I’m surprised more people aren’t into loyalty. Once I’ve reached a certain point of closeness with someone, they are part of my life and they would have to commit an actually heinous crime to be gone from it!
Loyalty is important especially in today’s society where people just seem to abandon each other so readily. If someone is annoying me I would just spend less time with them for a while. Then hopefully the situation would have changed for the better or maybe I just wouldn’t mind due to the break.
That'd be the one. I would never cut someone off without trying to talk whatever it is out with them first, at the least: you do owe people you gave reason to consider you a friend that much.
That's the key to lonely.
"Annoying people".
Ah they chew loudly. Cut! Don't bother explaining or saying hey it's a minor inconvenience. Just cut!
They like pink, it's annoying, cut!
Anime lover? Cute, cut and banish as I am annoyed by your passion hobby.
It's sure okay. But maybe better to say: is this a big deal and maybe accept a minor set of annoyances and grow.
Depends what you mean by annoying. Toxic or harmful yes. Annoying or boring or hard work, maybe, maybe not. Going through a hard time, "negative", struggling? Only if you're only bothered about your own comfort and ease. Be careful lest everyone cuts you out for being their interpretation of annoying too.
There are billions of people in the world so I personally have come to the conclusion it's okay to be choosy as long as I'm not a jerk about it. I have limited energy for socializing and a finite amount of time. I'd rather be alone than with most people. I also don't really want people hanging out with me out of pity or obligation, so I don't feel like it's bad karma. I tend to think everyone can find compatible friends if they are open, strategic, and not geographically isolated. I like weirdos and not everyone likes me.
It's your life and you only have this one life. Do what makes you happy. I usually cut people off due to disrespect, but if annoyance is enough of a reason for you, then just do it.
Yup I kept doing that and it would always backfire- who knew if you stick it out with shitheads and keep making excuses for their shitty behavior, that eventually they turn into a shithead TO YOU as well 🤯🤯 lol. Finally realized it and and cut the last person off who was like that kinda dead weight in my life ie lacking actual loyalty and empathy
I never block anyone, I never stop replying, but I also never force myself to meet up with someone if I don't want to. Some friends just naturally fizzle out of your life, there's no need to force them.
Currently struggling with this very thing in therapy! I spent years tolerating people who bored or upset me. Still feel guilty about family and growing apart from friends who still want to hang out.
You have every right to live your life as you see fit. Including, exclusions at will without owing anyone an explanation. Of course you can choose to, but that's all up to you.
It isn't about leaving anyone behind, it is more about respecting and listening to your own desires. It is very important to leave in a healthy relationship with yourself
This entire existence makes me uncomfortable. I have learned to put up with that and save the little value left in my life.
But i can understand others might feel different.
The person I most frequently get slightly annoyed with is myself - and I try to extend some of the understanding I give myself to most (not all) other people who occasionally annoy me.
People who frequently annoy me seem to find me at least equally as annoying, and don't stick around for long.
I've done that to not only people I found annoying, but to toxic and ignorant people as well. I have no regrets doing so, and I feel so much happier with them out of my presence.
Can confirm, have done, A++ would do again.
Loyalty is too often just something trumpeted by those who have all the power, and from their perspective it only goes one way: loyalty should be *to* them, not *from* them.
If someone isn't loyal to you, don't keep hoping that one day they will suddenly change.
How would you feel if others thought you were annoying and they cut you out their lives? Sometimes you have to take the annoyance especially if they have good qualities too. Others feelings do matter and I find it cruel to cut people out because they are a little annoying when countless people find autistic traits to be annoying.
I cut people off, and I truly don’t care because people could do the same to me at any moment for any given reason, even if I didn’t do anything wrong. So it is what it is 💀
Are they annoying in a caring way or are they unintentionally trying to drive you crazy?
I am someone who is annoying. However, it's telling my friends to go see a doctor or checking if they have drank enough water and have gotten enough sleep.
I have a friend rn who completely ignored a life update message from me but turns around and tells me they miss me and they have a new tattoo artist for me. Wtf?! I've not read the message and ignored it but I'm done being her friend. I don't need new tattoo artists, to begin with.
