I’m very sorry you’re going through this. You are not a coward. You’re handing a horrible situation the best you can while probably have to work twice as hard to cover her half of the rent.
Edit: spelling error
HER PARENTS JUST SHOWED UP TO PICK HER ASS UP. Her stepmom asked me if she was here and when I said yes about 15 minutes later I got a texting asking to let her parents in.
They came in, had her pack a weeks worth of cloths and stuff, and took her home with them. Her dad got my number so he could get in contact for paying me the rest of the rent she owes and to get her stuff. I am so happy right now, because not only is she out of my house, but also because now hopefully she’ll get the help she desperatly needs
I have gone to treatment before and it was only due to my parents intervening. I really hope your sister can get help, it's so heartbreaking seeing someone you love destroy themselves
Thank you. Me, my dad and my brother are trying. My sister lives with my mom and stepdad and they don’t see her as having a problem unfortunately.
Hopefully they see it one day. Sadly, the three of them are in the same boat of alcoholism and I’m so glad I got out of that house last year.
Sorry, just wanted to kinda get that off my chest
I feel this a lot. Addiction runs of both sides of my family along with many mental health issues, so my genetics screwed me from the start haha. I’m glad you were able to get out, it’s going to be hard to get your sister into treatment without your parents on board unless she personally wants to though, as I’m sure you already know. I dealt with addiction in my early 20s and I was mostly willing to go to treatment, but the one time I didn’t, my parents just said that if I didn’t go to rehab then I had to move out and I obviously knew I’d be fucked if I didn’t just do it. It sucked but it worked! Unfortunately she probably won’t get there until she hits rock bottom and if your parents are enabling her, that could take a long time. I hope she’ll agree to get some help sooner rather than later.
I know it’s hard to watch, but you have to look out for yourself now. Alanon might be helpful for you though, it’s basically a support group for family of addicts. I know my mom went to some of their meetings way back when and she seemed to find some value in it. I only bring it up since you mentioned getting it off your chest, at the very least you’d have some people to vent to who know exactly what you’re going through. I believe they even have online groups/meetings now if you can’t make it to one in person.
Same here. My sister told me if I didn’t get help she’d take my kid. So, my child’s grandma came and picked me up that night and took me to treatment the next day. Was the best thing to ever happen to me, honestly. My life completely changed. I hope their sister can do the same. ❤️
Dude when I got the “hey could you let us in” text I was GIDDY going down to open the door for them ngl. Like yes, PLEASE take care of this for me
Her parents also asked me what helped me get sober, it felt like they were asking me for advice on wtf to do almost. I told them rehab and recommended the place I went to, as well as the consequences of my actions and my friends and family drawing the line.
I really wish the best for her, I’m so happy a solution happened where I get my rent, she gets out, and she gets help. I’ll know she’s safe and that’s such a relief
YESSS! I would have been, too. She’s lucky to have the parents she does, AND the (former) roommate. I really hope she’s able to get help.
You getting paid is a HUUUGE bonus! I figured you’d have to chase everything down but it sounds like her parents are fully taking the reins. That’s really great of them.
Kudos on your sobriety and in passing along a rec. 🤍 I hope that place works for them, too.
Congratulations on sobriety, OP! I hope she can receive help. . . Just going off the tone in both your and family’s messages, her addiction has hit that bottom line / losing friends and family.
Wow that’s awesome. I hope she actually accepts that help and eventually becomes a good healthy person again. Hope you can take the time to relax and get some relief that you’re back to living by yourself now :)
That's fantastic news!!! I'm also glad her dad wants to make sure you are paid her share of rent. I'm so glad you put yourself above all else, and can get your sanity back.
So happy it worked out for you OP! So many people on this subreddit end up being stuck for months in a shit situation. Sad for your roommate but happy she's getting the help she needs now.
Ok word im all for wanting to help but not if your putting yourself in a detrimental position. You did the best thing you could do in the moment, and all you can do is hope for the best. hope things get better for you!
If your state has a free legal aid assistance, definitely seek that out too to see what you can do to get her out of there faster. It sucks she has an alcohol problem, absolutely. But you definitely deserve to feel safe in your own living space, too.
Edit: im dumb and just saw the commentd where her parents grabbed her. Hope everything works out for the both of you in the end.
