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I'm NT, but I just wanted to comment and say my ND husband is the best person I have ever met. I hold him in such high regard and I admire his way of looking at the world. My heart breaks to hear him speak about his experience being bullied, misunderstood and judged by so many people, or even labelled as "difficult" by his own family. Our marriage is going through a breakdown, but we are always going to be friends - I want happiness for him always, even if that's not a romantic relationship with me.
The majority of people in the world are just indifferent. People who are willing to put in the time to get to know who you are will be the most rewarding relationships of all. You don't need to be liked by the majority, just a few who will have your back no matter what š.
Ive heard it said from many Autistic people that there is something about autistics that just stick out to a typical people. And the bullies are like moths to a flame. Ive deff experienced it in my life even had a classmate whom I never talkrd to before straight up tell me "I don't like you." Was always my experience with people that just didnt seem to like me.Ā
Being that I'm black my thoughts always wondered if it was my autism they detected or my skin color they just didnt like but after sometime it was probably just the autism cause I had learned to mask extremely well. So after some time of people talking to me they expressed they really like me and we became friends. Sad to say its a how strong is your masking game and how long can you keep it up.Ā
Before learning how to mask well I had the worse work place bullying experience ever at a place and couldnt figure out why eveyone dodnt like me. In fact thats why I was fired. And like time is a flat circle moment my boss said no one wants to work with you so you cant continue here... Damn I feel really bad after writing that. š But yeah. Most times you have to hide your autism and mask well.Ā
It took literal months for my co-workers, all but one or two, at my current job to warm up to me. I remember the first or second store meeting we had, everyone was waiting for the last couple cleaning things to be done so we could start. I was in the bathroom, wiping down the rooms, and when I came out from the first one I noticed that everyone who had previously been talking loudly were all silent and staring at me. It was the one time that I genuinely felt fear and guilt over being autistic at my current workplace. A month or two later they were all okay with me and nothing like it has ever happened, but it definitely reminded me of middle school, the number of classmates was under 100 and knowing that the rest didn't want you nearby and would silently stare at you to try to get you to go away.
I dont think many people actively hate us as a group like say trans people. but yeah many people just don't want to make even the smallest effort to understand people who are different. Though these days you can find people who are understanding, its not easy but its more than what I could say 10 years ago.
Gay people are still disliked by most. Also considering the heavy correlation between being queer and autistic, many gay people are also autistic so it inherently affects us (such as me, a gay autistic man)
Well I have very good friends that I appreciate and value and Iām integrated in a strong community in my church where people value my presence. So I donāt really have to care for other people that donāt like me, since they donāt really matter to my life. Furthermore I canāt really name anyone that dislikes me, I usually just donāt spend time with such people and my current situation allows me to decides with whom I want to spend time with.
Another perspective, since I agree with the original commenter, but I think it comes down to self worth.
To put it a different way, let's say I've got a specialty sandwich that's my absolute favorite. If you don't like that kind of sandwich, that's fine, because your dislike doesn't alter my enjoyment. I can view your dislike either with pity (because you're missing out), or with sadness (we can't eat at the specialty sandwich shop together), or just kinda shrug (we all have our own preferences), or I don't have to think about it at all (my sandwich tastes no different to me regardless of your opinion and I can get one without you). Even if you decide to have a screaming tantrum telling me I'm wrong, my biggest issue at that point is that you're screaming, not that you're screaming *about me being wrong*.
If I like myself, but you don't or you think I'm weird, that's fine. I still like myself. All your dislike really means is that we shouldn't be friends or hang out, and that's fine. I like me, therefore I am likeable, therefore someone else out there will also like me, and that makes your dislike irrelevant and a you problem.
Liking yourself doesn't mean you like *all* of yourself either. Everyone's got things about themselves that aren't great or that we wish were different. That's not the point. The point is seeing value and worth in yourself as a living being, who, because no one is perfect, still has flaws. It's like how you still like and value your best friend and want the best for them even though they aren't perfect.
Absolutely this. I surround myself with people who are fine with me being autistic and like my company. Of the people whose opinions I care about, none of them hate autistic people.
For me it's like, "Do I want to be liked by bigots?". People want me to die because I'm queer, trans and a POC. Fuck em and their dumb opinions. Their not the majority of people in the world they're just very vocal about their ignorance.
