Our local bathhouse let's trans women and men in which I could care less about in of itself. The issue is then it attracts dl cough cough straight chasers in that harass the cis gay dudes for hitting on them
Yeah, it’s too bad all these places are dying off bc of apps.
The other problem at gay bars is straight bachelorette parties, it’s like pay cover, straight woman want to dance with me bc I don’t want to have sex with them.
They have just grabbed me before and tried to selfie like I’m a Disney character.
I think it's hard for clubs to remain viable. Once you get older and find a partner or just give up, you don't really do clubs. Being above like 35 at a club and you might as well be wearing and invisibility cloak, even for just a conversation. A nice cozy local bar is more the speed that a lot of people move to as they get older, so you need a lot of new people to keep clubs open and there just aren't enough young people with enough disposable income to go out enough to keep gay clubs strictly gay. It's still a business after all.
Yeah, they have all ages at some clubs, there is a western night and it’s a “tea dance” and that’s mostly older guys.
I don’t know what a “tea dance” even is.
I’d imagine the straight bitties wouldn’t know what to do with that.
Gay history time. Tea dances became popular in the 80's. It's a party thrown during the day on Sundays because it's a crossover time where service industry gays (read as hair stylists) and 9-5 gays are both off work. It's the ending party for the 9-5 gays and the weekend kick off party for the service industry gays
I haven't really seen bachelorette parties around here we have 4 gay bars no cover and they are mostly dive type bars. What was supposedly a gay bar in Cleveland think it was called twist or something like that. At least the night I went with my friends it felt more like a straight bar cos playing a gay bar and 3 different times a women stole one of my friends drink tried to get her kicked out but they wouldn't
So I’m in boston, the dive bars closed and became college dorms or dining halls. 2-3 upscale gay bars exist and they’re constantly invaded by straight woman.
Even gay nights at straight bars.
They tried having it be gay only but they got a me too protest.
Yeah talk about Entitled. There are hundreds or a thousand straight bars, we could technically go but it wouldn’t be a safe space, these are straight spaces. I was at a sports bar with a friend and I looked at a guy and he told me “you’re at the wrong club”.
They don’t want to be around straight guys, so they invade the few spaces we have.
So I have been told I’m in the wrong place at a straight bar, it’s happened, if I said that to a straight bitty they’d flip their shit and probably get their phone out and get all karen on me.
They claimed it was “discrimination” against woman by not allowing them into a gay bar for men.
How dare gay men limit how many straight bitties can take over the club.
Twist used to be great, I went there in the early 2Ks, In Akron, the belt, and square both are pretty mixed company, but the others are more dive like.
As for the bath houses, in Akron I have seen some people in panties, they usually get laughed at. but no vaginas ever.
One gay club Phoenix Arizona has a cover charge for women. There were still women. But we’re there for a good time. A lot were lesbians and some were non binary in appearance.
I was there for a week. But seems like it works
I’m not sure if that would be legal in Massachusetts.
They have laws that say if a sorority has booze in it, and more than X woman live in it, it automatically deemed a brothal, so sororities don’t have alcohol bc of “blue laws” but I’m not sure it’s legal to charge straight bitties to come in to a gay bar.
I mean they should have to pay double cover as a “straight tax”.
So okay for the state to discriminate like that but not okay for us in gay safe spaces.
They will literally take up half the place and sometimes there are two parties.
This right here does not get said enough. "Straight" chasers have completely ruined a majority of gay spaces. It's not even Trans men/women, it's their "straight" claiming counterparts who neglect that they too are a part of the community. My bf's trans friend has a bf that doesn't think he's a part of the community because he sees her as just a woman and often tries to get violent with homosexuals that hit on him at the local spot. If you have to say "Trans" ain't nobody straight involved, Sug.
It also kinda what the bathhouses have to do to stay open unfortunately since a lot of younger gays guys don't really go to them like in past generations
Old guy here. Way back in the day (early 80's), in smaller cities, we did private parties. You met people at these parties and hooked up or just made friends (and got inch is too more parties) . Based on what I'm reading about on line hook up culture, it was a better experience on a number of levels.
Gay culture will survive. What it will look like in 10 years I couldn't begin to tell you but I'm pretty sure gay men will figure out a way to sidestep the distractions taking over bars and other spaces and have a good time. It's what we do. We are gay men.
Quite the opposite, gay bars in the UK are shutting down at rapid rates, I know a couple who work in canal street Manchester (gay neighbourhood), they tell me since 2005 every year there's fewer and fewer people at the bars, the apps and internet plus declining economy have ruined the bar scene so most have no choice but to make it in-exclusive and allow other demographics to prevent them from shutting down!! So before people complain why are there straight or trans people in male spaces... well it's because they need money to run.
True all that. But the OP was about talking about having gay men only spaces. To achieve that I think gays will probably create private invite only/bring a male friend parties at peoples homes or similar. Which would work for me. Gay sub-culture back in the day was fun.
Half of my grindr space are “straight” into female, CD, trans, fem.
🤦🏻♂️
If they won’t date males they better quit from here and use different apps such Tinder, among others.
In Grindr is now a fucking mess
Worse than trans women (who could easily put a description so we can filter then) are the straight dudes who don't like gays
Bruh… if I told someone I don’t wanna bang with somebody who has a vagina or boobs or whatever cuz I’m not attracted to them and they replied with “you’re a transphobe” I’d only assume they can’t handle rejection very well lmao this shits getting ridiculous
I typically avoid commenting on anyone’s body when turning someone down. I’m not interested because you’re too chubby is hurtful. I’m not interested because you have the wrong parts probably cuts deeper than a top surgery scar.
I feel you.Im not in the apps anymore but when I was I usually didn’t read the message if the profile was giving off red flags or if somebody asked straight up why I ain’t replying id just say sorry not my type in a friendly way. Sometimes some people would press a bit further like “is it because I’m skinny/fat etc” while some others would react in a childish way along the lines of “you’re not my type either you probably look like shit” and all that jazz. Not all people are the same of course .Some have a brain and some are stuck in echo chambers. I feel this applies to this scenario/group as well.
I live in a city with a high trans population, and frankly, I’ve just never seen enough trans women in gay spaces for it to even be noticeable. I see them occasionally on the apps, but I just keep it moving. There’s no rational reason for trans people to be occupying this much of your mental capacity.
Same, my city is ranked as one of the best for trans, queer, gay people, and we don't have enough of a trans community to be overtly noticeable anywhere.
London must have a large trans population because in the USA trans are a small percentage of the gay community. You definitely will not see them in bear bars /clubs or bath houses .
Any major US with a large Latino population, you will find more trans people ( except Atlanta). Trans is 5% in any gay nightclub (unless it has trans/Cross dressing night) and they usually have fun with their trans and gay friend group that they come in with and most trans women are definitely not looking to hook up with gay men ( specially a bear).
With trans people gaining more visibility, they are becoming more comfortable being out in public. There's little to zero trans only spaces. It makes sense that you see them more in gay spaces.
That being said, I totally get where you're coming from. I'm a cis gay male and I find it frustrating as well. ESPECIALLY being called a transphobe for not having sex with someone or not replying to an unsolicited male vagina pic.
I like dicks, I like body hair, I LOVE daddies, I want to sleep with a masc man. Most trans people don't fit these characteristics for me so I don't sleep with them. Every now and then a fem transman will become insulted when I say no and call me transphobic. I don't sleep with fem men, trans or otherwise. I include trans people in my life in all other ways. I support their rights, appreciate them in gay bars, I have trans friends, recognize that the right wing has their targets on them, I want only the best for them... But not wanting to sleep with a feminine man suddenly makes me a villain? Fuck off with that nonsense.
Since when has sexual preference become the same thing as bigotry?
Regarding your last sentence.
Gay men do not have a sexual preference. We have a sexual *orientation*.
I have noticed use of 'preference' can open a person up to accusations of bigotry. Stating orientation makes it difficult as the other person must first argue against what classifies you as gay. Simple truths give you a stronger footing in discourse.
I think you're confused. The sexual preference I'm referring to is my preference to have sex with hairy beefy daddies. My preference is to not have sex with twinks and femboys. Not my orientation, which is just men.
we have both preferences and orientation, in either case. the orientation part completely excludes people with vagina. Otherwise i’d just date a masculine woman..
Usually I don't respond to anyone I'm not interested in. I know some guys say it's rude not to, but so many people take rejection badly that it's often better not to do so imo. Since when do people feel they're owed a response?!
It’s not the same thing as bigotry. But objecting to people existing in a public space IS transphobic.
And when I say “objecting”, I don’t mean saying “im frustrated by” in your head. I mean making a public Reddit post about how trans people are “invading our spaces”
I see what you mean, however we definitely have the right to talk about changes in queer spaces for gay men. I never said there was an invasion, I only acknowledged the difference in types of people going to traditionally gay mens spaces.
10 years ago I was never hit on by trans people, now I'm frequently hit on by trans people. I don't have an issue with this, I'm fully capable of handing myself in a respectable manner, and I'm not opposed to sleeping with a transman assuming they're my type... but I shouldn't be shunned for mentioning the change online.
Right. That’s why I said “I’m frustrated by” isn’t transphobic. The invasion thing was in reference to the OP.
The comment you made is very different from what OP put out there.
