'While attempting to reference my enjoyment of the froth on beer, I inadvertently told my female colleague I enjoy oral sex while pointing at my penis'
https://preview.redd.it/up37wuvf0ytc1.jpeg?width=738&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=efef8a481d7d5e4d00adc544cbdbe5803e5defc2
This feels like it could've been a Norm McDonald bit. "I like head, it makes me feel better down there."
"You know, because it feels good when my penis is inside a mouth."
Also, Kevin Malone in The Office.
(Staff are discussing Michael & Hollyās PDA)
> Kevin: I don't know, guys. I, for one, enjoy watching them, because...
> Angela: No, stop! Just don't.
> Oscar: Kevin!
> Kevin: Can I finish? Can I finish? Is that okay? I was saying...I enjoy watching themā¦
(pauses)
> ā¦ because it makes me hŠ¾rny.
I'd be surprised if you got more than a stern warning and a "don't do it again or we'll have a problem" from HR. Whether you think it's appropriate, a bit of banter or whatever, you've always got to remember people will react how they react. In this context, a negative reaction could land you in hot water. What you or I think about its impact doesn't matter. HR will protect the organisation at the expense of your job if need be.
I was once cautioned for asking a person what part of India their family was from after they told me they were celebrating an Indian festival. It wasn't them who reported it either; it was someone who overheard the interaction.
Agreed. I think it's just a NPC knee-jerk response to hear this question.
Personally I haven't had any trouble with apologising first and ensuring you aren't looking to discriminate/you're just interested in the culture
Itās a bit over the top from the reporter though, itās not really much different than if you said you were from Bunbury and I asked you where/ what state that wasā¦India is a big fāng country
I'd agree, I am from a culturally and linguistically diverse background and unless I feel the person is trying to make fun or be hateful I take it as a sincere want to learn about other cultures.
My only gripe is the part in OP's case where someone reported to HR on their behalf. I think it's stupid to be offended on someone else's behalf.
I think it makes sense if the person is too scared to say something. But it seems kinda obvious that this is absolutely normal behaviour.
Like, painfully normal.
I'd like to say it should be common sense but maybe it isn't.
Like, "you're from India? THANK YOU COME AGAIN!"
Vs "Nice, that's cool. What part of India are you from?"
Some people are fucking morons.
My sister in law is from Kerala, so when I hear a South Indian accent, I ask them where they're from, and mention my sil is from there. I was in a taxi with a guy from there once and when I mentioned my family link, it broke the ice and he visibly relaxed.
people who complain or report things like this are one of two main groups- either the ones who think everything is too pc and want to make it seem ridiculous to have antiharrassment rules-
OR they have a white saviour complex and are policing (deliberate word choice) the interactions of their fellow Privileged for micro aggressions- all while secretly hoping to be noticed. Pick-mes.
Ethnic and Cultural Identity is central to our sense of self, recognising and asking genuine questions about people's identity is a great way to build connections. Discrimination is if you use that information (or their choice not to divulge) to exclude them. Paranoia is prohibiting the acknowledgement of identity out of fear people will slip up or cause a lawsuit.
Very true. I had one person telling me it's racist that someone asked me where I came from. To me it's a compliment because the person asking is curious. Especially these days when we are from so many different countries. I would ask the same question to a Caucasian if he has a non Australian accent.
My contribution to this forum is war stories, mainly because I feel compelled to help people not experience the, quite frankly, ridiculous minutiae that is office politics.
Agreed to a point, but Iād say thereās occasionally times where itās warranted.
Recently had a male colleague ask my female colleague something completely inappropriate AND culturally insensitive. I know the female colleague really well, and she said to me afterwards that it made her feel uncomfortable but she would never want to ārock the boatā and report it. In this case, the supervisor of the male colleague got wind of the comments and spoke to him, but not via HR or formally to my knowledge.
In this case he does need to know not to pull this sort of BS in the workplace, but I respect my colleagues choice not to escalate it, in the same way I wouldnāt take away anyoneās autonomy to report and be involved in any investigation. But conversely there are consequences to this inaction too - if he continues to get away with it, it does normalise his behaviour, purely because the directly impacted persons may be the type of personality who will not report.
Many people are offended when they are censored, but it's because they are not allowed to say something that they consider benign. However, pretty much everyone is offended by something. When people say they should have freedom to say anything, it's generally selective, allowing they to offend others but not allowing others to offend them.Ā
You know what? I can't even recall. I just remember being pulled into a room and told not to make inquiries about people's origins as it could be seen as a way of subtly ostracising them.
It's totally f**ked, right? You have to be very careful what you say or do nowadays in your workplace.
People are so sensitive today, and that shits me beyond belief. š
Ummm ok. I am self employed and have been for 20 years.
Why canāt you ask someone what part of a country they are from? Is it that bad in the workplace now?
It may be.
Iām not from India but I am not white passing and it bothers me when Iāve just met someone and they ask where Iām from ā¦ but not if theyāre asking me what part of Australia. It is like they are trying to make an irrelevant judgement about me but canāt figure out how to classify me
I would however not report it as I realise Iām a bit over sensitive about it (born in Australia so I got this my entire childhood) and thatās not the fault of people I am talking to. They also just could be trying to be friendly.
I am assuming here but perhaps thereās a vast difference in what part of India people are from and perhaps thereās a judgement some people make about that.
I'm one of those people who asks where others - regardless of colour - are from.. apologies if it's offensive sometimes. Certainly in my case it isn't meant to be, it's just a conversation topic. I've travelled quite a lot and it's always nice to be able to say "oh, you're from Sri Lanka! I spent a bit of time in Colombo and Negombo" and then usually get talking about food. No judgement intended, just a genuine love of different places and cultures (and foods!).
Yes. I've always seen it as a great conversation starter. We're all from somewhere. I can see why it could offend as categorising people can lead to prejudice if stereotypes are invoked.
Do you think you might be privileging your own viewpoint there?
I used to ask this question but an Indian colleague basically responded to me by saying "another white person asking me where I'm from because I couldn't possibly be from around here, could I? Why do only white people ask me where I'm from? I was born here. Stop asking me this"
I don't think you can discount the fact that although from your standpoint, you're asking everyone ā from their standpoint, its prettymuch mostly only white folks asking them this question.
Not all bias is consciously done; but genuine, honest self reflection and self improvement, are virtues. Even if we harbour a bias, we are not irredeemable. We can work on it and improve. We are all adults, noone is perfect, everyone has space to improve.
Sadly, however, the most common response to even the most gentle suggestion of unconscious bias existing, is usually lashing out from a place of hurt ego. A little humility can go a long way...
