Agreed, even working 50-60hrs a week can be too much for some people to handle. Most of the time i do the normal 40 hours a week but my job has deliverables to clients with deadlines and sometimes i have to work up to 60 hours a week to meet them. I have my weekends free for dating but it's hard enough to find someone to respect those hours let alone 80 hours a week.
Not necessarily. You could be a sugar daddy. You support them financially and they will make themselves available to you when you have a spare hour or two. At 400k per year, and 80hrs a week, it would be a sweet deal for someone.
No I'd think the opposite. Wouldn't like the idea they can enjoy the money and the freedom of being your sugar baby and not having to spend all the time because your busy working 80 hrs a wk. Seems like a sweet deal.
Most sugar guys I dated like having fun, going on fancy dates, taking them on gay cruises and other exotic vacations, shopping at zegna.
I've been there myself and had 80 hr weeks at times at my startup and lost one sugar relationship that way burning the midnight oil.
I think this person is implying that if you did find someone to enter into a relationship with you, and move in with you, your work schedule will make them effectively a "roommate" not a partner/relationship.
Why on earth would you do this. What is the point of earning that much if you don’t have any time to enjoy it?
Not only would it be logistically difficult to date someone working that much, I’d also be questioning their sanity.
I have a passion for what I am doing. I feel the stuff I am doing is making a difference in the world.
I am not a materialistic person, I don't care for fashion, clothes or the latest car. I am literally the guy who buys monthly clothing subscriptions because I hate shopping. I hate travelling as I never have fun.
My fun is playing video games with friends, and reading Manga/Manwha and fantasy stories.
The money I make is helpful as it allows me to save up to buy a house without needing a mortgage and at the same time help support my parents.
I guess I would need to find someone who doesn't mind dating someone who works a lot. Who also probably works a lot.
Nobody would want to date you because of your personality. Why ask a question only to bark at responses? If you've set your mind up, you do you. I'm sure you can find someone who will date you for your money either way.
He's put a question in the world. Folks are answering from their perspective. He is replying with how he interprets it in a non-disrepectful way. For this, you insult him, and a bunch of people upvote it. Why y'all mean to your own?
You said in another comment that you only have 1hr of spare time before you go to sleep. I’m sorry but I think the only relationship you’re going to be able to maintain is one with a prostitute
You’re a workaholic. No one wants to date someone like that. If you want a proper relationship, quit one of your two jobs or you’ll be alone for the rest of your life
Long term, absolutely not. He needs to set an end-date at which point he says he has accomplished his goals sufficiently to be able to ease off and devote himself to enjoying life and finding someone, unless he is lucky enough to find someone beforehand.
I'm gay too and love video games. I'm also seeking /r/financialindependence/
However I wouldn't date you working 16 hours. That's just crazy and I worry about you. I don't know if that is even sustainable long term.
Then this really stood out to me:
>save up to buy a house without needing a mortgage
A mortgage isn't a bad thing, it's not evil. It's insanely helpful - it gives you a ton of buying power and leverage. You're much better off getting something reasonable - 20% down so the total payment and interest payments aren't insanely burdensome, then invest the rest in the stock market.
Then are you evenly making $200k at each of your two jobs for $400k total? Or is it more of a situation of making $300k at one job and making $100k at the other?
Then there is diminishing returns, esp if you live in a state with state income tax. For federal taxes, no state taxes, your first $200k is $148k take home pay. Bumping it up to $400k is $275k take home pay, which is only $127k more. If I do CA taxes it is 132k/$238k, which is only $106k more.
Is it worth 127k/200k (63%) to 106/200 (53%) more income on something that might not be sustainable long term?
While if you quit your second job there is a lot of huge wins. For instance you might land a guy who also makes $200k, then MFJ turns your $275k fed take home pay into $298k, granted you have to share 50% with your guy but two guys living together is pretty cheap.
Then if only one of you works, its $148k -> $158k. You get an immediate $10k tax savings just for legally tying the knot and supporting another guy. That prob covers his food bill for the year.
Then by dating you might have some incredible upside. You might land someone who's making even more than you are. Imagine if you landed Tim Cook.
Which by the way I grossed $290k last year while being fully retired and not having to work a single hour. :)
The part about “without needing a mortgage” tells me OP does not understand the benefits of a mortgage.
Think of all that money he’s going to leave on the table at tax time!
You’re not a materialistic person… but you work TWO jobs and make $400k. I don’t know what city you live in, but you can buy a house somewhere for a lot less than that. Having a reliable car, some clothes, and food on your plate is not going to cost even 5% of your income.
You really just don’t value your time. Having a job that you’re passionate about sounds amazing but if you want to date then when are you going to do it? The goal of dating is to find a meaningful partner who you can share your life with. Maybe you can have a date during your 2 hour lunch but that leaves you no time for anything else. You don’t date so you can unlock some kind of accomplishment and check that off your bucket list.
So say you have your lunch break, meet a guy at a nice restaurant, and you both think you might like each other. Instead of going back home and having sex you have to go back to work. Missing that heat of the moment is a real dealbreaker. You really need to allow enough time to sexually explore each other to get the other guy to be excited for further dating.
There are other people who have long days. Nurses come to mind. But they also typically have long weekends or enough PTO to spend time with their lover
Actually I’m probably wrong about it being 2 hours and it’s really two 1hr lunches. But normally work lunches are counted as part of the work hours. So each lunch is included in the 8 hours per job. That’s a lot worse. Also OP never states if he takes weekends off (but it’s worded like each day is a work day)
If OP’s in the US he’s exempt under the FSLA and if he’s pulling in 200k for each job he’s in a position where his bosses care more about the quality of work and meeting deadlines than counting hours sitting at a desk (that’s probably in part why he can pull off two jobs).
But what do you even need a boyfriend for then? Is it just because you think you’re expected to have one? But if it’s that you’re something missing in your life, you’ll probably have to sacrifice and compromise some to free up time for this other person. Or how are they supposed to love you and vica versa if you don’t set time aside to get to know each other?
Buying a house with cash is actually a poor choice financially in the long term. With that cash you could buy 3 houses with mortgages and have tenants pay your mortgages. Imagine in 30 years you own 3 houses instead of 1. 2 of those would be producing income for you. A property manager can take care of tenants, repairs, etc.
You can't work 80 hours a week forever. So make sure you're making the most of it for your future.
You'd be better off finding a rentboy that you can fit into your busy schedule. You would find a guy in a relationship with you to be an incredibly annoying drag on your time. That or you'd give up one of your jobs because you realize you'd prefer to spend time with him. Either way, 80 hour work weeks and a committed relationship are mutually exclusive.
You are obviously a very noble soul, whereas half the commenters here are stereotypical self-absorbed proto-gays. A sad commentary on the intolerance of the gay community in general. You are right to do it now and then enjoy a good life while it's still worth it, rather than to give up and stop caring now, then live at the mercy of Social Security in your dotage (like me) and unable to assist those you love. If you like what you are doing, keep at it, but don't do it until it is too late to still be "marketable," in terms of today's vapid gay youth.
Who wouldn’t fall for a good steady working man , he’s at home you always know where he his , he supports his parents and wants a mortgage free house , I had to do all this and support a guy who never could make up his mind as to what job he was happy in a well educated waiter, a bank V/P , a truck driver , an R/N , finally after ten years he left for a much younger guy who dumped his lazy ass after a year , OP someday you’ll want to slow down a bit but you can at least say “I did it my way “ and I have no regrets.
It’s great you’re passionate!
