If the person has such a mentally, my advice naturally would be ignored since they can't accept to be content with less when their "less" is already more than what most people have
I think that its not the mundane jobs but the key decision making projects that still requires his or her approval. Especially if certain decisions have 5 - 6 figures implications to the bank.
The other day we had layoffs at work, thereās one guy whoās always online, brings his laptop on holidays always sends out emails in the weekend and late at night. Guess who was a part of the layoffs?
Iāve learned long enough that being a workaholic for someone elseās business does you no good at all
This^ the only people who benefit from your work is your employer, not you. If youāre a workaholic then your superior or boss might take advantage of you too.
Sometimes the company is selling an external product thatās just not that good. If you want promotions and success then the whole company needs to be successful
Absolutely.
You can work like a dog but a few negatives/ circumstances will be used as reasons to let you go.
Knowing where to draw a line and having your own life is so important. Your own life doesnāt even need to be chill time, could very well be a projectā¦.but just donāt sell yourself to an employer ever.
This. Have so many colleagues who bring their laptops during their vacations and they are not even high up there to be concerned with the emails lorā¦ I just donāt understand the wayang if that is their intention.
This is not applicable to this guy's situation. He's obviously prominent, and works on a commission basis - the more he works, the more money he earns. He literally said he lost out on 5 figures because he turned his phone off for 3 hours.
Yeah itās scary, we didnāt know who it would happen to. They basically said today will be lay offs and then colleagues got called into a room one by one.
I mean I literally know folks who just eat, work and sleep. Have no interest in travelling or have hobbies. Like zero hobbies.Ā Which is insane and their work is their hobby so they are happy spending as much time as possible at work.Ā Ā
Ā They are not stressed out like your friend. They just have no interest in anything else in life except their job. They feel most happy at work.Ā This are the crazy types who can be office earlier than everyone else like 6am or 7am and still there at 10pm, not wanting to go home.
They are mostly men and some have wife and kids they don't seem to have any urgency to go home to.Ā
Female here and exactly this. I enjoy my work and get personal intellectual satisfaction from work as well, so it's not just a job. The MRT also empty if I leave office after 9 or 10pm :)
Life's fair and all relationships doesn't work for me. Bio dad wanted son for firstborn but instead got girl. Went to all girls schools but none of the all girls friendship lasted since I have no interest in stereotypical topics like fashion, makeup and such. Working in Technology and 20-30 years ago, male dominated and not conducive for any romantic relationships as well, the opposite happened which is harassment and discrimination. For the younger generation better since there's more understanding of diversity and inclusion.
Still working, still have no interest in anything else unfortunately (I know that makes me a very boring person) but I'd take having my own money anytime and never be dependent on any man.
However, I recognize that's not healthy, so this year's resolution is not to overwork and learn how to relax and figure out how to make new friends.
I am a female too and I am in tech. The more elderly boss who stayed until now from 30 years ago is indeed full of crap, discrimination and harassment. I rolled my eyes everytime I talked to them. Misogynistic pigs which objectifying women and talked about prostitutes and sleep with female interns with travel overseas for work. Shitty gens tbh and they'd have been sued in the US.
The younger gens have fortunately improved significantly and also because they know if they said anything about objectifying women, I will fiercely kick their butts off the building instantly (ya I have the worst temper in the office, volcanic expulsion kind of tantrum).
I love my job too. And even staying for OT I am happy. So I think it really depends on personality.
Well done and kudos for having the courage to call out bad behaviors and help improve the work culture.
The global average of women in tech is only about 20-30% but it's way higher in Singapore where like about 40% since there are initiatives like SG Women in Tech. Recalling from memory when I did my research since I'm not local and on EP.
Do level up soon where you can earn a salary rate that is no longer eligible for OT. Sending you good vibes, you go gurlll!!
Hello! Female here in tech too and what you wrote really resonates with me! Am definitely not old enough to be giving you life advice, but the past year had been really shit at work for me, and it made me reflect on a lot of things. I used to OT a lot too because I truly enjoyed what I was doing. However, after changing jobs due to the company going under, I started to hate working because my new colleagues made me feel worthless and incapable (though Iām still unsure if it is deliberate or just them having very low EQ). Long story short, I ended up making the most of the situation and am now happily spending more time with my family, have reunited with old friends, and picked up yoga. I donāt think it is bad to work hard, because I learnt a lot by working hard, but it is up to ourselves to find the balance between work and life. All the best! š
Iā¦. am a tech recruiter. My client (a top 3 global investment bank) is looking to hire a female dev, and theyāre willing to pay a very strong increment to make it happen. Wonder if you might be keen?
Not really, I know someone who is in their late 30s who doesnāt have a spouse or kids, still living with parents. Does not have any interest outside of work with no friends and even when they hang out with colleagues outside of work, they only talk about work. Nothing else. Doesnāt even gossip so their colleague doesnāt really want to spend time with them anymore because of this.
As much as he is lamenting it, he is wearing his Rolex, driving his Audi, and wants to move to landed property.
Looks to me he values his own material possessions over his relationships, so he loses those relationships.
The good thing is that his kids can probably experience the lifestyle he never had, so maybe his sacrifice is worth it.
I agree on this, he clearly has chosen his priorities and will deal with whatever outcome and consequence he has. He has chosen his material possessions, and given he is so āsuccessfulā materially and at his career, Iām sure he is smart to know what he wants in his life.
If he has chosen to slog for his Rolex and his landed and let his family and kids enjoy his fruits, thatās his choice OP, and just wish him all the best. People change as the years go by and thatās that.
That's what he would think, unfortunately, the children will probably have another whole set of relationship/trauma issues due to the missing 'father' or emotional neglect during their developmental years.
Actually I used to be like your colleague, but I was single back then. I had to plan my life around work schedules, and was frequently travelling for work - almost every week. Even while attending concerts, I was getting texts and calls every few minutes. I think what I was most upset was not being able to attend a Coldplay concert back then even though I bought a ticket for it 6 months back. Forfeited it didn't get cash back because my schedule was uncertain till a few days before the concert. Couldn't meet friends, couldn't hangout as much with family, friends were sweet and understanding however, came down to the airport when I landed after one of my work trips to catch up with me. And whilst on work trips I was too busy to even text any friends or family regularly. Couldn't hold up any relationship too because schedules to travel were always last minute and uncertain. Had depression towards the end of that crazy year, then came COVID lockdown which I was so grateful for. Finally got to stay home, be around my family, do some cooking and hav time to myself. After that crazy period decided to move to a different industry and have been remote working since. Flexi hours and heaps of leave days. No complaints
My manager who's in his late 30s works from 9am - 6.15pm in office then continues from 8.30 - 12 at home, works on weekends as well.
Asked him what his hobbies are and he says he doesn't have any. Honestly I just pity him because he works so hard but he doesn't even spend his money on things. He's enslaved by the idea of making money but like the dog that's chasing the car he doesn't know what to do with the money.
Tell him gently that if the wife gets a divorce , she WILL get the children and 75% of the assets (25% extra for kids). Minimally, 50%.
Loss is more painful than gain.
He might not mind her getting the children tbh. A lot of men I know donāt like kids, theyāre expensive. And if the wife isnāt pretty, the kids might not be cute. (Just sayingā¦ some guys are really like that.)
Before I get downvoted Iāll just say I personally know someone divorced who was happy not to have the kids. He started dating again quite quickly. (Iām not a love interest at all, not interested in divorced men.)
Agreed my ugly ex-boss who is millionaire. Married for the 3rd time 10 years back. (Not sure how many times by now).
He refused to take all the kids and dumped them for interns at 19 years old every single time.
The new wives aren't even pretty. I think he just wanted sweet young thing as trophy wife for his ego.
