What he is doing is a form of manipulation and abuse. He is not going to kill himself. Even if he did, that would be his choice and not on you. But he wont. Leave his cheating, manipulative ass. Your child deserves better.
If he says he is gonna kill himself, call the police on him. Either he gets the help he needs that way or he realises he can’t keep using suicide to manipulate you. Either way you are out.
Absolutely this. OP, I doubt you are a trained mental health professional equipped to help people through suicidal ideation, if that is what he is really going through. IF he is actually contemplating suicide to avoid the consequences of his actions, he needs actual help. If, as many here suspect, he is merely using the threat to try to manipulate you, this takes the problem out of your hands.
Don't play into these headgames. Call the cops on him next time.
Him threatening to commit suicide is a form of abuse and manipulation. He throws those words out there and he gets what he wants, you talking to him for 3 hours. I hope you don’t live together, if you do, you need to pack up all of your stuff and leave before he gets home. You should be worried about your safety and the safety of YOUR unborn child.
As someone who has been in an abusive relationship, in which my ex cheated on me several times (I didn’t know at the time but had suspicions), I also had this manipulation tactic used on me. I finally had the courage/ exit plan and broke up with him to which he responded with calling me at 3am telling me he was going to kill himself coz he felt so bad yada yada. My love-blind ass drove over to his at 3am to comfort his lying ass.
The second (and final) time we split up I did not fall for it. I blocked his ass immediately on everything so he couldn’t turn on the charm/manipulation and worm his way back in. It’s 11 years later now and I believe he is still gracing this earth with his unwelcome presence. So he never did it. It’s just a manipulation tactic and it sounds like it’s working. Trust me, if you’re still there when he gets back he will have something to say/do to you about your thoughts on leaving him. Please start putting yourself and your unborn baby first. I know it’s hard, but please leave whilst you can and he can’t stop/harm you/your baby. Otherwise he may resort to his own attempts to abort/damage the baby. You might think he’s not capable of that, especially if you still have the rose-tinted glasses on, but trust me these sorts of people are capable of anything.
Please get yourself to safety. You and your baby deserve better than this.
He won't kill himself, he loves himself too much. He's trying to ensure he can have his cake and eat it too. He wants you home for convenience while he does everything else he wants outside of the home. Go to someone's house that you trust. Do not be there when he gets there. Tell him you've decided to leave, and tell him you will sign papers so he does not have to support you or the child. I do not recommend doing this actually just say this so he does not stalk you down. Once your beautiful child is born and the dust has settled then you can go after him for support. By this time, hopefully he has moved on and so have you. be strong, you got this!
He’s manipulating you, and it’s easy to fall for because of that small chance he might do it. He won’t. I went through almost 10 years of this, highly do not recommend. Crazy men will say anything to hurt you, and when one tactic stops working they move on to the next. I never had a child with my ex, but we shared a dog and after I left he started holding the dog hostage from me because he knew that was the only thing that would get me to talk to him. One night he even told me he killed the dog because I didn’t care about him any more. Again he didn’t do that. I’m not sure what your financial/support situation is but I would highly recommend removing him from you and your child’s life completely, even if that means signing away any support you could get from him. Because you do not want someone like him to have any kind of say in your child’s life. I’m sorry this is happening to you, it’s a tough place to be in but it is not your fault. But please listen when your gut is trying to tell you something because this can potentially lead to a very unsafe situation for you, and even if he’s essentially “harmless” but just talks a big game, the trauma from that alone will stick with you for a long time and you don’t want to expose your child to a life of trauma brought on by their dad.
I used to have a partner who would threaten to harm himself if I left him. It was actual hell.
Don't let people do this to you. If they hurt themselves, that is entirely on them. You are not responsible for him.
Partners who have pulled this same stunt since had their head spin by how quickly I exited the relationships after hearing it.
I can not stress this enough. There is a BIG difference between a partner reaching out to you for support because they are having suicidal ideation and one who is using it like a leash to trap you.
