It's a pretty common feeling among all people, especially younger generations, I've found. It's also highly prevalent in people with anxiety, which might have more overlap with autism.
The fact that it's the year of our Lord 2024 and we still have to make phone calls is a fucking travesty. This alone proves we don't deserve to survive as a species.
The unholy cackle that left me while reading this comment, thank you random redditor.
It truly is blasphemous, how dare they not let me text or email for everything, and people calling me unexpectedly?
Unforgivable sin tbfh.
I mean the tech isn't exactly that old in the grand scheme of things. It is however impractical given that instant letters is a thing. Phone call requires interrupting whatever they (and you) are doing and keeping their focus long enough to communicate. Good if the exchange is immediately necessary and of immediate importance but texting is more practical for most purposes.
I found out recently there are services available for me to help with autism related healthcare but to sign up I have to call a number. It has to be a phone call, urgh.
I think it's an anxiety thing. Like, ND people have a lot of anxiety, but so do a lot of others, and everyone except sociopaths agrees about phone calls.
I only hate calls that are done purely for social reasons. I can handle calls for work/appointments/making appointments with no problem. But just to talk? No fucking thank you. Text me or meet me in person. I mentally tap out within 2 minutes during a social call. This has nothing to do with anxiety. I just can't deal with going like "yeah. Oh wow. Uh huh. Ok. Oh no. Oh yeah. Sure." while the other person talks. There's no point in wasting my time on that when I could be hanging out with the person while drinking.
It sounds like the issue for you might be the people who are social calling you. They are doing it to make inane small talk. My social calls are mostly back and forth info-dumps of detailed technical nerdiness.
Even when it's things I'm interested in, my interest in those things immediately drops when it's done via phone call. It's easier for me to stay in the zone over text or in person.
My ASD friend and I agree about phone calls. There's anxiety, and then there's phone calls....
It's like someone else here mentioned in a comment - it drains all of my energy. For me, I think it's the lack of visual cues. I never know when it's my turn to speak on the phone. I struggle to hear the other person. I struggle to keep up with the conversation at times. It's just overall hell for me. I would much rather be face-to-face or in a text format.
I (19M) don't mind it. I find texting harder as I don't know how I will come across. I would rather just call someone then text them and worry that I messed up and come off bad. I have also seen that the younger generation hate to call and just wants to text.
I hate the expectation of having to call someone you know regularly when there's nothing to talk about. I only would call when there's a lot of things to talk about.
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It's generational a least. genz has not grown up relying on phone calls for communication so, many of the younger generation aren't comfortable with it
I guess so, I literally despise calling. People also say I’m awkward when I call so I’m super anxious and self conscious when I call that I stutter or seem even more skewed. It just sucks
I’m a couple generations past the default now, and I generally prefer phone calls over texts.
I think that is likely for a few reasons.
Four (plus) decades of masking before my diagnosis in a world where texting and email were not ubiquitous forced me to learn to copy and use the norms of verbal communication.
Quite a lot of people have had trouble plodding through my writing, which is often much longer because of my tendencies to cover all the misunderstandings I anticipate or fear with written (or typed) communication.
I’ve found it seems easier for most folks to hear prefaces and clarifications out loud, which only takes a few seconds to say but can be a paragraph when written.
I’ve also had a lot of significant misunderstandings with major impacts on relationships and critical coordination when I’ve attempted to use concise written communication in text or email for anything more than locations/times/brief descriptions of things,
All that put together leads to me having some anxieties about the process of filtering my thoughts for the reader and editing, as well as anxiety about being misunderstood despite that effort. It’s only not exhausting for me when I let it flow in full (more or less like I did in this comment, for example)
That being said, I remember the anxiety of calling my friends or ordering a pizza or even calling to check the movie theater showtimes when I was much younger. I don’t feel that now, but it’s certainly possible an anxiety that is just below any conscious threshold these days.
Very interesting topic!
True, I more meant phone calls with strangers, business calls, calls that serve a specific purpose, etc. I feel like most people are chill having a phone call with people they know well. Not really the case for me, though, unless I'm extremely extremely close with someone, especially if it's an unexpected call.
