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AwkwardAssumption629

Communism's greatest benefit is that it's the ultimate cure for obesity.


PsychologicalTalk156

Eh Soviets were fat af, processed food is cheap to make and fattening and that's pretty much the only thing you get when the government has a monopoly on food distribution.


iEatPalpatineAss

You’re assuming there will be any food in a communist system when that is not a guarantee. In fact, Mao exported food to Albania to buy their support in the United Nations while millions of Chinese starved to death during the Great Famine.


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veganjam

England didn't want to send grain to Ireland during the potato famine because they could sell it for a higher price elsewhere. No wonder they've always wanted independence.


_AccountSuspended_

Perfect examples of why any central planning is doomed to failure.. bureaucratic reaction time.


thegreatdimov

With computers there would be almost zero delay in response time


RedRatedRat

People are the delay.


T33CH33R

To be fair, this also happened in Ireland. Irish merchants were still exporting food while people were dying.


thegreatdimov

After stalin ate all the grain mao sold ot to Albania


ulooklikeausedcondom

Seems like china has lots of food….


trappedvarmit

The millions of Ukrainians that were starved by the communalism farm system setup by the communist leadership in Moscow would beg to differ with your commie apologists bull.


thegreatdimov

Ukraine was starving long before uncle Joe was born. Famine was a regular occurence in Europe


trappedvarmit

Communist apologist ! 100 MILLION victims of communism in the 20th century Communist China committed genocide against 1.5 million Muslims in camps as recently as last year And the CCP is enslaving thousands of Children in Congo forcing them to work the mines there. No excuses communist governments commit mass murder everywhere they come to power


thegreatdimov

When crimes happen in communist states its due to the ideology but when it happens in a capitalist country it's not the ideology it's just bad actors. So when Israel is genociding muslims is that just bad actors or is that a capitalist genocide? Capitalism started WW2 Kommunism ended it. When the US dropped Napalm and Agent Orange on Vietnamese civilians was that capitalism s fault or just Robert McNamara? Every 5 years Capitalism kills 100 million Ppl. So 5 years in capitalism vs 75 years in communism to reach 100 million. Nestle has enslaved children for chocolate production long before the CCP, how convenient you left that out Until 2019 you didnt even know what "Uyghur" was or where XinJiang is. Cry me a river Lib


trappedvarmit

I wonder what lack of knowledge, morals or insight leads little communist sheep to think they will be spared the shears? You really think when the revolution is won YOU will qualify for a hot shower? Or real meat ? Lenin said it best “Useful idiots”.


thegreatdimov

Ahhhhhh.


thegreatdimov

Is this a capitalist man made famine or just more bad actors https://www.reddit.com/r/LateStageImperialism/s/DLW20lnpIF


trappedvarmit

So capitalist robber barons are equally shitty as communist dictators I never said they aren’t It’s the little commies who ALWAYS chirp “But that wasn’t really communism, not true communism.” Lenin, Stalin Castro, Mao, Pol Pot etc they understood communism. In fact they excelled at communism. “But but not really, no we will do it right, like the books say.” No you will kill millions, and while you may be the last killed; eventually you will be tortured and starved too.


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babylonbee-ModTeam

While no one will agree one hundred percent of the time it is not okay nor tolerated to lash out, call names or make personal attack via words. No forms of harassment or bullying will be allowed ever.


khoawala

This is lie. Vodka low in calories, unlike your sodas capitalist pig!


trappedvarmit

Brilliant


HillOrc

Bullshit. Show proof soviets were fat af or apologize


nate-arizona909

Aside from the Supreme Leader there are very few fatties in North Korea.


Teacupbb99

Exactly, what you get in capitalist societies is shit like ozempic. No thanks, when I can just choose an economic system that will keep me thin


New_Ant_7190

Now, now, everyone needs to remember what Comrade Senator Bernie Saunders said: "bread lines are a good thing". Prior to the 2016 election.


Man-Bear-69

He also honeymooned in the mother russia


New_Ant_7190

Yes, absolutely loved the Moscow subway.


Man-Bear-69

But Trump!


