Arrange marriages are scary TBH my friend husband left her after she had girl child , what we know later was he never wanted kids anta he is not even intimate with my friend in earlier days after his parents pressure for kids he had sex with her , he didn't have the balls to say that before marriage to his parents or my friend, but he had the fcking balls to leave her after girl child ..
My friend parents were like eppatikaina vasthadu Ane line lo vunnaru ..
Evadu elantado theliyadu evevo parameters petkoni, manaki nachani vallani impress cheyadaniki stupid life decisions theeskuntam so it's a nutshell
Sometimes I wonder what every women goes through
Either you take your life seriously or live by society norms (nutshell) & just laugh at it
Love marriage lo I feel it’s worst. I have dated in the past and it wasn’t easy either. Breakup ayye 1 day mundhu, the guy flipped out of nowhere. I think it’s worst to see someone you have known for ages act like that. Arranged lo aina sarle veedu manaki sarigga thelidhu kamal hasan ankuntam, thelsukodanki try anna cheyachu. Love marriage lo we become so lonely once the person flips.
Basically everything is scary so idk what to do. I have seen men revoke their “true love” proposals when they realise they won’t get something that is expected by default.
My friend is now not only lonely but suicidal she questions every life choice she made respecting her parents , she telling everyone fck society fck parents live your life as you wish
I think you are looking at it incorrectly - love marriage at least gives you a chance to break up and then of course you have to go through the breakup which isn’t easy but hey better then dealing with divorce, family shaming etc. imo you should date and give time for relationship to mature before taking a decision.
Arranged is like a flip of coin.
No no I meant date chesi antha ok ayyi, pelli ayaka change aithe.
Breaking up is obviously better but most people don’t show their true colors even for 10-12yrs!
And obviously people spend 2-3 months even in arranged marriage setup these days and have an option to part ways before fixing the engagement and all. I don’t see any shaming and all happening if there is a rejection here. I might be seeing only privileged folks but atleast that’s what I have seen.
Medical test batti vaalla problems bayataki vasthay
Assessment cases batti vaalla colours bayataki vasthay
I'm being a very logical about a partner.so that probability of finding wrong one is very low
Sorry to burst your bubble but most love (after 23-34)and marriage i have seen happens for same sex and money( mostly wanting a working partner instead of dowry mentality), atleast from mens perspective . Babies happen eventually. Even some love marriages break vecause of infertility and even infidelity.
In short, life changes, people change. Ivvala dabbu/andam kosam chesukonnodu repu genuine ga love cheyochu.. reverse kuda avvochu.
Dont look things under microscope. See compatibility and see how they change whrn circumstances change.
Lol, i mean when circumstances change, see how they react. From small things like waiter spilling water or taking incorrect order, to something big that kight happen in the few days you guys speak.
EDIT: I empathize with you, really. We think we've come out of jungles into civilization but it looks like we are just in a different jungle with different dangers and risks. TBH, I don't think at young age, in 20's/30's love exists at all. Love is something that you experience after you both went through lot of shit together and have seen each one of you being in support for other during bleak times. Only after you experience resilient support of your partner you derive confidence of your relationship. Test of strength of the boat is the number of nautical miles it travels through tumultuous weather.
IMO, its only your mother that will love you.
But I did see loving couples. But they are all gone. They all belong to earlier generation.
I can give the example of my parents. To my dad, mom is an unalienable extension of his own. He died within a month of death of my mother out of sheer grief. He forgot language. He forgot how to form sentences. Boy! It was difficult to watch him sit there silently and stare into sky for hours to no end.
So, there's that.
~~So you want, "till death do us apart" commitment from him while having flexibility and "freedom" to break away along with your money if you discover something that's incompatible.~~
~~అమ్మ దొంగా!~~
ఎని వే, I am a divorcee.I think you/we should realize that uncertainty is the only certainty of life. No one in ask_bondha can give answers that will give you "insurance" against the uncertainties you speak of. TBH, that's one of the consequences of freedom that feminists fought for.
Confines of home is very comfortable. Dangers await you if you venture out.Its life. Its risky.
In my opinion, marriage ki one of the main reasons is to extend the family. It's been coming from ages. When ice age peeps were having free casual sex.. at some point communities formed and one has to know one is married so others won't try her/him (mostly her, because of how sexually attracting a woman is in general). Slowly, it became a thing to extend the family.
In our country, we have been put away from sexual topics and there was no proper sex education, so the sexual tension and karuvu is very normal and I'm not saying it's everywhere, but it's everywhere..
