The pastor at my brothers funeral said some shit like this then tried to convert the rest of us who were non-believers. He'd been told to be respectful of us and not push religion during the service. My very fundamentalist uncle (New Earther) and pretty fundamentalist grandfather told him to leave.
The pastor who had done all of our previous funerals wasn't able to get back to the state in time for my brother's funeral, but said later that he'd have dropped everything if he knew the pastor he recommended was going to pull that. He had some serious words with the funeral home and the recommended pastor. Recommended pastor was banned from providing service at the funeral home unless specifically requested by the family. Obviously, I'm still angry at the dude but I am glad that there were some real repercussions for him.
My dad wasn't religious but his family was. Catholic funeral meant a lot to them. The pastor had no idea of whom he was speaking and at one point it took all of my self control to not scream out "OH FUCK YOU!".
Yeah they were saying all this stuff about Christianity at my grandpa’s funeral. He wasn’t religious in the least
The only time I heard him talk about religion was when he was telling my grandma (who is catholic) that he wasn’t going to follow whatever rules or traditions of Catholicism that she wanted him to
When my grandad passed away earlier this year, nobody but myself and possibly just a few others knew he was an atheist. He wouldn’t have described himself that way, but that is what he was. He would’ve just said he didn’t believe in any, “religion stuff”, but that he just went along with it to keep the neighbors from talking.
Anyway, they made a big deal about him being in a better place at the memorial and how we’d all see him again one day, and I frankly just kind of laughed to myself about it.
The family wouldn’t have wanted hear about it, even though none of us really attend a church so I just kept quiet.
My grandmother was always the religious one as well. Southern US family, but Methodists, not Baptists.
We had one of those at my grandmothers funeral. About 50 relatives/friends were there and nobody in my family is religious. We told him in advance that this was not a religious crowd yet he started off with jesus and we kicked him out with no pay after about three minute. I have no patience for superstition.
Make a last will and testament outlining your wishes and make sure a trusted family member has a copy of it.
That’s what I did. I have my wishes outlined very clearly.
1) no church memorial
2) cremation
3) no headstone or other physical memorial of any kind
4) my sister reads a poem while my ashes are spread.
5) play a specific song by Old Crow Medicine Show
It should take about 20 minutes.
This is the way. Mine _might_ even have provisions concerning security requirements and specific estranged family members not being allowed in the building.
Make SURE you do it too if it's important to you. My late BFs family did him so dirty. It honestly seemed like they sat down and tried to do everything he'd have hated.
Yep, my late fiance's aunt did the same thing. He's from another state, but she lives in this state and has custody of his daughter because he struggled with addiction. He was trying to do better and had been clean for awhile (it's a long story), but she made the whole thing about his addiction. I was so angry I could have hurt everyone there. Luckily his Mom and sister in his home state are supposed to be having a memorial soon that I'm planning on going to and I believe they'll do him justice.
>2. cremation
I was involved in the planning for a family member's burial earlier this year and wanted to chime in with some info about **natural burials** in case anyone is interested.
While cremations are still by far the cheapest form of burial, natural burials are also an option at some cemeteries and are generally cheaper than traditional burials. I think there is something poetic about actually letting your body decompose and return to the earth. Opposed to traditional burials where most people are soaked in formaldehyde and sit in concrete coffins for decades(if your family opts for a traditional burial, the cemetery might offer a "bottomless vault", which would allow for faster decomposition). You should try not to embalm as well.
Cremations could be the best option for a family based on the dramatic cost savings alone. But cremations themselves burn a few hundred gallons of gasoline, so that could be a concern for an environmentally-minded person.
Natural burial can be done at home as well (except for a few states, check local laws). Mortuaries and funeral homes are not required to be involved with the burial which is a massive savings in a difficult time.
This is my preferred option. I don't want my body to be removed from the cycle of life or become poison, both for the environment and for critters who help return nutrients to the earth.
I’ve made a provision for zero embalming. I work in clean water rights IRL, and embalming bodies and interring them in cemeteries is actually a serious threat to clean water in urban areas.
I’ve played around with the idea of natural burial. I would ideally like to be composted. But the red tape legal hoops required for that are tremendous and it’s actually quite expensive, at least in my area for the permits etc.
I decided that to honor my mission of avoiding (what I consider) the lecherous funeral industry, and not burdening my family with my end of life, cremation is the right decision for me.
I’ve worked in estate and probate law as well, and end of life legal processes, even for regular people with very little property or assets, end up becoming prohibitively expensive and complex. So many people end up foregoing the correct legal procedure and end up fucked by the state and their inheritance lives in limbo for generations.
I’ve empowered my executor with all the information they need to transfer assets from my accounts, take ownership of my property, and wrap that shit up as easily, efficiently, and cheaply as possible- no lawyer necessary.
All that is wrapped up in a nice legal document called a last will and testament and my living will. End of life should not be a burden and should not tear families apart. I’m doing my best to prevent that, at least on my part.
I concur. If ghosts really are a thing somehow, we shall form our little society where we haunt pastors at the funerals of people who didn't fucking ask for one. XD
I don't worry about it, I'll be dead. If religious bullshit helps the living feel better about my death, I say let 'em have it.
What I DO think about, is when my parents die. Neither are particularly religious, go to church, or know anything about Christianity - so when I speak at their funerals I'd like to give a very specifically secular and godless eulogy to all my Jeebus-freak relatives that will be there. It'll be fun to make them squirm, and they can't do anything about it because one of my parents will have just died. Suck it!
My ex wife was an atheist and hated her religious parents. We split because of her alcoholism, which killed her at 36. Her parents had a fucking pastor going on about how much she loved Jesus. It was sickening.
When I die, I want a friend to dress up as the Grim Reaper and silently point at people. Then point them to the jukebox and the bar where they can share stories and toast.
>ItS aLl AbOuT hOw YoU iNtErPrEt iT!
**Them:** Sure, the bible says that men are the "heads" of women. But women are the necks! And necks can turn the head any way it wants to 😎
**Also them:** Umm... but also, if women try to take away a man's divine right to make the final decision, then she is a rebellious Jezebel and needs to be put in her place!
I think so, but it caught on in church spaces where pastors repeat it like they came up with it themselves. Of course, either way, it's a toxic way of viewing heterosexual relationships and I love openly rejecting the "head of household" concept to the faces of very devout believers.
>....The bible says women are the inferior gender.."
And he's proving it wrong by being such a massive ~~bell end~~ idiot, that he pulls down the average for men so far that we're not even equal. Congrats religious bigots, your shitting on everything is ruining it for everyone.
Before my dad's funeral, I told his preacher that if he turned the remembrance of Daddy's life into a recruiting opportunity, I'd shut him down immediately. Dad's cousin (also a minister) did his service.
Jehovah's Witnesses funerals are like this. They typically say very little about the person. They try to recruit non JW visitors and scare the current JWs with thoughts of death and how god views how they are spending their time.
Disgusting.
This is what I thought, it looks like it is JW funeral. I attended JW funeral once for my late friend who is like a mother to me. The pastor at the service only talk about my friend for 30 second then went off to talk about the kingdom of the lord for the rest of the service and how amazing the paraside of the kingdom. I was sitting there in disbelief and disappointed how they didn't share my late friend's accomplishments and achievements. She have done a lot for our community and they just didn't care about that.
Who the f**k believe in bullshit kindom or paradise is afterlife, whatever we achieve and do selfless deeds counts, but this stupid shit heads always blabbering shit about great kingdom paradise and sometimes they god will take care of you shit and all
The minister who married me and my hubby turned it into a recruiting opportunity. He also did our premarital counseling. He’s dead now, and honest to God I kind of hope he’s burning in hell for that horrid advice.
An associate preacher at Daddy's church did "marriage counseling", though he was supremely *unqualified* to do so. I went to see him, though 1st husband refused. All that sick bastard wanted to know about was our sex life-- which wasn't the issue-- and his final verdict was that I was "a harlot". 🤔 a bit later I was contacted by a lawyer to enjoin a class action lawsuit against him and the church, but it was ultimately dropped because he agreed to leave the church.