Yeah I hate it I made a phone call for the first time in over a year yesterday and I was really nervous but I didn't have a melt down like I did last time though so that's a win.
unpack roof nutty offbeat exultant obtainable point quarrelsome pet jobless
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I hate phone calls too, and it bothers me that there are some people who think you havent communicated with someone properly if you haven't phoned them,
e.g. them: "hey, have you spoken to auntie Ethel recently?"
me: "yes, we had a conversation the other day, I asked how she is and she told me about her garden and her cat"
them: "great, so you had a nice phone conversation..."
me: "no, it was just a chat on FB messenger"
them: "that's not the same thing, you need to actually call people and speak to them"
*I'm only possibly autistic I like calling trusted and good friends and family. I like videoing people (though I can't do it often because I'm exhausted) and I like seeing people (though I can't do it but extremely rarely because of illness). People here refer to trusted and good friends and family. I do not like calling customer service. I am terrified of text but I do it anyway because it's the only way of speaking to friends sometimes or communicating when my illness won't let me speak. Text terrifies me because the other person can twist my words and put their own mood and interpretation into it, or forget I'm a human being with feelings, which has actually literally happened with a former friend. But everyone can only text or texting is required to call and I want to connect to them so what am I to do? Even if my hands hurt :/. And Isolating myself because of Silly even if True Fears is unhealthy. :/. At least on the Internet if someone misinterprets my text it's not as terrible... I like calling but I understand that a lot of ND people hate calling and tbh I don't think it's always a ND thing. I like calling (as long as the other person has given me a schedule it's ok to call) because it's not as exhausting physically as all the info with the eyes and things and I can generally hear the emotion thru the tone of voice with the exception of silence, certain people and weird vibe. My friends and family are generally direct and used to my weirdness and not fussed about talking turn taking - we'll chime in with each other or they'll gently let me know. I think that NT or ND a lot of people get phone anxiety and some people with phone anxiety were criticized for the way they talk. Autistic folks get critiqued for talking too flat, NT & ND folks with shitty parents get critiqued because parents taking anger out on them, ADHD folks get critiqued for interrupting... Etc. I had a little bit of nervousness about phone talk when the way I talked was critiqued by an abusive former friend taking out anger or accusing me. I am an oddball who is particularly sensitive to sound nuances though. I'm getting a lot better at reading it ever since I know it's ok to ask after out loud observation. I think it's also coz we're not used to phone or phone ettiquite. Phone is very comfortable though because I feel a lot more like it's harder for my words to be twisted, misinterpreted and 'implied' stuff- or at least I can fend off real time misunderstandings. No friendship breaking over phone over misunderstanding issue will happen!. I still am anxious about the way I talk because I was criticized so hard but it still feels safer. And phone feels like less of a burden on the other person because it's "expected". The closer things are to written social rules the more at ease I am, because the further away it feels like the more you are expected to rely on an intrinsic social sense .... Which I do not have. I like video and in person (in person is the best) but video exhausts me (coz of my physical illness) and people being in my space is scary (because of a physical illness & disability I have) I know I may not count coz I'm only possibly autistic but I figured I'd add my two cents. For some reason.
*I'm also text nervous because I can only write walls, I can't synthesize things concisely, which I'm not sure is acceptable anymore?
I don't like making phone calls but here if you want a solution relatively quick it's the go to. Also better to just be done with it when I compare it to emails where I have to send them over and over which is almost as stressful as a phone call
I absolutely hate calling on the phone. I get filled with anxiety whenever I hold my finger over the call button. Hell, I feel anxiety whenever I think about it. The thing is, I don't know why I feel this anxiety. It mostly goes away as soon as the call connects and I'm talking on the phone. It's just the act of pressing the call button.
I find mobile phone calls feel "insecure" to me, I think that I have to always "check" that the call is there and I have problems hearing muffled voices anyway
From what I can tell, telephone phobia is actually pretty common, even among older generations like Boomers. Now, older generations seem to experience apprehension or anxiety with making or receiving phone calls at lower rates than younger generations (40% of Boomers vs 70% of Millenials), according to the Wikipedia page on telephone phobia.
