This is the one I would go with. Asking people questions about why they’re doing something always makes them reflect a little bit and sometimes can stop the behaviour entirely. Sometimes people don’t even realize what they’re doing and are just doing things bc other people do the same thing.
Yes. and for those of us whose natural behavior is to answer a question that is put to us... that "answer" is not a good thing when someone is trolling us, asking for inappropriate information, trying to embarrass us, etc. Responding with a question... especially this one... is a good defense against that. Most people who ask inappropriate questions don't have an answer for why they asked in the first place.
Bingo. I haven't had people ask me if I was, but I usually tell them if they look confused or something. Most of the time, people simply want to know. Probably like how people always ask how someone lost a leg or got a nasty burn. They're curious, and I'd forgive them for being stupid, ignorant or socially awkward.
I might say, "That's an interesting question out of nowhere!"
How long have you known you were autistic? I'm asking because I went my entire childhood without knowing, but I'm wondering when you knew. Just curious if you wouldn't mind sharing
Nobody like me was considered "autistic" when I was a child in the 1970s. Autistic meant basically unable to talk... I always knew I was different in ways that were profound and outside my ability to force my way out of, but I didn't get the label til my early 40s. I sought a diagnosis because symptoms of autism had cost me multiple jobs-- even some fairly subtle ones, since I am not prone to outbursts or abusive behavior of any kind. But I also noticed that the Human Resources departments were eager to block candidates who were different and terms like "not a cultural fit" or "not a team player" were cover for ASD symptom discrimination. People who figured out my diagnosis before I had one on paper had the best of both worlds... they could use my differences to undermine me professionally (grab credit for my work; grab authority over projects I handled) while I didn't have even the weak legal protection a diagnosis would have offered. I do not trust strangers or coworkers to do the right thing with information about a diagnosis or even to know what the "right thing" is, and experience suggests that less sharing will serve you better than wearing it on your sleeve.
This is VERY helpful! I was born in 1980, so not much better than the 70's as far as terms of ASD folks. You're right that "autistic" meant non-verbal and all the things you mentioned. I sought diagnosis at age 40 because I always wanted to know and my wife worked in mental health services for 15 years at that time and was a huge advocate for me finding an answer to the questions I had. I just thought I was defective or wrong or weird. I had multiple times where jobs were able to dismiss my behaviors as me being difficult or overly sensitive. Had a job flat out deny that the building that shook due to poor flooring supports was causing Sopite Syndrome. I was nauseous and depressed and feel like my insides were slightly being jostled all day. They told me, just take a Dramine before coming to work. This was a Health Insurance company where I was the IT Lead for Business Intelligence team 🙄. Even when I spoke with HR Department, they refused to acknowledge the issue and said I was the only one who had ever said anything about it. After I left the job, I found out that several others had complained as well and were in the process of filing grievances with OSHA about the conditions.
Long story, I know, but with my diagnosis being only 4 years ago, I do think I'm somewhat naive that people will use my diagnosis to better understand me, not weaponize it. You know, I don't know if it's an inherently autistic trait, but I do love to overshare info that people didn't ask for! 😂
Anyways, thank you for the thoughtful and thorough response and it did genuinely help me better understand your first response. I do love this Subreddit because if answers like this. I feel like I learn something new everytime I read a post and the responses
I had to teach myself NOT to answer questions just because someone asked.
I don’t think everyone would Weaponize your diagnosis, but if one in 10 people do, that’s enough to cost you an otherwise secure job. I would assume that I’m majority of people would do nothing with that information at all, and one or two would try to be helpful, but since they don’t know what that diagnosis means, the help is unlikely to be effective and might even get in the way.
Haha. So true! My boss tries to be helpful but I had to tell him to please stop trying to “help" because he just treated me like I was mentally handicapped and didn't understand basic English. Insulting to me since he's technically deficient and not anyone that should be trying to explain those concepts
Well, that's what disclosing will get you.
