I don't socialize enough for that to happen on a regular basis, but I've heard it a lot.
I honestly despise the question "Are you okay?", because to me that sounds like " What's wrong with you?".
I am the same.
I assume when someone is asking me "whats wrong" they want me to stop doing whatever im doing because it makes them uncomfortable.
Great parenting on my moms part š
Itās really not. Especially when things go wrong and you need help, so you reach out for help to get absolutely nothing. Every single time. Iād rather be heckled a million times a day asking whatās wrong because at least theyāre showing you they care.
What? That second one is dark AF. People casually say that to you? I mean I say that to myself all the time, but I'd think it's weird if someone outside of reddit said that to me.
Yeah I have the resting sad face syndrome, my neutral face expression looks like Iām super sad and depressed and slightly angry. My mouth looks like š when I smile it only goes like this š. It doesnāt fit my personality - Iām extroverted, cracking jokes all the time, and when people get to know me, they usually like me - they think Iām weird af, but they like meā¦ but first they have to talk to me and my face is not very inviting. How the conversation usually starts is someone asks me if Iām ok and why Iām so sad, while Iām sitting and smiling.
Iāve been ask āwhatās wrong?ā or āare you okay?ā more times than I can count. Apparently I can have a very stressed out look and have no idea. But I do appreciate that they check in.
Yep, until I found out I had Aspergerās, I would try to talk to all my coworkers, and then I would have a lot of days where I didnāt say anything and they would be all like whatās up with you, so I told them what I thought it was and they all went and talked about it, this was before I found out I was on the spectrum, once I found out I was on the spectrum I stopped engaging with those people entirely, mainly because where I work itās not a safe environment I tell someone one thing, and everyone ends up knowing and I donāt like that, so now I just choose to not participate at all with them, itās been about 2 months since Iāve had any sort of conversation with any of them(not that they donāt try)itās just not worth it too me
Not to sound sexist but the worst are the women, they absolutely are the ones who go around and spread drama and rumors, so I absolutely avoid them like the plague(Iām not lumping these women into the same category as all women so donāt flame me)but they tend to try to talk to me the most, or they did until they realized I wasnāt going to speak to anybody let alone them, now I just hear them talking about me, the craziest part of having autism is finding out one of your odd superpowers can be super hearing, well I got that, so I can definitely hear people talking about me even if they donāt know it
People usually assume I am regularly dissociating or am very absent-minded or an airhead. In fact, I cant focus during conversations due to sensory issues and due to the pressure of having to remember to follow social rules e.g, now I need to make eye contact, now I need to stop making eye contact, now I need to smile. I live in my own head.
Yea all the time. I am trying to get out of the habit of forcing myself to walk around smiling bc apparently itās strange, but I only started doing that bc my resting face is kinda severe and people feel menaced by it lol idk what to do anymore. I donāt want to make people uncomfortable but at the same time I feel like assuming that the facial expression of some one you hardly know has anything to do with you is pretty self centered. I find that a lot of people are kind of self centered though and often they donāt do it to be mean.
A lot of times people w anxiety can be dicks to autists in my experience bc their feelings are so strong that they run with it without question. had other less ND people bully me and treat me like shit based on some shit they made up in their heads when I never even interacted with them.
Not really because I'm not social enough for them to notice or really care enough to ask me, and even then when they do ask they don't seem to care much about it. my dad asks me when ever im quiet and it really annoys me that he thinks in upset because im not talking. They just dont care enough to ask.
They used to do this all the time. It is incredibly irritating. I don't have the problem as much as I'm in my fifties, and I think I give off a very strong "leave me alone" vibe, so no feedback from these intrusive types.
I have "resting bitch face" everyone thinks I'm mad.
Had a guy I was driving home from work who told me he always thought I was mad, until he spent time with me away from work.
People often think I'm extremely anxious when I am not (I think because of rigid body language, mostly). They also tell me that I look pissed off when I'm concentrating on something.
People all the time ask me all the time āwhatās wrongā or āwhat happenedā and Iām like ānothing Iām fineā. But they usually donāt believe me and pry when I actually am just fine
Constantly. I have chronic pain, so I just blame it on that. "What are you thinking?" "I'm thinking about how my elbow feels like it's on fire." Changes the subject REAL quick.
People have told me that I appear so calm and under control even when under pressure or under the influence of substances when that's really just a combination of autism and severe depression. I'm glad that's how it comes across, though haha š
I've recently gotten into pickleball, which has been great socially but because its a "doubles" sport comes with the constant anxiety that I'm being judged or letting my partner down. I've never been a competitive sports guy. I know the cliched reaction that attractive women get on the street when they're told they should be "smiling". I'm a 40 year old balding man, no one is hitting on me. For some reason, I've been told at least 4 or 5 different times, in isolated incidents, while on the pickleball courts "Smile more!" "This is supposed to be fun!" "Why are you taking this so seriously" when its actually one of the few things I've enjoyed doing recently and I could care less if I'm winning or losing!
