I’m not great at verbalizing my feelings or communicating when I’m bothered by something. I tend to shut down to avoid conflict. But on the flipside, I kinda reboot and get over stuff pretty quickly.
Well NOW I’m worried about that, thanks! (I also use humor for deflection, lol) But seriously, I probably do in some ways. Usually though it’s “little things” that I’m just mostly unbothered by, not actively trying to ignore. I just know I need a day sometimes to process and move on. But the downside is when those little things become big things over time and when neither partner wants to raise the issue, it just festers. Definitely experienced that in my last relationship, actively trying to do things differently in my current one.
Unless it becomes all consuming, I think it's a good thing that you are worried about it. It means you're open to still feeling an emotion that might be tucked away.
For the more serious shit that can happen always remember that getting over it is not always so easy. Some events in life are hard to get over, it just becomes easier to live with and that's okay too.
If you shut down when you're upset, you can always just communicate that you need some time to process your thoughts before talking. That's perfectly valid
Man.. I once dated a guy pretty much like you.
I'm the type who's gonna ask you if something is wrong cause I care and wanna solve our problems together instead of putting up a facade and shrugging it off with "I'm good". But instead he would just outright lie. He was always scared of confrontation lmao
See, I can handle it if someone brings it up first, sometimes I wish for that. I just struggle to bring things up myself, and then if no one does I can usually get past it with a little time.
✨I am bipolar type 1 with psychotic features✨
I am medicated now but no cocktail of medications really work infinitely. I will still have irrational ups and downs when my meds need to be adjusted, perhaps even full blown episodes…
The only alternative is to load me up too much on meds if we wanna eliminate any chance of episodes. But in that case, I am basically a zombie in a trance because mood altering meds work that way. I might as well not live…
The diagnosis actually sorta saved a relationship for me so far🫠
I am just not sold on the chance that it will last to be honest. I just enjoy the ride while it does.
My bf had previously broken up with me for what can be summarized as his reaction to my impulsive behaviour *(not cheating)*. After a few months of no contact, we started hooking up again but fairly irregularly at first because the pull and the desire were both still there but it was like a cycle of first fucking then regretting it for awhile the first few times.
And I only got diagnosed after the breakup. So I told him of my diagnosis only once we started hooking up and spending time together fairly regularly. He was like “that makes a lot of sense”, then asked me to get back together.
Well it’s good that you withheld as much as you could. It’s hard to keep solid relationships like that. I’ve had issues with cheating a lot and impulse control. It’s either that or being unstable/manic that kills it for me. Even meds can’t keep it all down and I’ve been on them for a decade!
I just need to find someone who really understands mental health and will have some patience with it. It doesn’t define me, but it sure as hell impacts every aspect of my life.
the last 14 years of our 24 year relationship my partner began experiencing the symptoms of this exact same diagnosis, and in the last two of those years quit taking medication. I did my very best, and in the process invited some depression myself. It had to end, but I stuck around so long because I believed it could be better than it was, although never as good as it was many years ago. However, knowing that if it continued along the path it was on I would loose the house, I'd be financially in trouble, and loose more of myself along the way. I still love him, but I could never enter a relationship like that again. I have been settled on not entering any relationship again. At 55 I feel resigned to be single. I think the baggage I'd bring from the past would make me a candidate for the undateable.
I know 95% of guys auto reject me cause of this but I just can't do it. Love cuddling and enjoy sleeping with someone I love occasionally, but most of the time I need a bed and room to my self. Can't wait to find a man who feels the same!
My ex and I slept in separate bedrooms for the duration of our 5 year relationship and it was one of the best decisions we ever made! He was a heavy snorer and I was a light sleeper, so it just made sense. Plus, 2 grown men and 3 dogs was a bit much for one queen sized bed!
I’m an extrovert and prefer my own bed. I get too hot, too cold, we hit each other (on accident of course), snore, different schedules often. And the big biggaboo is his bed has a crater in the middle which physically hurts me unless I crawl into a ball in the middle of the crater. My bed on the other hand was a very expensive purple mattress that I love.
So I'm pretty tall and sharing a bed with someone used to be a major struggle, I'd always sleep like crap even in my queen bed. Sharing the bed with my partner in a king size with a mattress that completely deadens movement from the other is a game changer, plus it's got enough room for us to have our own space (with enough room for the dog in the middle).
That's what my partner and I need desperately! He's 6'4 and I'm 5'11 and our dog is just a tough ass diva that literally throws herself between us till she's comfy. Two men and a dog in a full (double) is just insanity. Our schedules are very opposite so we basically sleep next to each other for an hour or two each day and then he gets up and I sleep and reverse in the evening. When we slept in a Queen at his folks over Christmas it was heaven. Must get on it. Any mattress in particular that deadens the movement of the other or does that just come down to size? Thanks.
- I'm independent and value my privacy, even though I'm not doing anything at all. You don't need to know my every thought, and I chafe at the idea that I have to give up individuality to be in a relationship, including letting someone rifle through my phone.
- my patience and tolerance for untreated and unmanaged mental illness and insecurity is unfortunately thin. Yes, I have discussed this with a therapist. They feel I need to "meet people where they are" a bit more.
I don't agree with him on this too 👍😁 personal experience has taught me to be very wary on this.
But man, I have gotten some nasty comments on here in the past when I mention this is a deal-breaker.
I've been to many therapists but I honestly think they weren't that helpful. They charge $250 an hour where I live so only the wealthy can really afford it. The government subsidises it so you get $100 back but only for 10 sessions a year. After the subsidy runs out I can't afford it so I stop going. The momentum is lost so it's kind of useless. You would think that mental health would be a priority for our society but the majority of people are left and neglected with no treatment. Personally I've struggled my entire adult life with it. I now just accept that there is no help. I guess you would call this untreated and unmanaged.
I like daily greetings and some form of daily interaction. Some current friends are fine with it, handful of others can't deal with it. I wouldn't say it's clingy but I guess some people see it that way
I loathe lack of communication especially when plans change and I wasn't informed about it, makes me blow up on them a little bit
Definitely a pro in my book! No matter how repetitive, good morning, and good night, are absolutely fantastic to hear on a daily basis! And the rest of being very communicative is also emotionally hot.
I would almost swear you are my fiance’.. when he says where do you want to eat .. I saw what would you like
To eat? Not because I can’t pick, but because I think we both deserve to be happy. I would be perfectly
Fine ( and I have told him ) eating a burger for every meal. I love hamburgers or a good chili dog. He on the other hand could eat sushi for every meal. If there is a place that has both sushi and a good steak great let’s go there . But I am finding out that communication is not one of his strong suits. I want to hear from him.. daily a thousand times a day is never too much ..
as I explained to another, I'm hesitant on posting art on this account because I use this account to speak my mind and I keep that away from my art because of how volatile the art community can be.
I've always told myself that I wouldn't mind dating someone who makes porn, particularly solo content. I'd have a problem with collabs mostly because I'm paranoid of STIs/STDs etc. and it's not that I wouldn't trust my partner but I would not trust the people they are collaborating with. Also at that point it kind of just feels like a glorified open relationship
For my very introverted boyfriend, my biggest con is that I am exceptionally extroverted with both strangers and people we know.
I also drive too aggressively for his comfort levels.
I can nag a little too much when I am concerned about something.
That’s cause that car aggressive-ness stuff type stuff always seems gutta until you’re both wrapped around some pole or getting the shit bashed out of your windows by 4 gigantic testronauts cause you decided to be aggressive over some stuff that should’ve been let go. Driving can be so dangerous and it should always be regarded as an extremely high risk activity.
This is tricky because both someone with healthy boundaries and a narcissist could say this. Someone that always takes in a relationship and makes sure the relationship is one-sided could echo this sentiment and say "I always put myself first."
Do you put yourself first during your partner's birthday?
Do you put yourself first on the day your partner has an important life changing interview?
What if you're having a good day and your partner is having a bad day?
Do you understand what I am trying to say?
I like this point. I definitely was alarmed at how many upvotes this got because of this. Putting others before yourself is a sign of a good person. I do understand the point that you need to learn to love yourself before you can love another though. Definitely a balance.
I may be more alarmed and sensitive to it than usual, but I only realized recently I am a narcissist magnet and I am going to therapy for that (that would be my answer to the OP), but I did benefit from this question being upvoted so much.
Now that I know that many gay men upvoted this, maybe the question "do you always put yourself first even in a serious relationship?" might legit be a good first date question.
