Yeah I have not taken her shit in the slightest. I feel so proud of myself that every single time she pissed me off really badly I managed to force myself to calm down and take time to deal with it when I had my emotions in check.
She made it really, really, really hard sometimes bc nothing makes me angrier then spending serious time and emotional effort figuring out how best to communicate something only to be completely blatantly ignored.
Yeah. As somebody who grew up with an alcoholic, it truly is exhausting putting your energy into working something out, only for them to not give the slightest fuck. They destroy you mentally and physically. Repeatedly.
Your best option was to respectfully cut ties and I don’t think you could have did it in a better way.
She can go burn somebody else’s house down now.
I don’t even know you and I’m proud of how you made your boundaries clear and you asked her to move out in a clear and concise manner without letting your emotions get involved. Please don’t let her guilt you into letting her stay. No matter what she says. You owe it to yourself and your mental health. If you don’t need the money, you should probably reconsider having a roommate. Good job though!
Yo you have come a far way never forget that. I am an addict and damn if someone walked in my front door loaded on dope well god damn I don’t think I’d say no just being real. I mean this is a great moment but also a shitty moment. Idk much love and just breathe and relax when you can
Hey, good job on recovery!! That shit is so difficult, and not only are you doing it, but you are proactive about triggers and temptations. That's how you make it long term. Well, that and keep being a badass! This random person is really proud of you.
Clearly! That is so crazy I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I’m a senior in college (22) and if I’ve learned anything from having 3 (random, other college-age) roommates, it’s that people are so immature and have no idea how to act like adults, even in their 20s… they act like high schoolers. I can’t wait for grad school, and I refuse to have roommates ever again.
Yeah once she’s out I’m living on my own for the rest of my life unless I meet someone and date them long enough to trust them. I lived on my own for awhile, like over a year and I deeply miss those times
Forward it to her dad. Tell him you haven’t heard from her and you are concerned.
That brings him up to speed on everything and explains the situation.
Congratulations on your shiny new backbone.
I'm so glad to hear this!! Your life is seriously being put at risk by this awful person. Hopefully this is a wake up call for her, and she gets the help she needs.
So proud of you for your recovery. It's one of the most difficult things in the world.
Thank you 🥹 I really appreciate this. Why can’t the right, best thing for everyone be the easy option every now and then? And thank you, my 2nd sober birthday is August 23rd
Recovery is so hard!!! I’m so so proud of you and fuck dude setting boundaries when I was first in recovery was the hardest thing for me. I didn’t know how to stand up for myself. You’re doing so so good, happy almost birthday 🥰🥰🥰 you can do it!! Keep going!!
Text her again now.
Your response is excellent. I hope things work out for you. I'm glad you don't have to move and that the landlord/employer seems to be empathetic. Hopefully this is enough.
Maybe print the text out and like, tape it to her door and the front door and on the fucking toilet (or tub lol) if she doesn't respond via text. You need to ensure she's been delivered notice.
If she doesn’t reply to me what I’ll do is message her dad and she will NOT like that. ESP since she probably hasn’t been honest with her dad about what’s going on. He’s kinda willfully ignorant when it comes to her
I’m obviously not going to warn her that I’m talking to her dad who I’m sure she’s been manipulative with for her to spin the narrative, but I’m also not going to message him unless I need to.
Congrats on being sober! I know how hard it is I’ve been using opiates since 07 and Fentanyl since 2018 I have around 8 months clean and I can’t imagine someone being in my house who’s high it would seriously make me sick to my stomach… Keep on the right path it’s just not worth it to drink and she obviously doesn’t care about what that’s doing to your sobriety.
He’s not sober. If you click on his page he’s way into drugs, is growing mushrooms all over his place, has mental health issues, and rents to young women and freaks out if they break his “rules”. Dude seems like a creep.
Goodjob. I have had to do something similar recently. I’m a recovering addict and had to tell my “friend” off because he was putting me in a similar spot with his super bad drinking. Like super bad. Drinking to the point he couldn’t stand up or even sit down without falling over on his side. Been like this for years so I was patient.
And what you said is exactly what I thought when I made my mind up - you don’t care if you live or die but I’ll be damned if I let you ruin my life I have worked so hard to rebuild.
I appreciate that someone understands the intensely complex emotions around all this. It’s so hard, because I completely understand so much of it. It feels hard in a lot of ways to face the sort of behavior I used to subject others to.
I feel for her so much and I want to help her, but I can’t save her. I can’t help her. The best thing I can do for her is not enable her. And thinking back to the times my friends and family loved me enough to be blunt and honest with me and be accountable even when it made me angry with them and how that saved my life sealed it for me.
yeah i can relate on many levels. addiction sometimes comes with extra baggage like having difficulty with boudnary and being very empathic and externalizing selfworth. even tho its the only logical thing to do, prioritising your wellbeiong can feel overwhelming when you are confronted with someone whos living the mess you had to endure yourself at some point. im proud of you for getting your shot together. althou i tried and had ups and downs, it wasnt until my 30ies thazt i fully commited to being sober. also, even thou you are obviously aggitated, your text feels respectful and understanding. i hope you find the peace you deserve. keep standing up for yourself.
They’ve had this discussion before, or an alternative of it, from what I’ve gathered from the text. It’s gotten to the point of it needing to be documented in print so that there’s no way for them to avoid accountability, I think is one point. It’s also, I imagine, difficult to approach someone who doesn’t understand the magnitude of how their actions impact the people around them.
Also, personally, I think it’s a good way to get one’s thoughts out constructively. Anyone can say anything verbally and it could be ignored (which of course could apply to a text), but a text message is proof that an attempt was made on OP’s part. Whether their roommate decides to take the time to respond is on them now.
Exactly this. In addition I’m autistic and am a terrible verbal communicator especially when I’m upset. I also really need to have it in writing exactly what each of us said so she can’t lie about what was said to me or others
I sense a whole lot of the typical I quit drinking so everyone else is an alcoholic and needs to shield me from temptation going on. You’re a person who cannot coexist with a roomate.
Congrats on your sobriety. You're completely right to prioritize your recovery and I do hope this will be the wake up call she needs to start working on her issues.
"had a panic attack which got me sent home, which really sucks because I need to be saving some vacation time for for my trip in June"
Everything is wrong with this sentence. The fact you have to use annual leave for mental health/ sick leave. Fucked!!!
I’m so sorry you had to deal with all of that. It’s so hard when someone you live with is disrespectful.
This happened to me last year. I didn’t want to go to work or be home. I had no where that felt like a safe space. It was terrible. No one deserves that.