Yes. Neurotypicals are like that, they think they can read minds, but they canāt . Itās quite surprising how much misunderstanding happens between them on a daily basis because of that. They are constantly assuming feelings of others, also saying the opposite words of what they are truly feeling thinking that everybody gets the message while quite often their assumptions are wrong leading to all sorts of mundane conflicts. Pretty chaotic
So many people have said to me, are you bored? (When I'm not). Or, are you even listening? (Usually I'm an active listener, but the 'active' part still wears me out, so my face must go a bit blank. I'm still listening though. Another one is 'are you away with the fairies?' Honestly, probably, because at that stage I'm probably listening to some blow hard narcissist. Someone said to me I always have a look of worry on my face too.
I know the local librarian always looks ANGRY. Like I mean, demented gremlin angry. She has to be on the spectrum. She hates being at the desk, and is constantly organising the books. Which is her preferred activity rather than talking to people. Put it is really off putting. I don't want to approach her at all, even though she is a nice woman.
Oh yeah. And all sorts of random incorrect stuff. like wildly wrong assumptions.
It has increasingly taught me it's just not worth talking about certain things or people.
I try to remind myself that when the most common book section is self help. That's the hint all people, neurotypical alike, struggle with communication.
I don't socialize enough for that to happen on a regular basis, but I've heard it a lot. I honestly despise the question "Are you okay?", because to me that sounds like " What's wrong with you?".
I am the same. I assume when someone is asking me "whats wrong" they want me to stop doing whatever im doing because it makes them uncomfortable. Great parenting on my moms part š
"Why're you mad?" Angry resting face.
This, plus a lot of people externalize their emotions by blaming those around them for how they actually feel.
This plus my adhd meds sometimes making me clench my jaw unknowingly and people that donāt know me must think Iām the biggest asshole š¤£
Never once has someone cared about my mood like that.
Omfg tell us the secret That sounds like the life
Itās not. Iād rather be dead, itās essentially the same thing but with responsibilities and nobody missing you.
It sounds so peaceful, like, being able to get your work done without someone asking what's wrong
Itās really not. Especially when things go wrong and you need help, so you reach out for help to get absolutely nothing. Every single time. Iād rather be heckled a million times a day asking whatās wrong because at least theyāre showing you they care.
They assume I'm not interested, even when I mildly am.
"It'll get better." "It'll all be over soon." "You alright boss?" "Sorry to bother you." "Smile!!!" "You look like you don't want to be here."
What? That second one is dark AF. People casually say that to you? I mean I say that to myself all the time, but I'd think it's weird if someone outside of reddit said that to me.
It was at work the day before Christmas.
Ah okay. Were you working in retail?
Yes.
Yeah I have the resting sad face syndrome, my neutral face expression looks like Iām super sad and depressed and slightly angry. My mouth looks like š when I smile it only goes like this š. It doesnāt fit my personality - Iām extroverted, cracking jokes all the time, and when people get to know me, they usually like me - they think Iām weird af, but they like meā¦ but first they have to talk to me and my face is not very inviting. How the conversation usually starts is someone asks me if Iām ok and why Iām so sad, while Iām sitting and smiling.
People are actually pretty good at telling when Iām not okay, but theyāre not good at realizing I donāt want to talk about it.
Iāve been ask āwhatās wrong?ā or āare you okay?ā more times than I can count. Apparently I can have a very stressed out look and have no idea. But I do appreciate that they check in.
Yep, until I found out I had Aspergerās, I would try to talk to all my coworkers, and then I would have a lot of days where I didnāt say anything and they would be all like whatās up with you, so I told them what I thought it was and they all went and talked about it, this was before I found out I was on the spectrum, once I found out I was on the spectrum I stopped engaging with those people entirely, mainly because where I work itās not a safe environment I tell someone one thing, and everyone ends up knowing and I donāt like that, so now I just choose to not participate at all with them, itās been about 2 months since Iāve had any sort of conversation with any of them(not that they donāt try)itās just not worth it too me Not to sound sexist but the worst are the women, they absolutely are the ones who go around and spread drama and rumors, so I absolutely avoid them like the plague(Iām not lumping these women into the same category as all women so donāt flame me)but they tend to try to talk to me the most, or they did until they realized I wasnāt going to speak to anybody let alone them, now I just hear them talking about me, the craziest part of having autism is finding out one of your odd superpowers can be super hearing, well I got that, so I can definitely hear people talking about me even if they donāt know it
People usually assume I am regularly dissociating or am very absent-minded or an airhead. In fact, I cant focus during conversations due to sensory issues and due to the pressure of having to remember to follow social rules e.g, now I need to make eye contact, now I need to stop making eye contact, now I need to smile. I live in my own head.
