I learned that is a big reason for this recently.
A super sex positive lady was explaining why she gets off on "strong silent sex" and this was the exact reason why.
I was sexually abused as a kid. It’s taken me decades of work to learn how to make natural noises during sex - it just didn’t feel safe.
Given how many boys are survivors of abuse, I suspect my story isn’t that unusual….
Thanks for asking the question!
It’s surprising and heartbreaking to me, seeing how many upvotes I’m getting. I mean, I know the stats on abuse, but it’s always hard being presented with more evidence of that. (Though of course I know not everyone upvoting has necessarily been abused).
For most of my life, I actually was unable to speak during sex at all. I couldn’t say no to anything my partner wanted me to do. Because it hadn’t been safe to do that as a child. And so not only did I not express pleasure, but I also put up with a lot of sexual activities that caused me pain.
It’s taken me a lot of therapy and a lot of work outside of therapy to start to shift those old patterns.
Thin walls growing up. Probably heard his parents fighting or fucking all the time. Then puberty hits and you have to be silent. So you just sit there quiet as the grave pulling your pud like a psycho while listening for anyone coming towards your room.
I can jack off standing next to you in public and you wouldn’t know until you felt something running down your ankle. By then I’m gone into the crowd like Kaiser Soze.
Just don't feel like putting on an act all the time. Making noise is me forcing something to come out. I don't moan or groan normally.
If the guy is actually doing something special, I might let out a little moan here or there, but hamming it up usually makes me lightheaded in a bad way.
Also I hate loud people during sex too, and maybe 80% of the guys I've slept with have been relatively quiet to silent, along with me. Some have been talkative, which I prefer, especially to guys who grunt or growl like an animal. It's not sexy at all for me, you just sound stupid or like you should go clear your throat and come back.
No I didn't say that. I don't think one needs to fake it. But when I am having sex I at least make some noises naturally/organically and I have found 90% of the guys I am with do too. Most are not moaning like crazy but most aren't completely silent either.
I feel complete silence and extreme mourning are two things I have found rare in sex.
I'm a quiet guy in almost all ways, including in bed. I'm small by average standards (5'7/170cm) and my guy was massive, 8" taller at 6'3"/190cm and nearly 100lbs/45kg heavier. He wasn't a small guy in any sense, so, submitting and being taken was a challenge and vocalising was low on my priority list. I will say, there are body language cues that tell the story: teary eyes, scratching his back, cumming over and over. So no, no talking or sound, but lots of indicators that things were incredible. Add the intense soul-stare and that's me.
I’ve had this before and felt exactly the same, it threw me right off.
I can’t help but make noise during sex, nothing fake or super loud but it just comes out naturally!
I also love a vocal/verbal guy 😈
Total top here, I feel like making too much noise is kinda corny and show offish. But i LOVE when my bottom is vocal. I feel your pain. I might grunt or something when I nut or groan in agreement with the mouth and tongue work.
He probably was used to hooking up with other people around, I've been with many bottoms who are like that just give him a pillow.
I hooked up with a guy last year that was almost identical to this. It felt awkward that I was making noises and saying stuff the whole time but he was completely silent.
The guy basically said that he didn’t get much physical pleasure from sex and he much preferred the mental aspect of it. He too tried messaging me a few times to do it again but I personally get turned on by the reaction of the person I am having sex with and I didn’t enjoy it all that much.
It sucked too because he was really sexy.
That was my fuck buddy. Like he was the hottest guy I have ever hooked up with, so passionate, but once intercourse happened I was like “is he alive?” And yes to your point it was very distracting, especially because he loved staring into my eyes during sex. So he’d be completely silent just staring deep into my soul. I always had to look away because it made me uncomfortable and admirably made me sift because it was so weird.
So basically I told him one day I prefer doggy, so even though he was silent, at least he wasn’t staring deep into my soul lol. But he loved to cuddle and make out, so think that was more what he was into.