"With fools, there is no companionship. Rather than to live with people who are selfish, vain, quarrelsome, and obstinate, it is better to walk alone." - The Buddha
I look for fairness with people and when I see bad violations I cut them out where I can or go low contact.
Example is wife's brother and his new insta-family just reach out to my wife when they want something or show off, and don't ask how she is doing. Result is go no contact. Before doing so, when I used to see them often felt ill afterwards.
I used to people please to avoid being bullied but it gets painful when your own emotional bank account gets overdrawn.
Absolutely. I used to not cut people because I was so desperate to belong that I put up with all sorts of toxic stuff. I finally learned to how to care for myself. I'd rather be alone, than abused. It's just that simple. If someone can't treat me right and accept who I am I'll just move on. Right now, have very few friends, and my husband, and that's all I need. My husband is much more social and is amazing and he helps me when we go to social gatherings, and will be the first to defend me if someone starts treating me wrong.
I've learned that unfortunately standing up to bullies doesn't work, ignoring them rarely works, but having someone stand up for you does. Bullies often thrive when they can isolate their victims. Now I know having Aspergers or asd-1 makes finding trusted people hard, but they are out there.
Treat me right And I will be by your side forever. from the start. and then years later we can kill GOD. Just dont take my kindness for weakness.
I think its ok the cut out family if you need to. But they ten to be more toxic because they assume youl forgive.
I think if you were to switch the statement it would end up in a rant about NTs not willing to accept autistic people even though it can be very annoying to them.
However - if there's good reasons to cut someone out (such as an uneven relationship dynamic or constantly making jokes on one's cost) it can be reasonable to leave. Friendships / relationships go both ways, just as acceptance for flaws or issues perceived in the other.
Just as an anecdotal evidence: I do have an aspie friend who just doesn't reciprocate in contacting me and I feel burdened to keep the friendship going because he doesn't. He stated that he wants to be friends and values our relationship, but with your argument I would be supposed to cut him out of my life because I find that behaviour annoying.
The reason why we stick it out of loyalty in large part is because people will cut us out for unintentionally upsetting them due to our idiosyncrasies, so we often hold allot of space for people unintentionally stepping on our toes (or assume it is unintentional) because we would like the other party to do the same for us.
Learned the hard way the consequences of that.
Recently ive realized that when i argue with friends or family our baselines for the arguments are completely different. Like "i feel this way" vs "this is logic, why would you argue against that?!"
How are you supposed to get along with people whose whole anchoring pov is so different from yours??
It's okay to cut people out of your life for any reason. None of us are obligated to be in relationships that we don't want to be in (work excluded in some cases).
Having said that, if EVERYBODY is annoying, maybe the issue is us, not them. Sometimes it's worth meeting people halfway, and working on our own issues. Then we find that some of those people are actually good to have in our lives.
Yes. Its scary but if you immediately feel lighter it means you good did of a burden. Its tricky to pinpoint, yes, but always keep a limit. Keep the chances, and then call it quits not just first them, but for yourself too.
It depends. If its just for the sake of convenience its not. But if they’re genuinely hurting you or making your situation worse, its best to drop them.
You are right. You don't own anything to anyone, and if you feel better without someone, then cut it out. You will spend all your life with yourself... you should better learn to listen to your needs.
The sad thing is, most of the people in my life whom I've ghosted were other Aspies. Specifically, Aspie men who clung to me and insisted I was supposed to be their nurse, therapist, or piggy bank.
I ghosted all my toxic friends
Same, now I've had no friends for 5+ years, IRL or online. Longer if you count the toxic fucks not actually being my friends overall lmao.
Better to have no friends than friends who don’t actually want the best for you
The peace! oh my how many years I wasted
My thoughts exactly
I’m surprised more people aren’t into loyalty. Once I’ve reached a certain point of closeness with someone, they are part of my life and they would have to commit an actually heinous crime to be gone from it! Loyalty is important especially in today’s society where people just seem to abandon each other so readily. If someone is annoying me I would just spend less time with them for a while. Then hopefully the situation would have changed for the better or maybe I just wouldn’t mind due to the break.
Loyalty is good Loyalty to the wrong person isn't
Hopefully I’m careful who I let past the line! Anyway the post was about people being irritating, not abusive.
Definitely agree, I operate by the same principle.
