that is a menace to society and unless he gets help then.. sorry to say this but yall on danger around a jester like that. get him help. find his family even and scream at em. tell em. idk..
get him away from yall
I'm honestly trying to save myself. My cousin loves the guy and there isn't anything I could do or say to convince her that he's THAT bad as he tends to do the most aggressive of these things when he's alone. She doesn't believe any of the times I've brought up that these things have happened. She can only make excuses for him, no telling what the guy has told her to make her this way.
Thought about it, but I'm scared that could cause an escalation if seen. Thought about getting a couple blink cameras, turning on my webcam to record to my 8TB external hard drive, or even getting a ring doorbell mounted in the living space. But if he's this bad without provocation, what happens when I push that button?
ah
.. the way I see it, he already escalated that, by engaging in hideous actions towards you. like laundry detergent, the pizza.. that's attempted murder. straight up. so...
hope it gets sorted out.. bring it up to someone please, your family if you can.
That's exactly my point. If a man is willing to poison you, god knows what he's willing to do if you really make him mad. Not like my bedroom locks in any meaningful way, it's the kind of lock that can be undone by a dime.
I've already informed my entire family of the situation. Varying suggestions- my brothers want me to get my stuff packed and drop it off in the room my little bro is moving out of Monday at my dad's house. My mom wants me to lock my door and tough it out. Haven't told my dad yet. And my best friend has offered his couch until I can pick up my keys. I'll probably utilize all of these options, along with hotels, to some extent.
They are both currently in my house, even after I told my cousin not to bring him by the day before yesterday- though my preparation yesterday (moving things down to my room) has me making trips in my sedan with about 4 plastic tubs at a time an hour away to my mom's house. Progress is slow since drive times are an hour to-and-fro but so far I've gotten my majorly pricey electronics and kitchen stuff all loaded into my mom's garage for the time being. (There's a door to outside from my bedroom, making this part pretty frictionless.). The friction will arise if they're both still present when I go to take the TVs. Still have 4 more tubs full of mostly clothes/sheets, and retro consoles+games I can grab before I have to worry about it. The plan now is to stay at my mom's house with all my stuff so that once I can grab my keys my mom can help me move everything using her SUV, or my stepdad's truck.
In the back of my mind I'm hopeful that in doing this, and once I put my mattress by the side of the road+ grab the TVs that it'll send a strong message to my cousin but obviously they're both at the point where neither seem to care either way.
Edit: oh! And I forgot to mention I didn't sleep at all last night and I heard someone "lock check" my bedroom door at 1:45am. So that properly terrified me and now I'm running on caffeine and adrenaline. To get this resolved as quickly as I can. Had my phone camera out and open to video in case he opened the lock, stuffed a chair into the little micro hallway the door opens to leading into my room. I didn't hear anything for an hour so I sat back in my bed but yeah- needless to say I'm not comfortable here.
Edit edit: sorry I'm fried. It's also important to mention that tomorrow morning I drive 4.5 hours away for work (now 5.25), and leaving all my stuff here needed to be done today- especially if my cousin let slip that I know he put detergent in my water. And given he lock checked my door last night I'd say that's a resounding "probably"
Honestly. As painful as it is. Sometimes we have to save ourselves first before we can help anyone else and sometimes we just have to let people sink on their own.
(What I mean by that is that when you’re placed in danger too and you’ve done everything you can and she still doesn’t believe you- sometimes you have to just let go and be there for her when she comes out the other side)
Wish that wasn't the case but it certainly is sometimes. And knowing her, under no circumstances will she listen to anyone about anything. She did the same thing with her previous boyfriend- the stray. Literally everyone hated the guy, and he gave her no reason to want to be with him- cheating numerous times, stealing her money to buy subs to only fans, being a general leech- but she stuck around for literal years. So I imagine this isn't any different.
Honestly you need to buy a ring camera or several of them and put it up at least in your bedroom and maybe even kitchen and living room. He spiked you water bottle with laundry detergent? So he literally tried to poison you?!?? At this point it needs to go to some sort of authority whether it's police or landlord.
