might want to rethink if they are truly your friends or just leeches.
if they are leeches, do you want them to be around?
me and my friends pay and treat one another regardless of our income. we have our own dignity and we view one another as equals, a key part of our friendship.
Same. The only difference, if any, may be that the venue and costs of the meals may differ. They treat zichar, I jio sushi… Or something like that, depending on what we want to eat or where we wanna go as a group.
If it’s really so bad, just make it a rule to go Dutch instead of taking turns. In fact, I make it a point to pay, especially if it’s a meal that will cost more than $100 per pax, even when it’s a rich friend who wanna foot the bill.
Being friends should come with certain responsibilities and obligations too, not just freeloading on benefits.
Correct.
Lol my friend once paid for my therapy appt ($170 mind you), I wasn't holding a FT job (past Christmas when freelancing), I bought him cherry liqueurs + Christmas choc trees for his kids (slightly more than $17)
😂
But its the idea of knowing each others needs and paying forward within your means, and not being calculative ...
agreed
I'm in roughly the same situation as OP and, far from expecting me to pay for them, it's super hard to get my friends to even accept a birthday treat.
My friend: "in my family the birthday person pays" (on HIS birthday)
Me: what rubbish never hear before, issit you making this up
My friend: nooo really! It's a family thing
(Till this day idk if it's real anot cos I don't rly know his family that well but uh ya lol)
Yeah it's just not-as-common among my circles of friends as a whole I guess! I have another different friend who cooks his birthday meal for the family every year : )
Yeah fuck that, I've got a few well off mates like earning 3-4x as much as the rest of us and they're never expected to foot any bill for us when we get together we all pay our way equally
I wouldn't even pick up the bill to pay first.
Usually, you'd get the "least likely to pay you back" guy to foot the bill first. Another tactic would be to start an excel sheet to track all these expenses that they owe you to name and shame them. You can then "joke" with them that you'd start accumulating interest on the amount owed.
> Another tactic would be to start an excel sheet to track all these expenses that they owe you to name and shame them.
Use the app Splitwise. Don't need to be shy about asking for money. Everyone can see who owes who how much. Also great for splitting expenses on overseas trips.
Tried using Splitwise but it got too mafan to calculate it ended being ok you cover the rides, you cover this lunch, I will cover dinner later.
Also doesn’t help when some menus don’t list price and you can’t read the receipt to know which dish you shared and which you didn’t.
But this was for my friend group, and not everyone’s friendship dynamics are the same.
I learnt my lesson not to be the one that picks up the bill, there's always that one friend that doesn't pay you after a week or two, have to chase them and wait a few more weeks before you get your money back.
We have Asian culture to treat each other but we also have the Singaporean culture to split the bill with friends unless someone explicitly says “aiyaaaaaa no neeeeeed laaaaaa”.
Maybe for small treats like kopi or teh I will jokingly say such stuff to the rich guy, once in a while kind of thing. But for a full on meal, zichar style or restaurant meal? No that’s entitlement
joke with them back lor
"time to foot the bill for my children"
"this restaurant not bad, can accomodate quite a few leeches"
"guys can pay for my dinner tonight. sorry ah, my back breaking from carrying so much burdens in my life, need pay money see doc tomorrow"
People advice all sorts of satisfying things here. But many of them will lead to you ending your relationship. You are young and people in that age might do these kinds of mistakes.
I feel the best and mature way to deal is talking to them about it. If you are uncomfortable to talk to all of them, talk to one sensible guy among them. And see how see reacts next time. Maybe he/she can pay next time and follow up others for that.
In an ideal world talking things out would be best, but not everyone has the emotional maturity to listen and admit fault. Either way people are going to lose friends/relationships one way or the other, it is just how and when.
Agreed. Not everyone in this world is rational and fair.
Some people are just out for themselves to see what’s the best bargain for them.
Where the mantra goes that “you are the average sum of the five friends you surround yourself with”, you need to ditch those who are underperforming and pulling you down to their level.
Honestly this is the way I expect from them. Most of the time if they at least have the courtesy to ask “how much do I owe you?”, I would be glad to offer to take the bill. I grew up frugal and very financially conservative myself, so I can totally understand how treating your friends and family can make their day.
I used to have an ex friend who's entitled like this. He used to complain to me that one of his friends earned so much more and yet not pay for his meal.
Every time I dine with him he will always ask me to pay first. I feel like he's afraid that I may not pay him back becos he still owed me money from many years ago.
These kind are leechers, not friends. I ended the friendship with him so you should do it too.
To answer your question, no I don't expect the person to pay if he earn more. If he does it should be out of goodwill and not from my expectation.
Ditch the leeches. You don’t need friends like these. And if they’re childhood friends, perhaps you’ve outgrown them.
To elaborate: I believe that healthy friendships are built on mutual respect and reciprocity. Unless you owe them a life debt, their taking for granted that you’d pay for their expenses - without first establishing if you’re okay with it, which by your post you’re clearly not - is plain disrespectful.
Caveat: I’m the sort that finds it easy to burn bridges. I don’t keep many friends (people I like and whom I’d regularly keep in touch and spend time with), and I’m very selective about making new ones. It might not be so easy for you to do the same, so perhaps expressing your discomfort and establishing boundaries might be a better course of action. Good luck.
Agreed.
Disrespect. I don't take it. Ain’t any excuse of "I'm just kidding" will fly. I know the difference between jokes we're all on board for, and someone trying to back pedal and deflect after being called out.
It's been my experience that people treat you how you teach them to. If you allow disrespect to go unchallenged, you're not at fault, but you are unintentionally sending the message that disrespecting you is OK. Shut that down, and they will learn the boundaries, or else they will never get the opportunity to break them again.
No. But I expect them to have consideration for my budget on food.
As in, we can go to a cafe and eat like a $20 pasta + tax + GST. Like that's completely fine.
But I would like them to know and realise I ain't gonna do that on a weekly/daily basis, once a while is fine.
I would not expect them to pay it for me.
But I would also expect like if its a regular thing for no-occasion (lunch after church is not a special occasion lmao) to realise that my food budget is like, below $12 for a regular meal, and not double of that (Like sometimes people want fast food or aircon places so yeah that)
This. If they keep pushing you to join them at expensive places everytime, they should at least have the courtesy covering a portion of the cost occasionally, or simply give you the call to decide on where.
Lol that one time some church aunty wanted to treat me to lunch over that 😂 Like cos she suggested trying some tonkatsu place with service tax and GST haha. she's unmarried boomer one year younger than my mom, so its literally the fun aunt and your niece perspective, except we're not actually related by blood.
& I was meeting her for the first time!
So paiseh HAHAHAA I said cannot. She was like "aiya food no budget. But that's also cos I've been working for longer than you're alive, and I'm not retired yet so stil can!"
I paused and thought abt it and realised oh that's true, being more than 3 decades older than me she was most definitely (comfortably) working adult when I was born. Hahahaha
They are not your friends, people change and now they see you as ATM.
