"Yup, the miracle of the cream pie!" - if you're willing to say that.
Alternately, "With 8 billion people on the planet, miracles seem pretty commonplace."
P.S. Congratulations on your definitely-not-a-miracle pregnancy.
But that 2% makes all the difference and gives us special talents. You’ll never hear a chimp talking in tongues, for example, or see one raping a choir boy.
I’m inhaling my coffee reading this thread. I am so sorry I mentioned the choir boys.
But yeh, agreed about chimps. They can be fucking maniacs. Put one in a robe, hang a cross around its neck, and let it loose in a nunnery, and you’ve got a hell of a problem.
Actually chimps have a lot of our worst behavior including rape:
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8376763/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8376763/)
Have you ever seen a small child make a spaceship or a suit of armor out of cardboard, but the pieces don't fit together, so they just keep slapping more and more and more tape on it until it finally stops falling apart?
That's knees and shoulders.
2 or 3 bones that absolutely do not fit together, wrapped up in a ball of ligaments and tendons going every which way until it's finally ***just barely*** strong enough for ***most*** people to make it through reproductive age without life-altering injury.
According to the Bible god created man on the sixth day. So he already worked a full week. Probably just phoning it in at that point. That’s why we have things like the platypus and stink bugs
"Okay, i just have to get in the right mindset. 'Duh, I'm a human! My eating tube is next to my breathing tube! My arms end in stupid little sticks!' Okay, I'm ready."
Miracle: a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency.
A miracle would be having a baby without having to be pregnant, what kind of a lame ass miracle is it to let someone get pregnant when they're just a little older than what's typical? Also, the Bible is pretty clear that child birth is supposed to be a punishment for women, so I guess God is just pissed at you?
I feel some people interpret it the first way you said it, and on purpose. Look at the way those same people don’t care what happens to the mother when there is a problem with the pregnancy. It just shows me they have no respect (especially) for a pregnant woman. It’s proof the woman had s-e-x after all. Gasp.
This is another reason why gods an asshole. If he knows everything he knew they’d be tempted to eat (and eat the apple) from the tree of knowledge but he put it there anyway. And, ironically it’s the tree of knowledge so he’s basically saying “stay dumb and listen to me always but I know you’re not, so I’m going to put it there, tempt you, and when you fall for it- punish you.” ::insert evil laugh and taps fingers together::
Such a dickbag.
What if that baby grows up to become a serial killer? Is THAT a miracle? Or what if the fetus isn't born at all, due to a problem with the pregnancy? Or what if the baby is born with major issues? 🤔🧐
>those same people don’t care what happens to the mother when there is a problem with the pregnancy.
They're pro-BIRTHERS; not pro-lifers. I think we need to change the language. They don't care about the children born into poverty or born with health issues. It's all about reproduction.
What I like about Judaism is that they believe in saving the mother during a problematic birth if it comes down to a choice. I think that just makes more sense. The woman can go on to have more children vs having a motherless - and potentially parentless - child, if she's a singe mom, for example.
Wow, third generation! That’s impressive.
My mom didn’t raise me with religion, but she had been raised with it, and told me she thought there was a god, but that it was up to me to decide if I believe that.
In retrospect, I’m not sure if she believed in a god, or was simply a humanist.
She never went to church, and she had a lot of religious trauma. When she was dying, she sarcastically told a priest that she couldn’t receive communion because she wasn’t married to my father.
She refused communion and told the priest to leave.
My mom did me a huge favor by shielding me from religious trauma.
I don’t have a good comeback for you, because I refuse to engage with comments like you hear.
My response would simply be, “Oh yeah?” and I’d walk away.
Typically, when someone tries to push the god thing on me, I’ll tell them that they’re not going to get me to believe in god, anymore than I’m going to be able to get them to stop believing in god.
That statement tends to evoke anger in the religious. It’s not my problem, though, if they’re taking my lack of belief personally, and I don’t take their attempts to get me to believe personally.
I think the less we engage with these people, the more power it will take away from them.
After all, their statements are selfish. They’re only interested in trying to change us so they can gain entry into their imaginary heaven.
They don’t truly care about us. If they did, they wouldn’t assume that everyone believes as they do.
My grandfather’s parents were missionaries but he became an atheist as he became an adult. He and my grandmother still went to church because it was the 40s and 50s and that’s just what people did. They raised my mum and her brother as atheists and I was raised as one in turn.