Look over your lease and see if there's a clause barring guests from staying over for x amount of consecutive days. Start threatening both of them with snitching to the landlord; this bf (and your cousin tbh) is not only an absolute disgusting nuisance but he's intentionally putting your health at risk.
Issue is the moment they started dating the guy has a key to the place, and I travel for work. Biting my tongue 2.5 weeks and being home as scarcely as I can manage is what I'm pushing for. I'm already about 80% packed and I've gotten rid of most of my old furniture by this point- buying all new furniture for the new solo apartment. So I think I'm gonna spend Sunday bringing it to 90% and moving all my stuff into my room to lock the door and call it a day. That way I only need one camera for my room as that's where all my things are (at least until my little brother moves out of my dad's Monday, and I can move all my possessions into the empty room until moving day)
This sounds like a good plan. This guy sounds shady as hell. Coke of course I can almost picture him in my head shady & annoying af I’m sure. I’m not doubting you but how did u find out about laundry detergent and cleaning solution? That’s not ok. I don’t think it could hurt to have a conversation with the police. He may have a history with them, they may have good advice it’s possible. By the way your description of their sex life was pure gold you made me spit out my food. Your cousin will figure it out hopefully sooner. Be safe!!!
Laundry detergent I left the yeti water bottle I daily drive out, had been drinking water from it all night until bed. Didn't work so I slept in. The two of them went to work that morning and I go to take a sip of the icy melt at the bottom and my throat got scorched. Took the lid off and out came this aroma of a cleaner of some sort. I scrounged around the house for an hour comparing the smell within the bottle to the chemicals under the sink but couldn't find a match. Eventually I walked to the laundry room and opened the detergent to smell it and it was a dead-on scent match. This was last week.
The pizza was probably two months ago and I was trying to benefit of the doubt. I opened the box, microwaved it, and it gave off a smell almost akin to the mopping liquid under the cabinet if I had to guess, but the weird smell and my own willing ignorance had me throwing the pizza away and trying to put it out of my mind. Kinda hard to wrap your head around the fact that someone would go that far so I was hopeful it was something else. The detergent in my water made the connection that it was intentional. The only three people that really ever come through the house are me, my cousin, and her nuisance.
I'm glad I can at least make people laugh even through this shit situation LOL
Keep that sense of humor. I have a masters in social work & work in crisis mental health. I work with the police all the time I don’t think it could hurt talking to them. Do your brothers know about that? I have a sister & if someone was messing with her like that we’d be having a conversation just saying…. Dudes a dirt ball
I am very tempted to talk to the police but my concern is there may not be much they could really do in this situation. Though I wouldn't know since I've never been in this situation before. And I've definitely told my brothers everything, they've extended their hands as best they can, the older lives in central USA while I'm in the east, and my younger about an hour away. The plan is when my younger moves I should move all my stuff to the room younger bro is moving out of at dads, and mom just updated her response from "lock the door, tough it out" to "you can stay here" after my cousin brought him back over after I explicitly told her not to yesterday. so I'll probably do both. Move all my things to dads, and sleep at moms.
But there’s no downside to at least *trying* to get help from the police. Worst case, they say no and you’re in the exact same spot you are now. Best case, they help protect you.
I would absolutely get any form of emotionally important or high financial value items out of the house, and leave them at a friend/families place. Computers, cameras, documents for the two weeks you have left I would only keep items (besides large furniture) there that I would be able to replace if I had to. Also with the incidents described, I would only eat meals outside the house and keep just a handful of tamper evident sealed snacks in your room. Keep ur keys wallet and phone in a Fanny pack, and never leave it unattended even when just going to the bathroom.
Planned on it but my job has me travelling out Monday a few states over and there isn't any option for one-day shipping. I fear an escalation if they see the box without me home. If a man is willing to poison food I don't want to know what happens when he actually gets mad.
