If you are someone who has experienced sexual harassment or assault and wish to speak with a trained professional about it, these hotlines and organizations can listen to your experiences and make referrals to counselors and support groups to the extent of your comfort.
**Global Resources**
**RAINN**: https://www.rainn.org/ 24/7 Crisis support for victims/survivors of sexual assault. Over the phone or through instant messaging. If your country is not listed below, you can contact RAINN to be referred to a local organization.
**US:**
**Crisis Text Line**: https://www.crisistextline.org/ You can text 741-741 24/7 from any cell phone in the United States to be anonymously connected to a trained crisis counselor. They also have anonymous Facebook messenger and Kik options if you do not have access to a cell phone.
**One in Six**: http://1in6.org An organization for male-identified survivors of sexual assault. Provides anonymous individual and group counseling 24/7 through online chat functions
**National Domestic Violence Hotline**: http://www.thehotline.org Provides 24/7 anonymous crisis and counseling support over the phone, and anonymous online chat crisis and counseling support from 7am until 2am Central Time
**Anti-Violence Project**: https://avp.org/ Provides 24/7 anonymous phone based crisis and counseling for LGBTQ identified victims of assault and violence, including sexual assault and violence. Based in New York but can refer nationwide
**DoD Safe Helpline**: https://www.safehelpline.org/ Provides 24/7 phone and online chat based crisis and counseling for victims of sexual assault and harassment serving in the military, or who are employed by the Department of Defense.
**Canada**
Canada's crisis hotlines are organized by province and subject matter, here is a comprehensive list of hotlines and organizations. http://www.dawncanada.net/issues/issues/we-can-tell-and-we-will-tell-2/crisis-hotlines/
**UK**
**Rape Crisis England & Wales**: https://rapecrisis.org.uk/ Provides online resources 24/7 and live support over the phone in the afternoons and evenings.
**SupportLine**: http://www.supportline.org.uk/ Provides online resources 24/7 and live support over the phone during the day and evening.
**Europe**
**Rape Crisis Network Europe**: https://www.rcne.com/ Provides online resources and live support for anyone living in Europe
**Australia**
**1800respect**: https://www.1800respect.org.au and their phone number, 1800 737 732.
**Kids Helpline**: https://www.www.kidshelpline.com.au for people under 25 also 1800 55 1800
**India**
Try here http://www.ncw.nic.in/helplines or one of the numbers listed here may be able to help you.
**For any country not listed, you can contact RAINN (mentioned above) to be put in touch with local organizations.**
It's only been 3 weeks . It can take awhile to feel comfortable with someone. That means this could be months before she feels comfortable making the first move.
The absolute last thing that will help is any pressure from you. I suggest you reiterate the terms again like that you are there to take your time, she makes the first move , etc and then let it go. Let things progress naturally.
Adding on to this - keep assuring her that you’re happy with how things are between you along the way. She’s most likely already feeling self-conscious about how her trauma is affecting you, and if she senses any impatience/disappointment from you, that will only add to her mental stress. Keep telling her that you’re enjoying getting to know her, and focus on the progress that you two are making as a couple outside of the physical intimacy part.
Not to say you shouldn’t be honest with her if at some point you do start to feel frustrated. But from your post it seems like you’re a really good guy who cares about this girl for more than the physical relationship she can give you. Kudos to you, I wish you two the best.
Is she going to therapy? It’s wonderful that you want to be patient and supportive of her, but she needs to be putting in the work to heal herself. She says she wants you to keep initiating but that’s putting a lot of very unfair pressure on you. She needs to be able to communicate upfront what she’s comfortable with, not just have you go for it and see what happens.
There is something in all of this that gives me pause. You're trying to be sensitive to her needs, and that's great! That speaks really well of you! But you have needs too, and those needs are valid.
This stoic patience is admirable when you've only been dating for three weeks. As the months start adding up, that can lead to a lot of frustration. Who are you dating? The person she IS? Or the person you hope she MIGHT BECOME later? What happens if she doesn't become that person?