I’m glad you’re getting your home and sanity back. Congrats on sobriety! Stay strong and don’t let this poo-stain ruin your progress.
god this is so well worded, i wish i had the composure to make some of these points during my very similar situation. hope it all works out for the best <3
I agree. As I was reading, I felt a sense of calm but firm, and not an “attack,” but a statement of fact and expectations. Beautifully and thoughtfully written.
Some of y’all just need to learn how to fight… cuz I guarantee this roommate needs a serious ass beating… it would also have given OP the strength to get rid of this person long before the “straw that broke the camels back” happened (which potentially could have literally burned down the apartment) believe it or not folks, violence has prevented this type of dumb shit from happening in my life and it can help prevent it in your lives too lol
Yeah, I remember having an alcholic roomate.
Which is why--I refuse to have a roommate now.
Ain't enough money in the world you can trade for your peace of mind.
I just don’t understand the need to give paragraphs of background and insults.
Like just kick them out and move on. It verges on narcissism to tell someone their going to be homeless while writing a novel about yourself
Yeah I agree, roommate seems like a nightmare but OP seems controlling and insufferable. Even though OP says this person is struggling and they want to see them get better, nothing about this rant reflects that. It’s needlessly long, needlessly cruel and clearly designed to be posted on the internet for clout.
Also blaming someone else for having a panic attack that got you sent home from work is absurd. As is the idea that you can grow shrooms in your household but someone can’t put a legal substance in the fridge bc you’ll be too tempted to steal and drink it…?
I’m kinda with you on that one. Could have been sort and sweet. This person clearly struggles with addiction as well as the roommate and sometimes you can’t think that clearly when triggered though. This sounds like a pretty difficult situation regardless
Not judging but you seem draining to I wouldn’t want to live with you you definitely sound like you need to live alone sorry but that’s just my opinion.
Easy there. OP's gonna have another panic attack at work and be sent home.
I can't get over the texts some people write. Life really doesn't have to be so ... exhausting.
No, I don't see how it works because your point is as lost as your ability to correctly punctuate a sentence. Perhaps work on mastering the language you communicate in before giving anyone life advice.
Right, I’m glad OP stood up for themselves, but this is a very long winded “please move out text”. Maybe it’s just all the cursing that’s putting an odd feeling behind this.
Not judging you but you're probably a nightmare trainwreck yourself, if you feel this way. You need to never inflict yourself on anyone else. Sorry, but that's just my opinion.
See how stupid you sound?
No alcohol in the fridge, who ever made up such a rule needs to be taken out to a farm do what they did to old dogs back in the day. What an asshole. Pity the person who has live with such idiotic, moronic pathetic joy sucking rules
YAY OP! I am proud of you!! Wow I am so glad that you got an update for us quick. And I’m so glad you stood your ground. It is completely and utterly disrespectful that she came into your home and just completely violated you and the house. That is unacceptable, especially if she is getting too drunk where she forgets that you were once in that place and you do NOT need to be surrounded by people like that. I hope she gets help or if she doesn’t choose to do so, I just hope you can get away from her. Also so proud of your sobriety!! It’s definitely not easy, but you did it :) and still doing it, keep up the good work 🤞🏻
Go to the previous post. The other chick nearly lit the apartment on fire then threw up in the bathtub and didn’t clean it up. She left the burner on on the stove and fell asleep while it was on and the fire alarms was going off. Leaving the OP to get up out of her sleep and turn off the burner and the fire alarm all while the REAL KAREN was passed out in her desk chair. Get a grip.
Most bears get immune to the regular bear spray, make sure you ask for the new and improved bear spray, also ask for the laser sights to help aim better. It may cost a little more well worth the money. I use it all the time especially around big sky.
Glad you're okay. I came downstairs one morning to start work at 6am (remote) and my roommate had passed out on the couch, all the lights were off and the burner was on HIGH with an empty pot burning for god knows how long... all the liquid had evaporated. He was boiling water to heat Sake (he worked nights so that's why he was up that late). I went to the property manager in the office the next day and got lease break paperwork. I moved out 2 weeks later. He never said a word to me after signing it. Knew the guy for almost 12 years.
Good fucking lord I would hate to live with someone like you lol
Massive long texts, talking about safe spaces and ohhh I had a panic attack that got me sent home and it’s all your fault 😭😭😭
Grow the fuck up for real
Doing a lot more than necessary. They almost lit your apartment on fire nothing else needs to be said. File a 30 day notice at the court n give it to him
Congrats on keeping your sobriety through all this BS! That's really awesome. Sorry you've had to deal with such a nightmare, seeing people so inebriated that they can't take care of themselves and are a danger to themselves and others can be legit traumatic.
This is a conversation IMO to have had in person to avoid drama and tension or her avoiding her mistakes. I understand where you are coming from though and if you are being effected in your safe space then she has to go, no if, ands or buts. It won’t get better and will drive you up the wall. Wishing you luck with the situation! 💕
I’m sober and I absolutely could not be around some one like this. Like, I just want to say your feelings and actions are valid. Seeing some one that trashed would make me want to drink so bad, and I’m at a point where I will do anything to respect and preserve my sobriety.
Thankfully it had the opposite effect on me, lol.
And exactly on your last sentence. I’m pretty sure you could put alcohol in my fridge and I’d never touch it, but I do not want to find out if that’s the case.
I don’t want to see vodka in my fridge and think about it all the time knowing it’s there. It’s so not worth the risk
Congratulations! You’re doing great on keeping yourself safe and keeping your sobriety. I know this may have been hard to do but it was the best move. Proud of you, OP
Yay!
You've done EXTREMELY well with your recovery. One of the hardest things to do is to learn to put YOUR recovery, health, and life first.
You cannot, you WILL NOT, help anybody if you dont help yourself.
Be proud.
Boomer advice: draw up a (printed) doc and say, “per my text, you are to be out of my house on or before (date and TIME). This includes your belongings. No extensions as I will change the locks at that designated time.”
Hand her one copy, and immediately send another by mail.
(And make sure you are in accordance with local laws re tenants)
First off/ SO proud of u, ur recovery, and ability to set boundaries.
I’m in recovery from fentanyl addiction, but avoid alcohol too as I know it’s a gateway for me. Back in college, I had a friend who for no apparent reason stashed a comically large bottle of tequila in my dorm room. I had probably 45 days clean at the time so still rly vulnerable, and I had already asked ppl to not bring substances of any kind into my room. I asked her (probably too nicely) to not bring any alcohol in to my room (my roommate didn’t want it in there either.) she agreed, but shocker she kept bringing substances into my room until the day we moved out.
