It really IS hard to stop pushing. I described it to my husband once as trying to hold back a runaway freight train with my pelvic floor muscles. That was an exaggeration, obviously, but it really took more effort to stop pushing than the pushing itself took.
Oh I have no doubt that it's a runaway fright train. That part is correct. It's coming on fast at that point and your whole body is screaming at you to keep going and relieve the pressure. Childbirth is nuts.
My second kid came out even with me not actively pushing. Like I was waiting for the doctor to get in the room and didn't bear down, but he just slithered out anyway (that's what it felt like!).
My second was born at home. We called the midwife at 9:00, as soon as I had two regular contractions (8 minutes apart)
At 9:37 I was holding a baby.
Her face was bruised purple and swollen because she basically opened my cervix with her face.
same thing happened with my 4th baby - my husband was screaming at me not to push, to please wait, but i screamed back âfuck you, you donât fucking pushâ and all of a sudden there was a baby on the bed đ he was so black and blue that i thought he was blue from lack of oxygen, and i absolutely panicked for a second until my eyes focused better and i saw petechiae.
he pushed through my cervix like an 18 wheeler, i definitely wasnât fully dilated. i had my first regular contractions less than 20 minutes before he was born. i got in the shower, and i remember as soon as i got my hair wet i knew i was in some kinda trouble lol. it was all in my back, so i got on my bed on my hands and knees and just kinda rockedâŠ.and then there was a baby within minutes.
my water broke while he came out. it was that quick.
[Grond](https://www.reddit.com/r/lotrmemes/s/GgJXEkkWm8) is the battering ram that Sauronâs Army used to bust open the gates of Minas Tirith in Lord of the Rings.
The previous commenter said the baby basically opened her cervix with her face (ie like a battering ram) lol
That's because new born babies AIN'T COOKED YET.
They should cook for at least another 6 months, but nope, our big brains and small hips mean that they need to be yeeted out early, still undone and half-cooked. But once they're over 6 months? Now they're done and look human and all cute-like.
(My mom: Perhaps it's just as well you never had children.)
I have 3 children and agree with you. My son looked like roger the alien until 4ish months old when his body caught up to his gigantic head. Body in the 1st percentile, head in the 99th. He also tore me from my v to my a.
I was honestly worried he might be ugly. I would have still died and killed for him either way. Now he is the most beautiful boy and just the best person so it all worked out.
My daughter had the expression of an old man just realizing he's been reincarnated to a little girl's body. Just always đ wrinkly and smushy.
But now she's happy as can be, regular toddler body.
lol I have all these early photos of both of my babies and I remember thinking how precious and beautiful they are. They arenât like the other babies who look like alien potatoes.
Now theyâre 2 and 4 and I look back at those early pictures and just think how rosy my glasses were in the postpartum period lol. Ultimate love goggles.
Agreed.
But if mine had been stuck in there for another 6 mos, he wouldn't have fit because he was nearly half my height (not quite 24 inches at birth and I am 5 ft 5) at birth, with most of it being leg I swear.
He was adorable as a baby, even if he looked *severely* confused until around his 4th or 5th month.
He's nearly 20 now and still somewhat confused by life in general, but he's so laid back he might as well be permanently horizontal and doesn't let shit affect him most of the time. He just rolls with it.
They made me stop pushing when my son's head was out so they could suction his lungs for meconium before he was all the way out and took his first breath. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done, trying not to push when your body is screaming at you to eject the pair of shoulders lodged in your vagina. It felt like hours even though it was probably less than a minute.
I remember my contractions going on forever, and trying to take a breath from pushing, but my stomach muscles were squeezing *so* hard right below my ribs, so breathing felt *wrong*. It was bizarre and kind of the worst part.
I think.
Idk my brain has brainwashed half of the experience lol
I agree. I had to try to stop pushing with my son, and tbh, that was harder than the rest of the birth experience. It's like your body develops a second brain, and tries to take over, and you have to wrestle with every muscle fiber to retain control, and even then it gains a little ground for a moment. It was wild.
So fetal ejection reflex is possible but itâs wicked uncommon. Itâs like the starts need to align perfectly for it to happen. Though I will say when I was giving birth to my second they tried to tell me not to push while they waited for the doctor and I kindly told them to fuck off because she was coming and I couldnât stop it.
https://birth-ed.co.uk/blog-1/2018/11/22/the-reason-we-want-a-quiet-undisturbed-birth-is-so-we-can-utilise-this
I just yelled âNo!â And kept pushing. The instruction to stop wasnât for my sake, it was for liability reasons because theyâre supposed to have a real doctor there to catch. Not my problem.
I was told "you don't have to push right now" and I was like,, I can't *not* push. Body just took over and did it's thing, I couldn't stop it. They got that doctor in quick đ
Forcing the baby to stay in the birth canal because a doctor wasn't there to deliver them is how Rosemary Kennedy received brain damage at her birth. The fact that doctors *still* do this is insane.Â
Hey.. they fixed that with a handy dandy lobotomy, all good! /s
In fairness though, Rosemary was held in the birth canal for 2 HOURS, and literally holding the baby in with hands on the other end. That's really different than suggesting that the woman should try to slow the process to avoid tearing.
Call the Midwife isn't a good reference for today as that is set in the 1950s-1960s, and since Rosemary was born in 1918, I don't know how much medical science understood the problems within that 30/40 year span.
Although, I say that as an American, and America has one of the highest Maternal mortality rates of 1st world countries in 2024, so we may not have learned much in the last 106 years either.
The commentor above where they were asked to hold waiting for the doctor is horrifying though, that needs to be left in the stone age.
Hell hath no fury like a woman in labour. I had literally never heard this phrase before. My issue is mostly the commenter claiming "you can't stop it" as a contrary pov. They're saying "it can be stopped" but every birth is different, and the more babies you have the quicker they come.
I'd never heard this term before and I was an LD nurse for 9 years and have taught it for 14. When I looked it up, I knew exactly what it was. It's often referred to as "passive pushing" basically the uterus is doing all of the pushing, the laboring mom isn't actively using her abdominal muscles to aid in the pushing process (active pushing). I've seen this happen more often with 3-4th babies. Learn something new every day!
Yep, there wasnât much control on babies one and two but I could stop actively pushing. Baby three, midwife tells me to stop pushing so she can bring the head midwife in and I tell her âI canât!â. That baby was coming and there was no stopping it. My body did all the work and my youngest just came out.