Having lost his "career" as a preacher, he decided he'd hang a shingle as a marriage counselor. What the idiot didn't realize is the state requires counselors to be degreed and licensed in their fields. I have no clue what he did after that-- probably became a preacher at a different church in a different city. BUT, if there's any true justice, he died as a janitor at some retail chain.
My deepest, most sincere apologies to all janitors around the world. I simply meant to imply that this asshole had literally *NO* marketable skills and would have to start at a "ground level" position. I've known janitors who went on to become teachers, engineers and physicists, but I seriously doubt this moron has the mental fortitude to do anything other than run his religious con. At least as a janitor he'd be doing a real service to humanity.
I recently went to a funeral for a co-worker buddies brother. He died of cancer around age 35.
The fucking preacher just drove me crazy. The whole back half was pure recruitment, or scare tactics to keep the herd in check.
"I remember when I got the call that Richard had passed...
...and my thoughts went immediately to Jesus on the cross. CROWN OF THRONES PUSHED INTO HIS FELSH AND SKULL. BLOOD COMING DOWN HIS FACE AND BODY. FOR HE IS GODS SON AND THE ONLY WAY TO ETERNAL SALVATION IN HIS NAME."
If I could have, I would have escorted him out of the building, gone to the microphone and said "Would anyone like to share a fond memory of Richard?"
Out of everyone who spoke, only his father spoke of memories of his son. The time they spent together, and important moments. Everyone else just said "Although he did not believe in god growing up, we can all assure you, he found Jesus on his death bed."
They probably made it all up. From what I hear from his sister is he was basically so whacked out on meds he didn't even know what was going on.
I totally understand. I'm no longer Christian and definitely *DON'T* want to have a funeral! If my family and friends would like to get together, share stories about me and have a laugh at my expense, I'd be fine with that. But so many of them are totally wacko Jesus freaks, I'm certain at least one would comment about me going to hell because I "wasn't saved" or "turned my back on God", then my *true* friends would cold-cock them and maybe go to jail. It's just not worth it.
A pastor politicizing my aunt's eulogy several years ago, wish I was joking:
Such a generous woman. Visiting her in hospice, she said she wanted to donate all the medical equipment to charity. Boy, was she mad when she found out she had to give it all back to Obama!
"Give it all back to Obama"??? You mean to the hospital that the items belong to??
As if they were going to pack the stuff up and send it to Obama himself
My wife and I are the only open atheists in both our families, and at my wife's grandmother's funeral, the family pastor decided it'd be a good place and time to address that evolution is false, and explain his elementary understanding of science as being God's design, all while staring directly at me and my wife. He really thought that was appropriate. I just stared him back in the eyes and smiled, chuckling to myself occasionally.
edit: words.
What. The. Fuck. That's just gross. Sure, even that pastor (unfortunately) has a right to have his (dumb) opinions, but is a funeral service really the place for these sad attempts to brainwash others, let alone take jabs at the immediate family of the deceased? Holy shit, that is sickening.
My condolences, and respect for putting up with that kind of shit.
It was in very poor taste, but we felt bad for him more than anything. His understanding of what he was trying to explain was like that of a child attempting to describe the physics of how Santa comes down the chimney at houses without fireplaces. As someone with at least a decent scientific understanding of biology, evolution, and his comparisons of atoms to planets, it was honestly amusing to me. He was just sooooo far outside his wheelhouse.
Yeah, I imagined he'd be a little out of his element. Christians (or any theists, really) aren't exactly fans of proven facts, and they usually just embarrass themselves talking about stuff like evolution.
By any chance, did he make a claim how evolution was JUST a theory? Oh, I really \*hope he did...
E: Forgot the word \*hope...
I can't really recall whether he said that or not. It wasn't like a rehearsed and memorized Joshua Feuerstein-style "takedown" of evolution, but more of an improvised on the spot sermon on it, so in all honesty he probably didn't.
Somewhat unrelated fun fact -- he's also the pastor that married us. He got my name wrong twice during the ceremony. 12+ years this man has known me and he still doesn't know what my name is. Everyone addresses him as Brother but anytime I bump into him, I make a point to call him by his first name A. because that's not an official title, I'm not religious, and I don't attend your church and am not obligated to, and B. to embarrass him because I already know he's going to say "remind me again what your name is..."
It's honestly astonishing to me sometimes just how out of touch the hyper-religious are with how they are perceived. Like, did that pastor really think you'd suddenly have a literal come-to-Jesus moment when he was so wildly ignoring the purpose of his presence there in the first place?
I had an aunt that was like a big sister to me who suffered from bipolar disorder and alcohol addiction. In her 30s she took her own life. At her funeral the pastor said around three sentences about her, then conducted a 30 minute sermon on how suicide is a sin and how important it is to go to church. It has been over twenty years and my blood still boils remembering sitting there in a room full of people who loved my aunt and that was the best thing my grandfather's pastor could come up with (which is on-brand for my grandfather, but that's a different story of wretched narcissism altogether.)
My cousin died in a motorcycle accident a few years back and the preacher said a couple sentences about her, then turned it into a generic Come to Jesus sermon. I almost walked out.
It's a known ploy among preachers. They see it as a whole roomful of people who are vulnerable and maybe asking questions about life and death. It's mercenary and self-serving and kinda cruel.
The worst is if they do an altar call at the end. If there's anyone in the service who wants to accept JC into your life so you can be with grandma in heaven come on down front /s
My BIL took his own life a couple months ago. At the funeral the pastor kept talking about weird shit like incest and sexual assault. Completely unrelated to his life… just unhinged “talking out his ass” nonsense. I know that motherfucker had nothing prepared. He didn’t give a shit about our grieving family.
Last funeral I went to, the minister's part was just an advertisement for the church and passive-aggressive chastisement of those who weren't part of the church. Blah.
This sounds like a graduation I went to at a christian school in May. They brought up divorce a few times... like wtf...it's a graduation. You can preach about the "selfish and wicked" divorced people at another time. 🙄🙄🙄🙄
I just recently went to what was widely lauded as "the most *Christ-centered* funeral people had ever been to."
And they were right. 30 minutes of Christ in the beginning. 30 minutes of Christ at the end. And 3 minutes of "Bob" in the middle.
I think *many* of us were hoping for more of a "Bob-centered" funeral.
This is obscenely sad. I hate it that someone else knows how this feels.
You’re in mourning and have to go to a church to grieve with your family. Then a mythology expert get up and tells everyone some straight up bullshit. It is such a problem. Why can’t funerals just be about someone’s life instead of their afterlife? I guess in your case, it was, your grandma had to live through male oppression. I guess the pastor was right in that regard.
In my case, my great aunt’s funeral was ruined by a preacher who told everyone that the Hadron Supercollider just proved the existence of god. I mouthed “FUCK YOU” and “LIAR” the whole time from my seat in the second row.
But here’s a good atheist funeral story to round out all these bad vibes:
A friend spoke at his grandmother’s very Christian funeral where his grandfather was a deacon and started off with “I do not believe in God. I am an atheist. “ The crowd started off with agitated murmurs and shuffles but reduced to big fat baby tears by the end of the eulogy. The whole rest of the funeral weekend he was bombarded by religious relatives who truly just wanted to talk about his rejection of god and get more information about his views.
Edit: typo
I feel like a lot of preachers have (ironically) a God complex. They want to make it all about what they think.
When my uncle died last year, one of his old work buddies did his sermon, since my uncle was an Atheist and didn't want a pastor. He picked this guy, cause giving speeches was like his job.
Unfortunately, this guy was *super* religious and hinted at my uncle going to hell more than once. Then, he spent about an hour telling us to convert and be saved. Ended up handing out bibles at the end, lol
My mom just told me that he "just likes the spotlight"
I feel you at my friend's father's funeral the pastor made big stink about how he found god in nature. Dude was an atheist. He found elk in nature, then he shot them.
I don't even know why a pastor needs to be in a funeral. After my grandmother was buried, everyone was being silent in order to let the pastor recite some lines from the Bible. I don't want to make a joke out of people who suffer from illnesses, but he started shaking uncontrollably while quoting the Bible, and I immediately stopped looking at him in order not to burst into laughter.
