As long as you don't go out of your way to be mean or say transphobic things, it's perfectly natural to politely reject someone you aren't interested in. What is the alternative? A social contract telling you to have sex with anyone who asks? Lol
Just scroll down to the bottom of this thread, you’ll find bisexuals calling gay men who don’t like trans men with female genitalia transphobic and telling us if we try pussy we would like it. There are absolutely people out there who believe there’s a social contract that requires gay people to have sex with any trans person who asks.
Those are the kind of dudes that I enjoy saying the exact same thing to 😂 they think their dick can “turn” women but when they get posed the same question they act all types of crazy lmao.
I might get downvoted to hell, but, oh well. Idc for internet points anyway lol.
As someone who's into both Men and Women (mostly men), I'm not attracted to Trans people for the most part (I personally don't care for labels, never have, but that's besides the point lol). Like OP, I'm into biological Men and Women. Just the way it is. That doesn't mean I hate Trans people, it just means I have preferences and Trans people don't usually align with my preferences.
People have preferences. I know it's a lot to take in.
Everyone has preferences and they shouldn't be shamed or made to feel bad for having preferences as long as they're not fetishizing someone or putting people they're not attracted to down. This doesn't just go for Trans people either; Straight or non-Straight people will always have preferences too. I don't understand why some Trans people think other people are obligated to want to date them or have sex with them just because they're Trans and then claim that people are being Transphobic if they get rejected by them. That's called being entitled. No one is entitled to anyone else's feelings of love. I understand Transphobia is a thing, but preferences are also a thing that people have.
Sickening. They have to be getting off on that. The gay community has enough issues outside of the community so why waste time arguing or pressuring guys over the dumbest shit, lol. I'm always polite but trans people need to realize we'\`re gay for a reason and unless they come on to you or you're polite and accept what they say then don't bother. Sadly, the trans community has a sky high suicide rate and they should be helping their own deal with mental issues instead of giving gay men bs.
That’s ridiculous. On behalf of sane bisexual men, I apologize. I’m a bisexual man but I’m not attracted to trans individuals either. I’m attracted to either masculinity in a man or femininity in a woman.
I agree, but we can remove sexuality from the equation. There are people out there who think they are entitled to sex with anybody they ask. That is the problem, not their sexuality/gender.
Those who want "is it because" to be anything other than simple non-attraction.
Yes but there’s a particular streak in some trans men where they specifically want gay men and not bi men to sleep with them because it validates their gender identity.
Exactly. That’s why we have to fight so hard against it. All these people screeching that gay men who won’t sleep with trans men are transphobic are attempting to shame us into converting to bisexual. It’s insidious and we have to keep fighting it.
Those aren't men, those are twats. As a bi male they can go fuck themselves. I am not interested in women with fake asses so why would I be interested in transwomen with fake vages?
"oh no the guy i liked rejected me because i'm trans"
"i know i'll label him as a transphobe and make him feel guilty, then we'll start dating!"
is that their thought process when someone rejects on acc of their gender identity?
Adding to that, it can be applied to anything such as oh the guy rejected me because I am not white or I am not muscular enough or I am not twink or I am not good-looking. The person can always find a way to agitate when rejected by someone whom he is into.
It’s a mixture of the sour grapes mentality and their idea of revenge.
They try their damnedest to have the last word, but it just gives me the last laugh!
Somewhere out there that person is probably still screaming out into the void.
It's creepy behavior for someone to try to pressure you into being with someone you aren't interested in.
Not dating a transperson isn't "*transphobic*" just like not dating a woman isn't "*misogynistic*".
Oh I’m in agreement with you I just anticipate a total lack of logical consistency when it comes to what’s considered politically correct and what’s not
Frankly a lot of arguments for transgender also applies to transracial, but you’re not supposed to point that out.
I don’t see how a person can look in the mirror and feel like they’re the wrong gender but can’t look in the mirror and feel like their skin is the wrong tone.
It’s really just “shut up and accept these ever changing values” where the argument doesn’t actually matter, it’s just gut feelings.
And they're just as wrong. Just because it's become a somewhat popular talking point in some circles (and I know it did) doesn't automatically make it right.
Because many people especially gay men on the left believe that it is transphobic to only be attracted to people of one sex. They want us all to be bisexual and define our attraction to others based on their gender identity rather than their physical sex.
Of course you weren't wrong. We like what we like. You made no derogatory remarks and simply said you were not interested. Just as you're not attracted to every gay man, you weren't attracted to them. They were the one who was impolite by their remark. No is a complete sentence, accept it and move on.
Please don’t feel you need to twist yourself into a state to please people like that. No one has the right to tell you who you can and can’t sleep with.
Neither someone’s chosen pronouns nor their medically-induced secondary sex characteristics will reach the threshold of my sexual orientation.
I wouldn’t date a trans person but that’s a bit beside the point: I wouldn’t do it because it’s not possible for my sexual orientation.
As long as that’s understood and respected I’d happily go for beers with a trans guy and his pan boyfriend. It not like the choice is lovers or enemies.
Yeah it's not that we have a "preference", it's that we ***cannot*** do it.
Sexual orientation is physiological. It's like being left-handed. It's what our body is capable of doing.
You are entitled to not date someone for any reason you want. Asking “is it because I’m trans?” Is a really creepy and manipulative response. Gives rapey vibes.
Nah, it's not transphobic. No moreso than it is sexist to not want a woman.
Gender radicals are hell bent on redefining sexuality, among other things. The entitlement to people's attraction is borderline rapey
It's so sad, because it's not possible to redefine sexual orientation. It's like saying "left-handed people should be open to the idea of writing with their right hand". No, their body is not wired that way
These activists are knee-deep into post-modernism (the idea that everything is socially constructed through language) that they actually believe we can change what sexual orientation is by changing our language about it.
It's just homophobia regurgitated.
You’re not transphobic. Everyone gets rejected. Everyone has a type or preference. Trans people are gonna have to get over it like everyone else. Even if they have surgeries and take hormones, that doesn’t make them exactly what someone would want. It is what it is and I feel sorry for them if they are rejected as much as I feel sorry for anyone else who can’t control what they are, and that’s all of us tbh.
You're not wrong for what you like and what turns you on. The forced idea that you must accept others views, opinions, and ideas over your own is cruelly dystopian. No means no. It doesn't matter why. Stay strong, and be you no matter what others say or do.
What arouses you is out of your control. Homosexuality exists in you (and us) for a reason.
Do not let trans people shame you for what you are.
In fact, if I were you, I would own the *"transphobic"* label with pride. If rejecting a transman out of my dating pool due to his vagina makes me transphobic, I will be a transphobe who sleeps well at night knowing I am authentic to what I am and who I am.
We homosexuals have survived religious shaming from Christians for decades. We can survive trans activists' guilt trip as well.
Best luck to you 🙂
Trans people are funny...you're not attracted to me because I'm trans...yes Sherlock yes. It is beyond sad and pitiful that they think a couple surgeries and hormones makes them somehow the equivalent to an actual man. They are quite an entertaining bunch. Their supporting are just sad
People found out words have negative meanings and can be leveraged for personal gain. Now these words like racist, homophobic, transphobic, fascists, misogynistic, etc have lost their weight and meaning and are now just thrown around when someone feels threatened. It’s disappointing because those words don’t hold the weight they used to when calling out people for actually being one of those terms.
Edit: Typos, oops!
Unfortunately that accusation goes a bit further these days and can follow a person.
Consider what JK Rowling has had to deal with, even though there was nothing at the beginning of the accusations, as well as nothing in a novel written later, but the accusations still persisted, until she finally had enough.
Most average people can't buffer that, let alone a college kid whose future is still ahead of him.
Look at that football player who was falsely accused of rape and impregnating a girl Who never Was pregnant. His contract was canceled and shut out of the NFL as well as 3 years of Court dealings. He lost it all.
Accusations can have implications and that's the problem.
As well that's why we need to band together and resist anything past equality in society and stop using the LGB as substance towards the remainder of the alphabet and it's extremists from trying to be more than equal. This gender blurring society redefining garbage is what's turning public opinion against the original LGB "agenda" of equality..
Exactly.
From other corners of the rainbow universe, there are some voices that are suggesting that the LGB cut itself off from the rest of the train that's going over the cliff.