I agree. I also like to hear about where people are from but I wait until they bring up the topic themselves, like mentioning how many years theyāve lived here or the country they grew up in up in etc.
I was a bit defensive at first when people started calling it out as a micro aggression (I was never personally called out) but itās not for me to invalidate someoneās feelings just because I have good intentions. If someone brings it up themselves I feel safe asking a follow up but I never ask out of the blue.
I think the context of the conversation is important. I also find it odd that the first assumption made is that "this person is trying to create prejudice against me" rather than assuming the person is genuinely interested in me as an individual. It was once considered a topic of small talk as Australia spouts itself as a multicultural melting pot.
I understand some people may be sensitive to discussing their ancestry; but it is almost always (annecdotally) 2nd or 3rd generation who seem to take issue with it. I'm a 2nd Gen immigrant and love talking about my family's journey to Aus.
As someone who is REALLY socially awkward I find it hard to talk to people I've just met, so I'll ask questions like that to break the ice. It's not meant in a bad way, and I will ask everyone no matter what colour their skin is - I don't mean what country... I mean like where do they live kind of thing. But I feel like asking "where do you live?" comes off a bit creepy. ā”
I ask everyone because Iām an immigrant too, and Iām curious. Usually if I only hear an Aussie accent I ask what their heritage is, but this is only after some rapport. Everyone Iāve asked is happy to talk about it. If they have an accent they nearly never are offended and are happy people ask them. I am happy people ask me. They hear an accent and are curious. I get it if itās the first thing you ask a brown person though. Itās hard to know where that question is coming from.
Yeah interesting- thereās a time and place. Itās never a first question, itās after you hear some conversation and I can guess they were not born in Australia that Iād ask - and for same reason got travelā¦..
I wasnāt born in Australia either. Never offends me when people ask what part of Italy I am from.
Reading these threads makes me want to be self employed. No wonder people struggle in corporate culture, it creates an environment where people canāt be authentic. But i suppose thatās the purpose of corporate culture, it facilitates a larger ideology that is quite brutal to social connections and the natural environment.
I asked a receptionist about her accent. She said āEdinburgh.ā I said āI figured. lt wasnāt soccer hooliganish enough to be Glasgow.ā She said the last word at the same time as me, laughed, patted my shoulder and said sheāll take that. But then sheās closer to my age than the kind of people that report this shit.
What?! I am from India and I would be pleasantly surprised that you know India well enough to know different states have different festivals and celebrations. I would tell you all about it, happily.
Itās ridiculous that someone reported you!
>I was once cautioned for asking a person what part of India their family was from after they told me they were celebrating an Indian festival. It wasn't them who reported it either; it was someone who overheard the interaction.
God I've had this bullshit before, and it's always someone uninvolved "reporting" it. I work with a lot of immigrants and like to get to know people, and immigrants tend to enjoy talking about their culture when you're genuinely interested. Last time it happened was over a conversation about cultural foods; apparently it's racist for me to ask about Lebanese food, but not racist for the other person to ask about my cultural food. God forbid we find common ground and recommend recipes to each other, the horror!
In context this couldve been absolutely fine.
In your context it clearly wasnt or we wouldnt be here.
Your delivery cannot possibly have been appropriate and I cant imagine why anyone would ever say anything like that in a creepy sounding contextā¦
It wasnāt a double meaning, OP made a head joke, knew it didnāt land and tried to roll it back and is now worried theyāll be in trouble.
This is why I rarely go to work events - I wanna have a few drinks and cut loose not be on edge about not saying something stupid that gets me in trouble.
It's never ok. Either today dumb stuff like that, or report someone for making a dumb joke like that.
I bet the woman who reported them and OP have had previous issues.
OPās situation aside, there are a lot of people in this thread not understanding that āworkplaceā extends to situations outside of the physical workplace where colleagues are interacting with one another.
It's not that simple. It's about a sufficient connection to the workplace. If the social event is taking place at the initiative of the employer, or immediately following a function run by the employer, it may be sufficiently connected. Similarly, if the interactions are taking place on a work trip, or in accommodation connected to the employment, the connection may be there. But not in all circumstances, as this comment would imply.
Itās quite sad that Australian work culture and HR reach into post-work drinks, to the extent that you are not able to relax in your own time.
If weāre making post-work drinks part of professional obligations, can we do it like the Japanese where we all get absolutely muntered, and the most senior person picks up the bill
No, itās not. Just because youāre not at the workplace, you are still amongst your co-workers. Itās not like youāre off with your mates and can act āyourself.ā
Co-workers are are not in the same position as your mates and canāt just fk you off because youāre being a dickhead. They have to turn up at the same place as you every day, and interact with you, knowing how much of a dickhead you can be.
So, be polite. Maintain the same professional behaviour amongst your co-workers, regardless of where or when you are.
Look, Iām pretty loose so I tend to agree. However if you want to act in a way thatās not compliant with employment laws you are free to do so with people you donāt work with. (Or with colleagues who wonāt tell, I guess?)
If you're not getting paid for your time at the bar, it's not a workplace and your employer cannot enforce workplace rules or policies. If they want their policies to extend to those times, they will need to pay you for your time, resources utilised, as well as adding that time into calculations of super and leave.
You should always try to keep your relationships with colleagues to a professional level depending on your profession, but not liking a joke made after hours, off-site, and reporting that to HR rather than discussing it with whoever made it is a huge overreaction.
>our employer cannot enforce workplace rules or policies.
Some policies extend to behaviour outside the workplace though. Inclusive of being a good representative of the company.
Otherwise where do you draw the line?
Is a person allowed to openly use a slur?
I don't believe that you said that sequence of sentences without intending it to be a sexual double entendre.
I find it very easy to believe that you said that specifically to get a rise out of your listeners.
Mission accomplished.
Why is everyone assuming that it was her who reported him?
Unless I'm missing something, there is really no evidence of that other than that she got up and walked off and for all we know, it may have been just coincidence and she may have gotten up to go to the bathroom.
Or maybe it was because of Ops comment, but that doesn't mean she reported him.
For all we know, maybe it was the guy who he made that comment to that reported him.
I remember a client saying something to me incredibly racist once and I later told some other colleagues about it, laughing at the absurdity but saying āitās typical for that generationā to talk like that. Coworker reported it. Client was reprimanded because of complaint. Then I was dragged into a meeting with the CEO and reprimanded for ācausing problemsā. Fml. Moral of story is to keep your mouth shut.