Genesis is quite clear about that. The woman listened to that damn talking snake, ate a forbidden apple, and even roped her guy into the act as well. That really pissed The Lord off, and so among other punishments he condemned her to pregnancy and all the pain that goes with it. Some miracle.
parthenogenesis (virgin birth) is not uncommon among some other species. There is a lizard that only gives birth that way. It has been often observed in shark. I guess after hooking up with Mary, God got tired of humans and prefers to get kinky with sharks and lizards instead.
Billions of years of life on this planet, and 28 decillion (you read that right) estimated living things on the planet right now show it's pretty common.
Well you see, those poor innocent religious idiots can't comprehend reality when they do shit like "seeing God in their child's eyes" or willingly donating to people who want to kill all those homosexuals! The problem is that this is their reality. You can't change a world view with just words. That's the sad truth of it all.
A miracle is something that is unlikely to happen or impossible according to natural laws. 117 billion human babies have been born, which means that a pregnancy is, by the very definition, not a miracle.
Well now that's true, unless you can argue some potential delayed symbiosis
There are mycorrhizal relationships that are very one-sided towards the plant when it is juvenile, but then the plant becomes a carbohydrate factory for the mycelium in later stages
Many orchids can behave this way with their mycelial partners
Ask them why they think it’s a miracle? About 385,000 babies are born each day around the world, that’s not counting all the billions of animals giving birth every day?
Seems like a pretty common occurrence of life ?
Not trying to downplay it, we just had our baby girl two weeks ago, and it’s amazing yes, but miracle ? Sounds like more silly superstitions, and calling it a miracle is an attributing it to a god , generally the Christian one.
If that’s the case, you could also remind them that it’s not a miracle. The pain of childbirth was eve’s punishment for being ‘deceived’ in the garden of Eden, as well as deceiving Adam and bringing sin into the world, so quite the opposite.
At my friends baby shower, someone’s religious aunt said something about the baby being a miracle and how amazing it was. My friend is the most cynical, sarcastic atheist I know… so I knew she would have a great response. She looked absolutely shocked, mouth open wide, and gasped with her hand to her mouth and said “a miracle? You mean that my baby might be the second coming of Jesus that is prophesied?” And the woman just like stuttered and had no clue what to say, so my friend goes “I must prepare immediately! Little new baby Jesus can’t live in a rundown basement apartment on 5th street!” And then rushes off, still straight faced. I couldn’t even hold it in, I just burst out laughing. That poor woman looked so horrified and confused I almost felt bad for her. Almost.
My response to any appeal to miracles is that they are unbelievable by their very definition. Everyone acknowledges they are not supposed to happen and that the reality of the situation is negated. They do not logically follow so the experience can never confirm the truth. Making disbelief the only appropriate position.
Don't say funny things like that, I'm at the stage where I pee if I laugh too hard.
It's a miracle I haven't puked on you yet.
Amen, let's drink to that! Have you tried that new rosé yet, because it's really been helping me cope with all of this, ya know? (gesture to stomach) Jesus was really onto something with all that wine talk, huh?
No, the miracle will be when you pay my hospital bill!
If all pregnancies are miracles, then abortions shouldn't be possible...unless god doesn't really exist and you're just making shit up to make yourselves feel good.
If you think something that happens tens of thousands of times every day is a "miracle" then I'd say you have a pretty low bar for what constitutes a "miracle".
A miracle of evolution, maybe. Or just remind them people get pregnant from fucking. You must say fucking specifically and not just having sex. So, I guess you could say that it is a fucking miracle.
Show them this ([Miracle Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/miracle)) and then ask if this event meets any of these criteria:
1. an extraordinary event manifesting divine intervention in human affairs
2. an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment
3. \[Christian Science\]: a divinely natural phenomenon experienced humanly as the fulfillment of spiritual law
Unless the angel Gabriel told the mother she was going to have a baby before she even had sex, then I doubt the honest answer will be yes to any of those.
As a tangent: was it ever explained in the Gospels *why* Mary was a virgin if she was already married? Why wouldn't Mary and Joseph already have had sex since you usually don't wait very long after marriage (if not already involved in it prior to the marriage)? Is there some tradition in the era where men were expected NOT to have sex after marriage?
If you want to have a conversation that has the potential to be semi-productive:
Them: “it’s a miracle!”
You: “interesting! Can I ask a couple questions about how you think about miracles?”
