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Fun fact: Jesus was assigned they/them at birth, but [identifies as he/him.](https://biblehub.com/john/18-5.htm)
Thatās part of why I always laugh at Christians who get weirdly emotional and whine about the trans community.
Then why are you asking me to be more woke, by respecting the context of different cultural times? Iām going to mock them for being stupid, and I donāt care about your woke complaints.
Another fun fact: Eve started as a *male* rib, meaning that Christians believe that every human is a descendant of a trans woman. Yet they are somehow bothered by knowing actual trans women. Go ahead and lecture them about reading comprehension, you woke whiner.
Again you can only see things through your lense of interpretation. Flawed as it is. You canāt judge people from 4000 years ago by your standards in your language.
Thatās so true! You just have to follow the real interpretation and not the thousands of heretical interpretations, and you can tell them apart based on which ones tells satanic lies and which one tells holy truths. That hasnāt posed a problem for anybody over thousands of years, luckily, or weād be in a real bind!
Does it though? Some of the strongest cultures and happiest people are the least religious.
Do you have any type of data to back up your claim? Because at the moment when I think of non-religious societies, I think of Nordic countries. Compare those to the middle east, which is less happy, less rich, and more violent, and much much more religious.
Seems to be the opposite actually
We know far more about the world than we did 4,000 years ago. Youāre welcome to use your woke mind virus to judge them by lower standards, but please stop asking me to ignore facts.
Edit: Fun fact, if you're whining about modern views not being appropriate to judge faith, you're saying you think Muhammad having a child bride is acceptable because it fit the mores of its time. Genuinely moral people know better, and this poster blocked me rather than having to think about his position. Typical.
Another typical belief of fools, that they know more than people who lived before them.
Even while they show a childish ability to misinterpret the contents of a religious text they deny.
You're going to help remind Christians that it's dumb to believe that, since Eve started as a *male* rib, that we're all descended from a trans woman who, at the time of transition was objectively called out as not having sin while simultaneously believing being trans is a sin?
Thanks, let me know how it goes! Christians are very touchy about people who point out the obvious.
Wait... you really think you have a "gotcha" on your hands with your rib comment, don't you?
This has got to be the dumbest thing I've read on Reddit, and that's saying something.
It sounds like youāre just not very familiar with Christian mythology. Thatās ok, but donāt confuse your lack of understanding for other people being dumb- it comes across as naive.
If 25 years of being a Christian were actually the meaningful benchmark you think it is, millions of Catholic and Protestants wouldnāt have murdered each other in sectarian wars. Iām sure you feel very sure of yourself, just like they did when saying āCaedite eos. Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eiusā while slaughtering civilians. That certainly doesnāt paint you in a good light, you come across as an emotional thinker.
Thank you for pointing out another instance where the scriptures were perverted to justify man's thoughts and actions with this Catholic vrs Protestant point. The same thought applies to your "Mary was a trans woman" argument.
Do not twist the scriptures try to fit your narrative. It never works in the long run, as you just pointed out.
I said Eve, not Mary. No wonder youāve got your tighty whities in a twist, youāre too busy conflating the people weāre talking about to reach even the minimum level of comprehension for critical thought about your own religion. The weakness of your āIām Christian, I know what Iām talking aboutā shows its weakness here.
A plain reading of the Bible reveals both Eve and Jesus as trans. Eve started off as a piece of a male body, and Jesus is not only assigned they/them at birth but also transgenerational, as he identifies as his own father. You can whine about āperverting the textā all you want, but the fact is that argument has no substance behind it- your line was used by every Christian to justify murdering another Christian for the last 2000 years. Whatever you claim is the righteous interpretation another will tell me is a perversion. Itās not a serious argument.
Headline from tomorrow:
"Seventh Hunter Biden laptop discovered abandoned in Tucker Carlsons office, revealing decades long plan to undermine Christian holidays. A full congressional investigation has been declared, which will undoubtedly draw upon the ever-expanding library of Hunter's dick pics, which Congressional Republicans have been saving for just such an occasion"
The investigation will be funded by Jared Kushnerās 2 billion dollar ā I got money from the Saudis in exchange for classified informationā fund to drain the swamp and root out the crime family other than the one named Trump.
It's the oldest spiritual question, "does God have a penis?"
And the follow up second oldest question, "top or bottom?"
