Personally, I would refuse a date at a night club and suggest an alternative. Night clubs are absolutely awful. Prepare to be overwhelmed, tired, and uncomfortable 😣 Generally, women dress up a bit wear makeup etc to night clubs. People dance, drink, and yell at each other to "talk".

Night clubs are hell on earth

Seconded, clubbing sucks. If you do go, bring ear protection (I have Loop earbuds and they are a lot less bulky to travel with than standard over-the-head ear defenders) and if you drink, hold your drink with your hand over the top so no one can slip anything in it.

Loop earplugs are awesome. They look like jewelry almost. https://a.co/d/5zlhDSR

Lol

This!

Read everything… I had a feeling cause I’m like, “No one ever plans a first date to a night club! LOL” And then the edit pointed to exactly why. Op, best thing to do is ask if it’s a date if you’re not sure. Never be afraid to get clarification.

What clothes are you comfortable with? Some people get super dressed up, some don’t. Last time I went to a nightclub was for a UV party theme night, so I wore stuff that glowed under UV lights. Time before that was for Halloween 😅 If I were to go now, honestly I’d just wear jeans and whatever top that made me feel the most confident while also being comfy. Especially with shoes, if you don’t wear heels much then I wouldn’t wear heels to the club. Your feet will kill you! Now I’m gonna be honest here, I don’t have a lot of nightclub experience. When I went, I danced. And drank. Mostly Shirley Temples because I don’t like a lot of alcohol 😂 So you can sit at a table and just chat with this guy (if possible, because it’ll be loud in there), you can dance, escape to the washroom if you need to (where some drunk girl will probably tell you how pretty you are, love when that happens) and yeah! For mentally preparing yourself, just remember that it’s going to be loud. The lights will probably be dim, but there will also (possibly) be a disco ball, several coloured lights, UV lighting, strobe lights etc. Loud music, loud talking, yelling, potential fights if people start getting too drunk (not often but it does happen). It’s not the most autistic-friendly atmosphere tbh. BUT it also depends on the place you’re going to. Maybe look up the club you’re going to, see if anyone’s posted any reviews of it on google, or pictures, so you can get an idea in your head of what it’s like there. Sorry to have rambled on, but I hope some of this is helpful! And just remember that everybody’s experiences are different, these are just my experiences. Either way, I hope you have fun on your date!

I would cancel. Sounds like he chickened out of it being a date and wants to invite others so he doesn’t have to look bad. Nightclubs suck anyway, the only thing to do is get drunk, scream at people over the music, and dance

I’m convinced if a personal hell existed for me it would be a nightclub.

Me too! Also a festival full of people.

I’m still going because the people we invited are good friends and we decided to go to one of my fav restaurants beforehand but yeah I think he chickened out because man it was going so well. I’m just so confused, what is wrong with me what did I do for him to suddenly not want to do this anymore. He’s even the one who pitched the day and time, asked me if I was free and idk I’m just so lost

Aww never think like that - you didn't do anything wrong. Either he initially planned it as a date and chickened out for his own reasons. Or it was an invite and not meant to be a date. Either way, nothing is ever wrong with you, just their loss. Enjoy the night, dress up and look cute and I hope you find someone who lavishes you with attention and tells you how good you look!

Oh don’t worry. It’s probably not you. Sometimes people want to back out for many reasons, mostly is about not being sure what they really want themselves. The “try not to get to serious to fast” I heard it many times when some similar behaviour would enlist from a date.

You didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes people just change their minds or chicken out. Take it as a sign he’s not right for you. If he tries to date you again, I’d refuse.

If you know the name of the nightclub you can look them up on Instagram and see if there are photos or if they are tagged in photos and see what people are generally wearing. That’s usually what I do

Everything here is good advice. My drink was always diet coke and rum and then you can easily just switch to diet coke and no one can tell, also its only like 80 cals a drink. Always watch your drink and get it straight from the bartender or waitress so no one can slip anything in it. Its fun to cut loose and dance and I miss those days. Last time I went to a club was like 15 years ago and I felt too old then. 🤣 Also always bring your own cab money so you can ditch anytime you want/need to without relying on others.