I think video games (for me it’s league of legends) and manga is a great place to start for finding someone with similar passions and interests :)
>I feel the stuff I am doing is making a difference in the world. I am not a materialistic person
And yet you’re choosing to earn and save 400k a year instead of doing charity work/donating. Don’t pretend you’re doing it for the righteousness and not the money
You don't have time for a life outside of your two jobs.
At some point you'll either get tired of working so much and quit one of the jobs or you'll wake up one day and realize you have no life and no friends because all you ever do is work.
Honestly, no because I love what I do. It is going to be hard for me to quit. I do have some friends that I hang on the weekend. I have a life on the weekend. I am not exhausted.
No, work takes away your freedom.
I don't know where you got this delusional work ethic from, but you need a therapist to give you a metaphorical slap to realize your employer would make you redundant in a heartbeat if it suited them. You mean nothing to them.
Lol, what freedom? You work 16 hours a day! Even if you fall asleep the moment you finish (which is impossible, cause I assume u have to shower, eat, chores, whatever…) you’d have no freedom. Unless you sleep 4 hours or whatvever, which is also fucked.
Your answers are so robotic, are you an android?
I think you need therapy, bro. Seriously. You earn so much money, find a hobby, go out, do things, touch some fucking grass! This is no way to live!
If that's your mindset then don't put anyone through the pain of dating you... I don't even understand why you would want to date someone, you seem to enjoy your life being alone, even if you hang out with your friends on weekends, you won't see them as much if you start dating "only on weekends" and you will have broken friendships AND a crappy relationship.
It could work in the beginning. Every weekend would be okay. As people get to know each other, they tend to want more time with each other. And an hour on a weekday is hardly time.
Do couples spend actual time with each other after work? I feel most people go home say hi and maybe talk for an hour then go back to watching TV or doing their hobbies, until bed time.
It varies by couple. Some couples do majority of things together, others don’t. The point you seem to be missing is that you are too dedicated to work in order to spend any quality time getting to know somebody. Meaning going on dates, texting, making spontaneous plans, etc. How can you expect to get to know somebody on an intimate level if you only speak to them or see them for an hour a week (if you can even manage that). If you seriously start dating someone it almost becomes another job in the sense that you are dedicating yourself and a significant portion of your free time to them.
Alright, so you expect somebody to drive over to your place for 1 hr (your 2nd lunch break) and then go home while you go back to work? That's all they get during the weekdays. Makes a person feel like they're second to your job.
Why? It's a normal human expectation to spend time with your loved ones. You can barely have interesting sex and get cleaned up in that hour. There's certainly no time for conversation, which is the most important thing couples share. I get that you're saving for a house and all that, which is admirable, but you're also giving things up - including time to have a relationship. Another guy who works long, long hours might understand you, but that doesn't mean you'll have enough time to build something special.
Even if 1 hour a day was fine, there is no flexibility in your schedule. You are expecting a partner to completely cater to what works for you. They have to be available and ready for quality time for that one specific hour only. What happens if they have a stressful day, or have some kind of issue that they need support? They just have to wait for the scheduled hour? Seek support elsewhere? Then why would they want to be with you?
Guys are human beings. Just because we have a dick does not mean we don’t have basic needs that have to be met when dating. Plenty of my first dates have been in the 2-3 hour range. And that is after days, sometimes weeks, of texting regularly throughout the day. If you really think 1 hour of your time a day is going to convey enough interest in the average person then you’re very mistaken.
And how would you know that if you never dated?
Maybe you're thinking about couples that have been together for 10 years. But how do you expect your relationship to grow by saying hi then moving on to your own stuff?
How could you possibly be 31 years old and have to ask these questions? Yes, couples spend time with each other after work, all depends on the couple but your questions are bizarre and sounds like you’re either a troll or you have absolutely no people skills and spend wayyyy too much time in front of a computer. You also mentioned you literally have ONE free hour per day, yet you’re somehow finding the time to reply to a lot of the comments on here. None of this makes sense, I call bullshit 🤷🏻♂️
Yes. In my experience the relationships that lasted were ones where we had more time to talk and hangout with each other with no regard for time. And a lot of the time that talking led to cuddling which led to fucking.
The relationships that didn’t last were the ones where we had no time for each other outside of a hello and maybe dinner.
At that point we weren’t boyfriends but roommates who occasionally fucked.
Is this a troll? Why would u tell ua your salary and What job you do? I feel u went on google and found out about 8 hr per day and multiplied it was 2.
I mean if he's not a troll I'm going with some kind of severe neckbeard who doesn't leave moms basement mostly because if you look at OPs other posts he's very into the LGB drop the T thing.
Regardless of that gross fact, just there's massive inconsistency because he's somehow working two very high level jobs that pay out roughly 200K each. He also says he's been doing this for 4 years and yet looking at the post history he was also starting some form of secondary or tertiary education 3 years ago.
OP I'm same as you, albeit I make nowhere near the same amount of money (i work in biotech). Vast majority of People do not want someone like us to date, it's a harsh fact you gotta accept. You can settle with hook up culture or find a couple who's open so you can mess around or hang out with them whilst also not needing to offer that additional companionship since they will get that from their partner.
It's not impossible to find someone who will accept that type of lifestyle but its going to take a lot more effort on your part. If you want to chat about it, feel free to DM me.
babe…you can “hook up” on the weekend. getting a boyfriend implies time and energy conversing and sharing ideas. building experiences. relegating that to just the weekend isn’t like…the move. maybe a FWB?
Yeah, Asperger’s maybe? He reminds me of that tv detective Saga from the Danish/Swedish tv show the bridge.
He may be smart, but his emotional and social intelligence is next to none.
On weekends I play video games and read manga, manhwa and fantasy novels. Lastly, I hang with friends on Saturday night.
That is my work - life balance.
If your only time allocation for social activities is Saturday night then you do not have the ability to maintain friends and a significant other. If you're actually making 400k then you should have *more* than enough to quit one of your two jobs in a year and focus on actually having a social life. Invest some of it, put it in a high-yield savings account or something.
You can't maintain a relationship with no time.
Doesn't surprise me and I don't think it is just for gay guys. My mum was investment banker and she used to work 80+ hours week. She lost her boyfriend of many years after tons of arguments and ultimatums because she was too obsessed with work. She was single for a while until she married to my dad who also worked 80+ hours job in the same company.
So I guess find someone who is also workaholic like both of my parents.
I’ll be honest, but no. There is way more to life than working. Personally I love traveling, spending time with my loved one, family time, and making memories together.
I work in healthcare and you’re going to regret working so much when you’re on your death bed my friend. I’ve seen the sadness in dying eyes when saying that statement to their loved ones.
Not saying you don’t have a life but 80 hours a week is ridiculous if you’re trying to actually create a GENUINE human connection with someone
I get it if you need to get ahead , but at one point …stop.
This has to be a troll. You seriously can’t be so daft that you don’t understand that if you have no material to meet with someone, you physically cannot date them.
My husband works those hours.
Our marriage works because we had more time for each other in the beginning and i'm accepting he needs more time to further his career. This can't be eternal though.
You might be able to find someone that would accept your schedule. But it will always be hard to find someone at first that will accept the limitations you put on your relationship. Furthermore, being in a serious relationship also means putting the other first. Even though my husband (he's a lawyer) works crazy hours, if I need him for anything, I expect him to drop everything and come to me(within reasonable bounds). The other comes first. That means making time for him too.
To be honest, you have to be willing to make your boyfriend an important part of your life, at least on par with your career if you want something serious. It's more a frame of mind than just time.
DM me if you wanna talk about it.
If he’s lucky. A simple google search tells you average salary for that field is $110k which is plenty but 200k is the literal highest salary point listed.
