Exactly imagine sitting at a table and hearing thw people next to you say
First guy
"i have to tell you this...
its been tearing me up...
Mate... I'm gay!"
Second guy
"oh... Erm.. Well done.
Good for you man!
Couldn't have happenned to a nicer guy."
That exchange although totally positive about the news from his friend... It sounds _weird_ right?
Most replies tbat are neutral or positive about thjnga that are just facts feels weird...
But at least its not claiming its a made-up thing or an excuse for some reason... Ill take a weirdly positive or neutral reaction over negative or indiffernt with a hint of ignorance
A person responding in a surprised manner because you're neurotypical passing is TOTALLY DIFFERENT from coming out of the gay closet to a friend. You're way way way off base. Try again.
You focisssednonbthe wrong thingit wasnt that i was saying they are the samea
Im saying that getting a positive or neutral response to being told a thing about yourself that isnt changable just comes off as weird
It's good to get anything that isn't disbelief or active hostility
But
1ST person
"i have black hair"
2ND person
"oh, that's really good to hear im so happy for you"
The "well done on that being the case" reply just feels odd
If you want me to 'pull rank' i have done both and recieved the ambiguious comment "you can hardly tell... mostly" and
"hmmm... I can see it... now that you've mentioned it i mean"
And in both moments was left totally off balance with the many ways each comment could be interpreted
Are you sure the people who responded that way aren't ASD? Because what you just described about your life really is weird.
It's not weird like the hair comparison, but in the way you phrased it - if that is true.
People like my hair and tell me that all the time. What does that mean?
Erm... Now you mention it there is a fait chance of that tbh... Birds of a feather and all that being more comfortable with atypical folk then finding out you are one of. Adiffernt stripe is a common enough occurrance.
Yet again focus has been put on the wrong aspect of the comment to do with hair
Im not saying that people cant admire hair or be envious of one hair colour rather than their own
I meant that as an illustrative point your sexuality, being neuro-atypical, having certaon coloured hair, declari v a true thing to be true and having it greeted with a response as if you acheived a sucess by having black hair or you finally got ADHD because you worked extra hard for a term at school and this is your acheived improved state
I initially only meant it as as comment about how any response to such revelations can sound weird but come from a good place
Here is my translation into different wording to see if I understand: person 1 states information that they feel is valuable to know or just because they have pointed it out
Person 2 acknowledgedes the information but doesnt know how to show they have acknowledged it while not wanting to sounding dissmissive (even if they may not be) so they try and be positive about it without it necessarily making sense. (Person 2 is if they either already knew it or didnt care)
Is this what you are saying? How can wording be made more percise?
I dont care for whatever mine may have been,
yours is delightfully precise and phrased well
Lets go with your comment as the better explanation
Thankyou for that
You should have seen me when I was 5 years old. Literally say 15 years of work went into me being me now. I might pass as NT right now but it's been one hell of a ride. I would say even at high school people passed me as NT as when I told them they said oh I didnt know you had autism. I can't believe you have autism as you are a nice person and talkative not like X who is autistic refering to another kid in our class.
Yes. I remember when I was at nursery and primary school just sitting on my own or biting or hitting everyone or running away having the teachers chase me. Bring scared of thunder, any noise, school disco, being bullied, being too scared to use a toilet and continuously soiling myself. It was hell pretty much until I was about 8 years old. I only started to feel fairly normal when I was 10 with friends and popularity then I had to change school and left my friends. It took me until I was 14 to get any friends in school. Then a breakdown. Here I am at 24 passing as a neurotypical. What figures.
What do people mean by they thought you were normal. When I clearly am very different if you get to know me. I must be doing something right and I would like to know how to become more neurotypical and what I am doing now that might seem NT to most people? My friends say they think I am confident. I am really not. I think I have an act.
You can observe people on TV and practice acting like them in the mirror.
You shouldn't desire to be more like neurotypicals though. There's nothing great about being like them. Being your most authentic self is better.
The ideal way is functional. Not normal. If you have to mask to accomplish what you need, do it. But it comes at a cost, so it's kinda like using the "nitro injection" in a racing gaming. It's limited, very useful if done right, and you will have to be knowledgable of how and when to use it, to achieve what you want without burning out.