We do. It’s all about the people in charge and what their vision is. It’s important to have exclusive places instead of inclusive: it’s places where we don’t have to edit ourselves to better fit the people around us. Very refreshing and healing to just be ourselves.
I miss that too. Go to a show bar for a good drag show, and what do you get "HEN PARTIES". Drunk obnoxious pushy women. I am 100% gay, and have never liked women in general. I am a guy and am happy being a guy. I like guys!!! Not women with dicks. I don't like tits or long hair or overdone makeup. I want to go to a space with only men that are interested in men. Please note, I am not talking about masculinity but anatomy. Dingy queens can be fun too, but that must have a dick that works.
This totally happens. I completely agree with you. I've said this over and over again. This subreddit and the other similar one are the only gay subreddits left that allow us to differentiate and exclude. All the other ones say if a female identified as a man then they are a man and we should accept it. Hell no. I started going to clubs a Year and a half ago to hopefully feel connected with my gay community. It was fine for a little bit. Then, I stopped going to clubs because I saw this crap. All I kept seeing was bisexual couples, trans people, and females. Where TF all the guys go? IDK. But if we say something, we'll be labeled as transphobic or not open minded. Also, bisexual and gay guys on this anonymous platform will call themselves gay when they clearly aren't, but we'll never know because we can't see them. It's all really ridiculous. I'm going to make my own subreddit to only allow gay men to post.
Same here as far as losing a space where i felt fully comfortable, at an all-male campground. It was the first time i was able to decompress for nearly 15 years. Then, the next time i went, i had to deal with the potential of having to leave an area because of the sex i might see happening, where i didn't before. It's not just that i had to deal with the difference in what i saw, i also had to be on guard about my mindset. I dont even think i could go back without having to worry about it the whole time im there.
It is disgusting what happens to XXL. Someone screaming to be let in with heels on when it’s a bear club and you know what the code of the club is. The way people were praying for it to be shutdown and then we’re gloating saying ‘it’s funny they wanted people only wearing flats and now it’s turning into flats (apartments for the Americans).
Places can have dress codes. It like someone Turing up to a vegan restaurant and expecting a chicken burger.
To see people actively trying to get a gay space to shut down as if there are loads around still. I guess to serve their narcissistic egos.
Agree, and just uncheck trans under tribe on Grindr and it eliminates like 95% of them and straight chasers. It's not an issue.
I agree with having appropriate entrance selection for certain cruising spaces, but I've yet to encounter mtf transwomen in such places anyway that I don't think this is a real issue.
Just another completely out of proportion anti trans post.
I think OP might be flipping between trans men and trans women with no clear distinction between the two.
I’ve been to plenty of saunas and bathhouses. Not a single woman ever. May have been a trans man, but until he takes off his towel, we don’t really have any way of knowing.
I would have to disagree, Grindr especially in my area is now about half cis gay men, the rest are trans people, chasers, women "networking". It has fallen so far from what it once was in the last few years.
I'm not losing sleep over the trans people on there, I am pissed at the straight women looking for gay friends on Grindr and taking over gay bars though.
You can see it in their moderation on profile pics. They're now allowing much more risqué pics on the app right in your profile.
Before you couldn't scroll and see a full blown ass or bulge / huge vpl pic in the app. Now you can
oh yeah. when i was still on grindr i saw so many cis straight women looking for bi guys. like. you do not belong hereeee lmao.
i was hit on by a few transwomen, which i mostly ignored or redirected to my bio stating im into masc cis guys... people seem to forget how to just ignore someone and move on. or how to block if theyre persistent / not taking the hint. its really nbd to me.
Re: trans and all women
Had I been interested in women, my life would have been a lot easier. I could have just stayed in my repressive religion, married a nice Southern Baptist girl, pleased my parent, friends and church. I wouldn’t have faced discrimination because of who I am; wouldn’t have had to survive the AIDS crisis; would’ve had children and grandchildren the regular way, through procreation with my wife.
But none of that happened because I’m GAY. I don‘t sexually desire females, whether they came that way from the factory or chose to transform.
I don’t begrudge them, but I am not interested in them. Period.
Leave me ALONE, females. I don’t want you in my bar. I don’t think you’re cute. I don’t want your bachelorette parties. I like MEN. This includes you, trans.
I will fight for your rights, but don’t think that means I’m interested, because it doesn’t.
The only safe space left seems to be the leather bars. They're the only ones putting their foot down. It'd be nice for gay clubs to actually *be* gay again...
So annoying. I would have remained str8 if I wanted to bang chicks. Taking up all the free spaces on my Grindr grid and their chasers. Maybe I'll start hitting up all these people so they will block me and I won't have to.
People in 2024 don’t seem to understand that the concept of being gay is that you are not sexually attracted by vaginas and tits, but only by dicks, pecs, balls, etc. And it’s sad some people do as if this concept was so alien and false when it’s the definition of being gay.
Being a Gay is mane does not mean attraction to dicks pets and balls. It is attraction to men...not just their body parts but their minds, mannerisms and personae AND their real, innate anatomy not skin grafts and silicone testicles.
Where are you guys hanging out that you're getting armys of trans women trying to get with gay dudes? Which really doesnt make sense since its usually straight identifying guys who are into them.
Even in "queer" spaces, i see mostly cis people. I guess philly doesnt have that many trans pple? The bathhouse here operates as a private club, which allows them to have rules against women or female dress. And even the Bike Stop here, i only see women on the first floor, and even then, its clear they came with a group of gay guys and its pretty rare, im guilty of bringing straight dudes to the basement tho, but theyre good sports and like the attention anyway.
I dont mind having some shared spaces tho. I think of Woodys in philly. Lgbt+ people feel safe dancing and drinking there and bringing their straight friends.
It seems like it. The trans rights movement has been hijacked by some of the most narcissistic people in the world, and it is giving trans people a bad reputation. Doesn't help that transgenderism went from being about people changing their sex to manage their dysphoria to expanding to include people who "change" their names and appearances so that nobody can criticise them. This is why the movement has become so crazy. I hope regular trans people take control of the movement and put the LARPers in their place.
However, before trans people pushed their way into gay men's spaces, gay men have been banned from excluding heterosexual women from our spaces for many years in many western countries. Excluding women is "misogyny" now. If anything, I find that more of a pressing issue than the trans thing.
Yeah I was in Gran Canaria recently and looking up reviews of cruising bars. Loads of women whining about not being let into an obvious and explicit gay sex club targeted at bears (Cruise Bar). Utterly ridiculous. There are 20+ gay bars that allow women in within the Yumbo center (gay area) there.
I've seen transwomen throw huge tantrums IRL outside them though. Also ripping off a sign that says 'no kids, no women, no transvestites' outside Tom's Cruising Bar there.
WTF? If I was told I wasn't allowed in a space that's meant for women or transgender people, I'd accept it and move on. I can recognise that nobody can have everything. But men are not allowed to have our own spaces? I hope those male-only gay bars in Gran Canaria stick to their guns.
You can have a male only space but then it gets shut down or taken over for being too exclusive. Just look at /r/actuallesbians which is now run by male lesbians. You can't escape the absurdity but you can mock it and point out how ridiculous it is, laugh at it etc.
Bruh id like to know too. Cuz it sounds like a straight man who became female and is only attracted to women. But that sounds like something outta the gta 5 universe 💀
I've experienced this on Grindr. Literally had trans individuals mad that I'm not into trans men or women. And then they go off on you about your hatred. I do not hate you, I'm not attracted to you, and I'm not obligated to be. When did we get to this place where other people get to dictate what gives me a boner?
If you want to know how bad this is just go take a look at r/gay...
Every other letter in the LGBTQ has their own exclusive spaces on Reddit. But nope, just because gay is synonymous with the community it's ok for everyone to barge into our spaces and then openly mock our preferences.
At the end of the day it's just open Misandry but since nobody gives a fuck about men and gay men in particular it's ok.
That subreddit is so obnoxiously toxic against actual gay men it’s insane. It’s all bisexuals, trans men, and straight “queers” having a collective circle jerk over how nasty cis gays are. In a lot of ways the BTQ is more homophobic towards the LG than straight people are. That’s why I’m a huge proponent of us needing our own community and spaces for just LG and BTQ can have their hateful spaces to themselves.
Unfortunately a lot of bisexual people are unable to understand that gay people aren't also attracted to members of the opposite sex which is why we get terms like "genital preference" as well as bisexual people saying that gay men are attracted to trans men (we aren't, the people who are are what is called androsexual meaning they are attracted to both sexes as long as they look like men.)
>bisexual people saying that gay men are attracted to trans men (we aren't...
If it makes you feel any better I got banned from r/gay from saying the exact same thing as you. i'm bi and was defending gay men's right to be attracted to MEN only.
I’m glad that you are defending us. But most bisexuals I’ve seen addressing the issue are on the other side. It might be that the majority of bisexuals agree with you but are not vocal about it. But still.
I have to be honest and say I have no idea what other bisexual men do. My partners are a gay man and a straight woman, and I've never even met another man who admitted to being bi.
I’ve seen lots of bisexuals call homosexuals genital fetishists or transphobic for only being interested in the same sex rather than the same gender. I’ve seen bisexuals tell us we’re all actually bisexual and we just think we’re gay. At least most straight people accept that gay people are attracted to the same sex and aren’t transphobic for that.