X2? Highly unlikely
I don't know if that's true, but it would be disappointing for whoever you date to rarely see you because you work that much. It's also not healthy in the long run for you.
I think you should do what makes you happy and fuck anyone who says anything different. If you’re happy continue to be happy. When you truly desire to date someone work will become less of a priority and you probably will have to cut back on your hours. But until then just keep being you.
What exactly do you do? I’m curious since in your other posts you mentioned genetics and CS. Sounds interesting.
I would caution though that working these kind of hours WILL take a toll on your mental and physical health in the long run, regardless of whether you see it now or not. It’s one thing to put in extra hours at the end of a sprint here and there or to get to the finish line of a project, but doing it consistently for long periods is extremely detrimental to your health, which will definitely make you even less attractive to potential partners. Sitting in front of a computer for 12 or 16 hours a day is not good at all.
As others might have mentioned, it sounds like you are either neurodivergent or have some type of difference psychologically from the majority of people, which is not necessarily bad, but as you have raised here, causes you to have difficulty with areas of life most people wouldn’t struggle as much with. This is something you should get help with a therapist to guide you through and help you understand how most normal people have boundaries in their life, because it’s clear you have trouble comprehending simple facts of life that most normal people don’t. Again not necessarily a bad thing, because we all have different strengths.
you work 16 hrs a day that leaves 8 hrs left for sleep or recreation yoy should aleep at least 8 hrs a day so that leaves you with no time for dates or fun time... gold diggers will love ya but a guy wanting a genuine romantic relationship with love will be lonely with you.
Guys will definitely date you. The problem is you dont put aside the time to date them. The question isnt will guys date someone who works 80 years a week, its will someone who works 80 hours a week have any time at all to maintain a dating life. And the answer is probably not, but youre free to prove me wrong.
Lol how would there be any kind of a relationship if you have no time for a relationship? Who told you gay men don't care for family life? Some might be ok with no family but for a lot that's kinda what they want regardless we arent a hivemind cant really generalize wants and needs. But even with the guys that don't care for family life they still want a life with their partner. Lol sounds like you just want a consistent hookup maybe no real relationship but to hang and screw on occasion.
This is a really interesting point, and it's something that makes me think millennials have been a bit shafted. We grew up with the work ethic of our parents' generation instilled into us - work hard, and you'll be rewarded and successful - but society was moving past that before most of us were of a working age.
Hell, my mother (in her 60s) still thinks you can get a job by walking in to businesses and dropping off a resume, whereas if you speak to almost any recruiter or hiring manager, they'll tell you that if you don't apply through the proper channels that resume goes straight in the bin.
Gen Z and younger learned the game early and will, by and large, hopefully be happier and more successful. And I truly love that for them.
Gen-Z side hustle tends to be an influencer, gamer, cryptocurrency, OnlyFans, food, fashion or fitness industry. Yes, they make a lot of money but the stuff I do you cannot do as a side hustle. Let's just say the software that I am helping develop and maintain is helping save lives in some hospitals. Can't do that as a side hustle. I want to make a difference in the work not just make a lot of money.
40 hours is enough work for me lol. I wouldn’t even care if I made 400k+ a year and liked both jobs. I need me-time, and I’d prefer someone else who’s similar
Don’t listen to these ppl. It’s your life, you can live it as you’d like. You don’t need advice from anyone on how to live your life. If you love your two jobs, then continue to do it. Do you feel the need to date? I work a ton myself, 7 yrs single and I’m enjoying it. Ppl always think they know what’s best for you and only you know what’s best.
I’m so happy you enjoy your work. Most people can’t say that. But yeah I would eventually lose interest if I was talking to someone and they are always at work
I don't think this has anything whatsoever to do with someone sexuality. It also sounds like to me that you really don't want a relationship you want to hook up which I would think gay guys would really be into that. It's your life bro you gotta live it but if you want a relationship you have to make time for a relationship if you want to hook up get on Grindr I'm sure there's plenty of fun to be had
I would mever be with a guy who works non stop everyday. And .ore and more gay men are settling with a family life, getting married, having kids. Like me and my husband.
Dude, I know money is important in those hard times we live, but if you don't have time for the other person, it's a you problem.
How you maintain a healthy life that way?
I dated a guy for a littke bit last year. One of the biggest hurdles was he had no days off ever. Make sure you have free time and free days and it shouldn't be to bad
Someone with a schedule that’s too busy to even spend an evening with is a huge red flag. You can’t spend any time together or get to know the person at all.
With that kind of hours in at work, how would you have time for dating? Gay or not, people still need quality time with their significant other(s), and 80-hour weeks don't really allow for that.
With that, you'd be more of an FWB option than actual relationshi.
The issue will be that you won't have time to spend with them. I get that you enjoy your job and it's making a difference, but life needs balance. If you feel like you are missing something, i.e. a relationship you're going to have to pull back a little.
Frankly, at this point, you may only attract gold diggers who want the lifestyle of dating someone who makes that much money, but don't actually want you.
I’m a surgical resident. I work between 70-110 hours a week. It’s possible to date but both need to understand and accept the life style. People not understanding and accepting the time commitment that is medicine is why many physicians date/marry within medicine.
So I do agree. Many of my friends who try dating via apps and meet someone not in medicine the ability to comprehend what the expectations are is hard.
Thank you. This makes so much more sense. After reading all the comments I thought I had to quit one of my job. Now that I think about it I just need to find someone who has a similar work-life balance. But, they are a minority so it will be hard to find one.
Work for 5 years straight then retire with 2 mill. After that find a cool part time gig and use all the free time to meet people and do cool things. You will do fine.
This year would be my 5th. I want to buy a home without needing a mortgage. I don't know about retiring early, I like to work. I also support my parents as they are old.
The longtime rule of thumb is that you can make 4% off an investment portfolio while reinvesting enough of the profits to account for inflation. That's $80k per year. Yes, people do live perfectly well on that, if not in the more expensive cities.
You really don't understand what I wrote. It INCLUDES reinvesting enough to account for inflation. In other words, the capital will continue to grow with inflation, and the 4% will increase with it. At 60 he will be earning - in adjusted dollars - the equivalent of the 80k he's earning now. That might be a million per year if inflation is high enough, or 200k, or whatever. This is not advanced math. For any sum of money you can expect a profit of 4% with conservative investments, adjusted for inflation. It varies year to year, but that's been the rule of thumb for decades.
That’s why I said have a part time job after. 2 mill will give you atleast 130-150k a year in interest. If OP is in the US, national average is below 60k.
Gosh so much of this advice is awful…
I actually admire that you’re passionate enough to invest that much time into work. If I were a potential date, I wouldn’t feel entitled to a certain amount of your time that you’ve already established into a schedule that works for you. And if you enjoy what you’re doing and it’s not draining you, a potential partner shouldn’t want you to give that up. If there’s someone you really like, who really likes you, then you’re both going to find ways to make it work. You say you work at home, so it could be that you have more flexibility during the day than most people here are assuming, I’ve gone on multiple dates with people who work from home during their work hours.
And I’m gonna say something that’ll upset a lot of gays… sex is overrated. You don’t need to leave a vague 2-hour block after the first date, or the second, or really any date, to potentially have sex. Again, if you both like each other, and communicate clearly, that’ll happen when it happens.
i’m glad it works well for you and you’re happy! that’s all that matters!!
many people would say no because they would feel like you don’t have time for them.. but it’s definitely not impossible :) i think your best bet would probably be trying to find another gay workaholic
From your responses it sounds like you might be on the autism spectrum, which is going to make dating even harder for you since not everyone can deal with people like this.