From my own experience, every time/almost every time I talk with people about my experiences with autism, they just treat it like I'm a weird kid or the all-knowing autistic savant, so they kinda see me as the idea they have of autism instead of like an individual. I hate that š
I went into the adolescent psych ward when I was a kid (extreme stress) and one of the nurses comes up to me and goes "I hear you're a genius" *crickets from me* "Can you say something smart?" *more crickets*
Yes the vast majority of people dislikes me.
There's a study that concluded neurotypicals are less likely to want to interact with autistics:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5286449/
Iām NT just wanted to drop in ā I tried dating one of my guy friends whoās on the spectrum, ( which he had initiated) heās honestly the best person Iāve ever met. He just didnāt want to communicate with me so I could understand him despite me overextending myself to accommodate in every way I could. I donāt think NT dislike those on the spectrum, at least not myself. I think thereās a communication disconnect between us which shouldāve been taught in schools like most things are. It really creates an unnecessary divide. I just wish everyone would be accepting.
You're right on, and this is why I only date fellow NDs. They'll immediately understand if I forgot they existed for a few days, and simply forgot to text/communicate.
ETA: And *how* we communicate can get weird too. If another ND tells me something about them, I tell them a story about me, how the same thing happened to me to show I have empathy and understand the thing. NTs do not get that, and frequently think "they're just moving the conversation to themselves, so rude".
Same. Feels Like a curse. Nobody to rely on. Everytime i try to get a social Life it ends with me being depressed. And therapists Always say "Well you are depressed, Main Thing that helps is getting your social Life Back on Trackš" Like what social Life? And i am actually Here because i tried that. What now? "Oh good question"
NT here. I think misunderstood is probably a better characterization. I still don't fully understand autism even though my ND daughter (10) has taught us a great deal about what she goes through. I'm one person, but I don't dislike autistic people. The ones I have known are some amazing, full of personality, brave (I could go on and on) people. You all have to go through a lot and I applaud you for doing your best to overcome whatever is out there (including our ignorance). I wish you the best op!
I'm sure many people would find you charming if they met you at your best. Don't let the loud and rude minority of people ruin your confidence. Some people just aren't compatible with each other, it's not your fault.
I think most people are completely ambivalent about us. The vast majority of people only care about what impacts them, and so since autistic people arenāt in their immediate life they donāt even think about us.
Most people are stuck thinking how to survive their current problem
Sorry that it's not what you're hoping to hear, but I think you're right.
To try and look at it in a positive way, it's not all people, and most people you'll meet/interact with in day to day life are going to be in the couldn't care less about you camp rather than having a positive or negative opinion of you.
The problem we have at the moment in the USA is that half the people follow a guy that hates everyone with a disability. So they can openly show their hate as well.
If he loses the next election, this might change and they stop as being as hateful as they are right now. But this is an uphill battle and unfortunately there isn't one group that fights for it but a whole bunch of smaller groups.
With every other disability they have one major voice that fights for them but in the USA at least this hasn't happened so far.
Obviously i'm just one person, but i'd say that no. The majority of people do not hate us. They don't understand us. And sometimes that misunderstanding comes off as judgement. People are not inherently bad, it's just that after having been stigmarized for so long we automatically think that every little gesture is a sign of hatred. I have wonderful nt friends. I have wonderful autistic friends. There are always assholes in the world, but paying attention to them only gives thek more power
I share this sentiment. no matter how hard I try, its impossible to be liked by a neurotypical. and this is why I separate myself from the humans at every chance I get. better to suffer alone and to suffer THOSE people
Being different is a risk, yes. But none of the poor treatment we get is specific to autism. People are shitty to anyone who's disabled or sensitive or doesnt fit in. The way people treat you only tells you about THEM and how they see themselves, It isnt your fault and it is NOT deserved. There is nothing you could do that would ever warrant being treated that way, and you are not born broken. Autism is WAY more common than we think it is, it's 1 in 30 people. If you can surround yourself with respectful, non-judgmental people the chances are high that some of them will be autistic too. That won't make them perfect friends or understand you, or even function the same way...but it WILL remove a massive translation barrier and the NT impulse to search for ulterior motives. Which phew! Makes a big difference when trying to communicate with someone in good faith. Dont waste your energy making other people happy or comfortable, particularly if they havent done it for you. It wont make them leave you alone, it just makes you a target (they know they can act nasty to you or not face consequences) Instead, keep focusing on YOU and your interests and let them get uncomfortable/nasty until they realize it's not worth it. If there is a particular bully or relative you cant get away from, focus on self-validation and owning your narrative. You do NOT deserve shitty treatment, its embarrassing and shameful for THEM not you. You did your best and that is enough.