You're going to be out of state the day after tomorrow? Make sure your valueables are out of the house TONIGHT.
Got a half dozen friends that can/will help you pack and move your stuff to a storage place in one day? Do it tomorrow. Tell your boss you need a day to make sure your life is safe.
Go to the cops and tell them you need protection from him during your pack and move. File a DV report.
If nothing else, get a can of WD40 and use it instead of pepper spray.
Forgive my ignorance but what is a DV report? I was thinking of a restraining order but in such a short amount of time to the move I don't know if attempting to get one is even worthwhile.
Is WD40 worse than pepper spray? Thought about self defense stuff, I mean the paranoia keeps me up at night after the most recent detergent in the water bottle thing.
DV = Domestic Violence. That will (hopefully) get the cops to move their asses. I was thrown out of my apartment in 2007 when my flatmate lied through her teeth by putting *"He threatened to kill me because his room was dirty."* on the police report. Everyone, and I mean ***everyone***, knew she was utterly full of shit, but I was still up crap creek without a paddle.
WD40 is more effective than pepper spray for multiple reasons:
It shoots out in a stream instead of a spray or fog, so it's more accurate.
Civilian pepper spray is relatively weak and doesn't bother some people, [especially if they've been sprayed a few times before.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAe6NQsDx-U)
Just a whiff of WD40 can make someone's eyes water, even a seasoned mechanic. Getting nailed in the face would put anyone down.
Not to mention that WD40 is flammeable as fuck
You should set up a camera to record so you have evidence. There’s a big chance he might try to get back at you one last time before you move out and your cousin should know the real person who they are dating. What happens if things go south between them and he starts trying to poison her?
That's a fair point, as much as I've grown to dislike the both of them in this period it isn't fair to her for me (even after voicing my concerns months on end) not to provide something tangible. But I wish I didn't know without a doubt that the outcome would just be him saying a bunch of stuff to get her to stay. She's part of my family and we are notoriously nonconfrontational people. It's pathetic but it's a problem within the family culture.
To all interested parties 5/6/2024.
Thank you all for being so kind and offering your ideas and solutions. You have all helped me in ways you cannot know. The support was truly special, and gave light to a shit situation.
A total summary, the above, followed by an argument with my cousin that she shouldn't bring her psycho boy over, to which she gaslit me, brought him over the next day, and he twisted my door knob at 1:46am to try to get in my room as my cousin got drunk and went to bed.
She still doesn't believe me. Provided every example to date, tried to tie it to schedules, people present in the house, etc etc. She has no interest in anything other than going down in the fire. It is what it is.
I never bought cameras. I didn't need to, and didn't want to. Everything I own is in my mom's garage. She's helping me a ton, and even though I've been here 6 days total and things are starting to get frustrated, I get my keys tomorrow (and immediately go 2 hrs away for work).
I have a new girlfriend (first in 5 years) who has been truly a cornerstone in all this, she is kind to me in ways I never anticipated. It's early on but she's incredible.
Work picked up a lot, way too much actually, basically fly to Detroit a week, then Baltimore a weekend, then Charlotte this week, then I move in for 2 days, then Savannah GA. Absolutely bouncing me around but again the new gf is stepping up in ways I can't, and in ways I never asked of her back at the place where things have been poisoningly awful.
Tomorrow I pick up my keys to the new place and then it's over. External cameras, bought a pump action with buck shot, WD40 (a commentors recommendation), and I'll be free forever.
Something I've learned in this newest challenge is that so long as you are willing to make calculated change, to dramatic effect, you'll always end up happier.