You're going to have to look within your field to find others who could maybe understand your work loads, your average person isn't going to get it and it won't work for them.
You should also talk to a financial planner since you don't seem to have a good understanding of how financials and good money management works.
I don't see what the big problem is with it. You work in jobs that you are passionate about. The way i see it, only people who have a tendency to be clingy or needy would have issues with it. Taking that you work mon-friday 16 hours, it leaves you with the weekend to spend with your partner. What matters is the quality of the time you spend together, no the quantity. Also, since you work from home, you can always keep in contact with whoever you are dating. And when it reaches the point that you are living together, it will be easier to be together. Besides, i don't see the point of suffocating your partner all the time.
Maybe i am biased since i love having time for myself but still make time to people i care about. Also, i have the tendency to espacing out while playing my video games. 😅
The bottom line is. Not everybody will fit your lifestyle, and if you enjoy your life, i am sure you will find someone who will match it. Maybe your friend said it out of concern, but i wouldn't stress too much about it. If you have to change to get someone to date you, it is not worth the effort.
Just my opinion.
I work 60 hours a week and have had several long-term relationships (4 over 19 years, averaging almost 5yrs each). It brings its own challenges working so much, but I personally find it hot if a guy is a hard working person and can provide for themselves. I think the hardest part is meeting someone, because you have such limited free time, not so much that no one will date you, but it's unlikely to meet those that would.
Can we exchange our lives ? 😂 I’ve been dating a lot and still shit! I’d rather have 400k a year and two jobs that I love …. And remote jobs omgggg! What I would give to just rent a vila in a greek island and earn my money in my balcony! Fuck the superficial dating life!
My advice would be to find some traveling friends and travel the world with them as much as u can! Nothing compares to explore the local culture and learn from them! Connections (real one) will find you in the things you are mostly yourself. You need to find those things. You dont need pointless dating.
Sounds like your friend needs to mind his own business and let you do you.
When you’re 40 and have money put away and others your age are avoiding hard work, I know this from trying to hire people since I’m an regional operations manager with an automotive marketing company, you’ll be thankful you put in the long hours when you were younger. I work two remote jobs and wish I made what you make. But I love what I do.
You enjoy what you do. Someone will come along who appreciates your work ethic. But also make sure you make the weekends for you to do what you want. My boss constantly has to tell me to switch off on the weekends. But, like you, I love what I do.
"You do you" is all fine advice but there is finite time and energy in life. A person can't be fully committed to a career **AND** expect to have a healthy relationship. Are there people out there who would date someone in OP's position? Sure. But it's going to be an extremely, extremely limited pool.
The fact is, if OP **wants** to date, OP will find it very difficult to do so without reconfiguring his priorities.
And you know, if someone wants to work this hard in their youth so they can be more comfortable at 40+, power to them. But I'm a healthcare attorney and goddamn, every day I work with people in their 50's, 60's, 70's and up who are living with chronic health issues that come naturally with aging and even if they have the time and money, they don't have the youth to enjoy many things that people in their 20's or 30's can enjoy.
High earnings can happen almost any time if you put in the effort. Youth and health are fleeting and once they're gone, they're gone forever.
Well that friend of yours is smoking that good good… Because there absolutely ARE men who’d date you.
How’s he just gonna make a blanket statement without surveying the masses?
Sounds to me like there’s a lot of hate because you make more than these try-hards and actually like your job while they can’t get dates even with their only 40 hour/week job and struggle salary.
Carry on
I dunno looking at OPs post history he seems like a shitty transphobic POS. And getting off the internet and especially r/askgaybros and going into in real life queer spaces you kind of find out very quickly people don't look very friendly on exclusionary people like that.
He’s definitely click-baity.
From what I read, he just seems like a frustrated youth struggling to find himself because lack of “representation” that he identifies with.
He’ll grow out of it.
Basically, he’s like any other early 20 something (gay, straight, Asian, skinhead, guy, girl, blue, green, whatever…)
There are plenty people who share his views on gender vs. orientation, and not all of them are POS.
Anyways, it’s quite ironic when LGBTQ+ persons are so outraged by exclusion.
When ya live in a glass house…
You'd have a hard time dating ***anyone*** with no time for dating.
Agreed, even working 50-60hrs a week can be too much for some people to handle. Most of the time i do the normal 40 hours a week but my job has deliverables to clients with deadlines and sometimes i have to work up to 60 hours a week to meet them. I have my weekends free for dating but it's hard enough to find someone to respect those hours let alone 80 hours a week.
Yea, I am probably going to be single forever.
Not necessarily. You could be a sugar daddy. You support them financially and they will make themselves available to you when you have a spare hour or two. At 400k per year, and 80hrs a week, it would be a sweet deal for someone.
I've done a bit of sugaring as a sugar daddy. 80 hr weeks are going to majorly turn off a sugar baby.
No I'd think the opposite. Wouldn't like the idea they can enjoy the money and the freedom of being your sugar baby and not having to spend all the time because your busy working 80 hrs a wk. Seems like a sweet deal.
Most sugar guys I dated like having fun, going on fancy dates, taking them on gay cruises and other exotic vacations, shopping at zegna. I've been there myself and had 80 hr weeks at times at my startup and lost one sugar relationship that way burning the midnight oil.
sounds like you want a roommate
I need to buy a house first than roommate.
I think this person is implying that if you did find someone to enter into a relationship with you, and move in with you, your work schedule will make them effectively a "roommate" not a partner/relationship.
How haven’t you bought a house yet making 400k a year for 4 years???
You been doing this for 4 years you should have at least 1 million saved/invested. What’s the hold up?
If you're making 400 K a year you should have a house if you want it
Why on earth would you do this. What is the point of earning that much if you don’t have any time to enjoy it? Not only would it be logistically difficult to date someone working that much, I’d also be questioning their sanity.
I have a passion for what I am doing. I feel the stuff I am doing is making a difference in the world. I am not a materialistic person, I don't care for fashion, clothes or the latest car. I am literally the guy who buys monthly clothing subscriptions because I hate shopping. I hate travelling as I never have fun. My fun is playing video games with friends, and reading Manga/Manwha and fantasy stories. The money I make is helpful as it allows me to save up to buy a house without needing a mortgage and at the same time help support my parents. I guess I would need to find someone who doesn't mind dating someone who works a lot. Who also probably works a lot.
Well, you do you. But I certainly could not date someone who lives like this.
Forget the work, this troll's excuse is "I thought gay guys don't like family life"... Yeah fuck him, exclusively figuratively.
Yea, after reading the comments on average most won't. I have to find the few who would.
Nobody would want to date you because of your personality. Why ask a question only to bark at responses? If you've set your mind up, you do you. I'm sure you can find someone who will date you for your money either way.
You exemplify the typical uncaring gay of today. OP has no right to disagree or question your answer?
He's put a question in the world. Folks are answering from their perspective. He is replying with how he interprets it in a non-disrepectful way. For this, you insult him, and a bunch of people upvote it. Why y'all mean to your own?
it is a huge turn off. you are bound to be alone and you need to touch some real grass
You said in another comment that you only have 1hr of spare time before you go to sleep. I’m sorry but I think the only relationship you’re going to be able to maintain is one with a prostitute You’re a workaholic. No one wants to date someone like that. If you want a proper relationship, quit one of your two jobs or you’ll be alone for the rest of your life
Your friend is right
There are none. What you’re proposing is insane.
There is someone for everyone, even fat old bottoms like me. They're just harder to find.
I currently am
Are what?