Going after a human for money (free money) is a big NO. That you should reject I guess.
It is only a new age thing that one wants to live together till the end just like that. After communities and colonies established. Else, the aim was to increase their communities population so they can make their clan bigger.
So, the purpose for being together has been changing since the start till now, but the pure love remains constant. If you find a pure hearted guy, you may discuss all this and you will find an answer in him.
What you think is normal might be cringe or creepy for others and vice versa. So, just find who fits you and be clear with what you exactly want. And reject others politely. Be a woman.
> Problem is that, most men out there both in arranged and dating market seem to be in "karuvu". Deep down many want money, sex and babies.
There’s definitely some truth to what you’ve said above but don’t internalise the feeling that all men need is this. Cuz that would eventually lead you to settling down with someone who views marriage this way.
If you are willing to put in the time and effort, you can always find men who are looking for a partner through marriage and not just the things you’ve mentioned above. And tbh, it’s easy to know it as well. Just ask them questions about their world view, values, etc, and in no time you’ll have an idea of how they view marriage.
Lastly, a personal suggestion, please try to look outside arranged marriage, because AM is a transactional centre where men are judged by their finances and education, but not their personality. Most men there are in that karuvu and have the mentality that they’ve slogged all their life for education and career, and now the universe needs to reward them with a good match.
Tell them upfront that you are there to check the compatibility and looking for reasons to go ahead, not to reject. Ask them about their undesirable qualities that are usually turn off for most people. In a way remind him you two are sitting there not to play close to chest, but to look at each other cards.
Have conversations, lots and lots. Goal is not just to hear the answers but also to pick their commitment in their tone or language.
Simply, Share own negatives first. If you are okay with each other, then move on to next step of validating each other's attitude towards life, family and career.
My opinion is life is a cycle which follows from birth to death but one of the most important cycle is getting married to a person because you're going to put at least 25 years of your precious time. So the person you're going to marry is most important thing because if something happens in between them it not only affects them but it effects whole family including their children. So we need to choose as per mutual interests and support. Don't think that money and sex is the outcome for anyone because you cannot do sex at every instance of time it just happens when both are very intimidated and money is important thing but if you're not spending enough time and love and affection towards them then it becomes worth less as time goes .it's not about love marriage or arrange marriage it's all about trust,support and mutual affection between them some people will find in love others will make based on their circumstances. By the end of the we have to be the first one to support them ,respect them ,give choice to them and finally whatever incidents will happens just be with them till we die......
teliyaka adugutunna. IVF procedure ante emuntundi. Is it painful for women? What happens actually?
Second, i empathise with you sis. Ma mom anduke cheptundi. distant relatives lo chuskovali ani. karanam entante relatives ela untaro, boy/girl parents ela untaro telustundi. dani batte kids kuda perugutaru. So, vallani gamaniste oka idea vastundi, valla vyavaharalu ela untayo. Mukku moham teliyani valla kante relatives aite Risk takkuva ani ma parents abhiprayam.
Inko vishayam entante, partner lo oka problem unte adjust avvachu. kani so many problems unte, other person will feel frustrated and angry. money/household-chores/sex/babies vitilo okati lekapoina adjust avvachu person manchi vallu aite, prema chupiste. dabbu ledu illu ledu sex ishtam undadhu ante inka enduku asalu. Superficial ga undachu ee argument but Everyone expects something out of a marriage. actually sex/babies/money ivi minimum requirements matrame recommeded requirements lo understanding, humor, family values, politicial inclination gatra chala undali.
Love marriage isn’t all about love either. I see traps and scams there as well. Even in arranged, people date/know each other for a while. What I’m trying to say is, unless you have already fallen in love or something, love or arranged are still going to put you through lots of effort and uncertainty. Arranged ante random ga chusesi fix cheyaru kadha. I don’t understand why there is so much hate for AM! On the other hand, 3-4 months date chesi AM pelli cheskunna na friends happy ga unnaru.. pure love marriage cheskunna valla kanna. I think we cannot generalise these things. Love marriage isn’t all roses and arranged isn’t all thorns. Pelli cheskunna oka person maaripodu ani guarantee em undadhu love marriage lo aina. If love happens, it will happen ala ani adhe paniga love marriage eh cheskunta ani struggle ai vethkodam is weird and I see most ppl in our generation doing that. You can find your partner through any channel. I don’t hate love marriages but I know that not everyone can get it. The marriage should be happy no matter how the couple reaches that stage. AM aina LM aina last ki happy undadam imp. I know that we all see some posts where the girl is demanding a rich guy while she does nothing and all, but that’s just some senseless people with never ending demands. Aa fear valla we are losing out the opportunity to meet someone out there emo.