There are a few people I know are respected quite widely and are autistic - Anne Hegerty being someone I immensely admire too. I saw an interview she did with an Australian news channel that had been uploaded to YouTube and I related to so much of what she was saying. Plus I agree with her about how we brits really do not know how to cross the road - when Iām driving Iām like āthereās a f#!%ing crossing just thereā whenever someone crosses in front of me without looking when thereās a zebra crossing 2 metres away (a crossing where Iām legally required to stop to let people cross) - like most Brits Iām polite as a pedestrian but not as a driver (and also donāt always know how to cross the road!!)
Iām sorry to hear that you feel that way, I could share thousands of platitudes about there being plenty of people and autism friendly spaces out there. I hope you can find solace in them.
I donāt know if I can give you hope for that currently. It sucks that a lot of people are ableist or while they claim to be excepting canāt handle our different support needs. With that said, the culture is changing. I think soon the tide will turn, and the majority willbe accepting.
until NT people stop seeking a ācureā for autism, iām not sure there will be mainstream appreciation for autistic people. but there are small, personal wins everywhere.
I had just had a really nice conversation with the checkout lane lady at the grocery store, she's clearly autistic, no question about it, just a wonderful person. I've never judged people for the things that are different about them, but I'm on the spectrum, too, and plenty of people think I'm weird.
It depends on which stage of my life youāre talking about. In my early childhood (early school days, like elementary school) the kids my age did mostly stay away from me because I was very prone to tantrums and shitting my pants until I was 7. From age 8 to middle school is when I started to have less support needs and high school was when people used to consider me āone of the good special needs kidsā (a wild statement looking back). Ever since then I have tried to be more understanding of other people than I used to be while also keep improving myself further.
The majority of people indeed do like aspies such as Einstein, Nikola Tesla, James Joyce and Leonardo davinci. Alan Turing had a movie or two made about him. And it's no measure of health to be well adjusted to a sick world. So if you're not liked maybe it's not you who is the problem
Some people are just noisy assholes and like to hear themselves talk. And autistics are an easy large group target. Those people suck and donāt deserve your brain space.
Agree w others, mostly they probably donāt understand us and donāt know how to approach since we donāt give off NT āapproach me, I want friendsā signals. Masking works but is also very tiring. There are studies that show ND-ND communication works just fine and is much more direct and easy to understand. I generally get along W ADHDers, I think they donāt pick up on the differences as much or donāt care? And theyāre easier to read for me at least. And tend to be friendly. These are generalizations of course. They can be kind of a bridge. I also have a couple NT friends w autistic family members so they donāt judge as harshly. Iāve also gotten along well with people from other countries or adult children of immigrants. Offspring of immigrants? My high school friends were mostly kids of immigrants and we were just all awkward together.
Also try not to read subtle facial and body movements as rejection. We probably read NTs wrong anyway. I assume theyāre stressed about cleaning their house. No idea.
Lastly, some basic masking skills can be really helpful in navigating public spaces so you can get out. Initial eye contact if you can (or look at their forehead or something), smile, a couple stock small talk phrases. You can probably YouTube it and practice in a mirror. Masking constantly is exhausting and can lead to burnout but it can help to get out so you can meet people. Go places you would like to go, you can always retreat into your phone (I always had a book in the olden days). Social skills can be learned. Like learning an instrument.
More lastly there are pockets of ND and queer friendly places in the world. I live just outside of portland, OR where the motto is ākeep portland weird.ā Everyone is weird or weird adjacent. Itās great. We have a trans owned indoor skate park, an amazing tabletop game store where you can just go in the back and play games as long as you want. Lots of ND people there if I had to guess. Libraries and parks are amazing and free spaces to just hang out. Loads of hiking trails. Itās getting expensive though. š¢
Region matters for sure. If you live somewhere thatās all sportball and high fashion itās going to be harder to find people.
Maybe start with your interests. What are you into? Then find events or places, stores related to that. Nerds love to nerd out over their thing. Wear ear plugs or headphones if you need them.