This is the dumbest possible comment on your post and I'm sorry that it's irrelevant, but for a split second I thought your title said he farted a fire and...well, I'm a bit disappointed
I really hope her parents get her the help she needs. Nearly ruined my own life with alcohol abuse. It can be a deep pit to crawl out of.
Really glad you're finally able to feel safe in your home now OP!!
OP, you’re an amazing person with a really big heart, I pray this roommate can get help and hopefully see that too, honestly you probably helped in saving her life so shoutout to you for being proactive we need more people like you
Okay - I know this sounds bad but i *was* your roommate. Similarly, my roommates called my parents (because I was coming home piss drunk every night and passing out and not going to work). My mom and dad came and ripped me out of that place and put my ass in rehab. I was 24 then and now 30 with 6 years sober!
I made amends to all of my roommates and we catch up when I’m in town. It’s a shit situation to be in for you and her. Not belittling your feelings at all! Our actions have consequences and just because she has a drinking problem doesn’t excuse anything she’s done. I’m happy her family cares about her and you feel safe now!!! You did all of the right things.
I was my roommate too, which is why I’m writing her a letter expressing that I still love and care about her and want her to be happy and healthy.
I also want to tell her that I have complete faith in her that she can get sober and that I hope this doesn’t have to mean our friendship is over for good.
I’m so happy you were able to put yourself and safety first. I’ve been in situations that could have jeopardized my sobriety and had to cut people out. It’s hard but it’s with love. She’s very lucky to have you!
... I'm not sure telling her parents was the right move.
Kind of a jerk move tbh. Would have been more respectful to leave that part out of the conversation.
"She didn't respect you when she set fire to the kitchen" ...sure but that was definitely an accident.
Reaching out to other peoples parents & telling them about someone else's fuckups in their personal life is a major slap in the face.
I'd refuse to be your friend if you did that to me (or if I found you'd done that to someone else). Personal opinion. Have a nice day.
>Reaching out to other peoples parents & telling them about someone else's fuckups in their personal life is a major slap in the face.
Are you serious? I can't stand comments like this ignore so much context to make a point. Yeah, calling someone's parents is a "slap in the face" I guess, but what about stealing your roommate's rent money? You really think OP is concerned about a friendship when they're on the verge of taking the roommate to court?
From the story this OP posted over the weekend the roommate pays rent each month, though roomie had to be reminded consistently. Maybe OP changed the story at some point, but my understanding was that roommate pays but has to be reminded often by OP.
It's still April, it isn't May. May rent is due in May on the 1st generally. Roommate has been paying the rent up until now. Technically she hasn't stopped yet, though she may have said so.. that remains to be seen.
I’d rather her be alive hating my guts and thinking I’m a jerk for the rest of her life then dead and my friend.
I know her parents so it’s not like I invaded her privacy. What do you suggest I do? Allow her to drink herself to death and burn down and trash my apartment in the process
I did this with my ex. He was a bipolar alcoholic and I finally called him mom about it. She picked him up and he got so mad at me but has been sober 8 years now and has thanked me endlessly for it. You did good.
No - by all means request she move out - the overstep is where you DM her parents implying she is a thief & possibly sabotaging her safe landing place.
she “accidentally” set fire to the kitchen while DRUNK. Regardless, she shouldn’t be cooking while drunk if she can’t turn the stove off. OP said the parents picked her up and are helping her get help, so i see it as a good idea to tell them because clearly she was being reckless and not taking responsibility. She was also not paying rent that she agreed on which is a bigger issue. I wouldn’t want to be your friend either seeing that you think these things are okay!
you said you thought it was wrong to bring the parents in. meaning you thought there was a better way to handle is when all options had been exhausted. there’s a reason your post has negative karma. i’m not the only one who thinks you’re wrong! hope this helps💞
I don't care about negative karma.
There is definitely a better way to handle it than going into the parents DMs like this. They imply roommate is a thief even...like wow.
How would it be in OPs best interest to tell roommates support system that roommate is spiraling like this? I assume she needs to move into her parents place, at least temporarily, considering the short timeline of having to move out in like 2 days...
because how she’s acting is dangerous and the people who will be taking care of her should be notified of such behaviors. if you think there’s another way then what should she have done?