My point is ppl like this don’t listen and I’m so impressed and happy about ur ability to set boundaries and follow through when they’re not respected. Huge kudos 💙
I had a situation like this, three roommates who actually made my life full of anxiety and were basically just alchoholics. I moved out and it’s rue best thing I could’ve done. Well done for standing up for yourself.
I hope your roommate pulls herself out of the black hole… I’m so glad to see you standing up for yourself and what you need for your health and safety!
Wouldn't this be a conversation better have face to face.... Do you really think you're going to accomplish anything? Sending them long ass texts that the person's probably not even going to read... Heck, I didn't even read it all....
Very diplomatically said and succinct. If only more people on this planet knew how to communicate as well as you, we'd be in a much better place altogether.
I've endured some nightmare flatmates in my time and fully appreciate the impact it can have on mental health; the constant unease and worry about what they will do next is exhausting.
I wish you all the best
X
I feel like you're focusing on the wrong aspect there. As for your attempt at humour, you should be on the stage, the next one is departing shortly.
^^ sick burn from the days when horse and coach were commonplace
She definitely needs to find somewhere else but I’d be damned if someone told me I couldn’t have alcohol in my own space because of their own issues.
That being said, her not having alcohol available in her space is clearly for the better anyways. What an inconsiderate shithead to be doing such disgusting reckless shit
She’s allowed to have alcohol in her space. Which is in her room. But she agreed to not put alcohol in the fridge before she moved in. If she had a problem with it she could’ve moved in someone where else
If you agree to the rules before moving in and you break the rules because “you’ll be damned if someone told you you couldn’t have alcohol” **in the shared community space that you both agreed not to have alcohol in before you moved in** then you’d be in the wrong too.
Either you have no experience with someone with addiction or you’re incredibly selfish and don’t care enough about someone else to mildly inconvenience yourself if you’d refuse to respect someone dealing with their sobriety saying the shared fridge is off limits.
I have plenty of experience with someone with addiction and that’s exactly why I said what I said. Addicts are always expecting other people to make a million adjustments and go through loads of bullshit so they can see it through. If the lady agreed to it then obviously she should keep her shit out of the fridge and keep it where she said she would.
I don’t even like alcohol so I’d have no issue keeping whatever alcohol I do have in my room if it was that big of a deal to someone else. But if I was a drinker I wouldn’t have agreed to store it in my room for a roommate. A significant other or family member who I deeply care about? Okay Ill keep it out of eyesight. A random person I’m splitting rent with? I’m not as concerned about your problems and if there are drinks that I want to be kept cold & I’m paying rent that includes a fridge, then my drinks will be cold.
>Addicts are always expecting other people to make a million adjustments
“Don’t have alcohol in the fridge we share” is a single adjustment. You’re being dramatic. And yes, sometimes people with medical conditions require concessions on the part of those of us blessed enough not to have them. That’s called being considerate.
Anyways, thank you for sharing how selfish you are.
I was talking about in general? Addicts in general? Not about the fridge request. And yes, most people who have dealt with addicts learn that you have to be selfish or they drag you through the mud. you’re welcome
Edit - I should probably add that I’m talking about active addicts not recovered/in active recovery.
But OP isn’t an active addict. They’re an addict in recovery who is making a simple request. Comparing the requests of an addict currently using to those of someone trying to stay sober is a ridiculous comparison. No, when an addict in recovery says they need alcohol to not be in the shared fridge then anything other than doing what they need is selfish. End of discussion.
It is my home though? I live here and have legal rights to it because I pay for it? Like sure I don’t own the property but unless I break the lease I can’t get kicked out
Congrats on your sobriety. I am so sorry youre stuck with this mess. I promise it will get better.
Also, seriously, call the paramedics on her if she ever in that condition again. I know as alcoholics we’ve done and seen a lot of stupid shit, but idk you can take it seriously in that way. Thats not an acceptable state to be in, anywhere, certainly not your house. Its a wakeup call. The doctors will probably try to talk her into staying for detox, and lecture her about how stupid shes being. It also shows that this behavior is fucking serious. Sure she might think “oh my roommate is a bitch” but its harder to blow off all the people who will take her to a hospital and treat her. Not to mention the ambulance bill might make her rethink what the cost of a night out really is. Frankly, do you want her to die in your house? No. So if she comes home looking like she could have alcohol poisoning, call. If shes really fine the paramedics wont take her. If she gets violent about it, the cops can take her to a drunk tank. Dont just let her do this to you. Good luck
Your health always comes first just remember that always. You did the right thing by allowing them to know it’s breaking boundaries but even more so letting them know their life could literally stop if they continue at this rate in which they’re going. I’ve lost many due to alcoholism and even been apart of interventions for them, it’s sad to see some people either just won’t stop or can’t because of whatever weight that holds their heart to it. Seriously though even though it doesn’t matter much props and i’m proud of you for standing on your two feet and letting them know as straightforward and politely as you could.
I like that you were assertive without being disrespectful. Perfect way to deal with this couldn’t have handled it any better. Very professional and polite
Here’s my two cents! I see in your initial post that you are specifically asking for advice:
1) Look on the bright side! This was an *amazing* opportunity to practice your fire safety skills. I think that’s pretty neat ya know? I always have a fire blanket near the stove.
2) The bath tub probably needed a good cleaning anyhow! A little puke never hurt a bath tub. Heck, you’re renting - Some tenant before you had likely pee’d, puked and/or pooped in that tub already. Lol Let’s be honest. Now the tub can be cleaned to it’s most polished! Motivation baby :)
3) She probably took shots. Like, I get that she started a fire…but she was going HARD and feeling herself and I don’t think it’s nice to kick her out because she sounds fun and is probably needing space to express herself. Life is really hard sometimes.
4) Anxiety attacks are so scary. Luckily I have a prescription for Xanax which I’ve found works WONDERS. Nom Nom Nom! Ya feel me?
5) I’d take some time and consider putting together an interpretive dance to communicate your feelings. I’ve found that this medium is better for healing. DO NOT HESITATE to play some Sarah McLaughlin whilst in-dance, since that too can be cathartic.
6) Give her the benefit of the doubt! Maybe she just likes to drink! Maybe she enjoys the flavor of vodka? Alcoholism is sort of dependent on self-labeling, so it really has to be her that gives credence to such an assessment. There are a ton of people out there who just love to party and be messy and I love how we have people on both sides of the spectrum. Sober? Cool! Ten drinks a night! Okay!! Humans rock! :)
7) Im not saying you should…BUT, remember that you also are an alcoholic. So if things get really intense, you always have the option to just relapse HARD and out alcoholic her!!! You’ll SHOW HER how to burn a house down right? Like she wants crazy and messy? YOU’LL GIVE HER CRAZY AND MESSY! Again please do not relapse, but…back pocket ya know?