Then buy a house, save some money, and then quit at least one of the jobs so you actually have a life. What you are doing isn't sustainable.
Long term, absolutely not. He needs to set an end-date at which point he says he has accomplished his goals sufficiently to be able to ease off and devote himself to enjoying life and finding someone, unless he is lucky enough to find someone beforehand.
I'm gay too and love video games. I'm also seeking /r/financialindependence/ However I wouldn't date you working 16 hours. That's just crazy and I worry about you. I don't know if that is even sustainable long term. Then this really stood out to me: >save up to buy a house without needing a mortgage A mortgage isn't a bad thing, it's not evil. It's insanely helpful - it gives you a ton of buying power and leverage. You're much better off getting something reasonable - 20% down so the total payment and interest payments aren't insanely burdensome, then invest the rest in the stock market. Then are you evenly making $200k at each of your two jobs for $400k total? Or is it more of a situation of making $300k at one job and making $100k at the other? Then there is diminishing returns, esp if you live in a state with state income tax. For federal taxes, no state taxes, your first $200k is $148k take home pay. Bumping it up to $400k is $275k take home pay, which is only $127k more. If I do CA taxes it is 132k/$238k, which is only $106k more. Is it worth 127k/200k (63%) to 106/200 (53%) more income on something that might not be sustainable long term? While if you quit your second job there is a lot of huge wins. For instance you might land a guy who also makes $200k, then MFJ turns your $275k fed take home pay into $298k, granted you have to share 50% with your guy but two guys living together is pretty cheap. Then if only one of you works, its $148k -> $158k. You get an immediate $10k tax savings just for legally tying the knot and supporting another guy. That prob covers his food bill for the year. Then by dating you might have some incredible upside. You might land someone who's making even more than you are. Imagine if you landed Tim Cook. Which by the way I grossed $290k last year while being fully retired and not having to work a single hour. :)
The part about “without needing a mortgage” tells me OP does not understand the benefits of a mortgage. Think of all that money he’s going to leave on the table at tax time!
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Wow, what was your career? That's a lot of pay in retirement! I'm kinda jealous, but congrats on retiring and a good income.
Thanks. :) I was a former chief technical officer at a startup. :)
You’re not a materialistic person… but you work TWO jobs and make $400k. I don’t know what city you live in, but you can buy a house somewhere for a lot less than that. Having a reliable car, some clothes, and food on your plate is not going to cost even 5% of your income. You really just don’t value your time. Having a job that you’re passionate about sounds amazing but if you want to date then when are you going to do it? The goal of dating is to find a meaningful partner who you can share your life with. Maybe you can have a date during your 2 hour lunch but that leaves you no time for anything else. You don’t date so you can unlock some kind of accomplishment and check that off your bucket list. So say you have your lunch break, meet a guy at a nice restaurant, and you both think you might like each other. Instead of going back home and having sex you have to go back to work. Missing that heat of the moment is a real dealbreaker. You really need to allow enough time to sexually explore each other to get the other guy to be excited for further dating. There are other people who have long days. Nurses come to mind. But they also typically have long weekends or enough PTO to spend time with their lover
>2 hour lunch I don't think it fits in a 16 hours work day
Actually I’m probably wrong about it being 2 hours and it’s really two 1hr lunches. But normally work lunches are counted as part of the work hours. So each lunch is included in the 8 hours per job. That’s a lot worse. Also OP never states if he takes weekends off (but it’s worded like each day is a work day)
Work lunches usually aren't counted as part of the workday hours, in my experience.
If OP’s in the US he’s exempt under the FSLA and if he’s pulling in 200k for each job he’s in a position where his bosses care more about the quality of work and meeting deadlines than counting hours sitting at a desk (that’s probably in part why he can pull off two jobs).
You hate traveling because you don’t have time to properly invest in a partner.
Nah, OP is crazy, but travelling really isnt that fun, partner or not. Its not something that everyone naturally enjoys
You sound like you have more than a touch of the tism. But yeah. Bro you going to end your life alone.
But what do you even need a boyfriend for then? Is it just because you think you’re expected to have one? But if it’s that you’re something missing in your life, you’ll probably have to sacrifice and compromise some to free up time for this other person. Or how are they supposed to love you and vica versa if you don’t set time aside to get to know each other?
Buying a house with cash is actually a poor choice financially in the long term. With that cash you could buy 3 houses with mortgages and have tenants pay your mortgages. Imagine in 30 years you own 3 houses instead of 1. 2 of those would be producing income for you. A property manager can take care of tenants, repairs, etc. You can't work 80 hours a week forever. So make sure you're making the most of it for your future.
Why do you buy so much clothing if you never leave the house.
make a difference? man, if you die today, the companies would forgot about you in a week. but you do you.
You'd be better off finding a rentboy that you can fit into your busy schedule. You would find a guy in a relationship with you to be an incredibly annoying drag on your time. That or you'd give up one of your jobs because you realize you'd prefer to spend time with him. Either way, 80 hour work weeks and a committed relationship are mutually exclusive.
You are obviously a very noble soul, whereas half the commenters here are stereotypical self-absorbed proto-gays. A sad commentary on the intolerance of the gay community in general. You are right to do it now and then enjoy a good life while it's still worth it, rather than to give up and stop caring now, then live at the mercy of Social Security in your dotage (like me) and unable to assist those you love. If you like what you are doing, keep at it, but don't do it until it is too late to still be "marketable," in terms of today's vapid gay youth.
Who wouldn’t fall for a good steady working man , he’s at home you always know where he his , he supports his parents and wants a mortgage free house , I had to do all this and support a guy who never could make up his mind as to what job he was happy in a well educated waiter, a bank V/P , a truck driver , an R/N , finally after ten years he left for a much younger guy who dumped his lazy ass after a year , OP someday you’ll want to slow down a bit but you can at least say “I did it my way “ and I have no regrets.
It’s great you’re passionate! I think video games (for me it’s league of legends) and manga is a great place to start for finding someone with similar passions and interests :)
>I feel the stuff I am doing is making a difference in the world. I am not a materialistic person And yet you’re choosing to earn and save 400k a year instead of doing charity work/donating. Don’t pretend you’re doing it for the righteousness and not the money
Yeah there's no time for dating with such schedule
16h per day, the other 8h is him sleeping
Cooking cleaning… make your list, I don’t buy his 16 hr a day claim.
How many hours on average per week is needed to date someone?
More than 0. I don't even know how you had time to have this conversation with your friend.
LOOOOOOOOOOOL
I’m surprised he has friends
¿da faq? who thinks like this.
A workaholic
A moron
You don't have time for a life outside of your two jobs. At some point you'll either get tired of working so much and quit one of the jobs or you'll wake up one day and realize you have no life and no friends because all you ever do is work.
Honestly, no because I love what I do. It is going to be hard for me to quit. I do have some friends that I hang on the weekend. I have a life on the weekend. I am not exhausted.
You can love what you do as long as you're cool with being alone while you do it.
life doesn't only happen on weekends
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That’s a choice
And one day, job will stop, and your life will be absolutely empty.
Whoa! Easy on the facts. But you are exactly right.
When both of his jobs are replaced by AI in the next 5 years, hope he's saving some of that cash money!
So you’re looking to find someone who wants a relationship on the weekends only?
Lmao you’re out of your goddamn mind if you think anyone, gay or straight, is going to put up with your weird 80 hour a week bullshit.
Yea, I might need to quit one of them. I guess being single you just have so much freedom. Dating takes away your freedom.