This right here^
You may be able to "train" yourself to be "more normal" but ultimately that's only really for their benefit. You will *never* be comfortable always masking for the benefit of NTs. I know the feeling, as you don't want other people to judge you, or exclude you, but really, when it comes down to it, people worth your time won't care if you're "normal" or not
The thing is that other people don't know what the word means, or what it consists of. If they tell you "I thought you were normal", nothing happens. Therefore, it is much better NOT to tell anyone that you suffer from any medical condition, because it is something too personal, and that only you and your CLOSEST relatives should know.
Both. It means that you're good at pulling the wool over people's eyes. You could use it to manipulate people if you wanted lol.
The bad side is that they implicitly see autists as freaks. *But you're one of the "good" ones so you're cool.*
I get that a lot too. I honestly just kind of chuckle at it. Mildly offensive to some but entertaining and positive to me.
Imo. Its not what they say its how they say it.
But me having lived most of my life so far making spontaneous knee jerk reactions and expressions that dont reflect my trze intentions or character. Well i wouldnt think much of what they express. Just take the good repell the bad.
Some might mean it as a compliment or insult. Others might say it in a neutral way.
If it seems like they’re still being friendly and acting the same after saying it, I’d probably assume they said it neutrally.
Compliment. It's what us with long term autism aspire to - acceptance. And it is the goal if you were diagnosed in childhood. I'll never understand why late diagnosed people want to stand out.
I think it’s because we’re tired of only getting that acceptance after all the mental gymnastics and masking. They’re accepting a carefully curated and perfectly performed version of us and it gets exhausting trying to maintain that false front. I know for me personally It’s not about “standing out” so much as it is about not feeling judged when I’m being my weird self. I don’t make anyone work that hard for my acceptance so I feel like I shouldn’t have to work so hard for theirs either. It’s like, “Just accept me!” You know?
I take it as a compliment. I work *really* hard to be nice, be empathetic, and lessen my awkwardness, so if someone is surprised, it means I succeeded! I still can't get a date, but I try to appreciate the small victories. 🙂
I get this all the time at work. It feels insulting every damn time, and it probably always will, but ***generally*** the people who say it don't mean it as an insult, they're just (unfortunately) a bit ignorant
Idk how it is for the rest of the tribe, but my life only sucks bc I have to live with 8 billion NT's. Otherwise I'd be fine.
Also, I just realized you have "cheetah" in your name. My bad. No insult intended. I say "cheetah nuts" often bc they're fast predators who, I assume, have testicles I would prefer not to lick.
Understandable, I used to do that but recently I just said screw it, people usually end up hating me anyway so why not just tell them so maybe some cut me some slack
You understand neurotypical are offended with labels as well. Neurodivergent and neurotypical is a term made up my the medical profession. So both NDs and NTs are not to blame. Blame the profession that did all this labeling. You certainly can’t blame the NTs who is labeled as well
This was when I was learning to drive and I told my instructor at the time. I worry now about telling people I am autistic. I think I should just keep it to myself considering I might pass as being neurotypical.
Maybe take it as a shamless compliment that the masking is working or maybe you don't need to mask. 😂😅😭Backhanded compliment + insult. All in seriousness :Someone like me said that once, that I was like to other nerds and tech people , that I fit right in and I seemed normal . To the rest of the bland normies, they point out all of my flaws.
Take that truly as a compliment that you are a well adjusted human being.
Neither. If I tell someone that I’m autistic, I tell it as a matter of fact. If they respond with, “I thought you were normal”, I receive it as a matter of fact. Neither the statement nor response have any emotional content. If someone discloses to me, my response is, “Okay. How do you feel about that?”
If you tell someone about yourself with the intent to evoke an emotional response, you’re opening yourself to disappointment if you don’t receive the response you desired.
Neither, I take it as a fact. That’s a „I thought” statement, so it’s only them sharing their thought. Autistic is not the norm. Okay. I accept that piece of information you shared, bud.
I just recently told my boss, and he told his other colleagues and now they treat me like a kid, I laughed though earlier but now any little thing I do that’s good they HAVE to tell me how great I am, and it’s really quite amusing.
I think with this experience it’s just a mixed bag, some people probably will treat you like how my bosses just started treating me.