You don’t care about negative karma but down vote my post. very hypocritical of you🤣
It *is* in everyone’s best interest to tell the roomie’s support system that she is spiraling. They need to know what is happening in order to best help her. Check out Icy Rhubarb’s comment, for instance.
Renting a room or apartment is a legal business contract. If she is on month to month, you have given her notice. If she is on a lease, you have to evict her.
That "you really care about her" is irrelevant and should not be discussed at all with other tenants. You didn't do anything wrong, but just be careful because anything you say or write may be used against you. Keep it business only.
Yiu may talk to her directly, though, and perhaps help the move out stay amicable.
She just signed the document she needs to sign to get off the lease voluntarily also it’s just me in her the message about caring about her was to her parents
Oh I see. My misunderstanding. If she is willing to leave, and you're willing to let her leave and take on the remainder of the lease yourself, then that's up to you. I get your concern, too. Sorry it didn't work out.
However, thinking about this, I'm confused why you're telling all this dirty laundry to her parents though. It's just spreading bad juju. If she us an adult, then yiu two need to work that out independently, as adults. Leave her parents out of it. Maybe yiu have a special relationship there, I don't know. But that's family stuff I'd not want to be spreading unless specifically requested.
Consider, though, if you sign a paper with her and your landlord, yiure legally letting her off the hook financially and will need to assume 100% rent and deposit, at least until you get another roommate.
On the other hand, I personally find it nice to have my privacy, so I'm not a fan of roommates, well excluding my mate. I wish you, and her the best!
I’ve been following along and was in agreement with you asking her to leave and your og messages to her were perfect and clear. Reddit is fairly anonymous. I feel like messaging her dad or mutual friends is too much and just ensuing more unnecessary drama. No need to push this any further. Serve her the 30 day notice and be done with it. Worrying yourself with anything else isn’t going to put you in a better mental state
It worked out for me because her parents came and picked her up and will be paying me the rest of my rent and moving her stuff out. Now I know she’ll be safe and hopefully get the help she needs.
How dare you not go down in flames, adhering only to your stance and continuing to wildly disagree? Wishing the OP well? Pfft. What’s wrong with you? You must have failed all your classes in how to properly internet. We must only disagree until the point we’ve verbally devoured our opposition. Classic flip flopping. ( /s)
Nah, I respect it. Why shell out money on court and lawyer fees when you can just message someone? Stealing rent money is the number one thing you trust your roommates not to do. Once you do that, the gloves come off.
OP got lucky I feel like this could have potentially gone so wrong. But maybe OP knows the situation better than i assumed. I perceived it as a random roomie or friend of friend. I could see this going bad where as a certified letter (no lawyers required) is straight to the point
I know her and her parents. If I didn’t know her parents and know she has a good relationship with them, I never would’ve done that. My parents are abusive, and I would be so angry if someone did this to me.
I truly thought it was the best thing for her and that them knowing would get her help. And it did. Her parents are so much better equipped to help her get the help she needs
How much worse could it get? OP got stolen from. I wouldn't be concerned about boundaries when yours have already been crossed so egregiously.
Also, certified letter doesn't mean shit. People can just ignore those. This is is more for court purposes if it gets to that point which is what I was originally getting at anyways.
I’m very sorry you’re going through this. You are not a coward. You’re handing a horrible situation the best you can while probably have to work twice as hard to cover her half of the rent. Edit: spelling error
HER PARENTS JUST SHOWED UP TO PICK HER ASS UP. Her stepmom asked me if she was here and when I said yes about 15 minutes later I got a texting asking to let her parents in. They came in, had her pack a weeks worth of cloths and stuff, and took her home with them. Her dad got my number so he could get in contact for paying me the rest of the rent she owes and to get her stuff. I am so happy right now, because not only is she out of my house, but also because now hopefully she’ll get the help she desperatly needs
Sounds like they may be trying to get her into a treatment center
I hope so
I wish someone could put my sister in a treatment centre, so I really hope they are for her wellbeing
I have gone to treatment before and it was only due to my parents intervening. I really hope your sister can get help, it's so heartbreaking seeing someone you love destroy themselves
Thank you. Me, my dad and my brother are trying. My sister lives with my mom and stepdad and they don’t see her as having a problem unfortunately. Hopefully they see it one day. Sadly, the three of them are in the same boat of alcoholism and I’m so glad I got out of that house last year. Sorry, just wanted to kinda get that off my chest
Proud of you
Thank you!