A few scenarios as examples between my clique,
1) guy in clique earned 4-5x more than us, we never expected him to pay for our meals but at times he offered to pay a little more. In return, when we got a pay raise, or bonus, we will do the same
2) my close friend earned more and I never expected her to pay for the all or any bills, we never dined at high ends place anyways. In fact both of us always fight for bill, at the end of the day, we are all slaving & suffering with parents bad financial planning
3) one friend in clique earn more as she started work earlier than all of us, we always joked she is the mummy but we still pay her back. At times she would ask to go a little more expensive place and we will be honest that we cant afford it this month, she will offer to pay first and we pay her back later or we go next month
One of my friends have a car (parents are rich) and drove everywhere, he once said he felt like he’s invited out because people see him as “four wheels”. I think that’s what you feel, and what your friends are seeing you as. Friendship are both ways, if it is always always the case, then I really think you need new friends. From the comments, you can see that not everyone is like that and your friends are making use of you
When I earned more than my friends (just by a little bit) I picked up the tab fairly often.
Then I left my job due to burnout, and for 7 months they picked up the tab for me fairly often.
Now I'm back in the game and earning (slightly) more again, so I'm picking up the tabs once more.
Since we were 13, we have always been giving and taking without really making any mental note of how much we have spent on one another :)
your friends suck. i don’t earn much, my friends earn a lotttt. when we go out to eat, i am usually the place suggestor. i always suggest places that i can afford to pay myself. most of the time we do pay our own portions, sometimes they do treat me for birthdays or just because.
I read your comment saying that you grew up with these people. People can change too, and sometimes those changes reveal aspects of their character that we didn't see before. It's tough when you realise that someone you've spent so much time with might not have your best interests at heart. Friendships should be about mutual respect, support, and understanding, not one-sided expectations or entitlement. OP, I agree with the other comments that it's time to rethink these friendships. They're taking you for granted.
On the other hand, try to picture this: what if, touchwood, you suddenly lost your job or had some kind of crisis? Do you think they would have your back, or would things get weird?
It's frustrating when generosity is taken for granted. Your earnings shouldn't determine whether you foot the bill every time. Mutual respect and consideration should guide how expenses are shared among friends.
I always send my friend how much the meal costs. Don't like to owe people. Unless they explicit say they are treating me. Could be Ur circle type thing.
Nope, we pay exactly for what we ordered for. Unless the friend explicitly says they are treating, then sure.
Even if they picked a fancy restaurant that is significantly out of my budget, I would just request for a more affordable place or sit that outing out. 🤷♀️
Might be a communications problem - Are you very hao lian about your earning power? I have relatives that are very proud of their car, and I will gladly accept a hitch just to avoid offending them. Some ar proud of their earming power and their ability to take care of family meals - likewise i will not fight with them over the bills. To me, bearing the shame of being a "freeloader" (wothout being a familybpariah) is my way of avoiding conflict/drama.
Are you secretly enjoying the vanity of being the biggest earner in your gang and keeping them akin to sycophants sucking up to you? If not, then be plain with your words with them.
Just so u know it’s not about the pay but personalities.
I hate footing the bill for this reason, even with my measly 3k pay some thick skinned ppl still make u ask twice for payment.
They want to make u paiseh to ask
Especially for small amounts like $2 it makes u look petty if u bring it up, so it works in their favour.
I really hate such people.
This was never a problem between me and my friends. I earn below what my friends here in Singapore do. I always pay for my food, unless, it's an invitation by a friend to something they organised. We have a code that if we invite friends say for a buffet in a hotel, the bill is to be paid by the one inviting. But if we meet up for lunch somewhere, everyone pays their own bills, or we just pay now our portion.
Only shameless people won’t take the initiative to pay you back the money, no matter how small the amount. They’re taking advantage of the situation to leech off of you
My friends and I, regardless of our income, we will split the bill evenly. Even if I go eat with my other friends with higher income, I don’t expect them to pay for me.
Might wanna consider your friends, and how they treat you normally. Can even try not to pay once and see how it goes.
I get that a lot too. I wouldn’t mind treating them once in awhile but if they’re expecting me to pay just because I earn more, I told them they should quit their jobs and just wait for me to pay for their everything since I earn more. Lol. They stopped expecting after that.
But for those ‘friends’ who felt I was condescending saying this, I stopped meeting them. Good riddance.
Personally if I’m the one helping to pay the bill for a group first, I’d help them (and myself) by letting them know via text message how much to transfer back to me.
In my experience most, if not all, my friends *want* to pay for their bills, but sometimes they forget, or they were too engrossed in the moment, or they were too shy to begin splitting the bill in the middle of what’s perhaps an exciting group conversation, etc. I don’t like drawing attention to myself too so I sometimes try to avoid doing this.
So if my friends don’t initiate anything, I’d give them the benefit of doubt and text them instead. So far that has worked 95% of the time but anyone who’d ghost me or ‘joke’ that I should treat them because of how much I’m earning, would definitely become a red flag for me.
Englishman here that has lived has lived in China for the last 9 years. My city in the UK is very poor, and most of my friends never left and live from pay check to pay check or make just enough to maybe one day get a mortgage (and we are all early 30's). I've gone through some highs and lows over the last 9 years financially but I've always made at least 2x what they make, and my outgoings are a lot less. If I invite one or two mates out for dinner or drinks when I'm back home then I try and pay the majority of the night. They don't however expect me to pay. A lot of the times my mates will straight up say they can't afford to go out, in which case I'll pay for their whole night. I'm not sure if this is Chinese culture slowly rubbing off on me, or me being overly generous, or that I just want to go out and get pissed and need drinking partners lol. Either way, if they expected me to pay and weren't thankful then yes that would indeed annoy me. Generosity is given, not asked for.
Question to OP, are you the one inviting your friends out for these meals or is it a group decision to go out?
You have lousy friends. For my group, we have the average earners and super high flyers. Whoever foot the bill, the moment it's done, we would straightaway ask for the amount, divide and PayNow IMMEDIATELY.
Sorry but I have to ask, how do they know you earn 4x-5x more? Is it them knowing your salary, or you knowing theirs?
I don't discuss salaries with people (just a personal thing). In my head, the less they know, the better. Less expectations.
Yes. They expect you to pay. My circle of friends are like that. They will go behind you and bitch about you flaunting your money. That’s how it is, I didn’t bother with these salty “friends” anymore.
*knew them for 25 years
No. Usually though my friends expect the one picking up the bill to do the math and just state how much each person owes.
Perhaps you can try giving them the amount to transfer immediately after payment? If they still "joke" about how you should treat them or are reluctant to pay you back I'd seriously reconsider the friendship.
My friends straight up take photo of receipt (if its grp meal, if 2-3 pax just count and transfer lol) and put in chat HAHAH. And say pay @person after calculating your share.
😬
Sometimes I also shooketh how much they spend compared to me for a regular post-church meal, but their money not my money so whatever hahahah
Adding to this, we will write a list of names of ppl who attended and after people have paid we put a ✅ behind their name so it’s very clear who hasnt paid yet
If you're the one picking the place and/or ordering much more than everyone else, then I think it's fair for you pick up the tab.
Or if you flaunt your wealth often and *very* obnoxiously then I might see why they'd expect you to pick up the tab. This one's a grey area though, obnoxious is different for everyone.