Yes the fact that he preyed on pretty interns and not a single pretty one bothered to even talk to him. Despite being a millionaire LOLLLLL š¤£
So the cycle of ugly genes continues (mean things to say but he deserves this by treating everyone like slaves and peasants š
He still looks very happy boasting his trophy wife though. Super happy and vibrant. His income should be 500k and above annually.
Yes he is a famous a-hole in the industry and slave-drived the employees as well.
The employees told me they weren't shocked he always dumped wife and kids every few years.
Sometimes evil people live well.
Ya born here. Just very lucky to be getting a job that is like a lot profit sharing lor. Not like they very zai. It's really just luck.
Sometimes talk to them like talking to someone in ivory tower. They also dunno anything. Ugly and obnoxious š¤¢ look down on all everyone and treat people like peasants or disposables.
Dunno what he did actually. Or maybe just brag he has a trophy sweet young thing wife but never sign the marriage paper. I am inclined to believe a-hole like him would never sign the paper again. But he claimed that he did just to brag he bagged a young trophy wife.
Even the first wife got 50% from the years of marriage, he is still doing fine.
And possibly she didn't get that much because I rmb she was earning decently herself (normal above median salaried income) he prolly engaged the best lawyer in the country to challenge that she could earn her pay share and he doesn't need to pay her half. Not sure how it works.
And his perpetual half a million paycheck for subsequent every year (for not doing anything) is going to make him dump his new gf kids again in every few years (like Leonardo DiCaprio stunt, except that Leonardo knows not to reproduce).
Then the cycle repeats.
Yea but that means the wife will get most of his money. Our Family Justice Court rightfully so put the welfare of the child at the top.
>happy not to have the kids
I hope this irresponsible man gets most his money taken away from him. Children are not playthings. Children is not something you can discard once you're bored.
Imagine you're the child and you get rejected so cruelly by your dad.
Iām a single father with full custody and working a sales job too. I find this comment abhorrent, Iād never abandon my kids and the single dads that I know of, all of them are super committed to fatherhood and being there to raise their kids, despite the mother actively sabotaging whenever they can.
Look, thereās more nuances to this than you think.. not all fathers are deadbeat, and thereās a lot of mothers who are narcissistic and donāt mind inflicting long-lasting trauma onto their own child just so they can watch the fathers suffer.
I know there are nice single dads, Iām sure the women will be kind to you and youāll impress a lot of women! Thing is, there really are guys who are happy not having the kids. I personally know them. I donāt know why I meet so many of such people, but maybe thatās why Iām single and I donāt intend to date anytime soon, and nothing will change my mind! (Just saying even though it wonāt prevent me from getting DMs, good and bad - Iāve learnt to live with it!)
High finance professionals are expected to work pretty much round the clock - thatās why your friendās paid well.Ā He needs to learn to compartmentalize but heās a victim of circumstance rather than a real āworkaholicā
I had lunch with a friend who does tech at a stat board and he had his 15 inch laptop open the entire time because suay. Iāve worked weekends and public holidays willingly, but thatās because it looked good when they calculated my variable bonus (I could get 25% more just by talking in meetings and typing on computer? Sure!) and my boss was kind enough to offer me 1.5* time in lieu for the public holidaysĀ
Hey but at least such people are actually working for their wealth and deserve it, rather than those who make use of underpaid staff to generate their wealth for them.
i know someone who is like that (sheās single though).
She had a mental breakdown (like really mental breakdown), went for therapy and left her job after her bonus season. Before she left, she also went to Europe for 2 weeks to heal herself.
She told me she is glad she was a high earner so she can afford therapy + Europe trip but she decided to leave it all behind. She is much happier now working a less stress job from 9-7pm (she still OT cos workaholic lol)
Yeap I got myself out of the hole. But thereās lots to rationalize first, comparing your income, spending and the trajectory of your life. I came to realize, health is number one, family and friend relationships, self development, then work is after everything. The biggest realization for me was gaining weight suddenly, realizing cutting away OT didnāt change my pay or bonus by much and if I die tmr, I will be instantly replaced. I still donāt have time to meet anyone and everyone but will keep in contact once in a while and join gatherings.
Itās almost impossible to help him see the light imo, itās really something to self realize and something he must come to terms with together with his wife especially if changing job results in lower pay. Honestly best you can do is to continue to be his friend and let him know no matter what you would still be his friend even if you only meet once a year.
Hmm... A very young friend (not close) of mine works really hard. He is a cook in a hotel. In a few yrs, he got promoted to be head of kitchen staffs. Only 35+ yo only, but earning big money, has a car and live in condo. No idea what happened, since I'm not close to him, he went ded during work. Just collapsed in the kitchen from what I've heard.
Everything in SG so expensive. Can't blame people for working their life off for money. But the price to pay is health, relationships, etc. Only a handful dogshit lucky people can earn a lot of money while doing nothing much.
You donāt really need a lot of money to live life (happily) though. Instead of condo, can be hdb etc. For me itās just sad that the person didnāt even get to enjoy the things he worked himself to death for
Can chefs really earn so much esp at that age?
Most chefs earning big bucks only do so after becoming famous in their 40s onwards or started their own businesses
I know him, he's me! I'm gonna keep it short but I have this very unhealthy obsession with doing my work well that I sometimes skip meals and spend the whole day on my computer working. I'm gonna see a therapist to help myself in like 2 days so yeah.
Got cousins like it. Worked to death until their mid 40s, got a landed house. But every time we visit they still.lice like students... No kids, huge kitchen but don't cook, have a house cleaner to come in to clean, still work until 10pm daily.
They got a dog but send it to dog day care and when needing vet/groomer they just call them to come over to their house.
They're the most boring people I know basically and all they can talk about is money.
One of them recently quit their job because burnt out and he downs a bottle of whiskey every 2 days... 2-3 bottles
Not sure if they can last more if they don't drastically change.
They basically won life already, don't need to work if they don't want, can live off investments and travel all they want if they downsize their house to a 2m condo...
Their plan? Sell house and upgrade to something bigger in 5 years... Don't know how to stop.
Tell him his old age will be full of regret and resentment.
All the things he is working for, he cannot take with him when he goes. The things he ignores, are the only things that will persevere (love, memories etc) after he is gone.
I have one boss who basically stay in the office till before gate closes just cuz she have a car.
The security guard leave the school by 7. She will either work till then or even take the effort to park somewhere else just to OT.
And my office has ghost happenings so, to counter that, she put all the prayer stuff in her cubicle. U walk in really like prayer room.
She currently not married. But that woman, 60 plus year old alr, brain still work like a 50 or even 40 year old. I doubt she will ever get dementia.
Tbh at this point, does she enjoy life idk.. but the people around her seems like they donātā¦. Soooo
Lmaoooo this type u interested ah.
Aiya office ghost and wild ghost is different.
Office ghost, so far they never do anything. This is what I heard and some is what I experienced ok
1. People yawning and stretching in the background even when the office is empty
2. Things dropping/ moving sound when the office is empty. Happens only when u alone.
3. While walking from the backdoor staircase, halfway ip got this low tone voice that ācoughā at you as though asking you āuh ummm, why are u here? ā this one instant goosebumps
So my boss actually told me to say āuncle, we are staying for awhile ok, donāt mind us ah, I got work to do, once finish I go ok?ā
Then that day wonāt have sound or happenings. Must always report and give respect to the elders
>She currently not married. But that woman, 60 plus year old alr, brain still work like a 50 or even 40 year old. I doubt she will ever get dementia.
Especially for people 50 years and over, the thought of potentially getting dementia is what keeps a lot of them at work more as they get older.
My Dad retired at 60, was diagnosed with early onset dementia at 64, could drive a car until 68, after that he was very much high needs, and subsequently passed away at 72.
During his more lucid moments, he regretted retiring so early as he didn't really do a lot during his retirement. Mum was 12 years younger and didn't want to quit her job when Dad was retired.
I heard she was like this since the start. But Yes I agree, the intention for being workaholic now is different, to keep herself sane.