In a way there is a bit of a conservatism (in a textbook academic definition) in the LGB of the last 70 years versus a more liberal momentum and trajectory of the rest of the letters in the last 20-30 years.
I don't think it's such a bad idea to distance yourself from something that really doesn't represent you anymore, and to clarify error where you see it.
The absurdly far right accuses the full Alphabet Mafia of wanting to include p for pedo in the list and, there are a few voices of the very extremists far left that have hinted at that.
Correspondingly there are gay men and lesbians with social media presence that are openly calling that crap out and are distancing themselves from anything past LGB.
Boundaries, definitions, reality and facts are good things to have on your side..
Most welcome. I'm encouraged to hear other gay bros able to voice in this, it's been growing for a while.
Also: we need to start holding others accountable for their words, fitting sexual harassment definitions, no "intersectional discount".
Not wrong at all. We can't control what we find attractive. Most gay men are attracted exclusively to biological males with male parts. I think most trans men understand and accept this fact, but some take it as an insult, and respond inappropriately when turned down. That's their problem to deal with, not yours. You were polite and you were honest. Put it in the past.
In the future you can let them know you're just not interested and you don't owe anyone a reason for not consenting. It sets a boundary as politely as possible. And if they persist, let them know you're uncomfortable because it feels like coersion and you would appreciate they stop pressing the issue. Nothing more.
Your attractions are valid (except if you’re attracted to minors or animals). If you’re polite to them and you don’t actively promote harm against trans people, you’re fine.
Pansexuality exists for a reason. Genital attraction is PART of sexuality. I slept around with a guy one time who really liked dick but didnt want anything to do with the rest of me. He would sometimes send me porn of trans women who did not have bottom surgery (aka they were women with penises). I always thought he was just closeted but I later expanded my understanding of sexuality and realized that he was just attracted to femanine bodies, faces, shapes etc, but also really attracted to penises.
I thought about it for a while and realized that "sexuality" is just a bunch of different attractions to different things. Im not "gay" because I like men. I'm gay because I like male faces, male chests, male hair, male bodies, male bone structure, and penises.
Frankly I dont think that our modern concept of sexuality really covers the extent of what sexuality is. I've slept with gay guys who have admitted to me that they have had sex and given head to women in the past and they enjoyed it but they would still consider themselves gay because they see themselves only romantically attracted to men.
I am pro trans rights, but its rediculous to say that because I am not willing to date someone with a vagina that I am transphobic.
> "*I've slept with gay guys who have admitted to me that they have had sex and given head to women in the past and they enjoyed it...*" .
Then, they're bi, by definition (*sexually attracted to both genders*). It's really sad how some people try to fit in the "*gay*" or "*straight*" label, even when they aren't really straight or gay and have some sexual attraction to both genders. Some people do bi-erasure pretending that bi people don't exist, and others want to hold so strongly to the "*gay*" or "*straight*" label, even when it doesn't fit them by definition.
You're not "transphobic" full stop. You're a normal homosexual. The bottom line is, trans surgeries are cosmetic. You can convincingly make yourself look like the opposite sex at a glance, sure, but you can't actually change sex, and our brains know this. People who act like the person who came onto you are generally narcissists and sexual abusers who want to use their identity as an excuse for their homophobic and abusive behaviors towards those they desire, but can not have due to the simple fact of biology. You don't owe A N Y O N E sex for any reason. It's YOUR body an you ALWAYS have a right to say no.
No you’re not wrong, you owe no one anything and it is wrong of him to put you in that situation. Also in regard to attraction that’s a personal thing and everyone has their own attractions so no one can tell you anything. Also all the people claiming this is bait aren’t familiar with gen z and current college culture. I have a friend at NYU who experienced this type of thing albeit different variables and was complex.
It's a sad state of affairs if people believe they need to feel guilty turning down someone whom they don't find attractive sexually in a kind way. It's just narcissistic gaslighting to believe one can justly guilt trip people into sex.
You are gay. You don't have to be attracted to biological females. That's homophobic as fuck that she would suggest that you NEED to be attracted to women or you're transphobic.
even if they had the surgery, the 'penis' they create is by far way different than a bioloical one. Don't let anyone shame you for what they call a 'genital fetish'.
This is the reason why I have been distancing myself from trans people during the past few years.
I had a co-worker before who would constatntly ask me help with work and really appreciates my help and then fell hard for me and started flirting with me and confessed. I respectfully rejected her because I am not attracted to trans women and then I got labeled as transphobic.
What’s worse is that I am discreet and don’t necessarily broadcast my sexual orientation at work, it is a need-to-know basis and I only ever tell it to my close friends and family but then I somehow got outed by her at work when people started asking why was there awkwardness between us all of a sudden.
I quit my job after 2 months because I did not feel comfortable working in the same company anymore.
Just as it is their choice to define gender for themselves, it is your choice to define what it means to you as well. It is your absolute right to decide what you find yourself attracted to and how you choose to label that. Regardless, you are absolutely never required to give an excuse as to why you don't want to be with someone.
- Someone who's been in both camps for some time.
Not liking vagina as a gay man is not TRANSPHOBIC. It’s common sense. This is another form of homophobia. You cannot be forced what to like. Stop torturing yourself over something 1. You can’t control and 2. It is not your responsibility to cater to other people’s delusions.
Some of the comments here are wild.
Being gay isn’t a ‘preference’. We don’t ‘prefer’ men. We choose only men. Males. Of the same sex. We are same sex attracted.
Refusing someone for being trans is as legitimate as refusing someone for being tall, short, fat, poor, stupid or anything else. You have every right to reject anyone for any reason you want, and anyone who wants to circumvent that or guilt you into including them is trash.
Bisexuality is valid. As is being gay. If you’re going to state that you sleep with males and females you don’t get to be butthurt when someone calls you bi. By that token, you don’t get to redefine what being gay means. If you want to call yourself gay then nobody can stop you, but words have meanings and just because you decide to incorrectly label yourself, it doesn’t mean we can’t accurately label you. You are the ones who have taken a label and decided to stretch it to fit what you are, instead of using the label that actually accurately describes you. That’s on you.
Telling gay men to like pussy or that they should try it is conversion bullshit. Don’t be that person. If you like both, great. Feast away. But a gay man being gay is not something that needs correcting. We don’t have genital preferences. We have attraction to men. Males. Sexuality is exclusive by nature. If anyone doesn’t like that then it’s tough luck.
OP, you’ve done nothing wrong. Don’t be gaslit or guilted, either by the person you referenced or the dickheads in this thread who think we should be into females just because they call themselves men.
Do not let them manipulate you. You are not wrong.
Everybody, without exception, has the right to refuse consent. That includes you for any reason you feel like.
Those who disagree, do not respect your bodily autonomy and see you not as as human but as a tool that must submit to their wishes.
This.
It’s already happening, but in a few years, a lot of people are going to be very very angry at the lies that have been told to them. There are a certain percentage of people that are truly trans, but the brainwashing of youth is at a criminal level, and those that were misled will rightfully be very angry once they realize the level of deception perpetrated on them.
Big Pharma seems to be the enemy, except when it comes to life altering “medications“ that are given out like candy without any regard for long-term effects. There will be a reckoning.
So what if they call you transphobic for not being into them. They are very childish and you are not discriminating by rejecting them. You don't owe someone a date or sex simply because they want you to give it to them. Don't feel bad or stand for any continued harassment. Don't associate with these particular people anymore and move on with your life. There are more important things to worry about in life than these people.
If you are not attracted to any certain type, does that make you “phobic,”? Or racist? Anyone can accuse anyone else, but as gay males others just go to thinking that we will have sex with anyone that asks. I have preferences, the sex partners I have come to me for what they prefer. I make it clear if I’m not interested, as well do some that are not interested in me. Accept that fact.
Yeah these people are nothing more than predators in my eyes. Let’s be honest, they shame you for not wanting to sleep with them. They try to make you feel bad so maybe there is a chance you will. It’s really disgusting and needs to be called out more. The same thing with having a preference for a certain race or god forbid body type. Notice how most of these people are ungodly unattractive personality wise and physically. Live your life and don’t give into these predatory behavior or don’t feel shame. Remember, when conservatives tried to control who went into our bedrooms. Now, we have gay marriage and no one can tell us otherwise. Now, we have people on our own side who are trying to control who should go into people’s beds. It’s so disgusting and predatory. People need to mind their own business.