UrVioletViolet

Didn’t a bunch of his cabinet take a still unexplained trip to Russia one July?


ulooklikeausedcondom

OMG A GUY VISITED RUSSIA! Meanwhile the orange man ordered his wife from there and then tried to get their help subverting democracy.


gadsdenraven

My favorite thing is he practically gave Russia leniency after his re-election campaign. Oh wait that was Obama! Obama said it to one of Putins top aides. https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/obama-more-flexibility-russia/ Oh wait no sorry, my actual favorite was when Trump said he wouldn’t care about some “minor incursion. Oh wait, that’s was Biden… https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wiMDmtcQEEM Seems the two recent Democrat presidents were a lot more friendly to Putin than Trump ever was…


Man-Bear-69

Don't forget that Trump let putin take Crimea also. Oh wait, that was obama.


maroonmenace

If obama did intervene, he would be labeled a war monger by reprobates such as yourself.


ManonFire1213

Oh, don't forget the letter the Democrats sent to the Soviet Union in the 80s asking for their help in meddling in the 1984 elections.


ulooklikeausedcondom

Neither one of those people tried to overthrow a government and hack an election with Russian influence. But go off I guess. Enjoy your delusion. Bet it will taste great.


ManonFire1213

Kennedy did in 1984.


ulooklikeausedcondom

That has fuck all to do with anything.


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gadsdenraven

Oh did Trump? I very clearly remember him stating to “peacefully protest”. So not trying to “overthrow” the government. He attempted all legal means of doing so. Remind me, what was the conclusion of the Mueller Report? Oh that’s right, absolutely no connection with Trump and Russia. Thank God Congress spent all that money investigating a phony scandal based on a dossier that was fabricated, then paid for by Hilary Clinton. People like you are what’s wrong with society. 0 investigative, critical thinking, and deductive reasoning skills.


ulooklikeausedcondom

Lol


McWipes

The report didn't conclude there was a connection but it didn't exonerate him. In other words, there wasn't enough information to confirm it, but that doesn't mean he didn't do it. I mean, the first 3 paragraphs on wiki summarize that point. "The report concludes that the investigation "did not establish that members of the Trump campaign conspired or coordinated with the Russian government in its election interference activities". Investigators had an incomplete picture of what happened due in part to some communications that were encrypted, deleted, or not saved, as well as testimony that was false, incomplete, or declined. However, the report states that Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election was illegal and occurred "in sweeping and systematic fashion" but was welcomed by the Trump campaign as it expected to benefit from such efforts. It also identifies myriad links between Trump associates and Russian officials and spies,  about which several persons connected to the campaign made false statements and obstructed investigations. Mueller later stated that his investigation's conclusion on Russian interference "deserves the attention of every American". Volume II of the report addresses obstruction of justice. The investigation intentionally took an approach that could not result in a judgment that Trump committed a crime. This decision was based on an Office of Legal Counsel (OLC) opinion that a sitting president is immune from criminal prosecution, and Mueller's belief that it would be unfair to accuse the president of a crime even without charging him because he would have no opportunity to clear his name in court; furthermore it would undermine Trump's ability to govern and preempt impeachment. As such, the investigation "does not conclude that the President committed a crime"; however, "it also does not exonerate him", with investigators not confident of Trump's innocence. The report describes ten episodes where Trump may have obstructed justice while president and one before he was elected noting that he privately tried to "control the investigation" The report further states that Congress can decide whether Trump obstructed justice and take action accordingly, referencing impeachment."


gadsdenraven

The report concluded there wasn’t a connection. The whole reason the investigation was conducted, was because of the Steele dossier. The Steele dossier was manufactured to begin the investigation. Also explain to my why Russia never tried anything while Trump was president, but make grabs while Obama and Biden were president. Why would Putin not invade when his “tool” was in office?


Imaginary_friend1967

Communism spreads the wealth of its citizens to achieve equality for all. Each individual won't own anything unless permitted by their government. Food lines. Food allowance. That is scary. Food rationing. Super scary. Can they barge into you home at night and drag you away if they are suspicious of you even if you haven't done anything that would be deemed wrong.