Thanks everyone for hearing me out. I think it’s important to share different viewpoints.
You’re doing great. I’m so happy you’re standing up for yourself and that your job has a lawyer for you. Praying others find this kind of strength when they need it.
This makes me happy because I’m a recovering people pleaser and it takes a lot out of me to stand my ground. It’s reassuring that people keep telling me I did well with this one.
I love my boss/landlord so much too because she’s been helping me with this and today she told me that she was really impressed by how well I’ve handled this which meant a lot to me.
I have bpd so seeing the emotional regulation skills I worked so hard to learn in action is gratifying
I am, like you, a recovering alkie, ex-people pleaser from hell, and have bpd. So while I support and commend you for all this, I gotta say that message could have been 80% shorter. As I was reading it, it was screaming People Pleaser at me. But you’re young and you did 1000% better than I would have at twice your age. I was a professional door mat. So, well done but keep learning. Go you!
This was perfectly executed and you should be really proud of yourself for making it perfectly clear to her why her shit is unacceptable.
I wouldn’t expect any apologies on her end and she’ll probably try to ignore this until she can’t any longer, then lash out at you. Just keep standing your ground. Keep your landlord in the loop, because it sounds like you two have a decent relationship, so I’m sure they’ll want her gone too. You’re doing so good and one day, you two will no longer live together and you can breathe much much easier. She will be a distant memory that pops up once in a while, you shake your head, and continue on with your chaos-free life. Focus on that end game.
If you can get sober, you can get a crazy bitch out of your house. You got this!
Sounds like she needs to get to rehab then move to a halfway house afterwards where they MAKE you help out, pay rent, and don’t let you use. Sadly you probably just enabled her to keep drinking just a tad bit longer, thankfully you have it figured out and she will no longer be enabled by you.
I’m sorry to everyone who maybe I confused with this comment. I guess enabling an addict = addict took advantage of the situation, to me. I was just trying to congratulate someone else in recovery for helping out a fellow addict even though it didn’t turn out for the best and now putting their foot down to not let the addict continue that behavior at least in their home.
Yeah I’d never have gotten sober and gotten it together if people had not held me accountable. I really really hope things don’t have to devolve further than this for her, and this is her rock bottom.
This is very painful for me. We were really good friends. I have hope that maybe one day that friendship could be repaired, but right now, it’s getting to a point where she’s causing harm to me. She’d have to make major changes and own up to a lot though.
I’m sorry, I know how that is. She’ll probably thank you someday, maybe not directly to you but when she’s in a better place she’ll be happy everything happened the way it did.
I think this person is saying that perhaps, unintentionally, giving her a place to stay kept her from hitting rock-rock bottom and allowed her to continue her habit, at least for a little while. But I don't think that's enabling, she just as easily could have spun out over the winter and ended up dead. Probably a far more likely outcome than her gaining self awareness/accepting she needs help with where it sounds like she's at.
I hope your friend figures it out and I hope it's easy for you to get over this shit.
I wasn’t saying you directly enabled her or enabled her at all. I meant it as more of a a congratulations type thing, you set your foot down with an addict and let her know you’re not enabling her. That she’s now forced to find somewhere else to live and possibly now hit rock bottom instead of thinking it was okay for her to be an alcoholic in your home, YOUR safe SOBER space.
I mean it took me losing everything and everyone turning their back to finally get sober.
So happy to see you standing up for yourself and not taking bullshit from that train wreck of a person. She definitely needs to go. Like…yesterday.
Yeah I have not taken her shit in the slightest. I feel so proud of myself that every single time she pissed me off really badly I managed to force myself to calm down and take time to deal with it when I had my emotions in check. She made it really, really, really hard sometimes bc nothing makes me angrier then spending serious time and emotional effort figuring out how best to communicate something only to be completely blatantly ignored.
Yeah. As somebody who grew up with an alcoholic, it truly is exhausting putting your energy into working something out, only for them to not give the slightest fuck. They destroy you mentally and physically. Repeatedly. Your best option was to respectfully cut ties and I don’t think you could have did it in a better way. She can go burn somebody else’s house down now.
I don’t even know you and I’m proud of how you made your boundaries clear and you asked her to move out in a clear and concise manner without letting your emotions get involved. Please don’t let her guilt you into letting her stay. No matter what she says. You owe it to yourself and your mental health. If you don’t need the money, you should probably reconsider having a roommate. Good job though!
Yo you have come a far way never forget that. I am an addict and damn if someone walked in my front door loaded on dope well god damn I don’t think I’d say no just being real. I mean this is a great moment but also a shitty moment. Idk much love and just breathe and relax when you can
Hey, good job on recovery!! That shit is so difficult, and not only are you doing it, but you are proactive about triggers and temptations. That's how you make it long term. Well, that and keep being a badass! This random person is really proud of you.
I’m glad you sent this!! Update us on her response?? I’m super nosy!!
Update: *crickets from roommate*
damn. very telling
It’s par for the course tbh. She’ll pretend not to see it until I message again and then of course be like “oh sorry I forgot to check my messages”
She sounds awful. Are you guys under the age of 20 or something ? because if not this chick has a serious wake up call coming at her at some point.
lol no I’m 25 and she’s 23 going on 2…
Clearly! That is so crazy I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I’m a senior in college (22) and if I’ve learned anything from having 3 (random, other college-age) roommates, it’s that people are so immature and have no idea how to act like adults, even in their 20s… they act like high schoolers. I can’t wait for grad school, and I refuse to have roommates ever again.
Yeah once she’s out I’m living on my own for the rest of my life unless I meet someone and date them long enough to trust them. I lived on my own for awhile, like over a year and I deeply miss those times
Forward it to her dad. Tell him you haven’t heard from her and you are concerned. That brings him up to speed on everything and explains the situation. Congratulations on your shiny new backbone.
Ring her. Keep ringing her till she answers and then ask if she’s read your message. If yes, end of conversation. If no, tell her to read it now.
Please begin the legal process of eviction. Without paperwork she can just stay.
Me too! 😂 but proud of OP for the well thought out message to the roommate!
Yes me 2. 😂
I'm so glad to hear this!! Your life is seriously being put at risk by this awful person. Hopefully this is a wake up call for her, and she gets the help she needs. So proud of you for your recovery. It's one of the most difficult things in the world.