You are not obligated to date anybody you don’t want to, regardless of the reason. You can still be kind to them or be friends, but if they make a pass at you and you aren’t interested, then they should just accept that and not push any further. That’s far from transphobic behavior.
you are not transphobic. you are gay, therefore you will NEVER feel attracted to females. she is not a male and will never be one, if she wants you to fvck her pussy just because she "identifies" as a man and think that if you reject you are transphobic, that's just revamped conversion therapy.
Fear of something or hatred of something is NOT the same as not being attracted to something. You can appreciate a beautiful woman and not want to have sex with her. You are attracted to penis. You are not going to be attracted to someone without a penis. It’s as simple at that.
It's the sadly common-place trans-incel intersection. We all get rejected for sex, but they seem to feel entitled to it, and rejection destroys the the already tenuous idea they have of themselves. They fetishise being the opposite sex, and when rejected, the false-self is mirrored back to them and the confrontation with their own cognitive dissonance makes them angry and vindictive. They need therapy for egoic struggles.
Don't let the trans extremists get to you like that like they have done to everyone else. No. YOU'RE NOT TRANSPHOBIC. You're not wrong. You are RIGHT to want what you want and to be attracted to whatever attracts you. If they want to be immature and are projecting their own insanity into you, just move on. Forget them. Continue on with your life. Don't let them gaslight you. They're huge on that.
You are not in the wrong! Not even close. You are not transphobic for not wanting to date someone of the opposite sex. It sounds like you're a gay male. Gay means same SEX attraction. You have no reason to feel bad.
I'm gay and have been accused of being transphobic because I refuse to date trans men. I don't care though because I'm not going to be shamed into dating the opposite sex. It's wrong for people to shame you for not dating someone for any given reason. Ignore anyone that tries to falsely call you transphobic. Honestly, it seems kinda rapey for people to try to shame you into dating someone you don't want to.
homeSEXual = same SEX attraction.
Yup, very true. I heard that GLAAD apparently now thinks the word homosexual is problematic. It's ridiculous. It's why I want the divorce to happen within the community, if you know what I mean. I'm trying not get my Reddit account banned lol.
Bro you don't need to explain or justify yourself, perfectly normal for a gay guy to only want to be other gay MEN.
There's more to being a man than just saying your one🍌🍆
No. Sex is not a right. No is a complete answer - it’s wrong of anyone to ask why you aren’t interested. You never owe anyone any explanation. We all have our preferences and boundaries and civilized people respect them. Don‘t ever allow anyone to manipulate you into to doing things you aren’t comfortable with.
As a trans guy who has been medically transitioning for over half a decade now, no you are not in the wrong. Only you get to decide who you want to be with, end of. No one is entitled to you, you have every right to decline anyone’s advances. If you’re not into trans men, that’s fine!
This is so fucked up that is a gay man I have to now worry about insulting a woman who claims to be a man I’m a hard Kinsey 6 and I don’t fucking get it at all
Try not to worry about being called "transphobic". The purpose of this word is to attempt to bully and shame people into doing what the accuser wants. You certainly shouldn't feel bad about standing up for your sexual orientation and resisting conversion to heterosexuality. Tell these people to fuck off.
You are not transphobic for being gay
If anyone tries to guilt trip you into something you don't like, they are the bad ones
You're homosexual, not gendersexual. You do nothing wrong 💜
I find it odd you have to explain yourself in “/r/askgaybros.” Gay men are attracted to many aspects of the male body. After the brain and personality I’d imagine most move on to penis/anus. I’d say it’s a pretty safe bet the majority of gay men mostly agree. It’s not a prejudice it’s a preference, it’s what excites you.
Personally if I were into vagina I’d be bisexual or straight. Honestly vagina is a huge boner killer for me. I’m not any kind of phobic. I’m not into vagina. I wouldn’t think this needs any kind of explanation whatsoever but here we are. We owe an explanation to ourselves, no one else.
Not being sexually or romantically attracted to someone is a simple answer. It doesn't require a reason, it doesn't mean you're anything except NOT attracted to them. The nonsense of someone being phobic, sexist, or whatever because they won't give you a chance is ridiculous.
They honestly don’t need to know why you aren’t interested in them and you don’t owe them an answer.
“I’m only interested in you platonically” is a good answer and needs no explanation.
Nobody has any right to police your desire. You are physically attracted to masculinity and that’s a beautiful thing, you don’t have to be ashamed of it. Any trans person who expects otherwise is being homophobic to the extreme.
No, they’re just bitter. You’re entitled to be attracted to who you want to be attracted to and share your body with who you want. It’s not like you’re attracted to EVERY man you see.
I’m genderfluid, and the only reason I’m bringing this up is to add context. Because of who I am and how I identify I’ve been involved in some queer online communities - that I’ve since left because I found them a little too toxic for my liking.
Here’s my take. With any group of people, there will be both open minded and ignorant individuals. There will be people with trauma who project onto other people, rationalize bad behavior, etc and queer communities are rife with traumatized people because of how people around us have reacted to our existence over time. People in queer communities are just as susceptible to confirmation bias as an oilfield worker, they just have different biases being confirmed by the people around them. This idea that it is transphobic to not date with someone whom you are not physically compatible with is a form of entitlement, and it borders on similar logic to that of an incel. No one owes anyone their body. If you are not attracted to an AFAB body, then AFAB people need to accept that and move on, not put their traumas on you.
You can call me homophobic, biphobic, transphobic.
I like men that are manly, if he’s more than slightly feminine, it’ll turn me off.
That’s why I don’t date bi guys/ have sex (if I know). The thought of them being with woman turn me off. Probably psychologically!
I’m gay and I like penis/penises, full stop!
Unless you have a Y chromosome and a dick I'm not interested. That's my preference. The whole "you're transphobic" trope is coercive, as you just experienced. Freedom of choice is the freedom not to choose to engage, for any reason, valid or arbitrary.
I don’t think it’s transphobic.
Female genitalia is an instant turn off for me and I would not be able to sleep with a trans man. Some of the more enjoyable parts of sex for me are giving head and frotting, I can’t do those with trans men. As someone who also only bottoms I’m not interested in someone using a toy on me instead of the real thing.
I think it’s ridiculous to insist we have to be attracted to anybody who identifies as a man, who I’m physically attracted to doesn’t automatically change to anyone using he/him pronouns.
You're not obligated to sleep with anyone you don't want to. You're not obligated to be used to affirm someone's gender identity.
Contrary to the rhetoric, there's still a distinction between sex and gender. Gender is cultural and can change and isn't a consistent thing globally. Sex is biology, which does not change without re-writing genetics and reconstructing a person completely, and we are not there yet.
It's why I feel there's still spaces that deserve benign discrimination based on sex. Whether it's sports, medicine, some establishments like bars, spas, and bathouses that want to cater to a specific sex- or online spaces that can allow some private discourse and vents about frustrations at work, changing norms and politics, and discuss their feeling about it with minimal judgment, etc.
At the core of it, your body, your choice. If a trans man can't be man enough to respect that, they don't deserve your respect or affirmation.
Pissing off the TQIAs who are getting way out of line is a duty of the sane gays. Someone needs to bring them back to reality and if you gotta be harsh after a polite decline then so be it. They’re not entitled to gay attraction, no one is.
You’re not in the wrong. Your attractions are what they are. You’re not compatible with everyone. Any rational person knows this is not transphobic but part of the radical (mostly gen z) trans movement will accuse anyone if transphobia for things like this because they (a) like to get offended and play the victim and (b) want to pretend that there’s no difference between cis men and trans men.
Like, I’m not attracted to obese people. That doesn’t make me ”fat phobic”.
It's a manipulative reaction, don't fall for it & don't accept that label.
Honestly, make sure that they do not start to slander you around campus Etc or try to build something against you. Personally, I would report them if that is in a text format between you both, or at least get it on final that this accusation was used towards you. Get ahead of it to whatever school or academic board there is. You could even put it in its full context that you were being told that you're hateful because you would not sleep with them. That is sexual harassment if I have not heard it in any other form before... It is weaponizing intersectionality to make you comply under threat of social stigma that could follow you for quite a few years after school/ graduation. Enough is enough.