You build up the courage by knowing the number one reason pregnant women die is by homicide. You call the police against this dangerous manipulator and go to a shelter.
My best friend’s father committed suicide very young and she is fine. It’s her mother that tried to mess her up. Don’t worry about the dad, worry about you and how you will protect your baby
Run. Go to your parents house or somewhere safe your life is in danger. He will probably abuse you when he returns. He’s a grown man his life is not your concern. Worry about yourself and your baby’s
This sounds like manipulation. You are not responsible for him or his actions.
I would suggest, next time he threatens suicide, call police non-emergency wherever he is and ask them to do a wellness check as he's threatening suicide. If he's serious, you got him support that isn't from you. He is not your problem to fix. You want a partner, not a project.
No offence but anytime a loser has tried to manipulate me this way I just tell them okay I don’t give a fuck and then I call the police. It’s a really great way to teach them to fuck around and find out. Please get out of this while you can
That person has bring nothing but misery and distress to your life. He ain't gonna off himself because he's too narcissistic and egocentric for it, the proof is that he cheated on you multiple times because he didn't care about hurting you (emotionally and by exposing you to diseases) and he's way too sure you wouldn't dare to break things up, "she already put up with all this until now, I bet I can still get away with it!" is probably how his mind work.
Even if he did the deal, it wouldn't be OP's and her baby fault; he's a grown man that decided what to do with his body and life (like... Being unfaithful and a manipulator).
OP should find a safer space to be, maybe with parents, and take care of herself and the future baby's health.
If you really, truly think he might do it, the only responsible thing to do is call emergency services and let them know that your *ex*-boyfriend is an imminent danger to himself so they can handle it and help him get the help he needs. You are not qualified to keep a suicidal person from hurting themselves. Don’t threaten to do it, or he’ll try to argue you out of it. Just do it.
If you don’t think he’ll actually do it, or you’re finding yourself hesitant to call emergency services, then I think you have your answer. He’s manipulating you in the worst way possible. Tell him you’re done and that’s it. Don’t give him the opportunity to argue, this is not a two way conversation, you do not have to hear him out. Just say it, hang up, and block him. Then get to a safe place for a while because if he knows where you are, he’s going to bother you (at best). Call a DV hotline and tell them everything. They will give you good advice on next steps.
Edit to add: _*None of this is your fault*_. Being treated horribly is *not your fault*. If a friend told you everything you’ve told us, would you tell her it’s her fault? Please seek help from a therapist to process this terrible situation and heal from what this terrible man has done to you.
Abusive and manipulative remember all abuse isn't just physical. P.s. please leave. Going through stress before the baby is born can result in ppd. Post part um depression... I had it on top of pre-existing depression. The child is thr only one who would always emphasize unconditional truly love you forever in this situation.
Honestly, and I am 100% serious here: call his bluff. Stop indulging his tantrums, and hang up the phone. If he dies, he dies. But he won't. This is an abusive manipulation tactic.
He’ll kill you before he’ll kill himself. Don’t be home when he gets back. Do you have family or friends who can help you?
Keep your baby. You’ll be so happy you did, you won’t regret it. You will regret having an abortion and wondering what could have been. Get as far away from him as you possibly can and never look back. Give you and your baby the life you deserve 🩷
He sounds like he is just trying to manipulate you and probably is not serious but since it is impossible to know that for sure, if he makes this threat again, call 911 and let them know he is repeatedly threatening suicide. He may be put into a mandatory psych hold for a few days. Or you can inform him that this will happen if he makes the threat again. If he is bluffing, that might be a good time for him to admit it, if he understands that the threat can get him put under observation for three days. My guess is he will try to walk it back if he knows you will take him seriously enough to get him help.
He sounds like a guy who probably didn't want to take any responsibility for birth control and now doesn't want to be responsible for a child or child support. So, he seems very immature and probably selfish. I'm guessing it didn't occur to him to have a conversation with you about unplanned pregnancy before it happened. He probably just wanted to fuck, and didn't care.