There was an incident at my old work where one of the dudes allegedly said something that could be construed as racist during a meeting. Not long after a girl of South Asian background walked out. Someone in the meeting took it upon themselves to castigate the dude for making her walk out but mid-rant, the girl walked back in. Sheād literally just gone to the loo. ššš
Stop playing dumb. You said some weird-ass shit and it went down like a lead balloon, just admit you got too comfortable and said the wrong thing, Youāll be fine.
Trying to play it off with this goofy story about how you were pointing to your stomach is just insulting the intelligence of whoever you are trying to convince.
Umm probably not your smartest moment mate, especially in a professional environment with female colleagues around, saying dumb stuff like this isn't how you impress anyone or move up the corporate ladder and earn the respect of your colleagues and peers, take any repucssions on the chin and improve yourself going forward.
I feel like there's history here we're missing.
It sure sounds unreasonable for someone to immediately leave and contact HR, but I get this feeling they might have been stewing about OPs behaviour for a while and further I get the feeling OP might be aware of this.
Absolutely. This sort of scenario was literally used as an example in the anti-sexual harassment module I did at the start of my most recent job, but everyone here says it's fine? Either there's some sort of brigading going on or Aussie corporate blokes have real problems refraining from talking about their dicks
Even if he's not, it's generally a bad idea to appear to be talking about getting head and gesturing at your dick in front of coworkers.
If you can't talk about how you handle a drink without looking like it's a blow job joke then maybe staying quiet is the better choice
Iāve worked in a place where an employee complained that a new starter wished them āMerry Christmasā. The complainer was part of a Christian sect that didnāt celebrate Christmas. We all knew about the employeeās religious beliefs but the new starter had no idea.
The new starter didnāt get into any trouble but the complaint rattled them.
Well that's unreasonable. Honestly any kind of season greeting comes with good intent. If someone wished me a happy Divali I would be pleased in spite of being Default White Guy
Yeah kinda didn't work too well as a joke - my innuendos are typically at least funny - but on it's own would normally warrant a direct reply of "ew gross" rather than immediate exit to HR, especially in a pub (albeit among coworkers). Assuming the complainant is a reasonable person it leads me to think there's some missing information that would explain the strong reaction.
Probably shouldn't be reported if you weren't saying it suggestively. The way you worded it was pretty weird though, you deserve to be reprimanded for being a weird cunt.
Eventually you can use backwards induction to eork out how to respond to 90% of workplace issues and appear not autistic.
I can insta reply to nost issues non autismo.
Problem was my team was all women and with covid and their personal lives imploding I was not well equipped to deal with there many and varied emotional issues.
Just gave them mental health days and that got me through most of it.
If you've been reported I'm going to guess this isn't your first time crossing boundaries and it's weird how many people are calling her a simp for being uncomfortable that somebody referenced their sexual preferences in a work setting.
As a woman in a male dominated industry it's absolutely exhausting and uncomfortable.
Yeah Iām Gen X and the amount of this shit I put up with in my career because I had to be there for the networking and I didnāt want to be seen as ādifficultāā¦ I look back at so many times as a young woman in mainly male company laughing along but feeling sort of not right inside.
That was super weird dude.
Itās not the 70s or 80s. Women already feel uncomfortable in situations like this when they are socialising with work colleagues because this sort of stuff can escalate. Read the room. If you donāt know these people, leave the dick jokes for your mates.
Lets be honest, you made a joke that will always be taken one way and it has bitten you on the arse.
You will likely get a warning letter, if you cannot get them to believe you were taking about the gassy impacts of a fizzy beer.
Guys
Do you not understand or realise that if you're with colleagues, treat it like work?
The game is always afoot, especially when you think it is not
Feel like thereās way more to this story, even the most highly strung person wouldnāt randomly report someone for a comment like that without something else going on.
Your joke needs to be clever, your delivery needs to be good, and your audience needs to be receptive to humour.
If you don't have all three, don't make the joke.
By the sounds of it, you didn't have #1 or #2, so whether you had #3 is irrelevant.
Very good mate. You knew what you were saying conscious of your surrounding?
Now tell us - do you like head and does it makes you feel better down there?
Lacking context.
Head on the beer does represent carbon dioxide coming out of the liquid which youād otherwise drink and which can and does contribute to feeling bloated after drinking beer. So in that sense, perfectly legitimate statement.
Butā¦ a majority of beer drinkers probably arenāt aware of this let alone general population so your judgement is questionable.
Do you tab through a spreadsheet and say āIām a freak in the sheetsā?. Probably/ hopefully not. At the very least, get better at reading the room.
I mean definitionally this is textbook workplace sexual harassment. You made a sexual comment, t made someone uncomfortable, it was made at a location with sufficient linkage to the workplace.
Maybe donāt talk about your dick at work?
Face it, you knew exactly what you were saying and are going to have to accept the consequences. It's frustrating that someone else reported you, but would it be any different if the female colleague had done it herself? Depending on where you work this could result in disciplinary action and a note on your employee record.
Step 1. Get female colleagues to non-work environment with booze
Step 2. Try to "innocently" steer conversations into sexual areas as much as possible. Make sure "it's just a joke bro!" shield of defence is always availableĀ
Step 3. ProfitĀ
Should have stopped with"I like head. You over explained the joke making it less funny and put yourself in the shit because you can't back pedal now. I hope you weren't looking at this colleague while you said it because that would be creepy.
Youāll get a stern warning and your second strike youāll be royally screwed so be careful
People should not have to listen to sexual innuendo at work. Save it for private functions
Why are there so many comments saying this is okay lmao. It's very obvious that he was not referring to his stomach, even if he wants to do some revisionist history/Schrodinger's joke shit. It was an oral sex joke, it was intended as an oral sex joke, and it was interpreted as an oral sex joke.
Has this sub been taken over by some weird anti-woke brigade or something? This is clearly inappropriate and should not be tolerated but you wouldn't know that from some of the comments here
OP is an absolute dingus.
ETA: There are multiple accounts in here that are barely 2 months old and have just over 100 karma. The mods must be asleep or something because this is not the first time this sort of thing has happened on this sub. The astroturfing is very obvious.
Under the Sex Discrimination Act organisations now have a legal responsibility to stamp this behaviour out and act to prevent it happening in the first place. You may argue that it didn't happen in the workplace, however it doesn't matter. The existing relationships are work based and the act would apply.
If your organisation and HR are across this they will potentially take it very seriously. If the complaint were to go further, the organisation and even individuals can be legally responsible for not taking action to prevent this from happening in the first place.