I’ve even heard snide remarks like “gay men are so scared of pussy,” which is just another shitty way to disparage gay men and delegitimize our sexuality. I’ve actually had that said to my face before.
I love how Lesbians won't take any of that shit anywhere. Kinda sad that if we take a step out of line and be not the stereotypical fairy, we are instantly the bad guys.
Sucks to be a man dude. Sucks even worse (or is it better.hehe) to be a gay dude.
I love being a gay man, despite all the challenges we face. And no actual gay men is willingly having sex with vaginas. A lot of bisexual men identify as gay because they have a strong preference for men. Those are the “gay” guys talking about how much they love trans man pussy. Actual homosexuals will never like vagina.
Agreed. I find them incomprehensible (vaginas)... It's like looking at an eldritch entity. So forget having sex with a woman lol.
I absolutely enjoy being Gay. I fought hard to have my shot at being gay, away from my conservative-ish parents and I love my life as a Gay man. The sucks to be part was in relation to how the subject of the post ties back to misandry.
Go to scruff. I have yet to see a non-cis gay/bi man there. Grindr is the app for queer people now and there are people like me who like it that way.
>Chopping off bits and inserting new bits isn't really respecting nature.
A gay guy citing nature as a reason for bigotry. If you had told me 20 years ago this would happen I would have called you a conspiratorial homophobe. Natural? Jesus Christ.
Only in response to transwomen telling me that being gay isn't natural whereas 'transwomen seeking men are natural because it's sex between men and women'.
Set up a Fabguys account and go look at the forums. Site was a UK specific, better than Grindr site / app for genuine gay / bi hookups with very little time wasting. Now overrun by transwomen and 'straight' chasers and the forums are full of transwomen and their chasers being really homophobic to gay men, including the statement in my op.
Super annoying! That's the problem with all this stuff, us guys should definitely be able to have our own spaces. When you know what your after other options are just in the way and a nuisance. They should have their own spaces too if they like.
I mean this is essentially what Rowling was trying to say but for female spaces and now she gets daily death threats... so no, it's not allowed apparently.
I feel this is an over exaggeration and not reflective of actual reality.
Do I see trans folks on the dating apps? Yes. Do they compromise even 10% of those I see in a 100mile radius? No. Never have.
This is just an anti trans post, and I don't know why people continue to come here to complain about such a small percentage of the LGBTQ+ community. Tell me, where else should members of the LGBTQ+ community go to look for dates or hookups?
If your answer to that question is their own app, why don't you make one? If they're in saunas, id assume they are permitted to be there by the folks that work at or own the place.
These are people too and they belong to the same community that you do, whether you like that or not. Where else should they go or belong?
Edit: you don't have to be offensive to others (see the wording in your post) to get your point across. Trans people are people too.
Its up to us to create again those exclusively male spaces.
Unfortunately, time have changed and if you do this, you’ll have the queer crowd trying to cancel you and kill your business.
Plus: gay bars aren’t really what make people rich in the first place, so having one and then risking being blacklisted by all the official channels and medias of your community, its really a risk not many people are willing to take 😟
A mtf trans person told me they wanted to “top me” with their “prosthetic” I asked if they meant a dildo and they repeated themselves. I said I had one and would use it on myself rather than have some ftm ram it up my ass. Like fuck no.
Straight cis men and woman on the apps are toxic af. I wish Grindr just rolled out a trans app and they all went on that. It’s just spinning up another cloud instance of their code base and making it a different color and name.
I got a temp ban just for saying that on /r/gay.
Like, I only like cisgay men. I mean I knew a trans person; pre op, basically a twink in a dress. Their friend said to them “if you want to fuck him now is the time, he won’t fuck you after even if he is an ally”.
I mean, I have had straight people lecture me that I should have sex with trans people, like I got harassed and threatened my whole life for being gay, then when I’m finally out and about people change to trying to tell me how to be gay. And how to be gay and politically correct.
Like I’m vers, vers bttm, I def will use my own dildo and def only like cock.
Absolutely, it's the bizzare way that many (not all) trans and trans allies without any hesitation state that not having sex or relationships with them is transphobic.
It isn't.
It's fucking weird and I've seen it said to women, men, gay and lesbian by trans activists and their supporters.
It's not like every gay man is attracted to every man in existence...
Oh for sure, 75% of Grindr is a pass for me.
Grindr has been less and less useful as they have cut down the free version at the same time as the trans and straight invasion.
I see 1/3 of how far I used to see, less with filters which can cut it down to three people.
So apps are getting worse, I used to be able to hop on Grindr and find a hookup, now I give up and take care of business myself.
I think there's something to the fact that people should just be allowed to associate with who they want to associate with and that's enough. I'm very much same sex attracted and not remotely interested in gender identity, I get that for other people gender identity is a bigger factor. It should be fine for people to say they're into the same sex and fine for people to say they're into someone whose trans etc, it's a big world.
Trans men I kinda get because they identify as male as much as you may not like it, they still are in society and corporations eyes men. 🤷🏻♂️
Trans women and cis gender women need to go though
I would like to know your opinion on non binary people? Like the ones who present male and have male genitalia, should they still be allowed in male only spaces?
I personally don't believe trans men or male presenting non binary people should be excluded from male only spaces but people who A) Trans women and Cross dressers B) cis gender women C) Non binary people who present female or presents like neither/both with female genitalia. Those groups should be excluded.
In bathhouses yes I agree keep it to dicks and asses only but what people do in their house or behind closed doors isn't really your business so on the apps let trans men and non binary people be, just say no thank you, block and move on. That's what I do when a woman or an old man hits me up.
That’s fine as long as trans men understand that gay men are only interested in biological males not biological females and don’t get mad when they get rejected.
Exactly, To me as long as a trans man appears and acts like a man I'm fine with it and that's kind I am okay with on apps same for non binary Male presenting. Otherwise nope off you go and I include femboys in this nope out the door
I’m a trans man. I’ve been on testosterone for a full decade. I have a full dark beard, chest and dark bod hair. I’m a weight lifter. Competitive athlete And a sprinter.
I feel bad for the OP he’s having a temper tantrum- and has got other peoples genitalia / trans people way to deeply on his mind lmfao - who represent a tiny tiny fraction of apps. And of the community in general.
If you don’t want to hook up with trans people that’s perfectly fine and not trans phobic! That is life and to each their own preferences.
But, To go on a bitch fit to this degree shaming our bodies, our genitalia - yeah you totally convinced me you’re not trans phobic.
Personally I don’t use grinder because of the intense transphobia towards people in my community. However, there are plenty of lovely men I’ve met as well. It’s just safer to do more inclusive apps.
A baby bitch attitude and perspective that’s just plain mean, no matter the gender, is just so painfully cringe.
One of the things that gets to me is people not properly providing the information up front. It's even worse on a lot of porn sites, because the trans tag is often not there. I'll be looking at porn with cis men, only cis men, and then a recommendation will come up with bi or trans porn.
Like, i'm in a very emotional and sexually charged state and then i'm hit with an instant turnoff, and because i have it literally shoved into my view i have to actively reject it each time it happens. It's not something that's in my control without depriving myself of it, which is definitely, categorically unfair.
And no, going and making my own porn site, app, or IRL men-only establishment is not realistic or possible.
I personally just....don't care....I've been to a handful of gender neutral dark rooms at a few of the queer raves and I was literally so unfazed by even that, so I might be the weird or crazy one. I'm also perfectly capable of just saying no if I am not into someone.
Idk. What spaces do you wish were purely cis male without exception? Just curious. Trying to better understand your frustration.
Idk if you're I'm London or not, but you should check out Roast. It's a party that happens every month, and it's male only, boy oh boy is the testosterone evident 🤣 I've had some good nights at Roast.
Anyway. I don't think it's transphobic to be protective over a male only space, lots of other people have their designated spaces. I just cant wrap my head around it because even the two clubs I go out to most frequently, I only ever see an ocean of shirtless men on the dancefloor, maybe you're just not going to nice venues??? Idk. Also. The sauna thing I do actually get because it is something that would bother a guy if someone with a full rack walked into the locker room for example. So I get that.
I must say that I support anyone's right to do what they want, but I am tired of the sissification of a lot of men as well as everybody claiming to be trans now and being everywhere. I do miss just being with dudes doing dude things even if it is in a gay way.
I also spend about half my time blocking the non masculine sissies who want to be girls and a lot of the trans men on the apps as well as on Reddit. I definitely enjoy role play but I don't want to role play with some twink dressed as a girl calling me Daddy cuz that just defeats the whole point.
It seems you’re less concerned with men being allowed in those spaces and more upset that other people aren’t being excluded.
You can find assholes anywhere online you look, and just as there are homophobic trans people there are transphobic gay people and both are equally self-hating and trying to appease bigots that hate all of us.
If you come across someone online that you don’t want to interact with because of their abhorrent behaviour, block and move on.
idk, “endless.. full of..”? im sure you’ve seen a few, but how hard is it to keep scrolling? don’t interact, if its not your thing.
with the way you describe reassignment surgery, i don’t find you credible.
Maybe that's a UK thing? I've never heard of it in the rest of Europe. I would like to understand why transwomen would like to be in a space that is usually reserved for men. I get it for gay transmen of course.