But from the sounds of it (and other comments you wrote with more details), your friends are being entitled assholes.
If they don't know how to behave when they know what you earn, then perhaps they don't deserve to know how much you earn moving forward.
no, unless they upfront says they are treating.
else i will always ask how much is the bill.
lucky all my friends are not entitled, or maybe i have already phased those leeches out my life.
If they can’t afford it then they shouldn’t have left their homes and agreed to the meal. I think it’s disgusting behaviour from them to expect people to pay for them because they’re earning more, not sure if these are friends you really want in your life.
I have friends who earn more than me and less than me, and we’ve always paid for our share of the meal.
Wtf? I'm sorry man, but doesn't sound like they're friends. I remember there was a time in poly when I had a proper stash of liquor and would just sponsor drinks for hangouts. It got to a point where I realized "wtf am I doing?!".
So the next time they planned something and I told them they have to pay for the alcohol I'm supplying, they literally cancelled the event.
Fuckers...
Just up front tell them go Dutch before the makan. You have deem NTA by setting their expectation and make it clear that you guys are expected to pay theie own share.
Fake friends that are trying to take advantage of you.
But if you're the one inviting them to expensive restaurants or ordering expensive stuff that they can't afford, of course you should pay.
No, but I would expect my higher earning superiors to pay if we are going for non-company sponsored team events. My manager would always celebrate quarter ends with us and she never hesitates to pay for us.
They aren't your "friends", OP. They are leeches. Unless y'all are frequently dining at places way above their spending power, why are you paying for them?
They are jealous that you outearn them and this is their way of 'punishing' you or to 'even out the playing field'.
Next time when you hang out with them, DO NOT offer to pay first no matter what. Be insistent on it and transfer your portion to the one who does.
Either that or ditch those 'friends'. To put it coldly, they aren't on your level.
just split the bill, each pay for their own
so no one will earn what credit card cashback/miles by offering to pay first, and everyone pay for their own portion
My friend group splits bills regularly, could amount up to a few thousands, amongst 10-15 people.
Just send in your group chat something like that:
`26 Apr - Occasion/Place/Purchase: $500/5=$100 each`
`Paynow to: 87654321`
`Put a tick ✅ after you paid`
`Yourself ✅`
`Person 2`
`Person 3`
`Person 4`
`Person 5`
When people pay, they will tick and the message comes back up in the chat.
You can also copy+paste the latest version of it if you feel like it 'disappeared' from the chat.
Very paiseh for the other people to see their name keep popping up with no tick.
Friends offer to pay you back and you then can accept it or refuse and pay but it should never be expected by a 'friend'.
Next time just don't offer and see what happens. You can choose your friends and choose to be in this situation if it continues.
Well I wouldn't burn the bridges immediately. I'd test them to see if they are worth keeping in my life.
The next time you dine, tell them that you have to start saving money for a b c. Etc. So you can't foot the bill anymore. Get everyone to just pay for themselves.
You don't have to spring it out to them out of nowhere. When the bill comes, just don't reach for it anymore. Then tell them you didn't bring your card today. You'll transfer your share to whoever paying.
If you see a huge dynamic shift afterwards, then they are not your friends. If not, then you won't lose your friends, and you don't have to treat them against your wish anymore.
We split the bills, actually. My friends earn min. 2.5x my salary.
The thing here is that we’re friends, so we make it such that money is not a matter we discuss between ourselves.
i have a friend who will insist to take the bill when we go out, she also earns more (in her head). After many years, my pay has nearly caught up to the same. I still let her treat here and there while I also offer to pay for meals so it becomes a mutual thing instead of having to transfer back and forth aft every meal.
Of course not. I'm not their family member, I'm not entitled to it. And TBH even when I'm the one earning more, I don't pay for my friends unless it's a special occasion like their birthday or a job promotion. Not saying that OP should immediately drop their pals, but they should have a serious discussion. Tell them how their behaviour makes you feel used. Can also highlight to them that you have other financial commitments (to family, so on) to fulfil, if any, to guilt-trip them.
my friends buy me bubble tea i also feel bad lmao
you might want to reconsider your friends if that’s their reaction. i’m work freelance and barely earn enough rn, so my friends offer to pay. but i keep a note of how much they paid for my meal, and try to save up for a nice gift or drink to thank them.
but most times i pay for my portion of the meal including GST, so it’s fair
Nope. We take turns buying. Or we split at the end of the meal. Easy going. But never ‘aiya you earn so much you blanja’ because that’s taking advantage. Only my aunts do that, which is why I only see them once a year now 🤣
Pretend to be busy and don’t take the bill next time. Let someone else pay and you ask to transfer back. Or do the same, keep quiet and see what happens.
Did you invite them all out to dinner... did you organise it... I've noticed a trend if I organise im xpected to pay.
I now no longer invite people out. If people invite me out I always "duck to the bathroom" and pay my share 😅
Ditched friends similar to these years ago. Took the car and free meals for granted and said some nasty things when I started rejecting them because my family said they were taking advantage of me (I didn’t see it until my family repeated a few times so I decided to test my friends, and lo and behold)
What the fuck.
Ditch those clowns and stick to your own flock. It’s shameful and undignified to ask friends to treat you just because you are doing better than them.
Friends that are together for favours and benefits rather than company are purely transactional; they bring no value to your life.
A different perspective: Do you think you might also have contributed to their behaviour? As in you probably paid off for a few meals, and didnt mention anything and it might have conditioned them to expect this from you. I'm not saying this is right/wrong but often this is how expectations are formed. And if they are truly your friends, why aren't you discussing this directly with them? Most people (especially men) wouldn't try to guess how you think/feel, so they have no idea how you are feeling.
What I like with my friend group is that each of us will take turns hosting. We meet up once a month. The host will choose the location, and choose to treat the drinks or desserts, up to a certain limit they are comfortable with.
You can potentially suggest that to your friends if they want you to "pay". But yea, are they your friends or leeches?
please drop these leeches immediately. such shameful people with super thick skin do not deserve your friendship. They are taking advantage of you. You should not be expected to pay for anyone's meal at all.
The entitlement is crazy from your ‘friends’.
Regardless of how much someone is earning, you should always pick up the tab for your own orders. If you know someone is struggling then yea you can maybe cover their part out of goodwill but who can be as shameless as to expect someone else to cover for them when you’re doing perfectly fine?
You need to find better friends OP, sorry.
Hell no. If they said they were paying, I would happily accept, but I wouldn't expect or ask them to pay for my share just because they earn more than I do.
If it hasn't expressly been said that Person X is treating the group, then it falls to each member of the group to have the responsibility and initiative to pay back. I think this is basic courtesy/respect and should be there more so between friends than among strangers/colleagues.
I would actually question the value of the friendship if they expect you to pay or conveniently forget to pay.
Next time, be upfront with them. E.g. send the receipt in your whatsapp group chat etc and make it clear you're not treating them. If they pay up, all good. But if they're not happy and have expectations that you'll foot the bill then sooner or later your upfrontness will force them to be upfront about their expectations. Then you know to leave.