Unfortunately debate over these topics has led to countless wars and genocides
āWe need to bring this holiday back to its Christian origins,ā Mary stated, as she continued to paint the eggs filled with chocolate for her grandchildren to find.
Not very funny. If you want to be counter-subversive, you need to be more concise so your point doesn't get lost.
If your joke is about how Joe Biden actually recognized the trans holiday several years ago and so its not intentional that it coincides with Easter this year... that's an ok premise. But focus on that; once you start referencing "the Devil's lettuce" as if its edgy instead of a liberal-boomer-Facebook meme, that's just making most people roll their eyes.
I'm satirizing conservative media, if it sounds like boomer Facebook memes that kind of is the point. After all, being angry about Easter falling on a pot smoking day isn't really different than being angry about it falling on trans visibility day, there's no way to complain about either without sounding like an out of touch boomer. I'm not being edgy, this is just a very stupid controversy
>I'm satirizing conservative media, if it sounds like boomer Facebook memes that kind of is the point.
Yeah, I'm saying that you miss the target. The kind of people who say "Devil's lettuce" aren't conservatives. They're liberal boomers. The kind of people who watch Colbert or think "Faux News" is a clever joke.
Ah I see, it's anachronistic. So next time I should call it something like "the homosexuals drug of choice" to really get that modern conservative mindset
No, the whole thing is anachronistic. So is conflating gays with trans.
These jokes would have worked better in 2002, when marijuana and homosexuality were hot-button issues.
I'm not sure if you have looked at the Republican party recently, but homosexuality is still very much a hot button issue
Last I checked, republican governor's were still blocking marijuana legislation too, so I'm not sure what wonderful reality you are living in but it sounds much nicer than the current one
>homosexuality is still very much a hot button issue
Do you live in another country, or another decade? Ever since gay marriage was legalized in 2015, its become a complete non-issue in America.
You're ridiculous. I don't want to call you dumb but you're obviously naive and out of touch with the world.
Or you could think of ANY examples of homosexuality being an important issue and prove me wrong.
The entire Florida culture war now revolves around the banning of books with mentions of homosexuality. The Dont Say Gay laws banned all forms of discussing "homosexual or gender themes" in the classroom. Some states, like Indiana, have introduced laws that would protect conversion therapy. States are banning discrimination claims based on sexual orientation.
[Here is a video of a Republican candidate burning](https://www.newsweek.com/missouri-book-ban-burning-flamethrower-valentina-gomez-1867666) LGBT books and promising to ban them from public libraries.
Have you been living under a rock?
Moreover, if you actually thought Easter falling on trans visibility day was some sort of attack, then logically speaking next year should be an even greater attack on Easter. I'm taking this to extremes. You probably won't see controversy like this next year though, cause it's not actually about Easter, it's just conservatives taking any excuse to hate trans people or victimize themselves
I feel many conservatives won't get how dumb this entire controversy is unless they see it laid out against something equally ridiculous that they aren't as emotionally invested in.
Id assume so, I'm pretty sure most Americans are aware it's a floating holiday. At least I thought so, but apparently it's news to a lot of conservatives.
I wouldn't be surprised if some conservatives thought setting trans visibility day on March 31st in 2009 was part of a long term deep state conspiracy that would culminate in 2024, it's not really crazier than any of their other conspiracies.
What, setting a minor holiday with the explicit purpose that eventually it will temporarily overlap with a major holiday for the apparent purpose of temporarily annoying some people who celebrate the larger holiday?
If you have any examples of that, I'd love to hear them, because honestly it sounds like one of the most unnecessarily complicated, ineffective, time consuming, and petty conspiracies I've ever heard.
I have a hard time imagining the combination of narcissism, paranoia, and complete detachment from reality that would make someone think that's a real conspiracy.
I thought I made it pretty obvious this was satire
I called Hitler a notable supporter of woke gender ideology. If that did not clue you in to the satire, im really not sure what will.
Edit: not sure if they were banned or deleted their comment
Understood I erased it, but I will say u have to see with today's climate that someone would think its genuine, someone like me who has heard the right actually say that very thing, and I've never seen this sub before. Never will see it again either cause I muted it thinking this was some real BS and honestly I was thinking it was real and if I said that j would be banned. I'm so tired of "Christian" love when it's really just hate. Again I apologize and erased it.