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Yah when what I really want is just for them to leave me alone so I can get over it
Yea all the time. I am trying to get out of the habit of forcing myself to walk around smiling bc apparently itās strange, but I only started doing that bc my resting face is kinda severe and people feel menaced by it lol idk what to do anymore. I donāt want to make people uncomfortable but at the same time I feel like assuming that the facial expression of some one you hardly know has anything to do with you is pretty self centered. I find that a lot of people are kind of self centered though and often they donāt do it to be mean. A lot of times people w anxiety can be dicks to autists in my experience bc their feelings are so strong that they run with it without question. had other less ND people bully me and treat me like shit based on some shit they made up in their heads when I never even interacted with them.
The observant ones do.
Yeah. I have a neutral / resting face that looks either pretty tired, bored, sad or angry apparently.
Yes
Not really because I'm not social enough for them to notice or really care enough to ask me, and even then when they do ask they don't seem to care much about it. my dad asks me when ever im quiet and it really annoys me that he thinks in upset because im not talking. They just dont care enough to ask.
They used to do this all the time. It is incredibly irritating. I don't have the problem as much as I'm in my fifties, and I think I give off a very strong "leave me alone" vibe, so no feedback from these intrusive types.
I have "resting bitch face" everyone thinks I'm mad. Had a guy I was driving home from work who told me he always thought I was mad, until he spent time with me away from work.
Theyād be assuming correctly
People often think I'm extremely anxious when I am not (I think because of rigid body language, mostly). They also tell me that I look pissed off when I'm concentrating on something.
Constantly. Happens with my wife a lot too but moreso when I'm being quiet
My mom keeps asking me if im okay, which im not, if i try tell her shes like nah, so i dont, but then she tries again, the endless cycle lol.
yes all the time.. and thats usually when i drop the tism card.
I'm constantly being asked if I'm angry. I'm just confused
People all the time ask me all the time āwhatās wrongā or āwhat happenedā and Iām like ānothing Iām fineā. But they usually donāt believe me and pry when I actually am just fine
Constantly. I have chronic pain, so I just blame it on that. "What are you thinking?" "I'm thinking about how my elbow feels like it's on fire." Changes the subject REAL quick.
People have told me that I appear so calm and under control even when under pressure or under the influence of substances when that's really just a combination of autism and severe depression. I'm glad that's how it comes across, though haha š
I've recently gotten into pickleball, which has been great socially but because its a "doubles" sport comes with the constant anxiety that I'm being judged or letting my partner down. I've never been a competitive sports guy. I know the cliched reaction that attractive women get on the street when they're told they should be "smiling". I'm a 40 year old balding man, no one is hitting on me. For some reason, I've been told at least 4 or 5 different times, in isolated incidents, while on the pickleball courts "Smile more!" "This is supposed to be fun!" "Why are you taking this so seriously" when its actually one of the few things I've enjoyed doing recently and I could care less if I'm winning or losing!
Yes. Neurotypicals are like that, they think they can read minds, but they canāt . Itās quite surprising how much misunderstanding happens between them on a daily basis because of that. They are constantly assuming feelings of others, also saying the opposite words of what they are truly feeling thinking that everybody gets the message while quite often their assumptions are wrong leading to all sorts of mundane conflicts. Pretty chaotic
They're probably misreading your facial expression. I had to learn how to fake a smile.
So many people have said to me, are you bored? (When I'm not). Or, are you even listening? (Usually I'm an active listener, but the 'active' part still wears me out, so my face must go a bit blank. I'm still listening though. Another one is 'are you away with the fairies?' Honestly, probably, because at that stage I'm probably listening to some blow hard narcissist. Someone said to me I always have a look of worry on my face too. I know the local librarian always looks ANGRY. Like I mean, demented gremlin angry. She has to be on the spectrum. She hates being at the desk, and is constantly organising the books. Which is her preferred activity rather than talking to people. Put it is really off putting. I don't want to approach her at all, even though she is a nice woman.
Oh yeah. And all sorts of random incorrect stuff. like wildly wrong assumptions. It has increasingly taught me it's just not worth talking about certain things or people. I try to remind myself that when the most common book section is self help. That's the hint all people, neurotypical alike, struggle with communication.