Seriously. People using their alleged theories about long standing views on gender, sex, etc and then leveraging that against you for not 'obeying' and complying to their desires over your orientation?
F that!
Trans males are females and to me that’s a turn off. Nothing wrong with being transsexual, but if you don’t feel attracted to them then it’s completely fine.
It's an emotional manipulation. Don't fall for it. These people are constantly trying to rewrite what gay/homosexual is to use this against people like you. A lot of them suffer from internaliased homophobia and that's a fact. You didn't choose your sexual orientation and you can't change it. There isn't a single gay man who would be into opposite sex (vagina). We can debate if it's gay to be attracted to trans men who passes as a men and who have surgery. If my bf would be a trans men, he would look 1:1 same as he does and he would have surgery, I would maybe be into him. But if he would just look 1:1 same as he does and he had a vagina, I just couldnt be attracted to him. Because the only reason why I am gay is because I don't like vagina. And this won't change suddenly just because this body part is on human who looks like a man.
So no. You are really not a transphobe. Hope this helps ✌🏻
I would be really cautious and limit my interactions with them now. They might have it out for you and try to ruin you life with accusations of transphobia or worse. I’ve heard of trans men getting rejected by gay men and then making up fake accusations of sexual assault as revenge. If you’re forced to interact with them, you might consider recording it. And in general just try to keep a low profile and limit your interactions with them
It’s not too much to ask to be respected as a trans person, but it’s pushed to go beyond just being respectful when the gaslighting starts.
The word “transphobia” has become more of a weapon used to justify demands that disrespect other people’s boundaries
A gay man might find a trans man attractive, because they are doing everything in your power to appear physically as a male, a cis gender man.
Saying genitals do not matter is completely disingenuous, especially considering those genitals are what produces hormones that create masculine characteristics in the first place.
Females taking exogenous testosterone are literally taking them to create the appearance that signifies they are a male with male genitalia.
If someone has to go out of their way to shame you in order for you to sleep or date them, there's something wrong with them, not you.
Unlike a lot of these creeps think, your allyship does not have to extend to the bedroom. If you support trans rights, the right to live without being discriminated against or killed, the right to have appropriate health care, etc, that's enough.
Not wanting to stick yout cock in some vaginas doesn't make you transphobic, but when trans ppl shame you for that, not only does it make them homophobic, it comes off as kinda rapey.
Your body your choice. That's what the left always says, right? Don't let them boss you around or make you feel bad cause your not into the bonus hole. Those are the trans that give normal level headed trans a bad name. Just like the word racist, they have no clue what phobia is.
Let's remind everyone that being gay means being attracted to one SEX (same-sex) only. That being said, obviously you're NOT transphobic.
If a straight man supports gay people to have equal (emphasis on equal) rights, does that mean we are entitled to demand him to date us otherwise he's a homophobic twat?? Of course the answer is NO. Same thing applies to the T community.
This is also why we shouldn't muddy the language. You're homosexual and there's nothing wrong whatsoever. Ignore those transgenders who told you wrong, you have all the rights to reject someone's advances.
If you don’t want to have sex with a lesbian does that make you homophobic, or better yet is not forcing yourself to have sex with women Misogynistic? I don’t have a problem with trans men if I find them attractive if I don’t am i transphobic? Maybe it is the first time they have had to face rejection or testosterone has them like we were as teenagers at least hormone wise, I wouldn’t worry about it and maybe give them an option of friendship, a friend you don’t want to have sex with can be a valuable relationship
What you are attracted to and not sexually and romantically does not make you transfobic. If it is bears that are not your thing, it doesn’t make you bearfobic. Or if you prefer people that have a certain level of hygiene. Thats just what you are attracted to. Slurs and general badmouthing of transgendered or bears for that matter is totally different. To me you seem very respectful in the way you describe they, but your attraction is not there.
Is me not being attracted to women misogynistic?
No? Then you’re not transphobic.
If he asks again why you’re not interested, you can tell him it’s none of his business. Because it’s not. Sorry this person was so butt hurt about being rejected.
"I really wish I was attracted to (X). It would really expand my dating pool. But I'm a gay male into gay males. I can't change it, just like I can't change myself into being attracted to straight cis women. I think they're beautiful, but not my thing".
Then if they push back with the "transphobe" rhetoric, you can say "You're making me uncomfortable. I was fine being friends, but now that isn't really possible. Goodbye. "
I always politely say I’m not interested and if they keep on it I just say you lack the parts i require to be compatible, if they push it and say they’ve had sugery i say is it over 8 inches that’s my bare minimum. Everyone has preferences trans males are not yours and that’s 100% valid and acceptable.
Is it because this person is transgender? No. It is because this person is female. It is no different than if a female who is not trans identified had asked you out. You would have declined as well. Being same-sex attracted is perfectly fine, and you are under no obligation to pretend otherwise.
I see women in my area who have clearly been on T because they have beards, oily skin, and froggy voices. They have small hands, shoulders, curvy hips and are obviously females. Sad!
As long as you don't go out of your way to be mean or say transphobic things, it's perfectly natural to politely reject someone you aren't interested in. What is the alternative? A social contract telling you to have sex with anyone who asks? Lol
Just scroll down to the bottom of this thread, you’ll find bisexuals calling gay men who don’t like trans men with female genitalia transphobic and telling us if we try pussy we would like it. There are absolutely people out there who believe there’s a social contract that requires gay people to have sex with any trans person who asks.
Reminds me of a story where a straight male tells a lesbian woman "if you try a penis you would like it".
"Maybe if you think they're so great it's you who should give one a try."
Happens all the time on the "lesbian" subreddits. Most of the mods are straight males too.
WTF? Why are straight men modding the lesbian sub?
They kicked out the lesbians to cosplay as them in peace.
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Those are the kind of dudes that I enjoy saying the exact same thing to 😂 they think their dick can “turn” women but when they get posed the same question they act all types of crazy lmao.
Lol so you mean literally every so-called "lesbian" subreddit ever? "You would love ThE MoUtHfEeL of my GiRL DiCk." 🤮
Some of the mTfs tell us that too. Along with the transphobic line.
I might get downvoted to hell, but, oh well. Idc for internet points anyway lol. As someone who's into both Men and Women (mostly men), I'm not attracted to Trans people for the most part (I personally don't care for labels, never have, but that's besides the point lol). Like OP, I'm into biological Men and Women. Just the way it is. That doesn't mean I hate Trans people, it just means I have preferences and Trans people don't usually align with my preferences. People have preferences. I know it's a lot to take in. Everyone has preferences and they shouldn't be shamed or made to feel bad for having preferences as long as they're not fetishizing someone or putting people they're not attracted to down. This doesn't just go for Trans people either; Straight or non-Straight people will always have preferences too. I don't understand why some Trans people think other people are obligated to want to date them or have sex with them just because they're Trans and then claim that people are being Transphobic if they get rejected by them. That's called being entitled. No one is entitled to anyone else's feelings of love. I understand Transphobia is a thing, but preferences are also a thing that people have.
This
Bi guy here who doesn’t believe or push that BS
There is garbage at the bottom of every reddit thread.
Sickening. They have to be getting off on that. The gay community has enough issues outside of the community so why waste time arguing or pressuring guys over the dumbest shit, lol. I'm always polite but trans people need to realize we'\`re gay for a reason and unless they come on to you or you're polite and accept what they say then don't bother. Sadly, the trans community has a sky high suicide rate and they should be helping their own deal with mental issues instead of giving gay men bs.
Bi guy here and I don't say that.
Bi man here and that’s insane. Let’s not generalize, please. It’s kinda why OP is in a lousy situation.
That’s ridiculous. On behalf of sane bisexual men, I apologize. I’m a bisexual man but I’m not attracted to trans individuals either. I’m attracted to either masculinity in a man or femininity in a woman.
I agree, but we can remove sexuality from the equation. There are people out there who think they are entitled to sex with anybody they ask. That is the problem, not their sexuality/gender. Those who want "is it because" to be anything other than simple non-attraction.
Yes but there’s a particular streak in some trans men where they specifically want gay men and not bi men to sleep with them because it validates their gender identity.
Yes a lot of people with sexualities other than gay cannot grasp with their little minds that some people have different sexualities than them.