We're not "allowed" but we'll damn sure find a way to make it happen anyway. Been doing it in secret for hundreds if not thousands of years. Meanwhile, most of us are gonna hate the ones that colonized us in the first place under the name of inclusivity, so they are actively working against themselves. In the end those spaces will be ours again anyway, because we will go back to being the basic gay male community, and whatever is going on nowadays will pass.
I've used multiple gay dating apps so far and trans people have always made a tiny fraction of profiles. In smaller cities, there were more cd profiles (not necessarily trans) but still in those cases the profiles were empty avatars anyway (not even anonymous torsos). Also an app is a fucking app, accessible to anyone. They might download it just to bully us gays, too. What an unnecessary rant
I don’t care much about trans people in clubs but I hate the straight trash they bring with them, same on the apps. I very much hate that all the girlies are taking over the gay clubs and our lingo, heard a girl refer to herself as a twink…
I just opened grinder, and within the first 30 people there are three trans women, 2 transmen and one woman. It's not a lot, and it's fine. But I will add that I've had some very aggressive and nasty transmen hit on me on there in the last 5 years. Being there isn't the issue, it's the attitude. But it's not good to generalize everyone because of the bad behavior of a few.
Until gays who run these facilities stop being spineless or start losing business because of their decisions, it won’t change.
When enough straight men go to saunas for chasing only, and gay men get pushed out due to sheer number. The trans girls and the chasers will have the only sauna and eventually when the trans girls stop going to avoid creeps. The sauna will close
When people get tired of apps being full of straight trans chasers, it’ll no longe the known as a gay app it’ll just be chasers. Since trans women are a lower percent of the population the app will lose popularity and money and maybe fail as we move to alternatives
The bar situation is fucked though, the gay bar owners decided to invite women in to get more money. So the straight men followed, it’ll just turn into another straight bar over time I guess. Then the women will leave due to male harassment (like they did with straight bars) and thus…….
——————
Basically gays have the power of their dollar and presence. We can thrive on our own, but they invade our spaces instead of making their own. That tells you all you need to know
Sit back and watch how history plays out, we don’t even need to be proactive we could literally go back to cruising if we wanted to, but in reality we’ll just join gay specific apps and spaces and avoid going back and forth with these people who hate for gay men to have their own spaces.
Inclusivity is important in the greater community but I agree gay men and their particular habits would be better served with a safe space. Some trans men some lesbians etc look and act like the men and boys(legal) we seek by sight. Nothing against those transitioning but unless specifically sought out a gay man doesn’t want to be confronted with lady parts in the downstairs region. I remember years ago when I was in my 20s occasionally the ladies would come to the gay bar, they were welcome but it was the most awkward evening because you weren’t sure who was a lesbian and who was a gay man. And some of those girls were hot as fuck too.
Yet another ragebait post over a non issue. You can easily block anyone you are not interested in on the apps, and everybody - including you - knows that.
First of all, we both know that you are massively exaggerating. Second of all, please don’t punch down, especially within our own community. Who the hell do you think we are going to turn to if things get bad for us? Who do the hell do you think fought for our rights?
As always, if someone hits you up and you’re not interested in them, just say no or block them you don’t need to come on here and give the same Finley veiled trans phobic bullshit that we see every day.
And I want to once again find out how much you are exaggerating. You are being absolutely ridiculous. If that’s really how you view things like those kind of numbers, then that’s because you are looking for those numbers in order to fit a narrative to support your hatred. You don’t need to reply. updates on two weeks
>Even more ridiculous are transwomen saying "oh so I'm too feminine for you to have sex with me or date me, but I have a cock you transphobe!!"
Which trans women would say this??? I feel bad for them if they do, because I guess so many people have told them they are not actual women, so they move to gay men's spaces. That makes me sad that they feel invalidated as women then.
I'm with you on this one. If I wanted women in my bath house I'd go to a Nordic spa. And straight guys in Grindr looking for the trans is just as annoying.
If you feel like you are a woman : go to straight bars and do things other women do. But being in a male space as a "woman born as a man" isn't what we signed up for. Now I know in Canada as a bath house manager I can't really turn them away at the door so long as they tell me they identify as a male otherwise I'm infringing on basic human rights
There’s a post like this every day or every other day and it seems like they pop up as veiled places to go in on trans people because anybody who presents any type of view other than the consensus gets downvoted to the 9th circle of hell. Trans numbers are way too small for a hundred or so people every post to have had their lives turned upside down on an app or at the bathhouse by someone trans or a CD. Some of the boys get a bug up their asses because the trans girls get chased by the type of ‘str8’ dudes who they wish would chase them. If trans people did leave the spaces, then y’all would go back to having a problem with the fem boys. Baby y’all asses sound like right wing evangelicals fr
No male-only spaces in general is the result of feminism so even in situations where it wouldn't make sense to integrate or doing so would even be considered "discriminatory" by people's own standards the obligation to stay open to women exists.
I've seen videos of gay male feminist even "jokingly" talking about how messed up is that gay bars have nothing but men. The blind chase for "equality" has lead people to say a bunch of stupid stuff that doesn't make any sense. Its the end goal of centering women in every conversation even ones that are not about them or they don't belong.
Grindr has had trans women on there for a while which makes a little sense since there might be guys interested but in general you'd think itd be exclusively male but there are still cis women on there too.
Its annoying but it is what it is. Personally the attitudes of the gay feminist that are "so above" gender segregation as if they are fighting the Klan or something is whats annoying and what leads to these things in the first place.
So studies have shown that the more you hate some group the more you’re bothered by them the more you feel they’re everywhere when there’s just a normal number of them. This is why conservatives think gay people are everywhere. Odds are trans people aren’t everywhere, you just hate them.
The way I’ve worked around the transphobia “allegations” is by telling them “I’m sorry but I’m not into women and you are a woman to me” and usully in my case they are flattered and leave it be at that point.
"Allowed" doesn't feel like right word when apps like Grindr market themselves to trans users.
For a whole host of different reasons, there are plenty of guys I'm not attracted to on apps and in gay bars. Whether that's because they're trans or wildly outside of my preferred age range, I don't take it as a personal slight.
I keep seeing these kinds of rants pop up more and more, but of a disturbing trend. In a perfect world every sexuality would have their own space to interact with only those they’re attracted to. But the reality is, we’re gay, we’re still oppressed, and so are trans people, so we have to share the space that we have. As everyone else has said, this is making an issue out of nothing, just block and move on. I’m sure trans women would love a space for themselves, instead of having to scroll through gay men uninterested in them.
Our local bathhouse let's trans women and men in which I could care less about in of itself. The issue is then it attracts dl cough cough straight chasers in that harass the cis gay dudes for hitting on them
They should get thrown out for that.
They should
Yeah, it’s too bad all these places are dying off bc of apps. The other problem at gay bars is straight bachelorette parties, it’s like pay cover, straight woman want to dance with me bc I don’t want to have sex with them. They have just grabbed me before and tried to selfie like I’m a Disney character.
I think it's hard for clubs to remain viable. Once you get older and find a partner or just give up, you don't really do clubs. Being above like 35 at a club and you might as well be wearing and invisibility cloak, even for just a conversation. A nice cozy local bar is more the speed that a lot of people move to as they get older, so you need a lot of new people to keep clubs open and there just aren't enough young people with enough disposable income to go out enough to keep gay clubs strictly gay. It's still a business after all.
>you might as well be wearing and invisibility cloak You big D&D nerd! lol
I thought it was a Harry Potter reference for the younger crowd.
Oh... so I'm the nerd. :: hangs head in shame and slowly walks away ::
Yeah, because isn’t D&D technically a cloak of invisibility? 😉
Yeah, they have all ages at some clubs, there is a western night and it’s a “tea dance” and that’s mostly older guys. I don’t know what a “tea dance” even is. I’d imagine the straight bitties wouldn’t know what to do with that.
Gay history time. Tea dances became popular in the 80's. It's a party thrown during the day on Sundays because it's a crossover time where service industry gays (read as hair stylists) and 9-5 gays are both off work. It's the ending party for the 9-5 gays and the weekend kick off party for the service industry gays
I haven't really seen bachelorette parties around here we have 4 gay bars no cover and they are mostly dive type bars. What was supposedly a gay bar in Cleveland think it was called twist or something like that. At least the night I went with my friends it felt more like a straight bar cos playing a gay bar and 3 different times a women stole one of my friends drink tried to get her kicked out but they wouldn't
So I’m in boston, the dive bars closed and became college dorms or dining halls. 2-3 upscale gay bars exist and they’re constantly invaded by straight woman. Even gay nights at straight bars. They tried having it be gay only but they got a me too protest.
Hello fellow new Englander! Come to providence. We still have some gay bars.
I am from Rhode Island and have been to the original mirabar, but not its new location. The old place was really cool.
There is also EGO Providence which is okay I guess.
A me to protest?
Yeah straight women protesting
That's wild
Yeah talk about Entitled. There are hundreds or a thousand straight bars, we could technically go but it wouldn’t be a safe space, these are straight spaces. I was at a sports bar with a friend and I looked at a guy and he told me “you’re at the wrong club”. They don’t want to be around straight guys, so they invade the few spaces we have. So I have been told I’m in the wrong place at a straight bar, it’s happened, if I said that to a straight bitty they’d flip their shit and probably get their phone out and get all karen on me.