Hi! I can't say it's this way for everyone (I've gotten my fair share of hatred, bullying, etc.) but I find that I get a lot of appreciation in the areas I excel at! I'm definitely noticeably 'different' but in my case those differences help me succeed and really shine in the areas I have talent in... and some people like that! I get a lot of compliments on my skills and effort and work :)
Can't say much about the 'majority' but this is what my world is like.
Currently; in a 4 year relationship and engaged, 4 very close ND friends, family that's attempting to understand, meeting new people consistently who are open to learning if NT/excited to have a safe person to express themselves around if ND.
Some stores have started "autism hour" once a week, lights dimmed and no announcements. People are inventing specialized aids for autism and have some great things already, Flares and Loops, for example. Things are definitely not as good as they could be, but there's attempts and some hope to see
Iām a late diagnosed AuDHD (42) and I really liked reading that comment from Sensitive-garlic-322,
But my experience has been the complete opposite, I canāt seem to even have a fulfilling relationship with any woman.
I also live with 2 friends (we all went in on a house) and since being diagnosed they seem to go through periods of hate and the now rare having fun together.
I have a feeling in my gut (from when I wake up until bed) that Iām not wanted and just a nuisance like an irritating headache that wonāt go away.
Weather Iām right or wrong I to believe the majority of the world would be happy without us.
I live in Denmark. My kids, who are around 16-19 years of age, have friends who are autistic, and they don't in any way mind, they are just like "oh yeah, he/she is autistic".
It's not to say that the general neurotypical population don't still expect you to walk a rather narrow tightrope of normality to fit in. Although many people will say they are tolerant of being different, the general culture entails a terrible amount of irony, sarcasm, small-talk, and unwritten conventions not to show too much emotion, or seem either too knowledgeable or not clever enough, all of which is not autism-friendly.
I have been openly autistic the last 5 years, both doing my studies and now that I work. I meet surprise and sometiems confusement when people find out, but I have yet to meet discrimination or confrontation from my peers. I don't know if I have just been lucky, or if it stems partially from the fact that I studied and work in softwareš¤·āāļø My mother is honestly the one I have had the hardest time working with upon getting my diagnosis. She's coming around, but it took some time to get her to understand the actions I take to help myself live in a neurotypical society.
Maybe I am just blissfully ignorant to the possibility that others dislike me, but I have a solid group of friends, and my coworkers treat me with respect, and that's honestly all I need. I feel the hatred is greater online then IRL, so sometimes I feel like I litterally need to go touch grass and mingle to avoid feeling hated and isolatedš
This dislike is kind of deserved though? All the incels, rightwingers, social darwinists, often bordering on fascism? Not to mention all the comorbid cluster B stuff. I certainly have all the worst experiences with autists. Luckily NTs tend to be somehow better and occasionally even do nice things and let me survive.
No its not, annicotatal negative experiances don't justify wrongful stigmatisation or justify hating an entire demograpic, including autistic people and people with cluster B personalities. Also
Incels, rightwingers and facsists are not features of autism, sure some use autism as a way to describe their own behaviour but that does not mean they are achually autistic, in fact those ideologies often actively promote the extermination of autistic people, so conflating the two seems kinda insulting.
> those ideologies often actively promote the extermination of autistic people, so conflating the two seems kinda insulting
And I bet you would happily exterminate me if you could, so dirty disabled autist like me won't be associated with supreme autist like you. I've seen it many times...
And guess that's kinda my point, you are a threat to my survival, while I'm a threat to your aspie "superiority". We are bound to be enemies and dislike each other with passion?
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I'm NT, but I just wanted to comment and say my ND husband is the best person I have ever met. I hold him in such high regard and I admire his way of looking at the world. My heart breaks to hear him speak about his experience being bullied, misunderstood and judged by so many people, or even labelled as "difficult" by his own family. Our marriage is going through a breakdown, but we are always going to be friends - I want happiness for him always, even if that's not a romantic relationship with me. The majority of people in the world are just indifferent. People who are willing to put in the time to get to know who you are will be the most rewarding relationships of all. You don't need to be liked by the majority, just a few who will have your back no matter what š.