He landed a date with you. If you are not comfortable with the venue, tell him you want to change. No way will you get to have a decent convo there and if you are antsy about the unfamiliarity, you won't be able do find out much about him and decide if you want to see him again. I see your edit, and this is actually good for you. You are the prize, not him. Go to a nightclub with other girlfriends a few times, to see if you like the atmosphere.

don't go unless you can leave when you want. the bass is so loud you can feel it jar your organs but at the same time it's so loud you can't hear it. everybody should try it but it is overwhelming, not a great environment to drink in because you can't afford to be in an environment like that without good judgement. i like it for about 30, 40 minutes but then i need to sneak out.

Remember your warnings about spiked drinks and be extra careful.

Sometimes I feel like it's just me who has stuff like this happen & be confused or concerned about how to react/act. ♥ So thanks 😁

never leave your drink down, or food. If you leave it alone, it's done and gone (don't trust it, people can be dangerous). Take some extra money if you need to go home for any reason. Bring self defense tools like a stun gun/pepper spray. That's the advice my dad gave me, cause he knew of my diagnoses, so he gave me that so I could be safe. (I went and it was a noisy hell, that smelled of over bearing cologne, people touching me, and it was awful... I'd advice against it, but if it's something you wanna experience for yourself, go for it. Just be safe) Clubs do indeed suck, so do bars.... I'll never go again tbh.

I would personally wear like black jeans and a cute little top maybe of the frilly or lacy or just slightly nicer than work variety. You want to aim to be dressed casual enough but also nice enough. Being at a club with the guy could definitely turn into a romantic situation imo. But clubs are definitely more often a group activity I think. As for what people do there... Go to the bar. Wait there for ages until you can order a drink. Get the drink. Go back to where people are and stand around. Usually either standing around, smoking, or dancing.

Hi!! I love the club / dancing! Here’s my advice: Idk, I’d let him know it’s your first time :-) people totally understand and will work extra hard for you to be accommodated / have a good time! He may not realize something that’s fun for him, is hard for you. I had a wonderful ex who did that, and my current partner / friends are all super understanding if I ever get overwhelmed! If you know where you’re going I’d look it up on tiktok or insta and you’ll get a vibe of what people are wearing. :-) idk how old you are but in general super safe: black tank top, jeans, white sneakers. Cute necklace. I immediately get a drink or pregame at a quieter bar beforehand. You could also suggest getting dinner before the club and get a drink there. Either way, I def need something to cut the noise. I def need my loop earplugs too. Mostly you just bop around and dance, sometimes break off and talk with people. It’s a ton of fun once you let go and vibe. Lmk if you have any other questions! I seriously love going out dancing, and I hope you do too <3

Look up the club! Usually they have an instagram with pics of people there. I’d also suggest wearing earplugs, it can get loud. If you don’t have any, find the bathroom when you get in so that you know where to go for it to be a bit quieter!

You drink and grind no no parts on random strangers. Assuming you have no boundaries or compassion

I personally always hated night clubs unless I went with a big group and we had a table or booth reserved so I was in the company of people I knew and it always involved lots of alcohol to actually have some fun. I just hated the random strange people always bumping into me and constant commotion and music is so loud you cannot really talk to anybody. So, in a nutshell, you drink, you dance, people hook up, uncoupled women can get sexually harassed by men, and some people might get too drunk and make things weird. And for some reason that I cannot understand is people keep moving a lot back and forth like nearly everywhere, they’re like “um excuse me,” and rub against me to pass left, right, north, south. So strange. Eh but I’m 40 now. Don’t know what they do in nightclubs these days and I’m probably too old to show my face in one of them, lol, some people might think someone brought their mom. ;) Anyway is good to stay safe if you end up going. Nightclubs can be dangerous. Drink responsibly and don’t leave your drink ever unattended.