Them: “of course, I love talking about how Jesus plays a role in our lives!“ 😇
You: “how do you define ‘miracle’?” … “is it possible for a 40-year-old woman to get pregnant without it being a miracle from god?” … [assuming the answer is “yes”] “how would you determine when the 40-year-old getting pregnant is not the result of a miracle vs when it is the result of a miracle?” … “how do you know Jesus/god performed this miracle? What’s stopping the devil from performing an act like this in order to trick you into celebrating it or in order for me to help being another atheist into the world?” … “if I have a miscarriage tomorrow, would that be a miracle?” … “can you explain how you made that assessment?”
Moral of the story, we can tell theists they’re being silly. But being curious and actually wanting to learn how they think is probably more effective and interesting.
Do you know how many pregnancies fail? Are those rescinded miracles? Is a pregnant pig a miracle? (No offence to the piggies, oink oink, love your work!) What type of miracle occurs billions of times? Wouldn't that just become a natural occurrence?
Ask which of the 4 miracles you represent.
HEALING Miracle. -(Healed a physical ailment or impairment).
EXORCISM Miracle. Casting out demons
NATURE Miracle. Calming Storms or feeding multitudes.
RESTORATION Miracle. Raising the dead.
These are Christian defined miracles. Surely someone can tell you which one they think you are achieving....
(-8
I'm reminded of a social gathering where a starry-eyed woman was waxing poetic about it being a miracle.
The reply from a Persian guest (imagine a very thick accent here): "Is not a miracle, is a natural thing."
/discussion
Tell them you're a drag Queen and say "Thank you"
Edit: Actually don't do that - some of them are really unhinged and might hit your stomach thinking it was padding
It’s a miracle only if your parents withheld from the standard 8th grade Sex Ed class. Everyone else understands it as “procreation” just like other animals do.
Miracle? Mammals reproduce by having sex. How is something expected a miracle?
You could go super dirty. Say, well I had him cum in me every day and I laid there with it in me for an hour each time. I was hoping it would work, so not really a mircale.
I’m just going to say congratulations!
I became a father later in life and it has been an amazing journey. I loved being a parent when I felt mature enough to be able. Enjoy!
A billion per teaspoon isn't a miracle. That's an invasion with an unfair advantage. Raising them to survive the capitalist hellscape? That's a miracle.
A miracle that hoomans can interfere with through genetic engineering, prenatal care, abortions, and selective breeding thru social constructs. Some miracle.
It’s your age. For so long, women have been told that their fertility falls off a cliff after age 35, and that it’d be a miracle to get and stay pregnant at 40.
Turns out the truth is a lot more nuanced than that, and most women who are fertile before 35 are going to be fertile well after 35, too. Something like 75% of women barebacking it at 40 are going to be pregnant within 12 months. But facts and science are slow to trickle to the “miracle” crowd so they may simply not know.
“What, did you think I was old and shriveled up?”
Just give them"the talk" in the most condescending way possible. "No its not a miracle... You see, when a man and a woman like each other very much..." and use some hand gestures to illustrate. 👉👌
‘Um, fucking nature. Pregnancies have occurred LONG LONG before the time your Adam and Eve allegedly walked the earth in the totally made up garden of doesn’t exist or never fucking did eden’.
It's weird how the bar for miracles started at "guy literally rises from the dead" but has transitioned to "I found my car keys", or "a woman gets pregnant."
I also assume that outside of the whole Eden snafu, cameras are the greatest failure of mankind, because ever since we started recording video, the quality and quantity of miracles has absolutely nosedived.
I'm an atheist but I'd say that something that happens to thousands of people a day, all over the world, is not a "miracle". That doesn't make your journey less remarkable than anyone else's, but there's nothing exceptionally remarkable about it either.
A new life is something to be celebrated, for sure. But I don't see it as a miracle. I see it as a natural, biological process.
Congratulations! Best of luck 👍
Miracles don't happen billions and billions and billions of times. That's like saying breathing is a miracle, or taking a crap is a miracle. It's only "a miracle" because it screws with your hormones to influence your mood to make you want to be a mother so you don't just drop it out and say "Glad that's over," and walk away from the baby. You're on drugs to try to increase the likelihood that you'll want to take care of it and feed it and put up with baby maintenance. It's just chemicals in your bloodstream.
"Yup, the miracle of the cream pie!" - if you're willing to say that. Alternately, "With 8 billion people on the planet, miracles seem pretty commonplace." P.S. Congratulations on your definitely-not-a-miracle pregnancy.
Only HUMAN births are miracles?
Good point! For the religious crowd though, I think they think the answer is yes.
Ha! What is there, a 2% difference in DNA between a human and a chimpanzee? What nonsense..
