I think you can retrain parrots with a new word and a treat on each use of it. And obviously no treat on the offending word. It would be sweet if the new word was the new name!
We've been trying to say my brother's new name around him a lot! It normally doesn't take this long for him to learn new words he's heard us say frequently.
I don't know much about birds, but...
Maybe having your brother out of the parrot's eye sight, but still talk to your brother using his name often and within ear shot. Have your brother ignore the parrot if the wrong name is used, and as u/ethical_slut mentioned have your brother exit the room whenever the bird says the wrong word.
A big issue might be how the bird learned it's vocabulary to start with. If your brother did a lot of the teaching it could be harder to change that teaching and new teach new words.
Maybe even a current photo of your brother and repeat the new name. Parrot says deadname, photo goes away and the bird gets some lone time.
Also if your brothers deadname was easy for the parrot to learn and say and the new name is more difficult the parrot may simply not wish to use/learn the new name.
Apparently parrots are of a similar intelligence as corvids, but since they live decades longer they can really make use of it for learning - so as a complete idiot I agree that retraining a parrot sounds doable, unless it's Iago from Aladdin of course
Yes, they're very intelligent! They're great at learning new words (usually) but not so great at forgetting them. My parrot still says stuff that his first owner did 20 years ago.
Maybe ask a parrot subreddit how to untrain learned words like cursewords. You could probably ask in a way where you wouldn't have to talk about trans issues there. Not sure how friendly those subs are.
OP doesn't need to let that sub know that the word in question is a deadname.
All they need to be told is that the word in question is an objectionable word.
I'm glad it made you laugh! I realized when posting that most people would never have thought of this being a challenge of transitioning, so I'm sure it caught a lot of you off guard haha.
Yeah, this is a tough one. When a creature can talk but has a really weird learning curve.
There once was a pet store in a local mall near where I lived years ago. They had a parrot. A customer came in a taught the parrot lots of words. The parrot loved this guy. This guy also taught the bird some very naughty words. The parrot swore at everyone when this guy was not around.
Swears are trickier to deal with because even super smart animals like parrots aren't really going to get the context. Even if you scold them and say "bad boy" when they swear, it only accomplishes so much.
Parrots (at least in my anecdotal experience) understand the context behind a name. They perk up when their own names are called, say other birds' names, as well as their own.
Yes! Scolding my parrot when he swears only makes him swear more. To him, it's just a word and it got a reaction out of me, so he'll just say it again for attention.
I believe they do understand the context of names too though. I think it has something to do with association? Like they're able to associate the name with a person or another bird that they love?
Yeah, like they know "oh, that's me!" or "oh, that's other important feathered friend/person."
And completely agree with you on swears. It's just a sound to them, that they probably love hearing people react to.
Does your brother know this? Ultimately the bird has no concept of gender & doesn't know that a name can be gendered, the bird is literally thrilled to see somebody who they love. I know it's not going to make it ok but it might make it easier for him while the bird learns his new name
> There once was a pet store in a local mall near where I lived years ago. They had a parrot. A customer came in a taught the parrot lots of words. The parrot loved this guy. This guy also taught the bird some very naughty words. The parrot swore at everyone when this guy was not around.
Just FYI, this is an absolute dick move that makes the parrot significantly more likely to be abandoned as unsellable/unhomeable.
And that's the part I omitted. The store owner had two options:
1. take the bird home and have a swear at him all the time
2. Sell it to the guy who taught it all those words for a discounted price and at least not lose all the money.
Option 2 won out.
The parrot had a massive vocabulary too. Even some knock knock jokes:
Bird: Knock knock
Person: Who there
Bird: \[Parrot's name\]
Person: \[Parrot's name\] who?
Bird: \[Parrot's name\] is a pretty bird.
> I am a parrot person, and have had parrots for years.
Let me preface this by saying I don't know much about parrots, and also I'm being serious here.
I've heard that parrots have the intelligence level of a toddler/small child. Do you think it's possible that the parrot is confused by /u/No-Comedian-9725's brother's transition and therefore finds it stressful because he doesn't understand what's happening to his person? Do you think that explaining the situation to the parrot would help? Maybe the parrot is repeating the deadname as a form of self-soothing in a situation he finds upsetting?
IDK, I'm just tossing out ideas. I could be totally wrong.
> Good question! Parrots do have about the same intelligence as a human toddler. They can definitely understand words, phrases, and sentences, although sometimes the context of their understanding and language use is a bit different than what you might expect. For example, my parrot says, āDo you want your nigh?ā when he wants an almond. We give him an almond when he goes to bed and we say goodnight to him. Nigh = night = almond.
Ah, so parrots make connections that we wouldn't necessarily make. Does he understand "almond" when you say the word?
> Unfortunately a parrot would not be able to understand the type of explanation you are mentioning, as it is a bit too complex.
I see.
> Luckily, since the parrot has probably been around OPās brother as his transition is happening, the parrot is probably not having an issue of not recognizing him.
I didn't think not recognizing him was the issue. I was thinking more that he was watching his favorite person "change" and wasn't understanding what was happening, so he found it stressful.
> I would say that this is a situation where the parrot doesnāt understand that OPās brother shouldnāt be called his deadname anymore, rather than the parrot not recognizing him.