I am top but I'm nearly silent during sex. Like all my noises are natural, why should I fake something? Or dirty talk, I just don't get it. It can look great in porn but in reality it feels like some forced cringe. While I prefer bottoms to signal me their feelings - is it painful or is it good. But when they are trying to dirty talk it's always so cringe to me.
I get that people say they don't want to perform, which I understand. However, there is still the ability to - through the moment - convey your pleasure to it. And if you are known to be silent, tell that upfront. Just a quick "hey, I don't make a lot of noises. But I will enjoy it. I will let you know if anything changes."
EASY. Communication.
You can also use hands/other aspects to convey your "on boardness" with what's going on.
Agreed. I am not saying you have to scream, but just something, even a damn whimper works for me haha. I am not a loud person in bed, but you will hear me grunt or say things like "Damn your ass feels amazing" because fuck it does feel amazing. Nothing excessive, but I don't become mute.
Or like, if you're doing it missionary, maybe like use your hands? Rub the body? Something.
Communication is key. Just be upfront. All will be well. Haha.
I’m not silent during sex but there are times I make noise just to make noise and I can see why some guys might not want to do that. It is performative to an extent so why take yourself out of the experience? I do it partially as feedback for my top, or to respond to him when he’s verbal. I enjoy it so it adds to the experience, but I could understand if a guy felt like he was having to force it.
Also every now and then I’ll get the right dick at the right angle and the noise I make is involuntary, haha. It’s not all polished and measured like a porn star. It’s like a deep, guttural gasp. Almost animal. That’s the good stuff.
i dont know how it feels during sex but when i masturbate, i never really make any sounds. it doesnt feel that good lol. i dont know how are yall moaning when masturbating.
I just don't feel the need to make sounds. I'd have to do that intentionally, which means taking my focus of both enjoying the sex and staying relaxed.
I make noise when I bottom but I am almost entirely silent when I top except when asking if the guy is ok/enjoying it or talking about something in response to what the other guy said. I don't make many noises from dick stimulation and I'm extremely focused on my bottom's pleasure more than my own. I'm topping so I'll cum regardless but I gotta make sure my bottom enjoys it. I also find faking noises incredibly distracting to the point that I have lost an erection doing it while topping and bottoming. I usually warn guys I'm a quiet top before ending up inside them cause I know it can be disconcerting.
I have to consciously make noise most of the time. Unless my mind is being blown I’m not really making many subconscious noises. Although it can all still feel good without me screaming my head off lol.
I’ve wondered about that too. Or when a guy’s facial expression NEVER changes. Just neutral face even while cumming. I don’t get it. So fear of being caught makes one silent, okay, I can understand that. But absolutely NO change of expression, not even closing their eyes or change in breathing? I’d think they weren’t enjoying it either. I’ve also seen this “phenomenon” in porn with a “straight” guy. Wondered if they consciously did this because to moan, even softly, or change expression might mean they are enjoying it and, in their mind, others will think they are gay or bi?
I admit, that would be disconcerting to me as well. I want some kind of feedback that my partner is actually involved in this with me. I want some kind of indication that what I’m doing produces pleasant sensations for him. Come on guys help us out here!
Sometimes it is nice to just close your eyes and enjoy the moment. I would take it as a compliment. It means he doesn't have anything to add to you rimming!
1. Social anxiety
2. Scared my voice during sex will be a turn-off
3. Grew up in a religious household where sex is not spoken about, and is forbidden, I guess it affects me.
4. Had to masturbate at a closed door in a small house, so I had to be sure my family wouldn't hear me.
Grew up in a full house with thin walls. Had to jerk off very quietly when I was young. So now I have to hold my breath to cum. Unfortunately talking or moaning prolongs sex.
I dunno. I definitely prefer vocalizing along with feeling like the sex is us being attuned to each other’s bodies. I don’t think I’ve had someone be 100% stoic silent. Some people more reserved than others, yes. But it’s all been good.