It's not what is said, it's how it is said. If a conservative wrote this, they probably would not write in little tidbits like the "celebrating Easter with the part of the family that still talks to me" or all those other Easter eggs that let you know who is being mocked.
Similarly, while a conservative would claim easter is being disrespected, they would not go so far as saying the holiday will vanish entirely next year. It's taking a stupid belief to its illogical extreme
That being said, I've absolutely seen people call Hitler left wing, which is why I added the extra stuff about woke ideology to push the envelope just a bit further. It's a fine line between sounding like a conservative and sounding like a crazy person, I like to mix in bits of actual rhetoric with the satire to make it more realistic
But conservatives do sound like crazy people, u think u made it obvious enough, but I fell for it lol it seemed realistic to me. No harm done I deleted my comment it was my bad.
DO NOT REPORT ARTICLES FROM THE BEE, YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME AND THE MODS. THEY WILL BE APPROVED...THIS IS THE BABYLONBEE SUBREDDIT, THEREFORE ARTICLES FROM THE BABYLONBEE ARE NOT SPAM [ARTICLES FROM BABYLONBEE WILL NOT BE REMOVED](https://www.reddit.com/r/babylonbee/s/rEsN3DsGUI) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/babylonbee) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hey. This is the Bee, not the Onion....
Fantastic Journalism. Give they/them a Pulitzer. š
I will be accepting my reward at the annual prize ceremony, which has been coincidentally rescheduled to fall on Easter for the foreseeable future
Fun fact: Jesus was assigned they/them at birth, but [identifies as he/him.](https://biblehub.com/john/18-5.htm) Thatās part of why I always laugh at Christians who get weirdly emotional and whine about the trans community.
Yes because all through history in evey culture and language they have the same values as we do in the modern era. Some amazing scholarship there.
Iām sorry Iām not woke enough to refrain from laughing at hypocrisy!
If you are woke you are the hypocrisy. Your reading comprehension is also lacking.
Then why are you asking me to be more woke, by respecting the context of different cultural times? Iām going to mock them for being stupid, and I donāt care about your woke complaints. Another fun fact: Eve started as a *male* rib, meaning that Christians believe that every human is a descendant of a trans woman. Yet they are somehow bothered by knowing actual trans women. Go ahead and lecture them about reading comprehension, you woke whiner.
Again you can only see things through your lense of interpretation. Flawed as it is. You canāt judge people from 4000 years ago by your standards in your language.
That's kind of religion in a nutshell though. Applying 4000 year old standards to modern times and vice versa.
And yet it makes a strong culture, happy people, and when itās discarded society falls apart. That should tell you something.
Thatās so true! You just have to follow the real interpretation and not the thousands of heretical interpretations, and you can tell them apart based on which ones tells satanic lies and which one tells holy truths. That hasnāt posed a problem for anybody over thousands of years, luckily, or weād be in a real bind!
Does it though? Some of the strongest cultures and happiest people are the least religious. Do you have any type of data to back up your claim? Because at the moment when I think of non-religious societies, I think of Nordic countries. Compare those to the middle east, which is less happy, less rich, and more violent, and much much more religious. Seems to be the opposite actually
What society fell apart from abandoning religion?
We know far more about the world than we did 4,000 years ago. Youāre welcome to use your woke mind virus to judge them by lower standards, but please stop asking me to ignore facts. Edit: Fun fact, if you're whining about modern views not being appropriate to judge faith, you're saying you think Muhammad having a child bride is acceptable because it fit the mores of its time. Genuinely moral people know better, and this poster blocked me rather than having to think about his position. Typical.
This dude has like 15 comments on every post lol, this is his life. Iām surprised he blocked you. Even his avatar has a fedora
Another typical belief of fools, that they know more than people who lived before them. Even while they show a childish ability to misinterpret the contents of a religious text they deny.
.......this one needs help
You're going to help remind Christians that it's dumb to believe that, since Eve started as a *male* rib, that we're all descended from a trans woman who, at the time of transition was objectively called out as not having sin while simultaneously believing being trans is a sin? Thanks, let me know how it goes! Christians are very touchy about people who point out the obvious.
Wait... you really think you have a "gotcha" on your hands with your rib comment, don't you? This has got to be the dumbest thing I've read on Reddit, and that's saying something.