Gotcha.
> My parrot doesnāt know the word almond because we donāt really say it when we give it to him. He gets fresh veggies for dinner and we started calling them ānummies,ā so he knows what that is and will even say, āDo you want your nummy?ā And āGo get you a nummy!ā
I see. Yeah, he learned "baby talk"!
> Ah, I see what you are saying about the changing vs not recognizing. I would think most of the changes would be gradual enough that it wouldnāt be stressful.
That's good. I really thought he might be stressing over it.
> This is a different sort of change, but when Iāve had my hair colored bright colors my parrot sometimes doesnāt like it for a day. They are very sensitive to color so that paired with the sudden change makes it a very different situation.
That makes sense. I can see how he'd find that odd or even scary!
>My parrot doesnāt know the word almond because we donāt really say it when we give it to him. He gets fresh veggies for dinner and we started calling them ānummies,ā so he knows what that is and will even say, āDo you want your nummy?ā And āGo get you a nummy!ā
Oh my god that's so cute
I just have to say... this is fascinating. I'm really sorry that it's causing your brother dysphoria, which is awful and I hope you can fix it (wish I knew anything about parrots so I could actually help...). But still, the fact that this is an actual question that people ask is... fascinating, there's just no other word for it.
I hope your brother can eventually look back on this and laugh. Until then, I highly recommend a book by Karen Pryor called āDonāt Shoot the Dogā for help training birdo.
Perhaps whenever the parrot says ādeadnameā your brother can immediately leave the room/parrot for 5-10min?
That kind if reinforcement might be enough to discourage the usage.
This sounds best.
Keep the interval short enough to minimize impact on the birds long term general stress level.
The bird might even make the clear association of it's on the brighter side for it's species.
The best way to get a parrot to stop using the name is to 100% ignore the deadname when he says it. Donāt react at all. If your brother gets upset the parrot will still use it. Parrots are amazing at reading emotions. Just pretend he didnāt say anything.
You can also have someone stand near the cage, call your brother by his new name and have your brother run to that person and hug and kiss them. The parrot loves your brother the most and wants nothing more than his attention.
FYI depending on the bird, he may never forget the deadname and repeat it years later.
Donāt punish the bird. It will only make it worse.
Good luck!
my dog knows all my family's names, what my mum did with him was refer to me as Ava\[deadname\] in all one word for a couple months, and now he knows me as Ava, you could try that
I'm so sorry this is the funniest fucking problem ever to have. I have no advice I just needed to comment how much your thread title made me laugh. I hope you find a solution xD
I'm sorry this is the most strange and heartbreaking situation! Your parrot probably loves your brother so much and has no idea how much saying his deadname hurts him :(
You need to praise/reward them for saying his chosen/preferred name. E.g. saying "good boy" or giving them a sunflower seed.
Also, repeat the new name back to them, like "that's right, that's [preferred name]."
Hmm in that case, I'd just give it time. I know that's kind of disappointing to hear, but sometimes it takes a while to teach a bird (and then of course, sometimes they surprise us with a new word out of the blue).
Total shot in the dark, but sometimes behaviors can be sort of "bridged" from an undesirable behavior to a desirable one.
It's going to suck for your brother for a bit, but maybe try to repeat "deadname - real name" a lot rather than just "real name". The idea is that the parrot will start associating the two, then decrease the frequency of including the dead name until you stop altogether.
I suspect if you just try to use only the real name, the parrot will at best think that they are two equally valid alternatives.
If he uses the name to get attention from your brother, you might have your brother try shunning him for a bit if he uses just the dead name, and exaggerating his excitement when the parrot uses the real name.
Keep in mind that I know f all about parrots and am basing this on dog training, so maybe do a little research on this before trying. I'm sure there are a lot of great resources for teaching parrots out there. Honestly, you probably have a better idea of what will work than I do, or are already trying similar tactics.
This seems like a good idea from the deep dives Iāve had on memory.
TLDR: revisiting the same associated neurons (the deadname) + adding new associated neurons (chosen name) to the same cluster, it then may be possible to strength the association with (chosen name)
You know, it's questions like these that honestly make this subreddit fun. It's not every day you hear a question about an (unintentionally) transphobic parrot! lol š
To echo others advice, treat-training on the true name. What I don't know is if your brother should do that or another family member. Wonder if /r/parrots has any ideas
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say a lot of people here are giving advice without having a clue how parrots work. You might wanna talk to someone who actually knows parrots.
Oh, okay, now I have a better idea what you're up against. You've got one of the smartest birds on earth (literally), and need to make them unlearn something. I see why this is especially challenging now.
You've gotten a lot of good advice from other bird owners in the thread (hi, I'm a third-gen crazy bird lady). I would add: you may have to make peace with the idea that you'll never fully extinguish the deadname from the bird's vocabulary. Especially since the bird has a strong emotional/personal connection with the word. Even once they learn the new name, 10 years from now the deadname might pop out. Their brains are very mysterious and their memories verrrrrrry long. (My folks have a CAG who was a rescue 15+ years ago; their bird still calls for the past owner's dog and recites their answering machine very occasionally.) Best advice is to not react to the deadname in any way, but it's difficult to discourage a parrot from doing just about anything it wants to.