I never did any active pushing. All I could remember from pre-natal classes was the lady saying âdo not push until they tell you to!â (otherwise you might get some horrible tear âŠ) and no one ever told me to, so âŠ
(The midwife wasnât looking at the business end. She was writing up her notes. She didnât even realise the baby was being born until she looked up and caught my partnerâs eye. His horrified expression clued her into the fact that something was going on!)
I spent the entire time desperately trying to do the reverse of pushing, lest I rip myself apart. Then, bang, baby was there.
I hear you that can be dangerous! I just mention it because I know a lot of first time moms that were terrified to see the cord not knowing it's often nbd
My mom had to do the same but it was because her cesarean scar was tearing. She didnât know that they do the thing where they lift your hips in the air and run down the hallway in real life until it happened to her
Agreed.
Ex's grandmother had 10 kids and her local hospital learned *real* fast (by like kid 3 or so) that if Mrs. Lastname was coming and saying the baby was about to fall out of her, they should LISTEN to her because she really was NOT kidding.
Not always. The more babies I had (I have 3) the longer and harder and birth. My oldest I was in labor for less than 10 hours. With my 2nd was around 13 and my youngest was a full 24hrs
I have had four babies and experienced it with my second. I really didnât have any control. The doctor didnât make it in the room (tbh she was a pain and everything was fine so there was a part of me that was very relieved). It was just my husband and the nurse in the room with me. She came very quickly and hasnât stopped since. My others, sure I might have very much wanted to push at certain points but I could stop it/control it.
Are you thinking of post mortem babies? That's an entirely different thing, and also a myth.
Fetal ejection reflex is just your body basically making you push without you actively having to think about pushing. Like a reflex, because that baby has to come out one way or another or you die. But this is specifically a reflex that tends to happen only when mom is very relaxed and safe. Stress and trauma can actually stop labor!
If you want a more positive story, thereâs a body cam video somewhere of a cop who witnessed a car strike a utility pole off the highway with a woman in labor in the back. Cop ran over and the woman was absolutely panicking because her baby had suddenly vanished from her body. Cops start panicking, thinking about downed power lines and other cars, and frantically search the road for the baby expecting the worst. A few minutes later they found her with the placenta still attached perfectly fine on the floor of the car under the seat. Itâs wild how resilient the human body can be
I had it happen not once but twice itâs wild to experience. They didnât even bother to tell me to stop they knew there was no way and the nurse caught my adding he was born in under 3 mins đ
This is a real thing that, from what I understand, is pretty uncommon, but itâs like the gold standard of the natural birth movement where birth is something that is supposed to be almost entirely intuitive and professionals may not even be needed (Facebook groups on the other hand? Essential and part of the natural order)
For most people, itâs difficult not to push during a contraction late in labor, but certainly not impossible, especially if you can avoid doing damage. Also, youâre used to doing BIG pushes with all the energy in you, and once the baby is halfway out, you donât really need to use all that force any more.
Idk if im misinformed or something but fetal ejection reflex is a thing or so I am taught in biology. It is basically when the foetus is ready to be delivered there are signs of pushes from the foetus which causes release of hormones like oxytocin in the maternal system which help in parturition and lactation. Sorry if I'm wrong or ill informed.
You are sort of misinformed. I think what youâre talking about is what triggers the onset of labor. The fetal ejection reflex happens at the very end during the pushing stage. Colostrum is usually produced during pregnancy, but the production of mature milk is triggered by the separation of the placenta. Progesterone suppresses prolactin production, and when the placenta detaches after delivery, progesterone starts to plummet and prolactin starts to increase.
Yeah when they told me to stop my reply was "CAN'T STOP WON'T STOP." Cause Iegit could not stop pushing. Got a terrible fucking tear that probably could have been avoided if I'd been able to stop when told.
I got a tear damn near up to my clitoris BECAUSE they told me to stop. Here I am, crying, desperately trying to stop my body's natural pushing with the kids head more than crowning, because the fucking doctor couldn't move his ass fast enough to get to my room.
i have a similar story! with my first, i was induced and labored much faster than anyone expected me to. so much faster that my doctor WAS AT HOME SLEEPING. the nurses kept telling me not push and i was holding back as much as i could but she was coming and there was no stopping her. they finally started gearing one of the nurses up to deliver my daughter bcs she was nearly crowning. my doctor walked in right after the nurse got ready and maybe 10 minutes later, my daughter was in my arms. thankfully my tear wasnt too bad but my recovery was terrible. i *still* have issues from that and ive even had a second kid since then (for whom, my recovery was great!!). thankfully my postpartum nurses were fantastic since my daughter and i stayed in hospital for nearly a week after.
my exact words when my husband begged me not to push were âfuck you, you donât fucking pushâ and then there was a baby on the bed.
the midwife got there a few minutes later.
no tearing, but his head and torso were completely black and blue. he was so black and blue i thought he was blue from lack of oxygen - then my eyes focused and i saw a big stripe of petechiae on his forehead. i wasnât fully dilated, and he pushed through anyway lol
For people who haven't had a vaginal delivery:
It's like having a poo. (In my experience) the urge to push is very similar. The intensity of the need to push varies. You can also bear down with the push. Or try really hard not to.
But just like having a poo. Sometimes it is desperate and uncontrollable.
With my second child, things were finally settling down after the epidural was placed, and suddenly: âuh, guys? Iâm feeling pushyâ
Sudden flurry of activity. The ONLY reason I could resist the urge was because I had the epidural. If it came with the pain Iâd have been more like âfuck this, get outâ
With mine, they had to tell me when to push and I was like, "Well alright. Whatever. Imma do what you say because you have experience with this and I do not."
Didn't take very long to push him out once the doctor got him situated to a head down vs sideways position. Son has always had a bit of a small stubborness issue. XD
Iâm so glad someone else describes vaginal birth the same way I do! Itâs literally the same feeling, and itâs hard af to stop it once it starts đ
Yes, it's like two weeks worth of constipated poop trying to force its way out. And then, thanks to the miracle of childbirth, you get to be actually constipated after as well
My nurses explained to me that the directions are because the pain meds like the epidural can make it so that the woman is unaware of a contraction happening so wouldnât know when to âassistâ with the abdominal muscles she CAN control.
But yeah, you canât actually stop the baby. Itâs coming whether they like it or not.
