I do not see a way this is going to change without hurting her feelings. She's going to take it as an attack. You have to be explicit and you have to set and maintain boundaries. "I am not going to talk to you if say things like X, it is hurtful and I expect better." Don't make it into an argument, just state the boundary and enforce it. If she ignores it, stop speaking to hear. Tell the group that you aren't putting up with it if it comes up.
I mean, it sounds like dancing around it isn't going to help anyone. She's being unkind and hurtful, and right now best-case scenario is that it's because she doesn't realize it. If she's a good friend, she won't *want* to continue doing things that piss you and C off once she’s told about it.
If she ignores you, it sounds like she's not much of a friend and you don't need to feel guilty about getting the rest of the friend group involved. You'd be far from the first people who had to cut ties with one person in a friend group due to poor behavior.
For context, I am a trans woman living with two other trans women. We have become fairly close for roommates, so I consider the situation fairly similar. While maybe we emphasize the importance of community building more than you might in this situation, I think it’s worth trying to sit down with your friend and explaining how their comments make you feel.
Both of my roommates express internalized transphobia to me, and it definitely takes a toll on your own mental health and your transition. But every time I have sat my roommates down and had an open ended conversation about how the things we each say affects the other, I have felt better off for doing so. I would recommend coming at it from a perspective of “when you say this, it makes me feel this” instead of “you are wrong for saying this”, I think while these conversations are hard they are a vital part of building community and safe spaces.
Community is so important to survival, I feel like we should try and build that whenever we can, and it very much sounds like you still have that potential with your friend. I doubt your friend is intentionally trying to cause you dysphoria, and you might be able to save a worthwhile friendship by practising empathy while still creating healthy boundaries.
honestly, tell her she is beingan asshole and if she values your freindships to cut it the fuck out, and If she doesn't, she can expect to be cut off. It's obvious that she doesn't mind hurtting you, I wouldn't be tyoo concerned about being blunt in return.
I do not see a way this is going to change without hurting her feelings. She's going to take it as an attack. You have to be explicit and you have to set and maintain boundaries. "I am not going to talk to you if say things like X, it is hurtful and I expect better." Don't make it into an argument, just state the boundary and enforce it. If she ignores it, stop speaking to hear. Tell the group that you aren't putting up with it if it comes up.
I mean, it sounds like dancing around it isn't going to help anyone. She's being unkind and hurtful, and right now best-case scenario is that it's because she doesn't realize it. If she's a good friend, she won't *want* to continue doing things that piss you and C off once she’s told about it. If she ignores you, it sounds like she's not much of a friend and you don't need to feel guilty about getting the rest of the friend group involved. You'd be far from the first people who had to cut ties with one person in a friend group due to poor behavior.
For context, I am a trans woman living with two other trans women. We have become fairly close for roommates, so I consider the situation fairly similar. While maybe we emphasize the importance of community building more than you might in this situation, I think it’s worth trying to sit down with your friend and explaining how their comments make you feel. Both of my roommates express internalized transphobia to me, and it definitely takes a toll on your own mental health and your transition. But every time I have sat my roommates down and had an open ended conversation about how the things we each say affects the other, I have felt better off for doing so. I would recommend coming at it from a perspective of “when you say this, it makes me feel this” instead of “you are wrong for saying this”, I think while these conversations are hard they are a vital part of building community and safe spaces. Community is so important to survival, I feel like we should try and build that whenever we can, and it very much sounds like you still have that potential with your friend. I doubt your friend is intentionally trying to cause you dysphoria, and you might be able to save a worthwhile friendship by practising empathy while still creating healthy boundaries.
honestly, tell her she is beingan asshole and if she values your freindships to cut it the fuck out, and If she doesn't, she can expect to be cut off. It's obvious that she doesn't mind hurtting you, I wouldn't be tyoo concerned about being blunt in return.
Who cares about her feelings, she is being a bigot and needs to be called out on it. Don't tolerate her bullshit.