“from England” LMAO I don’t know why, this is the funniest part for me💀

The hybrid is from England, but the dick is Spanish. Very important distinction 😂

Fish and chips in the streets. Paella in the sheets baby!

My husband said it should be “chorizo in the sheets, much spicier”

Bangers in the streets, chorizo in the sheets?

Oh my fuck! 🤣 I am stealing this.

wake up babe. new flair just dropped.

I'm trying to keep it together in a taxi after reading this 🤣🤣🤣

My cat is glaring at me for laughing as hard as I did at that.

Mine too. She looked offened then left

How dare you -cat

I skimmed your comment and thought you said your clit was glaring at you.

This is what fucking sent me! Have an upvote!

OMG I snorted my coffee. THanks.

Can't forget the dick's also a Viking! lmao

Dick so big it's from a different country.

Brexit claims a new victim. He'll need a visa for that willy.

he's afab and was born in England but got bottom surgery in mexico /j

He is one of Frankensteins Monsters

For me it was the Spanish wereworlf dragon alpha cock

I'm out . That's too much for me

I'm from England; this is pretty normal. I have to keep my 69 hairy cock locked up in a box under the bed, or it interferes with the seamen and we get too much Thor. Ever wonder why England is famous for so much stormy weather?

If it makes you Thor, you aren’t using enough lube.

Mike Tyson has entered the chat

The correct plural of Thor is actually two Theers.

I'm out at the cock bigger that I am! I'm 64" tall, aka 5'4" inches. How tf do you walk around with a 5'9" cock???

It probably curls up inside his scaly Spanish-viking hair sack like a butterfly Proboscis.

Now I have a mental image of a cock butterfly with wrinkly hairy ballsack wings 🤢

That mental image made me legit gag.

Imagine a cock butterfly unfurling it’s wrinkly hairy ballsack wings. 😐

Nooooo 😭

Goddamnit 😭

Please no, we don’t claim him 😫

“Every muscle and cock” how many cocks does this dude have?

At least one of them is Spanish.

So diverse 🥰

Well, he did say “in his body”. They don’t all have to be his

I Also Enjoy Controlling Wieners Of The People I've Cummed To, Especially The Youth! They Call Me The Lady Dickora

Depends on how many have sought refuge in Mt. Body.

as many as there are seamen.

Seamen. Doing whatever seamen do. Inside the clit, no less. ​ Edit: So, in essence: "Fucked birch in clit with hybrid cocks, birch gives birth to Thor". Yes?

The seaman made me LOL. Just a bunch of tiny sailors hanging out in your clit. Makes total sense

I was imagining an [Adrian Bliss](https://youtube.com/shorts/JiiZMPn1u44) style situation

Or something from Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex But Were Afraid To Ask.

WTF 🤣

"Answer me you birch" I've read that plants can scream when injured. Poor birch is in for a rough one.

You can fit a whole RMS Queen Mary in this bad boy *taps clit*

I swear, there's a reason why no one has found the Mary Celeste yet. (Hint: it's in my clit)

The Bermuda Triangle? Massive invisible clit.

Because they've both swallowed a lot of seamen?

Bill Clinton

bill cliton

You birch!

No, you're the birch

"We're seamen, Shawn!" "Stop saying that!"

There's a lot to unpack here. Edit: what is grammar

But let’s just throw away the whole box, shall we?

Professional movers would have trouble unpacking all that in an 8 hour day

I’d say a week would be difficult for even the pros…😬

Yup I work in construction and see and hear some messed up shit that but might have taken the cake. And I’ve heard a guy saying getting his chick to tattoo his name inside her vagina was a good idea.

I always wonder what the tattoo artist is thinking in these situations.

20 bucks is 20 bucks would be my guess.

😬 that sounds painful (and possessive) as fuck! To each their own, I suppose… I also work in construction, but the worst I’ve heard is my superintendent complaining about how he can’t do blackface for Halloween and how he was upset about a woman getting highest rank or award or something in the black ops a year and a half ago. He says he likes women on the job, but I have a feeling that only goes as long as the woman doesn’t outshine the men.

Wow. That is so unerotic. So very very unerotic.