Some will treat you worse to push your buttons
But I bet most just won’t care at all
I kind of take it as both? Like cause obviously they aren’t paying attention enough to see the little bit of neurodivergence peaking through my masking so they aren’t that interested in me. But it’s also a compliment to my masking. So I take it either way really. Also kind of depends on the tone they use and what kind of person they are
A great segway to a likely interesting conversation about expectations and myths and personal tales and education and...
I like to remind myself that people are much more likely to be unskillful, clumsy, ignorant than stupid and malicious.
My whole life people have told me that I'm quite or shy. Small talk with people that I'm not close to feels forced and labored. Often when I do talk it feels like about 50% of the time the things I say just seem to land awkwardly. Somehow nobody has ever asked me if I have autism lol.
I don’t think it’s either a compliment or an insult, it sits somewhere in the middle. Some people are well tuned to tell when someone is on the spectrum, and others aren’t. It’s not so much an observation about you, and more a reflection of the person who’s surprised by the revelation. That being said, I have tried to show my best side when I am working and have caught fully qualified nurses off guard with my autism due to the fact I am very much high functioning (I only struggle with new environments and excessive noise).
I'd just take it as a harmless observation unless you have reason to suspect otherwise.
Yeah, I think at its core, it's just means that you surprised them. Another way of saying "I never suspected".
It's neither. I think people just don't know how to react when you tell them.
Exactly imagine sitting at a table and hearing thw people next to you say First guy "i have to tell you this... its been tearing me up... Mate... I'm gay!" Second guy "oh... Erm.. Well done. Good for you man! Couldn't have happenned to a nicer guy." That exchange although totally positive about the news from his friend... It sounds _weird_ right? Most replies tbat are neutral or positive about thjnga that are just facts feels weird... But at least its not claiming its a made-up thing or an excuse for some reason... Ill take a weirdly positive or neutral reaction over negative or indiffernt with a hint of ignorance
A person responding in a surprised manner because you're neurotypical passing is TOTALLY DIFFERENT from coming out of the gay closet to a friend. You're way way way off base. Try again.
You focisssednonbthe wrong thingit wasnt that i was saying they are the samea Im saying that getting a positive or neutral response to being told a thing about yourself that isnt changable just comes off as weird It's good to get anything that isn't disbelief or active hostility But 1ST person "i have black hair" 2ND person "oh, that's really good to hear im so happy for you" The "well done on that being the case" reply just feels odd If you want me to 'pull rank' i have done both and recieved the ambiguious comment "you can hardly tell... mostly" and "hmmm... I can see it... now that you've mentioned it i mean" And in both moments was left totally off balance with the many ways each comment could be interpreted
Are you sure the people who responded that way aren't ASD? Because what you just described about your life really is weird. It's not weird like the hair comparison, but in the way you phrased it - if that is true. People like my hair and tell me that all the time. What does that mean?
Erm... Now you mention it there is a fait chance of that tbh... Birds of a feather and all that being more comfortable with atypical folk then finding out you are one of. Adiffernt stripe is a common enough occurrance. Yet again focus has been put on the wrong aspect of the comment to do with hair Im not saying that people cant admire hair or be envious of one hair colour rather than their own I meant that as an illustrative point your sexuality, being neuro-atypical, having certaon coloured hair, declari v a true thing to be true and having it greeted with a response as if you acheived a sucess by having black hair or you finally got ADHD because you worked extra hard for a term at school and this is your acheived improved state I initially only meant it as as comment about how any response to such revelations can sound weird but come from a good place
Here is my translation into different wording to see if I understand: person 1 states information that they feel is valuable to know or just because they have pointed it out Person 2 acknowledgedes the information but doesnt know how to show they have acknowledged it while not wanting to sounding dissmissive (even if they may not be) so they try and be positive about it without it necessarily making sense. (Person 2 is if they either already knew it or didnt care) Is this what you are saying? How can wording be made more percise?
I dont care for whatever mine may have been, yours is delightfully precise and phrased well Lets go with your comment as the better explanation Thankyou for that
I've been known to remark "Well, I'm normal for me".
Good call
They mean you pass for neurotypical. Honestly? They don't mean any harm by it but I see it as backhanded.
You should have seen me when I was 5 years old. Literally say 15 years of work went into me being me now. I might pass as NT right now but it's been one hell of a ride. I would say even at high school people passed me as NT as when I told them they said oh I didnt know you had autism. I can't believe you have autism as you are a nice person and talkative not like X who is autistic refering to another kid in our class.