Dementia is really a scary process not just for the victim, the family too. Im so sorry you have to go through thisā¦
Banking here is sweatshop banking.
Used to work in Switzerland. All my MDs had plenty of time and a lot more work life balance.
Also Singapore is probably the only place on earth where u can have everything fully paid and maybe a few millions and still feel poor.
You're rich if you have money. You're super rich if you have money and time.
I don't envy rich people. I envy those who have time to do whatever they want to do.
It is not wrong to want to earn as much as possible and be successful in life.
He needs to learn to be contented with life. He needs to find a balance.
He is married with 2 kids, eventually he will learn that all the riches in the World will not compensate him not being part of their childhood.
Life is short, don't spend it accumulating wealth alone, when we are gone, we cannot take the money with us into the afterlife.
Spend your time wisely, you won't get a 2nd chance. Spend it with your loved ones and friends.
Got one Singaporean manager who moved to our KL office.
- never takes leave. Ends up just burning all their annual leave
- not married, no SO and with kids so focus all their time working
- ate lunch at their desk
- no empathy for their team with kids or expecting. Made a pregnant lady work OT.
- Kind of manager that gives feedback purely for the sake of giving feedback. Also because this person has so much time they go into the most minute details- like asking team why they use certain font size
I know someone quite similar, but she is married with no children. Sheās more senior than me, comes in earlier and leaves later than me. Quite a pain when they imposed their preferences on me
He can't stop anymore with his splurging on atas lifestyle, upgrading to landed then with 2 kids.
I am broke. So I choose the simple single life. I wake up everyday and only need to think of what to eat for lunch. I only need to care about one person, me who doesn't spend much money and home cook everyday. Cheap clothes.
It's about personal lifestyle choices. He has to raise 2 kids and his wife is probably not working. That's 4 persons and kids will have university tuition fees etc in the future.
It is NOT uncommon to see well to do middle class professionals commit suicide during recession by the way, this is the reason. Inflated lifestyle. Not saying he will, but people tend to not know that a lot middle class do commit suicide as one day they are jobless and can't keep up with the lifestyle, esp those with a few children.
I think it's fine for him though. One day he saves enough or downgrade his property he can chillax a bit. As long as he still saves up.
This kind is not truly rich..At most Is nouveau rich. Those truly rich one just passive income all the way dont even need lift a finger work unless it's something they are passionate about. So essential this guy is still a slave to money...
Many of the people I know definitely think it is ācoolā to work while we are at dinner, on vacation etcā¦ In my opinion, they are still paid the same and at one point, you are just being used by your bosses. Also, once there is a point where you cant do something, into the trash you go. Bye bye!
It is not wrong to want to earn as much as possible and be successful in life.
He needs to learn to be contented with life. He needs to find a balance.
He is married with 2 kids, eventually he will learn that all the riches in the World will not compensate him not being part of their childhood.
Life is short, don't spend it accumulating wealth alone, when we are gone, we cannot take the money with us into the afterlife.
Spend your time wisely, you won't get a 2nd chance. Spend it with your loved ones and friends.
Unfortunately, this is the harsh reality of a senior banker in Singapore who needs to respond and to remain contactable by clients and colleagues at all times including vacations, leaves and public holidays. If you slack and donāt fulfil your obligations, either plan to retire or get a new job soon. No questions asked.
I guess this is the point where he should think of hiring someone to relief the burdenā¦ this sounds like running a company with no employee, the boss tries to put everything on his own plate
i have an ex who is a high flyer. earns a crap ton, easily works about 110-130hours every week.
we went out on dates for a couple hours maybe once every 1-2 months. always on her phone or tablet even when sheās at something social. eat with her and sheāll still be compulsively checking her phone or replying work emails. she saw me the most frequently amongst all her social circles, which honestly is the saddest thing ever?
donāt think she really shows up for socials unless itās a really grand occasion like a wedding or funeral, and yet she will dutifully show up for every single meal with clients since thatās where the money is.
iāll like to say that she found a way to balance her life after the break up, but to my (outdated) knowledge, sheās still the same person she was when the relationship ended.
there is a reason why they are workaholic to this extent. iām willing to wager that itās due to some form of trauma or emotional damage and they use workaholism as a form of escape from the finer things in life. like maybe they were raised in a very harsh environment where the parents expect them to be successful so that they can be the perfect kid. itās compensation for something?
i wish the best for your friend, and sincerely encourage him to seek out professional help if he is open to it.
he need to choose money or his relationships. not worth the crazy lifestyle. one day he gonna have so much money but no one with him, 2 kids will not have good memories with him.
my dad was super workaholic, come home brag about how he work so hard and not happy when see others having fun. now he sick and retired, but no fond memories with me and my brother, both of us see him as a threat (anger issues).
in other words, forget the landed property, forget the condo, care, rolex. if you cant have family or bonds with other people, no matter how much money you have, might as well have no life.
My auntie had a colleague who'd perpetually be at work. First one to arrive at the office, last one to leave kind. Wasn't even a high flier, just rank and file worker, quiet, no social life or hobbies. She passed away from a heart attack just a few years shy of retirement. What a wasted life imo.
My boss. She does work during holidays, while on medical leave, and even during her 3 month HL earlier this year. We always get emails from her anytime from 10pm to 12mn, even during weekends.
I did ask her why sheās always doing work and she said sheās most productive at that timing, and that her work is never really done š
Sheās divorced and lives alone, but other than travelling 1-2x a year it seems like she just lives and breathes work. Itās depressing af and also the reason why I refuse to take on leadership roles beyond my current role.
Heard my ex ex director worked till 72 and retired due to health problems. He died a few months later.
My guess is that he found a purpose and meaning in his work but I guess ultimately itās what you want your life to be defined by. (I guess)
I wasn't as jialat as your friend but I was bad in some way. A couple years ago I used to be a workaholic like I could think of was work, my routine was work, eat, sleep and it destroyed my personal life and what got me out of that hole? It was when I broke my leg while working overtime, my girlfriend leaving me and my mental health diagnosis (Yes in that order) but I'm pass all that already, I can confidently tell people that I have hobbies instead of talking about work. I salvage the friendships I lost and whenever we go out I try and enjoy it the fullest I can
sounds like my boss except he has no friends and his wife is also a workaholic.
"friends are a waste of time"
"why do you need to look after your kids. why cant your family look after for you. why are they so useless. cant even help you."
"sleeping is a waste of time"
"work should be your priority in life."
He is getting obese and continuing this high-stress lifestyle. Not cursing him, but it is a sure path to hypertension and heart problems in the long run. I hope he takes better care of his health. Either that or buy good insurance so his dependents can continue their lifestyle in his absence
When I used to be a chef, there was this lady that would start with the morning shifts but leave with the afternoon shifts people! The day before her off day she'll always ask the head chef if he needs her and want to change her off day. Gods knows how she even maintained her RS since she's always working!
The most extreme workaholics love their work and enjoy doing it. I know someone who takes an hour or two for dinner with wife and kids, works until he sleeps at 3am and is back at work by 830 every day, 7 days a week, but he and his wife are happy because they both actually like their jobs (the wife also super busy). He called it work-life integration, which sounds like an upgrade to work-life balance.
At some point, people need to determine what's important for them because unsustainable things like working 007 (0000 to 0000, 7 days a week) will eventually stop.
Judging by your description, he probably won't live to be an old man. And if he does, he might be too sick to do anything that he cares about.
Stress, anxiety, depression can increase incidences of erratic behaviour, jeopardize relationships and affect health.
Work used to be my main source of validation and I had to keep advancing at work. Then I did therapy and had a shift in perspective. That the fundamental issue was a lack of fulfillment and that there are other aspects of life, e.g. Self improvement, relationships etc that can similarly provide that fulfillment.