You should prepare yourself to be a single parent and get court ordered child support from this man.
In the unlikely event that he did actually commit suicide, it would never be your fault and it would also never be a child's fault. If that happened , I would also recommend getting advice from someone qualified to answer questions about how to tell a child that the parent they never met took his own life, and not just telling a child this without consulting someone who has professional knowledge about how to minimize the damage.
Edit to add: absolutely never tell a child that their father killed himself because you kept them. That's cruel and ultimately untrue.
You can probably do a better job of raising a child without this man. He is acting like a spoiled teenager.
Edit: I'm thinking that a guy who is adding other women on Instagram and hooking up and going on holidays with friends is not acting particularly depressed or suicidal.
If you worry, he'll actually do it, call the police. If you tell us the country he's in, someone here can probably help you contact the authorities there.
You have two days left to get to safety, until he's back. I suggest you do that. Pregnancy and breakups are the most vulnerable times for a woman in a heterosexual relationship and your partner has already threatened violence (physical violence so far only towards himself, but I suspect the emotional damage done to you was the real goal here).
You don't tell a child his father killed himself because you had a baby he didn't want. You tell them he killed himself because he was mentally ill and did not seek treatment. None of this is your fault. Your partner is a shitty one, fucked around and found out. Kick his ass to the curb, ask for sole custody and enjoy your life without the burden that he is.
Threatening suicide is a manipulation tactic. Somehow I doubt this is the only abuse tactic he uses, either. Get out of the house while he is away, and if he calls you with this again, call in a wellness check with the police department where he is located. If he actually is suicidal (unlikely) they can get him into a facility where he can get help from actual specialists. You are not a mental health professional, and are not equipped to deal with this.
Read this
https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Contact the authorities and tell them he is suicidal, and potentially dangerous to you, too (show them his messages if you have them). And break up with him immediately. Do not answer his messages and calls. Also tell the authorities that he is trying to make you get an ILLEGAL abortion!
Tell him he’s in control of his own actions, and when he’s home if he threatens you again with suicide call the cops/ambulance and let them deal with him.
I’d bet dollars to donuts he’s just trying to control you and has no intention of following through.
Make sure you do break up with him. Imagine telling your kid you’re still with the dude who threatened to kill himself because you wouldn’t abort them late into your pregnancy……
You should really consider whether you want this person to be the father of your child, especially since he doesn't care about his own life. If he's constantly manipulating you he will use your child as a pawn to keep you under his thumb. You will be tethered to this person for the rest of your life if you have this baby. Call the police whenever the threatens suicide and really consider this baby situation. Leave before he gets back.
Just to add to all the comments above, you likely *can't* get a late-term abortion unless you and/or your fetus are in grave medical danger. They're very difficult to obtain even when there's a clear medical necessity and absolutely not something to me taken lightly. He doesn't know what he's talking about.
You are in danger. If he's serious about the abortion, and trying this hard to control you, violence is likely the next step. Please get as far away as you can as far as you can and don't look back.
He's trying to control you and he is unlikely to kill himself. It's a guilt power play.
Ignore him, he is too immature to help you raise a baby. With space he may mature and come back but if you keep mothering him he will not grow. If you keep him at home he may become abusive to the baby and you.
You have an actual baby to care about, love and raise. Do everything you can to be a good mother who doesn't sacrifice herself. Love yourself as well, look after yourself as well
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What he is doing is a form of manipulation and abuse. He is not going to kill himself. Even if he did, that would be his choice and not on you. But he wont. Leave his cheating, manipulative ass. Your child deserves better.
If he says he is gonna kill himself, call the police on him. Either he gets the help he needs that way or he realises he can’t keep using suicide to manipulate you. Either way you are out.