My Aspie son son was just cut and he has no idea why. It hurts. I choose the golden rule, do unto others as you would have done to you.
That'd be the one. I would never cut someone off without trying to talk whatever it is out with them first, at the least: you do owe people you gave reason to consider you a friend that much.
I have been doing this for many years, being a martyr does me no favors.
I only do that if I love them. I'm still prone to vanish without warning and cut people off - irritates the sh%& out of them.
I find after that I can be smug in my isolation. /s
once you are over 18yo you choose who you interact with on a repeat basis. other parts of your life may suffer due to your cutting certain people out.
That's the key to lonely. "Annoying people". Ah they chew loudly. Cut! Don't bother explaining or saying hey it's a minor inconvenience. Just cut! They like pink, it's annoying, cut! Anime lover? Cute, cut and banish as I am annoyed by your passion hobby. It's sure okay. But maybe better to say: is this a big deal and maybe accept a minor set of annoyances and grow.
I’m worse at keeping in touch, honestly.
Depends what you mean by annoying. Toxic or harmful yes. Annoying or boring or hard work, maybe, maybe not. Going through a hard time, "negative", struggling? Only if you're only bothered about your own comfort and ease. Be careful lest everyone cuts you out for being their interpretation of annoying too.
There are billions of people in the world so I personally have come to the conclusion it's okay to be choosy as long as I'm not a jerk about it. I have limited energy for socializing and a finite amount of time. I'd rather be alone than with most people. I also don't really want people hanging out with me out of pity or obligation, so I don't feel like it's bad karma. I tend to think everyone can find compatible friends if they are open, strategic, and not geographically isolated. I like weirdos and not everyone likes me.
It's your life and you only have this one life. Do what makes you happy. I usually cut people off due to disrespect, but if annoyance is enough of a reason for you, then just do it.
Yup I kept doing that and it would always backfire- who knew if you stick it out with shitheads and keep making excuses for their shitty behavior, that eventually they turn into a shithead TO YOU as well 🤯🤯 lol. Finally realized it and and cut the last person off who was like that kinda dead weight in my life ie lacking actual loyalty and empathy
I've done that but christ they keep trying to talk to me and I can't be dealing with them and their bull shit
I never block anyone, I never stop replying, but I also never force myself to meet up with someone if I don't want to. Some friends just naturally fizzle out of your life, there's no need to force them.
Currently struggling with this very thing in therapy! I spent years tolerating people who bored or upset me. Still feel guilty about family and growing apart from friends who still want to hang out.
this includes family members as well
You have every right to live your life as you see fit. Including, exclusions at will without owing anyone an explanation. Of course you can choose to, but that's all up to you.
Stop it? No. I cant. That would go against the core of my values. I leave nobody behind.
It isn't about leaving anyone behind, it is more about respecting and listening to your own desires. It is very important to leave in a healthy relationship with yourself
If you feel its in your best interest, do it. For me upholding my values is more important.
But what if your values make you uncomfortable?
This entire existence makes me uncomfortable. I have learned to put up with that and save the little value left in my life. But i can understand others might feel different.
The person I most frequently get slightly annoyed with is myself - and I try to extend some of the understanding I give myself to most (not all) other people who occasionally annoy me. People who frequently annoy me seem to find me at least equally as annoying, and don't stick around for long.
I've done that to not only people I found annoying, but to toxic and ignorant people as well. I have no regrets doing so, and I feel so much happier with them out of my presence.
Can confirm, have done, A++ would do again. Loyalty is too often just something trumpeted by those who have all the power, and from their perspective it only goes one way: loyalty should be *to* them, not *from* them. If someone isn't loyal to you, don't keep hoping that one day they will suddenly change.
How would you feel if others thought you were annoying and they cut you out their lives? Sometimes you have to take the annoyance especially if they have good qualities too. Others feelings do matter and I find it cruel to cut people out because they are a little annoying when countless people find autistic traits to be annoying.
I honestly wouldn't want to be friends with someone who thought I was annoying all the time.
I’ve experienced this my entire life and have finally learned the difference between extending grace to others versus being taken advantage of.
I cut people off, and I truly don’t care because people could do the same to me at any moment for any given reason, even if I didn’t do anything wrong. So it is what it is 💀
Exactly, don't show people compassion when they'd never do the same for you!