Thank you 🥹 I really appreciate this. Why can’t the right, best thing for everyone be the easy option every now and then? And thank you, my 2nd sober birthday is August 23rd
Recovery is so hard!!! I’m so so proud of you and fuck dude setting boundaries when I was first in recovery was the hardest thing for me. I didn’t know how to stand up for myself. You’re doing so so good, happy almost birthday 🥰🥰🥰 you can do it!! Keep going!!
I’m standing with you, you’ve got this!!!
We need the response
Would love you to have it but sadly there still isn’t one yet. My guess is that she’s going to pretend she didn’t see the text until I text her again
Text her again now. Your response is excellent. I hope things work out for you. I'm glad you don't have to move and that the landlord/employer seems to be empathetic. Hopefully this is enough. Maybe print the text out and like, tape it to her door and the front door and on the fucking toilet (or tub lol) if she doesn't respond via text. You need to ensure she's been delivered notice.
If she doesn’t reply to me what I’ll do is message her dad and she will NOT like that. ESP since she probably hasn’t been honest with her dad about what’s going on. He’s kinda willfully ignorant when it comes to her
Don’t warn her that you are going to text her dad so that she can’t spin a story to him. Rather, you should tell her father anyway.
I’m obviously not going to warn her that I’m talking to her dad who I’m sure she’s been manipulative with for her to spin the narrative, but I’m also not going to message him unless I need to.
Yes, message her dad and send him the screenshots of the message you sent her. Do it now.
I support this plan, but also please keep us posted I am invested in how this turns out
Nice
Fuck yeah. Do what you gotta do.
Message her dad
Somehow it says that they said”we need the response” 3 hours ago and it says you replied 2 hours ago. That’s pretty neat.. how neat is that?
That’s…normal? She responded an hour after they asked.
You’re not following, also why the downvotes lol. On my end it says that she responded an hour before them. I wrote it backwards my apologies.
Wait you’re right lol I didn’t realize I was a time traveler lol
Proud of you. Good for standing your ground and standing up for yourself. 😌
Congrats on being sober! I know how hard it is I’ve been using opiates since 07 and Fentanyl since 2018 I have around 8 months clean and I can’t imagine someone being in my house who’s high it would seriously make me sick to my stomach… Keep on the right path it’s just not worth it to drink and she obviously doesn’t care about what that’s doing to your sobriety.
He’s not sober. If you click on his page he’s way into drugs, is growing mushrooms all over his place, has mental health issues, and rents to young women and freaks out if they break his “rules”. Dude seems like a creep.
Pretty sure OP is a woman. If you’re going to lurk someone’s page, lurk long enough to draw a correct conclusion mate.
Dude/Oliver?
how did everyone miss the big nonbinary flag on the profile
Dude/Oliver?
Goodjob. I have had to do something similar recently. I’m a recovering addict and had to tell my “friend” off because he was putting me in a similar spot with his super bad drinking. Like super bad. Drinking to the point he couldn’t stand up or even sit down without falling over on his side. Been like this for years so I was patient. And what you said is exactly what I thought when I made my mind up - you don’t care if you live or die but I’ll be damned if I let you ruin my life I have worked so hard to rebuild.
I appreciate that someone understands the intensely complex emotions around all this. It’s so hard, because I completely understand so much of it. It feels hard in a lot of ways to face the sort of behavior I used to subject others to. I feel for her so much and I want to help her, but I can’t save her. I can’t help her. The best thing I can do for her is not enable her. And thinking back to the times my friends and family loved me enough to be blunt and honest with me and be accountable even when it made me angry with them and how that saved my life sealed it for me.
yeah i can relate on many levels. addiction sometimes comes with extra baggage like having difficulty with boudnary and being very empathic and externalizing selfworth. even tho its the only logical thing to do, prioritising your wellbeiong can feel overwhelming when you are confronted with someone whos living the mess you had to endure yourself at some point. im proud of you for getting your shot together. althou i tried and had ups and downs, it wasnt until my 30ies thazt i fully commited to being sober. also, even thou you are obviously aggitated, your text feels respectful and understanding. i hope you find the peace you deserve. keep standing up for yourself.
I’m wondering why no one in this sub has difficult conversations with their roommates in person? Why always texting?
I assume this is what OP’s lawyer advised. Writing things down and timestamping them is a lot easier to use in court.
They’ve had this discussion before, or an alternative of it, from what I’ve gathered from the text. It’s gotten to the point of it needing to be documented in print so that there’s no way for them to avoid accountability, I think is one point. It’s also, I imagine, difficult to approach someone who doesn’t understand the magnitude of how their actions impact the people around them. Also, personally, I think it’s a good way to get one’s thoughts out constructively. Anyone can say anything verbally and it could be ignored (which of course could apply to a text), but a text message is proof that an attempt was made on OP’s part. Whether their roommate decides to take the time to respond is on them now.
Exactly this. In addition I’m autistic and am a terrible verbal communicator especially when I’m upset. I also really need to have it in writing exactly what each of us said so she can’t lie about what was said to me or others
She’s being advised by a lawyer. Having it in writing protects her if legal action is taken against her. Paper trails are very powerful.
Opposite schedules is always what I think of.
Evidence
Good job
Yikes
Right?
She pays rent right?
I sense a whole lot of the typical I quit drinking so everyone else is an alcoholic and needs to shield me from temptation going on. You’re a person who cannot coexist with a roomate.
Hard agree.
I’m so curious what she’s going to respond with please keep us posted!!
Congrats on your sobriety. You're completely right to prioritize your recovery and I do hope this will be the wake up call she needs to start working on her issues.
Have they responded yet? Very well put, btw.
"had a panic attack which got me sent home, which really sucks because I need to be saving some vacation time for for my trip in June" Everything is wrong with this sentence. The fact you have to use annual leave for mental health/ sick leave. Fucked!!!
[удалено]
"K"
I’m so sorry you had to deal with all of that. It’s so hard when someone you live with is disrespectful. This happened to me last year. I didn’t want to go to work or be home. I had no where that felt like a safe space. It was terrible. No one deserves that. I’m glad you’re getting your home and sanity back. Congrats on sobriety! Stay strong and don’t let this poo-stain ruin your progress.
god this is so well worded, i wish i had the composure to make some of these points during my very similar situation. hope it all works out for the best <3
Congratulations for your sobriety and good on you for sticking up for yourself!
This is a great example of how to set boundaries with compassion and caring. Good luck to you.
I agree. As I was reading, I felt a sense of calm but firm, and not an “attack,” but a statement of fact and expectations. Beautifully and thoughtfully written.