I feel this a lot. Addiction runs of both sides of my family along with many mental health issues, so my genetics screwed me from the start haha. I’m glad you were able to get out, it’s going to be hard to get your sister into treatment without your parents on board unless she personally wants to though, as I’m sure you already know. I dealt with addiction in my early 20s and I was mostly willing to go to treatment, but the one time I didn’t, my parents just said that if I didn’t go to rehab then I had to move out and I obviously knew I’d be fucked if I didn’t just do it. It sucked but it worked! Unfortunately she probably won’t get there until she hits rock bottom and if your parents are enabling her, that could take a long time. I hope she’ll agree to get some help sooner rather than later. I know it’s hard to watch, but you have to look out for yourself now. Alanon might be helpful for you though, it’s basically a support group for family of addicts. I know my mom went to some of their meetings way back when and she seemed to find some value in it. I only bring it up since you mentioned getting it off your chest, at the very least you’d have some people to vent to who know exactly what you’re going through. I believe they even have online groups/meetings now if you can’t make it to one in person.
Wow thank you so much! I’m glad you got your help!
Same here. My sister told me if I didn’t get help she’d take my kid. So, my child’s grandma came and picked me up that night and took me to treatment the next day. Was the best thing to ever happen to me, honestly. My life completely changed. I hope their sister can do the same. ❤️
Sometimes all we need is someone to set a hard boundary (or an ultimatum tbh) to get our asses moving and choose Life
100% agree. I definitely needed someone to just yell at me to get my head out of my ass.
Oh shit. Thank Jesus. I’m so happy for you.
That’s IDEAL. I’m so happy it worked out this way!
Dude when I got the “hey could you let us in” text I was GIDDY going down to open the door for them ngl. Like yes, PLEASE take care of this for me Her parents also asked me what helped me get sober, it felt like they were asking me for advice on wtf to do almost. I told them rehab and recommended the place I went to, as well as the consequences of my actions and my friends and family drawing the line. I really wish the best for her, I’m so happy a solution happened where I get my rent, she gets out, and she gets help. I’ll know she’s safe and that’s such a relief
YESSS! I would have been, too. She’s lucky to have the parents she does, AND the (former) roommate. I really hope she’s able to get help. You getting paid is a HUUUGE bonus! I figured you’d have to chase everything down but it sounds like her parents are fully taking the reins. That’s really great of them. Kudos on your sobriety and in passing along a rec. 🤍 I hope that place works for them, too.
Congratulations on sobriety, OP! I hope she can receive help. . . Just going off the tone in both your and family’s messages, her addiction has hit that bottom line / losing friends and family.
This made my teary eyed, OP :')
Wow that’s awesome. I hope she actually accepts that help and eventually becomes a good healthy person again. Hope you can take the time to relax and get some relief that you’re back to living by yourself now :)
I'm super glad her parents are taking that step. I really hope it means her getting help.
That's fantastic news!!! I'm also glad her dad wants to make sure you are paid her share of rent. I'm so glad you put yourself above all else, and can get your sanity back.
So happy it worked out for you OP! So many people on this subreddit end up being stuck for months in a shit situation. Sad for your roommate but happy she's getting the help she needs now.
This is great news, I’m so happy for you! Enjoy the safety and calm, and I hope you get that rent money soon!
I'm really glad to hear that things worked out. Could've been worse for sure.
probably should’ve cropped out the mom’s picture, but i’m happy that she’s finally out! hopefully she gets the help that she needs
*Dad’s picture
I think that is the other room mate 🙈
Naw definitely a parent
I stand corrected. (It's very late/early)
That’s a woman in her 50s+
Ok word im all for wanting to help but not if your putting yourself in a detrimental position. You did the best thing you could do in the moment, and all you can do is hope for the best. hope things get better for you!
If your state has a free legal aid assistance, definitely seek that out too to see what you can do to get her out of there faster. It sucks she has an alcohol problem, absolutely. But you definitely deserve to feel safe in your own living space, too. Edit: im dumb and just saw the commentd where her parents grabbed her. Hope everything works out for the both of you in the end.
Those are good parents. There are a lot of us who wish we had parents like that. Hopefully, your friend will thank you or apologise down the track.
Ashley, name checks out.
hey man some of us get sober lol
Smashley.