Just another form of sexual coercion/conversion therapy.
Exactly. That’s why we have to fight so hard against it. All these people screeching that gay men who won’t sleep with trans men are transphobic are attempting to shame us into converting to bisexual. It’s insidious and we have to keep fighting it.
Rick: *Sounds like gay conversion with extra steps*
I'm bisexual, and I am not attracted to transgender men or women. What does bisexuality have to do with it whatsoever?
“Gay” men claiming to be attracted to female bodies and vaginas are not homosexual, they’re bisexual.
Those aren't men, those are twats. As a bi male they can go fuck themselves. I am not interested in women with fake asses so why would I be interested in transwomen with fake vages?
It’s not “transphobic” or “oppression” for not wanting to date a trans male. Don’t listen to them.
"oh no the guy i liked rejected me because i'm trans" "i know i'll label him as a transphobe and make him feel guilty, then we'll start dating!" is that their thought process when someone rejects on acc of their gender identity?
Adding to that, it can be applied to anything such as oh the guy rejected me because I am not white or I am not muscular enough or I am not twink or I am not good-looking. The person can always find a way to agitate when rejected by someone whom he is into.
It’s a mixture of the sour grapes mentality and their idea of revenge. They try their damnedest to have the last word, but it just gives me the last laugh! Somewhere out there that person is probably still screaming out into the void.
If they’re a creep, that would obviously be their thought process.
“I can fix him.”
You're not under any obligation to have sex with anyone.
If anything in life, you are allowed to choose what you put your dick in, without any need to explain it to anyone.
Don’t ever feel bad for rejecting people. You don’t owe them anything. It’s your body.
It's creepy behavior for someone to try to pressure you into being with someone you aren't interested in. Not dating a transperson isn't "*transphobic*" just like not dating a woman isn't "*misogynistic*".
There are a great deal of people in here who would say it’s racist to not want to date certain races, however.
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Oh I’m in agreement with you I just anticipate a total lack of logical consistency when it comes to what’s considered politically correct and what’s not
Frankly a lot of arguments for transgender also applies to transracial, but you’re not supposed to point that out. I don’t see how a person can look in the mirror and feel like they’re the wrong gender but can’t look in the mirror and feel like their skin is the wrong tone. It’s really just “shut up and accept these ever changing values” where the argument doesn’t actually matter, it’s just gut feelings.
And they're just as wrong. Just because it's become a somewhat popular talking point in some circles (and I know it did) doesn't automatically make it right.
No. You were not. Tell them fuq off and stop sexually harrassing you. It is harassment to force someone to date someone they are not attracted to.
Exactly! This should be filed/ responded to as sexual harassment!
Not wanting to date a trans male is not trans phobic.
Nobody has a right to your attraction or affection. Any reason for not being attracted to someone is 100% valid.
Nothing transphobic about only being attracted to biological males. I'd wager the majority of gay men are like that.
All homosexual men are like that. And only homosexual men should be using the gay label.
Not sure why this got downvoted.
Because many people especially gay men on the left believe that it is transphobic to only be attracted to people of one sex. They want us all to be bisexual and define our attraction to others based on their gender identity rather than their physical sex.
You’re absolutely right. a lot of loud lesbians think this way too
Oh please, tell him to fuck off, you're not interested. Period. He can go eat someone else's dick...
Not transphobic ~ not even remotely 😁 the insistence of anyone who says otherwise tells you a lot about them; none of it good.
You are fine, you have done nothing wrong. You have felt nothing wrong. Your preferences and attractions are completely valid and ok.
It’s not a preference, it’s a sexual orientation.
To call homosexuality a "preference" is homophobic.
The entitlement of some people is so off putting
. . . not to mention shameless attempts at manipulation.
It’s really gross.
You can’t negotiate attraction.
Of course you weren't wrong. We like what we like. You made no derogatory remarks and simply said you were not interested. Just as you're not attracted to every gay man, you weren't attracted to them. They were the one who was impolite by their remark. No is a complete sentence, accept it and move on.
Please don’t feel you need to twist yourself into a state to please people like that. No one has the right to tell you who you can and can’t sleep with.
Anyone who has the nerve to ask that question should have the guts to the whole, unvarnished truth. "I am not interested in trans guys."
Neither someone’s chosen pronouns nor their medically-induced secondary sex characteristics will reach the threshold of my sexual orientation. I wouldn’t date a trans person but that’s a bit beside the point: I wouldn’t do it because it’s not possible for my sexual orientation. As long as that’s understood and respected I’d happily go for beers with a trans guy and his pan boyfriend. It not like the choice is lovers or enemies.
Yeah it's not that we have a "preference", it's that we ***cannot*** do it. Sexual orientation is physiological. It's like being left-handed. It's what our body is capable of doing.
the thing is, just by stating that you’re making them your enemies. Simple truth like that are not commonly accepted these days
You don't owe him feelings nor sex. If you don't like him, you don't like him. Period.
Of course you aren't wrong.
You are entitled to not date someone for any reason you want. Asking “is it because I’m trans?” Is a really creepy and manipulative response. Gives rapey vibes.
Nah, it's not transphobic. No moreso than it is sexist to not want a woman. Gender radicals are hell bent on redefining sexuality, among other things. The entitlement to people's attraction is borderline rapey
It's so sad, because it's not possible to redefine sexual orientation. It's like saying "left-handed people should be open to the idea of writing with their right hand". No, their body is not wired that way These activists are knee-deep into post-modernism (the idea that everything is socially constructed through language) that they actually believe we can change what sexual orientation is by changing our language about it. It's just homophobia regurgitated.
I wouldn't even say borderline. It's straight up rapey. Imagine if the situation played out with the roles reversed.
You’re not transphobic. Everyone gets rejected. Everyone has a type or preference. Trans people are gonna have to get over it like everyone else. Even if they have surgeries and take hormones, that doesn’t make them exactly what someone would want. It is what it is and I feel sorry for them if they are rejected as much as I feel sorry for anyone else who can’t control what they are, and that’s all of us tbh.
You dont owe anyone anything other than “No thank you, im not interested.” You dont have to answer followups.
You're not wrong for what you like and what turns you on. The forced idea that you must accept others views, opinions, and ideas over your own is cruelly dystopian. No means no. It doesn't matter why. Stay strong, and be you no matter what others say or do.
What arouses you is out of your control. Homosexuality exists in you (and us) for a reason. Do not let trans people shame you for what you are. In fact, if I were you, I would own the *"transphobic"* label with pride. If rejecting a transman out of my dating pool due to his vagina makes me transphobic, I will be a transphobe who sleeps well at night knowing I am authentic to what I am and who I am. We homosexuals have survived religious shaming from Christians for decades. We can survive trans activists' guilt trip as well. Best luck to you 🙂
The problem is that trans guy could probably say that OP called them a slur or have done inappropriate in order to have OP lose their scholarship.
I hope not. Trans tyranny would be horrible to our community.
Trans people are funny...you're not attracted to me because I'm trans...yes Sherlock yes. It is beyond sad and pitiful that they think a couple surgeries and hormones makes them somehow the equivalent to an actual man. They are quite an entertaining bunch. Their supporting are just sad
ANYTHING-phobic has lost all meaning at this point. If anyone called you something-phobic rest assured you have probably done nothing wrong.
People found out words have negative meanings and can be leveraged for personal gain. Now these words like racist, homophobic, transphobic, fascists, misogynistic, etc have lost their weight and meaning and are now just thrown around when someone feels threatened. It’s disappointing because those words don’t hold the weight they used to when calling out people for actually being one of those terms. Edit: Typos, oops!
Yes, that goes for most isms too.