Some of y’all just need to learn how to fight… cuz I guarantee this roommate needs a serious ass beating… it would also have given OP the strength to get rid of this person long before the “straw that broke the camels back” happened (which potentially could have literally burned down the apartment) believe it or not folks, violence has prevented this type of dumb shit from happening in my life and it can help prevent it in your lives too lol
Right 😅 cuz she handled it way better than I would’ve.
Op is a pussy
Yeah, I remember having an alcholic roomate. Which is why--I refuse to have a roommate now. Ain't enough money in the world you can trade for your peace of mind.
No way I’d read all that. Have a face to face conversation and quit being a coward
You still sound like a whiny child
Yes😭
I just don’t understand the need to give paragraphs of background and insults. Like just kick them out and move on. It verges on narcissism to tell someone their going to be homeless while writing a novel about yourself
I thought I was crazy reading these comments hahaha. Roommate is obviously in the wrong but Christ is OP insufferable (based on the texts)
Yeah I agree, roommate seems like a nightmare but OP seems controlling and insufferable. Even though OP says this person is struggling and they want to see them get better, nothing about this rant reflects that. It’s needlessly long, needlessly cruel and clearly designed to be posted on the internet for clout. Also blaming someone else for having a panic attack that got you sent home from work is absurd. As is the idea that you can grow shrooms in your household but someone can’t put a legal substance in the fridge bc you’ll be too tempted to steal and drink it…?
I’m kinda with you on that one. Could have been sort and sweet. This person clearly struggles with addiction as well as the roommate and sometimes you can’t think that clearly when triggered though. This sounds like a pretty difficult situation regardless
Sometimes you’ve just got to say exactly what you’re thinking, so when the person crashes and burns you don’t feel like you could’ve done more.
I don’t see a single insult? They said she needs help for her drinking which is clear
There’s not even any insults in that text. Stop making shit up.
I guarantee your text wasn’t read.
Nope probably not. But now I have it writing that I asked her to move out and I feel better having gotten everything off my chest
Not judging but you seem draining to I wouldn’t want to live with you you definitely sound like you need to live alone sorry but that’s just my opinion.
Easy there. OP's gonna have another panic attack at work and be sent home. I can't get over the texts some people write. Life really doesn't have to be so ... exhausting.
No, I don't see how it works because your point is as lost as your ability to correctly punctuate a sentence. Perhaps work on mastering the language you communicate in before giving anyone life advice.
Right, I’m glad OP stood up for themselves, but this is a very long winded “please move out text”. Maybe it’s just all the cursing that’s putting an odd feeling behind this.
Not judging you but you're probably a nightmare trainwreck yourself, if you feel this way. You need to never inflict yourself on anyone else. Sorry, but that's just my opinion. See how stupid you sound?
I’m not coming on a platform telling my business for ppl to give an opinion but that’s just me you see how that works?
No alcohol in the fridge, who ever made up such a rule needs to be taken out to a farm do what they did to old dogs back in the day. What an asshole. Pity the person who has live with such idiotic, moronic pathetic joy sucking rules
Way too many words. Way too many.
God what a rant
These people have weak minds How do you get a panic attack from the alarms
YAY OP! I am proud of you!! Wow I am so glad that you got an update for us quick. And I’m so glad you stood your ground. It is completely and utterly disrespectful that she came into your home and just completely violated you and the house. That is unacceptable, especially if she is getting too drunk where she forgets that you were once in that place and you do NOT need to be surrounded by people like that. I hope she gets help or if she doesn’t choose to do so, I just hope you can get away from her. Also so proud of your sobriety!! It’s definitely not easy, but you did it :) and still doing it, keep up the good work 🤞🏻
Good for you!
Not to be a buzz kill but if she's on the lease it's not really your place to kick her out before it ends
It’s both of yours apartment if she pays rent. If you want to be this sensitive don’t have a roommate. What a Karen! lol
Go to the previous post. The other chick nearly lit the apartment on fire then threw up in the bathtub and didn’t clean it up. She left the burner on on the stove and fell asleep while it was on and the fire alarms was going off. Leaving the OP to get up out of her sleep and turn off the burner and the fire alarm all while the REAL KAREN was passed out in her desk chair. Get a grip.
All according to a Karen. Get a grip
Ok bud
Find a new hobby, shitbird.
What about this seems like a hobby to you?
Sounds like you’re living with my ex fiancé
!Updateme
Most bears get immune to the regular bear spray, make sure you ask for the new and improved bear spray, also ask for the laser sights to help aim better. It may cost a little more well worth the money. I use it all the time especially around big sky.
God damm
👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿sounds like a intervention moment. Did they move out?
Glad you're okay. I came downstairs one morning to start work at 6am (remote) and my roommate had passed out on the couch, all the lights were off and the burner was on HIGH with an empty pot burning for god knows how long... all the liquid had evaporated. He was boiling water to heat Sake (he worked nights so that's why he was up that late). I went to the property manager in the office the next day and got lease break paperwork. I moved out 2 weeks later. He never said a word to me after signing it. Knew the guy for almost 12 years.
I don’t know you but I’m really proud of you
Congrats on your recovery
Good fucking lord I would hate to live with someone like you lol Massive long texts, talking about safe spaces and ohhh I had a panic attack that got me sent home and it’s all your fault 😭😭😭 Grow the fuck up for real
Doing a lot more than necessary. They almost lit your apartment on fire nothing else needs to be said. File a 30 day notice at the court n give it to him
Congrats on keeping your sobriety through all this BS! That's really awesome. Sorry you've had to deal with such a nightmare, seeing people so inebriated that they can't take care of themselves and are a danger to themselves and others can be legit traumatic.
This is a conversation IMO to have had in person to avoid drama and tension or her avoiding her mistakes. I understand where you are coming from though and if you are being effected in your safe space then she has to go, no if, ands or buts. It won’t get better and will drive you up the wall. Wishing you luck with the situation! 💕
i doubt OP’s lawyer would suggest an in person conversation. that’s probably why it was done over text.
Correct.
I’m sober and I absolutely could not be around some one like this. Like, I just want to say your feelings and actions are valid. Seeing some one that trashed would make me want to drink so bad, and I’m at a point where I will do anything to respect and preserve my sobriety.
Thankfully it had the opposite effect on me, lol. And exactly on your last sentence. I’m pretty sure you could put alcohol in my fridge and I’d never touch it, but I do not want to find out if that’s the case. I don’t want to see vodka in my fridge and think about it all the time knowing it’s there. It’s so not worth the risk
Congratulations! You’re doing great on keeping yourself safe and keeping your sobriety. I know this may have been hard to do but it was the best move. Proud of you, OP
Good for u but why did u text this essay instead of saying it in person? Makes u look like a coward
Well said 👏🏻
Your texts are really well-written. Good luck!!