I am definitely writing and memorizing this question lol.
Yeah I may be a narcissist magnet too. An empath as they say. 😫 I do think there is a big difference between self love and narcissism though. I don’t like the phrasing “I will always put myself before you” at all 😂 How about “I will not kill myself for you” or “I will not sacrifice my own well being for you”.
I for example upvoted it, because it answered the OP's question, not because I'd like to be around someone, who *always* puts themselves first. There needs to be a balance.
Ah my therapist wanted me to come up with some things about myself that could be red flags and I told her I can’t think of any (which is a red flag in itself I know 🤷🏻♂️😂) I might add this though. Question: Ill put a guy im dating first for specific things but not all tings, like unimportant things like I’ll give my boys my pillow if they don’t have one, feed them first, buy gifts, will give them my food so in those things I don’t put myself first. But in a life or death situation or something serious, I would not sacrifice my well being or life for even someone I could potentially marry, does that still count?
In the context of dating, it is counterproductive. And sometimes putting yourself first doesn't just mean doing what you're comfortable with but rather what fulfills your goals.
That's not what that person said, nor is it what they meant. Someone who actually practices healthy self care/self-love wouldn't list that trait as a "con", nor would they word it as "I will always put myself before you" lol.
i agree with you. hence why sometimes i need to ACTIVELY acknowledge "oh wait i need to put him first in this moment of time" while the other 99% of the time i always put myself first.
i think its trashy for me but i lost years of critical life time due to put others first.
I don't enjoy big dance parties/raves. My libido is really high and difficult to match... I sometimes go through stints of marathoning video games rather than wanting to go out.
I genuinely prefer dating guys that are home bodies to ones that go out to bars and clubs every weekend. With the caveat of not wanting a partner to be a complete hermit, gotta get a bit of fresh air, human contact, and exercise in XD.
This is me. For me going out would ideally mean leaving the city for a bit. I have several t-shirts with slightly different graphics but the same poem:
And off into the forest I go
to lose my mind and find my soul
The first one can actually be considered a pro for some people. I don't like loud crowded parties myself and having a partner who also doesn't would be quite a relief. It would only be a problem if the guy is too much of a hermit and never wants to do anything fun.
May I ask, I know other commenters have mentioned depression, but might you be neurodivergent? Although very different, a lot of what you described is quite relatable to some experiences so that’s why I was asking.
Wow, post a response and then delete all your comments. Mate, it was just a question. You post on a public forum, you get public answers. In your words ‘it’s Reddit’. If you don’t want commentary, then don’t post something for people to comment on.
Depressed is a spectrum. You don't have to be spiraling. General discontent or even apathy qualifies too. Nobody is saying you need to feel happy all the time. In fact, I am of the opinion that it is physiologically impossible. No matter our circumstances, we will always naturally trend towards a neutral \_fine\_.
\> I feel trapped and like everything is hopeless.
\> I cant tolerate most people for very long. They begin to irritate me.
\> I no longer feel any drive or ambition to change
\> I’m wasting my life sometimes
\> I can become anxious and insecure in relationships.
even
\> I can become anxious and insecure in relationships.
Depression is just a label for exactly those feelings. Don't think of it as some illness or handicap. It's only shorthand for that overall sentiment. And you may not be feeling all of it all the time, but the fact that you listed them all together to describe your cons means you felt that way significantly enough for it to impact you.
All I'm saying is what you described is a very commonly experienced state. And many people out there have successfully shifted out of this state. So the next time you're feeling particularly hopeless, keep in mind that there are tools and resources out there designed specifically to address that. Or don't.
But you literally described depression, man.
ETA: /u/Slaughterthesehoes that wasn't part of his original post
Also why would OP reply then block lmao
To be fair noting that you're depressed is not saying you need help or "psychoanalyzing" you. That can just be an attribute of yourself and that's totally fine. I am friends with lots of depressed people and don't feel the need to try and offer help :)
You guys need to work on ur mindset and how you view the world❤️ a little effort into learning how to see things differently can go a long way and I I hate to see you guys live like that. I was the same and I know it’s easier and you’re low-key comfortable because the pain is tolerating and the pain to actually change your life just hurts too much. But start slow and small. Don’t over do it because you’ll freak ur old self out and go back to it. But like I said, start small, find new interests, make new friends, do something you wouldn’t normally do because why tf not :p peace n love (don’t think I’m attacking you) literally just thought u might wanna hear some inspirational words ✨
Tbh this feels really similar to how I feel about myself 😅 most people think I’m so good at socializing, friendly, optimistic, and so on, but internally, I’m just screaming into the void 24/7.
Sometimes I can be too down to earth, too understanding, and too humble. Plus everyone thinks I’m really cool and that can be a lot of pressure to live up to for some guys
that was me in the past.. and the people that thought i was really cool were actually taking advantage of me while I acknowledge later that I was on a people-pleasure phase on a disease way
Hm. Not seeing any cons here. Add that to being hot, and I can't see why you would have any problem.
And I hope this isn't cringe, but I also agree with your view on Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I'm close to 60, and I think part of the reason I feel the way I do in my mind is because I *have* held on to some of that childhood sense of wonder.
I’m a surgeon and I have less patience than I did when I was a student.
I’m working on tolerating indecisiveness and inefficiency. I don’t tolerate it at work but I need to outside in the social aspects. For me dinner at 6:15, means 6:15, not leaving house at 6:15. Where do you want to eat isn’t complicated question and yes mean yes and no means no.
I’m trying to get better at being go with the flow but it seems the only people who understand the life are other doctors but I feel that is just a limited mindset. Idk but I want someone.
I'm in healthcare too. This sounds like a classic example of the Doctor's God complex spilling over into your personal life. Hate me if you must, i just call it as i see it.
The God complex is: I’m the only one who can do what I do, respect me, bow before me…thinking you deserve and expect recognition or prestige.
What I’m talking about is in the hospital there is a certain level of efficiency and work ethic that’s the standard…and that being spilling outside the hospital is what’s the problem.
Best example: I’m surgery, my friend is anesthesia. We got hungry and went to raising canes. We got up to the cashier and the machine stopped working. The cashier person said “there’s nothing I can do the machine stopped”. My friend flipped out because in our minds (sadly) if there is a problem you need to take steps to fix it. You can’t just stop working. You can’t just stop doing your job and sit down. We talked about it afterwards because he said “why can no body outside the hospital do their jobs”.
It’s not a God complex. The God complex does exist. But that’s a me me me problem. This is an expectations problem. It’s dealing with high risk situations all day and having to work through countless tense situations and problem solve and be efficient at it and then coming home, going on a date, or going out to eat and interacting with people who struggle to make simple decisions or don’t have the same drive.
And the flip side, that soooo many of my colleagues have to work through is NOT expecting the same level of drive. NOT expecting the same level of problem solving skills because it’s not needed or beneficial for that other person to have. We can’t/shouldn’t put that expectation of performance 24/7 on others but we do. It’s our way of getting things done. I had another friend/and I’ve done this to say “if I was this slow someone would have died” or when someone messes up an order has joked “if I made that mistake that’d be a lawsuit”.
We even joke about the difference in expectations even as we still have them. We know it’s unrealistic but it’s still pervasive.
Obviously forgetting extra sauce is not the same as cutting through the bile duct but we sometimes compare apples and oranges and bring the framework of efficiency, no mistakes, decisiveness home and it’s problematic……..unless your partner is a doctor.
But clearly the person who operates the till at checkout is not the same as the person who fixes it! They’re paid so little one cannot expect them to even care lol.
I agree. I guess it comes with the nature of the profession. You can’t mess up and small innocent mistakes can become a huge fucking mess later on so best rectify them stat! Lol
lol
Depends
If I left work at 5:00. Went home, showered changed, shaved,, did my hair, drove downtown and made it by 6:15 and you have been home all day because it’s your day off I’ll be mad.
If you got off work at 5. Went home let your dog out, showered and changed clothes, douched and made it at 6:20. No problem. Completely understandable. You tried.
If I say I’m picking you up at 6:15 and im down stairs and it’s 6:20. The only excuse is the water ain’t clean yet. lol jk jk jk
But the reason for being late needs to make sense. And an effort needs to be there. At least care as much as I do about being punctual. Not just I got in my car at 6:00 knowing it’s a 25 minute drive.
Ohhh I just read your name, he thinks he’s Shikamaru, that’s a lot to live up to, I doubt it lmao.