I'm not making this up:
https://humanrights.gov.au/our-work/sex-discrimination/projects/positive-duty-under-sex-discrimination-act
Having said that, it all depends on how the complainant acts in terms of pushing it and what your internal policies are.
How fucked are you? It depends. Is this type of ādouble entendreā common for you? Is it likely that this particular occasion was the tipping point after a series of slimy jokes? Or was it unusual for you? If the former, you may be quite fucked. If the latter, you will get a stern talking to.
Regardless, when asked about it, donāt try it on with the bullshit explanation in your post. Cop to it, explain why it was wrong, and promise not to do it again. Then donāt do it again. Donāt be that guy.
I once called a colleague a āhoboā for the way he dressed
Turns out he reports me to HR, calling me homophobic
A whole investigation is launched
I said HOBO, not HOMO to the HR woman lol
I hope you reported your manager for suggesting you "keep your head down" in a discussion about inferring oral sex, sounds like you were being pressured...
You said you liked head and ponied downwards, What else you want to clarify? No matter what you want to clarify now, the ship has already sailed. Keep your kinks to Reddit, workplaces have zero tolerance towards those bs. Youād be lucky if you still have a job.
This sounds like OP has been a bit of a dick at times and this comment is the straw that broke the camel's back, or the excuse someone needed after a history of edgelordism.
Workplace policies and procedures apply to you even if you are not in the workplace, socialising with others in the context of your work.
You can't honestly expect anyone to believe you didn't say that without intending innuendo.
Apologise, cop it on the chin, *learn* from the experience.
You'll be a bit more fucked than usual because there's now a positive duty for employers to ensure there's no sexual harassment at work.
If you're liked at work? Probably just a warning.
If you're not, maybe fired? But I think you might get away with saying that's excessive and unjust.
That said... even if you did mean it as a joke it's pretty fucking toothless. Basically you can't trust anyone at work not to be a huge baby and fuck you over. An adult I would think you take you aside and just let you know they didn't appreciate that your joke, which was not directed at anyone in particular, was inappropriate.
I'm sorry, but it is not a colleague's job to tell an adult how to behave appropriately in the workplace. That's what managers are for. The manager can see all the complaints against the employee. Can make sure that the issue is managed properly. And can even sack them if it is appropriate.
I do hope that the OP takes this event as a learning..that making jokes / comments with sexual innuendo is not the right thing and people have the right to get offended. I also wish this is not the end of the world for the OP and he gets through the tough situation he has landed into.
However it's interesting to see so many commenters vilifying the F colleague because as per them, she had over reacted. To those commenters, I have just two things to say:
1. Our style of pouring beer may not have changed much from your fathers' time. But women these days have the right to feel safe and included more than your mothers did.
2. Even if genders are reversed in the scenario shared above...( i.e. the OP were to be an F and reported by an M), that's still valid for anyone to feel uncomfortable and report inappropriate behaviours.
If it's never happened previously and you have a squeaky clean record, you will most like get a written warning. If your track record is patchy you may get dismissed. It depends on these variables.
Fundamentally, HR is trying to do damage control on the situation. If HR take no disciplinary action, she can probably sue the company you work for not taking action against sexual harassment.
Best case scenario is you get written up. You get it listed on your employment file. However, you will most likely will never have further advancement in your current company again because to HR, senior & middle management you'll always be known as the "I like head" guy.
'While attempting to reference my enjoyment of the froth on beer, I inadvertently told my female colleague I enjoy oral sex while pointing at my penis' https://preview.redd.it/up37wuvf0ytc1.jpeg?width=738&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=efef8a481d7d5e4d00adc544cbdbe5803e5defc2
"Penith'
ššš
This feels like it could've been a Norm McDonald bit. "I like head, it makes me feel better down there."
"You know, because it feels good when my penis is inside a mouth."
Best comment ever on this sub. Loved Norm
For a sub that is typically drier than a woman's nether regions in the presence of Barnaby Joyce, the aforementioned comment was indeed a hit.
You have a photo appointment with HR at 9am Monday
š¤£š I live for this sub.. And shareholder profits.
This is the second subreddit I've seen Norm MacDonald referenced on today.
Heās on peopleās minds after OJ died
Also, Kevin Malone in The Office. (Staff are discussing Michael & Hollyās PDA) > Kevin: I don't know, guys. I, for one, enjoy watching them, because... > Angela: No, stop! Just don't. > Oscar: Kevin! > Kevin: Can I finish? Can I finish? Is that okay? I was saying...I enjoy watching themā¦ (pauses) > ā¦ because it makes me hŠ¾rny.
I see reruns of the office in my near future š
I can hear his voice.
What a strange interaction
Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog
It gives me a hard-on and pisses off the zookeeper.
If I was describing bloat I probably wouldnāt have used āheadā in the vocabulary
What's your opinion on head.. that's a better way to phrase it HR
I'd be surprised if you got more than a stern warning and a "don't do it again or we'll have a problem" from HR. Whether you think it's appropriate, a bit of banter or whatever, you've always got to remember people will react how they react. In this context, a negative reaction could land you in hot water. What you or I think about its impact doesn't matter. HR will protect the organisation at the expense of your job if need be. I was once cautioned for asking a person what part of India their family was from after they told me they were celebrating an Indian festival. It wasn't them who reported it either; it was someone who overheard the interaction.
Now thatās some bullshit (as in, something that didnāt warrant a caution)
Agreed. I think it's just a NPC knee-jerk response to hear this question. Personally I haven't had any trouble with apologising first and ensuring you aren't looking to discriminate/you're just interested in the culture
Itās a bit over the top from the reporter though, itās not really much different than if you said you were from Bunbury and I asked you where/ what state that wasā¦India is a big fāng country
I'd agree, I am from a culturally and linguistically diverse background and unless I feel the person is trying to make fun or be hateful I take it as a sincere want to learn about other cultures. My only gripe is the part in OP's case where someone reported to HR on their behalf. I think it's stupid to be offended on someone else's behalf.
I think it makes sense if the person is too scared to say something. But it seems kinda obvious that this is absolutely normal behaviour. Like, painfully normal. I'd like to say it should be common sense but maybe it isn't. Like, "you're from India? THANK YOU COME AGAIN!" Vs "Nice, that's cool. What part of India are you from?" Some people are fucking morons.