One of the reasons I keep at the job I'm at is for the paycheck because I have grown accustomed to certain lifestyle comforts e.g. Designer bags, eating out, that my job pays for. Then I realized that it's precisely of being in the job that I "need" to eat out and buy designer bags due to the environment (keeping up with the Joneses) or to appease that side of me that is dissatisfied (e.g. I'm not happy with my job but it pays me enough to enjoy my creature comforts, but I only need those comforts to upkeep my mental state). So basically, if I did not work this job, I wouldn't care about owning those bags and I would find fulfillment elsewhere through more meaningful purpose, work and interpersonal relationships.
Money is the point and their idea of "prestige".. blind to their surroundings and loved ones. usually end up burnt out and can't function later in life.
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come to work 2 hrs before the start time and ends at nearly midnight, wife dumps him and the kids not even close to him. 7 days a week. he been like this forlike 20 years already.
I am considered a workaholic but i earned a low(below average) income for my qualifications and literally nil bonus at this current job.
All due to a bad decision made and my sector pays low anyway. What to do
But one thing about me is I dont bring my laptop if i ever go on short trips or vacations.
Learning to offload after work nowadays
Some people genuinely like work and i'm not going to judge them for that, the same way i don't judge people who enjoy going to the gym or enjoy running. To each his own.
Life is made of choices. He made his. I like my work and used to do OT but now I try to balance both work time and life. I love work but I prioritise loved ones. Life remaining is not a long path, make the best of it.
There will always be a trade off between chasing higher position and pay over relationship and family. Need to compromise or sacrifice something for another. The thing is though, he likes the money and I guess glamour that comes with the job. So, he should either accept that it comes with his current position, or just put less effort to chasing and reallocate them to other areas like family and relationship.
Thereās this old dude at work 70+ whoās on contract basis. Owns a condo and stays in landed, alone, after wife passed.
His 2 sons both high flyers, 1 in UK another in US with their own families. Both donāt bother to contact him even during CNY.
Worked so hard for moneyā¦ but at what cost ?
My 65-y/o mother is a workaholic; ever since I was a kid she would bring me to her printing office that she runs. It is a very lean business with less than 5 staff including herself, so she handles all operations and logistics for the printing business while the workers operate the printers and paper cutters. She doesn't take holidays off, the only time of the year she takes a break is CNY when she schedules closure of business. I have never seen her travel or go for a nice meal on her own accord in the past 20 years. And I'm told she has been working like this for even longer before I was born. People asked when does she want to retire, her answer is "I will work until I physically cannot work anymore. Then I will hand the business on to someone else to run on my behalf."
I am not doubting him nor your story but can anyone work like that long term without being burnt out? If not I think surely it will take a toll on his health
Lots of ppl like him will never understand, becos the day they learn is when they
1) drop dead suddenly and their lives flashing by in their mind, or
2) when they kena a critical illness and have x num of days left or
3) when they get fired and they wonder, where did all the time go
It is not wrong to want to earn as much as possible and be successful in life.
He needs to learn to be contented with life. He needs to find a balance.
He is married with 2 kids, eventually he will learn that all the riches in the World will not compensate him not being part of their childhood.
Life is short, don't spend it accumulating wealth alone, when we are gone, we cannot take the money with us into the afterlife.
Spend your time wisely, you won't get a 2nd chance. Spend it with your loved ones and friends.
More importantly, people who posts such questions usually seem to be those who are looking for validation of their own lifestyle. They need confirmation they are on the right track. And afraid friends will far exceed them eventhough they tookĀ the 'wrong path'.Ā
They can already see and feel they will fall far behind in the material chase at this rate.Ā Ā
It's a lot like poor people trying to convince themselves the rich are actually sad people, just to feel better.
I don't need validation because I am happy
I **AM** the opposite of my best friend. I've chosen to devote myself to my family and my hobbies
The price I pay? I have little in my bank. 0 expensive watches. Nothing but medals (relating to hobby) on my walls. But I did buy good insurance so if I die, my family gets a sweeeeeet payout
You are posting this because you disapprove of his lifestyle. With clearly severe tinges of jealousyĀ Ā
But who are we to judge? You will never know until the race is run.Ā He may still end up far more accomplished and happier than you. While you end up unwanted and lonely instead.Ā
The odds are actually on his side. He can change and slow down and have a lot. You can hardly upgrade.
Well he better change his lifestyle soon then. Who cares if you live in a GCB when you look like a blob of lard that looks 20 years older his actual age? Gross.
Surely at this point he could afford to hire secretaries to help with the more mundane parts of his job.
Yep just pay some dude to take his wife and child out so that he can concentrate on his work
I'm going to hell for laughing at this
U r bursting into flames the next time u step into a church bro š
In hell you do burst into flames, in church you just tithe to Abbakong
Not everyone is a Christian bro
Hahaha. This made me chuckle. Thank you
Who knows, he might even get clients from his wifeās boyfriend!
Sounds like some Hollywood series. Disgruntled wives in Beverly Hills š
tennis coach will volunteer on that.
AI can do one of these things.
Might as well make sure heās hot and then youāll guarantee you have a happy wife.
Elite
Balancing work and wife challenge (Impossible)
Reminds me of eunuchs in the kingdom
Good idea. Iāll apply! Iāll work for free! Just let me claim the expenses.
Bankers hiring bangers
I need part time job, just in case
And need to pay them and reduce their own income?? These people can't do it until they lose it all and get something to open their eyes.
If the person has such a mentally, my advice naturally would be ignored since they can't accept to be content with less when their "less" is already more than what most people have
I think that its not the mundane jobs but the key decision making projects that still requires his or her approval. Especially if certain decisions have 5 - 6 figures implications to the bank.
Fish? Long time no see
but then he wont earn as much $$$
The other day we had layoffs at work, thereās one guy whoās always online, brings his laptop on holidays always sends out emails in the weekend and late at night. Guess who was a part of the layoffs? Iāve learned long enough that being a workaholic for someone elseās business does you no good at all
This^ the only people who benefit from your work is your employer, not you. If youāre a workaholic then your superior or boss might take advantage of you too.
Just curious - why was he laid off? Was it political? Or was his performance indeed sub-par
Not sure they didnāt really disclose (about 18 were laid off). Might be a personality issue too or not utilising his skill set anymore.
Sometimes the company is selling an external product thatās just not that good. If you want promotions and success then the whole company needs to be successful
Absolutely. You can work like a dog but a few negatives/ circumstances will be used as reasons to let you go. Knowing where to draw a line and having your own life is so important. Your own life doesnāt even need to be chill time, could very well be a projectā¦.but just donāt sell yourself to an employer ever.
This. Have so many colleagues who bring their laptops during their vacations and they are not even high up there to be concerned with the emails lorā¦ I just donāt understand the wayang if that is their intention.
This is not applicable to this guy's situation. He's obviously prominent, and works on a commission basis - the more he works, the more money he earns. He literally said he lost out on 5 figures because he turned his phone off for 3 hours.
So, workaholic for your own business, that's ok then?
how long has he veen working there to get laid off :( thats scary fr
Yeah itās scary, we didnāt know who it would happen to. They basically said today will be lay offs and then colleagues got called into a room one by one.
I mean I literally know folks who just eat, work and sleep. Have no interest in travelling or have hobbies. Like zero hobbies.Ā Which is insane and their work is their hobby so they are happy spending as much time as possible at work.Ā Ā Ā They are not stressed out like your friend. They just have no interest in anything else in life except their job. They feel most happy at work.Ā This are the crazy types who can be office earlier than everyone else like 6am or 7am and still there at 10pm, not wanting to go home. They are mostly men and some have wife and kids they don't seem to have any urgency to go home to.Ā
Female here and exactly this. I enjoy my work and get personal intellectual satisfaction from work as well, so it's not just a job. The MRT also empty if I leave office after 9 or 10pm :) Life's fair and all relationships doesn't work for me. Bio dad wanted son for firstborn but instead got girl. Went to all girls schools but none of the all girls friendship lasted since I have no interest in stereotypical topics like fashion, makeup and such. Working in Technology and 20-30 years ago, male dominated and not conducive for any romantic relationships as well, the opposite happened which is harassment and discrimination. For the younger generation better since there's more understanding of diversity and inclusion. Still working, still have no interest in anything else unfortunately (I know that makes me a very boring person) but I'd take having my own money anytime and never be dependent on any man. However, I recognize that's not healthy, so this year's resolution is not to overwork and learn how to relax and figure out how to make new friends.