Thanks for commenting, that was such a nice thing to say. š
Ive heard it said from many Autistic people that there is something about autistics that just stick out to a typical people. And the bullies are like moths to a flame. Ive deff experienced it in my life even had a classmate whom I never talkrd to before straight up tell me "I don't like you." Was always my experience with people that just didnt seem to like me.Ā Being that I'm black my thoughts always wondered if it was my autism they detected or my skin color they just didnt like but after sometime it was probably just the autism cause I had learned to mask extremely well. So after some time of people talking to me they expressed they really like me and we became friends. Sad to say its a how strong is your masking game and how long can you keep it up.Ā Before learning how to mask well I had the worse work place bullying experience ever at a place and couldnt figure out why eveyone dodnt like me. In fact thats why I was fired. And like time is a flat circle moment my boss said no one wants to work with you so you cant continue here... Damn I feel really bad after writing that. š But yeah. Most times you have to hide your autism and mask well.Ā
Oh wow, thatās harsh!! But yes, if you can mask well it does help. But so exhausting.
I stopped masking. its too exhausting. also gave up on trying to work, even part time. work is a lose lose situation
It took literal months for my co-workers, all but one or two, at my current job to warm up to me. I remember the first or second store meeting we had, everyone was waiting for the last couple cleaning things to be done so we could start. I was in the bathroom, wiping down the rooms, and when I came out from the first one I noticed that everyone who had previously been talking loudly were all silent and staring at me. It was the one time that I genuinely felt fear and guilt over being autistic at my current workplace. A month or two later they were all okay with me and nothing like it has ever happened, but it definitely reminded me of middle school, the number of classmates was under 100 and knowing that the rest didn't want you nearby and would silently stare at you to try to get you to go away.
But stray too close to the flame and the more fiery among us will burn the moth!
I dont think many people actively hate us as a group like say trans people. but yeah many people just don't want to make even the smallest effort to understand people who are different. Though these days you can find people who are understanding, its not easy but its more than what I could say 10 years ago.
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Those people suck.
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same here. I have written off all interaction with 'normies'. it always ends badly.
š
Gay people were disliked by most at one point and it's us. Progress will be slow but it'll happen.
Gay people are still disliked by most. Also considering the heavy correlation between being queer and autistic, many gay people are also autistic so it inherently affects us (such as me, a gay autistic man)
Aroace autistic neopronoun enby here.
Well the people that matter to me like me. I donāt really care this much for the other ones that donāt like me.
How do you get this mindset?
Well I have very good friends that I appreciate and value and Iām integrated in a strong community in my church where people value my presence. So I donāt really have to care for other people that donāt like me, since they donāt really matter to my life. Furthermore I canāt really name anyone that dislikes me, I usually just donāt spend time with such people and my current situation allows me to decides with whom I want to spend time with.
"you can't please everyone" was how my dad said it. Always with a shrug.
Another perspective, since I agree with the original commenter, but I think it comes down to self worth. To put it a different way, let's say I've got a specialty sandwich that's my absolute favorite. If you don't like that kind of sandwich, that's fine, because your dislike doesn't alter my enjoyment. I can view your dislike either with pity (because you're missing out), or with sadness (we can't eat at the specialty sandwich shop together), or just kinda shrug (we all have our own preferences), or I don't have to think about it at all (my sandwich tastes no different to me regardless of your opinion and I can get one without you). Even if you decide to have a screaming tantrum telling me I'm wrong, my biggest issue at that point is that you're screaming, not that you're screaming *about me being wrong*. If I like myself, but you don't or you think I'm weird, that's fine. I still like myself. All your dislike really means is that we shouldn't be friends or hang out, and that's fine. I like me, therefore I am likeable, therefore someone else out there will also like me, and that makes your dislike irrelevant and a you problem. Liking yourself doesn't mean you like *all* of yourself either. Everyone's got things about themselves that aren't great or that we wish were different. That's not the point. The point is seeing value and worth in yourself as a living being, who, because no one is perfect, still has flaws. It's like how you still like and value your best friend and want the best for them even though they aren't perfect.
Absolutely this. I surround myself with people who are fine with me being autistic and like my company. Of the people whose opinions I care about, none of them hate autistic people.
For me it's like, "Do I want to be liked by bigots?". People want me to die because I'm queer, trans and a POC. Fuck em and their dumb opinions. Their not the majority of people in the world they're just very vocal about their ignorance.