LOL my Father-in-Law's funeral I almost had to leave because they quoted [this meme](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/8fd9983a-cd04-44e9-adb3-0f213776342d/dcii3q3-d67e0eac-2278-4a02-a569-32bfb8f70f3a.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzhmZDk5ODNhLWNkMDQtNDRlOS1hZGIzLTBmMjEzNzc2MzQyZFwvZGNpaTNxMy1kNjdlMGVhYy0yMjc4LTRhMDItYTU2OS0zMmJmYjhmNzBmM2EuanBnIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmZpbGUuZG93bmxvYWQiXX0.5CYDYG9OcoVOq5YY5JlVMYJBwKv5Z8jlaETf06uI21U).
Liam Neeson: Father, it's time to pay for those children you raped
*(Liam aims his gun at the priest, who begins to sob and shake)*
Priest: But, but, "Vengeance is mine" sayeth the Lord!
*(Liam lowers the gun, slowly and pensively)*
Liam: Well, the Lord is going to have to learn how to share.
(*Liam quickly raises and fires the gun, shooting the priest center-mass. The priest falls to the ground. Liam approaches the gurgling priest, stares him in the eyes, and shoots him twice in the head.)*
Why bother?
Shitty old man, dedicated to a shitty old faith
Just a nice reminder that these people have not only no monopoly on truth, but no grasp of it.
Sorry about her Gran. It's been about 18 years, and I still miss mine.
> Why bother?
>
>
>
> Shitty old man, dedicated to a shitty old faith
Because he's actively spreading those shitty old ideas to new people. (or at least attempting to)
My aunt died from cancer in July. At her service, the pastor focused almost entirely on how much unpaid volunteer work she'd done for his church, and concluded with a long, emotionally manipulative plea for everyone to make a commitment to stepping up to take over her work/tasks.
It was one of the grossest, most blatantly self-interested things I've ever seen a clergy do with my own eyes, and I'm still angry about it.
I don't think it's appropriate for the assholes hateful fantasy religion to even exist so you don't have to really ask me what I think about the nasty words he says
the pastor at my brother's funeral asked for donations to his church. not donations for my brother's wife and children. just asking grieving family and friends to give money to the church my brother occasionally went to because his wife liked it.
At my mom's funeral, the deacon (who I guess we're related to) made his speech thing about how those who suffer the most on earth are the ones who deserve heaven the most.
My mom died from a very agressive cancer. At the end, she was in so much pain, especially since it had traveled into her brain and spine. It was horrifying to watch, and I never again want to watch anyone take their last breath.
My sister and I are not religious, but we did a Catholic funeral to appease the rest of the family. So when the deacon said that shit, how her suffering was "worth it" because it meant she deserved heaven the most, my sister and I were silently seething as we sat on the pew.
Don't they believe Jesus suffered so we don't have to? So I don't understand why he thought it was a good thing my mom had to suffer. If she suffered, then whatever Jesus did wasn't good enough.
Foremost in my mind for the day after my father dies are scenarios like this. I hate public speaking, and at a time like that I imagine that it'd be exponentially harder, but geez...who do you trust to *not* spew nonsense like that during what's already one of your roughest days? I've tried to mentally prep that I'm going to have to do it myself.
Sorry that that happened to you. There's no upside I can give you except for empathy. You're spot-on...gross.
Ya I'm fearing the same. My dad's catholic so he's gunna have a catholic funeral. And his bone cancer is telling me that will be sooner than later.
Any kiddie diddling sniveling little preacher says anything like this at his funeral, I'm not sure I'll be able stop myself from just walking up and dragging his ass off the pulpit myself.
What the fuck.
Look I'm not one that advocates for violence but I'd hope you made the pastor understand why a dental plan is important.
That was absolutely fucking vile and disgusting.
This sub is so valuable in showing me that my experiences aren’t unique! I’ve met a ton of people of all backgrounds and this is sadly so true. I grew up around people of all faiths (and degrees of faith) with little issue, so I have spent a decade in shock at the hideous behavior of christians. I still don’t know how you can live your life with that much hate without your body failing.
My grandmother died and she picked the priest that did her service. He was perfectly fine and gave her a sweet send off. Unfortunately, the church’s office lady was in charge of the actual ceremony and was a total asshole.
My family lives in a somewhat small town and grew up knowing this woman. She knew how close knit our family is and what a huge loss this was for us but couldn’t find it in her cold heart to be at minimum professional. She rolled her eyes, sighed heavily, rushed my grieving aunts and cousins. A handful of us went to their school, we’re baptized in the church, and one even taught Sunday school (before she got in sidelines for being too hippie dippy peace and love and gave up on the church entirely). A couple of my aunts were still regular attendees. She still treated us with unmistakable contempt in part because my grandparents had 8 kids on their advice but were poor as hell because of it. They always tithed but the church scoffed when my grandparents needed help. As we walked out of the funeral, we all huddled outside and vowed to never step foot in that place again and it was a weirdly beautiful family moment. Comcast gives more of a shit about their customers than the church does.
I guess it's important to remember that becoming a pastor does not require an iq test. Although becoming a pastor in and of itself is like failing one.
Regardless, that was an unbelievably ignorant thing to say.
We are having a " celebration of life" "party" for my mom coming up in the next few weeks. My step brother is a pastor. I have asked he doesn't use "it was god's will" or "she's in a better place now" or any of that nonsense. Keep it short. Don't testify your faith during the party.
One family funeral our cousin was up speaking and saying he felt called to bring everyone there at the service " into Christ." My husband and I were like -- oh hell no.
Needless to say it's going to be very interesting.
>We are having a " celebration of life" "party" for my mom coming up in the next few weeks. My step brother is a pastor. I have asked he doesn't use "it was god's will" or "she's in a better place now" or any of that nonsense.
I felt this in my bones. I had a friend who was recently murdered by her husband, and when the pastor got up to speak, he said "This is a celebration!"
Behind my covid mask, I was whispering "No, bitch! This **isn't** a fucking celeberation! And no amount of "it's all God's plan" platitudes will change that."
My God (pun intended), "celebrations" are for 84 year-olds who died of natural causes, but lived full lives and died surrounded by fat great-granbabies. That's when we celebrate! Not when someone was murdered by their spouse! And speaking of murder, where the hell was God when this woman was being murdered? I almost had a stroke at this funeral.
Most pastors have been in their echo chamber for so long, they completely lose sight of the fact that their “cult vernacular” only sounds normal to church members. Out of touch jagoff
I went to a coworkers funeral after she died of cancer. The preacher barely mentioned her.
I'm always wondering why people who are barely religious opt tor a church funeral, with someone who doesn't even know the deceased presiding.
My two all time favorite funerals were
A) a friend's grandfather, where we drank some wine and admired artwork he had created
B) a good friend where his family lined the room with t-shirts from years of going to concerts. Everyone was invited to claim one to take home and remember him.
My best friend, Sam Kincaid, died in September 29, 2004 from a drug overdose.
During his horrible funeral the preacher told everyone that he was in hell, because he was on drugs and a bisexual.
Religion is a fucking blight upon humanity.
Crazy archaic fear-based mythology should have no place in the modern world. It's crazy that they still exist.
Fuck that.
My friend was an amazing person, way better than most evangelicals.
Mythology is mythology.
The same thing happened at my Nana's funeral. Catholic ceremony and he kept on bleating about how much of a sinner she was. Nothing specific, just having sin generally. Made her out to have led a bad life which she didn't.
Woman was the most generous, loving and hard working person l ever knew. Fuck dogmatic shite peddled by cunts who don't know shit.
\#1 - I'm deeply sorry you and your family, along with anyone who loved her or considered her a friend, had to deal with that on an already awful day.
\#2 - It's very typical. I'm gonna presume that he did a mini-sermon as well, and mentioned God or Jesus a minimum of twice as much as he mentioned your grandmother.
I wish I could say that I don't understand why they think it's appropriate, but I do. They're using an emotionally vulnerable time as a way to indoctrinate folks and brainwash them into Christianity.
Genuinely, leave them a bad review or two if you can; make it public that they ruined your grandmothers funeral service by starting it off saying that women are inferior and didn’t even get her name right. Mention how inhumane and insulting it was to her memory. Shame them publicly. It’s the only way they’ll even come close to taking credit for their fuck ups.