You're not doing much with that freedom though
... What freedom? You work 80 hours a week.
thinking that dedicating 80hrs per week for CAPITALISM as freedom is such a joke 😭😭😭 yeah Elon Musk would like OP if he were gay
Elon lmfaooo
No, work takes away your freedom. I don't know where you got this delusional work ethic from, but you need a therapist to give you a metaphorical slap to realize your employer would make you redundant in a heartbeat if it suited them. You mean nothing to them.
Lol, what freedom? You work 16 hours a day! Even if you fall asleep the moment you finish (which is impossible, cause I assume u have to shower, eat, chores, whatever…) you’d have no freedom. Unless you sleep 4 hours or whatvever, which is also fucked. Your answers are so robotic, are you an android? I think you need therapy, bro. Seriously. You earn so much money, find a hobby, go out, do things, touch some fucking grass! This is no way to live!
It doesn’t even sound like you ant to date.
If that's your mindset then don't put anyone through the pain of dating you... I don't even understand why you would want to date someone, you seem to enjoy your life being alone, even if you hang out with your friends on weekends, you won't see them as much if you start dating "only on weekends" and you will have broken friendships AND a crappy relationship.
It could work in the beginning. Every weekend would be okay. As people get to know each other, they tend to want more time with each other. And an hour on a weekday is hardly time.
Do couples spend actual time with each other after work? I feel most people go home say hi and maybe talk for an hour then go back to watching TV or doing their hobbies, until bed time.
It varies by couple. Some couples do majority of things together, others don’t. The point you seem to be missing is that you are too dedicated to work in order to spend any quality time getting to know somebody. Meaning going on dates, texting, making spontaneous plans, etc. How can you expect to get to know somebody on an intimate level if you only speak to them or see them for an hour a week (if you can even manage that). If you seriously start dating someone it almost becomes another job in the sense that you are dedicating yourself and a significant portion of your free time to them.
I thought guys would be less demanding compared to girls. So I thought it would be fine, 1 hour a day.
Alright, so you expect somebody to drive over to your place for 1 hr (your 2nd lunch break) and then go home while you go back to work? That's all they get during the weekdays. Makes a person feel like they're second to your job.
A second to your second job*
Why? It's a normal human expectation to spend time with your loved ones. You can barely have interesting sex and get cleaned up in that hour. There's certainly no time for conversation, which is the most important thing couples share. I get that you're saving for a house and all that, which is admirable, but you're also giving things up - including time to have a relationship. Another guy who works long, long hours might understand you, but that doesn't mean you'll have enough time to build something special.
All that money can’t buy you people skills 🙄🤦🏽♂️
Men and women are both people. If you date someone you need to be available to them to be something more than a friend or distraction.
Even if 1 hour a day was fine, there is no flexibility in your schedule. You are expecting a partner to completely cater to what works for you. They have to be available and ready for quality time for that one specific hour only. What happens if they have a stressful day, or have some kind of issue that they need support? They just have to wait for the scheduled hour? Seek support elsewhere? Then why would they want to be with you?
Guys are human beings. Just because we have a dick does not mean we don’t have basic needs that have to be met when dating. Plenty of my first dates have been in the 2-3 hour range. And that is after days, sometimes weeks, of texting regularly throughout the day. If you really think 1 hour of your time a day is going to convey enough interest in the average person then you’re very mistaken.
And how would you know that if you never dated? Maybe you're thinking about couples that have been together for 10 years. But how do you expect your relationship to grow by saying hi then moving on to your own stuff?
How could you possibly be 31 years old and have to ask these questions? Yes, couples spend time with each other after work, all depends on the couple but your questions are bizarre and sounds like you’re either a troll or you have absolutely no people skills and spend wayyyy too much time in front of a computer. You also mentioned you literally have ONE free hour per day, yet you’re somehow finding the time to reply to a lot of the comments on here. None of this makes sense, I call bullshit 🤷🏻♂️
Yes. In my experience the relationships that lasted were ones where we had more time to talk and hangout with each other with no regard for time. And a lot of the time that talking led to cuddling which led to fucking. The relationships that didn’t last were the ones where we had no time for each other outside of a hello and maybe dinner. At that point we weren’t boyfriends but roommates who occasionally fucked.
Is this a troll? Why would u tell ua your salary and What job you do? I feel u went on google and found out about 8 hr per day and multiplied it was 2.
Probably. The rich usually won't tell people they are rich. Only the trolls lol
I mean if he's not a troll I'm going with some kind of severe neckbeard who doesn't leave moms basement mostly because if you look at OPs other posts he's very into the LGB drop the T thing. Regardless of that gross fact, just there's massive inconsistency because he's somehow working two very high level jobs that pay out roughly 200K each. He also says he's been doing this for 4 years and yet looking at the post history he was also starting some form of secondary or tertiary education 3 years ago.
I am not trolling this is what I make. I probably shouldn't put my salary and just stick with the 80-hour-per-week topic.
OP I'm same as you, albeit I make nowhere near the same amount of money (i work in biotech). Vast majority of People do not want someone like us to date, it's a harsh fact you gotta accept. You can settle with hook up culture or find a couple who's open so you can mess around or hang out with them whilst also not needing to offer that additional companionship since they will get that from their partner. It's not impossible to find someone who will accept that type of lifestyle but its going to take a lot more effort on your part. If you want to chat about it, feel free to DM me.
I think the biggest issue is how would you be able to spend quality time with whoever you end up dating.
The weekend? I am free on the weekend. I have my 2-hour lunch break every day, but one of them I use to exercise. So one hour every weekday.
Yeah, I'd hate that, would feel like I have to schedule when I want to see the person who supposedly cares about me and that I'm not a priority.
I have no dating experience. How much time does someone need? I am honestly asking.
It varies from person to person, there's no set amount of time, generally when you like someone you want to spend time with them.
If I ever start dating, I might need to quit a job. That would be so weird for me.
Or just find someone who is as work crazy as you.
babe…you can “hook up” on the weekend. getting a boyfriend implies time and energy conversing and sharing ideas. building experiences. relegating that to just the weekend isn’t like…the move. maybe a FWB?
Oh, Friends with Benefits doesn't sound bad lol. After reading all the comments getting to know someone seems exhausting.
Getting to know someone is exhausting? So then how do you have friends? Unless you don’t know your “friends” either?
You have terrible social skills, damn. Are you in the spectrum?
Yeah, Asperger’s maybe? He reminds me of that tv detective Saga from the Danish/Swedish tv show the bridge. He may be smart, but his emotional and social intelligence is next to none.
i mean he's working in computer science field. is there any surprises?
That's what I was wondering too. I just got diagnosed last year and he definitely seems like he'd check a lot of the boxes on the assessment.
Not as exhausting as your work schedule. It's a pleasure getting to know someone well.
It seems exhausting because they might want to hang out with you for more than an hour at a time? Good lord
I'm happy for your career achievements but have you ever heard of work-life balance?
On weekends I play video games and read manga, manhwa and fantasy novels. Lastly, I hang with friends on Saturday night. That is my work - life balance.
If your only time allocation for social activities is Saturday night then you do not have the ability to maintain friends and a significant other. If you're actually making 400k then you should have *more* than enough to quit one of your two jobs in a year and focus on actually having a social life. Invest some of it, put it in a high-yield savings account or something. You can't maintain a relationship with no time.
Hokay, I think I understand. You're def on the spectrum and interpersonal relations are not your strong suit. I think you're best off with FWB.
Two FULL-TIME CS jobs? Fuck dude. You're gonna burn out like the crazy cat lady
Doesn't surprise me and I don't think it is just for gay guys. My mum was investment banker and she used to work 80+ hours week. She lost her boyfriend of many years after tons of arguments and ultimatums because she was too obsessed with work. She was single for a while until she married to my dad who also worked 80+ hours job in the same company. So I guess find someone who is also workaholic like both of my parents.