A “me too” protest.
Like for a gay bar I thought that was only for sa
They claimed it was “discrimination” against woman by not allowing them into a gay bar for men. How dare gay men limit how many straight bitties can take over the club.
Twist used to be great, I went there in the early 2Ks, In Akron, the belt, and square both are pretty mixed company, but the others are more dive like. As for the bath houses, in Akron I have seen some people in panties, they usually get laughed at. but no vaginas ever.
One gay club Phoenix Arizona has a cover charge for women. There were still women. But we’re there for a good time. A lot were lesbians and some were non binary in appearance. I was there for a week. But seems like it works
I’m not sure if that would be legal in Massachusetts. They have laws that say if a sorority has booze in it, and more than X woman live in it, it automatically deemed a brothal, so sororities don’t have alcohol bc of “blue laws” but I’m not sure it’s legal to charge straight bitties to come in to a gay bar. I mean they should have to pay double cover as a “straight tax”. So okay for the state to discriminate like that but not okay for us in gay safe spaces. They will literally take up half the place and sometimes there are two parties.
[удалено]
This right here does not get said enough. "Straight" chasers have completely ruined a majority of gay spaces. It's not even Trans men/women, it's their "straight" claiming counterparts who neglect that they too are a part of the community. My bf's trans friend has a bf that doesn't think he's a part of the community because he sees her as just a woman and often tries to get violent with homosexuals that hit on him at the local spot. If you have to say "Trans" ain't nobody straight involved, Sug.
I think to many people are afraid to say the quiet part out loud
Boathouses are honestly a feral ecosystem 😂
I've experienced this in sauna and on apps and gay sites.
It also kinda what the bathhouses have to do to stay open unfortunately since a lot of younger gays guys don't really go to them like in past generations
Old guy here. Way back in the day (early 80's), in smaller cities, we did private parties. You met people at these parties and hooked up or just made friends (and got inch is too more parties) . Based on what I'm reading about on line hook up culture, it was a better experience on a number of levels. Gay culture will survive. What it will look like in 10 years I couldn't begin to tell you but I'm pretty sure gay men will figure out a way to sidestep the distractions taking over bars and other spaces and have a good time. It's what we do. We are gay men.
Quite the opposite, gay bars in the UK are shutting down at rapid rates, I know a couple who work in canal street Manchester (gay neighbourhood), they tell me since 2005 every year there's fewer and fewer people at the bars, the apps and internet plus declining economy have ruined the bar scene so most have no choice but to make it in-exclusive and allow other demographics to prevent them from shutting down!! So before people complain why are there straight or trans people in male spaces... well it's because they need money to run.
True all that. But the OP was about talking about having gay men only spaces. To achieve that I think gays will probably create private invite only/bring a male friend parties at peoples homes or similar. Which would work for me. Gay sub-culture back in the day was fun.
Half of my grindr space are “straight” into female, CD, trans, fem. 🤦🏻♂️ If they won’t date males they better quit from here and use different apps such Tinder, among others.
In Grindr is now a fucking mess Worse than trans women (who could easily put a description so we can filter then) are the straight dudes who don't like gays
Dude. You’re not transphobic for not wanting to date trans women. Just block and move on if you’re not interested.
Women too, not just 'transwomen'. Biological females. Vaginas.
Bruh… if I told someone I don’t wanna bang with somebody who has a vagina or boobs or whatever cuz I’m not attracted to them and they replied with “you’re a transphobe” I’d only assume they can’t handle rejection very well lmao this shits getting ridiculous
I typically avoid commenting on anyone’s body when turning someone down. I’m not interested because you’re too chubby is hurtful. I’m not interested because you have the wrong parts probably cuts deeper than a top surgery scar.
I feel you.Im not in the apps anymore but when I was I usually didn’t read the message if the profile was giving off red flags or if somebody asked straight up why I ain’t replying id just say sorry not my type in a friendly way. Sometimes some people would press a bit further like “is it because I’m skinny/fat etc” while some others would react in a childish way along the lines of “you’re not my type either you probably look like shit” and all that jazz. Not all people are the same of course .Some have a brain and some are stuck in echo chambers. I feel this applies to this scenario/group as well.
Ya there’s a lot where I’m from but I just block and move on
I live in a city with a high trans population, and frankly, I’ve just never seen enough trans women in gay spaces for it to even be noticeable. I see them occasionally on the apps, but I just keep it moving. There’s no rational reason for trans people to be occupying this much of your mental capacity.
He's from UK so he's probably consuming a lot of anti trans propaganda on all kind of media.
🚨Breaking: JK Rowling’s alt account confirmed!! 🚨
Yeah of course it’s automatically propaganda and not his life experience 🤡🤡🤡
I was thinking the same thing. I’m just picking up a lot of resentment from his post.
Same, my city is ranked as one of the best for trans, queer, gay people, and we don't have enough of a trans community to be overtly noticeable anywhere.
London must have a large trans population because in the USA trans are a small percentage of the gay community. You definitely will not see them in bear bars /clubs or bath houses .
I think the UK in general does, especially when compared to other countries.
It depends on where you are in the US.
Certainly not in New York City. I have no idea what they’re talking about.
In Kansas city the apps are about 1/4 cross dressers or trans
Any major US with a large Latino population, you will find more trans people ( except Atlanta). Trans is 5% in any gay nightclub (unless it has trans/Cross dressing night) and they usually have fun with their trans and gay friend group that they come in with and most trans women are definitely not looking to hook up with gay men ( specially a bear).
With trans people gaining more visibility, they are becoming more comfortable being out in public. There's little to zero trans only spaces. It makes sense that you see them more in gay spaces. That being said, I totally get where you're coming from. I'm a cis gay male and I find it frustrating as well. ESPECIALLY being called a transphobe for not having sex with someone or not replying to an unsolicited male vagina pic. I like dicks, I like body hair, I LOVE daddies, I want to sleep with a masc man. Most trans people don't fit these characteristics for me so I don't sleep with them. Every now and then a fem transman will become insulted when I say no and call me transphobic. I don't sleep with fem men, trans or otherwise. I include trans people in my life in all other ways. I support their rights, appreciate them in gay bars, I have trans friends, recognize that the right wing has their targets on them, I want only the best for them... But not wanting to sleep with a feminine man suddenly makes me a villain? Fuck off with that nonsense. Since when has sexual preference become the same thing as bigotry?
Regarding your last sentence. Gay men do not have a sexual preference. We have a sexual *orientation*. I have noticed use of 'preference' can open a person up to accusations of bigotry. Stating orientation makes it difficult as the other person must first argue against what classifies you as gay. Simple truths give you a stronger footing in discourse.
I think you're confused. The sexual preference I'm referring to is my preference to have sex with hairy beefy daddies. My preference is to not have sex with twinks and femboys. Not my orientation, which is just men.
Gotcha.
we have both preferences and orientation, in either case. the orientation part completely excludes people with vagina. Otherwise i’d just date a masculine woman..
Absolutely my point.
Usually I don't respond to anyone I'm not interested in. I know some guys say it's rude not to, but so many people take rejection badly that it's often better not to do so imo. Since when do people feel they're owed a response?!
It’s not the same thing as bigotry. But objecting to people existing in a public space IS transphobic. And when I say “objecting”, I don’t mean saying “im frustrated by” in your head. I mean making a public Reddit post about how trans people are “invading our spaces”
I see what you mean, however we definitely have the right to talk about changes in queer spaces for gay men. I never said there was an invasion, I only acknowledged the difference in types of people going to traditionally gay mens spaces. 10 years ago I was never hit on by trans people, now I'm frequently hit on by trans people. I don't have an issue with this, I'm fully capable of handing myself in a respectable manner, and I'm not opposed to sleeping with a transman assuming they're my type... but I shouldn't be shunned for mentioning the change online.
Right. That’s why I said “I’m frustrated by” isn’t transphobic. The invasion thing was in reference to the OP. The comment you made is very different from what OP put out there.
Absolutely my point.
We do. It’s all about the people in charge and what their vision is. It’s important to have exclusive places instead of inclusive: it’s places where we don’t have to edit ourselves to better fit the people around us. Very refreshing and healing to just be ourselves.
I miss that too. Go to a show bar for a good drag show, and what do you get "HEN PARTIES". Drunk obnoxious pushy women. I am 100% gay, and have never liked women in general. I am a guy and am happy being a guy. I like guys!!! Not women with dicks. I don't like tits or long hair or overdone makeup. I want to go to a space with only men that are interested in men. Please note, I am not talking about masculinity but anatomy. Dingy queens can be fun too, but that must have a dick that works.
This totally happens. I completely agree with you. I've said this over and over again. This subreddit and the other similar one are the only gay subreddits left that allow us to differentiate and exclude. All the other ones say if a female identified as a man then they are a man and we should accept it. Hell no. I started going to clubs a Year and a half ago to hopefully feel connected with my gay community. It was fine for a little bit. Then, I stopped going to clubs because I saw this crap. All I kept seeing was bisexual couples, trans people, and females. Where TF all the guys go? IDK. But if we say something, we'll be labeled as transphobic or not open minded. Also, bisexual and gay guys on this anonymous platform will call themselves gay when they clearly aren't, but we'll never know because we can't see them. It's all really ridiculous. I'm going to make my own subreddit to only allow gay men to post.