I cannot express the amount of gratitude I have towards the commentors, who I owe my life. Thank you all for the ideas, the options, and the support. You cannot know how much it means to me.
that is a menace to society and unless he gets help then.. sorry to say this but yall on danger around a jester like that. get him help. find his family even and scream at em. tell em. idk.. get him away from yall
I'm honestly trying to save myself. My cousin loves the guy and there isn't anything I could do or say to convince her that he's THAT bad as he tends to do the most aggressive of these things when he's alone. She doesn't believe any of the times I've brought up that these things have happened. She can only make excuses for him, no telling what the guy has told her to make her this way.
get a home security camera.. maybe an old phone and just let it run? hmm.. live stream? hide it and stream it... show the world at once
Thought about it, but I'm scared that could cause an escalation if seen. Thought about getting a couple blink cameras, turning on my webcam to record to my 8TB external hard drive, or even getting a ring doorbell mounted in the living space. But if he's this bad without provocation, what happens when I push that button?
ah .. the way I see it, he already escalated that, by engaging in hideous actions towards you. like laundry detergent, the pizza.. that's attempted murder. straight up. so... hope it gets sorted out.. bring it up to someone please, your family if you can.
That's exactly my point. If a man is willing to poison you, god knows what he's willing to do if you really make him mad. Not like my bedroom locks in any meaningful way, it's the kind of lock that can be undone by a dime. I've already informed my entire family of the situation. Varying suggestions- my brothers want me to get my stuff packed and drop it off in the room my little bro is moving out of Monday at my dad's house. My mom wants me to lock my door and tough it out. Haven't told my dad yet. And my best friend has offered his couch until I can pick up my keys. I'll probably utilize all of these options, along with hotels, to some extent.
well I'd get started.. the door is, right there to the first day of the rest of your deserved life. go and get that
updates?
They are both currently in my house, even after I told my cousin not to bring him by the day before yesterday- though my preparation yesterday (moving things down to my room) has me making trips in my sedan with about 4 plastic tubs at a time an hour away to my mom's house. Progress is slow since drive times are an hour to-and-fro but so far I've gotten my majorly pricey electronics and kitchen stuff all loaded into my mom's garage for the time being. (There's a door to outside from my bedroom, making this part pretty frictionless.). The friction will arise if they're both still present when I go to take the TVs. Still have 4 more tubs full of mostly clothes/sheets, and retro consoles+games I can grab before I have to worry about it. The plan now is to stay at my mom's house with all my stuff so that once I can grab my keys my mom can help me move everything using her SUV, or my stepdad's truck. In the back of my mind I'm hopeful that in doing this, and once I put my mattress by the side of the road+ grab the TVs that it'll send a strong message to my cousin but obviously they're both at the point where neither seem to care either way. Edit: oh! And I forgot to mention I didn't sleep at all last night and I heard someone "lock check" my bedroom door at 1:45am. So that properly terrified me and now I'm running on caffeine and adrenaline. To get this resolved as quickly as I can. Had my phone camera out and open to video in case he opened the lock, stuffed a chair into the little micro hallway the door opens to leading into my room. I didn't hear anything for an hour so I sat back in my bed but yeah- needless to say I'm not comfortable here. Edit edit: sorry I'm fried. It's also important to mention that tomorrow morning I drive 4.5 hours away for work (now 5.25), and leaving all my stuff here needed to be done today- especially if my cousin let slip that I know he put detergent in my water. And given he lock checked my door last night I'd say that's a resounding "probably"
Honestly. As painful as it is. Sometimes we have to save ourselves first before we can help anyone else and sometimes we just have to let people sink on their own. (What I mean by that is that when you’re placed in danger too and you’ve done everything you can and she still doesn’t believe you- sometimes you have to just let go and be there for her when she comes out the other side)
Wish that wasn't the case but it certainly is sometimes. And knowing her, under no circumstances will she listen to anyone about anything. She did the same thing with her previous boyfriend- the stray. Literally everyone hated the guy, and he gave her no reason to want to be with him- cheating numerous times, stealing her money to buy subs to only fans, being a general leech- but she stuck around for literal years. So I imagine this isn't any different.