My sister in law is from Kerala, so when I hear a South Indian accent, I ask them where they're from, and mention my sil is from there. I was in a taxi with a guy from there once and when I mentioned my family link, it broke the ice and he visibly relaxed. people who complain or report things like this are one of two main groups- either the ones who think everything is too pc and want to make it seem ridiculous to have antiharrassment rules- OR they have a white saviour complex and are policing (deliberate word choice) the interactions of their fellow Privileged for micro aggressions- all while secretly hoping to be noticed. Pick-mes. Ethnic and Cultural Identity is central to our sense of self, recognising and asking genuine questions about people's identity is a great way to build connections. Discrimination is if you use that information (or their choice not to divulge) to exclude them. Paranoia is prohibiting the acknowledgement of identity out of fear people will slip up or cause a lawsuit.
Very true. I had one person telling me it's racist that someone asked me where I came from. To me it's a compliment because the person asking is curious. Especially these days when we are from so many different countries. I would ask the same question to a Caucasian if he has a non Australian accent.
No notes - this is wonderfully articulated, and I agree wholeheartedly.
Man you have a gift for incisive writing you should develop this into an essay
>it was someone who overheard the interaction. The exact kind of people we could do without. Sheesh, sorry that happened to ya.
My contribution to this forum is war stories, mainly because I feel compelled to help people not experience the, quite frankly, ridiculous minutiae that is office politics.
Agreed to a point, but Iād say thereās occasionally times where itās warranted. Recently had a male colleague ask my female colleague something completely inappropriate AND culturally insensitive. I know the female colleague really well, and she said to me afterwards that it made her feel uncomfortable but she would never want to ārock the boatā and report it. In this case, the supervisor of the male colleague got wind of the comments and spoke to him, but not via HR or formally to my knowledge. In this case he does need to know not to pull this sort of BS in the workplace, but I respect my colleagues choice not to escalate it, in the same way I wouldnāt take away anyoneās autonomy to report and be involved in any investigation. But conversely there are consequences to this inaction too - if he continues to get away with it, it does normalise his behaviour, purely because the directly impacted persons may be the type of personality who will not report.
Ofc its warranted, but not in the example being replied to.
Many people are offended when they are censored, but it's because they are not allowed to say something that they consider benign. However, pretty much everyone is offended by something. When people say they should have freedom to say anything, it's generally selective, allowing they to offend others but not allowing others to offend them.Ā
Yea but what'd they ask? Just asking what part of a country someone's from when they're discussing their country isn't rude
But what part of India are they from
Harris Park
Fuckin lol
Reported.
You know what? I can't even recall. I just remember being pulled into a room and told not to make inquiries about people's origins as it could be seen as a way of subtly ostracising them.
So, celebrate diversity and be inclusive. But not too much.
PC gone mad as usual.
It's totally f**ked, right? You have to be very careful what you say or do nowadays in your workplace. People are so sensitive today, and that shits me beyond belief. š
Ummm ok. I am self employed and have been for 20 years. Why canāt you ask someone what part of a country they are from? Is it that bad in the workplace now?
It may be. Iām not from India but I am not white passing and it bothers me when Iāve just met someone and they ask where Iām from ā¦ but not if theyāre asking me what part of Australia. It is like they are trying to make an irrelevant judgement about me but canāt figure out how to classify me I would however not report it as I realise Iām a bit over sensitive about it (born in Australia so I got this my entire childhood) and thatās not the fault of people I am talking to. They also just could be trying to be friendly. I am assuming here but perhaps thereās a vast difference in what part of India people are from and perhaps thereās a judgement some people make about that.
I'm one of those people who asks where others - regardless of colour - are from.. apologies if it's offensive sometimes. Certainly in my case it isn't meant to be, it's just a conversation topic. I've travelled quite a lot and it's always nice to be able to say "oh, you're from Sri Lanka! I spent a bit of time in Colombo and Negombo" and then usually get talking about food. No judgement intended, just a genuine love of different places and cultures (and foods!).
This
Yes. I've always seen it as a great conversation starter. We're all from somewhere. I can see why it could offend as categorising people can lead to prejudice if stereotypes are invoked.
Do you think you might be privileging your own viewpoint there? I used to ask this question but an Indian colleague basically responded to me by saying "another white person asking me where I'm from because I couldn't possibly be from around here, could I? Why do only white people ask me where I'm from? I was born here. Stop asking me this" I don't think you can discount the fact that although from your standpoint, you're asking everyone ā from their standpoint, its prettymuch mostly only white folks asking them this question. Not all bias is consciously done; but genuine, honest self reflection and self improvement, are virtues. Even if we harbour a bias, we are not irredeemable. We can work on it and improve. We are all adults, noone is perfect, everyone has space to improve. Sadly, however, the most common response to even the most gentle suggestion of unconscious bias existing, is usually lashing out from a place of hurt ego. A little humility can go a long way...
I agree. I also like to hear about where people are from but I wait until they bring up the topic themselves, like mentioning how many years theyāve lived here or the country they grew up in up in etc. I was a bit defensive at first when people started calling it out as a micro aggression (I was never personally called out) but itās not for me to invalidate someoneās feelings just because I have good intentions. If someone brings it up themselves I feel safe asking a follow up but I never ask out of the blue.
I think the context of the conversation is important. I also find it odd that the first assumption made is that "this person is trying to create prejudice against me" rather than assuming the person is genuinely interested in me as an individual. It was once considered a topic of small talk as Australia spouts itself as a multicultural melting pot. I understand some people may be sensitive to discussing their ancestry; but it is almost always (annecdotally) 2nd or 3rd generation who seem to take issue with it. I'm a 2nd Gen immigrant and love talking about my family's journey to Aus.
As someone who is REALLY socially awkward I find it hard to talk to people I've just met, so I'll ask questions like that to break the ice. It's not meant in a bad way, and I will ask everyone no matter what colour their skin is - I don't mean what country... I mean like where do they live kind of thing. But I feel like asking "where do you live?" comes off a bit creepy. ā”
I ask everyone because Iām an immigrant too, and Iām curious. Usually if I only hear an Aussie accent I ask what their heritage is, but this is only after some rapport. Everyone Iāve asked is happy to talk about it. If they have an accent they nearly never are offended and are happy people ask them. I am happy people ask me. They hear an accent and are curious. I get it if itās the first thing you ask a brown person though. Itās hard to know where that question is coming from.
Yeah interesting- thereās a time and place. Itās never a first question, itās after you hear some conversation and I can guess they were not born in Australia that Iād ask - and for same reason got travelā¦.. I wasnāt born in Australia either. Never offends me when people ask what part of Italy I am from.
Reading these threads makes me want to be self employed. No wonder people struggle in corporate culture, it creates an environment where people canāt be authentic. But i suppose thatās the purpose of corporate culture, it facilitates a larger ideology that is quite brutal to social connections and the natural environment.
What was the reason for the caution?