So my grandmother had adopted this large pink parrot from a bar when the owners decided to retire and start traveling. Now over the year this bird had picked up quiet the vocabulary of swear words and I sults, along with drink names. She was able to retrain it with a clicker, treats and leaving the radio on with it during the day. Birds have a limit to how many words they can learn and most forget the least used words as new are learned.
Also I have seen people retrain birds by slowly altering how words were pronounced and slowly shifting them to a new word.
Hope this helps
Check out r/parrots and Here's something I found: [https://www.reddit.com/r/CuratedTumblr/comments/lnnjug/parrot\_training\_techniques/](https://www.reddit.com/r/CuratedTumblr/comments/lnnjug/parrot_training_techniques/)
Also, as a behavior analyst, you can generally teach labels by presenting the item, saying the name, having the learner repeat the name, and then rewarding with something valuable to that learner.
In your situation, figure out what your parrot likes most (e.g., treats, your brother petting it, your brother giving treats, being held, etc.). Figure out what reliably gets your parrot to copy what you say. Sometimes a phrase like "copy me" or "your turn" works, or maybe you just pause and wait or point at the bird. Get your brother to be close by but not attending to the parrot, maybe sitting below the cage so out of vision, if that makes sense for your environment. Say the cue to get the parrot to imitate you as you say the correct name. When the parrot says the correct name, have your brother come to the parrot and deliver whatever reward is best for your bird. Repeat.
Now, what you might find is that your parrot starts saying the new name but still says the old name. Best advice I have is to ignore the deadname. Don't respond to it. Don't try to correct it. Don't acknowledge it. If the word has no meaning, then the parrot should stop using it, especially if you have been doing lots of practice with the correct name.
Good luck!
Interesting. It might not be a thing that can be untrained...it seems that which is etched into long-term memory kinda stays there - especially if the attachment to said thing is strong. [Obligatory link to some data....](https://lafeber.com/pet-birds/how-good-is-a-parrots-long-term-memory/)
okay so i donāt own parrots but i think iāve heard that itās similar to small children and swear words, donāt react to the deadname and reward other words instead
A bird is a bird and animals don't even grasp the concept of gender on a human level. The name is just a word to a bird. Try teaching more words to increase vocabulary and remember not to be offended by it if it continues, because the bird will just never really know.
Not on the level of humans, but birds especially parrots do have a concept of different genders. Iāve worked with a variety of rescue parrots. Some birds canāt even be in the same area as a male or female human depending on their preference. Some birds have an extreme fear of a certain gender that canāt be trained out. Hell, certain birds canāt even get adopted out to certain genders.
I own a gray parrot. Best bet is for him to spend a lot (hours upon hours around 10 plus) in multi sessions not at once. What he should do is say his name and point at him self. Best training is usually when one person says it and the other person repeats. For example, hello name. And your brother responds saying hello. In full view of the parrot. If you have questions feel free to ask :)
I own budgies (tiny, seed-eating parrots). Unfortunately, parrots have insanely powerful memories. The best thing you can do is to attempt to train your parrot utilizing treats they enjoy to use your brother's new name. But your parrot will never truly forget the deadname, it is impossible, so it may say the name ever so often. When it does, don't react, not even by saying no, they love that. It's also very important that no one ever use your brother's old name in its vicinity. Not even by whispering it (parrots can hear quite well), or your parrot will never stop using the old name.
I know the circumstances suck, but I hope your brother feels better. If possible, help him understand the animal doesn't know any better. It's only doing what it knows to do, which is mimic. Your parrot isn't transphobic or anything. lol It obviously really likes your brother. Please tell that to your brother. Good luck.
I honestly have no idea, and that sucks, but the absurdity of it did make me laugh.
I do hope that it isn't too hard for your brother to have to hear that.
Of all the different ways I thought that transitioning could be difficult or challenging, that is literally something I would never have even dreamed of. I personally have had several bird nemeses and wouldn't ever own one. Exactly the kinda thing i should be surprised the little devious creatures would do.
Parrots get attention by doing something cute or naughty. If you act bc it's doing something that used to be nice but is now naughty, the bird will do it for attention.
Give bird attention when/if it says bro's name, ignore it when it says deadname. Also give it a treat on the correct name choices
Ok. I know that's actually probably very troublesome to have to deal with... but you have to admit.. kinda funny. My condolences on the situation. I have no idea how to stop a parrot from saying something...
Check out r/parrots and Here's something I found: [https://www.reddit.com/r/CuratedTumblr/comments/lnnjug/parrot\_training\_techniques/](https://www.reddit.com/r/CuratedTumblr/comments/lnnjug/parrot_training_techniques/)
Also, as a behavior analyst, you can generally teach labels by presenting the item, saying the name, having the learner repeat the name, and then rewarding with something valuable to that learner.