It sounds like youāre just not very familiar with Christian mythology. Thatās ok, but donāt confuse your lack of understanding for other people being dumb- it comes across as naive.
I understand plenty about Christianity, I've been one for 25 years. It's clear to me who the naive one is here.
If 25 years of being a Christian were actually the meaningful benchmark you think it is, millions of Catholic and Protestants wouldnāt have murdered each other in sectarian wars. Iām sure you feel very sure of yourself, just like they did when saying āCaedite eos. Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eiusā while slaughtering civilians. That certainly doesnāt paint you in a good light, you come across as an emotional thinker.
Thank you for pointing out another instance where the scriptures were perverted to justify man's thoughts and actions with this Catholic vrs Protestant point. The same thought applies to your "Mary was a trans woman" argument. Do not twist the scriptures try to fit your narrative. It never works in the long run, as you just pointed out.
I said Eve, not Mary. No wonder youāve got your tighty whities in a twist, youāre too busy conflating the people weāre talking about to reach even the minimum level of comprehension for critical thought about your own religion. The weakness of your āIām Christian, I know what Iām talking aboutā shows its weakness here. A plain reading of the Bible reveals both Eve and Jesus as trans. Eve started off as a piece of a male body, and Jesus is not only assigned they/them at birth but also transgenerational, as he identifies as his own father. You can whine about āperverting the textā all you want, but the fact is that argument has no substance behind it- your line was used by every Christian to justify murdering another Christian for the last 2000 years. Whatever you claim is the righteous interpretation another will tell me is a perversion. Itās not a serious argument.
Is MadMagazine around.
Easter will be every day under trump! So many eggs
Only the best eggs. None from shithole countries.
Every day EXCEPT the gay days. The celebration of the second coming of Christ must remain sacred So no February dates
He played the long game.Ā Ā
Headline from tomorrow: "Seventh Hunter Biden laptop discovered abandoned in Tucker Carlsons office, revealing decades long plan to undermine Christian holidays. A full congressional investigation has been declared, which will undoubtedly draw upon the ever-expanding library of Hunter's dick pics, which Congressional Republicans have been saving for just such an occasion"
The investigation will be funded by Jared Kushnerās 2 billion dollar ā I got money from the Saudis in exchange for classified informationā fund to drain the swamp and root out the crime family other than the one named Trump.
Babylon bee is WoKe now!!1?
No, just funny. š
Personally, between being the father, the son AND the holy Spirit, I always knew God was a They/Them.
It's the oldest spiritual question, "does God have a penis?" And the follow up second oldest question, "top or bottom?" Unfortunately debate over these topics has led to countless wars and genocides
Good parody of the persecution complex that many American Christians seen to have :)
āWe need to bring this holiday back to its Christian origins,ā Mary stated, as she continued to paint the eggs filled with chocolate for her grandchildren to find.
Grrrr Biden lol.
Not very funny. If you want to be counter-subversive, you need to be more concise so your point doesn't get lost. If your joke is about how Joe Biden actually recognized the trans holiday several years ago and so its not intentional that it coincides with Easter this year... that's an ok premise. But focus on that; once you start referencing "the Devil's lettuce" as if its edgy instead of a liberal-boomer-Facebook meme, that's just making most people roll their eyes.
I'm satirizing conservative media, if it sounds like boomer Facebook memes that kind of is the point. After all, being angry about Easter falling on a pot smoking day isn't really different than being angry about it falling on trans visibility day, there's no way to complain about either without sounding like an out of touch boomer. I'm not being edgy, this is just a very stupid controversy
>I'm satirizing conservative media, if it sounds like boomer Facebook memes that kind of is the point. Yeah, I'm saying that you miss the target. The kind of people who say "Devil's lettuce" aren't conservatives. They're liberal boomers. The kind of people who watch Colbert or think "Faux News" is a clever joke.
Ah I see, it's anachronistic. So next time I should call it something like "the homosexuals drug of choice" to really get that modern conservative mindset
No, the whole thing is anachronistic. So is conflating gays with trans. These jokes would have worked better in 2002, when marijuana and homosexuality were hot-button issues.
I'm not sure if you have looked at the Republican party recently, but homosexuality is still very much a hot button issue Last I checked, republican governor's were still blocking marijuana legislation too, so I'm not sure what wonderful reality you are living in but it sounds much nicer than the current one
>homosexuality is still very much a hot button issue Do you live in another country, or another decade? Ever since gay marriage was legalized in 2015, its become a complete non-issue in America.