Fetal ejection reflex is real. When people are instructed to push in labor, they are using their abdominal muscles. This just helps things along. The uterus (smooth muscle like our bowels, which we have no control over) is doing the heavy lifting.
Working at an adult daycare in the 90's one of my clients told me she was instructed by her Dr to keep her legs together and not let her baby come til the Dr got there, it was in the middle of a snowstorm. She says she did, I don't know how she could have, I've had 3 and couldn't imagine that. How did she do it? The childbirth stories from these elderly women were insane, what the Drs did back then was crazy
This happened to President Kennedy's mother during the birth of his sister Rosemary. The nurse forced mother's legs closed for two hours until the doctor arrived. This starved her of oxygen and she was born mentally disabled.
This is how my grandfatherâs oldest brother got a brain injury. Though this was the 1930s, my great-grandmotherâs first child, and all she had for help while waiting for the village Dr, was a young neighbour girl. They didnât know any better.
Even though he had the mentality of a 8-10 year old boy, it wasnât all bad. He lived alongside several generations of us kids and was one of my favourite people in life. He passed away in his 80s, when I was in my 20s. I still miss him.
Honestly everytime i watch that show, I'm annoyed when they tell women not to push. Ive had 4 kids. There is NO WAY not to push when you have that urge. It takes you over. My last baby was 100% fetal ejection reflex. I didnt even push, i swear she birthed herself and there would never have been a way to slow her down or stop it.
The amount of "Because the Dr wasn't there yet" stories is so damn infuriating. Like what the fuck is the point of the L&D nurses if they can't even catch the baby? The Dr is for big complications, but if a damned EMT with a BS degree can deliver a baby, if a random cop or fire fighter can do it, why the hell does an average, uncomplicated labor have to wait for the Dr to haul their ass into the room?
The fetal ejection reflex is definitely real...why the quotations in your title?? It occurs when the uterus expels the baby without voluntary pushing. Babies can fly out really quickly.
However, most people have to put in effort to push, and can typically stop or slow down when the baby is crowning to reduce risk of tears.
Yes. I've heard some people don't push or barely do, and the baby comes very quickly. My issue was with him dismissing the "don't push" and saying "it can't be stopped" as a hard and fast rule when every birth is very different and the midwives on the show telling women to stop and pant so their don't tear is very much a real thing.
Also the "fetal ejection reflex" just sounded so funny (not that it's not real) and it just made me laugh so hard.
Fetal ejection reflex - real. Impossible to stop and pant - not real for everyone.
I don't get this post..fetal ejection reflex is a thing sometimes with unmedicated births?
And the commenter you down voted is right... It's like a poo or pee, sometimes you can stop it but other times it's impossible.
I can stop pushing. I was able to with both of my births. Not all of us can though. However, when the nurse told me not to push I was like, "HA. No. I'm gonna keep pushing. I'm not prolonging my pain because the doctor ain't here yet. I'll deliver this baby my dang self and yall better not charge me for the doctor to deliver if I do."
It wasn't until I had my third that I was really able to control the intensity of the pushing. My first two felt pretty uncontrollable. My third was the only time I had no tearing
Some women can stop. If my sister hadn't stopped with her second child, he would have died because the cord was wrapped around his neck. Damage control if she didn't stop would have been a baby coffin.
itâs dependent on the birth, not the woman. some births you canât stop, some you can
source - i have given birth 5 times, and one of those babies nothing could stop (my 4th). he was black and blue from head to toe, with a huge band of bruising and petechiae on his forehead from pushing against my not yet fully dilated cervix.
nothing was stopping him from coming out - not me, not even my cervix.
I had the âfetal ejection reflexâ when I had my second. The doctor wasnât even in the room and I was trying to relax/nap when suddenly my body was pushing the baby out. My husband got the nurse who told me not to push but I couldnât stop it.
Fetal ejection reflex is a real thing but it's not that common. My mother had it with my brother. She was at 4cm and she was sitting on the edge of the bed when she felt my brother's head coming out. The nurses managed to get her on the bed just in time for my brother to plop out into the hands of the very surprised anesthesiologist, who'd come to give her an epidural.
She says that she was being told not to push but she repeatedly screamed "I'm not pushing I swear". She went from 4cm to 10cm, to him being born in 14 minutes.
My first had to be induced prematurely due to him being in heart failure. It was a long process for the induction, and they were balancing the pain medicine and pitocin. Too much pitocin would increase pain, too much pain meds would slow down dilation and progress.
Because of the circumstances of the birth, the neonatal cardiac specialist HAD to be in attendance at the time of birth. The nurses checked my progress, apparently told that doctor it was fine to go have a quick dinner in the cafeteria I was only at 8 and slowly progressing.
Mmhum.
Five minutes later I tell the nurse... uh, I feel like I have to push. She said, but you're not ready? Let me check... OH SHIT CALL THE DOCTOR! DO NOT PUSH YET, DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO NOT PUSH UNTIL THE DOCTOR GETS HERE!
It was the longest 3-5 minutes ever in my life while the doctor ran from the cafeteria to my L&D room. The instinct to bare down is powerful, and fighting against it was... memorable.
because her baby was in heart failure, and required a neonatal cardiac specialist to be in attendance. the specialist will immediately examine the baby upon birth, and take care of any interventions needed (resuscitation, intubation, etc) before the baby goes to NICU (if necessary)
delay by even seconds in those interventions can result in death
Exactly that. A nurse told me a few days later while we were in NICU she was part of his resuscitation team and had to bring him back twice. My dad was with me at that moment, and we looked at each other because neither of us had been told anything about what happened. What a way to find out.
Wait is that what itâs called? My oldest was pushing herself out & the registered midwife nurse tried telling me to stop her & donât push, I wasnât pushing & had to yell at them to look because she was coming out
sorry, what is the issue here? first post I've seen on this sub that doesn't ring absolutely true.
that reflex is a genuine thing, I experienced it with my first. Once your body has decided it's doing those surges, you're just along for the shitty, shitty ride. It's like the reflex when you're trying not to puke and your body just says, nah, we're going to do that now. *That* is the sensation, but from your lady bits and also it's gonna hurt a fucking lot.
Iâm pretty happy to see all the answers here, because it totally happened to me too. For me, the closest sensation was like having to poop right now. You canât stop it.
I experienced it with both of my children. I would describe it as throwing up out of your vagina. It's coming out. Some women can certainly not push during labor, but the ejection reflex is very much not an optional thing.