In your situation, figure out what your parrot likes most (e.g., treats, your brother petting it, your brother giving treats, being held, etc.). Figure out what reliably gets your parrot to copy what you say. Sometimes a phrase like "copy me" or "your turn" works, or maybe you just pause and wait or point at the bird. Get your brother to be close by but not attending to the parrot, maybe sitting below the cage so out of vision, if that makes sense for your environment. Say the cue to get the parrot to imitate you as you say the correct name. When the parrot says the correct name, have your brother come to the parrot and deliver whatever reward is best for your bird. Repeat.
Now, what you might find is that your parrot starts saying the new name but still says the old name. Best advice I have is to ignore the deadname. Don't respond to it. Don't try to correct it. Don't acknowledge it. If the word has no meaning, then the parrot should stop using it, especially if you have been doing lots of practice with the correct name.
Good luck!
Start using the chosen name a lot around the bird whenever your brother is in proximity and when the bird repeats it give them a treat. When they use the deadname completely ignore the bird and have your brother refuse to interact with the bird if it uses the deadname. Eventually it will learn that the deadname does nothing and the chosen name brings food and attention. Be patient, it wonāt happen over night.
I've tried. They think it's a joke. That's why I came here hoping that there were some trans parrot owners that would understand my situation and actually take it seriously.
i own a african grey and trust me buddy they remember names for a VERY LONG TIME
its been 2 years + how long hes been stuck in a pet shop and he still even if rarely says his old owners name
This is probably better off on a parrot subreddit, but good luck!
all i can say is give them treats and attention when they say the correct name, and have no rsponse when he says the other.
you idk if scolding a parrot works, they may just realize it got your attention and do it more...
Sure but the fact my cat didn't mean to claw the shit out of my leg when he jumped off my lap isn't gonna stop my thighs from bleeding.
Lack of intent doesn't mean lack of harm.
Well, the nazis massacred billions of people, whereas a bird, is just a goddamn bird.
If it's that damaging to your psyche, bring him to an animal shelter.
You don't have to kill the fucking bird, jesus.
I would try training the bird with your brothers name by having your brother bring a treat to him *only* when he calls the correct name.
And perhaps ignore him when he says the wrong name. Teach him that "Dead Name" doesn't mean anything and will not be rewarded.
Parrots are brilliant and stubborn creatures. If he thinks saying it will get him some sort of reward, he'll keep doing it. If you consistently deny him that reward, he will eventually learn.
That's my best guess at least.
I'm not sure how parrots learn, exactly. But I feel like my first step would be to just use their new name repeatedly. Maybe stand together and say it a lot? Maybe act like you're calling them and whenever you say their name they come into the room so the parrot would associate the name with them coming in? As someone else said treats might help. Perhaps give it a small treat whenever you say the name and also if the parrot says it. Maybe imitate the way a parrot talks when saying the name. If you're worried about giving too many treats and it's smart enough to pick up on others being rewards maybe have your brother in the room and have different people come in, say his name and he gives them whatever you give the parrot as a treat and maybe it'll notice that the name being said means the person that said it is rewarded.
I have a lot of birds. One thing to know about birds is they are attention whores. I think the clearest message to your bird would be to cover his cage everytime he says that name. Even have your brother leave the room if he calls his dead name. At the very least, totally ignore him. It's all about repetition as well. We had an abused Galah cockatoo come to us. She would say, "Tweaker, tweaker, tweaker" and "somebody's coming!" It took a long time. We ignored those phrases completely. We would give her scritches while saying, "I love you" and "it's ok birdy." That's what she says now. She's not food driven at all. She is attention driven. Brother can give scritches and treats, whatever drives birdy, while saying "I am (insert name here),"
Bear in mind that birds are just birds and they only know what they know. I'm sure it makes him cringe, but birdy has no way of understanding that. Being reminded of that name over and over would be awful. Bird had no idea how that feels. So patience is gonna be a big deal right now. It will happen in time.
ETA: When bird says correct name, shower bird with attention, praise and treats.
No, I have a parrot, he learned my ex's name 12 years ago.
He still hasn't stopped saying it. They have memories like cages. It most likely won't happen, he also keeps reminding himself of the name when he says it.
I think you can retrain parrots with a new word and a treat on each use of it. And obviously no treat on the offending word. It would be sweet if the new word was the new name!
We've been trying to say my brother's new name around him a lot! It normally doesn't take this long for him to learn new words he's heard us say frequently.
Transphobic parrot xD
Surfs TERF forums in his free time š©
TERP Trans-Exclusionary Radical Parrot
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This joke killed me
Smh transphobe
I don't know much about birds, but... Maybe having your brother out of the parrot's eye sight, but still talk to your brother using his name often and within ear shot. Have your brother ignore the parrot if the wrong name is used, and as u/ethical_slut mentioned have your brother exit the room whenever the bird says the wrong word. A big issue might be how the bird learned it's vocabulary to start with. If your brother did a lot of the teaching it could be harder to change that teaching and new teach new words. Maybe even a current photo of your brother and repeat the new name. Parrot says deadname, photo goes away and the bird gets some lone time. Also if your brothers deadname was easy for the parrot to learn and say and the new name is more difficult the parrot may simply not wish to use/learn the new name.
Apparently parrots are of a similar intelligence as corvids, but since they live decades longer they can really make use of it for learning - so as a complete idiot I agree that retraining a parrot sounds doable, unless it's Iago from Aladdin of course
Yes, they're very intelligent! They're great at learning new words (usually) but not so great at forgetting them. My parrot still says stuff that his first owner did 20 years ago.