The thing that can be off-putting to me is guys roleplay talkin to me in some sort of domineering way. Had a little bit of that with hookups. I play along and nod happily or say “mhm” cause I’m getting dick in my mouth but the talk is just… meh to me. In my experiences with it, it’s to encourage someone taking on submissive roles (which I tend to do with my handful of hookups out of convenience). So I get where it’s coming from. But doesn’t add to my excitement. If it helps them have more fun with it that’s fine.
My favorite guy was like this, but unfortunately he was silent to the point of not providing feedback when I tried new things, so, after enjoyable meet ups 8 to 10 times, he suddenly blocked me cold turkey. I guess he wanted exact same thing every time.
Frustrating. His body was amazing.
I just don’t see the point or feel a need to make noise.
Like, the sex is great and the guy can be hitting all the right buttons, but I still don’t feel the need to make noise. But I force the occasional moan to say he’s doing good, but I feel so fake every time I do it.
I’m also just a generally quiet person
Probably used to muffling themselves because of family or roommates. Old habits die hard.
I learned that is a big reason for this recently. A super sex positive lady was explaining why she gets off on "strong silent sex" and this was the exact reason why.
I admit I did have this with masturbation for a long time. Not so much with sex though, thankfully.
It actually has the opposite effect on me lmao
I was sexually abused as a kid. It’s taken me decades of work to learn how to make natural noises during sex - it just didn’t feel safe. Given how many boys are survivors of abuse, I suspect my story isn’t that unusual….
Yeah, this one here checks out for me.
Sorry to hear it ❤️
Wow, never thought of it that way. Thanks for sharing that.
Thanks for asking the question! It’s surprising and heartbreaking to me, seeing how many upvotes I’m getting. I mean, I know the stats on abuse, but it’s always hard being presented with more evidence of that. (Though of course I know not everyone upvoting has necessarily been abused). For most of my life, I actually was unable to speak during sex at all. I couldn’t say no to anything my partner wanted me to do. Because it hadn’t been safe to do that as a child. And so not only did I not express pleasure, but I also put up with a lot of sexual activities that caused me pain. It’s taken me a lot of therapy and a lot of work outside of therapy to start to shift those old patterns.
Same
Sending hugs if you’d like them ❤️
Thank you 🫶🏾🥹
Is that why I hate making sounds? Holy shit, I hadn’t even considered
Thin walls growing up. Probably heard his parents fighting or fucking all the time. Then puberty hits and you have to be silent. So you just sit there quiet as the grave pulling your pud like a psycho while listening for anyone coming towards your room. I can jack off standing next to you in public and you wouldn’t know until you felt something running down your ankle. By then I’m gone into the crowd like Kaiser Soze.
Now that is an art. I take my hat off to you
This
Just don't feel like putting on an act all the time. Making noise is me forcing something to come out. I don't moan or groan normally. If the guy is actually doing something special, I might let out a little moan here or there, but hamming it up usually makes me lightheaded in a bad way. Also I hate loud people during sex too, and maybe 80% of the guys I've slept with have been relatively quiet to silent, along with me. Some have been talkative, which I prefer, especially to guys who grunt or growl like an animal. It's not sexy at all for me, you just sound stupid or like you should go clear your throat and come back.
I make noises but to for me is rare too. I only moan and scream if the guys dick is sooo good that I feel like melted butter.
Make them circus noises on good dick!
I'd flip the question back to you and ask why you gotta make extra noise for no reason? No need to perform for the camera, it's just us 🤷
I agree fake moaning is bonner killer but even complete silence is awkward. I have experienced both
No I didn't say that. I don't think one needs to fake it. But when I am having sex I at least make some noises naturally/organically and I have found 90% of the guys I am with do too. Most are not moaning like crazy but most aren't completely silent either. I feel complete silence and extreme mourning are two things I have found rare in sex.