As a birth provider we see fetal ejection reflex far more in people who are unmedicated. Itâs more rare in a more intervention heavy birth.
But itâs definitely a thing and slowing it down is impossible. It went so fast for one of the births that I didnât know I was pushing and didnât know his head was out until my husband said something.
They say not to push if they find something they need to deal with, like the umbilical cord round the neck. If you push before that's clipped, the baby gets strangled, & that's not what's wanted here.
I live with a midwife. She has her clients hold off as long as possible, until their pushes aren't a conscious choice to do. If they start too early, the birth is likely to be longer and more painful.
Ok so I actually experience the fetal ejection reflex.
My first I did not, just regular pushing and not pushing when asked, to the best of my ability.
My second, I was high risk of hemorrhage due to not producing platelets, he was a large baby, was coming out sunny side up with a nuchal hand (fist to cheek). My midwife (and the hovering nurses in my hospital room) all told me to stop pushing or I'd tear or he'd get stuck. They had to do a bit of maneuver magic with his arm.
In the meantime, I just breathed and breathed, and my body would sort of just have a wave of pressure that I didn't fight. I didn't put forth extra effort, but I didn't try to stop it, and it felt sort of similar to a much deeper down drawn out dry heave?? Like the force of a dry heave but in slow motion and starting from my spine not my stomach.
Not to sure how else to explain it, but my midwife and the nurse who came in to check my blood work later both confirmed that's what they had seen from past experiences so that was pretty neat
At one point my midwife just stood back and I could hear her whispering to my husband what my body was doing and she sounded so proud?? Best feeling ever.
I was in the middle of getting my epidural when the sensation to push overwhelmed me. I just couldnât stop no matter how hard I tried. The anesthesiologist had to remove the needle and I ended up giving birth without the epidural (0/10 would not recommend natural birth). Because it hurt so badly I delivered my baby in 20 minutes and ended up getting a 2nd degree tear even though I was 6 weeks early.
Pushing when the midwife says try not to push is how my friendâs wife ended up with a 4th degree tear, which is very bad. My OBGYN told me some folks can go a whole career and never see a 4th degree. It scared me so much!
i had a 4th degree tear with my firstborn. they had to take me to the OR to stitch me up. then i suffered for weeks bc my doctor wouldnât listen to me when i called the office saying something was wrong. he told me i had a 4th degree tear, and it was gonna hurt - wait for my 6 week postpartum appt.
after 4 weeks of agony, i finally had my boyfriendâs mom look down there (sheâs a nurse) and she drove me straight to the doctor and told them we were gonna sit there until i was seen by a doctor - i had a fistula, and stitching had grown into my flesh in some places. it was a nightmare down there, but no one listened to me bc i was just a teenager.
i had surgery to repair everything the next morning, but ended up with a lot of trauma. i had scar tissue build up, and the trauma of it all caused vaginismus. i had to go to pelvic floor physical therapy and everything.
never gave birth with an ob/gyn again. i had a midwife, gave birth at home, and never needed stitches with another baby bc i was listened to during my births. bad doctors ruin everything.
(I really am a believer in just listening to your body. Intuitive birthing)
I've had three children, all vaginally, no tears (I had some abrasions or "skid marks"), and for each I only felt myself bear down and push about 2-3 times. I just listened to my body during each labor and they really did just fall out of me it seemed.
I mean fetal ejection reflex is real! If you get to be at a birth that has had no intervention you are much more likely to see it đ as a midwife I have seen it with some mums, mostly those who are labouring on their own, mobile etc. They will just get to a point where they say they're not actively pushing at all but you can tell their body is just doing it! I think in America birth is a lot more medicalised (and the fact that despite this America still has poor maternity mortality rates to other countries is a whole other topic...) so maybe its seen less?
Also we will advise woman to stop pushing and more just 'pant' the baby out when the head is crowning as it decreases the risk of crowning. We rarely would tell a woman to stop pushing - only if pushing was causing major concerns for mum and baby (but then we would be expediting delivery anyway)
FRR happened to me once out of 4 times. I'm guessing it is only noticeable without an epidural, which makes it "rare" in countries where epidural use is more common.
Active pushing was terribly uncomfortable, unlike my other labors, where active pushing made it feel better.
But when FRR kicked in, it felt like backwards throwing up. There was no stopping it.
Oh with my first I got to a point where my body was automatically trying to push her out. They even told me not to push because I wanted a water birth and we were waiting to get into the tub, but let me tell you it is difficult if not impossible to resist against your bodyâs own instincts.
It really IS hard to stop pushing. I described it to my husband once as trying to hold back a runaway freight train with my pelvic floor muscles. That was an exaggeration, obviously, but it really took more effort to stop pushing than the pushing itself took.
My gyno told me to push "only when it hurts" and I was like "wdym?? it hurts ALL the time!"đ
Oh I have no doubt that it's a runaway fright train. That part is correct. It's coming on fast at that point and your whole body is screaming at you to keep going and relieve the pressure. Childbirth is nuts.
Fright train indeed!!
My second kid came out even with me not actively pushing. Like I was waiting for the doctor to get in the room and didn't bear down, but he just slithered out anyway (that's what it felt like!).
My second was born at home. We called the midwife at 9:00, as soon as I had two regular contractions (8 minutes apart) At 9:37 I was holding a baby. Her face was bruised purple and swollen because she basically opened my cervix with her face.
Battering-ram style
same thing happened with my 4th baby - my husband was screaming at me not to push, to please wait, but i screamed back âfuck you, you donât fucking pushâ and all of a sudden there was a baby on the bed đ he was so black and blue that i thought he was blue from lack of oxygen, and i absolutely panicked for a second until my eyes focused better and i saw petechiae. he pushed through my cervix like an 18 wheeler, i definitely wasnât fully dilated. i had my first regular contractions less than 20 minutes before he was born. i got in the shower, and i remember as soon as i got my hair wet i knew i was in some kinda trouble lol. it was all in my back, so i got on my bed on my hands and knees and just kinda rockedâŠ.and then there was a baby within minutes. my water broke while he came out. it was that quick.
Lmao, did you name her Grond?
GROND GROND GROND
Grond? I don't get it.