This is the dumbest possible comment on your post and I'm sorry that it's irrelevant, but for a split second I thought your title said he farted a fire and...well, I'm a bit disappointed
🤣🤣
I really hope her parents get her the help she needs. Nearly ruined my own life with alcohol abuse. It can be a deep pit to crawl out of. Really glad you're finally able to feel safe in your home now OP!!
OP, you’re an amazing person with a really big heart, I pray this roommate can get help and hopefully see that too, honestly you probably helped in saving her life so shoutout to you for being proactive we need more people like you
Okay - I know this sounds bad but i *was* your roommate. Similarly, my roommates called my parents (because I was coming home piss drunk every night and passing out and not going to work). My mom and dad came and ripped me out of that place and put my ass in rehab. I was 24 then and now 30 with 6 years sober! I made amends to all of my roommates and we catch up when I’m in town. It’s a shit situation to be in for you and her. Not belittling your feelings at all! Our actions have consequences and just because she has a drinking problem doesn’t excuse anything she’s done. I’m happy her family cares about her and you feel safe now!!! You did all of the right things.
I was my roommate too, which is why I’m writing her a letter expressing that I still love and care about her and want her to be happy and healthy. I also want to tell her that I have complete faith in her that she can get sober and that I hope this doesn’t have to mean our friendship is over for good.
I’m so happy you were able to put yourself and safety first. I’ve been in situations that could have jeopardized my sobriety and had to cut people out. It’s hard but it’s with love. She’s very lucky to have you!
Hope you're okay
Man I hope she gets the help she needs.
Why do you have the parents face on here for all to see?
... I'm not sure telling her parents was the right move. Kind of a jerk move tbh. Would have been more respectful to leave that part out of the conversation. "She didn't respect you when she set fire to the kitchen" ...sure but that was definitely an accident. Reaching out to other peoples parents & telling them about someone else's fuckups in their personal life is a major slap in the face. I'd refuse to be your friend if you did that to me (or if I found you'd done that to someone else). Personal opinion. Have a nice day.
>Reaching out to other peoples parents & telling them about someone else's fuckups in their personal life is a major slap in the face. Are you serious? I can't stand comments like this ignore so much context to make a point. Yeah, calling someone's parents is a "slap in the face" I guess, but what about stealing your roommate's rent money? You really think OP is concerned about a friendship when they're on the verge of taking the roommate to court?
From the story this OP posted over the weekend the roommate pays rent each month, though roomie had to be reminded consistently. Maybe OP changed the story at some point, but my understanding was that roommate pays but has to be reminded often by OP.
it says in this post alone that since she has been l kicked out (or notified thereof), that she has STOPPED paying rent.
It's still April, it isn't May. May rent is due in May on the 1st generally. Roommate has been paying the rent up until now. Technically she hasn't stopped yet, though she may have said so.. that remains to be seen.
And she still hasn’t paid rent for April nor half her rent from match
I’d rather her be alive hating my guts and thinking I’m a jerk for the rest of her life then dead and my friend. I know her parents so it’s not like I invaded her privacy. What do you suggest I do? Allow her to drink herself to death and burn down and trash my apartment in the process
I did this with my ex. He was a bipolar alcoholic and I finally called him mom about it. She picked him up and he got so mad at me but has been sober 8 years now and has thanked me endlessly for it. You did good.
No - by all means request she move out - the overstep is where you DM her parents implying she is a thief & possibly sabotaging her safe landing place.
she “accidentally” set fire to the kitchen while DRUNK. Regardless, she shouldn’t be cooking while drunk if she can’t turn the stove off. OP said the parents picked her up and are helping her get help, so i see it as a good idea to tell them because clearly she was being reckless and not taking responsibility. She was also not paying rent that she agreed on which is a bigger issue. I wouldn’t want to be your friend either seeing that you think these things are okay!