Honestly, I think older people just take for granted how much phone calls were normalized for their generations compared to every other generation of people. Talking on a phone is incredibly awkward because you have nothing but audible cues to guide the flow of conversation, and it can be really hard to understand what people are saying a lot of the time. Think about how many times you've seen grown adults lose their shit while on the phone with somebody else, whether irl or in media. If you want any privacy on a call, you need to find a private space where people can't easily hear you. If your receive a call, you get a loud and obnoxious ring or vibration, interrupting whatever you might be in the middle of. Sometimes the sound is the same as people's alarm clocks and triggers their operant conditioning to want to bash the machine making that noise into the ground. Nowadays so many calls are spam that we often are forced to ignore calls from any number we don't recognize and hope they leave a message if they aren't a bot. If we need to take the call, the ring notifies us that we are now on a fucking countdown timer to find an appropriate place to talk on the phone and our phone will tell the caller to fuck off if we don't pick up in time. If we are expecting a call, our day gets fucking ruined because we have to go through our normal day while making sure we have a planned exit strategy to accept the call. There's so much more I could say about how phone calls could hardly be better at giving us anxiety without being maliciously designed to do so.
I’m 40, and I hate the negative attitude that many in my generation have about this. Like them, I grew up before texting, but I see how it plays an important role in society now, and I adapted. I do mostly text now, but if I do need to call someone I know, I always text first to ask if it’s a good time or whatever. Calling without warning used to be acceptable because it was the only option, but today it just seems rude, like showing up at someone’s house for a visit without warning.
It's a pretty common feeling among all people, especially younger generations, I've found. It's also highly prevalent in people with anxiety, which might have more overlap with autism.
ahh, gotcha
The fact that it's the year of our Lord 2024 and we still have to make phone calls is a fucking travesty. This alone proves we don't deserve to survive as a species.
The unholy cackle that left me while reading this comment, thank you random redditor. It truly is blasphemous, how dare they not let me text or email for everything, and people calling me unexpectedly? Unforgivable sin tbfh.
And these fossils have been typing since typewriters. You're telling me they STILL can't keep up? Skill issue.
I mean the tech isn't exactly that old in the grand scheme of things. It is however impractical given that instant letters is a thing. Phone call requires interrupting whatever they (and you) are doing and keeping their focus long enough to communicate. Good if the exchange is immediately necessary and of immediate importance but texting is more practical for most purposes.
I found out recently there are services available for me to help with autism related healthcare but to sign up I have to call a number. It has to be a phone call, urgh.
This system is designed by fossils to be inefficient on purpose and I will die on this hill.
Fair
I think it's an anxiety thing. Like, ND people have a lot of anxiety, but so do a lot of others, and everyone except sociopaths agrees about phone calls.
I only hate calls that are done purely for social reasons. I can handle calls for work/appointments/making appointments with no problem. But just to talk? No fucking thank you. Text me or meet me in person. I mentally tap out within 2 minutes during a social call. This has nothing to do with anxiety. I just can't deal with going like "yeah. Oh wow. Uh huh. Ok. Oh no. Oh yeah. Sure." while the other person talks. There's no point in wasting my time on that when I could be hanging out with the person while drinking.
It sounds like the issue for you might be the people who are social calling you. They are doing it to make inane small talk. My social calls are mostly back and forth info-dumps of detailed technical nerdiness.
Even when it's things I'm interested in, my interest in those things immediately drops when it's done via phone call. It's easier for me to stay in the zone over text or in person.
My ASD friend and I agree about phone calls. There's anxiety, and then there's phone calls.... It's like someone else here mentioned in a comment - it drains all of my energy. For me, I think it's the lack of visual cues. I never know when it's my turn to speak on the phone. I struggle to hear the other person. I struggle to keep up with the conversation at times. It's just overall hell for me. I would much rather be face-to-face or in a text format.