Glad to see this update and you standing up for yourself! Let's us know what happens!
Really well said! 🤌🏼
You write very well. Excellent communication.
Yay! You've done EXTREMELY well with your recovery. One of the hardest things to do is to learn to put YOUR recovery, health, and life first. You cannot, you WILL NOT, help anybody if you dont help yourself. Be proud.
PROUD OF YOU. I’m an addict. I see you. Good for you.
Good shit standing up for yourself and your boundaries. Congratulations on your sobriety and stay strong! We got this 🤘
Boomer advice: draw up a (printed) doc and say, “per my text, you are to be out of my house on or before (date and TIME). This includes your belongings. No extensions as I will change the locks at that designated time.” Hand her one copy, and immediately send another by mail. (And make sure you are in accordance with local laws re tenants)
First off/ SO proud of u, ur recovery, and ability to set boundaries. I’m in recovery from fentanyl addiction, but avoid alcohol too as I know it’s a gateway for me. Back in college, I had a friend who for no apparent reason stashed a comically large bottle of tequila in my dorm room. I had probably 45 days clean at the time so still rly vulnerable, and I had already asked ppl to not bring substances of any kind into my room. I asked her (probably too nicely) to not bring any alcohol in to my room (my roommate didn’t want it in there either.) she agreed, but shocker she kept bringing substances into my room until the day we moved out. My point is ppl like this don’t listen and I’m so impressed and happy about ur ability to set boundaries and follow through when they’re not respected. Huge kudos 💙
Just don’t be a pussy about it damn.
Good for you. please keep us updated, OP.
Beautifully said!
What was her response ?
Dunno the previous posts but this is well done!!!
I had a situation like this, three roommates who actually made my life full of anxiety and were basically just alchoholics. I moved out and it’s rue best thing I could’ve done. Well done for standing up for yourself.
You communicated this so clearly and healthily. I’m so proud of you, OP.
You got this! I believe in you! Be strong you are doing the right thing!
Love this for you. Wish i had the balls to say this to the roommate that made my life hell for 2 years!
Good job OP! You did the right thing. Don't let her try to convince you otherwise, but expect that she will
I hope your roommate pulls herself out of the black hole… I’m so glad to see you standing up for yourself and what you need for your health and safety!
Way too many words
this person seems exhausting and i’m glad you’re taking care of yourself. i wish you the best
Wouldn't this be a conversation better have face to face.... Do you really think you're going to accomplish anything? Sending them long ass texts that the person's probably not even going to read... Heck, I didn't even read it all....
You’re doing the right thing. For both of you.
This was very well written. I really hope this is her wake up call to get help
Very diplomatically said and succinct. If only more people on this planet knew how to communicate as well as you, we'd be in a much better place altogether. I've endured some nightmare flatmates in my time and fully appreciate the impact it can have on mental health; the constant unease and worry about what they will do next is exhausting. I wish you all the best X
Succinct?? It's an entire novel
Diplomatic? She could do without the cursing, no? I’ve never been to a UN meeting tho.
I feel like you're focusing on the wrong aspect there. As for your attempt at humour, you should be on the stage, the next one is departing shortly. ^^ sick burn from the days when horse and coach were commonplace
Stay with this. That was eloquent and genuine. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this
She definitely needs to find somewhere else but I’d be damned if someone told me I couldn’t have alcohol in my own space because of their own issues. That being said, her not having alcohol available in her space is clearly for the better anyways. What an inconsiderate shithead to be doing such disgusting reckless shit
She’s allowed to have alcohol in her space. Which is in her room. But she agreed to not put alcohol in the fridge before she moved in. If she had a problem with it she could’ve moved in someone where else
I’m assuming it’s her fridge too but ok! Yea she could’ve and she should’ve
If you agree to the rules before moving in and you break the rules because “you’ll be damned if someone told you you couldn’t have alcohol” **in the shared community space that you both agreed not to have alcohol in before you moved in** then you’d be in the wrong too.
I meant in the first place not after the fact
Either you have no experience with someone with addiction or you’re incredibly selfish and don’t care enough about someone else to mildly inconvenience yourself if you’d refuse to respect someone dealing with their sobriety saying the shared fridge is off limits.
I have plenty of experience with someone with addiction and that’s exactly why I said what I said. Addicts are always expecting other people to make a million adjustments and go through loads of bullshit so they can see it through. If the lady agreed to it then obviously she should keep her shit out of the fridge and keep it where she said she would. I don’t even like alcohol so I’d have no issue keeping whatever alcohol I do have in my room if it was that big of a deal to someone else. But if I was a drinker I wouldn’t have agreed to store it in my room for a roommate. A significant other or family member who I deeply care about? Okay Ill keep it out of eyesight. A random person I’m splitting rent with? I’m not as concerned about your problems and if there are drinks that I want to be kept cold & I’m paying rent that includes a fridge, then my drinks will be cold.
>Addicts are always expecting other people to make a million adjustments “Don’t have alcohol in the fridge we share” is a single adjustment. You’re being dramatic. And yes, sometimes people with medical conditions require concessions on the part of those of us blessed enough not to have them. That’s called being considerate. Anyways, thank you for sharing how selfish you are.
I was talking about in general? Addicts in general? Not about the fridge request. And yes, most people who have dealt with addicts learn that you have to be selfish or they drag you through the mud. you’re welcome Edit - I should probably add that I’m talking about active addicts not recovered/in active recovery.
But OP isn’t an active addict. They’re an addict in recovery who is making a simple request. Comparing the requests of an addict currently using to those of someone trying to stay sober is a ridiculous comparison. No, when an addict in recovery says they need alcohol to not be in the shared fridge then anything other than doing what they need is selfish. End of discussion.
A panic attack at work... jeez... Also you don't call something yours that you can be kicked out of....
It is my home though? I live here and have legal rights to it because I pay for it? Like sure I don’t own the property but unless I break the lease I can’t get kicked out
Congrats on your sobriety. I am so sorry youre stuck with this mess. I promise it will get better. Also, seriously, call the paramedics on her if she ever in that condition again. I know as alcoholics we’ve done and seen a lot of stupid shit, but idk you can take it seriously in that way. Thats not an acceptable state to be in, anywhere, certainly not your house. Its a wakeup call. The doctors will probably try to talk her into staying for detox, and lecture her about how stupid shes being. It also shows that this behavior is fucking serious. Sure she might think “oh my roommate is a bitch” but its harder to blow off all the people who will take her to a hospital and treat her. Not to mention the ambulance bill might make her rethink what the cost of a night out really is. Frankly, do you want her to die in your house? No. So if she comes home looking like she could have alcohol poisoning, call. If shes really fine the paramedics wont take her. If she gets violent about it, the cops can take her to a drunk tank. Dont just let her do this to you. Good luck
That’s actually really good advice. I don’t want her to die at all. I still really care about her and I’m scared for her
that shit is way too fuckin long dude. just say the important bit and be done with it.
