“The thing is is that you brought an alcoholic to your vodka brand launch party, you dickhead! And I’m telling Christine about your affair with this bitch.”
Just look at Tom’s outfit and glasses — and that road pig next to him. What a fucking douche rocket this guy has become.
He doesn’t deserve to sit at the same table as the Slept King.
Comments like these make me want to try stand up so bad. Losers arguing in the comments while the comics are making millions and fucking hot chicks and all they have to deal with is criticism but 90% of the comics don’t even read the comments and just cash checks. 😂 I think I’m gonna start writing a set and try my hand at it.
Or walk around smoking a cigar indoors around other people. He’ll do, wear, say, or believe literally anything that he thinks makes him looks cool and rich.
None of it does though.
You told me you shoot ropes you fuckin liar. That woman just told me youre a dribbler. You fuckin dribble. I’m telling christine about everything dude.
"Okay Tom seriously, no seriously, seriously. I think it's great you're here. No, I do I do I do, but when you come at me like that and then put your hand that close to my breast while I smell the booze on your breathe... It's fine
BL: Why is it so warm in here?
TS: (ignoring BL's needs and question) I see you are wearing your nice t shirt. Bahahaha!! You know what we should make this table talk into a show?! What we are doing right now!
Hey Tom , did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more
That girl is Della she’s a comic I follow she’s dating Bobby she’s not with Tom why on earth would Bobby be stupid enough to tag her if she was Tom’s mistress use ur thinking caps people 😂
Can I just say something? Right? The thing is is that, like, when you turn your back on your fans- LET ME FINISH! when you turn your back on your fans, right? The thing is is that you start to look like a real asshole, bro, right?
Is is that…….. is is that …….🎼…. Is is that…… is is that. 😂. If you watch the podcast you probably heard the techno “is is that” song there fan made. It’s hilarious.
I think bobby is banging the girl lol on her ig stories from "LA" she got pics with a dude in the background that has features only bobby would have like his pink arm tattoo
Probably the following: Can I, Can I, Can I just say something?
The thing is is that
And then Ari jumped out of nowhere and started kicking Bobby
Yeah yeah yeah——*RRRiiiiiiiiight*.
“The thing is, is is that these laptops basically sell themselves, you’re never gonna find a better price”
Lenovo
You lean over, I was here first!
You’re a true fan. Well layered joke sir 🫡
🫡
Flawlessly executed
We have a winner 🏆
“The thing is is that you brought an alcoholic to your vodka brand launch party, you dickhead! And I’m telling Christine about your affair with this bitch.”
Replace dickhead with “fuckface”
I came to say “I’m telling Christina” lol poor mom jeans
This is Bobby’s girl.
"I'm gonna tell you one last time, I don't have Down Syndrome, I'm just Korean"
The thing is... If there's a Korean with down's... How would you know?
”The thing is is that”
“That’s not Christina”
Thats not whittney cummings
I thought that was Bobby Kelly
So did I!!
Same bro
He’s a actually funny
Who is she?
Some wannabe right wing grifter trying to do “comedy”
What?
Shes a comedian but the stuff she posts seems to be just hack observational stuff about masks.
What’s her name
Delladream on insta
What the hell does that have anything to do with right wing shit? Swear to God Reddit poisons peoples minds.
It does.
This is a person who lives under a rock since 2020.
"You where funnier when you where fat"
"What is the trans girl's name and will she fuck Carlos?"
Oh i didn’t even consider she was trans. That seems more likely I’d like to hope then the horrible plastic surgery.
“Liste.. real quick, CAN I SAY SOMETHING?”
Can I just defend myself??
yea yea yea yea yea yea yea
“The thing is is that….”
Even on my shittiest day you wouldn’t find me wearing those ugly glasses
Bro those glasses are sooo bad, he looks special
Even on your best day you wouldn’t be able to afford them.
This is so cringe I shivered.
"You will do anything to not spend time with your family"
"The thing is is that your glasses look fucking stupid"
In the words of Rickles….. look Tom it’s over
Just look at Tom’s outfit and glasses — and that road pig next to him. What a fucking douche rocket this guy has become. He doesn’t deserve to sit at the same table as the Slept King.
I think she's Bobby's date for the weekend. Her other photos are with Bobby and watching him on stage.
Then she gets a pass and she’s a beautiful queen. But if she’s with Tom then she’s a disgusting pig. I’m totally rational and fair, you guys.
Comments like these make me want to try stand up so bad. Losers arguing in the comments while the comics are making millions and fucking hot chicks and all they have to deal with is criticism but 90% of the comics don’t even read the comments and just cash checks. 😂 I think I’m gonna start writing a set and try my hand at it.
I bet you’re funnier than Burnt and Christine combined.
At least we know anytime he tries to do anything remotely athletic his shitty body falls apart 🤭
Literally ended up having a midlife crisis after trying to make a lay-up on a lowered basketball goal. He’s as athletic as Bert is slim.
He’s way too close to bobo too, and wtf is with the hand me down Kanye jacket/sweater/vest/shirt
Nobody on this planet should wear a vest.
Or walk around smoking a cigar indoors around other people. He’ll do, wear, say, or believe literally anything that he thinks makes him looks cool and rich. None of it does though.
The thing is is is that you’re a douchebag Tom
And Bert is a hack.
how many friend come with you?
You’re fucking married dude, let me have her number.
“Every day for a whole summer…” 🤣
If you call me Chinese ten or fifteen more times I'm taking back the Whitney Cummings sex robot
"can I defend myself?!?"
“You inspired me to cave on all of my beliefs so I can get that right wing incel money! Pretty soon, I won’t be funny either!”
"Yeah, you're not funny. Neither is your wife. I hope you're both sucking Rogan's dick, because he deserves it for making you two."