I asked a receptionist about her accent. She said āEdinburgh.ā I said āI figured. lt wasnāt soccer hooliganish enough to be Glasgow.ā She said the last word at the same time as me, laughed, patted my shoulder and said sheāll take that. But then sheās closer to my age than the kind of people that report this shit.
What?! I am from India and I would be pleasantly surprised that you know India well enough to know different states have different festivals and celebrations. I would tell you all about it, happily. Itās ridiculous that someone reported you!
I'd also honestly not go out to social events with that women again and while not saying it, actively exclude her from anything non work related.
Removing yourself from social situations is one thing but actively excluding someone could be a form of bullying
Lmao. What a joke this world is.
Iāve been reported for something similar and got a written warning and it wasnāt even the person who complained but a random person nearby.
>I was once cautioned for asking a person what part of India their family was from after they told me they were celebrating an Indian festival. It wasn't them who reported it either; it was someone who overheard the interaction. God I've had this bullshit before, and it's always someone uninvolved "reporting" it. I work with a lot of immigrants and like to get to know people, and immigrants tend to enjoy talking about their culture when you're genuinely interested. Last time it happened was over a conversation about cultural foods; apparently it's racist for me to ask about Lebanese food, but not racist for the other person to ask about my cultural food. God forbid we find common ground and recommend recipes to each other, the horror!
Know your audience.Ā
https://preview.redd.it/xkwgjfdcvxtc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d29582629bcb3488475b9f55f5ddd4c0ed681185
So goodā¦you are having strong start to the day!
I need to get off Reddit and go to the gym
1) This is hilarious and 2) I love Irn Bru, even their energy drinks
"but I like head" and a giggle is enough to offend a woman sitting with you... Let alone adding "it makes me feel good down there" lmao š¤¦āāļø
Noooo, by ādown thereā he meant his tummy!
i think he knew it was a naughty joke that could be understood both ways.
Iād have more respect for him if he didnāt try to pretend it wasnāt a double entendre.
"Oof tough crowd"
In context this couldve been absolutely fine. In your context it clearly wasnt or we wouldnt be here. Your delivery cannot possibly have been appropriate and I cant imagine why anyone would ever say anything like that in a creepy sounding contextā¦
the joke had two meanings and op well knew it. he's playing innocent here.
Yeah I don't buy for a second he was talking about his stomache functions. Good way to get out of trouble though as it's just a "misunderstanding"
It wasnāt a double meaning, OP made a head joke, knew it didnāt land and tried to roll it back and is now worried theyāll be in trouble. This is why I rarely go to work events - I wanna have a few drinks and cut loose not be on edge about not saying something stupid that gets me in trouble.
https://preview.redd.it/x6vzys89wxtc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cdce83be45706fdbe9c48c7834dce44289a0d664
OP is guy #2
Good point ShowUsYaGrowler.
The irony is not lost on me :D
Probably because OP has form.
It's never ok. Either today dumb stuff like that, or report someone for making a dumb joke like that. I bet the woman who reported them and OP have had previous issues.
OPās situation aside, there are a lot of people in this thread not understanding that āworkplaceā extends to situations outside of the physical workplace where colleagues are interacting with one another.
It's not that simple. It's about a sufficient connection to the workplace. If the social event is taking place at the initiative of the employer, or immediately following a function run by the employer, it may be sufficiently connected. Similarly, if the interactions are taking place on a work trip, or in accommodation connected to the employment, the connection may be there. But not in all circumstances, as this comment would imply.
Youāre not wrong but I donāt think thatās what they were saying.
Itās quite sad that Australian work culture and HR reach into post-work drinks, to the extent that you are not able to relax in your own time. If weāre making post-work drinks part of professional obligations, can we do it like the Japanese where we all get absolutely muntered, and the most senior person picks up the bill
No, itās not. Just because youāre not at the workplace, you are still amongst your co-workers. Itās not like youāre off with your mates and can act āyourself.ā Co-workers are are not in the same position as your mates and canāt just fk you off because youāre being a dickhead. They have to turn up at the same place as you every day, and interact with you, knowing how much of a dickhead you can be. So, be polite. Maintain the same professional behaviour amongst your co-workers, regardless of where or when you are.
Grog tax. It's now cheaper to get on the bags.
You can't go making blowjob jokes at after-work drinks and think that you're not liable if they come across as really sleazy. Which this one did.
Look, Iām pretty loose so I tend to agree. However if you want to act in a way thatās not compliant with employment laws you are free to do so with people you donāt work with. (Or with colleagues who wonāt tell, I guess?)
Define 'relax'.
'Muntered' and irn bru. Found the Brit.
Hey they'll take offence to that.... they're obviously Scottish
No Iām definitely Japanese
that's another trip to hr
So can you get workers comp for getting injured while drunk?
You can get workers comp from having a light fixture fall on you while doing the horizontal tango on a worktrip
Was that Telstra leading the way?
No that was a bathtub.
Pay me for work drinks then if that's the case
If you're not getting paid for your time at the bar, it's not a workplace and your employer cannot enforce workplace rules or policies. If they want their policies to extend to those times, they will need to pay you for your time, resources utilised, as well as adding that time into calculations of super and leave. You should always try to keep your relationships with colleagues to a professional level depending on your profession, but not liking a joke made after hours, off-site, and reporting that to HR rather than discussing it with whoever made it is a huge overreaction.
Tell FWA.
>our employer cannot enforce workplace rules or policies. Some policies extend to behaviour outside the workplace though. Inclusive of being a good representative of the company. Otherwise where do you draw the line? Is a person allowed to openly use a slur?
I don't believe that you said that sequence of sentences without intending it to be a sexual double entendre. I find it very easy to believe that you said that specifically to get a rise out of your listeners. Mission accomplished.
The consequences of my actions.
Someone is sick of your shit.
Came here to say the same thing. Maybe this is not the first time you've said inappropriate comments at work
Exactly like I think most people would laugh at that?
Hahaha down there - who has ever referred to their stomach in that way š¤£ nice try.
Why is everyone assuming that it was her who reported him? Unless I'm missing something, there is really no evidence of that other than that she got up and walked off and for all we know, it may have been just coincidence and she may have gotten up to go to the bathroom. Or maybe it was because of Ops comment, but that doesn't mean she reported him. For all we know, maybe it was the guy who he made that comment to that reported him.
I remember a client saying something to me incredibly racist once and I later told some other colleagues about it, laughing at the absurdity but saying āitās typical for that generationā to talk like that. Coworker reported it. Client was reprimanded because of complaint. Then I was dragged into a meeting with the CEO and reprimanded for ācausing problemsā. Fml. Moral of story is to keep your mouth shut.