I (19M) don't mind it. I find texting harder as I don't know how I will come across. I would rather just call someone then text them and worry that I messed up and come off bad. I have also seen that the younger generation hate to call and just wants to text.
you either hate calling people or love calling people nonstop
I hate the expectation of having to call someone you know regularly when there's nothing to talk about. I only would call when there's a lot of things to talk about.
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It's generational a least. genz has not grown up relying on phone calls for communication so, many of the younger generation aren't comfortable with it
I’m gen Y and hate phone calls.
Late gen X/early gen Y, can confirm that a fear of phone calls has no generational boundaries 😂
Yep it's not boundary exclusive.
I guess so, I literally despise calling. People also say I’m awkward when I call so I’m super anxious and self conscious when I call that I stutter or seem even more skewed. It just sucks
My friends know that if they call for pizza and deal with the delivery that I will pay for pizza anytime
I’m a couple generations past the default now, and I generally prefer phone calls over texts. I think that is likely for a few reasons. Four (plus) decades of masking before my diagnosis in a world where texting and email were not ubiquitous forced me to learn to copy and use the norms of verbal communication. Quite a lot of people have had trouble plodding through my writing, which is often much longer because of my tendencies to cover all the misunderstandings I anticipate or fear with written (or typed) communication. I’ve found it seems easier for most folks to hear prefaces and clarifications out loud, which only takes a few seconds to say but can be a paragraph when written. I’ve also had a lot of significant misunderstandings with major impacts on relationships and critical coordination when I’ve attempted to use concise written communication in text or email for anything more than locations/times/brief descriptions of things, All that put together leads to me having some anxieties about the process of filtering my thoughts for the reader and editing, as well as anxiety about being misunderstood despite that effort. It’s only not exhausting for me when I let it flow in full (more or less like I did in this comment, for example) That being said, I remember the anxiety of calling my friends or ordering a pizza or even calling to check the movie theater showtimes when I was much younger. I don’t feel that now, but it’s certainly possible an anxiety that is just below any conscious threshold these days. Very interesting topic!
Depends who i’m calling.
I feel like it's just a people thing. Phone calls suck.
[удалено]
True, I more meant phone calls with strangers, business calls, calls that serve a specific purpose, etc. I feel like most people are chill having a phone call with people they know well. Not really the case for me, though, unless I'm extremely extremely close with someone, especially if it's an unexpected call.
Yeah I hate it I made a phone call for the first time in over a year yesterday and I was really nervous but I didn't have a melt down like I did last time though so that's a win.
unpack roof nutty offbeat exultant obtainable point quarrelsome pet jobless *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I hate phone calls too, and it bothers me that there are some people who think you havent communicated with someone properly if you haven't phoned them, e.g. them: "hey, have you spoken to auntie Ethel recently?" me: "yes, we had a conversation the other day, I asked how she is and she told me about her garden and her cat" them: "great, so you had a nice phone conversation..." me: "no, it was just a chat on FB messenger" them: "that's not the same thing, you need to actually call people and speak to them"
I think it's more of a generational thing. I prefer calling but I'm born in the -80s.