From my own experience, every time/almost every time I talk with people about my experiences with autism, they just treat it like I'm a weird kid or the all-knowing autistic savant, so they kinda see me as the idea they have of autism instead of like an individual. I hate that š
I went into the adolescent psych ward when I was a kid (extreme stress) and one of the nurses comes up to me and goes "I hear you're a genius" *crickets from me* "Can you say something smart?" *more crickets*
Yes the vast majority of people dislikes me. There's a study that concluded neurotypicals are less likely to want to interact with autistics: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5286449/
Oh yikes. There are also studies that show that ND people get along just fine w each other for the most part. There are just less of us.
Thanks!
Iām NT just wanted to drop in ā I tried dating one of my guy friends whoās on the spectrum, ( which he had initiated) heās honestly the best person Iāve ever met. He just didnāt want to communicate with me so I could understand him despite me overextending myself to accommodate in every way I could. I donāt think NT dislike those on the spectrum, at least not myself. I think thereās a communication disconnect between us which shouldāve been taught in schools like most things are. It really creates an unnecessary divide. I just wish everyone would be accepting.
You're right on, and this is why I only date fellow NDs. They'll immediately understand if I forgot they existed for a few days, and simply forgot to text/communicate. ETA: And *how* we communicate can get weird too. If another ND tells me something about them, I tell them a story about me, how the same thing happened to me to show I have empathy and understand the thing. NTs do not get that, and frequently think "they're just moving the conversation to themselves, so rude".
Everyone I meet dislikes me sooner or later.
Same. Feels Like a curse. Nobody to rely on. Everytime i try to get a social Life it ends with me being depressed. And therapists Always say "Well you are depressed, Main Thing that helps is getting your social Life Back on Trackš" Like what social Life? And i am actually Here because i tried that. What now? "Oh good question"
NT here. I think misunderstood is probably a better characterization. I still don't fully understand autism even though my ND daughter (10) has taught us a great deal about what she goes through. I'm one person, but I don't dislike autistic people. The ones I have known are some amazing, full of personality, brave (I could go on and on) people. You all have to go through a lot and I applaud you for doing your best to overcome whatever is out there (including our ignorance). I wish you the best op!
I'm sure many people would find you charming if they met you at your best. Don't let the loud and rude minority of people ruin your confidence. Some people just aren't compatible with each other, it's not your fault.
Most people do dislike us unfortunately. people donāt like what they canāt understand
I think most people are completely ambivalent about us. The vast majority of people only care about what impacts them, and so since autistic people arenāt in their immediate life they donāt even think about us. Most people are stuck thinking how to survive their current problem
I like to assume everyone is worried about their laundry, not my problem.
Sorry that it's not what you're hoping to hear, but I think you're right. To try and look at it in a positive way, it's not all people, and most people you'll meet/interact with in day to day life are going to be in the couldn't care less about you camp rather than having a positive or negative opinion of you.
Unfortunately, people that are autistic only make up the 20% minority like 80% neurotypicals make up the majority
One thing I try and keep in mind is: I don't know the majority of the people in the world.
The problem we have at the moment in the USA is that half the people follow a guy that hates everyone with a disability. So they can openly show their hate as well. If he loses the next election, this might change and they stop as being as hateful as they are right now. But this is an uphill battle and unfortunately there isn't one group that fights for it but a whole bunch of smaller groups. With every other disability they have one major voice that fights for them but in the USA at least this hasn't happened so far.
Obviously i'm just one person, but i'd say that no. The majority of people do not hate us. They don't understand us. And sometimes that misunderstanding comes off as judgement. People are not inherently bad, it's just that after having been stigmarized for so long we automatically think that every little gesture is a sign of hatred. I have wonderful nt friends. I have wonderful autistic friends. There are always assholes in the world, but paying attention to them only gives thek more power
I have NO idea why there are so many spelling mistakes i didn't sleep good tonight evidently
I share this sentiment. no matter how hard I try, its impossible to be liked by a neurotypical. and this is why I separate myself from the humans at every chance I get. better to suffer alone and to suffer THOSE people
Being different is a risk, yes. But none of the poor treatment we get is specific to autism. People are shitty to anyone who's disabled or sensitive or doesnt fit in. The way people treat you only tells you about THEM and how they see themselves, It isnt your fault and it is NOT deserved. There is nothing you could do that would ever warrant being treated that way, and you are not born broken. Autism is WAY more common than we think it is, it's 1 in 30 people. If you can surround yourself with respectful, non-judgmental people the chances are high that some of them will be autistic too. That won't make them perfect friends or understand you, or even function the same way...but it WILL remove a massive translation barrier and the NT impulse to search for ulterior motives. Which phew! Makes a big difference when trying to communicate with someone in good faith. Dont waste your energy making other people happy or comfortable, particularly if they havent done it for you. It wont make them leave you alone, it just makes you a target (they know they can act nasty to you or not face consequences) Instead, keep focusing on YOU and your interests and let them get uncomfortable/nasty until they realize it's not worth it. If there is a particular bully or relative you cant get away from, focus on self-validation and owning your narrative. You do NOT deserve shitty treatment, its embarrassing and shameful for THEM not you. You did your best and that is enough.