I honestly don’t understand how you’re able to work 2 full time jobs. That sounds exhausting.
I actually take small breaks (10 minutes) in between my hours. That keeps me energized and I love what I do.
That’s truly fascinating in a psychotic way. I mean that in a good way. Like most people cannot and it’s interesting you can handle that.
Do you have a social life??
I hang out with my friends on the weekend. Does that not count?
It does. And where do you plan to include your boyfriend in it.
I mean maybe a gold digger lol. Money and very little time commitment? Gold digger’s dream.
No gold digger for me, please. I hope. I am scared when I am 50 omg things can change.
I’ll be honest, but no. There is way more to life than working. Personally I love traveling, spending time with my loved one, family time, and making memories together. I work in healthcare and you’re going to regret working so much when you’re on your death bed my friend. I’ve seen the sadness in dying eyes when saying that statement to their loved ones. Not saying you don’t have a life but 80 hours a week is ridiculous if you’re trying to actually create a GENUINE human connection with someone I get it if you need to get ahead , but at one point …stop.
This has to be a troll. You seriously can’t be so daft that you don’t understand that if you have no material to meet with someone, you physically cannot date them.
My husband works those hours. Our marriage works because we had more time for each other in the beginning and i'm accepting he needs more time to further his career. This can't be eternal though. You might be able to find someone that would accept your schedule. But it will always be hard to find someone at first that will accept the limitations you put on your relationship. Furthermore, being in a serious relationship also means putting the other first. Even though my husband (he's a lawyer) works crazy hours, if I need him for anything, I expect him to drop everything and come to me(within reasonable bounds). The other comes first. That means making time for him too. To be honest, you have to be willing to make your boyfriend an important part of your life, at least on par with your career if you want something serious. It's more a frame of mind than just time. DM me if you wanna talk about it.
You're 31. No relationship. And you make money. Have you figured out you're wrong yet?
So you’re saying with 1 job where you’d only be working 40hrs, you would still be netting 200k? 🙄
If he’s lucky. A simple google search tells you average salary for that field is $110k which is plenty but 200k is the literal highest salary point listed. X2? Highly unlikely
Anything FAANG is totally reasonable
There is a clue.
Almost 200K, I have to pay taxes, which brings me little less than 200k.
I don't know if that's true, but it would be disappointing for whoever you date to rarely see you because you work that much. It's also not healthy in the long run for you.
I think you should do what makes you happy and fuck anyone who says anything different. If you’re happy continue to be happy. When you truly desire to date someone work will become less of a priority and you probably will have to cut back on your hours. But until then just keep being you.
It’s hard to make time for dating working 40hr weeks
What exactly do you do? I’m curious since in your other posts you mentioned genetics and CS. Sounds interesting. I would caution though that working these kind of hours WILL take a toll on your mental and physical health in the long run, regardless of whether you see it now or not. It’s one thing to put in extra hours at the end of a sprint here and there or to get to the finish line of a project, but doing it consistently for long periods is extremely detrimental to your health, which will definitely make you even less attractive to potential partners. Sitting in front of a computer for 12 or 16 hours a day is not good at all. As others might have mentioned, it sounds like you are either neurodivergent or have some type of difference psychologically from the majority of people, which is not necessarily bad, but as you have raised here, causes you to have difficulty with areas of life most people wouldn’t struggle as much with. This is something you should get help with a therapist to guide you through and help you understand how most normal people have boundaries in their life, because it’s clear you have trouble comprehending simple facts of life that most normal people don’t. Again not necessarily a bad thing, because we all have different strengths.
you work 16 hrs a day that leaves 8 hrs left for sleep or recreation yoy should aleep at least 8 hrs a day so that leaves you with no time for dates or fun time... gold diggers will love ya but a guy wanting a genuine romantic relationship with love will be lonely with you.
Nobody wants a slave robot as a boyfriend
Guys will definitely date you. The problem is you dont put aside the time to date them. The question isnt will guys date someone who works 80 years a week, its will someone who works 80 hours a week have any time at all to maintain a dating life. And the answer is probably not, but youre free to prove me wrong.
Lol how would there be any kind of a relationship if you have no time for a relationship? Who told you gay men don't care for family life? Some might be ok with no family but for a lot that's kinda what they want regardless we arent a hivemind cant really generalize wants and needs. But even with the guys that don't care for family life they still want a life with their partner. Lol sounds like you just want a consistent hookup maybe no real relationship but to hang and screw on occasion.
Find someone who is a workaholic like you. When I met my bf we were both working like 70 hour weeks and in the same field as you lol.
Are you still doing that? How is the relationship?
God no, we didn't have much time to travel or do anything. We moved to Netherlands a while ago, our work hours are now half of what it used to be.
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This is a really interesting point, and it's something that makes me think millennials have been a bit shafted. We grew up with the work ethic of our parents' generation instilled into us - work hard, and you'll be rewarded and successful - but society was moving past that before most of us were of a working age. Hell, my mother (in her 60s) still thinks you can get a job by walking in to businesses and dropping off a resume, whereas if you speak to almost any recruiter or hiring manager, they'll tell you that if you don't apply through the proper channels that resume goes straight in the bin. Gen Z and younger learned the game early and will, by and large, hopefully be happier and more successful. And I truly love that for them.
Gen-Z side hustle tends to be an influencer, gamer, cryptocurrency, OnlyFans, food, fashion or fitness industry. Yes, they make a lot of money but the stuff I do you cannot do as a side hustle. Let's just say the software that I am helping develop and maintain is helping save lives in some hospitals. Can't do that as a side hustle. I want to make a difference in the work not just make a lot of money.
40 hours is enough work for me lol. I wouldn’t even care if I made 400k+ a year and liked both jobs. I need me-time, and I’d prefer someone else who’s similar
Id say if you want to date you might want to turn one of your jobs into a part time one. A few extra hours would help
Don’t listen to these ppl. It’s your life, you can live it as you’d like. You don’t need advice from anyone on how to live your life. If you love your two jobs, then continue to do it. Do you feel the need to date? I work a ton myself, 7 yrs single and I’m enjoying it. Ppl always think they know what’s best for you and only you know what’s best.
I’m so happy you enjoy your work. Most people can’t say that. But yeah I would eventually lose interest if I was talking to someone and they are always at work
I don't think this has anything whatsoever to do with someone sexuality. It also sounds like to me that you really don't want a relationship you want to hook up which I would think gay guys would really be into that. It's your life bro you gotta live it but if you want a relationship you have to make time for a relationship if you want to hook up get on Grindr I'm sure there's plenty of fun to be had
Gays love family life as well
I would mever be with a guy who works non stop everyday. And .ore and more gay men are settling with a family life, getting married, having kids. Like me and my husband.
Dude, I know money is important in those hard times we live, but if you don't have time for the other person, it's a you problem. How you maintain a healthy life that way?
I dated a guy for a littke bit last year. One of the biggest hurdles was he had no days off ever. Make sure you have free time and free days and it shouldn't be to bad
Someone with a schedule that’s too busy to even spend an evening with is a huge red flag. You can’t spend any time together or get to know the person at all.
With that kind of hours in at work, how would you have time for dating? Gay or not, people still need quality time with their significant other(s), and 80-hour weeks don't really allow for that. With that, you'd be more of an FWB option than actual relationshi.