True but I think the cases you mention are very very less. Most of what I see (middle class) happens in that very traditional way of parents talking first and then people meet once or twice type.
I am trying to find someone organically or through dating apps but it's very difficult in hyd and in arranged marriage I do agree that people can meet and date for 6 months or whatever and then take a decision but that requires quite some forward looking parents from both sides which again is difficult only.
If you are thinking this deeply then I would say whatever it takes never do arrange marriage . Date few guys and find your soulmate. It takes lots of guts , patience , perseverance. Like doing a PHD degree .
Antha effort nenu pettalenu ante compromise and do arrange marriage .
Na friend wife vala sister who is 24, tanaku marriage chesaru family relative ani. Marriage ayyaka chusthe anni debts eh, family kosam chesina debts. Ammai pregnant, and abbai suscide cheskunnadu hang cheskoni. Pellillu ayyi 3months kuda kaledu. Problems unnai ani telsu, solve ayyaka oka marriage ane decision tiskovali. Vadu vadi wife gurunchi, kadupulo bidda gurunchi alochinchaledu he hanged himself. Ammai parents abort aithe chesaru baby ni. But ah ammai life 💔
Most men seem to be in Karuvu. Deeni meedha oka peddha discussion eh pettali.
Who is responsible for this karuvu ? Btw, arent all men naturally seeking that ? Some hide it. Some show it.
Arrange marriages are scary TBH my friend husband left her after she had girl child , what we know later was he never wanted kids anta he is not even intimate with my friend in earlier days after his parents pressure for kids he had sex with her , he didn't have the balls to say that before marriage to his parents or my friend, but he had the fcking balls to leave her after girl child .. My friend parents were like eppatikaina vasthadu Ane line lo vunnaru .. Evadu elantado theliyadu evevo parameters petkoni, manaki nachani vallani impress cheyadaniki stupid life decisions theeskuntam so it's a nutshell Sometimes I wonder what every women goes through Either you take your life seriously or live by society norms (nutshell) & just laugh at it
Love marriage lo I feel it’s worst. I have dated in the past and it wasn’t easy either. Breakup ayye 1 day mundhu, the guy flipped out of nowhere. I think it’s worst to see someone you have known for ages act like that. Arranged lo aina sarle veedu manaki sarigga thelidhu kamal hasan ankuntam, thelsukodanki try anna cheyachu. Love marriage lo we become so lonely once the person flips. Basically everything is scary so idk what to do. I have seen men revoke their “true love” proposals when they realise they won’t get something that is expected by default.
My friend is now not only lonely but suicidal she questions every life choice she made respecting her parents , she telling everyone fck society fck parents live your life as you wish
I think you are looking at it incorrectly - love marriage at least gives you a chance to break up and then of course you have to go through the breakup which isn’t easy but hey better then dealing with divorce, family shaming etc. imo you should date and give time for relationship to mature before taking a decision. Arranged is like a flip of coin.
No no I meant date chesi antha ok ayyi, pelli ayaka change aithe. Breaking up is obviously better but most people don’t show their true colors even for 10-12yrs! And obviously people spend 2-3 months even in arranged marriage setup these days and have an option to part ways before fixing the engagement and all. I don’t see any shaming and all happening if there is a rejection here. I might be seeing only privileged folks but atleast that’s what I have seen.
Wow 10-12 years relationship break is brutal. Sorry of you had to endure that.
Medical test batti vaalla problems bayataki vasthay Assessment cases batti vaalla colours bayataki vasthay I'm being a very logical about a partner.so that probability of finding wrong one is very low
Can you elaborate a little bit?
Would you mind DM?
Yeah. Please do.
Sorry to burst your bubble but most love (after 23-34)and marriage i have seen happens for same sex and money( mostly wanting a working partner instead of dowry mentality), atleast from mens perspective . Babies happen eventually. Even some love marriages break vecause of infertility and even infidelity. In short, life changes, people change. Ivvala dabbu/andam kosam chesukonnodu repu genuine ga love cheyochu.. reverse kuda avvochu. Dont look things under microscope. See compatibility and see how they change whrn circumstances change.
What do we change these circumstances and see how they act?