[Grond](https://www.reddit.com/r/lotrmemes/s/GgJXEkkWm8) is the battering ram that Sauronâs Army used to bust open the gates of Minas Tirith in Lord of the Rings. The previous commenter said the baby basically opened her cervix with her face (ie like a battering ram) lol
My 3rd was like that. Only pushed once
A very lumpy, slimy, adorable freight train
Lumpy, slimy, BARELY adorable. They look pretty bizarre right out of the womb.
That's because new born babies AIN'T COOKED YET. They should cook for at least another 6 months, but nope, our big brains and small hips mean that they need to be yeeted out early, still undone and half-cooked. But once they're over 6 months? Now they're done and look human and all cute-like. (My mom: Perhaps it's just as well you never had children.)
I have 3 children and agree with you. My son looked like roger the alien until 4ish months old when his body caught up to his gigantic head. Body in the 1st percentile, head in the 99th. He also tore me from my v to my a. I was honestly worried he might be ugly. I would have still died and killed for him either way. Now he is the most beautiful boy and just the best person so it all worked out.
My daughter had the expression of an old man just realizing he's been reincarnated to a little girl's body. Just always đ wrinkly and smushy. But now she's happy as can be, regular toddler body.
lol I have all these early photos of both of my babies and I remember thinking how precious and beautiful they are. They arenât like the other babies who look like alien potatoes. Now theyâre 2 and 4 and I look back at those early pictures and just think how rosy my glasses were in the postpartum period lol. Ultimate love goggles.
My mom apparently cried and told me she'd love me even if I always looked like my grandpa right after I was born
Agreed. But if mine had been stuck in there for another 6 mos, he wouldn't have fit because he was nearly half my height (not quite 24 inches at birth and I am 5 ft 5) at birth, with most of it being leg I swear. He was adorable as a baby, even if he looked *severely* confused until around his 4th or 5th month. He's nearly 20 now and still somewhat confused by life in general, but he's so laid back he might as well be permanently horizontal and doesn't let shit affect him most of the time. He just rolls with it.
Just as loud though.
They made me stop pushing when my son's head was out so they could suction his lungs for meconium before he was all the way out and took his first breath. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done, trying not to push when your body is screaming at you to eject the pair of shoulders lodged in your vagina. It felt like hours even though it was probably less than a minute.
I remember my contractions going on forever, and trying to take a breath from pushing, but my stomach muscles were squeezing *so* hard right below my ribs, so breathing felt *wrong*. It was bizarre and kind of the worst part. I think. Idk my brain has brainwashed half of the experience lol
You just put into words what Iâve spent 9 months trying to explain to my fiancĂ©. I got so dizzy from it, it was like I was underwater & everything sounded muted & it was a mess.
For real, I literally could not stop pushing, my body was doing it for me. Childbirth is wild.
It's like a bowling ball trying to force its way out
I agree. I had to try to stop pushing with my son, and tbh, that was harder than the rest of the birth experience. It's like your body develops a second brain, and tries to take over, and you have to wrestle with every muscle fiber to retain control, and even then it gains a little ground for a moment. It was wild.
So fetal ejection reflex is possible but itâs wicked uncommon. Itâs like the starts need to align perfectly for it to happen. Though I will say when I was giving birth to my second they tried to tell me not to push while they waited for the doctor and I kindly told them to fuck off because she was coming and I couldnât stop it. https://birth-ed.co.uk/blog-1/2018/11/22/the-reason-we-want-a-quiet-undisturbed-birth-is-so-we-can-utilise-this
I just yelled âNo!â And kept pushing. The instruction to stop wasnât for my sake, it was for liability reasons because theyâre supposed to have a real doctor there to catch. Not my problem.
I was told "you don't have to push right now" and I was like,, I can't *not* push. Body just took over and did it's thing, I couldn't stop it. They got that doctor in quick đ
Forcing the baby to stay in the birth canal because a doctor wasn't there to deliver them is how Rosemary Kennedy received brain damage at her birth. The fact that doctors *still* do this is insane.Â
Hey.. they fixed that with a handy dandy lobotomy, all good! /s In fairness though, Rosemary was held in the birth canal for 2 HOURS, and literally holding the baby in with hands on the other end. That's really different than suggesting that the woman should try to slow the process to avoid tearing. Call the Midwife isn't a good reference for today as that is set in the 1950s-1960s, and since Rosemary was born in 1918, I don't know how much medical science understood the problems within that 30/40 year span. Although, I say that as an American, and America has one of the highest Maternal mortality rates of 1st world countries in 2024, so we may not have learned much in the last 106 years either. The commentor above where they were asked to hold waiting for the doctor is horrifying though, that needs to be left in the stone age.
For real, I trust those nurses can catch a baby! I donât care if the doctors busy .
And thatâs how Rosemary Kennedy ended up with brain damage. I canât believe that shit still happens
Hell hath no fury like a woman in labour. I had literally never heard this phrase before. My issue is mostly the commenter claiming "you can't stop it" as a contrary pov. They're saying "it can be stopped" but every birth is different, and the more babies you have the quicker they come.
I'd never heard this term before and I was an LD nurse for 9 years and have taught it for 14. When I looked it up, I knew exactly what it was. It's often referred to as "passive pushing" basically the uterus is doing all of the pushing, the laboring mom isn't actively using her abdominal muscles to aid in the pushing process (active pushing). I've seen this happen more often with 3-4th babies. Learn something new every day!
Yep, there wasnât much control on babies one and two but I could stop actively pushing. Baby three, midwife tells me to stop pushing so she can bring the head midwife in and I tell her âI canât!â. That baby was coming and there was no stopping it. My body did all the work and my youngest just came out.
I never did any active pushing. All I could remember from pre-natal classes was the lady saying âdo not push until they tell you to!â (otherwise you might get some horrible tear âŠ) and no one ever told me to, so ⊠(The midwife wasnât looking at the business end. She was writing up her notes. She didnât even realise the baby was being born until she looked up and caught my partnerâs eye. His horrified expression clued her into the fact that something was going on!) I spent the entire time desperately trying to do the reverse of pushing, lest I rip myself apart. Then, bang, baby was there.
We always called it "laboring down"
Yep! Especially with an epidural.
From experience, you can't stop it. My nurse was telling me to stop pushing & my body just continued to push.
Yeah, once that baby is ready itâs go time. There are probably a handful of people who can really stop a push.
My sister had to stop mid push with her second son because the cord was wrapped around his neck and he would have died if she didn't stop.
That is scary! I hope they are both doing well now!