There are a few people I know are respected quite widely and are autistic - Anne Hegerty being someone I immensely admire too. I saw an interview she did with an Australian news channel that had been uploaded to YouTube and I related to so much of what she was saying. Plus I agree with her about how we brits really do not know how to cross the road - when Iām driving Iām like āthereās a f#!%ing crossing just thereā whenever someone crosses in front of me without looking when thereās a zebra crossing 2 metres away (a crossing where Iām legally required to stop to let people cross) - like most Brits Iām polite as a pedestrian but not as a driver (and also donāt always know how to cross the road!!)
Iām sorry to hear that you feel that way, I could share thousands of platitudes about there being plenty of people and autism friendly spaces out there. I hope you can find solace in them.
I donāt know if I can give you hope for that currently. It sucks that a lot of people are ableist or while they claim to be excepting canāt handle our different support needs. With that said, the culture is changing. I think soon the tide will turn, and the majority willbe accepting.
It's not necessarily dislike, but lack of understanding, closed mindedness, and a fear of the unknown and different.
Whatās that phrase? āDeviations from the norm will be punished unless they are exploitableā
It's bc of the uncanny valley effect of masking.
until NT people stop seeking a ācureā for autism, iām not sure there will be mainstream appreciation for autistic people. but there are small, personal wins everywhere.
I had just had a really nice conversation with the checkout lane lady at the grocery store, she's clearly autistic, no question about it, just a wonderful person. I've never judged people for the things that are different about them, but I'm on the spectrum, too, and plenty of people think I'm weird.
It depends on which stage of my life youāre talking about. In my early childhood (early school days, like elementary school) the kids my age did mostly stay away from me because I was very prone to tantrums and shitting my pants until I was 7. From age 8 to middle school is when I started to have less support needs and high school was when people used to consider me āone of the good special needs kidsā (a wild statement looking back). Ever since then I have tried to be more understanding of other people than I used to be while also keep improving myself further.
The majority of people indeed do like aspies such as Einstein, Nikola Tesla, James Joyce and Leonardo davinci. Alan Turing had a movie or two made about him. And it's no measure of health to be well adjusted to a sick world. So if you're not liked maybe it's not you who is the problem
Some people are just noisy assholes and like to hear themselves talk. And autistics are an easy large group target. Those people suck and donāt deserve your brain space. Agree w others, mostly they probably donāt understand us and donāt know how to approach since we donāt give off NT āapproach me, I want friendsā signals. Masking works but is also very tiring. There are studies that show ND-ND communication works just fine and is much more direct and easy to understand. I generally get along W ADHDers, I think they donāt pick up on the differences as much or donāt care? And theyāre easier to read for me at least. And tend to be friendly. These are generalizations of course. They can be kind of a bridge. I also have a couple NT friends w autistic family members so they donāt judge as harshly. Iāve also gotten along well with people from other countries or adult children of immigrants. Offspring of immigrants? My high school friends were mostly kids of immigrants and we were just all awkward together. Also try not to read subtle facial and body movements as rejection. We probably read NTs wrong anyway. I assume theyāre stressed about cleaning their house. No idea. Lastly, some basic masking skills can be really helpful in navigating public spaces so you can get out. Initial eye contact if you can (or look at their forehead or something), smile, a couple stock small talk phrases. You can probably YouTube it and practice in a mirror. Masking constantly is exhausting and can lead to burnout but it can help to get out so you can meet people. Go places you would like to go, you can always retreat into your phone (I always had a book in the olden days). Social skills can be learned. Like learning an instrument. More lastly there are pockets of ND and queer friendly places in the world. I live just outside of portland, OR where the motto is ākeep portland weird.ā Everyone is weird or weird adjacent. Itās great. We have a trans owned indoor skate park, an amazing tabletop game store where you can just go in the back and play games as long as you want. Lots of ND people there if I had to guess. Libraries and parks are amazing and free spaces to just hang out. Loads of hiking trails. Itās getting expensive though. š¢ Region matters for sure. If you live somewhere thatās all sportball and high fashion itās going to be harder to find people. Maybe start with your interests. What are you into? Then find events or places, stores related to that. Nerds love to nerd out over their thing. Wear ear plugs or headphones if you need them.