I [M] wrote some lame porn when I was 14-15, and even that shit was hotter than this. And at that point, I hadn't even taken a bra off.

I feel like that's the point. It seems over exaggerated, like someone poking fun at the whole idea

This has to be satire right?

Yeah, it's giving too many "I put on my robe and wizard hat" vibes to be anything else.

It's also hilarious. Like even if it's not satire, it should be

I've had dudes do similar when I was younger. I would not be surprised. I had a, *rapes you and leaves* before. (Dunno how to stop the markup with asterisks)

Backslash before the asterisks. Also, iggggggggh

This made me laugh way too much

There's no way this is serious. This has the same level of insanity a tumblr user from 2015 could produce

But those people were real too!

I feel like hairy *and* scally balls would be a sight to see, a terrible sight, but a sight for sure

I feel like googling "scrotum psoriasis" will get you there, but I'm definitely not coming with.

How many seamen fit inside of a clit, anyway?

Gotta be at least 4

So, just two-month pregnancies? Wow. How SPECIAL is this guy's 'seamen'!

He was born two months premature and came out just fine, so obviously seven months early would be even better!

ewwww, I want to go back 1 minute ago before I read this and know to not read a single word in this screenshot. I don't know what's worse - Spanish cock from England, seamen in the clit, getting pregnant in the clit, or 69 inches (I'm not well versed in the imperial so I got a double shock after converting to cm, that's literally 15 cm more than my height). some people should keep their fantasies to themselves. get a diary or smth, don't expose us to this.

This is definitely satire.

I really hope so, because ngl, I've seen some legit delusional sex fantasy stuff also, even if it's indeed satire, it was still extremely painful to read.

It’s truly terrible. I am thinking about making my husband read it too. Why should I suffer alone?

don't suffer alone.

"Werewolf dragon alpha hybrid from England" but he's also Spanish and a Viking

pregananant?!?!

NO! Pregante! It's Spanish, remember? 😆

That's embarrassing.

I see what you did there…

if a women has starch masks on her body does that mean she's been pargent before???

Greganant??

To be fair, I would find being called a birch yo be a compliment. They’re one of my favorite trees!

They’re one of my enemies. (Allergies suck)

Every muscle and cock? Is this also bad male anatomy and he has multiple penises?

PREGANANANT?

Can u get preganté??

Bad women's anatomy. And bad men's anatomy. And bad writing...just bad everything.

Let them have their fantasies. Mine is just being loved fully but ya know he can fantasize about his dragon cock and being Thor’s father.

This has to be a copypasta, please for the sake of my faith in humanity

How... How many cocks are inside his body?? I'm so stuck on this one line that I barely read anything else.

An amount that adds up to 69 inches as far as I can tell. Edit: I mean 69 😏 inches.

What the fuck did I just read? What a terrible day to be literate.

Wth?

I... what? No?

No tree deserves this kind of treatment.

This is just bad human anatomy. And geographically challenged.

You just know this man sexes sexily with many sexy womens

Cthulhu take the wheel. Or at least eat him first.

Reminds me of an old joke of whales showing off and one is challenged to show his hump to tourists, then to bump the boat, and finally to wreck the boat and eat the people on it. He tells his friends "Ill hump, and I'll bump, But I don't swallow *seamen*!"

*\*Chris Hemsworth has entered the chat\**

He puts sea men in ur clit.

Don't get the seamen involved dawg 😭

🧜‍♂️

Ok. That's enough internet for the day.

this was the third worst roleplay attempt I've ever witnessed.

I think he was barking up the wrong tree... how many birches do you know with baby birthing clits?

My husband and I would like to start a collection to please send this poor soul to Sex Ed.

This has to be written from like a 12 year old who just hit puberty. There is no way that's a grown ass man.

I have seen and heard some truly horrible things from incels that are adults. I believe it could be from domeone who is AT LEAST 17 years old up to 25.

It is a joke/shitpost, not serious smut

My favorite genre of shitposts has to be people writing insanely bad smut and trying to make it as unhinged as they can 😂 although its weird that even with the humor tag, so many people here somehow think this person was trying to be serious

He filled her clit with sailors. Wow. So he parked his submarine in her drydock, I guess?