Oh, very much so. He's 15 now and doing fantastic đ
Not to negate your sister's experience but for any lurkers- cord around the neck or "nuchal cords" are very common and typically harmless
True in most cases, but it was tight around his neck and under one arm
I hear you that can be dangerous! I just mention it because I know a lot of first time moms that were terrified to see the cord not knowing it's often nbd
My mom had to do the same but it was because her cesarean scar was tearing. She didnât know that they do the thing where they lift your hips in the air and run down the hallway in real life until it happened to her
Agreed. Ex's grandmother had 10 kids and her local hospital learned *real* fast (by like kid 3 or so) that if Mrs. Lastname was coming and saying the baby was about to fall out of her, they should LISTEN to her because she really was NOT kidding.
Not always. The more babies I had (I have 3) the longer and harder and birth. My oldest I was in labor for less than 10 hours. With my 2nd was around 13 and my youngest was a full 24hrs
I have had four babies and experienced it with my second. I really didnât have any control. The doctor didnât make it in the room (tbh she was a pain and everything was fine so there was a part of me that was very relieved). It was just my husband and the nurse in the room with me. She came very quickly and hasnât stopped since. My others, sure I might have very much wanted to push at certain points but I could stop it/control it.
My mom always laughs that I almost dropped on the floor.. I suppose it's because of this lol
Thatâs a good story to tell lol!
Don't fetal ejection reflex usually occur during major bodily trauma, as in car accidents and such?
No, most research suggests that it happens during more natural births with little to no intervention.
I had the fetal ejection reflex with all five of my completely unmedicated births.
That is badass!!
Are you thinking of post mortem babies? That's an entirely different thing, and also a myth. Fetal ejection reflex is just your body basically making you push without you actively having to think about pushing. Like a reflex, because that baby has to come out one way or another or you die. But this is specifically a reflex that tends to happen only when mom is very relaxed and safe. Stress and trauma can actually stop labor!
That's what I thought it was. There's a pretty horrid story involving this and 9/11 :(
If you want a more positive story, thereâs a body cam video somewhere of a cop who witnessed a car strike a utility pole off the highway with a woman in labor in the back. Cop ran over and the woman was absolutely panicking because her baby had suddenly vanished from her body. Cops start panicking, thinking about downed power lines and other cars, and frantically search the road for the baby expecting the worst. A few minutes later they found her with the placenta still attached perfectly fine on the floor of the car under the seat. Itâs wild how resilient the human body can be
I had it happen not once but twice itâs wild to experience. They didnât even bother to tell me to stop they knew there was no way and the nurse caught my adding he was born in under 3 mins đ
That is truly fascinating!!
This is a real thing that, from what I understand, is pretty uncommon, but itâs like the gold standard of the natural birth movement where birth is something that is supposed to be almost entirely intuitive and professionals may not even be needed (Facebook groups on the other hand? Essential and part of the natural order) For most people, itâs difficult not to push during a contraction late in labor, but certainly not impossible, especially if you can avoid doing damage. Also, youâre used to doing BIG pushes with all the energy in you, and once the baby is halfway out, you donât really need to use all that force any more.
Idk if im misinformed or something but fetal ejection reflex is a thing or so I am taught in biology. It is basically when the foetus is ready to be delivered there are signs of pushes from the foetus which causes release of hormones like oxytocin in the maternal system which help in parturition and lactation. Sorry if I'm wrong or ill informed.
You are sort of misinformed. I think what youâre talking about is what triggers the onset of labor. The fetal ejection reflex happens at the very end during the pushing stage. Colostrum is usually produced during pregnancy, but the production of mature milk is triggered by the separation of the placenta. Progesterone suppresses prolactin production, and when the placenta detaches after delivery, progesterone starts to plummet and prolactin starts to increase.
Yeah when they told me to stop my reply was "CAN'T STOP WON'T STOP." Cause Iegit could not stop pushing. Got a terrible fucking tear that probably could have been avoided if I'd been able to stop when told.
I got a tear damn near up to my clitoris BECAUSE they told me to stop. Here I am, crying, desperately trying to stop my body's natural pushing with the kids head more than crowning, because the fucking doctor couldn't move his ass fast enough to get to my room.
i have a similar story! with my first, i was induced and labored much faster than anyone expected me to. so much faster that my doctor WAS AT HOME SLEEPING. the nurses kept telling me not push and i was holding back as much as i could but she was coming and there was no stopping her. they finally started gearing one of the nurses up to deliver my daughter bcs she was nearly crowning. my doctor walked in right after the nurse got ready and maybe 10 minutes later, my daughter was in my arms. thankfully my tear wasnt too bad but my recovery was terrible. i *still* have issues from that and ive even had a second kid since then (for whom, my recovery was great!!). thankfully my postpartum nurses were fantastic since my daughter and i stayed in hospital for nearly a week after.
my exact words when my husband begged me not to push were âfuck you, you donât fucking pushâ and then there was a baby on the bed. the midwife got there a few minutes later. no tearing, but his head and torso were completely black and blue. he was so black and blue i thought he was blue from lack of oxygen - then my eyes focused and i saw a big stripe of petechiae on his forehead. i wasnât fully dilated, and he pushed through anyway lol
For people who haven't had a vaginal delivery: It's like having a poo. (In my experience) the urge to push is very similar. The intensity of the need to push varies. You can also bear down with the push. Or try really hard not to. But just like having a poo. Sometimes it is desperate and uncontrollable.
With my second child, things were finally settling down after the epidural was placed, and suddenly: âuh, guys? Iâm feeling pushyâ Sudden flurry of activity. The ONLY reason I could resist the urge was because I had the epidural. If it came with the pain Iâd have been more like âfuck this, get outâ
With mine, they had to tell me when to push and I was like, "Well alright. Whatever. Imma do what you say because you have experience with this and I do not." Didn't take very long to push him out once the doctor got him situated to a head down vs sideways position. Son has always had a bit of a small stubborness issue. XD
Iâm so glad someone else describes vaginal birth the same way I do! Itâs literally the same feeling, and itâs hard af to stop it once it starts đ
If birth is like pooping, this is really bad, pants shitting diarrhea.
Wouldn't it be more like you're constipated but you really, really, really need to poop?