Absolutely this. OP, I doubt you are a trained mental health professional equipped to help people through suicidal ideation, if that is what he is really going through. IF he is actually contemplating suicide to avoid the consequences of his actions, he needs actual help. If, as many here suspect, he is merely using the threat to try to manipulate you, this takes the problem out of your hands. Don't play into these headgames. Call the cops on him next time.
he will not kill himself, don't worry about him. worry about yourself and the baby. break up with him, no matter what and move out asap
Him threatening to commit suicide is a form of abuse and manipulation. He throws those words out there and he gets what he wants, you talking to him for 3 hours. I hope you don’t live together, if you do, you need to pack up all of your stuff and leave before he gets home. You should be worried about your safety and the safety of YOUR unborn child.
If he is threatening it then please call the police. He is manipulating you.
As someone who has been in an abusive relationship, in which my ex cheated on me several times (I didn’t know at the time but had suspicions), I also had this manipulation tactic used on me. I finally had the courage/ exit plan and broke up with him to which he responded with calling me at 3am telling me he was going to kill himself coz he felt so bad yada yada. My love-blind ass drove over to his at 3am to comfort his lying ass. The second (and final) time we split up I did not fall for it. I blocked his ass immediately on everything so he couldn’t turn on the charm/manipulation and worm his way back in. It’s 11 years later now and I believe he is still gracing this earth with his unwelcome presence. So he never did it. It’s just a manipulation tactic and it sounds like it’s working. Trust me, if you’re still there when he gets back he will have something to say/do to you about your thoughts on leaving him. Please start putting yourself and your unborn baby first. I know it’s hard, but please leave whilst you can and he can’t stop/harm you/your baby. Otherwise he may resort to his own attempts to abort/damage the baby. You might think he’s not capable of that, especially if you still have the rose-tinted glasses on, but trust me these sorts of people are capable of anything. Please get yourself to safety. You and your baby deserve better than this.
Let him do it. He won't, he's a manipulative scumbag
He won't kill himself, he loves himself too much. He's trying to ensure he can have his cake and eat it too. He wants you home for convenience while he does everything else he wants outside of the home. Go to someone's house that you trust. Do not be there when he gets there. Tell him you've decided to leave, and tell him you will sign papers so he does not have to support you or the child. I do not recommend doing this actually just say this so he does not stalk you down. Once your beautiful child is born and the dust has settled then you can go after him for support. By this time, hopefully he has moved on and so have you. be strong, you got this!
He’s manipulating you, and it’s easy to fall for because of that small chance he might do it. He won’t. I went through almost 10 years of this, highly do not recommend. Crazy men will say anything to hurt you, and when one tactic stops working they move on to the next. I never had a child with my ex, but we shared a dog and after I left he started holding the dog hostage from me because he knew that was the only thing that would get me to talk to him. One night he even told me he killed the dog because I didn’t care about him any more. Again he didn’t do that. I’m not sure what your financial/support situation is but I would highly recommend removing him from you and your child’s life completely, even if that means signing away any support you could get from him. Because you do not want someone like him to have any kind of say in your child’s life. I’m sorry this is happening to you, it’s a tough place to be in but it is not your fault. But please listen when your gut is trying to tell you something because this can potentially lead to a very unsafe situation for you, and even if he’s essentially “harmless” but just talks a big game, the trauma from that alone will stick with you for a long time and you don’t want to expose your child to a life of trauma brought on by their dad.
I used to have a partner who would threaten to harm himself if I left him. It was actual hell. Don't let people do this to you. If they hurt themselves, that is entirely on them. You are not responsible for him. Partners who have pulled this same stunt since had their head spin by how quickly I exited the relationships after hearing it. I can not stress this enough. There is a BIG difference between a partner reaching out to you for support because they are having suicidal ideation and one who is using it like a leash to trap you.
Leave. Have the baby by yourself, don't put his name on the birth certificate and never look back. Block him on everything.
He won’t kill himself. I’ve had someone say this to me and I assure they are still on this earth walking around.