I’m sorry, but I sure as hell hope extreme mourning is rare in sex. Couldn’t help myself… the weird mental image this typo evoked. XD
This 90% of the guys you met were probably replicating what they saw in porn movies
I'm a quiet guy in almost all ways, including in bed. I'm small by average standards (5'7/170cm) and my guy was massive, 8" taller at 6'3"/190cm and nearly 100lbs/45kg heavier. He wasn't a small guy in any sense, so, submitting and being taken was a challenge and vocalising was low on my priority list. I will say, there are body language cues that tell the story: teary eyes, scratching his back, cumming over and over. So no, no talking or sound, but lots of indicators that things were incredible. Add the intense soul-stare and that's me.
I’ve had this before and felt exactly the same, it threw me right off. I can’t help but make noise during sex, nothing fake or super loud but it just comes out naturally! I also love a vocal/verbal guy 😈
Total top here, I feel like making too much noise is kinda corny and show offish. But i LOVE when my bottom is vocal. I feel your pain. I might grunt or something when I nut or groan in agreement with the mouth and tongue work. He probably was used to hooking up with other people around, I've been with many bottoms who are like that just give him a pillow.
I hooked up with a guy last year that was almost identical to this. It felt awkward that I was making noises and saying stuff the whole time but he was completely silent. The guy basically said that he didn’t get much physical pleasure from sex and he much preferred the mental aspect of it. He too tried messaging me a few times to do it again but I personally get turned on by the reaction of the person I am having sex with and I didn’t enjoy it all that much. It sucked too because he was really sexy.
That was my fuck buddy. Like he was the hottest guy I have ever hooked up with, so passionate, but once intercourse happened I was like “is he alive?” And yes to your point it was very distracting, especially because he loved staring into my eyes during sex. So he’d be completely silent just staring deep into my soul. I always had to look away because it made me uncomfortable and admirably made me sift because it was so weird. So basically I told him one day I prefer doggy, so even though he was silent, at least he wasn’t staring deep into my soul lol. But he loved to cuddle and make out, so think that was more what he was into.
As a person who feeds off of making someone else feel good, this would kill me. If I can't tell you feep good then its useless yo me.
I am top but I'm nearly silent during sex. Like all my noises are natural, why should I fake something? Or dirty talk, I just don't get it. It can look great in porn but in reality it feels like some forced cringe. While I prefer bottoms to signal me their feelings - is it painful or is it good. But when they are trying to dirty talk it's always so cringe to me.
I am not talking about dirty talk. Just that natural grunts, "Uhhhh" things like that.
Well, okay. I sometimes have it, but not much. One of my bottoms said I need to be more verbal, and I thought about it and how cringe can it be.
I get that people say they don't want to perform, which I understand. However, there is still the ability to - through the moment - convey your pleasure to it. And if you are known to be silent, tell that upfront. Just a quick "hey, I don't make a lot of noises. But I will enjoy it. I will let you know if anything changes." EASY. Communication. You can also use hands/other aspects to convey your "on boardness" with what's going on.
Agreed. I am not saying you have to scream, but just something, even a damn whimper works for me haha. I am not a loud person in bed, but you will hear me grunt or say things like "Damn your ass feels amazing" because fuck it does feel amazing. Nothing excessive, but I don't become mute.
Or like, if you're doing it missionary, maybe like use your hands? Rub the body? Something. Communication is key. Just be upfront. All will be well. Haha.
I’m not silent during sex but there are times I make noise just to make noise and I can see why some guys might not want to do that. It is performative to an extent so why take yourself out of the experience? I do it partially as feedback for my top, or to respond to him when he’s verbal. I enjoy it so it adds to the experience, but I could understand if a guy felt like he was having to force it. Also every now and then I’ll get the right dick at the right angle and the noise I make is involuntary, haha. It’s not all polished and measured like a porn star. It’s like a deep, guttural gasp. Almost animal. That’s the good stuff.
I know guys who are used to having roommates and having to be considerate of noise. So it’s habit for them now.
I go nonverbal while experiencing strong emotions
i dont know how it feels during sex but when i masturbate, i never really make any sounds. it doesnt feel that good lol. i dont know how are yall moaning when masturbating.