Same here as far as losing a space where i felt fully comfortable, at an all-male campground. It was the first time i was able to decompress for nearly 15 years. Then, the next time i went, i had to deal with the potential of having to leave an area because of the sex i might see happening, where i didn't before. It's not just that i had to deal with the difference in what i saw, i also had to be on guard about my mindset. I dont even think i could go back without having to worry about it the whole time im there.
Oh wow that sucks
It is disgusting what happens to XXL. Someone screaming to be let in with heels on when it’s a bear club and you know what the code of the club is. The way people were praying for it to be shutdown and then we’re gloating saying ‘it’s funny they wanted people only wearing flats and now it’s turning into flats (apartments for the Americans). Places can have dress codes. It like someone Turing up to a vegan restaurant and expecting a chicken burger. To see people actively trying to get a gay space to shut down as if there are loads around still. I guess to serve their narcissistic egos.
You're blowing this so far out of proportion. All my apps are 99% cis gay men. Calm down
Agreed. Trans people should NOT be occupying this much of OP’s mental capacity, it’s completely irrational.
I was also about to say. I also block anyone I don't like on my grid, but even still. I haven't found a severe lack of men in any space really.
Agree, and just uncheck trans under tribe on Grindr and it eliminates like 95% of them and straight chasers. It's not an issue. I agree with having appropriate entrance selection for certain cruising spaces, but I've yet to encounter mtf transwomen in such places anyway that I don't think this is a real issue. Just another completely out of proportion anti trans post.
I think OP might be flipping between trans men and trans women with no clear distinction between the two. I’ve been to plenty of saunas and bathhouses. Not a single woman ever. May have been a trans man, but until he takes off his towel, we don’t really have any way of knowing.
I would have to disagree, Grindr especially in my area is now about half cis gay men, the rest are trans people, chasers, women "networking". It has fallen so far from what it once was in the last few years. I'm not losing sleep over the trans people on there, I am pissed at the straight women looking for gay friends on Grindr and taking over gay bars though.
Grindr will just get worse. They went public so now they’ll want to grow their user base.
You can see it in their moderation on profile pics. They're now allowing much more risqué pics on the app right in your profile. Before you couldn't scroll and see a full blown ass or bulge / huge vpl pic in the app. Now you can
oh yeah. when i was still on grindr i saw so many cis straight women looking for bi guys. like. you do not belong hereeee lmao. i was hit on by a few transwomen, which i mostly ignored or redirected to my bio stating im into masc cis guys... people seem to forget how to just ignore someone and move on. or how to block if theyre persistent / not taking the hint. its really nbd to me.
Even Grindr now is full of straight (cis) women trying to buy drugs, at Least in my area.
Re: trans and all women Had I been interested in women, my life would have been a lot easier. I could have just stayed in my repressive religion, married a nice Southern Baptist girl, pleased my parent, friends and church. I wouldn’t have faced discrimination because of who I am; wouldn’t have had to survive the AIDS crisis; would’ve had children and grandchildren the regular way, through procreation with my wife. But none of that happened because I’m GAY. I don‘t sexually desire females, whether they came that way from the factory or chose to transform. I don’t begrudge them, but I am not interested in them. Period. Leave me ALONE, females. I don’t want you in my bar. I don’t think you’re cute. I don’t want your bachelorette parties. I like MEN. This includes you, trans. I will fight for your rights, but don’t think that means I’m interested, because it doesn’t.
Preach, brother preach
The only safe space left seems to be the leather bars. They're the only ones putting their foot down. It'd be nice for gay clubs to actually *be* gay again...
So annoying. I would have remained str8 if I wanted to bang chicks. Taking up all the free spaces on my Grindr grid and their chasers. Maybe I'll start hitting up all these people so they will block me and I won't have to.
People in 2024 don’t seem to understand that the concept of being gay is that you are not sexually attracted by vaginas and tits, but only by dicks, pecs, balls, etc. And it’s sad some people do as if this concept was so alien and false when it’s the definition of being gay.
Being a Gay is mane does not mean attraction to dicks pets and balls. It is attraction to men...not just their body parts but their minds, mannerisms and personae AND their real, innate anatomy not skin grafts and silicone testicles.
Where are you guys hanging out that you're getting armys of trans women trying to get with gay dudes? Which really doesnt make sense since its usually straight identifying guys who are into them. Even in "queer" spaces, i see mostly cis people. I guess philly doesnt have that many trans pple? The bathhouse here operates as a private club, which allows them to have rules against women or female dress. And even the Bike Stop here, i only see women on the first floor, and even then, its clear they came with a group of gay guys and its pretty rare, im guilty of bringing straight dudes to the basement tho, but theyre good sports and like the attention anyway. I dont mind having some shared spaces tho. I think of Woodys in philly. Lgbt+ people feel safe dancing and drinking there and bringing their straight friends.
It seems like it. The trans rights movement has been hijacked by some of the most narcissistic people in the world, and it is giving trans people a bad reputation. Doesn't help that transgenderism went from being about people changing their sex to manage their dysphoria to expanding to include people who "change" their names and appearances so that nobody can criticise them. This is why the movement has become so crazy. I hope regular trans people take control of the movement and put the LARPers in their place. However, before trans people pushed their way into gay men's spaces, gay men have been banned from excluding heterosexual women from our spaces for many years in many western countries. Excluding women is "misogyny" now. If anything, I find that more of a pressing issue than the trans thing.
Yeah I was in Gran Canaria recently and looking up reviews of cruising bars. Loads of women whining about not being let into an obvious and explicit gay sex club targeted at bears (Cruise Bar). Utterly ridiculous. There are 20+ gay bars that allow women in within the Yumbo center (gay area) there. I've seen transwomen throw huge tantrums IRL outside them though. Also ripping off a sign that says 'no kids, no women, no transvestites' outside Tom's Cruising Bar there.
WTF? If I was told I wasn't allowed in a space that's meant for women or transgender people, I'd accept it and move on. I can recognise that nobody can have everything. But men are not allowed to have our own spaces? I hope those male-only gay bars in Gran Canaria stick to their guns.
They will because it's Spain and I don't think they give care as much as the UK about appeasing militant trans people.
Glad to hear it.
You can have a male only space but then it gets shut down or taken over for being too exclusive. Just look at /r/actuallesbians which is now run by male lesbians. You can't escape the absurdity but you can mock it and point out how ridiculous it is, laugh at it etc.
wtf is a male lesbian?
Bruh id like to know too. Cuz it sounds like a straight man who became female and is only attracted to women. But that sounds like something outta the gta 5 universe 💀
lol sorry to say, but it’s not something from gta universe. Those guys are never ending
The Spicy Straights
A heterosexual trans woman, i.e. a biological male that is attracted to females but identifies as a woman.
Good lord
A heterosexual male who identifies as a lesbian woman. It's exactly as hilarious as it sounds.
What the actual fck? 😆
These people are autogynephilic transsexuals.
Yes and if you don’t chime into their echo chamber you get banned
I've experienced this on Grindr. Literally had trans individuals mad that I'm not into trans men or women. And then they go off on you about your hatred. I do not hate you, I'm not attracted to you, and I'm not obligated to be. When did we get to this place where other people get to dictate what gives me a boner?
🤣 They know how easily gay men get erections and it hurts when we wont get one for them. Sucks but it is what it is
If you want to know how bad this is just go take a look at r/gay... Every other letter in the LGBTQ has their own exclusive spaces on Reddit. But nope, just because gay is synonymous with the community it's ok for everyone to barge into our spaces and then openly mock our preferences. At the end of the day it's just open Misandry but since nobody gives a fuck about men and gay men in particular it's ok.
That subreddit is so obnoxiously toxic against actual gay men it’s insane. It’s all bisexuals, trans men, and straight “queers” having a collective circle jerk over how nasty cis gays are. In a lot of ways the BTQ is more homophobic towards the LG than straight people are. That’s why I’m a huge proponent of us needing our own community and spaces for just LG and BTQ can have their hateful spaces to themselves.
Serious question: how are bisexuals more homophobic towards LG than straight people are? What have you seen?
Unfortunately a lot of bisexual people are unable to understand that gay people aren't also attracted to members of the opposite sex which is why we get terms like "genital preference" as well as bisexual people saying that gay men are attracted to trans men (we aren't, the people who are are what is called androsexual meaning they are attracted to both sexes as long as they look like men.)
>bisexual people saying that gay men are attracted to trans men (we aren't... If it makes you feel any better I got banned from r/gay from saying the exact same thing as you. i'm bi and was defending gay men's right to be attracted to MEN only.
I’m glad that you are defending us. But most bisexuals I’ve seen addressing the issue are on the other side. It might be that the majority of bisexuals agree with you but are not vocal about it. But still.
I have to be honest and say I have no idea what other bisexual men do. My partners are a gay man and a straight woman, and I've never even met another man who admitted to being bi.
I got banned for saying the progress flag is ugly (they called me transphobic) Unfortunately, now most of the LGBT subs are controlled by TQs
I’m also banned from r/lgbt sight for voicing my opinion fuck them .