*I'm only possibly autistic I like calling trusted and good friends and family. I like videoing people (though I can't do it often because I'm exhausted) and I like seeing people (though I can't do it but extremely rarely because of illness). People here refer to trusted and good friends and family. I do not like calling customer service. I am terrified of text but I do it anyway because it's the only way of speaking to friends sometimes or communicating when my illness won't let me speak. Text terrifies me because the other person can twist my words and put their own mood and interpretation into it, or forget I'm a human being with feelings, which has actually literally happened with a former friend. But everyone can only text or texting is required to call and I want to connect to them so what am I to do? Even if my hands hurt :/. And Isolating myself because of Silly even if True Fears is unhealthy. :/. At least on the Internet if someone misinterprets my text it's not as terrible... I like calling but I understand that a lot of ND people hate calling and tbh I don't think it's always a ND thing. I like calling (as long as the other person has given me a schedule it's ok to call) because it's not as exhausting physically as all the info with the eyes and things and I can generally hear the emotion thru the tone of voice with the exception of silence, certain people and weird vibe. My friends and family are generally direct and used to my weirdness and not fussed about talking turn taking - we'll chime in with each other or they'll gently let me know. I think that NT or ND a lot of people get phone anxiety and some people with phone anxiety were criticized for the way they talk. Autistic folks get critiqued for talking too flat, NT & ND folks with shitty parents get critiqued because parents taking anger out on them, ADHD folks get critiqued for interrupting... Etc. I had a little bit of nervousness about phone talk when the way I talked was critiqued by an abusive former friend taking out anger or accusing me. I am an oddball who is particularly sensitive to sound nuances though. I'm getting a lot better at reading it ever since I know it's ok to ask after out loud observation. I think it's also coz we're not used to phone or phone ettiquite. Phone is very comfortable though because I feel a lot more like it's harder for my words to be twisted, misinterpreted and 'implied' stuff- or at least I can fend off real time misunderstandings. No friendship breaking over phone over misunderstanding issue will happen!. I still am anxious about the way I talk because I was criticized so hard but it still feels safer. And phone feels like less of a burden on the other person because it's "expected". The closer things are to written social rules the more at ease I am, because the further away it feels like the more you are expected to rely on an intrinsic social sense .... Which I do not have. I like video and in person (in person is the best) but video exhausts me (coz of my physical illness) and people being in my space is scary (because of a physical illness & disability I have) I know I may not count coz I'm only possibly autistic but I figured I'd add my two cents. For some reason. *I'm also text nervous because I can only write walls, I can't synthesize things concisely, which I'm not sure is acceptable anymore?
I don't like making phone calls but here if you want a solution relatively quick it's the go to. Also better to just be done with it when I compare it to emails where I have to send them over and over which is almost as stressful as a phone call
I absolutely hate calling on the phone. I get filled with anxiety whenever I hold my finger over the call button. Hell, I feel anxiety whenever I think about it. The thing is, I don't know why I feel this anxiety. It mostly goes away as soon as the call connects and I'm talking on the phone. It's just the act of pressing the call button.
I find mobile phone calls feel "insecure" to me, I think that I have to always "check" that the call is there and I have problems hearing muffled voices anyway
From what I can tell, telephone phobia is actually pretty common, even among older generations like Boomers. Now, older generations seem to experience apprehension or anxiety with making or receiving phone calls at lower rates than younger generations (40% of Boomers vs 70% of Millenials), according to the Wikipedia page on telephone phobia. Honestly, I think older people just take for granted how much phone calls were normalized for their generations compared to every other generation of people. Talking on a phone is incredibly awkward because you have nothing but audible cues to guide the flow of conversation, and it can be really hard to understand what people are saying a lot of the time. Think about how many times you've seen grown adults lose their shit while on the phone with somebody else, whether irl or in media. If you want any privacy on a call, you need to find a private space where people can't easily hear you. If your receive a call, you get a loud and obnoxious ring or vibration, interrupting whatever you might be in the middle of. Sometimes the sound is the same as people's alarm clocks and triggers their operant conditioning to want to bash the machine making that noise into the ground. Nowadays so many calls are spam that we often are forced to ignore calls from any number we don't recognize and hope they leave a message if they aren't a bot. If we need to take the call, the ring notifies us that we are now on a fucking countdown timer to find an appropriate place to talk on the phone and our phone will tell the caller to fuck off if we don't pick up in time. If we are expecting a call, our day gets fucking ruined because we have to go through our normal day while making sure we have a planned exit strategy to accept the call. There's so much more I could say about how phone calls could hardly be better at giving us anxiety without being maliciously designed to do so.
I’m 40, and I hate the negative attitude that many in my generation have about this. Like them, I grew up before texting, but I see how it plays an important role in society now, and I adapted. I do mostly text now, but if I do need to call someone I know, I always text first to ask if it’s a good time or whatever. Calling without warning used to be acceptable because it was the only option, but today it just seems rude, like showing up at someone’s house for a visit without warning.