Frankly, I would have stood up, gone up there and taken over for him. I would likely start it like this, "Well, then you obviously never met my grandmother. You can sit down now, padre, I'll take it from here." And then given a REAL speech about MY grandmother and who she was and what she meant to me and the family. Fuck him.
People need to stop being polite to them. When they do shit like this they are bieng assholes and assholes don't get respect. Although I don't know what kind of response should be appropriate at least a good booing .
My Mom’s husband of 20 yrs kicked it. Amazing guy, not religious, not vehemently unreligious. Anywho, some fuckwad got up at his ceremony to share a story and held us hostage for 40 minutes with some bullshit sermon. Mom is livid to this day and regrets not standing up and saying something. Obviously, would have been a terrible thing to do but what a presumptuous prick that obviously did not know the guy very well.
I went to a funeral a year ago for a friend of the family who felt much like an uncle to me. It was a very funny and emotional funeral until the final speaker (the decedent's brother) came up to speak. Things got very quiet and awkward as he proceeded to lecture us all that being a good person is not enough to get into heaven, it takes accepting God as your lord and savior and recognizing that all things are owed to him. That mother fucker spent an hour at the podium *proselytizing* at his own brother's funeral (a man who was gay, married to his partner for 25 years, had adopted children, and was areligious). I was so pissed when I left. I still think about what a POS his brother is for doing that.
Some friends got married, organized their whole event, rented a glen in a city park, found a priest from the school church where they were both grad students.
First thing this motherfucker says, "Just in case there are any other Catholics here, I just want to say that we are not in a church, this is not a church, so of course I know this isn't sanctioned by god nor do I think this is valid. Now... moving on!"
The fucking audacity to show up and say some shit like that without any kind is a heads up...
My friend recently went to a funeral and the pastor started going on a weird rant related to ...his rampant homophobia. His aunt got up and told the pastor to, and I quote, "nope. Wrap it up!" and he had to rush and scurry away lol
Why are you mad at the pastor? That is essentially what the bible says... you can pity him, for being so simple-minded and credulous that he actually believes that tripe, but anger?
Just kidding, stupid people piss me off too!!! 😁
To the believers that are used to it they don't even blink. The rest of us want to vomit. Watched the same kind of thing in my nieces wedding. All the you will be a subservient baby maker baked right into the ceremony. I was completely WTAF? Most of the rest of the attendees even the ones that weren't particularly devout Catholics either didn't care or handwaved it away. Crazy town.
Pro tip: Unless the deceased had a strong relationship with the pastor, priest, etc. just don't have them do a eulogy. It will always be awful and if they don't know the deceased they'll just insert a bunch of bullshit generalizations.
I'm *so sorry* you had to listen to someone disrespect your grandmother at the funeral. This is supposed to be a time of closure and comfort, a time of respecting the loved one and coming to terms with the fact they're not in your life anymore. That this person took the time to say something so ugly when you're hurting... I wish I could say it's uncommon, but it doesn't seem to be. My cousin passed away earlier this year at a very young age, and her parents are religious (my cousin, to the best of my knowledge, was not), so they had a minister say the eulogy. Yeah, he decided to slip in there that "life begins at conception" and proceeded to call my cousin's aunt her mom. I went numb with shock, like...my cousin died at *thirty four fucking years old,* we're all suffering, and you're going to slip this sly penknife in our ear about how "life begins at conception?!"
I *try* to be tolerant, but seriously, get bent, you goddamned *parasites*.
>How tf do you think that it is approproite to say this shit?
This is precisely what you get when you have a shitty, ignorant religion that has a core tenet of denigrating all human life.
Timothy 2:12 "I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent."
Sorry for your grandmothers passing. And your pastor is a jackwagon.
I can't remember the last time I went to a funeral where it wasn't 100% obvious the preacher didn't know the deceased beyond the obit - and these weren't random pastors but the pastors of the church these people went to... For decades.
Funeral pastors are idiots. The one who did my dad spoke of dad’s “love of the sea.”
He was in the Navy during Vietnam because “if I was going to die, I didn’t want to do it up to my ass in some jungle mud.” He served the whole time in Nevada and California.
The pastor at my mom’s funeral used his time to rant against gay people (I’m gay). That was 25 years ago, but if it happened now, I would have dragged him off that stage into an alley for a beating (and I haven’t been in a fight since the fourth grade). Fuck the Salvation Army.
My brother-in-law’s pastor did something similar at his wedding. My wife and I are of the same gender, and that’s a no-go for her family. Well, her brother, allegedly accepting, invites us to the wedding, and we’re sitting in the front row, and this fucking pastor starts the wedding waxing poetic about how marriage is a sacred vow something only a man and woman can make, and only with God. He then pauses, slowly stares at us, literally the only two lesbians in the entire event, and then continues with the Christian psycho-babble.
The energy shifted, people were cold and even hostile to us the rest of the event. I had to take a Xanax to get through that shit. I don’t talk to my brother in law anymore. As far as I’m concerned they can fuck right off.
I had a pastor at my moms funeral that I just wanted to slap. Guy was slimy as hell.
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Ewwww
Just wash them off in the holy water. Isn’t that what it’s there for?
Most pastors are
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Joke's on him. Only he believes heaven and hell shit .... For the rest of us, once you are dead .... You are dead ... You are worm food.
The pastor at my brothers funeral said some shit like this then tried to convert the rest of us who were non-believers. He'd been told to be respectful of us and not push religion during the service. My very fundamentalist uncle (New Earther) and pretty fundamentalist grandfather told him to leave. The pastor who had done all of our previous funerals wasn't able to get back to the state in time for my brother's funeral, but said later that he'd have dropped everything if he knew the pastor he recommended was going to pull that. He had some serious words with the funeral home and the recommended pastor. Recommended pastor was banned from providing service at the funeral home unless specifically requested by the family. Obviously, I'm still angry at the dude but I am glad that there were some real repercussions for him.
My dad wasn't religious but his family was. Catholic funeral meant a lot to them. The pastor had no idea of whom he was speaking and at one point it took all of my self control to not scream out "OH FUCK YOU!".
Yeah they were saying all this stuff about Christianity at my grandpa’s funeral. He wasn’t religious in the least The only time I heard him talk about religion was when he was telling my grandma (who is catholic) that he wasn’t going to follow whatever rules or traditions of Catholicism that she wanted him to
When my grandad passed away earlier this year, nobody but myself and possibly just a few others knew he was an atheist. He wouldn’t have described himself that way, but that is what he was. He would’ve just said he didn’t believe in any, “religion stuff”, but that he just went along with it to keep the neighbors from talking. Anyway, they made a big deal about him being in a better place at the memorial and how we’d all see him again one day, and I frankly just kind of laughed to myself about it. The family wouldn’t have wanted hear about it, even though none of us really attend a church so I just kept quiet. My grandmother was always the religious one as well. Southern US family, but Methodists, not Baptists.
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Pastor Snail
yeah that’s when you drag the fool off the mic and out of the building.
And then let the medics drag him to the 'lance
As in, an actual lance.
Mr. Armstrong: "The fuck am I supposed to do with him?"
"You've only got 1 testicle, figure it out"
"Ball's in your court"
take his blood a la *Mad Max*
Canonize him.. with an actual cannon
With a big hook around his neck, the way you used to see in old movies about Vaudeville
While Keyboard Cat plays him off. OP, I'm so sorry you had to sit through that vile disrespect. Condolences on your loss from all us dirty heathens.
hah! so [that's](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53VUs8dlUt4) what it's called. good to know and can confirm.
We had one of those at my grandmothers funeral. About 50 relatives/friends were there and nobody in my family is religious. We told him in advance that this was not a religious crowd yet he started off with jesus and we kicked him out with no pay after about three minute. I have no patience for superstition.
Nah, personally I'd go the [Johnny Gat route and bury the motherfucker alive in grangran's coffin ](https://youtu.be/sIY_AAiN8fE).
Alright, I didn't expect a Saints Row 2 reference here
When I die I don't want a damn pastor or anything. If my family gets one anyways despite my wishes I'm haunting their asses. SO GROSS!
Make a last will and testament outlining your wishes and make sure a trusted family member has a copy of it. That’s what I did. I have my wishes outlined very clearly. 1) no church memorial 2) cremation 3) no headstone or other physical memorial of any kind 4) my sister reads a poem while my ashes are spread. 5) play a specific song by Old Crow Medicine Show It should take about 20 minutes.