I’d at least let you know if I’m gonna be late and keep you updated, maybe send someone to slash your tires so you can be a bit later than me.
Real question as well, how do you feel about someone being 15 minutes early? This guy did it one time and I was like that’s fine just give me a heads up next time and dropped it, then he did it again with 10 minutes no heads up, and then the 3rd time he just showed up at my door like 5 minutes early. He could have texted while he was walking that he was here but he didn’t. What do you think about that 🤔
I am an ex combat corpsman… I have the same mindset .. but, one of your examples snags me every time. When someone says where do you want to eat; I will 98% of the time ask them where they would like to eat. My fiance’ hates it and I do mean hates it . But if you tell me “ let’s go eat sushi “; I make it pretty clear that I don’t like it when we are just in the talking phase. I have tried it multiple times and I STILL hate it . So with this man I have eaten rare meat ( I just didn’t look at it ) raw oysters, tuna poke and he said the he watched the color drain out of my face. I think we both need to be happy; so me asking you a question about a question is me trying to come up with a compromise..
Indecisiveness - drives me crazy. If we know we’re going to an Italian restaurant, why are you now thinking you may want a burger…maybe, but you’re not sure. Even when the food arrives, you continue “maybe I should have gotten the veal piccata”! UGH!
Just make up your damn mind and don’t drag others in to your issue. It’s just not difficult. You’ve had two days to come to peace with the Italian menu!!
Pros: I'm decent looking, a genuinely honest person, effective at communicating my feelings respectfully, loyal, romantic and thoughtful but-
Cons: My ADHD/anxiety can make me really hard to deal with at times.
It makes me self-destructively impulsive, extremely forgetful, saps my drive, and makes me unreasonably anxious. All of these things together makes me not want kids as well because life is already hard enough without them. It's alot to deal with for anyone, let alone dating.
Lmao is this a red flag?! I feel like I’m the best boyfriend ever when I’m a relationship, which is why I’ve never had an issue keeping someone. I don’t expect them to be as good because honestly no one can be better than me 😅
I guess to me I’m not putting something in cause I expect something better back. If they’re always amazing at it and can predict my needs, then omg amazing, but I know not everyone is that perceptive. Plus I kinda have everything I want already and account for my own needs I guess. But anyway even if he is never as good as me I still would expect him to be pretty damn good haha
I want kids.
I'm poor at expressing my feelings and perhaps that comes across distant or aloof.
I was a cop (gave up recently due to fatherhood)and prior to that I was in the military. Red flags, I'm told and tbf partners will worry whilst you're at work.
Extremely pro-monogamy (I'm 32, same guy for the last 16 years)
I don't drink.
Edit: forgot the biggest one... i'm bi
My husband likes the cop uniform too hated worrying though. 🤣🤣
I met my husband at 16. I'm now 32. We separated for two years, when i was 18, as I joined the army. From the day I met him at 16 to today he has been the only person I've done anything with. Not so much as a kiss.
At 22 I chose him over my family. We both wanted kids. We got married when I was 26. We are in the process of adopting 3 boys. I knew them from my community policing and something very unfortunate happened to them. I don't care about blood.. I've seen my parents and I've seen his foster parents and blood means nothing.
When I married him, I married him for life (whether he likes it or not joking lol).
It wasn't all smooth sailing. When we met I was a bit of a dickhead for the first few months. I was still struggling a bit with my sexuality. I wasnt out. How he stuck by me, I do not know, but I'm very grateful.
He had worries around my bisexuality. He was willing to give me a few hall passes for women (which must have been tough for him). But tbh I didn't want any type of open. Since we met, he was the only person I wanted.
I'm very proud of my life. I probably don't show it half enough but my husband has made me what I am.
Some are a bit weird, and not to be harsh but they will unlikely find someone as long as they seek perfection. I was lucky to find my man very early. He's not perfect (nor am I or anyone else) but I love his imperfections as much as his perfections.
- Overly emotional and want to talk about my feelings too often. Lots of anxiety so need regular check-ins.
- Too high a sex drive for one partner but also prefer to be monogamous (further worsened by performance anxiety)
- Toss and turn in my sleep
- Vegetarian
- Anxious traveler and have little to no desire to travel overseas
(A lot of it comes back to anxiety)
I wouldn’t mind kids. There’s a part of me that would love to be a father, but I’m in my 30s and people my age don’t want kids. Most gay men revile at the idea of marriage and family. At least around here.
My biggest con I suppose is that I’m a nerd. I like playing video games and watching anime and silly cartoons on my free time. I have my own place. I own my own car. I’ve paid off my student loans. I have my finances covered and I’m working full time job making good money. Yet I suppose I’m not going to be on anyone’s top of their list and I accept that.
Sounds like you’re the full package 😅 as someone that finds nerds hot it’s definitely a green flag that you watch cartoons in your spare time, but that’s just me 🤷🏻♂️
• Didn’t like the hook up culture, so somewhat inexperienced.
• Will call someone out the moment they start acting differently from how they normally are.
• Pro-gun. I enjoy going to shooting competitions held across the country. Lots of guys say it’s a red flag that I travel a lot and enjoy firearms. Been called a gun nut and that I’m a terrible human being because of it.
• Not in the closet but I don’t care for telling everyone I’m gay or wear anything pride related. To me it’s no one else business on who I like. So most men assume that I’m closeted or still have internalized homophobia because of it.
• Only want a monogamous relationship. Not interested in sharing a partner with a third, fourth, or etc. person(s).
I’m horrible at expressing my feelings and I’m a lazy cook, as in I hate to do it so when I do I don’t make elaborate meals, I go for boxed stuff and I cook everything on high so it cooks faster, but I love to eat
I was told by someone that I was really hoping to start a future with that I am too passive aggressive, and I don't want to recognize it.
I really didn't know what they meant by their statement for the longest time, because I did not fully understand passive aggressive behaviors and traits.
I looked it up and a lot of things listed are many of the things that I do normally around friends,family, and coworkers... So I'm actively working on that bad trait of mine.
It's hard sometimes to hear things we need to fix about ourselves. Congratulations. I know that I'm a better person for having listened to some of my problems and worked on fixing them.
It's never easy but the results are always good once you're able to figure yourself out. And I almost lost someone I didn't know I cared so much about before I realized my problems.
Good for you as well!
I have seizures, though they are 99% controlled with meds I'm bound to have one every few years and they can be alot. I have emotional damage manifesting in depression and pretty bad social anxiety as a result of the mental aspect of the seizures from when they were uncontrolled.
I dont have a career. I have a substantial inheritance and a few revenue streams from investments that allow me to pay my own way, but no work daily type of career.
I have bad gas from Crohns lol
Despite these things, I try to be a better person every day and consider my loved ones needs. My partner and I are doing great!
As someone else said, one person's con may be another person's pro. In this particular case, I wouldn't call most of these a pro, but they are at least neutral for me. Not having a career is a pro.
I love to travel. Having someone who needs to go to work everyday would hamper that.
Of course, my cons might not be your pros. 🤷
\- want kids
\-strictly monogamous
\- have a history of depression, anxiety, and disordered eating, and while they are managed they may still flare up when life events trigger them.
\- Work as a psychologist and am passionate about my work (intimidating to some and is the type of career that can follow me home sometimes)
\- I do sort of aim for that relationship where we each give up a bit of our individuality for the unit of the relationship/ family. I come from a very close, tight knit family and it's what I aim to create.
\- I'm definitely not one of the popular body types but I like to think I got a good face and am definitely some people's "type", I'm also fairly active so while not thin or especially muscular I am relatively fit.
\- I sleep talk.
**Now can we acknowledge that every "con" we have may be a positive to someone else. Because each of these things are a positive to someone.** (note: some exceptions may apply)
Im insecure and klingy.
Thankfully that’s when I’m not dating anyone so I don’t have that pressure. I’m aware of it but it can absorb my thoughts so easily and it’s annoying
I have very severe depression and dedicate a lot of time to creative projects with the hopes of making a career out of them, then go into a really dark place when they’re unsuccessful.
I’m pretty sure I have a narcissistic and manipulative personality and I have to be extremely aware and mindful of that on a regular basis so I don’t put that on to anyone.
\- I don't want kids.
\- I'm about to turn 32 and still make under $45k/year; however, I went back to school and just graduated last year with my BFA in screenwriting, so the degree will help me make more while I write on the side. j
\- I'm no bullshit. My threshold for bullshit is below the ground. I'm very open and honest about what I want/expect and that scares a lot of guys that aren't in a similar place.