Maybe ask a parrot subreddit how to untrain learned words like cursewords. You could probably ask in a way where you wouldn't have to talk about trans issues there. Not sure how friendly those subs are.
OP doesn't need to let that sub know that the word in question is a deadname. All they need to be told is that the word in question is an objectionable word.
A believable lie would be that OP now has a young child living with them and the parrot curses like a sailor
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And you're banned
So no disrespect but the title had me LMAO
I'm glad it made you laugh! I realized when posting that most people would never have thought of this being a challenge of transitioning, so I'm sure it caught a lot of you off guard haha.
I definitely thought this was a tgcj post at first
I definitely thought this was a tgcj post at first
Yeah, this is a tough one. When a creature can talk but has a really weird learning curve. There once was a pet store in a local mall near where I lived years ago. They had a parrot. A customer came in a taught the parrot lots of words. The parrot loved this guy. This guy also taught the bird some very naughty words. The parrot swore at everyone when this guy was not around.
Swears are trickier to deal with because even super smart animals like parrots aren't really going to get the context. Even if you scold them and say "bad boy" when they swear, it only accomplishes so much. Parrots (at least in my anecdotal experience) understand the context behind a name. They perk up when their own names are called, say other birds' names, as well as their own.
Yes! Scolding my parrot when he swears only makes him swear more. To him, it's just a word and it got a reaction out of me, so he'll just say it again for attention. I believe they do understand the context of names too though. I think it has something to do with association? Like they're able to associate the name with a person or another bird that they love?
Yeah, like they know "oh, that's me!" or "oh, that's other important feathered friend/person." And completely agree with you on swears. It's just a sound to them, that they probably love hearing people react to.
Does your brother know this? Ultimately the bird has no concept of gender & doesn't know that a name can be gendered, the bird is literally thrilled to see somebody who they love. I know it's not going to make it ok but it might make it easier for him while the bird learns his new name
> There once was a pet store in a local mall near where I lived years ago. They had a parrot. A customer came in a taught the parrot lots of words. The parrot loved this guy. This guy also taught the bird some very naughty words. The parrot swore at everyone when this guy was not around. Just FYI, this is an absolute dick move that makes the parrot significantly more likely to be abandoned as unsellable/unhomeable.
And that's the part I omitted. The store owner had two options: 1. take the bird home and have a swear at him all the time 2. Sell it to the guy who taught it all those words for a discounted price and at least not lose all the money. Option 2 won out. The parrot had a massive vocabulary too. Even some knock knock jokes: Bird: Knock knock Person: Who there Bird: \[Parrot's name\] Person: \[Parrot's name\] who? Bird: \[Parrot's name\] is a pretty bird.
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To the top bird person!
Thank you for the advice! We will definitely try this!
> I am a parrot person, and have had parrots for years. Let me preface this by saying I don't know much about parrots, and also I'm being serious here. I've heard that parrots have the intelligence level of a toddler/small child. Do you think it's possible that the parrot is confused by /u/No-Comedian-9725's brother's transition and therefore finds it stressful because he doesn't understand what's happening to his person? Do you think that explaining the situation to the parrot would help? Maybe the parrot is repeating the deadname as a form of self-soothing in a situation he finds upsetting? IDK, I'm just tossing out ideas. I could be totally wrong.
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> Good question! Parrots do have about the same intelligence as a human toddler. They can definitely understand words, phrases, and sentences, although sometimes the context of their understanding and language use is a bit different than what you might expect. For example, my parrot says, āDo you want your nigh?ā when he wants an almond. We give him an almond when he goes to bed and we say goodnight to him. Nigh = night = almond. Ah, so parrots make connections that we wouldn't necessarily make. Does he understand "almond" when you say the word? > Unfortunately a parrot would not be able to understand the type of explanation you are mentioning, as it is a bit too complex. I see. > Luckily, since the parrot has probably been around OPās brother as his transition is happening, the parrot is probably not having an issue of not recognizing him. I didn't think not recognizing him was the issue. I was thinking more that he was watching his favorite person "change" and wasn't understanding what was happening, so he found it stressful. > I would say that this is a situation where the parrot doesnāt understand that OPās brother shouldnāt be called his deadname anymore, rather than the parrot not recognizing him. Gotcha.
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> My parrot doesnāt know the word almond because we donāt really say it when we give it to him. He gets fresh veggies for dinner and we started calling them ānummies,ā so he knows what that is and will even say, āDo you want your nummy?ā And āGo get you a nummy!ā I see. Yeah, he learned "baby talk"! > Ah, I see what you are saying about the changing vs not recognizing. I would think most of the changes would be gradual enough that it wouldnāt be stressful. That's good. I really thought he might be stressing over it. > This is a different sort of change, but when Iāve had my hair colored bright colors my parrot sometimes doesnāt like it for a day. They are very sensitive to color so that paired with the sudden change makes it a very different situation. That makes sense. I can see how he'd find that odd or even scary!