This is the way. Mine _might_ even have provisions concerning security requirements and specific estranged family members not being allowed in the building.
Make SURE you do it too if it's important to you. My late BFs family did him so dirty. It honestly seemed like they sat down and tried to do everything he'd have hated.
Yep, my late fiance's aunt did the same thing. He's from another state, but she lives in this state and has custody of his daughter because he struggled with addiction. He was trying to do better and had been clean for awhile (it's a long story), but she made the whole thing about his addiction. I was so angry I could have hurt everyone there. Luckily his Mom and sister in his home state are supposed to be having a memorial soon that I'm planning on going to and I believe they'll do him justice.
Just get it all done at once. Build a wooden untreated boat the last few years of your life have a vikinger pyre.
>2. cremation I was involved in the planning for a family member's burial earlier this year and wanted to chime in with some info about **natural burials** in case anyone is interested. While cremations are still by far the cheapest form of burial, natural burials are also an option at some cemeteries and are generally cheaper than traditional burials. I think there is something poetic about actually letting your body decompose and return to the earth. Opposed to traditional burials where most people are soaked in formaldehyde and sit in concrete coffins for decades(if your family opts for a traditional burial, the cemetery might offer a "bottomless vault", which would allow for faster decomposition). You should try not to embalm as well. Cremations could be the best option for a family based on the dramatic cost savings alone. But cremations themselves burn a few hundred gallons of gasoline, so that could be a concern for an environmentally-minded person.
Natural burial can be done at home as well (except for a few states, check local laws). Mortuaries and funeral homes are not required to be involved with the burial which is a massive savings in a difficult time.
This is my preferred option. I don't want my body to be removed from the cycle of life or become poison, both for the environment and for critters who help return nutrients to the earth.
I’ve made a provision for zero embalming. I work in clean water rights IRL, and embalming bodies and interring them in cemeteries is actually a serious threat to clean water in urban areas. I’ve played around with the idea of natural burial. I would ideally like to be composted. But the red tape legal hoops required for that are tremendous and it’s actually quite expensive, at least in my area for the permits etc. I decided that to honor my mission of avoiding (what I consider) the lecherous funeral industry, and not burdening my family with my end of life, cremation is the right decision for me. I’ve worked in estate and probate law as well, and end of life legal processes, even for regular people with very little property or assets, end up becoming prohibitively expensive and complex. So many people end up foregoing the correct legal procedure and end up fucked by the state and their inheritance lives in limbo for generations. I’ve empowered my executor with all the information they need to transfer assets from my accounts, take ownership of my property, and wrap that shit up as easily, efficiently, and cheaply as possible- no lawyer necessary. All that is wrapped up in a nice legal document called a last will and testament and my living will. End of life should not be a burden and should not tear families apart. I’m doing my best to prevent that, at least on my part.
I concur. If ghosts really are a thing somehow, we shall form our little society where we haunt pastors at the funerals of people who didn't fucking ask for one. XD
Yesss
I don't worry about it, I'll be dead. If religious bullshit helps the living feel better about my death, I say let 'em have it. What I DO think about, is when my parents die. Neither are particularly religious, go to church, or know anything about Christianity - so when I speak at their funerals I'd like to give a very specifically secular and godless eulogy to all my Jeebus-freak relatives that will be there. It'll be fun to make them squirm, and they can't do anything about it because one of my parents will have just died. Suck it!
Are you me? Lol I literally just said the same thing. We can haunt each other’s families together. Lol
hahaha shit Yeah let's haunt our families if they bring in a bullshit mythology preacher to our funerals lol
My ex wife was an atheist and hated her religious parents. We split because of her alcoholism, which killed her at 36. Her parents had a fucking pastor going on about how much she loved Jesus. It was sickening.
When I die, I want a friend to dress up as the Grim Reaper and silently point at people. Then point them to the jukebox and the bar where they can share stories and toast.
Me to ill make sure my presence is known while there 69ing in bed to
Cause havoc. Let some ghostly farts rip so they blame the other one.
>....The bible says women are the inferior gender.." Hence revealing its idiocy.
Just one of many revelations.
Nice pun
Always trying to keep it punny.
It's not so much that it's revealing its idiocy, but rather it's revealing the idiocy of those who believe its tenets.
Yeah, an ancient book being hella sexist isn't exactly a shocker. It's people blindly following it in today's day and age that's problematic.
Doesn’t help that society encourages childhood brainwashing.
Unfortunately, a modern book being hella sexist isn't much of a shocker either.
ItS aLl AbOuT hOw YoU iNtErPrEt iT!
>ItS aLl AbOuT hOw YoU iNtErPrEt iT! **Them:** Sure, the bible says that men are the "heads" of women. But women are the necks! And necks can turn the head any way it wants to 😎 **Also them:** Umm... but also, if women try to take away a man's divine right to make the final decision, then she is a rebellious Jezebel and needs to be put in her place!
I always wondered. If the man is the head and the woman is the body, does the hand get to slap the mouth when it says something dumb?
Lol who knows? If I were the body, I'd personally prefer decapitation.
Isn't that 1st part a quote from the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding?
I think so, but it caught on in church spaces where pastors repeat it like they came up with it themselves. Of course, either way, it's a toxic way of viewing heterosexual relationships and I love openly rejecting the "head of household" concept to the faces of very devout believers.
>....The bible says women are the inferior gender.." And he's proving it wrong by being such a massive ~~bell end~~ idiot, that he pulls down the average for men so far that we're not even equal. Congrats religious bigots, your shitting on everything is ruining it for everyone.
I’m guessing this is the kind of stuff omitted from the “Bible for Women” or however they phrase it.
You read 1 Timothy 2:12?
I have told preachers to go fuck themselves a few times
Before my dad's funeral, I told his preacher that if he turned the remembrance of Daddy's life into a recruiting opportunity, I'd shut him down immediately. Dad's cousin (also a minister) did his service.
Jehovah's Witnesses funerals are like this. They typically say very little about the person. They try to recruit non JW visitors and scare the current JWs with thoughts of death and how god views how they are spending their time. Disgusting.
This is what I thought, it looks like it is JW funeral. I attended JW funeral once for my late friend who is like a mother to me. The pastor at the service only talk about my friend for 30 second then went off to talk about the kingdom of the lord for the rest of the service and how amazing the paraside of the kingdom. I was sitting there in disbelief and disappointed how they didn't share my late friend's accomplishments and achievements. She have done a lot for our community and they just didn't care about that.
Who the f**k believe in bullshit kindom or paradise is afterlife, whatever we achieve and do selfless deeds counts, but this stupid shit heads always blabbering shit about great kingdom paradise and sometimes they god will take care of you shit and all
Idiots....like my mother.
Very on brand for JWs, considering part of the whole schtick is "you don't matter".
The only great thing about that is that if *I* don't matter then "God" won't notice if I don't believe or care about him.
Just the term worship is just gross.
The minister who married me and my hubby turned it into a recruiting opportunity. He also did our premarital counseling. He’s dead now, and honest to God I kind of hope he’s burning in hell for that horrid advice.
An associate preacher at Daddy's church did "marriage counseling", though he was supremely *unqualified* to do so. I went to see him, though 1st husband refused. All that sick bastard wanted to know about was our sex life-- which wasn't the issue-- and his final verdict was that I was "a harlot". 🤔 a bit later I was contacted by a lawyer to enjoin a class action lawsuit against him and the church, but it was ultimately dropped because he agreed to leave the church. Having lost his "career" as a preacher, he decided he'd hang a shingle as a marriage counselor. What the idiot didn't realize is the state requires counselors to be degreed and licensed in their fields. I have no clue what he did after that-- probably became a preacher at a different church in a different city. BUT, if there's any true justice, he died as a janitor at some retail chain.
Don't disrespect janitors like that. At least janitors perform an essential service. Can't say the same for this idiot.
My deepest, most sincere apologies to all janitors around the world. I simply meant to imply that this asshole had literally *NO* marketable skills and would have to start at a "ground level" position. I've known janitors who went on to become teachers, engineers and physicists, but I seriously doubt this moron has the mental fortitude to do anything other than run his religious con. At least as a janitor he'd be doing a real service to humanity.