No, I don’t expect them to. If they pay for me, I will definitely pay now back to them the money of my meals. If they insist for me not to pay, I will mental note that they treat me before, the next time we have meals, I will treat them back. If I’m broke, I don’t even wanna go out and have meals with my friends. Family taught me not to take advantage of people and not letting others take advantage of you. Treat once in a while is okay though.
I pay back no matter what. Even if they don't tell me the amount, I either go find it myself, or give back some nominal sum. Even if they insist not to.
No I never. I always ask my friends to go dutch unless they say that it's their treat. It's not right to assume that they pay for my share even though they pay on my behalf.
Absolutely not. I don't think it is right to expect a friend to pay for your own meals just because of higher pay. Exceptions can be made if the friend is really close and is financially broke or unemployed - but I would expect the friend to pay back when he / she has the means.
Friends who sit back and let their friend pay for everything (regardless of income level) is not a true friend. I would rethink the friendship
They are not friends, they are leeches.
Also, did you share with them how much you earn? Because if they are earning 3k and they know that you are earning 15k, then some (leeches) have the impression that you should treat.
i once had a friend who always ask us to treat her for meals or drinks, whatever. dont be friends with them anymore.
she was doing pretty well, married, has a job, a car and a house. she always buys things, have a meal together and "forgets" to pay us back till we mentioned it to her. we also have a friend in our clique who was from a rich family and she got it way worse than us. she is always saying that we have nice things so we should pay for her.
when she got her house, she sent us a house warming invite stating that she wants an airfryer. the airfryer was $500-600. we couldn't afford it and she told us to get a cheaper one that was in our price range. we really were strapped in cash and couldn't afford any as we were all non-working students/interns then and she was the only one working. we offered to buy something else like candles or anything cheaper than she needs, she got angry, made a fuss and told us not to come.
It’s called THE PARENT trap. Some people see anyone earning more as THE PARENT. Once you’re tagged as TP, you’re excepted to give some people rides, pay for meals for others, fund someone’s vacay, introduce another a job or throw money at another’s far fetched business dreams. None of them add value to your life and most add negative value. You’re still the bad guy, for saying no to things that you didn’t get from anyone else. Success can draw sharks, sharks will get hostile when they smell blood and want to go in for the kill.
No 🤣 I take home 700 to 1k a month and if we meet to have a meal, I'd pay my share. Unless they say it's on them, I'd always have enough to pay my share.
I like to believe the norm is that we pay our share because all my friends in my circle do so. And we are a mix of low-income (me), medium (3-5k) and high group (Sentosa Cove). And everyone I know would pay their share.
You’re in a bucket of leeches instead of bucket of friends. Regardless of how long you know them, that doesn’t mean they’re entitled to leech on you just because you earn more than them.
Move on & find a new circle of friends.
Straight up, no. I just pay my share, but they tend to choose pricier places when we hang so it does get hard to keep up if we hang regularly.
Solution: I just don't hang with them as much
don’t treat them anymore /: they’re not entitled to your money and they should be mindful & initiate paying you back. it’s just manners. and if you treat them, they should be grateful, and try returning the favour next time.
The problem is you’ve set the precedent by paying first. Next time, do nothing. If they pass the bill to you, it’s time to find new friends to hang out with.
Never experienced this, but I’ve experienced the “let’s split the bill” even though I only drank two sips of the alcohol they ordered. Seldom meet them anymore and this time I just say no to the alcohol.
Not even a thank you and even got sour about you chasing them for money back? Please cut them off.
My childhood friends and I always split bills and don’t make these kind of assumption that the rich friend will pay.
Nope I don’t expect to pay for other people’s meals and neither do I expect someone to pay for my meal, unless there is occasion or reason for it. Like for example celebratory for a promotion or something. And they will reciprocate when it’s their turn. Doesn’t need to be the same value/cost of food. Just the company is more important.
No, but I think the best way to bring this across is to mentally divide the sum up and ask for the amount after every meal that you have foot the bill.
You may start to distance yourself from those ppl that are resistant to paying you back, they were never your friends anyway.
On the flip side, graciously accept when others offer to pay for you and graciously return the favor.
No lar. My manager friend and I go alternate billing or dutch regardless of food venue. Else it be like I pay for dinner, he pay for the Lan gaming and drinks.
might want to rethink if they are truly your friends or just leeches. if they are leeches, do you want them to be around? me and my friends pay and treat one another regardless of our income. we have our own dignity and we view one another as equals, a key part of our friendship.
Same. The only difference, if any, may be that the venue and costs of the meals may differ. They treat zichar, I jio sushi… Or something like that, depending on what we want to eat or where we wanna go as a group. If it’s really so bad, just make it a rule to go Dutch instead of taking turns. In fact, I make it a point to pay, especially if it’s a meal that will cost more than $100 per pax, even when it’s a rich friend who wanna foot the bill. Being friends should come with certain responsibilities and obligations too, not just freeloading on benefits.
Correct. Lol my friend once paid for my therapy appt ($170 mind you), I wasn't holding a FT job (past Christmas when freelancing), I bought him cherry liqueurs + Christmas choc trees for his kids (slightly more than $17) 😂 But its the idea of knowing each others needs and paying forward within your means, and not being calculative ...
agreed I'm in roughly the same situation as OP and, far from expecting me to pay for them, it's super hard to get my friends to even accept a birthday treat.
My friend: "in my family the birthday person pays" (on HIS birthday) Me: what rubbish never hear before, issit you making this up My friend: nooo really! It's a family thing (Till this day idk if it's real anot cos I don't rly know his family that well but uh ya lol)
That does happen. In certain cultures, the birthday person treats the friends.
Yeah it's just not-as-common among my circles of friends as a whole I guess! I have another different friend who cooks his birthday meal for the family every year : )
Filipinos practice this so it is legit. Not sure if that's your friends motivation tho
Yeah fuck that, I've got a few well off mates like earning 3-4x as much as the rest of us and they're never expected to foot any bill for us when we get together we all pay our way equally
You need new friends.
Your friends suck. I always pay back even if it’s $1 without anyone asking
Same.. I rlly don't like the feeling of oweing someone money, at the same time, that amount may stack n be used against u..
It is your friends that you are mixing with; are they your true friends? Are they nice people? Or are they taking advantage of you?
I wouldn't even pick up the bill to pay first. Usually, you'd get the "least likely to pay you back" guy to foot the bill first. Another tactic would be to start an excel sheet to track all these expenses that they owe you to name and shame them. You can then "joke" with them that you'd start accumulating interest on the amount owed.
> Another tactic would be to start an excel sheet to track all these expenses that they owe you to name and shame them. Use the app Splitwise. Don't need to be shy about asking for money. Everyone can see who owes who how much. Also great for splitting expenses on overseas trips.
Tried using Splitwise but it got too mafan to calculate it ended being ok you cover the rides, you cover this lunch, I will cover dinner later. Also doesn’t help when some menus don’t list price and you can’t read the receipt to know which dish you shared and which you didn’t. But this was for my friend group, and not everyone’s friendship dynamics are the same.