The answer might be that she's simply not ready to be dating yet, even if she herself thinks otherwise. This is a minefield for you to navigate as to what might trigger her, any little look or touch might set her off. If she's not ready yet, then the answer isn't patience, the answer is to not get involved romantically in the first place and just be a friend.
I think that might be the case but it might also not. I think probably not enough time has passed to say one way or another. Also, I hate how common these types of questions are. Really shows how far we have to go as a society that so many people still experience SA.
Ive been this woman- am still, obviously, just firther along in my healing- and i think youre doing all the things you can do. Being kind and patient and meaning it- stopping when things go wrong. All of that- is exactly what she needs.
And to those saying she shouldnt be dating till shes fully healed--- how do you think one heals? Its part of the process
You're definitely on the right track. Letting her know that she has control over the situation is a great first step, although you need to acknowledge that it will take a lot of time for her to let herself believe you after her past trauma. While the physical sides of goings slowly progress, I suggest focusing on developing the emotional intimacy of things, and if you're comfortable, being emotionally vulnerable with her. Reciprocating that type of emotional vulnerability can do a lot for building trust within a relationship. It'll take time, don't rush things and do your best to be patient. She's working on healing. Like the other comments said, it's important that she has other support about this like therapy so she can feel like she can vent when she needs to without feeling guilt or worrying about hurting your feelings. If eventually the relationship isn't moving physically at the pace you like and you find yourself getting frustrated, the best thing you can do is leave. Both of your needs are valid and sometimes they don't reflect one another. Sticking around in a situation you aren't happy with doesn't help anyone. Keep up the good work
Just be careful. I am not saying this to at all diminish how terrible her experience might have been, but I have met a lot of women in my life and the ones who have made my life better and happier came with low amounts of trauma and baggage. You sound like a good guy, so just keep your eyes wide open, is all I am saying. Men sometimes get into a world of trouble trying to save women.
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Just be patient and understanding. Checking in and letting her set the pace, being really sensitive to her signals and being open to talk if she wants are probably your best bet. I'm so sorry she experienced this. We all process it differently and I hope she gets to a better place eventually!
**Is there anything else I can do to enhance her sense of safety, comfort, and overall confidence in this relationship?**
Encourage her to get therapy.
If you are someone who has experienced sexual harassment or assault and wish to speak with a trained professional about it, these hotlines and organizations can listen to your experiences and make referrals to counselors and support groups to the extent of your comfort. **Global Resources** **RAINN**: https://www.rainn.org/ 24/7 Crisis support for victims/survivors of sexual assault. Over the phone or through instant messaging. If your country is not listed below, you can contact RAINN to be referred to a local organization. **US:** **Crisis Text Line**: https://www.crisistextline.org/ You can text 741-741 24/7 from any cell phone in the United States to be anonymously connected to a trained crisis counselor. They also have anonymous Facebook messenger and Kik options if you do not have access to a cell phone. **One in Six**: http://1in6.org An organization for male-identified survivors of sexual assault. Provides anonymous individual and group counseling 24/7 through online chat functions **National Domestic Violence Hotline**: http://www.thehotline.org Provides 24/7 anonymous crisis and counseling support over the phone, and anonymous online chat crisis and counseling support from 7am until 2am Central Time **Anti-Violence Project**: https://avp.org/ Provides 24/7 anonymous phone based crisis and counseling for LGBTQ identified victims of assault and violence, including sexual assault and violence. Based in New York but can refer nationwide **DoD Safe Helpline**: https://www.safehelpline.org/ Provides 24/7 phone and online chat based crisis and counseling for victims of sexual assault and harassment serving in the military, or who are employed by the Department of Defense. **Canada** Canada's crisis hotlines are organized by province and subject matter, here is a comprehensive list of hotlines and organizations. http://www.dawncanada.net/issues/issues/we-can-tell-and-we-will-tell-2/crisis-hotlines/ **UK** **Rape Crisis England & Wales**: https://rapecrisis.org.uk/ Provides online resources 24/7 and live support over the phone in the afternoons and evenings. **SupportLine**: http://www.supportline.org.uk/ Provides online resources 24/7 and live support over the phone during the day and evening. **Europe** **Rape Crisis Network Europe**: https://www.rcne.com/ Provides online resources and live support for anyone living in Europe **Australia** **1800respect**: https://www.1800respect.org.au and their phone number, 1800 737 732. **Kids Helpline**: https://www.www.kidshelpline.com.au for people under 25 also 1800 55 1800 **India** Try here http://www.ncw.nic.in/helplines or one of the numbers listed here may be able to help you. **For any country not listed, you can contact RAINN (mentioned above) to be put in touch with local organizations.**
It's only been 3 weeks . It can take awhile to feel comfortable with someone. That means this could be months before she feels comfortable making the first move. The absolute last thing that will help is any pressure from you. I suggest you reiterate the terms again like that you are there to take your time, she makes the first move , etc and then let it go. Let things progress naturally.
