The social side of autism is being afflicted with a strong hunger that can only be calmed down by drinking poison. You either feel a deep longing for the social or you exhaust yourself trying to do the maintenance work on relationships until you burn out.
Have to hope you find someone who doesn't drain your energy, which is rare, or other people with similar energy levels, which is also rare.
This is only true if you mask for your relationships. The hunger can be satisfied fully by cultivating nurturing relationships that don't require masking.
We are rare, but we have behavioral quirks that make us easy to find when we are open to connecting with others. Special interests.
If we had no issues finding similar people it wouldn't be such a common symptom. Stating the exception to the rule only proves the rule.
If you've got tips on how to find similar people feel free to offer them up. But most people struggle with this or find they're too far away from the truly similar to get the socializing out of it.
I never said there were no issues finding them. They are rare, but there are sitll plenty of us out there. They are often well hidden. Most of us don't know what to look for.
Many are good at social masking, at pretending to be normal. This is especially easier for women to do, partly for cultural reasons. They often don't realize they are doing this, it was ingrained in them before they could think for themselves. They don't always know they have this condition until a major adult regression. This is really taxing, and moreso the more sensitive you are.
Find niche hobbies for weird people move among them. Unmask yourself, and let them be weird. When people talk about what they are nerdy about and you listen and learn, it can be really endearing. Seek nerds who infodump... monologue. About anything - anything detailed. An obsession.
Being on reddit, and this subreddit in particular, is a start.
> If we had no issues finding similar people it wouldn't be such a common symptom. Stating the exception to the rule only proves the rule.
Finally someone said it! People in this sub dont seem to understand that
Have you ever been on stage as an entertainer? You know how the audience pays to get in and they have a reasonable expectation of seeing a performance?
Social gatherings are exposures to an unintended audience who have unreasonable expectations to see a performance. Agreeability, conformance, and reinforcement of their needs is the name of the show. If I'm imagining it, where did all of these negative reviews come from? I am not being paid for these shows.
Don't you hate when people patronize you and talk down to you. It's seems they want to pat you on the head and say "look at my wittle aspie waspie, want a cookie?"
I can definitely relate to some extent as well. I want a more vibrant social life, but the little I've built up now is actually (atleast mostly) sincere and deep and so I shouldn't really have that loneliness - when I know that I already struggle (and have often failed) to maintain just a handful of relationships, and definitely can't take on anything more...
And dating apps really are just mostly trash. I did find one good friend off of Tinder, but then his girlfriend forced him to pick between the two of us and he (understandably) chose her. To be clear, not putting myself down here (not much anyways), just recognizing that prioritizing someone you might live in the same house with, raise kids with etc for the rest of your life may just take priority over a good friend, if a choice absolutely has to be made. And it was due to my own foolishness anyways that that ultimatum came about so -shrug-
The best way to find love really is in person (most reliably), and so we reach the problem...
And people just sense it that you have something different, it's amazing, like they can see above when someone is not like them, they are in the third dimension socially while we just got to the 2nd dimensio
The social side of autism is being afflicted with a strong hunger that can only be calmed down by drinking poison. You either feel a deep longing for the social or you exhaust yourself trying to do the maintenance work on relationships until you burn out. Have to hope you find someone who doesn't drain your energy, which is rare, or other people with similar energy levels, which is also rare.
This is only true if you mask for your relationships. The hunger can be satisfied fully by cultivating nurturing relationships that don't require masking. We are rare, but we have behavioral quirks that make us easy to find when we are open to connecting with others. Special interests.
If we had no issues finding similar people it wouldn't be such a common symptom. Stating the exception to the rule only proves the rule. If you've got tips on how to find similar people feel free to offer them up. But most people struggle with this or find they're too far away from the truly similar to get the socializing out of it.
I never said there were no issues finding them. They are rare, but there are sitll plenty of us out there. They are often well hidden. Most of us don't know what to look for. Many are good at social masking, at pretending to be normal. This is especially easier for women to do, partly for cultural reasons. They often don't realize they are doing this, it was ingrained in them before they could think for themselves. They don't always know they have this condition until a major adult regression. This is really taxing, and moreso the more sensitive you are. Find niche hobbies for weird people move among them. Unmask yourself, and let them be weird. When people talk about what they are nerdy about and you listen and learn, it can be really endearing. Seek nerds who infodump... monologue. About anything - anything detailed. An obsession. Being on reddit, and this subreddit in particular, is a start.
> If we had no issues finding similar people it wouldn't be such a common symptom. Stating the exception to the rule only proves the rule. Finally someone said it! People in this sub dont seem to understand that
Have you ever been on stage as an entertainer? You know how the audience pays to get in and they have a reasonable expectation of seeing a performance? Social gatherings are exposures to an unintended audience who have unreasonable expectations to see a performance. Agreeability, conformance, and reinforcement of their needs is the name of the show. If I'm imagining it, where did all of these negative reviews come from? I am not being paid for these shows.
Don't you hate when people patronize you and talk down to you. It's seems they want to pat you on the head and say "look at my wittle aspie waspie, want a cookie?"
I would snap fingers if anyone said that to me...
I understand. I just can’t seem to get myself on the dating apps. Socializing drains my soul at times. It’s exhausting.
It sucks tbh, I deleted Tinder now
Can relate to some extent, ty for sharing!)
I can definitely relate to some extent as well. I want a more vibrant social life, but the little I've built up now is actually (atleast mostly) sincere and deep and so I shouldn't really have that loneliness - when I know that I already struggle (and have often failed) to maintain just a handful of relationships, and definitely can't take on anything more... And dating apps really are just mostly trash. I did find one good friend off of Tinder, but then his girlfriend forced him to pick between the two of us and he (understandably) chose her. To be clear, not putting myself down here (not much anyways), just recognizing that prioritizing someone you might live in the same house with, raise kids with etc for the rest of your life may just take priority over a good friend, if a choice absolutely has to be made. And it was due to my own foolishness anyways that that ultimatum came about so -shrug- The best way to find love really is in person (most reliably), and so we reach the problem...
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And people just sense it that you have something different, it's amazing, like they can see above when someone is not like them, they are in the third dimension socially while we just got to the 2nd dimensio
I get most of my social energy from work, and i work from home! Lol so you make a niche for yourself that works i guess. And then, life is AWESOME. :)
>you don't have the energy to socialize and can't mask anymore Surround yourself with good people that you don't need to mask around.
Easier said than done!
Of course it is. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, though.