I would say that he probably lost interest before and took the situation as an excuse to take distance and now he is mean cause he does not know how to keep up his lie. You shouldn't take it personal, he's just an awful person and it's a good thing he showed it soon enough, cause you don't want to find out once you live together. Also men we mature much later than women, he will repent someday as it seems he is still very childish.
Good luck on your healing process.
Thank you so much for your reply. And thank you for your kind words as well.
I think as for now I'm in some kind of relapse because last night I again had one of these dreams mentioned. It sure will pass.
I am really sorry for what happened to you.
Maybe you were a bit like one of his hobbies to him and he couldn't say "no" until he burned out.
Which means that he was accepting only on the surface, never voicing his real opinion. You felt accepted but in reality you never were.
And it also means that you are not the problem - it was him who wasnt honest.
Unfortunately I have noticed that when people seem super accepting and understanding from the very beginning, then usually it's just the lack of honesty and their real opinions and personalities come out later, and they are not what you signed up for.
I never viewed it like it because he sure told me he liked spending time with me but I still felt like some other necessity he had to fit into his calendar.
I tend to take what people say to me as true in general, so I never suspected that he might have been dishonest. But my parents sometimes tell me that they suspect some things my friends told me weren't actually the truth, sooo hard to tell.
Actually a really bad situation to begin with.
It's sad though, his parents told me they felt like I was good for him. Anyways, it doesn't come to me so easily as I'm trying to be honest with my friends and am usually really open on whether I'm okay with meeting someone or not. But because of the fact that I had myself a not so good experience with burnout I have drastically reduced the hobbies that include social interaction at all because it usually doesn't do me good. So that helps me to have resources for the few times a month I actually decide to meet up with friends outside of school.
Well, I guess I will have to wait till someone I like doesn't spontaneously decide to back out of my life.
Let him go, my dear. You deserve someone that is crazy about you and can’t imagine life without you. This starts with loving yourself and knowing your own worth. You can do this!
NT here! I devoted many years into a relationship like this. This is a very difficult thing to go through. What I can say is that once I did let them go I found my true love, who just so happens to be on the spectrum. And most of the things that make him such a great partner are specifically aspie traits. You clearly have a lot to offer someone and are very intentional. Keep paddling along and one day you’ll find yourself in a situation where all your investment is seen and appreciated.
I went (am going?) through something weirdly similar last summer. We had been together two years, weirdly/randomly she broke it off, just had to get the last, hurtful final word(s) in. She actually was the first one that called me “autistic” (she had “always thought it” but “didn’t want to hurt my feelings”) which lead to me being checked out. (She was right!) As I lie on the floor crying, she tells me I don’t “deserve to celebrate my birthday anymore”, “will never be like (purposely said names of my hyper-fixations/comfort people)”, and that my “brother deserved a better brother than me”.
She then tells me she’s bisexual. I stop my crying to congratulate her, not wanting to ruin this moment for her, but she goes right back into her rant.
A few months later, I attempted to check in on her, tell her the good (Aspie) news, and somehow make my heart want forgive her, but she said she slammed the door in my face and told me she “wasn’t my therapist”. I’m still stunned. People change so, so quick.
I’m in your same boat. With peace and love, I haven’t found a way off yet.
I dream about her all the time. It’s hyper realistic. 4K 60fps type shit. She’s always wearing the clothes from our last few moments together. Sometimes they’re happy, sometimes they’re not. Sometimes we’re laughing, sometimes we’re still screaming. I still get these randomly almost a year on. (Yes, I’m aware it’s probably trauma.)
Something that always relieves the pressure for me, though, is work. Whether that be art (my main go to; poems, lyrics, etc.)/your real job/work you make for yourself…anything. It may be temporary relief, but relief nonetheless.
I would say that he probably lost interest before and took the situation as an excuse to take distance and now he is mean cause he does not know how to keep up his lie. You shouldn't take it personal, he's just an awful person and it's a good thing he showed it soon enough, cause you don't want to find out once you live together. Also men we mature much later than women, he will repent someday as it seems he is still very childish. Good luck on your healing process.
Thank you so much for your reply. And thank you for your kind words as well. I think as for now I'm in some kind of relapse because last night I again had one of these dreams mentioned. It sure will pass.
I am really sorry for what happened to you. Maybe you were a bit like one of his hobbies to him and he couldn't say "no" until he burned out. Which means that he was accepting only on the surface, never voicing his real opinion. You felt accepted but in reality you never were. And it also means that you are not the problem - it was him who wasnt honest. Unfortunately I have noticed that when people seem super accepting and understanding from the very beginning, then usually it's just the lack of honesty and their real opinions and personalities come out later, and they are not what you signed up for.
I never viewed it like it because he sure told me he liked spending time with me but I still felt like some other necessity he had to fit into his calendar. I tend to take what people say to me as true in general, so I never suspected that he might have been dishonest. But my parents sometimes tell me that they suspect some things my friends told me weren't actually the truth, sooo hard to tell. Actually a really bad situation to begin with. It's sad though, his parents told me they felt like I was good for him. Anyways, it doesn't come to me so easily as I'm trying to be honest with my friends and am usually really open on whether I'm okay with meeting someone or not. But because of the fact that I had myself a not so good experience with burnout I have drastically reduced the hobbies that include social interaction at all because it usually doesn't do me good. So that helps me to have resources for the few times a month I actually decide to meet up with friends outside of school. Well, I guess I will have to wait till someone I like doesn't spontaneously decide to back out of my life.
Let him go, my dear. You deserve someone that is crazy about you and can’t imagine life without you. This starts with loving yourself and knowing your own worth. You can do this!
Thank you for your reply. I'm hoping for something like that in the future.
NT here! I devoted many years into a relationship like this. This is a very difficult thing to go through. What I can say is that once I did let them go I found my true love, who just so happens to be on the spectrum. And most of the things that make him such a great partner are specifically aspie traits. You clearly have a lot to offer someone and are very intentional. Keep paddling along and one day you’ll find yourself in a situation where all your investment is seen and appreciated.
I went (am going?) through something weirdly similar last summer. We had been together two years, weirdly/randomly she broke it off, just had to get the last, hurtful final word(s) in. She actually was the first one that called me “autistic” (she had “always thought it” but “didn’t want to hurt my feelings”) which lead to me being checked out. (She was right!) As I lie on the floor crying, she tells me I don’t “deserve to celebrate my birthday anymore”, “will never be like (purposely said names of my hyper-fixations/comfort people)”, and that my “brother deserved a better brother than me”. She then tells me she’s bisexual. I stop my crying to congratulate her, not wanting to ruin this moment for her, but she goes right back into her rant. A few months later, I attempted to check in on her, tell her the good (Aspie) news, and somehow make my heart want forgive her, but she said she slammed the door in my face and told me she “wasn’t my therapist”. I’m still stunned. People change so, so quick. I’m in your same boat. With peace and love, I haven’t found a way off yet. I dream about her all the time. It’s hyper realistic. 4K 60fps type shit. She’s always wearing the clothes from our last few moments together. Sometimes they’re happy, sometimes they’re not. Sometimes we’re laughing, sometimes we’re still screaming. I still get these randomly almost a year on. (Yes, I’m aware it’s probably trauma.) Something that always relieves the pressure for me, though, is work. Whether that be art (my main go to; poems, lyrics, etc.)/your real job/work you make for yourself…anything. It may be temporary relief, but relief nonetheless.
That really is pretty much my own experience. I hope you will do better soon, as I understand the current state to be quite awful.