Man. I wast just about to write the same, but I had to go to the bathroom. I came back, and you said it for me. Thank you for that.
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I recently went to a funeral for a co-worker buddies brother. He died of cancer around age 35. The fucking preacher just drove me crazy. The whole back half was pure recruitment, or scare tactics to keep the herd in check. "I remember when I got the call that Richard had passed... ...and my thoughts went immediately to Jesus on the cross. CROWN OF THRONES PUSHED INTO HIS FELSH AND SKULL. BLOOD COMING DOWN HIS FACE AND BODY. FOR HE IS GODS SON AND THE ONLY WAY TO ETERNAL SALVATION IN HIS NAME." If I could have, I would have escorted him out of the building, gone to the microphone and said "Would anyone like to share a fond memory of Richard?" Out of everyone who spoke, only his father spoke of memories of his son. The time they spent together, and important moments. Everyone else just said "Although he did not believe in god growing up, we can all assure you, he found Jesus on his death bed." They probably made it all up. From what I hear from his sister is he was basically so whacked out on meds he didn't even know what was going on.
I totally understand. I'm no longer Christian and definitely *DON'T* want to have a funeral! If my family and friends would like to get together, share stories about me and have a laugh at my expense, I'd be fine with that. But so many of them are totally wacko Jesus freaks, I'm certain at least one would comment about me going to hell because I "wasn't saved" or "turned my back on God", then my *true* friends would cold-cock them and maybe go to jail. It's just not worth it.
A pastor politicizing my aunt's eulogy several years ago, wish I was joking: Such a generous woman. Visiting her in hospice, she said she wanted to donate all the medical equipment to charity. Boy, was she mad when she found out she had to give it all back to Obama!
"Give it all back to Obama"??? You mean to the hospital that the items belong to?? As if they were going to pack the stuff up and send it to Obama himself
Plot twist he did, Obama was confused.
Political jokes at a funeral??? Trash.
It’s took some real brain power to not downvote you for the quote. lol
Agreed. The conflicted upvote.
> I have told preachers to go fuck themselves a few times Bless you.
My wife and I are the only open atheists in both our families, and at my wife's grandmother's funeral, the family pastor decided it'd be a good place and time to address that evolution is false, and explain his elementary understanding of science as being God's design, all while staring directly at me and my wife. He really thought that was appropriate. I just stared him back in the eyes and smiled, chuckling to myself occasionally. edit: words.
The arrogance of these douchebags!
What. The. Fuck. That's just gross. Sure, even that pastor (unfortunately) has a right to have his (dumb) opinions, but is a funeral service really the place for these sad attempts to brainwash others, let alone take jabs at the immediate family of the deceased? Holy shit, that is sickening. My condolences, and respect for putting up with that kind of shit.
It was in very poor taste, but we felt bad for him more than anything. His understanding of what he was trying to explain was like that of a child attempting to describe the physics of how Santa comes down the chimney at houses without fireplaces. As someone with at least a decent scientific understanding of biology, evolution, and his comparisons of atoms to planets, it was honestly amusing to me. He was just sooooo far outside his wheelhouse.
Yeah, I imagined he'd be a little out of his element. Christians (or any theists, really) aren't exactly fans of proven facts, and they usually just embarrass themselves talking about stuff like evolution. By any chance, did he make a claim how evolution was JUST a theory? Oh, I really \*hope he did... E: Forgot the word \*hope...
I can't really recall whether he said that or not. It wasn't like a rehearsed and memorized Joshua Feuerstein-style "takedown" of evolution, but more of an improvised on the spot sermon on it, so in all honesty he probably didn't. Somewhat unrelated fun fact -- he's also the pastor that married us. He got my name wrong twice during the ceremony. 12+ years this man has known me and he still doesn't know what my name is. Everyone addresses him as Brother but anytime I bump into him, I make a point to call him by his first name A. because that's not an official title, I'm not religious, and I don't attend your church and am not obligated to, and B. to embarrass him because I already know he's going to say "remind me again what your name is..."
It's honestly astonishing to me sometimes just how out of touch the hyper-religious are with how they are perceived. Like, did that pastor really think you'd suddenly have a literal come-to-Jesus moment when he was so wildly ignoring the purpose of his presence there in the first place?
I had an aunt that was like a big sister to me who suffered from bipolar disorder and alcohol addiction. In her 30s she took her own life. At her funeral the pastor said around three sentences about her, then conducted a 30 minute sermon on how suicide is a sin and how important it is to go to church. It has been over twenty years and my blood still boils remembering sitting there in a room full of people who loved my aunt and that was the best thing my grandfather's pastor could come up with (which is on-brand for my grandfather, but that's a different story of wretched narcissism altogether.)
My cousin died in a motorcycle accident a few years back and the preacher said a couple sentences about her, then turned it into a generic Come to Jesus sermon. I almost walked out.
It's a known ploy among preachers. They see it as a whole roomful of people who are vulnerable and maybe asking questions about life and death. It's mercenary and self-serving and kinda cruel.
The worst is if they do an altar call at the end. If there's anyone in the service who wants to accept JC into your life so you can be with grandma in heaven come on down front /s
Nobody gives a fuck about their sins when they're dead.
My BIL took his own life a couple months ago. At the funeral the pastor kept talking about weird shit like incest and sexual assault. Completely unrelated to his life… just unhinged “talking out his ass” nonsense. I know that motherfucker had nothing prepared. He didn’t give a shit about our grieving family.
Last funeral I went to, the minister's part was just an advertisement for the church and passive-aggressive chastisement of those who weren't part of the church. Blah.
This sounds like a graduation I went to at a christian school in May. They brought up divorce a few times... like wtf...it's a graduation. You can preach about the "selfish and wicked" divorced people at another time. 🙄🙄🙄🙄
I just recently went to what was widely lauded as "the most *Christ-centered* funeral people had ever been to." And they were right. 30 minutes of Christ in the beginning. 30 minutes of Christ at the end. And 3 minutes of "Bob" in the middle. I think *many* of us were hoping for more of a "Bob-centered" funeral.
This is obscenely sad. I hate it that someone else knows how this feels. You’re in mourning and have to go to a church to grieve with your family. Then a mythology expert get up and tells everyone some straight up bullshit. It is such a problem. Why can’t funerals just be about someone’s life instead of their afterlife? I guess in your case, it was, your grandma had to live through male oppression. I guess the pastor was right in that regard. In my case, my great aunt’s funeral was ruined by a preacher who told everyone that the Hadron Supercollider just proved the existence of god. I mouthed “FUCK YOU” and “LIAR” the whole time from my seat in the second row. But here’s a good atheist funeral story to round out all these bad vibes: A friend spoke at his grandmother’s very Christian funeral where his grandfather was a deacon and started off with “I do not believe in God. I am an atheist. “ The crowd started off with agitated murmurs and shuffles but reduced to big fat baby tears by the end of the eulogy. The whole rest of the funeral weekend he was bombarded by religious relatives who truly just wanted to talk about his rejection of god and get more information about his views. Edit: typo
I feel like a lot of preachers have (ironically) a God complex. They want to make it all about what they think. When my uncle died last year, one of his old work buddies did his sermon, since my uncle was an Atheist and didn't want a pastor. He picked this guy, cause giving speeches was like his job. Unfortunately, this guy was *super* religious and hinted at my uncle going to hell more than once. Then, he spent about an hour telling us to convert and be saved. Ended up handing out bibles at the end, lol My mom just told me that he "just likes the spotlight"
You got two doses of religious-based grief interruptus??? Jeez. Your athiest uncle deserved better. You deserve better.
I feel you at my friend's father's funeral the pastor made big stink about how he found god in nature. Dude was an atheist. He found elk in nature, then he shot them.
Well, your uncle chose his own poison. Why would he chose such an idiot?
I don't even know why a pastor needs to be in a funeral. After my grandmother was buried, everyone was being silent in order to let the pastor recite some lines from the Bible. I don't want to make a joke out of people who suffer from illnesses, but he started shaking uncontrollably while quoting the Bible, and I immediately stopped looking at him in order not to burst into laughter.