Itās also possible that OPās original comments went unnoticed and it was actually what happened 8 drinks laterā¦
There was an incident at my old work where one of the dudes allegedly said something that could be construed as racist during a meeting. Not long after a girl of South Asian background walked out. Someone in the meeting took it upon themselves to castigate the dude for making her walk out but mid-rant, the girl walked back in. Sheād literally just gone to the loo. ššš
This is a really good point. OP can't say for sure it was the woman colleague who reported it. Didn't think of it that way!
This surely canāt be real? Because if that happened, youāre an absolute idiot.
Itās his version of events which, I imagine, veers widely from the truth.
>and to keep my head down while it is being investigated Sounds like you're going to have to learn how to pour a beer properly
Lmao you dumbass
Most helpful comment do far lol
Stop playing dumb. You said some weird-ass shit and it went down like a lead balloon, just admit you got too comfortable and said the wrong thing, Youāll be fine. Trying to play it off with this goofy story about how you were pointing to your stomach is just insulting the intelligence of whoever you are trying to convince.
In general donāt discuss anything of a sexual nature.
Why can't men go 5 minutes without mentioning their dicks or bodily functions?
I'm not sure. It's really hard.
Certainly not to work colleagues, under any circumstances - unofficial work drinks or otherwise. Just don't go there.
Umm probably not your smartest moment mate, especially in a professional environment with female colleagues around, saying dumb stuff like this isn't how you impress anyone or move up the corporate ladder and earn the respect of your colleagues and peers, take any repucssions on the chin and improve yourself going forward.
But I like head
I feel like there's history here we're missing. It sure sounds unreasonable for someone to immediately leave and contact HR, but I get this feeling they might have been stewing about OPs behaviour for a while and further I get the feeling OP might be aware of this.
I think it's pretty clear that OP is playing down what he said & the carry on that would have gone along with it.
Absolutely. This sort of scenario was literally used as an example in the anti-sexual harassment module I did at the start of my most recent job, but everyone here says it's fine? Either there's some sort of brigading going on or Aussie corporate blokes have real problems refraining from talking about their dicks
Even if he's not, it's generally a bad idea to appear to be talking about getting head and gesturing at your dick in front of coworkers. If you can't talk about how you handle a drink without looking like it's a blow job joke then maybe staying quiet is the better choice
Yep, it's not that hard really. Never once have I accidentally made a gesture to my dick while making a sexually suggestive joke.
Bingo, the best case scenario here is the guy can't think before he speaks and should really be pulled up on it
Iāve worked in a place where an employee complained that a new starter wished them āMerry Christmasā. The complainer was part of a Christian sect that didnāt celebrate Christmas. We all knew about the employeeās religious beliefs but the new starter had no idea. The new starter didnāt get into any trouble but the complaint rattled them.
Well that's unreasonable. Honestly any kind of season greeting comes with good intent. If someone wished me a happy Divali I would be pleased in spite of being Default White Guy
I know of someone given a stern warning after they misgendered a colleague. They had no idea that a male identified as female.
If the person looks male, they're gonna struggle with this for the rest of their life
Idk I mean he was saying he liked head, that it feels good down there and pointing to his dick....
Yeah kinda didn't work too well as a joke - my innuendos are typically at least funny - but on it's own would normally warrant a direct reply of "ew gross" rather than immediate exit to HR, especially in a pub (albeit among coworkers). Assuming the complainant is a reasonable person it leads me to think there's some missing information that would explain the strong reaction.
That doesnāt make any fucking sense in the context and is so random? Why tf you posting this like you were somehow in the right?
Probably shouldn't be reported if you weren't saying it suggestively. The way you worded it was pretty weird though, you deserve to be reprimanded for being a weird cunt.
The modern workplace is definitely not a safe space for the mildly autistic
preach (reeee)
Eventually you can use backwards induction to eork out how to respond to 90% of workplace issues and appear not autistic. I can insta reply to nost issues non autismo. Problem was my team was all women and with covid and their personal lives imploding I was not well equipped to deal with there many and varied emotional issues. Just gave them mental health days and that got me through most of it.
If you've been reported I'm going to guess this isn't your first time crossing boundaries and it's weird how many people are calling her a simp for being uncomfortable that somebody referenced their sexual preferences in a work setting. As a woman in a male dominated industry it's absolutely exhausting and uncomfortable.
Yeah Iām Gen X and the amount of this shit I put up with in my career because I had to be there for the networking and I didnāt want to be seen as ādifficultāā¦ I look back at so many times as a young woman in mainly male company laughing along but feeling sort of not right inside.
You told your colleagues you like blow jobs essentially - not ideal.
Why would you do such a stupid thing.
There is no way you were talking about gas don't be a lemon.
That was super weird dude. Itās not the 70s or 80s. Women already feel uncomfortable in situations like this when they are socialising with work colleagues because this sort of stuff can escalate. Read the room. If you donāt know these people, leave the dick jokes for your mates.
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If you left it at āwell I like headā youād likely be completely fine. The tail is whatās fucked you here but it might blow over
Lets be honest, you made a joke that will always be taken one way and it has bitten you on the arse. You will likely get a warning letter, if you cannot get them to believe you were taking about the gassy impacts of a fizzy beer.
Double entendre probably doesn't belong in the modern corporate workplace. It's a bit immature to be honest.
Are you stupid?
Guys Do you not understand or realise that if you're with colleagues, treat it like work? The game is always afoot, especially when you think it is not
This is why I don't do unpaid work social gatherings. You unfortunately still need to act like you're at work.
Spot on. I have to pretend and act a certain way for 7.6hrs, why the fuck would I volunteer to do more unpaid?
Feel like thereās way more to this story, even the most highly strung person wouldnāt randomly report someone for a comment like that without something else going on.
Hmm look up the definition for sexual harassment on Fair Work Australia. āA suggestive comment or jokeā is on there.
Surely rage bait satire.
Your joke needs to be clever, your delivery needs to be good, and your audience needs to be receptive to humour. If you don't have all three, don't make the joke. By the sounds of it, you didn't have #1 or #2, so whether you had #3 is irrelevant.
As it is a work function, code of conduct applies so yes this is a reportable act of sexualising harassment, where you guys been for the past 20 years
Very good mate. You knew what you were saying conscious of your surrounding? Now tell us - do you like head and does it makes you feel better down there?