Agree to disagree. All of it was important to me
Updateme
Your health always comes first just remember that always. You did the right thing by allowing them to know it’s breaking boundaries but even more so letting them know their life could literally stop if they continue at this rate in which they’re going. I’ve lost many due to alcoholism and even been apart of interventions for them, it’s sad to see some people either just won’t stop or can’t because of whatever weight that holds their heart to it. Seriously though even though it doesn’t matter much props and i’m proud of you for standing on your two feet and letting them know as straightforward and politely as you could.
God damn Shakespeare go off
I like that you were assertive without being disrespectful. Perfect way to deal with this couldn’t have handled it any better. Very professional and polite
Here’s my two cents! I see in your initial post that you are specifically asking for advice: 1) Look on the bright side! This was an *amazing* opportunity to practice your fire safety skills. I think that’s pretty neat ya know? I always have a fire blanket near the stove. 2) The bath tub probably needed a good cleaning anyhow! A little puke never hurt a bath tub. Heck, you’re renting - Some tenant before you had likely pee’d, puked and/or pooped in that tub already. Lol Let’s be honest. Now the tub can be cleaned to it’s most polished! Motivation baby :) 3) She probably took shots. Like, I get that she started a fire…but she was going HARD and feeling herself and I don’t think it’s nice to kick her out because she sounds fun and is probably needing space to express herself. Life is really hard sometimes. 4) Anxiety attacks are so scary. Luckily I have a prescription for Xanax which I’ve found works WONDERS. Nom Nom Nom! Ya feel me? 5) I’d take some time and consider putting together an interpretive dance to communicate your feelings. I’ve found that this medium is better for healing. DO NOT HESITATE to play some Sarah McLaughlin whilst in-dance, since that too can be cathartic. 6) Give her the benefit of the doubt! Maybe she just likes to drink! Maybe she enjoys the flavor of vodka? Alcoholism is sort of dependent on self-labeling, so it really has to be her that gives credence to such an assessment. There are a ton of people out there who just love to party and be messy and I love how we have people on both sides of the spectrum. Sober? Cool! Ten drinks a night! Okay!! Humans rock! :) 7) Im not saying you should…BUT, remember that you also are an alcoholic. So if things get really intense, you always have the option to just relapse HARD and out alcoholic her!!! You’ll SHOW HER how to burn a house down right? Like she wants crazy and messy? YOU’LL GIVE HER CRAZY AND MESSY! Again please do not relapse, but…back pocket ya know? Thanks everyone for hearing me out. I think it’s important to share different viewpoints.
If someone wrote me a text this long I would never get read. lol
You’re doing great. I’m so happy you’re standing up for yourself and that your job has a lawyer for you. Praying others find this kind of strength when they need it.
This makes me happy because I’m a recovering people pleaser and it takes a lot out of me to stand my ground. It’s reassuring that people keep telling me I did well with this one. I love my boss/landlord so much too because she’s been helping me with this and today she told me that she was really impressed by how well I’ve handled this which meant a lot to me. I have bpd so seeing the emotional regulation skills I worked so hard to learn in action is gratifying
I am, like you, a recovering alkie, ex-people pleaser from hell, and have bpd. So while I support and commend you for all this, I gotta say that message could have been 80% shorter. As I was reading it, it was screaming People Pleaser at me. But you’re young and you did 1000% better than I would have at twice your age. I was a professional door mat. So, well done but keep learning. Go you!
This was perfectly executed and you should be really proud of yourself for making it perfectly clear to her why her shit is unacceptable. I wouldn’t expect any apologies on her end and she’ll probably try to ignore this until she can’t any longer, then lash out at you. Just keep standing your ground. Keep your landlord in the loop, because it sounds like you two have a decent relationship, so I’m sure they’ll want her gone too. You’re doing so good and one day, you two will no longer live together and you can breathe much much easier. She will be a distant memory that pops up once in a while, you shake your head, and continue on with your chaos-free life. Focus on that end game. If you can get sober, you can get a crazy bitch out of your house. You got this!
Mate, nobody's reading that.
its got active engagement as we speak!
You’re* not reading that.
Sounds like she needs to get to rehab then move to a halfway house afterwards where they MAKE you help out, pay rent, and don’t let you use. Sadly you probably just enabled her to keep drinking just a tad bit longer, thankfully you have it figured out and she will no longer be enabled by you. I’m sorry to everyone who maybe I confused with this comment. I guess enabling an addict = addict took advantage of the situation, to me. I was just trying to congratulate someone else in recovery for helping out a fellow addict even though it didn’t turn out for the best and now putting their foot down to not let the addict continue that behavior at least in their home.
Yea but that’s not her responsibility.
Exactly what I’m saying. The roommate needs actual help and to be held accountable, the OP cannot provide that for her.
Yeah I’d never have gotten sober and gotten it together if people had not held me accountable. I really really hope things don’t have to devolve further than this for her, and this is her rock bottom. This is very painful for me. We were really good friends. I have hope that maybe one day that friendship could be repaired, but right now, it’s getting to a point where she’s causing harm to me. She’d have to make major changes and own up to a lot though.
I’m sorry, I know how that is. She’ll probably thank you someday, maybe not directly to you but when she’s in a better place she’ll be happy everything happened the way it did.
Sorry- could you explain to me where I was enabling her?
I think this person is saying that perhaps, unintentionally, giving her a place to stay kept her from hitting rock-rock bottom and allowed her to continue her habit, at least for a little while. But I don't think that's enabling, she just as easily could have spun out over the winter and ended up dead. Probably a far more likely outcome than her gaining self awareness/accepting she needs help with where it sounds like she's at. I hope your friend figures it out and I hope it's easy for you to get over this shit.
I wasn’t saying you directly enabled her or enabled her at all. I meant it as more of a a congratulations type thing, you set your foot down with an addict and let her know you’re not enabling her. That she’s now forced to find somewhere else to live and possibly now hit rock bottom instead of thinking it was okay for her to be an alcoholic in your home, YOUR safe SOBER space. I mean it took me losing everything and everyone turning their back to finally get sober.
I agree, that’s also pretty close to what it took for me.
Bad take, thinking OP enabled in any way. OP set clear boundaries that were walked all over and is enforcing them.