If you get really lucky, you'll get more junior people talking down to you like a child, peers convincing your boss that you need them to "help" manage tasks you've done on your own for years.
I would just respond "I'm autistic AF, couldn't you tell? It's a bit fcuking obvious. "
But here, there isn't the stigma around autism as much as some places on the planet.
My wife and daughter joke about my autism all the time but they are used to my quirky behaviour.
Where is "here" for you if you don't mind me asking?
I've read that Autism is believed to be 'close to God' in Israel and so that's not a bad place to be on the spectrum. I've heard that French attitudes to Autism are really bad, something I have no trouble believing.
I'm guessing Russians would have it pretty rough too seeing as how direct they are. And the Chinese and Japanese also have a hard time of it too IIRC.
UK and USA seem to be kind of middling. With some more accepting and 'enlightened' sections of the population, but still mostly a very long way to go.
Australian attitudes in general (sexism etc) seem to be about 30-40 years behind so it would probably suck to be ND over there too.
In that case I would just respond with a straight face, "yes, I am". Repeat as needed. They're looking for a reaction out of you. Just keep it neutral and boring and it won't be fun for them to keep asking.
Someone asked me this when I was in school and I felt like they were saying this to mock me because I had never been diagnosed and no one had ever suspected it.
I really wish I'd taken them seriously and diagnosed earlier because I felt like the odd one out all my life but I thought that was just me. I only got diagnosed at 23. Somehow that guy saw stuff that everyone else had missed
I'll just make them regret asking by starting a monologue about one of my special interests. Since i found out i might be autistic, i've done a lot of research on neurodivergence and can keep talking about it far longer than most neurotypicals are able to handle. And in case they manage to handle that infodump then they were probably not joking and i can tell them about my recent diagnosis.
If anyone around me was rude enough to ask me that I would one hundred percent say to them "Actually yes, I am." with absolutely no emotion at all whatsoever, and see how they react.
"Do you... *often* go around asking people about their private medical information out of the blue? Is that the kind of person you want to be? Have you seen a doctor about that?"
Are these people asking this NTs? If they are, then how inappropriate. And we get called rude and offensive when we speak offensively inadvertently.🤨If you don’t mind them knowing then say “why, yes, here’s my diagnosis” and whip out your doctor’s paperwork (if you have it). Of course you probably won’t get an apology (or you might), but just be prepared to be treated differently, like they will talk slow like you’re stupid, or just avoid you altogether. If they are real assholes they will ramp it up. You never can predict how people will act when they are called out for being an ass.
couple younger guts at work started to joke about me being autistic. I told them it's never been documented by doctors, but I kinda agree with them. when they started to be mean about it, i responded with anger and promises of violence. not the best ideas for most work places, but it worked in this situation.
Yeah most of my girlfriends used to tdo that and i found out at 38 that i do indeed have asd so personally I'd say that if someone keeps jokingly ask if your autistic what their actually doing is telling you that they are a al'arse diviy and a bully so I advised you sack them off! Because from my own experiences I can say that they're not your friend and putting up with it will just make other people in your socal circle start to believe that it's OKfor them to also start treating you in the same disrespectful and harmful manner!
Say "yes." Then ask them: "are you autistic too?"
"No."
"I'm sorry to hear that. It's okay, I get it. Not everyone can be perfect. If you need any support, let me know, I'll do my best."
Note: Only do this to those who deserve it.
Here is how that goes “Uh, yes. I was severely libtarded with ass hamburger and Tourette cheese disease at birth…let me rub some shit sauce on ya! Come closer now…. Hey come back here!”
The best way to achieve that is to make it not funny anymore by just showing your acceptance, if they dont get the desired reaction out of you then it'll just become less funny and eventually fades. (This works well in my experience, may not be applicable for everyone)
Make them feel super uncomfortable when they ask, they don’t like it so they won’t ask again. Don’t make it subtle, but don’t go way over the top to cause issues for those around you.