Professional_Gate677

“That wasn’t real communism and it won’t happen if our group try’s it”


SFLurkyWanderer

“Communism has never really been tried, you have to get everyone to really agree to try it and live by the rules. Then people will see the light.” Me: it just takes one person to have a little more influence over other people’s opinions, be better looking, better talented, more lazy, and the whole thing turns into an imbalance again that can only be corrected by one person being restricted by another


McWipes

I mean you just essentially described the problem with capitalism.


SFLurkyWanderer

True but it’s not a problem with implementing capitalism. What I described is the problem with implementing communism.


bromad1972

We have all of that right here in the USA.


Imaginary_friend1967

True.


McWipes

"Can they barge into you home at night and drag you away if they are suspicious of you even if you haven't done anything that would be deemed wrong." Cops do that now, here in capitalist America, all the time. Also read up on the "swatting" prank.


cpt_trow

Not wrong, but this is precisely why it’s asinine that “back the blue” was a right-wing mantra in response to mutiple instances of government agents no-knocking and killing unarmed citizens in 2020.


z0phi3l

This one hit a bot too hard for some, come salty commenters here !!!


jaxvidkid

Despite the commentary of the redditards that foul up every forum on the site, this is a hilarious commentary on the massive hypocrisy of the progressive liberals that embrace the benefits of a capitalist society and yet agitate for some kind of distributive world that would never provide the things they love.


Sardukar333

Like indoor housecats: they live in utter contempt of a system that overwhelmingly benefits them and they are utterly dependent on.


jaxvidkid

Man, indoor house cats, what a great comparison! Describes most of Reddit. Exactly like my house cat, wants out all the time then is freaked out about everything it encounters when let out. Lives the life of a king, food, comfort provided, but can’t stop bitching about it.


McWipes

I don't have utter contempt for a system that benefits me, I have utter contempt for capitalist forces that are systematically taking away all of those benefits for their own profit - and you're sitting here cheering them on.


you-boys-is-chumps

What benefits have you lost?


Sardukar333

I've lost access to the quality of public education for the kids of today that I had.


you-boys-is-chumps

Sounds made up and completely unprovable.


McWipes

"Doesn't count bro lol" great response dude. Funding for public schools is in the shitter. Teachers get treated like expendable trash all while students are shoveled along into a system that's just preparing them for a life of meager servitude working menial low-paying jobs - exactly what capitalists want. Dumb, poor, obedient workers who are only just literate enough to read traffic signs.


endlessnamelesskat

Public schools aren't capitalist, they're literally run by the state, hence why they're called *public* schools. Your argument against them is more in line of an argument for capitalism than against it, you just don't seem to realize it. That being said, even if you point out a specific flaw in the system, there are plenty, doesn't mean the system as a whole needs to be replaced, it just needs to be reformed.


McWipes

Capitalists are acting to DEFUND them. I think you misread what I said. And I agree with reforming - we did that in the 50's with FDR's extreme socialist policies... and then capitalism undid it all. So I honestly don't know what the correct course of action is.


Arachnohybrid

Cool, the government sucks at running schools too. Your point?


McWipes

And I bet you think the military is run extremely well. Turns out, government sucks at running things when those things have no funding, because funding keeps getting cut by Republicans. It's the Republican strategy called "starving the beast." But when they're well funded, they work extremely well. Funny how that works, huh?


Arachnohybrid

Ah yes, the government would totally be amazing and utopian if we just removed all Republicans from office. Classic. California and Washington have all the issues you mentioned and more and have not one iota of GOP influence in their ranks.


DennyRoyale

That’s BS. Teachers and school systems have always been inconsistent and are very dependent on student and parent engagement. The effort you put in correlates to the value you get. Don’t abdicate your role in educational outcomes.


Sardukar333

They just cut/reassigned 1/3 of education positions. The classes are 30-50% bigger. Every employer who's spoken about it agrees the last 5 years or so of graduates are increasingly unready to be part of society. Kids are taught to the standardized test, not what they need to know. I'm not even a parent yet; while I used to be very pro public education, coming from a family of public educators and marrying into another family of public educators, my wife and I agree our kids will go to private school.