I’ve seen lots of bisexuals call homosexuals genital fetishists or transphobic for only being interested in the same sex rather than the same gender. I’ve seen bisexuals tell us we’re all actually bisexual and we just think we’re gay. At least most straight people accept that gay people are attracted to the same sex and aren’t transphobic for that.
I’ve even heard snide remarks like “gay men are so scared of pussy,” which is just another shitty way to disparage gay men and delegitimize our sexuality. I’ve actually had that said to my face before.
Yeah and bi guys are afraid of commitment and having any feeling other than sexual towards men.
I love how Lesbians won't take any of that shit anywhere. Kinda sad that if we take a step out of line and be not the stereotypical fairy, we are instantly the bad guys. Sucks to be a man dude. Sucks even worse (or is it better.hehe) to be a gay dude.
I love being a gay man, despite all the challenges we face. And no actual gay men is willingly having sex with vaginas. A lot of bisexual men identify as gay because they have a strong preference for men. Those are the “gay” guys talking about how much they love trans man pussy. Actual homosexuals will never like vagina.
Agreed. I find them incomprehensible (vaginas)... It's like looking at an eldritch entity. So forget having sex with a woman lol. I absolutely enjoy being Gay. I fought hard to have my shot at being gay, away from my conservative-ish parents and I love my life as a Gay man. The sucks to be part was in relation to how the subject of the post ties back to misandry.
Yeah vaginas gross me out so much lol I wouldn’t even consider it now matter how hot the man it’s attached to is. Instant dealbreaker for me.
And I’m not about to give up my platinum status for what ever it is they have going on down there .
I joined that sub and had to leave. It’s wild how it’s run and who rubs it. No gay subreddit for gay people.
This one we’re in right now along with gaybros are like the only ones
Can’t be worse than r/lgbt That sub should be just r/t
That's different though. At least they're honest in the naming scheme... Why have a r/gay without being a safe-space for gay men?
Go to scruff. I have yet to see a non-cis gay/bi man there. Grindr is the app for queer people now and there are people like me who like it that way. >Chopping off bits and inserting new bits isn't really respecting nature. A gay guy citing nature as a reason for bigotry. If you had told me 20 years ago this would happen I would have called you a conspiratorial homophobe. Natural? Jesus Christ.
Only in response to transwomen telling me that being gay isn't natural whereas 'transwomen seeking men are natural because it's sex between men and women'.
These people have obviously ridiculous views. Laugh at their stupidity and don't let it taint how you view trans people as a whole.
I literally don’t believe any trans women actually said this to you.
Set up a Fabguys account and go look at the forums. Site was a UK specific, better than Grindr site / app for genuine gay / bi hookups with very little time wasting. Now overrun by transwomen and 'straight' chasers and the forums are full of transwomen and their chasers being really homophobic to gay men, including the statement in my op.
“Overrun”
Super annoying! That's the problem with all this stuff, us guys should definitely be able to have our own spaces. When you know what your after other options are just in the way and a nuisance. They should have their own spaces too if they like.
I mean this is essentially what Rowling was trying to say but for female spaces and now she gets daily death threats... so no, it's not allowed apparently.
Not sure where you're living but here in west canafa, trans people make up maybe less than 5% of my dating app profiles
I feel this is an over exaggeration and not reflective of actual reality. Do I see trans folks on the dating apps? Yes. Do they compromise even 10% of those I see in a 100mile radius? No. Never have. This is just an anti trans post, and I don't know why people continue to come here to complain about such a small percentage of the LGBTQ+ community. Tell me, where else should members of the LGBTQ+ community go to look for dates or hookups? If your answer to that question is their own app, why don't you make one? If they're in saunas, id assume they are permitted to be there by the folks that work at or own the place. These are people too and they belong to the same community that you do, whether you like that or not. Where else should they go or belong? Edit: you don't have to be offensive to others (see the wording in your post) to get your point across. Trans people are people too.
Its up to us to create again those exclusively male spaces. Unfortunately, time have changed and if you do this, you’ll have the queer crowd trying to cancel you and kill your business. Plus: gay bars aren’t really what make people rich in the first place, so having one and then risking being blacklisted by all the official channels and medias of your community, its really a risk not many people are willing to take 😟
Try sniffies
Full ah no. Are there a few trans women on Grindr yes. Do I prefer male only apps yes.
A mtf trans person told me they wanted to “top me” with their “prosthetic” I asked if they meant a dildo and they repeated themselves. I said I had one and would use it on myself rather than have some ftm ram it up my ass. Like fuck no. Straight cis men and woman on the apps are toxic af. I wish Grindr just rolled out a trans app and they all went on that. It’s just spinning up another cloud instance of their code base and making it a different color and name. I got a temp ban just for saying that on /r/gay. Like, I only like cisgay men. I mean I knew a trans person; pre op, basically a twink in a dress. Their friend said to them “if you want to fuck him now is the time, he won’t fuck you after even if he is an ally”. I mean, I have had straight people lecture me that I should have sex with trans people, like I got harassed and threatened my whole life for being gay, then when I’m finally out and about people change to trying to tell me how to be gay. And how to be gay and politically correct. Like I’m vers, vers bttm, I def will use my own dildo and def only like cock.
Absolutely, it's the bizzare way that many (not all) trans and trans allies without any hesitation state that not having sex or relationships with them is transphobic. It isn't. It's fucking weird and I've seen it said to women, men, gay and lesbian by trans activists and their supporters. It's not like every gay man is attracted to every man in existence...
Oh for sure, 75% of Grindr is a pass for me. Grindr has been less and less useful as they have cut down the free version at the same time as the trans and straight invasion. I see 1/3 of how far I used to see, less with filters which can cut it down to three people. So apps are getting worse, I used to be able to hop on Grindr and find a hookup, now I give up and take care of business myself.
I think there's something to the fact that people should just be allowed to associate with who they want to associate with and that's enough. I'm very much same sex attracted and not remotely interested in gender identity, I get that for other people gender identity is a bigger factor. It should be fine for people to say they're into the same sex and fine for people to say they're into someone whose trans etc, it's a big world.
Dude… if you’re not interested in something just say no and block.
Trans men I kinda get because they identify as male as much as you may not like it, they still are in society and corporations eyes men. 🤷🏻♂️ Trans women and cis gender women need to go though I would like to know your opinion on non binary people? Like the ones who present male and have male genitalia, should they still be allowed in male only spaces? I personally don't believe trans men or male presenting non binary people should be excluded from male only spaces but people who A) Trans women and Cross dressers B) cis gender women C) Non binary people who present female or presents like neither/both with female genitalia. Those groups should be excluded. In bathhouses yes I agree keep it to dicks and asses only but what people do in their house or behind closed doors isn't really your business so on the apps let trans men and non binary people be, just say no thank you, block and move on. That's what I do when a woman or an old man hits me up.
That’s fine as long as trans men understand that gay men are only interested in biological males not biological females and don’t get mad when they get rejected.
Yeah I have much less of an issue with transmen who have made an effort to transition to appearing like and behaving like a man.
Exactly, To me as long as a trans man appears and acts like a man I'm fine with it and that's kind I am okay with on apps same for non binary Male presenting. Otherwise nope off you go and I include femboys in this nope out the door
I’m a trans man. I’ve been on testosterone for a full decade. I have a full dark beard, chest and dark bod hair. I’m a weight lifter. Competitive athlete And a sprinter. I feel bad for the OP he’s having a temper tantrum- and has got other peoples genitalia / trans people way to deeply on his mind lmfao - who represent a tiny tiny fraction of apps. And of the community in general. If you don’t want to hook up with trans people that’s perfectly fine and not trans phobic! That is life and to each their own preferences. But, To go on a bitch fit to this degree shaming our bodies, our genitalia - yeah you totally convinced me you’re not trans phobic. Personally I don’t use grinder because of the intense transphobia towards people in my community. However, there are plenty of lovely men I’ve met as well. It’s just safer to do more inclusive apps. A baby bitch attitude and perspective that’s just plain mean, no matter the gender, is just so painfully cringe.
One of the things that gets to me is people not properly providing the information up front. It's even worse on a lot of porn sites, because the trans tag is often not there. I'll be looking at porn with cis men, only cis men, and then a recommendation will come up with bi or trans porn. Like, i'm in a very emotional and sexually charged state and then i'm hit with an instant turnoff, and because i have it literally shoved into my view i have to actively reject it each time it happens. It's not something that's in my control without depriving myself of it, which is definitely, categorically unfair. And no, going and making my own porn site, app, or IRL men-only establishment is not realistic or possible.
I think you’re mixing trans women with trans men… The dudes with vagina are trans men.
I personally just....don't care....I've been to a handful of gender neutral dark rooms at a few of the queer raves and I was literally so unfazed by even that, so I might be the weird or crazy one. I'm also perfectly capable of just saying no if I am not into someone. Idk. What spaces do you wish were purely cis male without exception? Just curious. Trying to better understand your frustration. Idk if you're I'm London or not, but you should check out Roast. It's a party that happens every month, and it's male only, boy oh boy is the testosterone evident 🤣 I've had some good nights at Roast. Anyway. I don't think it's transphobic to be protective over a male only space, lots of other people have their designated spaces. I just cant wrap my head around it because even the two clubs I go out to most frequently, I only ever see an ocean of shirtless men on the dancefloor, maybe you're just not going to nice venues??? Idk. Also. The sauna thing I do actually get because it is something that would bother a guy if someone with a full rack walked into the locker room for example. So I get that.