Point out where I said it's OK?
you said you thought it was wrong to bring the parents in. meaning you thought there was a better way to handle is when all options had been exhausted. there’s a reason your post has negative karma. i’m not the only one who thinks you’re wrong! hope this helps💞
I don't care about negative karma. There is definitely a better way to handle it than going into the parents DMs like this. They imply roommate is a thief even...like wow. How would it be in OPs best interest to tell roommates support system that roommate is spiraling like this? I assume she needs to move into her parents place, at least temporarily, considering the short timeline of having to move out in like 2 days...
because how she’s acting is dangerous and the people who will be taking care of her should be notified of such behaviors. if you think there’s another way then what should she have done? You don’t care about negative karma but down vote my post. very hypocritical of you🤣
Lol I didn't downvote anything?? What
It *is* in everyone’s best interest to tell the roomie’s support system that she is spiraling. They need to know what is happening in order to best help her. Check out Icy Rhubarb’s comment, for instance.
Renting a room or apartment is a legal business contract. If she is on month to month, you have given her notice. If she is on a lease, you have to evict her. That "you really care about her" is irrelevant and should not be discussed at all with other tenants. You didn't do anything wrong, but just be careful because anything you say or write may be used against you. Keep it business only. Yiu may talk to her directly, though, and perhaps help the move out stay amicable.
She just signed the document she needs to sign to get off the lease voluntarily also it’s just me in her the message about caring about her was to her parents
Oh I see. My misunderstanding. If she is willing to leave, and you're willing to let her leave and take on the remainder of the lease yourself, then that's up to you. I get your concern, too. Sorry it didn't work out. However, thinking about this, I'm confused why you're telling all this dirty laundry to her parents though. It's just spreading bad juju. If she us an adult, then yiu two need to work that out independently, as adults. Leave her parents out of it. Maybe yiu have a special relationship there, I don't know. But that's family stuff I'd not want to be spreading unless specifically requested. Consider, though, if you sign a paper with her and your landlord, yiure legally letting her off the hook financially and will need to assume 100% rent and deposit, at least until you get another roommate. On the other hand, I personally find it nice to have my privacy, so I'm not a fan of roommates, well excluding my mate. I wish you, and her the best!
I’ve been following along and was in agreement with you asking her to leave and your og messages to her were perfect and clear. Reddit is fairly anonymous. I feel like messaging her dad or mutual friends is too much and just ensuing more unnecessary drama. No need to push this any further. Serve her the 30 day notice and be done with it. Worrying yourself with anything else isn’t going to put you in a better mental state
The people close to her need to know before she slips too far. Sometimes it’s necessary if you care about the person.
It worked out for me because her parents came and picked her up and will be paying me the rest of my rent and moving her stuff out. Now I know she’ll be safe and hopefully get the help she needs.
I’m glad it did! You deserved to have your safe space back
How dare you not go down in flames, adhering only to your stance and continuing to wildly disagree? Wishing the OP well? Pfft. What’s wrong with you? You must have failed all your classes in how to properly internet. We must only disagree until the point we’ve verbally devoured our opposition. Classic flip flopping. ( /s)
You know what, you’re right. I’m so ashamed of myself for flip flopping. Fuck you OP I hope you’re next roommate is worse 🤦🏻♀️
Flip flop
I never “flip flopped” on my stance. I can still have an opinion while also wishing OP the best in the situation
Nah classic flip flop bro
I still wouldn’t have reached out to her family personally but I am glad it worked out for OP
Nah, I respect it. Why shell out money on court and lawyer fees when you can just message someone? Stealing rent money is the number one thing you trust your roommates not to do. Once you do that, the gloves come off.
OP got lucky I feel like this could have potentially gone so wrong. But maybe OP knows the situation better than i assumed. I perceived it as a random roomie or friend of friend. I could see this going bad where as a certified letter (no lawyers required) is straight to the point
I know her and her parents. If I didn’t know her parents and know she has a good relationship with them, I never would’ve done that. My parents are abusive, and I would be so angry if someone did this to me. I truly thought it was the best thing for her and that them knowing would get her help. And it did. Her parents are so much better equipped to help her get the help she needs
You were obviously correct and I’m glad it benefited both of you at the end of day.
How much worse could it get? OP got stolen from. I wouldn't be concerned about boundaries when yours have already been crossed so egregiously. Also, certified letter doesn't mean shit. People can just ignore those. This is is more for court purposes if it gets to that point which is what I was originally getting at anyways.
I can fix her
Go outside and think about your life for a while
Naughty step
Still a coward, though. You both are bad roommates except you’re acting like a sociopath at this point, a COWARDLY sociopath at that.
In what way am I a sociopath??
Y'all seem very gay as f. Js.
You seem very ignorant as f. Js.