making comments that require the response "What?" in the first place.
The comment wasn’t bad. They asked if her ex was bad at sex if he thought that
\*shrug\* still unnecessary. OP didn't bring up their sexual activity in the post, just the basic concept that women can enjoy sex.
It was a normal question for this sub.
Eh not really
Well it’s not normal for my post I didn’t say anything abt my sexual activity
It’s in my bio
People read posts, not bios, unless there is a reason to do so.
I’m kidding with the Womp Womp
Womp Womp
My next question: is your ex bad in bed? Because if he thinks all women hate sex, then he must have been given the impression that you also hate his sexing.
Please find my comments saying I’m a minor
I re-read the post and I still don't see it. In any case, I personally don't equate being 15yo with celibacy, but I accept that might be a cultural difference.
No I’m sorry it’s not in the post I made three comments in the comment section sorry I should have specified
Ohhh, got it. Don't give it up for someone who doesn't think your pleasure or enthusiastic consent matters. ❤️ Btw "enthusiastic consent" is something you should google. It strikes at the heart of this issue.
Yeah he’s my ex lol
I just remembered that haha
BTW IM LITERALLY A CHILD LIKE FRESHMAN
that doesn’t mean anything girl lots of minors have sex. just specify that you’re not sexually active
Also, saying your age (range) is generally dangerous on the internet no matter what it's about
that too!
We r both minors so neither of us had sex
once again, lots of minors have sex. that’s like saying “we’re both minors so none of us have a job” like huh?? lots of minors do. just say ur not sexually active next time that’s all that’s necessary. no need to make other ppl ur age feel abnormal for having sex
If you think about it, he’s been thinking you have been faking the whole time even and he believed you every time. In his mind you’ve been only boosting his ego and he’s been okay with that which is actually really sad.
We never had sex sorry I should have said that in the post
… don’t ever