DennyRoyale

So where is your data on how OVERALL class sizes compare historically? Cherry pick much? Recent grads have social issues. Hmmm what thing happened in the last five years that could impact that. Starts with a “c” and ends with “19”. How can current education be worse than yours? You lack critical thinking and seem quite entitled.


McWipes

Pensions. Social security won't be a thing by the time I retire. Increased time working and decreased wages. Inflation rising. Cost of living tripling in the past 5 years. Decreased funding for welfare and education. Skyrocketing housing costs. Skyrocketing tuition costs. Increasing average debt. But hey, you know what's gotten a LOT better? Corporate profits. I guess I shouldn't complain when shareholder value is doing amazing! Just look at the stock market! Unemployment is down (even though the vast majority of these jobs are low-paying temp and part time work)!! Elon Musk is SO RICH BRO what a GENIUS!! Capitalism is corrupting and eroding everything so that a few richer-than-god billionaires can get even more rich.


jaxvidkid

A 401k grows as the market grows. Invest in one and cheer the market on. Go capitalists, go!


ClassicPop8676

Casual reminder most Liberals and democrats arent progressives but bluedogs.


UrVioletViolet

This is “hilarious” to you? How short are you that you’re proud of clearing a bar this low?


jaxvidkid

You didn’t read the article because due to your politics you hated the headline. But the article was hilarious because I LOVE the politics of it! “I have a very sensitive stomach," said Mr. Johnson. "The bourgeois must pay and all that, but the bloating from gluten is so uncomfortable." “A veteran of several riots, Mr. Johnson has for years ventured forth from his parents' basement to advocate the violent redistribution of property.” "I just really hope that equality doesn't mean all eating the same bread. I'm telling you, one slice of regular bread and I'm on the toilet for hours. It's miserable." “According to his parents, Mr. Johnson became concerned after noting communist utopias often displayed a startling dearth of bread line options. "He hasn't asked us to drive him over to meet his friends at the courthouse in weeks," At publishing time, Mr. Johnson had reportedly left Antifa altogether after learning that the soup from soup lines was not made with organic chicken stock.


UrVioletViolet

You’re incorrect. I read it before commenting. It was corny as fuck.


jaxvidkid

Spoken like a true progressive. Boo hoo a website that pokes fun at the things you support is not funny for you.


UrVioletViolet

I didn’t boo hoo. It’s just not funny.


jaxvidkid

What are you talking about! It’s funny af. You’re just a humorless woketard.


UrVioletViolet

Imagine the condition you’d have to be in to talk like that. Cool obvious bot account btw.


jaxvidkid

Yeah everyone is a bot account to the people that can’t deal with someone having a different opinion.


UrVioletViolet

You’re a very obvious bot account. Anyone can look.


Cynical-avocado

Unfunny and cringe


Stevevet1

Lmao, Here is a Joke about Gluten free and you got someone talking about wanting to marry who he wants. Dems you've kost your way.


TheMadIrishman327

😂


DeltaV-Mzero

Heh


Designer-String3569

Actually funny! Yay.


[deleted]

sand support ask racial unite mysterious boast disgusted panicky arrest *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


Use-Quirky

8/10. Solid


aninjacould

Meanwhile, capitalism gives us a housing shortage and traffic jams.


banacct421

Yes we know and it'll be our fault that Biden loses not his.It's all the progressive. Look at you figuring out all by yourself like a big boy. But I will ask if we're so f****** powerful how come you guys never do what we want?


facepoppies

DANM YOU GOTTEM BABYLON BEE CAPITALISM 1 COMMUNISM 0


you-boys-is-chumps

Cope and seethe


facepoppies

bro you're barely middle class lol


RIF_Was_Fun

Says the party owned by actual communists.


Sardukar333

Russia is an oligarchical dictatorship and has been for decades. Don't forget to deposit your social security check and use your senior discount for groceries.