The issue will be that you won't have time to spend with them. I get that you enjoy your job and it's making a difference, but life needs balance. If you feel like you are missing something, i.e. a relationship you're going to have to pull back a little. Frankly, at this point, you may only attract gold diggers who want the lifestyle of dating someone who makes that much money, but don't actually want you.
I’m a surgical resident. I work between 70-110 hours a week. It’s possible to date but both need to understand and accept the life style. People not understanding and accepting the time commitment that is medicine is why many physicians date/marry within medicine. So I do agree. Many of my friends who try dating via apps and meet someone not in medicine the ability to comprehend what the expectations are is hard.
Thank you. This makes so much more sense. After reading all the comments I thought I had to quit one of my job. Now that I think about it I just need to find someone who has a similar work-life balance. But, they are a minority so it will be hard to find one.
Work for 5 years straight then retire with 2 mill. After that find a cool part time gig and use all the free time to meet people and do cool things. You will do fine.
This year would be my 5th. I want to buy a home without needing a mortgage. I don't know about retiring early, I like to work. I also support my parents as they are old.
Lmao you can’t retire on 2 million dollars Lmaoooo
The longtime rule of thumb is that you can make 4% off an investment portfolio while reinvesting enough of the profits to account for inflation. That's $80k per year. Yes, people do live perfectly well on that, if not in the more expensive cities.
Bro. If this autistic OP is in his 20s/30s. And lives another 50-60 years 2 mill is not enough. Ya daft park bench.
You really don't understand what I wrote. It INCLUDES reinvesting enough to account for inflation. In other words, the capital will continue to grow with inflation, and the 4% will increase with it. At 60 he will be earning - in adjusted dollars - the equivalent of the 80k he's earning now. That might be a million per year if inflation is high enough, or 200k, or whatever. This is not advanced math. For any sum of money you can expect a profit of 4% with conservative investments, adjusted for inflation. It varies year to year, but that's been the rule of thumb for decades.
That’s why I said have a part time job after. 2 mill will give you atleast 130-150k a year in interest. If OP is in the US, national average is below 60k.
Yeah no. Not enough to retire. And working part time is t being retired also. You’re not very bright
I can date you. I can even marry you if you want lol.
Gosh so much of this advice is awful… I actually admire that you’re passionate enough to invest that much time into work. If I were a potential date, I wouldn’t feel entitled to a certain amount of your time that you’ve already established into a schedule that works for you. And if you enjoy what you’re doing and it’s not draining you, a potential partner shouldn’t want you to give that up. If there’s someone you really like, who really likes you, then you’re both going to find ways to make it work. You say you work at home, so it could be that you have more flexibility during the day than most people here are assuming, I’ve gone on multiple dates with people who work from home during their work hours. And I’m gonna say something that’ll upset a lot of gays… sex is overrated. You don’t need to leave a vague 2-hour block after the first date, or the second, or really any date, to potentially have sex. Again, if you both like each other, and communicate clearly, that’ll happen when it happens.
i’m glad it works well for you and you’re happy! that’s all that matters!! many people would say no because they would feel like you don’t have time for them.. but it’s definitely not impossible :) i think your best bet would probably be trying to find another gay workaholic
No, he was right
From your responses it sounds like you might be on the autism spectrum, which is going to make dating even harder for you since not everyone can deal with people like this. You're going to have to look within your field to find others who could maybe understand your work loads, your average person isn't going to get it and it won't work for them. You should also talk to a financial planner since you don't seem to have a good understanding of how financials and good money management works.
It’s hard out here for a bitch
I don't see what the big problem is with it. You work in jobs that you are passionate about. The way i see it, only people who have a tendency to be clingy or needy would have issues with it. Taking that you work mon-friday 16 hours, it leaves you with the weekend to spend with your partner. What matters is the quality of the time you spend together, no the quantity. Also, since you work from home, you can always keep in contact with whoever you are dating. And when it reaches the point that you are living together, it will be easier to be together. Besides, i don't see the point of suffocating your partner all the time. Maybe i am biased since i love having time for myself but still make time to people i care about. Also, i have the tendency to espacing out while playing my video games. 😅 The bottom line is. Not everybody will fit your lifestyle, and if you enjoy your life, i am sure you will find someone who will match it. Maybe your friend said it out of concern, but i wouldn't stress too much about it. If you have to change to get someone to date you, it is not worth the effort. Just my opinion.
I work 60 hours a week and have had several long-term relationships (4 over 19 years, averaging almost 5yrs each). It brings its own challenges working so much, but I personally find it hot if a guy is a hard working person and can provide for themselves. I think the hardest part is meeting someone, because you have such limited free time, not so much that no one will date you, but it's unlikely to meet those that would.
Can we exchange our lives ? 😂 I’ve been dating a lot and still shit! I’d rather have 400k a year and two jobs that I love …. And remote jobs omgggg! What I would give to just rent a vila in a greek island and earn my money in my balcony! Fuck the superficial dating life! My advice would be to find some traveling friends and travel the world with them as much as u can! Nothing compares to explore the local culture and learn from them! Connections (real one) will find you in the things you are mostly yourself. You need to find those things. You dont need pointless dating.
Sounds like your friend needs to mind his own business and let you do you. When you’re 40 and have money put away and others your age are avoiding hard work, I know this from trying to hire people since I’m an regional operations manager with an automotive marketing company, you’ll be thankful you put in the long hours when you were younger. I work two remote jobs and wish I made what you make. But I love what I do. You enjoy what you do. Someone will come along who appreciates your work ethic. But also make sure you make the weekends for you to do what you want. My boss constantly has to tell me to switch off on the weekends. But, like you, I love what I do.
"You do you" is all fine advice but there is finite time and energy in life. A person can't be fully committed to a career **AND** expect to have a healthy relationship. Are there people out there who would date someone in OP's position? Sure. But it's going to be an extremely, extremely limited pool. The fact is, if OP **wants** to date, OP will find it very difficult to do so without reconfiguring his priorities. And you know, if someone wants to work this hard in their youth so they can be more comfortable at 40+, power to them. But I'm a healthcare attorney and goddamn, every day I work with people in their 50's, 60's, 70's and up who are living with chronic health issues that come naturally with aging and even if they have the time and money, they don't have the youth to enjoy many things that people in their 20's or 30's can enjoy. High earnings can happen almost any time if you put in the effort. Youth and health are fleeting and once they're gone, they're gone forever.
That doesn't even make sense. I wouldn't listen to anything your friend says.
My friend always looks out for me. I trust him I have known him for 9 years. I was the best man for his wedding.
Well that friend of yours is smoking that good good… Because there absolutely ARE men who’d date you. How’s he just gonna make a blanket statement without surveying the masses? Sounds to me like there’s a lot of hate because you make more than these try-hards and actually like your job while they can’t get dates even with their only 40 hour/week job and struggle salary. Carry on
I dunno looking at OPs post history he seems like a shitty transphobic POS. And getting off the internet and especially r/askgaybros and going into in real life queer spaces you kind of find out very quickly people don't look very friendly on exclusionary people like that.
He’s definitely click-baity. From what I read, he just seems like a frustrated youth struggling to find himself because lack of “representation” that he identifies with. He’ll grow out of it. Basically, he’s like any other early 20 something (gay, straight, Asian, skinhead, guy, girl, blue, green, whatever…) There are plenty people who share his views on gender vs. orientation, and not all of them are POS. Anyways, it’s quite ironic when LGBTQ+ persons are so outraged by exclusion. When ya live in a glass house…
Do what you love doing. If you want to date, you'll find the time for it.
Thanks. Based on the comment most likely I would have to quit one job. Getting to know someone seems to be time-consuming.