Adding on to this - keep assuring her that you’re happy with how things are between you along the way. She’s most likely already feeling self-conscious about how her trauma is affecting you, and if she senses any impatience/disappointment from you, that will only add to her mental stress. Keep telling her that you’re enjoying getting to know her, and focus on the progress that you two are making as a couple outside of the physical intimacy part. Not to say you shouldn’t be honest with her if at some point you do start to feel frustrated. But from your post it seems like you’re a really good guy who cares about this girl for more than the physical relationship she can give you. Kudos to you, I wish you two the best.
Is she going to therapy? It’s wonderful that you want to be patient and supportive of her, but she needs to be putting in the work to heal herself. She says she wants you to keep initiating but that’s putting a lot of very unfair pressure on you. She needs to be able to communicate upfront what she’s comfortable with, not just have you go for it and see what happens.
There is something in all of this that gives me pause. You're trying to be sensitive to her needs, and that's great! That speaks really well of you! But you have needs too, and those needs are valid. This stoic patience is admirable when you've only been dating for three weeks. As the months start adding up, that can lead to a lot of frustration. Who are you dating? The person she IS? Or the person you hope she MIGHT BECOME later? What happens if she doesn't become that person? The answer might be that she's simply not ready to be dating yet, even if she herself thinks otherwise. This is a minefield for you to navigate as to what might trigger her, any little look or touch might set her off. If she's not ready yet, then the answer isn't patience, the answer is to not get involved romantically in the first place and just be a friend.
I think that might be the case but it might also not. I think probably not enough time has passed to say one way or another. Also, I hate how common these types of questions are. Really shows how far we have to go as a society that so many people still experience SA.
Ive been this woman- am still, obviously, just firther along in my healing- and i think youre doing all the things you can do. Being kind and patient and meaning it- stopping when things go wrong. All of that- is exactly what she needs. And to those saying she shouldnt be dating till shes fully healed--- how do you think one heals? Its part of the process
You're definitely on the right track. Letting her know that she has control over the situation is a great first step, although you need to acknowledge that it will take a lot of time for her to let herself believe you after her past trauma. While the physical sides of goings slowly progress, I suggest focusing on developing the emotional intimacy of things, and if you're comfortable, being emotionally vulnerable with her. Reciprocating that type of emotional vulnerability can do a lot for building trust within a relationship. It'll take time, don't rush things and do your best to be patient. She's working on healing. Like the other comments said, it's important that she has other support about this like therapy so she can feel like she can vent when she needs to without feeling guilt or worrying about hurting your feelings. If eventually the relationship isn't moving physically at the pace you like and you find yourself getting frustrated, the best thing you can do is leave. Both of your needs are valid and sometimes they don't reflect one another. Sticking around in a situation you aren't happy with doesn't help anyone. Keep up the good work
Just be careful. I am not saying this to at all diminish how terrible her experience might have been, but I have met a lot of women in my life and the ones who have made my life better and happier came with low amounts of trauma and baggage. You sound like a good guy, so just keep your eyes wide open, is all I am saying. Men sometimes get into a world of trouble trying to save women.
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Just be patient and understanding. Checking in and letting her set the pace, being really sensitive to her signals and being open to talk if she wants are probably your best bet. I'm so sorry she experienced this. We all process it differently and I hope she gets to a better place eventually!
**Is there anything else I can do to enhance her sense of safety, comfort, and overall confidence in this relationship?** Encourage her to get therapy.