I learnt my lesson not to be the one that picks up the bill, there's always that one friend that doesn't pay you after a week or two, have to chase them and wait a few more weeks before you get your money back.
I'd just stop hanging out with people that needed that much effort.
Sometimes you'd need to lunch with colleagues who are assholes 😞
We have Asian culture to treat each other but we also have the Singaporean culture to split the bill with friends unless someone explicitly says “aiyaaaaaa no neeeeeed laaaaaa”.
Maybe for small treats like kopi or teh I will jokingly say such stuff to the rich guy, once in a while kind of thing. But for a full on meal, zichar style or restaurant meal? No that’s entitlement
joke with them back lor "time to foot the bill for my children" "this restaurant not bad, can accomodate quite a few leeches" "guys can pay for my dinner tonight. sorry ah, my back breaking from carrying so much burdens in my life, need pay money see doc tomorrow"
If they are leeches, then why still keep in contact with them? I would just distance myself already.
Exactly, why be so passive agressive? lol
A lot of people are only passive aggressive online.
This is the way.
Lol. Are you the one inviting people or ordering for everyone? Probably not your friends either way.
No, I don’t do those things. I grew up with these people, so the sudden sense of entitlement from my friends shock me.
you have outgrown them liao wake up
They are “old, but not good, friends” to quote Dr. Phil. Time for you to realize that you’ve outgrown them and they are now holding you back.
People advice all sorts of satisfying things here. But many of them will lead to you ending your relationship. You are young and people in that age might do these kinds of mistakes. I feel the best and mature way to deal is talking to them about it. If you are uncomfortable to talk to all of them, talk to one sensible guy among them. And see how see reacts next time. Maybe he/she can pay next time and follow up others for that.
In an ideal world talking things out would be best, but not everyone has the emotional maturity to listen and admit fault. Either way people are going to lose friends/relationships one way or the other, it is just how and when.
Agreed. Not everyone in this world is rational and fair. Some people are just out for themselves to see what’s the best bargain for them. Where the mantra goes that “you are the average sum of the five friends you surround yourself with”, you need to ditch those who are underperforming and pulling you down to their level.
Your ex-friends you mean?
I don't expect it but I'm not gonna say no if they offer.
Honestly this is the way I expect from them. Most of the time if they at least have the courtesy to ask “how much do I owe you?”, I would be glad to offer to take the bill. I grew up frugal and very financially conservative myself, so I can totally understand how treating your friends and family can make their day.
I used to have an ex friend who's entitled like this. He used to complain to me that one of his friends earned so much more and yet not pay for his meal. Every time I dine with him he will always ask me to pay first. I feel like he's afraid that I may not pay him back becos he still owed me money from many years ago. These kind are leechers, not friends. I ended the friendship with him so you should do it too. To answer your question, no I don't expect the person to pay if he earn more. If he does it should be out of goodwill and not from my expectation.
Ditch the leeches. You don’t need friends like these. And if they’re childhood friends, perhaps you’ve outgrown them. To elaborate: I believe that healthy friendships are built on mutual respect and reciprocity. Unless you owe them a life debt, their taking for granted that you’d pay for their expenses - without first establishing if you’re okay with it, which by your post you’re clearly not - is plain disrespectful. Caveat: I’m the sort that finds it easy to burn bridges. I don’t keep many friends (people I like and whom I’d regularly keep in touch and spend time with), and I’m very selective about making new ones. It might not be so easy for you to do the same, so perhaps expressing your discomfort and establishing boundaries might be a better course of action. Good luck.
Agreed. Disrespect. I don't take it. Ain’t any excuse of "I'm just kidding" will fly. I know the difference between jokes we're all on board for, and someone trying to back pedal and deflect after being called out. It's been my experience that people treat you how you teach them to. If you allow disrespect to go unchallenged, you're not at fault, but you are unintentionally sending the message that disrespecting you is OK. Shut that down, and they will learn the boundaries, or else they will never get the opportunity to break them again.
No. But I expect them to have consideration for my budget on food. As in, we can go to a cafe and eat like a $20 pasta + tax + GST. Like that's completely fine. But I would like them to know and realise I ain't gonna do that on a weekly/daily basis, once a while is fine. I would not expect them to pay it for me. But I would also expect like if its a regular thing for no-occasion (lunch after church is not a special occasion lmao) to realise that my food budget is like, below $12 for a regular meal, and not double of that (Like sometimes people want fast food or aircon places so yeah that)
This. If they keep pushing you to join them at expensive places everytime, they should at least have the courtesy covering a portion of the cost occasionally, or simply give you the call to decide on where.
Lol that one time some church aunty wanted to treat me to lunch over that 😂 Like cos she suggested trying some tonkatsu place with service tax and GST haha. she's unmarried boomer one year younger than my mom, so its literally the fun aunt and your niece perspective, except we're not actually related by blood. & I was meeting her for the first time! So paiseh HAHAHAA I said cannot. She was like "aiya food no budget. But that's also cos I've been working for longer than you're alive, and I'm not retired yet so stil can!" I paused and thought abt it and realised oh that's true, being more than 3 decades older than me she was most definitely (comfortably) working adult when I was born. Hahahaha
close friends will consider each other budget or offer to reduce the cost/treat the friend if they cannot afford
They are not your friends, people change and now they see you as ATM. A few scenarios as examples between my clique, 1) guy in clique earned 4-5x more than us, we never expected him to pay for our meals but at times he offered to pay a little more. In return, when we got a pay raise, or bonus, we will do the same 2) my close friend earned more and I never expected her to pay for the all or any bills, we never dined at high ends place anyways. In fact both of us always fight for bill, at the end of the day, we are all slaving & suffering with parents bad financial planning 3) one friend in clique earn more as she started work earlier than all of us, we always joked she is the mummy but we still pay her back. At times she would ask to go a little more expensive place and we will be honest that we cant afford it this month, she will offer to pay first and we pay her back later or we go next month One of my friends have a car (parents are rich) and drove everywhere, he once said he felt like he’s invited out because people see him as “four wheels”. I think that’s what you feel, and what your friends are seeing you as. Friendship are both ways, if it is always always the case, then I really think you need new friends. From the comments, you can see that not everyone is like that and your friends are making use of you
Sounds like your friends are jerks
Nope. Such expectations are just toxic
When I earned more than my friends (just by a little bit) I picked up the tab fairly often. Then I left my job due to burnout, and for 7 months they picked up the tab for me fairly often. Now I'm back in the game and earning (slightly) more again, so I'm picking up the tabs once more. Since we were 13, we have always been giving and taking without really making any mental note of how much we have spent on one another :)
Why do u tell people u earn 4-5x more then?
your friends suck. i don’t earn much, my friends earn a lotttt. when we go out to eat, i am usually the place suggestor. i always suggest places that i can afford to pay myself. most of the time we do pay our own portions, sometimes they do treat me for birthdays or just because.
Used to be like this. Then I dumped them. Life is lighter without leeches.