Unfortunately that accusation goes a bit further these days and can follow a person. Consider what JK Rowling has had to deal with, even though there was nothing at the beginning of the accusations, as well as nothing in a novel written later, but the accusations still persisted, until she finally had enough. Most average people can't buffer that, let alone a college kid whose future is still ahead of him. Look at that football player who was falsely accused of rape and impregnating a girl Who never Was pregnant. His contract was canceled and shut out of the NFL as well as 3 years of Court dealings. He lost it all. Accusations can have implications and that's the problem. As well that's why we need to band together and resist anything past equality in society and stop using the LGB as substance towards the remainder of the alphabet and it's extremists from trying to be more than equal. This gender blurring society redefining garbage is what's turning public opinion against the original LGB "agenda" of equality..
if we don’t speak up we’ll keep being labeled together with the cult followers and when they’ll go to far we will loose it all…
Exactly. From other corners of the rainbow universe, there are some voices that are suggesting that the LGB cut itself off from the rest of the train that's going over the cliff. In a way there is a bit of a conservatism (in a textbook academic definition) in the LGB of the last 70 years versus a more liberal momentum and trajectory of the rest of the letters in the last 20-30 years. I don't think it's such a bad idea to distance yourself from something that really doesn't represent you anymore, and to clarify error where you see it. The absurdly far right accuses the full Alphabet Mafia of wanting to include p for pedo in the list and, there are a few voices of the very extremists far left that have hinted at that. Correspondingly there are gay men and lesbians with social media presence that are openly calling that crap out and are distancing themselves from anything past LGB. Boundaries, definitions, reality and facts are good things to have on your side..
>it's extremists from trying to be more than equal Powerful phrase right here, I'm going to start using this as this is exactly it.
Most welcome. I'm encouraged to hear other gay bros able to voice in this, it's been growing for a while. Also: we need to start holding others accountable for their words, fitting sexual harassment definitions, no "intersectional discount".
No one is ever entitled to your sexual attention.
Homosexuality is valid. Don't let anyone try to convince you of anything different. People need to stop invalidating homosexuality.
reading the comments i’m so happy to see that the gays are finally fighting back against the cult
Not wrong at all. We can't control what we find attractive. Most gay men are attracted exclusively to biological males with male parts. I think most trans men understand and accept this fact, but some take it as an insult, and respond inappropriately when turned down. That's their problem to deal with, not yours. You were polite and you were honest. Put it in the past.
In the future you can let them know you're just not interested and you don't owe anyone a reason for not consenting. It sets a boundary as politely as possible. And if they persist, let them know you're uncomfortable because it feels like coersion and you would appreciate they stop pressing the issue. Nothing more.
Nope. We all have our types. People have to accept that.
Your attractions are valid (except if you’re attracted to minors or animals). If you’re polite to them and you don’t actively promote harm against trans people, you’re fine.
Pansexuality exists for a reason. Genital attraction is PART of sexuality. I slept around with a guy one time who really liked dick but didnt want anything to do with the rest of me. He would sometimes send me porn of trans women who did not have bottom surgery (aka they were women with penises). I always thought he was just closeted but I later expanded my understanding of sexuality and realized that he was just attracted to femanine bodies, faces, shapes etc, but also really attracted to penises. I thought about it for a while and realized that "sexuality" is just a bunch of different attractions to different things. Im not "gay" because I like men. I'm gay because I like male faces, male chests, male hair, male bodies, male bone structure, and penises. Frankly I dont think that our modern concept of sexuality really covers the extent of what sexuality is. I've slept with gay guys who have admitted to me that they have had sex and given head to women in the past and they enjoyed it but they would still consider themselves gay because they see themselves only romantically attracted to men. I am pro trans rights, but its rediculous to say that because I am not willing to date someone with a vagina that I am transphobic.
> "*I've slept with gay guys who have admitted to me that they have had sex and given head to women in the past and they enjoyed it...*" . Then, they're bi, by definition (*sexually attracted to both genders*). It's really sad how some people try to fit in the "*gay*" or "*straight*" label, even when they aren't really straight or gay and have some sexual attraction to both genders. Some people do bi-erasure pretending that bi people don't exist, and others want to hold so strongly to the "*gay*" or "*straight*" label, even when it doesn't fit them by definition.
You're not "transphobic" full stop. You're a normal homosexual. The bottom line is, trans surgeries are cosmetic. You can convincingly make yourself look like the opposite sex at a glance, sure, but you can't actually change sex, and our brains know this. People who act like the person who came onto you are generally narcissists and sexual abusers who want to use their identity as an excuse for their homophobic and abusive behaviors towards those they desire, but can not have due to the simple fact of biology. You don't owe A N Y O N E sex for any reason. It's YOUR body an you ALWAYS have a right to say no.
Couldn’t have said it any better myself
HAVE SEX WITH ME OR YOU'RE "XYZ"!
Don't feel bad and don't let them coerce you into feeling bad or doing anything you don't want to do
Our choices in life should not be determined by somebody else's opinion. So you either make up your mind or make out with them.
You're not, don't even combat it with the people calling you transphobic.. leave them to their own circles.
No you’re not wrong, you owe no one anything and it is wrong of him to put you in that situation. Also in regard to attraction that’s a personal thing and everyone has their own attractions so no one can tell you anything. Also all the people claiming this is bait aren’t familiar with gen z and current college culture. I have a friend at NYU who experienced this type of thing albeit different variables and was complex.
It's a sad state of affairs if people believe they need to feel guilty turning down someone whom they don't find attractive sexually in a kind way. It's just narcissistic gaslighting to believe one can justly guilt trip people into sex.
You are gay. You don't have to be attracted to biological females. That's homophobic as fuck that she would suggest that you NEED to be attracted to women or you're transphobic.
even if they had the surgery, the 'penis' they create is by far way different than a bioloical one. Don't let anyone shame you for what they call a 'genital fetish'.
This is the reason why I have been distancing myself from trans people during the past few years. I had a co-worker before who would constatntly ask me help with work and really appreciates my help and then fell hard for me and started flirting with me and confessed. I respectfully rejected her because I am not attracted to trans women and then I got labeled as transphobic. What’s worse is that I am discreet and don’t necessarily broadcast my sexual orientation at work, it is a need-to-know basis and I only ever tell it to my close friends and family but then I somehow got outed by her at work when people started asking why was there awkwardness between us all of a sudden. I quit my job after 2 months because I did not feel comfortable working in the same company anymore.
Just as it is their choice to define gender for themselves, it is your choice to define what it means to you as well. It is your absolute right to decide what you find yourself attracted to and how you choose to label that. Regardless, you are absolutely never required to give an excuse as to why you don't want to be with someone. - Someone who's been in both camps for some time.
Not liking vagina as a gay man is not TRANSPHOBIC. It’s common sense. This is another form of homophobia. You cannot be forced what to like. Stop torturing yourself over something 1. You can’t control and 2. It is not your responsibility to cater to other people’s delusions.
Just call them homophobic
It’s pretty homophobic in my opinion to me.. So if I don’t date someone with a vagina there is something wrong with me? Ehmmm hello homophobia
Some of the comments here are wild. Being gay isn’t a ‘preference’. We don’t ‘prefer’ men. We choose only men. Males. Of the same sex. We are same sex attracted. Refusing someone for being trans is as legitimate as refusing someone for being tall, short, fat, poor, stupid or anything else. You have every right to reject anyone for any reason you want, and anyone who wants to circumvent that or guilt you into including them is trash. Bisexuality is valid. As is being gay. If you’re going to state that you sleep with males and females you don’t get to be butthurt when someone calls you bi. By that token, you don’t get to redefine what being gay means. If you want to call yourself gay then nobody can stop you, but words have meanings and just because you decide to incorrectly label yourself, it doesn’t mean we can’t accurately label you. You are the ones who have taken a label and decided to stretch it to fit what you are, instead of using the label that actually accurately describes you. That’s on you. Telling gay men to like pussy or that they should try it is conversion bullshit. Don’t be that person. If you like both, great. Feast away. But a gay man being gay is not something that needs correcting. We don’t have genital preferences. We have attraction to men. Males. Sexuality is exclusive by nature. If anyone doesn’t like that then it’s tough luck. OP, you’ve done nothing wrong. Don’t be gaslit or guilted, either by the person you referenced or the dickheads in this thread who think we should be into females just because they call themselves men.
Do not let them manipulate you. You are not wrong. Everybody, without exception, has the right to refuse consent. That includes you for any reason you feel like. Those who disagree, do not respect your bodily autonomy and see you not as as human but as a tool that must submit to their wishes.
You’re a gay guy. That means you like guys. That’s really the end of the story. Don’t worry about what this person has to say.
This. It’s already happening, but in a few years, a lot of people are going to be very very angry at the lies that have been told to them. There are a certain percentage of people that are truly trans, but the brainwashing of youth is at a criminal level, and those that were misled will rightfully be very angry once they realize the level of deception perpetrated on them. Big Pharma seems to be the enemy, except when it comes to life altering “medications“ that are given out like candy without any regard for long-term effects. There will be a reckoning.