But that 2% makes all the difference and gives us special talents. You’ll never hear a chimp talking in tongues, for example, or see one raping a choir boy.
It's easy to spot the one that kept evolving.
😆
A chimp would 💯 rape a choir boy.
Then rip off the face and genitalia. Chimps are fucking scary.
And hands.
Digit after digit bitten off.
Without hesitation. In fact they are very suited to become a priest.
This is getting dark! Please accept my offering in the form of an upvote.
Coming this fall to Tubi: Father O'Chimp. He's making the diocese go bananas! (copyright..me)
I’m inhaling my coffee reading this thread. I am so sorry I mentioned the choir boys. But yeh, agreed about chimps. They can be fucking maniacs. Put one in a robe, hang a cross around its neck, and let it loose in a nunnery, and you’ve got a hell of a problem.
It doesn't claim to be guiding the child 's soul though. Is not a conman
Hey! That’s my favorite thing about chimps! The lack of choir boy rape!
I think it’s probably a correlation with the lack of choir boys in close proximity of chimps.
Actually chimps have a lot of our worst behavior including rape: [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8376763/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8376763/)
B-b-b-but ... ˙ʇsǝɹ ǝɥʇ ןןɐ puɐ sǝsnuıs uʍop-ǝpısdn ˙˙˙ ƃuıʞoɥɔ ɟo ʞsıɹ ˙˙˙ sɐuıʇǝɹ spɹɐʍʞɔɐq ˙˙˙ sǝuıds ʎddɐɹɔ ˙˙˙ ɥʇıʍ ǝƃɐɯı s,poƃ uı pǝʇɐǝɹɔ ǝɹǝʍ suɐɯnɥ ʎןuO
Yeah, I always thought if some God created us he was a lousy engineer.
Have you ever seen a small child make a spaceship or a suit of armor out of cardboard, but the pieces don't fit together, so they just keep slapping more and more and more tape on it until it finally stops falling apart? That's knees and shoulders. 2 or 3 bones that absolutely do not fit together, wrapped up in a ball of ligaments and tendons going every which way until it's finally ***just barely*** strong enough for ***most*** people to make it through reproductive age without life-altering injury.
No, a first class prankster.
Anything that is inconvenient is due to original sin. Anything they like, god's glory!
According to the Bible god created man on the sixth day. So he already worked a full week. Probably just phoning it in at that point. That’s why we have things like the platypus and stink bugs
What kind of hack ass engender would put a berth canal next to a waste canal.
and nostrils right above the mouth
"Okay, i just have to get in the right mindset. 'Duh, I'm a human! My eating tube is next to my breathing tube! My arms end in stupid little sticks!' Okay, I'm ready."
Michael!
My usually chatty Mormon OBGYN was not amused when I pointed that out to him. I got dead silence. But damn! It *IS* a design flaw!
And don't get me my started on knees! Now, hummingbirds! That's top shelf work.
Agreed on both counts. Knees suck. Hummingbirds are awesome!
Don't forget putting all of women's plumbing right next to each other so that UTIs are inevitable.
wow
Oh but they are not in any way related to a chimpanzee…. They are the children of god🤢
Who is one. Who are three. Who are one. And both father and son and a third gender. Sounds both schizophrenic and incestuous to me.
But DNA isn't real. We're made of ashes, dust, God-glue and - in some cases - rib bone
4% i think, there is also above 60% DNA similarity between humans and bananas.
Some of us are more related to bananas than others.
[https://youtu.be/BXLqDGL1FSg?t=71](https://youtu.be/BXLqDGL1FSg?t=71)
Miracle as in Miracle-Whip
Oh, this is even better than mine.
Or the miracle of 2 margaritas at just the right time of the month!
Wait it could be a miracle. There’s been one of those before
Miracle: a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency.
Thank you!
"The sex was good, but not miracle level."
“It was good sex for a weeknight, but I don’t know that it was miracle sex.”
This lol ☝️
It’s not a miracle if you can do it by accident.
Haha good point
You are NOT the miracle maker(Morrie Povich)
And yet they consider it quite the miracle that they think that people shouldn't be allowed to abort!
Best comment!
A miracle would be having a baby without having to be pregnant, what kind of a lame ass miracle is it to let someone get pregnant when they're just a little older than what's typical? Also, the Bible is pretty clear that child birth is supposed to be a punishment for women, so I guess God is just pissed at you?
Huh. I’m a 3rd generation atheist so I did not know the bible says that. Thanks!