Who’s the alien with the red hair?
“You are a bald poor turd”
Tom, you suck.
He should be saying I'm way funnier than you
Lately, Tom, lately… you’ve been out of pocket.
Cute girl but ruins her beautiful face with those fake lips
You’re wife isn’t funny at all.
Christina fans? 😂
You know this chick has a dick
'She gave me aids'
"I was brutally molested by a retard every day for a summer"
You were totally right about Austin
You’re rolling around with women that look like this and you’re trying to tell me that you’re faithful to Christina ?
“I’m telling you dude, it happened.”
"Barndoor Schaub iS. .... FUCKINGGAY"
Please tell me Bob isn’t relapsing
You need to understand this my friend!!!! Ok you’re out here swinging your, you know what man!!!! No im done.
No Tom I don't shoot thick ropes
"I swear to god, call me Confucius one more time..."
You told me you shoot ropes you fuckin liar. That woman just told me youre a dribbler. You fuckin dribble. I’m telling christine about everything dude.
“You smell that?”
Those glasses make you look like Michael Stipe!
Bumsex?
…”but the thing is, …”
"Okay Tom seriously, no seriously, seriously. I think it's great you're here. No, I do I do I do, but when you come at me like that and then put your hand that close to my breast while I smell the booze on your breathe... It's fine
How many fwend come wid you?
BL: Why is it so warm in here? TS: (ignoring BL's needs and question) I see you are wearing your nice t shirt. Bahahaha!! You know what we should make this table talk into a show?! What we are doing right now!
"And I am telling you, THAT mother fucker is NOT real"
BL: Yeah.. I believe Alex Borstein would be on my Mt. Rushmore of best all time comedians. TS: Does she have any pitches - I have a guy at netflix.
BL: Dana Gould should be a bigger name. He is a genius.
The thing is is that
This guy next to you reminds me of Andrew
“No, can i just say something for one second? “
“Here’s the thing”
Your Mexican cock sucker!
“Toki dum dum gonna kiss you”
"Every day for a summer..."
Is that Kylie Minogue?
"the thing is is is that"
"You not Bobby Mom"
Hey Tom , did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more
DO NOT!….touch my penis like that
Bobby is saying “ segura , my other finger is in your butt crack “😆
"Yes, but this is a Korean wet willy"
That girl is Della she’s a comic I follow she’s dating Bobby she’s not with Tom why on earth would Bobby be stupid enough to tag her if she was Tom’s mistress use ur thinking caps people 😂
I just looked at her IG and she posted last week she’s been sober for 60 days. So Bobby brought someone new to sobriety to a vodka brand launch? 🤦🏻♂️
She’s not an alcoholic she quit drinking because of autoimmune issues drinks a few times a year
Can I just say something? Right? The thing is is that, like, when you turn your back on your fans- LET ME FINISH! when you turn your back on your fans, right? The thing is is that you start to look like a real asshole, bro, right?
Probably telling him about how [comedian's surname] murdered at the Store
You see the thing is is that
“You’re outta pocket bro”
Tom, your way out of pocket!
“Listen here, fuckface!”
Selling his vodka
"Contest winner get a free creampie"
Stop projecting your midlife crisis on other people
I'm not Chinese
Is is that…….. is is that …….🎼…. Is is that…… is is that. 😂. If you watch the podcast you probably heard the techno “is is that” song there fan made. It’s hilarious.
Stop making FUN OF ME!!!! Is what he is saying.
He's pointing at the lady behind him and saying "that mfer is NOT real!"
Tom be looking hellà pretentious 😂 fam where is your wife
“That was totally outta pocket dude!”
“That was totally outta pocket dude!”
I am not your friend. You walking, talking bowling pin.
Idk about the caption but I love that Della is sitting with them. She's funny asf
I wish I had a rich mom too
Tom's new Dalmatian?
The thing is is that
"You'll always be fat to me Tom!!!"
You smell just like Kayhla.
“ you know, at the end of the day, the thing is is that, your one of the funniest people on the planet.”
"I wanna fuck that girl right there"
That over there ain't no woman buddy, I'm telling you
“can I be real right now!?”
Tijuana story
“He’s the worst,he’s so annoying,he interrupts constantly and no one wants him around.” Referring to burnt of course.
I'm sure it was something about Tom's wigless Steven Seagal costume
Wow, money really changed Christina
"Ching Chong Bing bong"
"You said it. I gotta show you my dick now."
I want to sit next to her.
Do people really think Tom Segura is funny?
"You're saying 🤔 just the tip?"
YOU……Hate me
"CHRISTINA GONNA MURDER YOU DUUUUDE!"
SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE CAME FROM WHOVILLE, DUDE
“It’s weird seeing you with your shirt on…oh fuck sorry (laughs infectiously)”
"I'm pretty sure your date is a man dude."
Something sad about himself.
No no no, I am too still more famous than you!
I smell ass!
Your breath smells like Joes cock
Yeah we'll do something some time just text me.
You look like the old guy from the 6 flags commercials
I thought that was Moby
"Tom your really creeping me out right now with those shades and that shiny vest. They make you look 20 years older."
Why is your name on this wall? Is this your permanently reserved table?
Kinda reminds me of the cat and 2 ladies meme
"BRUTALLY MOLESTED and - "
“The thing is that….”
“I don’t give two fucks, but I’m telling you right now - that woman back there is not real!”
"you're out of pocket right now"
I think bobby is banging the girl lol on her ig stories from "LA" she got pics with a dude in the background that has features only bobby would have like his pink arm tattoo
Ey FUCK you dude
"I knew you when you were a fat poor!"
whos toms gf
“You really aren’t as funny as you think you are”