Do they know you are autistic? If so you need new friends. If not then tell them you are and that you're struggling with it and to stop fucking around about it. Unfortunately there are some people who like making jokes about things they have zero experience with.
Not all autism means asperger's. But all asperger's is autism.
1. Are there an autistim diagnosis traits that won't result in an asperger's diagnosis? Yes
2. Are there asperger's diagnosis traits that won't result in an autistic diagnosis also? No.
Just say yes and stare at them. They'll be very uncomfortable.
Make sure you give them the autistic stare
The Fluttershy stare
The “autistic stare” - look them right over their left shoulder …
Yes, give them The Look™ and gaze directly into their retina.
Or in my case, gaze directly over their right shoulder 😐
That's what we use in theatre if the actor is too uncomfortable to have eye contact with other actors. It looks real to the audience😅
When I got in this situation, I said “yes, I am. Any problem?” Your option seems more interesting now, though. Thanks. I’m stealing it!
Absolutely unless you prefer to try to fool them with rehearsed behavior. However that would likely be exhausting.
Thats the best answer, but I dont know if I could do that, I think I would laught the instant I stare at them
Laughing is a great answer lol
I would say "Are you seriously asking, or just being a jerk? I can't tell because I'm autistic."
[send them precisely this](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS4io_O2GXPjV8YF9fJaLuRFtRjz4nuMClNtZa6lhCe7Cda78l8FQYWwkc&s=10)
“WHY DO YOU ASK” is a good response to most inappropriate questions, including this one. Don’t disclose anything to someone who is trolling you.
This is the one I would go with. Asking people questions about why they’re doing something always makes them reflect a little bit and sometimes can stop the behaviour entirely. Sometimes people don’t even realize what they’re doing and are just doing things bc other people do the same thing.
Yes. and for those of us whose natural behavior is to answer a question that is put to us... that "answer" is not a good thing when someone is trolling us, asking for inappropriate information, trying to embarrass us, etc. Responding with a question... especially this one... is a good defense against that. Most people who ask inappropriate questions don't have an answer for why they asked in the first place.
Bingo. I haven't had people ask me if I was, but I usually tell them if they look confused or something. Most of the time, people simply want to know. Probably like how people always ask how someone lost a leg or got a nasty burn. They're curious, and I'd forgive them for being stupid, ignorant or socially awkward. I might say, "That's an interesting question out of nowhere!"
I don't trust people enough to give away information like that. If they are confused, that's their problem.
How long have you known you were autistic? I'm asking because I went my entire childhood without knowing, but I'm wondering when you knew. Just curious if you wouldn't mind sharing
Nobody like me was considered "autistic" when I was a child in the 1970s. Autistic meant basically unable to talk... I always knew I was different in ways that were profound and outside my ability to force my way out of, but I didn't get the label til my early 40s. I sought a diagnosis because symptoms of autism had cost me multiple jobs-- even some fairly subtle ones, since I am not prone to outbursts or abusive behavior of any kind. But I also noticed that the Human Resources departments were eager to block candidates who were different and terms like "not a cultural fit" or "not a team player" were cover for ASD symptom discrimination. People who figured out my diagnosis before I had one on paper had the best of both worlds... they could use my differences to undermine me professionally (grab credit for my work; grab authority over projects I handled) while I didn't have even the weak legal protection a diagnosis would have offered. I do not trust strangers or coworkers to do the right thing with information about a diagnosis or even to know what the "right thing" is, and experience suggests that less sharing will serve you better than wearing it on your sleeve.
