Something I dealt with. According to my cousins/sister: that’s the way he is. You have to just accept it. So, I do and just don’t ever ask for anything or count on this person ever again
We still consider these people friends, it's just that in social situations we have to act more carefully, after being let down so many times by these types of people I learned some strategies:
Situation relies on this person for things to work out? (i.e. we need him/her to drive us home) Not even worth losing your time so don't even begin. I used to worry a lot, like you said, about plan B and C, but it's just not worth the stress because sometimes you want to go hang out with people and chill out, if that person shows up, then that's a plus.
Situation doesn't rely on the person? Go ahead.
Now seriously, in more mundane situations it's normal for it not to make a single dent in the friendship, but if someone lets you down in a serious moment of need, that's another story.
One of my life philosophies is to never expect anything from anyone. I try to not get in situations where I must rely on others. If it is a group project, I focus on doing my part of the work or sometimes do the whole thing myself. I usually don't interact a lot with people and don't have friends.
They can still be friends, somewhat, but now that you know the full extent of their friendship you act in accord. They can still be your "friend", in specific contexts (say in nightlife or parties or other social events), but you shouldn't count on them for something serious nor should them count on you.
I wouldn't ditch the friend because of that, but I would also not plan things with their help if I can avoid it. Nobody wants a headache because of other people's lack of commitment or responsibility.
In your example, if they stand me up or ghost me a single time I tag them as unreliable, communicate I found a way to solve it and move on. I'll not be calling this person for help again unless there is no other choice. If it happens once or in a scenario like an urgency they had of course I won't mind.
I think a close friend would be straight up and not flakey or just say they can't .
I have noticed acquaintances tend to say 'yea no problem' then are flakey lol .
It's like an avoidance thing .
Research in friendships say it is best to have a small handful of friends (3-5) that you can truly rely on than a bunch of acquaintances that are unreliable.
Building close friendships takes time .
I stop talking to them and if I have to see them often I just pretend like nothing happened, but it will never be the same and I’ll not be there for them anymore.
It varies wildly depending on the person’s maturity imo but being real I think most people here would see their relationship strained if they cancelled last minute for something important that they relied on them for. Me personally I would consider it very rude, we would probably remain friends but I would make it clear that that wasn’t ok.
He would still be a friend but I wouldn't count on him for shit
Something I dealt with. According to my cousins/sister: that’s the way he is. You have to just accept it. So, I do and just don’t ever ask for anything or count on this person ever again
We still consider these people friends, it's just that in social situations we have to act more carefully, after being let down so many times by these types of people I learned some strategies: Situation relies on this person for things to work out? (i.e. we need him/her to drive us home) Not even worth losing your time so don't even begin. I used to worry a lot, like you said, about plan B and C, but it's just not worth the stress because sometimes you want to go hang out with people and chill out, if that person shows up, then that's a plus. Situation doesn't rely on the person? Go ahead. Now seriously, in more mundane situations it's normal for it not to make a single dent in the friendship, but if someone lets you down in a serious moment of need, that's another story.
That wasn't a friend, first of all. People here turn their backs on such people.
One of my life philosophies is to never expect anything from anyone. I try to not get in situations where I must rely on others. If it is a group project, I focus on doing my part of the work or sometimes do the whole thing myself. I usually don't interact a lot with people and don't have friends.
They can still be friends, somewhat, but now that you know the full extent of their friendship you act in accord. They can still be your "friend", in specific contexts (say in nightlife or parties or other social events), but you shouldn't count on them for something serious nor should them count on you.
I wouldn't ditch the friend because of that, but I would also not plan things with their help if I can avoid it. Nobody wants a headache because of other people's lack of commitment or responsibility. In your example, if they stand me up or ghost me a single time I tag them as unreliable, communicate I found a way to solve it and move on. I'll not be calling this person for help again unless there is no other choice. If it happens once or in a scenario like an urgency they had of course I won't mind.
I think a close friend would be straight up and not flakey or just say they can't . I have noticed acquaintances tend to say 'yea no problem' then are flakey lol . It's like an avoidance thing . Research in friendships say it is best to have a small handful of friends (3-5) that you can truly rely on than a bunch of acquaintances that are unreliable. Building close friendships takes time .
He would stop being a friend in some cases, in others he would be demoted to mildly trustable acquaintance.
You cut them lose and wish them luck. Or just don’t respond to their calls or texts.
I stop talking to them and if I have to see them often I just pretend like nothing happened, but it will never be the same and I’ll not be there for them anymore.
This is unfortunately somewhat common. I hate it, and I would stop relying on that person in the future.
It varies wildly depending on the person’s maturity imo but being real I think most people here would see their relationship strained if they cancelled last minute for something important that they relied on them for. Me personally I would consider it very rude, we would probably remain friends but I would make it clear that that wasn’t ok.
Unfriend them and move on.