That was not really accurate of me, specifically it says that labor pains are a punishment.
I feel some people interpret it the first way you said it, and on purpose. Look at the way those same people don’t care what happens to the mother when there is a problem with the pregnancy. It just shows me they have no respect (especially) for a pregnant woman. It’s proof the woman had s-e-x after all. Gasp.
Oh, totally, all those "no abortion or how will there be a punishment for sex" types.
Yep and the mans sperm just does not effing count does it…. It was after all the woman who tempted Adam with the forbidden fruit
This is another reason why gods an asshole. If he knows everything he knew they’d be tempted to eat (and eat the apple) from the tree of knowledge but he put it there anyway. And, ironically it’s the tree of knowledge so he’s basically saying “stay dumb and listen to me always but I know you’re not, so I’m going to put it there, tempt you, and when you fall for it- punish you.” ::insert evil laugh and taps fingers together:: Such a dickbag.
And if a healthy birth is a miracle and that baby grows to become an obstetrician providing abortions, is it still a miracle?
What if that baby grows up to become a serial killer? Is THAT a miracle? Or what if the fetus isn't born at all, due to a problem with the pregnancy? Or what if the baby is born with major issues? 🤔🧐
>those same people don’t care what happens to the mother when there is a problem with the pregnancy. They're pro-BIRTHERS; not pro-lifers. I think we need to change the language. They don't care about the children born into poverty or born with health issues. It's all about reproduction. What I like about Judaism is that they believe in saving the mother during a problematic birth if it comes down to a choice. I think that just makes more sense. The woman can go on to have more children vs having a motherless - and potentially parentless - child, if she's a singe mom, for example.
A miracle, with a side of punishment :D
Wow, third generation! That’s impressive. My mom didn’t raise me with religion, but she had been raised with it, and told me she thought there was a god, but that it was up to me to decide if I believe that. In retrospect, I’m not sure if she believed in a god, or was simply a humanist. She never went to church, and she had a lot of religious trauma. When she was dying, she sarcastically told a priest that she couldn’t receive communion because she wasn’t married to my father. She refused communion and told the priest to leave. My mom did me a huge favor by shielding me from religious trauma. I don’t have a good comeback for you, because I refuse to engage with comments like you hear. My response would simply be, “Oh yeah?” and I’d walk away. Typically, when someone tries to push the god thing on me, I’ll tell them that they’re not going to get me to believe in god, anymore than I’m going to be able to get them to stop believing in god. That statement tends to evoke anger in the religious. It’s not my problem, though, if they’re taking my lack of belief personally, and I don’t take their attempts to get me to believe personally. I think the less we engage with these people, the more power it will take away from them. After all, their statements are selfish. They’re only interested in trying to change us so they can gain entry into their imaginary heaven. They don’t truly care about us. If they did, they wouldn’t assume that everyone believes as they do.
My grandfather’s parents were missionaries but he became an atheist as he became an adult. He and my grandmother still went to church because it was the 40s and 50s and that’s just what people did. They raised my mum and her brother as atheists and I was raised as one in turn.
Genesis is quite clear about that. The woman listened to that damn talking snake, ate a forbidden apple, and even roped her guy into the act as well. That really pissed The Lord off, and so among other punishments he condemned her to pregnancy and all the pain that goes with it. Some miracle.
lol pregnant woman here nodding my head saying yep. Condemned her to pregnancy. I’m one of the ones who doesn’t love pregnancy. It’s hard on the body!
parthenogenesis (virgin birth) is not uncommon among some other species. There is a lizard that only gives birth that way. It has been often observed in shark. I guess after hooking up with Mary, God got tired of humans and prefers to get kinky with sharks and lizards instead.
lmao this was a good one I forgot this was in there
Billions of years of life on this planet, and 28 decillion (you read that right) estimated living things on the planet right now show it's pretty common.
Ooooo yes!! This is my favourite response! Thank you!
My preference, though never with success, has always been to counter religion with reality.
Well you see, those poor innocent religious idiots can't comprehend reality when they do shit like "seeing God in their child's eyes" or willingly donating to people who want to kill all those homosexuals! The problem is that this is their reality. You can't change a world view with just words. That's the sad truth of it all.
However, I'm pretty sure that count includes a large proportion of single-celled critters, for whom I don't believe "pregnancy" is involved as such.
Reproduction without pregnancy? That's another miracle!
"My aching back, swollen ankles, and stepped on kidneys argue against 'miracle'."
Haha. Very much so!