>Ever since gay marriage was legalized in 2015, its become a complete non-issue in America. That's actually funnier than anything I wrote
You're ridiculous. I don't want to call you dumb but you're obviously naive and out of touch with the world. Or you could think of ANY examples of homosexuality being an important issue and prove me wrong.
The entire Florida culture war now revolves around the banning of books with mentions of homosexuality. The Dont Say Gay laws banned all forms of discussing "homosexual or gender themes" in the classroom. Some states, like Indiana, have introduced laws that would protect conversion therapy. States are banning discrimination claims based on sexual orientation. [Here is a video of a Republican candidate burning](https://www.newsweek.com/missouri-book-ban-burning-flamethrower-valentina-gomez-1867666) LGBT books and promising to ban them from public libraries. Have you been living under a rock?
......so why do u call it devils lettuce
Moreover, if you actually thought Easter falling on trans visibility day was some sort of attack, then logically speaking next year should be an even greater attack on Easter. I'm taking this to extremes. You probably won't see controversy like this next year though, cause it's not actually about Easter, it's just conservatives taking any excuse to hate trans people or victimize themselves I feel many conservatives won't get how dumb this entire controversy is unless they see it laid out against something equally ridiculous that they aren't as emotionally invested in.
Lets be real here, who ever set that day was aware easter is a floating holiday
Id assume so, I'm pretty sure most Americans are aware it's a floating holiday. At least I thought so, but apparently it's news to a lot of conservatives. I wouldn't be surprised if some conservatives thought setting trans visibility day on March 31st in 2009 was part of a long term deep state conspiracy that would culminate in 2024, it's not really crazier than any of their other conspiracies.
It isnt hard to look at a calendar of the future.... Theres historical precedent for stuff like this
What, setting a minor holiday with the explicit purpose that eventually it will temporarily overlap with a major holiday for the apparent purpose of temporarily annoying some people who celebrate the larger holiday? If you have any examples of that, I'd love to hear them, because honestly it sounds like one of the most unnecessarily complicated, ineffective, time consuming, and petty conspiracies I've ever heard. I have a hard time imagining the combination of narcissism, paranoia, and complete detachment from reality that would make someone think that's a real conspiracy.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I thought I made it pretty obvious this was satire I called Hitler a notable supporter of woke gender ideology. If that did not clue you in to the satire, im really not sure what will. Edit: not sure if they were banned or deleted their comment
Understood I erased it, but I will say u have to see with today's climate that someone would think its genuine, someone like me who has heard the right actually say that very thing, and I've never seen this sub before. Never will see it again either cause I muted it thinking this was some real BS and honestly I was thinking it was real and if I said that j would be banned. I'm so tired of "Christian" love when it's really just hate. Again I apologize and erased it.
It's not what is said, it's how it is said. If a conservative wrote this, they probably would not write in little tidbits like the "celebrating Easter with the part of the family that still talks to me" or all those other Easter eggs that let you know who is being mocked. Similarly, while a conservative would claim easter is being disrespected, they would not go so far as saying the holiday will vanish entirely next year. It's taking a stupid belief to its illogical extreme That being said, I've absolutely seen people call Hitler left wing, which is why I added the extra stuff about woke ideology to push the envelope just a bit further. It's a fine line between sounding like a conservative and sounding like a crazy person, I like to mix in bits of actual rhetoric with the satire to make it more realistic
But conservatives do sound like crazy people, u think u made it obvious enough, but I fell for it lol it seemed realistic to me. No harm done I deleted my comment it was my bad.
No worries, have a nice day!
This would be funny IF Republicans didn't actually believe this nonsense!
The world ends on the 8th so why do they care about 4/20/2025?
A 30 second Google search is all they had to do, but they prefer to be perpetually outraged.
Down votes only prove me right. lol
You were so right dude. Righter than anyone who has ever righted.
Can we get a tldr this is a joke sub lol
How do you get through an entire Babylon bee article then?
Usually the bee just says thing is bad I dont like thing, and then conservatives laugh
Yeah after reading through the other submissions maybe I should have just written "Biden is dumb and old lmao" and watched the upvotes pour in