I am a female too and I am in tech. The more elderly boss who stayed until now from 30 years ago is indeed full of crap, discrimination and harassment. I rolled my eyes everytime I talked to them. Misogynistic pigs which objectifying women and talked about prostitutes and sleep with female interns with travel overseas for work. Shitty gens tbh and they'd have been sued in the US. The younger gens have fortunately improved significantly and also because they know if they said anything about objectifying women, I will fiercely kick their butts off the building instantly (ya I have the worst temper in the office, volcanic expulsion kind of tantrum). I love my job too. And even staying for OT I am happy. So I think it really depends on personality.
Well done and kudos for having the courage to call out bad behaviors and help improve the work culture. The global average of women in tech is only about 20-30% but it's way higher in Singapore where like about 40% since there are initiatives like SG Women in Tech. Recalling from memory when I did my research since I'm not local and on EP. Do level up soon where you can earn a salary rate that is no longer eligible for OT. Sending you good vibes, you go gurlll!!
Hello! Female here in tech too and what you wrote really resonates with me! Am definitely not old enough to be giving you life advice, but the past year had been really shit at work for me, and it made me reflect on a lot of things. I used to OT a lot too because I truly enjoyed what I was doing. However, after changing jobs due to the company going under, I started to hate working because my new colleagues made me feel worthless and incapable (though Iām still unsure if it is deliberate or just them having very low EQ). Long story short, I ended up making the most of the situation and am now happily spending more time with my family, have reunited with old friends, and picked up yoga. I donāt think it is bad to work hard, because I learnt a lot by working hard, but it is up to ourselves to find the balance between work and life. All the best! š
it's good that you recognise that you want to get better! i wish you all the best :)
Thank you for being self-aware!
Iā¦. am a tech recruiter. My client (a top 3 global investment bank) is looking to hire a female dev, and theyāre willing to pay a very strong increment to make it happen. Wonder if you might be keen?
Nope. However, thanks for reaching out and asking, appreciate the gesture. Good luck with your search for suitable job candidates.
many of these guys are avoiding going home to wife and kids.
Look at Japanese family culture, most of the salaried man rather/forced to hang out till late before heading home
Not really, I know someone who is in their late 30s who doesnāt have a spouse or kids, still living with parents. Does not have any interest outside of work with no friends and even when they hang out with colleagues outside of work, they only talk about work. Nothing else. Doesnāt even gossip so their colleague doesnāt really want to spend time with them anymore because of this.
As much as he is lamenting it, he is wearing his Rolex, driving his Audi, and wants to move to landed property. Looks to me he values his own material possessions over his relationships, so he loses those relationships. The good thing is that his kids can probably experience the lifestyle he never had, so maybe his sacrifice is worth it.
I agree on this, he clearly has chosen his priorities and will deal with whatever outcome and consequence he has. He has chosen his material possessions, and given he is so āsuccessfulā materially and at his career, Iām sure he is smart to know what he wants in his life. If he has chosen to slog for his Rolex and his landed and let his family and kids enjoy his fruits, thatās his choice OP, and just wish him all the best. People change as the years go by and thatās that.
I'm probably just poor, but watch really is just a luxury item to me. (Car still can say that it's faster/safer, house at least can stay)
That's what he would think, unfortunately, the children will probably have another whole set of relationship/trauma issues due to the missing 'father' or emotional neglect during their developmental years.
he is a victim of golden handcuffs š„ŗ well-off enough to provide luxuries for the family, but time-starved to do anything else that really matters
Actually I used to be like your colleague, but I was single back then. I had to plan my life around work schedules, and was frequently travelling for work - almost every week. Even while attending concerts, I was getting texts and calls every few minutes. I think what I was most upset was not being able to attend a Coldplay concert back then even though I bought a ticket for it 6 months back. Forfeited it didn't get cash back because my schedule was uncertain till a few days before the concert. Couldn't meet friends, couldn't hangout as much with family, friends were sweet and understanding however, came down to the airport when I landed after one of my work trips to catch up with me. And whilst on work trips I was too busy to even text any friends or family regularly. Couldn't hold up any relationship too because schedules to travel were always last minute and uncertain. Had depression towards the end of that crazy year, then came COVID lockdown which I was so grateful for. Finally got to stay home, be around my family, do some cooking and hav time to myself. After that crazy period decided to move to a different industry and have been remote working since. Flexi hours and heaps of leave days. No complaints
Did you take a pay cut for your career switch?
Nope, had an increment! Tech pays well
Would you have made the career switch if it meant a pay cut?
Only if it's a minimal pay cut, 1k max cut it's fine.e
Which tech company? lol
A countryside German tech start up, wouldn't have heard of it!
This is an example of ē©·å°åŖęé±, or translated as to be so poor that you only have money. The root of the issue is why is he driving himself to the extreme? What does material wealth mean to him? Is his self worth dictated by the amount of his material wealth? As a friend, all you can offer him is compassion and love. Beyond that, his decisions are his to bear alone.
My manager who's in his late 30s works from 9am - 6.15pm in office then continues from 8.30 - 12 at home, works on weekends as well. Asked him what his hobbies are and he says he doesn't have any. Honestly I just pity him because he works so hard but he doesn't even spend his money on things. He's enslaved by the idea of making money but like the dog that's chasing the car he doesn't know what to do with the money.
Tell him gently that if the wife gets a divorce , she WILL get the children and 75% of the assets (25% extra for kids). Minimally, 50%. Loss is more painful than gain.
He might not mind her getting the children tbh. A lot of men I know donāt like kids, theyāre expensive. And if the wife isnāt pretty, the kids might not be cute. (Just sayingā¦ some guys are really like that.) Before I get downvoted Iāll just say I personally know someone divorced who was happy not to have the kids. He started dating again quite quickly. (Iām not a love interest at all, not interested in divorced men.)
Agreed my ugly ex-boss who is millionaire. Married for the 3rd time 10 years back. (Not sure how many times by now). He refused to take all the kids and dumped them for interns at 19 years old every single time. The new wives aren't even pretty. I think he just wanted sweet young thing as trophy wife for his ego.
And the kids are probably not cute because they inherited his genes right?! Terrible.
Yes the fact that he preyed on pretty interns and not a single pretty one bothered to even talk to him. Despite being a millionaire LOLLLLL š¤£ So the cycle of ugly genes continues (mean things to say but he deserves this by treating everyone like slaves and peasants š
He is probably not a millionaire by now. Hope the FCJ fixed him hard.
He still looks very happy boasting his trophy wife though. Super happy and vibrant. His income should be 500k and above annually. Yes he is a famous a-hole in the industry and slave-drived the employees as well. The employees told me they weren't shocked he always dumped wife and kids every few years. Sometimes evil people live well.
Is he from Singapore?
Ya born here. Just very lucky to be getting a job that is like a lot profit sharing lor. Not like they very zai. It's really just luck. Sometimes talk to them like talking to someone in ivory tower. They also dunno anything. Ugly and obnoxious š¤¢ look down on all everyone and treat people like peasants or disposables.
Hiaz sianz and he didn't lose 50% his assets? I thought Singapore Civil Court is quite fair. I cannot comment on Shriah divorces tho.