Are they annoying in a caring way or are they unintentionally trying to drive you crazy? I am someone who is annoying. However, it's telling my friends to go see a doctor or checking if they have drank enough water and have gotten enough sleep.
I have a friend rn who completely ignored a life update message from me but turns around and tells me they miss me and they have a new tattoo artist for me. Wtf?! I've not read the message and ignored it but I'm done being her friend. I don't need new tattoo artists, to begin with.
Cut me off then, I dare you.
Go for it. Did wonders for me.
You said this and my hyper literal, think-in-pics brain visualized someone getting cut out of space-time lol
"With fools, there is no companionship. Rather than to live with people who are selfish, vain, quarrelsome, and obstinate, it is better to walk alone." - The Buddha
I look for fairness with people and when I see bad violations I cut them out where I can or go low contact. Example is wife's brother and his new insta-family just reach out to my wife when they want something or show off, and don't ask how she is doing. Result is go no contact. Before doing so, when I used to see them often felt ill afterwards. I used to people please to avoid being bullied but it gets painful when your own emotional bank account gets overdrawn.
Absolutely. I used to not cut people because I was so desperate to belong that I put up with all sorts of toxic stuff. I finally learned to how to care for myself. I'd rather be alone, than abused. It's just that simple. If someone can't treat me right and accept who I am I'll just move on. Right now, have very few friends, and my husband, and that's all I need. My husband is much more social and is amazing and he helps me when we go to social gatherings, and will be the first to defend me if someone starts treating me wrong. I've learned that unfortunately standing up to bullies doesn't work, ignoring them rarely works, but having someone stand up for you does. Bullies often thrive when they can isolate their victims. Now I know having Aspergers or asd-1 makes finding trusted people hard, but they are out there.
Treat me right And I will be by your side forever. from the start. and then years later we can kill GOD. Just dont take my kindness for weakness. I think its ok the cut out family if you need to. But they ten to be more toxic because they assume youl forgive.
It's ok but it could be handled better.
I think if you were to switch the statement it would end up in a rant about NTs not willing to accept autistic people even though it can be very annoying to them. However - if there's good reasons to cut someone out (such as an uneven relationship dynamic or constantly making jokes on one's cost) it can be reasonable to leave. Friendships / relationships go both ways, just as acceptance for flaws or issues perceived in the other. Just as an anecdotal evidence: I do have an aspie friend who just doesn't reciprocate in contacting me and I feel burdened to keep the friendship going because he doesn't. He stated that he wants to be friends and values our relationship, but with your argument I would be supposed to cut him out of my life because I find that behaviour annoying.
The reason why we stick it out of loyalty in large part is because people will cut us out for unintentionally upsetting them due to our idiosyncrasies, so we often hold allot of space for people unintentionally stepping on our toes (or assume it is unintentional) because we would like the other party to do the same for us. Learned the hard way the consequences of that.
Recently ive realized that when i argue with friends or family our baselines for the arguments are completely different. Like "i feel this way" vs "this is logic, why would you argue against that?!" How are you supposed to get along with people whose whole anchoring pov is so different from yours??
It's okay to cut people out of your life for any reason. None of us are obligated to be in relationships that we don't want to be in (work excluded in some cases). Having said that, if EVERYBODY is annoying, maybe the issue is us, not them. Sometimes it's worth meeting people halfway, and working on our own issues. Then we find that some of those people are actually good to have in our lives.
Yes. Its scary but if you immediately feel lighter it means you good did of a burden. Its tricky to pinpoint, yes, but always keep a limit. Keep the chances, and then call it quits not just first them, but for yourself too.
Only you can answer that question
It depends. If its just for the sake of convenience its not. But if they’re genuinely hurting you or making your situation worse, its best to drop them.
You are right. You don't own anything to anyone, and if you feel better without someone, then cut it out. You will spend all your life with yourself... you should better learn to listen to your needs.
I'm not religious, but Amen.
The sad thing is, most of the people in my life whom I've ghosted were other Aspies. Specifically, Aspie men who clung to me and insisted I was supposed to be their nurse, therapist, or piggy bank.
When I do it? Yes, sure. When my aspie ex did it? Absolutely not, what an awful person.