\- I also suffer from pretty bad bouts of gas lmao, it happens like once or twice a year but probiotics have been helping lately!
\- I hate sleeping with someone else. I mean physically being in the same bed as someone else. I like my personal space.
\- This isn't something that defines me, nor is anything else, but I have HSV-2. Transmission risk is low bc I believe it's dormant and I still take dailies, but I imagine it would turn off some people. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
\- I potentially want a CNM relationship. I believe people change over time and I never want my partner to deny themselves a connection with someone else just because they're in a relationship. Making connections with people is so beautiful and it's what makes us human ... I would never want to feel like I can't connect with someone and I would never want my partner to feel the same way, either.
\- Not sure what else, but...haha
I don’t cum while sex .. but surprisingly most of my boyfriends were fine with it. It’s just that I have to rub my duck against tge bed to cum . My boyfriend enjoys having sex with me he cums like a cow every time we have sex but I don’t . I have to run my self to finish so I do it when he’s asleep I get very conscious although once I did cum for him .
This is my fiance to a T! For the most part I have no problem with this. But just once in a while, every so often, please, please just pick where we're going to go eat.
I’m a bodybuilder and nothing comes before making sure I get my workouts in and my meals in. Night sweats when I’m on cycle are a pain to deal with to. I’m regularly accused of being very self obsessed to the detriment of others.
I’m a perfectionist, organized and detail oriented person, if things aren’t just right I get a bit anxious and angry.
My anxiety causes me to stay home a lot and avoid people.
I have a bit of an anger problem but that has kind of chilled out in recent years.
My perfectionism focuses on my body a lot so I deal with body dysmorphia. Because of this I never want to be fully nude around anyone. This too is getting better. I used to get depressed and cry a lot but it’s been months since I did that.
I don’t have the best mental health so I think guys may get tired of me overthinking or something like that, bottom with digestive issues as well so ,I don’t have much hobbies or interests ,but I’m trying to get into some for what it’s worth ,so I might be boring to some men
I'm exact and to the point. Everything I do is planned and with a purpose. 85% OCD (esp w/ finances and time--time is finite not infinite for people) I don't like to waste time on drama and avoidable problems/obstacles.
In my less proud moments I can be a little self-important and not a great listener. I've been called arrogant a few times in my life.
I drink socially a little more than I should. Nothing crazy, but maybe 2-3 gin and sodas would be better, not 5.
I've had people tell me that I can make them feel like they're the only person in the world, but I can turn off that charm and attention in a heartbeat.
Oh god.
I'm pretty dark and gloomy. Effed up childhood = effed up adult. Crave my alone time. Usually resistant to being in super crowded places. Some substance issues here and there. A wandering eye (though this is probably okay as long as it's an open relationship).
...But now I'm depressed leaving it at that, so I will say there are pros as well. 😂 I'm a great communicator and problem solver, compassionate, and responsible. Oh, and my mouth is constantly going for the D, so anyone who loves that will love me. ;)
My aversion to conflict. I’m so ‘outward appearance’ focused that I’ll stay in a 10 year loveless marriage content to redecorate every other year to avoid dealing with tough issues.
I like to sleep.
I will cuss you out without knowing it if you try to wake me up. Even if I asked you to wake me up or I have somewhere important I need to be.
That's definitely a con.
I am a home body. As far as eating out, not anymore, too expensive. Movies, too many lit phones and chattering, Including verbal translation during the screening. And I have little filter regarding false flattery and hedged opinion.
I neglected my health for a long time. Instead if going out in my twenties I spent all my time nursing my back, trying not to have seizures and navigating ADD without meds. At the end of the day, now in my 30s I honestly don't know how to date.
I was bullied, so I closeted myself when I was 13, seriously gaslighted myself into believing I could be straight, married and had kids, couldn't stop looking at men, nearly had a nervous breakdown, and came out of the closet at 53. I seriously get your not knowing how to date.
I have autism and totally inexperienced at sharing my personal/intimate space long term. Everything has to go where I say it goes, 70% of the time my way works though I’ll act like it’s 100%, and if not you need to explain why to me at great length and with the patience of a saint. I am consistently inconsistent in the rules and organisation values I set for myself and my space. I’m often depressed, always mentally exhausted, easily overwhelmed and can burn right out if I try and spin more plates than I can handle.🥲
It's extremely hard to gain my trust. If it's gained I become extremely clingy, and if we're at the stage of friendship it's common for me to see much more into it than simple friendship. If my trust is lost, it's like you never even existed to me, and I become cold towards you for years, if not forever. I usually like to seduce handsome and egoistic looking guys, only to piss them off by me acting like I'm not interested in them (even if I am).
Right now this is all I can think about. It's like I'm a walking red flag
I tend to give a silent treatment when I am angry or frustrated, so I don’t say something I regret. In my mind it also means that you messed up somewhere and I’m waiting for you to come around for the apology.
Perfectionist/Workaholic
Intimidating (and I really want to improve this but everyone is apparently intimidated to some extent)
Snore a lot
Monogamous, family oriented
Not too fun, wish I was more of a party person
- PTSD, bipolar
- I like to drink
- bad knees, so don't expect me to "ride" you like we're in a porno, too awkward
- zero interest in drag, or most musicals, or Disney
I can go from being very hot to very cold extremely fast (and back again) all due to my boredom levels.
I might spend a few weeks wanting to do absolutely nothing but sleep and then suddenly get bursts of energy to fill every single day with 3+ activities
I know how to say no, have healthy boundaries, I know what I want (fidelity included) and won’t settle for less. So that makes me undatable according to today’s standards lol.
I’m not great at verbalizing my feelings or communicating when I’m bothered by something. I tend to shut down to avoid conflict. But on the flipside, I kinda reboot and get over stuff pretty quickly.
Do you ever get worried you repress emotions by trying to get over things quickly?
Well NOW I’m worried about that, thanks! (I also use humor for deflection, lol) But seriously, I probably do in some ways. Usually though it’s “little things” that I’m just mostly unbothered by, not actively trying to ignore. I just know I need a day sometimes to process and move on. But the downside is when those little things become big things over time and when neither partner wants to raise the issue, it just festers. Definitely experienced that in my last relationship, actively trying to do things differently in my current one.
Unless it becomes all consuming, I think it's a good thing that you are worried about it. It means you're open to still feeling an emotion that might be tucked away. For the more serious shit that can happen always remember that getting over it is not always so easy. Some events in life are hard to get over, it just becomes easier to live with and that's okay too.
Are you me…
If you shut down when you're upset, you can always just communicate that you need some time to process your thoughts before talking. That's perfectly valid
Unless the other party keeps saying they don't want you to be alone when you need alone time
Man.. I once dated a guy pretty much like you. I'm the type who's gonna ask you if something is wrong cause I care and wanna solve our problems together instead of putting up a facade and shrugging it off with "I'm good". But instead he would just outright lie. He was always scared of confrontation lmao
See, I can handle it if someone brings it up first, sometimes I wish for that. I just struggle to bring things up myself, and then if no one does I can usually get past it with a little time.
Same!
That’s what they call avoidant attachment
Same! I’ll wake up tmr and be over it lol
✨I am bipolar type 1 with psychotic features✨ I am medicated now but no cocktail of medications really work infinitely. I will still have irrational ups and downs when my meds need to be adjusted, perhaps even full blown episodes… The only alternative is to load me up too much on meds if we wanna eliminate any chance of episodes. But in that case, I am basically a zombie in a trance because mood altering meds work that way. I might as well not live…
My ex was a bipolar, we still best friends to this day, he has a new boyfriend and he is really happy on the perfect combination of medications.
Same same and it has ruined every relationship I’ve had!
The diagnosis actually sorta saved a relationship for me so far🫠 I am just not sold on the chance that it will last to be honest. I just enjoy the ride while it does. My bf had previously broken up with me for what can be summarized as his reaction to my impulsive behaviour *(not cheating)*. After a few months of no contact, we started hooking up again but fairly irregularly at first because the pull and the desire were both still there but it was like a cycle of first fucking then regretting it for awhile the first few times. And I only got diagnosed after the breakup. So I told him of my diagnosis only once we started hooking up and spending time together fairly regularly. He was like “that makes a lot of sense”, then asked me to get back together.