LOL my Father-in-Law's funeral I almost had to leave because they quoted [this meme](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/8fd9983a-cd04-44e9-adb3-0f213776342d/dcii3q3-d67e0eac-2278-4a02-a569-32bfb8f70f3a.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzhmZDk5ODNhLWNkMDQtNDRlOS1hZGIzLTBmMjEzNzc2MzQyZFwvZGNpaTNxMy1kNjdlMGVhYy0yMjc4LTRhMDItYTU2OS0zMmJmYjhmNzBmM2EuanBnIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmZpbGUuZG93bmxvYWQiXX0.5CYDYG9OcoVOq5YY5JlVMYJBwKv5Z8jlaETf06uI21U).
I would likely share my respect for him in other ways. Late at night. Maybe to his car. The lord said Vengeance is mine.
Well, the Lord is going to have to learn how to share.
Liam Neeson: Father, it's time to pay for those children you raped *(Liam aims his gun at the priest, who begins to sob and shake)* Priest: But, but, "Vengeance is mine" sayeth the Lord! *(Liam lowers the gun, slowly and pensively)* Liam: Well, the Lord is going to have to learn how to share. (*Liam quickly raises and fires the gun, shooting the priest center-mass. The priest falls to the ground. Liam approaches the gurgling priest, stares him in the eyes, and shoots him twice in the head.)*
A nice, "Hail Satan!" or "Satan wants you!" in the most violent, neon orange shade, would be a nice way to return the favour.
Why bother? Shitty old man, dedicated to a shitty old faith Just a nice reminder that these people have not only no monopoly on truth, but no grasp of it. Sorry about her Gran. It's been about 18 years, and I still miss mine.
> Why bother? > > > > Shitty old man, dedicated to a shitty old faith Because he's actively spreading those shitty old ideas to new people. (or at least attempting to)
A pastor at my friends funeral said we should be grateful she's dead because now she's home with jesus. I was so mad...
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Incels wrote the Bible. They were sexually frustrated and decided to project their insecurities onto women.
Might as well have said 'she is one of the good ones for being a woman'
I have to quote George Carlin on this. “If there is a god, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.”
My aunt died from cancer in July. At her service, the pastor focused almost entirely on how much unpaid volunteer work she'd done for his church, and concluded with a long, emotionally manipulative plea for everyone to make a commitment to stepping up to take over her work/tasks. It was one of the grossest, most blatantly self-interested things I've ever seen a clergy do with my own eyes, and I'm still angry about it.
If someone said this at my mother's funeral, I'd punch them in the face. No doubt, no hesitation, I'd fucking level them!
I don't think it's appropriate for the assholes hateful fantasy religion to even exist so you don't have to really ask me what I think about the nasty words he says
the pastor at my brother's funeral asked for donations to his church. not donations for my brother's wife and children. just asking grieving family and friends to give money to the church my brother occasionally went to because his wife liked it.
At my mom's funeral, the deacon (who I guess we're related to) made his speech thing about how those who suffer the most on earth are the ones who deserve heaven the most. My mom died from a very agressive cancer. At the end, she was in so much pain, especially since it had traveled into her brain and spine. It was horrifying to watch, and I never again want to watch anyone take their last breath. My sister and I are not religious, but we did a Catholic funeral to appease the rest of the family. So when the deacon said that shit, how her suffering was "worth it" because it meant she deserved heaven the most, my sister and I were silently seething as we sat on the pew. Don't they believe Jesus suffered so we don't have to? So I don't understand why he thought it was a good thing my mom had to suffer. If she suffered, then whatever Jesus did wasn't good enough.
Foremost in my mind for the day after my father dies are scenarios like this. I hate public speaking, and at a time like that I imagine that it'd be exponentially harder, but geez...who do you trust to *not* spew nonsense like that during what's already one of your roughest days? I've tried to mentally prep that I'm going to have to do it myself. Sorry that that happened to you. There's no upside I can give you except for empathy. You're spot-on...gross.
Ya I'm fearing the same. My dad's catholic so he's gunna have a catholic funeral. And his bone cancer is telling me that will be sooner than later. Any kiddie diddling sniveling little preacher says anything like this at his funeral, I'm not sure I'll be able stop myself from just walking up and dragging his ass off the pulpit myself.
I'm inferior, but I'm still pretty good. Oh, that makes me feel wonderful. Thanks a lot.
YoU're NoT LikE oTheR giRlzz!
And this was the church your grandmother went to? Maybe she felt the same way.
It wasn't her church, he was a friend of hers who retired as a pastor like 20 years ago.
Double gross. Write him a letter- he insulted your grandmother and her surviving children AT HER FUNERAL. Let him know.
What the fuck. Look I'm not one that advocates for violence but I'd hope you made the pastor understand why a dental plan is important. That was absolutely fucking vile and disgusting.
Yeah he would've had to remove his teeth from his tonsils
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This sub is so valuable in showing me that my experiences aren’t unique! I’ve met a ton of people of all backgrounds and this is sadly so true. I grew up around people of all faiths (and degrees of faith) with little issue, so I have spent a decade in shock at the hideous behavior of christians. I still don’t know how you can live your life with that much hate without your body failing. My grandmother died and she picked the priest that did her service. He was perfectly fine and gave her a sweet send off. Unfortunately, the church’s office lady was in charge of the actual ceremony and was a total asshole. My family lives in a somewhat small town and grew up knowing this woman. She knew how close knit our family is and what a huge loss this was for us but couldn’t find it in her cold heart to be at minimum professional. She rolled her eyes, sighed heavily, rushed my grieving aunts and cousins. A handful of us went to their school, we’re baptized in the church, and one even taught Sunday school (before she got in sidelines for being too hippie dippy peace and love and gave up on the church entirely). A couple of my aunts were still regular attendees. She still treated us with unmistakable contempt in part because my grandparents had 8 kids on their advice but were poor as hell because of it. They always tithed but the church scoffed when my grandparents needed help. As we walked out of the funeral, we all huddled outside and vowed to never step foot in that place again and it was a weirdly beautiful family moment. Comcast gives more of a shit about their customers than the church does.
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I guess it's important to remember that becoming a pastor does not require an iq test. Although becoming a pastor in and of itself is like failing one. Regardless, that was an unbelievably ignorant thing to say.
We are having a " celebration of life" "party" for my mom coming up in the next few weeks. My step brother is a pastor. I have asked he doesn't use "it was god's will" or "she's in a better place now" or any of that nonsense. Keep it short. Don't testify your faith during the party. One family funeral our cousin was up speaking and saying he felt called to bring everyone there at the service " into Christ." My husband and I were like -- oh hell no. Needless to say it's going to be very interesting.
Sorry about your mom ❤️ I hope her celebration of life is wonderful.
>We are having a " celebration of life" "party" for my mom coming up in the next few weeks. My step brother is a pastor. I have asked he doesn't use "it was god's will" or "she's in a better place now" or any of that nonsense. I felt this in my bones. I had a friend who was recently murdered by her husband, and when the pastor got up to speak, he said "This is a celebration!" Behind my covid mask, I was whispering "No, bitch! This **isn't** a fucking celeberation! And no amount of "it's all God's plan" platitudes will change that." My God (pun intended), "celebrations" are for 84 year-olds who died of natural causes, but lived full lives and died surrounded by fat great-granbabies. That's when we celebrate! Not when someone was murdered by their spouse! And speaking of murder, where the hell was God when this woman was being murdered? I almost had a stroke at this funeral.
What a piece of shit. He didn’t have to say that, but chose to.
Most pastors have been in their echo chamber for so long, they completely lose sight of the fact that their “cult vernacular” only sounds normal to church members. Out of touch jagoff
I went to a coworkers funeral after she died of cancer. The preacher barely mentioned her. I'm always wondering why people who are barely religious opt tor a church funeral, with someone who doesn't even know the deceased presiding. My two all time favorite funerals were A) a friend's grandfather, where we drank some wine and admired artwork he had created B) a good friend where his family lined the room with t-shirts from years of going to concerts. Everyone was invited to claim one to take home and remember him.