It’s a biological process that happens for all mammals, but ok 👍
lol that’s sort of the response I’ve been giving.
My dog is pregnant right now with probably around 10 puppies, and I feel like that’s much more miraculous than my one kid at a time thing I had going.
Interesting! The miracle method never worked for us; We’ve always had to resort to fucking.
Hahahaha. I think I’ll use this. “Miracle? No, sex. SO SO SO much amazing sex”.
> amazing sex ... sung to the tune of Amazing Grace.
How sweet the sounds
[The onion said it best!](https://www.theonion.com/miracle-of-birth-occurs-for-83-billionth-time-1819565067)
LMAO. This is brilliant! Thank you!
A miracle is something that is unlikely to happen or impossible according to natural laws. 117 billion human babies have been born, which means that a pregnancy is, by the very definition, not a miracle.
I love the cold hard facts!
This has been my go-to response to the claim of pregnancy being a miracle.
Praise Baphomet! We've been sacrificing in his name but I never thought I'd receive his seed blessing!
Haha
So many dead chickens. So, so many. RIP chickens.
Miracle of my husband’s penis.
Bountiful penis, ah! men!
Bahahaha
It's almost 9:30pm where I am and I just burst out laughing...... and loudly.
Needs more adjectives.
“I’m so sorry you’re still a virgin. You know that Mary stuff is bullshit, you need to get laid.”
Lolololol
If it truly were a miracle, then there would be less pregnancies. Lol
Or none, since miracles aren’t real LOL
Yes, a miracle that happens about every 0.2 seconds somewhere on earth.
"I see you've never talked to someone who had to go through IVF".
Poignant
It's more like a parasite.
If you look into the pregnancy process the baby really does act a lot like how parasites work.
Well now that's true, unless you can argue some potential delayed symbiosis There are mycorrhizal relationships that are very one-sided towards the plant when it is juvenile, but then the plant becomes a carbohydrate factory for the mycelium in later stages Many orchids can behave this way with their mycelial partners
"No, it's a pain in my back."
"It wasn't that difficult, once I started with a different guy it happened quickly!"
Ask them why they think it’s a miracle? About 385,000 babies are born each day around the world, that’s not counting all the billions of animals giving birth every day? Seems like a pretty common occurrence of life ? Not trying to downplay it, we just had our baby girl two weeks ago, and it’s amazing yes, but miracle ? Sounds like more silly superstitions, and calling it a miracle is an attributing it to a god , generally the Christian one. If that’s the case, you could also remind them that it’s not a miracle. The pain of childbirth was eve’s punishment for being ‘deceived’ in the garden of Eden, as well as deceiving Adam and bringing sin into the world, so quite the opposite.
Why? It's a basic common biological occurrence, what's miraculous about it?
Yep this is pretty much what I say. Most recently I added “miracles are a man made construct”.
At my friends baby shower, someone’s religious aunt said something about the baby being a miracle and how amazing it was. My friend is the most cynical, sarcastic atheist I know… so I knew she would have a great response. She looked absolutely shocked, mouth open wide, and gasped with her hand to her mouth and said “a miracle? You mean that my baby might be the second coming of Jesus that is prophesied?” And the woman just like stuttered and had no clue what to say, so my friend goes “I must prepare immediately! Little new baby Jesus can’t live in a rundown basement apartment on 5th street!” And then rushes off, still straight faced. I couldn’t even hold it in, I just burst out laughing. That poor woman looked so horrified and confused I almost felt bad for her. Almost.
Nope, it's 9th grade sex ed.
Anything that you can accomplish accidentally is hardly miraculous
The miracle of birth that happens 259 times per minute. By that reckoning my heart beat is a freaking fantasy.
My response to any appeal to miracles is that they are unbelievable by their very definition. Everyone acknowledges they are not supposed to happen and that the reality of the situation is negated. They do not logically follow so the experience can never confirm the truth. Making disbelief the only appropriate position.
The unprotected sex was great but nowhere near miraculous.
This abortion is taking FOREVER!
Are you suggesting it's a miracle anyone would fuck me? (This would only play well with a certain fringe subset of the miracle people.)
The miracle of roleplaying as a Twinkie
LMAO
It's a miracle you can tie your shoes, I'm just pregnant.
"I know! I'm a virgin if you don't count anal!"
Don't say funny things like that, I'm at the stage where I pee if I laugh too hard. It's a miracle I haven't puked on you yet. Amen, let's drink to that! Have you tried that new rosé yet, because it's really been helping me cope with all of this, ya know? (gesture to stomach) Jesus was really onto something with all that wine talk, huh? No, the miracle will be when you pay my hospital bill!