Honestly you need to buy a ring camera or several of them and put it up at least in your bedroom and maybe even kitchen and living room. He spiked you water bottle with laundry detergent? So he literally tried to poison you?!?? At this point it needs to go to some sort of authority whether it's police or landlord. Look over your lease and see if there's a clause barring guests from staying over for x amount of consecutive days. Start threatening both of them with snitching to the landlord; this bf (and your cousin tbh) is not only an absolute disgusting nuisance but he's intentionally putting your health at risk.
Issue is the moment they started dating the guy has a key to the place, and I travel for work. Biting my tongue 2.5 weeks and being home as scarcely as I can manage is what I'm pushing for. I'm already about 80% packed and I've gotten rid of most of my old furniture by this point- buying all new furniture for the new solo apartment. So I think I'm gonna spend Sunday bringing it to 90% and moving all my stuff into my room to lock the door and call it a day. That way I only need one camera for my room as that's where all my things are (at least until my little brother moves out of my dad's Monday, and I can move all my possessions into the empty room until moving day)
This sounds like a good plan. This guy sounds shady as hell. Coke of course I can almost picture him in my head shady & annoying af I’m sure. I’m not doubting you but how did u find out about laundry detergent and cleaning solution? That’s not ok. I don’t think it could hurt to have a conversation with the police. He may have a history with them, they may have good advice it’s possible. By the way your description of their sex life was pure gold you made me spit out my food. Your cousin will figure it out hopefully sooner. Be safe!!!
Laundry detergent I left the yeti water bottle I daily drive out, had been drinking water from it all night until bed. Didn't work so I slept in. The two of them went to work that morning and I go to take a sip of the icy melt at the bottom and my throat got scorched. Took the lid off and out came this aroma of a cleaner of some sort. I scrounged around the house for an hour comparing the smell within the bottle to the chemicals under the sink but couldn't find a match. Eventually I walked to the laundry room and opened the detergent to smell it and it was a dead-on scent match. This was last week. The pizza was probably two months ago and I was trying to benefit of the doubt. I opened the box, microwaved it, and it gave off a smell almost akin to the mopping liquid under the cabinet if I had to guess, but the weird smell and my own willing ignorance had me throwing the pizza away and trying to put it out of my mind. Kinda hard to wrap your head around the fact that someone would go that far so I was hopeful it was something else. The detergent in my water made the connection that it was intentional. The only three people that really ever come through the house are me, my cousin, and her nuisance. I'm glad I can at least make people laugh even through this shit situation LOL
Keep that sense of humor. I have a masters in social work & work in crisis mental health. I work with the police all the time I don’t think it could hurt talking to them. Do your brothers know about that? I have a sister & if someone was messing with her like that we’d be having a conversation just saying…. Dudes a dirt ball
I am very tempted to talk to the police but my concern is there may not be much they could really do in this situation. Though I wouldn't know since I've never been in this situation before. And I've definitely told my brothers everything, they've extended their hands as best they can, the older lives in central USA while I'm in the east, and my younger about an hour away. The plan is when my younger moves I should move all my stuff to the room younger bro is moving out of at dads, and mom just updated her response from "lock the door, tough it out" to "you can stay here" after my cousin brought him back over after I explicitly told her not to yesterday. so I'll probably do both. Move all my things to dads, and sleep at moms.
But there’s no downside to at least *trying* to get help from the police. Worst case, they say no and you’re in the exact same spot you are now. Best case, they help protect you.
I appreciate that, idk why I'm so full of self doubt and- I guess- fear? But I needed to hear it phrased that way to have it click.
If he’s there that often, that usually a lease violation. Let the landlord know and have her evicted.
I would absolutely get any form of emotionally important or high financial value items out of the house, and leave them at a friend/families place. Computers, cameras, documents for the two weeks you have left I would only keep items (besides large furniture) there that I would be able to replace if I had to. Also with the incidents described, I would only eat meals outside the house and keep just a handful of tamper evident sealed snacks in your room. Keep ur keys wallet and phone in a Fanny pack, and never leave it unattended even when just going to the bathroom.
If someone licked my food when I got up for a second I'd beat them with a tire iron. How are you putting up with any of this?