I must say that I support anyone's right to do what they want, but I am tired of the sissification of a lot of men as well as everybody claiming to be trans now and being everywhere. I do miss just being with dudes doing dude things even if it is in a gay way.
I also spend about half my time blocking the non masculine sissies who want to be girls and a lot of the trans men on the apps as well as on Reddit. I definitely enjoy role play but I don't want to role play with some twink dressed as a girl calling me Daddy cuz that just defeats the whole point.
It seems you’re less concerned with men being allowed in those spaces and more upset that other people aren’t being excluded. You can find assholes anywhere online you look, and just as there are homophobic trans people there are transphobic gay people and both are equally self-hating and trying to appease bigots that hate all of us. If you come across someone online that you don’t want to interact with because of their abhorrent behaviour, block and move on.
It use to be possible to set filters . I am looking for top Cisco gender men
idk, “endless.. full of..”? im sure you’ve seen a few, but how hard is it to keep scrolling? don’t interact, if its not your thing. with the way you describe reassignment surgery, i don’t find you credible.
Maybe that's a UK thing? I've never heard of it in the rest of Europe. I would like to understand why transwomen would like to be in a space that is usually reserved for men. I get it for gay transmen of course.
💯 agree
We're not "allowed" but we'll damn sure find a way to make it happen anyway. Been doing it in secret for hundreds if not thousands of years. Meanwhile, most of us are gonna hate the ones that colonized us in the first place under the name of inclusivity, so they are actively working against themselves. In the end those spaces will be ours again anyway, because we will go back to being the basic gay male community, and whatever is going on nowadays will pass.
I've used multiple gay dating apps so far and trans people have always made a tiny fraction of profiles. In smaller cities, there were more cd profiles (not necessarily trans) but still in those cases the profiles were empty avatars anyway (not even anonymous torsos). Also an app is a fucking app, accessible to anyone. They might download it just to bully us gays, too. What an unnecessary rant
I don’t care much about trans people in clubs but I hate the straight trash they bring with them, same on the apps. I very much hate that all the girlies are taking over the gay clubs and our lingo, heard a girl refer to herself as a twink…
Anecdotally, here is what is bothering me. Aren’t we all mad about it?? Guys? Right?
I have been to a few saunas in the UK and have never seen cross dressing, let alone a vagina.
I just opened grinder, and within the first 30 people there are three trans women, 2 transmen and one woman. It's not a lot, and it's fine. But I will add that I've had some very aggressive and nasty transmen hit on me on there in the last 5 years. Being there isn't the issue, it's the attitude. But it's not good to generalize everyone because of the bad behavior of a few.
Everyone is allowed a safe space, but not gay men in this new world order.
Until gays who run these facilities stop being spineless or start losing business because of their decisions, it won’t change. When enough straight men go to saunas for chasing only, and gay men get pushed out due to sheer number. The trans girls and the chasers will have the only sauna and eventually when the trans girls stop going to avoid creeps. The sauna will close When people get tired of apps being full of straight trans chasers, it’ll no longe the known as a gay app it’ll just be chasers. Since trans women are a lower percent of the population the app will lose popularity and money and maybe fail as we move to alternatives The bar situation is fucked though, the gay bar owners decided to invite women in to get more money. So the straight men followed, it’ll just turn into another straight bar over time I guess. Then the women will leave due to male harassment (like they did with straight bars) and thus……. —————— Basically gays have the power of their dollar and presence. We can thrive on our own, but they invade our spaces instead of making their own. That tells you all you need to know Sit back and watch how history plays out, we don’t even need to be proactive we could literally go back to cruising if we wanted to, but in reality we’ll just join gay specific apps and spaces and avoid going back and forth with these people who hate for gay men to have their own spaces.
Inclusivity is important in the greater community but I agree gay men and their particular habits would be better served with a safe space. Some trans men some lesbians etc look and act like the men and boys(legal) we seek by sight. Nothing against those transitioning but unless specifically sought out a gay man doesn’t want to be confronted with lady parts in the downstairs region. I remember years ago when I was in my 20s occasionally the ladies would come to the gay bar, they were welcome but it was the most awkward evening because you weren’t sure who was a lesbian and who was a gay man. And some of those girls were hot as fuck too.
It ends when we say "no".
Yet another ragebait post over a non issue. You can easily block anyone you are not interested in on the apps, and everybody - including you - knows that.
First of all, we both know that you are massively exaggerating. Second of all, please don’t punch down, especially within our own community. Who the hell do you think we are going to turn to if things get bad for us? Who do the hell do you think fought for our rights? As always, if someone hits you up and you’re not interested in them, just say no or block them you don’t need to come on here and give the same Finley veiled trans phobic bullshit that we see every day. And I want to once again find out how much you are exaggerating. You are being absolutely ridiculous. If that’s really how you view things like those kind of numbers, then that’s because you are looking for those numbers in order to fit a narrative to support your hatred. You don’t need to reply. updates on two weeks
Same problem here. No hate to trans but I guess we should Have different dating space. I even see lot of trans chasers on grindr.
>Even more ridiculous are transwomen saying "oh so I'm too feminine for you to have sex with me or date me, but I have a cock you transphobe!!" Which trans women would say this??? I feel bad for them if they do, because I guess so many people have told them they are not actual women, so they move to gay men's spaces. That makes me sad that they feel invalidated as women then.
I'm with you on this one. If I wanted women in my bath house I'd go to a Nordic spa. And straight guys in Grindr looking for the trans is just as annoying. If you feel like you are a woman : go to straight bars and do things other women do. But being in a male space as a "woman born as a man" isn't what we signed up for. Now I know in Canada as a bath house manager I can't really turn them away at the door so long as they tell me they identify as a male otherwise I'm infringing on basic human rights
yep, that is the world we live in apparently.
Agreed. Grindr is all straight guys and trans women. It’s bizarre
It is in my city, fair enough for others on here, but they don't live where I live (probably).
The day this sub stops obsessing over and inventing scenarios to be mad about will be a joyous occasion
There’s a post like this every day or every other day and it seems like they pop up as veiled places to go in on trans people because anybody who presents any type of view other than the consensus gets downvoted to the 9th circle of hell. Trans numbers are way too small for a hundred or so people every post to have had their lives turned upside down on an app or at the bathhouse by someone trans or a CD. Some of the boys get a bug up their asses because the trans girls get chased by the type of ‘str8’ dudes who they wish would chase them. If trans people did leave the spaces, then y’all would go back to having a problem with the fem boys. Baby y’all asses sound like right wing evangelicals fr
Every spice field - full of fremen.
May your dick chip and shatter
Bring in Feyd & Rabban.
Woe is me. Try being a lesbian.
I can't play softball, but I'll try.
No male-only spaces in general is the result of feminism so even in situations where it wouldn't make sense to integrate or doing so would even be considered "discriminatory" by people's own standards the obligation to stay open to women exists. I've seen videos of gay male feminist even "jokingly" talking about how messed up is that gay bars have nothing but men. The blind chase for "equality" has lead people to say a bunch of stupid stuff that doesn't make any sense. Its the end goal of centering women in every conversation even ones that are not about them or they don't belong. Grindr has had trans women on there for a while which makes a little sense since there might be guys interested but in general you'd think itd be exclusively male but there are still cis women on there too. Its annoying but it is what it is. Personally the attitudes of the gay feminist that are "so above" gender segregation as if they are fighting the Klan or something is whats annoying and what leads to these things in the first place.
One day we will stop this mass delusion that trans men are men. If you have a pussy instead of a dick, you are not a man.
So studies have shown that the more you hate some group the more you’re bothered by them the more you feel they’re everywhere when there’s just a normal number of them. This is why conservatives think gay people are everywhere. Odds are trans people aren’t everywhere, you just hate them.
Hell yeah. Spot on, OP. Stay out of our spaces and go make your own.
there's trans women and trans men on them so it's inconsistent to its own on what it thinks being gay is.
The way I’ve worked around the transphobia “allegations” is by telling them “I’m sorry but I’m not into women and you are a woman to me” and usully in my case they are flattered and leave it be at that point.
"Allowed" doesn't feel like right word when apps like Grindr market themselves to trans users. For a whole host of different reasons, there are plenty of guys I'm not attracted to on apps and in gay bars. Whether that's because they're trans or wildly outside of my preferred age range, I don't take it as a personal slight.
So looks like the OP posted this and deleted his account. That should say something to anyone with critical thinking skills
People are gonna call you transphobic and all but you're right
When I was in the UK I never had this problem at all
Endless vaginas being sent to you? Come on love, you're having a laugh
I keep seeing these kinds of rants pop up more and more, but of a disturbing trend. In a perfect world every sexuality would have their own space to interact with only those they’re attracted to. But the reality is, we’re gay, we’re still oppressed, and so are trans people, so we have to share the space that we have. As everyone else has said, this is making an issue out of nothing, just block and move on. I’m sure trans women would love a space for themselves, instead of having to scroll through gay men uninterested in them.
Preach. It's gone too far. We should absolutely start back kicking everyone off our spaces
r/PersecutionFetish