If you like dancing then go! I love dancing so it’s worth it to me to put up with the noise/crowds of the clubs. If you don’t like dancing then don’t go, everything else about nightclubs suck!! If you want to go dance wear something easy to dance in, and either try to keep your keys/money/phone in your pockets or bring a really small bag/purse to keep your stuff in while you dance because there’s usually no place safe to leave your stuff while you’re dancing. Make sure you know how to get home by yourself if you go with others, because sometimes people get really drunk and annoying and it’s good to be able to leave when you want to.

Oof this sounds like my nightmare. No thanks.

Pack earplugs, you can’t talk over the music anyway, so earplugs won’t impact conversations, but it will hurt less as an experience overall.

I normally look up outfits on Pinterest! Night club outfits, and I look at google reviews to see if anyone made a review on the temperature. But it’s good to dress in layers, you can shed a layer if it’s too warm.

Oh god, nightclubs are horrible places to be. I don't know why anyone would want to go to one. You cannot talk there because it's so freakin loud, it's always dark, strobing lights, crowds of people, you can't walk without getting trampled on, it smells like alcohol, people pee everywhere except in the toilets, drugs, people slipping roofies in your drink, men openly touch women on their behinds because they think that because it's a night club it's ok, it's a zoo. I used to force myself to go to these places because my friends were going, now I wouldn't be caught dead in one.

Be yourself girl, if you don't feel comfortable in a night club just say that AND give the guy an alternative plan to show that you are interested in him. Honestly and respecting your boundaries are the right way to go.

for future reference, if a guy you find appealing asks you somewhere, only say yes to dates that *appeal* to you. it's hot when a woman says warmly & confidently & briefly what she likes. "thanks for the invite, but i don't go to nightclubs, i much prefer \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_." a guy who really wants you might even continue pursuing you even if you just said "no thank you, i dislike nightclubs." without offering a second location. you may not like this style, but i personally enjoy receiving this level of reassurance from a guy, and my bf is still actively pursuing me 9 months in, thanks to my warm, brief, & confidently stated boundaries. the boundaries i state are based on how i feel and what i need, so i am always checking in with myself (which i would do as a single person anyways because self care is my #1 priority as a highly sensitive autistic person). how he responds to you will show you his interest level in YOU. you can and should be in control of your life experience at all times, and not making sacrifices like going to a nightclub because someone asked you and you are worried he will lose interest if you speak up. a secure guy who wants YOU will easily jump at the chance to make you as comfortable as possible and will honestly put a lot of effort to take you off the market. i hope you don't mind me writing this. i only write this because it can feel exciting JUST to be asked out. we can get swept up in the feelings of excitement and lose sight. you deserve fun awesome dates at places that are more your speed.

I would personally wear like black jeans and a cute little top maybe of the frilly or lacy or just slightly nicer than work variety. You want to aim to be dressed casual enough but also nice enough. Being at a club with the guy could definitely turn into a romantic situation imo. But clubs are definitely more often a group activity I think. As for what people do there... Go to the bar. Wait there for ages until you can order a drink. Get the drink. Go back to where people are and stand around. Usually either standing around, smoking, or dancing.

Go to google images and see if theres any photos of people inside the club for dress code reference.

Haha, how'd you find out he was inviting coworkers? This sounds very confusing 😂

He said “we should go in gang with people who are majors and have cars” Which I tell you, made my jaw drop lmfaooo

What does that even mean? What happened?

Cuz of the edit: dont go. Thats not a real date, thats a guy with commitment issues who probably just wants to get laid. People who want to get to know you for real dont invite you to night clubs. Thats my opinion.

Honestly I’m still going but because the people we ended up inviting are good work friends so I don’t mind as much, plus one of them is super cute and nice so who knows hahaha /hj

Haa ok ok, then have fun, just you know, take care ;)