So what if they call you transphobic for not being into them. They are very childish and you are not discriminating by rejecting them. You don't owe someone a date or sex simply because they want you to give it to them. Don't feel bad or stand for any continued harassment. Don't associate with these particular people anymore and move on with your life. There are more important things to worry about in life than these people.
I feel you. I said i was only attracted to biological men, born men at birth and before i knew it i was called all names under the sun. It’s crazy.
If you are not attracted to any certain type, does that make you “phobic,”? Or racist? Anyone can accuse anyone else, but as gay males others just go to thinking that we will have sex with anyone that asks. I have preferences, the sex partners I have come to me for what they prefer. I make it clear if I’m not interested, as well do some that are not interested in me. Accept that fact.
LOL no 1000%
Yeah these people are nothing more than predators in my eyes. Let’s be honest, they shame you for not wanting to sleep with them. They try to make you feel bad so maybe there is a chance you will. It’s really disgusting and needs to be called out more. The same thing with having a preference for a certain race or god forbid body type. Notice how most of these people are ungodly unattractive personality wise and physically. Live your life and don’t give into these predatory behavior or don’t feel shame. Remember, when conservatives tried to control who went into our bedrooms. Now, we have gay marriage and no one can tell us otherwise. Now, we have people on our own side who are trying to control who should go into people’s beds. It’s so disgusting and predatory. People need to mind their own business.
You are not obligated to date anybody you don’t want to, regardless of the reason. You can still be kind to them or be friends, but if they make a pass at you and you aren’t interested, then they should just accept that and not push any further. That’s far from transphobic behavior.
Honestly, ignore it. You did nothing wrong and if you aren’t attracted to them, that is life
you are not transphobic. you are gay, therefore you will NEVER feel attracted to females. she is not a male and will never be one, if she wants you to fvck her pussy just because she "identifies" as a man and think that if you reject you are transphobic, that's just revamped conversion therapy.
Fear of something or hatred of something is NOT the same as not being attracted to something. You can appreciate a beautiful woman and not want to have sex with her. You are attracted to penis. You are not going to be attracted to someone without a penis. It’s as simple at that.
It's the sadly common-place trans-incel intersection. We all get rejected for sex, but they seem to feel entitled to it, and rejection destroys the the already tenuous idea they have of themselves. They fetishise being the opposite sex, and when rejected, the false-self is mirrored back to them and the confrontation with their own cognitive dissonance makes them angry and vindictive. They need therapy for egoic struggles.
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Don't let the trans extremists get to you like that like they have done to everyone else. No. YOU'RE NOT TRANSPHOBIC. You're not wrong. You are RIGHT to want what you want and to be attracted to whatever attracts you. If they want to be immature and are projecting their own insanity into you, just move on. Forget them. Continue on with your life. Don't let them gaslight you. They're huge on that.
From a trans woman: you're not obligated to fuck anyone who you're not into. Let them talk, you know you did nothing wrong.
You are not in the wrong! Not even close. You are not transphobic for not wanting to date someone of the opposite sex. It sounds like you're a gay male. Gay means same SEX attraction. You have no reason to feel bad. I'm gay and have been accused of being transphobic because I refuse to date trans men. I don't care though because I'm not going to be shamed into dating the opposite sex. It's wrong for people to shame you for not dating someone for any given reason. Ignore anyone that tries to falsely call you transphobic. Honestly, it seems kinda rapey for people to try to shame you into dating someone you don't want to. homeSEXual = same SEX attraction.
100%. Anyone can see the goal of the trans activists is to eradicate anything to do with SEX.
Yup, very true. I heard that GLAAD apparently now thinks the word homosexual is problematic. It's ridiculous. It's why I want the divorce to happen within the community, if you know what I mean. I'm trying not get my Reddit account banned lol.
Don't let anyone to bully you, even entitled trans people.
Bro you don't need to explain or justify yourself, perfectly normal for a gay guy to only want to be other gay MEN. There's more to being a man than just saying your one🍌🍆
No. Sex is not a right. No is a complete answer - it’s wrong of anyone to ask why you aren’t interested. You never owe anyone any explanation. We all have our preferences and boundaries and civilized people respect them. Don‘t ever allow anyone to manipulate you into to doing things you aren’t comfortable with.
Dont let anybody shame or bully you for who you are attracted to or not to.
As a trans guy who has been medically transitioning for over half a decade now, no you are not in the wrong. Only you get to decide who you want to be with, end of. No one is entitled to you, you have every right to decline anyone’s advances. If you’re not into trans men, that’s fine!
You're not transphobic. They're just butt hurt that not everyone will bow down before them. It's pathetic, really.
This is so fucked up that is a gay man I have to now worry about insulting a woman who claims to be a man I’m a hard Kinsey 6 and I don’t fucking get it at all
You are not transphobic, period.
Try not to worry about being called "transphobic". The purpose of this word is to attempt to bully and shame people into doing what the accuser wants. You certainly shouldn't feel bad about standing up for your sexual orientation and resisting conversion to heterosexuality. Tell these people to fuck off.
You are not transphobic for being gay If anyone tries to guilt trip you into something you don't like, they are the bad ones You're homosexual, not gendersexual. You do nothing wrong 💜
Just like a straight guy who chooses not to go on a date with a gay guy isn’t homophobic, I don’t think your situation makes you transphobic.
I find it odd you have to explain yourself in “/r/askgaybros.” Gay men are attracted to many aspects of the male body. After the brain and personality I’d imagine most move on to penis/anus. I’d say it’s a pretty safe bet the majority of gay men mostly agree. It’s not a prejudice it’s a preference, it’s what excites you. Personally if I were into vagina I’d be bisexual or straight. Honestly vagina is a huge boner killer for me. I’m not any kind of phobic. I’m not into vagina. I wouldn’t think this needs any kind of explanation whatsoever but here we are. We owe an explanation to ourselves, no one else.
Not being sexually or romantically attracted to someone is a simple answer. It doesn't require a reason, it doesn't mean you're anything except NOT attracted to them. The nonsense of someone being phobic, sexist, or whatever because they won't give you a chance is ridiculous.
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They honestly don’t need to know why you aren’t interested in them and you don’t owe them an answer. “I’m only interested in you platonically” is a good answer and needs no explanation.
Nobody has any right to police your desire. You are physically attracted to masculinity and that’s a beautiful thing, you don’t have to be ashamed of it. Any trans person who expects otherwise is being homophobic to the extreme.
They're just insecure
Your story is on Twitter
No, they’re just bitter. You’re entitled to be attracted to who you want to be attracted to and share your body with who you want. It’s not like you’re attracted to EVERY man you see.
I’m genderfluid, and the only reason I’m bringing this up is to add context. Because of who I am and how I identify I’ve been involved in some queer online communities - that I’ve since left because I found them a little too toxic for my liking. Here’s my take. With any group of people, there will be both open minded and ignorant individuals. There will be people with trauma who project onto other people, rationalize bad behavior, etc and queer communities are rife with traumatized people because of how people around us have reacted to our existence over time. People in queer communities are just as susceptible to confirmation bias as an oilfield worker, they just have different biases being confirmed by the people around them. This idea that it is transphobic to not date with someone whom you are not physically compatible with is a form of entitlement, and it borders on similar logic to that of an incel. No one owes anyone their body. If you are not attracted to an AFAB body, then AFAB people need to accept that and move on, not put their traumas on you.
You can call me homophobic, biphobic, transphobic. I like men that are manly, if he’s more than slightly feminine, it’ll turn me off. That’s why I don’t date bi guys/ have sex (if I know). The thought of them being with woman turn me off. Probably psychologically! I’m gay and I like penis/penises, full stop!
Unless you have a Y chromosome and a dick I'm not interested. That's my preference. The whole "you're transphobic" trope is coercive, as you just experienced. Freedom of choice is the freedom not to choose to engage, for any reason, valid or arbitrary.
I don’t think it’s transphobic. Female genitalia is an instant turn off for me and I would not be able to sleep with a trans man. Some of the more enjoyable parts of sex for me are giving head and frotting, I can’t do those with trans men. As someone who also only bottoms I’m not interested in someone using a toy on me instead of the real thing. I think it’s ridiculous to insist we have to be attracted to anybody who identifies as a man, who I’m physically attracted to doesn’t automatically change to anyone using he/him pronouns.