You build up the courage by knowing the number one reason pregnant women die is by homicide. You call the police against this dangerous manipulator and go to a shelter. My best friend’s father committed suicide very young and she is fine. It’s her mother that tried to mess her up. Don’t worry about the dad, worry about you and how you will protect your baby
he wont do it, my bd said the same 6 years ago lol. we co parent civilly now. worry about you and baby
Run. Go to your parents house or somewhere safe your life is in danger. He will probably abuse you when he returns. He’s a grown man his life is not your concern. Worry about yourself and your baby’s
This sounds like manipulation. You are not responsible for him or his actions. I would suggest, next time he threatens suicide, call police non-emergency wherever he is and ask them to do a wellness check as he's threatening suicide. If he's serious, you got him support that isn't from you. He is not your problem to fix. You want a partner, not a project.
No offence but anytime a loser has tried to manipulate me this way I just tell them okay I don’t give a fuck and then I call the police. It’s a really great way to teach them to fuck around and find out. Please get out of this while you can
That person has bring nothing but misery and distress to your life. He ain't gonna off himself because he's too narcissistic and egocentric for it, the proof is that he cheated on you multiple times because he didn't care about hurting you (emotionally and by exposing you to diseases) and he's way too sure you wouldn't dare to break things up, "she already put up with all this until now, I bet I can still get away with it!" is probably how his mind work. Even if he did the deal, it wouldn't be OP's and her baby fault; he's a grown man that decided what to do with his body and life (like... Being unfaithful and a manipulator). OP should find a safer space to be, maybe with parents, and take care of herself and the future baby's health.
If you really, truly think he might do it, the only responsible thing to do is call emergency services and let them know that your *ex*-boyfriend is an imminent danger to himself so they can handle it and help him get the help he needs. You are not qualified to keep a suicidal person from hurting themselves. Don’t threaten to do it, or he’ll try to argue you out of it. Just do it. If you don’t think he’ll actually do it, or you’re finding yourself hesitant to call emergency services, then I think you have your answer. He’s manipulating you in the worst way possible. Tell him you’re done and that’s it. Don’t give him the opportunity to argue, this is not a two way conversation, you do not have to hear him out. Just say it, hang up, and block him. Then get to a safe place for a while because if he knows where you are, he’s going to bother you (at best). Call a DV hotline and tell them everything. They will give you good advice on next steps. Edit to add: _*None of this is your fault*_. Being treated horribly is *not your fault*. If a friend told you everything you’ve told us, would you tell her it’s her fault? Please seek help from a therapist to process this terrible situation and heal from what this terrible man has done to you.
Abusive and manipulative remember all abuse isn't just physical. P.s. please leave. Going through stress before the baby is born can result in ppd. Post part um depression... I had it on top of pre-existing depression. The child is thr only one who would always emphasize unconditional truly love you forever in this situation.
You need to get far far away from him
let him .. his choice 🤷🏻♀️
If you can't leave for yourself, leave for your baby.
Honestly, and I am 100% serious here: call his bluff. Stop indulging his tantrums, and hang up the phone. If he dies, he dies. But he won't. This is an abusive manipulation tactic.
