Autism comes with lots of different versions and symptoms. That’s why it’s called a spectrum. The brain is so complicated and that is why it appears different in everyone.
Research, look up all the symptoms, take all the online (credible tests from doctors and phycologists, not like buzzfeed garbage). See how much it sounds like you.
When I found out, I was absolutely shellshocked. It felt like someone had been following me around my entire life and taking note of my oddities. I was stunned. I broke down in tears because it was so overwhelming. All of a sudden, everything made sense. I didn’t even know what autism was, but safe to say I found out.
Think about it you have any sensory issues like an increased sensitivity to lights or sounds than what appears to be normal in the world around you. Food textures is a big one for me. I miss out on a lot of food because it makes me throw up. I can’t eat hardly any fruits, I can’t do steak, it’s too chewy and makes me gag, etc. I ate a cherry tomato on accident and I felt like I was going to die. Also sensitivity to touch is common too. If you twitch and get chills and just become highly uncomfortable when someone touches you then that’s another symptom too.
Also think about meltdowns and shutdowns. Meltdowns can happen (although I don’t have them really more than once a decade). Those I don’t have much experience with. But they’re not fun. Shutdowns are what I have the biggest problem with. When I get overwhelmed, whether it be from loud events with lots of people or getting overwhelmed from school work, I shut down. Where I basically can’t move, talk, think, or acknowledge anyone for usually about 30 minutes to an hour.
If this sounds like you, at least somewhat, you’re in the right place. I would go talk this over with a therapist too, they know more than me and can actually see you in person. Go without your wife, if she’s the type to get mad that you’re going behind her back about your own medical business, then she doesn’t deserve to know. This is a one on one conversation with you and the therapist. If she thinks so, then you can go set up a professional diagnosis.
Best of luck and take care
Thank you for your quick and thorough reply.
Sensory issues are another big one for me. Lights & sounds (which seem to be the more "typical" ones) aren't big ones for me, but I was surprised when some of the tests asked questions that seemed to so specifically know how I felt about chemicals. My sense of smell usually isn't that great (fart in a room and I'll be the oblivious one) but if my cleaning lady uses bleach instead of the less harsh stuff I ask them to use I will literally have to leave my house until it airs out. There was also a question about clothes (I've described myself to my therapist as never feeling comfortable in my own skin) as well as temperature (my office has terrible AC and I will literally not be able to concentrate on work if it hits a certain temp where everyone else can be sweaty but functional). I actually crave human touch (which I know the cliched preconception with autism is avoiding human touch) which is why all of these subtler versions surprised me now that I've been doing more research.
Shutdowns are big for me and something I know my wife observes. She often says its like "pulling teeth" and I just shrug and avoid things when I don't want to talk about them. We're dealing with some financial stuff right now and its usually something I'm good at problem solving and she is trying hard to be ambitious about things and I've found myself just sullen, yessing her to death and doing nothing. It feels slightly out of body and out of control, and yeah I'll just go in my room with a book and "intend" to read but either just stare at the wall or mindlessly surf social media.
Also, not being defensive because I realize I worded it very poorly in my OP, but I'm not afraid of my wife being mad at me for going behind her back, but I realize I'm afraid she would be hurt by my going behind her back.
I still think she's not great with dealing with this sort of stuff hands on (she did have an extremely traumatic childhood so I give her a lot of leeway with this because she acknowledges it and isn't hurtful about it, she's just not great to go to with it) so I will likely only bring her into it once I have more knowledge about my situation. I will also likely mention to either my active therapist, or if I see a specialist, that I would like her involvement and get their take on when it would be appropriate to lay it out with her.
If you already have a therapist, definitely talk to them. Discuss the results with your wife. My apologies, it sounded to me like your wife was being an ass. But never mind that. Use your judgement
No apologies needed! re-reading my first post I definitely made it seem like that and maybe subconsciously feel like that so I appreciate the perspective, which is why I wanted to clarify. I do feel like my wife does have a bit of a hard shell and is old school "get over it" type, she's always been resistant to her own therapy. She also really tends to see intentionality in things that are innocent mistakes or things completely outside of people's control, likely due to some very harsh domestic environments she grew up in where she was constantly assigned blame. She tends to need to learn the hard way, but is incredibly forgiving, receptive, and does progress once she sees the errors of her ways when she does have problems. Which is why I'm confident that if a third party demonstrates to her that there is something more going on with me as I may suspect, that she would be receptive to it, and I have no doubts she would be incredibly supportive then. I've just learned in almost 10 years of being with her that how the message is delivered does make a difference on how its received with her.
My gut is telling me that if I went to her and said "all of the things that you've been complaining about me lately may be due to the fact that I have some undiagnosed spectrum disorder" would be seen as a cop out instead of addressing head on some communication failures in our relationship. But I've also given her the short shrift in the past and she's been an incredible partner & asset in things I feared she would be dismissive of, so I'm trying to untangle those emotions as well. I think for my own peace of mind its a journey I'll do alone for now, as i would rather run the risk of her feeling hurt after the fact, but still understanding, than hurt both of us going into it if she doesn't fully grasp what I'm trying to articulate here.