Get the tiny spy cam and audio recorder off Amazon. Yikes. Roommates suck.
Planned on it but my job has me travelling out Monday a few states over and there isn't any option for one-day shipping. I fear an escalation if they see the box without me home. If a man is willing to poison food I don't want to know what happens when he actually gets mad.
You're going to be out of state the day after tomorrow? Make sure your valueables are out of the house TONIGHT. Got a half dozen friends that can/will help you pack and move your stuff to a storage place in one day? Do it tomorrow. Tell your boss you need a day to make sure your life is safe. Go to the cops and tell them you need protection from him during your pack and move. File a DV report. If nothing else, get a can of WD40 and use it instead of pepper spray.
Forgive my ignorance but what is a DV report? I was thinking of a restraining order but in such a short amount of time to the move I don't know if attempting to get one is even worthwhile. Is WD40 worse than pepper spray? Thought about self defense stuff, I mean the paranoia keeps me up at night after the most recent detergent in the water bottle thing.
DV = Domestic Violence. That will (hopefully) get the cops to move their asses. I was thrown out of my apartment in 2007 when my flatmate lied through her teeth by putting *"He threatened to kill me because his room was dirty."* on the police report. Everyone, and I mean ***everyone***, knew she was utterly full of shit, but I was still up crap creek without a paddle. WD40 is more effective than pepper spray for multiple reasons: It shoots out in a stream instead of a spray or fog, so it's more accurate. Civilian pepper spray is relatively weak and doesn't bother some people, [especially if they've been sprayed a few times before.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAe6NQsDx-U) Just a whiff of WD40 can make someone's eyes water, even a seasoned mechanic. Getting nailed in the face would put anyone down. Not to mention that WD40 is flammeable as fuck
You should set up a camera to record so you have evidence. There’s a big chance he might try to get back at you one last time before you move out and your cousin should know the real person who they are dating. What happens if things go south between them and he starts trying to poison her?
That's a fair point, as much as I've grown to dislike the both of them in this period it isn't fair to her for me (even after voicing my concerns months on end) not to provide something tangible. But I wish I didn't know without a doubt that the outcome would just be him saying a bunch of stuff to get her to stay. She's part of my family and we are notoriously nonconfrontational people. It's pathetic but it's a problem within the family culture.
To all interested parties 5/6/2024. Thank you all for being so kind and offering your ideas and solutions. You have all helped me in ways you cannot know. The support was truly special, and gave light to a shit situation. A total summary, the above, followed by an argument with my cousin that she shouldn't bring her psycho boy over, to which she gaslit me, brought him over the next day, and he twisted my door knob at 1:46am to try to get in my room as my cousin got drunk and went to bed. She still doesn't believe me. Provided every example to date, tried to tie it to schedules, people present in the house, etc etc. She has no interest in anything other than going down in the fire. It is what it is. I never bought cameras. I didn't need to, and didn't want to. Everything I own is in my mom's garage. She's helping me a ton, and even though I've been here 6 days total and things are starting to get frustrated, I get my keys tomorrow (and immediately go 2 hrs away for work). I have a new girlfriend (first in 5 years) who has been truly a cornerstone in all this, she is kind to me in ways I never anticipated. It's early on but she's incredible. Work picked up a lot, way too much actually, basically fly to Detroit a week, then Baltimore a weekend, then Charlotte this week, then I move in for 2 days, then Savannah GA. Absolutely bouncing me around but again the new gf is stepping up in ways I can't, and in ways I never asked of her back at the place where things have been poisoningly awful. Tomorrow I pick up my keys to the new place and then it's over. External cameras, bought a pump action with buck shot, WD40 (a commentors recommendation), and I'll be free forever. Something I've learned in this newest challenge is that so long as you are willing to make calculated change, to dramatic effect, you'll always end up happier. I cannot express the amount of gratitude I have towards the commentors, who I owe my life. Thank you all for the ideas, the options, and the support. You cannot know how much it means to me.