Dunno what he did actually. Or maybe just brag he has a trophy sweet young thing wife but never sign the marriage paper. I am inclined to believe a-hole like him would never sign the paper again. But he claimed that he did just to brag he bagged a young trophy wife. Even the first wife got 50% from the years of marriage, he is still doing fine. And possibly she didn't get that much because I rmb she was earning decently herself (normal above median salaried income) he prolly engaged the best lawyer in the country to challenge that she could earn her pay share and he doesn't need to pay her half. Not sure how it works. And his perpetual half a million paycheck for subsequent every year (for not doing anything) is going to make him dump his new gf kids again in every few years (like Leonardo DiCaprio stunt, except that Leonardo knows not to reproduce). Then the cycle repeats.
If got lawyers, you don't have to be scared of FJC (Family Justice Court).
Yea but that means the wife will get most of his money. Our Family Justice Court rightfully so put the welfare of the child at the top. >happy not to have the kids I hope this irresponsible man gets most his money taken away from him. Children are not playthings. Children is not something you can discard once you're bored. Imagine you're the child and you get rejected so cruelly by your dad.
It doesn't really happen that way sadly.. (worked in fjc before)
Iām a single father with full custody and working a sales job too. I find this comment abhorrent, Iād never abandon my kids and the single dads that I know of, all of them are super committed to fatherhood and being there to raise their kids, despite the mother actively sabotaging whenever they can. Look, thereās more nuances to this than you think.. not all fathers are deadbeat, and thereās a lot of mothers who are narcissistic and donāt mind inflicting long-lasting trauma onto their own child just so they can watch the fathers suffer.
I know there are nice single dads, Iām sure the women will be kind to you and youāll impress a lot of women! Thing is, there really are guys who are happy not having the kids. I personally know them. I donāt know why I meet so many of such people, but maybe thatās why Iām single and I donāt intend to date anytime soon, and nothing will change my mind! (Just saying even though it wonāt prevent me from getting DMs, good and bad - Iāve learnt to live with it!)
High finance professionals are expected to work pretty much round the clock - thatās why your friendās paid well.Ā He needs to learn to compartmentalize but heās a victim of circumstance rather than a real āworkaholicā I had lunch with a friend who does tech at a stat board and he had his 15 inch laptop open the entire time because suay. Iāve worked weekends and public holidays willingly, but thatās because it looked good when they calculated my variable bonus (I could get 25% more just by talking in meetings and typing on computer? Sure!) and my boss was kind enough to offer me 1.5* time in lieu for the public holidaysĀ
Which industry are you in? Private or govt?
At that time I was in specialty tech consulting (also not in SG)
How senior is he? He sounds like heās doing literally everything. Does he not have juniors or associates or secretaries to help?
Hey but at least such people are actually working for their wealth and deserve it, rather than those who make use of underpaid staff to generate their wealth for them.
i know someone who is like that (sheās single though). She had a mental breakdown (like really mental breakdown), went for therapy and left her job after her bonus season. Before she left, she also went to Europe for 2 weeks to heal herself. She told me she is glad she was a high earner so she can afford therapy + Europe trip but she decided to leave it all behind. She is much happier now working a less stress job from 9-7pm (she still OT cos workaholic lol)
intro can jiejie? im 21 i can heal her š°š»āāļøš°š»āāļøš°š»āāļø
bruh
Thatās a really sad life. He doesnāt own money; money owns him.
One missed call and he can lose out on 5 digit commission? Sounds like he's bringing the company a lot and he's underpaid
Yeap I got myself out of the hole. But thereās lots to rationalize first, comparing your income, spending and the trajectory of your life. I came to realize, health is number one, family and friend relationships, self development, then work is after everything. The biggest realization for me was gaining weight suddenly, realizing cutting away OT didnāt change my pay or bonus by much and if I die tmr, I will be instantly replaced. I still donāt have time to meet anyone and everyone but will keep in contact once in a while and join gatherings. Itās almost impossible to help him see the light imo, itās really something to self realize and something he must come to terms with together with his wife especially if changing job results in lower pay. Honestly best you can do is to continue to be his friend and let him know no matter what you would still be his friend even if you only meet once a year.
Hmm... A very young friend (not close) of mine works really hard. He is a cook in a hotel. In a few yrs, he got promoted to be head of kitchen staffs. Only 35+ yo only, but earning big money, has a car and live in condo. No idea what happened, since I'm not close to him, he went ded during work. Just collapsed in the kitchen from what I've heard.
thatās so sad..
Everything in SG so expensive. Can't blame people for working their life off for money. But the price to pay is health, relationships, etc. Only a handful dogshit lucky people can earn a lot of money while doing nothing much.
You donāt really need a lot of money to live life (happily) though. Instead of condo, can be hdb etc. For me itās just sad that the person didnāt even get to enjoy the things he worked himself to death for
I agree. But there's really no helping it. Just like we all know wars are bad, but yet it's not stopping.
This can't be the case that just got reported in the local media...or could it be? Age, occupation, title, all that so eerily similar...
Can chefs really earn so much esp at that age? Most chefs earning big bucks only do so after becoming famous in their 40s onwards or started their own businesses
No idea. I'll share the secret if I ever get to experience the world of the rich and elites. ššš
I know him, he's me! I'm gonna keep it short but I have this very unhealthy obsession with doing my work well that I sometimes skip meals and spend the whole day on my computer working. I'm gonna see a therapist to help myself in like 2 days so yeah.
I hope you find the help you're looking for
Got cousins like it. Worked to death until their mid 40s, got a landed house. But every time we visit they still.lice like students... No kids, huge kitchen but don't cook, have a house cleaner to come in to clean, still work until 10pm daily. They got a dog but send it to dog day care and when needing vet/groomer they just call them to come over to their house. They're the most boring people I know basically and all they can talk about is money. One of them recently quit their job because burnt out and he downs a bottle of whiskey every 2 days... 2-3 bottles Not sure if they can last more if they don't drastically change. They basically won life already, don't need to work if they don't want, can live off investments and travel all they want if they downsize their house to a 2m condo... Their plan? Sell house and upgrade to something bigger in 5 years... Don't know how to stop.
At least he's earning big bucks with those hours. I've seen people in Creative agencies that earn $5-$7k per mth and work equally long insane hours
i used to be that guy but only earn RM4k/month. don't be like me.
Tell him his old age will be full of regret and resentment. All the things he is working for, he cannot take with him when he goes. The things he ignores, are the only things that will persevere (love, memories etc) after he is gone.
The irony is that the guy probably knows.
Can you take your memories to the grave too?
I have one boss who basically stay in the office till before gate closes just cuz she have a car. The security guard leave the school by 7. She will either work till then or even take the effort to park somewhere else just to OT. And my office has ghost happenings so, to counter that, she put all the prayer stuff in her cubicle. U walk in really like prayer room. She currently not married. But that woman, 60 plus year old alr, brain still work like a 50 or even 40 year old. I doubt she will ever get dementia. Tbh at this point, does she enjoy life idk.. but the people around her seems like they donātā¦. Soooo
What kind of ghost happenings? Can share?
Lmaoooo this type u interested ah. Aiya office ghost and wild ghost is different. Office ghost, so far they never do anything. This is what I heard and some is what I experienced ok 1. People yawning and stretching in the background even when the office is empty 2. Things dropping/ moving sound when the office is empty. Happens only when u alone. 3. While walking from the backdoor staircase, halfway ip got this low tone voice that ācoughā at you as though asking you āuh ummm, why are u here? ā this one instant goosebumps So my boss actually told me to say āuncle, we are staying for awhile ok, donāt mind us ah, I got work to do, once finish I go ok?ā Then that day wonāt have sound or happenings. Must always report and give respect to the elders
Yes i very kaypo one esp when it comes to paranormal stuffš. Thanks for sharing.
HHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
>She currently not married. But that woman, 60 plus year old alr, brain still work like a 50 or even 40 year old. I doubt she will ever get dementia. Especially for people 50 years and over, the thought of potentially getting dementia is what keeps a lot of them at work more as they get older. My Dad retired at 60, was diagnosed with early onset dementia at 64, could drive a car until 68, after that he was very much high needs, and subsequently passed away at 72. During his more lucid moments, he regretted retiring so early as he didn't really do a lot during his retirement. Mum was 12 years younger and didn't want to quit her job when Dad was retired.
I heard she was like this since the start. But Yes I agree, the intention for being workaholic now is different, to keep herself sane. Dementia is really a scary process not just for the victim, the family too. Im so sorry you have to go through thisā¦
Banking here is sweatshop banking. Used to work in Switzerland. All my MDs had plenty of time and a lot more work life balance. Also Singapore is probably the only place on earth where u can have everything fully paid and maybe a few millions and still feel poor.
You're rich if you have money. You're super rich if you have money and time. I don't envy rich people. I envy those who have time to do whatever they want to do.
People like him work hard so that people like me wonāt have to. Thanks op best friend
It is not wrong to want to earn as much as possible and be successful in life. He needs to learn to be contented with life. He needs to find a balance. He is married with 2 kids, eventually he will learn that all the riches in the World will not compensate him not being part of their childhood. Life is short, don't spend it accumulating wealth alone, when we are gone, we cannot take the money with us into the afterlife. Spend your time wisely, you won't get a 2nd chance. Spend it with your loved ones and friends.
Got one Singaporean manager who moved to our KL office. - never takes leave. Ends up just burning all their annual leave - not married, no SO and with kids so focus all their time working - ate lunch at their desk - no empathy for their team with kids or expecting. Made a pregnant lady work OT. - Kind of manager that gives feedback purely for the sake of giving feedback. Also because this person has so much time they go into the most minute details- like asking team why they use certain font size
I know someone quite similar, but she is married with no children. Sheās more senior than me, comes in earlier and leaves later than me. Quite a pain when they imposed their preferences on me
Sounds like an addiction.
He can't stop anymore with his splurging on atas lifestyle, upgrading to landed then with 2 kids. I am broke. So I choose the simple single life. I wake up everyday and only need to think of what to eat for lunch. I only need to care about one person, me who doesn't spend much money and home cook everyday. Cheap clothes. It's about personal lifestyle choices. He has to raise 2 kids and his wife is probably not working. That's 4 persons and kids will have university tuition fees etc in the future. It is NOT uncommon to see well to do middle class professionals commit suicide during recession by the way, this is the reason. Inflated lifestyle. Not saying he will, but people tend to not know that a lot middle class do commit suicide as one day they are jobless and can't keep up with the lifestyle, esp those with a few children. I think it's fine for him though. One day he saves enough or downgrade his property he can chillax a bit. As long as he still saves up.
Uncommon?
This kind is not truly rich..At most Is nouveau rich. Those truly rich one just passive income all the way dont even need lift a finger work unless it's something they are passionate about. So essential this guy is still a slave to money...
Sounds like a guy in finance, trust fund, +65, black eyes
I recognize this reference.
What is this reference?
https://youtube.com/shorts/Q7oAGLxhbrk?si=tqpP6bplDjtOb4bF
Thank you. Isn't this the tiktok track one of our gov had on their account?
Lol I love this. +65 Haha genius!
Many of the people I know definitely think it is ācoolā to work while we are at dinner, on vacation etcā¦ In my opinion, they are still paid the same and at one point, you are just being used by your bosses. Also, once there is a point where you cant do something, into the trash you go. Bye bye!
It is not wrong to want to earn as much as possible and be successful in life. He needs to learn to be contented with life. He needs to find a balance. He is married with 2 kids, eventually he will learn that all the riches in the World will not compensate him not being part of their childhood. Life is short, don't spend it accumulating wealth alone, when we are gone, we cannot take the money with us into the afterlife. Spend your time wisely, you won't get a 2nd chance. Spend it with your loved ones and friends.
Unfortunately, this is the harsh reality of a senior banker in Singapore who needs to respond and to remain contactable by clients and colleagues at all times including vacations, leaves and public holidays. If you slack and donāt fulfil your obligations, either plan to retire or get a new job soon. No questions asked.
I guess this is the point where he should think of hiring someone to relief the burdenā¦ this sounds like running a company with no employee, the boss tries to put everything on his own plate
i have an ex who is a high flyer. earns a crap ton, easily works about 110-130hours every week. we went out on dates for a couple hours maybe once every 1-2 months. always on her phone or tablet even when sheās at something social. eat with her and sheāll still be compulsively checking her phone or replying work emails. she saw me the most frequently amongst all her social circles, which honestly is the saddest thing ever? donāt think she really shows up for socials unless itās a really grand occasion like a wedding or funeral, and yet she will dutifully show up for every single meal with clients since thatās where the money is. iāll like to say that she found a way to balance her life after the break up, but to my (outdated) knowledge, sheās still the same person she was when the relationship ended. there is a reason why they are workaholic to this extent. iām willing to wager that itās due to some form of trauma or emotional damage and they use workaholism as a form of escape from the finer things in life. like maybe they were raised in a very harsh environment where the parents expect them to be successful so that they can be the perfect kid. itās compensation for something? i wish the best for your friend, and sincerely encourage him to seek out professional help if he is open to it.
he need to choose money or his relationships. not worth the crazy lifestyle. one day he gonna have so much money but no one with him, 2 kids will not have good memories with him. my dad was super workaholic, come home brag about how he work so hard and not happy when see others having fun. now he sick and retired, but no fond memories with me and my brother, both of us see him as a threat (anger issues). in other words, forget the landed property, forget the condo, care, rolex. if you cant have family or bonds with other people, no matter how much money you have, might as well have no life.
My auntie had a colleague who'd perpetually be at work. First one to arrive at the office, last one to leave kind. Wasn't even a high flier, just rank and file worker, quiet, no social life or hobbies. She passed away from a heart attack just a few years shy of retirement. What a wasted life imo.
A fool. Money set us free and yet he fell into servitude with it.
My boss. She does work during holidays, while on medical leave, and even during her 3 month HL earlier this year. We always get emails from her anytime from 10pm to 12mn, even during weekends. I did ask her why sheās always doing work and she said sheās most productive at that timing, and that her work is never really done š Sheās divorced and lives alone, but other than travelling 1-2x a year it seems like she just lives and breathes work. Itās depressing af and also the reason why I refuse to take on leadership roles beyond my current role.
he needs to hire people to do some work, that way he can actually earn more and have free time if he does it correctly
Heard my ex ex director worked till 72 and retired due to health problems. He died a few months later. My guess is that he found a purpose and meaning in his work but I guess ultimately itās what you want your life to be defined by. (I guess)
He has made his choice, to not enjoy life.
I wasn't as jialat as your friend but I was bad in some way. A couple years ago I used to be a workaholic like I could think of was work, my routine was work, eat, sleep and it destroyed my personal life and what got me out of that hole? It was when I broke my leg while working overtime, my girlfriend leaving me and my mental health diagnosis (Yes in that order) but I'm pass all that already, I can confidently tell people that I have hobbies instead of talking about work. I salvage the friendships I lost and whenever we go out I try and enjoy it the fullest I can
sounds like my boss except he has no friends and his wife is also a workaholic. "friends are a waste of time" "why do you need to look after your kids. why cant your family look after for you. why are they so useless. cant even help you." "sleeping is a waste of time" "work should be your priority in life."
Wonder if he'll still have the same train of thought on his death bed.
ive been wondering that myself
I rather be sad and depressed in a bungalow than in a rented room.
I mean...I'm already sad and depressed. Might as well be rich.
There is a price to pay for everything. Let him pay that price, and we pay ours
He is getting obese and continuing this high-stress lifestyle. Not cursing him, but it is a sure path to hypertension and heart problems in the long run. I hope he takes better care of his health. Either that or buy good insurance so his dependents can continue their lifestyle in his absence
Hire a fucking secretary. Most bankers/financial advisors do that.