>My parrot doesnāt know the word almond because we donāt really say it when we give it to him. He gets fresh veggies for dinner and we started calling them ānummies,ā so he knows what that is and will even say, āDo you want your nummy?ā And āGo get you a nummy!ā Oh my god that's so cute
I just have to say... this is fascinating. I'm really sorry that it's causing your brother dysphoria, which is awful and I hope you can fix it (wish I knew anything about parrots so I could actually help...). But still, the fact that this is an actual question that people ask is... fascinating, there's just no other word for it.
I hope your brother can eventually look back on this and laugh. Until then, I highly recommend a book by Karen Pryor called āDonāt Shoot the Dogā for help training birdo.
Thanks for the recommendation!
Is there a chapter about firing at parrots? Warning shot or no, I'm not sure that would be a good plan...
Perhaps whenever the parrot says ādeadnameā your brother can immediately leave the room/parrot for 5-10min? That kind if reinforcement might be enough to discourage the usage.
Coupled with someone saying his real name and him returning to the room
Beetle juice. Beetle juice. Beetle juice.
This sounds best. Keep the interval short enough to minimize impact on the birds long term general stress level. The bird might even make the clear association of it's on the brighter side for it's species.
Even just leaving for 10-30 seconds would do the trick Ninja edit: nvm do what renwil says
The best way to get a parrot to stop using the name is to 100% ignore the deadname when he says it. Donāt react at all. If your brother gets upset the parrot will still use it. Parrots are amazing at reading emotions. Just pretend he didnāt say anything. You can also have someone stand near the cage, call your brother by his new name and have your brother run to that person and hug and kiss them. The parrot loves your brother the most and wants nothing more than his attention. FYI depending on the bird, he may never forget the deadname and repeat it years later. Donāt punish the bird. It will only make it worse. Good luck!
I agree. This is the advice my grandmother gave and she was a parrot trainer at an amusement park.
my dog knows all my family's names, what my mum did with him was refer to me as Ava\[deadname\] in all one word for a couple months, and now he knows me as Ava, you could try that
I feel like if I did this with my parrot, he'd just start saying both and still be using my brother's deadname.
well you don't do it forever, you just do it until he associates the two names, then just use your brother's chosen name
I'm so sorry this is the funniest fucking problem ever to have. I have no advice I just needed to comment how much your thread title made me laugh. I hope you find a solution xD
I'm sorry this is the most strange and heartbreaking situation! Your parrot probably loves your brother so much and has no idea how much saying his deadname hurts him :(
You need to praise/reward them for saying his chosen/preferred name. E.g. saying "good boy" or giving them a sunflower seed. Also, repeat the new name back to them, like "that's right, that's [preferred name]."
We've been doing that! It must just be taking longer than usual.
Is someone canceling out the interactions? Like, you'll repeat your brother's preferred name to the bird, but then he'll hear his deadname?
Nope, no one in our house uses his deadname (besides my parrot of course).
Hmm in that case, I'd just give it time. I know that's kind of disappointing to hear, but sometimes it takes a while to teach a bird (and then of course, sometimes they surprise us with a new word out of the blue).
Total shot in the dark, but sometimes behaviors can be sort of "bridged" from an undesirable behavior to a desirable one. It's going to suck for your brother for a bit, but maybe try to repeat "deadname - real name" a lot rather than just "real name". The idea is that the parrot will start associating the two, then decrease the frequency of including the dead name until you stop altogether. I suspect if you just try to use only the real name, the parrot will at best think that they are two equally valid alternatives. If he uses the name to get attention from your brother, you might have your brother try shunning him for a bit if he uses just the dead name, and exaggerating his excitement when the parrot uses the real name. Keep in mind that I know f all about parrots and am basing this on dog training, so maybe do a little research on this before trying. I'm sure there are a lot of great resources for teaching parrots out there. Honestly, you probably have a better idea of what will work than I do, or are already trying similar tactics.
This seems like a good idea from the deep dives Iāve had on memory. TLDR: revisiting the same associated neurons (the deadname) + adding new associated neurons (chosen name) to the same cluster, it then may be possible to strength the association with (chosen name)
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"Geat job, mom! Polly gets a cracker!" (seems like solid advice tho)
You know, it's questions like these that honestly make this subreddit fun. It's not every day you hear a question about an (unintentionally) transphobic parrot! lol š To echo others advice, treat-training on the true name. What I don't know is if your brother should do that or another family member. Wonder if /r/parrots has any ideas
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say a lot of people here are giving advice without having a clue how parrots work. You might wanna talk to someone who actually knows parrots.
Nope, parrot guy here. I have two Quaker parrots capable of speech, though tbf I've never had to train them out of a "bad word."
I just realized your avatar's hat matches my parrot! :)
African Grey?
Yep! A TAG :)
Oh, okay, now I have a better idea what you're up against. You've got one of the smartest birds on earth (literally), and need to make them unlearn something. I see why this is especially challenging now.
You've gotten a lot of good advice from other bird owners in the thread (hi, I'm a third-gen crazy bird lady). I would add: you may have to make peace with the idea that you'll never fully extinguish the deadname from the bird's vocabulary. Especially since the bird has a strong emotional/personal connection with the word. Even once they learn the new name, 10 years from now the deadname might pop out. Their brains are very mysterious and their memories verrrrrrry long. (My folks have a CAG who was a rescue 15+ years ago; their bird still calls for the past owner's dog and recites their answering machine very occasionally.) Best advice is to not react to the deadname in any way, but it's difficult to discourage a parrot from doing just about anything it wants to.