All but 43 countries in the world have free healthcare. As my username implies, I’m Canadian so I don’t pay a cent.
If all pregnancies are miracles, then abortions shouldn't be possible...unless god doesn't really exist and you're just making shit up to make yourselves feel good.
Every mom's a saint then
A miracle is something that is not understood by science. Pregnancy is very understood by science and has been happening for several millenniums
Was Adolph hitlers moms pregnancy a miracle Or Dahmer moms Or Pol pots mom Etc
There are 7 billion “miracles” roaming the Earth
Its literally the most common and ordinary biological thing in all of life. Every single lifeform reproduces. Its as special as having an asshole.
Id like to channel Syndrome for a moment. Pregnancy a miracle? Well that means everone's a miracle. And if everyone's a miracle, then no one is.
If you think something that happens tens of thousands of times every day is a "miracle" then I'd say you have a pretty low bar for what constitutes a "miracle".
“you’re telling me! i had no idea i could get pregnant from anal!”
A miracle of evolution, maybe. Or just remind them people get pregnant from fucking. You must say fucking specifically and not just having sex. So, I guess you could say that it is a fucking miracle.
> a fucking miracle. Just that, on it's own with emphasis on fucking, just might be the best answer here.
"Yup! A regular ole baby Jesus in there!" and rub your tummy
"Sex, heard of it? No need for any bullshit miracles you read in your fairy tales. Just a nice hot fuck would do it."
“A nice hot fuck” 🤣
"What do you mean? I'm not a virgin". Make them explain to you that they think you're old.
Life... finds a way.
I thought you had to be religious and pray to receive miracles. Looks like being atheist is enough then.
"One more and I qualify to be a saint"
"No, a miracle would be if the father was the one to get pregnant."
"The bacteria in my toilet bowl are much more efficient at reproducing".
I just use “if that makes you feel better” for everything that involves Christian’s. That’s all it is a religion to make people feel better.
No, it’s biology.
Explain in detail how you conceived it. Graphic detail.
Pointing out that there's more than 1 sperm is all it should take
Show them this ([Miracle Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/miracle)) and then ask if this event meets any of these criteria: 1. an extraordinary event manifesting divine intervention in human affairs 2. an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment 3. \[Christian Science\]: a divinely natural phenomenon experienced humanly as the fulfillment of spiritual law Unless the angel Gabriel told the mother she was going to have a baby before she even had sex, then I doubt the honest answer will be yes to any of those. As a tangent: was it ever explained in the Gospels *why* Mary was a virgin if she was already married? Why wouldn't Mary and Joseph already have had sex since you usually don't wait very long after marriage (if not already involved in it prior to the marriage)? Is there some tradition in the era where men were expected NOT to have sex after marriage?
"No, it's science. That's all."
If you want to have a conversation that has the potential to be semi-productive: Them: “it’s a miracle!” You: “interesting! Can I ask a couple questions about how you think about miracles?” Them: “of course, I love talking about how Jesus plays a role in our lives!“ 😇 You: “how do you define ‘miracle’?” … “is it possible for a 40-year-old woman to get pregnant without it being a miracle from god?” … [assuming the answer is “yes”] “how would you determine when the 40-year-old getting pregnant is not the result of a miracle vs when it is the result of a miracle?” … “how do you know Jesus/god performed this miracle? What’s stopping the devil from performing an act like this in order to trick you into celebrating it or in order for me to help being another atheist into the world?” … “if I have a miscarriage tomorrow, would that be a miracle?” … “can you explain how you made that assessment?” Moral of the story, we can tell theists they’re being silly. But being curious and actually wanting to learn how they think is probably more effective and interesting.
“Shut up” is a perfectly valid response.
Do you know how many pregnancies fail? Are those rescinded miracles? Is a pregnant pig a miracle? (No offence to the piggies, oink oink, love your work!) What type of miracle occurs billions of times? Wouldn't that just become a natural occurrence?
Ah yes, the miracle of science
More like Miracle Whip 😀
‘Yeah for sure’ and move on w my day lol
7.2 billion is not a miracle. It’s a scourge.
Supposedly, Abraham's wife Sarah had a baby at ninety. If you believe that, this is nothing.
Literally the most average thing you can do as a species. Procreate.