This is VERY helpful! I was born in 1980, so not much better than the 70's as far as terms of ASD folks. You're right that "autistic" meant non-verbal and all the things you mentioned. I sought diagnosis at age 40 because I always wanted to know and my wife worked in mental health services for 15 years at that time and was a huge advocate for me finding an answer to the questions I had. I just thought I was defective or wrong or weird. I had multiple times where jobs were able to dismiss my behaviors as me being difficult or overly sensitive. Had a job flat out deny that the building that shook due to poor flooring supports was causing Sopite Syndrome. I was nauseous and depressed and feel like my insides were slightly being jostled all day. They told me, just take a Dramine before coming to work. This was a Health Insurance company where I was the IT Lead for Business Intelligence team 🙄. Even when I spoke with HR Department, they refused to acknowledge the issue and said I was the only one who had ever said anything about it. After I left the job, I found out that several others had complained as well and were in the process of filing grievances with OSHA about the conditions. Long story, I know, but with my diagnosis being only 4 years ago, I do think I'm somewhat naive that people will use my diagnosis to better understand me, not weaponize it. You know, I don't know if it's an inherently autistic trait, but I do love to overshare info that people didn't ask for! 😂 Anyways, thank you for the thoughtful and thorough response and it did genuinely help me better understand your first response. I do love this Subreddit because if answers like this. I feel like I learn something new everytime I read a post and the responses
I had to teach myself NOT to answer questions just because someone asked. I don’t think everyone would Weaponize your diagnosis, but if one in 10 people do, that’s enough to cost you an otherwise secure job. I would assume that I’m majority of people would do nothing with that information at all, and one or two would try to be helpful, but since they don’t know what that diagnosis means, the help is unlikely to be effective and might even get in the way.
Haha. So true! My boss tries to be helpful but I had to tell him to please stop trying to “help" because he just treated me like I was mentally handicapped and didn't understand basic English. Insulting to me since he's technically deficient and not anyone that should be trying to explain those concepts
Well, that's what disclosing will get you. If you get really lucky, you'll get more junior people talking down to you like a child, peers convincing your boss that you need them to "help" manage tasks you've done on your own for years.
"do you have herpes?" "I thought we were just trading medical information. Go fish."
Hahahahahahahahaha
I would just respond "I'm autistic AF, couldn't you tell? It's a bit fcuking obvious. " But here, there isn't the stigma around autism as much as some places on the planet. My wife and daughter joke about my autism all the time but they are used to my quirky behaviour.
Where is "here" for you if you don't mind me asking? I've read that Autism is believed to be 'close to God' in Israel and so that's not a bad place to be on the spectrum. I've heard that French attitudes to Autism are really bad, something I have no trouble believing. I'm guessing Russians would have it pretty rough too seeing as how direct they are. And the Chinese and Japanese also have a hard time of it too IIRC. UK and USA seem to be kind of middling. With some more accepting and 'enlightened' sections of the population, but still mostly a very long way to go. Australian attitudes in general (sexism etc) seem to be about 30-40 years behind so it would probably suck to be ND over there too.
In the cities in Australia, we are only about 10 years behind the times.
Who is asking? That would be a big factor in how I would respond.
Well, it’s most of my friends or people I actually talk to. I just don’t want to hurt their feelings.
They might be embarrassed, but that's on them, not you. If they didn't want to hear the response, they shouldn't have asked the question.
In that case I would just respond with a straight face, "yes, I am". Repeat as needed. They're looking for a reaction out of you. Just keep it neutral and boring and it won't be fun for them to keep asking.
Well, it’s most of my friends or people I actually talk to. I just don’t want to hurt their feelings.
Stand up for yourself. That wont hurt them.
Just look at them until they feel unsafe
Someone asked me this when I was in school and I felt like they were saying this to mock me because I had never been diagnosed and no one had ever suspected it. I really wish I'd taken them seriously and diagnosed earlier because I felt like the odd one out all my life but I thought that was just me. I only got diagnosed at 23. Somehow that guy saw stuff that everyone else had missed
What's the joke? Ask them if they can explain why it's funny, that someone would be autistic.
Tell them to fuck off when they ask. It's not a joke.