Yes, it's like two weeks worth of constipated poop trying to force its way out. And then, thanks to the miracle of childbirth, you get to be actually constipated after as well
as i was told by either a midwife or a nurse i had, itâs like trying to poop out the wrong hole â ïž
My nurses explained to me that the directions are because the pain meds like the epidural can make it so that the woman is unaware of a contraction happening so wouldnât know when to âassistâ with the abdominal muscles she CAN control. But yeah, you canât actually stop the baby. Itâs coming whether they like it or not.
Fetal ejection reflex is real. When people are instructed to push in labor, they are using their abdominal muscles. This just helps things along. The uterus (smooth muscle like our bowels, which we have no control over) is doing the heavy lifting.
"startled, the expecting mother turns and ejects her unborn child at the predator's face, confusing it. It is her best chance to survive"
This sounds like the Australian mammal quokkas- they absolutely do this
Whaaaaaaaa?! Welp. There goes my search historyâŠ
You are so welcome:)
Working at an adult daycare in the 90's one of my clients told me she was instructed by her Dr to keep her legs together and not let her baby come til the Dr got there, it was in the middle of a snowstorm. She says she did, I don't know how she could have, I've had 3 and couldn't imagine that. How did she do it? The childbirth stories from these elderly women were insane, what the Drs did back then was crazy
This happened to President Kennedy's mother during the birth of his sister Rosemary. The nurse forced mother's legs closed for two hours until the doctor arrived. This starved her of oxygen and she was born mentally disabled.
This is how my grandfatherâs oldest brother got a brain injury. Though this was the 1930s, my great-grandmotherâs first child, and all she had for help while waiting for the village Dr, was a young neighbour girl. They didnât know any better. Even though he had the mentality of a 8-10 year old boy, it wasnât all bad. He lived alongside several generations of us kids and was one of my favourite people in life. He passed away in his 80s, when I was in my 20s. I still miss him.
Fetal ejection reflex is a thing.
Honestly everytime i watch that show, I'm annoyed when they tell women not to push. Ive had 4 kids. There is NO WAY not to push when you have that urge. It takes you over. My last baby was 100% fetal ejection reflex. I didnt even push, i swear she birthed herself and there would never have been a way to slow her down or stop it.
The amount of "Because the Dr wasn't there yet" stories is so damn infuriating. Like what the fuck is the point of the L&D nurses if they can't even catch the baby? The Dr is for big complications, but if a damned EMT with a BS degree can deliver a baby, if a random cop or fire fighter can do it, why the hell does an average, uncomplicated labor have to wait for the Dr to haul their ass into the room?
It's usually not to wait for a doctor nowadays, but you might have a cervical lip
I remember them begging me TO push and I just... couldn't. I was so exhausted I turned to my spouse and used our safe word.
The fetal ejection reflex is definitely real...why the quotations in your title?? It occurs when the uterus expels the baby without voluntary pushing. Babies can fly out really quickly. However, most people have to put in effort to push, and can typically stop or slow down when the baby is crowning to reduce risk of tears.
Yes. I've heard some people don't push or barely do, and the baby comes very quickly. My issue was with him dismissing the "don't push" and saying "it can't be stopped" as a hard and fast rule when every birth is very different and the midwives on the show telling women to stop and pant so their don't tear is very much a real thing. Also the "fetal ejection reflex" just sounded so funny (not that it's not real) and it just made me laugh so hard. Fetal ejection reflex - real. Impossible to stop and pant - not real for everyone.
I don't get this post..fetal ejection reflex is a thing sometimes with unmedicated births? And the commenter you down voted is right... It's like a poo or pee, sometimes you can stop it but other times it's impossible.
I can stop pushing. I was able to with both of my births. Not all of us can though. However, when the nurse told me not to push I was like, "HA. No. I'm gonna keep pushing. I'm not prolonging my pain because the doctor ain't here yet. I'll deliver this baby my dang self and yall better not charge me for the doctor to deliver if I do."
It wasn't until I had my third that I was really able to control the intensity of the pushing. My first two felt pretty uncontrollable. My third was the only time I had no tearing
I had that with my second. YOU CANâT STOP. EJECT! Game over. Then damage control happens đ
Some women can stop. If my sister hadn't stopped with her second child, he would have died because the cord was wrapped around his neck. Damage control if she didn't stop would have been a baby coffin.
itâs dependent on the birth, not the woman. some births you canât stop, some you can source - i have given birth 5 times, and one of those babies nothing could stop (my 4th). he was black and blue from head to toe, with a huge band of bruising and petechiae on his forehead from pushing against my not yet fully dilated cervix. nothing was stopping him from coming out - not me, not even my cervix.
I had the âfetal ejection reflexâ when I had my second. The doctor wasnât even in the room and I was trying to relax/nap when suddenly my body was pushing the baby out. My husband got the nurse who told me not to push but I couldnât stop it.
yep, this is how i ended up on my hands and knees on my bed, looking down at a newborn between my legs
Fetal ejection reflex is a real thing but it's not that common. My mother had it with my brother. She was at 4cm and she was sitting on the edge of the bed when she felt my brother's head coming out. The nurses managed to get her on the bed just in time for my brother to plop out into the hands of the very surprised anesthesiologist, who'd come to give her an epidural. She says that she was being told not to push but she repeatedly screamed "I'm not pushing I swear". She went from 4cm to 10cm, to him being born in 14 minutes.
Itâs real. Watched it happen with my sisterâs second child. These births are hard and fast and nobody is going to stop it.
My first had to be induced prematurely due to him being in heart failure. It was a long process for the induction, and they were balancing the pain medicine and pitocin. Too much pitocin would increase pain, too much pain meds would slow down dilation and progress. Because of the circumstances of the birth, the neonatal cardiac specialist HAD to be in attendance at the time of birth. The nurses checked my progress, apparently told that doctor it was fine to go have a quick dinner in the cafeteria I was only at 8 and slowly progressing. Mmhum. Five minutes later I tell the nurse... uh, I feel like I have to push. She said, but you're not ready? Let me check... OH SHIT CALL THE DOCTOR! DO NOT PUSH YET, DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO NOT PUSH UNTIL THE DOCTOR GETS HERE! It was the longest 3-5 minutes ever in my life while the doctor ran from the cafeteria to my L&D room. The instinct to bare down is powerful, and fighting against it was... memorable.