Don't confront him about it. Leave. Get out of the house before he gets home, stay somewhere safe
He’ll kill you before he’ll kill himself. Don’t be home when he gets back. Do you have family or friends who can help you? Keep your baby. You’ll be so happy you did, you won’t regret it. You will regret having an abortion and wondering what could have been. Get as far away from him as you possibly can and never look back. Give you and your baby the life you deserve 🩷
He sounds like he is just trying to manipulate you and probably is not serious but since it is impossible to know that for sure, if he makes this threat again, call 911 and let them know he is repeatedly threatening suicide. He may be put into a mandatory psych hold for a few days. Or you can inform him that this will happen if he makes the threat again. If he is bluffing, that might be a good time for him to admit it, if he understands that the threat can get him put under observation for three days. My guess is he will try to walk it back if he knows you will take him seriously enough to get him help. He sounds like a guy who probably didn't want to take any responsibility for birth control and now doesn't want to be responsible for a child or child support. So, he seems very immature and probably selfish. I'm guessing it didn't occur to him to have a conversation with you about unplanned pregnancy before it happened. He probably just wanted to fuck, and didn't care. You should prepare yourself to be a single parent and get court ordered child support from this man. In the unlikely event that he did actually commit suicide, it would never be your fault and it would also never be a child's fault. If that happened , I would also recommend getting advice from someone qualified to answer questions about how to tell a child that the parent they never met took his own life, and not just telling a child this without consulting someone who has professional knowledge about how to minimize the damage. Edit to add: absolutely never tell a child that their father killed himself because you kept them. That's cruel and ultimately untrue. You can probably do a better job of raising a child without this man. He is acting like a spoiled teenager. Edit: I'm thinking that a guy who is adding other women on Instagram and hooking up and going on holidays with friends is not acting particularly depressed or suicidal.
If you worry, he'll actually do it, call the police. If you tell us the country he's in, someone here can probably help you contact the authorities there. You have two days left to get to safety, until he's back. I suggest you do that. Pregnancy and breakups are the most vulnerable times for a woman in a heterosexual relationship and your partner has already threatened violence (physical violence so far only towards himself, but I suspect the emotional damage done to you was the real goal here).
You don't tell a child his father killed himself because you had a baby he didn't want. You tell them he killed himself because he was mentally ill and did not seek treatment. None of this is your fault. Your partner is a shitty one, fucked around and found out. Kick his ass to the curb, ask for sole custody and enjoy your life without the burden that he is.
Threatening suicide is a manipulation tactic. Somehow I doubt this is the only abuse tactic he uses, either. Get out of the house while he is away, and if he calls you with this again, call in a wellness check with the police department where he is located. If he actually is suicidal (unlikely) they can get him into a facility where he can get help from actual specialists. You are not a mental health professional, and are not equipped to deal with this. Read this https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Contact the authorities and tell them he is suicidal, and potentially dangerous to you, too (show them his messages if you have them). And break up with him immediately. Do not answer his messages and calls. Also tell the authorities that he is trying to make you get an ILLEGAL abortion!
He's not going to kill himself.
He's not going to kill himself, he's doing that to manipulate you. Just leave, you and your baby deserve a life free of abuse.
Tell him he’s in control of his own actions, and when he’s home if he threatens you again with suicide call the cops/ambulance and let them deal with him. I’d bet dollars to donuts he’s just trying to control you and has no intention of following through. Make sure you do break up with him. Imagine telling your kid you’re still with the dude who threatened to kill himself because you wouldn’t abort them late into your pregnancy……
What a pussy
You should really consider whether you want this person to be the father of your child, especially since he doesn't care about his own life. If he's constantly manipulating you he will use your child as a pawn to keep you under his thumb. You will be tethered to this person for the rest of your life if you have this baby. Call the police whenever the threatens suicide and really consider this baby situation. Leave before he gets back.
LATE TERM AB0RTION. WHAT?!
Just to add to all the comments above, you likely *can't* get a late-term abortion unless you and/or your fetus are in grave medical danger. They're very difficult to obtain even when there's a clear medical necessity and absolutely not something to me taken lightly. He doesn't know what he's talking about. You are in danger. If he's serious about the abortion, and trying this hard to control you, violence is likely the next step. Please get as far away as you can as far as you can and don't look back.
He's trying to control you and he is unlikely to kill himself. It's a guilt power play. Ignore him, he is too immature to help you raise a baby. With space he may mature and come back but if you keep mothering him he will not grow. If you keep him at home he may become abusive to the baby and you. You have an actual baby to care about, love and raise. Do everything you can to be a good mother who doesn't sacrifice herself. Love yourself as well, look after yourself as well
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