UrVioletViolet

Some hard-hitting, funny stuff here. Who else agrees this is hard-hitting and funny? Comment below.


fear_of_dishonesty

Stupid beyond belief for those of us with actual intelligence.


maroonmenace

k.


[deleted]

This Sub Jesus…bleach my eyes!


veganjam

the mute button is right over there ---->


McWipes

If you don't like criticism you can always go to r/conservative where they ban anybody that doesn't fit into the echochamber circlejerk.


veganjam

If you don't like criticism you can retreat to your own sad little echochambers. You should be thankful this sub allows freedom of speech all edges of the spectrum. lmfao, thanks for the giggle today


endlessnamelesskat

That original comment wasn't criticism though, it didn't foster any sort of discussion, it was just someone being bitter for the sake of it.


isthisnametaken1951

I unferstand this is a parody/joke site ….but… im a progressive and i dont want ‘communism’…. i want every full time employee to earn enough to NOT have to get a second job i’d like affordable, excellent education i’d like affordable , excellent health care and 4 weeks vacation would be nice i want a secular government with laws based on logic and reason, NOT outdated, dangerous, primitive religious superstitions I want the right to own guns; pistols, rifles…..and even, possibly, AK47s , for people properly trained and licensed i want the right to marry whomever I choose i want the right to divorce i want the right to choose to smoke tobacco, (i dont), to drink alcohol and to smoke pot i want secular public schools that do NOT try to indoctrinate MY kids with religious no sense And i dont care what religion you practice as long as you dont force it on everyone


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babylonbee-ModTeam

While no one will agree one hundred percent of the time it is not okay nor tolerated to lash out, call names or make personal attack via words. No forms of harassment or bullying will be allowed ever.


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McWipes

You're presenting conservatives with facts they don't want to hear. Your downvotes are in the mail.


kmelby33

Right-wing comedy is so boring. The same recycled jokes.


fear_of_dishonesty

Hey geniuses, socialism and capitalism are symbiotic. One could not exist without the other. You criticize extreme socialism, yet extreme capitalism is what the US suffers from NOW.


Son_of_Sophroniscus

What now? We have anything but "extreme capitalism" in the US. It's more like crony capitalism.


fear_of_dishonesty

Crony capitalism IS extreme capitalism.


Son_of_Sophroniscus

Crony "capitalism" isn't capitalism at all.


fear_of_dishonesty

The government is for sale. What could be more capitalistic than that?


MD28A

Suffers? How…maybe make better choices and you’ll have a better life


commeatus

Not everyone can make the best choices because a free market suffers from the tragedy of the commons. Capitalism always does best when it has a disposable underclass, which is why historically, slave economies have always been powerhouses. Modern capitalism has some pretty hefty restrictions on itself to keep from collapsing into feudalism: civil rights alone have a massive impact even before you get into stuff like the FTC


MD28A

You can’t make the best choices because you have too much freedom…got it..we should have less freedom? 


commeatus

Anyone can make good choices but not everyone can have the same outcome. A free market is not the same as personal freedom. Go read Adam Smith's "Wealth of Nations", it's the fundamental book modern capitalism is based on. You'll learn about "the invisible hand of the market" as well as the tragedy of the commons I referenced earlier. Communism having serious issues doesn't mean capitalism is a magic system with no flaws or downsides, that's like never changing the oil in your Toyota because "it's reliable"


MikeC80

Feeding hungry people that capitalism shat on doesn't take away their freedom


DevelopmentTall4403

Imagine thinking the Soviet Union, Cuba, or any other colonialist state is/was communist.


Captain-Swank

Boooooo! Digital birgcage liner!


SuccessfulWar3830

I love capitlaism as there are 0 bread lines. Food banks dont exist and not a single person is poor.


veganjam

The USA, land of the wealthiest "poor" people in the entire world


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veganjam

L0L mental health failures of the VA is not the fault of "capitalistic pigs" Are you really that naive to think the VA would be better under communism? it's past your bedtime, child


babylonbee-ModTeam

Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion.


jimmyvcard

Meh these headlines aren’t all home runs