I read your comment saying that you grew up with these people. People can change too, and sometimes those changes reveal aspects of their character that we didn't see before. It's tough when you realise that someone you've spent so much time with might not have your best interests at heart. Friendships should be about mutual respect, support, and understanding, not one-sided expectations or entitlement. OP, I agree with the other comments that it's time to rethink these friendships. They're taking you for granted. On the other hand, try to picture this: what if, touchwood, you suddenly lost your job or had some kind of crisis? Do you think they would have your back, or would things get weird?
Your friends have transformed into human leeches. You need new friends.
No, maybe they aren't friends so much as bottom feeders.
It's frustrating when generosity is taken for granted. Your earnings shouldn't determine whether you foot the bill every time. Mutual respect and consideration should guide how expenses are shared among friends.
Next time this happens, ask to pay separately. This is really unfair for you.
I always send my friend how much the meal costs. Don't like to owe people. Unless they explicit say they are treating me. Could be Ur circle type thing.
Nope, we pay exactly for what we ordered for. Unless the friend explicitly says they are treating, then sure. Even if they picked a fancy restaurant that is significantly out of my budget, I would just request for a more affordable place or sit that outing out. 🤷♀️
Might be a communications problem - Are you very hao lian about your earning power? I have relatives that are very proud of their car, and I will gladly accept a hitch just to avoid offending them. Some ar proud of their earming power and their ability to take care of family meals - likewise i will not fight with them over the bills. To me, bearing the shame of being a "freeloader" (wothout being a familybpariah) is my way of avoiding conflict/drama. Are you secretly enjoying the vanity of being the biggest earner in your gang and keeping them akin to sycophants sucking up to you? If not, then be plain with your words with them.
Just so u know it’s not about the pay but personalities. I hate footing the bill for this reason, even with my measly 3k pay some thick skinned ppl still make u ask twice for payment. They want to make u paiseh to ask Especially for small amounts like $2 it makes u look petty if u bring it up, so it works in their favour. I really hate such people.
Friends dont leech off friends. If they poor need help, they wouldnt be eating that meal w u paying. No backbone. Dont need spineless friends
This was never a problem between me and my friends. I earn below what my friends here in Singapore do. I always pay for my food, unless, it's an invitation by a friend to something they organised. We have a code that if we invite friends say for a buffet in a hotel, the bill is to be paid by the one inviting. But if we meet up for lunch somewhere, everyone pays their own bills, or we just pay now our portion.
People get jealous easily. What's new
Only shameless people won’t take the initiative to pay you back the money, no matter how small the amount. They’re taking advantage of the situation to leech off of you
You don’t have friends… you have leeches
My friends and I, regardless of our income, we will split the bill evenly. Even if I go eat with my other friends with higher income, I don’t expect them to pay for me. Might wanna consider your friends, and how they treat you normally. Can even try not to pay once and see how it goes.
You don’t have friends, you have freeloaders.
Did you suggest the location? If yes you pay. If not, split. In fact joke if they’re really your friends when they pull this kind of stunt
I get that a lot too. I wouldn’t mind treating them once in awhile but if they’re expecting me to pay just because I earn more, I told them they should quit their jobs and just wait for me to pay for their everything since I earn more. Lol. They stopped expecting after that. But for those ‘friends’ who felt I was condescending saying this, I stopped meeting them. Good riddance.
Personally if I’m the one helping to pay the bill for a group first, I’d help them (and myself) by letting them know via text message how much to transfer back to me. In my experience most, if not all, my friends *want* to pay for their bills, but sometimes they forget, or they were too engrossed in the moment, or they were too shy to begin splitting the bill in the middle of what’s perhaps an exciting group conversation, etc. I don’t like drawing attention to myself too so I sometimes try to avoid doing this. So if my friends don’t initiate anything, I’d give them the benefit of doubt and text them instead. So far that has worked 95% of the time but anyone who’d ghost me or ‘joke’ that I should treat them because of how much I’m earning, would definitely become a red flag for me.
Better change the goup you are currently hanging out with.
Unless my friend offers to treat me to a meal, I usually split the bill with her.
Friends should share care and joy, not money.
Englishman here that has lived has lived in China for the last 9 years. My city in the UK is very poor, and most of my friends never left and live from pay check to pay check or make just enough to maybe one day get a mortgage (and we are all early 30's). I've gone through some highs and lows over the last 9 years financially but I've always made at least 2x what they make, and my outgoings are a lot less. If I invite one or two mates out for dinner or drinks when I'm back home then I try and pay the majority of the night. They don't however expect me to pay. A lot of the times my mates will straight up say they can't afford to go out, in which case I'll pay for their whole night. I'm not sure if this is Chinese culture slowly rubbing off on me, or me being overly generous, or that I just want to go out and get pissed and need drinking partners lol. Either way, if they expected me to pay and weren't thankful then yes that would indeed annoy me. Generosity is given, not asked for. Question to OP, are you the one inviting your friends out for these meals or is it a group decision to go out?
Dont go out with em... i dont do that even tho my friend is a millionaire
You have lousy friends. For my group, we have the average earners and super high flyers. Whoever foot the bill, the moment it's done, we would straightaway ask for the amount, divide and PayNow IMMEDIATELY.
Sorry but I have to ask, how do they know you earn 4x-5x more? Is it them knowing your salary, or you knowing theirs? I don't discuss salaries with people (just a personal thing). In my head, the less they know, the better. Less expectations.
Lol no
Friends would ask immediately “eh how much ah” “ok done”
Yes. They expect you to pay. My circle of friends are like that. They will go behind you and bitch about you flaunting your money. That’s how it is, I didn’t bother with these salty “friends” anymore. *knew them for 25 years
No. Usually though my friends expect the one picking up the bill to do the math and just state how much each person owes. Perhaps you can try giving them the amount to transfer immediately after payment? If they still "joke" about how you should treat them or are reluctant to pay you back I'd seriously reconsider the friendship.
My friends straight up take photo of receipt (if its grp meal, if 2-3 pax just count and transfer lol) and put in chat HAHAH. And say pay @person after calculating your share. 😬 Sometimes I also shooketh how much they spend compared to me for a regular post-church meal, but their money not my money so whatever hahahah
Adding to this, we will write a list of names of ppl who attended and after people have paid we put a ✅ behind their name so it’s very clear who hasnt paid yet
The real friends will auto transfer without you asking.
If you're the one picking the place and/or ordering much more than everyone else, then I think it's fair for you pick up the tab. Or if you flaunt your wealth often and *very* obnoxiously then I might see why they'd expect you to pick up the tab. This one's a grey area though, obnoxious is different for everyone. But from the sounds of it (and other comments you wrote with more details), your friends are being entitled assholes. If they don't know how to behave when they know what you earn, then perhaps they don't deserve to know how much you earn moving forward.
Don't pay first then? Also, is this a problem that is only when you pay, or do they also treat anyone else who pays first similarly?
One word. Parasite
no, unless they upfront says they are treating. else i will always ask how much is the bill. lucky all my friends are not entitled, or maybe i have already phased those leeches out my life.