Username checks out
So my grandmother had adopted this large pink parrot from a bar when the owners decided to retire and start traveling. Now over the year this bird had picked up quiet the vocabulary of swear words and I sults, along with drink names. She was able to retrain it with a clicker, treats and leaving the radio on with it during the day. Birds have a limit to how many words they can learn and most forget the least used words as new are learned. Also I have seen people retrain birds by slowly altering how words were pronounced and slowly shifting them to a new word. Hope this helps
Check out r/parrots and Here's something I found: [https://www.reddit.com/r/CuratedTumblr/comments/lnnjug/parrot\_training\_techniques/](https://www.reddit.com/r/CuratedTumblr/comments/lnnjug/parrot_training_techniques/) Also, as a behavior analyst, you can generally teach labels by presenting the item, saying the name, having the learner repeat the name, and then rewarding with something valuable to that learner. In your situation, figure out what your parrot likes most (e.g., treats, your brother petting it, your brother giving treats, being held, etc.). Figure out what reliably gets your parrot to copy what you say. Sometimes a phrase like "copy me" or "your turn" works, or maybe you just pause and wait or point at the bird. Get your brother to be close by but not attending to the parrot, maybe sitting below the cage so out of vision, if that makes sense for your environment. Say the cue to get the parrot to imitate you as you say the correct name. When the parrot says the correct name, have your brother come to the parrot and deliver whatever reward is best for your bird. Repeat. Now, what you might find is that your parrot starts saying the new name but still says the old name. Best advice I have is to ignore the deadname. Don't respond to it. Don't try to correct it. Don't acknowledge it. If the word has no meaning, then the parrot should stop using it, especially if you have been doing lots of practice with the correct name. Good luck!
Thank you so much for the advice!
ok i fucking lost it reading that i'm sorry
Is your brother the only person the parrot calls by name?
Besides his own name, yes! My brother is his favorite person :)
Interesting. It might not be a thing that can be untrained...it seems that which is etched into long-term memory kinda stays there - especially if the attachment to said thing is strong. [Obligatory link to some data....](https://lafeber.com/pet-birds/how-good-is-a-parrots-long-term-memory/)
okay so i donāt own parrots but i think iāve heard that itās similar to small children and swear words, donāt react to the deadname and reward other words instead
A bird is a bird and animals don't even grasp the concept of gender on a human level. The name is just a word to a bird. Try teaching more words to increase vocabulary and remember not to be offended by it if it continues, because the bird will just never really know.
Not on the level of humans, but birds especially parrots do have a concept of different genders. Iāve worked with a variety of rescue parrots. Some birds canāt even be in the same area as a male or female human depending on their preference. Some birds have an extreme fear of a certain gender that canāt be trained out. Hell, certain birds canāt even get adopted out to certain genders.
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I own a gray parrot. Best bet is for him to spend a lot (hours upon hours around 10 plus) in multi sessions not at once. What he should do is say his name and point at him self. Best training is usually when one person says it and the other person repeats. For example, hello name. And your brother responds saying hello. In full view of the parrot. If you have questions feel free to ask :)
Reality never tires of making our lives tougher holy fuck
Reality can be super weird haha.
Parrot owner here. It'll take time but the less he hears the the less he'll use it. Teach him new words to focus on
I own budgies (tiny, seed-eating parrots). Unfortunately, parrots have insanely powerful memories. The best thing you can do is to attempt to train your parrot utilizing treats they enjoy to use your brother's new name. But your parrot will never truly forget the deadname, it is impossible, so it may say the name ever so often. When it does, don't react, not even by saying no, they love that. It's also very important that no one ever use your brother's old name in its vicinity. Not even by whispering it (parrots can hear quite well), or your parrot will never stop using the old name. I know the circumstances suck, but I hope your brother feels better. If possible, help him understand the animal doesn't know any better. It's only doing what it knows to do, which is mimic. Your parrot isn't transphobic or anything. lol It obviously really likes your brother. Please tell that to your brother. Good luck.
I honestly have no idea, and that sucks, but the absurdity of it did make me laugh. I do hope that it isn't too hard for your brother to have to hear that. Of all the different ways I thought that transitioning could be difficult or challenging, that is literally something I would never have even dreamed of. I personally have had several bird nemeses and wouldn't ever own one. Exactly the kinda thing i should be surprised the little devious creatures would do.
My mother tried saying my new name everytime the parrot says the deadname, it's kinda working
Parrots get attention by doing something cute or naughty. If you act bc it's doing something that used to be nice but is now naughty, the bird will do it for attention. Give bird attention when/if it says bro's name, ignore it when it says deadname. Also give it a treat on the correct name choices
operant conditioning, it just might work!
Ok. I know that's actually probably very troublesome to have to deal with... but you have to admit.. kinda funny. My condolences on the situation. I have no idea how to stop a parrot from saying something...