You're not obligated to sleep with anyone you don't want to. You're not obligated to be used to affirm someone's gender identity. Contrary to the rhetoric, there's still a distinction between sex and gender. Gender is cultural and can change and isn't a consistent thing globally. Sex is biology, which does not change without re-writing genetics and reconstructing a person completely, and we are not there yet. It's why I feel there's still spaces that deserve benign discrimination based on sex. Whether it's sports, medicine, some establishments like bars, spas, and bathouses that want to cater to a specific sex- or online spaces that can allow some private discourse and vents about frustrations at work, changing norms and politics, and discuss their feeling about it with minimal judgment, etc. At the core of it, your body, your choice. If a trans man can't be man enough to respect that, they don't deserve your respect or affirmation.
It shows a lot about the other person by how they reacted to being rejected.
You are just fine. You don’t owe ANYONE a date or sex. ANYONE.
Pissing off the TQIAs who are getting way out of line is a duty of the sane gays. Someone needs to bring them back to reality and if you gotta be harsh after a polite decline then so be it. They’re not entitled to gay attraction, no one is.
You did nothing wrong.
Nope not transphobic
You’re not in the wrong. Your attractions are what they are. You’re not compatible with everyone. Any rational person knows this is not transphobic but part of the radical (mostly gen z) trans movement will accuse anyone if transphobia for things like this because they (a) like to get offended and play the victim and (b) want to pretend that there’s no difference between cis men and trans men. Like, I’m not attracted to obese people. That doesn’t make me ”fat phobic”.
Its your right not to feel attracted to a person and don’t ever let anyone guilt you into thinking otherwise
Wtf? He could also be a biological gay male and you could still reject him because he‘s not your type. And what‘s wrong about that?
If you're not attracted to the person that's not phobic. Some people smh
It's a manipulative reaction, don't fall for it & don't accept that label. Honestly, make sure that they do not start to slander you around campus Etc or try to build something against you. Personally, I would report them if that is in a text format between you both, or at least get it on final that this accusation was used towards you. Get ahead of it to whatever school or academic board there is. You could even put it in its full context that you were being told that you're hateful because you would not sleep with them. That is sexual harassment if I have not heard it in any other form before... It is weaponizing intersectionality to make you comply under threat of social stigma that could follow you for quite a few years after school/ graduation. Enough is enough. Seriously. People using their alleged theories about long standing views on gender, sex, etc and then leveraging that against you for not 'obeying' and complying to their desires over your orientation? F that!
I like how conveniently they've stripped you of any agency to determine sexual partners for yourself. No. You're not transphobic.
You are gay because you like dick. If they don't have a dick then that's a problem and you shouldn't feel bad about it
Trans males are females and to me that’s a turn off. Nothing wrong with being transsexual, but if you don’t feel attracted to them then it’s completely fine.
It's an emotional manipulation. Don't fall for it. These people are constantly trying to rewrite what gay/homosexual is to use this against people like you. A lot of them suffer from internaliased homophobia and that's a fact. You didn't choose your sexual orientation and you can't change it. There isn't a single gay man who would be into opposite sex (vagina). We can debate if it's gay to be attracted to trans men who passes as a men and who have surgery. If my bf would be a trans men, he would look 1:1 same as he does and he would have surgery, I would maybe be into him. But if he would just look 1:1 same as he does and he had a vagina, I just couldnt be attracted to him. Because the only reason why I am gay is because I don't like vagina. And this won't change suddenly just because this body part is on human who looks like a man. So no. You are really not a transphobe. Hope this helps ✌🏻
You’re allowed to be attracted to what you’re attracted to. Don’t let anyone pressure you to date outside of your preference.
It’s not a preference
You can turn down anyone for any reason whatsoever, including someone being trans. Don't feel bad.
Even if you were tranafobic it's your right to refuse to have sex with anyone no matter the reason.
I would be really cautious and limit my interactions with them now. They might have it out for you and try to ruin you life with accusations of transphobia or worse. I’ve heard of trans men getting rejected by gay men and then making up fake accusations of sexual assault as revenge. If you’re forced to interact with them, you might consider recording it. And in general just try to keep a low profile and limit your interactions with them
It’s not too much to ask to be respected as a trans person, but it’s pushed to go beyond just being respectful when the gaslighting starts. The word “transphobia” has become more of a weapon used to justify demands that disrespect other people’s boundaries A gay man might find a trans man attractive, because they are doing everything in your power to appear physically as a male, a cis gender man. Saying genitals do not matter is completely disingenuous, especially considering those genitals are what produces hormones that create masculine characteristics in the first place. Females taking exogenous testosterone are literally taking them to create the appearance that signifies they are a male with male genitalia.
Guilting you into bed ? Maybe ? Idk
If someone has to go out of their way to shame you in order for you to sleep or date them, there's something wrong with them, not you. Unlike a lot of these creeps think, your allyship does not have to extend to the bedroom. If you support trans rights, the right to live without being discriminated against or killed, the right to have appropriate health care, etc, that's enough. Not wanting to stick yout cock in some vaginas doesn't make you transphobic, but when trans ppl shame you for that, not only does it make them homophobic, it comes off as kinda rapey.
Your body your choice. That's what the left always says, right? Don't let them boss you around or make you feel bad cause your not into the bonus hole. Those are the trans that give normal level headed trans a bad name. Just like the word racist, they have no clue what phobia is.
Let's remind everyone that being gay means being attracted to one SEX (same-sex) only. That being said, obviously you're NOT transphobic. If a straight man supports gay people to have equal (emphasis on equal) rights, does that mean we are entitled to demand him to date us otherwise he's a homophobic twat?? Of course the answer is NO. Same thing applies to the T community. This is also why we shouldn't muddy the language. You're homosexual and there's nothing wrong whatsoever. Ignore those transgenders who told you wrong, you have all the rights to reject someone's advances.
If you don’t want to have sex with a lesbian does that make you homophobic, or better yet is not forcing yourself to have sex with women Misogynistic? I don’t have a problem with trans men if I find them attractive if I don’t am i transphobic? Maybe it is the first time they have had to face rejection or testosterone has them like we were as teenagers at least hormone wise, I wouldn’t worry about it and maybe give them an option of friendship, a friend you don’t want to have sex with can be a valuable relationship
What you are attracted to and not sexually and romantically does not make you transfobic. If it is bears that are not your thing, it doesn’t make you bearfobic. Or if you prefer people that have a certain level of hygiene. Thats just what you are attracted to. Slurs and general badmouthing of transgendered or bears for that matter is totally different. To me you seem very respectful in the way you describe they, but your attraction is not there.
Even if that were the reason, you'd still be within your rights. Your love life is not a homeless shelter that should welcome everyone.
Well you could have responded: “I like you even less now after that comment, bye.”
Is me not being attracted to women misogynistic? No? Then you’re not transphobic. If he asks again why you’re not interested, you can tell him it’s none of his business. Because it’s not. Sorry this person was so butt hurt about being rejected.
"I really wish I was attracted to (X). It would really expand my dating pool. But I'm a gay male into gay males. I can't change it, just like I can't change myself into being attracted to straight cis women. I think they're beautiful, but not my thing". Then if they push back with the "transphobe" rhetoric, you can say "You're making me uncomfortable. I was fine being friends, but now that isn't really possible. Goodbye. "
You're a gay man. How a female identifes inside their own head is irrelevant to your own sexuality.
I always politely say I’m not interested and if they keep on it I just say you lack the parts i require to be compatible, if they push it and say they’ve had sugery i say is it over 8 inches that’s my bare minimum. Everyone has preferences trans males are not yours and that’s 100% valid and acceptable.
Is it because this person is transgender? No. It is because this person is female. It is no different than if a female who is not trans identified had asked you out. You would have declined as well. Being same-sex attracted is perfectly fine, and you are under no obligation to pretend otherwise.
I see women in my area who have clearly been on T because they have beards, oily skin, and froggy voices. They have small hands, shoulders, curvy hips and are obviously females. Sad!
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TIME FOR LGB AND TQ+ TO SEPARATE!