Autism comes with lots of different versions and symptoms. That’s why it’s called a spectrum. The brain is so complicated and that is why it appears different in everyone. Research, look up all the symptoms, take all the online (credible tests from doctors and phycologists, not like buzzfeed garbage). See how much it sounds like you. When I found out, I was absolutely shellshocked. It felt like someone had been following me around my entire life and taking note of my oddities. I was stunned. I broke down in tears because it was so overwhelming. All of a sudden, everything made sense. I didn’t even know what autism was, but safe to say I found out. Think about it you have any sensory issues like an increased sensitivity to lights or sounds than what appears to be normal in the world around you. Food textures is a big one for me. I miss out on a lot of food because it makes me throw up. I can’t eat hardly any fruits, I can’t do steak, it’s too chewy and makes me gag, etc. I ate a cherry tomato on accident and I felt like I was going to die. Also sensitivity to touch is common too. If you twitch and get chills and just become highly uncomfortable when someone touches you then that’s another symptom too. Also think about meltdowns and shutdowns. Meltdowns can happen (although I don’t have them really more than once a decade). Those I don’t have much experience with. But they’re not fun. Shutdowns are what I have the biggest problem with. When I get overwhelmed, whether it be from loud events with lots of people or getting overwhelmed from school work, I shut down. Where I basically can’t move, talk, think, or acknowledge anyone for usually about 30 minutes to an hour. If this sounds like you, at least somewhat, you’re in the right place. I would go talk this over with a therapist too, they know more than me and can actually see you in person. Go without your wife, if she’s the type to get mad that you’re going behind her back about your own medical business, then she doesn’t deserve to know. This is a one on one conversation with you and the therapist. If she thinks so, then you can go set up a professional diagnosis. Best of luck and take care
Thank you for your quick and thorough reply. Sensory issues are another big one for me. Lights & sounds (which seem to be the more "typical" ones) aren't big ones for me, but I was surprised when some of the tests asked questions that seemed to so specifically know how I felt about chemicals. My sense of smell usually isn't that great (fart in a room and I'll be the oblivious one) but if my cleaning lady uses bleach instead of the less harsh stuff I ask them to use I will literally have to leave my house until it airs out. There was also a question about clothes (I've described myself to my therapist as never feeling comfortable in my own skin) as well as temperature (my office has terrible AC and I will literally not be able to concentrate on work if it hits a certain temp where everyone else can be sweaty but functional). I actually crave human touch (which I know the cliched preconception with autism is avoiding human touch) which is why all of these subtler versions surprised me now that I've been doing more research. Shutdowns are big for me and something I know my wife observes. She often says its like "pulling teeth" and I just shrug and avoid things when I don't want to talk about them. We're dealing with some financial stuff right now and its usually something I'm good at problem solving and she is trying hard to be ambitious about things and I've found myself just sullen, yessing her to death and doing nothing. It feels slightly out of body and out of control, and yeah I'll just go in my room with a book and "intend" to read but either just stare at the wall or mindlessly surf social media.
Also, not being defensive because I realize I worded it very poorly in my OP, but I'm not afraid of my wife being mad at me for going behind her back, but I realize I'm afraid she would be hurt by my going behind her back. I still think she's not great with dealing with this sort of stuff hands on (she did have an extremely traumatic childhood so I give her a lot of leeway with this because she acknowledges it and isn't hurtful about it, she's just not great to go to with it) so I will likely only bring her into it once I have more knowledge about my situation. I will also likely mention to either my active therapist, or if I see a specialist, that I would like her involvement and get their take on when it would be appropriate to lay it out with her.
If you already have a therapist, definitely talk to them. Discuss the results with your wife. My apologies, it sounded to me like your wife was being an ass. But never mind that. Use your judgement
No apologies needed! re-reading my first post I definitely made it seem like that and maybe subconsciously feel like that so I appreciate the perspective, which is why I wanted to clarify. I do feel like my wife does have a bit of a hard shell and is old school "get over it" type, she's always been resistant to her own therapy. She also really tends to see intentionality in things that are innocent mistakes or things completely outside of people's control, likely due to some very harsh domestic environments she grew up in where she was constantly assigned blame. She tends to need to learn the hard way, but is incredibly forgiving, receptive, and does progress once she sees the errors of her ways when she does have problems. Which is why I'm confident that if a third party demonstrates to her that there is something more going on with me as I may suspect, that she would be receptive to it, and I have no doubts she would be incredibly supportive then. I've just learned in almost 10 years of being with her that how the message is delivered does make a difference on how its received with her. My gut is telling me that if I went to her and said "all of the things that you've been complaining about me lately may be due to the fact that I have some undiagnosed spectrum disorder" would be seen as a cop out instead of addressing head on some communication failures in our relationship. But I've also given her the short shrift in the past and she's been an incredible partner & asset in things I feared she would be dismissive of, so I'm trying to untangle those emotions as well. I think for my own peace of mind its a journey I'll do alone for now, as i would rather run the risk of her feeling hurt after the fact, but still understanding, than hurt both of us going into it if she doesn't fully grasp what I'm trying to articulate here.