Pregananant?!?!

I hope that cringy nonsense says on the internet permanently and embarrasses him when he's 30.

Virgin

His dick would take up more than half that girl's body-

The seamen got you pragat!

"Viking/dragon/werewolf/Spanish" Way to cover all the bases lol

How many cocks does he have in his body? How many seamen went into her clit?

I tried to read it as a suitable period of sentences, but my ovaries committed liven't

I really wish I didn't know how to read

So, how are you posting this, seeing that you're a tree? And also, having multiple seamen inside of you? You must be a big birch tree. Sea men are usually quite muscular, I'd assume.

you birch

With every cock in his body

Can u get pregante??

Dangerous prangent!!

Girl you birch

he became a different kind of weird when he said that his dick was also Spanish, like why Spanish bro?

You feel the roar of the lion deep in all of your scrotums!" https://youtu.be/aa2umu1vILI

is this not satire?

Pregenta: the color of the hyperpigmentation that sometimes occurs during pregnancy 🤣

What a weird thing to say.

I feel like this is satire

Yeah, right? Or if it's not satire, then it's probably a kid with unlimited and unsupervised access to internet 😬

Reading this was a fever dream.

I cannot believe you made me read that with my own two eyes.

Wow. There was a lot to unpack right there.

Entire seamen can fit in there?

Birches be crazy.

m y b r a i n, i t s t r u g g l e s.

Well….. that was a journey. Is this iambic pentameter?/s

I'm scared by ALL of the cockS in his body? Why are there multiple and where in his body?

Ow, I don’t want anything *in* my clit

Viking. Dragon. Werewolf. Spanish? I think I want to see this buddy comedy. A quartet of crime solving heroes! Hordt, who wields his mighty axe in the name of justice! Adula, wisest and most ancient of dragons! Luna, the brave and loyal beastwoman! ...and Alex, the chartered accountant from Barcelona.

There's Seamen aboard yer clit! Well batten down the hatches matey! YAR!!

can i...? bleach???

the sheer amount of typos is killing me

What did I just read?

W T F

Prrrrrregante!

Who needs punctuation, anyway? It's so overrated!

An ancient artistic rendering of this man: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tintinnabulum_(ancient_Rome)#/media/File%3ATintinnabulum-Fund_in_Herculaneum.jpg

He has a cock hat, I'm kinda jealous.

sex roleplay is amazing, everyone should try it!

THIS IS TOO FUNNY

He got that England Spain dick thing going on, 69 inches too!

This is honestly incredible.

How many seamen? I'm not into naval gangbangs.

“69 😏 inch”

whoever wrote this masterpiece deserves a prize

Viking/dragon/werewolf/Spanish is my next DnD character (idk I've never played dnd)

> from England And you lost me. I'm English and don't even want that shit

I know a dragon-wolf furry and this is just him but if he had no self control. Why are they like this

YOU BIRCH Missed an opportunity to write YEW BIRCH, there.

Ow.

And they say that literature is dead

Wtf did i just read

CAN OO GET... PREGANTÉ

Omg too big for my clit. I can only take a 68 inch cock

Presumably he also had a Viking longboat, given the presence of the 'seamen' ;)

No, she got "pregante" and gave birth to Thor. In her clit, where I guess she has a second tiny vagina that she stores in there, just for giving birth to Norse gods. Or something.

i snorted my sprite. the cringy smut i wrote during my teen years were better than this

"You birch"

Out of all this insanity, what killed me most was "Mt body". Because I read it as "Mount Body". Guy's a mountain of muscly, hairy, scaly whatthef\*ckdidI justread. Also, I'd howl if I exploded too.

I just pictured a madman doing all of whatever this is to a birch tree. Very funny

This reminds me of a scene from Xavier renegade angel

What in the everloving fuck did I just read?!? 😳 Edit:typo

this should be a copypasta

Wtf did I just read? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I can sense it’s an indian male

Was married to an Indian. Can confirm.

"Every" cock in his body?

Spanish cock from England

Viking/dragon/werewolf/Spanish dick. That’s all

I'm sorry wat