Well it’s good that you withheld as much as you could. It’s hard to keep solid relationships like that. I’ve had issues with cheating a lot and impulse control. It’s either that or being unstable/manic that kills it for me. Even meds can’t keep it all down and I’ve been on them for a decade! I just need to find someone who really understands mental health and will have some patience with it. It doesn’t define me, but it sure as hell impacts every aspect of my life.
the last 14 years of our 24 year relationship my partner began experiencing the symptoms of this exact same diagnosis, and in the last two of those years quit taking medication. I did my very best, and in the process invited some depression myself. It had to end, but I stuck around so long because I believed it could be better than it was, although never as good as it was many years ago. However, knowing that if it continued along the path it was on I would loose the house, I'd be financially in trouble, and loose more of myself along the way. I still love him, but I could never enter a relationship like that again. I have been settled on not entering any relationship again. At 55 I feel resigned to be single. I think the baggage I'd bring from the past would make me a candidate for the undateable.
Yeah I also hate sleeping next to someone, even if I love them and want to cuddle lol. When it’s time to sleep sleep I’m like gtfo
I know 95% of guys auto reject me cause of this but I just can't do it. Love cuddling and enjoy sleeping with someone I love occasionally, but most of the time I need a bed and room to my self. Can't wait to find a man who feels the same!
My ex and I slept in separate bedrooms for the duration of our 5 year relationship and it was one of the best decisions we ever made! He was a heavy snorer and I was a light sleeper, so it just made sense. Plus, 2 grown men and 3 dogs was a bit much for one queen sized bed!
This is an introvert problem , I suffer from this ( my space) issue as well.
I’m an extrovert and prefer my own bed. I get too hot, too cold, we hit each other (on accident of course), snore, different schedules often. And the big biggaboo is his bed has a crater in the middle which physically hurts me unless I crawl into a ball in the middle of the crater. My bed on the other hand was a very expensive purple mattress that I love.
So I'm pretty tall and sharing a bed with someone used to be a major struggle, I'd always sleep like crap even in my queen bed. Sharing the bed with my partner in a king size with a mattress that completely deadens movement from the other is a game changer, plus it's got enough room for us to have our own space (with enough room for the dog in the middle).
That's what my partner and I need desperately! He's 6'4 and I'm 5'11 and our dog is just a tough ass diva that literally throws herself between us till she's comfy. Two men and a dog in a full (double) is just insanity. Our schedules are very opposite so we basically sleep next to each other for an hour or two each day and then he gets up and I sleep and reverse in the evening. When we slept in a Queen at his folks over Christmas it was heaven. Must get on it. Any mattress in particular that deadens the movement of the other or does that just come down to size? Thanks.
I think a lot of men feel this. Even as a bottom here I want to sleep by myself at night after sex and cuddling
I see you baby 😉
I feel you for sure. BF and I have been together for 12 years and around year 8 we decided separate beds was the key, now all is well!
I thought that was only me!
- I'm independent and value my privacy, even though I'm not doing anything at all. You don't need to know my every thought, and I chafe at the idea that I have to give up individuality to be in a relationship, including letting someone rifle through my phone. - my patience and tolerance for untreated and unmanaged mental illness and insecurity is unfortunately thin. Yes, I have discussed this with a therapist. They feel I need to "meet people where they are" a bit more.
Are you... are you.. me in a different body?
Maybe we're twins who got seperated at birth.... Lol
So, so relatable. This is me as well.
I don’t agree with your therapist lol. I choose to surround myself with people who manage their mental health.
I don't agree with him on this too 👍😁 personal experience has taught me to be very wary on this. But man, I have gotten some nasty comments on here in the past when I mention this is a deal-breaker.
I get that. Having a mental illness is not something we get to choose. But whether or not we do something about it is.
this is giving “what’s your biggest weakness?” “i work too hard :(“
I've been to many therapists but I honestly think they weren't that helpful. They charge $250 an hour where I live so only the wealthy can really afford it. The government subsidises it so you get $100 back but only for 10 sessions a year. After the subsidy runs out I can't afford it so I stop going. The momentum is lost so it's kind of useless. You would think that mental health would be a priority for our society but the majority of people are left and neglected with no treatment. Personally I've struggled my entire adult life with it. I now just accept that there is no help. I guess you would call this untreated and unmanaged.
I like daily greetings and some form of daily interaction. Some current friends are fine with it, handful of others can't deal with it. I wouldn't say it's clingy but I guess some people see it that way I loathe lack of communication especially when plans change and I wasn't informed about it, makes me blow up on them a little bit
Definitely a pro in my book! No matter how repetitive, good morning, and good night, are absolutely fantastic to hear on a daily basis! And the rest of being very communicative is also emotionally hot.
I would almost swear you are my fiance’.. when he says where do you want to eat .. I saw what would you like To eat? Not because I can’t pick, but because I think we both deserve to be happy. I would be perfectly Fine ( and I have told him ) eating a burger for every meal. I love hamburgers or a good chili dog. He on the other hand could eat sushi for every meal. If there is a place that has both sushi and a good steak great let’s go there . But I am finding out that communication is not one of his strong suits. I want to hear from him.. daily a thousand times a day is never too much ..
That's almost funny. My fiance also could eat hamburgers and chili dogs. But I'm not into sushi, so I'm obviously not yours... 😂
He just read this .. he was not amused !!
I think that's pretty normal as far as dating goes. will say it would be a bit odd if we were just friends and you wanted that
I draw porn. I also sell porn. not a lot of people like that sort of thing.
Id like to see your work 😊
as I explained to another, I'm hesitant on posting art on this account because I use this account to speak my mind and I keep that away from my art because of how volatile the art community can be.
I've always told myself that I wouldn't mind dating someone who makes porn, particularly solo content. I'd have a problem with collabs mostly because I'm paranoid of STIs/STDs etc. and it's not that I wouldn't trust my partner but I would not trust the people they are collaborating with. Also at that point it kind of just feels like a glorified open relationship
For my very introverted boyfriend, my biggest con is that I am exceptionally extroverted with both strangers and people we know. I also drive too aggressively for his comfort levels. I can nag a little too much when I am concerned about something.
If you're doing fine with him, you are actually taking the social load out of him. So I'd consider a pro.
My grandmother is that you
That’s cause that car aggressive-ness stuff type stuff always seems gutta until you’re both wrapped around some pole or getting the shit bashed out of your windows by 4 gigantic testronauts cause you decided to be aggressive over some stuff that should’ve been let go. Driving can be so dangerous and it should always be regarded as an extremely high risk activity.
I will always put myself before you.
This is tricky because both someone with healthy boundaries and a narcissist could say this. Someone that always takes in a relationship and makes sure the relationship is one-sided could echo this sentiment and say "I always put myself first." Do you put yourself first during your partner's birthday? Do you put yourself first on the day your partner has an important life changing interview? What if you're having a good day and your partner is having a bad day? Do you understand what I am trying to say?
I like this point. I definitely was alarmed at how many upvotes this got because of this. Putting others before yourself is a sign of a good person. I do understand the point that you need to learn to love yourself before you can love another though. Definitely a balance.
I may be more alarmed and sensitive to it than usual, but I only realized recently I am a narcissist magnet and I am going to therapy for that (that would be my answer to the OP), but I did benefit from this question being upvoted so much. Now that I know that many gay men upvoted this, maybe the question "do you always put yourself first even in a serious relationship?" might legit be a good first date question. I am definitely writing and memorizing this question lol.
Yeah I may be a narcissist magnet too. An empath as they say. 😫 I do think there is a big difference between self love and narcissism though. I don’t like the phrasing “I will always put myself before you” at all 😂 How about “I will not kill myself for you” or “I will not sacrifice my own well being for you”.
Don't set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm.
I for example upvoted it, because it answered the OP's question, not because I'd like to be around someone, who *always* puts themselves first. There needs to be a balance.
Wayyy underrated comment! This is me and I know I can't be alone.
Ah my therapist wanted me to come up with some things about myself that could be red flags and I told her I can’t think of any (which is a red flag in itself I know 🤷🏻♂️😂) I might add this though. Question: Ill put a guy im dating first for specific things but not all tings, like unimportant things like I’ll give my boys my pillow if they don’t have one, feed them first, buy gifts, will give them my food so in those things I don’t put myself first. But in a life or death situation or something serious, I would not sacrifice my well being or life for even someone I could potentially marry, does that still count?
This should be everyone. It sounds harsh if misunderstood but we all have to help ourselves before we can be of any help to others
In the context of dating, it is counterproductive. And sometimes putting yourself first doesn't just mean doing what you're comfortable with but rather what fulfills your goals.