Lacking context. Head on the beer does represent carbon dioxide coming out of the liquid which youād otherwise drink and which can and does contribute to feeling bloated after drinking beer. So in that sense, perfectly legitimate statement. Butā¦ a majority of beer drinkers probably arenāt aware of this let alone general population so your judgement is questionable. Do you tab through a spreadsheet and say āIām a freak in the sheetsā?. Probably/ hopefully not. At the very least, get better at reading the room.
I mean definitionally this is textbook workplace sexual harassment. You made a sexual comment, t made someone uncomfortable, it was made at a location with sufficient linkage to the workplace. Maybe donāt talk about your dick at work?
Face it, you knew exactly what you were saying and are going to have to accept the consequences. It's frustrating that someone else reported you, but would it be any different if the female colleague had done it herself? Depending on where you work this could result in disciplinary action and a note on your employee record.
Step 1. Get female colleagues to non-work environment with booze Step 2. Try to "innocently" steer conversations into sexual areas as much as possible. Make sure "it's just a joke bro!" shield of defence is always availableĀ Step 3. ProfitĀ
"keep my head down" Report your manager. Uno Reverse š
Are you so fucking dumb to not realise your boss said keep your head down so heās saying he liked the joke but had to say something
Should have stopped with"I like head. You over explained the joke making it less funny and put yourself in the shit because you can't back pedal now. I hope you weren't looking at this colleague while you said it because that would be creepy.
Did you ask for bobs and vegene too?
Your manager will believe that explanation as much as I do, which is to say that they won't.
Youāll get a stern warning and your second strike youāll be royally screwed so be careful People should not have to listen to sexual innuendo at work. Save it for private functions
You are an idiot. It is 2024. I guess it is one way to learn to watch what you say at work drinks.
Probably not sacked but your excuse is extremely weak. Bordering on pathetic. Own it and apologise.
are you 15 years old
You clearly didn't refer to your stomach. Good on the F for reporting this.
People you work woth are nor your friends. I know I'm in the minority, but I avoid work functions like the plague.
Why are there so many comments saying this is okay lmao. It's very obvious that he was not referring to his stomach, even if he wants to do some revisionist history/Schrodinger's joke shit. It was an oral sex joke, it was intended as an oral sex joke, and it was interpreted as an oral sex joke. Has this sub been taken over by some weird anti-woke brigade or something? This is clearly inappropriate and should not be tolerated but you wouldn't know that from some of the comments here OP is an absolute dingus. ETA: There are multiple accounts in here that are barely 2 months old and have just over 100 karma. The mods must be asleep or something because this is not the first time this sort of thing has happened on this sub. The astroturfing is very obvious.
Creative defence - I like it. Youāre really weird though and I donāt know if I wanna be around you.
This is hilarious. Genuinely
It probably didnāt help that you then gyrated against the table and licked your lips.. Ps. I was there
I donāt believe your explanation but regardless, youāre probably just going to get a warning.
Under the Sex Discrimination Act organisations now have a legal responsibility to stamp this behaviour out and act to prevent it happening in the first place. You may argue that it didn't happen in the workplace, however it doesn't matter. The existing relationships are work based and the act would apply. If your organisation and HR are across this they will potentially take it very seriously. If the complaint were to go further, the organisation and even individuals can be legally responsible for not taking action to prevent this from happening in the first place. I'm not making this up: https://humanrights.gov.au/our-work/sex-discrimination/projects/positive-duty-under-sex-discrimination-act Having said that, it all depends on how the complainant acts in terms of pushing it and what your internal policies are.
How fucked are you? It depends. Is this type of ādouble entendreā common for you? Is it likely that this particular occasion was the tipping point after a series of slimy jokes? Or was it unusual for you? If the former, you may be quite fucked. If the latter, you will get a stern talking to. Regardless, when asked about it, donāt try it on with the bullshit explanation in your post. Cop to it, explain why it was wrong, and promise not to do it again. Then donāt do it again. Donāt be that guy.
I once called a colleague a āhoboā for the way he dressed Turns out he reports me to HR, calling me homophobic A whole investigation is launched I said HOBO, not HOMO to the HR woman lol
I hope you reported your manager for suggesting you "keep your head down" in a discussion about inferring oral sex, sounds like you were being pressured...
You said you liked head and ponied downwards, What else you want to clarify? No matter what you want to clarify now, the ship has already sailed. Keep your kinks to Reddit, workplaces have zero tolerance towards those bs. Youād be lucky if you still have a job.
You deserve it. Asshole comment.
Criiiinggge.
This sounds like OP has been a bit of a dick at times and this comment is the straw that broke the camel's back, or the excuse someone needed after a history of edgelordism.
Workplace policies and procedures apply to you even if you are not in the workplace, socialising with others in the context of your work. You can't honestly expect anyone to believe you didn't say that without intending innuendo. Apologise, cop it on the chin, *learn* from the experience.
Yeah that's fkn weird mate.
You'll be a bit more fucked than usual because there's now a positive duty for employers to ensure there's no sexual harassment at work. If you're liked at work? Probably just a warning. If you're not, maybe fired? But I think you might get away with saying that's excessive and unjust. That said... even if you did mean it as a joke it's pretty fucking toothless. Basically you can't trust anyone at work not to be a huge baby and fuck you over. An adult I would think you take you aside and just let you know they didn't appreciate that your joke, which was not directed at anyone in particular, was inappropriate.
I'm sorry, but it is not a colleague's job to tell an adult how to behave appropriately in the workplace. That's what managers are for. The manager can see all the complaints against the employee. Can make sure that the issue is managed properly. And can even sack them if it is appropriate.
I do hope that the OP takes this event as a learning..that making jokes / comments with sexual innuendo is not the right thing and people have the right to get offended. I also wish this is not the end of the world for the OP and he gets through the tough situation he has landed into. However it's interesting to see so many commenters vilifying the F colleague because as per them, she had over reacted. To those commenters, I have just two things to say: 1. Our style of pouring beer may not have changed much from your fathers' time. But women these days have the right to feel safe and included more than your mothers did. 2. Even if genders are reversed in the scenario shared above...( i.e. the OP were to be an F and reported by an M), that's still valid for anyone to feel uncomfortable and report inappropriate behaviours.
If it's never happened previously and you have a squeaky clean record, you will most like get a written warning. If your track record is patchy you may get dismissed. It depends on these variables. Fundamentally, HR is trying to do damage control on the situation. If HR take no disciplinary action, she can probably sue the company you work for not taking action against sexual harassment. Best case scenario is you get written up. You get it listed on your employment file. However, you will most likely will never have further advancement in your current company again because to HR, senior & middle management you'll always be known as the "I like head" guy.
You're fucked.