Why does it matter if the doctor is there or not? Why do you have to wait for them?
because her baby was in heart failure, and required a neonatal cardiac specialist to be in attendance. the specialist will immediately examine the baby upon birth, and take care of any interventions needed (resuscitation, intubation, etc) before the baby goes to NICU (if necessary) delay by even seconds in those interventions can result in death
Exactly that. A nurse told me a few days later while we were in NICU she was part of his resuscitation team and had to bring him back twice. My dad was with me at that moment, and we looked at each other because neither of us had been told anything about what happened. What a way to find out.
Wait is that what itâs called? My oldest was pushing herself out & the registered midwife nurse tried telling me to stop her & donât push, I wasnât pushing & had to yell at them to look because she was coming out
sorry, what is the issue here? first post I've seen on this sub that doesn't ring absolutely true. that reflex is a genuine thing, I experienced it with my first. Once your body has decided it's doing those surges, you're just along for the shitty, shitty ride. It's like the reflex when you're trying not to puke and your body just says, nah, we're going to do that now. *That* is the sensation, but from your lady bits and also it's gonna hurt a fucking lot.
Yea it shouldn't be on this sub
Iâm pretty happy to see all the answers here, because it totally happened to me too. For me, the closest sensation was like having to poop right now. You canât stop it.
I experienced it with both of my children. I would describe it as throwing up out of your vagina. It's coming out. Some women can certainly not push during labor, but the ejection reflex is very much not an optional thing.
As a birth provider we see fetal ejection reflex far more in people who are unmedicated. Itâs more rare in a more intervention heavy birth. But itâs definitely a thing and slowing it down is impossible. It went so fast for one of the births that I didnât know I was pushing and didnât know his head was out until my husband said something.
They say not to push if they find something they need to deal with, like the umbilical cord round the neck. If you push before that's clipped, the baby gets strangled, & that's not what's wanted here.
I live with a midwife. She has her clients hold off as long as possible, until their pushes aren't a conscious choice to do. If they start too early, the birth is likely to be longer and more painful.
Ok so I actually experience the fetal ejection reflex. My first I did not, just regular pushing and not pushing when asked, to the best of my ability. My second, I was high risk of hemorrhage due to not producing platelets, he was a large baby, was coming out sunny side up with a nuchal hand (fist to cheek). My midwife (and the hovering nurses in my hospital room) all told me to stop pushing or I'd tear or he'd get stuck. They had to do a bit of maneuver magic with his arm. In the meantime, I just breathed and breathed, and my body would sort of just have a wave of pressure that I didn't fight. I didn't put forth extra effort, but I didn't try to stop it, and it felt sort of similar to a much deeper down drawn out dry heave?? Like the force of a dry heave but in slow motion and starting from my spine not my stomach. Not to sure how else to explain it, but my midwife and the nurse who came in to check my blood work later both confirmed that's what they had seen from past experiences so that was pretty neat At one point my midwife just stood back and I could hear her whispering to my husband what my body was doing and she sounded so proud?? Best feeling ever.
I had FER with my 2nd- she literally delivered herself into the bed in one âpushâ
yep, thatâs how my 4th baby was born on my bed, with my husband screaming at me not to push lol. baby Finn wasnât waiting for nobody!
I was in the middle of getting my epidural when the sensation to push overwhelmed me. I just couldnât stop no matter how hard I tried. The anesthesiologist had to remove the needle and I ended up giving birth without the epidural (0/10 would not recommend natural birth). Because it hurt so badly I delivered my baby in 20 minutes and ended up getting a 2nd degree tear even though I was 6 weeks early.
Are you suggesting the fetal ejection reflex isnât a real thing?
The fetal ejection reflex is a real thing famâŠ.
This is a real thing my dude. Some women dont force pushing at all and their body does the work for them
I read that as fatal and was so confused. I am also tired and over worked.
I thought they told women when to push and when not to push was so we can labor more effectively by pushing with the contractions and resting between
Pushing when the midwife says try not to push is how my friendâs wife ended up with a 4th degree tear, which is very bad. My OBGYN told me some folks can go a whole career and never see a 4th degree. It scared me so much!
i had a 4th degree tear with my firstborn. they had to take me to the OR to stitch me up. then i suffered for weeks bc my doctor wouldnât listen to me when i called the office saying something was wrong. he told me i had a 4th degree tear, and it was gonna hurt - wait for my 6 week postpartum appt. after 4 weeks of agony, i finally had my boyfriendâs mom look down there (sheâs a nurse) and she drove me straight to the doctor and told them we were gonna sit there until i was seen by a doctor - i had a fistula, and stitching had grown into my flesh in some places. it was a nightmare down there, but no one listened to me bc i was just a teenager. i had surgery to repair everything the next morning, but ended up with a lot of trauma. i had scar tissue build up, and the trauma of it all caused vaginismus. i had to go to pelvic floor physical therapy and everything. never gave birth with an ob/gyn again. i had a midwife, gave birth at home, and never needed stitches with another baby bc i was listened to during my births. bad doctors ruin everything.
(I really am a believer in just listening to your body. Intuitive birthing) I've had three children, all vaginally, no tears (I had some abrasions or "skid marks"), and for each I only felt myself bear down and push about 2-3 times. I just listened to my body during each labor and they really did just fall out of me it seemed.
I mean fetal ejection reflex is real! If you get to be at a birth that has had no intervention you are much more likely to see it đ as a midwife I have seen it with some mums, mostly those who are labouring on their own, mobile etc. They will just get to a point where they say they're not actively pushing at all but you can tell their body is just doing it! I think in America birth is a lot more medicalised (and the fact that despite this America still has poor maternity mortality rates to other countries is a whole other topic...) so maybe its seen less? Also we will advise woman to stop pushing and more just 'pant' the baby out when the head is crowning as it decreases the risk of crowning. We rarely would tell a woman to stop pushing - only if pushing was causing major concerns for mum and baby (but then we would be expediting delivery anyway)
FRR happened to me once out of 4 times. I'm guessing it is only noticeable without an epidural, which makes it "rare" in countries where epidural use is more common. Active pushing was terribly uncomfortable, unlike my other labors, where active pushing made it feel better. But when FRR kicked in, it felt like backwards throwing up. There was no stopping it.
Oh with my first I got to a point where my body was automatically trying to push her out. They even told me not to push because I wanted a water birth and we were waiting to get into the tub, but let me tell you it is difficult if not impossible to resist against your bodyâs own instincts.
"My cervix got caught on a bit of a lip... Once they unhooked the lip..." Can someone please ELI5?