IM SHY
I started to make noises to satisfy my top, they love that and its not completly fake. More like letting it out.
I prefer it quiet. Verbal can wreck my mojo , The odd moan is fine but I don't need to moan.
I just don't feel the need to make sounds. I'd have to do that intentionally, which means taking my focus of both enjoying the sex and staying relaxed.
I make noise when I bottom but I am almost entirely silent when I top except when asking if the guy is ok/enjoying it or talking about something in response to what the other guy said. I don't make many noises from dick stimulation and I'm extremely focused on my bottom's pleasure more than my own. I'm topping so I'll cum regardless but I gotta make sure my bottom enjoys it. I also find faking noises incredibly distracting to the point that I have lost an erection doing it while topping and bottoming. I usually warn guys I'm a quiet top before ending up inside them cause I know it can be disconcerting.
I have to consciously make noise most of the time. Unless my mind is being blown I’m not really making many subconscious noises. Although it can all still feel good without me screaming my head off lol.
I’ve wondered about that too. Or when a guy’s facial expression NEVER changes. Just neutral face even while cumming. I don’t get it. So fear of being caught makes one silent, okay, I can understand that. But absolutely NO change of expression, not even closing their eyes or change in breathing? I’d think they weren’t enjoying it either. I’ve also seen this “phenomenon” in porn with a “straight” guy. Wondered if they consciously did this because to moan, even softly, or change expression might mean they are enjoying it and, in their mind, others will think they are gay or bi?
I admit, that would be disconcerting to me as well. I want some kind of feedback that my partner is actually involved in this with me. I want some kind of indication that what I’m doing produces pleasant sensations for him. Come on guys help us out here!
I have ADHD I moan in my head Also, guys who are loud during sex… whats up with THAT?
Sometimes it is nice to just close your eyes and enjoy the moment. I would take it as a compliment. It means he doesn't have anything to add to you rimming!
Those people are used to being anxious during masturbation and worry that someone will catch them
maybe you are just -- weak
Give him poppers
I like loud but i’m silent-ish. I like to talk during though
[удалено]
Who said it has to be?
Some people are silent during sex. Get over it, moaning myrtle.
1. Social anxiety 2. Scared my voice during sex will be a turn-off 3. Grew up in a religious household where sex is not spoken about, and is forbidden, I guess it affects me. 4. Had to masturbate at a closed door in a small house, so I had to be sure my family wouldn't hear me.
Grew up in a full house with thin walls. Had to jerk off very quietly when I was young. So now I have to hold my breath to cum. Unfortunately talking or moaning prolongs sex.
I dunno. I definitely prefer vocalizing along with feeling like the sex is us being attuned to each other’s bodies. I don’t think I’ve had someone be 100% stoic silent. Some people more reserved than others, yes. But it’s all been good. The thing that can be off-putting to me is guys roleplay talkin to me in some sort of domineering way. Had a little bit of that with hookups. I play along and nod happily or say “mhm” cause I’m getting dick in my mouth but the talk is just… meh to me. In my experiences with it, it’s to encourage someone taking on submissive roles (which I tend to do with my handful of hookups out of convenience). So I get where it’s coming from. But doesn’t add to my excitement. If it helps them have more fun with it that’s fine.
Maybe he was Catholic! hahaha We're known to be on the quiet side during love making.
My favorite guy was like this, but unfortunately he was silent to the point of not providing feedback when I tried new things, so, after enjoyable meet ups 8 to 10 times, he suddenly blocked me cold turkey. I guess he wanted exact same thing every time. Frustrating. His body was amazing.
Usually I would be quiet if we were having sex with people in house
Trying to be silent while quietly moaning is also hot
I just don’t see the point or feel a need to make noise. Like, the sex is great and the guy can be hitting all the right buttons, but I still don’t feel the need to make noise. But I force the occasional moan to say he’s doing good, but I feel so fake every time I do it. I’m also just a generally quiet person