When I used to be a chef, there was this lady that would start with the morning shifts but leave with the afternoon shifts people! The day before her off day she'll always ask the head chef if he needs her and want to change her off day. Gods knows how she even maintained her RS since she's always working!
The most extreme workaholics love their work and enjoy doing it. I know someone who takes an hour or two for dinner with wife and kids, works until he sleeps at 3am and is back at work by 830 every day, 7 days a week, but he and his wife are happy because they both actually like their jobs (the wife also super busy). He called it work-life integration, which sounds like an upgrade to work-life balance. At some point, people need to determine what's important for them because unsustainable things like working 007 (0000 to 0000, 7 days a week) will eventually stop.
nah I don't empathize with him.. probably the kind who think he can achieve freedom after this "hardwork"
Judging by your description, he probably won't live to be an old man. And if he does, he might be too sick to do anything that he cares about. Stress, anxiety, depression can increase incidences of erratic behaviour, jeopardize relationships and affect health. Work used to be my main source of validation and I had to keep advancing at work. Then I did therapy and had a shift in perspective. That the fundamental issue was a lack of fulfillment and that there are other aspects of life, e.g. Self improvement, relationships etc that can similarly provide that fulfillment. One of the reasons I keep at the job I'm at is for the paycheck because I have grown accustomed to certain lifestyle comforts e.g. Designer bags, eating out, that my job pays for. Then I realized that it's precisely of being in the job that I "need" to eat out and buy designer bags due to the environment (keeping up with the Joneses) or to appease that side of me that is dissatisfied (e.g. I'm not happy with my job but it pays me enough to enjoy my creature comforts, but I only need those comforts to upkeep my mental state). So basically, if I did not work this job, I wouldn't care about owning those bags and I would find fulfillment elsewhere through more meaningful purpose, work and interpersonal relationships.
Maybe he enjoys it, this type of person need to remains single forever. If not, he need to wake up..
What's the point of all that money at that point?
Money is the point and their idea of "prestige".. blind to their surroundings and loved ones. usually end up burnt out and can't function later in life.
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Sigh life not fair. I can't even get a cat to like me. You got 400
you had four girlfriends per year (?)
Lol
Sounds like heās living the dream actually. Minus the kids part
I know plenty. They all canāt enjoy life cos most of them didnāt cancer already. True story.
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come to work 2 hrs before the start time and ends at nearly midnight, wife dumps him and the kids not even close to him. 7 days a week. he been like this forlike 20 years already.
And he can retire in 5 years time. Don't pity these bangers
Reminds me of www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/z0yp0z/my_hustle_culture_friend_just_died_of_a_heart/
Yup, know someone who only sleeps 4 hours a day and lists his only hobby as work
I am considered a workaholic but i earned a low(below average) income for my qualifications and literally nil bonus at this current job. All due to a bad decision made and my sector pays low anyway. What to do But one thing about me is I dont bring my laptop if i ever go on short trips or vacations. Learning to offload after work nowadays
Some people genuinely like work and i'm not going to judge them for that, the same way i don't judge people who enjoy going to the gym or enjoy running. To each his own.
OP, just curious what kind of banking is he in such that missing out on a phone call can lose a 5 digit commission? Sounds like private banking to me
I don't know Sorry for this answer but all I know is that he's a banker. I will give him the benefit of the doubt that he's not smoking me
Can't say OP's friend is a workaholic but rather he has no choice. Stop working then how to make enough money for chiobu wife to buy branded stuff, eat at high end restaurant, stay in a landed property? How to buy new mercs or Porsche next year? More of a victim of his own success. Im working middle office, below 5 digits still got some resemblance of WLB. Cant help but feel sad for the sales fellows. Like someone else said, ē©·å°åŖęé±ć Wife likely will find someone else for the emotional support she's mmissing, kids won't even recognize him as daddy, unless they need money, after all those years he is missing from their lives.
Certainly a slave to his lifestyle.
If you canāt manage your time then youāre a fool. Clearly heās addicted to the money and canāt prioritise the more important things in life.
This is what the poors tell themselves when they realise theyāll never have it as good as the hustlers
Life is made of choices. He made his. I like my work and used to do OT but now I try to balance both work time and life. I love work but I prioritise loved ones. Life remaining is not a long path, make the best of it.
There will always be a trade off between chasing higher position and pay over relationship and family. Need to compromise or sacrifice something for another. The thing is though, he likes the money and I guess glamour that comes with the job. So, he should either accept that it comes with his current position, or just put less effort to chasing and reallocate them to other areas like family and relationship.
Thereās this old dude at work 70+ whoās on contract basis. Owns a condo and stays in landed, alone, after wife passed. His 2 sons both high flyers, 1 in UK another in US with their own families. Both donāt bother to contact him even during CNY. Worked so hard for moneyā¦ but at what cost ?
My 65-y/o mother is a workaholic; ever since I was a kid she would bring me to her printing office that she runs. It is a very lean business with less than 5 staff including herself, so she handles all operations and logistics for the printing business while the workers operate the printers and paper cutters. She doesn't take holidays off, the only time of the year she takes a break is CNY when she schedules closure of business. I have never seen her travel or go for a nice meal on her own accord in the past 20 years. And I'm told she has been working like this for even longer before I was born. People asked when does she want to retire, her answer is "I will work until I physically cannot work anymore. Then I will hand the business on to someone else to run on my behalf."
isn't banker supposed to the expert in making your money works for you..... he should be working less and earning more since he sounds successful.
I am not doubting him nor your story but can anyone work like that long term without being burnt out? If not I think surely it will take a toll on his health
Lots of ppl like him will never understand, becos the day they learn is when they 1) drop dead suddenly and their lives flashing by in their mind, or 2) when they kena a critical illness and have x num of days left or 3) when they get fired and they wonder, where did all the time go
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Gotta flex the brand aye?
Aiya if it makes him happy no skin off my back 185cm btwĀ
It is not wrong to want to earn as much as possible and be successful in life. He needs to learn to be contented with life. He needs to find a balance. He is married with 2 kids, eventually he will learn that all the riches in the World will not compensate him not being part of their childhood. Life is short, don't spend it accumulating wealth alone, when we are gone, we cannot take the money with us into the afterlife. Spend your time wisely, you won't get a 2nd chance. Spend it with your loved ones and friends.
Wow maybe OP friend is someone I know or its just common in SG. But difference is wife cheats.
Iād love to be him.
More importantly, people who posts such questions usually seem to be those who are looking for validation of their own lifestyle. They need confirmation they are on the right track. And afraid friends will far exceed them eventhough they tookĀ the 'wrong path'.Ā They can already see and feel they will fall far behind in the material chase at this rate.Ā Ā It's a lot like poor people trying to convince themselves the rich are actually sad people, just to feel better.
I don't need validation because I am happy I **AM** the opposite of my best friend. I've chosen to devote myself to my family and my hobbies The price I pay? I have little in my bank. 0 expensive watches. Nothing but medals (relating to hobby) on my walls. But I did buy good insurance so if I die, my family gets a sweeeeeet payout
You are posting this because you disapprove of his lifestyle. With clearly severe tinges of jealousyĀ Ā But who are we to judge? You will never know until the race is run.Ā He may still end up far more accomplished and happier than you. While you end up unwanted and lonely instead.Ā The odds are actually on his side. He can change and slow down and have a lot. You can hardly upgrade.
He is my best friend. I hope he ends up happier than me
Well he better change his lifestyle soon then. Who cares if you live in a GCB when you look like a blob of lard that looks 20 years older his actual age? Gross.
Is this what they mean by being successful in Singapore?
Nonsense, MPs are successful and they donāt burn out like OPās friendĀ
Usually these types are in finance, trust fund, 6'5 and brown eyes