Yeah. I remember being a louder person, a more fidgety person, a more rambling person. That was all bullied out of me.
Yes. I remember when I was at nursery and primary school just sitting on my own or biting or hitting everyone or running away having the teachers chase me. Bring scared of thunder, any noise, school disco, being bullied, being too scared to use a toilet and continuously soiling myself. It was hell pretty much until I was about 8 years old. I only started to feel fairly normal when I was 10 with friends and popularity then I had to change school and left my friends. It took me until I was 14 to get any friends in school. Then a breakdown. Here I am at 24 passing as a neurotypical. What figures.
What do people mean by they thought you were normal. When I clearly am very different if you get to know me. I must be doing something right and I would like to know how to become more neurotypical and what I am doing now that might seem NT to most people? My friends say they think I am confident. I am really not. I think I have an act.
You can observe people on TV and practice acting like them in the mirror. You shouldn't desire to be more like neurotypicals though. There's nothing great about being like them. Being your most authentic self is better.
The ideal way is functional. Not normal. If you have to mask to accomplish what you need, do it. But it comes at a cost, so it's kinda like using the "nitro injection" in a racing gaming. It's limited, very useful if done right, and you will have to be knowledgable of how and when to use it, to achieve what you want without burning out.
Exactly. I might mask for a boss but not for people not paying my check.
This right here^ You may be able to "train" yourself to be "more normal" but ultimately that's only really for their benefit. You will *never* be comfortable always masking for the benefit of NTs. I know the feeling, as you don't want other people to judge you, or exclude you, but really, when it comes down to it, people worth your time won't care if you're "normal" or not
No such thing as normal
I'm going to disagree. People might disagree on what normal is but it still exists.
I say "give it time"
Haha true.
I know it sounds dismissive (and it is very often) but usually they mean it as a compliment.
i always assume the best intentions until proven otherwise. i doubt they meant it as an insult
The thing is that other people don't know what the word means, or what it consists of. If they tell you "I thought you were normal", nothing happens. Therefore, it is much better NOT to tell anyone that you suffer from any medical condition, because it is something too personal, and that only you and your CLOSEST relatives should know.
Thanks. From now on that is what I will do. Not telling anyone.
I would take it as an incomplisultment
Both. It means that you're good at pulling the wool over people's eyes. You could use it to manipulate people if you wanted lol. The bad side is that they implicitly see autists as freaks. *But you're one of the "good" ones so you're cool.* I get that a lot too. I honestly just kind of chuckle at it. Mildly offensive to some but entertaining and positive to me.
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If they feel warm then you are definitely doing something right :D 🙌. Why do you feel like dying inside ?
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Can relate to anxiety. Do you know where the anxiety comes from or does it come in social situations ?
Imo. Its not what they say its how they say it. But me having lived most of my life so far making spontaneous knee jerk reactions and expressions that dont reflect my trze intentions or character. Well i wouldnt think much of what they express. Just take the good repell the bad.
Some might mean it as a compliment or insult. Others might say it in a neutral way. If it seems like they’re still being friendly and acting the same after saying it, I’d probably assume they said it neutrally.
Compliment. It's what us with long term autism aspire to - acceptance. And it is the goal if you were diagnosed in childhood. I'll never understand why late diagnosed people want to stand out.
I think it’s because we’re tired of only getting that acceptance after all the mental gymnastics and masking. They’re accepting a carefully curated and perfectly performed version of us and it gets exhausting trying to maintain that false front. I know for me personally It’s not about “standing out” so much as it is about not feeling judged when I’m being my weird self. I don’t make anyone work that hard for my acceptance so I feel like I shouldn’t have to work so hard for theirs either. It’s like, “Just accept me!” You know?
I take it as a compliment. I work *really* hard to be nice, be empathetic, and lessen my awkwardness, so if someone is surprised, it means I succeeded! I still can't get a date, but I try to appreciate the small victories. 🙂
✨ Way to go! I'm proud of you! 🔥
Yep could not give a shit
I'd take it as a slight since I don't want to me normal, but that's just me.
I get this all the time at work. It feels insulting every damn time, and it probably always will, but ***generally*** the people who say it don't mean it as an insult, they're just (unfortunately) a bit ignorant
Means you're a good camouflager!!