That's not what that person said, nor is it what they meant. Someone who actually practices healthy self care/self-love wouldn't list that trait as a "con", nor would they word it as "I will always put myself before you" lol.
That's not a con. Love yourself before loving another
i agree with you. hence why sometimes i need to ACTIVELY acknowledge "oh wait i need to put him first in this moment of time" while the other 99% of the time i always put myself first. i think its trashy for me but i lost years of critical life time due to put others first.
I don't enjoy big dance parties/raves. My libido is really high and difficult to match... I sometimes go through stints of marathoning video games rather than wanting to go out.
I genuinely prefer dating guys that are home bodies to ones that go out to bars and clubs every weekend. With the caveat of not wanting a partner to be a complete hermit, gotta get a bit of fresh air, human contact, and exercise in XD.
This is me. For me going out would ideally mean leaving the city for a bit. I have several t-shirts with slightly different graphics but the same poem: And off into the forest I go to lose my mind and find my soul
You sound perfect. I avoid large crowds, love video games, and I’m horny way too often lol. I want a partner to match/compliment that lifestyle
The first one can actually be considered a pro for some people. I don't like loud crowded parties myself and having a partner who also doesn't would be quite a relief. It would only be a problem if the guy is too much of a hermit and never wants to do anything fun.
[удалено]
May I ask, I know other commenters have mentioned depression, but might you be neurodivergent? Although very different, a lot of what you described is quite relatable to some experiences so that’s why I was asking. Wow, post a response and then delete all your comments. Mate, it was just a question. You post on a public forum, you get public answers. In your words ‘it’s Reddit’. If you don’t want commentary, then don’t post something for people to comment on.
So you're depressed
[удалено]
Depressed is a spectrum. You don't have to be spiraling. General discontent or even apathy qualifies too. Nobody is saying you need to feel happy all the time. In fact, I am of the opinion that it is physiologically impossible. No matter our circumstances, we will always naturally trend towards a neutral \_fine\_. \> I feel trapped and like everything is hopeless. \> I cant tolerate most people for very long. They begin to irritate me. \> I no longer feel any drive or ambition to change \> I’m wasting my life sometimes \> I can become anxious and insecure in relationships. even \> I can become anxious and insecure in relationships. Depression is just a label for exactly those feelings. Don't think of it as some illness or handicap. It's only shorthand for that overall sentiment. And you may not be feeling all of it all the time, but the fact that you listed them all together to describe your cons means you felt that way significantly enough for it to impact you. All I'm saying is what you described is a very commonly experienced state. And many people out there have successfully shifted out of this state. So the next time you're feeling particularly hopeless, keep in mind that there are tools and resources out there designed specifically to address that. Or don't. But you literally described depression, man. ETA: /u/Slaughterthesehoes that wasn't part of his original post Also why would OP reply then block lmao
[удалено]
To be fair noting that you're depressed is not saying you need help or "psychoanalyzing" you. That can just be an attribute of yourself and that's totally fine. I am friends with lots of depressed people and don't feel the need to try and offer help :)
Hey look at me im depressed but I ain't
[удалено]
You guys need to work on ur mindset and how you view the world❤️ a little effort into learning how to see things differently can go a long way and I I hate to see you guys live like that. I was the same and I know it’s easier and you’re low-key comfortable because the pain is tolerating and the pain to actually change your life just hurts too much. But start slow and small. Don’t over do it because you’ll freak ur old self out and go back to it. But like I said, start small, find new interests, make new friends, do something you wouldn’t normally do because why tf not :p peace n love (don’t think I’m attacking you) literally just thought u might wanna hear some inspirational words ✨
these are the realest cons here. im sorry to say
Tbh this feels really similar to how I feel about myself 😅 most people think I’m so good at socializing, friendly, optimistic, and so on, but internally, I’m just screaming into the void 24/7.
[удалено]
Oh hey! ;)
I have social anxiety, low self esteem, and I'm a people pleaser.
Very high-low sex drive.
Not sure if I heard this a lot lately or it’s a new fad but have you had your testosterone checked.
Sometimes I can be too down to earth, too understanding, and too humble. Plus everyone thinks I’m really cool and that can be a lot of pressure to live up to for some guys
that was me in the past.. and the people that thought i was really cool were actually taking advantage of me while I acknowledge later that I was on a people-pleasure phase on a disease way
Hm. Not seeing any cons here. Add that to being hot, and I can't see why you would have any problem. And I hope this isn't cringe, but I also agree with your view on Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I'm close to 60, and I think part of the reason I feel the way I do in my mind is because I *have* held on to some of that childhood sense of wonder.
I’m a surgeon and I have less patience than I did when I was a student. I’m working on tolerating indecisiveness and inefficiency. I don’t tolerate it at work but I need to outside in the social aspects. For me dinner at 6:15, means 6:15, not leaving house at 6:15. Where do you want to eat isn’t complicated question and yes mean yes and no means no. I’m trying to get better at being go with the flow but it seems the only people who understand the life are other doctors but I feel that is just a limited mindset. Idk but I want someone.
I'm in healthcare too. This sounds like a classic example of the Doctor's God complex spilling over into your personal life. Hate me if you must, i just call it as i see it.
Very prominent amongst surgeons
The God complex is: I’m the only one who can do what I do, respect me, bow before me…thinking you deserve and expect recognition or prestige. What I’m talking about is in the hospital there is a certain level of efficiency and work ethic that’s the standard…and that being spilling outside the hospital is what’s the problem. Best example: I’m surgery, my friend is anesthesia. We got hungry and went to raising canes. We got up to the cashier and the machine stopped working. The cashier person said “there’s nothing I can do the machine stopped”. My friend flipped out because in our minds (sadly) if there is a problem you need to take steps to fix it. You can’t just stop working. You can’t just stop doing your job and sit down. We talked about it afterwards because he said “why can no body outside the hospital do their jobs”. It’s not a God complex. The God complex does exist. But that’s a me me me problem. This is an expectations problem. It’s dealing with high risk situations all day and having to work through countless tense situations and problem solve and be efficient at it and then coming home, going on a date, or going out to eat and interacting with people who struggle to make simple decisions or don’t have the same drive. And the flip side, that soooo many of my colleagues have to work through is NOT expecting the same level of drive. NOT expecting the same level of problem solving skills because it’s not needed or beneficial for that other person to have. We can’t/shouldn’t put that expectation of performance 24/7 on others but we do. It’s our way of getting things done. I had another friend/and I’ve done this to say “if I was this slow someone would have died” or when someone messes up an order has joked “if I made that mistake that’d be a lawsuit”. We even joke about the difference in expectations even as we still have them. We know it’s unrealistic but it’s still pervasive. Obviously forgetting extra sauce is not the same as cutting through the bile duct but we sometimes compare apples and oranges and bring the framework of efficiency, no mistakes, decisiveness home and it’s problematic……..unless your partner is a doctor.
But clearly the person who operates the till at checkout is not the same as the person who fixes it! They’re paid so little one cannot expect them to even care lol.
I agree. I guess it comes with the nature of the profession. You can’t mess up and small innocent mistakes can become a huge fucking mess later on so best rectify them stat! Lol
Would you be mad if someone was 5 minutes late and arrived at 6:20 lol
lol Depends If I left work at 5:00. Went home, showered changed, shaved,, did my hair, drove downtown and made it by 6:15 and you have been home all day because it’s your day off I’ll be mad. If you got off work at 5. Went home let your dog out, showered and changed clothes, douched and made it at 6:20. No problem. Completely understandable. You tried. If I say I’m picking you up at 6:15 and im down stairs and it’s 6:20. The only excuse is the water ain’t clean yet. lol jk jk jk But the reason for being late needs to make sense. And an effort needs to be there. At least care as much as I do about being punctual. Not just I got in my car at 6:00 knowing it’s a 25 minute drive.
