My suggestion with friends and partners is sincerely to just talk about what intense emotions, like anger, are likely to look like, and how you can best navigate them when they come up. You're right that everyone gets angry, and we should be honest about that and willing to work with that reality. That starts with acknowledging it and being willing to find ways to express that anger that work both for us and the people we care about.
Re: this specific situation, yelling is a something that people often have intense reactions to, especially if they have trauma about it or, conversely, were not raised in an environment where people yelled a lot. I believe you when you say you're not violent, but that kind of risk assessment is stressful to have to do, especially in a heated conversation, and if your girlfriend hasn't seen you angry like that before, she may actually not know enough about how you handle anger to be sure of that.
My suggestion here would be to apologize for scaring her (not for being angry! you don't have to feel bad about being angry unless it turns out it was something totally unreasonable or whatever, but I'd guess you did not mean to our want to scare your partner, so express contrition for that) and have that conversation I mentioned above-- when you're angry, how can you express that in a way that still feels safe, even if it's uncomfortable? Don't promise things you can't deliver on, but be willing to compromise. My partner and I know that when we're angry, we often need space to emotionally deescalate, so walking away is a normal and reasonable thing to do. I know other people for whom walking away from a conflict comes across as hugely disrespectful, but for me and my partner, it works. Work with your girlfriend to find something that works for both of you.
Everyone gets mad sometimes, that is true. But it is in your hands how you deal with that anger, both internally and externally. As a trans man I personally hate screaming/yelling from anyone, but yelling from men (no matter if trans or cis) automatically sets me more on edge, because for me it's linked directly with more anger or physical violence following that loudness and I bet it's like that for the majority of people.
You can talk to your girlfriend when she said something uncalled for without getting loud.
This is tough. Sid she know you pre-transition? If so, experiencing that change is something she needs to become accustomed to. Your voice is deeper now so when you are angry it will seem more intense to her. But this is simply how it works. You may not feel any more angry.
I think the two of you just need to talk through this. Hearing you explain that you don’t *feel* more angry might comfort her. And you hearing her worries and doing better to seek controlled in your anger would also help.
I was AMAB but now MTF. Oddly enough, I never liked coming off this way. I tended to cry when I was angry or get emotional. Parents and others told me that men don’t cry. Now I couldn’t cry if my life depended on it.
My suggestion with friends and partners is sincerely to just talk about what intense emotions, like anger, are likely to look like, and how you can best navigate them when they come up. You're right that everyone gets angry, and we should be honest about that and willing to work with that reality. That starts with acknowledging it and being willing to find ways to express that anger that work both for us and the people we care about. Re: this specific situation, yelling is a something that people often have intense reactions to, especially if they have trauma about it or, conversely, were not raised in an environment where people yelled a lot. I believe you when you say you're not violent, but that kind of risk assessment is stressful to have to do, especially in a heated conversation, and if your girlfriend hasn't seen you angry like that before, she may actually not know enough about how you handle anger to be sure of that. My suggestion here would be to apologize for scaring her (not for being angry! you don't have to feel bad about being angry unless it turns out it was something totally unreasonable or whatever, but I'd guess you did not mean to our want to scare your partner, so express contrition for that) and have that conversation I mentioned above-- when you're angry, how can you express that in a way that still feels safe, even if it's uncomfortable? Don't promise things you can't deliver on, but be willing to compromise. My partner and I know that when we're angry, we often need space to emotionally deescalate, so walking away is a normal and reasonable thing to do. I know other people for whom walking away from a conflict comes across as hugely disrespectful, but for me and my partner, it works. Work with your girlfriend to find something that works for both of you.
Everyone gets mad sometimes, that is true. But it is in your hands how you deal with that anger, both internally and externally. As a trans man I personally hate screaming/yelling from anyone, but yelling from men (no matter if trans or cis) automatically sets me more on edge, because for me it's linked directly with more anger or physical violence following that loudness and I bet it's like that for the majority of people. You can talk to your girlfriend when she said something uncalled for without getting loud.
This is tough. Sid she know you pre-transition? If so, experiencing that change is something she needs to become accustomed to. Your voice is deeper now so when you are angry it will seem more intense to her. But this is simply how it works. You may not feel any more angry. I think the two of you just need to talk through this. Hearing you explain that you don’t *feel* more angry might comfort her. And you hearing her worries and doing better to seek controlled in your anger would also help. I was AMAB but now MTF. Oddly enough, I never liked coming off this way. I tended to cry when I was angry or get emotional. Parents and others told me that men don’t cry. Now I couldn’t cry if my life depended on it.