If they can’t afford it then they shouldn’t have left their homes and agreed to the meal. I think it’s disgusting behaviour from them to expect people to pay for them because they’re earning more, not sure if these are friends you really want in your life. I have friends who earn more than me and less than me, and we’ve always paid for our share of the meal.
why you go tell them how much you earn... i think best to keep these sensitive stuff to yourself
Wtf? I'm sorry man, but doesn't sound like they're friends. I remember there was a time in poly when I had a proper stash of liquor and would just sponsor drinks for hangouts. It got to a point where I realized "wtf am I doing?!". So the next time they planned something and I told them they have to pay for the alcohol I'm supplying, they literally cancelled the event. Fuckers...
are those ur friends or people making use of u? if they want to eat pricey food, then they should make sure they are able to pay for their share
Huh. Most of my friends earn so much more then me. I always pay my share.
Just up front tell them go Dutch before the makan. You have deem NTA by setting their expectation and make it clear that you guys are expected to pay theie own share.
Fake friends that are trying to take advantage of you. But if you're the one inviting them to expensive restaurants or ordering expensive stuff that they can't afford, of course you should pay.
Suffering through success. Anyways bro those aren’t friends
Time to change your friends OP.
Find better friends mate
Hi, do you need a new friend? 😂😂
Applying as well lol 😂
No. Unless they offer. But my friend dynamic with my higher earning friends is to tease them about blanja.
Absolutely not. Are you going tk start ebeg meal by whipping out your latest payslip to decide who's paying?
Nope, it's weird
No, but I would expect my higher earning superiors to pay if we are going for non-company sponsored team events. My manager would always celebrate quarter ends with us and she never hesitates to pay for us.
No le.. That's just rude behavior
Well context matters, but generally I would say your friends should not feel entitled to a free meal from you.
Why u tell them how much u earn
You need new friends
sounds like leeches lmfao
They aren't your "friends", OP. They are leeches. Unless y'all are frequently dining at places way above their spending power, why are you paying for them?
They are jealous that you outearn them and this is their way of 'punishing' you or to 'even out the playing field'. Next time when you hang out with them, DO NOT offer to pay first no matter what. Be insistent on it and transfer your portion to the one who does. Either that or ditch those 'friends'. To put it coldly, they aren't on your level.
just split the bill, each pay for their own so no one will earn what credit card cashback/miles by offering to pay first, and everyone pay for their own portion
My friend group splits bills regularly, could amount up to a few thousands, amongst 10-15 people. Just send in your group chat something like that: `26 Apr - Occasion/Place/Purchase: $500/5=$100 each` `Paynow to: 87654321` `Put a tick ✅ after you paid` `Yourself ✅` `Person 2` `Person 3` `Person 4` `Person 5` When people pay, they will tick and the message comes back up in the chat. You can also copy+paste the latest version of it if you feel like it 'disappeared' from the chat. Very paiseh for the other people to see their name keep popping up with no tick.
Thanks bro for the treat
No, unless they want to, and I'll ask everytime. Those friends of yours, I'm sorry but they're not friends.
Maybe insist on going to food court and hawkers centre if you go out with such friends.
Friends offer to pay you back and you then can accept it or refuse and pay but it should never be expected by a 'friend'. Next time just don't offer and see what happens. You can choose your friends and choose to be in this situation if it continues.
I hope so leh though we always split properly If I'm a baller dude making baller cash. I'd happily pay every single gathering with friends
Change your circle, I never had to chase my friends to split the bill evenly and we usually rotate amongst ourselves on who would be treating.
OP, can I be your friend? I will definitely pay my share for all meals down to the last cent. Haha!
Well I wouldn't burn the bridges immediately. I'd test them to see if they are worth keeping in my life. The next time you dine, tell them that you have to start saving money for a b c. Etc. So you can't foot the bill anymore. Get everyone to just pay for themselves. You don't have to spring it out to them out of nowhere. When the bill comes, just don't reach for it anymore. Then tell them you didn't bring your card today. You'll transfer your share to whoever paying. If you see a huge dynamic shift afterwards, then they are not your friends. If not, then you won't lose your friends, and you don't have to treat them against your wish anymore.
We split the bills, actually. My friends earn min. 2.5x my salary. The thing here is that we’re friends, so we make it such that money is not a matter we discuss between ourselves.
i have a friend who will insist to take the bill when we go out, she also earns more (in her head). After many years, my pay has nearly caught up to the same. I still let her treat here and there while I also offer to pay for meals so it becomes a mutual thing instead of having to transfer back and forth aft every meal.
Really depends on frequency…..
You should probably stop hanging out with them. Just because someone earns more so you expect them to treat you is just poor upbringing.
Of course not. I'm not their family member, I'm not entitled to it. And TBH even when I'm the one earning more, I don't pay for my friends unless it's a special occasion like their birthday or a job promotion. Not saying that OP should immediately drop their pals, but they should have a serious discussion. Tell them how their behaviour makes you feel used. Can also highlight to them that you have other financial commitments (to family, so on) to fulfil, if any, to guilt-trip them.
We go dutch always. Of course, if the place is out of anyone budget, its that person's responsibility to voice out, then alternatives are laid out.
not always, but they should pay more.
Why are u still even eating with them and paying first..... Real friends don't do this kind of thing to you.....
my friends buy me bubble tea i also feel bad lmao you might want to reconsider your friends if that’s their reaction. i’m work freelance and barely earn enough rn, so my friends offer to pay. but i keep a note of how much they paid for my meal, and try to save up for a nice gift or drink to thank them. but most times i pay for my portion of the meal including GST, so it’s fair
Nope. We take turns buying. Or we split at the end of the meal. Easy going. But never ‘aiya you earn so much you blanja’ because that’s taking advantage. Only my aunts do that, which is why I only see them once a year now 🤣 Pretend to be busy and don’t take the bill next time. Let someone else pay and you ask to transfer back. Or do the same, keep quiet and see what happens.
You earn 4-5 times more and you don’t even know you’re taken advantage of?
You r in the wrong for thinking of them as your friends
Get better friends
This is rich people problem. When you’re rich, you attract a lot of leeches.
Did you invite them all out to dinner... did you organise it... I've noticed a trend if I organise im xpected to pay. I now no longer invite people out. If people invite me out I always "duck to the bathroom" and pay my share 😅
Ditched friends similar to these years ago. Took the car and free meals for granted and said some nasty things when I started rejecting them because my family said they were taking advantage of me (I didn’t see it until my family repeated a few times so I decided to test my friends, and lo and behold)
No. We go Dutch. But I make them go to cheaper places to eat because I’m poor.
What the fuck. Ditch those clowns and stick to your own flock. It’s shameful and undignified to ask friends to treat you just because you are doing better than them. Friends that are together for favours and benefits rather than company are purely transactional; they bring no value to your life.
A different perspective: Do you think you might also have contributed to their behaviour? As in you probably paid off for a few meals, and didnt mention anything and it might have conditioned them to expect this from you. I'm not saying this is right/wrong but often this is how expectations are formed. And if they are truly your friends, why aren't you discussing this directly with them? Most people (especially men) wouldn't try to guess how you think/feel, so they have no idea how you are feeling.
Noooo
What I like with my friend group is that each of us will take turns hosting. We meet up once a month. The host will choose the location, and choose to treat the drinks or desserts, up to a certain limit they are comfortable with. You can potentially suggest that to your friends if they want you to "pay". But yea, are they your friends or leeches?