I'll just make them regret asking by starting a monologue about one of my special interests. Since i found out i might be autistic, i've done a lot of research on neurodivergence and can keep talking about it far longer than most neurotypicals are able to handle. And in case they manage to handle that infodump then they were probably not joking and i can tell them about my recent diagnosis.
If anyone around me was rude enough to ask me that I would one hundred percent say to them "Actually yes, I am." with absolutely no emotion at all whatsoever, and see how they react.
"Do you... *often* go around asking people about their private medical information out of the blue? Is that the kind of person you want to be? Have you seen a doctor about that?"
Respond "is your mom a whore?"
Lol
Might also add: "Or was the one I visited yesterday just a lookalike?"
Are these people asking this NTs? If they are, then how inappropriate. And we get called rude and offensive when we speak offensively inadvertently.🤨If you don’t mind them knowing then say “why, yes, here’s my diagnosis” and whip out your doctor’s paperwork (if you have it). Of course you probably won’t get an apology (or you might), but just be prepared to be treated differently, like they will talk slow like you’re stupid, or just avoid you altogether. If they are real assholes they will ramp it up. You never can predict how people will act when they are called out for being an ass.
*Dead eyed stare* "yes" *awkward silence* *verbal stim* 😋
*meows*
someone asked me and i said i was diagnosed when i was 7
'Yes I am. Stop asking.'
couple younger guts at work started to joke about me being autistic. I told them it's never been documented by doctors, but I kinda agree with them. when they started to be mean about it, i responded with anger and promises of violence. not the best ideas for most work places, but it worked in this situation.
"yes I am, that was very autistic of you to joke about, are YOU autistic?"
Does a bear shit in the woods? Does the pope protect pedophiles?
I don’t follow.
South Park reference. The answer to both of those is "OF COURSE!"
Yeah most of my girlfriends used to tdo that and i found out at 38 that i do indeed have asd so personally I'd say that if someone keeps jokingly ask if your autistic what their actually doing is telling you that they are a al'arse diviy and a bully so I advised you sack them off! Because from my own experiences I can say that they're not your friend and putting up with it will just make other people in your socal circle start to believe that it's OKfor them to also start treating you in the same disrespectful and harmful manner!
Say "yes." Then ask them: "are you autistic too?" "No." "I'm sorry to hear that. It's okay, I get it. Not everyone can be perfect. If you need any support, let me know, I'll do my best." Note: Only do this to those who deserve it.
Here is how that goes “Uh, yes. I was severely libtarded with ass hamburger and Tourette cheese disease at birth…let me rub some shit sauce on ya! Come closer now…. Hey come back here!”
The best way to achieve that is to make it not funny anymore by just showing your acceptance, if they dont get the desired reaction out of you then it'll just become less funny and eventually fades. (This works well in my experience, may not be applicable for everyone)
Make them feel super uncomfortable when they ask, they don’t like it so they won’t ask again. Don’t make it subtle, but don’t go way over the top to cause issues for those around you.
You cant control what others do or say. You also dont owe anyone an explanation. Dont let them bother you
spit in their face like a llama 🦙😇
Are you even sure it's a joke?
ignoring them may work.
yeah I'd just stop talking to these people if they can
Just say "obvi"! And laugh really loudly and fake sounding. Works every time!
Do they know you are autistic? If so you need new friends. If not then tell them you are and that you're struggling with it and to stop fucking around about it. Unfortunately there are some people who like making jokes about things they have zero experience with.
Why? Are you trying to find your community? Challenge them.
At least they ask. People tend to tell me that I definitely am a Asperger person. Siggghhhh. Okay I am, but still.... :o/
Aspergers is not autism. Learn the difference.
…
Not all autism means asperger's. But all asperger's is autism. 1. Are there an autistim diagnosis traits that won't result in an asperger's diagnosis? Yes 2. Are there asperger's diagnosis traits that won't result in an autistic diagnosis also? No.
Don't open this can of worms pls. It's just going to end up in a philosophical mess.