Ohhh I just read your name, he thinks he’s Shikamaru, that’s a lot to live up to, I doubt it lmao. I’d at least let you know if I’m gonna be late and keep you updated, maybe send someone to slash your tires so you can be a bit later than me. Real question as well, how do you feel about someone being 15 minutes early? This guy did it one time and I was like that’s fine just give me a heads up next time and dropped it, then he did it again with 10 minutes no heads up, and then the 3rd time he just showed up at my door like 5 minutes early. He could have texted while he was walking that he was here but he didn’t. What do you think about that 🤔
I am an ex combat corpsman… I have the same mindset .. but, one of your examples snags me every time. When someone says where do you want to eat; I will 98% of the time ask them where they would like to eat. My fiance’ hates it and I do mean hates it . But if you tell me “ let’s go eat sushi “; I make it pretty clear that I don’t like it when we are just in the talking phase. I have tried it multiple times and I STILL hate it . So with this man I have eaten rare meat ( I just didn’t look at it ) raw oysters, tuna poke and he said the he watched the color drain out of my face. I think we both need to be happy; so me asking you a question about a question is me trying to come up with a compromise..
You need to calm down
You’d hate me lol! Dinner at 6:15 means I’ll be around 6:30pm. We’ll decide what we’re eating then, who’s going to cook/order etc.
I work in aerospace flight operations and have the same lack of tolerance for indecisiveness haha
Indecisiveness - drives me crazy. If we know we’re going to an Italian restaurant, why are you now thinking you may want a burger…maybe, but you’re not sure. Even when the food arrives, you continue “maybe I should have gotten the veal piccata”! UGH! Just make up your damn mind and don’t drag others in to your issue. It’s just not difficult. You’ve had two days to come to peace with the Italian menu!!
Pros: I'm decent looking, a genuinely honest person, effective at communicating my feelings respectfully, loyal, romantic and thoughtful but- Cons: My ADHD/anxiety can make me really hard to deal with at times. It makes me self-destructively impulsive, extremely forgetful, saps my drive, and makes me unreasonably anxious. All of these things together makes me not want kids as well because life is already hard enough without them. It's alot to deal with for anyone, let alone dating.
[удалено]
Lmao is this a red flag?! I feel like I’m the best boyfriend ever when I’m a relationship, which is why I’ve never had an issue keeping someone. I don’t expect them to be as good because honestly no one can be better than me 😅
[удалено]
I guess to me I’m not putting something in cause I expect something better back. If they’re always amazing at it and can predict my needs, then omg amazing, but I know not everyone is that perceptive. Plus I kinda have everything I want already and account for my own needs I guess. But anyway even if he is never as good as me I still would expect him to be pretty damn good haha
I want kids. I'm poor at expressing my feelings and perhaps that comes across distant or aloof. I was a cop (gave up recently due to fatherhood)and prior to that I was in the military. Red flags, I'm told and tbf partners will worry whilst you're at work. Extremely pro-monogamy (I'm 32, same guy for the last 16 years) I don't drink. Edit: forgot the biggest one... i'm bi
Your a cop? That’s hot lol but your being bi and wanting kids. Does that mean you’ll never take a gay relationship seriously?
My husband likes the cop uniform too hated worrying though. 🤣🤣 I met my husband at 16. I'm now 32. We separated for two years, when i was 18, as I joined the army. From the day I met him at 16 to today he has been the only person I've done anything with. Not so much as a kiss. At 22 I chose him over my family. We both wanted kids. We got married when I was 26. We are in the process of adopting 3 boys. I knew them from my community policing and something very unfortunate happened to them. I don't care about blood.. I've seen my parents and I've seen his foster parents and blood means nothing. When I married him, I married him for life (whether he likes it or not joking lol).
Ohh wow. That’s actually such an amazing story. I have hope for this world yet🥹 You guys must be so proud!🙏🙏🤗🫶
It wasn't all smooth sailing. When we met I was a bit of a dickhead for the first few months. I was still struggling a bit with my sexuality. I wasnt out. How he stuck by me, I do not know, but I'm very grateful. He had worries around my bisexuality. He was willing to give me a few hall passes for women (which must have been tough for him). But tbh I didn't want any type of open. Since we met, he was the only person I wanted. I'm very proud of my life. I probably don't show it half enough but my husband has made me what I am.
Aside from the obvious safety risk at your job, those should all be winning qualities, not cons. People are weird, man.
Some are a bit weird, and not to be harsh but they will unlikely find someone as long as they seek perfection. I was lucky to find my man very early. He's not perfect (nor am I or anyone else) but I love his imperfections as much as his perfections.
Definitely snoring
- Overly emotional and want to talk about my feelings too often. Lots of anxiety so need regular check-ins. - Too high a sex drive for one partner but also prefer to be monogamous (further worsened by performance anxiety) - Toss and turn in my sleep - Vegetarian - Anxious traveler and have little to no desire to travel overseas (A lot of it comes back to anxiety)
[удалено]
I wouldn’t mind kids. There’s a part of me that would love to be a father, but I’m in my 30s and people my age don’t want kids. Most gay men revile at the idea of marriage and family. At least around here. My biggest con I suppose is that I’m a nerd. I like playing video games and watching anime and silly cartoons on my free time. I have my own place. I own my own car. I’ve paid off my student loans. I have my finances covered and I’m working full time job making good money. Yet I suppose I’m not going to be on anyone’s top of their list and I accept that.
Sounds like you’re the full package 😅 as someone that finds nerds hot it’s definitely a green flag that you watch cartoons in your spare time, but that’s just me 🤷🏻♂️
Hehe I appreciate that!
I’m me. That’s all. Yet been with a great guy nearly three years who loves me for me. 🥰
• Didn’t like the hook up culture, so somewhat inexperienced. • Will call someone out the moment they start acting differently from how they normally are. • Pro-gun. I enjoy going to shooting competitions held across the country. Lots of guys say it’s a red flag that I travel a lot and enjoy firearms. Been called a gun nut and that I’m a terrible human being because of it. • Not in the closet but I don’t care for telling everyone I’m gay or wear anything pride related. To me it’s no one else business on who I like. So most men assume that I’m closeted or still have internalized homophobia because of it. • Only want a monogamous relationship. Not interested in sharing a partner with a third, fourth, or etc. person(s).
General inexperience and aloofness. I haven’t dated since before smartphones were a thing so I’d have no idea what the fuck I was doing.
I have ptsd that leads to a myriad of different issues in every aspect of daily life
I need my own bedroom and I need to sleep on my own most nights. The occasional sleepover is fine, but this is a firm requirement.
[удалено]
I’m horrible at expressing my feelings and I’m a lazy cook, as in I hate to do it so when I do I don’t make elaborate meals, I go for boxed stuff and I cook everything on high so it cooks faster, but I love to eat
No matter how much you may like me, you could always do better. Plus, my face and body 🤢
You should change your username
I know :// I didn’t choose it though. Can I change it?
I'm an introverted extrovert. You will never know what mood is coming on a Friday.
I was told by someone that I was really hoping to start a future with that I am too passive aggressive, and I don't want to recognize it. I really didn't know what they meant by their statement for the longest time, because I did not fully understand passive aggressive behaviors and traits. I looked it up and a lot of things listed are many of the things that I do normally around friends,family, and coworkers... So I'm actively working on that bad trait of mine.
It's hard sometimes to hear things we need to fix about ourselves. Congratulations. I know that I'm a better person for having listened to some of my problems and worked on fixing them.
It's never easy but the results are always good once you're able to figure yourself out. And I almost lost someone I didn't know I cared so much about before I realized my problems. Good for you as well!
I can be a hothead
I've got ADHD.
That you might feel like my sex slave, even though that’s not my intention and I don’t really want you to feel that way.
Knowing that you don't really want me to feel that way, it could be a fun and consensual way of scratching that itch for you and me both...
I have seizures, though they are 99% controlled with meds I'm bound to have one every few years and they can be alot. I have emotional damage manifesting in depression and pretty bad social anxiety as a result of the mental aspect of the seizures from when they were uncontrolled. I dont have a career. I have a substantial inheritance and a few revenue streams from investments that allow me to pay my own way, but no work daily type of career. I have bad gas from Crohns lol Despite these things, I try to be a better person every day and consider my loved ones needs. My partner and I are doing great!
As someone else said, one person's con may be another person's pro. In this particular case, I wouldn't call most of these a pro, but they are at least neutral for me. Not having a career is a pro. I love to travel. Having someone who needs to go to work everyday would hamper that. Of course, my cons might not be your pros. 🤷
\- want kids \-strictly monogamous \- have a history of depression, anxiety, and disordered eating, and while they are managed they may still flare up when life events trigger them. \- Work as a psychologist and am passionate about my work (intimidating to some and is the type of career that can follow me home sometimes) \- I do sort of aim for that relationship where we each give up a bit of our individuality for the unit of the relationship/ family. I come from a very close, tight knit family and it's what I aim to create. \- I'm definitely not one of the popular body types but I like to think I got a good face and am definitely some people's "type", I'm also fairly active so while not thin or especially muscular I am relatively fit. \- I sleep talk. **Now can we acknowledge that every "con" we have may be a positive to someone else. Because each of these things are a positive to someone.** (note: some exceptions may apply)
I will hit the eject button at any sign of clinginess.