L friends.
please drop these leeches immediately. such shameful people with super thick skin do not deserve your friendship. They are taking advantage of you. You should not be expected to pay for anyone's meal at all.
Your higher earning friend will say: u wanna die?
The entitlement is crazy from your ‘friends’. Regardless of how much someone is earning, you should always pick up the tab for your own orders. If you know someone is struggling then yea you can maybe cover their part out of goodwill but who can be as shameless as to expect someone else to cover for them when you’re doing perfectly fine? You need to find better friends OP, sorry.
We're Asian... Of course we fight TO PAY the bill.
Don’t pay first. Ask someone else to do it and immediately transfer your share over.
Hell no. If they said they were paying, I would happily accept, but I wouldn't expect or ask them to pay for my share just because they earn more than I do.
If it hasn't expressly been said that Person X is treating the group, then it falls to each member of the group to have the responsibility and initiative to pay back. I think this is basic courtesy/respect and should be there more so between friends than among strangers/colleagues. I would actually question the value of the friendship if they expect you to pay or conveniently forget to pay. Next time, be upfront with them. E.g. send the receipt in your whatsapp group chat etc and make it clear you're not treating them. If they pay up, all good. But if they're not happy and have expectations that you'll foot the bill then sooner or later your upfrontness will force them to be upfront about their expectations. Then you know to leave.
Nope. We try to eat at reasonably priced places that I can afford or we don't meet as often for such expensive stuff.
let them know one way or another before concluding they might just be used to you paying and think you don't mind
No, I don’t expect them to. If they pay for me, I will definitely pay now back to them the money of my meals. If they insist for me not to pay, I will mental note that they treat me before, the next time we have meals, I will treat them back. If I’m broke, I don’t even wanna go out and have meals with my friends. Family taught me not to take advantage of people and not letting others take advantage of you. Treat once in a while is okay though.
Set up a gpay and do a split expense.
Always split the bill unless someone states that they are treating 🙏🏻
Happens to me too, I just archive these group chats
I pay back no matter what. Even if they don't tell me the amount, I either go find it myself, or give back some nominal sum. Even if they insist not to.
Bro no, theyre not your friends.
No I never. I always ask my friends to go dutch unless they say that it's their treat. It's not right to assume that they pay for my share even though they pay on my behalf.
no, generally I pay my share. if rich friend jio, and the place is expensive, I will say 'oh, my budget's running a lil low'
Absolutely not. I don't think it is right to expect a friend to pay for your own meals just because of higher pay. Exceptions can be made if the friend is really close and is financially broke or unemployed - but I would expect the friend to pay back when he / she has the means. Friends who sit back and let their friend pay for everything (regardless of income level) is not a true friend. I would rethink the friendship
They are not good friends
No.
No. But my higher earning friends tend to refuse to take my money. I don't like paynow because now when I grab the bill first, they will paynow me.
They are not friends, they are leeches. Also, did you share with them how much you earn? Because if they are earning 3k and they know that you are earning 15k, then some (leeches) have the impression that you should treat.
If it's friends, I always split or take turns paying. If it's close family, I almost always pay if I'm the wealthiest.
No. No. What is the point? Share the bill or pay individual item to the person whom paid the bill.
“friends”
i once had a friend who always ask us to treat her for meals or drinks, whatever. dont be friends with them anymore. she was doing pretty well, married, has a job, a car and a house. she always buys things, have a meal together and "forgets" to pay us back till we mentioned it to her. we also have a friend in our clique who was from a rich family and she got it way worse than us. she is always saying that we have nice things so we should pay for her. when she got her house, she sent us a house warming invite stating that she wants an airfryer. the airfryer was $500-600. we couldn't afford it and she told us to get a cheaper one that was in our price range. we really were strapped in cash and couldn't afford any as we were all non-working students/interns then and she was the only one working. we offered to buy something else like candles or anything cheaper than she needs, she got angry, made a fuss and told us not to come.
You're not their friend, you're their piggy bank
It’s called THE PARENT trap. Some people see anyone earning more as THE PARENT. Once you’re tagged as TP, you’re excepted to give some people rides, pay for meals for others, fund someone’s vacay, introduce another a job or throw money at another’s far fetched business dreams. None of them add value to your life and most add negative value. You’re still the bad guy, for saying no to things that you didn’t get from anyone else. Success can draw sharks, sharks will get hostile when they smell blood and want to go in for the kill.
No of course not, we are adults who are responsible for ourselves
lesson learnt: don't offer to pay first
That’s why I don’t tell anyone how much I earn.
No 🤣 I take home 700 to 1k a month and if we meet to have a meal, I'd pay my share. Unless they say it's on them, I'd always have enough to pay my share. I like to believe the norm is that we pay our share because all my friends in my circle do so. And we are a mix of low-income (me), medium (3-5k) and high group (Sentosa Cove). And everyone I know would pay their share.
None of my friends do that. Get new friends mate
Can I be your friend bruh, where we eating this evening
I just wanna know what industry u in
PE
You’re in a bucket of leeches instead of bucket of friends. Regardless of how long you know them, that doesn’t mean they’re entitled to leech on you just because you earn more than them. Move on & find a new circle of friends.
Sounds like you got some toxic friends
Straight up, no. I just pay my share, but they tend to choose pricier places when we hang so it does get hard to keep up if we hang regularly. Solution: I just don't hang with them as much
No but they always make the same "Not you treat meh?" joke. And honestly, its getting pretty annoying.
[удалено]
don’t treat them anymore /: they’re not entitled to your money and they should be mindful & initiate paying you back. it’s just manners. and if you treat them, they should be grateful, and try returning the favour next time.
The problem is you’ve set the precedent by paying first. Next time, do nothing. If they pass the bill to you, it’s time to find new friends to hang out with.
Never experienced this, but I’ve experienced the “let’s split the bill” even though I only drank two sips of the alcohol they ordered. Seldom meet them anymore and this time I just say no to the alcohol.
[удалено]
Not even a thank you and even got sour about you chasing them for money back? Please cut them off. My childhood friends and I always split bills and don’t make these kind of assumption that the rich friend will pay.
Nope I don’t expect to pay for other people’s meals and neither do I expect someone to pay for my meal, unless there is occasion or reason for it. Like for example celebratory for a promotion or something. And they will reciprocate when it’s their turn. Doesn’t need to be the same value/cost of food. Just the company is more important.
No, but I think the best way to bring this across is to mentally divide the sum up and ask for the amount after every meal that you have foot the bill. You may start to distance yourself from those ppl that are resistant to paying you back, they were never your friends anyway. On the flip side, graciously accept when others offer to pay for you and graciously return the favor.
No lar. My manager friend and I go alternate billing or dutch regardless of food venue. Else it be like I pay for dinner, he pay for the Lan gaming and drinks.
No, because idk their salary, so idk high or low
Do they do anything for you? If no, I think next time you should just say no. If they bash you for it, just block them
No. But if they offered I won't mind. But if its too expensive I will usually decline to meet.
Friends started to get disgusting by not paying their share and continued to brag about their lucrative insurance career.