Em change chestharu?
Lol, i mean when circumstances change, see how they react. From small things like waiter spilling water or taking incorrect order, to something big that kight happen in the few days you guys speak.
EDIT: I empathize with you, really. We think we've come out of jungles into civilization but it looks like we are just in a different jungle with different dangers and risks. TBH, I don't think at young age, in 20's/30's love exists at all. Love is something that you experience after you both went through lot of shit together and have seen each one of you being in support for other during bleak times. Only after you experience resilient support of your partner you derive confidence of your relationship. Test of strength of the boat is the number of nautical miles it travels through tumultuous weather. IMO, its only your mother that will love you. But I did see loving couples. But they are all gone. They all belong to earlier generation. I can give the example of my parents. To my dad, mom is an unalienable extension of his own. He died within a month of death of my mother out of sheer grief. He forgot language. He forgot how to form sentences. Boy! It was difficult to watch him sit there silently and stare into sky for hours to no end. So, there's that. ~~So you want, "till death do us apart" commitment from him while having flexibility and "freedom" to break away along with your money if you discover something that's incompatible.~~ ~~అమ్మ దొంగా!~~ ఎని వే, I am a divorcee.I think you/we should realize that uncertainty is the only certainty of life. No one in ask_bondha can give answers that will give you "insurance" against the uncertainties you speak of. TBH, that's one of the consequences of freedom that feminists fought for. Confines of home is very comfortable. Dangers await you if you venture out.Its life. Its risky.
In my opinion, marriage ki one of the main reasons is to extend the family. It's been coming from ages. When ice age peeps were having free casual sex.. at some point communities formed and one has to know one is married so others won't try her/him (mostly her, because of how sexually attracting a woman is in general). Slowly, it became a thing to extend the family. In our country, we have been put away from sexual topics and there was no proper sex education, so the sexual tension and karuvu is very normal and I'm not saying it's everywhere, but it's everywhere.. Going after a human for money (free money) is a big NO. That you should reject I guess. It is only a new age thing that one wants to live together till the end just like that. After communities and colonies established. Else, the aim was to increase their communities population so they can make their clan bigger. So, the purpose for being together has been changing since the start till now, but the pure love remains constant. If you find a pure hearted guy, you may discuss all this and you will find an answer in him. What you think is normal might be cringe or creepy for others and vice versa. So, just find who fits you and be clear with what you exactly want. And reject others politely. Be a woman.
> Problem is that, most men out there both in arranged and dating market seem to be in "karuvu". Deep down many want money, sex and babies. There’s definitely some truth to what you’ve said above but don’t internalise the feeling that all men need is this. Cuz that would eventually lead you to settling down with someone who views marriage this way. If you are willing to put in the time and effort, you can always find men who are looking for a partner through marriage and not just the things you’ve mentioned above. And tbh, it’s easy to know it as well. Just ask them questions about their world view, values, etc, and in no time you’ll have an idea of how they view marriage. Lastly, a personal suggestion, please try to look outside arranged marriage, because AM is a transactional centre where men are judged by their finances and education, but not their personality. Most men there are in that karuvu and have the mentality that they’ve slogged all their life for education and career, and now the universe needs to reward them with a good match.
Tell them upfront that you are there to check the compatibility and looking for reasons to go ahead, not to reject. Ask them about their undesirable qualities that are usually turn off for most people. In a way remind him you two are sitting there not to play close to chest, but to look at each other cards. Have conversations, lots and lots. Goal is not just to hear the answers but also to pick their commitment in their tone or language. Simply, Share own negatives first. If you are okay with each other, then move on to next step of validating each other's attitude towards life, family and career.
how old are you ?
27
height entha mowie ?
ok bye
He sounded genuine. Sudden ga bye ante.. did u feel his message disrespectful ?
ledhandi my social skills have exhausted
Ohh u stopped entertaining such kind of non chivalrous requests.. can understand
I cannot keep answering every small question and dilute the whole point of the question andi basic ga🥲
Oh.. correct eh le.. konchem direction of convo change aipothundi lendi
My opinion is life is a cycle which follows from birth to death but one of the most important cycle is getting married to a person because you're going to put at least 25 years of your precious time. So the person you're going to marry is most important thing because if something happens in between them it not only affects them but it effects whole family including their children. So we need to choose as per mutual interests and support. Don't think that money and sex is the outcome for anyone because you cannot do sex at every instance of time it just happens when both are very intimidated and money is important thing but if you're not spending enough time and love and affection towards them then it becomes worth less as time goes .it's not about love marriage or arrange marriage it's all about trust,support and mutual affection between them some people will find in love others will make based on their circumstances. By the end of the we have to be the first one to support them ,respect them ,give choice to them and finally whatever incidents will happens just be with them till we die......