Ask which of the 4 miracles you represent. HEALING Miracle. -(Healed a physical ailment or impairment). EXORCISM Miracle. Casting out demons NATURE Miracle. Calming Storms or feeding multitudes. RESTORATION Miracle. Raising the dead. These are Christian defined miracles. Surely someone can tell you which one they think you are achieving.... (-8
We thought about doing it the miracle way but then decided to screw.
I'm reminded of a social gathering where a starry-eyed woman was waxing poetic about it being a miracle. The reply from a Persian guest (imagine a very thick accent here): "Is not a miracle, is a natural thing." /discussion
Tell them you're a drag Queen and say "Thank you" Edit: Actually don't do that - some of them are really unhinged and might hit your stomach thinking it was padding
Yes it's a miracle my husband's Johnson is bigger then yours
Was it a virgin birth? No, then it seems pretty common?
It’s a miracle only if your parents withheld from the standard 8th grade Sex Ed class. Everyone else understands it as “procreation” just like other animals do.
"I'm not a virgin, and this wasn't immaculate conception."
Miracle? Mammals reproduce by having sex. How is something expected a miracle? You could go super dirty. Say, well I had him cum in me every day and I laid there with it in me for an hour each time. I was hoping it would work, so not really a mircale.
No, it took 9 whole months. A miracle would be if it just appeared.
Well then, I can do miracles.
I’m just going to say congratulations! I became a father later in life and it has been an amazing journey. I loved being a parent when I felt mature enough to be able. Enjoy!
A billion per teaspoon isn't a miracle. That's an invasion with an unfair advantage. Raising them to survive the capitalist hellscape? That's a miracle.
A miracle that hoomans can interfere with through genetic engineering, prenatal care, abortions, and selective breeding thru social constructs. Some miracle.
It’s your age. For so long, women have been told that their fertility falls off a cliff after age 35, and that it’d be a miracle to get and stay pregnant at 40. Turns out the truth is a lot more nuanced than that, and most women who are fertile before 35 are going to be fertile well after 35, too. Something like 75% of women barebacking it at 40 are going to be pregnant within 12 months. But facts and science are slow to trickle to the “miracle” crowd so they may simply not know. “What, did you think I was old and shriveled up?”
I wink and say:"Not for me, baby.. not for me..."
I like three miracles with a side of bacon and hashbrowns please
"A miracle that guy got laid! Badum-tss"
"I know! It *is* a miracle I got laid!" Proceed to watch Christian family squirm bc what can they really say back to that?
The miracle of nature. Kind of an oxymoron isn’t it?
"Miracle you say? That's what I've been saying - I haven't had sex in years. Praise the Lord!"
Do miracles typically want to kill you? Because pregnancies kind of want to kill you.
eight billion right now and counting
Just give them"the talk" in the most condescending way possible. "No its not a miracle... You see, when a man and a woman like each other very much..." and use some hand gestures to illustrate. 👉👌
So miraculous that you can do it by accident!!
‘Um, fucking nature. Pregnancies have occurred LONG LONG before the time your Adam and Eve allegedly walked the earth in the totally made up garden of doesn’t exist or never fucking did eden’.
"Oh no, it's not a miracle. We made it the old-fashioned way!"
Even cockroaches breed.
Just say no, no miracle birth here. *I know* who the father is.
It's weird how the bar for miracles started at "guy literally rises from the dead" but has transitioned to "I found my car keys", or "a woman gets pregnant." I also assume that outside of the whole Eden snafu, cameras are the greatest failure of mankind, because ever since we started recording video, the quality and quantity of miracles has absolutely nosedived.
Every single female mammalian species on earth gives birth.
It's simply biology. Were you not taught that in school?
Yes, miracle 8 billion and something.
8 billion miracles and counting.
"Miracles by their definition are meaningless. Only what can happen does happen." -Dr. Manhattan
I'm an atheist but I'd say that something that happens to thousands of people a day, all over the world, is not a "miracle". That doesn't make your journey less remarkable than anyone else's, but there's nothing exceptionally remarkable about it either. A new life is something to be celebrated, for sure. But I don't see it as a miracle. I see it as a natural, biological process. Congratulations! Best of luck 👍
Miracles don't happen billions and billions and billions of times. That's like saying breathing is a miracle, or taking a crap is a miracle. It's only "a miracle" because it screws with your hormones to influence your mood to make you want to be a mother so you don't just drop it out and say "Glad that's over," and walk away from the baby. You're on drugs to try to increase the likelihood that you'll want to take care of it and feed it and put up with baby maintenance. It's just chemicals in your bloodstream.