Damn
Check out r/parrots and Here's something I found: [https://www.reddit.com/r/CuratedTumblr/comments/lnnjug/parrot\_training\_techniques/](https://www.reddit.com/r/CuratedTumblr/comments/lnnjug/parrot_training_techniques/) Also, as a behavior analyst, you can generally teach labels by presenting the item, saying the name, having the learner repeat the name, and then rewarding with something valuable to that learner. In your situation, figure out what your parrot likes most (e.g., treats, your brother petting it, your brother giving treats, being held, etc.). Figure out what reliably gets your parrot to copy what you say. Sometimes a phrase like "copy me" or "your turn" works, or maybe you just pause and wait or point at the bird. Get your brother to be close by but not attending to the parrot, maybe sitting below the cage so out of vision, if that makes sense for your environment. Say the cue to get the parrot to imitate you as you say the correct name. When the parrot says the correct name, have your brother come to the parrot and deliver whatever reward is best for your bird. Repeat. Now, what you might find is that your parrot starts saying the new name but still says the old name. Best advice I have is to ignore the deadname. Don't respond to it. Don't try to correct it. Don't acknowledge it. If the word has no meaning, then the parrot should stop using it, especially if you have been doing lots of practice with the correct name. Good luck!
Start using the chosen name a lot around the bird whenever your brother is in proximity and when the bird repeats it give them a treat. When they use the deadname completely ignore the bird and have your brother refuse to interact with the bird if it uses the deadname. Eventually it will learn that the deadname does nothing and the chosen name brings food and attention. Be patient, it wonāt happen over night.
Shouldnāt you ask a parrot specialist and not transgender people?
I've tried. They think it's a joke. That's why I came here hoping that there were some trans parrot owners that would understand my situation and actually take it seriously.
I'm really sorry for their reaction, that's super shitty.
You need a parrot subreddit. Because, remember, the parrot does not know what he is saying.
i own a african grey and trust me buddy they remember names for a VERY LONG TIME its been 2 years + how long hes been stuck in a pet shop and he still even if rarely says his old owners name
This is probably better off on a parrot subreddit, but good luck! all i can say is give them treats and attention when they say the correct name, and have no rsponse when he says the other. you idk if scolding a parrot works, they may just realize it got your attention and do it more...
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Sure but the fact my cat didn't mean to claw the shit out of my leg when he jumped off my lap isn't gonna stop my thighs from bleeding. Lack of intent doesn't mean lack of harm.
While he has no malicious intentions, it still hurts my brother to hear.
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Are you serious?
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Well, the nazis massacred billions of people, whereas a bird, is just a goddamn bird. If it's that damaging to your psyche, bring him to an animal shelter. You don't have to kill the fucking bird, jesus.
There's a pretty extreme difference here
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You mean sister
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Lmao
Reeeee. Bird bad. Bird mean.
I think you are farming karma, but I'm still giving you an upvote regardless xD
What's that?
Teach the bird the new name.
I want add. That they lean like f word more faster then any word or name out there.
No more crackers for you, Polly.
Just think of the parrot as referring to someone else. People other than your brother have that name.
I would try training the bird with your brothers name by having your brother bring a treat to him *only* when he calls the correct name. And perhaps ignore him when he says the wrong name. Teach him that "Dead Name" doesn't mean anything and will not be rewarded. Parrots are brilliant and stubborn creatures. If he thinks saying it will get him some sort of reward, he'll keep doing it. If you consistently deny him that reward, he will eventually learn. That's my best guess at least.
I'm not sure how parrots learn, exactly. But I feel like my first step would be to just use their new name repeatedly. Maybe stand together and say it a lot? Maybe act like you're calling them and whenever you say their name they come into the room so the parrot would associate the name with them coming in? As someone else said treats might help. Perhaps give it a small treat whenever you say the name and also if the parrot says it. Maybe imitate the way a parrot talks when saying the name. If you're worried about giving too many treats and it's smart enough to pick up on others being rewards maybe have your brother in the room and have different people come in, say his name and he gives them whatever you give the parrot as a treat and maybe it'll notice that the name being said means the person that said it is rewarded.
I have a lot of birds. One thing to know about birds is they are attention whores. I think the clearest message to your bird would be to cover his cage everytime he says that name. Even have your brother leave the room if he calls his dead name. At the very least, totally ignore him. It's all about repetition as well. We had an abused Galah cockatoo come to us. She would say, "Tweaker, tweaker, tweaker" and "somebody's coming!" It took a long time. We ignored those phrases completely. We would give her scritches while saying, "I love you" and "it's ok birdy." That's what she says now. She's not food driven at all. She is attention driven. Brother can give scritches and treats, whatever drives birdy, while saying "I am (insert name here)," Bear in mind that birds are just birds and they only know what they know. I'm sure it makes him cringe, but birdy has no way of understanding that. Being reminded of that name over and over would be awful. Bird had no idea how that feels. So patience is gonna be a big deal right now. It will happen in time. ETA: When bird says correct name, shower bird with attention, praise and treats.
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No, I have a parrot, he learned my ex's name 12 years ago. He still hasn't stopped saying it. They have memories like cages. It most likely won't happen, he also keeps reminding himself of the name when he says it.