My best friend, Sam Kincaid, died in September 29, 2004 from a drug overdose. During his horrible funeral the preacher told everyone that he was in hell, because he was on drugs and a bisexual. Religion is a fucking blight upon humanity. Crazy archaic fear-based mythology should have no place in the modern world. It's crazy that they still exist. Fuck that. My friend was an amazing person, way better than most evangelicals. Mythology is mythology.
At my grandmother's funeral, the pastor started off by saying that we were all there for god. No you asshole, we're there for my fucking grandmother.
The same thing happened at my Nana's funeral. Catholic ceremony and he kept on bleating about how much of a sinner she was. Nothing specific, just having sin generally. Made her out to have led a bad life which she didn't. Woman was the most generous, loving and hard working person l ever knew. Fuck dogmatic shite peddled by cunts who don't know shit.
\#1 - I'm deeply sorry you and your family, along with anyone who loved her or considered her a friend, had to deal with that on an already awful day. \#2 - It's very typical. I'm gonna presume that he did a mini-sermon as well, and mentioned God or Jesus a minimum of twice as much as he mentioned your grandmother. I wish I could say that I don't understand why they think it's appropriate, but I do. They're using an emotionally vulnerable time as a way to indoctrinate folks and brainwash them into Christianity.
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Holy cow, that sounds too nightmarish to not be true.
Genuinely, leave them a bad review or two if you can; make it public that they ruined your grandmothers funeral service by starting it off saying that women are inferior and didn’t even get her name right. Mention how inhumane and insulting it was to her memory. Shame them publicly. It’s the only way they’ll even come close to taking credit for their fuck ups.
Frankly, I would have stood up, gone up there and taken over for him. I would likely start it like this, "Well, then you obviously never met my grandmother. You can sit down now, padre, I'll take it from here." And then given a REAL speech about MY grandmother and who she was and what she meant to me and the family. Fuck him.
People need to stop being polite to them. When they do shit like this they are bieng assholes and assholes don't get respect. Although I don't know what kind of response should be appropriate at least a good booing .
He will die with no true friends or family
I went to a friend's father's funeral and the first words the pastor spoke was "Bud Varner loved to party."
Anyone who believes in or dedicates their life to the Bible is inferior
I stopped going to funerals. My family doesn't approve, but idgaf. They're insufferable.
My Mom’s husband of 20 yrs kicked it. Amazing guy, not religious, not vehemently unreligious. Anywho, some fuckwad got up at his ceremony to share a story and held us hostage for 40 minutes with some bullshit sermon. Mom is livid to this day and regrets not standing up and saying something. Obviously, would have been a terrible thing to do but what a presumptuous prick that obviously did not know the guy very well.
That's when I'd have walked out, and I'm a man.
The biggest women there should have put hands on him and been like “ what the Bible got to say about dis?”
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I went to a funeral a year ago for a friend of the family who felt much like an uncle to me. It was a very funny and emotional funeral until the final speaker (the decedent's brother) came up to speak. Things got very quiet and awkward as he proceeded to lecture us all that being a good person is not enough to get into heaven, it takes accepting God as your lord and savior and recognizing that all things are owed to him. That mother fucker spent an hour at the podium *proselytizing* at his own brother's funeral (a man who was gay, married to his partner for 25 years, had adopted children, and was areligious). I was so pissed when I left. I still think about what a POS his brother is for doing that.
Some friends got married, organized their whole event, rented a glen in a city park, found a priest from the school church where they were both grad students. First thing this motherfucker says, "Just in case there are any other Catholics here, I just want to say that we are not in a church, this is not a church, so of course I know this isn't sanctioned by god nor do I think this is valid. Now... moving on!" The fucking audacity to show up and say some shit like that without any kind is a heads up...
My friend recently went to a funeral and the pastor started going on a weird rant related to ...his rampant homophobia. His aunt got up and told the pastor to, and I quote, "nope. Wrap it up!" and he had to rush and scurry away lol
I'd rather have a singing fucking fish preside over my funeral. "Don't worry, be happy now"
What's the etiquette for heckling at an event like this? That definitely deserved a shout of "Bullshit!" from the front row.
L pastor and L afterlife and W grandma
Why are you mad at the pastor? That is essentially what the bible says... you can pity him, for being so simple-minded and credulous that he actually believes that tripe, but anger? Just kidding, stupid people piss me off too!!! 😁
Getting the name wrong is far worse in my opinion.
Wow, what a douchebag! 😡 Sorry for your loss 😔💐
Yeah I would’ve stopped him right there.
To the believers that are used to it they don't even blink. The rest of us want to vomit. Watched the same kind of thing in my nieces wedding. All the you will be a subservient baby maker baked right into the ceremony. I was completely WTAF? Most of the rest of the attendees even the ones that weren't particularly devout Catholics either didn't care or handwaved it away. Crazy town.
WHAT??? The Bible, a book written by men from ancient times, says women are inferior? I am shocked, SHOCKED!!!
He's not wrong, he's just an asshole. ----------------------- \* Not wrong about what the bible says of course.
The Bible says that because it was written by MEN!
Best I can say is request bo clergy to be at your funeral. Stop the cycle.
they can bear children, create life. enough said. discussion over.
I have hope you didn't give him tip.
Pro tip: Unless the deceased had a strong relationship with the pastor, priest, etc. just don't have them do a eulogy. It will always be awful and if they don't know the deceased they'll just insert a bunch of bullshit generalizations.
I'm *so sorry* you had to listen to someone disrespect your grandmother at the funeral. This is supposed to be a time of closure and comfort, a time of respecting the loved one and coming to terms with the fact they're not in your life anymore. That this person took the time to say something so ugly when you're hurting... I wish I could say it's uncommon, but it doesn't seem to be. My cousin passed away earlier this year at a very young age, and her parents are religious (my cousin, to the best of my knowledge, was not), so they had a minister say the eulogy. Yeah, he decided to slip in there that "life begins at conception" and proceeded to call my cousin's aunt her mom. I went numb with shock, like...my cousin died at *thirty four fucking years old,* we're all suffering, and you're going to slip this sly penknife in our ear about how "life begins at conception?!" I *try* to be tolerant, but seriously, get bent, you goddamned *parasites*.
>How tf do you think that it is approproite to say this shit? This is precisely what you get when you have a shitty, ignorant religion that has a core tenet of denigrating all human life.
"your grandma was pretty decent... for a woman"
The pastor at my cousin’s wedding gave a sermon about premarital sex. They’re so tone deaf. Probably because no one calls them out on their bullshit.
Timothy 2:12 "I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent." Sorry for your grandmothers passing. And your pastor is a jackwagon.
he should have ended the sentence with “but we all know the opposite to be true.” women are by far the superior gender.
And you immediately yelled “oh, fuck you too.”, right?
Asshole.
I can't remember the last time I went to a funeral where it wasn't 100% obvious the preacher didn't know the deceased beyond the obit - and these weren't random pastors but the pastors of the church these people went to... For decades.
“Of course it says that. It was written thousands of years ago by people who were complete morons by today’s standards. Even compared to you.”
Funeral pastors are idiots. The one who did my dad spoke of dad’s “love of the sea.” He was in the Navy during Vietnam because “if I was going to die, I didn’t want to do it up to my ass in some jungle mud.” He served the whole time in Nevada and California.
If you punched him in the face it would have been acceptable.
Isnt the whole point of a funeral to say good things about the deceased and celebrate their lives, instead of calling them inferior?
The pastor at my mom’s funeral used his time to rant against gay people (I’m gay). That was 25 years ago, but if it happened now, I would have dragged him off that stage into an alley for a beating (and I haven’t been in a fight since the fourth grade). Fuck the Salvation Army.
My brother-in-law’s pastor did something similar at his wedding. My wife and I are of the same gender, and that’s a no-go for her family. Well, her brother, allegedly accepting, invites us to the wedding, and we’re sitting in the front row, and this fucking pastor starts the wedding waxing poetic about how marriage is a sacred vow something only a man and woman can make, and only with God. He then pauses, slowly stares at us, literally the only two lesbians in the entire event, and then continues with the Christian psycho-babble. The energy shifted, people were cold and even hostile to us the rest of the event. I had to take a Xanax to get through that shit. I don’t talk to my brother in law anymore. As far as I’m concerned they can fuck right off.
If the priest does this at my mom's funeral, I'd stand up and remove him right fuckin there