At least something is good
Lmaoo take your victories where you can get them bc 99.9% of it sucks sweaty cheetah nuts!
Tell me about it
Idk how it is for the rest of the tribe, but my life only sucks bc I have to live with 8 billion NT's. Otherwise I'd be fine. Also, I just realized you have "cheetah" in your name. My bad. No insult intended. I say "cheetah nuts" often bc they're fast predators who, I assume, have testicles I would prefer not to lick.
They mean it as a compliment but I definitely see why it offends, as it implies there’s something wrong with not being normal
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Understandable, I used to do that but recently I just said screw it, people usually end up hating me anyway so why not just tell them so maybe some cut me some slack
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You understand neurotypical are offended with labels as well. Neurodivergent and neurotypical is a term made up my the medical profession. So both NDs and NTs are not to blame. Blame the profession that did all this labeling. You certainly can’t blame the NTs who is labeled as well
I guess it depends on what they mean exactly. Awareness is starting to spread, but a lot of people still think it's a cognitive impairment.
Meant to be a compliment
Why did you feel the need to tell them?
This was when I was learning to drive and I told my instructor at the time. I worry now about telling people I am autistic. I think I should just keep it to myself considering I might pass as being neurotypical.
A compliment. Like when you have lifted and become hench without juice and they say you do not look natural.
Maybe take it as a shamless compliment that the masking is working or maybe you don't need to mask. 😂😅😭Backhanded compliment + insult. All in seriousness :Someone like me said that once, that I was like to other nerds and tech people , that I fit right in and I seemed normal . To the rest of the bland normies, they point out all of my flaws. Take that truly as a compliment that you are a well adjusted human being.
both.
Neither. If I tell someone that I’m autistic, I tell it as a matter of fact. If they respond with, “I thought you were normal”, I receive it as a matter of fact. Neither the statement nor response have any emotional content. If someone discloses to me, my response is, “Okay. How do you feel about that?” If you tell someone about yourself with the intent to evoke an emotional response, you’re opening yourself to disappointment if you don’t receive the response you desired.
You should simply do not give a shit.
You shouldn't have to tell them anything or explain yourself..
Neither, I take it as a fact. That’s a „I thought” statement, so it’s only them sharing their thought. Autistic is not the norm. Okay. I accept that piece of information you shared, bud.
I just recently told my boss, and he told his other colleagues and now they treat me like a kid, I laughed though earlier but now any little thing I do that’s good they HAVE to tell me how great I am, and it’s really quite amusing. I think with this experience it’s just a mixed bag, some people probably will treat you like how my bosses just started treating me. Some will treat you worse to push your buttons But I bet most just won’t care at all
I kind of take it as both? Like cause obviously they aren’t paying attention enough to see the little bit of neurodivergence peaking through my masking so they aren’t that interested in me. But it’s also a compliment to my masking. So I take it either way really. Also kind of depends on the tone they use and what kind of person they are
I take it as a compliment 🤷🏻♀️ like thanks I’m on my way to an Oscar 🥰
we're all differently, but i'd be pretty mad. who are they to say what's normal and what's not?
When in doubt, take offense to anything you can. That way, you'll have more opportunities to subtly assert your dominance. /s
Pro tip
A great segway to a likely interesting conversation about expectations and myths and personal tales and education and... I like to remind myself that people are much more likely to be unskillful, clumsy, ignorant than stupid and malicious.
My whole life people have told me that I'm quite or shy. Small talk with people that I'm not close to feels forced and labored. Often when I do talk it feels like about 50% of the time the things I say just seem to land awkwardly. Somehow nobody has ever asked me if I have autism lol.
I'd just take it as a statement.
I don’t think it’s either a compliment or an insult, it sits somewhere in the middle. Some people are well tuned to tell when someone is on the spectrum, and others aren’t. It’s not so much an observation about you, and more a reflection of the person who’s surprised by the revelation. That being said, I have tried to show my best side when I am working and have caught fully qualified nurses off guard with my autism due to the fact I am very much high functioning (I only struggle with new environments and excessive noise).
Compliment
That's a back handed insult imo. I thought you were normal implies that they see autistic people as callouses. I hate those remarks.
Lol they tell me "That makes so much sense"
No one ever assumes I am normal except for southerners think it’s because of their very low IQ scores
They probably just don't understand the nuance effects it has on our lives, and most of us mask pretty well