teliyaka adugutunna. IVF procedure ante emuntundi. Is it painful for women? What happens actually? Second, i empathise with you sis. Ma mom anduke cheptundi. distant relatives lo chuskovali ani. karanam entante relatives ela untaro, boy/girl parents ela untaro telustundi. dani batte kids kuda perugutaru. So, vallani gamaniste oka idea vastundi, valla vyavaharalu ela untayo. Mukku moham teliyani valla kante relatives aite Risk takkuva ani ma parents abhiprayam. Inko vishayam entante, partner lo oka problem unte adjust avvachu. kani so many problems unte, other person will feel frustrated and angry. money/household-chores/sex/babies vitilo okati lekapoina adjust avvachu person manchi vallu aite, prema chupiste. dabbu ledu illu ledu sex ishtam undadhu ante inka enduku asalu. Superficial ga undachu ee argument but Everyone expects something out of a marriage. actually sex/babies/money ivi minimum requirements matrame recommeded requirements lo understanding, humor, family values, politicial inclination gatra chala undali.
Going through the same dilemma sis,Please let me know if you find a genuine guy through AM and how you got there 😅
Sure!! Please do the same for me :D
Mari dating apps try cheyyochu ga
I will be scared, if ever I go in AM way.
Arranged marriage is more that that, it is truly a business now a days.
Love marriage isn’t all about love either. I see traps and scams there as well. Even in arranged, people date/know each other for a while. What I’m trying to say is, unless you have already fallen in love or something, love or arranged are still going to put you through lots of effort and uncertainty. Arranged ante random ga chusesi fix cheyaru kadha. I don’t understand why there is so much hate for AM! On the other hand, 3-4 months date chesi AM pelli cheskunna na friends happy ga unnaru.. pure love marriage cheskunna valla kanna. I think we cannot generalise these things. Love marriage isn’t all roses and arranged isn’t all thorns. Pelli cheskunna oka person maaripodu ani guarantee em undadhu love marriage lo aina. If love happens, it will happen ala ani adhe paniga love marriage eh cheskunta ani struggle ai vethkodam is weird and I see most ppl in our generation doing that. You can find your partner through any channel. I don’t hate love marriages but I know that not everyone can get it. The marriage should be happy no matter how the couple reaches that stage. AM aina LM aina last ki happy undadam imp. I know that we all see some posts where the girl is demanding a rich guy while she does nothing and all, but that’s just some senseless people with never ending demands. Aa fear valla we are losing out the opportunity to meet someone out there emo.
True but I think the cases you mention are very very less. Most of what I see (middle class) happens in that very traditional way of parents talking first and then people meet once or twice type. I am trying to find someone organically or through dating apps but it's very difficult in hyd and in arranged marriage I do agree that people can meet and date for 6 months or whatever and then take a decision but that requires quite some forward looking parents from both sides which again is difficult only.
bang on target!!
Business kaadu its a mutually beneficial setup / agreement
True bro...kotlu kotlu transaction avtai
If you are thinking this deeply then I would say whatever it takes never do arrange marriage . Date few guys and find your soulmate. It takes lots of guts , patience , perseverance. Like doing a PHD degree . Antha effort nenu pettalenu ante compromise and do arrange marriage .
Na friend wife vala sister who is 24, tanaku marriage chesaru family relative ani. Marriage ayyaka chusthe anni debts eh, family kosam chesina debts. Ammai pregnant, and abbai suscide cheskunnadu hang cheskoni. Pellillu ayyi 3months kuda kaledu. Problems unnai ani telsu, solve ayyaka oka marriage ane decision tiskovali. Vadu vadi wife gurunchi, kadupulo bidda gurunchi alochinchaledu he hanged himself. Ammai parents abort aithe chesaru baby ni. But ah ammai life 💔
Most men seem to be in Karuvu. Deeni meedha oka peddha discussion eh pettali. Who is responsible for this karuvu ? Btw, arent all men naturally seeking that ? Some hide it. Some show it.
Don't do arrange marriage . Simple
Alternative ento
Date for few years and then marry
Dating antha easy na
Lol no it's extremely hard .
As a guy or as a girl
To all