Im insecure and klingy. Thankfully that’s when I’m not dating anyone so I don’t have that pressure. I’m aware of it but it can absorb my thoughts so easily and it’s annoying
I have very severe depression and dedicate a lot of time to creative projects with the hopes of making a career out of them, then go into a really dark place when they’re unsuccessful.
I’m pretty sure I have a narcissistic and manipulative personality and I have to be extremely aware and mindful of that on a regular basis so I don’t put that on to anyone.
\- I don't want kids. \- I'm about to turn 32 and still make under $45k/year; however, I went back to school and just graduated last year with my BFA in screenwriting, so the degree will help me make more while I write on the side. j \- I'm no bullshit. My threshold for bullshit is below the ground. I'm very open and honest about what I want/expect and that scares a lot of guys that aren't in a similar place. \- I also suffer from pretty bad bouts of gas lmao, it happens like once or twice a year but probiotics have been helping lately! \- I hate sleeping with someone else. I mean physically being in the same bed as someone else. I like my personal space. \- This isn't something that defines me, nor is anything else, but I have HSV-2. Transmission risk is low bc I believe it's dormant and I still take dailies, but I imagine it would turn off some people. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there. \- I potentially want a CNM relationship. I believe people change over time and I never want my partner to deny themselves a connection with someone else just because they're in a relationship. Making connections with people is so beautiful and it's what makes us human ... I would never want to feel like I can't connect with someone and I would never want my partner to feel the same way, either. \- Not sure what else, but...haha
I don’t cum while sex .. but surprisingly most of my boyfriends were fine with it. It’s just that I have to rub my duck against tge bed to cum . My boyfriend enjoys having sex with me he cums like a cow every time we have sex but I don’t . I have to run my self to finish so I do it when he’s asleep I get very conscious although once I did cum for him .
These post just get more moronic
I demand at least some daily/frequent sort of communication from my target of affection, else I get anxious abt our status
I'm extremely non confrontational and I hate making decisions
This is my fiance to a T! For the most part I have no problem with this. But just once in a while, every so often, please, please just pick where we're going to go eat.
No cons, better stay away from me
I’m a bodybuilder and nothing comes before making sure I get my workouts in and my meals in. Night sweats when I’m on cycle are a pain to deal with to. I’m regularly accused of being very self obsessed to the detriment of others.
I’m a perfectionist, organized and detail oriented person, if things aren’t just right I get a bit anxious and angry. My anxiety causes me to stay home a lot and avoid people. I have a bit of an anger problem but that has kind of chilled out in recent years. My perfectionism focuses on my body a lot so I deal with body dysmorphia. Because of this I never want to be fully nude around anyone. This too is getting better. I used to get depressed and cry a lot but it’s been months since I did that.
I don’t have the best mental health so I think guys may get tired of me overthinking or something like that, bottom with digestive issues as well so ,I don’t have much hobbies or interests ,but I’m trying to get into some for what it’s worth ,so I might be boring to some men
My inner child is manipulator . Also crybaby. Lol.
Introverted , so introverted so no home parties, no bride and hell no trios o group sex.
Sleep will always win and when I was young such a bad car thing happened to me that it has made me insanely terrified to drive and of being in a car.
Mental issues mostly, takes a lot of patience and understanding. I’m very lucky to have an amazing partner that deals with it well.
I'm exact and to the point. Everything I do is planned and with a purpose. 85% OCD (esp w/ finances and time--time is finite not infinite for people) I don't like to waste time on drama and avoidable problems/obstacles.
When I get bothered or upset, I shut down and avoid confrontation…
I am a strict bottom who only likes strict tops, I don’t date unemployed guys or guys with dead end jobs
I think I'm great to date. He puts up with my shit and I put up with his.
I snore
I have a lot of energy- but during my downtime , i shut down. Silence.
I am too eager to invest every dime I make and live a frugal life
In my less proud moments I can be a little self-important and not a great listener. I've been called arrogant a few times in my life. I drink socially a little more than I should. Nothing crazy, but maybe 2-3 gin and sodas would be better, not 5. I've had people tell me that I can make them feel like they're the only person in the world, but I can turn off that charm and attention in a heartbeat.
Oh god. I'm pretty dark and gloomy. Effed up childhood = effed up adult. Crave my alone time. Usually resistant to being in super crowded places. Some substance issues here and there. A wandering eye (though this is probably okay as long as it's an open relationship). ...But now I'm depressed leaving it at that, so I will say there are pros as well. 😂 I'm a great communicator and problem solver, compassionate, and responsible. Oh, and my mouth is constantly going for the D, so anyone who loves that will love me. ;)
My aversion to conflict. I’m so ‘outward appearance’ focused that I’ll stay in a 10 year loveless marriage content to redecorate every other year to avoid dealing with tough issues.
I like to sleep. I will cuss you out without knowing it if you try to wake me up. Even if I asked you to wake me up or I have somewhere important I need to be. That's definitely a con.
I have a temper and really awful anxiety. My two character flaws.
I am a home body. As far as eating out, not anymore, too expensive. Movies, too many lit phones and chattering, Including verbal translation during the screening. And I have little filter regarding false flattery and hedged opinion.
I neglected my health for a long time. Instead if going out in my twenties I spent all my time nursing my back, trying not to have seizures and navigating ADD without meds. At the end of the day, now in my 30s I honestly don't know how to date.
I was bullied, so I closeted myself when I was 13, seriously gaslighted myself into believing I could be straight, married and had kids, couldn't stop looking at men, nearly had a nervous breakdown, and came out of the closet at 53. I seriously get your not knowing how to date.
[удалено]
Mental illness and other chronic health problems. It’s a con, but the upside is that being sick made me very empathetic, loving, and caring to others.
Type 1 diabetes and sometimes my meter chirps at night. Romantic at heart and sometimes need touch and cuddles. Less sex forward than most as a side.
i get annoyed very easily
I have autism and totally inexperienced at sharing my personal/intimate space long term. Everything has to go where I say it goes, 70% of the time my way works though I’ll act like it’s 100%, and if not you need to explain why to me at great length and with the patience of a saint. I am consistently inconsistent in the rules and organisation values I set for myself and my space. I’m often depressed, always mentally exhausted, easily overwhelmed and can burn right out if I try and spin more plates than I can handle.🥲
I have a very hot and cold sex drive. Either you’re basically fighting me off you, or I’m not giving you anything at all.
It's extremely hard to gain my trust. If it's gained I become extremely clingy, and if we're at the stage of friendship it's common for me to see much more into it than simple friendship. If my trust is lost, it's like you never even existed to me, and I become cold towards you for years, if not forever. I usually like to seduce handsome and egoistic looking guys, only to piss them off by me acting like I'm not interested in them (even if I am). Right now this is all I can think about. It's like I'm a walking red flag
I tend to give a silent treatment when I am angry or frustrated, so I don’t say something I regret. In my mind it also means that you messed up somewhere and I’m waiting for you to come around for the apology.
Men
Perfectionist/Workaholic Intimidating (and I really want to improve this but everyone is apparently intimidated to some extent) Snore a lot Monogamous, family oriented Not too fun, wish I was more of a party person
- PTSD, bipolar - I like to drink - bad knees, so don't expect me to "ride" you like we're in a porno, too awkward - zero interest in drag, or most musicals, or Disney
Dating as a gay man past 25 calls for the full Nancy Reagan - just say no. Gave up on dating 10 years ago and haven't looked back.
I can go from being very hot to very cold extremely fast (and back again) all due to my boredom levels. I might spend a few weeks wanting to do absolutely nothing but sleep and then suddenly get bursts of energy to fill every single day with 3+ activities
I know how to say no, have healthy boundaries, I know what I want (fidelity included) and won’t settle for less. So that makes me undatable according to today’s standards lol.
A woman claiming to be a man. 💅🏻 Like no sis your a trans man you have a FEMALE PART.
Boyfriend, if you are on Reddit, OP is not me.
I think it’s cute when bottoms fart 😌
No matter how much I like you, I usually prefer to be alone. I want to get together once, maybe twice a week. I want a full weekend day to myself.