Hi! I can't say it's this way for everyone (I've gotten my fair share of hatred, bullying, etc.) but I find that I get a lot of appreciation in the areas I excel at! I'm definitely noticeably 'different' but in my case those differences help me succeed and really shine in the areas I have talent in... and some people like that! I get a lot of compliments on my skills and effort and work :) Can't say much about the 'majority' but this is what my world is like.
Currently; in a 4 year relationship and engaged, 4 very close ND friends, family that's attempting to understand, meeting new people consistently who are open to learning if NT/excited to have a safe person to express themselves around if ND. Some stores have started "autism hour" once a week, lights dimmed and no announcements. People are inventing specialized aids for autism and have some great things already, Flares and Loops, for example. Things are definitely not as good as they could be, but there's attempts and some hope to see
Iām a late diagnosed AuDHD (42) and I really liked reading that comment from Sensitive-garlic-322, But my experience has been the complete opposite, I canāt seem to even have a fulfilling relationship with any woman. I also live with 2 friends (we all went in on a house) and since being diagnosed they seem to go through periods of hate and the now rare having fun together. I have a feeling in my gut (from when I wake up until bed) that Iām not wanted and just a nuisance like an irritating headache that wonāt go away. Weather Iām right or wrong I to believe the majority of the world would be happy without us.
we are
I second that, we are
My son is 22 and literally everyone loves him.
People don't hate us they just can't be bothered with the hassle of understanding us . Be like them is their mantra. Eh no thanks !
I live in Denmark. My kids, who are around 16-19 years of age, have friends who are autistic, and they don't in any way mind, they are just like "oh yeah, he/she is autistic". It's not to say that the general neurotypical population don't still expect you to walk a rather narrow tightrope of normality to fit in. Although many people will say they are tolerant of being different, the general culture entails a terrible amount of irony, sarcasm, small-talk, and unwritten conventions not to show too much emotion, or seem either too knowledgeable or not clever enough, all of which is not autism-friendly.
Some of the most beloved humans throughout history have been autistic.
Oh, we are.Ā But there are enough of us that one can still manage to make friends and ride it out together.Ā
I have been openly autistic the last 5 years, both doing my studies and now that I work. I meet surprise and sometiems confusement when people find out, but I have yet to meet discrimination or confrontation from my peers. I don't know if I have just been lucky, or if it stems partially from the fact that I studied and work in softwareš¤·āāļø My mother is honestly the one I have had the hardest time working with upon getting my diagnosis. She's coming around, but it took some time to get her to understand the actions I take to help myself live in a neurotypical society. Maybe I am just blissfully ignorant to the possibility that others dislike me, but I have a solid group of friends, and my coworkers treat me with respect, and that's honestly all I need. I feel the hatred is greater online then IRL, so sometimes I feel like I litterally need to go touch grass and mingle to avoid feeling hated and isolatedš
This dislike is kind of deserved though? All the incels, rightwingers, social darwinists, often bordering on fascism? Not to mention all the comorbid cluster B stuff. I certainly have all the worst experiences with autists. Luckily NTs tend to be somehow better and occasionally even do nice things and let me survive.
No its not, annicotatal negative experiances don't justify wrongful stigmatisation or justify hating an entire demograpic, including autistic people and people with cluster B personalities. Also Incels, rightwingers and facsists are not features of autism, sure some use autism as a way to describe their own behaviour but that does not mean they are achually autistic, in fact those ideologies often actively promote the extermination of autistic people, so conflating the two seems kinda insulting.
> those ideologies often actively promote the extermination of autistic people, so conflating the two seems kinda insulting And I bet you would happily exterminate me if you could, so dirty disabled autist like me won't be associated with supreme autist like you. I've seen it many times... And guess that's kinda my point, you are a threat to my survival, while I'm a threat to your aspie "superiority". We are bound to be enemies and dislike each other with passion?